Haley Lu Richardson

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0:44I was like, I was like, oh my god, I was talking about smut. And she's starting to be like, what's it with me? One Night Stand, we're getting into it. Well, Haley Luricherson, welcome so much to One Night Stand. Thank you. We're thrilled to have you here. Kind of sexy, Alys. I know. We try. You've brought some incredible books with you. Have I? Yeah. No, I love them. Yeah. Yeah. They're great. Have you always been a big reader? No. Oh, interesting. I have not. And then actually acting, being an actor and having to read scripts all the time for my job has made me want to read actually less. Interesting.

1:18So I'm the perfect guest. But I will say when I love a book and when I get into it, which is really rare, like I'll get gifted books often or just bookstores are romantic and cute to go in like when I'm traveling so I love the energy of a bookstore and I'll just like think I'm a reader and buy 10 books and then I'll start reading them all and not get into them like it's very rare when I like really get hooked by a book but then it like takes over my life oh I love like Brandon Sanderson yeah you get locked in yeah what is it like when you're reading scripts then do you have like a gut reaction to a script yes yeah yeah and it's like it's tedious to because 99.9 % of scripts I read on a regular basis are

2:04below average like they're just like even if they're a good script it's like it doesn't spark something in you and it's like um kind of soul crushing to force yourself to continue reading because reading should be such a like inspiring like imaginative experience so um yeah I kind of get burnt out from reading but it is like it's a it's a rare joy to find a book that like just gets me oh yeah I love that yeah are you a big reader I'm assuming yeah yeah but I think it's mainly it's kind of like it is part well it's not that's wrong to say it's only partly pleasure it's definitely pleasure but it also like is very helpful for me like really helps my like nervous system calm down yeah that is so true like and and reading a book like getting hooked into a book is so much healthier than getting hooked into like binge watching something because it's just like that type of consuming consumption is like so much healthier and grounding and peaceful like it's so much easier to fall asleep after you've read like 10 chapters of a book than watching 10 episodes of a show that's exactly it yeah and so I like very actively cultivate the habit I guess yes and it sparks your imagination more because when you see things look I'm like shitting on the thing that I do.

3:20Like watching shows and actors. But it's like when you read a book it's like there's so much open to interpret and imagine. I agree. Yeah. Well let's start with The Orange by Wendy Cope. An amazing poetry collection by a fellow Brit. Yeah. Tell me what you love about that book. I wouldn't say even though I am coming out with this poetry book I'm not like a poetry connoisseur. Like I'm not like really well versed in like the best of the best poets. But I was introduced to Wendy a few years ago by her poem, The Orange. And I was like, the simplicity of it, but how freaking meaningful it felt. Like by the end, I was like, wow, I love you.

4:04I'm glad I exist. Like that's the final line in this poem. And it's just like so simple, but it really hit me deep. And so when I read this book, that's what her poetry is like. It's like very sweet like to do to do but it's so much more than that sometimes they can be like really feisty sometimes they can be super powerful sometimes they can um be a little sassy and sometimes they can just like like a lot of her poems are like mic drop moments I feel I completely agree yeah like a little kicker at the end yeah and I like that they don't they have a little kick yeah it's a spicy orange yeah um but yeah I liked it because poetry sometimes can be exhausting because it's like people trying to express literally and she's not trying she's just writing but it but they are powerful poems i agree my least favorite types of poems are where it's like let me say this idea in the most obscure way possible i'm like and it's like good for you yeah that you can do that but my brain and also it's like i don't know i feel like poetry because i'm not like educated really in the world of poems like I feel like there's you know ignorance and stuff that comes with that but also like a fresh perspective of like what is poetry yes and I think to me what personally hits me with poetry is when it's just like raw like it just is what it is and it's not trying to be really deep no really yeah perform yeah perform I agree and um do you have a favorite poem in this collection well I love the orange the orange is so good but honestly I love uh worry worry worry really got me because you think it's about one thing that's something I think Wendy does too is like you think it's about one thing and in the end you're like oh um and yeah worry is kind of savage because it's like uh I worry about you you know because I'm in all this pain and I just worry if you're in all this pain too and then at the end she's like what's like I worry that you're not yeah in that pain yeah it's it's vulnerable it's so vulnerable yeah that yeah I worry about you so long since we spoke and then at the end I worry worry in case they are wrong yeah that's a good one and also what's it called two cures for love or the two cures for love it's very short that's another thing I like her is like what is a poem and sometimes a poem can just be like two like lines like a thought oh yeah oh yeah this is a fun one do you want to read this one yeah two cures for love one don't see him don't phone or write a letter two the easy way get to know him better it's just so good yeah that's poetry baby that is it is so good I loved um being boring with uh where she's talking about when she falls in love and then at the end she's like and now I found a safe mooring I've just won an ambition in life I aspire to go on and on being boring it's so great because it's like sometimes all you want is like routine in a safe space and just like yeah if you don't think that's interesting I don't care no exactly yeah and it's sort of it's a very it is a specific thing that I think as you get older like yeah it's very grown it is yeah you how old are you 30 30 yeah I'm pretty grown these days yeah yeah how did you find turning 30 the second I turned 29 I was like oh my god it's almost over yeah um I was I was really excited to hit 30 because I just like the last few years of my life have been really letting go of a lot and I feel like in a big like transition yeah and I was like ready to have that mark happen I get that I'm my 20 you couldn't pay me to go back to my 20s are you in your 30s yeah 37 yeah how is it fucking great really yeah my 20 I mean listen high really high highs in your 20s but the lows oh yeah yeah buckle up yeah buckle up in your 30s you just shed any of that like it's like being boring that poem where you like no longer care about what other people might think or how they might analyze and whether you're seen as fun or any of those things and you actually start thinking what do I like who do I like what do I want like what are my actual goals like do I really need to be a wife or like do I just need to have find inner peace like yeah like I it's pretty great also like did I ever like that guy or did I just like want him like me like um yeah and yeah yeah there's a lot of that um but yeah it's been pretty great so far these last few months have been wonderful have you made any decisions about what you want or anything when you say you think about being in your 30s and being like who do I want to be what do I want to do or yeah I mean I just feel super ready because of you know you went through it like the Saturn return you enter your 20s the letting go like if you're like really open to that kind of stuff and present with it you really feel it and it makes sense like what's happening um and i had a lot of like endings and then i've recently decided to move you're moving cities or just like yeah oh really yeah yeah and also just like kind of these ideas like the first thing when i turned 30 my parents texted me like a week into my 30s and we're like we just finished watching this 60 minutes episode about like freezing your eggs you should look into that and I was like guys yeah it's been a week like give me some time here and then I've really been um thinking because I always felt like I wanted to have a kid and I always felt like I wanted to get married and I'm like I definitely would be open to that but it's kind of not the end-all be-all for me that's the thing I never thought I'd say that no I think a lot of women who go into their 30s as single or like not even single but like maybe not sort of coupled in the sense of like knowing exactly where you're going I think I sort of arrive at that feeling of like oh wait I don't actually have to stay on that course I don't have like set in stone it's really cool like the things the dreams you have for yourself when you're eight like yeah they change yeah you don't have to fulfill those things totally and you get just because you named your children when you were eight doesn't mean that has to happen yeah like what a concept I always remember saying to my friend I was like I really hope my husband is like this and she was like babe you get to choose them yeah oh yeah true agency oh my god agency yeah and like I feel like the journey to end of 20s and come coming into my 30s now and with this book and like just everything I've just like really expressed like cathartic um and released like I just feel like I've found a genuine care for myself that's so lovely it is fucking lovely it is lovely and now I crave that less from others yes that's the thing yeah really meaningful with how when did you start writing your poetry collection well there is one poem in the book I wrote when I was 14 yeah I love that what is the line that I wrote down that I thought was so sweet it was um about the it's question mark isn't it yes sort of about um I'm done with boys now I'm moving on to men yeah the line is I'm 14 now I'm going for men yeah which I found that in an old journal and I was like yes queen yes are people still saying that um it was amazing to find my old poetry and also like hilarious in kind of a pitiful way because I'm like I'm writing about the exact same stuff now with a slightly wiser perspective and voice but like it's the exact same shit I'm writing about these days so that's that was a funny realization um but most of the poems in this book I've written in the last like two or three years amazing yeah about like really reflective like in the moment processing and about kind of these this last half of my 20s and and all the things we're you know talking about of like going into a next phase of your life yeah do you have a favorite poem in your collection I love a lot of them honestly because they just have they're like they've kind of all been like either sad thoughts or epiphanic is that a word epiphanic thoughts I'm committing to it um I've had that have like really changed things for me I loved 10 of swords you did yeah I love that one yeah and I also loved 100th first date oh yeah that's a relatable relatable one yeah that's i i was writing that and i was like yeah i think a couple will relate to a couple people out there could relate 100 yeah 100 because there was just something so like specific about that feeling so i'm just looking to see what page it was like 10 of swords too i don't think anyone that i've shared the book with that's read them all has like called that one out specifically so that's cool yeah no i think i can't Are you really into tarot?

13:18I'm curious. Okay. I could give you a tarot reading sometime. Really? I'm like kind of great at it. I took one class, but I'm a natural. I would love a reading. Do you want to read 100th First Date for us? Do you want to read it? Oh, I'll get it all wrong. I'll read one. Yeah. What do you want to read? What the hell? I'll read 100th First Date. I'll give it a try. Yeah. Wow. Okay. also this the sad makeup wipe oh yeah sad used makeup wipe it's like my friend lily designed this book and did all this art and it's like the coolest thing the art is so good yeah shout out to lily jade kravitz um but when she sent me this i was like because i had all these ideas for this one that were like really complicated and like symbolic and trying too hard you know and then she just sent me this and I was like oh my god that's so sad yeah okay I'm a professional clearing my throat okay hundredth first date let this be the one or at least let it be fun sick of egos unchecked and laces undone the tortured artist the good guy ghost just want a person to choose that likes me the most it's not because I need it I'm fine on my own I tell myself and my friends to prove how I've grown.

14:39It's true. I've grown acres. My aches are the makers. Made the woman I am. Want to grab her and shake her. You're more than enough. You have such a full life. Problems won't go away once you're somebody's wife. It's true. I do. I love my life, but I'd also love a break from the lessons and ruts. So let it be fate, because I can't bear the weight of 101 failed first dates so good that one kind of reads a little bit dr seussie which i kind of love i love the like flash like that like towards the end when you're like carrying the weight of like sometimes like being say i mean i really like i'm single i love being single but there are some times when i'm like god i would love a co-pilot right now and also the effort of putting yourself out there to connect with someone and then the disappointment of like this again yeah like is exhausting and it's like when you get the energy and the desire to put yourself out there again and then it just kind of knocks you down it's like even as I become more comfortable being on my own and not needing that it's still exhausting it is and you have to be sort of like radically vulnerable in a way that is like quite illogical oh for sure the chances are this probably isn't gonna work is so illogical exactly like hope is delusional it's exactly like like maybe this one but then you're trying to be more rational in life and like grounded but like you also don't want to become a bitter bitch exactly so it's like yeah it's a it's a fine line to walk yeah living this life oh yeah that's i mean but i think lots of people will relate to that poem like i mean because it is such a saying me a lot oh we go again yeah yeah here we go again hoping for the best yeah it's like do i get all dressed up for this first date or do i just fucking go in my pajamas and like i don't know first dates are dates are dating is life is everything is yeah i know and even like finding the people to go on a date with isn't easy anymore How the heck do you do it?

16:52I don't, I mean, my friends opened Hinge for me this weekend. They were like, we'll do it. Yeah. I think that's kind of actually a good. I've got a Hinge. Have you? Yeah. Do you use it? On and off. Yeah, same. Sometimes, you know, even just, it doesn't even take getting to the first date to be kind of disappointed and exhausted. Like dating apps are that as well. Yeah. But. Do you use Raya or any of those? Oh my God. Raya is so, makes me want to throw up. Same. Yeah. I got rid of it. yeah yeah neither of us will ever get sponsored by raya or partnership with raya but no it's like it's turned into apparently when it first started it was like more kind of honest or like i guess the whole setup for why it existed was was working but now it's just like these clinger dick wads that sorry to anyone out there that's no i mean it's on raya but no it's flip-flop wearing dubstep lovers that was one of you actually no he was a waiter okay no that was a real life meet yeah that's a fun one though I mean I love that you're meeting people in the real world that's the holy grail I think but yeah not easy to do it's not it's not yeah and I suppose you travel quite a lot for work right you must be on set and most people I meet in real life are in this industry I'm in and I'm kind of disillusioned by those people yeah yeah well and wendy actually has some funny poems as well men talking that's what i'm saying like they're kind of savage yes they're like sneakily like they really hit yeah yeah but also i like that kind of like with your poetry you feel like it's for the girls like yeah these poems for the girls for sure yeah it's because i because i really discovered wendy around the time that i decided or had the idea the spark of the idea to turn make a book of my poems and it was cool because I had written so many of my poems already and then I really got into Wendy and I was like there's so many like I just feel like there's a there's a connection there they're different but there's a there's a little connection and some of her poems are a little like boop yeah which I like that rhythm she was a primary school teacher which is like uh in the UK four to eleven yeah I read that about her you sort of feel that where everything's sort of like but then you know that it's like the primary school teacher when they get to the like a teacher's room after class yeah and how they really feel yeah exactly yeah and that's kind of like the Dr.

19:30Seussie feel but then turning it on its head and it being about more mature deeper things totally yeah that's so good well next i thought we could talk about uh notes on shape shifting yeah more poetry yeah exactly by gabby abreu have you read this i i loved this oh cool did you read it like i read it this weekend oh cool yeah it's very it's easy to read because it's like good it's like reading your own brain i feel and this section how to heal heartbreak i wanted to like tattoo to my forehead and or post to every friend i know going yeah it's uh this one was spiritual for me yes because I had a friend gave it to me a few years ago when it came out and I had never had an experience I'd never read a book like that before it's a very specific type of book yeah because it's poetry but it's also thoughts and it's like it's like posts and essays and put in like like like late night trying to fall asleep thoughts it's like it really felt like it was my own brain articulating things for the first time yeah um and I just uh yeah I've never had an experience with a book like that uh read before or after since then yeah wow and so you just gobbled it up and were like yeah gobbled it yeah I've I've read that one a few times it's been a minute since I've since I've reopened it because I gave it to a friend that it was going through heartbreak so I don't have my copy anymore I've got to get another one but yeah no that the breakup up section is so good i also loved um the description of a birthday as a moment of half wallowing half hyper social celebrating wow because i was like i cry every birthday actually i didn't this year but i tend to cry every birthday i'm making progress 37 37 it's looking up um but that mixture of like you're like wait you know you sort of feel like all the peaks and troughs in that one day yeah for sure yeah birthdays are vulnerable they're vulnerable and they like you see a lot on your birthday i feel like some things that you don't pay attention to every day like when it's your birthday you're paying attention to all of them and it's a lot what did you do for your 30th I was filming and I actually had a really great day like I've had some set birthdays that were pretty sad but this time honestly it was mainly to do with Amelia Clark who for ponies yeah who I was working with and she is like the most generous joyful earnest loving peanut like she is so giving and she really like made my birthday special and and that whole crew was just like it was just a wonderful birthday and then I threw a party for myself and like they surprised me in my trailer and I had all these things and it was balloons like filling my whole trailer I've never had a surprise like that before and I had a party at night got hammered it was great love that for you yeah that's so fun there was like a point in the night where uh my friend who was DJing was like now what song do you really want to sing right now and it was like that point in the night where like you're feeling the wallowing of a birthday and I was like funeral by Phoebe Bridgers everyone was like in this like party mood and I was like I'm singing at a funeral tomorrow uh but it was great that's so fun I like giving into the sadness these days me too I think that's key because you've moved through it then yeah yeah you have to give in yeah it's like my favorite film inside out oh yes you have to embrace sadness yeah because like you can't have joy without sadness and also you can't feel compassion without knowing sadness totally and i remember one therapist said to me um like he was talking about his mother when his father died and he was like my mom was lying on the floor howling and he was like there's nothing wrong with that no there's nothing wrong with that image that's like you have to imagine not in a situation like that but i think he was trying to get at my like very british way of wanting to push away all feelings and then like now I'm like no it's so much more healthier to just like live through even the hard stuff yeah and like yeah letting yourself be like fully like broken and pitiful is like that's where I think the healing I agree starts and I think in your poetry collection I loved when you're talking about like going through a breakup and that's sort of like will I ever stop feeling this will I ever stop that's the only part that I sometimes would get like yeah this is hard to move through yeah and sometimes that voice is like less and you're feeling really good yeah but then when you have like a something that triggers that voice it's like oh my god you're still there and it can get it can get pretty dark i still have bad dreams about stuff that happened to me like 20 years ago yeah which i think to some extent it always but maybe that's fine yeah sometimes too that voice like becomes a um like a pattern that won't go away like there was this heartbreak rejection I was going to going through and like every time I would get up to pee in the middle of the night I would sit on the toilet and I would reach for the toilet paper and I would think of it and feel it and then like my body started getting in this like habit of feeling that every so like I would like honestly it kind of made me develop insomnia because I was like scared to fall asleep because I know I'd have to wake up to pee and then I'd feel this feeling in the middle of the night but time makes it a little better yeah are you a therapy person I'm a therapy can you tell are you yeah yeah I think we should all be I really do yeah although I was talking to someone on Friday who's a therapist and he was like you should encourage your patients to graduate as well which I think is healthy too yeah I think that is too and there's also like times in life where maybe you don't need it as much and you like learn the things you learn in therapy so then you can use that like as resources in your life and then like it's obvious if you have a good connection with yourself and you're honest with yourself it's obvious when you're like oh yeah this is I'm really stuck here and I could use that kind of help how did you break the toilet tick of like going to the loo and like truly just time yeah like that voice was so strong for so long and I was like deep in the misery and the hopelessness of like this will I will always be like this um but then one day I woke up to pee in the middle of the night and I had the feeling and I realized did this happen last night and it didn't and I was like oh it's possible yeah it will get better yeah and then they start to like add up yeah they start to add up and you're like oh my god it's possible yeah yeah I say something in the book about like passing this grocery store on the PCH and not having that feeling, whereas every other time I did it for like two years, I had that feeling.

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26:45Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's Freedom to Be. Use as directed. Huh. Yeah. Oh, that's such a good when you like. Yeah. Oh. But those like physical spaces that have the like triggering memories. Yeah. Oh my gosh. The smells, the people. Sometimes even it affects like other relationships that you know through, and you're like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. Or like a person you went through a dark, like it was a dark time in your life and you were really with the, like close with this one person at the time.

27:29Then it's like, it's hard to get over it with that person. Like see past that in the friendship. Yeah, it's tough. I loved one of the lines that I wrote down from Gabby's book was when she was talking about her best friends, like who are such a divine piece of your identity that physical distance doesn't change a thing. and I texted that to some of my friends in the UK because I was like it is so lovely isn't it were your friends a big support for you going through a breakup or and whenever yeah yeah it's the most important isn't it yeah it really is like it really is to have like a safe space where you can just because it's one thing like making yourself the safe space that you can be okay feeling things fully with yourself like that is very hard but to find that with another person and with a friend or my mom like a like it's like really special yeah it's so special and it's sort of like I think the thing that I think most about my friends who helped me through a bad breakup is that they were willing to have the same conversation with me like over and over yeah there have been times where I feel like oh my god I'm annoying them I'm exhausting them oh my god then they have to see me again and I'm gonna cry again and on a fun night but like they never made me feel that way it was really just me like there was this one time I had a hard night and I saw this ex at a party and it was really dramatic and I drove there with a friend and the whole ride home it was like a 45 minute ride and she was driving and I was in the front seat and we didn't talk at all and I just was crying and she had her hand on my she was holding my hand the whole like 45 minute drive that's amazing that is friend that's that's friendship i didn't have to talk about it she just like makes me want to cry like a really really sweet moment yeah because it's also that idea that with your friends you don't have to be talking about how you're going to fix it you don't know you can just be like in that moment and be like that sucked yeah yeah oh that's amazing i'm glad you have friends like that um i also loved in in gabby's book there's still when she talks about the vessel holding the observer and the performer and I wondered how that feels for you when you're like going through like you know your own personal experiences and then you're on set as well like does that ever feel like do you ever have slippage between the two oh for sure yeah like well with my book too like I've been thinking so much lately about the metaphor of a sad clown which is really I think in line with that or to me it's like we all have these masks that we do to like function in life and like get through awkward situations or situations where we don't feel safe and as an actor like I'm constantly showing up to things where I don't know anyone I'm in a new country but I have to like cry the first day about my husband dying in front of 150 men I've never met like um and that's weird so it's like it's like I guess it's like a relationship you make I think with the performer or the mask that we wear or the things we do to like get through.

30:33Yeah. Or to protect ourselves because it's like it's important that they're there because sometimes we need like to be protected. Totally. But it's also like relying on it and having that exist like completely and not being conscious of it and not being like having a relationship with it is I think where we like get lost or become just a performer all the time. I mean, it's crazy to me how long that you guys are often on set. Like, say for a TV show like A White Lotus, how long are you on set for, for something like that? That was five months. That's a long time, isn't it? Yeah, it's a long time.

31:05Five months. And you, like, literally live, like, a Hannah Montana double life, but, like, on steroids. Like, I just live in my little house with my cat, and I kind of am a homebody, and then I go to wherever in the world with a whole new group of people I've never met, and live like another life like I'm going out all the time I'm working waking up at 4 a.m like it's a strange thing yeah it's a strange thing were you so do you write poetry when you're working or is it more that you do when you're off you know I've really like committed to writing poetry in the last like three two and a half years I've written poetry on and off in my life but like most of these poems were written while I was on set in South Africa doing this movie and I was like really in my feels and I was like writing like three poems a day yeah and I would be like in the you know cast tent outside in the rain on a night shoot just like like this just like writing things and I'd like start crying and then like one of the other actors would be like you okay and I'd be like yeah I just feel like um but yeah so I guess I just write them you know I journal a lot yeah and then I think poetry comes from my journal entries a lot sometimes I read things and I'm like wow if I like heard that in a song yeah I would feel seen yeah so it's like it's that's kind of totally poetic you're swifty right i thought you're taylor swift fan oh yeah because i saw you mentioned that at the start and like yeah yeah honestly i've always like respected taylor and like there's been phases of hers and mine that i've like really been into her music but with the eras tour i was just like blown away by her yeah i was just like blown away i went to the concert twice the first time I went to CB Badoobie oh cool and then I stayed for the Taylor Swift Harris tour but I like was just blown away by her presence and her power and then the next time I went in LA I like knew every single song and I was like yeah fully in it um one other line that I wrote down from Gabby's book is I'd rather be I'd rather work to be comfortable with innate truths of existence than take part in the endless flex for perceived control like god i know these are some bangers are you do you worry about being you're like a control person or you're pretty like easy breezy i don't see myself as one but there are certain things where it sneaks up on me yeah and i'll be you know in therapy and she'll be like hayley do you think this comes from like maybe because you're not in control here and i'm like oh my god i guess i am a control freak sometimes with certain things are you yeah for sure because of fear uh no no i definitely am and i struggle with that so that's when i saw that line i was like dang you know what in this wait where is her book uh um just this like little intro thing ah this this i read this first page and i was like this is my brain this is my brain but like a few steps ahead of me like a slightly more healed version of my brain like an articulate version of my brain she said every few hours I swear I'm too alive and I wouldn't trade it for anything a rushing waterfall is a master of stillness yeah dang that honestly made me find a little bit more love for myself and a little bit more like surrender to just this constant like flow of energy and change and feeling wow yeah it's beautiful honestly if the book was just that it would still be one of my favorite books like if the whole book was just those two yeah that was my favorite of all the ones that um i loved it so much yeah well talking of you know women who are coming to terms with themselves um your third book three women by lisa today yeah have had you read this before yeah i reread it and had a different reaction to it this time actually but tell me about your own tell me about your love for this book this book was like a life-changing experience for me in a similar way notes on shape-shifting was but different kind of more specific theme like sexual desire and sexual shame existing together and like playing off each other even though they're like so contradicting I feel like and like owning the shame like it was like I never read something that was so just like fully raw honest about

36:14women's like sexual yearning and shame like I felt like really seen and I felt like my it lifted a lot of my shame because I was like oh my god I'm not the only one who has these like they like I mean at least for me like they kind of play off each other in like a way that I've always thought like am I fucked up like and I guess we all are um i just thought like how blatantly open it was about that was like world changing yeah i thought lena's story in particular the woman which one was she's got the small children yeah and she's having the affair with aiden yeah it's just so beautifully told like this like awakening of like what she and also just what she enjoys sexually like it's sort of you can tell she's a bit surprised by it because so many of us are like really suppressed yeah and it's like society that's doing that but it's also like our own shame that's like fueled by what society deems is shameful and yeah it's like I just think I don't feel like this book like answered all the questions or tied anything up in a bow but it was like just talking about it so frankly was the answer I think of just like being open like real about what's actually going on for us like and also that that sense of I think what I found really interesting about Lena's story in particular was like she was trying to work out where to center her own sexual needs and desires within like her other roles and functions and as a mother as a wife as and you know I think I liked the bit where Lisa talked about how in the group that she was a part of where they were talking about all these experiences the women the other women in the group would sometimes get annoyed with her they were like you've got a husband who pays the bills who's like nice to you and who like you know why do you want more and it's like oh that is a profound thing that we like push ourselves to not want more yeah I'm having so many personal thoughts right now that I'm not gonna say on camera but I'm like it really that's what this book did for me it made me like be honest with myself for maybe the first time as deeply as these women were honest with Lisa um and that's another thing I've actually never met Lisa in person but I met her over zoom I don't know probably seven or eight years ago now which is why I wanted to read this book.

38:52Cause I just like, I had like a four hour zoom with her and it was like about another project that she was maybe going to make. And I was like, this woman is my like person. Like we just, I was so inspired by her. I felt so like safe with her and I really admire her. And I was so excited to read her book. And then when I read this, I was like, that's so fun. She spent like eight years going around and like integrating her life with these women's life to be able to tell their story this frankly, their stories I'm like just so impressed yeah I think you do have like really brilliant version of that in your own book as well like you know you sort of talk about you know that what's there's the night of the coliseum or something which is the ah safe at the coliseum yeah sorry yeah that's a that's a sex poem yeah exactly and like and it is called I'm sad and horny so I figured there had to be at least one like truly erotic poem was there any part of you that felt nervous like publishing that with were there any that you were like oh you know i might just keep this one for me a couple i kept from a lot i didn't put in the book but i didn't put them in the book because i'm like oh this is too personal i put them in the book because i felt like i didn't like them as much um but you know i had some fear i guess about putting something that's so vulnerable and like here here's my shit take it or leave it like out in the world but a lot of that was dissolved when I sent them to my parents because I was like that was a big thing for me I'm like my dad's gonna know this book exists he's gonna read these because he's supportive and loves me so he's gonna try to support something I make and do um and I was like I can't send these to my dad but I was like I if I'm gonna send them to the world I gotta send them to my dad and just like knowing my dad was reading them like made me feel like yeah I can I can have anyone else read these if my dad can I can I can anyone else can so and what was his reaction oh my god it was so sweet he's my dad is was a graphic designer so he's like very much I think was all he really could focus on in the book truly was the design the formatting and he sent me an email with like all of his notes on what the font should be and um different things about spacing of ellipses and ligatures and all these like formatting technical things and then at the very end of the email he was like p.s i read the poems i liked them some more than others some were hard for a daddy to read but I read them.

41:32It's a beautiful concept when you like start feeling more like comfortable with yourself and not needing everyone to like see you and like you. It's like such a beautiful thing when someone supports you without understanding fully. Like that's a really beautiful concept. Like my dad, there's no way I could ask him to understand me and see me for all that I am you know he's my freaking dad he's like a 67 year old man um but like he read them yeah and he's like I'm proud of you I don't get a lot of it but I'm not judging no exactly you know and it's like I will support you and tell you to use courier yeah you know that's so special I know it's really special and did your mom like them as well did you get her to read them my mom I think likes them I think it's a similar thing with my dad she's she's supportive and proud of me she probably understands them more than my dad understands she's read them she's read them all like at least 20 times she's read through the whole book um and sometimes like it's it's been taking her longer to get things sometimes like she just understood that that was a makeup wipe like last week she was like I didn't realize that's a makeup wipe and I'm like that's so cute that you have to read it that many times and she's still like discovering things I feel like that's the best kind of art is when you can watch it over and over and and discover something new oh i love that that's so nice though i know i know i mean i've it's a hard thing like to be vulnerable in front of people with you know but i think i think you you're so funny while doing it that i think like you know like the american horror story one and stuff like that like it's yeah it's it's but it's funny and you're like we're going there i'm like hey yeah yep that's real that happened that happened yep and we'll let everyone discover that themselves that one yeah yeah it was a true horror story yeah but no i thought i also thought like in three women um both lena and maggie like kissing is so important for them like with intimacy and so that's why i love to kiss right but some boys don't get it oh my god that's a big red flag like the the one french kiss was literally me teaching a man how to kiss exactly i think he'd been in like an uh well i shouldn't say all this but yeah um he needed some guidance he needed some guy he like literally he must have just like only pecked his whole like 30 whatever years of life and i was like kissing him like like like a makeup like yeah like french kiss like that's a thing i'm not crazy no and he was like whoa whoa whoa and i was like dude yeah it's this or nothing with me yeah like you want to leave yeah no yeah you're like buckle up buckle up buster yeah and he did he buckled good for him yeah as he should you're welcome um but no i loved it and i loved i'm really glad that i reread three women this weekend i really yeah yeah i want to i want to read both of these yeah because rereading these i know well let's get let's do it journey the misborn trilogy by brandon sanderson in a slight i left it for last just because it's kind of different it's so it's such a departure yeah I'm also not.

44:38Yeah. Because if you ever get into Brandon, are you a fantasy fan at all? No. I didn't think I was until Brandon came into my life. Okay. Interesting. Brandon. How did Brandon come into your life? An ex. Oh. Yeah. They're like traditionally like boy books. Okay. Got it. But man, oh man. Brandon. Yeah. Good old Brandon. Apparently he's Mormon. Yeah, he is. I looked that up. Yeah. He went to Brigham. And it's interesting because I love like Smut. I really love it. But Brandon's books are, I've read maybe 10 or 15 of his books. Like I've read a lot. I've read like tens of thousands of pages of Brandon Sanderson books.

45:22But, because all of his books are like over a thousand pages. But he, it's, they're like PG, PG-13. There's some romance. but I sometimes feel like with smut sometimes the sex is like the shining light of the story so it's almost like can be used as a crutch and then like if you really read the book without any of the sex you're like how deep are these emotional how big is this world building like how meaningful is this writing and with him because he doesn't do any of that it's like just so focused on the world building the character building the emotional connections the symbolism I found that especially in these books in this trilogy like the parallels of like society now and this like fantastical are we sorry I was like oh my god I was talking about smut and she's starting to play what's he with me in one night sand we're getting into it um wow okay uh now I'm distracted back to the fantasy back to the fantasy literally what was it um his world building yeah world building yeah oh yeah and the parallels of like society yeah uh there's like really heavy themes in this book of like societal hierarchies and um there's uh deep questions to be asked about the world our country ourselves um brandon is i think a poet like like i think this type of fantasy writing is because it's so symbolic and metaphorical and and deep like i think there's elements of poetry in there um but yeah it's really fucking good yeah the fandom around it is huge i don't i can't believe it none of his books have really been made into shows i know i saw that they were optioned and then it lapsed why do you think they haven't been i don't know i truly don't know i wish i was young enough to play vin the like hero in this but as i was reading it i was kind of envisioning millie bobby brown but now i feel like maybe she's kind of aged out of because it's like i think she starts she's like 14 or something okay or maybe it's gonna be like ariana greenblatt or someone like that oh yeah maybe but i don't honestly like i want to maybe i can produce this i think you should well i think it should stuff like that should be produced by a super fan someone who's gonna like know all the stuff know how to protect it too and like stay honest with what the point is i would love to meet brandon one day i really really love his books do you want to get into producing i don't have like an extreme yearn for it right now but i feel like well actually that's not true i kind of have this have this story that i'm like trying to doing this book has unlocked like just new possibility of existing um because as an actor like I've done a lot of creative things and put myself out there vulnerable vulnerably in the world but I've never seen something through and put something out that like fully just came from me like the depths of me yeah and knowing that I have that in me I can express it in whatever way I want and then decide to like commit to see it through and turn it into like a hardcover book that's like gonna be at a bookstore tomorrow like that's a really cool expanding yeah experience so so yeah I mean I feel like yeah i mean i don't want to just like produce to produce so i feel like it would have to be something like this that like i needed to put out there or else i sort of are you a dancer as well yeah are you a dancer no i'm definitely i feel like you have it in you i very much is that a thing can brits not dance we're just uptight aren't we constitutionally yeah sadly but you've been in america a while you're letting loose you're feeling your feelings you have a therapist it's very true yeah maybe maybe get me dancing yeah I'll take you to a pole class

49:46not a ballet class a pole class do you do pole for exercise do you do that often I have taken yeah I've done it often and I actually in my new house I want to turn one of the guest bedrooms into a pole room because I like really want to commit to like learning the tricks yeah and all the teachers that I've taken class from are always I'm like how do I get good at these tricks and they're like you have to get a pole in your house so you can like practice oh wow yeah so so but you move beautifully and i felt like i would it would be an interesting sort of like to see the sort of physical interpretation of some of these poems like in pole in movement or just like yeah that's cool yeah maybe my next like creative endeavor will be turning this into like a yeah i'll go on tour yeah sad and horny the tour literally you know we're kind of on to something i saw a um interpretation of d 'angelo's music in like dance form wow and it was incredible it was this like story of like it was it was just one of the most incredible things i've ever seen wow i love that i mean dance is like my favorite art form right it's like so universal because like anyone no matter what language you speak you can watch a dance and like everyone in the audience like even if we're interpreted interpreting it differently or having different feelings it's like everyone's like connected but we're all seeing the same like and like the emotion that comes from like pouring your body into a movement is so like there's been times when I've gotten off the stage and I'm like shaking and crying because of whatever I just like physically felt and expressed like it's a really powerful form of art and expression there was an incredible um thing on broadway a few maybe a year and a half ago now that had the music of sufjan stevens and it was like the is like a sufjan i knew you were going to know this marshall wow illinois yes it was honestly i love a clever little thing like that it was so incredible but when i was looking um like whenever i'm doing my research and i was going through like tiktok and there were there are lots of fans of your dancing that was like a lot of the comments that i don't have tiktok so oh well they also there's people who are nice about me on tiktok oh yeah and a lot of saying maybe i should join a lot of saying you look like zoe doyce as well oh yeah that happens someone on the street the other day was like oh my god do i know you and i was like i don't know depends if you think i'm zoe doyce or florence pew yeah that happens quite often yeah and i'm like do you think i'm one of them they were like no you're the other girl and i was like yeah i love that i'm the other girl that's so fun well those are two good people to be compared to oh yeah i'm not mad at they're both beautiful and talented exactly but yeah yeah but yeah the dancing it's i think that it's really cool thank you i do love it i had an ex that thought my dancing was cringe what yeah so i've like been to yeah yeah you know like when the world and external people like deem you cringe it's like that's another thing i've been really releasing the last couple years of like to be cringe is to be free i completely agree yeah i completely you've got to climb cringe mountain yeah you got to climb that thing also like i really feel like cringe is a reflection of the person who is cringing i agree i feel like it's like why why does that make you cringe like what are you not comfortable in yourself yeah or it's often just misogyny as well like all the stuff that people say they think is misogyny is a thing exactly misogyny exists yeah i can't believe they said your dancing was cringe that's awful yeah but it's like I've realized now that it's a them thing you know yeah totally yeah but yeah I dance a lot more these days oh good for you yeah good for you well thank you so much thank you this is so fun wow I really I might I don't know what oh look at that time perfect timing that was you did you You are good with time.

53:39Proud of you. Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you, and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling. Ross, work your magic.

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