Congresswoman Sara Jacobs Egg Freezing Choice: Why Authenticity Wins | EP 710

0:00Coming up next on PassionStruck. I'll be honest with you, body image, body weight, food are things that I've struggled with my whole life. And I've worked really hard to get to a place where I feel neutral about food and that I don't have the scarcity mindset and that I love my body the way it is and not am constantly trying to change it. And that's really difficult work. It's work that I have to do every single day. And I hope that as a society, we do a better job of not giving the kinds of messages that I received as a young girl to future generations. Welcome to Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Miles.

0:40This is the show where we explore the art of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters. Each week, I sit down with changemakers, creators, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode the human experience and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression of who we're capable of becoming. Whether you're designing your future, developing as a leader, or seeking deeper alignment in your life, this show is your invitation to grow with purpose and act with intention. because the secret to a life of deep purpose, connection, and impact is choosing to live like you matter.

1:25Hey friends and happy 2026. Welcome back to episode 710 of Passion Struck. This is one of my favorite times of the year. There's something so powerful about the quiet reset of January 1st, a moment when the noise eases. intentions come into focus and we get to ask ourselves, not what do I want to do, but who do I want to become this year? And if you're like me, it's also that stretch of the calendar where you're gearing up for the college football and NFL playoffs. A reminder that preparation, timing, and teamwork matter just as much as raw talent, which makes today's conversation especially fitting.

2:03Over the past month, we've been in what I call the season of becoming, exploring identity, discomfort, leadership, flow, creativity, and compassion with voices like Susan Grau, Anne Libra, Brent Gleason, Hannah Pryor, Nir Bishan, David Nurse, Mark Murphy, Ollie Raisin, Forrest McGuire, Rick Hansen, and Joshua Green. Today's conversation continues that journey by going into deeply human territory. This is not an episode about politics, and I want to be clear about that. And it's not just an episode about fertility. It's an episode about agency, what it looks like to choose yourself without abandoning your purpose.

2:45My guest today is Representative Sarah Jacobs, a third-term member of Congress representing California's 51st District. She's one of the youngest women serving in Congress, and she's also been remarkably open about a deeply personal decision, freezing her eggs while serving in public office. Sarah chose to speak publicly about that journey, the physical toll, the emotional complexity, the body scrutiny, and the invisible labor, not because she was seeking attention, but because lived experience makes better leadership possible. In today's conversation, we explore what it means to take agency when biology, ambition, and service collide.

3:22Why not yet can be a powerful values-aligned choice, how stigma around women's bodies quietly shapes policy and culture, why leadership without embodied understanding leads to blind spots, and how vulnerability when chosen intentionally becomes a form of strength. At its core, this episode asks a bigger question. What would change if we designed our systems around real human lives, not idealized timelines? If you've ever felt pressure around timing. If your body has ever felt inconvenient to your role, if you've ever wrestled with choosing between contribution and care, this conversation is for you.

4:01Before we begin, a quick reminder, if this episode resonates, please share it with someone navigating a similar season. And if you haven't yet, a five-star rating or review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify helps these conversations reach the people who need them most and catch the full visual experience on our YouTube channels, PassionStruck Clips and John Miles. All right, this is episode 710. Let's step into this honest, powerful conversation with Sarah Jacobs. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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5:40I would like to welcome Congresswoman Sarah Jacobs. a third-term member of Congress representing California's 51st District to Passionstruck. Welcome, Sarah. How are you today? I'm good. Thanks so much for having me. Today, we're not talking about your job as a congresswoman. We're not talking about politics at all. We're talking about something personal that you have been going through. Can you take us back to the moment when you realized, if I want the option of motherhood, I need to act now? What was happening in your life and work at that time? So I got sworn into Congress at 31 years old and realized that I was going to be quite busy getting everything started.

6:22And I come from a big family. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but I knew that it wasn't the right time. And so in my first term in Congress, in my first year in Congress, I froze my eggs and made that decision because I wanted to have agency in my life and my timeline and be able to make that decision when it was right for me, not just based on my biological clock. And then as I continued serving in Congress, I turned 36 and realized it was still not quite the right time for me. It was time to go back and check on some things. My doctor recommended we do another round of egg freezing to make sure that I had as much optionality as I could give myself.

7:04And so this past year, I did two rounds of egg retrieval, froze my eggs and spoke about it very publicly, which I will say was difficult. It was like to say it was an act of radical vulnerability. I did not have talking about my boobs hurting with the New York Times on my bucket list, but that's what happened. But I feel like it's important to be talking about these things because look, as a 36 year old woman, right? These are the conversations I'm having with all my friends all the time, right? Who's having a baby, who wants to have a baby, who doesn't want to have a baby. And if we're not normalizing those things, if we're not talking about them, we're certainly not going to make good policy about them in the end.

7:43Yeah. I was wondering, as you were going through this, what surprised you the most? Was it physical changes in your emotional? Well, that's such a good question. I had the most intense food cravings and food noise. And I feel like I was going through puberty and menopause at the same time. So like I got terrible acne and my boobs hurt, but then I was also having hot flashes and really weird body temperature control. So I guess I'm not looking forward to that in the future because the hot flashes were really challenging. And then I really wanted frozen yogurt and cinnamon rolls like every night.

8:20Man, my wife has recently been craving Cinnabons and we do it on a rare occasion, but man, And we just had one and they are so good. They're so good. The struggle. The struggle is real. That's right. When you were making this decision, did it feel like you were gaining control or more like you were acknowledging uncertainty? I felt like I was gaining control. I think a lot of people think about egg freezing. And like when I would share this with people, they'd be like, oh, I'm so sorry. And I'm like, why are you sorry? this is like a very empowering decision where I am taking one of the most important decisions in my life and giving myself more agency about it.

9:05And that felt really empowering to me. It didn't feel at all like something that I had to feel bad about or feel sorry about or anything like that. Yeah. And emotions are something I love to talk about on the podcast. And you just talked about you were giving yourself agency, but I'm wondering, was there any grief alongside that agency kind of grief for how complicated this choice had to be? Yeah, look, I every so often think, what could my life be like if I'd chosen differently, right? Like, I am very fortunate. I have the means and ability to choose to stay home with kids if that's what I wanted to do.

9:45And that's the choice that most of the women in my family make. And I think there is some grief about figuring out how to balance all this. And that it's not, it doesn't feel the same quite like a fairy tale story, right? Because there's like very practical considerations that I'm thinking about. It's not just like, I want to have a baby, but like when and how and if and the logistics, right? I fly five hours twice a week to get to my job. And I will also say these are decisions that usually fall on the women to make. And so many women are facing these things, but yeah, I'm glad you asked it that way.

10:20Because I think there is some grief just about what different, how different my life could be if I'd made different choices. Yeah. And part of the reason I was asking it that way is I think there's a cultural narrative as I've been studying to prepare for this interview that egg freezing is like something that's sad or a last resort. But you've said it was empowering. Why the difference for you? For me, it didn't feel sad at all. Like I was very clear and I do a lot of therapy and I think everyone should. So I had a lot of clarity for myself about like my values, which are that it matters a lot to me to serve my community, to be, to, to work hard.

11:03And it matters a lot to me to be a parent. And I was very clear on the fact that this was not the right time for me to do that, but that it was something that was important for me to keep the option available for the future. And so to me, it was about preserving options and about giving myself as much agency as I could in this decision so that I wasn't ever forced into a corner where I had to do something at a time that wasn't the right time. Because if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to have this thing that I know I want, which is to become a parent. Okay. And you've brought up agency a couple of times now.

11:38What does agency really mean to you? Is this decision beyond biology or timing? Why is it agency? I see a lot of my friends who maybe end up with the person they're with when they're 35 because they're worried about not being able to have kids, right? That is a lack of agency. Or a lot of friends change their career path or change their jobs, not because they want to, but because it's the only way that they can make a family work. And for me, it's really about being very clear about my values, being very clear about what I want. and then really trying to give myself as much optionality as I can.

12:19And like a lot of my life is out of control, out of my control, right? This job is very unpredictable. We get called back at a moment's notice. I've missed friends' weddings because I had to be stuck here to vote. I'm back and forth across the country all the time. And so any piece of my life that I feel like I can try and give myself more options or I can try and smooth the noise in the chaos, I try and take. And this was one of the most important ways of doing that for myself. Yeah. The reason I was asking it is because I talk a lot about our need to matter on this podcast. And to me, agency is often what restores matter.

12:58And when circumstances feel constraining, is that kind of how this felt for you? I totally agree with that. And I feel like the times when I feel the most out of control or like the most upset about things is when I'm in what my therapist would call like a crouching position, when it feels like things are happening to me that I don't get a say in. And one of the most important things you need to do is right, push through that crouching position, push through that feeling that you don't get a say in your life and get to a place of agency because we do get a say in our lives. And like most type A oldest daughters, honor student, right?

13:40Like I thought there was a path I had to follow and that if I did all the right things that I had to do, and then you get the A plus at the end, but that's not actually how life works. There is no path. And I've worked really hard on trying to get out of this idea of what I should be doing and try and really focus on what do I want to be doing? What is aligned with my values? What actually feels fulfilling? Not what do I think I should be doing because that's what society or whatever told me to do. And I think a lot of women feel that way about having a family, right? There's so much messaging and pressure on women right now to have a family and to do it early, whether that's all of our social media or messaging.

14:23And this was one way that I could break through that noise for myself and try and get out of that crouching position and remind myself that I get a say in this. I don't have to do things the way society says I should. So I was recently speaking to one of your constituents, Brent Gleason, who's a retired Navy SEAL, lives in San Diego. And we were talking about his new book, All In. Did this choice change how you think about being all in in your own life? Look, I think it was a big sacrifice to make. Like anyone who's gone through an ag retrieval knows that it's not an easy process. My body went through a lot.

15:03I had brain fog and pain and all these other things that come along with it. We were literally in the middle of a committee meeting and I had to run up to my office to give myself shots and run back down, which is not a pleasant experience. Shots never are. No. And I know that with everything happening in the world right now, I just knew that I couldn't be all in with my job if I was also having a family and a baby right now. And so I knew that to be on the way I wanted to show up and be present in the way I want to in this moment that our country is in, that I needed to make this choice so that I could be all in on my future family when the time is right.

15:47And I want to switch to your job just for a second, because you have a demanding job. You've already talked about how you have to fly back and forth all the time. I have friends who were in Congress from Clearwater, St. Pete to Florida area, and they often complain about the travel. Although I will say I have no sympathy for people who live on the Eastern time zone. Like they do. Yes. But as I understand it, you're giving yourself the injections like you were talking about. there was a time period where you're going to daily ultrasounds and you're commuting cross country while representing San Diego.

16:24What does it mean for you to legislate while your body is going through something most colleagues never even have to consider? To me, that was a really important part of it, right? It's no secret that Congress is older and mailer and whiter than the average population. And that's part of why I decided to talk about it so publicly and to be so open about it, because I knew that there are so many people who are facing these same choices, who are going through these same things, who have way less support than I do, and who deserve a Congress who understands what this is and is trying to make it easier for them.

17:06And after I talked about this very publicly the first time I was at a meeting with military families and service members and a young woman who serves in the Navy came up to me and was like, I read the article about you freezing your eggs. And I really wish that's something I could do. And that was the genesis of me working to get TRICARE, the military insurance program to cover fertility treatments. And that conversation wouldn't have happened. That legislation wouldn't have happened if I hadn't myself been living the thing that so many people are living. And look, it's not easy. I've had to give myself shots in the middle of really important things, the brain fog and all of that is real.

17:46But I also think to myself, like a lot of women who are going through this are doing it while they have two toddlers at home. If they can do it, I can do it. And this is, this too shall pass. And this is a momentary discomfort to get to my ultimate values aligned goal. I was going to go to the service members next, given I'm a veteran, but I remember my own time, constantly deploying, constantly really under tense circumstances. In my experience, having been in Iraq and a few other places, I was exposed to burn pits and chemicals, other things that have had a long-term impact on my life. But I don't think the general public thinks about all these things and the fact that when we serve in the military, that's right in the middle of the prime reproductive years of trying to have a family.

18:37And yet we have all these complications. What do you think about those trade-offs that are so quietly demanding of our service men and women and their futures? We know that military families face higher rates of infertility than that civilian population. One in four military families reports infertility. And it makes sense, right, for all the things you said, right? In your primary productive years, you're far away from your partner. You're being exposed to dangerous things, to chemicals. And we know that a lot of military service members are leaving the military because they can't build their family and serve the country the way they want to.

19:17And it's a readiness issue, right? You know this, right? We train, we put so much money into training these folks for them to leave at the prime of their career because we're not giving them the support they need is not good for our national security. And I do wish more people understood the real sacrifices we're asking, not just of the service members, but of their whole family. I talked to a woman named Lydia, who her husband served multiple combat deployments. She's an army wife and she has tried 11 rounds of IUI. They've not been successful. Their doctor recommends IVF as the next step, but they can't get TRICARE to cover it, even though his service is part of why he's facing infertility challenges.

20:02And they've literally considered divorcing so that she can go somewhere else to get the coverage she needs. That's not what we should be asking of people who already like sacrifice so much for us, right? And on this topic of agency, right? Like agency isn't just about the ability of yourself to make a choice. It's about having choices, right? It's about having accessible choices that you can then take agency in your own life to make. And right now, military families don't have that access to IVF coverage. And so we are taking away that agency from them. Before we continue, I want to pause on something important.

20:37Listening to a conversation like this is one thing. Living it, especially when the timing is hard is another. So many of you write to me saying, I know what I should do, but I don't know how to honor myself without letting someone else down. That tension between agency and obligation, calling and capacity is exactly what the season of becoming is about. Becoming isn't about rushing into the next chapter. It's about choosing alignment before pressure makes that choice for you. That's why each episode in this series is paired with a reflection tool inside the ignited life my sub stack not to give you answers but to help you ask better questions like where am I choosing urgency over alignment what decision have I been postponing because I'm afraid of how it will look what would it mean to honor my timing without apology inside the ignited life you'll find weekly reflection prompts tied to each episode identity and agency practices tools to help you integrate what you're hearing into how you actually live.

21:32Because becoming isn't passive, it's a choice you practice. Quietly, consistently, and with courage. You can join us at theignitedlife.net. Now, a quick break from our sponsors. Thank you for supporting those who support the show.

21:48You're listening to PassionStruck on the PassionStruck Network. Now, back to the conversation with Sarah Jacobs. I know there's a lot of sensitivity, even from the veterans I talk to, where they say, why are we investing so much money in women in service? And then they're going to just leave to have children. I'm bringing it up because it's real. I've heard it from a lot of them. But my own experience of this is it's not just the female in this situation who's impacted. Oftentimes, the reason you can't get pregnant is also because of the other side of the equation. And they're deployed. They're stressed out.

22:25Things are happening. And it just impacts the family. in totality. So this isn't just about female service members. It's about both. But what are your thoughts on that? Because I think we jumped to the conclusion that this is focused on one sex, and I think it impacts. That's exactly right. In fact, most of the military families I've been talking to, it is the male who's having fertility challenges because of the service related reasons. That's not always the case, but we do know that it's very prevalent that it is that the male who who does have these infertility challenges. But I also think one of the things I find difficult about this conversation maybe is that while I know that it's not the right choice for me to have a child right now and be able to be fully present in my job, I also have a lot of colleagues who have small children and they are incredible at their job.

23:18And I never want to give off the impression or to make anyone feel like they can't do that. And actually some of my best employees have kids at home. Like mothers are sometimes the best employees, right? They're highly efficient and they're very focused. And so I also don't want to say you can't, I guess I reject the whole premise of that, that like when a service member has a kid, they become a less good service member. In many cases, I think they become a much better service member potentially. And so like we want to give people as much agency and choice and accessibility as we can to be able to make those their own choices.

23:56And oftentimes those having those choices actually makes them better at their job. And I just want to make this real for people. Earlier this year, I had a former astronaut named Susan Kiaran on the show. And Susan was the second female shuttle pilot. But prior to that, She was the first female F-14 pilot. So someone who had to invest a lot to break down barriers to get to where she was. Her husband happens to be a Navy SEAL. And after she got done with that space flight, they wanted to start a family. And she didn't have the option that you're talking about. So it cost her dearly. She ended up removing herself from NASA at that point.

24:41so she could start a family because she really didn't have that choice. So I'm just trying to make this real because you think about the impact and gut-wrenching decision that was from her perspective, having a position that is so hard to get, harder than becoming a four-star general in the Marine Corps when you think about becoming an astronaut. And I hear these kinds of stories all the time. people who have to give up their military career because they need to get a job in the private sector so that they can get health insurance that will cover these fertility treatments, for instance. And look, I don't want to say it's only service members who face these challenges.

25:23Obviously, the work of service members is like very unique in a lot of ways. Our primary productive years also tend to be like when we are reaching our prime earning potential product productivity years, right? And a lot of families are facing these same questions, right? Do they continue on this career path they're on or do they deviate to start a family and how do they do that? And like, why does it all happen right at the same time? It feels like your thirties are when it all comes to a head and it's not easy for anyone. And there's like an added layer of it with service members because what they do for all of us is so incredibly important.

26:01Yeah. Well, Sarah, one thing I did want to talk about a little bit is body image, because I think it's important, especially for young, but also all our listeners. And body image to me is something that affects, again, both men and women. But as I was doing research for this, I understand that there were a number of comments that were made about you and your body during this time. And that had to be hard first. What do you think it reveals about how women's bodies or our bodies are treated in public life? People have been talking about my body since I first ran for Congress. There have been so many comments about my hair, my voice.