Dr. Zelana Montminy on the Science of Meaningful Happiness | EP 686

25:27So those are just some of them, but there's lots of thieves. I highlighted a few in the book, but there's so many more. There's constant overstimulation that's the overwhelmed thief, right? The overstimulation is mistaken for productivity. And we say, oh, we're being so productive, right? But we're actually not. It keeps our stress responses activated. There's also the myth of multitasking, which I'm not sure if you want to talk about later, but that's a whole other thief that takes us away from actually doing anything and doing anything well. And that's just such a part of our culture. We glorify it in such a profound way.

26:03It's really dangerous. us? Well, maybe we'll just hit on that right now. I remember at the time I was a senior executive at Lowe's. I was in their IT organization leading all application development. So that was, to put it in perspective, about a billion and a half dollar budget, thousands of resources around the world. And I had 12 direct reports. And at the time, our portfolio had somewhere over, it was like 300 programs and 800 projects. And I remember one of my direct reports said to me in a one-on-one that I'm the best multitasker that he had ever seen. And at the time I took it as a compliment, but the more mature I've gotten in my career and I look back, the more I see it as a weakness at that point in my career, because I was choosing to focus on so many things that oftentimes, going back to Stephen Covey, I wasn't focusing on the main thing that was truly the most important thing at the time.

27:11And I think science has shown us that multitasking is something that really is not a strength for anyone. Why is that the case? Well, because the brain actually doesn't multitask. It just task switches. So the human brain cannot run tasks in parallel. It just, it goes back and forth between them. So every time you toggle between an email and a conversation or between Slack and doing your work, whatever it is, like there's a part of your brain that has to reorient and it reboots context. And every time you have to reorient, there was this incredible study that showed it takes about 23 to 25 minutes on average to fully regain focus.

27:57Minutes. I didn't misspeak. That's not seconds. So it takes 23 to 25 minutes to fully regain focus and energy. So that constant task shifting and context shifting is flooding our brain and we just can't do it. We're just exhausted. We can't retain things. We have lower creativity and we're losing huge chunks of time pretending that we're multitasking. In my case, I don't think I was I was pretending I was having to do it because my life, I was living my work life by meetings. And I learned this lesson so much that now I try to eliminate almost all meetings. You can't eliminate them all. But if it is not focused on a quick result and an outcome, I don't do it anymore.

28:49Because all those meetings were keeping me so distracted instead of what I really need to focus on. Yeah. And sometimes meetings are important. There's connection, there's rapport between the client and whatever it is. It's important to bake that into a system in which when you are doing your work, you're chunking that out so that you can actually sustain focus. You're not doing multiple things at one time. There's an illusion of productivity. Oh, I just have to because there's so much coming at me. It's just not how it works. When you actually single task, you're much more productive. You get a lot more done.

29:21You're much more efficient by about 40%. So you get a dopamine hit. It feels good to check off multiple boxes at one time. And it feels like progress, but what we're actually doing is fragmenting our presence. We're not actually multiplying output. Well, the way that you organize your book is you start out with building the foundation and you go into initially a vision and commitment, starting with who we want to be, not what we want to do. And we've talked about this a little bit about setting some type of ritual, but what do you suggest for a listener on how to set a daily focus of intention?

30:03I think it has to start with whatever period you have that you have a moment to calibrate what it is that's worthy of your attention in that day. and everything feels like a lot, like so many of us are just utterly overwhelmed by tasks and by things that are coming at us. And parents have so much more to deal with in terms of just the forms that need to be filled out, the things that need to be purchased constantly. It's just nonstop and not even talking about the invisible and mental labor of caretaking or parenting or whatever it is that you're doing outside of your job. So there's a lot. And I think because of that, We have a responsibility to create rituals for ourselves within our days where we take time to be intentional about what it is that we're tackling for that day and to schedule in.

30:58If you're a person who needs to scroll through social media and thinks that's restorative, it's actually not at all. It's still content that you're digesting. But then factor that into your day. Don't just do it like we talked about just on autopilot. Actually say, okay, this is my scroll time. I scheduled this into my calendar. I have 10 minutes to scroll through Instagram. Starts now and put that timer on so you're actually giving yourself the time to do that versus just telling yourself, I can't do that. But then the other chunks of time, don't do that. So being really intentional about how you create your day and factor in those kinds of rituals is important.

31:38And the other thing that you bring up that's important is sleep. Yes. And this is something I concentrate on a lot, all the way from my habits of when I go to bed, when I wake up and trying to see it consistent as possible to circadian rhythm and trying to make sure that I'm outside when light first comes up and then I take a walk during nightfall. So I have that balance. But what do you also recommend on about caffeine, winding down, timing, those sorts of things? Sleep is essentially our operating system reboot. Like we shut down our computer, we have to shut down our body. We need it for our nervous system and for everything to function well.

32:23You could do every hack in the world and nothing's going to really make a dent if you don't have a sound sleep routine in place and sleep hygiene. So I would say that what you're talking about, the light is really important. exposing yourself to daylight first thing in the like when you wake is critical. I think creating also like that digital sun, sunset, sundown, sun up, right? Like power down your screens if you can 30 to 60 minutes before bed, because your knee, your brain needs a drop in stimulation to cue the melatonin to start. Melatonin is the hormone that we need to have a balanced sleep.

33:00So that's important. You can implement sensory cues too. Like you can light a candle, you can turn the lights down. You can grab a book that tells your body like, okay, it's time to sleep soon. I can feel it coming. You can brain dump. If you're someone who wakes up in the middle of the night with a million things on your mind and it's just like you have an active brain, I call it a brain dump. So you write on a pad of paper anything that's in your brain, just dump it on the paper. And then in the morning when you have time, you'll figure out how to factor that into your day or your schedule if you need to.

33:34And so I think that those are important. I think circadian alignment, like you were talking about, is really great. Waking up at the same time, going to bed at the same time is important for your body. It strengthens your emotional stability. And I think what some people misunderstand about sleep is that it's not just the end of your day. It's like a full day start. Like your focus the next day, your emotional equilibrium, the next day actually depends on how you end your day before and the day prior to that. So it's really about being very intentional about that. Because a rested brain, it's going to work so much better for you in every facet of your life.

34:15And you're just going to live much more deeply. I also wanted to ask you, what are your thoughts? And I'll hold one up here. I guess I have it upside down. This is a nootropic that I like to take from proscriptions. This one happens to be methylene blue. They have another one that's methylene blue and caffeine and some other things. I also like the timeline products for cellular regeneration. I do coffee. I only drink organic, try to look for things. I have mold testing in them. But what are some of the foods that you think are best, especially for people who get that energy low in the afternoon?

34:52Yeah. And so I do have a whole chapter on nutrition and you did ask me about caffeine and I forgot to reply about that, but I do think caffeine is fine as long as it's, and actually some elements of coffee can be really supportive with attention and focus, but definitely not past early afternoon, if at all. And I would say just a couple cups and just cap it would be ideal. In terms of like actual supplements, I think first of all, we really need to focus on foundational foods and just like everybody says, like supporting your health, which means colors, which means antioxidants, which means all of the things that we always hear about, right?

35:31I think that if you're having for energy boosts, I actually think I've been digging into collagen and creatine a little bit. I think some amino acids and neurotransmitter precursors can be really interesting for sustained energy and for sleep as well. And I hesitate to recommend certain supplements just because there's every body is so different. I think magnesium is phenomenal for sleep. I think we most of us have very little of it. But I think overall, we need to focus on food sources and go from there and really nail that first. I take Bob's collagen. That's my go-to in coffee. And what you just said about magnesium, I remember interviewing Dom D 'Agostino a couple years ago.

36:15I asked him, what is the one supplement that if you would have people take that people don't have enough of? And he said magnesium, but you have to make sure that the magnesium that you need is the right one for what you're lacking. Some people need it for sleep. Other people need it to go to the bathroom. So it just depends on what brand. Yeah, it's great. It's great overall. We're lacking in it. Our brain requires it. So we can't always get it from food, which is important. And it really calms the nervous system. It supports all sorts of functions. So I would focus on the glycinate versus citrate kind.

36:53But you guys have to talk to your doctors and figure that out. Just before you and I hit the air, I was outside with my dogs just trying to get in some midday sun and activity. And you say that nature gives a soft fascination. Where do you personally go when you need to refill your attention and why is nature so important? Nature is critical. I always try to just get outside, even if I can't physically go to a park or a space like that. Just being outside is restorative. It recalibrates us. We're never meant to process the world, mostly through screens, which is how many of us kind of function.

37:32So our brain was meant to attune to sound and wind and light and sun and rhythms and textures. And so that's how we need to bring that nature, those elements, those textures back into my life and eat honest into anyone's life. And I think even just short exposure as the science has shown to be very helpful. So even five to 10 minutes outdoors can lower our stress hormones and regulate our heart rate and all of those great things. And they even say, I did a deep dive into this. If you have to be in an office for most of the day, granted, definitely try to take your lunch outside or go for a walk during a phone call can be helpful.

38:09I try to do that sometimes. But even house, like even a plant, like putting a plant in an office has been shown to also lower stress and nourish our brain. So I think there's little things we can do. We can always try to step outside, looking away from your screen toward a tree or whatever it is, ending your day with a few minutes of an attention walk outside, no headphones or ear pods, like nothing, no input. Just try for five minutes. It's going to feel really challenging because our brain just isn't trained for that anymore. But we need to recalibrate because our nervous system is suffering.

38:44So one of the things that you do in the book is you give different examples of concentration training from five minutes to Pomodoro to long form reading, et cetera. What's your recommended on-ramp for each personality type? Ooh, that's a big question. I think it's not really dependent on personality types. I think it's just dependent on how well you can currently focus, how often you reach toward distractions or want to interrupt your focus time. And so I think definitely focus has to be trained and we have to be able to sustain our voluntary attention. So I think it has to do more less with sort of personality types and more to do with like, how good are you at it already?

39:30And I think you just start small. Most of us are really not great at it. So set a timer for three to five minutes, honestly. It can be super, super simple. And you can just, it's not a meditation, but just to think that, to focus on one thing, I call it single tasking, for five minutes. Try not to reach for anything else or think about anything else. And then you're going to start little by little building that muscle back. You might drift and then just go back and notice that drift, but go back. And it's really important. The best thing we can do is that monotasking, choosing that one thing. Even if you're doing something monotonous, like washing dishes, reading, writing, whatever it is, have a defined start time and only do that one thing for that chunk of time.

40:17No background music, no background TV, no toggling, no tabs. This builds our neural endurance and it's really important for all of us. So I love that. And you talked about scrolling before and putting a time limit on it. And I think a lot of us default to taking a break by scrolling. But is there a memory tactic that we could use that actually sticks for busy brains? A memory tactic? Oh, to improve our working memory? Right. Yeah. I think there's all sorts of fun things we can be doing and puzzles. I think word searches are great. Crossword puzzles. Even just trying to memorize a phone number.

41:00We don't do that anymore. Our brain is just not adjusted to that anymore. Instead of having everything in your contacts, try to memorize a number or something, learn something new. Our brain grows when there's novelty and repetition of connections. So that's what we have to really focus on. I absolutely love that. I was recently back at my college alma mater with all my rugby buddies. And that was actually a topic that came up back in the day, how if you wanted to get someone's number, how you had to be so good at memorizing. And now we're given a number and 90 % of the time we can't remember it.

41:38So you get in this habit of tapping someone's phone or asking for the number because it's a lost skill. Totally lost skill. And it's, and it's not that we're adjusting to it. It's that our brain is just, it's not evolved. Our brain isn't evolved to function like this and we have to get it back. And that's why so many of us feel so depleted and exhausted and overwhelmed. Even with all the tools, even with all the efficiency tools, like we're just, we're in it. We're in a bad place. We're the loneliest generation ever, even though we're the most connected. There's just so many things. One of the things that I did want to explore was this idea of tiny trust.

42:16And you write in the book, every time that I keep a tiny promise to myself, I prove I can create space for my life without needing a perfect system. And I love that. What's one tiny trust that's changed how you relate to your own focus? Ooh, I like that. Yeah. These tiny trusts teach our nervous system that we're capable of things and that we're dependable. I think that what are my time? I feel like there's tiny trust throughout the day, like throughout every moment. There's things that I often put aside that I say that I'll get to, and then I do get to them tomorrow or the next day. and it teaches my brain that my words matter and that I can keep my promise.

42:56I don't just like not do it at all, but I do get to that. And that's like a bridge for myself. Little things like not touching my phone for 10 minutes when I'm trying to focus and sticking to that, drinking a full glass of water because I'm really bad at remembering to do that sometimes. So it's like, I'm training myself that I'm capable, that I can keep my promises. And then it's not, it's about consistency. It's not about perfection at all. So earlier on in the conversation, we talked about attention and I had you give the difference between attention, concentration, and focus. And we talked a little bit about mattering.

43:33I want to come back to it through the lens of relationships as force multipliers. How does attention given and received repair our closeness with our partners, kids, our work teams? And is there a favorite active listening micro habit that you use? recommend? So I actually just wrote about this yesterday on Instagram and it's resonating deeply with people. I really think that's where I got it. Yeah. I do think that attention is the currency of connection these days. I think that it's minimal that we are just, we're depleted. We're wired to have to connect with each other, to be able to respond and to sense each other's like emotional states.

44:16And our shared attention is how we co-regulate. It's how our nervous system learns. It's really important to be able to look in someone's eyes and not have to look away or track their tone or feel like that sort of human chemistry, whether it's like platonic or romantic. I think that, you know, people often think that disconnection comes from distance or not being together, but it actually comes from attention that's divided. And so I think that we're living in a world that really has glorified these surface connections. Like we have followers, we have texts, we have all these things that we exchange with people.

44:53And it's on the surface level makes us feel like we're content that we have a lot of people in our life, but really we're not, there's no depth. So we're not with individuals. We're full of people, but we're not really seeing who we fully are. And we need that. I think that's one of the biggest issues in today's dating world. And I just think that attention is a really rare form of love. And you asked like, how do we do that? I mean, it's really simple, but we've walked away from it. Like we have to stick with the discomfort. We have to move past those moments where it's like, oh, she's been quiet for a long time, but I'm going to stay.

45:30I'm going to stay. I'm going to stick with this. And that's when intimacy starts to build, when you can tolerate each other's discomfort and be there for those moments. Zilana, I was hoping that we might be able to do a live exercise if you're up for it. I was going to pick the live calendar audit and maybe we can pick a scenario and think about your rock exercise. And so people can understand how to apply a little bit of this. Yeah, sure. So maybe we'll just pick something that's going on in my life. So my mother-in-law is getting ready to move closer to us. And so there are a whole bunch of activities that we need to do to prepare for it.

46:11And I keep finding myself, this happened to me earlier, that I'm putting it on the back burner instead of giving it the precedence that it needs because the timing is key because we need everything delivered to where she's going to live so that as soon as it gets here, we can have all the accommodations done. So how do I put the rocks before other things that I'm doing and prioritize this to give it the attention it deserves? And so for those of you who don't know this metaphor, it's really about rocks, pebbles, and sand. And if you fill your jar with sand first, there's obviously no room for the rocks.

46:47But if you start with the rocks first and then the pebbles, so the rocks are like the things that matter the most, which is health, family, like work, rest, relationships, et cetera. And then you've got the pebbles, like that's like the supportive stuff, like the meetings, the errands, the logistics of life. And then the sand is the reactive noise. It's like the scrolling, the emails, the obligations that like don't really do much for your life. So if you put the rocks first and then the pebbles, the sand sort of settles in around that. So you can still do some of those things, but they don't take precedent.

47:16So I think that's what you're referring to, right? And so when you look at your calendar and audit your life, I suggest maybe color coding. So maybe green can be the rock and the red is like the pebble and the gray is like the sand or something like that. And then you have to start layering in what's critical to your rocks, like the things that matter. And so putting her into your home, getting the things ready, that takes precedent. And so tracking back from when the due date is for that and maybe give yourself a little cushion in case you lag a little bit. So I always say never schedule things exactly when you need them done.

47:55You should always give yourself a few days of a window because life happens, things come up. And then track back from there and map out how many rocks am I targeting per day? And is my time actually, like when I look at my calendars, most of my time actually going toward the pebbles and the sand probably is. So how can I put back those rocks and start from there first? So always start with the big picture, the mattering, the purpose-driven stuff, the stuff that was required for family, for health. And then you can schedule in the other stuff, like the work, the meetings, the other things. And I think that's the lens we always need to take.

48:36And I find color coding to be very effective in this. Zilana, thank you so much for sharing that. My last question for you is this. What does it mean to you to live a passion struck life? I think you have to live in every moment. You have to actually live and be alive in the moments that we choose. I think attunement and where we place our attention is living a passion struck life. Love it. Where can the listeners go to learn more about you and your work? On Instagram as dr.zelana. I have tons of content and resources. And then my website, drzelana.com, drzelana.com. Tons of free resources that walk people through all sorts of things and weave in neuroscience and actionable tools and lots.

49:24It was such an honor to have you here today. Thank you so much for joining us on Passion Struck. I'm happy to be here. Thanks for having me. That's a wrap on today's conversation with Dr. Zelina Momini. What I love about this episode is how it reminds us that focus isn't about control. It's about connection. It's not balance we need. It's alignment with what truly matters. Here are three reflections to carry with you. Your attention is your most powerful currency. Spend it where it matters. Second, healing doesn't come from managing yourself perfectly. It comes from safety, tenderness, and trust.

49:56And third, every tiny trust you keep with yourself builds the foundation for the focus you crave. If this conversation helped you rethink your relationship with attention or gave you tools to bring more presence in your life, then consider paying the fee. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for full episodes, highlights, and behind-the-scenes moments that bring these conversations to life. Share it with someone who needs to hear it and leave a five-star rating or review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps new listeners discover PassionStruck and join our growing movement for intentional living.

50:29You can also find key takeaways, companion workbooks, and extended insights at the ignitedlife.net, my sub stack for living with intention and purpose. Coming up next week on PassionStruck, we continue our series, The Irreplaceables, with Elias Friedman, the visionary founder and photographer behind The Doggest. We explore how empathy, attention, and storytelling connect us not only to each other, but to every living thing. The dog doesn't have to ask you a question of like, how are you doing? Just being in their presence and they have an ability to listen and sense the way you're feeling. And whether it's eye contact, touch, warmth, letting you connect with them, there's just something that has a powerful way of making you feel better and de-escalating and relieving stress.

51:19They're the best listeners. And even though they don't speak to you, they know exactly what to say. And there's also a stigma around mental health. Not everyone's going to raise their hand and say, I need help. So with a dog, you don't have to raise your hand. They just show up for you. Until next time, focus on what truly matters. Protect your attention like it's sacred. And as always, live life, passion story.

51:52Thank you.