Let your ambition light you up, not burn you out | Tarveen Forrester

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2:42I've been doing this and studying stress long enough to know that this jam-packed schedule is a recipe for burnout. I love keeping busy, but I hate feeling like I'm being overly ambitious because that can come at the expense of my well-being. But what if it doesn't have to be this way? I'm Madupa Akinola. This is TED Business, a podcast from TED. Our speaker today is Tarveen Forrester. She oversees workplace culture at Kickstarter, and she's here to tell us about sustainable ambition. The secret, she says? Boundaries. Then after the talk, I'll give an example of how I establish boundaries in my own life.

3:28But first, a quick break.

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5:55And now, Tarveen Forrester takes the TED stage. Like many of you, I was enamored by the hustle culture. As a VP of people and multi-time HR executive, I've led many teams and companies through burnout. I've also gone through it myself. Turns out, a lot of us have. Studies show that at least one in four employees globally have experienced burnout. Burnout sucks. If you know, you know. But you know what's worse? It's dimming your light and your ambition. You see, your ambition is a very special gift. It's that fire in you that keeps you aspiring for more and pushes you to your fullest potential.

6:42I believe with the right tools, you can nurture your ambition and avoid burnout. This all starts with learning to set and maintain your boundaries within work, life, and your relationships. Now, boundaries, like, kind of have a bad reputation, right? Some people think of them as an excuse to work less. Others as a reason to say no to everybody and everything. And some even believe they minimize your dreams. But boundaries are actually what empower you to do more and do it better. Boundaries give your ambition a sense of rhythm and pace. So you can create what I call sustainable ambition. So what's the secret sauce?

7:28How do we effectively set boundaries? Well, it starts with this hard truth. You can't do everything and avoid burnout. I'll paint the picture for you. It's four weeks away from that big deadline. You have mouths to feed, a home to maintain, workouts to attend, and then boom. The inconvenient thing happens. Your child is sick, you're rushing to the vet, or the worst, you receive bad news that rocks you. You're now sitting there in this predicament of trying to figure out, how am I going to do it all? Well, guess what? You're not. Before you can even begin to tackle your goals, you have to make peace with the reality that you can't do and be everything, especially in these moments of the unknown.

8:19Pushing yourself to the point of unsustainability is an extremely toxic cycle. And unsustainability and unrealistic expectations are exactly where burnout starts. So let's talk about how you can create a system to support your ambitions and your boundaries. First, you have to get crystal clear on your non-negotiables. It's up to you to decide what tasks and what habits are essential for you when you hit those high-pressure moments. A non-negotiable could be something like meditating 10 minutes a day, getting to your kid's baseball game, or prioritizing that workout. As it does, life be life-in, and it'll throw you another curveball.

9:04And when it does, I want you to ask yourself, how am I going to prioritize my non-negotiable? What is the trade-off? A trade-off is typically something like rescheduling a social activity, canceling your golf lesson. This one's a little controversial, but maybe you're not watching Sunday night football. I know. I know it's football season. I know. At the end of the day, we can't control all the things that are happening around us, but we can control how we react. So it's up to us to accept these trade-off moments, adapt, and move forward. The second step is becoming aware of what I call your time bank.

9:46Now, when you're frugal with your time, you have more time for your ambitions, and your non-negotiables. And when you're frivolous with your time, you're running on that hamster wheel from one thing to another to another to another. So just like you would ponder a big purchase, the next time somebody requests your time or a commitment from you, I want you to ask yourself, is this time worth spending? Is this feasible? I like to ask myself, is future me going to be mad at current me if I say yes to this? It's important to talk to future you. And does this align with what future me wants? As you would be selective with a big purchase, learn to be selective with your time commitments.

10:33This is how you learn to protect your time. The final step to sustaining your ambition is my favorite, clearly communicating your boundaries. Now, nobody likes to say no. It's extremely uncomfortable. We know this. I'm going to give you a few examples of how you can do this. The first could sound something like, I'd love to help with that, but I only have 30 minutes today. Is that enough time to get us started? Or it could be, thank you so much for the invite, but I already have plans. Or maybe it's, Mrs. Manager, this project sounds so exciting, but I'm already at capacity. I'm happy to help with this, but I will need to shift and reprioritize my deadlines.

11:16Now, when we first start to say no, it will be extremely uncomfortable, kind of cringe. You're probably going to feel guilty. This is natural. When this happens, I want you to remember your work, your life, and your relationships will never set boundaries for you. It's up to you to create them. After all, only you know your limits, your potential, and your needs. Starting to leverage clear communication as a resource and a tool will contribute to a higher performing and more sustainable version of you. So to bring us full circle, the hustle culture that we've been entrenched in for too long is being taken over by a generation of workers that are prioritizing work-life balance.

12:01The Gen Zs have completely run away from the hustle culture, yet the millennials are still stuck in it. It's two sides of a spectrum. But what if the sweet spot is actually in the middle? This means we hustle when we need to because goals do require hard work. And we prioritize balance and boundaries when we need to because we must rest, recharge, and reconnect with others. A life with boundaries is a sustainable one. Give yourself the permission to have the time to crush your goals, the space for rest, and the energy to continue to dream big. It's time we let our ambitions light us up and not burn us out.

12:45Thank you.

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14:20That was Tarveen Forrester speaking at TED Next 2024. Tarveen makes it clear that a life with boundaries is a sustainable one. But creating boundaries is easier said than done. It can be hard to come up with the right language to express something that can feel a bit difficult, a deferral of somebody else's request, a polite but firm no. That's why I have a word doc of tried and true phrases that I customize for different situations that just feel like too much for me to take on. I'm often reaching for this doc when I'm responding to emails or preparing for a call. It's a helpful tool for me when I'm at capacity and need to set expectations.

15:05It's also a way of still offering something useful while turning down a request. Sometimes it's a sentence as simple as, unfortunately, I'm overcommitted right now, but you can reach out to this person. Or, I'm sorry that I don't have the time to meet, but I can answer a specific question via email if that's helpful. These phrases help me get into the practice of establishing boundaries and make it easier to do so. So my advice to you, come up with a library of your own phrases that you can use when you're feeling stretched. It will help protect both your ambition and your peace.

15:48that's it for today TED Business is part of the TED Audio Collective this episode was produced by Hannah Kingsley Ma edited by Alejandra Salazar and fact checked by Julia Dickerson special thanks to Maria Ladias Farrah DeGrange Daniela Ballarezzo Tansika Sangmanibong and Roxanne Heilash I'm Madupa Akinola thanks for listening

16:20This episode is sponsored by Toyota. There's something powerful about momentum, that feeling when things are moving forward, when you're not stuck, you're not waiting, you're just going. That's true in life and it's true in how we move through the world. Toyota's new all-electric vehicles are built to support that kind of momentum, whether it's the quick acceleration of the CHR, the versatility of the BZ, or the capability of the BZ Woodland. And with access to a growing network of chargers, including Tesla superchargers, it's designed to keep you moving, not slowing you down. Because capability isn't just about power.

16:53It's about removing friction. Learn more at Toyota.com. The new all-electric family. Toyota. Let's go places. With no fees or minimums on checking accounts, it's no wonder the Capital One Bank guy is so passionate about banking with Capital One. If he were here, he wouldn't just tell you about no fees or minimums. He'd also talk about how most Capital One cafes are open seven days a week to assist with your banking needs. Yep, even on weekends, it's pretty much all he talks about. In a good way. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See CapitalOne.com slash bank. Capital One N.A. Member FDIC. Self-directed investing.

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