The 60 seconds that make or break a conversation | Chris Fenning

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3:07It's secure, scalable, and built to serve the customer. When AI works well, it shouldn't feel like AI. Unhold your customers with Parloa. Learn more at parloa.com. That's P-A-R-L-O-A dot com. Have you ever been in a meeting where you felt like you were just rambly or a hot mess? Or have you ever received an email that was four paragraphs, Yet, despite its length, you didn't even know what it was about or what was being asked of you. Of course you have. That's because we all have. And that's because communication isn't always easy, even when we're practiced at it. Even when we're, oh, I don't know, a podcast host?

3:53But enough of me talking. It's time to get to the point. I'm Madupa Akinola. This is TED Business, a podcast from TED. Our speaker today, communications expert Chris Fenning, says that the first 60 seconds of a conversation can make or break what comes next. And not only is it frustrating to talk to an unclear communicator, in business, all that ruined productivity can also be costly. So Chris is providing us a clear three-step solution for keeping our conversations on track. Then after the talk, I'll discuss a foible of my own. But first, a quick break. This episode is brought to you by Paka.

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6:56And now Chris Fenning takes the TED stage. I want to be long-winded and unclear. It's not a common opening line. Most people won't tell us when they're going to be long-winded, but we know. We can tell pretty quickly if someone's going to get to the point or if we are in for a long and painful conversation. And this is especially true at work. Every year, poor communication costs businesses hundreds of billions of dollars in lost productivity. And I have to confess, the early part of my career, I was responsible for at least some of that. But I'm not alone. Hands up if you work with someone who is long-winded or unclear.

7:52That's a lot of hands. Now, I'm sure we are all thinking about people outside this room, right? Except for those of you pointing at each other. But what would happen if we asked the people outside this room? They might be thinking about us. And while our goal is to be clear and concise, do we really know how? every time we communicate we have an opportunity to create clarity or confusion and clarity begins from the very first minute if you get the first minute right you set your conversation up for success get it wrong your conversations will be longer less effective and more frustrating.

8:46Now, on the off chance, we could all use a little more clarity. I'm going to share a tip with you today. A tip that will help each of you improve the success of your communication at work. A tip that has been tested by more than 75 ,000 people around the world. And a tip that will help each of you get the first minute right. And here it is. There are three things we must include at the start of our work messages. And those three things begin with T, I, and P. It's a tip. Now, the first part of the tip is the T, and T stands for topic. Every conversation at work needs a clear topic. When the topic is clear, everyone knows what we're talking about.

9:38Everyone's in sync. Everybody understands. Unfortunately, reality isn't always like this, is it? How often are you in a conversation and you find yourself thinking, what are you talking about? That happens when the topic is not clear. Now, usually the consequences are pretty minor, a little bit of wasted time, some minor frustration. But sometimes the consequences are more significant. In 2006, I was part of an engineering team writing a bid, a proposal that was worth a lot of money to our company. And a couple of days before the big meeting, my boss came up to me and said, hey, Chris, I need you to change the meeting from Tuesday to Thursday.

10:24So off I went and I changed the meeting. I typed an email, sent it to the client saying something's come up, we've got to change. And about a minute after I hit send, my phone rings. It's my boss. He had one question. Why did you change the meeting? You see, he was talking about our one-to-one, and I was thinking about the client meeting. The lack of a clear topic meant he and I were thinking about two very different things. Now, that might be the single biggest contribution I've made to the cost of bad communication, but it also marks the moment at which I began to be interested in improving how we communicate at work.

11:09So all our messages have to begin with a clear topic, but how? How do we do this? It's really easy. Start your message with one sentence that names the topic you want to talk about, and the more specific the better. You could say, I'd like to talk about July sales figures. I want to talk about Project Everest's timeline. Or can I talk about our one-to-one this week? One message, one sentence that lets your audience know what the topic is. They won't be thinking, what are you talking about? Now, having a clear topic is a great start, but it's not enough. We need the second part of the tip, which is the I.

11:51And I stands for intent. Intent is what we want. other person to do with our message? Have you ever been in a conversation and a few minutes in thought, why are you telling me this? That happens when the topic, when the intent isn't clear, when the speaker hasn't told you what to do with the information that they are giving you. Now there's a process in our brains called selective attention and this filters incoming information and tells you what is important and what is not. And if you don't know what to do with a message, your brain says, not important, and we stop listening. At the beginning of this talk, I told you I would give you a tip that would help improve the success of your communication at work.

12:40That told your brains what to do with this information. If I hadn't done that, I could be faced with a room full of people smiling politely while all thinking, why are you telling us this? Now, that is something we want to avoid at work. But there is another and perhaps more important reason to make your intent clear. You want to avoid frustrating the people you're talking to. I'd had a particularly bad day and I walked into my colleague Tina's office and I sat down with my head in my hands. And I told her how I'd messed up on an important call with a senior leader. and when I finished talking, Tina very, very helpfully said, oh, why don't you try this and maybe we can avoid this next time and she was giving me all sorts of advice.

13:27The more she spoke, the more frustrated I became. I didn't want her help and that must have been quite obvious because she just put up her hands and said, you clearly don't want my help, so why are you here? I said, Tina, I'm really sorry. I just want to get this off my chest. Can I just talk for a minute? and like a mother talking to a small child she rolled her eyes well why didn't you start with that we need to tell our audience what to do with the information we're giving them tina was working hard from the moment i started talking and all the way through she was working hard to help me and i didn't want or need that she was annoyed and rightly so so when you start your message after you've given a clear topic tell your audience what to do with it and again you can do this with one line.

14:16Make your intent clear. If you have a question, say, can I ask you a question? If you want someone to make a decision, say, I'd like your help with this decision. If you want to get something off your chest, just say, is it okay if I vent for a minute? If you tell your audience what to do with your message, not only will their brains pay more attention, you will avoid frustrating them. That's kind of useful. So we've made our topic clear. We've told our audience what we intend for them to do. It's time to get down into the detail, get into the message. Wrong. This is where we need the third part of the tip, the P.

14:59And P stands for point. Point is the most important part of our message. much. If you only had five seconds to speak, it's what you would say. And usually it's what your audience cares about the most. When I was a kid, my dad played a game with me. We were going on a journey. I'd go, dad, where are we going? And they'd say, oh, well, first we're going to the car and then we'll get in the car and then we'll leave the driveway and we'll turn left onto the main street until we get to the post office. And then we'll turn right until we go to a big yellow building. I just wanted to scream, where are we going?

15:35I wanted the short version. I think he just wanted to wind me up a little bit. But fast forward a few years, I was doing the same thing at work. Someone would ask me a question or I'd start a conversation and I would give all the detail, step-by-step information. And every so often, okay, quite often, people would say, Chris, just get to the point. And that's what we need. We need a point. We need a headline, something that tells us where this conversation is going. Now, of course, there's a lot more information we could include, but that comes later. That comes after we've set up the audience to understand what the conversation is about.

16:21And we can do this quite simply. as the military likes to say put the bottom line up front in one sentence deliver the most important piece of information i want to give a refund for a late delivery our project launch is going to be delayed by a month say the most important thing and your audience will know where that conversation is going and they won't be thinking what is your point now if you start your conversation with topic, intent, and point, you are starting with a clear and concise introduction. An introduction that answers the three questions we all have. What are you talking about? Why are you telling me this?

17:03And what is your point? Because here's the truth. Every time we communicate, it is an opportunity to create clarity or confusion. And topic, intent, and point is clarity. So I have a challenge for you. The next time you start a conversation at work, the next time you write a message, take a moment and think to yourself, what is my topic? What do I intend for the other person to do with this message? And what point do I want to deliver? Imagine working somewhere where everybody did this. Imagine if everyone always knew what to do with the message you gave them or understood what it was about. How much smoother, how much easier would our jobs be?

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18:57Hey, we're Nick and Jack, hosts of The Best One Yet. Behind every episode, there's research, email, spreadsheets, and our shared Google Doc, the Headline Hammer. With Google Workspace with Gemini, Google's AI is built right into the premium versions of tools we already use, like Gmail, Docs, and Sheets. No new tools or extra logins, just personalized AI for the way we work. That means less time on the work, around the work, and more time finding the stories worth talking about. Get AI tools for work. upgrade to Google Workspace with Gemini at go.gle slash workspace with Gemini. That's go.gle slash workspace with Gemini.

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20:15That was Chris Fenning talking at TEDxEindhoven. Chris's three-point plan is so helpful. But something else I'm also going to take away from this talk is the idea that every time we open our mouths, we have the opportunity to create clarity or confusion. It's a helpful reminder about why this stuff all matters. No one likes frustrating the people they work with, but likewise, no one likes feeling misunderstood. So let's put what Chris is talking about into practice. I want you to think back to the last time you witnessed or participated in a real workplace miscommunication. If topic, intent, and point were truly prioritized, how would you or the people involved do it differently?

21:02How could those three little words make a real difference in your working life? And how will they change your relationships in the future? And listen, this retroactive thinking isn't that difficult for me at the moment. Because I just got out of a meeting where I sounded all over the place. I was actually sitting in for somebody who had more expertise in this particular subject. So when I was asked a question by the group, I kind of just babbled. I wish, using the topic interest point model, that I had said, this is what we're talking about. I'm going to collect your questions for the person who is not here today.

21:41And I'll get back to you with their answer in a timely fashion. instead of spinning my wheels and trying to figure it out on the fly when I really just didn't know the answer or couldn't remember. But we live and learn, and sometimes we have a helpful acronym to keep us honest. That's it for today. TED Business is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced by Hannah Kingsley Ma, edited by Alejandra Salazar, and fact-checked by Julia Dickerson. Special thanks to Maria Ladias, Farah DeGrange, Daniela Ballarezzo, Tansika Sangmanibang, and Roxanne Heilash. I'm Madupa Akinola. Thanks for listening.

22:23Thank you. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See CapitalOne.com slash bank. Capital One N.A. member FDIC. Hey, we're Nick and Jack, hosts of The Best One Yet. Behind every episode, there's research, email, spreadsheets, and our shared Google Doc, the headline hammer. With Google Workspace with Gemini, Google's AI is built right into the premium versions of tools we already use, like Gmail, Docs, and Sheets. No new tools or extra logins, just personalized AI for the way we work. That means less time on the work around the work and more time finding the stories worth talking about. Get AI tools for work.

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