Why we need to know our lives matter | Jennifer Wallace

0:00This episode is sponsored by Toyota. One of the most interesting parts of being human is that we're all a little different. Different preferences, different priorities, different ways of seeing the world. And ideally, the things we use should reflect that. Toyota's new all-electric lineup is built as a family, but not a uniform one. Each vehicle has its own personality, from the sleek, expressive design of the CHR to the more rugged feel of the BZ Woodland. It's not about standing out for the sake of it. it's about finding something that actually feels like you. Learn more at toyota.com, the new all-electric family.

0:34Toyota, let's go places. This episode is brought to you by Capital One. Capital One's tech team isn't just talking about multi-agentic AI. They already deployed one. It's called Chat Concierge, and it's simplifying car shopping. Using self-reflection and layered reasoning with live API checks, it doesn't just help buyers find a car they love. It helps schedule a test drive, get pre-approved for financing, and estimate trade-in value. Advanced, intuitive, and deployed. That's how they stack. That's technology at Capital One. This episode is brought to you by Bill, the intelligent finance platform that helps businesses and accounting firms scale with proven results.

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2:02Go with a company whose financial infrastructure is trusted by nearly half a million customers. Ready to talk with an expert? Visit bill.com slash proven and get a$150 gift card as a thank you. That's bill.com slash proven. Terms and conditions apply. See offer page for details. Earlier this year, I threw a retirement party for my mentor, Dr. David A. Thomas. For many years, he was the president of Morehouse College. While there were many official gatherings to commemorate his time there, I wanted to do something that felt a little more personal, a little more intimate, just a room full of people whose lives he touched, letting him know how much we appreciate him.

2:47I knew this event would be special for me and those of us who love him, but I didn't realize how special it was going to be for him. He sent a beautiful thank you note the next day, letting me know how much it meant to him. This underscored something I've always known, but that's important to be reminded of from time to time. It's not the fancy job that makes us feel like we matter. It's the affirmation we get from people around us. I'm Madhu Pakinola. This is TED Business, a podcast from TED. Our speaker today, Jennifer Wallace, takes the TED stage to remind us that whether you're a caregiver, a mentor to many, or just anyone in the workplace, it matters to hear you matter.

3:30And that recognition comes from all of us. Then after the talk, I have an ask of you. But first, a quick break.

3:40This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn. Running a small business means every hire matters. A bad hire can cost you time, money, and momentum. A good hire, they can help grow your business. But finding great talent isn't easy, especially when you don't have the time or resources to sift through piles of resumes to find the right fit. That's why LinkedIn built HiringPro, your new hiring partner that screens candidates for you, so instead of sorting through applications, you can spend your time talking to candidates who are actually a good fit. With HiringPro, you can hire with confidence knowing you're getting the best talent for your business.

4:22In fact, according to LinkedIn, those hiring with LinkedIn are 24 % less likely to need to reopen a role within 12 months compared to the leading competitor. Join the 2.7 million small businesses using LinkedIn to hire. Get started by posting your job for free at linkedin.com slash tedbiz, spelled B-I-Z. Terms and conditions apply. This episode is brought to you by PACA. The best pieces are effortless, the ones that just feel right every time you put them on. The layer you reach for, whether you're heading out the door or settling in for the night. Lately for me, that's been my PACA hoodie. I wear it all the time now, and I think once you try it, you'll get why.

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6:03And now Jennifer Wallace takes the TED stage. When we think about the most meaningful jobs in the world, firefighters are among the top of the list, right? While most of us run from danger, they run straight into it, risking their lives to save ours. The impact of their work is undeniable. At least that's what I had always assumed until I met a firefighter named Greg who told me that even firefighters can struggle to see the impact of their work. Really? How? How can that be? I remember asking Greg, and he explained with a story. When he was a rookie, he and his crew were called to a horrific car wreck.

6:57A woman was trapped inside. Her legs were pinned under the twisted steel. Greg's training took over. He looked for an opening and he found a jagged opening, slid through to put his heavy bunker coat around the woman to shield her from the glass as they worked to rescue her. Greg promised he would stay by her side and they would get her out, and they did. But here is the part of Greg's story that stuck with me. After that intense experience, Greg would never know what happened next. Did the woman survive? Did she ever walk again? Did their efforts that night make any difference? It surprised me to learn that firefighters rarely hear about the outcomes of their rescues.

7:48Over time, that lack of closure can erode morale, fuel burnout, even cynicism. So years later, when Greg became fire chief, he created a system to change that. He tracked the outcomes of rescues because he wanted his firefighters to know when their efforts had saved a life or eased someone's suffering because Greg knew something vital. It is not enough to do important work. We need to know our work makes a difference. We need to know we matter. I'm a journalist, and for the past six years, I've interviewed hundreds of people around the world like Greg, asking them a question. Do you feel like you matter?

8:43For too many, the answer was no. A doctor I interviewed described feeling powerless now that insurance companies were denying her patients the care they needed. A college student described feeling like she only mattered when her GPA was high and her weight was low. An elderly man described feeling like he mattered less this way. He said the hardest part of aging is that people stop relying on you. What these stories and the scientific research make clear is that to thrive in life, we need to know we matter. that is to feel valued and to have an opportunity to add value to the world. When we feel like we matter, we show up fully.

9:36We want to connect. We want to engage. We want to contribute. But when we are made to feel like we don't matter, we often withdraw. Some of us might turn to substances or self-harm to try to alleviate that pain. Others lash out in anger. Road rage, online attacks, political extremes. These are all desperate attempts to say, I'll show you I matter. And this is about to get worse. As AI erases jobs that once gave people a sense of identity and purpose, millions more will face this crisis of mattering. The job ahead for us is not just to keep up with machines. It's to protect what it means to be human, to feel valued, and the responsibility we have to remind others that they are valued too.

10:37In my research, I found that the places where we live and work can either fuel this crisis or be a key to solving it. I visited a factory in Phillips, Wisconsin, where each workstation had a card that talked about how the piece being made fit into the final product. On that card was a photo and a story of the person who would one day use it. That story card was a powerful reminder to workers that they weren't just assembling parts. They were building something meaningful. mattering at work is not some soft, squishy, nice-to-have idea. It's actually good business. When employees know they matter, they work harder, they stay more loyal, and they bring more energy to their roles.

11:35To matter, we need to feel valued, but we also need a chance to add value. And in my research, I uncovered a formula for doing this. Identify a need in the world or in your community or in your neighborhood, and then use your strengths, your resources, your talents to meet it. I interviewed a woman named Julie outside of Boston who discovered this for herself firsthand. For two years, Julie was her mother's full-time caregiver. When her mother passed away, Julie described feeling unmoored, purposeless. But instead of retreating inward in her pain, Julie had the courage to look outward for a new way to matter.

12:26And when she did, she noticed two needs in her community. Grieving families like hers who were struggling with what to do with their loved ones' belongings. and other families who were rebuilding after a fire or experiencing homelessness. So Julie connected the two. With a friend, she started to collect gently used home goods and deliver them to people who could use them. That simple act of care has transformed thousands of lives, including Julie's. All of us here will go through painful life transitions, the loss of a loved one, an illness, maybe an empty nest, even retirement. These transitions can shake our sense of mattering to its core.

13:15But like Julie, we have an opportunity, even a responsibility, to make ourselves useful again. The way back can start small, checking in on a neighbor or appreciating out loud a colleague who's always so kind and supportive. What you will find is that the fastest way to feel like you matter again is to remind someone else why they do. Now, at this point, some of you may be thinking, the problem isn't that I don't matter. It's that I matter too much at home, at work, what you wouldn't give to matter just a little bit less. Am I right? Well, this too can be thought of as a crisis of mattering. True mattering is not about stretching ourselves to the breaking point.

14:09It's about balance, balancing our own needs with the needs of others. For years, I have personally struggled to find this elusive balance. And then I read a study conducted at the Mayo Clinic that showed me how. Researchers there were testing a simple intervention to strengthen resilience. They recruited a group of medical professionals, and they had them meet for one hour a week to share their struggles and to support one another. After three months, the researchers found significant improvements in these participants' mental health and well-being. Their cortisol levels, the stress hormone, had dropped.

14:55These women also reported feeling like better parents. Why? Because as caregivers, when we are surrounded by a strong network of support, we've become more resilient. and that resilience ripples out to our kids. This is not an isolated finding. Decades of resilience research find that a child's resilience is rooted in the resilience of the adults in their lives. And adult resilience is rooted on the depth and support of our relationships. Now, as caregivers, we're often told, put your oxygen mask on first. But this research revealed something deeper to me. Friends are the oxygen. We need one or two or three people in our lives who know us intimately, who can see when we are struggling, and who will reach over and put that oxygen mask on for us.

16:01That is a very different level of support than we normalize in our busy culture today. But here's how I've come to look at it. When I don't reach out for help, not only do I deny myself the support I need, I also deny my friend the chance of being a helper, of feeling needed, like she matters to me. So the next time you hesitate, I hope you'll remember this. Asking for help isn't weak. It is an act of generosity. Now, to matter, it is a very personal experience, but it's also relational, and it has the power to connect our disconnected world. A wonderful example of this is taking place at the Dutch supermarket chain Jumbo, where they have instituted slow checkout lanes where the cashiers take extra time to chat, especially with elderly customers.

17:06Amazing, right? This simple fix for loneliness has now been rolled out in nearly 200 locations. The lesson for us, we don't need to build new spaces to unlock each other's mattering. We just need to be more intentional about the spaces we already have. once you see the world through the lens of mattering you can't unsee it it may even start to feel like a responsibility it has for me it has changed how i show up now for my family my friends my colleagues even strangers i meet on the street affirming each other's worth it's not just the right thing to do. It is the glue that holds a healthy society together.

18:03And we need this now more than ever. What I have learned in these hundreds of conversations is this, that deep down, we are all searching for the same thing. To know who we are and what we do make a difference in this world. We want to know that our lives, our very existence, matters. Thank you.

18:53isn't easy, especially when you don't have the time or resources to sift through piles of resumes to find the right fit. That's why LinkedIn built HiringPro, your new hiring partner that screens candidates for you. So instead of sorting through applications, you can spend your time talking to candidates who are actually a good fit. With HiringPro, you can hire with confidence knowing you're getting the best talent for your business. In fact, according to LinkedIn, those hiring with LinkedIn are 24 % less likely to need to reopen a role within 12 months compared to the leading competitor. Join the 2.7 million small businesses using LinkedIn to hire.

19:34Get started by posting your job for free at linkedin.com slash tedbiz, spelled B-I-Z. Terms and conditions apply. This episode is brought to you by Walmart Business. The best leaders might tell you the work that moves an organization forward doesn't happen in spreadsheets or supply chain emails. It happens when you have the space to think big. That's the idea behind Walmart Business. It's built to take the friction out of running an organization so your team isn't losing hours to procurement logistics when they could just be focused on the problems that actually matter. With an ever-expanding business assortment, everyday low prices, and fast, reliable shipping, Walmart Business keeps your operations running smoothly.

20:18Shop online, in-store, or through the Walmart Business app, however works best for you. Simpler operations, smarter spending. It's Walmart built for your business. Sign up for a free Walmart business account at business.walmart.com.

20:38This episode is brought to you by Capital One. Capital One's tech team isn't just talking about multi-agentic AI. They already deployed one. It's called Chat Concierge and it's simplifying car shopping. Using self-reflection and layered reasoning with live API checks, it doesn't just help buyers find a car they love. It helps schedule a test drive, get pre-approved for financing, and estimate trade-in value. Advanced, intuitive, and deployed. That's how they stack. That's technology at Capital One.

21:14That was Jennifer Wallace speaking at TED 2025. I love what Jennifer says about putting your oxygen on first. Friends are the oxygen. It shows us how essential our relationships are in and out of the workplace. So I want you to take a moment and let someone know how much they matter to you. Write a list of every person who has invested in you. The people who have shared their time, support, and care with you. Maybe they're people at your workplace. Maybe they're just people who keep you sane and happy. What are the ways their effort has made a difference to you? Also, these gestures of care, they don't have to be grand ones.

21:50This person doesn't have to be the firefighter at the beginning of Jennifer's talk, pulling you out of a terrible car wreck. In fact, it's important to remember that meaningful impact takes many different forms, and everyone deserves to be reminded of the good they've done, big or small. Everyone is deserving of an epilogue. That's it for today. TED Business is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced by Hannah Kingsley-Ma, edited by Alejandra Salazar, and fact-checked by Julia Dickerson. Special thanks to Maria Ladias, Farrah DeGrunge, Daniela Balarezo, Tansika Sangmanibang, and Roxanne Heilash.

22:29I'm Madupa Akinola. Thanks for listening.

22:43This episode is sponsored by Toyota. One of the most interesting parts of being human is that we're all a little different. Different preferences, different priorities, different ways of seeing the world. And ideally, the things we use should reflect that. Toyota's new all-electric lineup is built as a family, but not a uniform one. Each vehicle has its own personality, from the sleek, expressive design of the CHR to the more rugged feel of the BZ Woodland. It's not about standing out for the sake of it. it's about finding something that actually feels like you. Learn more at toyota.com, the new all-electric family.

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