EP. 401 | That 401st Episode: The Most Chaotic Episode Yet, Mystery Guests & MAD Dressing Room Tales

0:00Chris Stark: Hello and welcome to That Peter Crouch podcast, a special edition here. Steve Sidwell is with me and Chris Stark as usual. Now this is very, very our podcast, I would say. We had a little discussion, I think it was just pre-James Milner episode of the, we must be, we've done a lot of podcasts. We discussed it for a little while. We said we must be coming up to almost 10 years, potentially, I don't know, a milestone. And then it was, it was added up and we realized it was 400. episodes. Incredible. But we realised that on the 400th episode. So, we thought we'd celebrate 401. 401 is the new, in my opinion, I think it should be the new everything.

0:46Chris Stark: Yeah. So, in what way? I think Levi's 401s. Yeah. I think the checkout dart should be 401. Do you encourage people to have, say, a big 41st? Big 41st. Oh, that's good. what you're doing for your 41st yeah I would say rather than your 40th yeah you switch it on I think so yeah and I think you know like the 401 you know Premier League appearances everyone's obsessed with like 500 40 when's your 401 when's your 401 we'll have more people everyone will be happier yeah it'll be more achievable if you're booking a hotel room it's the number to get you're going to be lucky in the 401 if you get the specifically request the 401 when you want to get rid of something room 401 yeah this is a go-getter isn't it There's loads in this, I think.

1:31100%. I think this is good. You know, without going too emotional here, 401 episodes. That is incredible. There's some going.

1:38Chris Stark: That is amazing. It was football heritage, right? If you think back to the time where, you know, we first met Chris, wasn't it? Oh, mate. It was just, I think at the time, to kind of promote my book, we never had any dreams of it going on this long. You came in specifically, I remember being told, now Pete's got one hour not a minute more so you've got him for one hour for this thing that was from his team and then he came in in his tracksuit and I was like shit it's Peter Crouch and came in we had some photos done banged out a quick I was told it was like a pilot podcast and then it went from there really didn't it well you know we're almost 10 years 400 later that is yeah you know I think we were released about 25 a year at that time maybe 30 for the year yeah you think it's 30 for the year you know 10 year period it's like 300 so to get to 401 we became more prolific we did two a week for a little while yeah and it's become weekly and then obviously Sid's Sid's now involved as well it's just like you guys are on the 401 I must be I don't even know what I am well that might be nice because we might be able to get Sid's a heritage cap yeah you know the old rage at the moment or even a hundred cap you know yeah that might be a nice you know another excuse to have a beer like you need one it's just so us that it's the four hundred and first we've had everyone on this podcast we've had some of the biggest footballers in the world we've had you know future kings kings paupers we've had we've had them all pop stars yeah he's been some jacks yeah but the big Oscar winners?

3:23Oscar winners? The big 401. It's the one you look forward to, isn't it? It really is. It really is. You're making me slightly jealous with your beer situation. Well, we need to cheers, but you're obviously missing a glass. Yeah, I am missing a glass. There's a reason for that.

3:36Chris Stark: The boys have told me. Do you remember we discussed the longer glass that potentially we could get in? I mean, people could have it for the World Cup, you know. But I think the name we settled on was the Peteroni glass. Because you know the Peroni ones are slightly longer? Yeah, yeah. Well, it's been done and there's been a huge process behind this. It's been done. I haven't seen this yet. Never have we. There she is. Look at that. There she is. So what can only be described as an incredibly long, thin glass. So is that a pint still? It's a little more than a pint. It's a little more than a pint.

4:11Chris Stark: Yeah. Bang for your buck. Yeah. There we are. It's a bit like a Mark Stein, isn't it? You know what I mean? It's a pencil in a world of chodes. Yeah. what the heck isn't it uh look at this i mean you know oh this is gonna have some head yeah i haven't tilted it because i've got a microphone in my hand so this is an upsetting pint my friend yeah yeah what do you want me to do carry on carry on how can you fill this up with a bottle it's the longest glass in the world and you've filled it up with a bottle like that look at that let it settle just let it sell in fact can we say that is how you should pour it yeah brings it alive does apparently that is the way to do it is it sometimes slowly slowly oh look at that what have you done here what have you done all right give it time all right time oh well let's have a cheers now shall we all right let's have a little one little slap ladies and gentlemen 401 401 cheers you didn't live in the eyes you didn't live in the cheers guys cheers everyone

5:21Chris Stark: I didn't get one bit of liquid though not one just a puff of air just a puff of air no but in all seriousness lads I love doing this and you know and thank you to everyone who listens because I've loved it for so long and it's my highlight of my week coming in here and the people we've met along the way and the experiences we've had you don't even remember the crouch fests that we've been through have been phenomenal you know those days in the pub you know the days that we had out after the pub yeah the brew dog era the things we've we know we've sort of all been through as a bit of a kind of community as well we've obviously through COVID or those times I mean we've literally had kids in the time that this podcast has been running you know it is crazy you retired from football and became the you know a legend we were saying that today I was on the train with him today coming up and obviously we used to get the train a few times to Stoke and he used to get recognised a little bit as you would do being Peter Crouch but since he's retired it is like just blown up on the tube today it was so funny the fella went you look like Peter Crouch he said you look like Peter Crouch and I was like I said to the man a lot of people say that and he believed me he believed me and we fooled him didn't we it took another lady to come up and go excuse me I'm a big fan can I have a picture and he went to a he looks like him yeah it's a lookalike couldn't believe it couldn't believe it fooled him yeah she wasn't having it and then we got on the tube and then the fellow behind was listening to the podcast wasn't he pulled up all these episodes of the pod it was brilliant the catchphrases as well the catchphrases that have come and gone over the years well it's the spray and A's you know the spray and A's you know some of the things that we created the load let's get loud yeah nights in the sun rat nights in the sun we've had some Dev from Coronation Street yeah that was the initial Crouchfest wasn't it at the Sam right there Christmas adverts yes Puddings is massive Puddings is massive Puddings is massive Games of Vanarama Pancake Pancake they don't shout that at me as much anymore like these catchphrases Barbecues it just it's always a different thing being shouted out from a van you know once it was pancake then it's barbecue cunt I do like regards to your family when you get the shout regards to your family I had someone, I was in the lounge actually at the airport the other day and someone gave me a serious ring kiss.

7:48Chris Stark: Still? Yeah, got kissed to the ring there. I've got people walking past me quite a bit as well for a while. Do you remember the walking race? Oh yeah. Bud Tunnel. Bud Tunnel. There was Bud Tunnel. Yeah, so good. So many memories. You know, if you're a new listener, go back, you know, because there are some great times that we've gone through and I know we're getting nostalgic and if you're a new listener, welcome. You know, there'll be plenty more of what you've just heard but you know, you're welcome to go back and have a listen. I know we're waiting for your bubbles to set and you're going to pour up but while we're doing that, should we have a little look of how this glass was made?

8:27I believe we've got a video, haven't we? Great shout, Sid.

8:30Chris Stark: Shout out to Lumsdale Glass who've made this for us. We called on a glassblower listener and we weren't sure if there was going to be one out there but Lumsdale they've come up trumps so here we go this is exactly what when I you know when I suggested a full on glass blower doing this this is exactly what I was after you know sort of rolling the bulb at the end of a big long stick he's blowing he genuinely is blowing look at that looks like a proper outfit as well look at the the factory that they're in guy's got sunglasses on as he blows which is why also it looks to me like oh that's class I mean, that looks very hot.

9:09Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look at that. Look, look. He's got some file. Look at the way he's crafted that. Oh, that looks like something else. Look at this guy.

9:20Chris Stark: You know what? Having seen how much effort he's gone to make this glass now, I regret the way I poured that. No, I think this is how it's done. Yeah. Do you know how thick and top quality glass that feels? Have a feel of it. Have a little feel of that. Yeah. That is top quality glass. Let me have a feel, mate. It's chunky, that. I can handle it. I feel privileged to have that. It's more like a trophy than a glass. It's like a... It's given test tube to me, but the biggest test tube on... Almost like a... Yeah, you're in science. It's like a bulbous in the bottom. Yeah. Serious glass. I don't know if you mentioned it, but about splitting the P.

10:01You know about the split in the G with the Guinness? There's obviously a P there. It's not... I mean, I don't know how many gulps that would be from the top, splitting the P. I think if that's from the top, right,

10:10Chris Stark: if you think about it, that's one and a quarter bottle that I've poured in there. That, for me, I reckon that's two and a half, three pints. Have you done the rest of your bottle? I reckon that's two pints. Have you done the rest? That's it. Easily. Look at that. That's two. So you've got two and a bit. That's two bottles. So what would a pint be? What's in bottle form? Oh, that's a good question. I don't know bottle of a bit I reckon that's well over a pint I reckon it's a bottle bottle and a half is a pint maybe you know when you go to Pizza Express and you get the big ones it's bigger than that just sometimes it can be hard to get a scale on here would you what would you say if you came around to my house it just looks so solid it looks really dense it's a comfortable hold seriously is it familiar

11:08Chris Stark: if only eh if only actually really suits you I like it it's a real nice hole alright lads we might as well try and split the P you've got to okay we'll fill it to the top sorry we'll get into the podcast in a minute

11:32I think so is that yeah because you're splitting it aren't you yeah yeah it's hard to work out the measure of it I don't know how

11:41Chris Stark: the glass works I'm going to say about four goals you think this is going to test a pint mouth this is I think you're at like I think you're at like three sips yeah I don't think I think that's less than what you think okay it's more slurp than a goal putter let's go good to go good luck

12:01oh that's big oh put it down put it down put it down oh you should just underneath it's not far yeah you're close you're not oh that's not bad it's not bad it's not bad it could come back up it could on review on review that foam yeah no it's coming yeah you lose a few bubbles there yeah no and I always say and I'm a big advocate at this. Look at this. Yeah, show the cameras. This isn't over. Show the cameras up. Hold it up. Hold it up. They think it's all over. It's not over. I'm a big advocate of this. When everyone, people are splitting the G's or P's or whatever they're doing, you've got to go more.

12:42You don't, don't under fire. You can never under fire it. I don't think you're going to, I don't think it's going to rise enough, Pete. Good effort though. Thank you. It's a great effort. Thanks a lot. In the new glass. All right. So we don't, we don't know the plan for today. It's been left a surprise for us, this podcast.

12:56Chris Stark: We have no actual idea. Hence the reason, you know, this is all over the shop. It is. But I'm led to believe, you know, we talked about your VHS. I brought them in. I brought them in to the lads. They've been digitalised. No, they've not. Yeah. Yeah, they have. I believe they're going to feature throughout this podcast. So I remember because my mum wrote on them, Pete's first game as a ball boy at Chelsea. Yeah. That was one of them. And there was another one, I think it was something to do with Rude Hullet. I think I might have gone up there and got a shirt with Rude's name on it, and I got caught by, I think it was ITV News or someone, and they said, you're the first person to get the Hullet shirt.

13:38Chris Stark: What do you think? It might have been an interview. Have we got it? Have we got this? Oh, my God. All right, go on, play it away. Oh, to what? Glenda Hoddle's latest acquisition. This week, they've gone gaga for Gullet down the King's Road. A credit where credit's due, signing the rude boy on a free from Sampdoria is a major coup. Whether it was Hoddle's reputation or Matthew Harding's millions that have cracked it, we can only guess at. Hoddle apparently, as promised Gullit, he can play as a libero at Chelsea. That's Italian for wherever you like, mate. In the meantime, I've come down to Stamford Bridge to find out from Blues fans how they feel about the best thing that come out of Holland since Tulips.

14:20I've got to have a look at the back of your shirt. Oh my god.

14:29Chris Stark: No. Look at him. I didn't even have a number. Brilliant. I think he's going to be class for the club. I think we'll win the premiership now. Oh wow. That is incredible. That is incredible. That is unbelievable. I think he's going to be class. I think he's going to be class. I think he's going to win the premiership now. What the hell, man? Do you remember that? My God. I remember, yeah. I told you, didn't I? I said, I remember they caught me and I was walking, I was on the King's Road there or whatever, Fulham Road. And yeah, someone just goes up to me and said, you've got a hoodie on the back of your shirt.

15:06Chris Stark: I didn't have a number because I didn't know. No number. Yeah, but I was up there and my dad promised me a shirt and I thought, I'll get a hoodie on the back of it. That is brilliant. That's gold, mate. That is brilliant. the next one is a is a I was a ball boy my mum's caught a goal I think I think we scored it might be Palace actually if I remember rightly and I'm behind the goal you can barely make me out but that is me behind the goal okay here are Chelsea Crystal Palace look at the pitch David White partnership will prove as successful as Brighton Wright signs here they're on the same wavelength cute touch by Bright for young David White that's me behind the goal just standing there Palace score I wait to see when Chelsea look at the pitch Look at the cards in the background The cards look Right in the middle I am Oh Yeah

15:59The fact your mum recorded this by the way When you think what ended up happening She's not our son's famous She thought that was the peak

16:10Chris Stark: We all did We all did yeah bless I love it it's so funny with my mum because she recorded kind of like things like that like any little snippets from the milk cup when I scored then like you know my day of use to score and go and then obviously then you end up playing on telly every week playing for England and obviously the video's got a little bit less and then the cutting stopped happening and it was a bit like yeah that's special though That's great. That's mums, right? That's great.

16:48Chris Stark: Right, guys. Happy 401, by the way. But this part of the podcast is where we put blindfolds on. And the lads behind the camera here have organised guests, I don't know, from previous episodes or people who have been... We don't know. We don't know anything. Oh, well, maybe not. Yeah, well, I can hear a trumpet. We've never had a trumpet player on. I feel a bit uneasy about this. This could be anything. From exes to ex-teammates to... I really hope one of the sugar babes is... What do you want to... Are you going with that one? Are you going with this one? I can't have a fox one. I'm a badger, aren't I?

17:27Chris Stark: Are you a fox? Oh, I'm a fox. There you go. I'll be a frog. Can you see anything, though? Are you a hundred... You're wearing these blindfolds, yeah? I don't want it to be a joke. Just take yours off for one second. Look at the stare of their boys. That's you after a few retro days. Do you know what we had if I just think back to the last few episodes like we had James Milner you know Ben Foster Jurgen Klopp Thiago now I've got a frog mask on. Yeah. A guest is going to sit in that chair and then we need to we're going to ask questions I believe is that right Chris? Yeah we're going to we're going to ask some questions.

18:05Are we allowed to touch them or not? It's probably not necessary. Oh yeah there was that was an old game show wasn't it well it's slightly concerning isn't it lads I don't I don't know what do you I don't know what to expect I really don't I don't regularly wear blindfolds Sid's Sid's into it I'm partial that's lovely is the guest here I believe the guest is arriving is the guest here not yet I think that I can hear movement this is what I mean this is such a weird situation this is really weird isn't it

18:40Chris Stark: have you been featured on this podcast no I know who it is

18:49Chris Stark: how have you got that yes I know that man's voice I know I know are we are we gonna carry on guessing or we there's no I don't think there's much point if you know do you want to well would we would we know him yeah oh wow this man's world famous on this pod gee on this pod but you haven't have you been but you haven't been on this podcast no but the name's been featured the thing is because that voice for me is you got it straight away well it's just I know has our podcast caused you any reputational damage absolutely oh wow oh wow I take it you nearly divorced oh god has it also enhanced your reputation in some way um no no not really did you I take it you've worked with with Pete at a previous club unfortunately yes oh okay okay um you this man has been at one football club for a long long time oh okay I if it's who I think it is you are you are a legend of this podcast were you in uh I don't know what the official term would be like So if you weren't in the playing stuff per se, you were in the support.

20:12Yeah. Yeah. Okay, great. Sid, do you have any idea? I've got, I think I've got a feeling who this might be. This is so cool. I've got a feeling who this might be.

20:23Chris Stark: What? He's the heartbeat of the club, basically. Here we go. Go on, Crouchy. He's the absolute heartbeat of the club. He's Kev the Kidman. Can we take it off? All right, lads. How are you? Oh! Good to meet you. Love to meet you. How are you doing? All right? Good. Bring it in, Kev. Come on, son. Amazing. You all right? You good? Great to see you. You been all right? Yeah, good. Yeah. Good, mate. So for anyone who doesn't know, Kev the Kit man is, well, he was the heartbeat of Portsmouth Football Club. Someone who's been there. How many years, Kev? It's near enough 28 years now. 28 years. When was the last time that you saw each other?

21:05can you remember the last time

21:06Chris Stark: I don't remember god last time we saw each other we've trogged a lot I was down I remember down when I did something at the training ground do you remember yeah that's right and that was a new training I'd never seen before but yeah we speak we speak a bit and shock you're on the beer by the way listen Kevin it's our 401th episode well I don't see mine there can we sort of care about a beer I'm drinking I'm joking but yeah it's right back in the day Kev was I was 19 when I first went to 18 and Kev was there and yeah he looked after me because I was single and you know we had to wash our own kit in those days and Kev helped me out for a fee for a little fee hang on this is where this is where it all goes wrong typical players as same as Merzian right they give it all that for a little fee when someone like him comes all Merz or you know good players now I'm an expert sportsman myself in my own right so they kick a bag of air about you know what I mean so they come in right he was a young kid he didn't have any way he said will you wash my kit he said I'll give you some money to order I said whatever Pete and on his podcast he says 60 quid when have you ever known a player to give anybody a 60 quid a damn date it was 15 quid and then he said he probably I didn't play listen to this though and he said on his podcast was oh the women at the club used to do it didn't have any women I was on my own then back in them days so you're basically what you're saying is you're owed money can't say that tax man's listening I'm joking but he was a young boy at the time you know Kev was a boxer I didn't know but I could I could see the size of how many fights Kev 300 and odd 300 and odd Kev I get the impression your job involves so much more than just kit you had to deal with so many situations with Crouching and some of the players well to be fair you had never had any problems with these lads right and I will say this openly now the likes of Peter you know and we had some players at the club but I treated them all the same I don't treat them any different now to the way I mean I had a cane the lads now when we played Arsenal the other day and I said lads do you want to have a look at my FA Cup medal and they went why I said because it's as close as you're going to get going so I just get hammered you know what I mean but I give this stick but I will do anything for them yeah I will do anything for them because when they're youngsters they're like my son you know what I mean and you know what I mean that's what I say about footballers now find it hard when they finish yeah because they find it really hard because they've always been looked after and my job there was always to look after them you know whatever goes on and that's why it lasted as long as I did because I don't go willy-nilly back to the manager.

24:08We had some laughs. Yeah, we had the best times.

24:10Chris Stark: Well, obviously he says about helping people, right? You know, it's the first time I've ever left home. So I really am like a fish out of water. I've got no idea what I'm doing. I'm in a strange place. And the people you turn to are the staff behind the scenes, right? And Kev was just absolutely amazing with me. Obviously the story goes when I had nothing in my flat. He comes round and he goes, you've got nothing in this flat. you need to start you know I had a blow up sofa I had a blow up goal and I had a bed that was it and he said you need to get a sofa so I get the sofa and I've told the story and it was too big for the doors so I couldn't get it through Kev goes look I'll come round I'll help you out so he's gone up the ladder he's put a three piece on his back he's put the rope over the balcony from the other side in the marina where I lived and he's carried the three pieces but he was right at the top but the funniest thing was I had this on my thing ropes tied round me there's him Sean Derry and Courtney Pitt at the bottom of it and I'm looking down thinking I said are you alright now Kevin do you need that the funny thing is when we were going to the flat because when I first came down to Portsmouth all them years ago I was a bricklayer by trade and I worked on that where he was living and I'm laughing to myself and he's going what are you laughing at I went you won't get that up the stairs he said why I said it's a spiral stairs he said what about the lift I went no chance not a chance and I was chuckling to myself because I knew just shows you're doing like you don't I don't look at I obviously have no idea it's by a couch it goes in there I bet that coach is still in there now it's true you couldn't get it out how do they get it out yeah unless they threw it over the balcony into the hogging but how did you get into that job well I was I was boxing in the marines um and I got medically discharged from the marines um I was leaving the marines and I knew Kit Simons and to be fair he went out on line the other week that I was retiring and Kit rung me first and then Peter and then Neil Sillett was the physio and he said oh Kev can we come into HMS Nelson and do a boxing session and a football session now as you well know PDIs and Marines are fit as you like they're not footballers but they'll run and run so we used to have an hour's football in the gym and it was just non-stop for an hour.

26:30And then after, I take him upstairs, I got him all to put the gloves on and said, right, get in the ring with me a minute. And Bradders was there and all like that. And some of them lost it a bit, you know, scared stiff, but Bradders had to go, give me a right hand, where they give him a body shot. And I said, listen.

26:48Chris Stark: Lee Bradbury. So I said to him, I said, listen, lads, while you're in my gym, you work hard in there unless you'll be doing three minutes for me. And it was stemmed from that. So then Gordon Eve, the old kit man, was leaving and Alan Ball knew that I was coming out of the Marines. And he said, can I be my kit man? I said, what does that entail? He said, don't worry about it. I said, what do you mean, don't worry about it? He said, don't worry about it. And it shook me by the hand and I've been there ever since. Wow. But he knew. 28 years. Really? But Alan knew because I was a boxer at the... Yeah.

27:24You know, I'm not showing off here, but I went to three Commonwealth Games and stuff like that. You know, he knew that I could handle a change in him. Yeah. Right? Because you're ruthless, you play. But I can give it as much as I can take it, you know what I mean? Which I can't be. Oh, my God, yeah. And I'll give just as much, you know. But when I boxed, if I felt good, looked good, I performed well. And that's what all I tried to do. And it was very hard at times, you know what I mean? because Portsmouth had not so much the first time. We were a struggling club, weren't we? Yeah, when our first arrived, it was very much, you know, when he came back the second time.

28:03The second time was a different football club, you know.

28:05Chris Stark: I mean, we had some really good players, you know, won the FA Cup. Do you remember the game where we were beating AC Milan 2-0 at Fratton Park? That was unbelievable. We had Ronaldinho to come off the bench. It was a really good group of players, wasn't it, you know? But the one thing for me was that when I joined, that I took over from Gordon Eve and he was a lovely man. He's passed away. No, God rest him. I said, got any advice? He said, yeah. He said, you'll be the most tiredest man in the world. You'll swear 10 times more. And he said, you'll never see your family. And I went, nah, that won't be me.

28:41I had Tourette's the first week. Do you know what I mean? Because all the players, you know what they're like. What a lot of people don't realise is the kit man and the kit room is the heartbeat of every football club, isn't it? And I think the kit man as well has a really strong relationship with every manager that you've probably... I've had 29. Yeah. Well, I can imagine you've had a lot. But I'm assuming that they make a beeline to come and see you probably first of all because they know that you are the closest thing, as you say, as a go-between. Not necessarily that what you're going to hear from the players is going to go to the manager.

29:16I would never do that. No. But what I'm saying is you're gaining his trust. Yeah. but what I'm saying to you is it's like it's like now they're squads now isn't they you have 11 players back in your day you'd have 3 or 4 stubs right when we first started now there's 7 stubs now if you've got a squad of 30 you're not going to keep everybody happy to me if they're effing and jeffing in the change room we're not happy I'm happy with that because that means they care if they go in the change room and sit down and go tab on that's when I get the um because I don't like I don't like losing you know when these lads were playing I'll tell you a game which was brilliant and you'll remember this was Barnsley Away when Robert Prosyneski played yeah what a name

30:01Chris Stark: he rolled one over over his foot and slapped one out to him all I had to do was nod him he won 4-1 I was on Sky Friday night right the first time I met Robbie he was Kev Kev fire fire I went where where he went no no fire he wanted a lighter so he came in my room and sparked up a fag so I have a fag lit for him at halftime and a fag lit for him at the end of the game imagine coming up the pitch and going there you are son

30:32Chris Stark: I swear to God that's what he did right but what he could do like we had him at his you know at the end of his career didn't we and he used to do this drag over how he got over just roll over his foot and lads used to jump like a like a bunny rabbit you know and then long trips you go Kev coffee because I used to have a tab then back in the day and he'd be smoking Malboro Reds he'd do two packets a day mate it's like smoking tarmac right and he'd be there I just used to love listening to his stories you know the band played for Real Madrid and Barcelona I remember once he gave me a one that is mad freaking unbelievable the only man to score twice for two different countries in the World Cup Yugoslavia and Croatia yeah And he gave me a watch to watch once and it was like a Rolex.

31:22I said, bloody hell, Rob, that's quite nice. And I said, how much is that worth? He said, about 130 odd grand. I went, you what? He said, no, no, I didn't pay for that. It was when I moved from Barcelona to Real Madrid. It was a bit of a gift. Yeah. And he came over not so long back. He did an after-dinner speaking in the Fratnend. And it was packed. So his agent rung me and said, Kev, would you go on? and that were before as a warm up I went are we playing Sheffield Wednesday at home and I went yeah alright then so after the game phew because I was nervous so I'm on there I'm half cut man right so I'm doing the warm up yeah yeah no no I mean the warm up act the warm up act yeah so I get on there they had to drag me off I couldn't stop talking like I'm doing now right but he gets on stage Rob he said how do I follow that so I lit up a fag and give it to him there you go just called the good old guy and he just started laughing yeah

32:21Chris Stark: but you know what he's almost like a counsellor as well so if I say if you were dragged off early right you've had a stinker straight into Kev's room do you know what I mean and he'd know and he'd come in or sent off you wouldn't go to the Jess room you'd go in Kev's kit room and he'd have a chat and he'd go do you know what this and that you'd be alright you know just talk it through then you'd feel well enough to go into the into the change room even before the game we used to turn the lights out do you remember that we used to turn the lights out and we used to have a little couple of digs but there's four or five of us getting there right so we'd have myself the foe maybe Dave the foe thought he was a boxer the foe a little flyweight just obviously give him a little body shot let him know I used to love the old lung buster they only had soft ones off me but I wanted to give him one the lung buster that was the old rib tickler mate the old rib tickler do you remember that yeah the A team the 18 I've heard of the 18 yeah we had a little group of us that we called ourselves the 18 but that was a good group out of all the times Kev because I think there was one particular time kind of after my early spell there because I had two spells where it was Teddy Tim Sherwood Steve Stone and you know I think it was Todorov where you where you blitzed the league and went up so I think that would have been a good group but what was your favourite era out of all the 28 years you've had?

33:44Chris Stark: Well, the era we got promoted was different class. Merce was different class. Yeah, Merce was brilliant that year. That was with Harry, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. Merce was different class. He knew, to be fair, at the end of it, that year we went up, he knew he wasn't going to the Premier League, right? You know, being that good and his legs had gone, you know what I mean? He knew that. Yeah. So he knew he wasn't going to go under the Premier League. But there were a good bunch of characters then. but then you started having the likes of Peter, David James, you know, I still speak to David now, you know, I mean, he calls me llama teeth, don't ask me what he does.

34:18Llama teeth! That's what he calls me, right? Which is funny, but J-Mo, you know, his son used to come down, remember, at Southampton, and he was the same age as my son, so I'd say, Dave, he'd want to be in your house with you all the time, he said, stop with me, and that's what he did, and they became mates, and David used to look after, and he was always good, and you know them sort of players they didn't have to give it a big one because they were quality players they never moaned about anything you know we didn't have the best facilities right which we didn't because they didn't have the money to do it but we had a portable cabin and all like that but it was what you had was togetherness and Harry done that Harry was very good at that you know I've had a lot of managers but the two I pick out is Alan Ball because what a legend he was.

35:11I mean, small man like that. Like when I started with Alan Ball, the first thing I put in underneath the coach was two crates of Budweiser, two bottles of Chablis and two big cigars. You know, I went to Alan's funeral. It was ticket only, right? And the who's who of football was there. And it was like 8 ,000 people outside the cathedral. I'll always remember the story if you don't mind me saying it. It was like, well, my first game was Wolves away. Brad was in the team, man. And I just finished in the Marines, just finished boxing, you know. Nice, mild man I am, really. But we scored, Brad has scored, I jumped up, hit my head off the dugout.

35:49They had them round dugouts, split my head, sort of physio stitching me up, right, this clarinet. And Kevin Musket was playing, wasn't he? Oh. Right? And you know, I don't have to say anything else, do I? Well, he was kicking the living day, a little player we used to have called Jeff Perron. So at halftime, they're coming off. And he's still having to go with Jeff. And I went, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. He went, listen, fatty, get in his changing room or you'll be getting something. He said to me, I went, listen, it didn't come out of me. I went, get in that changing room now, I said. Otherwise, you won't wait in the second half.

36:25Next thing, right? Next thing, Colin Harvey was the manager of the time. Or Colin Lee, sorry, Colin Lee. He had his face in me. He said, what's your problem? By this time, the head had gone. Because I was still in Royal Marine mode, boxing mode. And he went, what's your problem? I said, you'll have a problem in a minute. Down the end of the corridor, demolishing you, was Bawley. Oi, get here. Head down, right? It was probably one of my first games. Walked to get in there, he said. Slammed the door shut. And he went, right, you lot. That's what I want to see. Plenty of balls like he's got. that's what he said did he really you know what I mean yeah the man didn't like losing yeah you know I mean he taught me how to play hearts on the bus and yeah which is a complicated game but if you threw the wrong card down he'd let you know but he was his stories were unbelievable brilliant before we wrap up I think we've got to get Kev's opinion for oh yeah for a game

37:30Chris Stark: we've got a game's gone board we've got a game's gone ball there, right? And you're 21, 28 years in the game. One club man, right? Yeah. You've seen them come and go. You've been Premier League. You've won the FA Cup. You've done UEFA Cups. You know, you've been relegated. You've ended up, you know, you've been portal cabins and you've been, you know, you've lived the dream at Wembley. Out of all the things you've seen in your life, is there anything more recently maybe where you're like, the game's gone here? Is there something that really pisses you off with football? and I'm even saying maybe the players you know maybe something they do around the training round is it something to do with the kit is it something to do with how they behave or is it something generally in football well I think that's why I'm leaving now right one because my wife was ill my wife's here I share cancer like and then I had a hip operation last year and I had a heart attack which I didn't even know about which is typical right and there's no no blockages nothing it's just typical me right and I just thought I spoke time I spent time with her but I was thinking about retiring anyway because football isn't the same for me I don't think you've got the characters as much I think everything is now clinical well no it's everything's on a on a on a iPad and that you know what I mean and analysts and listen Jim Smith right God rest him right I love Jim right boy he say he say shots and crosses equals goals he say which is true you score more than the opposition yeah right you win a game of football you know I hate that I hate that and I know it's today's game and all like that but when people say we had 99.9 % of the possession yeah yeah but you lost 4-0 yeah which is true isn't it so over analysis and over data basically is yeah but there is a place in it but I still honestly think that like the old school it's probably me being a dinosaur I mean I used to love watching him play and I'm not blowing him up here because this is his podcast he was probably the most underrated player I've ever seen in my time there you know when I say Pombie he was probably one of the best ones Lasana Diara was another one Robert Presnetsky was unbelievable but we had loads you know we had loads of good players you know and he never got the recognition that he deserved, in my opinion.

40:04That's just my opinion. And I'm not, you know, blowing smoke up.

40:09Chris Stark: No, no, I appreciate that, Kevin. I know you'd tell me if I wasn't. I did enough of that when you were playing. But, you know, players are like ships and they're like, and they come and go, and the good ones always keep in contact. So is it the smoking ban in dressing rooms? Is that where the game's going? Oh, yeah. You wouldn't get out now. You wouldn't get out now. Smoke alarms in the dressing room. Well, you wouldn't get out now. Yeah, but half all the old, you know, the Greek players and all, they always just smoke. Yeah. It was their culture. Yeah, the Italians, they all smoke when we played Milan.

40:44They all come down the night before training, and all their support staff are in my rooms, tabbing up, drinking coffee.

40:51Chris Stark: Love it. Right, Kev, you know, there's legends, there's legends, and I've got to mention Baz as well. I'm sorry because Baz is a club legend at Portsmouth. I don't know how many games he's been to in his life. I don't know if you can give me the stats on that, but he didn't miss any in my both spells there. Legend Baz as well. But is there anything you say? Because I think I'm sure you'll have plenty of, you know, farewell do's and things and dinners or whatever. But is there anything you'd say to the Portsmouth fans that probably took you into their heart and the club in general? Well, yeah. one Baz is a legend at the club I think I know every stat there is to know about Pompey give us a Baz stat every after every game you know what I mean if we were struggling with relegation and he'd say there's still 14 25 points to play for we can still see it and I'm looking at him like I go in Baz we haven't won in the last 14 mate do you know what I mean but he was always the positive side you know we came back from Leighton Orient once, right?

41:57And got stopped by the police for speeding. So I said, good evening, sir. And he said, do you know what speed you're doing? I said, 75? He said, you're doing 90. I was by the side of me, I went, give him three points. We haven't had three points. And he laughed. Yeah, right. Anyway, you go on about the Portsmouth fans. Yeah. When I came down, it was obviously ABA champion three times. It was like ABA champions joined Portsmouth says Kitman and it's a working class city right you've played there the fans are unbelievable right Milan I've never heard the noise like it it's just phenomenal and when you have managers like Mourinho and all like that saying the atmosphere Henri and all like that they are they're unbelievable it's a working class city for working class people and I'm a working class lad and I can't thank them enough because they they took a Welshman I did marry a Pompey girl which give me a bit of a waver with them, but they've been brilliant and I will miss them.

42:58Chris Stark: Brilliant. Well, listen, do you know what, Kev? Football will miss you because football needs characters like you and you've been absolutely incredible. You've been brilliant for the podcast because you've been a character all the way along. But you know what I think of you, Kev. Yeah, I know that, Peter. Listen, all the players that I've had the privilege of being with and I respect, you know what I mean? I always have done. You know, people think when I first came in there, I thought, oh, they'd only do a bit of training or you know but it isn't like that at all it's an adult guy it's an adult graft and to you know with the injuries and all I got and you meet good people you meet bad people but mostly I've met good people and it's been a a big part of my life and Gordon Eve said you'll fall in love with the place and I went nah that won't be me and I have and it will forever be in my heart brilliant well said well done I just want to say as well thank you for letting me thanks sir thanks for bringing me on Kev mate you're part of the furniture you're a legend mate absolutely really appreciate it thank you thanks for coming up what a great story good one to kick it off good start there mate good one to kick it off

44:08Chris Stark: alright then well Kev's gone I love Kev want to catch up with him again have a proper beer with him but absolutely we've got our next guest guys so get your get your blindfolds on get your blindfolds on

44:22Chris Stark: is anyone like honestly I'm a little bit nervous yeah really complaining you know what we forgot as well we didn't mention piss off Carl Carl remember Carl that was an original wasn't it Carl one of the originals that all came from a lad who messaged in about something yeah and we had to tell him to piss off because he said that's all about he said like what's the weather like up there and I told him to piss off and Chris was like you're telling our listeners to piss off piss off Carl it was a bold move early dawn piss off Carl I think we had three episodes in piss off Carl was a show do you remember the episode we recorded dressed as nuns that was my local pub in your local pub and I always remember we had to go to the loo right and seeing people it was quite a nice pub they were having dinners and that us three ran past dressed as nuns and then stood at the urinal pissing you know I think our next guest is here well I can hear some footsteps okay that was an elegant scene we don't know if it's one person two people it could be anything it really is our guest here yes yep guest is here oh oh god that was quite soft are you a footballer previous yes I am have you been on this podcast before in a way so not okay you haven't been a guest on this podcast no I featured how long ago did you retire I'm still active what is there anything we need to apologize to you for oh oh no I'm so nervous I want to take this blindfold off now I'm easy going but potentially potentially maybe have you played with one of the lads I have not oh but there are some links okay have you been parched at any time parched yeah like have you been like close to the manager at some of your clubs.

46:46Chris Stark: Oh, no. No, no. So the links, would they be more with Sid's or more with me? They're not strong links, but I'd say we're both. Have you had success in recent years, this season or previous seasons? Promotions? Yes, but not on a big scale. Right. Were you part of the early podcast days or more of a recent scenario? I'd say more recently. Okay. Are you like, are you someone who's emailed into this podcast? No. No. No. No. I knew you were going there. Are you part of, you're not one of the Macclesfield lads? No. I'll give you something. I was on a clip that went viral. Yeah, yeah. Have you got two names the same?

47:43He might be onto something.

47:51Chris Stark: Do you mind if I do apologise?

47:59Is this the infamous crouching concert? Is this naughty naughty? Yeah, you're right, you're right. Come on, come on. Oh, wow.

48:13Chris Stark: Oh, you're so good. Oh, mate. I'm so sorry. Do you know what happened? There was someone recently at my boys' football club who I think knows your player of the year. He said he's been in touch. If you see him, could you... Oh, God. What do I even say? There we go. Where to start? So, yes, that clip did go viral. We were talking about your, frankly, amazing name and amongst some others as well. Wow Welcome along Thank you It's our big 401st celebration Unbelievable You played with some of the lads That we know Right So He played with my Harry So he played with my Harry Right okay So he reached out to H And he was like They're taking a piss Yeah So then I was like I had to bring it to court And go lads You know Do you know all the guys That said it to us They were like Do you know he's a great lad Every time Oh yeah I swear honestly like everywhere and I was because I was like oh my god have we pissed him off you know we were trying to have a laugh like obviously the last thing we want to do is piss anyone off he said nah do you know what he finds it he finds it funny and he's a top boy so I appreciate you being like that to be fair you need to bane production really for getting wrong I don't know we're passing the button so where are you now where are you playing Dangleham Redbridge yeah so I signed up there February yeah so in America for a few years before that and then came back to England And where did you start?

49:41Chris Stark: Were you at Chelsea as a kid? Chelsea, yeah. And who did you come through with there? A few players. Lewis Baker, Chalabar, John Swift, Nathan Aki. A few players. Someone came up to me at a Maiden game a few games ago and said that you played there. They'd seen the clip, didn't they? Yeah. Were you there at some point? So that's a tricky one. So I did sign forms there when I was quite young, but I didn't actually play a game. Oh, right. But that's just still, obviously I think officially I did sign but they're in the same league did you play against them this season no I didn't I missed that game so Dagenham at the moment can you talk us through what's going on there at the moment there's a lot going on at the minute we know Andy I played with Andy myself is he what's he like he's been he's been interested but good but good obviously player and then obviously gaffer previously got you know I lost his job so he took well you would have played with Lee Bradbury wouldn't you with Bradbury yes so he was with me we just had Kev the kit man from Portsmouth but Lee Bradbury really looked after me when I was at Portsmouth because he was you know from the area he was great with me so I know Bradbury really well yeah so I obviously really well in fact he was actually going around the M25 he wanted to come play golf with me and then he lost his job so we never got around to doing it but yeah I mean the clubs massive changes with KSI obviously taking over I mean have you met him yeah we've met him a few times he's alright yeah he's top his energy is just infectious man you can hear him from a mile off he's on it his energy is big what's he kind of said has he given a kind of direction of where he wants it all to go or what are you thinking we haven't had that many conversations with him at the minute I think probably next season there'll probably be a bit more involvement and then yeah I just think it's just an exciting place to be at the moment so yeah there's a lot of chatter isn't there about new managers Kev Nolan was one that was cropped up wasn't there

51:49so Harry was down there on loan from Wimbledon playing Dagenham and I've got to say just touching on Andy Carroll people were thinking oh he's just you know he's there just for having a laugh he'd give it a right go you know he was you know that old fashioned one where he just stands on like the touchline and then when that goal kick comes in he just starts steaming into the second half and you know what's coming you're sort of like doing that one and you can hear it but he's got a hat-trick away that I see him at the top yeah so uh and now he's so he's at the minute just temporary manager yeah temporary manager yeah so he won't he won't be looking to stay in it full time would he or do you it's tough to say I'm not sure what he'll do I think I think he's enough I think if you ask him he'll tell you that he's probably enjoyed it yeah it's been a bit of a rollercoaster we won a couple we lost a couple but yeah he's done good he's done good it's crazy because you don't know who could be turning up could be could be angry ginge could be crouches could be crouches oh man

52:48Chris Stark: yeah no but listen thanks so much for taking the gags that we do on the right way I really appreciate it and coming along for what is you know a huge moment in our podcast yeah 401 yeah 401 we're doing it a long time now so it's like you know it's a bit of a milestone for you we celebrate it with a few guests and I appreciate you coming on. Oh, pleasure being here. I've heard nothing that sums up this podcast more than Kitman Kev and Naughty Naughty. Yeah. That's it. Super. Sums it up. Great. I'm pleased that we got it. I think the final one was have you got the same name twice? Yeah. That was good.

53:24That was good. That was a good guess. That was a good guess.

53:26Chris Stark: Where does the name come from? Ghana. Yeah. yeah. Sorry. Me and my, me and my older brother and my two cousins, they have the, they have the same name as well so there's four of us yeah there's four of you what with naughty naughty naughty naughty yeah there's four of us yeah there's four naughty naughty yeah it's mad yeah how's this not a YouTube this is a YouTube channel yeah he's there there's one here there's one here as well yeah there's one here there's one here there's naughty in the corner

54:00Chris Stark: just off camera works magic in America by the way I love that it's quite a few of us if you did know that brilliant class class lads listen absolute pleasure to have you on you're welcome anytime brilliant so yeah let us know good luck for the season appreciate it we're done now we're done now last weekend was our end of the last game of the season so we're done now best luck for the future next season yeah yeah promotion good luck alright talk man thank you very much cheers cheers

54:41Chris Stark: I'd just like to say there, lads, Naughty Naughty, what a legend. Brilliant. Do you know, he went to my school. Yeah, same Sunday League team, was it? Sunday League team, used to play in Pitsanga there. So, I mean, no doubt he went to the Samrat. What about the Naughty brothers, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's four of them. four of them four naughty naughty naughty naughty naughty naughty naughty naughty naughty that's mad that is I've got such a massive meeting with my boss after this have you have a look have you really that's why I've dressed up a bit smarter truth be told a bit like a UPS driver UPS driver wow fuck's sake no way just off camera producer Jamie just said he looks like Chris looks like a UPS driver My man.

55:32Chris Stark: Brown suit. He's dressed up in his best gear. His best gear has been UPS driving off. Unbelievable. Incredible.

55:45Chris Stark: Guess there's a guess. We do have a guess. Oh, I'm sweating again. Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. Oh. Oh. Yes, yes. Oh. Say no more. What an entrance. Say no more. Okay. All right, let's crack on. Oh, I recognise clock orange in here, man. It's mental seeing your faces. Oh, I recognise that voice. Okay, let's, all right, let's start. Are you, are you, are you a footballer? No. Oh, no. Have you been featured on our podcast at some stage? I think Crouchy, you might have slagged off my podcast on your podcast, but I haven't been on it. Is your podcast in the world of football? No, it is not. Is it a sports one?

56:39It is a sports podcast. Are you in the world of entertainment? Depends on your opinion, Steve. Are you a musician? I'm a musician, mate. The same way you were you in the world of entertainment, Sid. because I watch him a lot that's such a fair point do you know what I mean oh this is this is in the same way this is great if true I don't want it to be wrong though do you know Crouchy?

57:10Chris Stark: no no no do I need to apologise before I take this off? there's a couple I've met I've met Crouchy I'm a musician my band played with Kasabian yeah I've met him very sweaty yeah after one of those shows. Like I aforementioned, he slagged off my podcast on your podcast about eight years ago. Oh, fuck it. I think we've done that more than once. I wouldn't. What else has he done? Hold on. You've got 401 episodes, by the way, Geoff. I mean, it's going to be some people I've pissed off. They won't say that. 41 people. Okay. Are you, do you love, do you love the FA Cup as much as I do? Thank you for your question, Chris.

57:52And this might give it away. that you wrote for my book. Yeah. If you like 50 shades, no, if you like the FA Cup, this is your 50 shades. Yeah. I've, yeah, I've read this book. It's fantastic. I'm, do you want to guess a bit more lads? I think I know you, are you, are you a Fulham fan? Come on Sid. From the team that got us relegated. Oh wow. Shall I tell you? This is, I believe the incredible, Felix White from the Maccabees yes

58:27Chris Stark: yes mate crouching you know what you said about tailenders tailenders we did it years ago yes mate how are you saying that was early on you're good it was really early on and you said if you want something like that go and listen to tailenders didn't I that was good so it was only a throwaway comment no it was only it wasn't really were you BBC for a little while yeah we were both BBC yeah that was it that was it yeah because it was Jimmy Anderson and Greg James yeah that was Felix of course and we were creating a bit beef didn't we yeah because it was it was a good it was a good podcast yeah yeah it was a bit Swindon Branch though wasn't it yeah that was that's what the stick was a little bit you've got to adjust the light with these blindfolds so tell me about the obviously the book this is the book you've brought out isn't it this is the connection with the FA Cup.

59:24I read this book and you're right. I loved it so much. I sent you a message saying this is like my 50 shades. Ultimately that then ended up on the back of the book. It's about the FA Cup. Yes, mate. Yes. So I went, I've got another band called 86 TVs and we were playing Kendall Calling Festival. Maybe, was it last year before? Anyway, I was having a bit of a weird day where, you know, Chris, you'll know this probably better than these two, but when you're like feeling weird and the only way you're going to feel better about life is just to get yourself to football for a couple of hours where the rest of the world is not going to matter.

59:59It's going to be airbrushed out. So we were playing Kendall Caller and I found the nearest football match because we weren't on until the evening. Happened to be Penrith in the extra preliminary round of the FA Cup. So I went to watch that with like 100 people. Had a blissed out day, almost like wildlife watching, just watching really like lower league football. But what I didn't realise being from London is that there's no Ubers in fucking Penrith. so I couldn't actually get back to stage to Kendrick calling. Like there was no way, like I was phoning up, but you know, the other one guy on a mobile wouldn't take me.

1:00:32So I'm just asking everyone as they're leaving, can you take me to Kendrick calling? Can you take him? Knocked on the club door and the guy said, go on and I'll take you. And I got in his car. It happened that he was the chairman of Penrith, Billy Williams. No way. And when I was in that car and he was racing me to get to stage on time, I was like, I'm at the very first round of the FA Cup. and I could tell a story like this every single round leading to the final. So I thought, oh, that's what I'm going to do, the adventure. And obviously Palace won it. So it's like really memorable. That was the year you did the book.

1:01:02Yeah, that's so luckily because if it was this year, would it feel the same? But those preliminary rounds are so important. It's a bit like, I did, you know, I saw the stuff the other day or the other week about football focus finishing. I've got such distinct memories of football focus, especially when it would give a nod to the earlier rounds of the FA Cup. And I was a bit like you. I would try and pick out the odd game here or there. I went to a police game. Oh, you went? Wow. Because I wasn't even aware they had a proper functioning football team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously, it's history is where it was formed in the police and all that.

1:01:37I went down. It annoys me now. I can't remember who they were playing. It was such a good game. Yeah, yeah. It was such a good game. And it was all because of the FA Cup that you get these ones that throw up and suddenly there's a chance to see them on TV. Mate, absolutely. but also the thing you lock into really is that we've obviously lost in the high end of football is that these places are community centers really for like a hundred people who wouldn't have anywhere else to go. So you have these, these weird interactions where people are using the Saturday, almost just like a place to be. So that genuine sense of community, which we don't have so much anymore when people spend a hundred people for a ticket or whatever.

1:02:12And you have these mad psychedelic interactions in three hours because enough time to like, for people to get to know each other. Almost while the football's happening in the background, you know what I mean? We were talking earlier today about Dorkin. So obviously my lads have been on loan to Dagenham and Dorkin and I've seen non-league like the last two seasons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's so true. You get there and it's a full stadium. Everyone's having a beer and there's probably a third that are like there for a pint and to watch the football. But there's two thirds. It's social. It's literally...

1:02:41Have a pint. It's fine as well. You're just around people. You catch up and you sort of see a corner or a shot and it'd be back to your chat and someone else would join in. It's okay. It's so good. I think that's such a good point. Sometimes you can forget like the importance of that. I mean, like at Maiden, they haven't even got a scoreboard. So if you miss the goal, it's like, you know. I genuinely don't know what the score is. I'm having an amazing time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been telling everyone the scoring. I don't know. And you're just trying to soak up the atmosphere a bit to try and figure out who's winning, you know, just to see if the away fans are pissed off.

1:03:14But you know what? Any game of football you're at, pretty much always in the last five minutes you'll be there as a social thing but you'll suddenly be like I'm actually this is the only thing that matters to me in the whole world now how this game unfolds so you get this little moment and I think like that's actually sort of pretty profound and we don't have that in modern life enough you know that sort of like last ten minutes of any game of football when you're suddenly like I'm invested in nothing but this game you can tell Felix is a songwriter I can't no it's class it's true though it's true but this is the thing about the book it's so good you've done it because I think it's kind of the transferable skills working in a different way and yeah God if you love the FA Cup or you love love to keep hold of that feeling that I think we all had with the FA Cup it kind of bottles it in that book really really nicely I'll get you both a copy What was your favourite part of that journey?

1:04:03I got so lucky Crouchy because I got I got AFC Wimbledon versus MK Dons in the third round which obviously so you can tell a huge story there about displacement

1:04:12Chris Stark: What was the atmosphere like there? Was it kind of Was it as aggressive as you'd expect? Mate, it's aggressive. Also, the weird thing about MK is because they built this 30 ,000 stadium and it's not filled. It looks like a sort of abandoned Death Star. You know what I mean? It's kind of like 10 ,000 people in it. So you can see the vision of what the club was going to be. But it's not actually that. The thing that I was really, I mean, it's a really complex, big story. But the thing I was surprised about is that AFC, you've always got this vision of AFC as like the good guys, the heroes. And they are like Wimbledon being a family club.

1:04:45but actually the passed down feeling towards MK is as intense as any, do you know what I mean? So when you're on a train with the boys, you're like, oh, this is actually, you know, there's a, there's a hatred that's been like moved down generations towards this. It isn't just like, lovely Wimbledon turn up MK. I was watching a guy put stickers of saying franchise scum on every single thing that said Milton Keynes from the station to the ground. Everything. Yes. And that was a lot of places. It was a lot of stickers. that's a fan point so yeah there you go but we had a Goodison Park last game at Goodison FA Cup game in Goodison Park yeah beautiful oh wow watching people putting their hands on those wooden seats saying goodbye to a place actually really moving yeah there was loads man and in Palace and obviously Palace winning it was as close to a religious experience I've ever been seen being amongst those Palace fans well there's grown men crying wasn't it I don't know the Palace fans and they were in tears you know the old footage of gospel choirs and stuff and people were like sort of like weeping shouting it was like that but like south east London people were like incredible really amazing so I guess part of the book is like looking for the magic FA Cup and it was sort of weird that I found it actually and I wouldn't have done this year so I don't think you'll have that Chelsea City really will you whoever wins that game

1:06:11Chris Stark: yeah well it's not it's not kind of like you know they've won it a lot of times like I know I know Chelsea fans would rather relegate Spurs than win the FA Cup that's where I last had that you know what I mean that's where I had that celery incident where we I went to the final it was Chelsea against Liverpool a couple of years back and I went to that Globe pub you know where we did the podcast a couple of times that's the first time I ever found out about celery as well myself what there? in that pub is it at that pub thing that Chelsea's song Celery, celery. Don't read too much more into it.

1:06:50Chris Stark: I thought too... But it's like a lobbing celery. I was crossing the road. It's like a lobbing celery at me. Yeah. I asked my father-in-law, what was that Chelsea? What was that Chelsea? What was that Chelsea? It was Chelsea-Liverpool, FA Cup final. Yeah. I took my father-in-law there. Probably wasn't my greatest move. But I'm quite excited for Chelsea City because they go again, you know, on a personal level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. sake because it'd be great if they win you know take my father and lord to that yeah kind of keeps it alive a little bit i think yeah yeah it does can i can i ask what's happening with the music man does what what's the have you got anything going on this summer mackamy's playing in july so we're doing uh five outdoor shows we're doing outside adipali okay wow which is great because you um it's like it's outside adipali itself so if you look if you're watching a gig you're looking over London brilliant the stage really great did Fred again do this last year and he did it inside I think he did the one indoors most recently right yeah yeah it was that all the streets it's a great thing to do outside yeah I wasn't sure if that was a one off though so you're doing that we're doing that we're doing Brighton Beach oh wow that's class what else are we doing one in Bristol sounds like you're just picking sceneries yeah I know mate I know you can just do what you like now like that's how that seems nice yeah it's nice it's only five shows yeah yeah All right, class.

1:08:09Chris Stark: So obviously we had no idea you were coming on today, but I'm getting told here that you're going to wrap us up with a little song. Yeah, so Fred is in a great band called Caroline over there. Say hello, Fred. Hello, Fred. Let's go, Fred. He also plays trumpet. So we've worked out. That's the trumpet outside. Who the hell is playing the trumpet out there? It's very difficult to record a podcast when someone's playing a trumpet outside. Right. That's you. Yeah, we were rehearsing it. Great. So we worked out a medley of sports music, football music. So we're going to try and play it all in like two minutes for you.

1:08:42Chris Stark: Well, this is right up our rally. Yeah, but bear in mind, you've just listened to us rehearsing it half an hour ago. We couldn't really hear it. We could just let you know. No, we couldn't hear it. No, it was just a faint trumpet. Just heard a trumpet. All right, so play us out on All Happy 401, lads. It's been an incredible podcast, hasn't it? Unbelievable. I've loved it. We've got Felix from the Maccabees and we've got Fred from Caroline. Going to play us out. Three, one, eight. guitar solo

1:09:47Yeah.

1:10:08Chris Stark: So good.

1:10:16Hamburg.

1:10:18Chris Stark: Take my breath off.

1:10:26Yes, it's yes, it's yes.

1:11:00Chris Stark: All right, well, let's get into the Football League, lads. Another stinking week. for me and Chris of course the party power chaos cards I mean you've you've got another what was that five points that's a clean sweep again isn't it it was a stinking week for us all wasn't it it was you know I've got two points and I've got a bonus five yeah you know so that tops it up it's causing no chaos this thing well it's just it's just pulling further away unfortunately this is it well you know Cara I have to say did that was on there and I text him said we've done it. 2-1. 20-pointer. And Newcastle went and scored what I would consider to be the most relevant goal of all time other than, you know, fucking me up.

1:11:46I was exactly the same. I was exactly the same with United, Liverpool as well, wasn't it? I had 2-2. It was 3-2. What about Spurs, by the way? A lot of performance. Great.

1:11:59Chris Stark: I think he's doing a great job. Really good job. Yeah. You can see their plan. yeah for the shirt again you know playing for the fans again there's a connection yeah it does feel like they're going to are we celebrating what are we celebrating though what it's been Villa away I feel like we're just applauding people doing their job finally yeah yeah do I mean it's a good it's a good it's a good I go well done yeah you know you run around good yeah I feel like you know like when you get the kids on Britain's Got Talent and you they get extra applaud really because they're a child playing drum kit yeah or something I know what you mean so they've got They've got a result and that's their job.

1:12:36Chris Stark: Yeah. Or they're playing for sure. They're playing for how they should be. You know, I'm being facetious about it. It's brilliant that they got a result. And I think it all looked like it fit with the manager and everything. It looked exciting. Celebrating tackles, all sorts. It was good to see that energy back in there. Because I think a lot of what's been missing there is this energy around the place. So I really hope it keeps them up. Yep. I do think it'd be a shame for a club like that to go down. Yeah. I don't know, partly because I've seen what's happened with Leicester and I know it's a very different situation, but it's like these big expensive clubs, training grounds and everything and you can fall.

1:13:15Free fall.

1:13:15Chris Stark: You certainly can. You certainly can. Okay, well the points as we start and big thanks to Cara, to Big John and of course to Joe Cole. Big John got me nothing. Yeah, well, you're not so much thanks to John. Big thanks to John. Well done, Big John. Little John. Not that much. And Bosch. Sadly, the Bosch was not quite there. But yeah, the points as they stand are 56, Chris. 70 to me and 90 to Sid. It's over. It's over. Listen, Paddy Power, they can always come up with some mayhem, can't they? Well, yeah, I do like these chaos cards now. Okay, well, the next part of the podcast is supported by Paddy Power.

1:14:00Chris Stark: It's a big weekend fixture. It's Liverpool versus Chelsea. I'm actually doing this game. I'm there I'll be at Anfield looking forward to it are you yeah yeah Liverpool favourites 17 to 20 Chelsea underdogs 5 to 2 as you'd expect really when they're getting they're getting pumped by Nottingham Forest shout out to Jesse Derry friend of the pod Sean Derry his boy played obviously you know we wish him well I hope he had a bad clash of heads but really really pleased for him like obviously worked incredibly hard to get there really talented player to get a start for Chelsea I thought he was probably their best player until he got brought off.

1:14:37Chris Stark: But big congrats to Deza. He's a good friend of the pod and a good friend of mine. So really pleased for him. Okay, you've also got a repeat of last meeting. It's just 2-1 Chelsea. It's 11-1 that. Interesting. I can't see that. Inconsistencies in both camps. But Chelsea have been poor. Very poor recently. Yeah, really poor. Are they just sort of rudderless at the moment? And, you know, they've got an FA Cup final on the horizon. I'm really hoping they improve a bit before that because I mean to get done by Nottingham Forest they're sort of beating comfortably the way it happened as well there's a big disconnect there's you know it seems like and we've all we've we'd have been in that position before you know you're just waiting for that change to happen obviously that's happened with Rossellini going obviously McFarlane's taking charge now but you know they're just waiting for that new manager to come in they're just waiting for the season to finish it feels like he's in that period Yeah, but what I want to ask you on that, when there isn't a manager at your club, my impression was that it forces the players to have to step up really and manage themselves because there's no hiding.

1:15:43There is no manager to blame. I don't think there is in that dressing room for me.

1:15:49Chris Stark: Where are they really? Where are you? Where are you? Let's be having you. Let's be having you. Well, we got a letter here from the Party Powers Ministry of Mischief. he sent another letter Crouchy Chris Notorious SID I have to say this isn't quite what I had in mind when I brought the Chaos cards in first of all Sid's fair play three from three is seriously impressive calling in Joe Cole was a tiny bit of business efficient professional and slightly ruining my fun apologies Crouchy respectful effort from Cara bagged you a point not bad not great but it's enough to keep the wolf from the door for another week and Chris big John on Spoodal still no points it's impressive in its own way last in the league fosh if I can't make it work with Big John I've got nothing you've got nothing left I've got nothing I am I'm Ian Beal Ian Beal I am Ian Beal in fact just make that my picture on this week's Ian Beal Ian Beal alright perfect as it stands the title looks all but wrapped up Scissors cruising Crouchy's hovering and Chris's only real goal now is to avoid is avoiding the forfeit It's a hell of a mountain to climb, but with the chaos cards, anything is possible.

1:17:05Chris Stark: Which brings us to this week's chaos cards. We're stripping things right back. I do like these, I've got to say. Okay, no Boschmeister generals, no expert pundits, no excuses. I call it the other half. That's right, it's time to hand over, reigns over to the people who know you best. Each of you will be delivering, will be picking up the phone and asking your better half to make predictions for you. if they deliver there's another five points up for grabs and if not they could be travelling paradise a different kind of pressure this week I like it best of luck that's the Paddy Power Minister of Mischief PS let's not have another SIDS Masterclass eh lads come on alright so so we need to call our better half for the predictions yes before we call them the two other games are Man City Brentford and West Ham Arsenal so I mean listen top of the table stuff and also bottom of the table stuff you know West Ham they really need a result against Arsenal can't see it but listen there could be twists and turns still be interesting to get Avi's take on this a bit of ball knowledge yeah be interesting because I'm not sure she's seen Brentford play for her entire life

1:18:22so

1:18:23Chris Stark: so I'd be interested to see her take on that okay City she's probably seen twice in an entire lifetime. Probably never seen Arsenal, West Ham play. And maybe watched Arsenal in the background maybe for 10 minutes. I think we could be in the same boat. That'd be interesting. Yeah. Oh yeah, make sure the hair's good.

1:18:45Oh, hi babe. Hi babe. I was sending a voice note there and you just ruined it. It's ruined like a big, long, detailed voice note and you've just fucked it up.

1:18:57Chris Stark: love you too babe we're off to a good start hey abs hey all good hey abs you alright yeah I've just been to the gym I've just done the most incredible stretch of my entire life no way I need you to get me one of these foam it's a foam roller but it's like a giant one and you like do the crab but like sit down just so you like knees are bending back and then lie on this roller so it's all down your spine and put your arms to the side send us a video of that one next time anyway so good what do you want anyway because you've interrupted my day sorry I'm sorry okay just need Liverpool versus Chelsea at Anfield predictions please where are Chelsea in the league currently they're not in the Champions League position Ninth is like ninth.

1:19:55Chris Stark: Yeah, having a difficult season, babe. I'm going to say 2-1 to Liverpool, just because that's what I'd like, but it realistically might be 1-1. Oh, interesting. So what are we going for, 2-1? 2-1. 2-1, I like it. Okay, what goal scorers, just out of interest, for Chelsea, just the one?

1:20:25Catano

1:20:26Chris Stark: Catano Catano Catano Catano Catano Catano Catano Catano Catano Okay that's good That's all good I like that babe Man City Can I help me It's a Chelsea Are we now? I know That's why I thought I thought it would be An interesting question Because I didn't know If you'd have one You're not googling You can't You're not googling people Are you? I'm not googling I'm not I'm not Can you give us one more Chelsea Vlad just out of interest and going to join us game?

1:21:00Genuinely, I've got no clue. I don't mean that.

1:21:04Chris Stark: Yeah, I know. I know. It is a tough one. Man City versus Brentford. The guy you let go Jack Lakes. Estival. Estival. Cole Palmer as well. Oh, Cole Palmer. I'm going to go Cole Palmer. There we go. Good. got there ok Man City Brentford I'm going to say Man City 1-0 ooh tight game yeah I think they're going to show up Brentford is that a cup game or something no no Brentford are in the Premier League ok fine I'm still going to say 1-0 all good all good West Ham versus Arsenal between West Ham and Tottenham really for relegation at the moment and Arsenal going for the league title with Man City so big game this one I'm going to say 3-0 or 0-0 3-0 or 0-0 or 0-0

1:22:05they're either going to get walloped or they're going to try really hard to not go down

1:22:11Chris Stark: nice and not concede any goals so what one is it? which one are we going for? well I'll just pick the one that wins so is that 3-0 to West Ham no you said 3-0 no 3-0 to Arsenal or 0-0 or 3-0 to West Ham can you give us one I'm going to say 3-0 realistically 3-0 to Arsenal I like it do you think that's realistic yeah definitely potential played well the other day Arsenal 2-0 or 2-0 2-0 what did Chrissie say no you're the first

1:22:53I'm going to stick to 3-0

1:22:54Chris Stark: 3-0 guys like it mind you Arsenal might not put the best team forward I think they will I think they will don't help him no what? no they've not won the league for a long time but you know I see what you're thinking did you say they're winning the league though? yeah yeah they're top of the league yeah ok thanks 3-0 3-0 I like it I think it's a good show alright babe listen go about your day it's been wonderful talking to you see you later bye bye see you later see you babe there's a variety of options on the scoring yeah I just love the 0-0 or 3-0 I've got a hunch yeah 0-0 or 3-0 I don't think we've ever yeah I've had bizarrely when she explained it I kind of understood it yeah I get that you know it's either a route or a or it's going to be time yeah well okay guys I'm going to give Chrissie a ring lovely we'll see what she comes up with

1:24:00hello babe hello she's in the spa say hello to the guys hello hi guys you alright hey Chrissie you alright I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm right babe Babe, just quickly, we can make this really, really quick.

1:24:24Predictions for this weekend. Is that right? Yep. First game, Liverpool versus Chelsea. I'm going Liverpool. 3-1. Oh, 3-1. 3-1 for Liverpool, okay. Goal scorer?

1:24:44Chris Stark: Don't go that far. I stood up that one. Anyone? No. Love it. No. 3-1. Okay, 3-1 Liverpool, please. Next game, Manchester City versus Brentford. Oh, I'm going to go Brentford. Wait, wait, wait. I think you might. No, no, no. I don't know if you heard me correctly. I said Men's City versus Brentford. Yeah, but it's towards the end of the season. anything can happen are you trying to persuade my no no no you go with whatever you think for the integrity I'll just be Brentford you're going to be lucky you never know I'm going to go 2-1 Brentford wow good wow wow okay last one West Ham versus Arsenal

1:25:42I'm going to stick with Arsenal I'm going to go 3-0

1:25:46Chris Stark: same zabs same zabs same zabs yeah yeah three no Arsenal goal scorer let's go Declan ah okay love it Declan alright okay babe have a great day cheers Chris see you later bye then bye oh right okay right so situation with my wife is she's on a work call she's saying so she sent a voice note that might have to do I'm afraid today guys it's a point off but it's fine so I think two out of three wives is fine to have a look at hello sorry I'm just on a meeting predictions Chelsea Liverpool I'll go Chelsea two Liverpool one Man City Brentford Man City three Brentford nil West Ham Arsenal Arsenal Arsenal 3, West Ham 2.

1:26:49Five goals. That would trigger bonus points, wouldn't it? Yeah, that would be a bonus point. That would be bonus points and potentially chaos card stuff. That could help.

1:27:01Chris Stark: Nice. I love the fact she's on work calls. Whilst on a work call, she's predicting some games. I love that. Brilliant. Yeah. I love that. Good dedication. They're all up to different things, the wives, aren't they? It's interesting just checking in because you sometimes wonder what's going on. Yeah, you do.

1:27:25Chris Stark: Well, let's round it off. We've got Paddy's Boost. Yes. Each pick a leg of the Crouch Pod. Bet Builder. The odds of the Bet Builder are boosted by 20%. It's put on the Paddy Power special section of the website and the app. I'm going to go to score first. Dominic Sabozlai. Okay, player to be carded, I will go for Cucurella. Okay, I'm going to go player to have two plus shots on target. I'm going to go for one of my favourite players, Jao Pedro. Odds are correct at the time of recording. Please gamble responsibly. Well, lads, that was episode 401. Been an absolute privilege. Something for everyone.

1:28:05Chris Stark: Yeah. We'll see you next time.

1:28:14Immersing yourself in all things soccer ahead of this summer's World Cup? I'm Alex Abnos, senior sports editor from The Guardian. And whether you're a soccer beginner or you know the game inside and out, we've got you covered. Read, watch, and listen as our journalists connect the dots between the games, the cultures, and this political moment. We'll have daily newsletters throughout the tournament, reporters on the ground with all the big teams, and the legendary football weekly podcast, The Guardian. Bringing you the whole picture on soccer. Search Guardian Soccer for more.