Tom Fordyce: Successful Launches, Streakers & Could Brighton Actually WIN The League?! | EP. 431

0:00Chris Stark: Hello and welcome to That Peter Crouch Podcast brought to you by Paddy Power. I'm joined as always by Chris Stark and Sids and Back Stronger, Tom Fordyce. Isn't this nice? The four of us here together in the Chambawam bar. Beer's in front of us. It's a Monday lunchtime. It's the way we roll. So good. Well, we haven't all been together in here for a while. You've been on various travels, haven't you? I've been away a bit, yeah. Yeah, Norway, China, Portugal. Norway. Yes, we are. Norway. Spent some time in Newcastle. you make that sound like you're not only fools on horses on the van Norway China Shepherds Bush Shepherds Bush ironically yes all of those places how have we been how have you been Tom what have you been up to I've been good now I've just come back from a weekend in Porto took a cheeky little trip to Porto worked out that Porto were playing at home Chris and went to see him at the Estadio do Draga which was pretty amazing but I don't know if you've ever had this dilemma you know there's some overseas leagues where you know which team you support.

1:01Yeah. And sometimes there's places like Portugal where you might not have chosen your team. So what rules do each of you use for deciding which overseas team you support? So I went to Porto, blue and white stripes, I'm a Wednesday fan, therefore I'm a Porto fan.

1:16Chris Stark: Do you feel like you're a Porto fan? I think if I, yeah, if I had to put my name next to a Portuguese team, it's now Porto. So I actually had this conversation, bizarrely, I was in Portugal myself recently. And we had the same thing because he said even like the local team, teams like we'll support the local team, but they always have either Sporting Porto or Benfica as well. Yeah. Which is mad, isn't it? But you need a hook, don't you? You need a, so whether it's the colours of the shirt or the sponsor or an ex-player from your club, you need a reason. So would you go with Watford's connections?

1:50Are you an Udinese fan? Well, yeah. I think in the current climate, it's hard to, I don't know. I don't know how to answer that one if I'm really honest that's fair I don't think so no I don't think so I think if anything it's sort of because I think it's weird how these teams sort of can loan each other and all that I'm not a huge fan of it so

2:12Chris Stark: also it's like they're twinned with you know the towns you're twinned with certain mad places yeah why? the twinning's a strange thing isn't it because you've got to try and find an identical place in a very different country and then sometimes you might be driving into Stoke and you'll see where Stoke is Timwood and you think who's punching there is it Stoke or is it the place in France who's done better out of that twinning do you know what I mean yeah yeah one is always doing well one's punching above their weight it's always an obligation to go and visit that twin one yeah need to go and do that Sid give me some of your I'm going to name some major European leagues I'd like to know which team you feel drawn to okay Serie A not so much now I've used to which team I did like AC Milan oh it's the same door I'd be home and away because of the shirt I know you're a big lover of it I did like AC Milan I love the black the famous black and white black and red stripes Spanish league Barca are we Barca all round for Spanish league for me it is yeah I guess I guess I like the Catalonian sort of feel really do you got married and I had a very staunch Catalonian waiter that I ended up having a few drinks with that could do it for you it was in cities as well that is what you need though we need that is it that was the link so you went in there as a as a Spanish league neutral you've left the conversation with the Spanish waiter Barcelona he at one point a few drinks in he got a sword I'm still not sure from where and did the thing with the bottle and I was like you're fucking amazing you'll do for me yeah you're my man who do you support I'll support them did you did you also do the town twinning so that this man with the sword trick is he a Watford fan yeah I don't know I think everyone sympathises with Watford I find generally speaking when I say I'm a Watford fan it's met with either kind of indifference or a slight like aww no one hates Watford do they I don't know what you mean there's no real hatred I mean the Luton thing is the thing yeah but I know what you mean anyone else they would go yeah that's the sound yeah do another league what other league give us another league well French league's an interesting one because Paris Saint-Germain have changed it Marseille Marseille for me Chris Waddle just changed it for you especially I had the Marseille long sleeve Lazio Bolli Jean-Pierre Pappermann you know that team was Boxich Boxich yeah pale blue hoop on the sleeve beautiful and also the atmosphere there and played there as well.

4:53Chris Stark: That was amazing. I'd have to say Marseille, yeah. I think Eric Cantona was there for a bit. Yeah, your uncle, godfather. Well, potentially. Yeah, godfather. Yeah, he was introduced to my family. The best story. Anyway, again, we'll move on. Just over the weekend, just gone, Halloween. So you were in Porto, you didn't really... It's a big thing in Porto. It's a big thing in Porto. Yeah, it's a big thing. But the thing that struck me, Chris, and we were talking about this before you got here at some point Halloween has gone from Halloween costumes to any costume goes the spooky thing still there but you can wear whatever the hell you want these days what's going on yeah yeah we just gotta make it sexy I think that's the case it's like sexy but it is like an FA Cup drawer so I'm gonna go sexy and then you pull out a thing of the hat and you just gotta make it sexy I've gotta go as a sexy Ballon d 'Or I've gotta go as a sexy you know rubber chicken it just could be anything could be anything yeah it's all big Dan Byrne I don't know if you saw his one.

5:51Chris Stark: It was a cracker, that one. What was his one? It was a big hairy thing, wasn't it? A big hairy thing? Yeah. Have you ever seen Big Dan Burn? Why is he called Big Dan Burn as well now? Specifically what hairy thing was he? Adam's family. It's the other big hairy thing. Is it like that? Oh, yeah. There you go. It's Big Dan Burn. What's that? So which one's the wife? Like, what? I don't know. That's just him, I think. That's just him. Or maybe that is just his wife. Hard to tell. it's also there's a Newcastle vibe there with the black and the white which is a nice touch it's a lovely touch can I I just want to I need to say something about Halloween as well and he's got to go on this board I know it's not football related so trick or treating yeah okay they actually give it a real good go where we live and a load of people do it on the weekend is this acceptable people driving around yeah and driving driving around stopping outside their house kids jump out go to the gate pick up a suite and get back in the car fucking drive through drive through Halloween it's unreal I understand if it's you know blowing a hoop torrential rain I get it I still don't get it but no for me that's on the board how bad is that drive through the boys were saying oh dad someone's at the gate I looked out and then it was like kids jumping out taking the suite back in not just one car I can't tell you also, I think game's gone slightly for me is what you seem to be doing in that instance, which is, are you saying you just leave a little bucket of sweets at the end there?

7:26No, so last year we had the gate open and then we had it by the front door. But in the end... You've got to open the gates, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the trick-or-treaters.

7:34Chris Stark: You've got to open the floodgates, though, do you? But in the end, it was like... It ended up being a party on the driveway because so many people do it. By the time someone's going back out, another group's coming back, coming in and I was like oh let's just leave it out the front also the football was on and I was like I just want to watch football I get that can I quickly show my experience of Halloween this time and it talks to what you're saying there so I uh my missus said right two kids were going around to a friend's house they're going to go do some trick-or-treating so I had visions of like three or four kids going off and doing trick-or-treating I thought it's just nice and easy we'll go around a couple of houses so I went off to the offy got some tins because I thought oh me and the other My dad will just walk around and have a, you know, a teenage whilst they're doing that.

8:19Come back from the off license. And as I turn into this road with my kids, there are, I am saying 35, 40 kids. It's some organized activity. It's gone on some WhatsApp group or something. There's loads of them. And all of a sudden they just take off and they're going from house to house. Like anytime they see a little pumpkin in the window or anything like that, it's not just one or two kids. these poor old ladies are opening the door with a little basket and the kids are going in 30 of them like and then they see another house down there with pumpkin or you know some sort of skeleton and it's almost a signal that comes they're like come on let's go go here and they go storm that one it was mental i ended up being a steward on the road just trying to help kids like you know not get mowed over.

9:09It was the most stressful Halloween I've had. I think what we're hearing here, if we bring these stories together, we'll get in the sense that Halloween is out of control. Halloween's gone. Halloween's gone. Halloween's gone. I'll tell you where it's gone though, on the Halloween, just to round it off as well, is the trick element of Halloween. Now, I don't want to endorse this, but I don't think kids are doing eggs anymore or anything like that. Well, it's got worse or it's pure treat? It's just treat. Pure treat. something on the treats as well tricks gone in the same way as you look at football and you get rampant transfer inflation we've gone with the treats we've gone from perhaps a chuppa chupp maybe a small bag of the Haribos to now people are expecting entire chocolate bars maybe a multi-pack you look at the stash that kids are bringing back they could open a corner shop yeah yeah they could yeah

10:00Chris Stark: I have to say lads I've had plenty of people coming up to me I know I think you've had one as well I've had plenty of people in regards to consortium that's really caught on enjoyed that I just got us thinking about words in general that you only really hear Tom in football yeah words like palash and you know like aplomb words like that consortium I don't know I've never heard it in many other walks of life a consortium other than you hear it all the time in football here's one that I noticed across the weekend so Wednesday appointed new manager Dave Chaloner and all the chat on the Wednesday WhatsApp groups that I'm on was what is Dave Challenger's philosophy?

10:39What is philosophy? Now, 10 years ago, that was tactics.

10:42Chris Stark: Yeah. Again, that's only in football or ancient Greeks. You're either wearing football boots or a toga. It's one or the other. It's philosophy, philosophy-based, ancient Greece or football club. You sit down and you have to explain what your philosophy is. Yeah. Fuck you, Al. I've been in football all my life. I've got fucking philosophy on it. but it's become the norm yeah what is your philosophy I mean if you sit down now look at managers who's out of work now Eddie Howe right he has to sit in front of a you know a sporting director explain your philosophy yeah but I'm in football mate fucking hell what's your philosophy Sits er well let me talk to my consortium first I'll come back to you no the consortium are interviewing you about your philosophy yeah you're so right it's only football because also no other job would you be asked in a job interview you know you're going for new role at you know H.R.

11:45Chris Stark: you're the head of Marks and Spencers yeah the head what's your philosophy so true well I'm thinking about stacking this way I think they should stack that way we'll be tight at the back here here's another one from football when you hear about philosophies it's then you never talk anymore Chris about a team no manager goes yeah the team have done well it's always this group of players not that group of players not the group of players this group of players everyone's a group of players well thankfully there's also still no I in group that's true that's true but there's a lot of words that don't have I in squad squad hasn't squad no I in squad no true good shout where's there an I in any groups of people It's actually not a letter that gets used that much.

12:36Consortium. Consortium.

12:38Chris Stark: There is. Well, you know, they've been classed as selfish, some of these owners. There is an eye in every consortium.

12:51Chris Stark: Just a couple of things to draw your attention to over the weekend, lads. I don't know if this was brought to my attention by a lot of people. And it was Paul Mellon, actually, who raised it. He was at Turf Moor to watch Portsmouth and he's never seen the stewards. I think we've actually been across this before. We have seen stewards who have warmed up. But I've never seen a rigorous warm-up, quite as rigorous as this. I mean, they are full-on sprinting the whole length of the pitch. They are. And I think what I particularly enjoy about this is they've got one steward, which is almost the steward coach at the front of them, getting them to do the various stretches and runs.

13:26You'll see they high-five whoever's in charge on the way there, the sort of chief steward, I guess. I mean, what we're seeing here is the philosophy behind this group of stewards. I don't understand, but what are they warming up for? Whenever have you seen a steward sprint? I'd say long distance. Streakers. Long distance. No, streakers. Pitch invasion. So this is what it is. They're not as if that's happening week in, week out.

13:49Chris Stark: No, but there's one at Spurs, and he knows he's a great lad. I speak to him sometimes as well. And he's always on the corner, but I actually asked him once, why have you got, he's a steward. He's got boots. He's got a pair of moulds on. so obviously it is to do with I don't know player safety or if someone runs on the pitch and he is ready to go I've seen them I've seen them but so do you reckon there's like levels in stewardship but do you reckon when you start off you start off maybe outside the ground and then you into the terraces and then you get pitch side where you can't look at the game the one where you're lying down yeah yeah and then the ultimate one is yeah the baby station pose and then the ultimate one is when you get if you get a pair of football boots on that must if you're strolling in that's a neat level yeah I mean you know I reckon there's young stewards out there that go one day I'll have that pair of Hummels on also then that changes the whole interview process doesn't it because if you're on bag check it's a simple hours training minimum wage if you're the sort of person who can hunt down a determined streaker you need to be clocking some decent time 60 metres 70 metres could come from any part of the pitch your interview Chris you're going to have to be showing exactly what you can do under pressure but it's not just the pace it's the strength to then enforce the the decision to remove him do you know what I mean because if you get there and aren't strong enough to take him down you know and quite often they haven't got suitable footwear on the streakers have they you know they try and slip and that's how they go yeah it's just a footing it's normally self-destructing it's normally the footing it's also a unique noise at a football ground isn't it I'm going to ask you this.

15:28I'm going to describe a scenario and I want you to instinctively give me the noise that you react to, okay? Streaker is on the pitch, okay? And they've run, they've jogged towards two stewards. The steward thinks they have the streaker and at the last minute, the streaker shimmies and they go. Baaay!

15:47Yes! The only one.

15:49Chris Stark: It's the only one. And also, there's obviously a problem with the broadcasters here as well because they always go away from it, right? But if you are within the stadium, you tell me there's anything more exciting than a streaker coming on. So actually the public do want it. Oh, there's definitely a demand. And my other thing with this, and I saw it at the weekend, I saw a member of the bench, I think it was in the Liverpool Arsenal game. They got a yellow at one point and we're not talking about manager or assistant manager. They didn't even know the name of this fella on the bench. He got a yellow.

16:22You'll never see a streaker get booked, will you? the ref will enforce it with the rest of the bench but you'll never see them catch a streaker or someone who comes on and then show them a card

16:33Chris Stark: if you show them a red it's like a probably a six month ban isn't it you'd think so wouldn't you I'd think so he's totally naked it's one of the greatest lies in football isn't it in that scenario Chris where a streaker's on the pitch as you say Pete TV cameras cut away and in very solemn tones the commentator always goes it's disappointing no one here wants to see that and you're thinking yes we do we all do or do we not on some occasions streaking doesn't happen it doesn't really happen anymore does it it's not as popular as it was it's too woke now is it you reckon that's what it is 2026 you see it I think at rugby matches a little bit more when people have had maybe a few more ales a bit less drinking at football these days isn't it we should get a streaker for the podcast one day like do you know what I mean just I don't want to come in here in the tumblewamba there will be a streaker you've got to watch all the way through followed by a steward who runs in who just comes round and then goes out again which one of you is going to do this at some point during this podcast there will be a streaker you boys battle it out which one of you is doing it Gaz just something to look at maybe not today there must be streakers.com or something what's booking a streaker I just think but the next pod you know if you're on on the YouTube obviously we get it on socials maybe as well but we will have a streaker by the time this season's out can I put a request in for the streaker as well because all of us love a simple streak but a streak where someone hurdles something yeah I agree so if they could hurdle something that would be lovely quite after they fall over doesn't it yeah and then I think there's always an imbalance Chris isn't there between like we talked about the fact a streaker will often fall over because the very nature of streaking means you're not wearing appropriate footwear.

18:26But the steward generally is wearing a very cumbersome, heavy coat. And so actually the streaker has an aerodynamic advantage over the steward. So true, yeah. Footwear versus home-sized coat. To my knowledge there's never been a streaker on a podcast, so could be a first.

18:43Chris Stark: World's first, yeah. Guinness. We'll see what happens. Guinness World Records. Feel free to get in shots. John G wrote in with something, a gripe that he has for the game's gone board. Hoofs, basically long balls. He said, some of the commentators are now calling them successful launches. Oh, come on. Listen, another name of this podcast, got to shout him out, Statman Dave. I was listening to him on Five Live on Saturday and him and Chappers were talking about the number of successful launches. Oh, is it here? We've got it here. Ah, right. Brilliant. I heard this live. How strange. Murahemovic at Leeds, right?

19:23Chris Stark: He is top of the Premier League stats for successful launches. So when did this become a metric? And also, launch is defined as long high ball into space. Or an area for players to chase or challenge. Launch into space. So that's a hoof, isn't it? Basically a hoof, yeah. So what constitutes a successful hoof? Hold on a minute. Like, so, I mean, they're right to call it out. You know, I mean, that is, that's an outrage. You can't, that kind of, a long, long ball. Can we not say long ball? Successful, so successful launch, you have to get to the end of it. I guess so, because an unsuccessful launch, I'm assuming is a poof with no purpose.

20:07Yeah. It's just a John Smith. Yeah. Into the crowd. I think you're right.

20:14Chris Stark: John Smith or successful launch. You are spot on. Because a long ball, you could be a cultured centre-half, a full-back, and clips a lovely long ball into the channel or into the striker's chest. A launch is you're... It's a clearance. Not even looking up. It's a clearance. You're just smashing it anywhere and then hoping that your teammate heads it or dangles a foot out and gets control. It's actually a metric where a Sunday league player would have better stats than a Premier League player. because Sunday League is all about the launch. But then you're working on the assumption a successful launch is a positive thing.

20:55Do you know what I mean? Because as much as you might have connected with someone at the front doesn't necessarily mean it was the right thing to do in that moment. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, I get this. So how can you use that as a metric? I mean, it's a metric, but I don't know why it means you're a better player. When I hear the phrase successful launch, I think of two things. I think of a space shuttle leaving Cape Canaveral or I think of Louis

21:23what an appetisement that would be

21:25Chris Stark: the most successful launch you've ever had yeah unbelievable that's all interesting stuff isn't it I just think there's a lot there's a lot of sorry there's a lot of like chat isn't there now like you know the what is it the low block and all that yeah the low block's a new one well not something new but like you know he should be defending deep and stuff should we invent our own right so if basically the hoof has been rebranded there let's think of something even worse than the hoof that we can rebrand as a metric okay hmm okay oh okay well I'm doing I'm doing quite a bit of TV this week so you can start this I can get this in but we had without a shadow of a doubt I can get this in was it the false three we had yeah Trevor so it was I think it was Rhys James wasn't it or the false two yeah because he was coming into midfield we were calling why are they not called false twos yeah yeah we had that for a long time at the false nine but why is there no other else on the pitch yeah it's false so is it is this metric do you know what I mean like it's like say when the goalkeeper comes out like a sweeper keeper he's a false five yeah Edison was the first false five in British football yeah so you're looking for a thing to rebrand that is kind of generally negative you would say 100 % so we're looking at maybe it's an own goal shinning it could be like you shinned it yeah so what would a successful shin well he scored with a you might only have two or three a season but successful shinning which one's is that your tib and that's your fib no no tib and fib is in there tib and fib so we have something around tib and fib then where you're not using your foot or your head which are the standard ways of scoring a goal tib or fib yeah fantastically fibbed it okay wall something to do with the wall successful wall defences yeah yeah that's basically what it is like if you've said successfully taken one to the bollock or bollocks yes that's what we need Chris as a metric you know the team wise yeah you know like all the stats are shots on target possession based they've also had three wall defences this season yeah nice yeah this is nonsense yeah three wall defences yeah okay let's have a think listeners because I'm doing it all week okay just Coles wrote in with regards to your consortiums lads San Marino piling on United is peak cinema as we know United are having a tough time at the moment lost again on the weekend and San Marino have piled in we'd like to play a match against you please peak shithouse is that true?

24:09Chris Stark: yeah they do it a lot San Marino You know, they probably... It's funny we end up talking about them a lot on the podcast. Well, you know, my wife's nickname, isn't it? Yeah, but it's mad that they've suddenly got this personality on social media as well. It's come together lovely, hasn't it? It really has. Do you think, genuine question, if United, today's United were to play San Marino, what's the score? Well, I don't know. I'd like to think. Depends if Lissandro Martinez is playing San Marino. I don't. I'd like to go. God, we never know. Yeah, I mean, surely. But by what margin? Seven. Sevens.

24:46Chris Stark: Between five and seven. Is San Marino scoring? No. Six or seven.

24:55Can we still doing that? Just whilst we're on stuff on the weekend as well, can I draw your attention? We got sent this quite a lot. Obviously, because it's that time of year, the last post is performed at matches, which is always a very solemn moment. We've talked before about the mascots that are lined up during those moments and bowing their head. I just want to draw your attention to the Brighton game where there was a fan in a seagull head during the last post. Oh.

25:32I can't know what these are unreal, aren't they? It's the eyes, isn't it? just the unblinking eyes of the seagull. But he's not actually bowed his beak. I just really feel for the person playing the trumpet because if you look over to the side and see a seagull.

25:54Someone's videoed that thing about that. You're getting remembered by the seagulls. The thing is, let's... I think you need to see this from the perspective of the bloke who's, he's gone online and he's bought himself a seagull mask. Take your mask off! Out of respect! He's frozen because he's probably chatting to his mates and then suddenly the last time I'm stuck. Remembrance days they just kept it on. And then he's thinking if I take it off now the world is going to know who is beneath this mask. Who am I out there? Yeah, so he's thinking I've just got to stay as a seagull. I've got to brazen this out.

26:28Chris Stark: Well, do you remember we were doing those mascot things? Like, that was so funny. The head bowed and all that. Some crackers isn't there over the years. We've had some absolutely Harry the Hammer was the OJ the head bowed it's the ones with the big massive smile on their face they can't hide it can they they can't do that can they even like their big hand over the yeah how dare you smile through this this is sad I mean take the piss yeah there's another one we've had this one from CJ Lawton he just says I don't know if you remember Chris you mentioned I don't know if you were across this Tom but Chris said that the birth of young Bango Stark Chris DJ'd throughout it throughout the birth and I was in charge of a birthing playlist yeah but I just never heard the likes I was quite keen on the baby was born to Coldplay Yellow I thought it would be a nice moment you know being a Watford fan so that was that was more you know were you across that Tom?

27:33it's a lovely image but we've We've been sent this image.

27:36Chris Stark: This is a lovely picture of this. And this seems slightly different to the way you've described it, Chris, because the image I'm seeing in front of me here is a man with a set of techniques, literally beat matching, whereas you're describing it more as I've constructed a playlist a number of days in advance, and I'm still very much there in the moment. This image, you're actually looking away from the moment of truth. Your partner may as well not be there. What I love about it, Chris, as well, is it looks like you're having your baby in Hawaii. Yeah. It's very bad. Palm trees, the lot. Yeah, you've got Hawaiian children, but look out the window.

28:10That's not what... That's not made in head. Everyone looks happy in the situation. Everyone looks happy, you know. Players of good music. It's amazing what AI can do now. But no, I didn't have... You know, I didn't have decks or anything. No. It was just a phone. On that, I got a message. It says, Hi, boys. Link to your DJ in your child's birth. I've got another similar but different story. This is from Samuel Thomas. My little consortium was complete, so I decided to get the snip. So when the doc said he was going to put some tunes on, I was delighted. However, when he proceeded to play Great Balls of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis, followed immediately by Raw by Katy Perry, I thought I was being pranked.

28:49I'm not sure whether that files into the category of getting the songs right or wrong, but it definitely turned the whole situation into an even more memorable moment. Regards to you and your own consortium, Sam. Amazing. Lovely. Amazing. Interesting. The docs put that on. So I think to try and relax this lad Sam during the snip, they had a playlist. I mean, he must have known what he was doing. You don't put great balls on fire. You don't put an accident, do you? He's taken the piss out of him. Where does this end? Like, at what level of operations has it become too serious to have an accompanying playlist?

29:24Chris Stark: Yeah. I think there's certain operations. Certain diseases or problems. Open incisions. Is that what we draw the line? I think so. I think there's a line. I do think everything's improved with a bit of music isn't it? Going to the dentist going to the doctors my point being it's not a bad idea that I've had because the birth is quite a stressful thing but music to just relax the lady Did you manage to get the timing right from both sides that Yellow was playing No, I said to the boys I actually had to kind of quickly go back two minutes on it just to try and time it again But to be fair to you, how are you to know?

30:01no I know you can only do what you can do in these situations alright weekend's football

30:12Chris Stark: Liverpool Arsenal was obviously the big one I think they what a first half man yeah brilliant first half really enjoyed it I thought they got across it well Arsenal looked like champions to me I think Liverpool gave a good account of themselves definitely but I think defensively I never believed that Liverpool were going to score. That was what I felt looking at. Certainly probably from about 10 minutes before halftime onwards, you just thought, I know exactly what's going to happen. Arsenal are going to win 1-0, maybe 2-0 if they get one on the break. But you could not see how Liverpool were going to break them down, could you?

30:48And I think there's so much attacking talent on the pitch for Liverpool and so much money, it didn't seem to make a difference. You thought Arsenal are so happy sitting here on the edge of their box. They'll do this all day long. I mean, I was desperate for it, for Liverpool to score because I had the 1-1 draw for the predictions. I was sure you were going to get that. I was certain. I think it's the first time Liverpool in the Premier League have not had a shot on target at Anfield. Which is nuts, isn't it? Man, fair play to Arsenal. There were some crazy results, wasn't there, on the weekend.

31:18What a result that was for Brighton as well. Hove beat City. I mean, look. I know what you're going to say. Yeah, look. Do we put them in a title race? Sid, I'm so glad you said that and your expression before you said those words was exactly that of a man going I'm going to put them in the title race so I was thinking Chris about this the obvious analogy is 10 years ago Leicester we all had a point in that season when Leicester won the title where we went they're actually going to win the title so what have Brighton got to do and Pete, if you look at where Leicester were 10 years ago football's different these days but Leicester won that title by fundamentally, A, not changing their team, B, having two big centre-halves who nodded everything away, C, having an unbelievable assist goal-scoring combo in Mahrez and Vardy.

32:09But it was really simple. So when you look at Brighton, what are you seeing about the Brighton set-up that makes you think, hmm, they could go deep?

32:16Chris Stark: Well, I'm looking at the moment at the attempts on goal, the creativity. I'm looking at how defensive they are, how solid they are. Successful launches. not so many successful launches I think they will have some but they're more ballplayers also no unsuccessful launches fewer launches in general but I mean I looked at their goal difference I'm sure it's like plus 17 I think nearest is like plus 10 they've scored the most and got the most clean sheets yeah like incredible it's not rocket science is it but we said this last last week as well we were saying about you know when you compare that Leicester season you know teams were slipping up around as well and Brighton is going to still need that in their favour.

32:57But I think they'll get that.

32:58Chris Stark: I just don't think they'll get it with Arsenal. That's the only problem. Which is where, you know, I think they will fall short. I think Liverpool, you know, Manchester United, as we've seen, the notoriously bigger clubs. There's a lot of transition seasons, aren't there, this year? Chelsea. Chelsea, Man City. They will slip. You know, City, with what's going on with them as well, is that going to happen this season? You know, obviously, I think Bournemouth are a good side. They'll be up there again. But Brian, I think, well, they've got to be looking at top four. that should be the aim for them that should be the aim I do believe is it the last game of the season Arsenal-Brighton oh is it last game of the season obviously at the moment they beat him already at home 3-0 they've done Man City away they beat Villa convincingly I think at the moment they've got to be in the conversation I think they'd like to be under the radar but at the moment they've got to be in the conversation look at games to be played as well so that Leicester team they could pretty much just focus on the Premier League and that is a massive advantage if you're if you're I say a smaller club if you're a club with maybe a smaller squad a smaller group of players then that's the important factor as well isn't it do you think sometimes as well you know when you just need a fresh start right something like do you think them being rebranded by this podcast as Hove has given them just an extra impetus to succeed ultimately it's just fired up the Hove side I just think the Hove's been dormant for so long yeah it's been dormant you're so right dormant ready to expire everything's right with the Brighton side of it it's all been good it's always been great there's a sleeping giant in Hov and I just think that side of the stadium that is more Hov based has been you know galvanised by this chap where they've felt noticed you know you don't want to go through life not feeling noticed do you I think that's been stirred and now they're going to go on and potentially win the league and happy downs this podcast I mean I've got a record for that haven't we Lando Norris you know what else there's been a three or four occasions there's been a couple recently this year as well isn't it you know we had Harry Kane obviously Brendan Wander-Ballon d 'Or well you got your legends cap and then you know that was it yeah that was the one springboard yeah it's all interesting stuff yeah it's crouch luck you know we've spoken I've seen it I've seen it I've seen it first hand yeah I'll tell you who hasn't got crouch luck Manchester United Chelsea again I mean I thought they actually did well in first half they did played well unlucky Diallo had a few chances didn't he couldn't you have the misallowed one yeah could have been better yeah Martinez kind of had a do you on Martinez so as a former striker so when Martinez first came over to the Prem and he had a really tough time at Brentford didn't he and everyone was saying too small for centre half too small for a centre-half.

35:54Crouchy, if you were playing up against him and you see a centre-half who's struggling for form, what way are you playing against him? Are you just exploiting all the obvious things, the height differential, stuff like that? If you see a centre-half who's struggling for form as a striker, do you just lick your lips?

36:08Chris Stark: Yeah, I think the way I played the game, obviously, kind of aerially, and which one could I get the better off? For me personally, if I've got a Maguire or Martinez, as I would often pull on him. Well, every time. You can't get away with being a smaller centre-half, can't you? If you think about Fabio Cannavaro, unbelievable player. By name, he's about 5 '10", I think he was. So you can do it, but are you just naturally, Sid, at a disadvantage if you're a centre-half? Well, yeah, you are. Yeah, but I think he's had that, but he's also a top centre-half, isn't he? Yeah, that's what I mean. I think his head's gone, personally.

36:46Chris Stark: Massively. You know, he's come out and said those things. even the way he was behaving the way for the penalty with the elbow I feel like even the way he was just trying to hack down Morgan Rodgers for the first I think that's a really fair point his head's gone do you think before that game had even started he'd come out firing in a kind of the wrong way in the wrong way there Tim Brown's been the wrong way from the start of the season because he was I think he was edging for a move which didn't fabricate in the end he won't be there next year no the way he's carrying on I think yeah it's obviously I don't think he wants to be there and at the time recording and everything what about the manager we've got to have that conversation again it becomes trickier or do the fans become a bit more I don't know solid in their endorsement of him you know well I think they realise it's not the manager's fault yeah you know because you're not going to get the consortium in front of the media are you well that's who they want they're asking for that consortium to come up in the line yeah but why would they and pitch while they're having a shocker.

37:48Yeah. You know? It's just not going to happen, is it? Yeah. The thing that would worry me if I were a United fan is I would look at what the consortium, what Ineos have done at various sporting teams and clubs and it has not worked out well at any of them. There was the split with Ben Ainslie with the America's Cup thing, pulled out the sponsorship of the All Blacks early cycling team, has not been successful or anywhere near as successful since they were bought by Ineos as they were in the old days of Sky. You look at Nice, you look at some of the other football clubs they've got. Now, arguably Man United are a harder proposition to run than any of those.

38:24Because if you're at the All Blacks and you've been statistically the best team in world rugby, well, that's an easier one. If you're at United and you've been underperforming for the past decade, I mean, that would worry me if I was a United fan. What have this consortium done at other places? Have they actually got a track record in sport that makes me think they can turn it around?

38:44Chris Stark: No. well said mate I think that's going to be a difficult one I think that'll rumble on for a lot longer and I don't think Carrick is the root of that problem unfortunately agreed Spurs are back officially they are back stronger I'd like to say is it official now yeah it's good to see with no medicine as well at that point you know because even I was a bit dubious and it was Halloween night of course and busy with the trick or treat and missed I think the first half on it but it's yeah it's good to see that they could come out and get a result like that. It feels like out of the harbour. Unreal.

39:18Chris Stark: We said it, I know lots of people were saying it, we're like, they're too good for this, it'll click at some stage. And it just wasn't, was it? But I look at that, I look at Tonali, at Fernandes, you know, some of the players they've got there, like, class, really good players. Good signings as well. I do think that they'll be fine and I think they'll be looking towards the top end rather than the bottom end. Oh, they get in Europe. in Europe yeah they get top six top seven I don't think they're far away yeah I don't think they're far away I think if they had a obviously are we getting excited here no no no no I've said this before I've said this before they get top six top seven right there's Erby I'm a big advocate of him he always has a spike at some point his teams always just go hockey stick bang this is the start of it it is and hockey stick yeah easy I love the graph it's good you can you can take it hear me this week on something whether it's capital or anything else and just go hockey stick bang maybe that's what you need to do for the commentary maybe that's the phrase I think that's the I think that's the stand so you can even talk about Tottenham so just get Tottenham in some hours if you say hockey stick bang yeah okay we know you're talking about you know you're You're saying it to the pod listeners.

40:45Chris Stark: I'm going to do that. I hear me doing the next gig, some Larry drop on a song where it's just you going, hockey stick, bang. And that's where you drop the beat. I'm going to make it happen. I like it. It wasn't really hockey stick though, was it? Because it went on for a little bit longer than normal, really. It was more of a, what would you call that? An ice hockey stick. Actually, yeah. I try and get ice hockey stick. Ice hockey stick, bang. Just go hockey stick bang and the crowd will go off. The crowd will go off. You know what you could do? Because ice hockey stick is too long. Yeah. But if you say hockey in an American, hockey, you could say hockey stick bang and then we know you're talking about ice hockey.

41:25I want to try and get back on TV. No, this is good. You'll get it away. No, you'll be fine there, Sid.

41:30Chris Stark: I also think if you are playing the Soccer Saturday game, are you on Soccer Saturday? Are you doing that? This week I have got a soccer special midweek. Midweek soccer special. I'm doing Arsenal and then I'm doing Europe for TNT so a few games there and then I've got Peterborough Reading in the FA Cup on Saturday lovely bloody hell you're a bit of TV coverage there yeah lovely oh well listen I'll get it in there I'll get it in there yeah I still have no doubts it'll be able to get hockey stick bang hockey stick bang listen out for that on the various channels okay Coventry again did really well and Bournemouth look apart should we get into the league?

42:17Chris Stark: Right, the next part of the podcast is supported by Paddy Power. Let's kick off with Why the Football Not. We've got this one from Jamie. It says, Crouchy Sid's Tom and Chris. Big fan of the pod and regards to your consortium. I'm a Spurs season ticket holder. On Saturday, I was best man at my mate's wedding in Dorset. Speech done. First dance done. I clocked. There was no way I'd ever get a signal in the field we were in. so I paid the DJ £50 to announce the Spurs score between songs he then took it so seriously that he did a full match report mid reception including the red card the bride's ground was in tears the groom was fuming and Spurs won 2-0 why the football not so the bride's ground is a Palace fan yeah yeah you gotta do what you gotta do there's no signal I think the full match report maybe a bit too much how has how has the DJ got a signal do you know what that's exactly what I was thinking DJ gets on the wifi is that what it is yeah it's like the tills I've been there plenty of times they put the tills on the wifi and the DJ and that's the limit otherwise it all crashes out doesn't it right it does mate some of the places I've DJed this is great insight yeah well I always remember for me when you talk like that I always think of Andy Robertson telling his wife to turn off the wifi do you remember that was the best best ever that was on the Covid days yeah Andy Robertson shouting up to his missus saying get the Netflix off no films for another half an hour do you think the DJ did it to the music though I like to imagine it's sort of wedding tunes and that and he's tried to style it out tried to style it out yeah it's on top of come on Eileen yeah come on Eileen come on oh I swear it's 2-0

44:13Chris Stark: come on Tottenham tonight

44:20Chris Stark: oh well nice one right remember we need to keep them coming in because they are very very good as far as the league goes Tom I mean what's going on here because I'm now on 13 points it was a one all draw basically 13 points Sizz on 15 and Chris is on 25 points. Chris, this is a beautiful thing to see because I've seen you sometimes. I've watched you in the position. I've seen what Sids can do. So to see you that far ahead, you must be delighted. Absolutely. Feet on Stony Beach right now. And I feel quietly confident. I don't know. I saw the results going another way. I thought Sids was going to get the one all in the Arsenal-Liverpool game.

44:59I was convinced of it in my head. So I was almost punched in the air at the end of that game. it's not even about you getting points it's about making sure the other lads don't on the games that you don't as well you know that's how my headset I feel as though I feel as though he's hiding my philosophy yeah but this is it I think there is a new DNA or a new philosophy to you and you got into that sort of like Tony Bloom algorithm sort of money ball it was always going to click deserve it you know you just got to give it hockey stick bang hockey stick bang I'm buzzing I feel quietly comfortable and confident at the moment which way are you going to swing on this one Tom are you going to join my consortium or do you want to Chris I'm more than happy to jump on and make it a sort of stark dice FC stark dice

45:50Chris Stark: come jump on yeah okay lovely alright we're a big weekend fixture this week I don't know how you see it going it's Manchester United versus Aston Villa Man United are at home and they are favourites they're 5-4 Aston Villa are less fancied at 15-8 you can take the draw at 13-5 repeat of last meeting that would be 3-1 to Manchester United that's 12-1 I'm shocked United are favourites for this I know they're at home but I'm actually quite very very surprised Villa are I know Villa have not won their last two games but they're flying Nicholas Jackson scoring goals I covered them the other day two wingers brilliant it's amazing what he's done in such a what Emery's done with that rebuilt team in that period of time, isn't it?

46:33I think most of us saw the exodus in the summer and thought, hmm, will he want to stick around? How long is it going to take? Look at that stat though there. Unai Emery has never won at Old Trafford as a manager with Villa, Arsenal, Valencia or Villarreal. That's a good stat, but also look at that, Chris, and I think, well, the teams you went to Old Trafford with before were different teams and United were a different team. It's almost like the roll of the dice analogy. You know, him going there with this Villa team against this Man United team doesn't actually have anything to do with him going there with Villarreal, does it?

47:06Well, yeah, he's the right manager at the right club. Peter Crouch, would you like to confirm he's the right manager at the right club at the moment? I think he's the right manager at the right club at the moment. Yeah, I think so as well.

47:17Chris Stark: I'm going to go first. I'm going to go with 2-1 Villa. That's a great score. That's a great score, isn't it? Do you want to start FC Stark Dice chat here? Well, my thoughts are United. are they yeah because I'm doing this I'm doing that quieter like they can't hear it I'm doing it because I think

47:39I think technically they should win if we took all the emotion out of it and all the circus around it but can you discount that I it's your choice Chris I can only act as an advisor so I would say 2-0 Villa you want to go Villa oh they've gone against each other yeah we've got them yeah they're already split already Do you want to see 2-0 Villa? It's your shout because you're top of the table Chris and rightly so. Well no you're sort of I just think you're not going to stump in and might struggle against Roma Champo League midweek I think this could be turning point I think this could be

48:14Chris Stark: I think you could bring No it's tricky because my head's no no I'd listen I bow down to your wisdom who's head of this consortium? Yes mate he's come in who is heading this up? He's come in and dictated your consortium I don't respect my guests here it's like a guest host and my team this is actually like this is actually like Mantis United who's in charge of you this is the problem what we're seeing here we've got Radcliffe and Glazer and it's you know we can't agree can we well no I don't know I believe in you let's go 2-0 Villa oh he's rolling the four dice Chris thank you thank you for backing me I believe in you oh the four dice he's rolling the four dice brilliant well done alright okay oh alright I'm going to go purely on Man United's first half performance at Chelsea and I'm going to say just for the good of the game I'm going to go for a United 1-0 win I do fancy Villa but I'm going to go United 1-0 for the for the good of the the consortiums league yeah vibe okay fair enough Leeds versus Spurs interesting I like Leeds at home I know they've been on a difficult run they haven't won in five have they they've not scored a lot of goals struggled I suppose but I don't know Spurs I've just said it back after the Coventry game the Chelsea game and of course the Palace game it does feel they're on a bit of a roll but I don't know I never like backing against Leeds even though they haven't pulled up trees recently I agree I invite you and your consortium to go first alright Alright, Fordo, that's what I'm thinking.

49:58Yeah. Thinking. Draw. Lovely. Well, I'm glad you said I was thinking cheeky one-one. One-one. That's what, perfect. Horny draw. Horny draw. Great. Okay, well, I'm on the hockey stick bang thing. And I'm going to go, I just, I don't see anything but a Spurs one-nil win. Then they go there, they get the job done.

50:20Chris Stark: Spike is real. Yeah. Okay, okay. I'm going to stick with a hockey stick bang myself. and then some of the shit that comes out of this pod is fucking nuts it's amazing how natural it feels to say it it does feel like I feel like I've said it all my life 15 minutes ago it didn't exist and now it just tickled me the great thing about this is we say this now we enjoy it we live with us all day and then until this podcast comes out I will wait for the first person to shout hockey stick bang out a van window at me I genuinely cannot wait so true I got a feeling we're going to come out here after recording next week right and there's a few officers around here I reckon I walk out someone's going to shout at me Oi Hockey stick Hockey stick Hockey stick bang It's the new wolf whistle

51:09Chris Stark: People waving hockey sticks out of windows 100 % Alright I'm sticking with the hockey stick bang theory and I'm going to go with two one two Spurs He's gone missionary twice Worked for Chris It is moving on to Sunderland versus Chelsea poor result for Sunderland they're struggling the other day they are they are a bit after last season they were they were brilliant weren't they last season and you know could they carry it on it feels like yeah too many sloppy errors I watched the Coventry game the other day some sloppy errors giving away goals didn't play awfully but the errors to goals were poor Chelsea again you know still exciting for me like watching them play yeah yeah I'll go first this one boys this will be on a Sunday because Sunderland are in Europe Thursday and I think always after a European game they can get done so I'm going to go Chelsea 3-0 on this oh convincing consortium check Chris I think that makes a lot of sense I was going towards a 3-0 because yeah I don't see Sunderland scoring no so we've got to go something different 2-0 it's 2 or 4 isn't it 2 is more likely than 4 let's go 2 I'll go four then could be done he'll attempt to go five for the bonus point well yeah he got three scoring Chelsea could be if you're going to go four you're going to get do you know what I mean like hey be your own person I am my own person you have not got a consortium no I'm I'm going to stick this it's my head on the chopping block and if I get fired you know it's my philosophy

52:54Chris Stark: it's my own philosophy yeah all right don't forget all our selections will be on the feed in the Paddy Power app head to the feature tab and if you fancy any of our picks just tap copy bet to make them your own good to see a few of you copy in the last couple of weeks would have been even better if you'd picked if we'd given you a winner which we didn't sorry about that let's hope for a better week this week Okay, odds are correct at time recording. 18 plus, gamblerware.org.

53:29Chris Stark: Right, well, listen, absolute pleasure having you down again, Tom. Always a joy. You know, it's great to have you back. Back stronger, if you like. Everyone okay? Happy with how the pod went? I don't really know how to end it. It's a bit like you're in that awkward. How was it for you? how was it for you how was it for you I'm usually asleep at this point shall we all just light one snore oh that was good slightly better than normal about the same about the same

54:06Chris Stark: I thought it was a good one it was good it was good it was good it was good it was good it was good it was good it was good hockey stick bang

54:15Chris Stark: alright well I guess That concludes the podcast. And you've got a cheeky Patreon quiz for us now. Quite a nice one. I think you're going to like it. I think you're going to hang around for that. Yeah, two rounds. I think you're going to enjoy this one. Beautiful. Hey, we're Nick and Jack, hosts of The Best One Yet. Behind every episode, there's research, email, spreadsheets, and our shared Google Doc, the headline hammer. With Google Workspace with Gemini, Google's AI is built right into the premium versions of tools we already use, like Gmail, Docs, and Sheets. No new tools or extra logins, just personalized AI for the way we work.

54:48Chris Stark: That means less time on the work around the work and more time finding the stories worth talking about. Get AI tools for work. Upgrade to Google Workspace with Gemini at goo.gle slash workspace with Gemini. That's goo.gle slash workspace with Gemini.