That China Episode: Football's Biggest Paydays, Derby Day Memories & Digital Red Cards?! | EP. 429

0:00Chris Stark: Hello and welcome to that Peter Crouch podcast brought to you by Paddy Power. I've got Sid and Chris in the studio. Sorry, boys, I'm in a different location today. I hope you don't mind.

0:11Tom Fordyce: I mean, we gathered that with you not being here. And we also gathered it by you taking, what, four takes was that to do the intro? Are you a little bit jet lagged?

0:22Chris Stark: I feel like I've lost an entire day. I don't know what's happened. the time of recording here Tottenham played played Coventry and I completely missed it all from like I don't know kind of don't know where I am and what time I'm on and it's a bit of a mad one we flew 13 hours to China I'm now in China recording this we then drove four hours from Shanghai to another town and now I've been thrown in a room and I'm doing a podcast with you boys. So yeah, yeah, it's all been a bit of a whirlwind. Well, we're making it happen this week. We call it a Chinese special, if anything. And Crouchy, is this the big money move that has been rumoured for a while?

1:12Chris Stark: No, unfortunately not. Unfortunately, it's really not.

1:17Tom Fordyce: It's definitely containing a big lot of money move. It's not cheap to get our Crouchy out there, is it? It's not cheap to fly that big man out there. I was just hoping it was for footballing reasons. But no, you say Cherry Cars, is it, that you're out there with?

1:32Chris Stark: Cherry Cars, yeah. I'm a brand ambassador, yeah. You're partial to a cherry. I am partial to a cherry. Bizarrely, they've sponsored Bournemouth, I didn't realise. Have they? Yeah, yeah. Cherries. Which is great marketing with the cherries.

1:51Tom Fordyce: Okay. And you've got a big affiliation, obviously, with Bournemouth as well. That's why you've got the gig. Yeah, I'd love to do Bournemouth.

1:58Chris Stark: Okay, mate. Well, hence the reason I'm in China. And listen, we're being well looked after. We're about straight after this. We're going out for dinner. Looking forward to seeing a bit of China, to be honest. I've never been here before. Done various bits and pieces in and around close to China, countries close to China, but never been to China itself. Visited Shanghai for all of half an hour. and now I'm in you know I've placed four hours drive away and then I will be seeing a little bit more of Shanghai which I'm looking forward to seeing all a bit all a bit mad my last memories of China as a footballer nation was speaking to Sven I remember Ian Walker was the goalkeeping coach for for a club out here do you remember when China was massive?

2:43Tom Fordyce: China is massive China is quite big yeah you know when they were

2:48Chris Stark: you know when they were coming in like big with with players it was similar to kind of Saudi vibe yeah I remember Ian Walker was the goalkeeping coach rogers Sven was out here they brought Oscar didn't they shit house that guy I always remember him no he is no he's the only one Ian Walker why I always remember him in front of the rookery he would the whole time would be sat behind he was one of those that did the middle finger behind the back oh constantly it's my I'm sure he's a nice guy actually that's the thing about this podcast I find that we get guests on that were the same people that just gave you so much shit back and that's your memory of them growing up and then you meet them and you have a beer with them and they all tend to be lovely I mean to be fair

3:30Tom Fordyce: he probably has got 4 ,000 people behind him giving him shit but you should expect that it was perfect are we talking about the Ian Walker the Spurs the old Spurs goalkeeper is that right? yeah yeah yeah Leicester at the time Leicester that's right yeah yeah okay as I remember it anyway

3:44Chris Stark: yeah what have you guys been doing because I've had a mad few weeks obviously I am in China which is, you know, very different. Also Norway last week. I've had a little, like Phileas Fogg, like Steve Sidwell for the week. Speaking of Siddy, did you see the Victoria's Secret fashion show the other day? I'm assuming you were across it.

4:05Tom Fordyce: I was. Crouchy. Can we just have a quick moment on this event? What an event. So they debuted the world's most expensive bra, which was 50 million pounds on this bra right some money for a bra but what i found amazing i've never seen this thing before uh what i loved about it was that so the models parade up and down the catwalk right and they're so good at it they've got this confidence they come out and they're it's like to this music and i'm watching it it's like and they all look but the funniest thing is one by one, their relevant fella, uh, or, or partner take, stands up and applauds. I just thought what a, what a funny tradition this is.

4:52It's, it's kind of like a reverse, almost a reverse wag situation that they're coming out one by one. And then you, you'll get this fella stand up and he'll be like, yeah, come on, come on.

5:06Tom Fordyce: Have a look at me. that's that's I'm going out with her like what and this is a yearly event yeah I know

5:16Chris Stark: what's a tradition you know what's bizarre about that is I've I've done that I remember Ab walked in an agent provocateur shoot and she said come down and like whatever and I remember going down there and she said they'll come and see me in the in the dressing room whatever and I was like you know I used to assume that it'd just be Ab um i went in there and it was all of the girls in in one room and um they were all getting their makeup done and all in underwear and i was like uh i was like christ almighty um i said the lucky nervous wreck what's going on it i was like i'll get like it was one of those it was all a bit much and i left yeah and then um they came out and uh i remember i have and I did the same thing I got a video of it of Ab walking and I was up filming her going hey that's my one hey there's my wife you can only applaud your own wife that's what I was going to say that's what I was going to say

6:18Tom Fordyce: yeah so but then what happens when the other ladies that come out because obviously they're very attractive and beautiful in their own different ways but do you acknowledge that or do you just sort of like pull a sort of a grim face that would have been unbelievable Victoria's Secret Housery if someone stood up and applauded someone else's missus that would have been amazing

6:41Chris Stark: I just loved the event I thought it was fantastic Victoria's Secret Housery

6:48Tom Fordyce: yeah yeah that was that I mean that is it was I enjoyed it I enjoyed it yeah no it's great it's great it's just it's mad that it exists almost like a sport like it's an annual event like an awards almost. It was, yeah, I just thought it was a really interesting one.

7:06Chris Stark: Well, yeah, back to the football a little bit, lads. I mean, there's a lot that's gone on. I don't know if you've been across this one. The referee used a digital device to show a yellow and a red card. It was in Uruguay, I believe. I mean, this has to be on the Games Gone board, no?

7:24Tom Fordyce: I think we were all inundated with this one, wasn't we? So many DMs and private messages. I take it it's just like some sort of mini screen or phone. Is it double-sided screen or is it a one? I just couldn't get... It's just a phone.

7:41Chris Stark: It's obviously got an app where he's gone like, it's a yellow card and done that. He's probably got a referee's app. But why... The notebook's gone. So the notebook will go, right? So instead of notebook jotting a name down, he'll just type in the player's name. He'll probably have it all there on his yellow cards.

8:01Tom Fordyce: it's all gone digital isn't it we're just looking it up at the moment so what's that app there is an app there look referee yellow card and whistle okay so I guess you know obviously as trying to keep the heritage of this game alive it's not it's not a great look is it having to hold up the phone like that well it's just my worry would be for the referee there if that referee because you know what it's like when you show someone a message and something else flashes up you know it's like you've got to be you have got to be so sure that you are holding

8:34Chris Stark: up a yellow or a red card so careful yeah you imagine that yeah imagine if someone you know that like a little whatsapp pops up just as you show them on it's on it's on you know it's on sky sports and a little whatsapp pops up you know like yeah it could be anything couldn't it

8:49Tom Fordyce: little picture or something so so what what happens then um could be anything oh that is what you don't want but so so before that is he is he is he also saying booking is he talking to siri is he saying booking for you know whoever man city number five you know and logging that because he's you're right i i think it's i look i think this is unnecessary isn't it and i think it's over complicating a situation there's nothing there's nothing to be gained by having this on an app so we'll get up on the board ready for your return crouchy yeah yeah um also with regards

9:31Chris Stark: to that he's like he's charging it as well you don't need to charge a yellow card do you freaking out just get a card out put it out straight in the top pocket i agree you know you're gonna have it on your belt as well like a builder the top pocket's gone it's no good that it's true

9:51Tom Fordyce: it's true well that was always a thing wasn't it was there I actually like to ask a referee because do the referees have a red card in their top pocket because it used to be oh the referee's reaching for his top pocket which used to mean I think was the red card you see I thought red card always comes from down below or was it I thought it was red card from down below back pocket and yellow cards from the front well there we go okay so is there a certain pocket for a certain colour let's find out if there's any referees out there

10:22Chris Stark: the way the game's going probably end up getting sponsored wouldn't it you know referees going for his Motorola

10:28Tom Fordyce: yeah true yeah talking of referees again we the the cam the cam view the referees camera view of Madison's goal what a goal did you miss this then Crouchy you were travelling I haven't even seen it I've just been flying

10:44Chris Stark: through the night missed it heard he had a cracking game though

10:48Tom Fordyce: cracking game great to see him back his first start after what nearly 18 months out and what oh it's a delicious goal as well and the referee is on point oh he whips it first time trademark Madison whips it far corner it's beautiful exactly that exactly and the referee gives you ref cam after and the ref is like the ref's near enough man marking him isn't he again it's great work from the referee. It's lovely. It's almost like the ref is just focusing on the shot that he's going to get from his camera. Do you know, I don't know if they're on commission, like they get a kickback for the camera work as well now, or bonuses if they get the goal right.

11:29But my gosh, it's a lovely angle.

11:32Tom Fordyce: Yeah. Yeah. Talking of shots, we've got, what's this message here from the Zanti, the Zanti goalkeeper? Yeah. Have you seen this crouchy? So Mark's messages saying, on your Zanti goalkeeper penalty challenge, I think it's going to be tough. I think Crouchy's underestimating this. Smaller goals, still 12 yards, which is, you know, fine. Walls netting running down each side, so no room for any swerve to set it in wide and curl it in. Everything favours the goalkeeper. Thoughts?

12:05Chris Stark: Yeah, I mean, it's not going to be ideal. Listen, we're going away. It's away from home. You know, it's in a hostile atmosphere. it's against someone who knows he plays there every week I'm expecting it to be a difficult challenge but we'll go there we can go there and get something and I think if we go there and get a result I think it'll be a testament to our character and our strength and our ability and I'd be incredibly proud to go there and get a result off the Zanty goalkeeper

12:40Tom Fordyce: it's the best best pre-match interview I've heard there it was as though he's just gone back into TNT or Sky Sports mode that is superb that is great love it it's so good no we're going to make this happen for sure the chat in our WhatsApp group as well is we've had a vision haven't we Crouchy we've had a vision of the winning moment when you score talk everyone through it because I also think this should be one shot like good fellas as well you know that bit where he's, it is Goodfellas, isn't it, where he's going downstairs into the restaurant.

13:13Chris Stark: It needs to be one of those. It's adolescence where they do the one shot as well. Is it on that? Yeah. Yeah, I think this could be the shot. Listen, you know, I'm putting it in the hands because I've got no idea how to do any of this, Gaz, as you know. Gaz, Jamie, all the boys at Sam that work with us. I've got no idea how to do that, even if it's possible. But I think if I do score that Leudington pen and you follow the action. Apparently there's a club next door and we do a Crouchfest type scenario next door. Let's be honest, win or lose, we're on the booze. It's happening anyway. You can follow me, you know, looking down, trodden, walking into the boozer and we have the best crack ever.

13:55Chris Stark: Or we walk behind me and it's all like full-on party vibes. The club's going to be bouncing. we're going to walk in and it's just going to go like we're going to walk in we'll do a watch along in the club as well so it'll be people out the strip a crowd in the club ideally you score one shot follows you all the way through we get behind the decks bang into have you ever seen the guy I don't forgive me I don't know the wrap up with the PSG shirt on where they walk behind him and then it goes Dave bang and he just starts is it Dave is it and he just starts jumping up and down like that. That's the vibe I want in Santi.

14:37Chris Stark: And I think if we crouch-fest it up and make it happen, it's going to be massive. And I just hope, I just hope I put him in the pipe and then we go in and have that time of our lives. Yeah, it happened with Jay-Z as well. I think it was a VMA performance of Empire State of New York where it follows him arriving in a car, like going through the corridors, you know, been handed the microphone that sort of thing and the platform raises just as it goes like into the drums you know class yeah we can make that happen crouchy i think i think that i can see it just on the holiday thing whilst we're we're on this topic i'm aware that when i last spoke to you boys it was on zoom again um where we'd had a little catch-up because you were in norway pete and i was in a terrible state i'd had a lads golf weekend you know the annual one I forgot to tell you about something that happened on the golf weekend.

15:35I just want to share it with you. And maybe, I don't know, start a little tradition for someone else as well. So last year, my mate, before, you know, you turn up on the Friday. The Saturday is the first day that we play golf. We don't bother with the golf on the Friday. We just sort of booze for the day and night. So we turn up on the Saturday at the golf course. Now, this is near Villamora. It was a golf course called, is it Pinaris? Pinaris something like that and so when we first turn up there what has become a tradition on our holidays now is my mate Scott he buys a hat right but he has to get a discount on it in the golf shop so what we now have is the haggle of the hat for the first

16:24Chris Stark: day of golf

16:25Tom Fordyce: it's just a wonderful bit of clean fun where we watch him argue with someone in a club shop about getting even the tiniest discount off a hat for the Haggler the Hat ceremony. This is before he's played the round of golf as well. Yeah. So bear in mind also, we've just paid green fees. So you've paid hundreds, right? And then he's having to slap a hat down that he's chosen. He's an Irish lad as well. So it adds a bit of kind of like, you know, what were you giving me on the hat? A bit of pressure on that now. Haggler the Hat. it's a bit like and it's a completely pointless pointless tradition Crouchy but it's just become a lovely part of the weekend and we're quite a crowd excited for the haggle of the hat for the first day of golf on this one I like to think that this is something that can grow year on year that we do this you know

17:15Chris Stark: I'm a huge fan of that I like things that you know are I suppose they become obligatory and they grow and grow and grow I mean that's half of this podcast some of the things we come up with is, we'll say something and it just grows legs and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger every year. And it's exciting. I mean, you know, my badgers trip, foxes trip, the golf trip that I went on recently, I've just invested in, well, I shouldn't probably say this because I know a lot of the badgers and the foxes listen to this, but I invested in, well, well, basically I asked permission of one of the badgers and said, what do you think of this?

17:48Chris Stark: And I was recently in an antique shop with Abby and they had a stuffed badger the size, like you cannot believe the size of this thing and i thought it'd be good to kind of incorporate that as a trophy um it's a taxidermy taxidermy badger

18:11you have purchased a stuffed badger on a shopping trip with abby

18:16Chris Stark: she was looking at lights at chairs tables and then before she knew it there was a massive badger stuffed badger in the boot I've got it I've got it at home I can't wait to see this

18:40Tom Fordyce: I can't wait so is this going to be like the badger's mascot that's going to go on future trips.

18:47Chris Stark: I just thought it was too good to turn down. Dare I ask, how much did you spend on this stuffed badger? No, it wasn't this. It was good. The reason we were down there is because it was good value. Really good value. Yeah, but you bought a slide for£10 ,000, Crouchy. Good value to you could be very different. I didn't buy that slide. I did not buy that slide. I was inquiring. I realised the value of it. and it wasn't to be, unfortunately. Although I still think about that slide often.

19:22Do you know, my mate Scott could have got you a better deal on that badger. It's a shame that we weren't all together.

19:27Chris Stark: Yeah, that's true. He's quite a haggler. Could have got a little bit of money on him. The haggler of the badger is now Crouchy's.

19:32Tom Fordyce: I think people are going to put Scott for hire. Right? Take him round.

19:36Chris Stark: Right, lads, you know what? The fact that I'm in China has got me thinking about the situation. Do you remember the situation in China? Me and Sid actually played in a dressing room with Marco Anatovic. And I genuinely believed at that time, I think he could have gone, you know, I was thinking Liverpool. I think Liverpool sniffing around Man United, you know, Chelsea, top clubs is what I'm saying. I think he could have gone there. I remember him saying to me, my ambition is to get to China. Do you remember that, Sid?

20:06Tom Fordyce: Yeah, I do. Yeah. Was that from a purely money sort of mentality? the ambition to get to China is basically saying I want to cash in my chips at the end of this from the big money there yeah and we're talking big money there aren't we I mean yeah I mean he would have been on a handsome wage at Stoke more than you know Liverpool of course but then we're talking extreme what treble quadruple your money probably

20:33Chris Stark: yeah so this this got me thinking obviously Oscar did you know he did like eight years out there didn't he on a hell of a lot of money let me get this what was Oscar on there 400 grand a week he did it for 8 years

20:48Tom Fordyce: that's some I mean

20:49Chris Stark: at 25 Sid if you were I don't know if you're 25 but you're playing say Oscar level you're playing for Brazil you're playing for Chelsea so you're on say you're on 100 grand a week right and you get the offer of 350 grand a week to go to China or Saudi Arabia. What do you do?

21:22Tom Fordyce: I think this is a hindsight question. Yeah, true. Because me sitting here now would probably answer it differently if I was in that current time. Look, I mean, it's stupid money at the start, even the money that you're getting in the Premier League. you know it's way more than what you need but it is a ridiculous amount of money i would i would say at the time you're playing the premier league it's the best league in the world i would say i'd be happy doing what i was doing because again when you're in that mode and you're getting that money you still feel like it's always going to be there you've got the blinkers on you like that's your world and then when you retire and then that money is not just keep just topping up topping up although you've earned a lot of money you could still be used to living that lifestyle i'd say when i'd say now i would go for the money i would say that now i i know at the current time i would say i would turn it down because you've got to think about your lifestyle as well when the family the kids that it's a it's a big it's a big commitment to i think i think at

22:29Chris Stark: 25, I think if you've got all that in front of you, like international career as well. As long as you're earning top good money, which obviously will be in the Premier League. I mean, I can safely say, I think certainly in my football career, I mean, that's not been the case after football. There has been times where I've taken the money, let's be honest. But during my football career, I reckon there's, I can safely say that I chose or footballing options right from the start. You know, I turned down more money elsewhere at certain times to go to a football club that I thought could progress me further and, you know, kind of elongate my career.

23:13Chris Stark: I genuinely, hand on heart, I think can say that. But of course, you know, I understand like a lot of these players as well, sometimes, you know, they can not only help their family, they can help kind of, you know, certainly with the African players, for instance, like I look at Mane now, right? And, you know, I remember speaking to him and he was saying, I'm now building schools in my village. You know, I'm looking after not just my family, hundreds of families from where he's from, you know? And, you know, he's not just going, oh, I want this, I want that for me. He's building communities and, you know, when you look at it from that point of view, you can kind of go, I get it, you know?

23:55Chris Stark: I don't think you can ever begrudge someone doing it. I do begrudge it at the age of like 21, 22. Like John Durand, for instance, he's got the whole world ahead of him there. And it does feel a bit, it leaves a bit of a sour taste, I think, at that age, moving, I think. But then, Siddy, you just said on a sort of hindsight point of view, but with hindsight, you wouldn't have not wanted those experiences that you had? Or would you have not done Chelsea? Would you have?

24:30Tom Fordyce: Well, I mean, that's it. I mean, it's always a hindsight thing, isn't it? I mean, in hindsight, I'm saying hindsight just because purely the money. Yeah. Not for what happened in my career. I wouldn't change anything. Yeah. Because that was my journey. That was my roadmap. But everyone's got a different agenda. Did I see someone sign recently and that they said they've purely signed for their grandkids. Oh, Reinders, yes. Sorry, the Man City player, yeah, who signed for Man City, what was it? Literally two seasons ago, wasn't it? He's done one season and he's gone to, where is he, gone to Saudi?

25:09Tom Fordyce: And he said, and this is quoted as well, was it, if the choice means my grandchildren can also live comfortably, why would I not do it? yeah but you can let your grandchildren live too comfortably can't you they can become right little shits he's not even had grandchildren he's probably not even had kids yet I don't know his personal situation I don't believe he's had grandchildren but he's

25:33Chris Stark: I don't think so I don't believe so considering he's still playing but you never know

25:38Tom Fordyce: Pete you're obviously you're in China obviously only very briefly at the start from what you've seen so far with your own eyes do you think you could have moved there and done a stint for a couple of years? What's your first, what's your impressions?

25:51Chris Stark: Yeah, listen, I think, I think that, for instance, that kind of pension fund, you know, you look at Live Golf and things like this, like, I don't begrudge like Lee Westwood, for instance, you know, like he's achieved all he's done and Ian Poulter or players of a certain age who have kind of done things and when I see that, I understand it, I understand why they do it, you know, and everyone's got their own opinion on it and would they do it? And I think it's totally fine either way. My only, when it really rangles with me, and if it's like 25, you know, like for instance, Mo Salah or Virgil van Dijk, for instance, like, you know, the amount of what they put in to Liverpool, I think, you know, as a fan and stuff like that, you go like, I get it now.

26:40Chris Stark: You know, they've given us everything. And, you know, 34, 35, you go, oh, they've got a massive payday and they can look after their kids' kids. I don't think anyone really begrudges that. I think there will be some that begrudge it and think you should never do it. But I always think when I look at it, it doesn't wind me up. I totally understand it, totally. But it's when it's like John Duran. He's just making a name for himself at 21 at Villa and then he kind of leaves. I think that's disappointing.

27:15Tom Fordyce: I think sometimes as well it just doesn't suit I think Jordan Henderson I think he I think I'm sure he said after the first week he knew it wasn't for him and you know with certain people's makeup their personality their family sort of traits or you know whether they're a home person or not he's just gone look this is not for me he's obviously been advised to stay out there for a certain amount of time because of the tax implications he's just gone I pay the tax or I lose the tax and I'll just come back and it is what it is. So I don't, I'm the same as you, I don't begrudge anyone going there at any point in their life.

27:51Tom Fordyce: I'd frown upon it in terms of their age and where they're at in their footballing career. But then again, we don't know what they've gone through in terms of growing up, what their family scenario is, whether their mum's been, you know, whether they grow up in a counter-estate, whether they have single parents, whether they've been fostered. Also, that's just kind of the personal look at it as well, isn't it? There is another argument here, which is that the reason that a lot of these countries are paying sometimes well over the odds at least in our eyes for for players at a certain point is because the truth of the matter is there's so many good players over here um and they want their league to progress or want to be seen on the world stage and get better you know i guess the case for the other side is it's it's a shame that or maybe let's look at it positively we're very lucky in this country we've got an unbelievable standard of football that you know as a nation these clubs have they do spend a lot of money but haven't got to do that for one player to kind of represent their league or or to try and up the quality of it a bit so i guess my next question for you boys would be if you do get one of those moves and let's say it's China, for instance, how much can one player positively affect a league and its perception around the world?

29:13Chris Stark: My issue is, I think Cristiano Ronaldo's done wonders for Saudi, hasn't he? Let's be honest. You say that's one player. That's like a global icon, hasn't it? That's brought eyes there. People are wearing, I see people in England wearing shirts because of Ronaldo with his name on the back. So I think he's definitely a huge draw. But I think the issue is, certainly with Saudi, I think if you get players in the primary lives, like if Haaland, Mbappe, you know, Luminumal, if players are going at that stage of their career, then there's a big problem for the European leagues, isn't there? But, you know, that hasn't happened and I don't believe it will.

29:55Chris Stark: I think if that was the case, then that would kind of rip apart the European league massively. All right, lads. Well, moving on. obviously with the with the the Derby Day thumping I say Derby it's not Derby is it really but it's just a little bit of animosity between Brighton and Palace it was an absolute thumping of 5-0 wasn't it in I suppose a game that's you know with a little bit of tension Sid you know more than me a lot of tension with regards to that game it was an absolute battering wasn't it

30:27Tom Fordyce: well Hove FC really come out of the traps didn't they I mean they was they took it they took it to Palace it's a huge rivalry it's more for the fans you know the players don't it's not really one for the players but what a goal I mean the goals in general but the goal I mean it was just sensational he's tried it a couple of times as well Gomez I mean he's took the mantle from me I had a few messages to say that that my my stun has gone now and it's down to him so

31:00Chris Stark: because that has gone you know what I was thinking since with regards to I'm going to call it a derby is there any has been any derby day demolitions any shockers you've had in a derby

31:13Tom Fordyce: oh derby day we've had a few shockers I've had a few when was it Fulham I think we lost 3-0 a couple of times to West Ham not really derby it's a London derby Spurs beat us I don't know have you played in that game the 3-0 Spurs

31:30Chris Stark: I'm actually looking at it now right I did I came on at half time 3-0 down is that correct?

31:37Tom Fordyce: no no no we lost 3-0 I know the game we're thinking of that's the game that was the FA Cup game where we beat you 4-0 Fulham beat Spurs 4-0 the build up there's actually a few stories on this weekend so on the Friday on the Friday before that game it was the FA Cup game it was actually an FA Cup tie

31:57Chris Stark: I feel like I remember that

31:58Tom Fordyce: And on the Friday in training, it was just one in days where, you know what goes on. Nine times out of 10, everyone's at it, gear it up for the game. For some reason, there was balls just flying off the pitch. There was, you know, people were shooting, it was hitting the corner flag. It just wasn't going. And Mark Hughes brought us in and he was like, lads, I'll tell you now, we've trained well all week. If we practice like this tomorrow, he said, you know, we're going to get done 6-0. Get yourself, get your ass basically into gear, otherwise we're going to start running and we'll use no balls.

32:31Tom Fordyce: So it's like, oh, okay. That's sort of Friday, okay? This is the day before all your preps done. These are the finishing touches. And then, so it was the worst training session I've ever had and everyone else the day before a game. We turn up, everything went right on the day. 4-0, we win. 3-0 up at halftime, I believe. I think Moussa Dembele scored an absolute world-y solo goal as well. That night, we flew to... Valde Lobo we flew to Villamora for mid-season training because it was in January and that was the start of the Mannequin Hand in

33:07Chris Stark: was it really?

33:09Tom Fordyce: yeah in Hand of Blood in Angels I feel like

33:13Chris Stark: you know our team was the start of some real chemistry for Fulham brilliant

33:18Tom Fordyce: but you come on you come on at half time I think when it was listen it was only one goal in the second half by the sounds of it Yeah, well, he's done well there. Yeah.

33:27Chris Stark: Yeah. Played fantastically well. You must have, well, talk about derbies.

33:32Tom Fordyce: You've had big derbies. Hey, come on. You've obviously had the big ones, mate.

33:36Chris Stark: Before I get on to a couple of derbies that I've had, you just reminded me there of the worst, I don't know if, the worst pre-game trading position. I don't know if you were there, Sid, when we were at Stoke. And you know, you do shadow play. So the goalkeeper will roll it out, Jack Buckland, roll it out, Ryan Shawcross. We play out and we kind of play up, back through kind of how you're going to play on Saturday. Get it wide, cut it back and finish. We just shadow against no one. I remember we did that and we went wide. We might have missed the first one, but there was no one in goal. And it was like, oh, put that one over.

34:11Chris Stark: Let's start again. It went back, rolled it, went out. And then we went back and we were recycling it. And then Ryan Shawcross has got it and he kind of looked. He's not looked and he's played a back pass, but Jack Butman's out of his goal. And it went in. So we went 1-0 down against no one.

34:29Chris Stark: There's no team playing against us and we were one down.

34:37Chris Stark: It's like a riddle or something. I've seen that. I stood there with my hand on my head and I said, we've had one attack and no one else has had the ball and we've had no one against us and we're one down. I'm not going to believe it. It was outrageous. It's one of the ones where you've got to keep a straight face,

35:01Tom Fordyce: but really you're laughing inside.

35:04Chris Stark: Yeah, well, it was that funny. You know, like sometimes those shadow plays, I don't know if you feel like this, you can get a bit nervous because if you have a chance and there's no one in goal and you put one wide, you think, fuck me, the cross is coming here. You've got one on the volley. You think, I can't miss it. I can't miss this.

35:24Tom Fordyce: one yeah yeah you're on your own you're unopposed there's no goalkeepers no defenders nothing there's you know the the sun's out there's no wind grass is beautiful it's all in your favor

35:34Chris Stark: you know it's but you know what it has to be match tempo though doesn't it so yeah you still do it match tempo like as if you're getting like pressed so like for instance the finish like i could take a touch and just roll it into the back of the net and that's obviously me 100 % it goes in but I'm trying to do it match 10 points actually you're going to miss another open goal it's like oh my god it's a little bit there's a little bit of pressure on it is what I'm trying to say yeah yeah it's interesting that derby though isn't it because did you see the video of the what I liked about the Palace Brighton one there is a rivalry there and it is a derby of sorts but there's still room for a bit a bit more banter than you can see in other Derbys as well.

36:20Did you boys see the video of the guys dressed as seagulls going into the Palace pub? Did you see this, Crouchy? Oh, it's fantastic.

36:31Chris Stark: So they've winded them up. Is that a shithousery? Yeah. Are they all seagulls? Because I wasn't sure if there was a seagull getting chased by some eagles. Yeah, I think it is. Well, that's what it is because I... Do you know what? I think it is. I think you're right there because the original seagull as well, I'm fairly certain, it's got a Palace shirt on underneath when you look closely. It just caught my eye when I was scrolling on one day. I think we've got the video now just to have a quick look at it. So we're VARing whether the rest are eagles rather than seagulls. I assume that's what's going on here.

37:02Tom Fordyce: It looks like a mixed pub. No, it's a palace pub. You can see the jerseys. It's a palace pub.

37:07Chris Stark: But then you see on the seagull. Right. I feel like, for me personally, the seagull is welcomed too much. Yeah. do you know what I mean fair point yeah I think the seagull gets filled in there personally and then the eagles come in yeah nice

37:28Tom Fordyce: it's a little bit of a of a Danny LaRusso in the karate kid in the shower with the skeletons chasing him that's basically what it is yeah I like that I like that it's a palace pub they're doing that it's nice good good banter good banter yeah I'm just not

37:47Chris Stark: I'm just not sure it's you know it's obviously quite obviously been set up you know but yeah it's too it's too it was it was too uh i know what you mean it's rare it's rare you get away with stuff like this one don't you and and it's a bit too it does feel a tad too nice but i think the truth of this story is it's just a load of palace fans in a palace pub isn't it taking a piss yeah yeah yeah we don't want any trouble obviously no I tell you what I've got a couple of standout derby moments I've had some shockers as well let's be honest but my two two that really stick out for me I think we were 2-0 down Arsenal came back to win 3-2 away at Arsenal with Spurs in the North London derby that was a special day I mean you just could ball score it in the kind of 90th minute to come back from that was was phenomenal were you off the bench on that one as well Pete I was I was I came on late but special to be fair and then you know scoring in my first kind of Merseyside derby at Goodison I always remember Stevie saying on the way there if you score in this game I'll always be remembered and getting the first one was big especially at Goodison as well because it's an angry angry game that month you know that felt that felt great but on the flip side of that I've been pumped 6-0 by Arsenal before I was at QPR to be fair and I thought that was my first taste of kind of a London derby but we were in a championship and they were basically invincibles and I remember thinking they won't play many it was at Loftus Road they won't play many they played Henri Bergkamp Vieira Petit Ashley Cole Tony Adams oh my parlor it was they played everyone and it was I remember I hit the bar and I thought oh we've got these it was nil-nil and I was over hitting the bar I thought big is it upset here massive upset and then they proceeded to absolutely destroy us that was my first taste of of derby action

40:03Chris Stark: right this next part of the podcast is supported by Paddy Power let's kick off why the football not go on from Malcolm lads and he says last season I had my nieces christening on the same day as the Merseyside Darby. I obviously couldn't get out of going to the christening. So I found a seat at the back and I planned to secretly watch the match on my phone. Everyone else was watching my niece be welcomed into the world while I was trying not to react to what was going on in the game. It was all going so well until Gravenberch scored early doors and I cheered mid-service. My brother's not into football and did not see the funny side.

40:37Chris Stark: But who cares? I got to see the game. why the football not he'll come round

40:43Tom Fordyce: interesting he'll come round it's been done before it'll carry on be done after I'm imagining that yes and you've just got the key thing he's done wrong now you've just got to disguise the celebration haven't you there's no reason why he couldn't be cheering the moment that the christening had happened you know just like if you're going to cheer you can always cover it same with weddings you know you just make it about the bride or whatever it needs to be

41:06Chris Stark: agreed it's a good shot actually yeah just look at the child being blessed and just give it a ripple and I reckon you'd get everyone in you know start a chart yeah turn around just encourage everyone else as well come on okay that's why the football not this week's one please get loads more of them in because we love doing them and so keep keep sending them in

41:29Tom Fordyce: so what were the point situation in a minute lads because I believe Chris has had another flying weekend yeah yeah

41:36Chris Stark: Chris got another four points Sid I got two points so I did gain one on you and Sidney just got the one so I mean Starkey's on the on the Stoney Beach with 24 points Sidney on 14 and I'm on 12 the state of the Instagram this week was wonderful boys quick round of applause to the team here who replaced Crouchy's picture with a picture of him in an ostrich head and and the Brighton symbol now has completely removed the word Brighton

42:04Tom Fordyce: from from the club crest it just says Tove album. And the song selection, they found a song about an ostrich. It's just like, if you're not following us, I say every week, get following us on Instagram. Put the predictions up on there and they're really making me smile every week when they go up. Especially given how far I am ahead and I've got to continue this method. However you know, unexciting it is. We need a big weekend, Pete.

42:33Chris Stark: We need a big weekend. Do you know what? Do you know what, Chris? You say it's unexciting. No one cares about who's winning at all. So it is quite exciting. We've only got two points between us. We have got a big weekend since and that takes me nicely into the Paddy Power big weekend fixture, which is Chelsea versus Spurs. It's a 5.30pm kickoff on Saturday. Chelsea are clear favourites. Spurs have been poor, although they did win well against Coventry on Monday night. Chelsea are 4-5. Spurs are 16-5. where do we see it? Spurs first win you know does that change things? Is Madison playing? Can everything be lumped on Madison in this way to kind of enable him to be the reset and the restart that's kind of been we've kind of waited for it from Tottenham but maybe this can actually kick him in I think a lot of the discussion now goes to well they get a win off this they have done that I think you're right

43:34Tom Fordyce: it's massive 5.30 kick off as well I think you're right. This is a big game. There's a lot of need to win this game, always. And especially with Kulosevki and Maddison back now, that has been the missing part. They've missed that creativity, the goals. They got a good result against Coventry. Chelsea are flying. They are at home. There's more in it than there was this time last week. 100%. Way, way, way more in it. 100%. Okay. Who wants to kick us off?

44:01Chris Stark: I think it was such a big win against Coventry, I suppose. It was really, really big. I still fancy Chelsea at home, though. And I think they score goals, don't they, Chelsea as well? I think Spurs will score. I'm going to go for Chelsea 3-1. See, I think I'm going to go Chelsea 2-1 in this. Loves missionary.

44:26Tom Fordyce: I can't see a 4-1. And I do think Spurs will score. I can't. 2-0. clean sheet Chelsea 2-0 yeah it worked for me in the last game mate okay

44:41Chris Stark: right lads moving on to Aston Villa versus Manchester City difficult one good result from Villa you know away at Newcastle the other day City do look good they do look good you know they're going to get a hit aren't they big time but on the pitch you can't deny how good they are I can't see anything other than a City win personally yeah

45:07Tom Fordyce: I agree I'm going to jump straight in lads I'm going to go Man City 3-1

45:15Tom Fordyce: sorry if I've stolen anyone no it's good have you got a score that you want Pete

45:23Chris Stark: I might go I might steal your missionary off you and go Man City 2-1 I did want that I'm going to go okay I've got to keep it there or thereabouts I'm going to go with City

45:39Tom Fordyce: 2-0 or 3-0 then I don't think Villa will get or do I go Horn you won't go Hornedroir I could go Hornedroir you won't go Hornedroir it goes against my philosophy my managing philosophy you are enjoying the beach at the minute enjoy the beach no but I can't enjoy the beach until I'm there

45:59Chris Stark: I really do enjoy the fact that a draw is horny. One all as well. Specifically a one all horny draw. We've really kind of reframed that scoreline, haven't we? Okay, now you make me want it. One all, two nil. Sorry, I know you've got to be somewhere. I'm going to go...

46:28I'm going to go two nil. to City.

46:32Chris Stark: Lovely. Okay. Moving on, this is a tough one, I think. Liverpool at Anfield versus Brighton, who have scored nine goals in the last frigging two games. They've won the last five. They're a top side. I mean, we're looking at them for top four, no doubt, I would suggest now. I'm going to go straight in and I think they can get a result at Anfield. I'm going to go for two all That was exactly what I wanted to go for. Was it really? I was going to so early. Bastard. I'm sorry. I've not been able to go first once in these this week. I'm sorry. I'll have that noted. If this comes down to the end of the season, I want this marked.

47:15Hold on a minute. You are 11 points in the lead. What is this VAR? I care about every point now. Well, you can go Nick then.

47:23Tom Fordyce: Well, I wanted two all. You can have two all then. You're not going to lose nothing if you get two all. You're both right. No, go. Just go for it. no I can't do that I can see the comments already I can see the comments you're not horny enough are you you're not going for no draws no because I think it's the right score I would have gone 2-0 I think it's got one over it but you go first what are you going to go for I'm going for 2-1 Brighton no I was going to do that it's my return bastard

47:55Chris Stark: how am I last on this predictions shit how's it played out like this you're on the beach in Hove already I think Hove are going to do it I'm going to have to go the other way here you forced my hand

48:12Tom Fordyce: they've scored recently do you know

48:15Chris Stark: since they since they re-identified as Hove they've been on fire have you noticed that you are so true you are so true you're right so what have we got 2-1 no 2-all 2-1 2-1 Brighton okay I'll go 2-0 Brighton I hope okay interesting we'll all keep an eye on that game without doubt the odds are correct at the time of recording please gamble responsibly okay right that's the predictions wrapped up and from now on we'll be sharing all our picks on the feed in the Paddy Power app for you to find the feed is where you can browse copy and share bets with other football fans everyone shares their bets and if you see one you fancy you can just copy it and make it your own now I'm not sure anyone should be copying in my predictions at the minute.

49:00Chris Stark: Might need it for inspiration myself. But Chris, you're flying. And Sid, you've won the last two leagues. So lads, you seem to know a thing or two might be worth a follow. Head to our featured tab on the feed in the Paddy Power app to find our picks.

49:20Chris Stark: Right, lads. I am off to have a Chinese, actually. Nice. literally I'm going out for dinner I assume that's the case but what are you boys up to?

49:35Tom Fordyce: Nothing exciting I'd rather be where you are having a Chinese just in the outskirts of Shanghai but enjoy it mate do us proud I hope to see some videos of you doing the full night you know nice dinner couple of drinks karaoke

49:48Chris Stark: well yeah no doubt there'll be some semantics I will share in the group absolutely mate listen they love robots out there you'll have a good time listen boys I can't wait to get back into the Chumbawamba and I'll miss you boys it's great being out here it's great experiencing new things I'll be in the Chumbawamba soon back stronger and regards to both of your families and to yours

50:15Tom Fordyce: beautiful