EP. 405 | That Roundup Episode: Our USA World Cup Plans, Forfeit Reveal & Arsenal’s UCL Heartbreak

0:00Hello and welcome to That Peter Crouch Podcast, Chris Stark and Steve Siddy. How are we? Good man. Well, this man here, he's feeling great. Well, he's had pre-meetings before. I can't believe it.

0:13Chris Stark: So you did your radio show, you know, congratulations on the radio show. No, it's good. It's great. We enjoy it. We listen on the school run. We do, yes. Every morning. And then what do you do then? so then I had a quick meeting after the show which I combined with some breakfast it's good when you do that do you know what I mean yeah I've learnt breakfast meetings are the one they're great yeah but that's good do you remember I used to see like remember I worked at Global where you worked sometimes I used to see Chris Moyles like having a pint after like 11 o 'clock that's the thing that's the beauty of doing the breakfast show now normally when we record the podcast because you guys are very generous with this you try to do it so it's a bit closer to when I finish the radio because I'm up at four in the morning.

0:58Yeah, we respect that. Which I'm obviously really grateful for. But today, Crouchy, Kel Surprise, is filming one of his adverts. So I've had to hang around and doss around for the best part of four hours. So I went to the pub. I went to the Devonshire. Ultimately. Fucking hell. It's like, it's fun. Pre-dev'd. He's pre-dev'd. Pre-dev'd for this. Loose. It's going to be loose. I feel loose. I do. I do fucking hell I do I've rolled in here in shades and everything cheers weather's got a bit better recently

1:32Chris Stark: fucking hell it's definitely a different vibe is it the later you record you walk down and you know there's a few hanging outside the pubs there's a few pints going around the restaurants have got the lunch menu going it's a good vibe I think we need to remember our roots sometimes because I think you know what like back in the day on this podcast we used to get so we used to get so loose we were It caused problems in our relationship. Yeah, well, you know, it was touch and go for our behaviour. It did. It did. We had to be reined in a little bit at times and it was right to do so. But occasionally we need to cut loose a bit more.

2:07I think so. Especially we're in the summer months now, you know, and we're in that weird gooch period before the World Cup starts, you know, between Champions League and... 100%. No, we're in no man's land, aren't we? We're in no man's land. We're in the Graham gooch. We need stuff to do. And then the World Cup, we go again. Yeah. 100 % you've got some good

2:26Chris Stark: big plans coming up for the World Cup by the way but just on that topic as well I I mean there's been a lot going on in my life I haven't really explained but we did kind of we sold a house and we've moved into a new one now but I have I have managed to stumble upon a pub in my own house are we talking are we talking about this Crouchy's been telling me for have you been Crouchy's been telling me for weeks that he's got and I feel this a bit actual shithousery actually from Crouchy. He's got the ultimate barbecue set up in this new place. Fucking outrageous. I love the way he's stumbled over a pub.

3:01No, it's one of those things, like I didn't buy in a house because I love the pub. Are you sure? Really? But it has got... It's not a pub. It's a great barbecue set up with a couple of beers on draft. Right?

3:15Chris Stark: So what do you want, right? What do you want was the question. Yeah. So we kind of went there for the first time last night. Went to where? Sorry, your own house? Yeah. So the pub in your own house, you mean? Yeah, because there's nothing there yet at the moment. So I've just got like a couple of beds, but we all piled in three double beds. And we, yeah, I poured some beers and I've got Guinness and Moretti on tap there. Guinness and Moretti on tap. There we are. There's the first pint me and I have. Just to be clear, this isn't the bedroom. This is the pub in the... It's in the garden, yeah. Look at the setup there.

3:54Oh, fuck, man. Looks like a restaurant. This is, honestly, this is a rare example of actually where if I could run this through AI, I'd want to see this whole barbecue setup without you both in the middle. I almost want to ask, you know, like, chat, GBT, remove the two people in the middle so I can see the barbecue. But it's what, like, I'll show you. Mate, you've got the, this is Ramos levels of barbecue. This is like a professional restaurant or something. it's good look at the hood I love the way he's just bypassing you and Abbey in that picture what I'm saying it's a good pint is it really it's creamy they're both they're both creamy I'm telling you all I'm saying is listen there's a lot of stuff to be done you know what I mean we're not there yet but the pints are there but number one it's a great set up look at that but he's got the barbecue set up you know where you you know where you have the coals and you have to you turn the wheels to move them through.

4:53Yeah, like you see in the restaurants. So not even just the rotisserie. It's like, he's using the embers of that. You put the embers in another unit. Yeah. Tell me they're not creamy. What? Yeah, that looks good. They're the first two are poured. That looks great. Bloody hell, mate.

5:09Chris Stark: That looks great. And I know it's sad, but I just felt so happy and proud of being able to pour those. I'm so proud of you, man. Thanks, mate. Is this the money that's in podcasts as well? Thanks so much. This is the money in podcasts now. No. Is this the money in podcasts? I mean, bloody hell. No, I mean, listen, it was the house that we bought. Do you know what I mean? And it came with this. And when the gardener said to me, what do you want on tap? I went, pardon? No, I sold anyway. You know, that was just the kind of the cream on the top of the point. I've never seen a grill like that no I would get cremated on that one day gladly what I'd like to do we should do when we're all up and running we'll have a we should have a barbecue and a pod sush around there oh my god yeah yeah well yeah you're not going to cook though are you no we're Chris will do the barbecue yeah of course yeah I'm happy pouring the pints I'm happy with that Sid and you know you bring yourself Sid his barbecue area is bigger than my house I bring the panel what a guy you deserve it as well thank you you're a legend you are thank you that is the house that's I'm not just saying it you deserve that he's loose he's loose he is loose that's unreal it is unreal who advised you on the barbecue stuff by the way was it just there no no no so whatever legend lived there before at that start Colin Colin yeah but you know I'm just incorporating it it's now called it's now the Croucho Club and you're all welcome will you name your grill after me oh well oh well just feel like I'm cooking on Starkey tonight on the Stark grill brilliant lifetime memberships yeah lifetime membership there we go no closing time wow no bell rang are you happy I'm very happy yeah good man yeah okay alright

7:13right lads

7:14Chris Stark: I just want to reflect really on this year's pod obviously it's coming to an end. We've got some very exciting stuff happening over the summer. What I'd like to say is that we are going to be out World Cups. There's going to be a lot of stuff going on out there that we're going to be involved in. I'm very excited. I'm looking forward to it. I'm a little bit nervous because we don't know it's going to be a hit but we don't know exactly like normal Peter Crouch podcast stuff. We don't know exactly what we're going to be doing. Let's be honest when we came in here today we don't know what's going to happen to it.

7:45It's not that every day. So fucking out there we've got no chance of knowing. But however, it's a World Cup year and there's not been a World Cup year that hasn't been special on this podcast. That's true.

7:54Chris Stark: That's a valid point. But what I'd like to do is reflect really on some of the things that have gone on previously. I mean, some of the guests we've had on, let me rattle through some names here, right? Gary Oldman. And we start there, Gary Oldman. That was, I've seen him on lots, do lots of interviews. I haven't seen him quite like that. I think he really seemed to enjoy it himself. He loved it. It was great for us as well, meeting a legend like that. Ed Serge from Kasabian. Owen Hargroves was absolutely brilliant. James Tarkovsky Sid you met Brazilian Ronaldo yes I did I'm so much so did you I did as well yeah yeah I did oh my god forgot yeah I just did I did yeah that was amazing separate times but yeah separate times Pulis Pulis and McCarthy Big Mick you know they can I'll go as far as saying we haven't even but I mean that's just a snippet I would say this season's been the best season for guests oh right we've had a lot the Klopp one Danny Dyer Jurgen Klopp Les Verdinand James Milner Ben Foster Harry Wilson Marcus Mumford Terry Brutcher recently yeah we went up to Maccasfield with the lads there I met the Wilson Raider you did got no fans you never know you never know where it's going to take you yeah who was your out of all the guests there what would you naughty naughty for me naughty naughty I just thought nothing sums up the podcast more than I love that day naughty naughty being in here Big Kev the Kitman was good as well that was great we have to get him back on load of comments come out didn't they about getting him back on I really I really enjoyed Gary Oldman yeah I really enjoyed him because I think he really felt at home you could really sense it he was dead chill he'd give us everything and a lot of people said that we got the most out of him that they couldn't get as well so that just goes to show that what we bring here is class yeah and I think we'll look to this season ahead and obviously we'll go again and be back stronger but I was with Robbie Williams in Munich earlier this year and I'm fairly certain it was the Gary Oldman one he was talking about but he wants to come on the podcast as well let's do it and I know he listens and I know you're listening now Robbie we've definitely got to get Robbie on next year I'd love to have him on it's been a long time coming that we do that yeah and I know he'd love to get involved so let's make that happen for next season as well for sure definitely anyone you want to bring along Sid?

10:25I would really like to get Declan Rice on I agree in the Chumba one bar yeah yeah he's a massive fan I know he wants to do it as well he's going to be really busy a big summer ahead but getting to next season I mean if you can wear that meddling as well yeah I think we've nailed it I think we need to get some of football's unsung heroes as well. Like I really enjoyed, um, when we had the lads from, who were they from West Ham? Tony's pie, pie mash. Oh yeah. For example, I think we need to like, we throw it out there sometimes and say, who would you like in the Chumba one bar? Who would you like to be on that Peter Crouch podcast?

11:06And we get a lot of big names and, and normally we can reach out and they want to come get involved. And we've had some great ones this year, but we should also do the same for like, is there an unsung hero? someone like a character or a legend you think we should have on this podcast? Kev the Kitman was brilliant.

11:22Chris Stark: Kev the Kitman was brilliant. I loved it. We over years and years and years ago, we did like a backroom, like a backroom staff conversation. No one really talks about them. You know, when you look at it now, when you see Arsenal winning the league or anyone winning the league or winning a trophy, there's always people around that you don't recognise if you're, you know, you're a football fan, but you don't know the people behind the scenes. and you see how happy players are talking to them. They are integral to the game, aren't they? Yeah. There's one every club has got one, like Bill Blood, for instance, at Chelsea.

11:56We keep mentioning, we have to get him on. There's going to be, I don't know, there's going to be loads. There's going to be loads. There are, just have a think. Who is that person in your club? Who's that one person that you'd like to recommend to us that you think would be good fun on here? it'd be great to get those yeah

12:15Chris Stark: maybe email in or send messages in who you think we'd enjoy you know someone behind the scenes to bring to the fore on the park that'd be good just another one I want to mention as well Mick McCarthy and Tony Pulis I think that was right up there for me as well when Mick was explaining that that situation about you know how that it can came about and the way he described it and he said Alec fucking did it was good that was one of my favourite lines of the whole pod they're a bizarre double act I've been thinking about them a lot since as well and do you know what I think they need to do more together they're like a with the biggest respect in the world they're like an older Anton Deck I think they need to be given some TV shows but I tell you who I saw I saw Michael Ball and Alfie Bowe do an album together and they're phenomenal alright I think that's what needs to happen I think them two need to get into swing music or something or maybe we make it happen Mick McCarthy Tony Poulos at the Royal Albert Hall I've had a dream tuxedos and everything fantastic can you imagine if we can if anyone can we can it can we can we can do you know what are we fucking dudes the other one was sponsoring Maccasfield that was a big moment for the pod FA Cup yeah FA Cup right against Brentford didn't quite come off but the pride that filled us all of them of past the pod jackets yeah live on TNT or and then did we call them before or did we call them after called them afterwards we called them after I think the day after the it was in the car the day after the day after the game that was it yeah because one of the lads one of the lads was working in school do you remember he was a teacher I mean how amazing is that yes you play in that game and then you and then you go to school when you're a hero it's awesome but yeah it was great getting the jackets on the lads we need to do that again maybe in the second yeah I don't think it's over for our sponsorship career I think I think we need to branch out on that yeah also Ben Dwyer we signed one of the jackets yeah that we received here and he was the the guy that won it and of course he went to the Samrat there's a lovely picture of him here sporting the jacket outside the Samrat.

14:42Chris Stark: The jacket looks fantastic. I just do not know what he's wearing kind of below that. It's a questionable get up that isn't it? It's a pair of... It's jockey-esque. Can I describe it to the audience listeners? It looks to me like a pair of shorts with what looks like plastic bags either side of it on his legs with a pair of black wellies. It's like Heisenberg Down Below Peter Crouch Podcast up top. With two thumbs up. double thumbs up outside a closed Samrat Samrat I mean it's good to see it's still standing to a certain extent but they've got the old circus posters in the window there you know yeah it's never a good sign is it we might need to next season think of a new establishment for ourselves to base in do you think well doesn't look like Samrat's opening soon does it nah not what you're saying I was in Portugal not so long ago actually Chris and someone I met a maidenhead player did you yeah yeah you just and I just know you go down there a lot oh yeah he was on my plane oh no way mentioned it go on yeah I don't know why I brought it out but just sort of go on whilst it's there I feel like this episode's good for just getting all them you need to get off your chest what about I tell you I'm going to ask you something go on your boys got a hole in one oh phenomenal video the video how could the video it's gone a bit viral it's gone mad outrageous oh did you put it out did you put it out yeah and they they FaceTimed me as soon as they'd done it so they was on the they was on on the putting green and they FaceTimed me and you know this one's where you you click the button and they've gone dad and I've so I'm panicking straight away thinking something's happened and they flipped the camera around to the hole and I was like no way and then I got home and Harry was just sitting there just look at this golf ball and he was like i was like this is the one he was like yeah and but the video makes it as he lenny my other son he's videoing it and he's he's flushed the shot it's bounced and then they just go screaming and stuff there's when it flips around on lenny he's filming it yeah and he's celebrating and it's only the two of them he's buzzing his voice he's so buzzing yeah and then it's the ending as well because he does he goes full um harry does for, who was it?

17:05Was it Brian Kidd? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said Brian Kidd, yeah. He gives it on the knees. He gives it like the celebration. For Brian Kidd. But weren't you saying Harry knew it was like just before he hit it? Yeah. And you had the same feeling. Yeah. So Harry, so Lenny went into Harry and said, do you fancy nine homes? And Harry was like, yeah, let's do it. Because it was a late one, like five o 'clock, sort of half four, five, two off. And as they're getting ready, H said, I'm going to get a hold of one today. Did he really? He said it as well. And yeah, he just... As if he's up

17:37Chris Stark: the other end filming that. I know. Yeah. That's what I mean, he did it though. Have you ever manifested anything in football? As in like, knew you were going to have a sleuth. I've had that today. I've had that. You know you're going to score in a, like you just go, I'm going to score today. Really? I've dreamt it loads of times, but it hasn't always come off, does it? Yeah, but it's that morning of... You would have gone, I'm feeling good today, I'm going to score today. Feeling good today. I'm going to get a goal yeah so yeah he got the hole in one so all he needs now is a nine darter and a one four seven and he's completed completed life he's done it so you've had a hole in one have you had a hole in one no oh Crouchy you play a bit of golf as well I've hit the pin and stuff like that but not have you oh the day he gets a hole in one mate clear the decks I've told her already clear the decks clear the decks can we not just start At the start grill.

18:33Can we not just like, can we not just book in a day to... Do you want to have a go at one? Yeah, it's like, I know we do forfeits on this show, but we've said this before, like we're led a lot by stick punishment. Maybe we need to be a bit more arteta about this, they were saying, like, why don't we make your fantasy come true?

18:53Chris Stark: We each pick a fantasy. I'd absolutely love it. But I just don't know. I don't, I wouldn't feel the same. Like for me, If you were doing ball after ball after ball. It has to be around for me. It has to be around. It has to be one shot. And when that day comes, and it will come, believe you me, when that day comes, I am going to go long into the night. I've told her. I will pledge this as well. Wherever I am in the world, I will fly back. Let's raise a glass, you know what I mean, wherever you are in the world, to that moment. You don't have to. Will you tweet, just clear the decks? Clear. The decks.

19:32Hashtag hole in one. Hole in one. And then I think everyone just, you know, even if you don't want to have a drink, just have a little raise of glass. But let me tell you what I'll be doing. Clear the decks. I'll be full hammer. Full throttle. 24 hours. No off button. No off. There we go. I can't wait for this day already. I'm buzzing for this. Do you think you ever will? I'd like to think so. He will. He will. You'll definitely get one. I'd like to think so. Give us, give me much luck. If anyone's going to get one, this man's going to get one. Give me a prediction. When, let's go full sort of mystic Meg on this.

20:04When do you think you'll get your hole in one? Do you think it'll be this year? Give me a month.

20:10Chris Stark: I think I'm hitting the ball cleaner now. I think there's more scope to. Yeah. I don't want to give myself, I think year two. Give me two years. Two years. Within two years. I like it. Pre-50. It has to happen pre-50. 350 I like it a lot okay great I'll keep you all posted anyway yeah if you know obviously there's been various other bits and pieces that we've done obviously we've made shin pads great again some of the campaigns that we've had have been have been big this glass for instance I've got to thank Lumsdale for the Peteroni glass which you love you can't wait to get that in your pocket I love it I can't wait it's great isn't it look at this Look at us two with Ian.

21:02The chalice. The Trevor chalice. It's so audacious, the whole thing. It's always audacious. Even the chair and the fucking glass, it's an outrage, really. Fucking who do you think I am? I have sat in that chair a couple of times. I've got to apologise. I don't like doing it. These lot throw me in there, to be fair. They go, look, for recording purposes, you need to sit in that chair. And I go, please, can I sit in this one? He keeps trying to swap with me. As soon as I say no, you've done it once. I have tried to get him in there. He's adamant that he's like, I don't, I just think it's a bit like touching the FA Cup.

21:38Unless you've won it, you shouldn't be doing it.

21:40Chris Stark: Touching the FA Cup. And yeah, on the make shin pads great again, or make shins great again, the campaign we had, Bespoke Sports, they're the ones that made all the shin pads for us as a podcast and also for Jurgen Klopp, Harry Wilson, various people that we've had on guest-wise. Bespoke sports. Big thanks to them. Game's gone board as well. You've asked me not to look at it, Sid, right? So what were you? This has been one of my highlights of this season. I think it's the best shout, especially of this season, because I think I've heard the phrase, the game's gone more than ever this season. So I don't want you to look at it.

22:16So I'm going to go through a few of them. And I want, if you can remember who said it. Okay. First one's easy. Cockney Reds. Danny Dyer. Good shout. we're going to go for VAR in the Wrexham versus Chelsea game Harry Wilson good one

22:42celebrating is that mediocrity is that Les Ferdinand I think that's is that Dermot Kennedy Dermot Kennedy that is the toughest one we've got cameras in dressing rooms James Milner yes very anti that wasn't he yeah which yeah to be clear that's obviously football dressing rooms rather than yeah yeah he's putting them up in the local Primark I just we just need a bit of clarity on that I think just for avoidance of all lawyers he doesn't do that no that's not woke nonsense no I think I think that should be That shouldn't happen. Yeah. And in the last one, we've got a socks over knees, eating on the pitch, which is the gels, no communications, and hair bands.

23:33Terry Butcher. Hair bands is a better. Hair bands is a better. He's so good. Terry Butcher, socks over knees. Can you imagine Terry Butcher? Can you imagine what Terry Butcher would have done to someone who had his socks over his knees? Imagine that. Seriously. Socks over the knees, hair band. And what was the other one? Eating on the pitch. Gels. Gels. Imagine someone referring him to gel. Yeah. It's basically talking about Ben White, isn't it?

24:00yeah yeah and then we've got the other ones up there digital match programs that was your one wasn't it been a big one this season actually since we mentioned it a few clubs have sort of been pinpointed on that one I know Watford do this it's no physical match programs digital match programs only hoping to get a change in the law on that one seriously yeah are we going to Parliament there's been a bit of a ground sweat on this one time for a petition. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Potentially. Okay. Potentially. And then you got the ball rolling with woke deadline days, which was like always class. it's just a lack of dildos really.

24:34That was my main, that was my main issue with that. Totally agree. Just, you know, if we're going to have them there, I think this should be the civilian side of the fence. Maybe it's on us to cover deadline day. Maybe, maybe we need to make it great again. And we go out there to the training grounds with arms. Put ourselves in arm's way for the sake of deadline days. We post out deadline day dildos. Come and put them in our ears. Should we link up with like Love Honey or something just for deadline day? That could be good. I did that. Right? Look, the guy already tapping out the email. Fucking hell.

25:16What partnership. I am looking forward for this for next season. It's been a good one. This has been a great edition. I'm loving it.

25:23Chris Stark: more of it well you know what's good as well there's been some real fan engagement with the Gamescom lots of people getting in touch recently there was one recently I think it was it might have been ITV announcing the team for the World Cup and someone even today just said to me you know why are broadcasters announcing their squads the Gamescom yeah it's actually a good point there was a list of commentators pundits and you know analysts yeah I thought I went yeah fucking hell who cares you are right 26 man squad hold on a minute we've just done ours we've done a whole podcast on what we've achieved this year fucking hell the game has officially gone do you know what before too long we'll be doing end credits on this podcast where we Pods have gone Pods gone bored for next season is it oh listen what I'm going to say I've had a great year with you guys and you know it feels like it's the end of the year where you wrap everything up like New Year or something it's just the end of the football season it's coming to a close you know I think I've loved every minute of you guys this year and I think you know the World Cup for us is just going to be so good we're going to have so much going on it's so important the World Cup is so important you know let's see it for what it is there's a bit of a filipod today in the sense that we're all excited for the World Cup and we're all sort of coming down from the Champions League and the end of season shenanigans that were going on we're in the gooch but soon we will be out the gooch and into the some people like the gooch yeah you partial I know someone who used to call the gooch the chin rest

27:26i've just poured myself a beverage there i mean look you've you've poured that beverage that's that's unacceptable that's unacceptable that's fucking disastrous but that's spot on No, it's fine. It's not fine. It's nothing about that could ever be right. If you look at the glass here, I've got the Peter Roney glass. It is, I mean, nothing about it, but it works. It's very much like me. Nothing about it should work. Nothing. Not one part of it should work. But it fucking does. I didn't get any liquid. I didn't get any liquid. I didn't get one. sip of liquid yeah for the audio listener there's a hell of a lot of head there and not so much substance you are actually right you did poor it best but I didn't realise this was part of the competition I was just in a hurry to get going talking of screwing things up can we quickly talk about the card for one of our team phenomenal it's just a disgrace I can't actually believe it

28:35Chris Stark: I have to say right Ross come back in yeah and he's bought a card, but he said there was no congratulations on your new baby card, so he's bought a happy birthday card. Then he's had a go at us for passing us a card and not saying anything, so we just pointed to Jamie. So obviously we've put in happy birthday Jamie. The card was supposed to be he's having a baby. It's due today. So he's now got a card, happy birthday, and well wishes from us, and it's nothing to do with his birthday. No. Have we got the card, actually? Pass the card here a sec, because it's actually, it's even worse than that, I'd say, Pete.

29:17The cards, firstly, Ross has gone and bought a card, bear in mind this is for a newborn baby, right? And he's gone, oh, there weren't any baby cards in there. I'm almost certain there would have been, or there would have been just a congratulations, right? Yeah. He's gone for a happy birthday card. It's the baby's birthday? I get it, it's the baby's birthday. It's the baby's birthday. On the front of the card it says, happy birthday, you gorgeous, lovely person. I suppose it's gender neutral, isn't it? So it's a bit odd in tone. It's a bit odd in tone. And then poor Jamie here opens it up. To J-Dog.

29:56This is from Sid. Happy birthday, mate. Celebrate it harder than winning the prem. Arteta out. Sid. when the baby's 18 I said this is your first card you received I put again misunderstanding the brief happy birthday lad you've not even hit your peak yet big love because he hasn't been born no he's peak he's not been born yet and then Pete's tried to mop up the situation and give it some credibility by writing it's not his birthday lads congrats on the little one I mean it's just a shambles it's an absolute shambles But I kind of like the idea that instead of a congratulations or a happy birthday, you know, because it's tricky to know what to say to someone who's had a baby.

30:43I like the idea that Arteta out. Yeah, phenomenal. You know, like baby out. Do you know the worst part of it all, right? Was Ross tried to keep this all a secret. Yeah. And now it's on the podcast. And he's sitting there looking at us. So the context of this as well is that he walked in the door, he said to Jamie don't look I thought he was going to get a drink out and pass him a drink or a surprise he's given me the card and has gone so I just thought it's his birthday it's his birthday it must be yeah I didn't even read the front no I didn't really I think he's never done cards I thought it was odd because I've never signed a birthday card for anyone on this podcast no not at all yeah so what I'd like to do Jamie is just to present you

31:30congratulations on the on the new baby I know it's not been born yet but there's all our well wishes from the podcast. Cheers, Jamie. Good luck. If there was ever a card as well from a podcast, it would be that, wouldn't it? That's how we'd roll. By the way, I didn't say Arteta out. I meant is in you as... Baby out. Or push up. Oh, no, you meant, yeah. Push baby Arteta out. Yeah, I thought that's what you were basically saying, little baby Arteta. Little baby Arteta. That's the thing we could go through and try and correct every bit of it now so it reads okay. Little baby Arteta out. Van Gogh, Dibrat and Arteta.

32:04One day they're going to meet up and do a podcast. Oh, mate, that's the dream. That is the dream. That is the dream. Talking of Arteta, what do we make of the Champions League final, guys? What do we make of it? It wasn't a great watch, was it? It wasn't a great watch. It was so leery where I was watching it. I was watching it as a cricket club. Because it only takes one or two Tottenham fans in there. And there was people in there in PSG shirts. and then when it kicked off, it did get quite tasty. I actually tried to calm things down in the place I was in. At the end of the game, I went up, because there was one table that was, to be fair, and some of the Arsenal fans had nibbled.

32:42I walked over, like, obviously a few pints in, trying to be really diplomatic about it. The guardship home lose. I went in and I was over, and I started every conversation I had trying to defuse the fires around there by going, I'm a Watford fan, I'm a Watford fan, as if it allowed me a reason to kind of insert myself into the middle of these arguments. I said, look, there's kids in here. We all just need to... Really? Dad mode, dad mode. I was like, come on, is this necessary? And there was this lady who was really shouting. And I turned around and said, look, let's just calm down, right? And then her son looked at me and went, don't you tell my mum to calm down.

33:21I'll calm you down. I'm like, I'm a Watford fan. I come in peace. I'm a Wofford fan really I'm getting told off it's pointless but God it was tense at the end wasn't it

33:34Chris Stark: it was tense you know what like they're not going to beat them you know the way that PSG play this open expansive football I'm all for a different style of play that's a win football matches like if Arsenal come out and have a go which everyone wants them to do because we all won a great final like we saw in the semi but they're not going to win like that no right and they went about it the way that they they should go about it I think and I don't think they deserve criticism for that they're a couple of kicks away from winning the Champions League yeah totally the game plan was so good wasn't it I mean they took the goal really well Havertz for starters yeah brilliant and then after that they defended I mean PSG did they even have a shot first half on target nothing mate like it was like best attacking team in Europe ticked time waste kill the game stop the flow and then one mistake from from Mascara yeah I think the ref it was interesting how it was refereed as well because there was so much especially in that first half of psg really looking for the for you know the the slight touch and going over and actually they did keep the game going yeah a fair amount i thought that that that really looked like arsenal work in my mind anyway from how i was seeing it like a bit more on top of that situation than they perhaps were being given credit for because it felt to me that their game plan of psgs especially and that wasn't really happening.

34:55I mean, fair play. Like, as you say, they neutralised him, didn't they?

34:58Chris Stark: Yeah, that's what they had to do. And I think, you know, I think he gets a lot of criticism, manager. But I think, you know, you've got to play what you're up against. Like, Man City are possibly one of the best teams we've seen, you know, not particularly this year, but over the course of the years. Liverpool winning. Like, they've finished second for a long time now. They've gone to that extra step in the Premier League and then they've been one kick away from beating one of the best teams we've seen. Like, Paris is top level. No one's taken them that far, have they? No. How does it work in terms of this trophy parade the next day?

35:29It felt to me, are you playing in them games and then just immediately...

35:34Chris Stark: But you also think about it, the players want to get on holiday as well, have a little break, you know? And if you come home and spend a few days at home and then have it kind of hanging around, just get it done. Also, you're running on adrenaline the night before. Imagine if they'd have won it. oh gosh yeah we it reminded me of it was when I was at Chelsea and we lost to United in Moscow and we still had a party but you can imagine like I think JT's documented we had to drag him down from his room upstairs he didn't want to come down it was all like let's have a beer we had a good season but I can imagine that day after with that parade it's hard for the ones especially like Eze or Gabriel that's had such a good season and then they're there to try and pick themselves up, you know, promoting a trophy.

36:23It's like... I did it. In 2007, I'd be lost to AC Milan, didn't we? Champions League final. And we were in Athens. And I remember we had the same thing. It was like a limp party at the hotel. Yeah. I still managed to drink loads of it. Yeah. So much. You're a legend, aren't you? Yeah. It was disappointing, obviously very disappointing. But I remember I was going to bed and I remember passing Rafa on the stairs. as he was coming down for press conference at 6.30am.

36:58Wasn't ideal. Torres came in pretty soon after that.

37:07Shall we get into the forfeit? Okay, lads, we've got one last letter from the Paddy Power, Minister of Mischief. It says, dear Crouchy Chris, notorious SID, it's me again. Another football season done and dusted and a World Cup on the horizon. There's no sweeter feeling in the world, is there? He said it was a pleasure to witness your crowning moment last week. You absolutely blew Crouchy and Chris away. I tried to give them a fighting chance with the chaos cards, but there was just no stopping you. Fair place and well done. Thank you. Yeah, well done, mate. I appreciate it. Well done. But can you successfully protect your ring next season?

37:48Really well put. Is this ring like, do you win a ring if you win the league every time, or does the ring get passed around? I think the ring should get passed around. I think so. No one's having my ring. I mean, you know, does it get larger as we go on? I mean, it was. I wouldn't say it was a gaping ring. Obviously, it's going to be snug at a minute, but by the end to be fair it was personalised as well it was personalised yeah by the end you know after 10 years of it after it's had a few different fingers in I think it will just sort of I mean look if you want to make it a communal ring then that's fine but I think you just pass the ring round we'll all enjoy it for a couple of years or a tour of your ring that could be good as well couldn't it oh Chris you've given us plenty of laughs over the season with the biggest laugh of all coming from your final score of 69.

38:52But the laughs don't stop there. It's time to reveal your forfeit, and oh my God, it's a belter.

38:57Chris Stark: We've decided to send you to a late-night comedy club tasked with performing a tight five-minute set. Five minutes on stage attempting to make an audience laugh. Shouldn't be too tricky.

39:13It's not. It's okay. That's not mischievous enough for me. So expect a few surprises up our sleeve. Topics we'd like you to discuss, outfits you'd like to wear, all in the name of comedy, of course. We'll book you a spot for when you're finished in the States. Until then, get practice in your patter.

39:33Chris Stark: Pleasure is always, lad, to see you in the US. Paddy Power, Minister of Mischief. Yeah. Another year, another forfeit, isn't it? A five-minute set. Do you know how long five minutes is? It's a long time. You tell me. It's a long time. It's a long time, Matt. It's not ideal, that five minutes, is it? I think, you know, you're a witty guy. I think, you know, you can come up with enough to... I don't think this is as simple as it seems. I don't think this is... Are you going to try and find... Are you going to try and nick material or are you going to just make... I don't know. I don't know what the rules are going to be with this.

40:12I suspect there's stuff we don't know about it. Well, there's some surprises as well. Expect some surprises. I'll pass leave.

40:20Chris Stark: Whatever happens, Chris, you know, as you did for me when I was a mascot last year, there'll be ultimate support from the podcast and from us as a team fully behind you. It was amazing seeing you as a cheerleader, as a young aspiring cheerleader. Sid, fantastic to see you as a life model. Oh, that was horrible. It really was good. That was brutal. And, you know, you supported me all the way through my mascot experience. There's such a range of forfeits, aren't there? it's yeah anyway we'll see how that plays out so when are we doing that after the World Cup okay fine we'll deal with that as well right lads well listen you know we've wrapped up the league really certainly the English league for a season certainly wrapped up our league it's on to the World Cup now and I believe our next the next time you hear us we will be coming live at you from LA is that correct it's correct we will be coming at you hopefully visa dependent Listen, if we can't get a birthday card right, I don't trust the visa process.

41:22It's going to be too thorough. It could well and truly, you could be in the States, I could be in the big chair, Chris could be at our wedding. In jail. Bear in mind, at the moment we found out from the visa process that our producer's middle name is Ronald. I've watched what you say here, Pete. They're probably listening. Chris may be fucked. No idea who's going to be out there. No idea who's going to join us as a guest. Good luck, everyone. It's going to be interesting.

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