Peter and Abbey Talk Long Distance Delusions, Comfort Knickers and The Return of Shabba!

0:00How are you doing? You look radiant. Shut up. I've got a nice little note in my bag. Oh, that's cute. That's really cute. I'd have preferred an X-rated snap, to be honest.

0:15Abbey Clancy: God, behave yourself. I'll teabag you in a minute. I hope so. No, um, ugh. Maybe it feels sick. Hello and welcome to The Therapy Crouch. ask me anything with me Abby Clancy me Peter Crouch got Gaz here and me Gaz hey how are we guys all good we alright hey Gaz did it does he do it he's gone all LA hasn't he he's gone all LA pure LA yeah I'm so LA I think you are one of those people Gaz if you spent like a month in LA you'd come back with a twang a bit like Harry Styles like Harry Styles or something should we play yeah let's do that when I come back in a couple of months or whatever let's see how I've fed I just chopped words in like sidewalk or something like that like a barf Pete's been up barfing all night I have been barfing um how have you guys been really good how are you doing you look radiant I'm good shut up you do I don't I don't but thanks I um you do I'm just glad to have you back even though it is only for a short space of time, short amount of time.

1:33Abbey Clancy: But you have interfered at my routine. Well, as you keep mentioning to me, like every time, like this is not how we do things now. As if I'm an outsider. I'll show you. Yeah. Because you've just come in and messed everything up. Messed everything up. Because it's taken me a couple of weeks to get, you know, things in order. And I'm balling it up. Pete's screaming at me. The kids have got, didn't get all the spelling tests right. And I'm like, Pete gets the spelling tests sent to his phone and didn't send them to me. So, not my fault. Ah, okay. Just goes to pot the spelling or something. In the doghouse.

2:18Abbey Clancy: No, it's all good. I've had a bit of a howling myself this side. Hopefully I can share this on the pod. before coming out I said to my missus I was like I'm going to be gone for two months is there anything of yours I can take with me just to have as a comfort thing and she gave me a couple of pairs of her pants and I forgot I had them dirty bitch kinky

2:41I forgot I had them and then we have the housekeepers come in and clean and they tidied my whole room but left nicely folded these like women's underwear just in the middle of the bed as if to say like we know no way

2:52Abbey Clancy: did you get my little note that I left you in your wash bag by the way I sent you a picture of it you didn't I said thank you I didn't see that yeah I said thanks I don't think you did I got a nice little note in my bag that's cute that's really cute you definitely didn't mention it I'd have preferred an x-rated snap to be honest oh Peter god behave yourself it was a nice little note it's a nice thing when you you you take that out it was nice it's a nice gesture that babe yeah well done I'm going to ask you some stuff and you're going to answer them I want to hear more about oh about Gazz's knickers so what did you do with these knickers did you put them on I don't know what to do with them I put them on the bedside table and I don't I don't know where to keep them you've definitely tried them on I'm actually that secret yeah listen you've had a little go the crustacean you've had a little go yeah no I don't know yeah no it's great you know it was a nice gesture I like them I just don't know what to do now I don't know where to put them any tips?

3:57any ideas? thoughts on that babe?

3:59Abbey Clancy: on your head don't on your head sleepily in sleepily in so silly so silly right I'm going to get into it right ask me anything Paige has asked her hi Abby, Pete and Gaz I like that name Paige do you? yeah it's quite American it's nice Absolutely love the pod. Never fails to make me laugh. I tell people about this podcast all the time. Oh, that's nice. I recently watched an episode where you said you need to try coconut milk with the iced coffee. Oh, yeah. And it tastes like a nice biscuit. I totally get your coconut milk with coffee. Really tastes like you're eating one of those biscuits. You need to try a coconut mocha.

4:45It's incredible. Never stop this podcast. I will be bored for life if you do.

4:49Abbey Clancy: What's the difference? coconut mocha compared to what's the difference is that got chucky in it mocha I guess so so is that like a bounty bar basically is that what that would taste like chocolate I just don't know when coffee became so pretentious this is I just don't I just don't understand it like even even the even the you can't even call it medium or large has to be like venti or something or grande like even that's busy isn't it yes like just shut up just call it like medium I'll just say cappuccino. Keep it simple. You know if you went in there, like, to one of these coffee... But you'd give me the ick and you asked for a flat white.

5:26That's what I'm saying. What even is that? It's so hard to not give people the ick because you're like... You don't go in there and say, like, a medium coffee, do you? No, it has to be like...

5:35Abbey Clancy: No, but I have discovered a new drink, which is unreal. An iced mint tea. What? So it's just a mint tea bag. I've had it fresh and I've had the teabag and I prefer the teabag. I just like you saying teabag. Iced mint tea. Just like a fucking child. You said teabag three times, aren't you, innit?

6:04Abbey Clancy: I'll teabag you in a minute. I hope so. No, um, ugh. Make me feel sick. Just give me a shudder. Yeah. No, so it's just a mint tea bag with iced water and in like a takeaway cup with a straw. Unreal. That sounds bizarre. It's so refreshing. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. There's so many options now, isn't there? I'm not a matcha girl. This matcha's like taking over the world, isn't it? And you're not a matcha man. Yeah. Matcha man. It's not for me. The kids love it though, don't they? kids love matcha and frickin acai acai bowls and poke bowls and like give me instant coffee and a roast dinner any day I totally agree the game's gone the game has gone so I mean they're basically saying you've got to try this coconut milk with coffee yeah I'll try it coconut mocha sounds good we'll give it a go yeah let's get you one for next week and then get you a review see if it's nice let's see what it's like okay this one's from Jane says hi team saw your recent ep about long distance struggles and I had to write in about me having the reverse problem basically my boyfriend loves calling us long distance fuck knows why no one's interested to begin with anytime we meet new people it's like he has to blurt it out some sort of sympathy for context he lives in Leeds and I live in Manchester he bangs on about it that's not that far is it he bangs on about it like he's stationed in Afghanistan star and deserves a medal for making bi-monthly trip across the Pennines.

7:44Every time he arrives, literally about an hour and a half after finishing work, he says, that journey's killed me. After sitting on one train eating at Greg's and necking a can. He doesn't ever seem to have the same issue when traveling all over Europe on snag dudes and lads trips. Thanks for always keeping me sane through the madness, Jane. So, that's funny, that one, you know, when you have a tired off as well, you know, like, When you both get home from a different day at work, I was thinking, I'm so tired. Oh, no, I'm so tired. Someone has to win. Yeah. It's mad that we do that, isn't it?

8:21Abbey Clancy: We had a bit of a long-distance relationship at the start, would you say? You lived in Olderly Edge and I lived in Liverpool until you text me. How far is that? How far is that for people you don't know? 40 minutes, 45 minutes? 45. Okay. We used to go over that viaduct. It's long enough. The viaduct, yeah. Do you remember that viaduct? Do you remember that, yeah. Every day, every... There was a place... What is a viaduct? It's like a bridge, isn't it? Yeah. We just call it the viaduct. I think it would just make us laugh. Probably not a viaduct. What is a viaduct? I don't really know a difference between a viaduct and a bridge.

8:56Abbey Clancy: Me neither. I don't care. I don't care either.

9:04Yeah, that's funny. He's basically going, oh, God, Charlie's killed me.

9:07Abbey Clancy: I know but it does get relentless doesn't it journeys I think on the way there is okay it's just the way back isn't it way back to the ball lake I don't mind travel in general especially these trains I quite like trains no I don't no I do I'd like a train that's not in London like an empty train going through like the countryside yeah well I imagine that it's quite a nice train leads to Manchester hi Pete, Abby and Gaz I love the podcast and I've been desperately trying to catch up on all the previous episodes. I've attached a couple of pictures of my ugly cat, Midnight. I was wondering if you've ever come across any ugly animals that you consider any of them to keep as pets.

9:53Let's see it. Let's have a look.

9:56Abbey Clancy: Midnight wasn't always as ugly as this and was actually quite cute as a kitten. She's also lost her teeth as well, but she's only about six years old. We think she looks like a cross between the Grinch, Yoda and Cardi P. What are your thoughts? On another note, I would like... No, not you, the actual Cardi P. Oh, really? On another note, I would like to extend my invitation to host a roadshow podcast from our dairy farm. We have a big holiday let on the farm for Pete and Abby and family and I'm sure the kids would love looking around the farm and seeing all the animals being fed and the cows being milked.

10:34Abbey Clancy: imagine a podcast on a farm and the noise of the animals in the background cheers Michael Barrett he's cute that's your dream isn't it Ab's living on a farm you love the vibe of that that is a cute little cat oh look at that thing oh look at the nose on that so our little our little Bambi is quite he's so cute but he has got a little tinge of the ugly brush it's so ugly it's cute isn't it yeah it's lovely that is a mad mad looking thing it looks like a wise old man but it's six years old it looks old doesn't it like wrinkly yeah he looks like an old man god it's lost its teeth is that normal for cats to just lose teeth I've never heard of that it's very human like have you seen any ugly animals it does have the grinch it's the ugliest animal you've seen 5 '11 you're going to say I'm looking at it no no Bambi's a little bit ugly our dog do you think yeah I do it's got a funny little face but he's gorgeous but he's not like no Geoffrey's a handsome boy isn't he like Bambi's a little bit squished and little underbite going on but I don't think animals are that ugly really I don't know our little kittens are just absolutely gorgeous aren't they I've never seen anything as beautiful they are they're so small they haven't even opened their eyes yet Gaz have they not I was going to say have you put a picture of them up yet or have we seen them yet no I don't know you have have you no I will though I will yeah I'd love to see them they haven't even opened their eyes no they're like the brand spanking new 10 days old they're not it's like your chicks as well are the ones you incubated.

12:26You just love birthing animals.

12:28Abbey Clancy: I just like anything baby. Don't I? Oh, sick in that regard. Pete, you love them. You've been holding them. And it was so cute because Paolo, my friend, he was the one who introduced me to Animal Rescue Algarve. And he came round to the house and with his wife and with two kittens that he was fostering who were a couple of weeks older than ours but they didn't have a mummy so it was like could you just bottle feed our kittens so a little tiny bottle of milk it could just feed these little tiny kittens just wrapped up in a blanket and i was feeding them it's just what was it like pete yeah it was nice just magical you love it you loved it didn't you i did enjoy it but i don't know i ever tended you to say animal i enjoyed it i don't i don't absolutely love it i i like animals i'm not like a you pete When we went there, Pete wanted to take this little deaf dog home.

13:26Abbey Clancy: Dignes, he was absolutely gorgeous. And then this other horrible bastard of a person just left their dog. So they've had this pet golden retriever for 13 years. So she was an old girl and they said, oh, we're moving. We're leaving Portugal now. So just dumped the dog. Oh, my God. Just dumped her at the animal rescue center. And this is a dog who's been a family pet. and has been there the whole time, and Sid, the owner, was telling us a story of Pete's at the corner, tears, crying his eyes out. I was crying. And just this beautiful girl, like, is probably so confused, doesn't know where she is, why she's been dumped, where her mum is, a human mum and dad.

14:11Abbey Clancy: I just think, oh, my God, it was horrible, wasn't it? Some cool stories there, yeah. I would take all of them if I could. But I think... Oh, bless you. yeah there's loads of dogs that need a dog and cats and everything that needs um homes there so you should look at look it up animal rescue algarve and that's i'm plugging it but you know if you want a beautiful little dog i'm worried about your digs now because there's gonna be more animals than humans and i feel like being outnumbered is kind of creepy it's a bit yeah being outnumbered is a bit unnerving try being outnumbered by children that's even creepier

14:53Abbey Clancy: it's it's I was speaking to Kaz about this it's like you know if she if Luca does something wrong she's kind of and she'll say to him like don't do this and blah blah blah he'll do what he's told when mine all gang up on me because there's a group of them you know it's harder because they all get confidence from each other and just go shut up mum yeah I need to rein that right back in uh huh hi Pete Avangaz I've just discovered an itch with my boyfriend I just finished giving him a head when he shouted at the top of his lungs shabba and asked Alexa to play Mr. Boomastic that's bullshit how did he's like it's just a mind that's absolutely bullshit listen why how did you get sent this by 10 people hundreds so it's a gag then literally no it was like a screen grab of like an ick for the pod that somehow everyone's found and is like sharing it it's like have you seen this have you seen this oh okay do you know that is that it that was literally it is it just is that it justified absolutely someone's having a giraffe there number one Mr.

16:06Bombastic I don't get it

16:09Abbey Clancy: I don't get it is that is that where the the genesis of Shabba comes from is it Shabba yeah I don't know where it comes from because I've obviously joined the show a bit later in the life cycle so is that where it all came from Mr. Bombastic uh Bombastic sounds right doesn't it Shabba Mr. Bombastic fuck yeah is that Shabba is it Shaggy yeah but he does say Shabba doesn't he yeah I wonder why he says Shabba if his name's Shaggy Shabba does Shabba ranks in it I don't know I don't know. I don't know. Where did Shabba come from then? Because you guys have pioneered that. It kind of just happened, didn't it?

16:46Abbey Clancy: It's just a noise you make when one puts one's finger up someone's ass. Shabba is the word, isn't it? It's like that do the thing and make a noise. Like, I'm going to do an action and you make the noise that I make. You're too slow. You can't do it. Have you seen that? No. that's a great game no but I love it you make like a face and I'll make a noise okay do it again oh oh shit oh my god go on abs do one more face you do abs you have to see the face you have to see the face first and then get the noise okay go then alright do it at the same time I'll do it first then I'll do it again

17:43it's so dainty it's quite a fun game actually you do another

17:46Abbey Clancy: I quite enjoyed that you do a face you did the same face you can't pull faces I'm not very good at faces your face doesn't work yeah my face doesn't work yeah that's true have you ever tried doing that one where you try and say something without making a noise you say a sentence like hello my name is Peter Crouch but then Abby will say it on your behalf try and say Coca-Cola without moving without your lips touching is that a thing Coca-Cola I feel like I'm right with you in the room Coca-Cola I just say it normally no I just say it normally your lips don't touch anyway I just love I just love making people go Coca-Cola but if you just say it on Coca-Cola why are you doing that Coca-Cola what do you mean I wasn't doing that oh here's one for you on this alright pair of you okay I want you to look look down your cameras can you try and laugh with a straight face you can't smile try and burst out laughing now without smiling you did a little smile like proper like like try and belly laugh that's pretty good we are fucking losing the play Okay, I have a question for Abby.

19:08I'm also Scouse and I lived down here south for 18 years at first, Gillespie Road, then Highbury Fields, now on the outskirts of London. Always love living around football grounds, making me feel at home. So when I go home, people call me a diet Scouse.

19:25Abbey Clancy: My question... Call Roar? When I go home, people call me... Home? When I go home? When you go home. That's what I said. When I go home. he does say a few Scouse words did I actually say that whom whom my question is for Abbie how to validate our Scouse Irish culture I'm so proud but I feel offended when I go home people down south think I sound Scouse but when I'm home they can hear that I don't live there and say I'm not Scouse anymore how do you deal with this I genuinely don't care what people think down here but when I go home I'm proud of my culture definitely not a wall and it feels even more insulting that they can hear I live down south working away and listening on the end of my shift early in the morning love you all abs such a queen much love Alice queen slow see when I go back to Liverpool everyone's like oh god who do you think you are you're so posh now but here in London people think I'm literally commoners muck Scouse as they come.

20:34Abbey Clancy: But a funny thing happened to me the other day. I went food shopping the other day and the guy on the till said, oh my God, you sound exactly like Paddy the baddie. I didn't tell you this. Paddy the baddie. And he was obsessed with Liverpool and he had all LFC. He went, I've been to Liverpool, I'm an LFC fan, and he had all tattoos. He was like, you sound exactly the same as bloody Paddy the baddie. I'm not as Scouse as him, am I? Paddy Bamblitt. I don't know, yeah. That's just a Scouse, hang on. Is there levels of Scouse? There are levels of Scouse, yeah. Definitely. If you're from North Liverpool, you're more Scouse.

21:18Abbey Clancy: I'm from South. So if you compare me to like Jamie Carragher, it's a different accent. So are you accepted amongst Scouses? I'm assuming you are because you're Scouse as they come, right? Am I accepted? amongst my own people. I do think you're a bit of a knob, don't I? She's saying what she left and went to London. She's saying she's kind of been like cut out. No, I think when you move away like that, yeah. I don't think people, I think, you know, Pete's not even Scouse in his Scouse. The Liverpool people have taken him in, adopted him as one of our own. I think there's very much a strong sense of community in Liverpool and you know Scousers stick together I'd say but I don't I don't want to sound like Paddy the baddie he's so Scous there's nothing wrong with that no there's nothing wrong with that but he's also a boy but yeah it's a bit strange he's a man he's really sad right it's bedtime for you I'm going to get my little sick baby to bed yeah alright well thanks for listening guys we'll see you soon are you excited to see me soon guys no yeah i'm some buzzing i'll lay out a big day we can all go out and about we know you know i'm actually buzzing i'm i'm totally serious here i don't i can't wait i'm looking forward to it so uh yeah here's to a good one guys and i'll take you shopping with a little and just just so you know i'm not paying for this makeover you're gonna pay for yourself oh no of course yeah of course all right so in that case let's go uh Let's go to Primark.

22:56Zara. Nothing wrong with Primark and Zara, honey. Nothing wrong with Primark and Zara. Although, yeah, I'm more of a... What am I? A Reese boy. Pete, do you ever wear a Reese before we started off? Yeah, I like Reese. I do like it, yeah. Do you ever find it?

23:13Abbey Clancy: Have you ever shopped in Massimo Dutti, Gaz? I love the way you say it. Massimo Dutti. I don't know how to print it. Yeah, it's nice in there. it's so nice it's lovely oh my god there's some amazing things isn't there like for that classic kind of linen lovely shirt a lot of suede jackets and I think that could be a good place to start it could be a bit of you guys okay let's go there yeah my pretty woman okay sister I got you bye son cheers and yeah we'll catch you all next time good bye good girl

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