That Christmas Nativity Special: Donkeys, Darts & Angel Di Maria

0:00This podcast is part of the Acast Creator Network. hello welcome to that pete crouch podcast pete here crouch uh no to miss this i'd chris starker are with me this is a christmas day occasion uh so we've we've popped open a couple of beverages um chris you've got a a great jumper do you want to explain yours it's a mick mccarthy jumper i saw it on the internet love it it's uh perfect for this year perfect yeah this can't be christmas can it it can it can't it can i've got a little a little jumper as well I've got a beard option as well you're flashing as well I should say as well yours is lighter be careful that could catch a light I'm flashing yeah but for me the winner of the show who stole the show for me is Steve Seedwell I feel like I've got the short straw here lads I feel like you might have done you look great can you explain your jumper to us Sid well I believe he's got a bow on here and what are we what is the what are we calling this I don't know what it is what are you are you sort of like an elf or you've got some sort of hook hat at the top there is it like a candy cane are you a stocking oh yeah candy cane is it a candy cane with a bow tie on though who made that who made that jump on I don't know but we're going to keep the tag on because we're going to send it back that's for sure

1:26absolutely incredible come on I think you are listening to this on, I've got to get rid of that beard if you don't mind because it's literally in my mouth. Yes, it's a festive Christmas podcast. I think it's about Christmas Eve. So if you are a little bit bored and you have a few moments on Christmas Eve, then please do this because we've got a lovely reading of the nativity play in a minute, which will be lovely. But what would you all be doing on Christmas Eve? Christmas Eve, we actually have a tradition, Christmas Eve. we go for lunch Christmas Eve have some beverages and then it's getting to that age now where the boys go to the pub do they?

2:07yeah and I venture on down make sure they're okay tell them don't fuck up Christmas yeah they fuck up Christmas no they don't they haven't done so far yeah fair play because I remember when I was that consumer age I remember I ballsed up Christmas one year by not being there's always one year that I think then hopefully puts you off. But it's so easy to do because, you know, you see in Christmas, you go to the pub, then you think, oh, we might as well hang around seeing Christmas together. Then you've always got to stay to celebrate the fact Christmas is there and then you're nearly at two o 'clock.

2:40Yeah, yeah, no, no. I'm normally being quite sensible, preparing my Christmas day schedule because, you know, I do all the cooking. So I'll be fine tuning that, a couple of pints, peeling potatoes, that sort of thing. Would you be rubbing meat that early? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll rub the beef. I reckon Massage the beef We massage it in on the Christmas Eve I think the thing is with Christmas the true story of Christmas can be forgotten in amongst all the festivities and the fun and I think what you've suggested we do today Crouch is lovely because although not the original Christmas story in its truest form it's a way better representation of it than I think a lot of people are doing probably at the moment so thank you for reminding us what christmas is truly about i i just felt it was something that we need to get back to the reason why we're doing doing this in the first place you know and it was the story of of jesus we do call ourselves football heritage don't we but this is this is christmas heritage and this is i guess a football version if you will uh of the christmas story yes read by peter crouch a long long time ago in a town called samir nazareth there lived a young woman called Mary Earps and a young carpenter called Joseph Cole.

3:59They loved each other very much, but they also loved Fowler just as much. Mary Earps of Samir Nazareth was very special because Fowler had chosen her to be the mother of his only son. Fowler sent the angel, Angel de Maria, to ask Mary Earps if she would be the mother of Fowler. right so i think we are gonna have to interject to places here you i see where where this is going hopefully you do by now um we are switching out some of the names of the characters to football names uh and i'm very excited to see where this story leads how about you steve our imagination has um preceded us in this cradgy you just tell us when you need us to step in well if you i'd like you to step in now if you could be the angel de maria okay i'll play angel de maria okay Mary Earps, you are the chosen one Soon you will have a baby boy He will be very special He will be the son of Fowler And you must call him Gabriel Jesus Soon after Angel de Maria's visit King Ledley, the ruler of the land Gave an order By order of the emperor Everyone must return to the place they were born To pay a special tax Joseph Cole was worried He was born in a place called Camden It was a long way from Mary Earps.

5:20The baby was due.

5:25I'm not sure if this is weird, too weird. Can we carry on? It was a long way away and Mary Earps' baby was due any time. Joseph Cole and Mary Earps knew they had to go and prepare for the journey. Mary Earps rode to Bethlehem on Odin Windus. With Joseph Cole by her side. remember Mary was remember Mary was about to have a baby as a long and dangerous journey Mary Earps and Joseph Cole were grateful to their faithful little Dean Windass who carried Mary Earps so bravely and so carefully okay I'll be Mary Earps then you be Dean Windass yeah thank you little donkey you're welcome

6:19No one's even going to listen to this on Christmas Eve It took many days to reach Bethlehem When they arrived Mary Ertz was very tired They needed to find somewhere to stay But the town was crowded and lots of other travellers and every inn they went to was full Let's go and sit Who am I being, Joseph? Joe Cole here joker. Let's go and see if they have room for us. No, we are full capacity. Said Manuel Neuer, the innkeeper.

6:57I'm really coming round to this. It's a good idea, I'm telling you. It's a good idea. Eventually, seeing how tired they both looked, one kind innkeeper took pity on them. so this is a different innkeeper or is this man Rohn or again I think we need Peter Schmeichel so Schmeichel please Sid enter the innkeeper Peter Schmeichel I have no room at the inn but you can stay in the stable where I keep my animals it is dry a warp do you want another run at that voice or are you happy with how that's gone it was a bit Welsh I don't know. I loved it. I loved it. That's got to stay in it. Oh. Fucking hell.

7:46That was classic. That was classic. During the night, Mary gave birth to Gabriel Jesus. She wrapped him in strips of cloth and laid him in a Nicky manger full of hay. Mary cuddles the baby, wraps him in, places him in the manger. In watch the cow, Tommy Mooney. Let's move a little closer to the child Then a Philip Lahm We might make up the baby, Jesus Dee Windass No, hee haw, hee haw, he's already awake Enter the Freddy Shepherds on the hillside Nearby on the hillside overlooking the town Some Freddies were watching over their sheep Some Freddies were watching over their sheep As they did so, a very bright light came into the sky Do not be afraid, I have good news The son of Fowler has been born You will find him in a stable in Bethlehem The Freddie shepherds were excited and went to Bethlehem to find Gabriel Jesus When they found him, they filled with joy They told Mary Ups and Joseph Cole about Juan Pablo Angel in the sky This must be the son of Fowler The Angel de Maria has told us he will be the saviour of the world.

9:05Thank you, Fowler, for giving us your son. A long way in the east, three Dennis Wise Ledleys who studied the Ishmael Star burning brightly in the Sky Andrews. They knew this meant a great ruler had been born. Enter Ledley King, Josh King and Kingsley Coman. The three kings followed Ishmael Star to the stable in Bethlehem. they found Gabriel Jesus lying in his Nicky Banger. Ledley said, I bring you this gift of David Gold. Josh said, I bring you this gift of Frankincense Lampard. Kingsley said, I give you this gift of Merson. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, let us not forget what Christmas is all about.

9:49It's Gabriel Jesus' birthday. This Christmas, let us keep a clean Johar so that Gabriel Jesus can be born there too. now and always at the centre of our lives peaks and troughs throughout that kind of went pretty well I think I thought it was superb yeah it was some great the highlight for me was your it was the accent on Peter Schmeichel Peter Schmeichel yeah I feel like a proud dad watching you perform at the Nativity I try to just you know give it everything you really came across well that's great and thanks for the jumper as well Sid SIDS because it's really put a smile on my face thank you lads right little bit of admin for you guys if you are enjoying this top quality content if you like a de goods then make sure that you hit subscribe right now okay we're trying to gather an army here first thing you can do to be part of this podcast is hit subscribe do it now well I hope you all enjoyed that as much as we enjoyed reading it to the darts of destiny let's go

10:57This is the next part of the podcast by Paddy Power. Right then, it is time for the darts of destiny. They're doing this at the World Championship darts. Nine darts to score 180. It's harder than it seems. And then someone's going to win 180 grand. It's pretty awesome, actually. So what we're doing, instead of doing the fixture predictions that we normally do, we're actually each going to be throwing nine darts every week for three weeks. Whoever comes out on top, because it's unlikely we're going to get 180, but whoever comes out on top is going to get five points in our league, which could prove vital at the end of the season.

11:29That's been very much so, yeah. I did it last week and I scored 106, which I think is a half-decent marker. Oh, I'm going next, I think, yeah. On the Darts of Destiny thing, which is happening at Ali Pali, it's all for a really good cause as well. It's raising money for Prostate Cancer UK. So if you would like to potentially get involved in that, potentially win 180 grand and donate to Prostate Cancer UK, all you've got to head to is dartsofdestiny.com, a winner is going to get selected at random UK and Ireland only enter before January the 1st 2026 there's eligibility and T's and C's which you can find on the website they do apply 18 plus please gamble responsibly shall we crack on with our darts of destiny?

12:10yeah Peter Crouch please step up to the sky 180 or 106 to beat okay first dart 7 7 8 8 15 and 7 again That's 22 so far. 22. How are you feeling after your first three darts, please, Peter? Like shit. 22 so far. 19. 19. Three. 19 again. Oh, that's a huge, huge start. Two in the 19 there, one in the three. That's 63. We're up to 63 in total. Total? Is that right? 63 in total. So you have three darts left and you have 117 remaining. Seven. Seven. Another seven. Oh, this could be huge. Double three. Double three. Double three. So we score of 83 in total, which means the five points. 103. 106. 106, sorry.

13:13So, so far floating around the 19 part of the board. It goes quickly, don't you? And then immediately you have regrets. So that's me written off of the, for the five points. Yes, it's between me and Sid. and the final Darts of Destiny on that Peter Crouch podcast will be happening in next week's episode, which comes out on New Year's Eve. This episode is brought to you by a load of pricks.net. We are the experts in selling houses. Chris couldn't sell his house. What did you do, Chris? I couldn't sell my house for love nor money, Crouchy. Three different offers I had, all at the last minute, fell through.

13:43I turned around to my wife and said, what can we do to sell this house? Every estate agent is failing us. Then I told her, let's go to a load of pricks.net. But Chris, what did a load of pricks do for you? They were brilliant, Crouchy. They sold my house right away. The sign had barely gone up when a well-dressed gentleman came along and offered me twice the asking price. Chris, would you use a load of pricks again? I'd use them every time, Crouchy. Go to loadofpricks.net. They will sell your house like no other. Loadofpricks, loadofpricks.net.