Why Footballers DREAD Returning For Pre-Season… Chris’ Forfeit Plans & Señor Sids Returns? | EP. 417

0:00Chris Stark: Hello and welcome to That Peter Crouch Podcast. It's me, Peter Crouch, and I've got Sid with me. And Chris Stark is back in the Chumbawamba. How are you? Mate, it's good to be back. We embraced. It's been a long time. It was emotional. I mean, the tan on this fella already is something else. Steve Tanswell. I can't wait to see. I can't wait for you to be back in the Chumbawamba. I'll say it's hot sitting here, mate. It's very hot. I fucking know. I mean, I've been in America for so long. I feel like I'm a proper yank now. I did wonder if you might go a bit McLaren and there might be an accent in there, you know.

0:40I think so. I think I've gone the other way. Well, mate, I feel like in terms of what we could send out as an ambassador to other countries, you've been unreal. I mean, it's been really interesting experiencing the World Cup from this side. Yeah. obviously from sort of the cuck chair of the Chumba One Bar.

1:05Chris Stark: No, I mean, Chris, obviously I can't dress it up. We had a lot of fun. I know, mate. And I feel like obviously you were sorely missed, but obviously we drafted Tom in and it did feel a bit cucky and I apologise for that. No, it was a really interesting one for me because I want you guys to go and have the best time ever. And, and you're right, Pete. And you kept saying to me like, mate, come out here. We'll sort it, you know, and I really appreciate that. And, and obviously I saw the tournament from here, like, you know, like a lot of people did. And it was really interesting. Obviously the difference between how it was here and obviously how it was there and kind of when the tournament got into a new rhythm, feels like the Mexico game in particular was a real turning point in the UK, I think.

1:51yeah um but boys it just looked amazing and the odd picture i'd get from you two even on the golf course yes uh i saw you were swinging by the playboy mansion there we did swing by the playboy mansion we had a little peep through the fence um yeah that was a bit surreal that golf course wasn't it i think at the halfway house uh hut they served up wagyu burgers right fresh like on the griddle you would have loved it the barbecue you would have loved it you would have loved it the chef come out literally threw these patties down, threw the, the wagyu down, got the, uh, like the, the, the plate thing that we just like squashing down, like the sizzle.

2:30Yeah. Yeah. Um, but it was, it was strange out there. I thought on the whole, I loved the World Cup out there. And like, obviously we see it from a different, um, perspective, but there was moments I'm sure like the guys will say as well, it was like, there wasn't a World Cup there as well. It was really sort of hit and miss both like every other day, really. Yeah. And that's the thing, Crouchy. What I mean by the ambassador thing is more than anything, I kept seeing you in various different situations because I know you were doing a lot of the TV stuff out there as well. And you end up seeing a lot of that over here.

3:04I saw you with Speed, which was, I mean, looks hilarious. I mean, your whole reaction to that was amazing. But there was just so many what the fuck moments that involved you. and I just think yeah from your country I think as an ambassador at times it was a bit salt bae maybe but it was you've just done a phenomenal job the last few weeks

3:30Chris Stark: well that was the that was the thing with me obviously I've loved it and obviously Ab and the kids they came out to New York and they you know I did most of it you know we did it as a podcast I worked with Fox as well and then they've come out for the last bit but there was an element of it I was so excited and you kind of forget what you're actually there to do. You know, like I was, at the end of the day, I'm an England fan as well, myself, Sid's an older team as well. And we got caught up in the World Cup and, you know, we forget we're kind of there to do a job. And then when I was behind the goal, obviously, with that Harry Kane moment when I was, when I hugged him, like I was genuinely behind the goal and I kind of know the lads and they were singing Wonderwall, which is one of my favourite songs right in front of me.

4:12Chris Stark: It's so hard to not get involved in that because I was involved. And then I thought to myself, you know, I'm a bit salt by here. But I think the line was, it was just about right. I think I just about got away with that and didn't quite go full kit wanker, although I was very close. No, it was right. And I should say as well, congratulations on your legacy cap as well. That all looked really emotional. And it was a wonderful surprise seeing that. You boys sent me a selfie, I think, when you're on your way to the England camp. And it was so lovely to see. And I could see you were a bit emotional about it as well.

4:46Chris Stark: I was a bit, you know, because it was just about like that Mexico game. You know, we've spoke about this before, but the Mexico game was so special. Like just being in the Azteca, the atmosphere, the game, the way it panned out, the sending off and then to get the win and then the wonderful moment. And then it wasn't the next day, it was the day after that. We were then in the camp and I was just in there. It was so surreal. And obviously I knew I was getting my cap, but I didn't know kind of how they were going to present it to me. Then they took the whole podcast team in there, all of us obviously, you know, Sid and Tom as well.

5:24Chris Stark: And then we went in there and the whole team kind of lined up for Harry Kane to give a speech and give it to me after that Mexico game. So that was, it kind of felt, it did feel a little bit emotional, you know, like, you know, I know it's a new thing, the cap and people are kind of, I suppose, a little bit maybe divided by it. But obviously I'm very proud to have played for my country, but then to receive it during the World Cup by the whole team and the manager with Harry Kane, who's potentially the greatest ever England player, presented to me. Yeah, it did feel a little bit emotional. Yeah.

5:57And that was the one for me. I think when I saw that, because the intensity of that Mexico game over here, it really rewarded everyone that got up, particularly, you know, the fans that stayed up either all night or up early to watch that game. I felt like everyone here felt that they were rewarded with that game almost. That it was one of those games that will live on a bit like maybe England-Netherlands. You know, when you see that England kit in 96 and it often has it printed on the front. I think this is going to be one of those games that will always be that. So did you stay up and then go to work?

6:31Yeah, well, when it got delayed in a weird kind of way, I think that helped quite a few people. because it was like four o 'clock in the morning. So it made some decisions a little bit easier on that front. But yeah, I was obviously on the radio every day, which is probably the main reason I couldn't get out there and some family stuff as well. You had a proper job. No, but that's not true. You've got a proper job. This is dream come true stuff, what you guys were doing. And also Tom as well, you know, like I've been really enjoying the pod and I've missed his sultry tones as well. It's interesting.

7:04It popped up on the way here. it popped up a little Facebook memory. Facebook. I actually did. I went on Facebook. I was on that. It just popped up. I only go on for the little memory bit. Anyway, it popped up and it was us in the palace exactly six years ago. And it just says underneath a royal piss up where I've obviously thrown that picture up there. And it was good seeing him out there. It was a little bit cocky in places. And I did think he did obviously an amazing job because that's what he does. But it really reminded me of when my German exchange came to the UK. You know where you do a home leg and an away leg, right, with your exchange?

7:45I've got to share it with you. So my German exchange was called Andreas. Really nice guy. And I've gone to Germany and stayed with his family. Did you really do that? And stuff like that. Yeah, mate. I went to a place called Mainz and I was in year eight. and we did the German exchange and I went over to, um, I went over to there and I was given his mother, you know, basically you become part of their family. So I got, well, yeah, I was given a German muti.

8:20So the muta, not the fata, the muta. Yeah. So I had a muti over there and then, and then like good time and all that. He came over to England and came over to our house. My God, he was just a better version of me. Spoke better English than I could. And bear in mind, he's the German in this situation. And within one or two days, I just thought like, this is looking way too comfortable. This is looking way too, you know, and then you start to question whether your mum actually likes him more. And it all boiled over actually. you know and this is some of the feelings that were being stirred up a little bit

8:58Chris Stark: but I don't think I don't think any of these swaps go well do you rarely I think it's one of those things in your in your mind you think it might be good but it's not like the practicalities of it difficult it all spilled over Crouchy I remember in Trafalgar Square I'd taken Andreas to Trafalgar Square and it all boiled over where these tensions have been simmering and I was worried that he was just too in on my family and the manners were just brilliant and he was so, so nice. And it boiled over when he, he was, he went up to a pigeon. He tried to kick a pigeon. Oh, fuck. And I, I massively kicked off.

9:34I was like, how dare you kick our pigeons? These are our countries. These are English pigeons. Like, how dare you? Germans. Like, I went, went off on it. Yeah. I had a similar situation,

9:47Chris Stark: Joe. You know, I lived in Singapore when I was a kid and I was, I think I've told you this before, but I was there from three till six and I had a little mate called Turu. Turu, yeah. Yeah, Turu. Well, yeah, he ended up moving to London and I think we were about 13. But bearing in mind, he was my mate. My mum said we were inseparable from three till six. I think he was from Hong Kong, Turu. But we ended up going to, yeah, we ended up, sorry, I think the yoga situation's happening. Yeah. We've not explained this yet, have we? Quickly tell us about Turu. He's put the lights on the yoga situation.

10:26The lights are on.

10:29Chris Stark: So what I have to say, it's a yoga class in here. They've put the mats out on the floor and the lads are just setting it all up. Hey lads, you all right? All good? Yeah. But anyway, back to Turu. I basically had nothing in common with him at all from 13 years old. Went over to his house, I think it was in Wimbledon. My mum said, oh, you love Turu. You went there. So then the mums went and caught catch up about Singapore. And I sat with Turo and, you know, one of them where just, we kind of just like rattled our hands around and I looked at him and went, how you been? And he went, yeah. Yeah, been good, yeah.

11:06Chris Stark: And then he went and played this like mad computer game that was so far ahead of technology that we had in our country. It was like, I'd never seen it before in my life. It was incredible. And then he was just like really good at it. And then, yeah, and then he kind of left me to my own devices. And that was it. I was watching him play that. Love it. All right, lads. I don't know if you want to do a podcast while I'm moving. Pod on the move. This is great. I'm just getting booted out of the yoga room. Do you need to explain what's happening? Cheers, lads. Yeah, yeah. I'm just moving. Just on the move, lads.

11:45Chris Stark: This is brilliant. Basically, yeah, in the yoga room. The yoga's on the roof, but obviously it's absolutely pissing down today. So it's inside. So yeah, so they've moved the yoga inside. So that was my room that unfortunately I haven't got anymore. He's walking around the hotel trying to find a spot. It's a shame because it looks like you'd booked the room for the right time. I did, yeah. It's not a crouchy... No, I just blagged the room. But have a look at this weather quickly.

12:15Oh, dear. Yeah. There's no yoga there.

12:19Chris Stark: No yoga there. No. Is that all right? Okay. He's helping me out. We're on the move still, lads. I feel like it's like a rice challenge. I like where they're on the move or it's like the crystal maze. Yeah. And they go into the new, the new zone. Oh, beautiful. I think the yoga thing could have been amazing though. Imagine trying to do this podcast and there's a whole yoga class going on behind. I could imagine the voice would have gone really low like that. Really quiet. Really quiet. I don't think a podcast whilst looking at the Downward Dog is a place to be, I don't think. It's people just going behind you.

12:58Oh, it's so good. It's good to be back doing this.

13:01Chris Stark: I really miss this. Not like Capital Sun, is it? Sidney, have you ever been on an exchange? No, I haven't actually, no. Listening to them stories, I'm glad I didn't go on an exchange either. it is weird because it's family swap yeah I mean I got that like literally four minutes then I felt like I was your therapist but you might as well lay down and put your feet up on the sofa and you should have gone full hog Pete obviously give his two pence worth as well so listen guys let it out I'm here for that it's all good yeah it's good it's like therapy at times we are getting into pre-season though lads and obviously the Chumbawamba will be I'm really looking forward to getting back to the Chumbawamba I think I've had a good run.

13:47Chris Stark: I mean, I've been some places, Chris, genuinely. I mean, I've visited Kansas, Boston, New York, LA, God, Mexico City. We kind of travelled all over the place. It was brilliant. But I am really, really looking forward to getting kind of the Premier League season underway and getting back in the Chumbawamba. I've got one last piece of business before I leave here. We're actually supposed to be leaving today from, I mean, the Hamptons, believe it or not, which is an amazing, amazing place. Just had a little break with the family here. And then I'm going back to New York because Liverpool playing in the Yankees stadium tonight.

14:27Chris Stark: Wow. Okay. They're playing Wrexham. So I kind of spoke to some people at Liverpool. I was like, oh, I wonder if I could get tickets for that. Managed to secure them. And yeah, Liverpool, Wrexham in the Yankees stadium. I'm taking the kids today. is that a potential I'm going to see you with Ryan Reynolds later on on Instagram well I don't I don't know I know I know I'm sitting near Mike Myers Austin Powers he's there and Ian Rush and Robbie Fowler oh my god Liverpool legends along with I know they're they're nearby I don't know if I'm anywhere near them but they're there mate if you can get a selfie with Ian Rush and Mike Myers in the same picture is that what you want that's doable that's unreal let me see if I can do that I don't know about Ryan Reynolds but I reckon I reckon Rush and Mike Myers might be an option potentially Fowler as well oh god could be the best selfie of all time yeah yes I don't know if you know Chris as well but like we met LeBron James as well I don't know if you heard that how have I missed this yeah yeah true true story it was amazing well it's an incredible voice It was like, only he could do this, this man.

15:45He just pulls names in.

15:46Chris Stark: Yeah. Where'd you meet him? Yeah, we just met him. I just, I was in LA and, you know, just this really trendy bar and just got talking really. And then he ended up voice noting a few opinions on the game and stuff, you know, for the Paddy Power section we do. It was amazing. Fully involved. Like, you're crouching, man. Like everyone, he was like deadly, deadly in. I couldn't hear this. He sounded a lot like me at times, but he was it was great it was a really cool cool segment yeah sorry

16:22Chris Stark: pre-season back in the Chubba Wamba we're looking forward to it yeah well I'm looking forward to you being back because I kind of feel like what we need is to do you know when the new season starts up again you meet all your mates in the pub and you go get pissed and you just get that first because you get excited for it all start up again and I'm in that mode now I really want the season to get going it feels like there's some funny stuff doing the rounds at the moment have you seen oh where do you want to start with pre-season here do you feel you've said everything you've needed to about the World Cup so far yeah I'm really looking forward to it listen we'll get into a little bit of the Premier League season and what we expect to happen and things but with regards to just a bit of housekeeping certainly Chris there was a forfeit last year that you know we've been inundated with people so that obviously hasn't been decided yet we have secured a top secret comedy club in London.

17:13Chris Stark: They're happy for you, Chris, to do the Paddy Power Forfeit there. We've got an agreed date. We just need to kind of lock that in. For you to do, I think it's a 15-minute set of comedy. 15? You can go to that. 15 minutes? I don't know. I've made that hard. It might feel like 15 minutes. A tight five minutes. It's a tight five-minute set. Tight five minutes, is it? Type five. You're doing a type, what the hell's type five? I guess it's just, I've got to try, do five minutes. Five minutes worth. Five minutes worth of type, type, top gags. So this comedy thing, right? So this is because I lost our league last season.

17:53That's correct. So as I understand it from the guys here, apparently what's going to happen is you're going to feed me some of the jokes as well into my ear. Oh, fantastic. Which means you have, which I think, I'm not totally on board with. In a way, I'd rather just make a routine. I mean, because what they want is they want listeners of the podcast to send in some of their jokes. Yeah, well, that would be brilliant. If listeners can send in some ideas for gags, we can then possibly feed that into your ear, which the audience won't know. Is that right, Gaz? Oh, I'm assuming he'll have to vet some of these gags as well before he goes out.

18:30Okay, we'll have a look. We'll have a look. Are they football related or not?

18:37Chris Stark: I don't know. I mean, they'll be a mixed bag, won't they? Yeah, a mixture of trivia. Enlighten us, eh? This is genius. Yeah, I really wanted to do this. Can you imagine this? And then the whole crowd in there don't know that it's a thing that we're doing. Well, they're not. No, right. Amazing. Well, that's something to look forward to, obviously. We also have... Chris, you did some amazing work with the Blossoms. Obviously, you were kind of left back in a chumbawamba. and the Blossoms was then actually invited us to the Ali Palli show which feels like the perfect scenario to potentially get Steve Singswell to do Enrique Iglesias yeah I'm up for that yep I mean there was a lot of a lot of punters that were unhappy with the Finchampark gig and me not attending yeah which demanded their money back well I saw you had to put out a statement I did almost telling people that you won't be appearing It was kind of a tongue-in-cheek one, but it got a little bit serious.

19:39Did it? Yeah.

19:41Chris Stark: Imagine you bought a ticket, do you know what I mean? Imagine you bought a ticket and, you know, Senor Sid's was on the bill and he didn't, you know, he didn't turn up. It's not a great start to his singing career, is it? It is funny this. So I saw, I was in Brighton for the Maccabees gig that they did in Brighton a couple of weeks ago and I bumped into Miles Kane there. Yes. And he was obviously asking about you both and he was asking like, has he done his gig yet? See? No, sadly, he's had to cancel. Right. Okay. So, potential Blossoms then, is it? Potential Blossoms. Ali Pali, end of November.

20:16Okay. Okay, so I interviewed Blossoms, you're right, and they actually had a couple of ideas, Pete. I don't know if you're up for this. So they've got this massive gig in Ali Pali. Obviously, it'd be great to get you on the line-up, Steve, because that would be, you know, a huge, huge crowd. But the other thing they really want to make happen, Crouchy, is they've got this dream of having a big name footballer on stage and they've just got to ping balls to one specific person in the crowd. Right. So someone gets chosen at random in the crowd. They want Kevin De Bruyne.

20:52Chris Stark: That's going to work. Him or Xavi Alonso. And I said we can make it happen. I've left that as our part of the deal. We'll try and get... We need Kevin De Bruyne. So we might... I might have overcommitted there and under-delivered potentially. Where is he playing? Napoli, is he? But I'm sure there's a plan B. So I think if we can't get Kevin De Bruyne, we'll think of the next best option. But they've got this dream. I think the deal will be we get Steve Singswell onto the line-up. But in exchange, we need a big footballer that's going to ping balls to individual members of the crowd. Okay, do you know there's an issue with this though?

21:31Chris Stark: Because at CrouchFest, we wanted to ping things into the crowd and there was a safety issue, do you remember? Yeah, we talked about this, yeah. They have looked into it and they're convinced as long as it's someone who's good enough to be able to ping a ball at a low level, it technically won't go above a height that would be a health and safety. Okay. Well, that's really flattering that they haven't asked me or Steve as professional footballers who will be there to do that. They want someone that can hit the crisp daisy cutter. If anyone can do a daisy cutter, Sid, have they not seen you in Trayvon's one?

22:08Chris Stark: I know. These people have not seen you. I may have to audition and send a tape up there to them. Yeah, listen. Do you reckon we could do an audition for Sid and send it to the Blossoms? Why don't we do this with some footballers? we'll get Sid sitting about three or four worm burners and see what they think yeah okay great yeah why don't we do this with some footballers then so we can start with Sid so we can maybe offer up a couple of different ones like him and they've just got a like clean ping little fizz fizz little fizzers yeah that's good though Crouchy maybe we can get any football team you know any football team because often they get involved in stuff in the podcast why don't you send us a video of one of your players, the person who's best at it, at any level of the football pyramid.

23:00Because they're all back pre-season.

23:02Chris Stark: I think everyone knows the kind of pass we're talking about. It's that, you know, there's millions of clips of Xabi Alonso doing it in training, ball under the arm, just zipping a low daisy cutter out to the winger. It's that kind of pass I imagine they're after. Just taking off some tops of heads and fizzing it into someone who can catch it. And then if we can't get Kevin De Bruyne, we'll audition for the next person. Okay. Sounds like a good plan B. All right, great plan B. Okay. Well, boys, as we look ahead to a new football season, I guess the natural conversation here is about pre-season memories and kind of that sort of time.

23:37Did you start to get that feeling that I used to get on a Sunday night when Songs of Praise and Countryfire would get on? You sort of... You know, where you just... You're a little bit like, oh, school tomorrow.

23:50Chris Stark: No, I... I'm sorry. Were you apprehensive? Were you nervous? No. First day vibes? Going in, did you feel like, oh, I wonder if I'm fit enough? No. No, I used to really look forward to it because you can imagine you've spent, you're spending so much time with these lads as well throughout the year. And then there's that initial break is nice, but then towards the end of it, you kind of look forward to getting back to see the lads. And that first day in, like everyone walks in with their new boots, you know, new wash bags there. And it's like refreshing. It's like today when I see you after six weeks, it was like you embraced, like, how was your summer?

24:25Then there's a few gags on, you know, where people went on holiday. What was that like? And then someone, someone always turns up that's overweight and you go, fucking hell, have you seen the size of... That's me, boys. He's had a good summer. He's had a great summer.

24:38Chris Stark: See the size of him. That's me. That is actually me. Honestly, it's been a heavy, heavy World Cup on the barbecue front. I've got to say, boys. Going back into pre-season, it's slightly over. What do they do with that? Because I've heard brutal stories about, like, don't they, don't you get their sort of fat test? Fat test, yeah. Yes, you'd have a fat test normally the back end of the season. God, that's humbling. And then you'd have a fat test on the first day or two days and you'd have to be within a certain allowance probably of that, of the calipers. Why don't we get someone in through season when I'm back and we'll do some of the tests and we'll show the audience exactly what the first day at pre-season would look like in the gym, you know, when you're doing the tests and stuff like that.

25:26Chris Stark: Let's get someone in that can do that. Do you know what? I'm actually up for that because look, we can all see where this is going. But it's like, I would be up for that because I think I could then get a good talk into, like a manager would then say, look, you're not match fit. You need to get on it, son. Well, the thing is, if we get an elite, you know, sports scientist in to assess us, you know, it's always a good thing, isn't it? like being assessed you know what you can work on what you can't work on you know we'll do some of the tests and we'll see where we are I think that would be a good little segment yeah have you seen how they do the fat test have you seen I thought it was like a little pincer thing yeah it's like a stomach it's like a little like they're callipers and they pinch they pinch your calf your thigh right and it's all marked they go for this bit they go for the back as well the back's the one the back the back's the nightmare even I've got fat on the back on the back it's the fat on the back that gets is it fat back fat back it's amazing how much how much fat is in the back stop it I've not worried about that yeah yeah it's incredible like if you pinch kind of just to the left or right of your back I suppose it's you know what's called the love handles but do girls like back do they I guess because it's I guess because I can't see it because I can't see it I've not really thought about the back I think if you see it, you'd be like distraught.

26:50Is it? I think it's one of them. If you see your own back, you'd be like, oh, fuck. Seriously, mate. Are you like fit from the front?

27:01Back of Crime Watch or whatever it is. I'm sweating. Oh, my God. I'm sweating. It's front of Baywatch, back of Crime Watch.

27:09Chris Stark: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unbelievable, yeah. Yeah, because you just look down the front, you just think about six pack, but you're forgetting the handles that are wobbling. shut up yeah it's true I've never worried about that it's true we should do that we should get we should get someone in and do all our fat tests fuck yeah listen I think it's a great I think we should do it I think we should just have a look I think it's interesting you know we take people inside you know what it's like to go pre-season as well that's what it's like and you know and you do get shamed it's not ideal the bat things blow my brain they should do it on you know Naked Attraction where the thing goes up the thing goes up but it's only people's backs you're judging someone on the back there.

27:49Can you imagine that? Nice and toned. The idea you're fit from the back, then you're in good shape. If you're fit from the back, then front, you must be decent.

28:00Chris Stark: Yeah, but in all honesty, seriously, you know what? If you are fit from the back, surely you're looking at the front, aren't you, mainly? Right, so question, mate. How do you think you would fare pre-season? Like if you was to go into, So let's see if we could get you into Watford, for instance. First team training, pre-season. How do you think you'd fare? I've not just had one rough summer, have I? I've had like 15 summers and the rest of the other seasons. Do you know what I mean? It's not like I'm coming back from summer and it's a bit like, well, you might need to catch up here. You're basically asking me, can I get a match fitness for the championship football team?

28:42Which I think physically for me would be unachievable. no I don't I think you'd be surprised I mean it's only one day it's only one day look the running side of it you wouldn't expect you to be at the top no right obviously then there's the fat test as well I'm worried about the fat test

28:56Chris Stark: how do you think your back would fare the fact that you're thinking I've got this now strange worry about how my back's going to show I actually thought I'm trying to think myself no one's ever said you've got a you know bad back do you know what I just think we should say I think it'd be nice to get a load of listeners and maybe send some pictures of your backs. You know, if you think you've got a tone back, great. If you think your back needs work, just send them in and we'll kind of evaluate them all. This is nice. This almost says the makings of a new dating app, doesn't it? Where our angle on it would be you see no face.

29:32You only see a person's back. Yeah. Back dating. Back dating. Back dating. I mean, I desperately want to say back stronger, but it's, you know.

29:41Chris Stark: The tagline is good. I just think if we can work on people's backs during the season, do you know what I mean? We can gather before and after, and we can genuinely, we can physically be back stronger. The podcast will be back stronger with a heavy emphasis on back. Let's go. There we go. This is what we do. This is us. How's it taken us this many years to consider that back stronger, literally could be our, our rallying cry. It really could, you know, and I think, listen, I think you'd be all right. I think you'd fare okay. I think a Tony Pulis pre-season I think the pre-seasons I'll be honest with you now they have changed towards the end of my I couldn't believe how easy they were they were very different I mean when I remember kind of pre-season in the youth team I remember training with the reserves and first team at Tottenham and we'd just run round up in Forest like it was until you threw up basically and it feels like that it wasn't much sports science behind it it was like look we're going to run here until you physically can't run anymore I think the Tony Pulis pre-seasons were, you know, intense.

30:44Chris Stark: I mean, we were getting up at kind of six in the morning. We were on a bike up hills before breakfast. We'd get back at kind of 8.30 after a two, maybe two-hour bike ride or maybe an hour and a half bike ride, like heavy up hills, up that, like consistently. And then we'd come back. I mean, that was really tough. We'd have a big breakfast. Then we'd do like fitness. We'd do some football work after breakfast. then we'd come back have a little bit of downtime then we'd be in the gym cut inside three or four sessions a day for a whole week maybe in Austria I'll be honest with you they were horrible and they were hard but I did I felt so good when I came back from those so good did you find that Sid?

31:29Yeah I just never got the fasted one like I've done them early morning ones where you're up at six and then you're either running around a lake in like Austria or Sweden where we've done it before and then like before breakfast and then you're back and you're having breakfast then you're training once do you know what used to get me was the double session so the afternoon session because you'd have that little lull where you know like where you're on the train and you're having a nap or you're at the theater and you know you shouldn't be sleeping but you're just going you can't help but just nod off you have that in pre-season but you're knowing that you've got to run in about half an hour it's the most it's horrible feeling it's like torture isn't it

32:08Chris Stark: yeah yeah it is yeah i remember that one sid you've just reminded me there like i remember sometimes you'd get back to your room and i'd think i'd meet the lads down for a coffee or something like that and you'd be gone you'd just be gone like asleep yeah like it just it just hit you at bad times and you'd have to i also remember like like traveling back and sometimes you'd have to get like a lift back because I'd be dropping you know like so tired after training like physically just could not stay awake no no you basically push to the limit where you you like you you couldn't you couldn't do one more thing do you know what I mean like you you can't physically do another thing you're that tired um but the benefits I felt like genuinely felt like I could take on the world when it comes to the first game of the season you should be like the peak of physical fitness i actually miss that yeah is it a fine line between where you're going and it feeling a bit in your brain like it's a holiday almost or or sort of a away trip with that and the actual sort of the intensity of of the training side of it does does that kind of confuse things a little bit you know what it no because your your your body's tuned in for that week away that wherever you go and i've been to some great ones i mean we when i was at chelsea we done pre-season in LA it was in Los Angeles like we stayed at the Beverly Hills done every day at UCLA so the facilities were great and then we'd play games but you know that week you're away or 10 days you're you're gonna graft and you'll always have that little you know carrot at the end the gaffer would say take some stuff because you you'll have a night out obviously you'd take more stuff because you'd what do you mean normally Normally, at the end of pre-season, you'd work really hard and the manager would say, right, lads, you've had a week's worth.

34:01You deserve a night out. So he'd give you a night out at the end. Well, what do you mean, take stuff? Well, like take your own clothes. Because normally you're in tracksuit. Sorry. Sorry. So what manager? You're saying to you. So bring your own gear. You've got one night. Take stuff. Bring stuff. One night, blast it out. Yeah, it is. but more often than not you end up taking more than one set of clothes right civilians clothes because you would sneak out but I found with with pre-season you you definitely can't cheat it you could at the start right and I mean because there was less staff so we used to do a run at Arsenal in the youth team and it was basically a 12 minute run and there was a lap of a like a rectangle of a 400 metre track how many times can you get around this track in 12 minutes but there'd be like hurdles on one side and maybe like a chicane on the other and after 12 minutes don how would be on like literally on one corner okay and every time you went past he'd tick your name off as if you've done one lap one lap one lap so when it comes to 12 minutes stop and everyone had to just stay where they was and then he would basically come around and count how extra you've done off that lap but stacky would obviously stop and then army crawl, right?

35:21As if he's like, you know, in the barracks, like underneath barbed wire, like tucking and rolling and he'd gain another like 300 metres on everyone, okay? And at the end of the week, all the statues to come up on the sheet and he'd be like, lads, Don Howe, he'd be like, lads, you lot are a disgrace. You're a goalkeeper that's beating you. But because he was the only one, whereas now you've got staff dotted around everywhere, so there's no hiding place now. You get found out.

35:51Chris Stark: I remember going to Loughborough once, at Loughborough University. I was with Tottenham. We did some mad ones with Tottenham. We went to Bovington Army Camp, right? I remember Colin Murphy was head of youth there for a while. His idea was we'd go and live like soldiers, and we stayed in tents, and we went running with the army and stuff like that, Bovington Army Camp. We were running around five-mile runs, and we kind of lived like them for a week. It was carnage. But there was one at Loughborough, and I always remember it was a couple of lads. And we were running, I was grafting fucking, and there was a couple of lads tried to cheat.

36:22Chris Stark: And then they ended up cutting off a bit of the forest and coming in with the main group. And I was up there with some of the good runners. And anyway, one of the lads, he struggles big time. And then all of a sudden, I've seen him hop up and he's miles in front of us. He's got a cab. He's got a cab. He's got a cab. He flagged the cab down, got a lift down, and he got dropped off like, I think it's in front of us. Can you believe it? You can't do that now. There's no way. Obviously, you don't want to be a grass either. You don't want to be like, you know, finish at the bottom either. So it's like, it's a tough one to take.

37:02Chris Stark: So he kind of took it on the chin, but he did get found out. And then we ended up going on another five mile run in the afternoon because he cheated. But that's high risk, high reward. Because you're right, Crouchy. If you're a player like yourself and this other person's cheating, but could potentially get ahead of you to start from there on in, that's mad for business, isn't it? Cheaters never prosper though, Chris, what I've found. You reckon like long term it comes back round, does it? Well, you can't keep that one up, can you, forever? The whole of pre-season, getting cabs. Oh, imagine that.

37:40And that's the problem to maintain then, to make it look like that you're not dropping off massively. Yeah. It's fine for the first one, but then you are going to have to get a cab everywhere, aren't you? Like, the pressure then comes on. Otherwise, the drop-off's even worse. Well, yeah, because, like, the thing is, you can't get a cab in the game because it could become game time. They'd be like, he was covering 13K pre-season, but really he's covering 8K. And he's like, he's fucked. He can't run around. What's happening to him? He's going on a gasket. Oh, real.

38:07Chris Stark: Sid, how would you fare in, like, the bleep test or the yo-yo test? yeah yeah i didn't i didn't mind them that's why i didn't mind pre-season i didn't mind going back um i was naturally fit so i knew i'd fare you'd always get one that would always drop out early yeah and you you kind of knew who that was and that's taking out the goalkeepers as well um and you knew like right there was my marker if i know someone's going to drop out around 12 and then after that if you reach a couple more then but you don't want to go too mad too soon because some people go like crazy on the bleep test to try and like prove everyone that they've done really well.

38:45But then you sometimes do a bleep test again at the end of pre-season. So you want to have a little bit of leeway that you can improve on that. That makes sense. There's a bit of mind games as well because you want to go to the other players that are unfit and to the manager. Be done or be too fit.

39:03Chris Stark: There's definitely, see, I totally agree with you. There's a happy medium because you know that at the end of the season they're going to try and they're going to monitor you. And if you go too far with kind of the first one you do, when you come back pre-season next year, you've got to match that one. If you put everything and if you don't quite match it, always leave some in the tank. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's mad now though because pre-season, players literally, teams will come back on the first day, they'll just walk. They'll like walk, have a jog, stretch. There's testings, isn't there now?

39:36We'd have had that back in the Valkyrie, like the dentist would have been in heart scans. The dentist? Yeah, you have dentist check because sometimes your teeth can affect your alignment of your muscles and your body. Really? Yeah.

39:48Chris Stark: I remember by the end as well, we were having like heart scans, like murmurs, that kind of thing. They test absolutely everything. The lactate test, isn't it? Like, God, joints. It's a full body kind of check. What about your toes? My toes are fucked. because I don't see them. I reckon if my toes were straight, I'd be a size 16 foot. They're so curved over like that. Do they never, did you ever, was there anything you ever had to do for your toes as a footballer? Or was there any way of strengthening each individual toe? Do you know what I mean? No, I've not heard of that. They're important toes.

40:29Yeah, but if you, I mean, yes, they're important. I know you'd get someone that would come in and give you, is it a pedicure? Pedicure's feet. is pedicure feet yeah but that's just like shaving off the hard skin yeah which I get but my thing is when your craft is football and I understand the other muscles are important is there nothing in building at your toes to strength I would have thought that would be a major area of I mean I don't know does a chest player strength in his fingers

41:00Chris Stark: great point that's a good point such a good point do you know what on that point right we've put it out to the fans, right, for next week, to all the listeners and stuff. We've asked them for suggestions of new formats, of new challenges, perhaps new segments. We've asked the listeners to get involved, what they want, guests and the like, who they want to see on the pod. And I'll be honest with you, we've been inundated. So we're going to do that next week. We're going to have a little debrief, have a little brainstorm and see what we can come up with for the new season. it will always be fantastic we always come up with new stuff don't we and it's uh it's always always always really exciting at the start of the year to kind of just think what on earth is going to happen this time right well this is it every year we've done this every season stuff always happens you can literally trust the process with this podcast and uh and boys i've really missed you and i'm really pleased that we can be back hopefully in the chumba one bar together all together really, really soon.

42:02And obviously, I just want to say, again, congratulations for all the World Cup stuff as well. You know, it was brilliant. It was good all round, wasn't it? I think the whole team, even the guys behind the couch, they was superb. The work that they put in to get it all out on time as well was incredible to watch that. It was a real team effort. You held the fort here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the stuff that you'd done here was great. Jamie here's got a kid now and everything. He's been dealing with a kid at the same time, you know. it's wonderful

42:30Chris Stark: another podcast child it's great to see another pod child and and you're right Crouchy and look we're already off to a cracker with this episode I can't wait to get pictures of people's backs and toes yeah I mean WikiFeet we get our toes on WikiFeet can't we you can rate them yeah WikiBacks yeah that'd be nice WikiBacks let's get the backs out there we're bringing sexy backs there you go it's got the theme tune and everything big love boys back stronger great to see you boys

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