Piles of Trouble: Hemorrhoid Cream for the face and Mission Statements

15:44Joel Dommett:Good thing. Yeah, unless you were sort of bitten by a Bulldog when you were young. Yeah. Which is horrible. It's not, but there is, there's a lot of that. There's a sort of, lots of sort of the national icon thing that I really like about Bulldog. I think that's very sort of representative of the British spirit of straightforward, no nonsense, not complicated, you know, strong powerful i think it's really interesting what we're talking about how um a lot of these brands feel quite international what's lovely about this is that you know it's uk based it feels very british authentic feels very authentic yeah it does feel it feels by its nature very manly because it's something that definitely wouldn't be the name of a unisex or women's product.

16:33Sure. I'm going to, off the back of that, I'm going to suggest some names based on things that men really like. Okay. Okay, you ready for this? Let's have this. This is off the top of my head. We're just spitballing here.

16:44Joel Dommett:Just come on. Just hit me. Here we go. Let's see. Can you imagine our skincare brand being called this? Okay. Let's see. Spade. How do you feel about that? Men like spades, don't they? Yeah, they do like spades. I feel like it's sort of not necessarily dump truck. Is that all right? Feels a bit too aggressive. A bit too aggressive. Dump truck. There's connotations with dumping, isn't there? Yeah, that's true. That's another thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not go near that side. Mug.

17:17Joel Dommett:Now, I'm not averse to mug. Actually, you know what? That does work on many levels. On many levels, because it's obviously the insult that you get with mug, but also your face is a mug. What's your favorite thing to drink out of? Mug? A mug. I mean, there's something authentic and honest about mug. Feels quite... Mate, this might have been the moment that we thought. That's on the list. It's got to be on the list. Mug? Mug. Muggy? Mug. That's not bad, you know. Mug. I think mug. It helps with your mug. Grace likes the S. And I just can imagine the... If it's with the fun... Forget the f***ing mission statement.

17:56We've just come out with a name. I think that's fun as well, isn't it?

17:59Joel Dommett:Oi! Mug! Just a big mug. Ultimately, it helps with your mug. It helps with your mug. You mugging me off? Yeah. Well, that's the end of our podcast. I think we're done. We're done after two. Joel, this is amazing. How did you do that? I was just looking around at what was on the table. It was either that or post it, no? Hold on. Hold on. I quite like that. Post it, no. Post it. Pretty good. On the mug. Okay, so we've got a name. That was fantastic. So I think, but there is something powerful, like Bulldog, one strong word. Yeah. Nice, fun, authentic. Biggie now. L 'Oreal. They don't come much bigger, do they?

18:44They don't come much bigger than L 'Oreal. What do they say? They say the desire for beauty has existed since the beginning of humanity. It's a universal aspiration which crosses time, countries, and culture. I absolutely love where this is going. this sounds like the start of of like Lord of the Rings Star Wars chapter 10 it's going up isn't it yeah yeah yeah I think I went to start the theme trip for Star Wars and then went into you bet

19:15Joel Dommett:read it I'll do Star Wars you read it

19:21the desire for beauty has existed since the beginning of humanity It's a universal aspiration which crosses time, countries, and countries. I don't know why I did it like Winston Churchill.

19:36Joel Dommett:Were you trying to be Alec Guinness? You were trying to be Obi-Wan. I have a desire for beauty. Did it help? Maybe we need to think about the theme tune that would play underneath the Mission Spendent. Look what it says below. What? Beauty is a powerful force that moves us. That is true. Mate, it is Star Wars. Are you ever moved as fast as you are by beauty? or actually a bacon sandwich. What do you mean? Well, beauty is a powerful force that moves us. It moves us, mate. I mean, that's what L 'Oreal do. We need to do stuff like this. We need to find the thing that drives us. Our mission statement, Joel, which is where we started about three days ago.

20:13Joel Dommett:Yeah, feels like a while ago. So what are we? Who are we, Ben? What are we? Who are we at Mug? It can't stick. here at Mug, we think... Maybe we should make it French and make it Mug. Ah. Mug. Mug. It's got a little bit of je ne sais quoi. It's like, just put an accent over the U even though I don't think that's the thing. I think what we should do is maybe open this up to the listeners. Yeah. Because I think we need some guidance here. What are the perfect parts of a mission statement? What do we need to put in there? What do we want it to be? You've got a sense of some of the values that we feel it needs to have.

20:56Joel Dommett:And here at Mug, we like to feel that the community is fundamental to where we're going. A hundred percent. You guys, like we keep saying, are a huge part of this. What do you think our mission statement should be? You can be as funny as you like, you can be as serious as you like. We will read through all of them and we'll reply and we will, yeah, you're part of this. So get involved. Tell us what our mission statement should be. what do you want from a skincare product? What do you want from a brand? And yeah, we'll talk about it in the next episode. Oh, and also, by the way, this would be really great.

21:30Joel Dommett:Tell us ones that you use that work, that you think are really effective. Because I think it's always brilliant to get actual advice from people that, like this stuff that you gave me, you said, Ben, this is amazing. Me going, that stuff I really, really love. Any of that is really valuable for us. Yeah. So we can see and give some of them a go. Yeah, just give some products if there's anything, you know, that we should put on our faces. Yeah. You know, within reason. What would you put on our faces? What would you put on our faces? Which is the name of our... Maybe that's our mission statement.

22:04What would you put on our face? Mark.

22:09Moog. Sorry. Moog, come on.

22:12Joel Dommett:Right, okay. So, we are leaving the mission statement to our listeners, our network and community that are going to help guide us with this. there are some really important people in our lives though that are going to be fundamental to this journey that we're on not least our families you have a wife and so do I I've been together with Annie for I think 34 years so she's known me a long time through university, through the whole kit and caboodle she's been through the ups and a lot of downs and she's somehow still there so I thought it would be really worthwhile having a little chat to her about what we're trying to do about this business of ours to see if she had any sage advice to see what her concerns and her thoughts are.

23:01Joel Dommett:Do you want to hear what she had to say? I would love to hear what she has to say. Okay here is Mrs. Shepard. Anything you try to do seems to be brilliant at it and whatever you've attempted in the past you've always managed to smash it whether it's sport or endurance stuff or I don't know creative of staff or work stuff. Anything you've ever tried, you've always made a success out of it. Always. Oh, that's so nice. Do you know what that felt like? An obituary. Would it be that? I'm not sure she'd be that nice if I died. It was absolutely lovely. He was f***ing useless. I'm so glad he's gone. Literally, he does three things well.

23:41Joel Dommett:TV, this is genuinely what she has said. A friend of mine said to her, what is it about Ben that you really like this, we've been together a long time. She said, well, he does three things really well. Telly, sport, and then there's one more thing that's really, really important. And he was like, oh yeah, puts the bins out. That's, that's what I get. Jelly sport, jelly, telly sport and putting the bins out is what I do. Yeah. That was, I, I, you know, she is an amazing cheerleader, Mrs. S. If there was a sport that was involving bins. Oh man. And you presented it. Olympic standard that's the dream Olympic and Mrs.

24:20Joel Dommett:Shepard and Mrs. Shepard but yeah so she so it feels like it's all positive there is some concern as well I think yeah let's hear what she had to say I mean how are you going to be a business you can't even you can't even find the letterbox let alone read the mail that comes through you barely get to the end of a birthday card do you think you're going to be able to how are you going to run a business you can't even order yourself a taxi let alone organized distribution to every pharmacy in the whole of Britain. I love her. I love her. She's got a point. She's got a point. That's, I mean, you know, yeah.

24:56Yeah. It's, it's something that does happen, I think, to people on television generally, is that we become fairly inept to sort ourselves. Do you know what I mean? Like, like her example of sorting a taxi, because we get, you know like we might get a taxi sorted by our agent to go somewhere suddenly when when hannah goes like oh have you sorted that thing i'm like oh let me speak to rick

25:27Joel Dommett:yeah rick how do i get flannels yes yeah and she like much like hannah um and he know the thing that the thing that she's already said to me is you know what you do well ben and the other thing you do is you make sure there's people in place for the bits that you don't do well to do those things for you. Her concern is, look, there's stuff that me and you do really well, right? That's why, and we're very lucky to do that sort of stuff and we don't want this to be jeopardized. So why are we taking the risk? Why are we taking the risk by doing something that neither of us have got any experience, any nows, any background in and have fundamental flaws in who we are and how we live our lives, that is going to make it really difficult.

26:14And like we said in the previous episode, the team is so important. This is what we really need to figure out, is getting this team correct behind us in order to make this a success. And also with the problem with this is that we could get a team together and the team could mess up and not do it right if we get the wrong team.

26:34Joel Dommett:I mean, that's heavy responsibility. Yeah, if they f*** it up, we bear the responsibility. We're the faces of this. Yeah. And we have reputations and all those sorts of things. So she has real concern and genuine more about that. But I think we're not naive to that as an idea. We're willing to take the risk and go on this adventure with that in the back of our minds. I think it's really interesting. Because there was a lot on the line. And we're not, you know, we're not being naive to that, are we? No, I think we know, we've been in this business long enough that we know that we value what we have.

27:10Yeah. And we're certainly people, I always say, with this business, I've always said, you're two television show cancellations away from being unemployed. Yeah. And it's like, you're lucky to have two shows. And there's so many people that I've seen who have two television shows and they think they are the dogs. And they're in like, yeah, and they start like acting differently to people all around them in teams. Then suddenly one show goes, other show goes. They're like, oh, I shouldn't have been horrible to people for the last year that I was making those shows because they're the people who provide the next one.

27:48Joel Dommett:Complacency is my biggest fear. Complacency is absolutely my biggest fear. I would never take any of it for granted. And I think that's what's going to drive me with this. And you is not thinking that we've got this made and it's going to be easy or any of those things. We want this to work. We want help and support from listeners and want them to understand that we are taking it very seriously. We want to have a lot of fun with it, but we are taking it very seriously. Have you spoken to any of your family, friends, colleagues? I have spoken to a good friend of mine, a big colleague. I spoke to Hannah about it briefly but she unfortunately was on the toilet with a hemorrhoid so she could not message in She was busy She's going to be really angry So I got in touch with Ian Sterling a friend of mine, comedian Voice of Love Island and I just thought I'd get his general views on me starting a skincare business with the adventure but let's see what he has to say I think it is completely normal that Joel Dormit and Ben Shepard have started a skincare business together.

28:53In fact, whenever I think of Ben Shepard, I imagine myself rubbing lotion all over his skin. I think Joel will struggle with a sort of business acumen, with response, with dealing with and being responsible with money. I think spending any sort of money. I think timekeeping will be an issue. And I think sort of general business-like demeanor will be lacking. And I think Ben will struggle with having to deal with Joel Dornis. That's the second time that someone's mentioned me and my business acumen. At least we know what acumen is now. I know what it is now.

29:39Joel Dommett:So is your timekeeping bad? Your timekeeping's not bad. I've tried to be better than ever, actually, with my timekeeping. Since Wilde was born, I realized the importance of arriving on time and getting things done and finishing. Because I just think it's important. And to tell you who I learned this from, this is really cool. A lot of footballers have really good timekeeping because they grew up in this world of training and regimenting. Micah Richards. Yes. And he talks about it a lot. And Roy Keane is another one who talks about it. But I spent some time with Michael and doing some shows and he, he is just like, why would you be like, like, why are you like, it's inferring that yes, it's a classic thing.

30:24You're in finding that your time is more precious than mine, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And actually I've realized I have been late in previous iterations of myself. Really? And, um, not through anything of, of wanting to feel like I'm more important than anyone, but I just like. Just a bit disorganized. Just a bit disorganized and you just end up leaving a different time. Yeah. And so it's something I really wanted to improve on myself.

30:46Joel Dommett:Sounds like you have, because that's not my experience of what we've done so far. So I feel like it's a warranted concern from Ian, but it sounds like you've addressed it. I've addressed it, Ian. Which is good news. Scott's boy. He likes the idea of rubbing lotion into my face. Yeah, which is... He's only human. I've seen him in the past. He's always looked at me intriguingly. I wonder if that's what he's imagining. Yeah, that's exactly what he's mentioned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tonight, in Ian's house, I rub lotion on Ben Deppard's face. I wonder if we could, is that the OnlyFans again? We're going down OnlyFans?

31:28Joel Dommett:Yeah, go down the OnlyFans route. Is Patreon like OnlyFans? I think it basically is, right? I mean, it's essentially that. So he's got a little concern, a few bits and pieces, but has he got some more stuff to say? Let's have a look. Never before has a business venture been a more shameless attempt for two men in prime condition to do photo shoots without their tops on. This is just so they can be essentially on the front cover of Men's Health every week. That's all they want to do here. Yeah. Have you ever done Men's Health? No, I haven't because they won't offer me the goddamn cover, Ben. I'm not famous enough.

32:08So quick. You're not old enough. You're not old enough. Yes.

32:11Joel Dommett:You're not old enough. That's why. You're not old enough. You aren't old enough. No, I'm actually... I'm a bit annoyed because I think it's all going to go downhill from here, to be honest. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're going to come up with a cream for that. Yes. Yes. Thank you. He's got... Well, I mean, you know, that's fair. That's something... That is an accusation that's been thrown towards me. Yep. Now that we're working together, are we ever going to have any clothes on? Tops or bottoms. Doesn't matter. You haven't seen Beneath This Desk.

32:44It's quite funny. This is true. This is true. Yeah. Very interesting. I like that, Ian. Yeah. That's a good point. That's a good point. We've got to keep our... This is business, man. We've got to keep our tops on. We can have fun, but keep the clothes on. Keep the tops on. Good advice. Thank you, Ian Stunning.

32:59Joel Dommett:Anything else, as Ian had to say? My advice for Joel as he embarks on this adventure is enjoy it, have a fun time and Ben is right I imagine if you're ever making some sort of business decision just think to yourself Ben's probably right Joel and this is why I want to go into business with you Ben you have a very trustworthy nature I trust you thank you and I don't think people have that with me necessarily but hopefully they think I'm fun and hopefully both of us sort of going on this skincare journey. Yeah. And we've got good enough skin that people will trust us in the end game. We value it.

33:41Joel Dommett:Does that make sense? I'm slightly worried because it reminds me of that National Lampoon's line where he goes, you f***ed up, you trusted us. Yeah. And that's the thing that's sitting there. Like it's a heavy responsibility, isn't it, for both of us. And that's not lost on us, either of us. So we want this to work. And I would say that Ian's probably right. If we're at loggerheads, just be reminded. Ben's right. Yeah. He's got an extra 10 years. Do you think I can get him to say that to my wife, actually? Tonight. Ben's right. Shall we remind everybody that they can get involved? Yes, they can.

34:15Please join our Patreon. It's free.

34:18Joel Dommett:Get involved. You can see all the extra content that we're going to put out there. But again, it's free. Yeah, it's all free, baby. Should it be free? I don't know. So at this point, I think it definitely should be. But basically, it's a sort of portal for you getting involved in our business. Tell us what you think. Tell us what you want us to think. Tell us what you want it to be. Tell us your opinions on everything. And we need real help with the mission statement. Yes. So put what you think our mission statement should be on that Patreon and throw in some name ideas as well. Name ideas. We've got to start coming up with name.

34:59I mean, we're close to Moog. We're close to Moog. I think I'm going to sort of like, that up, that G. How do you spell that? Moog. Moog. Should we put... An umlaut. Should we put... Oh. That's two dots. Is that the two dots? Yeah, not the circum. Should we put the two dots above the U and then we'll put house above the G? What's the house?

35:20Joel Dommett:The circumflex. Circumflex. Yeah. I thought that was something that happened to me when I was born. So, Moog. But... Hold on. Isn't there like a dessert company that's a bit like that, isn't there? What's the dessert company? Goo. Goo. It's goo. It's different. It's different. I do like the idea that the goo come up with where it comes in those glass pots and then you keep the glass pots forever and don't do anything with them. No, but you slowly stack them up in the cupboard above the oven. I'm going to buy goo because it's got the pot that you can use forever for things. A ramekin. A ramekin.

36:00Ramakind. I can't not roll the R on Ramakind. I cannot roll the R. You cannot not. I cannot not.

36:06Joel Dommett:Don't not. I can't Ramakind. We're going to finish there. Thank you for listening. Sign up to the Patreon and we'll be back next week, hopefully, with a completed mission statement. Thanks to the world listening. And then maybe. I think we're going to do names next week. Names next week. Oh, God. Ramakind.

36:29Joel Dommett:This is a Sony Music Entertainment production. The hosts are Joel Domit and Ben Shepard. The producers are Robbie Williams, not that one, and Grace Laker. The studio manager is Mateus Torres. And the production manager is Jen Mystery. The exec producers are Alex Lawless, Chris Skinner, Rush Schaller and Ash Saddle.