Boy Talk: He made me sign an NDA to be with him

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0:31For more information, see calshe.com slash regulatory.

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1:47Welcome back to the pets at home, apparently, today. We've got two dogs in the building, two very angry dogs. you've got two dogs we're not poor diego's high cowering under a blanket she's a bully and she needs to know small but mighty but then they bark because they're scared so they're both barking at each other it's like a fear thing so she blooby you know blueberry's small so maybe she's overcompensating yes quite a large dog yes i mean look at the swag today can we just get a moment for chintzy's swagalicious train do you know what's so funny because I'm watching Real Housewives Beverly Hills.

2:24Have they got them on? They've all got them on. Yolanda's currently got some onto the airport. But also like my new bag is from 2010. Like I really am in the 2010 era vibes. It's always been, well, it's the elite era. We always say it. Truly. So we were in year seven. In 2010. Year eight. In 2010. Because we started secondary school in 2009. Oh yeah, true. Right? Yeah. And we weren't that cool. Absolutely not. We weren't wearing wedge trainers, that's for sure. Absolutely not. Well, these babies just fit with the outfit. So, O.T.D. In full camo. It's very Cher Lloyd. I like it a lot. It is Cher Lloyd.

2:59Yeah. Swag on. Swag on. We were singing two separate songs. I remember that audition like it was yesterday. So do I. Swag on. I'm making money. Take a look in the mirror. Say what's up, what's up, what's up. Hey, I'm getting money. the wobbly knees the angular knees very share lloyd coded today so happy wednesday everyone welcome back absolutely um has everyone got their christmas tree up or are we a bit too early i'm thinking about it truly i'm also thinking about it to go if i'm honest like maybe this week i'm like fuck it yeah just have it a little bit early i think it's quite nice go get myself some baubles yeah i'm thinking the pink and gold this year you know just a little bit of pizzazz keep it pink keep it gold absolutely because i don't have the red you know lastly was the red hair and it was the red you know red red red are you gonna do the big bows because that was really nice i mean we did bows in here didn't we last year we did yeah um we need to decorate this studio as well i find We need to create a little winter wonderland in here.

4:12Oh God, what? Something very exclusive. Something very expensive. What? So basically there's this Shanghai. Everything I see, everything exclusive. Everything I see, everything exclusive. I ordered this Shanghai exclusive jelly cat, which is a strawberry matcha and it's insane. I got it on eBay. How much did that set you back? I shan't speak. Shan't speak of it. But you know, when you're a collector of the... 500 pounds. Oh no, come on, don't be too silly. It was two grand, obviously. 5 ,000 pounds. No, it wasn't that crazy. It was just maybe like triple the average price. It was on eBay. Love it.

4:55Is it verified? We don't know. Have you been scammed? I mean, I feel like people use eBay and sometimes you need to take the eBay risk. I mean, guess who loves eBay? Margo. Does she? She buys her outfits on eBay. ebay also he buys suits and trousers and shirts i feel like our parents generation are the ebay well that was the first place they could online shop it was probably before like they could shop anywhere online i remember my mum bidding on ebay it was quite a thrill yes i remember go on go 50p more 50p more oh she's outbid me oh go on go on what's your final bid what's your final bid well yeah it was great australia all the house sellings actually i'm getting this completely wrong this is fake news now most of the house sellings are all auction what yeah to buy a house it's all less like gotta go to the auction for the house it's kind of good actually is it yeah why could you get a good deal but i feel like you could get a really bad deal i mean because it's not good people who really want it yeah it's gonna climb climb climb yeah i guess then for the purchaser there's got to be a minimum price there's got to be uh yeah it doesn't start a zero.

6:05Okay, we're going to start the bid at 500 ,000. Yeah. 510. Lady in the camel. Yeah. Lady with the wedge trainers. I would actually like to go to one. Yeah. Well, did you watch Clarkson's Farm? No. When she took him - Begging on a cow? Yeah, on the cattle. Oh, were they? And she was like, it was very subtle. It was like little nods here and there. It's just like that. Yeah. Lady on the phone. i would actually we should dip of the eyes yeah it's just a it is it's just literally a blink and that's like how the calls do it we should go to an auction then come on yeah i'd like to some new wedge trainers from the archival is the marmaron collection archive okay we'll leave it with us maybe next year i think i would get actually a bit stressed and scared i think you would love it really i do yeah you go go fuck it go on put it up again yeah because you know and then you'd be like who's outbidding us who is that yeah like use that yeah watch this true yeah took your head again yeah she's really got her auction face down we're winners by nature she's ready to go i actually am but imagine buying a house on auction that's stressful people in the room who also want the house yeah that's stressful that's stressful that is but good luck good luck to all the house hunters out there I don't know started on Isabelle Moran started on Cher Lloyd yeah Swagger Jag we should get her to perform at our Christmas show do you think is she still working the town?

7:43she's still doing festivals and such we should yeah Swagger and what was that other song that she did that was really good? In the diner the music video oh yeah you'll have to sing it for me it's not coming to me it was like her first single no it was yeah it was really good in that diner yeah cool cool chick cool chick cool chick and she must know a lot on simon you know they all do they all do i love simon i like simon too i like simon if you're watching simon's i go check Go on, show him your auction face. Show him. What was he doing in the hallway? He was going like this. It was there. He wasn't doing that.

8:32He was doing this. No, he wasn't. He was doing this. And his knees were pointing inwards. Blueberry, he was doing this. oh it's because we never see him from the waist down yeah true always just see top half v-neck bit of chest hair you would see him on results night he'd go stand up on the stage oh yeah i guess in the suit but not in jeans you know it's a different kind of look for him well he's got his son hasn't he what's his name edward eric eric why do i know that well i remember when i watched that interview with simon cowell and it was like he doesn't have a phone remember i told you about that that's cool very cool you can only reach him via pa i believe that's a nice life isn't it all right we're going to do the question of the week what's a food combination you swear by but everyone else thinks is gross there's going to be a lot of i've actually got one i mean i don't like you know chutney and cheese grapes and cheese I do well yeah I know that's a staple I really like I've not had it in a long time but I would always really like mash peas and ketchup I mean yeah I can see how that's delicious all like in a mountain together that was always my combo I can see that I mean I like baked beans and adding more ketchup to the baked beans barbecue sauce and the baked beans not barbecue sauce Brown sauce and the baked beans.

10:10Oh, heaven. I do like, to be fair, actually, I do like a barbecue. And we actually know a girl who's got a strange eating habit. Who? Shout out Grace. Shout out Grace always. She eats punnets of raw mushrooms. Punnets. Shout out Grace Nicholson. And she insists that every person she lives with, she turns them into punnets eating raw mushroom people. Have you ever had a raw mush? Never. I'm funny about mushrooms as it is. The Royal Tool 4 Vegans used to have. Freely. Freely used to back some mushrooms. Oh. I'm sure with Durian Rider. She's like grapes. Just pop some in. Let's pop some in. You know who Durian Rider is?

10:48Do you know who Durian Rider is? Her boyfriend of the time. No way. That was his name, Durian Rider. Do you know what Durian is? No. That fruit, that smelly fruit they would eat. Oh, it's not his actual name. No, that was his YouTube name. I was going to say it sounds like Flynn Rider. And Rider because they would ride bikes. Oh, that's kind of cool. Yeah, Durian Rider. okay so weird food combos beans and pasta wouldn't hate on that I would totally eat that yeah raw mushrooms and tomato puree it's giving grace let that let grace know yeah let's let grace know beef mince and banana it's giving friends with yeah it is with the dry food peas and onions oh ketchup on toast yeah I could do that yeah I could do that well it's like tomato one so i'm not sure about this one grapes and nutella oh no actually of course we could do that i think we could do that i mean i would rather a berry i would rather a berry to dip in but grape it would do that gag um okay yes veggie might on pancakes i think we could do that i really do i mean i like veggie my cheese a sleigh my childhood snack apple and cheese pineapple on nachos i can't do what i can't like i've said before i wouldn't knock it till i tried it i can't do a cooked fruit of any kind god yeah don't get you see bella solo started on cooked fruit even like a strawberry like a cooked fruit sorry if you can hear some background away from the pets yeah we've got some barking going on peanut butter on mini cheddars Diego like that one peanut butter on mini cheddars I mean I love a bag of mini cheddars I could smash them the red ones especially they're extra extra strong I can actually understand how you guys would like that actually dipping bread in coke I don't like that one I can understand a lot but I can't really understand that sardines on toast I mean, that's a Tuxford household classic.

12:50That's a Grant Tuxford classic, sardines on toast. I really think I like a sardine. I love a sardine. We like sardines. Do we? We do, yeah. I went to this wedding in Italy one time and they were serving like these little mini fried fish, little fish like this. I'm assuming it was a sardine of kind. Had bones in it. You crunch the bones. Ooh. Well, it's giving anchovies, fried anchovies. Yeah. but it was like the whole little fish this big fried delicious really nice right what else are your weird food combos oh cucumber and ketchup oh no i'm not sure about that one sorry i can't see that i can imagine it's not bad though it's giving gherkin we've got cheese and jam that's a classic is it not that's a classic mayo with salmon i mean yeah oh yeah always yeah we would always have mayo and salmon and new potatoes yes rosemary potatoes cocktail sausages and dairy cheese yes i can see that heaven love a cocktail sausage we've got here chips dipped into milkshake that's always nice we've tried that before by us watermelon and ketchup no no i'm also not like a watermelon salad girl either me neither some people cook watermelon no that vegans cook it watermelon hot vegan hot dogs really shrivels up it goes weird and like it goes into like a meaty texture no it's not for me that honey and scrambled eggs i can see that being nice carrots and nutella no sorry no bacon in five guys milkshake like you're giving salty and sweet goji berries on hummus yeah not my first choice nutella on scotch eggs oh again not my first choice but you know i mean nutella really it's gonna taste good on everything it's gonna overpower any sort of flavorings isn't it tell you what i had last night the um the strawberry true fruits was my first time having the strawberry ones the frozen fruit with the with the chocolate around the edge you never had the strawberry one no i always just go for raspberry raspberry's nice texture frozen though yeah but the strawberry i was like holy shit this is good they were much bigger than the raspberries as well yes they are they really hit the spot i just got scared after that lady found like worms and stuff oh don't tell me that i just bought three bags last night yeah quality and control isn't oh god well it's you know because they're gonna slip through aren't made the little worms and the little you know insects but it's like when people find bugs in their salads yeah it's quite good for you as in your immune system i always say it's natural isn't it you know just pick it off the floor and eat it you know it's good for you right let's dive into some dilemmas dilemmas is it just before we get into it quick disclaimer just as we are not doctors we are not professionals we do not actually know what we are talking about light-hearted space okay don't take what we say literally because we could be wrong yeah and if there's anything serious if there's anything you feel like you're seriously struggling with please contact a gp a professional because that is not us we're just girls girls and boys just like you we're just trying to get through life as well and not professionals enjoy the episode

16:24okay i hate to say it i feel like we've had this before have we caught my boyfriend on grinder have we had this before we've had something similar i think it's pretty common me too to be honest because from what we've heard about grinder you can go so anonymous you can go you don't even have to put your face on there you can just put your willy your location and your penis and your location yeah and then you can show up with a full ski mask on yeah and just walk get let yourself into the house we've been very the doors open the doors open i'm in the bedroom bum bum up we never have to speak face down face down airsoft just enter yeah so it wouldn't surprise me yeah absolutely not it's nothing like easy for them to go incognito on grinder yeah more so than a tinder because tinder you can't do that no or like a bumble or a hinge no you need to put your face okay wonder how you caught him on there then i know hey girls long time listener of the pod and love it so much i look forward every week thank you so much sarah never thought i'd be writing in but hey never say never never say never that's exactly what we were talking about earlier what a song that was.

17:44So I have been with my boyfriend three and a half years now. And let's just say up until this point, we have never argued and he has been the most perfect partner I could ever ask for. I'm getting black fluff everywhere. Not on the new chairs. Look. Oh, I'm going to bring my lint roller from home. Shit. Say that line again. We've been together forever. Three and a half years never argued great partner from fine dining date nights to going on trips to mexico and paris wow but in march i found some explicit pictures in his camera roll of his private parts okay yeah and it's like you had sent them me who's sending that to the doctor you got something wrong so i did just straight up ask why he happy he's there you have to see me now that kind of doctor yeah and what what he was planning on doing with them he said he said that for the doctor what sounded really funny when you said that yeah i don't even remember saying that he said they aren't going anywhere i just take pictures of him when i'm horny

19:04why did he reference it as him i don't know me being dumb was just like oh okay believing him because i really thought like okay well yeah i don't for one second think you're cheating or anything it's very high you've got no evidence of any kind and then your boyfriend who you love is saying that i just was horny yeah i just took a photo of it you know it's looking so big and well fast forward so that happened in march fuck coming up to a year fast forward to august we were at a beach club and i am an active look through his phone type of girlfriend nice not because i suspect anything just more for comfort for myself and i saw an email from grinder and it's a subscription of 12.99 being taken out of his account well that's very clear then isn't it so once again I confront him whilst we're at the beach club okay I was like we're on holiday it's kicking off now but yeah other people are starting to tune into the conversation yeah so you need to hear that listen listen if I heard that conversation I'd never shut up about Me and Chins also love an eavesdrop.

20:17Just a little eavesdrop. When we were in that hotel and that lobby and we were like, did you hear that? Remember? Oh, yes. I was like, go on. Oh, yeah. But that was like, sometimes you can't not hear. Some people talk so loud. Like, I can hear you more than I can hear myself. Yeah. So I say, care to explain why you have a Grindr subscription? I bet his arsehole dropped. Prolapsed. Prolapsed out his bum hole. And he immediately breaks down saying it's not what it seems and he can explain. oh he's really struggling he's gay and he's really struggling he's in this relationship he wants to be who he truly is he's scared i mean we've still got like loads of paragraphs left so he explains that he saw a reddit forum online saying that you can sell pictures in exchange for money and he was trying to make this money to fund our lifestyle he says he realized he got to a low point in life and then deleted it but still what the hell i mean he's a good little that was a really fast lie that was a really fast to think of and also like it kind of sounds legit i mean yeah i'll be like oh it's understandable it makes sense in the moment you know when you're not thinking you know very quick we spoke about it and agreed i didn't want to leave him but i do think it was wrong but I was very open to if we are meant to be together we will work this through together right so she's just like we're gonna get through it yeah you don't need to sell your penis should we ask mark if that's legit that you can sell pictures of your william grinder things have more or less been good since then I would say we have moved on from that sometimes I feel like it's in the back of my head but I know I have forgiven him and I also have to forget it's now november and i was on his phone and came across a lot of porn sites but what shocked me the most was that it was gay porn right sarah one plus one equals okay wait a second just i've just asked mark tell me that again he's are he's watching gay porn yeah how did we find that out she won his phone oh okay i mean he's not very sneaky with it no especially if he's freeing up his phone like yeah he was actually by me when i was looking at this and he said what are you looking at because you're making some weird faces right now so i showed him and once again he said he could explain he starts to explain he's had a porn addiction since he was 12 years old and the gay porn arouses him well what i don't understand is one should i even be with this man two is he gay three mark sent a voice message shall I quickly play it through the mic right this is risky might have to be cut out I mean technically you could like you could just not like officially on the app but if somebody wanted one you could technically just say transfer me some money and I'll send you one but it's not like a feature on the app

23:23right but it's not really a thing though that's not really because he said it's a thing i don't know like if you're posting your penis on there why is anyone going to pay for another picture well i imagine you're just posting your torso and it's like pay me for the dick got it but so okay so he's saying he's got a porn addiction and the gay porn that he's had since he was 12 okay he was extremely apologetic about the porn and I'm surprised if you regularly search his phone it's taken three and a half years to find all this stuff. Well he's getting sloppy you know he you know like surely if you're hiding something the first thing you're doing is making sure that he's either got lazy sloppy thought he got away with the grind of things thinking oh.

24:08I expressed I'm not okay with it and he's now deleted any app that has it but I also don't want to be that controlling girlfriend that says he can't do what he wants because to be honest I don't have the energy for that. I also don't understand the whole porn in relationships and I don't know if you can help me decide whether it's okay or not. As when I told my friend I found porn she said her boyfriend does the same thing and to me it's not okay but to her she was fine about it. A little more of the backstory I feel like I'm at a really hard place as I am in a different country than my friends and family.

24:40I moved countries to study at uni and this is where I met Steve. Without Steve and his family I would be very lonely and I even drive his mum's old car. So if we were to break up, I would be extremely lost on what to do. So please give me some advice. Attached is a picture from our three year anniversary. It's like a professional photo shoot. Please mercy. And a picture of us with his brother. P.S. I don't know if Grindr is just an American thing. No, we got it girl. We're aware. Oh, look at this lovely photo shoot. They look like a really sweet couple. Sarah also looks fantastic. Oh, gorgeous.

25:18I mean, it's giving, yeah, stunning. Really lovely couple, professional photography. Right. I think Sarah. Do you think maybe you're burying your head in the sand a little bit because of the situation that you've just explained that, you know, you're kind of relying on him. He's the only person you really know you know if your best friend lived next door and your mum lived down the road would you still well it's hard is I fear that you don't want to see it because once you accept it you know my whole life's got to change and my life's going to get a lot more difficult because I've got to go and sort this out and sort this out got to get my ducks in a row but sometimes things have to change when they're not right like right now you're in a relationship with a man who wants to be with men I think and he's not ready to accept that you're also not kind of ready to see that either which who would be yeah that's really hard to expect except especially when he's giving you you know three and a half years in reasonable excuses and you know he's crying and apologizing and you want to be with him and it's like I'm here with your family I don't know anyone else here yeah you want to believe that however it's easier to stay it's only he it's only going to get more prevalent i think because he's thinking okay i've kind of you know let her know that i'm kind of into it a little bit and she's not left yeah so that means that he can dip his toe in a little bit more and it's going to make you more paranoid and anxious and think what's happening in our relationship does it does he even like me does he want to be with men um and i think he needs to go and explore that but i think you've just got to be brave and i think you need to end it you need to and it's gonna be tough also the question on the porn thing you're saying like should i be you're not okay with it so stand on that some people are fine with it but you're not okay with it and just because susan is okay with it doesn't mean that you have to be okay with it too um and it's all personal preference some people are fine with it and some aren't but I think he's gay and hiding it I don't think it's normal that you know he's on Grindr because he is he's on Grindr he's on Grindr he's watching and he's watching gay porn and I think he's coasting through this relationship with you because you're his security blanket probably not ready to face who he truly is yet but I hope he does me too but I think you guys need to break up so he can find himself.

27:54You've got to be brave. And you need to, I think you've probably lost yourself a bit too, Sarah. You know, it's been almost a year since you find out about the grinder thing. That's a lot on your mind. A lot. Even subconsciously that you don't even realise. Yeah, it's very heavy to carry that around. And it's only going to get heavier. It is because more things are going to crop up that you're going to have to be okay with because you've chosen him. But you don't have to choose him. It's fine to break up. But yeah, you're... It is daunting and it is scary. but that's normal and I think you know for more doors to open you just have to close this one and it seems at the moment like oh my god how would I even do that like what would my life look like but you have to think longer term okay if I do it now think about me this time next year I'm going to be completely in a completely different space we could have met this will be a distant memory like but the longer you put it off the longer you're stopping yourself from almost entering into your new life you know so it's almost like let's rip the band-aid off let's just do it now face the hardships get my life sorted again maybe go home like yeah maybe get your mum to come and visit you help you out all these things that you could do I would move home for a little bit I know depends with the job and stuff of course it depends if you can work remote or whatever I know it might feel like you're moving backwards but you're not you're literally moving forward and you know leaving a relationship that's not meant for you i just think the universe is actually just telling trying to show you trying to show you it's just trying to show you like this isn't right presented with a lot of information yeah it's hard to it's hard to take it all in though it is really hard i don't know so shocked and you don't want to believe it and he's sort of convincing you that it's not what you think he's trying to normalize you want to believe that and but you know really like if this started way back in march like chint said we're going to be coming up to a year pretty soon and then it's like okay are we gonna do another year like more things are happening you know soon he's gonna have this friend that he keeps talking about and you're like who is this guy this girlfriend you know he keeps going golfing with five nights a week things aren't just gonna magically like go back to how they were at the beginning of your relationship no good luck though sarah bonne chance you've got this i think yeah you guys need to have a chat he needs to be honest with you like I want him to be free maybe you could be friends one day in the far far future what's a coming out of the closet song I'm going out tonight no but isn't there one where it's like I'm coming out of the closet isn't that Kim Kardashian song yeah heading straight to the front of the line on the floor I can't stand still paying my bills what's the what's the I'm coming out I want the world to know Gotta let it show Oh Yeah Yes I want him to feel like He can come out One day And I think the first step Is probably being single I think so And being able to explore his sexuality You know Without feeling like it's a secret Well good luck Sarah Good luck Sarah Pro football is back And so are the predictions.

31:14Trade yours on CalShe, America's number one prediction market platform. Indy takes on Kansas City, with Indy currently trading at 28 % to win. A$100 trade pays out$336 if they win. Download CalShe. Use code AUDIO25 to get$55 when you trade$25. K-A-L-S-H-I. CalShe. Trade what's next. 18 plus only. Restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. CalShe products are not available in all jurisdictions. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calshe.com slash regulatory.

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32:56Now, Sophie, have we ever signed an NDA? Many. But not in the sense. yeah for work for like contracts might be breaking them without knowing for like brands might be in breach of my NDA but not for like a man no no not for like I wouldn't be able to say even perhaps yeah like or if we were in a club and it was like phones away sign the NDA Justin Bieber's in there sign the NDA getting up to whatever not sure and we love Justin and Hayley of course of course he not you know that wasn't me saying he's done that but i just know you've signed the nda oh god i've signed many um but yeah don't like if um if a high profile man was to sleep with a woman who has a wife who people know about that they get women to sign nda when they fly them out right right hello my ladies hello my ladies so while sarah said i signed a lawyer in the building yeah i know she says i signed an NDA for his career it's been a decade what does that mean what does that mean for his career an NDA for his career I guess we're gonna find out hey my ladies ladies this is a story I've been keeping to myself for 10 years now oh my god so this happened to you when we were 17 you've been keeping it in since she said and something I legally have to take to the grave well sarah what the hell are you doing unsend your email now are we even allowed to say it share we'll keep it vague yeah nobody on this planet knows that this has been happening except myself the man involved and now you too sarah you've brought into a crime this is this is what if we get took to we might get taken away right can't have the police showing up we've just moved into this new studio we've got to make a good name for ourselves you know I legally have to keep the details of the story somewhat vague to avoid a lawsuit buckle up wait Sarah I'm scared what are you about to tell us it all began in September 2015 fucking I mean talk about Wedge Trainer Glory days hey bringing it full circle swagger jagger truly literally the formation of One Direction had just become upon us.

35:25Justin Bieber was a mere, you know, how old? 17? 19 maybe? 19. Yeah. Wow. So I was out with my uni friends celebrating my 21st birthday. We went out for a meal. What a time to be alive that was in 2015. I know, 2015, 21st birthday, iconic. Iconic. We went out for a meal and then for drinks and a couple of clubs. clubs nice in one of these clubs most of my friends seemed to sort of pair off with guys they were dancing with or snogging and i began to feel a bit uncomfortable so i joined one of my friends the only one who didn't have her tongue down someone's throat for a smoke outside classic whilst outside chatting a man a chatty man approached us let's call him brian and asked to borrow a lighter.

36:18And my friend instantly recognized him from some TV shows she'd been watching at the time. Oh my God, what were we watching in 2015? Dick and Dom. That's what we were watching. Dick and Dom in the bungalow. Yeah, Dick and Dom in the bungalow. Howard Henry. Yes. So this is a, okay. Okay. 2015, I'm thinking CBBC. He was about. But she was 21. She's 21. she's 21 so she'd have been watching the cool teens yeah we wouldn't have known about no we were 17 what are we talking about it could be full circle Simon Cowell oh my god it could be Simon Cowell it could be Niall Horan shout out Niall all alleged obviously all alleged of course so so this man was on TV in 2015 I hadn't seen the show myself so I didn't think anything of it Other than that the guy was really attractive.

37:15Oh my God. Do you think it was X Factor? Could have been. Surely she would have been watching X Factor in 2015. It was its prime. Maybe not. Could have been. Who won? Matt Cardell. Matt Cardell. Matt Cardell. James Arthur. Here we go. Could have been a James Arthur. Could have been. Yeah. Brian was set. Susan Boyle. Susan Boyle. Yeah. Wagner. Wagner. Yeah. Absolutely. Diana Vickers. Yeah, yeah. Leona Lewis. I'm only, I'm only gonna let you kill me once. Right, Brian was several years older than me. And my type 2 was too. So he was in the overs then. It's narrowed it down. Yeah, he was in over 25s.

37:59It's really like, I'm four years over the 25s. I remember when I turned 25, I was like, shit, I'm in the overs. And that was always like, oh, the old lot, they ain't got a chance, the overs. in the over's defense like matt cardwell was in the overs wasn't fleur east in the overs yeah fleur east because there was obviously susan so we wouldn't be in the girls category we'd be in the overs because it was girls boys groups overs over the hills over the hillers even lydia would be in the overs mariana's the only one left he'd still be in the girls category that shows how young they all were yeah well they were all like 17 yeah 19 mental think little mix they were all like 18 yeah wasn't like 16 16 one direction some of them a couple goodness right right okay uh we ended up chatting um to him and his group of mates for a long time and brian asked me for the whole band And his mates, his group of mates.

39:01A week later, I received a text from an unknown number asking me to go on a date. The date was fun. We had very easy flowing banter and ended the night with a smooch. He was charming, witty and seemed sincere. We continued to exchange texts daily and video chatting whenever he had time in his busy work schedule. I'm assuming Skype. Chat roulette. oh my god what was that other one called oh oh oh meagle oh meagle meagle no no no no we shouldn't have been on that site we should not have been on that site not okay it was a sleepover classic come on it was but we didn't have the chance to go on a second date until four months later due to him being out of the country i really liked him and i saw a future with him so at the time The gap between dates didn't bother me.

39:53Our second date was just a casual dinner around his flat. He was very eager to cook for me. I had to go on the train for a good two hours to get there. But the idea of seeing him again was so worth it. When I got there, he presented me with an NDA contract. You are... And also like, I'm 21. I don't know anything. I don't know anything. I'm 21. Contract, fit guy. I like you yeah like I'm signing it and I'm not thinking anything of it really so he's thought about this yeah he's like what are you plotting this has been planned to perfection but what are you plotting and planning like yeah so he presented me with an NDA contract and asked that I read through it carefully and sign it before our date could begin what before the date can begin what I can't even have my tea literally in short I need to consult my lawyers.

40:53I need to consult my team on this. You know, that's so unfair. Like the pasta is wasting you. You know, the flat smells delicious. I'm starving. I've been on a two hour train and you're going to hold this over me. You could have sent it over by email prior to the date. Absolutely. We've had four months for you to send this over. Sure. It was a bit cheeky to do it on the spot when I'm starving. And you're tempting me with the smell of freshly cooked food. So in short, the NDA stated that I was prohibited from telling anyone the details of the relationship we had shared up until that point. Oh my God.

41:24All we've done is text. But also like. Skype. You're gearing up to like do something potentially dodgy. Yeah. That I'm going to need to tell people about. If you've got pure intentions and we're going to fall in love, like we're fine, aren't we? We're fine. Like this is bizarre, no? It's almost like he's thinking the worst of you before it's even begun. in fact it pretty much said i had to act like the relationship didn't exist at all and to make it appear that we had never even met i was very taken aback and honestly quite insulted by this it felt wrong to be dating someone who i had to legally block on social media block on social media this is so bizarre were we even using social well facebook i guess well i think instagram yeah yeah instagram was on the rise yeah there was back in the day everyone was on twitter with their verified six brian assured me that the only reason for the nda was to protect his career that he had worked so hard to build i understood this and honestly didn't see the relationship as anything more than some some fun as i was only 21 so we began to having dates whenever we could i was very busy with my masters at uni okay so look she was busy she was doing her masters we remained in contact over the phone and the bond deepened over time over the next five years we grew a beautiful but secret relationship he bought me drinks to celebrate getting my masters we went on holiday to paris verona and saint-tropet i had a toothbrush at his flat we had great sex lots of laughs and we knew everything about each other also i thought five years a five-year relationship that's insane it's all a secret i just feel like why can't you know we be out in the open with this like why like why is it got to be a secret yeah because NDA is giving like a married man on the hush hush because not a single guy dating and also like yeah you're famous but you can be with someone who's not famous yeah like um you know what I mean it's I'm not a criminal I'm not you know gotta right so it was only during lockdown that my friend decided to do a friendship test quiz she had created over zoom with our entire friendship group oh my god one of the questions was what actor once asked me for a number on a night out and my friends all had fun guessing it's like they've got no idea that you're still seeing this man when that i mean oh i'm you could tell a friend i don't know how you've not been able to like how you couldn't have shared this too but like well yeah you know i had some nda like i'm seeing him yeah i've been four years how could you not like how could you not i began to feel suspicious of how busy he always was of how his flat always seemed so lacking of any personal photos or memories and of how his this whole thing was one big secret sure signing the nda hadn't really bothered me but now i had given this man five years of my life we'd exchanged i love you's well yeah we're five years in for god's sake and yeah i was still a secret okay so after five years it's kind of clocking like wait a minute yeah i'm this big secret this isn't right what's going on yeah surely he wasn't still worried i'd cause drama and ruin his career now that he knew me so well when i tried to bring up the contract he shut down the conversations and shortly after he ended our relationship

45:21oh my god we were fully no contact for two years during these two years i began to date someone else also you're now dealing with heartbreak but none of your friends know that you're heartbroken your family don't know you're heartbroken because i've never known that you've been in this relationship in the first place yeah i'd really struggle it's your whole support system yeah yeah yeah so i've been with this new guy for about 14 months when brian randomly messaged me saying he missed me so he's back well on this night back in 2022 i happened to be on a night out with my friends around the corner from his flat one flirty message led to another and an alcohol-fueled haze i ended up walking to his flat cheating is wrong of course and if it makes any of course you've got a boyfriend who's judging me right now feel better i actually tripped over his threshold and fell flat on my face in his hallway floor shit yeah because you've got brian number two at home now as well he led with me and slept right there and we slept right there he led with me and we slept right there nothing fell with me yeah fell over yeah right sounds like we slept right there on the hallway yeah nothing happened because i was drunk and he wasn't so he felt uncomfortable pursuing anything but the next morning we did end up having sex he told me to leave my boyfriend and to be with him and i did brian is my motherfucking kryptonite oh okay but i'm kind of happy that he said like come on like you need to be with me now yeah but are we refreshing this nda or what has it been an old or what yeah what was there a wake-up clause can i go on the red carpets with you now can we call the paps on us dinner for two or yeah but obviously he loves you he can't not be with you so for the next year and a half our relationship was very on and off oh god and i couldn't understand why the nda rules were still in place yeah okay so he didn't like take all that away tear it up he didn't burn it in a dramatic gesture i really loved brian and even now i still do but i couldn't get past the feeling that he didn't trust me this combined with the fact that he got a role in a much bigger show clue number three who is it we're never gonna know much bigger show well it's sheldon cooper it's Jim Parsons of course and so became more busy put a huge strain on the already struggling relationship so the relationship came to a proper end when he excitedly told me he had received an invite to an award show

48:22and that he couldn't take me as his plus one because he couldn't have people knowing he had a girlfriend right so this has been the overlining thing for 10 years he can't have people knowing he's got a girlfriend but i ultimately knew the relationship was never going to be what i wanted it to be i had been totally begging this man to show up for me for almost eight years at this point anyway all this long-winded background info brings me to more recent times what the hell's happened I hadn't heard from Brian since 2023. Okay, so you broke up after the award show then because you were like, look, this is a joke.

49:00Like, I don't want this lie for myself. I'm a secret. We can't even go out for dinner. Like, it's always going to be this way. I can't even tell my friends about you, for God's sake. Like, I'm living a lie too, a huge one. Not even getting any perks. No. She did get a few holidays, but. So she says, I hadn't heard from Brian since 2023 until last month. He randomly called me in the middle of the night and sounded very drunk. He told me he was so sorry about everything and that he wants to explain why it would never have worked out between us. It was then that he revealed to me that he is publicly a gay man.

49:43He is a gay icon.

49:47He had been with his boyfriend for several years before we had even met how did you not know that though because publicly he must have been with his boyfriend yeah you know yeah unless she just you just obviously obviously you just it wasn't all that mustn't have been public information either okay he went on to tell me how he had always known he was gay but meeting me made him question if he could actually be bisexual he wanted to explore being bisexual before telling the world to make it less confusing for people to understand i'll be honest i took the bait like a fucking monkfish and he reeled me in oh what he went back to his hotel and we video chatted then things got very sexual very quickly on video chat the next day he texts me a very sweet message about being glad to finally have me back wow time away from one another meant that i had time to think and decide that i don't want to be part of this weird love triangle right okay this was all last month jesus yes so my question is girlies how the fuck do i move on from this oh god i don't know i have given my life this man a decade of my life he is the only human being i've ever truly loved and been vulnerable with I have no one I can talk to about it because legally I can't I have been on dates and nobody can even begin to compare do I go back to him and just accept the relationship being a secret affair as awful as I feel for his partner I do have sympathy for Brian wanting to explore his sexuality and not feeling completely comfortable within himself I don't know what to do or how to feel help shit gosh we need a therapist i think don't we know can you disclose a therapist like because they're confidential you could tell them oh yeah the details yes yes i think that's actually a really good and that would be like a good sounding board for you because this is all in your head at the moment round and round to take for 10 years 10 years you've been lied to for 10 years yeah I like that's going to carry a lot of weight.

51:58And you've gone through different periods of being quite optimistic, feeling quite good to them being very low. Like you have been, you know, at his beck and call for the past 10 years, really. Like what he says goes for the past 10 years. And the therapist will help you understand him more. Yeah. And his struggles and why he has acted a certain way. Because you can divulge everything to him, even his name, I imagine. Surely. Yeah, you can to the therapist. it's all confidential it's all confidential doesn't leave the walls no they're legal like they're hippocratic oath right and there she goes yeah get it don't therapists take a hippocratic oath they're doctors yeah yeah i guess they do then you know that it is a patient duty of care duty of care a doctor patient confidentiality so you need to just start your healing process and you need to begin to forget that this man i think we're gonna need some therapy but yeah Because we can't talk about it with our friends.

52:55Like the way you... I mean, we can. I mean, I would. If they're a trustworthy friend who aren't going to tell anybody, you can. Come on. What's he got? He hasn't got a microphone in your fucking... I know. Yeah. I know. He's not planted tracking devices on your stuff with microphones and shit. You know, we can tell our mother. Surely. Surely. Well, I don't know. Legally, no. But like, as long as she doesn't tell anyone else. I just think you need to tell. But I also don't think she's going to tell. She's kept this for 10 years. You know, if along the 10 years you've not let it slide to a trusted person, you never let it slide.

53:35So I would maybe talk to a therapist because I think the way that you like digest things and work through things is by talking about them. And what better place to do that than a therapist's office in this situation, I think. because otherwise you're only you can only go round and round and round inside your own head and we can't give this man another decade of our life we just can't we need to move on and there will be people out there who are going to make you feel like oh there's hope in love and yeah you will meet someone who you'll be like oh my god he's an amazing man just because you haven't found them yet doesn't mean that they don't exist and it's almost like with this brian like we never truly knew him no you know it was all a facade and it was all kind of illusion and it was very and it was very secret and it was all kind of like um what's the word um the potential yes you know for 10 years you're thinking oh but you know what you know one day this won't have to be a secret anymore we never really saw his true living space i don't believe that's not where his husband was his boyfriend you know we never saw the true him never met his family no we never spoke to his It was all an illusion.

54:48He never met your family, your friends. You didn't share a life. You just kind of were like a little slither of his. Of his. And he only showed you what he wanted to show you. Yeah, he was in control. He had all the power. So I think step one is block. You've got to. At least his social media and his number. Yeah. And his email. Yeah. Because obviously he's got this little habit of contacting you every few years. And it pulls you back. It does. and you want to see him when he does that yeah but he will never commit to you the way you want him to commit to you because he can't number one he can't he's a public figure he's obviously got you know people know him a certain way he will never come out really and tell the truth of i mean i wonder if he's made other people signed other ndas probably i could be one of many i really would not to make you feel awful sarah i wouldn't be surprised if he's jetting off no would we if he's jetting off in LA and New York and all sorts I imagine he's got multiple sexual partners who he's fallen in love with you know um so I block him to start with and just we need to start pouring into our own cup to be honest because we haven't for we just need to look ahead I think like you've got caught up in this whole situation that's dragged over the years and we just need to look ahead and it's consumed your mind it has how could it not because even when you know moved on for those 14 months with that other guy he was still in the background yeah because then the moment he contacted we wanted we wanted to go we wanted to go back yeah you know and we did but you will find you will date other people you have fun with other people like and I do have every faith that you will meet someone you know it could be in five years could be another 10 years it could be in two years, like you will meet someone who just really makes sense in your world and really reminds you like, this is what a relationship is like.

56:47Like we're going out, I'm being dated, I'm being shown off. Like he's so proud to be with me. My friends love him. We're sharing this life. We're building this life together. And it will really, I also feel like help heal those parts of you that are a bit broken now because you've not experienced that a true functioning, you know, happy, healthy, like relationship ever. Where you're meeting families, you're meeting friends. Because I know you had that 14 month relationship, but it doesn't really sound like you were that in love with him because you kind of went back to original man. So just because you've not found that guy yet, I feel like that's why you're like, oh, but no one's ever going to be like him.

57:30there will be people far far better than him it's just that you haven't met them yet and maybe you've not met them yet because you haven't you know ever closed the door before exactly and the moment you do that the whole world will open up because it's not normal to be kept such a secret and to have to sign ndas but it's been so normalized for 10 years it's been so normalized for us there like your whole adulthood has like you you met this guy when you're 21 you're 31 now your whole adulthood really has been consumed with like this kind of like double life that you've had and I think it will actually be very freeing and refreshing for you just to start again in the new in the 30s reborn rebirth rebirthed and also you deserve to spend time for yourself and pour into your own cup because you've been concentrating on this one man for 10 years completely who's been draining you and not been able to give you what you truly want and deserve and that's exhausting you know and i want you to focus on yourself yeah thank you for sharing wowza fucking hell

58:42right last one here this is a bit of a roommate dilemma interesting my sneaky link lives with my boss it's really mixing work and pleasure that that's so weird yeah where we're just working in a bar and they're just like really yeah yeah your boss is like the same age as you yeah yeah true true true i'm thinking like so am i i'm thinking your boss is a 50 year old with three kids me too hey girly pops i love the pod and you guys so much i've been single for officially one year today congratulations what a celebration and golly gosh I have really lived my single life love that I could have written in so many times throughout the year but I need your opinions on my most recent fling okay my question is is ignorance bliss oh you already know my answer to that Sarah I'll give a little bit of context sometimes it is bliss about a month ago I went out with my work friends and a guy I used to work with came out.

59:44Let's call him Brian. Okay. I've seen him a little bit throughout the past year that I've not worked with him. He messages me sometimes saying how good my singing videos are, even reposting and commenting on one of them. Oh, that's really nice. That night he told me he's always fancied me, that he's always been attracted to me and thought there was a connection there. He even said that when we first met, he was gutted that I had a boyfriend. This is lovely stuff. I was buzzing as I've always thought he was fit as fuck. Yeah. He invited me around that night, but I was drunk. So decided against it.

1:00:20Nice. But I popped over the day after. Nice. Let me just say it was hot. Oh, he's Latino. Latinos defo know what they're doing. Yes. I've seen him about four times since. And even though I've never done a casual relationship before. He's perfect for a sneaky link. Yeah. I mean, I fear he's in love with you. He's reposting your singing videos. He wishes you were single over a year ago. He's thought about you since you were with your ex. Yeah. He's gorgeous, lovely, kind. He's great in bed. We have things in common, but a language barrier means we can't have that flirty banter or deep conversation that I would like in a relationship.

1:01:00Okay. That's kind of a good thing because it kind of does keep it surface. Yeah. He's even made me breakfast from his country. Breakfast. After I stayed over one time and there was another time after a quick afternoon hookup, he salsa danced with me in his bedroom. Oh, I love him. He's a chef. He's a dancer. I was very giddy after that, as you can imagine. I'm praying I won't fall in love, but I don't have much hope that I won't. Sure. The only problem is he lives with my boss. okay and you don't want your boss knowing your sex life no no my boss likes me sometimes but thinks i'm a massive flirt and i know that if she found out she about me and brian hooking up she would be fuming they have been flatmates for a little while and there were rumors that they were hooking up a while ago i mean i mean rumors don't stem from nothing no smoke without fire like i i wouldn't put it past them that they have had sex the fact that brian wants to keep it a secret as well adds up to the fact that i believe this and the other things that have happened he says he doesn't really see her or speak to her as they work at different times it's very clear i don't think they are hooking up anymore however i do worry even the other night he was staying at mine and he got a call at 1am.

1:02:24I didn't look, but I thought it must have been her seeing where he was. So my question is, do I ask him or do I just stay ignorant? I would feel so sick if he's sleeping with both of us. I think we both think it's a casual thing and won't go anywhere. So should I just stop seeing him altogether? Am I wrong for seeing him? I do really like him and this is the first time I've really enjoyed sex and don't want it to stop but I also know that I've already started to like him like him so should I stop before feelings really start to develop please help a cheeky Sarah she's attached pictures but it's not loaded please sorry easy will show us easy will show us oh wait hang on oh no they don't on my phone for some reason oh yes let's see him oh handsome man yes oh that maybe that's the boss yeah that's giving four more boss woman i think they i think ignorance is bliss i think i also agree however no no no no however sorry she like she's falling in love with this man this is good this is getting dangerous real quick that's true actually i was gonna say i think if you are in the headspace of i don't want to be with you like there's things here that aren't gonna work there's a bit of a language barrier you don't really get my banter we're not really flirting but i'm having great sex i'm having fun like i'm a single girl i think who cares as long as you're being safe then you're also free to date other people do what you want like it is just sex and that's what it is but it's not but if you are starting to like him maybe you should pull back yeah she's clearly charming oh sarah wants it to be more she said i can't control this now like feelings like like i like she wants it to be more he's being a bit sus sus we think he's probably has slept with your boss or is continual continually sleeping with the boss he's the one kind of pioneering secret secret secret which i don't like hush hush hush hush hush don't know that so i think you're well within your right because you're sleeping with this man you need to know if he's sleeping with other people especially your boss yeah you're allowed to ask so you're allowed to say are you sleeping with other people right now is it sarah yeah you're allowed because i just want us to be safe and i think you should ask that because i think you want to know that because like at this point you do have feelings and if he doesn't then we need to call it quits like it probably is conversation time because otherwise we're gonna be holding out hope that he's gonna fall in love with us and he's not well i think you can't in these instances you cannot let your mind run away with you but it's starting you have to tell yourself dancing in the kitchen every night that you are not at his he is having sex with her just as passionate as your sex maybe even more with her yeah you have to tell every time he's not replied to you oh it's because he's sleeping with her it may not be true but you have to tell yourself that it is because that will help keep your mind right and stop you from running right into fantasy land.

1:05:54No, it's true. Like we've got to clock our side. Like check yourself. Check yourself. If this is a friends with benefits, keep yourself in check. there was rumors he was sleeping with your boss. They don't come from nowhere. They live together. They're both sexual beings. He is. He is. We know that. The second fact is, he got a mysterious call at one. I am asking where he was. It's giving. I'm checking up on you. I'm checking up on you. Where are you? I'm coming home soon. Are you there? Be ready. number three he said keep this a secret you know no potential boyfriend of ours the odds are stacked against us aren't they saying well you you keep this it's giving nda all over again yeah that's what you're gonna get next the secret one before you can eat your bowl of pasta yeah sign this the secret one is the worst one i fear yeah because it's like that's really soul destroying i'm starting to fall in love with you and you'll say no secret secret what what's a girl to do are you ashamed of me la la are you what what what what I think you say he's played this very well he's smart because he's a smart being I'm allured by him I think if you have a conversation with him and he can't give you more we have to call it we actually have to call it and put ourselves first because this is going to be a year on from now we're going to be in the exact same position you're going to still be sleeping with him in love with him and he's still going to be on secret bill because the only way you know a friends with benefits situation works is if you actively do not want that person to be your boyfriend you need to look at that man and think you would never be my boyfriend.

1:07:23But we're looking at him. I would never introduce you to my friends and my family. But we have good sex. That's all it can be. If you're looking at him thinking, oh, we do actually get along really well. And like, oh, he is actually really charming. And like, yeah. We're too hopeful of this man. We're too, we're seeing potential already. Yeah. We need to. Ask you a question, Sarah. And I fear you may have to get out of there. To protect yourself. Like, you know, we have to. otherwise it's just we're gonna be in more pain where do we go from here we're gonna be 10 years down the line with an MDA that's what's gonna happen because the friends with benefits only works up until a point until feelings get caught up until that point it has to be called has to be unless we both wanna then take it to the next level but he doesn't seem like he does cause he's he's still getting his little levels roommate you know treats and you he's got he's winning he's got it great right now yeah he's got it a sweet deal everyone's keeping it a secret hush hush yeah Yeah.

1:08:20Right. Star of the week. Let's have a star of the week. I fear we really need it this week. Blueberry. Come here. Come here. Blooby. Right. I think we've got a birthday shout out for this star of the week. We've got Hannah writing in who wants to dominate her husband, Brian, for star of the week. We have been together for almost 12 years, married just over one, and I owe a lot to him, but namely for introducing me to your podcast five years ago and buying us tickets to your tour last year. We saw you in Cambridge and he was featured on Brian Cam. It was the bold man in Cambridge. Cambridge Corn Exchange.

1:09:03We've had a lot of laughs and fun debates thanks to the pod. He tried to get tickets for the Christmas show, but they were snatched up before he had a chance. On top of that, he's the funniest, most generous and loving man I've ever known he supports me with all of my endeavors and even after 12 years he still makes me feel loved every single day i didn't think i could love him anymore but then he gave me the most perfect proposal three years ago and it was the best day of my life our wedding day was a dream and we were so on the same page about everything during the planning stage it was just the perfect day for us both photos attached look at these beautiful wedding images hannah and brian husband brian happy birthday happy birthday we love so much for being a great husband to our sarah blueberry says happy birthday blueberry's having a celebratory wee all right guys thank you so much for listening if you would like an extra episode of the pod you can get it every single Monday over on Patreon.

1:10:05Absolutely. And you can email your Dilemmas and your Star of the Week submissions to helloathegirlsbathroom.com. Follow us on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube and we'll see you next Monday or Wednesday. Love you guys. Have a good week. Bye.

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