Boy Talk: He WATCHED her get l*cked out!!!!

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1:18That's code Giggly at O-P-I-L-L dot com. Birth control in your control. We love to see it.

1:27We watched two girls get licked out. He's in it!

1:35Eww, Brian, stop it! You know the drama is never ending. Don't let it get the best of you. Hello, dear. Oh, we should start it like how Bridgerton starts. Hello, dearest readers. gentle no what was it dearest readers it's deep and it's breath forward it's dearest readers you know who's the best it's voldemort coded britney broski she's so good at her impressions like she can do anything i saw her the other day doing an essex accent she's good at britain it was so good that is so niche britney like voldemort impression Harry Harry wait just get lock in Harry Harry don't even you know that was Scottish was it Harry but he's it's looser Harry Harry that was Scottish actually Harry no I'm going to let me turn the R Harry it's more from the throat from the back come on yours two in the T sorry my throat hurts Harry Potter the boy who lived come to die she doesn't even like Harry Potter she thinks it's too scary it's fucking petrifying I can't watch it I think I'm going to read all the books at Christmas I've never read them I can only watch when they're little babies I mean the only ones oh spooky like where are the death eaters like don't come after me babes the earlier ones are my favourite like the first like actually my favourite is Goblet of Fire Robert Pattinson Cedric Diggler oh is that when they go underwater and swim yeah that is my favourite too me too because yes I enjoy that but they just get towards the end it is a horror film the end gets intense yeah yeah and I never liked the death eaters and when they would follow him behind the bus and they were coming to get him and he was just trying it was you know and the boss and stuff that boss I do remember that boss when they'd come and get him and he was just in the real world wasn't he that's quite early is it yeah the death eaters yeah they're just so petrifying yeah yeah and you know what was all what scarred me for life go on Doctor Who and the blinking angels I forgot about the angel but those when they had the gas masks on whatever that scene was I must have been about 11 or something it was like over Christmas time we used to watch Doctor Who like was it like every Sunday Doctor Who was on Doctor Who I never enjoyed it I was forced to watch it because everyone else in the house liked it yeah say that's what I mean it was a family watch yeah and sorry wait I don't remember the gas masks maybe Fiona maybe Fiona protected you because it was fucking petrified but I'd sit there and watch it I remember the ones where every time they blinked these like angels would like come closer to them and like every time they blinked then the angels would be and these statues would be in their face the statues would move every time they blinked I think that was Billy Piper days yeah and then they would die the men the people in the gas mask it was so scary what's she doing to you you're the oldest one as well it was so fucking mariana scarred the empty like oh my god no i don't remember that one i remember the blinking angel shit i did not like that i don't remember the bloody blinking angels the statues but we had it on I fear over Christmas again and I'm like fucking Doctor Who again.

5:19It was family TV. Is it? What, you were watching it this Christmas? Yeah, it's still. Obviously against my will. Who's watching it? Andrea and Ramona when Mariana. Oh, wow. And it was bloody scary still. I was like, this is too scary. How are you all sleeping? Yeah, I didn't know it was still going. Yeah, it's still going. Sophia, they brought Billy Piper back. Did you not know? No. Yeah, they just got rid of - No, they haven't. They just got rid of the doctor, the new doctor, and now Billy Piper's back as the doctor. Are you taking the piss? I'm not taking the piss. I saw that. No way, that's iconic.

5:57I do keep up with the Doctor Who goss. Oh, last time I checked, it was David Tennant. Oh, that was about 22 years ago. That was 2012. Yeah, he was my Doctor Who. Yeah. And then there was the man after it, that other old man. I didn't like him. No. Boldy one. No, no. David Tennant is the doctor. Yeah, he's Doctor Who in my eyes. What was his job? Well, the whole thing is that it's the same person and he's just coming back in different fonts, isn't it? Right. Does he work? He's the doctor. He solves crimes. And solves mysteries, doesn't he? Solves crimes. I just didn't even really know what he did thinking that.

6:35Well, he just floats around and he lives in his TARDIS, doesn't he? And then he just floats around and he solves crimes and falls in love sometimes, I guess. Doesn't he? Yeah. He's had a few love interests. A few entanglements. Can a doctor see me now? Can David Tennant see me now?

6:55Don't knock eyes when you say that. Staring down the barrel of the lens. David must be old, I fear. David Tennant. What else has David been in? He was in that other film where he was a policeman. Wasn't he in Nanny McPhee? No. I don't believe so. I'm getting my references wrong. David Tennant. Oh, let's have a quick Google, then we'll get into it. Why are we even talking about Mr. David Tennant? Guess David Tennant's age? Oh, I'm going to say 53. 54. Right on. Bang on. He was in Harry Potter in 2005. Yes, he was in Harry Potter. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. He was in something in this year called the Thursday Murder Club.

7:35I've not seen that. Oh, he was in the Nativity? Yeah. He was in Mary Queen of Scots. he was in oh he was in an episode of Doctor Who in 2023 right everyone settle down classes in session we'd like to formally welcome you back to the show absolutely David Tennant fans we see you we love you David fans Doctor Who fans absolutely we appreciate you today's about you absolutely so it is boy talk let's dive into the TARDIS dive into our world yes let's dive into the girls back from TARDIS as you will. If you will. Imagine if this was our TARDIS. Well, we have a TARDIS. Yeah, we do have a TARDIS. Of course we do.

8:13This is actually our TARDIS. Through that door takes you to the planet tour. Not too dissimilar to Mr. David Tennant. So our question of the week. Now we don't like to shame on hobbies. Not at all. Because we are multi-faceted women. We are. We love hobbies and I think hobbies are an incredible thing to have, especially in adult life. I think it's important to have hobbies. And I think it's something that a lot of us lose in adulthood. And I also think they're the key to a happy life. I really do want a fulfilled life. Happy hobby, happy life. Absolutely. It's just your passions. So we're not here to judge, however, our question of the week this week.

8:53What's a man's hobby that gives you the ick? And that is absolutely fine. You know, some men might get the ick at some of my hobbies. Absolutely. And that's absolutely fine and I'll welcome it. Oh, see, this one said collectibles. I think that's quite sweet. I think that's cute. I think that's gorgeous. As a fellow collector of such, I think - We support collectors. We support collectors. I'd love to walk into a man's flat and he's got a little cabinet of things. A little Star Wars figurine. That's just passion. That's like his inner child is healed. Chess. I like chess. Sophisticated. Chess. Yeah, chess wouldn't make me shudder now.

9:29It's decorative. Yeah, chess. I can welcome chess. I don't know how to play chess, but I can welcome it. Fishing. Yeah, fishing gives me the ick. I don't like that. Fishing, you know, it's smelly. I'm not into that. Taking a picture with your fish, I'm not into it. It's murder, let's face it. Let's face it. And yeah, the kind of outfits aren't kind of appealing at all. You know, salmon. It's costly. It's time. You know, they're in those kind of like, those welly. Unless you're an old man, then I think it's quite sweet. Yeah. Because what do they wear? they wear those wellies that are kind of trousers the clip do you know what i mean it's kind of like a welly trouser you know in that kind of rubber material yeah it'll be like a full full thing not not that attractive right okay other hobbies that are giving us the ick golf i mean golf doesn't give me the ick it can be quite i've never been with a golfer it can be quite attractive i mean the only thing about golf i don't like the outfits the polos tucked in and trousers but some men can really rock it sofia it's better than the fucking fish and get up babes yeah the only thing about golf is that they can be out all day yeah hours it's like if i'm gonna do have and i've seen these golf cart girls on tiktok they're looking good i don't think we have them in england oh really because i don't think in england like in america they're drinking yeah they're tipping they're drinking tequila fucking yeah sunrises and stuff but i don't think in england they are i don't think there's cart girls in england it's a bit more wholesome some country clubs my boyfriend is passionate about pokemon cards that's cute i think that's sweet i think that's really sweet um when they have a social football team and it's their life

11:15you know it's nice that they're being social me because i think gaming's cute i like gaming like i want to play animal crossing too sometimes like i get it gaming for me though there's a fine line there's a fine line with gaming there's a fine line between like you're addicted and you're on it till 4am and you've ignored me all night between like i'm just gonna do an hour on um on Wii Sports yeah a bit of Wii Tennis I don't fuck with like the shooting and the noise well that's also just like that's just noise in the house now that I'm listening yeah I don't I don't like the aggressiveness of some of the games but I could deal with Mario Kart someone but fucking his co-workers.

11:57Oh my God. I mean, yeah, that is a bad, bad hobby, Sarah. Skateboarding. Aww. Minecraft? What is that? I think that's online gaming. Like building there. Like on a computer. Okay, what are they doing on it? Mining and crafting. Right. Would you find a man attractive? Because it's not Warhammer, that's figurines, like in person. I don't think Minecraft is figurines. Well, I can't judge because I log on to Roblox a couple of times a week, so yeah exactly it's gaming would you find a man who plays Sims every night attractive escaping to his fantasy world I don't necessarily think I would find it attractive yeah absolutely but I do like Sims yeah absolutely I wouldn't find it attractive no I wouldn't find it attractive but would it give me the ick if on day two he was like sorry I need to get home I need to go to my Sims oh no that's not okay no I don't like that okay no Will you say something with you, babes?

12:56Let me put some codes in. I used to love Sims. Motherload. Cheat codes. Did you ever play Sims? No. I just couldn't. It was too codey and wordy for me. So good. Like. The extension packages. Yeah, and I just didn't understand it. Yeah, Sims is for girls. I didn't really understand the aim of the game. I guess there is no aim of the game. You build houses, you keep people alive. You have families. Get pregnant. You just live life. if you can build a town. I had some fun not long ago watching people on TikTok who were doing crazy things on Sims. Yeah, it's fun to watch. And they were breeding out the ogres and stuff.

13:34Have you seen that? Metal detecting. Yeah, I fear if he was like, babe, 6 a.m. start, got to head down to the beach, get out there. Because what are you looking for? Yeah, I hear this one. No hate on cycling, but the skin tight outfit, the helmet, the little shoes that clip in. Have you seen the clip poppy shoe? Oh. But they are sweet. But it's a full get up. And then also they're out all day. If you can see a man in his lycra and still find him attractive I think you should keep him. But then they're out all day because they're doing fucking 50 miles across the Peak District. Deep boxing. Bam.

14:12Yeah, that one would get me. Babe, listen. I'm boots and cuts and boots and cuts and boots and cuts and boots and cuts. I'm boots and cuts and boots and cuts. Babe, babe. I want to write you something boots and cats boots and cats boots and cats you're not actually supposed to say boots and cats that's how in my head that's how stupid you'll be like boots and cats boots and cats boots and boots

14:39playing his drums oh Trav Trav baby Trav can you play any of song on your drums don't touch my drum set ultimate frisbee oh I used to have an au pair who was who would play ultimate frisbee and I'd go and watch. It was extremely intense. Her name was Hoini. Hoini. Remember Hoini? Yeah, Hoini. And she would take us to her frisbee tournaments. They were intense. It's an extreme physical sport. Elbow pads, knee pads, helmets, helmets, shin pads. Like, it was mental. Bodyguards. It was mental. Listen to this. Building Harry Potter Lego and sending him, sending a picture to his mum on Snapchat. I love that.

15:22I love that. Low-key musicians. Just find them very... I find musicians quite icky. Like imagine if like... I really don't want like anyone to play me the guitar. No. I'm sorry. I really don't. That gives me the it. Like I wrote this song for you. I would rather you not actually. I'd welcome Harry Styles obviously. But an up and coming. Oh, but they're just chasing their dreams, Sophia. Don't be so mean. No, I'm not. I'm just saying if that was his hobby, guitar was it's not his dream it's just his hobby and then like he wants to write you songs and play you something you've got to sit there on the sofa like oh and then he has a little voice cracker oh sorry oh no that's icky sorry i don't mind anything else but the music something about those the musicians i hear it if he was on stage and i was in the audience oh yeah that's cool that's cool yeah the one-on-one intimate because when did i go to like let me just grab my guitar off the wall have you been to leo we're just drinking we're having fun we're having a casual night and then just swings wait did i tell you what happened when i went to leo mick and us like years ago and they sung in my ear no and it was like welcome it was like this restaurant performance place is what it's reminding me that girl put the lollipop yes yeah right and it was like welcome sit down sit down we're the performers tonight we're just going to give you a little taster of the evening and we're we're gonna sing a song into your ear did I tell you no yeah what this was directed to you and then the man yeah but they did it to everyone like every new table they go and sing something in their ear oh my babe we're a table or two this is way too intimate and then he he was like went like this on my ear oh and this is just unlock the whole memory oh like actually belting in my ear but like this

17:19and you're just there like you're there like this and that was it yeah and then it was like thank you you're like wow amazing thank you and that one that was the starter to the to the evening oh my god i never knew that bizarre place because i was gonna go there thank god i didn't it would have freaked me out It's a great experience, but that's how it starts. And then the woman is in the man's ear. Oh, baby, baby. Literally. That was good. Yeah, it's bizarre. Well, people and their hobbies. Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh, train spotting. I love that because I'm passionate about trains. Banjo took being serenaded to a new level.

18:07I thought you were talking about his woolly banjo. No, the physical banjo. Oh my, aw. What is a banjo? Is it that thing? Is it the guitar with the - Yeah, it's a little with a round thing. Oh, it's the little mini guitar. Yeah, I think so. Okay, yeah. Well, I mean, most common ones here seems to be golf. Really? And it's really causing the ick. It's really cool. I think it's the outfits personally. Yeah, I mean, for me, it will be fishing. And also like if you're golfing, like you're also like practicing your golf in thin air when you're like around the house. Yeah, and they are. They are. They're practicing their swing.

18:38Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. anyone off just before we get into it quick disclaimer just as we are not doctors we are not professionals we do not actually know what we are talking about light-hearted space okay don't take what we say literally because we could be wrong yeah and if there's anything serious if there's anything you feel like you're seriously struggling with please contact a gp a professional because that is not us we're just girls girls and boys just like you we're just trying to get through life as well not professionals enjoy the episode

19:11Right, we're starting this week with an update. Absolutely. And it's an update of an update. You need to refresh all of my memory, please. So what happened was we had our girl Sarah, who had Steve and she had Brian. Right. Brian was the ex-boyfriend who kind of like deaded her off. Yeah. Steve was the new doctor, remember? Right. Oh, yes. And they were at the club, but Steve saw her talking to Brian. Oh, of course. And he got angry. Of course. He slammed the cab. Of course. And then she slept with Brian. Of course. And we were like, oh my God. And then Steve was like, I've got no interest. Like you're messing me around.

19:46And Steve's come back. And we were saying, look, Steve's a serious guy. He's a doctor. He's a doctor. He takes life very seriously. And we were like, you know, go get Steve. So. And did Steve eventually come back or no? Steve eventually came back. That was the second update that she got Steve back. Yes. I think. Yes. Anyway, part three. If anyone's following along, I hope this is ringing bells. Neither of them are for me. Okay. That is good. I need your help. Part three, update. Okay. I'm the girl who fumbled the hot doctor. Yes, we remember you well, Sarah. Well, it's... I know you asked for a final update, so here it is.

20:19I mean, doctors aren't all they see, you know. Doctor's doctor. Doctor who, David Tennant. Exactly. Maybe it wasn't that much of a catch. First of all, thank you for the pod quote, which was, if there are two options, choose neither. It really cemented things for me. There we go. Anyways, a quick recap. The doctor, Steve, is officially out of the picture. We haven't talked since that night he came back and I think it's better that way. We're just not in the same place and I couldn't give him what we needed. Now, Brian, yes, I slept with him again. I know. But weirdly, it was the moment I realized we will never be emotionally together.

20:56There was no spark, just old habits. And the real kicker, I made him listen to the podcast episode. his face dropped like it finally hit him that this thing between us his behavior and the way he acted was disgraceful wait so he knows about steve then he will know the whole lowdown and honestly it gave me peace and closure good i'm really proud of you because honestly i'm glad that he heard it as well and it resonated you know when you would have gone to sleep with brian because you know you you let steve off the hog you think oh go on then i've got it's not like I'm picking between two people.

21:31I may as well go and sleep with Brian. And then you realize in that moment that, no, I'm not bothered. This is just familiar. And familiarity doesn't necessarily mean like, it's good or that it's good or that this is where I belong. So yeah, that's incredible. So no more love triangles, no more chaos, just me choosing myself. Here's a photo of me and my bestie to put a face to the story. I'm the brunette one. I deleted all pics with Brian and Steve. Yeah, we understand. We don't mind. Oh my God. And here's our lovely girls. The brunette one is Sarah. Sarah. Good. Is that her birthday? Yeah, she's got a birthday badge on.

22:10Sarah, you're so beautiful. Oh, well, Sarah, you've kept us all entertained over the weeks. Thank you so much for your constant updates. We appreciate them. You know, it does take time to realise what and who you want and what is best for you. And you just have to, you know, give yourself grace to figure it out. And maybe we remind ourselves of that quote, if you're stuck between two people, choose neither. Because it is a good one. Because it should be clear as day, shouldn't it, really? Who or what? But there's also the other quote, which is if you're in love with two people at the same time, choose the second.

22:42Because if you were truly in love with the first, you wouldn't have fallen in love with the second. So really it's number two or neither. Yes. Number two or neither, never the first. Cheers. Cheers.

23:05Right. A man has emailed in. I love it when they email in. How do they find us? I fear he's so very desperate that he's had to come to the source, the females. The female brains. Okay. Well, what have you done, Brian? Well, I know. His line here, his headline is, she says she can't forgive me but I still love her sounds like you kind of fucked up a little bit too little too late but we appreciate having you here Brian let's let's let's hear you out let's see what's happened and let's try and help you through this hi girls I'm writing this in anonymously because I'm really struggling and need some honest advice oh Brian a couple of years ago my ex and I broke up after a very toxic relationship that lasted around seven years.

23:59We have children together. And although the relationship was filled with intense arguments and emotional highs and lows, we continued sleeping together and doing things as a family until just a few months ago. Wow. Wow. Okay. So Brian's a dad. Wow. Brian's a father. So for two years, they've been not together officially, but having sex together. yeah and just maybe like going out like to the park together as a family because like we are a family still you were still in that kind of unit but there wasn't the official like we're to you clearly went together I guess you got that thing you got that almost relief-ish of not being in a relationship but you didn't get that absence of like oh my god I feel so lost because like you were still really like in a relationship but then it's like that can only go on for so long until So one of you is like, I actually need to move on with my fucking life.

24:54Yeah. Or like, or we're going to get back together. Then suddenly she decided to cut off all intimacy and said she wanted to properly move on. Yeah, absolutely fair. I support that. After the breakup, things had actually started to get better between us. The arguments became almost non-existent and it felt like we were coexisting in a more peaceful space. Oh, so when you were just sleeping together. but even then I always sensed that she was holding on to grudges from the past. She recently admitted that she can't forgive me for certain things I did during our relationship mostly not being emotionally supportive and that really cut deep because I've changed so much and I wish you could see that.

25:34The relationship was far from perfect. I had deep trust issues early on mainly because she wasn't always honest with me. Things like talking to other guys behind my back or telling small lies. Those experiences really affected me, especially coming from a childhood where I never had stable love or family support. I know I responded badly. I became controlling at times and I can now see that I was reacting from a place of hurt and fear. I've done a lot of work on myself since, emotionally and mentally, and I've tried to show her that I have changed. she recently started sleeping with someone else and it really hurt i know i've also been with other people but for me it never meant anything brian brian come on come on come on come on you've been sleeping with other people yeah and that's okay she's allowed to sleep with other people absolutely it would have hurt her feelings as well when she saw that you even if it meant nothing to you she's not gonna know he said here he said i can't help but believe that for women there's often a deeper emotional connection involved so that's been hard to process yeah well it probably it's it's probably took her longer than it has you to sleep with someone else do you know i mean to get to that point where she's like actually i i need to experience new people because i'm stuck in this cycle with my ex who no offense brian was emotionally unintelligent it was unavailable and it was exhausting relationship arguments and after those two years of sleeping together no commitment she probably thought no i need to go and try something else so yeah it probably did you're probably right it probably did mean more to her than than it did you yeah uh she says she'll never give our relationship another chance yeah she's standing on business yeah she is like I fear she's finally just putting herself first and being like sorry you're actually dead weight no offense Brian sorry Brian and that I damaged her mental health and that she's completely over me but I still can't move on despite everything we share a family and we have we have had so many good memories and we always talked about building a future together I still want to marry her she was the first person in my life who made me feel truly loved, not just romantically, but as a person.

27:55I've never felt that before, not even from family. I believe in working through hard times and not walking away from them. I wouldn't struggle to meet someone new. I get attention and compliments regularly at work and at the gym. Good for you, Brian. That's great, Brian. Glad you take care of yourself. But I've never been with many people. And the truth is, I don't want anyone else. I only want hurt. I guess I'm asking, is there any way back from this or am I just holding on to something that's already gone? Thank you for listening. I think you're holding on. I think at the end of the day, Brian, like, I don't think either of you are like bad people or anything else.

28:34I think you're just simply not compatible. And that, that is fine. And I think she's got to a point, she's got to a place now where she's accepted that. And I think you're just not quite there yet, But I think you're just heartbroken right now. And you're reflecting. Like, yeah, when you want to get back together with someone, you're reflecting and you're thinking, oh, if only I'd done this and I could have done this and this and this. And the reality is, like, you had all those years. It wasn't working. It was horrible arguments all the time. You didn't really trust her. It doesn't sound like she trusted you.

29:08And really, like, in those years, like, you weren't compatible. And it's better, you know, you've got your rose-tinted glasses on now, looking back at all the good times and the dreams that we had. But life just hasn't worked out that way. And that's fine. I think you've got good things coming in your future. You sound very self-aware. You sound like you've grown up a lot over the past few years. You sound like you're aware of the mistakes that you made. And I just think it's onwards and upwards. I think she's let it go. I think she's healed now. And yeah, men do typically heal slower because they avoid it for a bit longer in the beginning.

29:47And then it takes them to, I think it's taken you to see your ex-partner move on for you to be like, oh my God, the nails in the coffin. Like, I'm never going to get that back. And I think it's hit you like a ton of bricks. And Brian, when a woman says it's done, we will never have a relationship ever again. It's done. It's completely done. It is completely done. Because I guarantee you for all those years that you were in that relationship, she was hoping that things would change. That's why she was arguing with you. She was so passionate about things changing. Wanting to keep it. Wanting it to get better.

30:22Holding on, okay? And there gets to a point in a woman when there is that final straw. It's too late. And then it is too late. No matter what you can say, do, you can get all the therapy in the world, Brian. You could say anything. You could buy the world. You could do everything for her. And she'll still be like, no. No. Sorry. Because what happens, happens. Exactly, because the damage has been done. So you need to just accept that she'll always be in your life, at least. You're always going to be co-parenting, but you're never going to get that relationship back. I believe she's completely done.

30:52Completely. There's always that point. It can be something small, but that final straw is always, no, that's it. And they never look at you the same. And I feared that that's what's happening with our Sarah. She's not looking at you the same. She'll never look at you the same. But at least you've done all the self-work. And hopefully the next relationship you get into, you're a attractive guy, Brian. It sounds like, you know, it sounds like you know it too. Brilliant. Just don't get too cocky, but learn from your mistakes. Go into your next relationship, be communicative and open, open and do, and fix all your wrongs from the last relationship.

31:28And hopefully your next relationship will be beautiful. Yeah. Because I mean, your priority now should be like just having healing and moving on. Like, and also just like rebuilding a good relationship with the mother of your child. Yes. Just for family dynamic co-parenting purposes. Yes. That should be your goal now. Yes. I wouldn't... Having a good platonic co-parenting relationship. Like that should be your focus. Yeah. And healing and not reminiscing on the good times because you're never going to get them back, unfortunately. They've gone now. But it doesn't mean there's not good times ahead.

31:59Absolutely not. Like this is... Like it just hasn't worked out. If it was meant to be, it was going to be. And things don't work out. I don't think you were that happy in that relationship. She wasn't. like you just it just wasn't meant to be like you've got your beautiful children out of it and that's the blessing that came from that but thanks for emailing in brian yeah we appreciate hearing from you absolutely sorry that you're feeling heartbroken absolutely

32:29right next dilemma we have got here is my boyfriend threatened by my social life oh god hi girls long time listener here i've thought about writing in so many times but this one's been sitting with me for a while welcome in and i really need your advice welcome to the pink so i've been welcome to the pink tardis so i've been with my boyfriend for just over a year nice after being single for five years this relationship felt like such a fresh exciting chapter i genuinely feel like i found my person he's kind thoughtful emotionally available and we're even talking about moving in together soon. But here's where things get tricky.

33:11Before Brian, my friends were everything. My support system, my fun, my family. They got me through heartbreak, career chaos, hangovers, lonely Sundays, all of it. Because I was single for so long, I really built my life around my friendship. As you should like. And I've always been so conscious of not letting that change. Yes, good. My social life is a big part of who I am. I've got quite a big mixed group of friends from school, uni, work. And yes, a lot of these friends are guys. Nothing weird, nothing flirty, just people who've been in my life for years. Brian's met them all. Everyone gets along, which I love.

33:48But here's the dilemma. Anytime I'm going to a social event that involves both guys and girls, even something like super chill, like a group dinner or drinks, Brian wants to come. Even when it's not a bring your partner vibe. You know, no one else is bringing a partner. So even if it's just girls night, he's insistent? No, it's girls and guys, but no one's in a relationship. Oh, okay. He just doesn't get why he wouldn't be included, especially if there are guys there. Okay, right, right, right. I've tried explaining it's not about hiding anything. It's just that I value time with my friends. And sometimes I just want it to be me, not me and my boyfriend.

34:28And sometimes you do just need space from your relationship. It doesn't mean that anything's wrong. But they don't even live together. So I think it's like, oh, it's Friday. I'm going out. Oh, the guys are there. It's like, oh, can I come? And she's like, no, I don't want you to come. Right, right, right. I already feel like I have to be really mindful not to be that girl who suddenly starts bringing her boyfriend everywhere. When Brian goes on his boys' nights, you know, I'm happy to leave him to it. Right. But I don't feel like that feeling is always returned. Right. We've argued about it a few times.

34:59You know, I'll say I'm going out for dinner with my uni mates, guys and girls, and he'll be questioning why he can't come, even though it's not, you know, a partner's kind of night. And it's just starting to feel a bit suffocating. Right. I'm stuck between wondering, am I being too defensive over this? Is he just being insecure and needs more reassurance? Is this a deeper trust issue that I need to take more seriously before we think about moving in together um i'm proud of my independence i love my friends and i don't want a relationship that makes me feel like i have to give that up yeah am i being irrational or is this something bigger and they look like a lovely couple really this is them let me see you look beautiful like literally two models literal models in the house models in the house models in the house i think you're well within your right to want your quality time with your friends without your partner being there.

35:47I do. Yeah, me too. Me too. I mean, like, I understand why he like, because I understand why he would want to go. Like, it's like, oh, I love your friends. Like, there's guys there. Like, I'm not doing it. I want to see you. Like, I'm not going to be going there and hanging off your arm all night. I'm just going to go and like, hang out with these people. Like, is it a case of you actually don't want your boyfriend to get too friendly with your friends like is it that you want to keep your friendship group yeah i think that's what it is and it's like i don't want to intertwine yeah too much i think she values her independence yeah like these are my friends and i and they're not going to be your friends yeah and there are times when i just want to hang out with my friends and i don't need you that i completely understand i completely support it yeah so is he cut so yeah so then when you're kind of saying oh like it's just friends night he's kind of getting offended thinking that well what the fuck's got you know is a way so I mean I'd want to go too if my boyfriend was going out and there was girls there that were all his friends yes I'd be like oh can I come and if he was like no I'd be like yes yes that would hurt my feelings yes but then I also see it from your perspective when you're like yeah no I actually don't want you there but I think like why can't we just why can't we just do both like sometimes it's being and bringing partners sometimes it's not i think it sounds like we are right but he wants to be there every time yeah it sounds like he does come and he's met everyone and he gets along with everyone but sometimes it's like oh it's just it's just uni from people from uni night do you know what i mean yeah yeah and he's not kind of understanding that no like i still i really value my separate time and just like meeting with my friends and like you don't have to be that every time it's not that deep like like and then she's saying like yeah i'm not coming out with you and your friends yeah there are no girls there but i'm letting you have your independence and kind of live the life that you had before me you know because we should keep our separate lives and our separate social lives i mean maybe this do you think this i mean maybe it is a thing that he's like oh there's guys there like when you don't want me there that probably is kind of where that's coming from right is it being like well the boys are there so why we're like yeah so maybe how much attitude he's serving so it probably maybe in deep down it's kind of like well the guys are going to be there like why do you want to keep yourself like understanding of why why not yeah i'm just but you're seeing it as a well no because these are my friends and i want my yeah all you can do is express is that these are my friends from uni and i really valuable value my independence and my time with them.

38:26Like you can come next time? Yeah, like I really - It's not like you're keeping them separate. Exactly. It's not like they don't know him. They're all men. It's not like he doesn't know them. And yeah, I get it. You don't want to be the only one bringing a partner. If no one else is bringing a partner, then it's like, okay, well now it's like I'm just - And I totally understand you don't want to be the girl who's always got her boyfriend joined at a fucking hip, you know? Yeah. Because then that could be like, oh, why? It's like a package deal all the time. Like we just want to see Sarah. Yeah.

38:51I completely understand it. So I think next time maybe he brings it up or like it's a point of conversation, just try and say like, I just really value my independence and my social life apart from you. Do you think they should still move in? I think, yeah, I think as long as - I think this problem could be resolved actually. I mean, maybe try and delve deeper and say, look, why are you so offended that I'm saying I just want to night with my friends? Yeah. Really try and talk about it. Because I'm quite happy when you go out with your friends. Yeah. And like, obviously, like you've met them all and we obviously have Emma's birthday next week.

39:24I mean, don't get me wrong. Like if maybe it depends, maybe it's about the, like if, if you, you guys don't live together. So let's say you're going to see each other at the weekend. If Friday night you're going out with friends, Saturday night it's Sarah's birthday and he's not invited. And then Sunday it's someone else and he's not invited. I would be like, hello, I'm a priority too. I'm your partner. You need to make time for me. I'm happy to come and I can see you there. yeah so if you're seeing your friends all weekend every weekend and then never getting to never giving your boyfriend any time it doesn't sound like that i know it sounds like it's just like oh it's wednesday night i'm just gonna go to the pub and see my mates yeah and it's like well can i don't know why he's so bothered then i think i'm trying to i'm trying to understand i think if we were to ask a man it's because there's men there yeah i think maybe men that he's slightly intimidated by or maybe men that he you know was like oh i would consider that man an attractive i would i would dive deeper before you move in my hunch would be is he's threatened by the men yeah because he's not gonna have a but he's because i was coming from a point of like i think he just wants to spend more time with you right so maybe when you moved in that would fill that like void because oh I see you all the time okay bye let's see you later yeah have fun like I'll be here yeah but like if you were booking up your diary and he's like wait like I want to see you too like I'm I can I can come to see your mates like I'm happy just to hang out yeah yeah yeah um but yeah I see that maybe it's not that pure I think maybe he's threatened by the men I think that's my hunch so you wouldn't move in with him then no well I thought well well, let's dive deeper.

41:08And if you can express how it really makes you feel when I'm hanging out with your friends, then I can explain that it's purely platonic. I've known these people since I was 15. Like these are my pure platonic. We don't bring partners. But then is it like, because he's a man, he knows a man's intentions, you know, and all of that. He knows that one of these guys would sleep with her if they got the chance, you know? Is it he's seeing it from that man's brain perspective that we're never going to know as women? Maybe. We need to dive deeper. Yeah. Because it's like, okay, well, if you are, you know, threatened by these men and maybe the potential of me snogging one of them, I don't know.

41:43Then let me reassure you that that is never going to happen from my part. Yeah. No matter what. I don't know. Then if you don't trust me, then what have we got? Exactly. So really trying to, because I do probably believe it's deeper than just like, oh, can I come? You're like, no, I want me, you know? Yeah. Polon cancer is on the rise. It's the second deadliest cancer and the number one cancer killer of people under 50 in the U.S. Yet it remains one of the most preventable cancers. If you're 45 or older and at average risk, it's time to talk about screening. Cologuard Plus is a non-invasive at-home collection kit that requires no prep, can be completed in about 15 minutes, and is 95 % effective.

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43:09So Sarah here may be off on an exciting excursion, if you will. Auf Wiedersehen. What's fly in German? We don't know. Fussball. Fussball. Okay, we've got, Sarah here says, do I go to Germany to meet up with my professional footballer holiday romance? Oh, wie heißt du? Ich habe eine Frage, Mr. Fußball. Ich habe einen Hund. What's on you? Und, und du. Und du. Sehr sexy. It's so good. Oh, it feels so good, Sarah.

44:04Okay. Oh, gosh. Better take some of those, Sarah. That Deutschland tip, Sarah, all right? We've got you, girl. I got an A, G, Sissy, just to remind you all. Sissy was really good at German. You were very good at German. I got an A. Yeah, I think you did. I had the natural flair. Hello, girls. Hello. Oh, hello, Via Gates. I just want to say I am so thankful for your podcast. It really got me through my breakup last summer and I look forward to listening every week. Oh, thank you, Sarah. That means a lot. I never thought I would have a dilemma to write in, but here we go. Fuck a lot. We're going to Germany.

44:41I recently went on a holiday to Mallorca. Mallorca. I know it well. We had the best time. Sunshine, sangria, boats. boats the literal dream that is a dream living the life paella a little prawn a little bit of sunshine a little bit of sea aoli bit of bread bit of bread on our final night we decided to head to the local nightclub for the third time in a row despite knowing we had to fly home the next day whilst dancing i noticed one of the most beautiful men i have ever seen across the dance floor. Eventually, to my surprise, he noticed me and came over. It turns out he is a professional footballer from Germany.

45:34Deutschland. At first, I didn't believe him, but then he showed me his Instagram and the team he plays for. I couldn't believe how into me he was. One thing led to another idea and I ended back at his all-inclusive five-star result. Right on the beachfront. Absolutely pinching myself at what was happening. We had the most intense and steamy night. Wow, you guys. Wow. Everything about his body screams professional athletes, as well as his stamina.

46:18Because you do those hip thrusts in the gym, I said. Sehr gut. Sehr gut, Sarah. He's probably not even German. In the morning, he asked me to extend my trip for another night as I didn't have work the next day. I have never done anything like this, but I thought, you know what? Fuck it. It's hot girl summer. how many chances will I get to be spoiled by a sexy German footballer? Let's get it, girl. So I changed my flight, waved goodbye to the girls, and stayed with this beautiful... Auf Wiedersehen. And stayed with this beautiful man. Absolutely. Sit back, relax. Lobster roll. Thank you. Yeah, I'll get the lobster pasta, please.

47:05He drove me around the island, took me to the best beaches, viewpoints, and gave me a massage. Wow. Which made me feel like I was in a porno.

47:19Skipping 365. And as for the sex, need I say more? He's funny, charming, and surprisingly doesn't scream fuckboy, which is what I would have expected. Okay. I know holiday romances are always intense, but when I said goodbye to this man at the airport, I felt like I could cry. A part of the fact that he lives in Germany, I cannot fault anything about him. he is a dream he kept saying the whole time that he wants me to come to Germany he'll pay for the trip and was joking that he wants me to be his wag which as an NHS girly sounds way too tempting when the system is so broken here in the UK so now onto my dilemma he wants me to come to Germany in a couple of weeks for my week off I know we will have the most amazing time but I fear we are both very romantic and I'm a lover girl I already felt so sad saying goodbye to him after 48 hours of bliss am I just setting myself up for heartbreak if I go to Germany to see this man or should I continue my fuck it era I remember it's hot girl summer I will never be this young and free and it'll be an amazing story to tell down the line you're going to Germany you gotta go Sarah you know you're going to Germany but I know I am just going to feel so sad again when it's all over yeah but maybe you'll never come back like he could be telling the truth when he says i want you to be my work yeah i am due to go traveling age in asia from september for at least six months so this week in germany will likely be the last time i see him again girls what should i do you're going you gotta go do i just carry on living my life like i'm in a movie and just go to germany for a fun week and try to look at and try to take it all for face value or do i just accept it was just a short and sweet holiday romance and it's best to try and forget him so I don't get hurt.

49:12I mean, she's got a good point. Yeah. Added some pictures from our time together and a pic of us both. This is our beautiful Sarah. Gorgeous in blue. Oh, Sarah, you look incredible. A blonde bombshell in Mallorca. Oh my God, you look fantastic. Then this is our German foosball player oh okay this is his instagram feed gorgeous action shots a lot of action shots absolutely and this these are pictures from their gorgeous time together wow beaches oh my god a collage coves oh this looks here's the viewpoints she was talking about wow wow a beach club wow A bit of fruit, a little bit of sorbet. Oh my God, that looks good.

50:03Oh, look, I have a lovely day he had. He's got a toe thumb. He's got a toe thumb. He does. He's unique. Our friend's mum had one of those. Oh my God, hand on the thigh, hand on the thigh. Sarah. Hand on the thigh in the car. Sarah, book those. Well, he's booking those tickets for you. You're off to Germany. i think go for it you're young it's a week of fun there's no harm like you're and you never know something beautiful might come of it but if not you you are taking a face value you know you probably won't see him again go and have fun and have a great story to tell like go live your life like you went with it on holiday yeah you had a great time so just go with it again and see what happens you guys look like you formed an instant connection he was driving around the island like And I think just remind yourself, yeah, literally what you said.

50:56Like, look, I'm not going to build this up to be more than it is in my head. You know what it is. I've met this man once for like 48 hours. He lives in Germany. He lives in Germany. Like, I'm not going to let myself get ran away with the possibilities of what this could be. Just be a realist. And you are. You're being a realist. You're thinking, I don't want to get heartbroken. You won't get heartbroken if you don't allow yourself to fall in love. Do you know what I mean? If you're like, just kind of stay. How do you kind of stay detached? get carried away. Don't get attached and don't get carried away with like romanticizing everything.

51:28Do you know what I mean? Stay busy. Yeah. I think there's no harm in going. I think you've got to go, Sarah. You've got to go have a great week. And then it's like you're going traveling anyway afterwards. So like you're going to be meeting different people and staying out there. And even if you did form some sort of attachment to him, you being away for six months will solve that because yeah, you're going to be busy. You're going to be traveling, meeting new people and it'll be totally fine but you may you may as well but you may fall in love you may move to Germany and have German babies but obviously we're going to be a realist yes that's what we're not going to do that's what we're not going to do exactly what I've just said yeah alright so just ignore that because we're going to imagine that he's got a different girl flying out the week before and someone else flying out the week after what we're going to imagine is that on his trip in Majorca every other day he met a woman and slept with her that night and took her on that day trip and did the same tour that he did for you yeah exactly how else he knows where he's around the island so well exactly He's not from there, is he?

52:20He's from Germany. Yeah. So let's just imagine, okay, well, he's probably sleeping with five girls a week back in Germany. You know, he's probably got a lot of options. And just remind yourself, just keep bringing yourself back down to earth every time he keeps thinking, oh, German babies. You get carried away. Yeah. And what will be, will be. It's hot girl summer, Sarah. Woo, Sarah! You've got to go. You've got to go. You've got to go. You know, it's about saying yes. Like, you want to. Like, fuck it. See what's going to happen. And like, you know what? if he breaks your heart heartbreak it's a story you know you had a good time

53:01right switching gears it's getting graphic he promised me our unborn baby dot dot dot then watched strippers get licked out I fear we know all we need to know already Sarah wait did he lick them out he watched strippers get licked out by who maybe his mate

53:24okay hey girls this sarah says i've been listening since day one wow sarah i never thought i'd be writing in but here we are here we go settle in we're settled right she's a married woman wow sarah i married my best friend a year ago we've been together since i was 16 i am now about 25 okay last year he went on his stag wait you've been together since you were 16 wow okay stag was last year oh no as expected there was a stripper i cried when i found out oh yeah especially because he facetimed me drunk and went into way too much detail he thought honesty is the best policy. I was hurt, but I forgave him as it was his stag and he told me the truth instantly.

54:11Okay. So I'm assuming you'd had an arrangement before you went like, look, I don't want any strippers at this stag do yada, yada, yada. But there was one. And it sounds like a graphic one. But look, it sounds like you found out in the moment. Right. However, my dilemma is actually what happened on my good friend's fiance's stag. Before he left, after what happened to us, I asked him to promise me and our unborn child so she's pregnant oh god no strip clubs oh god unless all 18 of them went 18? that's how many people was on the stack so you're saying right if every single person's going yeah granddad included yeah yeah but if there's a few people clocking off and going home and not because I know all these men have got partners yeah and I know Steve's in a serious and I know I know Tony's Sarah wouldn't be happy I know Susan wouldn't be happy yeah exactly Tony's told Sarah he's not going to any.

55:05So you go with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's also, but also it's just like, respect your wife's wishes. She feels uncomfortable about that. She feels disrespected. That is not something that she wants her husband doing. You have to respect it. And even then I said, no private dances, even if you do have to go in, just a drink and a laugh. Yeah. He promised. Oh God. He got home last night from the abroad stag. I made him dinner, ran him a bath as he was staying in a hostel. A bath? Soak it off. We need to lie there. Yeah, wash off all those germs. We were catching up and I asked for the gossip.

55:40I casually joked, no strip clubs, right? But his face said it all. I tried to stay calm and said, if everyone went and you just had a drink, fine. He smirked and said, well, there were four of us. What a fucking knob. Why would he say that? I guess he's just being honest. He's too honest for his own good. But like, you promised me - Alarm bells. More than it gets worse. But like, you promised me you wouldn't go. Like, go home with everyone else. Only four of you. That's intentional. Like, you were like, yeah, we're going. Everyone else was like, nah, I'm all right. That's the majority saying, not tonight, fellas.

56:17We're not going to that strip club. It's shit. Then four of you go, well, we are. We are. We really want to. Please, boys, please. We really, really, really want to. Come on. It's such a good time. And they're like, come on, guys, we'll be great. And like, yeah, and going. I asked which boys He mumbled Steve, David And said Actually it was just me and Steve How embarrassing Fucking double dated The strip club We watched two girls Get licked out He's in it

56:54Brian stop it Brian show your fucking gobs What do you mean It was just you and Steve So we've gone from there was four of us just me and Steve we watched two girls get licked out a private lick out Sash I could have choked now I'm at my best friends who's also a massive fan of the pod and I'm just in pieces wait so Steve's has a wife two what was that sorry maybe Steve's the stag I don't know she's saying now writing this I'm at my best friend's house oh okay sorry who's also a fan of the pod and I am just in pieces apparently the whole group knows Steve sold everyone yeah Steve said we watched two girls get licked out and like it's gonna be the gossip of the wedding because the gossip of the wedding is like how it's a stag boys and it's like oh well just Brian and Steve went to the strip club it makes him look so bad and everyone's giggling it's like oh it's pretty tame pretty tame apart from Brian and Steve that night at the strip club just the two of them and it's like that's the gossip of the fucking wedding and he's embarrassed you and that is not a feeling you want and you never want to be the one who's like oh my boyfriend's the one that was clinging on to go to the strip club when you're there pregnant you're like oh for goodness sake it's so disrespectful especially after you set your boundaries before the trip and he completely disregarded them and on top of that he's not just your boyfriend he's your husband husband and i fear he knows how locked in you are because you're married and i fear he's just and you're pregnant and you're pregnant and i fear just knowingly completely disregarded obviously your wishes and thought well we're married anyway she'll get over it so she's saying why did brian do it he blames being drunk but i honestly don't think I can forgive this.

58:29He is begging me for my forgiveness, promising again that he'll change, saying it meant nothing, but he won't even give me space to think. I feel completely stuck. I'm hurt beyond words. The trust is gone. The loyalty is broken. I don't know how to move forward. And now I'm meant to be a bridesmaid, bump and all, smiling like everything's fine. Whilst every single guy from that stag do knows what he did. How am I supposed to stand there and pretend? I'm especially hurt as all my best mates, boyfriends were all tucked up in bed. yeah yeah it's just embarrassing and your husband should never embarrass you like that like i mean truly this is them at their wedding she looks beautiful really this is their wedding day sarah you look absolutely gorgeous zoom in on click liquor he didn't actually lick all right they were watching oh i mean sarah you look at your blonde mom show victoria's evil bottle you look gorgeous your hair looks amazing as well yeah sarah you're i would feel exactly the same I just think he like, the trust is completely gone.

59:28I laid out the lay of the land. I said, please, strip clubs, that's my one thing. It upset me in your own stack and I wasn't happy about it. So I made sure this time to tell you. And you know what it was is he saw how upset it made you the first time round. Yeah. And he, you know, he witnessed for the, it made you cry. You felt heartbroken, you know, and he, you know, he witnessed that the first time round. You would think the second time round and thought, absolutely not. my poor wife I love her to bits especially when everyone else is going home that makes it so much worse you fucking embarrassed me you've embarrassed me and like you disrespected me you embarrassed me you did it all on fucking purpose and you can't sit here and say it was alcohol it was absolutely intentional you and Steve set out probably from the off guaranteed you at the start of that night they were like well we're gonna end up in the strip can't we lads like we're not fucking like we weren't born yesterday were we no we weren't so I mean yeah if the trust is broken like the respect is gone you know he can't stick to his word this is all qualities that you would hope your husband would have and he doesn't have them yeah and it's a real shame but he needs to realize to do a hell of a lot i don't know what he can do but he has to realize that this is not just like oh yeah oh we'll get over it no it's like now what can we do this is going to be repeated behavior because you've already done it once this was a choice this time around was to hurt me.

1:00:54You chose to hurt me this time around. It wasn't a mistake, you know? And like, it doesn't matter, oh, it didn't mean anything. You knew, you didn't - It meant something to me. You knew how it would affect me, okay? And the consequences it would have, yet you still went ahead and did it. Lack of consideration, lack of empathy, not thinking about me. Every single decision you make, Brian, you should have me as your wife. And your mother of your child. And your unborn child. At the forefront of every single fucking decision that you make. and it's not. You went out there knowingly disrespecting me, embarrassing me and breaking my trust.

1:01:29Knew I was going to be upset. So, and you knew it would break my heart and you still chose to do it anyway so you don't respect me at all. So, I should walk away from this relationship because it's not what I deserve. So, he's a fucking idiot for that. He's such an idiot. Like, I fear you shouldn't forgive him and I fear that, yeah, but I understand he's your husband and you've got a child on the way. It was so disappointing. he's got a lot to do to make it up to you a lot self-work like absolutely everything he's lost all going out privileges it's like well you're never going on a stag ever again you've lost that right because you can't behave you're a child it's just like fucking grow up i know but obviously he's not like now i have to control your fucking life but i don't want to have to do that like i told you how it would make you fit me how it would make me feel you knew how it would affect me and who still went ahead and did it.

1:02:18Like, do you just want to tell me to my face that you fucking hate me? Like, it's like he doesn't understand the actual weight of it. He's thinking, oh, it was a stag do. Oh, yeah, it was in the strip club or whatever. No, it's way more than that. It's disregarding everything that I've said. Disregarding - Well, it also just says that you clearly don't think my words have much value or hold much weight. They don't hold any weight to you. Because it literally went in one ear and out the other. And then what I fear, what it is, is like with the group of lads, it's like, oh, you'll be in the doghouse for the bit, but you're right.

1:02:47Like you get out of it. You got some grafting to do with me. All right. Yeah. And it's just like that kind of mentality is just like, so you're saying that it's okay to disrespect your wife and borderline cheat. And then she'll forgive you and go away. Oh, you're using the dugout. Like, no, it shouldn't be like fucking breaking your fucking wife's heart one week and then making up the next. What a loser. I know. So disappointing. So disappointing. And you should really think about, and I know you are, Sarah, and I'm really sorry that you've been put in this position with this man. it's just disappointing it's just disappointing it's like it's so disappointing that you had to do that why did you have to do that?

1:03:23it's so easy to be loyal and to respect your girlfriend wife, your boyfriend, whatever it's so easy all you had to do was go home it's so easy to not cheat it really really is right? it's the easiest thing in the fucking world it's so easy if you're cheating you're going out of the way to do that to do it like and for him saying oh it didn't mean anything you gotta put the work in it didn't mean anything it didn't well yes it did you actively went out of your way to hurt me disrespect me all the things and like it was a choice maybe you need to get him to move out for a bit yeah seriously like you let him know like this is not gonna work with me like I would rather not be with you okay than have to put up with this and let him know the severity of this because because it's that thing of like if he thinks that like what Chintz was saying earlier he can fuck up and then just apologise and you have to get over it because you're married and this and that that's not the dynamic or the life that I'm signing up for you can't just treat me like shit and do whatever you want because I've got you've got me now because we're married like I'm not trapped no and like I don't want you to view me as someone who like oh I can never leave like oh yeah she'll have to forgive you won't she she'll have to like well no I don't have to actually because actually those vows we took I'm taking them seriously and it appears to you that you're not Brian you know so I will leave if you're breaking these vows continually I'm going to have no choice but to leave because I'm upholding my end of the bargain and you're not I think so why do you I think he really needs to like be stressed about this he needs to realize he needs to really sweat the weight of his actions and I fear he doesn't he doesn't like I said I think it's like oh yeah I'm in the doghouse for a bit boys but it'll be alright he's laughing about it to his mates he's giggling about it he's going oh yeah oof I'm going for it right now like he's laughing about it and that's what pisses me off yeah because if he thinks it's funny I mean why don't you just say well you're not going yeah you can go on your own yeah go and be a bridesmaid it's your best friend's wedding yeah and say look you're not coming you're embarrassed me you're not coming you're embarrassed I don't want to be seen there with you yeah like right now like I don't want to be seen with you I think you need to do something drastic so that he actually starts to take you a bit more seriously yeah because I don't think he does at the moment which is exactly what you said before he doesn't realise the weight behind your words you're saying all this and he's going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:05:40Whatever. And it's like, that's not respect. No.

1:05:49Last one, ladies and gentlemen. Everyone's gut reaction to this, I fear, will be the same. Right, Soph? Potentially, yeah. It could be a unanimous vote. If we did a question of the week and it was this, can I trust him without a label? It would say no. Obviously, it's going to be up to other things. Right? No brainer. Yeah. But then when we don't have a label, we're usually quite loyal lover girls. Yeah, absolutely. I'll be loyal from day one. The bench is clear. The bench is clear from day one with me. But men are wired differently, we must remember. Yeah? Men are literally, they go about things differently.

1:06:27They're different creatures. They're wired different. They're from Mars, we mustn't forget. Yeah, absolutely. Girls, I've got a dilemma and I need your wisdom. am I getting completely played my name means wisdom there we go I've got plenty of that or is my past trauma making me overthink and possibly ruin something that's actually real all right here's a situation all right I like how you wrote it Sarah it's different today I'm 26 and I work on yachts on yachts oh my gosh she's below deck yeah yes it's as crazy as it sounds stop it is it really if you can picture this living with your co-workers sharing a room with someone working 24 7 with literally no personal space and only going home once a year that's my life right now wow she's a below deck babe and yeah intimate intense intense but no escape but you love life on the sea yeah you know seasickness fears you do you know what it is you those rough waters so i joined this yacht last august and that's when i met brian 35 is he the chef not sure 10 years on older than me we instantly clicked like so much so much that the entire crew thought it was secretly hooking up yeah he's part of the crew but for the record we kept it professional until we didn't of course of course i was like this me too I was completely head over heels because that's what you want like if you want like you want to that's past the time you want love interest yeah how fun is that we kept it professional until we didn't I was completely head over heels for him though and I thought we had the best friendship ever so flash forward to December the Christmas party and that was met in August okay yeah Christmas party everything goes down the Christmas party we got a bit tipsy and ended up making out the entire night we laughed it off the next day but then we couldn't stop sneakily kissing each other every chance we got oh i love you guys me too eventually things turn into more and we've had these really intimate moments whenever we can get our hands on an empty cabin of course i know it sounds like on the ship i know i know it sounds like a cheesy romance but it's actually just yacht life yacht life even when we were on leave for three months we stayed in constant contact talking about everything our families our childhoods deep stuff oh well that's really nice he even sent me five bouquets of flowers for Valentine's Day and I felt like okay this is real yeah I like him flowers Valentine's Day I'm like wow he's my boyfriend I'm married when we got back from leave I was excited to see him like really excited the chemistry was there the connection was deep and honestly in three months yeah and honestly and he sent flowers and everything yeah and honestly felt like we were in a relationship even without the official label.

1:09:24But then we had the talk where I asked him, so what are we? And he says something along the lines of, I can't commit on board. I've worked so hard to get to this position. I don't want to mess with the crew dynamic. I take a long time to commit in relationships. I think what he's saying is like, I'm a nomad. I'm a free spirit. I live life on the boat. I don't want to be tied down. Yeah. And also, okay, I'm assuming maybe he's the head of the boat. Sounds like. Sounds like he's bludgeoning in charge. Sounds like he manages the crew and it's probably one of the boat rules. Professional. It's not to have sex.

1:10:03Not to be fraternizing with your fellow yacht members. And if he's then now getting with you, like officially, he can't set that example. Yeah. Oh shit. Recently, he messaged me saying, I miss you when I'm away. I think about you. I spoke about you with the lads at the wedding. All this is true. I just never put labels on stuff. If I say I'm not seeing anyone else, that's my way of saying it's a step. I understand.

1:10:32Oh, he's being open. I understand you mean more than that for you to feel it's real. But it's like Sophia, you can't say all that and then say, but I still can't. You can't say, oh, speaking to all the lads about you. Like, it's so real. all have said how much I'm glowing at the moment. Yeah. And they've never seen me so happy before. I just like, I don't put labels and stuff. Like, I just don't label things. But like, I'm letting you know that like, this is a big thing for me. Like you're 35. Like you're 35. Respectfully so, you're 35. You're 35. I liked you at the start. You were at your friend's wedding and you're saying to me that like, I don't label things.

1:11:10But I feel like even Sarah would be happy even just with like an exclusivity label. Yeah, but you - I don't even think Sarah's reaching for the girlfriend label yet. no but so what he's saying in his messages is that I'm not seeing anyone else but I'm not labeling anything so it's it's like okay so there's slight security confusing there's slight security in the fact that you are telling me that you're not seeing anyone else which is nice to hear but then you're saying I don't label things so it's like well no I don't you may as well say like I don't I don't ever want a girlfriend I don't want you to ever be my girlfriend like you know yeah i'm gonna need more explanation yeah this message made me feel a bit more reassured i know but it's still confusing but you cling on to and you should never feel confused but again you cling on to the hope of like him saying i'm not seeing anyone else you're thinking oh well where are you gonna go from yeah but i'm still stuck thinking am i just overthinking things is he really just taking it slow and trying to protect his career and privacy or am i setting myself up for heartbreak he's and he's not as serious as i am he's also mentioned that he'll never see another girl while he's seeing me, which is a huge deal for me.

1:12:17Plus he talks about introducing me to his mom and how much she'll love me. Talk is talk. Talk is genius. They always say that. They always love the mom kind. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. It's like, it's talk, talk, talk and no action. Like talk, talk, talk and no walk, walk, walk. I've got some serious commitment issues from my past relationships. I'm someone who needs a little more commitment to feel secure. Exactly. So you need way more than like a regular person would even offer. Do you know mean you need so much respect so much commitment a secure secure man and it's like also where you've got to think like it's about what i want as well like it's not all on his terms about what he wants and what he likes to do and what he said in the past and what works for him well i'm here too and i have desires and what i want and what's going to work for me so we need to meet in the middle somewhere but also like i'm sarah and my standard is is that probably after about six months of seeing each other i'm your girlfriend i'm your girlfriend and like you're not meeting those standard so yeah I'm gonna have to put myself first and walk away because this is a situation that's not offering me it's not offering me what I deserve and what I want and what I would expect so I have to put myself first and it's so easier said than done because in the moment you're like well now I'm attached yeah I've got feelings now but you like him you what you don't want it to be this way but if on the first day you met this man a little angel whispered in your ear and went oh after eight months like he's gonna say like no labels sorry you'd be like oh I'm not getting involved you wouldn't have touched it you wouldn't have touched it because you had your standard set and you knew what you wanted and you wouldn't have you know wavered that but because now our fucking heart is a bit tied and you know we're emotionally charged and attached it's like we can't seem to make those decisions that we would have made in the beginning you can't see the same logic yeah and it's but sometimes we need to shake ourselves and go no you've asked this man for a bit more commitment and he has said no and that is what it is if we when you boil it down yeah to the facts that's what you're left and then it's a man that doesn't want to make you his girlfriend make you exclusive no labels no labels yeah i appreciate there's reasons and yada yada yada but the point is like well i fuck your reasons yeah it's about what i want as well exactly who cares what you want yeah and this situation is making me uncomfortable it's making me anxious i'm confused red flags three things that a potential boyfriend, potential anything should never make you feel.

1:14:37But after he's made you feel all those things, he's saying a few sweet things to keep me kind of on side. Oh, my mum will love you though. Can't wait for you to meet her. One day, one day. So she said, I'm someone who needs a little more commitment to feel secure. Otherwise my mind starts running wild with insecurities. And I've told him this so many times. I fear that that, like you not speak in the same language. No. So girls help. Am I being dumb here or is it worth sticking around for? Should I take his words at face value or am I just being blindsided by my feelings this is our beautiful Sarah oh Sarah wow like Kendall Jenner brunette bombshell and this is our 35 year old yacht man okay Brian yeah I mean it's giving silver farks yeah I fear this man he's 35 guys he's graying Sarah he's gray time's ticking you're 25 you've not got one gray hair right and I fear that this man is already wasted six months of time he's literally saying to face no labels this man will never commit he's 35 years old he's gonna say everything he's gonna want he thinks he's still he's gonna say anything he can say to keep you on side to keep his little fun fun fun little yacht time he's 35 35 it's time to commit all of his friends are getting married he's met a wonderful girl an incredible girl in you and you're right there in front of him going i'm right here i'd love to commit to you and he's gone no labels sorry no labels and i think he's also trying to patronize you a little bit with his like, oh, it's professional, my career, blah, blah, blah, blah, because there's a 10 year age gap.

1:16:08And I think he's kind of claiming this like, well, I'm in charge of this relationship role. And I think that's where you need to step up, remind yourself of what you want, what you deserve, your frontal lobe has arrived. Remind yourself who you are, remind yourself what you expect, what your expectations are from men. Well, you deserve. Unfortunately, yeah, it was great and it was fun. And I want it to be yada, yada, yada. But it's not that. Like you're wanting his potential, but he is not fulfilling his potential. Because at the end of the day, if he is happy to let you cut things off all because he can't say you're exclusive, you're my girlfriend, he doesn't like you that much.

1:16:53because any man who cannot let you go, can't deny his feelings, thinks you're the best woman he's ever met is never, I don't care what situation you're in, is never going to let you walk away because you can't put a label on it. It's such a tiny, it's such an easy fix for him to not lose you get you on side make you happy I just think he's blinding you and trying to like fool you with all this career and he's taking because at the end of the day if you were so professional and so bothered about your career you never would have kissed me you never would have got into this whole entanglement after all if you were that professional it never would have got to this place so don't bullshit me now with professional career yada yada yada and I think he's taking advantage of your age as well and kind of thinking she's young.

1:17:54I think I can say X, Y, and Z. She's not going anywhere. I'm 35. You know, I'm a big old man, but really, Brian, you're not secure. Okay. And we need a secure man who can offer security and a loving, stable relationship. I think he'd be gobsmacked if you went, all right, nevermind. Then see you later. And he's offering nothing. He's off. He's not offering that. No, he's not a secure man. You've expressed your insecurities and he's not secure. Like he's not making you feel secure. And that's the one thing you need. If he is, let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he is a loser that I'm going to give it let's say the benefit of the doubt and say that he is genuine and he does really want to be with you and he does have these issues and blah blah blah the fact that you if you walked away I would like to think that he would be like okay fuck it like I'm sorry like yes you're my girlfriend like I don't know what I was thinking like yeah he would not want to lose you so if he lets you walk away it was all just like bullshit absolutely absolutely i fear wherever he lives not on the yacht he's got a couple girlfriends knocking about he's 35 he's got many years on him he was great silvering like he was silvering like he's you know lived many lives and surely by now brian you would have figured out what you want and who you want and how relationships work let's do our star of the week we've had a lot of brian's who are not making the cut today with star of the week.

1:19:17Strip Club Brian. Bo Brian's definitely not making it. What's the opposite of star of the week? We could just put them in at the end of the episode. Loser of the week. Freikazoid of the week goes to Yop Boy and Strip Club Boy. Our star of the week this week, we've got a lovely submission from Ruby. Ruby! Who has recently celebrated her 21st birthday. Ruby. And she has said, it was my 21st not long ago and I usually don't really celebrate my birthday. So I didn't think that, you know, anything was going to happen. I walked into my bedroom after work on the day of my birthday to a massive bouquet of pink flowers and a card that my boyfriend had dropped off after sneaking into my house whilst I was at work.

1:20:00And in the card, he surprised me with a trip to Iceland, all expenses paid. We had the best time ever. He does so much for me. I couldn't appreciate anyone more. Look at the two of them in Iceland. And look at the bouquet that Ruby got next to her bed. Wow. Beautiful. Brian, we love surprise trips. We love flowers. Brian really nailed that on the head. Thank you, Brian. He used his initiative. He thought, my Ruby needs to be celebrated on her 21st birthday. I know she's been dreaming of those Icelandic waters, and I'm going to take her. He used his brain. And we appreciate that. Round of applause for Ruby and Brian.

1:20:44it's nice ending on star but it reminds us that there's hope it is like a free trip a beautiful trip to iceland some beautiful flowers gorgeous all right guys well thank you so much for listening happy wednesday if you would like an extra episode of the podcast you can get it every single monday over on patreon you can and you can email your dilemmas to hello at thegirlsbathroom.com you can follow us on instagram and tiktok and on youtube the girls bathroom we'll see you next next week or on Monday. Bye.

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