TGB AT HOME: My bff calls my man ugly!!

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1:03Cynthia Lam: Chlamydia is quite a beautiful word Yeah It's stunning Like but It's like chintzia Yeah It's quite reminiscent But obviously chlamydia means of sorts Well that is on our list

1:14Sophia Lee: We've got a terracotta I quite like that Dare I say Terry for sure Dare I say That could have been on Molly Mae's list That could have been on Molly Mae's list Because I think Terry for short for a girl A beautiful baby girl, Terracotta. Are you fucking mental?

1:30Cynthia Lam: That's actually a gorgeous name.

1:32Sophia Lee: Jot it down.

1:32Cynthia Lam: Terracotta.

1:45Sophia Lee: We're high on ashwagandha.

1:47Cynthia Lam: We're here to give you that Wednesday feeling. Welcome back.

1:50Sophia Lee: Have you had your ashwagandha today? No, I haven't. Have you had yours? No. Cheers. We've got a little matcha I'll tell you what I have had today

1:57Cynthia Lam: Cheers A multivitamin

2:02Sophia Lee: Oh my god, you are the definition of health and wellness today

2:05Cynthia Lam: Yesterday, it blocked my air hole Do you feel much better? Yesterday, it blocked my air hole I almost threw up Because I couldn't get it down

2:14Sophia Lee: So it wasn't a gummy of sorts

2:16Cynthia Lam: It wasn't a gummy, I think I need a gummy

2:19Sophia Lee: One thing about Sophia is She cannot swallow a tablet which at this right age you know if anything if anything ever happened and you need to swallow

2:30Cynthia Lam: a tablet seriously yeah i had to back those tablets like i can i can do it but it takes me a long time it's a huge mental block i can't just like raw dog six tablets yeah i mean neither can i it needs like it it's the silky ones yeah i think i've got that down like the ones with the nice coating i appreciate but yeah i have struggled with chalky one so i got this multivitamin i didn't really deep the size of the vitamin when i bought them also multivitamins can stink yeah it it doesn't stink but it's not also delicious i wouldn't say it's delicious does she need a wee

3:09Sophia Lee: well she's stood by the door but now she's on the sofa she's on the sofa now okay um so i took it

3:16Cynthia Lam: the first time i found it really hard to swallow i was like gagging gagging gagging you're not gonna like and i was like oh my god this is awful and then the next day i thought right i'm gonna half these but then it was rough where that cut was and then they stink half right i swear to god it was i it was in my mouth like the earth it it was like i was choking it was stuck right there and i was like dry heaving over the sink and like coughing and i was like oh my god

3:45Sophia Lee: this multi-bitum is going to be definitely no oh that's good um and luckily then i did manage to

3:52Cynthia Lam: get it well it came back out and i was like right i'm gonna put that in the bin i'm just gonna go with a new tablet like this is a mental block but i just need to where's courtney kardashian we need some lemmys yeah she got you do this every day is like the tablet is just too big yeah it's like a meaty non-smooth tablet i'm like i need a gummy you need a gummy babes yeah anyway i'm trying to I don't think of multivitamins, but it nearly caused me death.

4:15Sophia Lee: Because there was a moment when I did a big order of multivitamins. And there was a big self - Just the order, yeah. Yeah, there was a big self-care moment, which I, and then I did a big order. And then I took it one time and it stunk of the earth. And it was like stunk of like weeds and like fucking like - Because I'm not going to lie.

4:33Cynthia Lam: And I just was like, I'm not doing that every day.

4:35Sophia Lee: Also, those -

4:36Cynthia Lam: Now I've got a bit of like multivitamin like fear. Yeah. I'm like, this makes me feel sick.

4:40Sophia Lee: Also, yes. Those, I mean, I will never forget when I had that fucking collagen sachet.

4:46Cynthia Lam: We need gummies, don't we?

4:47Sophia Lee: We need Miss Kourtney Kardashian in the building, don't we? We're just not built for it.

4:51Cynthia Lam: But then the Lemmies, I also don't really trust the Lemmies. The Lemmies sleeps made you so groggy. The Lemmies sleeps made me ill, genuinely.

4:59Sophia Lee: So I'm also like, I don't really know about that. That's just the fucking, what's in it? The ashwagandha. All the ashwagandha and all the mushrooms. The melatonin. The melatonin, it just, it, it, it. You don't wake up refreshed. You still need to sleep. Yeah. God, that was a rough time on Lemmy Sleeps. I would have a headache. Oh my God, the worst headache. Yeah, see that? Waking up with a headache and being like, I'm still fucking exhausted. It's like, yes, I got to sleep. Yeah. But at what cost? At what price did you get to sleep? Literally at what cost? Yeah, absolutely. Well, we are here. Happy Wednesday, everyone.

5:37Sophia Lee: We're on my sofa. This is a lovely position. Yeah, this is a new spot for us.

5:41Cynthia Lam: You are stuck to the window. And we're on the sofa. It's absolutely delightful. Where are my Hollywoods at?

5:47Sophia Lee: I'm feeling fresh and fine and amazing. Make it work. And it's quite nice because we've got the view out here. And it's quite nice to... Yeah, I can see a man sunbathing. Really?

5:56Cynthia Lam: Yeah.

5:58Sophia Lee: Can you see him? No, I can't. It's quite nice to look out and have something to look at, you know, when it makes you ponder and think about the world, you know?

6:07Cynthia Lam: Wow, absolutely.

6:08Sophia Lee: It does. Sometimes I just stare.

6:11Cynthia Lam: I do like seeing all the houses and it's like, what's everyone's lives? Everyone's waking up in the morning, putting the kettle on. What are we all doing? What's everyone's story?

6:24Sophia Lee: Should we do the cue of the... Where's my phone? Your phone's next to you.

6:29Cynthia Lam: Ginzy is in charge. My phone's recording us.

6:32Sophia Lee: It's actually so cute.

6:33Cynthia Lam: For the audio girls. It's stripy.

6:36Sophia Lee: It's really cute for someone.

6:37Cynthia Lam: Nice bikini print. Or like a nice wash bag. yeah

6:41Sophia Lee: we've seen this print before definitely yeah it's nice it's a lovely stripe it's from a brand called Fragala it was just like an Instagram ad do you know what I mean what does that mean in Italian? strawberry well done getting so she has learned so so good uh-huh

7:00Cynthia Lam: so these at home episodes it's not really girl talk it's not really boy talk oh is it nothing? we like to do a little bit of both it's neutral we're neutral

7:08Sophia Lee: so here question of the week is if words had no meaning what name would be on your list of baby names

7:15Cynthia Lam: yes yes yes yes yes

7:16Sophia Lee: we've had this before

7:18Cynthia Lam: I like these ones it's a very good one because it's like chlamydia I like these ones in theory like chlamydia it's quite a beautiful word yeah it's stunning like but it's like ginsia yeah it's quite reminiscent but obviously chlamydia means of sorts well that is on our list

7:34Sophia Lee: we've got a terracotta I quite like that dare I say Terry for short. Dare I say, that could have been on Molly Mae's list. That could have been on Molly Mae's list. Because I think Terry for short for a girl. Terry for short is so cute. A beautiful baby girl, Terracotta. Are you fucking mental?

7:50Cynthia Lam: That's actually a gorgeous name. Jot it down. Terracotta.

7:54Sophia Lee: But then, Terracotta Warriors. What's that? They're these warriors. Right. You know, we'd have to signify. Terracotta. But then listen,

8:06Cynthia Lam: I think there are people in this world There's some like cool Nepo kids called terracotta, I think.

8:12Sophia Lee: Well, because... Terry? Terracotta? Terracotta. It's like ricotta. Yeah. Ricotta, dare I say. And I love... I think that's my favorite cheese. Ricotta. Yeah. Wow. I love it so much. More than mozzarella. I love ricotta. I love it. Wow. Proper ricotta. Oh, my fuck. I don't think I've really had ricotta like that. No, I know. I know. but do you remember when I was having the ricotta and the bagels with the tomatoes? Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cream cheese has got nothing on it. I think it's far superior. Wow. Just like some tomatoes, ricotta, olive oil, you would like seriously. I need to explore

8:51Cynthia Lam: that world a bit more. No, you do.

8:52Sophia Lee: I think it's delicious.

8:54Cynthia Lam: Because I, if I have my choice, I am Parmesan. Yeah, absolutely. Or I am mozzarella. Or just classic cheddar as well. You know? Yes, feta. Feta, halloumi. Like they're all kind of up

9:06Sophia Lee: there for me to be honest and to think there was a time when we were vegan oh and i remember i

9:13Cynthia Lam: didn't even know what halloumi was i remember before i went vegan the only cheese i'd really had was cheddar cathedral city yeah or parmesan of course but like we never really had a bowl of mozzarella wasn't really familiar with a with a caprese salad if you will of course not well we weren't mature enough then we weren't you know or halloumi never had halloumi we weren't no halloumi

9:33Sophia Lee: I feel like that wasn't even a thing. It didn't really exist. We just hadn't explored that realm. You know, we had an Athenian. That Greek place was when we really discovered our love of them. Shout out.

9:43Cynthia Lam: You know, there's an Athenian in here too, here in London. Yeah, shout out. It's a whole chain. It's UK-wide. For a long, long, long time, I thought Athenian was a Nottingham Greek chain. That hit so hard. I love Athenian. Those halloumi fries, that fucking wrap. Fucking gyros. I could smash that right now. And they did those bowls, didn't they? yeah that was so good fuck amazing that's a cute name yeah yeah tzatziki tzatziki tzatziki tzatziki tzatziki for sure zucchini that's zucchini dare i say eat zucchini eat zucchini

10:18Sophia Lee: mariana wants us to go to that i'd love to go yeah when is it since summer sometime or maybe september or something or august or something we've got paprika love paprika gorgeous paprika dare I say beautiful. Cinnamon. Cinnamon's done. Really cool. Imagine Cina, Hunger Games. Yeah, okay, okay, okay. Strong character. We've also got Labia.

10:42Cynthia Lam: Labia. Lydia Labia is very similar. There's a resemblance there. Labia's beautiful. Labia's labe for short.

10:48Sophia Lee: Bia for short. Yeah, Bia. Bia. B for short. L. What's that short for? Labia. We've got Sauvignon. Sauvignon Sauvignon a bit of Savvy B yeah of course a beautiful lady called Sauvignon I can see it right now she's French she's elegant she's elegant she's eleganza she's got a red lip yeah she's very eleganza and then it's what's for short Sav Sav for short Sav yeah the classic Sav razor for a boy wow that's cool where's Julia and Hunter when you need them that is cool crash stone blue B and was called a Sophia. Blueberry Bayless. You're safe. You're at home. You're with me and Sophia. There's no intruder.

11:36Sophia Lee: Razor.

11:37Cynthia Lam: Let's just hold there for a sec. That is cool as anything that is.

11:42Sophia Lee: It's reminding me of Crash from Tracy Beaker. Is that what's his name? Crash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's exactly his name.

11:47Cynthia Lam: It's reminding me of like... Or Estrid Razor, if you will. Estrid. Estrid. Estrid Razor. Estrid's a name. Is it? Yeah. Estrid. Don't we know a girl called Estrid?

12:00Sophia Lee: We know Estrid Razors. Right, yeah.

12:03Cynthia Lam: Razors called. I don't know a lady called Estrid. Razors giving like, there's defo like an American kid called Razor. Oh, defo, defo, defo.

12:11Sophia Lee: You know? We've got here booby. B-O-O-B-I-E. So cute. It's like Bobby. Yeah. Booby. Yeah. Boob. Boob is what I call blueberry boobs. Boobs. So reminiscent. We've got osmosis.

12:25Cynthia Lam: Osmosis. Very cool. enzymes enzymes what's another word from science for osmosis

12:34Sophia Lee: yes or moses my name's Moses yeah we've got felony felony that's cool Melanie yeah Melanie felony felony is cool we've got piglet that is so fucking cute dare I say Molly Mae should have used piglet Bambi and piglet that makes more sense shout out Midas though shout out Midas piglet is cute piglet's so cute let for short pea pea of course beautiful baby pea well it's what's the pig called in that pig film babe that pig is a human the pig who's a the lady who's a pig narrow it down for me the girl who's a pig she's got a pig nose Penelope yes Yes. Well, of course, it makes... Yeah. P. P. Yeah. I hated that film.

13:28Sophia Lee: Me too. I hated that film.

13:30Cynthia Lam: Wasn't my favourite. Michael Jackson's now on Amazon Prime. Really? What's on Amazon? I wanted to watch it last night, but...

13:40Sophia Lee: I'm going to watch that tonight. Yeah.

13:42Cynthia Lam: I'm going to save it for the weekend. I'm going to order myself. What are you ordering tonight? I'm fucking gagging. Something fucking mental.

13:48Sophia Lee: I'm going to order myself something mental. Something this man's never seen before. Yeah, I want to order something. I'm going to sit down with my dog to sleep.

13:56Cynthia Lam: Because for the past four nights, I've had some nice, wholesome, home-cooked meals. And I'm like, do you know what? It's time to order in.

14:03Sophia Lee: What did I... I had fucking Greek yogurt for dinner last night. Oh. Just lazy. And also... That is dull. As soon as I'd had it, it was like 8 p.m. I was like, oh, this was no dinner. This was no dinner. Like, oh no. That is no meal. And I was like, I need some fucking salt. Yeah. I needed some fucking salt. Get some tortilla chips and enjoy. Get some crunch. Then I did have a couple of baby bells in the fridge, but that was no dinner. So this morning I had green kjoget again. I'm all out of sorts. Oh my God, that is bleak. I had three Weetabix.

14:35Cynthia Lam: I've been having barbecue every night. Means to an end is Weetabix. Grilled prawns, chicken, salad.

14:41Sophia Lee: This flat has never seen a grilled prawn. This flat has only seen salmon from the oven.

14:48Cynthia Lam: I'm not in charge of dinner because it's barbecue season. so like i'm just placing my order and chef's cooking it up nice you know unfortunately i'm in charge of my own destiny now i'm like right i think i would like to like i fancy a taco or do you know i could smash as well just like a lovely wholesome chicken wrap you know always has chicken wraps fiona nice little like yogurt sauce nice little like zaza zaza zaza chicken wraps and i'm I want that.

15:17Sophia Lee: Sounds good.

15:18Cynthia Lam: Yeah. Fresh. Yeah, breaded chicken. Maybe some bit of lettuce. Salad on the side. Yeah, absolutely. Really fancy that.

15:23Sophia Lee: Yeah, I could smash a taco. I could smash like a Caesar wrap. Well, let's try and find that for lunch. Let's get some nice sandwiches in. A Caesar wrap. I love a sandwich. Yeah. We've got next up Twink. Twink. Beautiful. Love that. Really gorgeous. Got a nice little ring to it. We've got nicotine. Nick. Nick. My name's Nick. We should start using that Short for Nicotine Love that Hey Nick Nicotine We've got our favourite One of my favourite words Of the dictionary Jezebel Jezebel

15:54Cynthia Lam: I always stand by that Being a gorgeous name I'm still not sure It's a female prostitute Means prostitute

16:00Sophia Lee: Yeah I didn't know that Little Freak Jezebel And then what's the other song That's got Jezebel in it

16:09Cynthia Lam: Or was it just Harry I think that's the one That's coming to my mind Is it but wasn't there

16:12Sophia Lee: Somewhere else where they were Saying Jezebel Oh no we had a dilemma I don't know whether someone got called a Jezebel. Jezebel.

16:17Cynthia Lam: It's giving Isabel, Jessica. Yeah, it's nice. Like all the classic UK names. It's literally nice.

16:22Sophia Lee: And finally, I've got Ovary. Yeah. Ovary. Yeah. Aspenovar. Well, it's like, yeah, isn't there? There is a, people are named Ovary. Avery. Avery. People are named Ovary. Yeah. Avery. Ooh. Ooh. Dare I say best one of the day. Loaf.

16:43Cynthia Lam: That's a dog's name, that is. Fuck Bagel It's about Loaf Baby Loaf That is Although I did see a girl Use our audio And her dog's called Bagel And like She showed Bagel's a really cute name Sorry to hit that back But Loaf That is so cute Yeah Vulva Yeah I don't I'm not so keen on that Vulva It's giving me like Vulva Yeah

17:06Sophia Lee: Yeah But it just ended in A So I think if it was With a pretty girl I could see it being like Oh my god She's the coolest girl in the world

17:13Cynthia Lam: Speaking of Diarrhea Wow. Also ending in an A. Quite nice, that.

17:17Sophia Lee: Yeah. Speaking of, this is cool. Flannel for a boy. That definitely exists in America.

17:24Cynthia Lam: That's giving Levi, Ralph and his mate flannel.

17:28Sophia Lee: Because I think in America, they don't call a flannel a flannel as in a flannel for the face. No, a flannel is a shirt. A flannel is purely a shirt. Yes. So there is definitely a boy called flannel in America. But in England, I'd say less so. Less so. Because a flannel is a flannel. Velcro Love that Cool Very cool boy name That's trendy actually Velcro It's reminiscent to What do you think about this? What was the one down here? Razor Razor Yeah

17:54Cynthia Lam: What do you think about the name Cash? Love Cash How fucking cute is that name? We knew a Cash Me and Fiona Did we know a Cash? No So Cash for a cute boy One of my mum's friends has Yeah One of my mum's friends has got a child, a little, blonde, beautiful boy called Cash. C-A-S-H. There's all sorts going on, helicopters, everything. C-A-S-H, Cash. And every time I say it, people are like, you can't call your kid Cash. And I'm like, you can. Cash is so cute. But people see it as like money Cash. But I'm like, oh, but Cash, it's so cute. I think it's such a cute name. I could see. If you don't see it as like cash, like money, like cash.

18:42Cynthia Lam: I could see. It is so cute.

18:45Sophia Lee: The sexiest bombshell male go into Love Island and call Cash. Cash. Fuck. Like Cash is so cool. Very cool.

18:55Cynthia Lam: Because it's kind of like Cass, like Cassian, like Cassian. Yeah, I like Cass. All those boys' names. It's like, to me, it's just a variant of that, like Cash. I could see a sexy man. But a lot of people don't think it's like, you can't call your kid Cash. I'm like, why? It's so cute. I support it. Areola. Gorgeous. Bridge. That's strong. There's Defo, a kid called Bridge. Brie.

19:16Sophia Lee: I like that.

19:17Cynthia Lam: Dagger. There's Defo, a cool kid called Dagger. Yeah, Dagger. It's giving razor. Dagenham. Crash. Cash.

19:24Sophia Lee: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.

19:25Cynthia Lam: Cornea.

19:26Sophia Lee: What's a cornea? Oh, in the eye. In the eye. Yeah, cornea. I like that. Nia for short. Margarita. Margarita. We know a margarita. There are margaritas. What does she mean? Margarita. maybe but there are more greatest of the world yeah

19:42Cynthia Lam: Viagra

19:42Sophia Lee: yeah

19:43Cynthia Lam: that's nice and this is also a nice note to end on Nivea

19:48Sophia Lee: shout out Nivea it's giving like no V Nivea's beautiful Nivea wow love that Nivea's actually really nice Nia for short Niv for short Niv for short V Niv for short so cool

20:03Cynthia Lam: love that wow well I hope what a journey any pregnant girlies listening maybe got a bit of baby name and spoke from that absolutely

20:16Sophia Lee: just before we get into it quick disclaimer just as we are not doctors we are not professionals we do not actually know what we are talking about this is a light-hearted space okay don't take what

20:25Cynthia Lam: we say literally because we could be wrong yeah and if there's anything serious if there's anything you feel like you're seriously struggling with please contact a gp a professional because that is not us we're just girls girls and boys just like you we're just trying to get through life

20:37Sophia Lee: as well.

20:37Cynthia Lam: Not professionals. Enjoy the episode.

20:43Cynthia Lam: Right, dilemma number one. What have we got this week? Oh, this is fun.

20:47Sophia Lee: Okay, so we're attending a wedding. We have here. Help. My ex. Oh, my ex is the best man.

20:56Cynthia Lam: Sarah, what the hell are you going to wear? You need to look good. You need to look good.

21:00Sophia Lee: Oh, God. This is fine. It's fine. You're going to look amazing. If anything, it gives us something to talk about. Yeah, but also like if he was just awful. Depends how, let's read. My girls just want to start off by saying I love you both so much and I've been watching you since prom. Get ready with me. Wow. A true OG in the building.

21:20Cynthia Lam: That's 10 years ago now. I, more than. Shit, that's more than 10 years ago. No? No, it's 10. It's 10. It's 10 on the dot. On the dot. It's 10 quite literally this summer. It's 10 literally like July. Now it is 10. fuck

21:38Sophia Lee: that is insane

21:39Cynthia Lam: to be fair that does feel like 10 years ago like what the hell was that I can't even really remember it let me try and transport myself back part of my mind can like remember that time so well and I still feel the same time is going so quickly

21:51Sophia Lee: is what I feel like now I feel like the past three years have gone so quick

21:55Cynthia Lam: there is a conspiracy theory that time is moving quicker than it used to oh really?

22:00Sophia Lee: well I back that

22:01Cynthia Lam: but I think the science behind it is because when you're a kid at school, we'll talk about this the other day, your whole life, all you know is school. That's your only concept of time. And those days are so monotonous, so repetitive, like day in, day out. It's so slow. You've got exams. You've got all this. There's always something on the horizon that's like, oh no, that's coming up, that's coming up, that's coming up. And then when you leave school, I just think the more time you have away from school, the shorter of a time it seems. because you've got more like life. I don't know. I just think when you're young, and I heard this as well, when you're young, you're experiencing new things constantly.

22:44Sophia Lee: That's what I see as well.

22:46Cynthia Lam: So it always feels like time is, I don't know, but now like it's quite, not rare for us to experience something new, but we're not experiencing new things as often. Yeah, so it feels slower. So it's going like, oh my God, it's just going because you're not like - In adult life. Yes. because it's not like boom new new new i don't know how am i an adult is what i asked it was 10 years ago i can remember i can remember it in my mind clear as day and i can remember the feeling of being in that time clear as day yeah me too but actually when you do think about life that's

23:21Sophia Lee: happened a lot has happened yes but but my mental state is the same like genuinely the same yeah Like I still feel like 16 or whatever, 18 or whatever. Fuck. Right. Crazy. So she says, I have a dilemma I need you to help me with. My best friend is getting married at the end of this year and I'm one of her bridesmaids. The issue is that my ex-boyfriend is the groom's best man. So we'll both be heavily involved in the wedding and spending quite a bit of time together throughout the day. You got this, Sarah. Yeah, so you're a bridesmaid. Yes, there's going to be the pictures with the bridesmaids and the groomsmen.

23:58Sophia Lee: Also, deep it. This is fine. This is fine.

24:01Cynthia Lam: Rehearsal dinner, night before.

24:03Sophia Lee: There's all this extra stuff. I know, I know, I know. For some context, my ex and I had...

24:10Cynthia Lam: Are you walking down the aisle together? Because that would be mental.

24:15Sophia Lee: It depends how many groomsmen is... Surely not. They won't be paired together, surely not. Even if they have to walk. Yeah, they won't be, I guess. For some context, my ex and I had a serious relationship. And although the breakup happened a while ago, it wasn't exactly easy. He was very toxic. Right. So he's not even nice.

24:32Cynthia Lam: So it's not even like a possible romance rekindling. It's not even just like we actually hate this man.

24:38Sophia Lee: We don't even want to smile at this man. Like you're a nasty piece of work. Oh, God. Yeah. And like what I'm scared of, like he's going to try and ruin your night. Like classic toxic man things is that I'm going to spoil her. the night i want to make her cry tonight because that's what they do let's try and keep anyway sorry we're saying positive sorry mom he was toxic definition of a love bomber unfortunately he really changed me as a person which resulted in my parents having to sit me down and beg me to break up with him as they no longer recognize me as a person wow so this man really took you to hell and back.

25:17Sophia Lee: Fucking rocked us to our core. Well, I'm glad you're out of it. Me too. I'm also really happy that you've got really supportive parents who like guided you in the right direction and that you

25:26Cynthia Lam: listen to them as well.

25:27Sophia Lee: So the reason he's the best man is because he's been best friends with a groom for years. In fact, I actually met my ex through my best friend and her soon-to-be husband. So they've been a huge part of both of our lives from the beginning. They've both been amazing since we split up and kept us both separate but still spent time with the both of us without any awkwardness. They're great great I can respect that that's really good that you still managed to keep the relationship with them despite them still having a relationship with him

25:52Cynthia Lam: they managed that well

25:53Sophia Lee: since the breakup I've moved on I'm now happily engaged with my fiance we're fine oh show that ring off we're fine get it cleaned is he coming to the get your nails done yeah is he come I'm sure he's going to be attending the wedding this is fine I would assume so

26:08Cynthia Lam: if he's your

26:08Sophia Lee: oh this is fine then if he's your partner we're going to be fine who is a real life angel who will also be attending the wedding We are fine. We are so. We're actually fine.

26:18Cynthia Lam: This is going to be a fantastic day, Sarah.

26:20Sophia Lee: I'm worried that the wedding could end up being awkward. I'd rather awkwardness over fucking like anything else. It's going to be awkward. What are we going to do? It's going to be awkward. We don't need to talk to him. All we do is smile. How are you? And that's it.

26:37Cynthia Lam: But I think the energy that we have to exude here is like confidence level 10. Yeah, I'm above you and I'm over you. something is only awkward if I let it be awkward like I'm not awkward I'm absolutely fine like I'm so moved on I'm so far removed I actually got a fiance like who's actually here with me today and you are going to be spending time with you're just there for the bride it's all about her this is her day like he's going to be there for him you're going to have so many jobs to do you're going to have to there's going to be so much going on even morning of the wedding like you're going be getting ready with the bride he's nowhere to even be so he's going to be at the church like getting all the things in the pews and whatever and then like dinner you're going to be sat nowhere near each other yeah big party you've also got your partner there i'm assuming you know a lot of people at this wedding he's just going to be blending into i think you'll only have to have one interaction with him yeah i think it's going to be one hello which will be one hello how are

27:35Sophia Lee: you and that's it and then you're you're ushered off to do whatever and that is genuinely it he's the one who's gonna be embarrassed and busy because he's the one you're the one there with your fiance yeah you've moved on to bigger and better things and he's gonna be feeling like shit you've got the upper hand here yeah exactly i don't have any feelings for my ex anymore but i haven't seen him since we split up and i'm anxious about the about all the bridesmaid and best man interactions photos speeches is he gonna do a speech yeah he's the best man all right well we just fucking like we know who he really is and we fucking just tune out for how how long the speech is five minutes we just zone the fuck out okay yeah so that's good but the thing is is that it might be triggering you know it's like hearing him speak yes hearing him laugh like we might be sent back in our minds to a time that we don't want to remember really because he wasn't very nice yeah so that's where we need to just be strong zone out with with our fiance hold his hand you know stay distracted try and not be brought back to like do you know what I mean yeah definitely yeah we might have to be but then the girls are going to be on one side the boys are going to be like and everyone's we're fine we don't need to talk to him and also you've got we'll stay out of his way

28:48Cynthia Lam: you've got so many people backing you supporting you like your best friend the bride like is very aware of the situation like she's going to be mindful of keeping you guys as separate as she can listen to this

29:00Sophia Lee: and the night before the wedding we're having a sit down meal just bridegroom bridesmaid and groomsman so fiance's not there is that a thing? can be yeah

29:10Cynthia Lam: bridal party groom party

29:11Sophia Lee: we ask the bride please sit us on opposite ends yeah like it's as simple as that that she's gonna respect your wishes sit us on opposite ends of the table if we have to greet him hello how are you? lovely to see you smiling nice and we move on and we twist and we go get a drink and we whatever that's all he deserves and then you chat to someone else yeah do not get into a conversation with him and just remember like i'm here for my best friend yeah

29:38Cynthia Lam: she's getting married like one weekend this is what i'm here for like also i'm gonna and and i also don't want you to feel like i don't want you to be dreading it and i don't want you to feel like you can't enjoy it like this is your best friend getting married like you can be so excited so looking forward to it i know that this is a big like oh shit shit shit shit i really wish he wasn't going to be there and this and this and this but just think i'm not even going to let you ruin this huge moment that you two have probably spoke about since you were yay high because of this twat yeah like this is not about you this is about my best friend and us and i'm watching her get married and like it's nothing to do with you like you can yeah i also think once you've got

30:22Sophia Lee: through this meal the night before you're fine the wedding will be a breeze like the wedding i don't think there's going to be much interaction yeah if anything i think it's good that we've got this kind of icebreaker the night before so this is the night where you see him that kind of shock of like ooh you have that initial like hi yeah like there he is he's fucking over there like that's my ex like you don't want to see your ex anywhere ever so I think once you've got through that dinner you are fine you've done the worst of it because you've done the worst because then the next day you're with your fiance all you're going to do is pictures which we don't we're not speaking anywhere and everyone's going to keep you out of each other's way I think I mean she says look it's kind of good because she says I also don't want my fiance to feel uncomfortable even though he's been really understanding about the situation.

31:02Sophia Lee: That's great. The other layer is my mum and dad will be at the wedding who also can't stand him. So he's going to feel even more, he's more nervous than you. He is more nervous than you. You've got your mum, your dad, your fiance, no doubt all your mates. You are fine. I'd much rather be you

31:20Cynthia Lam: in this position than him.

31:21Sophia Lee: Absolutely. He's thinking, shit, I've got to face her mum and dad. Yeah.

31:25Cynthia Lam: Who all hate me. I've got to face

31:26Sophia Lee: her new fucking fiance. I'm shitting myself because I want to look like I'm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's all this boy stuff. He's going to want to feel like I'm the better guy.

31:34Cynthia Lam: You can just be unbothered. Yeah. Happy-go-lucky. Moved on. I'm having a great time. This is my best mate's wedding. I'm having the time of my life.

31:41Sophia Lee: Like, forgot about you. Like, oh, yeah. What was your name again? Shit speech. Like, that's it. Also, for added context, he is a bad flirt and is coming to the wedding single and loves getting reaction out of people so I can see him trying to stir the pot. Well, yeah, he's single. He's going to be coming. He's thinking, I'm so embarrassed. she's moved on I'm going to try and find someone to snog he's going to be embarrassing himself all night no doubt I think once he's had a few drinks and he's feeling shit about himself because you're there with your gorgeous new fiance your mum and dad are there and he's seen how gorgeous you look and then he's reminiscing and remembering all the shit things he's done he's going to be embarrassing himself trying to find someone to snog to try and do something to cause some sort of drama because I know what he's like similar dilemma is how do I navigate being a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding.

32:28Sophia Lee: I know what he's like. When my ex is the best man, my fiance and family will be there too and not ruin the day for myself by being full of anxiety. I think we've probably covered it. You just got to, you're fine.

32:43Cynthia Lam: Confidence level 10. You've got, you're in an amazing place in your life now. Like it's all happy things. You look through him. And it's literally just like.

32:52Sophia Lee: When you see him, like don't even like look through him. do you know what I'm trying to say like you're not real like instead of I know it's kind of

33:01Cynthia Lam: impossible to like not dread the situation but maybe see it as like this is actually going to be like a little bit of exposure therapy and actually quite healing yeah and instead of like dreading it with anxiety and being like oh it's going to be awful be like this is going to make me feel so powerful it's going to make me realize how far I've come how lucky I am how far removed I am from this whole other life that this guy was. Like, I think it actually might make you be like, wow, I'm so proud of the place I am in my life at the moment because I used to be there and now I'm here. Like, thank God I'm not.

33:33Cynthia Lam: Yeah.

33:33Sophia Lee: Especially when he's embarrassing himself, you're going to go, thank fuck. Yeah. Like, I always do. Thank fuck I'm not in that situation. Yeah, try and like, turn it into a positive

33:41Cynthia Lam: because you don't want it, you know, don't, he doesn't deserve to ruin any like build up or anticipation for your best friend's wedding. Like, we're not going to give him that power.

33:50Sophia Lee: Also, he doesn't deserve any slice of your mind. He doesn't deserve to take up any space in your mind anymore. You need to look at him and look through him. Hi, like he's just a fucking stranger because he is. He is. He literally is a stranger and he's the one shitting himself. Your mum and dad are going to be there. They know how shitty treated you. You know how shitty treated you. He is nothing to you and you just treat him like that. I'm not bothered. I'm with my new fiance. Who the fuck are you? I don't even know who you are. Look how gorgeous I look. Have a great wedding. Who says Halloween only lasts one day?

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35:36Cynthia Lam: right next dilemma my best friend keeps telling me i could do better and i'm starting to think she wants us to break up listen

35:50Sophia Lee: listen I would listen to her wouldn't you?

35:57Cynthia Lam: I want to read the dilemma first

36:00Sophia Lee: yeah Sophia's smart and level headed

36:02Cynthia Lam: but I'd be tempted to I don't think she's saying that if she is a pure if she is a pure hearted genuine soulmate friend of yours absolutely I would listen to her and it would have taken her a lot to say that.

36:19Sophia Lee: That's what I'm saying. It would have took her a lot of thought and consideration before she even uttered anything like that. Do you know what I mean? But like, she's saying that after instance, after instance, after instance of like, this guy being a knobhead. But maybe, let's just read it. Because I'm thinking if it got to the point where I was like, I'm going to have to actually say something. I can't even let this ride out. Yeah. That's serious.

36:46Cynthia Lam: and I do also think it's when someone says like I think you could do better I do think it's quite an eye-opener it is it makes you think then it makes you reflect and it's you then you start to think yeah because I've had I've had a friend say that to me in the past obviously not my current relationship I know I imagine and it I actually really appreciated it because I kind of went to them for like some counseling like oh I don't know what to do and they were like do you want me to be honest i was like yes and they were like i think you could do better and i was like oh i was like do you really and i was like oh tell me more like now like let's unpick like your actual feelings because i always thought that this you love this guy and blah blah blah and i actually think it can be quite a like almost empowering moment of like oh shit like maybe i'm not seeing something that other people are well it's like that seeing it's like that situation we're learning about

37:40Sophia Lee: currently that real life situation we're learning about yes and i want someone to step in and say and say something yeah same but it's not my place to we're so far removed because we're really far removed but i want someone to step in and say just watch out she needs it for this like you can do

37:58Cynthia Lam: better yeah yeah sorry big tangent okay first of all just want to say how much i absolutely love the pod thank you sarah i listen to you every morning on my commute to the office it honestly feels like I'm catching up with friends. So I thought there was no better place to bring this dilemma because I desperately need some advice. I need your help because I don't know whether my best friend is trying to protect me or whether she's secretly preying on my downfall. See, that's issue number one, because why you're even considering that your best friend would be preying on your downfall is terrifying.

38:37Sophia Lee: we need all this backstory how have we got to this point where we're not even trusting

38:42Cynthia Lam: so me and my boyfriend we'll call him brian met through a mutual friend about three and a half years ago and from the very beginning everything felt easy he's respectful funny caring supportive and genuinely my best friend he would do absolutely anything for me including taking me to see my other boyfriend harry styles i was gonna say my family adore him all my friends love him and most Most importantly, he treats me better than I ever thought I deserved, which is why I'm so confused by my best friend's behavior.

39:13Sophia Lee: Okay, so this guy's good. We like him. Family likes him. This guy sounds fantastic. Like Sarah says she's genuinely happy.

39:22Cynthia Lam: For context, we've been best friends for 11 years. She has seen me through some of my loneliest periods. I spent years single while she was in a relationship after relationship. some of those weren't exactly healthy and I was always the friend picking up the pieces afterwards reassuring her she deserves better now that I finally found someone who treats me well she seems to have a problem with it

39:44Sophia Lee: is she single? I guess we don't know yet

39:47Cynthia Lam: over the years she's made comments about Brian's appearance things like he's not just punching he's swinging and missing

39:59Cynthia Lam: that's not okay I laughed them off because attraction

40:03Sophia Lee: that's just rude

40:04Cynthia Lam: if this is your current partner if this is my actual boyfriend don't speak like that like fair enough

40:07Sophia Lee: if we're giggling in the beginning about something like I'm not with this guy but this is my actual boyfriend at the moment like that's just now you're just insulting me because I've chosen this guy

40:16Cynthia Lam: I laugh them off because attraction is subjective and not everyone has the same type but looking back I honestly can't remember her ever saying a genuine nice thing about him not once even when I've told her about the thoughtful things he's done for me She either changes the subject, dismisses it, or somehow finds a negative angle. Recently, things came to a head when we went out for a day drink. From the second we sat down, the conversation somehow revolved around how amazing her life is right now. How much she's achieving and how she's so glad she's not wasting her time worrying about a boyfriend.

40:53Cynthia Lam: Okay, it's a little bit of projection. Then a couple of bottles of Prosecco later, the topic of Brian came up. God. I started talking about a recent holiday we'd been on together and how much fun we'd had. I was excitedly telling her about everything we'd done and how we're planning our next trip. The entire time I was talking, she looked completely uninterested. She kept smiling sarcastically, rolling her eyes and pulling faces like I'd personally offended her by being happy. It genuinely felt like she couldn't stand listening to me talk about my relationship. eventually I asked what was wrong and to be honest I wish I hadn't it was like she'd been waiting for permission to unload she immediately started listing everything she thought was wrong with my relationship and started telling me I could do so much better when I asked what exactly was wrong with Brian she could not give me a single example of him treating me badly not one Instead, she said, I'm sure he's lovely, but I just don't think you're suited.

41:59Cynthia Lam: When I asked her why, her answer was basically, well, personality is more important than looks, but looks wise, you could do so much better.

42:07Sophia Lee: So her angle is purely aesthetic. Purely. That seems to be her thing. She's coming at it purely from just like how he looks.

42:14Cynthia Lam: Because like she probably knows your family love him. He's great. Your friends, other friends all love him. This is her only angle that she can... What else can I say? Like this is the only place where I can try and make you doubt what you've got going.

42:28Sophia Lee: It's so interesting because like you can't really say that about a boyfriend of three years. You can't go, well, physically you could do much better. At this point, that's irrelevant. Like so irrelevant. Like that is irrelevant at this point. Like he's my literal boyfriend of three and a half years. Like what do you mean? You can't just tell me he's unattractive and I should break up with him.

42:44Cynthia Lam: Also like did I ask you if you fancy him? I know. No, you don't need to fancy him. He's my boyfriend. Sure. That comment really got me. She told me that because Brian is my first love in a year or so, I'll probably realize I was never actually in love with him anyway. Fucking hell. Imagine sitting across from your best friend glowing while talking about someone who makes you happy and having them basically tell you your entire relationship isn't real. The more I think about it, the stranger it gets. Because she's never once told me I deserve better because of the way Brian treats me. she's never raised concerns about his behavior she's never pointed to do his behavior issue always comes back to the fact she thinks i could attract someone more attractive which feels incredibly shallow considering she's supposedly judging a relationship from the outside it's i do think also think such a weird i just think she's clutching at straws i just think she yeah

43:39Sophia Lee: she probably thinks it's such a weird thing i just don't after three and a half years i just think

43:45Cynthia Lam: What are you saying that now for? There's no point you're saying that.

43:47Sophia Lee: There's no point. There's really no point. Because what would you do? Break up with him just because of what? Just because you don't think he's fit.

43:52Cynthia Lam: He's attractive. Like what? What's also weird is that she spent years encouraging me not to settle and to wait for someone who treated me properly. Now I've done exactly that, she seems annoyed about it. I hate even thinking this because she's one of my closest friends, but I can't stop wondering, is she jealous?

44:12Sophia Lee: How did she respond in that moment then? I like it.

44:15Cynthia Lam: She's not sad. She's not sad. I've spent most of my adult life single while she was constantly dating. Yeah, I think she's sad. Many of those relationships ended badly and left her heart broken. Now I've found a healthy, loving relationship. She seems more critical of it than supportive. And the thing that's really bothering me is this. If your best friend genuinely thought your boyfriend wasn't right for you, wouldn't they be able to explain why? Yeah, exactly. Because all I've heard for two years is that he's not attractive. enough and honestly if it's the worst thing she can say about my boyfriend is that he isn't a model I feel like I'm doing pretty well absolutely I don't exactly need my best friend finding my boyfriend attractive what makes us even harder is that this isn't the first time I felt like she was comparing our lives lately whenever we meet up the conversation somehow ends up being about how amazing everything is going for her it's always about how much she's achieving how great her career is going how independent she is how happy she is being single and how she's doing so much better now she's focused on herself.

45:14Cynthia Lam: Of course I want my best friend to be thriving and I'm genuinely proud of her but sometimes it feels less like she's sharing her success and more like she's trying to convince me that her life is better than mine. There have been multiple occasions where she's compared our situations in a way that feels like she's subtly implying she's doing better than me or making better choices than I am. The saddest part is that I really don't want to lose her. She's been one of my closest friends for nine years and we've been through so much together but lately I've started questioning whether we're slowly outgrowing each other so girlies what do you think is my best friend genuinely trying to protect me from making a mistake and is seeing something I'm missing or does it sound like she's more upset that I'm happy than she is concerned about my relationship she wants you to be miserable with her

46:05Sophia Lee: I think and she's thinking what can I do like if I can only there's if there's only something I could do to break them up so that i can be single with her we can be like these single it's either she wants you to be miserable with her or she just wants you to be single with her because she's never been single it sounds like it sounds like she was always the one that like was in the relating up but also she was in the kind of relationships as well yeah so maybe she's never seen anyone really be in a happy relationship and she's thinking well i need you to get out i need you to be miserable because i might find a boyfriend and be like i just want you to be miserable with me and the only thing she's genuinely got nothing to say the only thing she's gonna say is like well physically like you could do much better like as if that's gonna change anything three and a half years in really you know i also think i do even though it's hard

46:53Cynthia Lam: to recognize like when you're in it i do like from an outside looking in like i do think it's jealousy quite clearly i think and i also think it might be a little bit of panic because she's like wait shit shit shit shit shit like no no no i don't want you to do this yet like she just I'm single, like, don't go and do that. Like, and I think probably she is looking at you thinking, all your family love this guy. All your friends love this guy. He seems really great. Like, I can't really fault him. Like, I wish I had a guy like that. I think that's probably what is going on here. And she is trying to sabotage you.

47:29Cynthia Lam: Like, as awful as that sounds, it does kind of seem to be that way. And also, I do think the fact that this is your best friend and she is saying to you of your longtime partner, you could find someone more attractive. That's also just nasty, in my opinion, and just really rude. Uncalled for. Such a low comment that it's like, what?

47:54Sophia Lee: I think she wants you to be knocked back down a peg or something. And it's this weird thing. And I think she's struggling with the fact that we are growing up.

48:03Cynthia Lam: and we're doing different things at different times.

48:05Sophia Lee: And we're doing different things at different times. And she's panicking, like you said. She just needs to breathe. It sounds like she's doing well. It sounds like, do you know what I mean?

48:15Cynthia Lam: She's doing great.

48:16Sophia Lee: It sounds like her career's going well. She's trying to, you know, embrace this independence that she's got. And she needs to focus in on that and just breathe and be like, that's great that Sarah's doing that. Look, I'm happy for her. She's been in some shit relationships. Great. I'm genuinely happy for you look I'm you know Susan's figuring it out I'll figure it out my career's going well and it's not this comparison thing but she wants you to be on the same she wants to knock you down a peg she wants you to be a bit miserable too and she's panicking and it's coming out all wrong I think look you don't want to lose her right now I think she's in pure panic mode and she doesn't want you to have a boyfriend and she's like oh he's not cheating it on a fucking hell.

49:02Sophia Lee: What can I pick out? She wishes he would treat you shit so that she could be like, get rid of him, you know? All you can do is, is when she says stuff like that, is say, I'm really happy, Sarah. Yeah. I wish you would be happy for me. I'm not like, and just be honest with that. I'm not going to break up with him just because you think he's unattractive and just say it direct and kind of shut her down and just be like, you need to be okay with this reality because this is the reality. Yeah. You know? and hopefully she'll come around and be like, look, okay, he's not going anywhere. This is actually Sarah's life now.

49:37Sophia Lee: I've got to get on with it and focus on my own fucking life. There's only, like, what else? Because what can you do? She's going to make herself even more miserable. She's going to make herself even more miserable the more she harps on and thinks, and like ruminates on the fact that she wants you to break up because it's not going to happen.

49:52Cynthia Lam: And also she's only wasting. She's going to be getting an Etsy witch.

49:55Sophia Lee: Yeah. Oh my God. She's only wasting her own breath and her own mental. She's only just clouding her own head. And if she's thinking about your relationship all the time, think of all the stuff she could focus on in her own life if she wasn't wasting her time doing that. Because really, it's none of her concern. Unless he was actually being awful, he's actually nice. It's none of your concern now, Sarah. And I think she's just struggling with the fact of like, oh, she's not going to be single again. I think we're not going to have that single moment again.

50:28Cynthia Lam: I do hope that this is potentially a phase and that like you guys have been in each other's lives for nine years. Like I'm hoping that this isn't going to be the end of the friendship. And hopefully this is just like a weird phase that you guys are kind of in right now.

50:43Sophia Lee: I think it's a growing up phase, a weird panic phase from her. Yeah. I think like, hopefully she kind of mellows out and just like, you know? Yeah. You know what I'm trying to say? Yeah. Hopefully as she becomes more understandable Hopefully as she realizes more, like, this is the reality. It's not going anywhere. If you want to remain friends with me, you need to just shut up about his appearance.

51:08Cynthia Lam: I would be tempted to kind of have a conversation with her. Like, look, I know we had a lot of Prosecco the other day. I wonder what you said back to when she said that.

51:17Sophia Lee: I'm sure you were like, well, it's nothing I could, like, I'm not going to break up with her.

51:22Cynthia Lam: I think I would be tempted to be like, oh, I know we had a lot of Prosecco. blah blah blah but um i'm actually really offended by what you said yeah and like that that you have said that a couple times yeah like for the record like i find that really rude and i find that

51:37Sophia Lee: disrespectful also for the record like i find him attractive also it's not just about how he looks i've been with him for three and a half years very shallow like i really love him and if you if you think by saying that he's not attractive it's gonna make me break up with him it's not

51:53Cynthia Lam: yes maybe just set the record clear that like this is my boundary like don't speak about my man that way because like that's really gonna offend me and then hopefully she apologizes and say oh I'm really sorry like I was just trying to like I was just kind of having a I don't know like whatever excuse she wants to make and then I don't know I would I would just I think she's sad right now I do as well so that's why part of me is like I don't want you to be like too like I don't know like there is part of me that's like I think you need to like be a little bit empathetic to what she is going through something right now and I think it is jealousy and I think she is and I know when it's you you're like why would she be jealous of me but I do think that's maybe what's going on and so I would try and just give her a little bit of slack and a little bit of a break of like okay I think this is you projecting actually a lot onto me and not actually your genuine feelings about my situation so just cut her a little bit of slack give her a little bit of grace and hopefully this is just a phase and as life moves on and as you guys keep growing

53:04Sophia Lee: up it won't always be this way yeah as long as she she just needs to but I would call her out

53:10Cynthia Lam: for like don't say shit like that. I think so. I don't appreciate that. It's not productive at all. I think so. It's so also just not valid slash relevant.

53:18Sophia Lee: And I think she's unfortunately going through an unhappy phase right now and she's taking it out. Which hopefully passes, you know. And she's taking it out on the closest person to her to try and make you unhappy too. If I can plant a seed of doubt in your head then you're going to be. You're in it with me. You're going to be unhappy too and we're going to be unhappy together kind of thing. And I think that's where her mind is right now.

53:41Cynthia Lam: Maybe just see if she wants to chat. Let's talk about real stuff. You're telling me how great everything is, but you don't seem that great. You can talk to me kind of thing. Maybe just try and get on that level and see if she opens up a little bit. But that's tricky because at the end of the day, you don't want to feel like your friends are preying on your downfall at the end of the day. so

54:04Sophia Lee: give her note it in your mind okay like that was your fucking first strike yeah like that was a bit much noted

54:11Cynthia Lam: like I'm clocking that

54:12Sophia Lee: yeah and let's see how things progress across the year if she keeps going at it then maybe we need to step back and pull away but if she clocks her behaviour thinking oh no I shouldn't have said that like that's really poor of me that was a really bad mood that was an error in judgment if she can recognise that she shouldn't have said that and she shouldn't have done that then fine we can progress and we can move forward but if she does it again and again then there's no you don't want to be questioning people close to you like that

54:41Cynthia Lam: but good luck I know that is rough that's not what you need

54:53Sophia Lee: I found out my boyfriend slept with his ex

54:58Cynthia Lam: oh my god

55:00Sophia Lee: on the same day when and how on the same day he told me he loved me. So do you think this was in the early...

55:10Cynthia Lam: So he said he loved you out of panic. And also maybe he did sleep with his ex and genuinely regret post-nur syndrome. So do you think this was... And was like, shit, what am I doing? Like, I do love Sarah. Yeah. Do you think this was in the early days

55:23Sophia Lee: before we were official? And it was kind of in... It was like, we've been seeing each other for three months. We're not like official yet. He's gone and done that. And then maybe we thought, oh my fucking... and then said it out of, because then that's even worse. If you've said it out of guilt, that's even worse. Or if you said it to me before and then went to sleep with her, that's absolutely mental. Well, let's see. I have an absolutely ridiculous dilemma that genuinely sounds made up. For context, I split up with my childhood sweetheart, ex-Brian, in June 2025, so about a year ago, after almost five years together.

55:59Sophia Lee: Congratulations. Yeah, amazing. We grew apart. There were some insecurity issues on his side. And honestly, I was thriving. I had finished my apprenticeship, won Apprentice of the Year, got promoted and was loving my hot girl summer. That sounds fantastic. That sounds incredible. Fast forward to a few months and an old school friend, she said, this is new Brian. So I think this must be to do with him. Okay. New Brian starts liking my Instagram stories. Fancy seeing you here. We get chatting and before I know it, me and my best friend are invited to a house party with him and his friends. Cool.

56:34Sophia Lee: It felt like fate because there were four boys and four girls and somehow everyone paired off perfectly. My best friend is seeing new Brian's best friend, John. And me and new Brian start seeing each other too. Sounds perfect. At first, everything was great. Then the ex-girlfriend started creeping into the story. Oh no. Oh no. One night, new Brian got drunk and randomly started talking about how much his mum loved his ex.

57:03Cynthia Lam: Oh no. This is horror. Not save it, please. I'm not interested. I'm not interested.

57:09Sophia Lee: That is grounds to be like, I'm not getting involved with this. Why are you even bringing her up in any capacity at all? Seriously. Weird. The next morning, I casually asked if they still spoke. He immediately pulled out his phone and showed me WhatsApp messages from her trying to contact him. He claimed they hadn't been together since June And that he ignored her Fair enough if you've got evidence Of you not responding Whatever Now girls, call me crazy But if you've been ignored for two months Why are you still desperately messaging? So naturally me and my best friend Did what any sane woman would do And became FBI agents Clock it We found her TikTok We stalked the reposts We analysed every lyric, every quote Every cryptic post the evidence suggested they were definitely still involved somehow.

58:01Sophia Lee: I know exactly what you've seen. Because the reposts are a very serious place these days. I think it didn't need it didn't used to exist. On TikTok? Yeah. What do you mean? Like years ago. Oh yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah yeah yeah sorry. I think back when we were 18 there wasn't a repost No no no. TikTok wasn't even a thing.

58:18Cynthia Lam: No.

58:19Sophia Lee: So think of the stuff you can learn

58:20Cynthia Lam: in a repost. It can be quite cryptic. It's almost like a retweet. You know?

58:25Sophia Lee: Because if someone is actively using their reposts.

58:27Cynthia Lam: Yes. As a form of, it's an indirect, isn't it? It can form a whole world story. Yeah, you're so right. I've never thought about reposts like that, but it can.

58:36Sophia Lee: You know, we were in that person's reposts. Yes, yes.

58:39Cynthia Lam: And it told us everything. It told us everything we needed to know.

58:42Sophia Lee: It told us everything.

58:44Cynthia Lam: And we even had someone say, well, have you not seen their reposts? And it was like, whoa. like it is a whole new way of getting into someone's psyche looking at the repost that

58:57Sophia Lee: is smart girls that is smart understanding them on a deeper level yes it is like it's like indirect tweets people want to also people want to reveal things via reposts they feel like this is something i can you know let some people know about something absolutely and it's but it's subtle and it's indirect but it's like i'm letting you know how i feel yeah absolutely right okay so you're So you looked at the repost and it confirmed there's involvement. I ignored it because at this point we weren't official and I was trying to be chill. Then October happened. My parents went away and knew Brian stayed at mine for the week.

59:34Cynthia Lam: Wow, roommates.

59:35Sophia Lee: One night at around 11pm, his phone starts ringing. I glance over and see his ex FaceTiming him.

59:44Cynthia Lam: FaceTime too. Like, I'm comfortable with you. Like, we're FaceTiming.

59:48Sophia Lee: We're chatting. a handful of times a week.

59:51Cynthia Lam: Oh, I think most days.

59:53Sophia Lee: Like we're chatting on FaceTime come 11pm before bedtime. That's the routine. But the fact that he's so stupid to not even be on Do Not Disturb or not even to fucking block her. You are at my home for a week. You are at my home for a week. Or come up with some excuses telling you can't. Don't call me.

1:00:12Cynthia Lam: But then that also shows me that this is so normal for him that he's almost forgetting like shit I forgot and also you know this isn't new you're not on edge like you've almost got a little bit lazy

1:00:24Sophia Lee: and they also fit in his mind she's the priority

1:00:28Cynthia Lam: yes so you don't want to miss her calls

1:00:31Sophia Lee: and he's thinking look and I don't see you seriously right now Sarah I guess I'm here for the week but only just because I've got to keep my other girl sweet yeah but she's my priority because if you were my priority I would have blocked her as soon as I started talking to you and that's just the fact he's got

1:00:45Cynthia Lam: it sounds like he's got a lot of unfinished business with her. Yeah. So she's FaceTiming him. We're just not wanting to hear Sarah, but that's what it feels like.

1:00:53Sophia Lee: He grabbed that phone so fast you'd think it was on fucking fire. I knew something wasn't right. The same night, after acting weird all evening, he suddenly told me he loved me. Guilt. Guilt. Because also... Guilt. Yeah, he's guilty. Because also, we've seen that FaceTime, but it doesn't sound like you spoke about it. No. It was kind of like a panic. Has she seen it? Has she not?

1:01:22Cynthia Lam: You're thinking, there's that name. That's that girl. I'm sure that's that girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we've not spoke about it. And you're thinking it's 11 p.m. What's she doing? But we've had a really good day today and we've been having a really good week and he's not answered it. But then why? Maybe it was just a butt dial. Maybe it was an accident. Men are insane, aren't they?

1:01:37Sophia Lee: They will just do something to get out of a current situation. He's just proven that to get out of this FaceTime situation that just happened, if I say I love you, then that's going to... all about it magically fix everything fucking mental they will do anything and she said that's

1:01:54Cynthia Lam: a manipulative i love you it's scary it's a guilt and a manipulative i love you really fucking scary

1:02:00Sophia Lee: you said and girls i said it back she felt the moment you felt the moment yeah a few days later

1:02:08Cynthia Lam: oh my god it's also like everything you want to hear though like this is the first time like you

1:02:12Sophia Lee: want to say it back of course in my mind if if i block out the facetiming thing like this is the perfect week this is great this is like the perfect night we yeah yeah so in order for me to continue to be with him i just have to sweep that under the rug forget about it and unfortunately that's how a lot of relationships start and continue absolutely it's like if i want to see yeah we're

1:02:31Cynthia Lam: just sweeping it under the rug sweeping and if i continue to do that then i'm gonna be happy you've had that gratification of this man loves me he said he loves me and you're like oh that That mustn't mean anything. Whatever. But do this. He slept with her that day.

1:02:48Sophia Lee: Yeah. He must have done it in the morning then. Because this was in the evening at my home. He was sleeping over. He didn't then leave to go and have sex with her. He did it in the morning. And she's FaceTiming him thinking, oh, we're back on track. Yeah. We had sex this morning. Can you call him tonight? Oh, my God. So a few days later, I finally snapped and messaged the ex. Oh, nice. Oh, okay.

1:03:08Cynthia Lam: You went straight for the sauce.

1:03:09Sophia Lee: Okay. Okay, so maybe a few other things happen. At least things, I'm glad actually.

1:03:13Cynthia Lam: It was obviously like on your mind and you were thinking, what was that about? You know what?

1:03:17Sophia Lee: I'm glad you took that action. Yeah, same. Because like this is a mess. Let's get this sorted out. I simply asked when she'd last seen him. Instead of replying, she called me. I respect that. Oh, the conversation lasted 10 seconds. She said, do you want to know the last time I slept with him? I said, yes. She replied, 2nd of October. and hung up. That was the day. That was the day. He said he loved her and hung up. Girls, October 2nd was the same day he came to stay at mine. He slept with her in the morning and me that evening. That's fucking foul. That's disgusting. You know how disgusting that is?

1:03:57Sophia Lee: Also, like, you have no respect for either of us. You are disgusting. And just, like, sexual hygiene. Yeah, like, just, that is so... Consideration for either of us. Just disgusting. Dipping in and out like that. That is mental. What a fucking idiot. After confronting him, things got even messier. It turned out my best friend's boyfriend, who knew Brian's best friend, had known everything. And lied to all of us. So he knew. Oh, that's really, really disappointing. So he's been lying to his girlfriend too. Really disappointing. Really disappointing. That is really disappointing. That's really disappointing.

1:04:33Sophia Lee: The fact that he didn't step in and be like, look, I have respect for these girls. I have respect for my girlfriend. I can't be lying to her. You're putting me in the middle here. Yeah. And also, I like Sarah. She's nice. And you're treating her like this. Either cut it off, just cut it off with Sarah. It's fine. Go sleep with your ex. Yeah. Whatever. Just don't act like you love me. Yeah. Like, you're literally just acting like you love me. For what? For what? Like, just for what? Like, for what gain? Oh, my gosh. I don't understand the psyche at all. Then, I received a massive message from the ex explaining everything.

1:05:05Sophia Lee: except she casually admitted that she knew about me the whole time apparently she thought me and new Brian were just sleeping together despite the fact that he was posting all over social media and telling me that he loved me okay so she's

1:05:19Cynthia Lam: thinking so she said like yeah I knew you guys were dating you guys were just friends with benefits like I'm his ex I've actually been his girlfriend that we had an emotional connection like she thought that she was more deserving of him than you were because you were just a friend with benefits that's what she thought. In her mind yeah

1:05:36Sophia Lee: you guys are broken up. In her mind she was broken up with him whatever they're trying to kick things back off of course he's maybe sleeping with other people whatever but she didn't think it was serious yeah. She's saying make it all make sense but wait because the story somehow gets worse. A few weeks later we discovered that ex wasn't just sleeping with my boyfriend she was also sleeping with my ex boyfriend

1:06:02Sophia Lee: my boyfriend's ex and my ex-boyfriend got together. God, these... Whoa. You've all got a type.

1:06:10Cynthia Lam: Lines should never be crossing like this.

1:06:13Sophia Lee: Are we in some sort of small fucking village or what? Literally. This is like a Black Mirror episode. I honestly thought I was living in a Netflix drama. Fucking hell. Then on my birthday night out, she followed us around town. Yeah, we're in a village. Shouting things at us. Trying to get our attention. So are we still out with new Brian? Sarah? Sarah Sarah yeah shouting things at us trying to get our attention a few months later she start she hard launched a new relationship with my ex boyfriend so you've boyfriend swapped oh my fuck with captions like love of my life and happiest I've ever been that's my formative oh my fucking god at this point I genuinely gave up trying to understand the situation now here's the the dilemma I'm still with new Brian

1:06:59Cynthia Lam: Sarah baby Sarah come on oh come on Sarah it's summertime

1:07:03Sophia Lee: I know she said look I know I know before you all start screaming we did break up over everything so in that moment okay he begged for me back there were thousands of apologies and over time he has genuinely changed he treats me amazingly now and our relationship is honestly the healthiest it's ever been but sometimes I hear you I respect you Sarah I understand that but sometimes I still think about everything that happened and wonder how could you not you're only human she's saying I wonder am I an absolute mug for giving him another chance or can people genuinely grow up after making horrible mistakes

1:07:38Cynthia Lam: you're a better

1:07:39Sophia Lee: that is one of Apostle's lifelong is he Apostle Apostle the philosophy yes absolutely plus Aristotle Aristotle that's one of Aristotle's greatest questions I don't remember him I remember no I don't not Pluto Plato. That's the planet. Plato! Yes.

1:08:06Cynthia Lam: Off campus, Kierkegaard.

1:08:08Sophia Lee: Oh, yeah, yeah, Kierkegaard. Yeah, so she said, can people genuinely grow up after making horrible mistakes? So you've moved on with him. You're genuinely happy right now. He's treating you great, but you're still in the back of your mind thinking that was utter disrespect.

1:08:23Cynthia Lam: Like that was mental. I also, I do have one fear that I just need to voice. Oh, God. Yeah, I feel uneasy. Is he being so great? And is he so locked in on you right now? Because the ex is in a relationship? And it's now again, Sarah, I don't like I could be this could be so, so, so wrong. Like, I have no idea who you guys are. But is there a potential element from them being like, I'm gonna make you jealous because you're trying to make me jealous. you know like she is so like i'm locked in with this guy loving my life happiest i've ever been yada yada yada yada performative on social media yada yada yada yada so is he now being like okay well i'm gonna double down on sarah and show you actually that i'm so happy with my girl and i love my girl so much like the fact that he is now switched up his behavior and it also marries up with her now being in a relationship would would be what is going around in my head In my head also

1:09:28Sophia Lee: She's with your ex Sarah To get at you specifically It feels personal That feels like It feels like I'm out to get you In my head it feels like She's like well you slept with my ex I'm going to fucking sleep with yours And I'm going to take it one step further He's now the love of my life

1:09:47Cynthia Lam: And I'm the happiest I've ever been

1:09:49Sophia Lee: And in terms of new Brian Fuck

1:09:52Cynthia Lam: listen can people genuinely change and move on from mistakes yes yes they can yes they can they can do second do second chances work yes there are many many success stories of we're all human we can all make mistakes there are many stories of people making mistakes in relationships partners choosing to forgive and them continuing and being better than they were before yeah that that exists 100 % so look so who are we to tell you that you shouldn't be with this guy

1:10:26Sophia Lee: you're in the relationship now you're in it you're not just gonna break up with him because like you're happy yeah I think you just gotta clock it you've noted it any sign of distrust or moving like that again or you know flirting with a girl or anything like liking a girl's Instagram anything or talking to this ex again anything that resembles that we're out of there super speed super speed Super speed. Super speed. Anything that hints at any of this happening again, or any communication, or, you know, any, because God forbid this Sarah and your ex break up, and she's now single. That's what I'm scared about.

1:11:05Sophia Lee: She's going to be right back trying to get him back, I do believe. And that's going to be his real test. Yes, it is. To be like, I'm blocking her now. She should be blocked. She should be blocked now, but, you know, that's going to be his real test. Because you're with him now. He sounds like he has, you know, really, what's the word, worked hard to get the trust back. Get the trust back. And it sounds like you're in a good place. But I know, you know, your mind is still working overtime. I'd be sat there every day thinking about that.

1:11:37Cynthia Lam: But that also is, that's also a concern. What is? Oh, that was sat thinking about it. Well, how are we going to forget?

1:11:47Sophia Lee: Genuinely.

1:11:47Cynthia Lam: I just want you to feel safe in your relationship and to feel like secure and just like no worries of like nothing bad's gonna happen here. I don't want anything to be keeping you up at night about your relationship. I want you to feel like you can lean into it, fall into it, safe space, comfort blanket, comfort person. I would put my life in their hands. You know, that is what you I want you to feel about your partner and not for you to be lying there at night when you can't sleep thinking, oh, my fucking God. And you did that and shit and shit.

1:12:28Sophia Lee: Because that sex on the same day is actually mental. that is mental and the saying I love you that night is mental you just had sex with not even just a random lady your ex your ex who you loved and you had sex with me

1:12:42Cynthia Lam: that night yeah like I just got full body chills you didn't even go to a clinic make sure everything was okay tell me admit you know there was none of that

1:12:53Sophia Lee: and also we need to remember like you were actively seeing me quite seriously and you still chose to go back there you were having you were actively having sex with me and you still chose That's why I'm worried. To go and have sex with her.

1:13:03Cynthia Lam: Like, are you just like all in for me now because she's off the market?

1:13:07Sophia Lee: But also, are you just all in for me now because you felt guilty? And you just were like, oh, let me apologize. I'm trying to fix this. Instead of just, you know? So he's just trying to be like, oh, God, I am sorry. Shit, that was actually really fucked up. And he's just doing it because, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I do know exactly what I mean. He's just trying to fix it. Yeah. But it's not like he actively chose to be in a relationship with you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.

1:13:31Cynthia Lam: I do, yeah. Look, listen, Sarah. There's power in a clean slate. I will say that. Sometimes after a turbulent relationship.

1:13:41Sophia Lee: This was October. Yeah, this was a while ago. So think, he's had, let's say, okay, let's say we got back together. Let's say we had November of like not being together. Let's say we got back together in December. In December, January, February, March. Seven months. Yeah. And if it's genuinely been good for seven months and he's still going strong at that, fair play to him. and he's not actually fucked up and like you know fair play maybe he has genuinely just like that was just a mental time for him possibly yeah you know yeah so if he can keep this up for a year fine but we you need to let him know every day like if you ever fuck up if you ever if i ever hear her fucking name again i am out this door and i'm not afraid to walk away like i'm not afraid to walk away and maybe he needed you to break up with him in that moment you know when whatever for him to but then that's just I don't want that why did that have to happen for you to then realise my value I don't know like I don't want to have to break up with you for you to then realise my value but that's fucked yeah that is fucked like you just put me through fucking like for what yeah

1:14:42Cynthia Lam: that's really that's really that's a tough spot to be in look but at the end of the day you just gotta think do you know what this is my life I gotta trust my instinct I made the decision I gotta trust my gut yeah like Like I can't even, like this is what I'm choosing to do. If you are choosing him every single day, then that's great. And if you're happy, you guys are happy.

1:15:06Sophia Lee: And you are happy. You just have those thoughts sometimes. You had a bit of a rocky beginning.

1:15:11Cynthia Lam: And it's kind of, I don't want to use the word haunting, but it's weighing over you a little bit.

1:15:17Sophia Lee: But hopefully as time goes on, that becomes more of a distant memory.

1:15:21Cynthia Lam: How much he loves you and values you and worships you. Yeah.

1:15:26Sophia Lee: That's all he can do.

1:15:28Cynthia Lam: I mean, look at Tristan Thompson and Chloe doing a podcast together. Yes. Talking all about it. Yeah, but they're not in a relationship.

1:15:35Sophia Lee: No, they're not. But they're co-parents. Yes. And if she can... Growth.

1:15:39Cynthia Lam: Yeah. Time. Time. Heals.

1:15:42Sophia Lee: Yeah, and I do believe that new Brian knows that if he ever fucks up again, that you will be gone. Yeah. Which is good. You know, you don't want him to think that you're a pushover and you're going to...

1:15:51Cynthia Lam: I want you to be able to say it. Like, you know, that still bothers me. I still think about that. No, let him know that. I'm going to let you know. Let him know. Because I'm not like, this isn't my, this was your fault. This is like, you should be worrying about this. This shouldn't be keeping me up at night. I know.

1:16:05Sophia Lee: Like, I'm on the upper hand now because I could break up with you at any moment because you did that to me. Anyway, look, you're still with him. Look, you should, look, I'll just read this again. He treats me amazingly and our relationship is the healthiest it's ever been. Great. Look, that's all we've got. That's all we can ask for. As long as he keeps that up, we're fine. and look when the thoughts arise maybe just let him know oh i just remembered what you did to me seven months ago just let him know but i hope you're still thinking about it too but then like

1:16:33Cynthia Lam: we don't want to keep dragging this through our relationship that's not healthy either but then you just said we need him to know i don't know what i'm talking about we need him to know like

1:16:42Sophia Lee: he needs to have fear like i will leave like i will go but then there's also the other side of

1:16:46Cynthia Lam: the coin that's like if you have chosen to forgive and forget it's not fair to keep bringing it up because it's like whoa whoa whoa like fuck that is so hard I would be tempted to get to therapy

1:16:59Sophia Lee: yeah because it's quite it's quite deep and dark that it's the sex on the same day it's deep and dark that is that is and they're like he told you he loved you on the same day he just had sex with his ex that is mental yeah maybe Sarah if you hit a year if you get to October and you're still thinking about it weekly break up with him yeah because this is going to be the rest of our lives do you know what i mean if you're still thinking about it weekly and like it's getting you down it's kind of hurting your heart and it's kind of making you you know like i don't want i think exactly last point it's like let's just

1:17:33Cynthia Lam: back our decisions let's stand on business if i am choosing to forgive and forget then that is what if i'm taking this man and i'm ride or die like that's what i've got to do like if i keep but if I keep having these intrusive thoughts and I'm not really over it then I now owe it to myself to get out of here so let's give it a year final point let's wait till October and if it's still bothering you then I think you should break up and get a clean slate with someone new and not drag this around with you every day

1:18:10Sophia Lee: because final point of the whole podcast is that she's doubting whether that someone can genuinely grow after something like this. Because she's asking here, like, can he genuinely grow up after that? I think he can grow, but like, it's a question of like,

1:18:28Cynthia Lam: can you forgive? Not about if he can change. It's like, can you forgive and forget about that?

1:18:33Sophia Lee: Because no doubt he knows he fucked up.

1:18:35Cynthia Lam: Yeah.

1:18:37Sophia Lee: We're fine. I do think if we hit Christmas, we hit Christmas, Sarah, and it's still on your mind, then it's going to be on our mind for the rest of our lives. And it's only going to get worse. Like we're only going to resent him more and more because it's going to, you know? Let's do a Star of the Week. Come on.

1:18:58Cynthia Lam: It's quite deep. It's dark. Oh dear. Right. I want to nominate my Brian for Star of the Week. I have been trying to save money lately so I could reasonably purchase the Room's Launch Bikini. But I wanted it, but I couldn't reasonably purchase the Room's Launch Bikini. but I wanted it so bad. I told my Brian he logged on right at the release time and bought it right away. Wow, Brian. Wow, Brian. The sorbet bikini. Wow, Brian. I have also just started living alone and we are in a long distance relationship and he has been so supportive. He visits me all the time, even on a work night when he only gets to see me for a couple of hours.

1:19:35Cynthia Lam: He was also so supportive this year when I was going through a friendship breakup and he always listened to me. We love. I love him so much and he definitely deserves a star of the week. Just know I'm screaming if you read this. Brian also watches your vlogs with me in the mornings and I'm getting ready.

1:19:51Sophia Lee: Shout out Brian! Lots of love, Jenna!

1:19:53Cynthia Lam: Shout out! Jenna and Jenna's Brian. We love you so much. Thank you so much for listening. We have a Rooms customer.

1:20:00Sophia Lee: We love that. Thank you, Brian, for being supportive and lovely. We need more of that, hey?

1:20:04Cynthia Lam: Guys, thank you so much for listening to this at-home episode. We hope you enjoyed it. If you have a dilemma or a star of the week entry, you can send it to hello at the girls bathroom. Absolutely. You can follow us on Instagram too. So we can get you. Thank you.

1:20:17Sophia Lee: Love you. Bye. Bye.

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