In short
Tinx (NYT bestselling author and dating/modern-relationship expert) discusses personal branding, gender norms in dating, and how to date with confidence in the era of social media and apps.
Guest backgrounds
Tinx is a Stanford graduate (English lit; minor in Science, Technology and Society). She worked in fashion/retail (Gap retail management program; Banana Republic menswear merchandising), then at Poshmark, studied fashion journalism at Parsons, and built her audience on TikTok during the pandemic. She hosts a call-in radio show and runs “Tink’s World,” a community centered on women (but open to everyone).
Key claims
- Personal branding and “value” (entertainment, information, advice, commiseration) drive her community.
- Dating apps create decision fatigue and confidence crises; real-life interaction is more human and less rejection-traumatizing.
- Gender norms should be navigated, not rejected wholesale; she advocates “gentlemanly manners” (he plans, texts, pays first date).
- Ghosting after multiple dates is “impolite”; direct communication is kinder.
- Green flags: a man asks questions, shows warmth/interest, and communicates clearly.
Notable examples
- Discussion of “trophy wife”/wealth content and how luxury “gifting” vs “earning” can reinforce traditional norms; guest referenced: Sabina Belli (CEO of Pomellato).
- “Alapubel” satire and “Rich Mom” series as examples of how humor can expose aspirational gender scripts.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOPodcast Clip Culture and Listenership
0:21 to 1:37
Discuss the trend of podcast clips and how they affect listener engagement.
“They're calling this a battle for the fans.”
Tinx's Career Journey: Fashion to TikTok
2:26 to 4:29
Explore Tinx's fascinating career path from retail to becoming a TikTok sensation.
“Can you talk to us about all your 25 cat lives prior to everything you are today?”
Building Tink's World: Community and Purpose
4:29 to 6:06
Understand the concept of Tink's World and how it serves a community.
“So I went to work at Poshmark, which is an incredible company.”
Advice and Connection in Digital Spaces
6:06 to 9:36
Tinx shares her approach to providing advice and fostering connections online.
“Were you already as well branded as you are back then?”
Redefining Fulfillment and Dating Norms
9:36 to 12:21
Tinx discusses her views on fulfillment and the evolving dating landscape.
“It does make people to feel more connected and less alone.”
Masculinity and Emotional Expression
12:21 to 14:01
Engage in a conversation about the representation of masculinity and emotional health.
“I think on social media, there's lots of storytelling and lots of content out there servicing these very different opinions for women.”
Discussing Gender Norms and Emotional Connections
14:01 to 20:51
Explore the conversation about gender norms, emotional support among women, and the impact on men.
“I think one amazing strength of women is that we do have these deep emotional connections with other women, sometimes almost automatically.”
Navigating Complex Gender Norms
21:16 to 24:44
Analyze the complexity of gender norms in dating, gift-giving, and personal fulfillment.
“How do you feel about the balance between say no to all gender norms versus actually getting a gift from my boyfriend?”
The Impact of Dating Apps on Relationships
24:45 to 28:00
Understand how dating apps have changed dating dynamics and people's self-perceptions.
“Like, even if you're in a relationship, the guy should be like, let me make a date night.”
The Importance of Directness in Modern Dating
28:00 to 29:50
Learn about the significance of being direct and polite when approaching someone in social settings.
“We need to get back to a time where people go up to each other.”
Show all 30 chapters
Strategies for Successful First Dates
29:50 to 31:31
Explore effective strategies for planning and following up on first dates.
“Everybody's on their phone all the time.”
Navigating Ghosting and Communication
31:46 to 34:32
Discuss the impact of ghosting and the importance of communication in dating.
“OK, like my ideal for me personally, I'm not saying this for everybody.”
Understanding Fizzling Out in Relationships
34:32 to 38:07
Gain insights into the natural progression of dating and when to communicate dissatisfaction.
“So I won't disappear, like in terms of being reachable, but I will be less available because naturally I'm putting less value in working for that.”
Identifying Red Flags in Dating
38:07 to 42:00
Learn how to identify red flags and the importance of asking questions in dating.
“And that's like that's why it's so traumatizing.”
The Art of Engaging Conversation
42:00 to 43:40
Learn how to avoid boring small talk on dates and engage meaningfully.
“And I think that's like so to answer your question, a guy who asks women questions can look a woman in the eye, can remember things and carry a conversation.”
Body Language and Confidence
43:40 to 45:10
Discover how body language can signal interest and confidence in social settings.
“I'm trying to understand the path from intrigued to interested.”
Mannerisms that Attract
45:10 to 46:30
Explore what mannerisms signal confidence and how they affect attraction.
Meeting People Beyond Dating Apps
46:30 to 48:10
Find out how to meet potential partners without relying on dating apps.
Green Flags in Women
48:10 to 50:00
Identify the traits that signal interest and compatibility in potential partners.
“And how do you go up to girls if you see someone cute and you want to ask them out?”
Asking for Advice and Navigating Relationships
50:00 to 52:50
Learn to discern whom to ask for relationship advice and why it matters.
“Like I was somewhere bougie over the summer.”
Women Supporting Women
52:50 to 56:04
Understand the importance of kindness and support among women in a competitive world.
“One in five teenagers has had or knows someone who has had a romantic relationship with AI.”
Competition Among Women: Changing the Narrative
56:04 to 57:18
Learn how to foster a supportive environment among women instead of competition.
“I think it would help us all as a collective if we were kinder and looking out for each other more and didn't have so much fear that other women were going to like so much competition between us.”
The Truth About City Living and Dating
57:19 to 59:09
Explore the impact of location on dating experiences and the importance of patience.
“But I do think people need to like experience for at least a year before they quit because a lot of girls will write to me and be like, I just moved to Austin.”
Finding Compatibility in Dating
59:10 to 1:00:29
Understand the significance of shared values and lifestyles in relationships.
“And I think it's a city that you can feel very overwhelmed by if you don't have kind of like a guiding light to be here.”
The Complexities of Falling in Love
1:00:30 to 1:02:40
Delve into different perspectives on love and the concept of 'falling' versus 'growing' in love.
“I'm being very literal with the word twice.”
The Importance of Financial Alignment in Relationships
1:02:41 to 1:06:49
Learn why discussing finances is crucial for the success of long-term relationships.
“Yeah, I usually know pretty quickly that I'm going to fall.”
Empowering Women Through Financial Independence
1:06:50 to 1:09:59
Discover the importance of financial independence for women and how to achieve it.
“They don't have any any independence, so to speak.”
À la Poubelle vs. Fantastique Game
1:10:01 to 1:11:34
Explore the light-hearted discussion on what is considered worthwhile versus trash in personal interests.
“on the show, but I'd love to do a quick rapid fire among this helicopter noise of what you believe to be à la poubelle in your world and maybe some that you believe to be fantastique that you celebrate.”
The Importance of Travel and Experiences
1:11:34 to 1:12:56
Learn about the value of traveling to expand one's worldview and form personal opinions.
“Would you like to do that with your partner?”
Tinx's Podcast and Closing Thoughts
1:12:56 to 1:13:20
Tinx shares insights about her podcast and expresses gratitude for the conversation.
“I'm sure it's just day one for you and you have a million things cooking.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fruit Snacks. Big news for your kids' lunchbox. Welch's Fruit Snacks are now made without any artificial dyes. A snack parents can feel good about and the same delicious taste kids can't get enough of. All made with no artificial dyes. Try Welch's Fruit Snacks today. K-pop Demon Hunters, Haja Boy's Breakfast Meal, and Huntrix Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle. So glad the Saja boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.
0:35The Gstaad Guy:It is an honor to share. No, it's our honor. It is our larger honor. No, really. Stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side. Hey, participating McDonald's while supplies last. People don't even listen to the full shows anymore. They just watch the clips and they lie and say that they watch the show. Are you one of those people? um sometimes i mean sometimes you can watch three clips from a podcast and you can kind of get the whole gist of it i like to listen to podcasts on my morning walks so that's when i usually absorb them and i do like to listen to shows but sometimes a clip will do it yeah i like that too i like podcasts in transit for sure long drive yeah it's great i feel like you learned something yeah you know how people used to say i read this article but actually it was just the headline that's like the clips with the podcast exactly like i listen to this podcast and they just know everybody regurgitates the same 45 seconds exactly around the world with your host the start guy we welcome you back to the start guy podcast sharing stories of excellence with those in the know for those who just know well speaking of podcast thanks you have a podcast of your own among many things two-time author, founder.
1:55The Gstaad Guy:I'd rather call you a person of influence rather than influencer. That's kind. I think it's appropriate. Stanford grad, which I think is important to call out. I don't know how often you talk about that, but Stanford grad to podcast host is a rare transition. Yeah. I mean, I loved going to Stanford. It was great. I think it prepared me for the many, many, many, many jobs that I've had. I had so many jobs before this iteration of career happened. So I'm very lucky. It was an amazing experience. Can you talk to us about all your 25 cat lives prior to everything you are today? Yeah. After college, I did something called the retail management program at Gap Inc.
2:38because I thought that I wanted to be a retail executive. I thought I wanted to be CEO of a big fashion company and it's kind of like a boot camp for people who want to be fashion executives so you rotate through different jobs like merchandising and production and inventory management I did that then I graduated from that program and I became a merchant which is kind of like a buyer internally at banana republic in the menswear department I know and I took care of shoes and accessories for a couple of years and corporate life was difficult for me because there's a lot of red tape and rules and like it's just it was very corporate America what did you study at Stanford forgive me English lit and then I minored in um science technology and society which is kind of like a really cool program at Stanford that they you can kind of you you know learn about the ways the world is changing it was fascinating i loved it and i did a lot of just a lot of reading and writing there so then after gap i went to work at a company called poshmark which was so cool back in the day there used to be these like collabs between h &m and like designer brands and i was so obsessed with them that i hired someone to sleep outside of h &m before the Belmont collab was released in Francisco.
4:04The Gstaad Guy:There was Alexander Wang, Isabelle Maron. All of them, yeah. I was obsessed. And I loved fashion. I loved the resale market so much. So I hired this guy to sleep outside the H &M and then I got in the front of the line and I bought all this stuff and then I resold it on Poshmark and I wrote an article about it. And they reached out to me and they were like, oh my God, you're insane. You should come and work for us. And I was like, that's so cool. I definitely will. So I went to work at Poshmark, which is an incredible company. I learned so much there. So, so interesting for a year. Then I went to New York to get a master's in fashion journalism at Parsons.
4:44And during that time, I was trying to be a writer. I was interning for different fashion companies like Brock Collection. I worked for, I interned for Donna Karan somewhere in there. And I was just trying to figure it out, like so many odd jobs. Then when I graduated Parsons, I moved to LA and I had like so many odd jobs. I was like consulting for all these different companies and nothing was sticking. The pandemic hit shortly after. I had no jobs all of a sudden and I was so dramatic. I literally thought everybody was going to die. I was sitting in my apartment by myself. I had just moved. I didn't have a ton of friends there yet.
5:24So I felt super isolated. My family was in London. and I just no longer feared judgment and I decided to make TikTok videos because I was so bored and I just thought well like I should be creative seems fun this app is kind of popping off let me see what it's about and immediately when I started making videos I felt like this thing inside of me that I'd never felt before like I was like oh this is so fulfilling and I started gaining followers really quickly I think just because of the I got lucky it was the time you You know, people were spending eight hours a day on their phone during this time.
5:56They were at home. You know, TikTok was a very fresh app at that point. So I think I was just lucky. And I started building this community. And five years later, here we are.
6:08The Gstaad Guy:Amazing. Were you already as well branded as you are back then? Four letter username, Tanks? I was Tanks. I was It's Me Tanks originally on the apps. But I didn't think of myself as a brand back then. And I think personal branding has really taken off, especially since since 2020. So but I was always Tinks. Tinks is cool. It's a good name for an influencer slash podcaster slash person of influence, I would say. And how do you feel when you're talking to people that you don't personally know on TikTok and making these videos? And I mean, back then. Back then I felt amazed that anybody would watch my video and think I was funny or that they wanted to know about me.
6:53And it's flattering. Like it's extremely flattering when I was starting, like especially to go from one extreme to the other to feeling very badly about myself because I didn't have any jobs. And I felt like, wow, I went to, you know, these good schools and I still can't make something of myself. This is so humiliating. I'm embarrassed. And like, I'm probably going to have to move home, especially now. And then to having all these people like say, oh, this is so funny to having my videos go viral. It was a crazy whiplash in the best way possible.
7:23The Gstaad Guy:So now the operation is not just you posting videos on TikTok. There's a whole. Tink world. Tink world. can you I know it's going to be tough for you but can you talk to us about what Tink's World is without feeling like you're bragging because you're not bragging because I'm prompting you I think that it's first and foremost a community of like-minded people it's predominantly women but it's for everybody and it's for people who want to laugh and have fun and learn and have the best life possible and like maximize the time that they have here on earth And what behind the scenes, how do you service those people?
8:07I think I always try to think about it. I always think to myself, am I adding value? And value can be entertainment. It can be information. It can be commiserating. It can be advice. It could be anything. But I always try to think, like, before I put something on my page, am I adding value in some way? That's a good gut check for me because, to me, when someone follows me, I view it as them investing in me. And so it's my duty to consistently deliver to them. whatever it is that they're searching for.
8:39The Gstaad Guy:And the value add people are looking for most of the time is like a sister's advice. Yeah, I think a lot of it is is advice based now. My radio show is a call in show. So people call in and we chat about things. You know, I I never said that I was some expert or I'm a genius. I think that I'm a person who, again, knows how to like maximize my time. and make the best of situations. And I do feel like I have common sense. So I don't think there's anything more human than just asking someone, hey, like, what would you do in this situation? If you respect someone and you think that they have a good life, then you should trust them to ask them for advice.
9:20So a lot of it is this advice based content, which is incredibly comforting. I think it's it's nice. You know, we've we've seen the consistent breakdown of community in real life. And I'm not for a second saying that digital communities replace in real life community, but it does help. It does make people to feel more connected and less alone. And I like that feeling of making people feel as though it's going to be OK. And for me, when I was in my 20s, I didn't really have any influencers that I felt reflected who I was. You know, everybody was super perfect. They were already married. They were super skinny.
9:59They had these perfect families. Like everything looked so good in the 2010s on Instagram, on social media. So I've always tried to represent something else so that in the hopes that people can see themselves in me.
10:14The Gstaad Guy:And what part of you now do you think brings these people the most together? Slash what category of this conversation? I think a lot of people watch my content because I'm single, but I'm incredibly happy. and I live a very fulfilled life. And I think people are settling down later and later and dating is really, really tough right now. So I think that resonates with a lot of, especially women. And I'm super happy for that. The other thing is I am really trying to change the conversation around shame and aging for women. Like a lot of women come up to me and say, oh my God, you made me not afraid to turn 30.
10:53Like you make life look so fun. And I think dismantling this idea that women expire or they get less useful or interesting as they age is super, super crucial and important to me. So those are two areas that I think resonate with people.
11:08The Gstaad Guy:I'd love to unpack the first one, that fulfillment you're talking about. How did you view that before becoming a leader in that conversation for your audience? You know, it's funny. It was kind of something that happened like at the same time. I became okay with whatever my relationship status was. And at the same time as I was gaining this internet popularity and, you know, it comes with time and it comes with experience. And my community has seen me go through phases in relationships. They've seen me single. And I think what I always try and show them is like I am always going to be myself and I'm always going to be have a beautiful, full life, no matter if I have a boyfriend or if I don't.
11:57and in talking about it and to talking to so many women about it it's made me feel even more resolute and even stronger in my outlook on things and I think I'm really hoping to inspire a lot more people to to realize that your life you can't wait till you meet someone to start your life and the more you create a beautiful full life the better type of person you'll attract
12:21The Gstaad Guy:I think on social media, there's lots of storytelling and lots of content out there servicing these very different opinions for women. Like I see a lot of content supporting the idea of stay-at-home mom, supporting the idea of single go-getter, supporting the idea of married go-getter, supporting the idea of like trophy wife. There's so much conversation out there. I think for men, it's more like toxic alpha man or nothing. Exactly. Yeah. This is one conversation. I don't see much about like being like a balanced father or being a balanced husband. It's not much conversation about it. Would you know why that is?
13:09I mean, I think we have a very singular idea of what men should be. And I feel as though we're seeing the negative outcomes of that singularity play out right now. Men are nuanced. Men should be balanced. Men should have emotions. Men should cry, all these things. And I think the fact that we never had models in different ways, just as you were saying that women did, is negatively affecting particularly young men right now. Um, I, I want there to be different views of masculinity represented for little boys to see. Like, I think that's important. I think it's crucial. Um, this idea of like, there's only one type of man that's strong, like that's, that's completely incorrect.
14:02And, and, um, yeah, I, I think that men, I think maybe older men need to do a better job of, of mentoring young men and showing like, oh, like this was my path or, oh, I I failed once and it's okay and that doesn't make me a loser or oh, you know, just because your business isn't doing well doesn't mean you're not a good guy. Things like that. Like I think it would be really great. I think one amazing strength of women is that we do have these deep emotional connections with other women, sometimes almost automatically. And we're happy to say, oh, like I went through a breakup. You'll be okay. hey, we have this easy kinship with each other that I wish that men would try to replicate or do for themselves.
14:46The Gstaad Guy:It's a very rare thing to hear these conversations online for men. Even for women, I think it's actually quite rare. The conversation that you are having with your audience is maybe slightly more common than it is for men. But generally online, I was talking to a recent guest we had on the show, Sabina Belli, who's the CEO of an Italian jewelry brand called Pomellato. Right. And she was sharing her concerns with the glamorification of, in Europe in particular, of this like stay-at-home idea of like a trophy wife. Sure. And the risk that that can create for a person who puts so much value in their partner or their relationship and how much risk that can put on their future, but also how broken that word and that idea is to begin with of being seen as trophy and even placing oneself into that category.
15:49The Gstaad Guy:and I really enjoyed the conversation with her because I never really thought of it that way and she was saying that a lot of shtagai content actually may accidentally encourage that thought process and I had never thought about it before it just made me feel like nearly ignorant because I always thought about using Stadguy. The reason why a lot of my most viral Stadguy content, the Alapubel stuff, does so well, I think, is because a lot of it is me regurgitating things my sister said growing up. Sure. Things they didn't like about men. Mm-hmm. And I just repeat a lot of those things, Alapubel, a lot of which apply to me.
16:38The Gstaad Guy:And it's like self-deprecating. But hopefully it qualifies good thought patterns in a woman and makes men feel insecure about bad behavior, hopefully they can change. So hopefully it's like a double whammy and a win-win. But in that process, I sometimes talk about good behaviors that are so exaggerated for the sake of comedy that imply this trophy thought process. For sure, yeah. I mean, I do see her point. I think your content, a lot of it is, even though it's, of course, hilarious, It's just opening the blinds to this like world of wealth that people do want and people see it online and they think, wow, I would love that.
17:24Like I want a guy to take me to Mykonos. Like I want a guy to buy me an AP. Like I want all this stuff. And even though you're doing it in a highly satirical way, it's still, you know, people, it's still aspirational. Yeah. Because it's the, you know, it's the content.
17:43The Gstaad Guy:Exactly. And her thought process about it was. That's crazy that she said that on your show. I need to go listen to that because that's awesome. Yeah, that's great. It's so interesting. No, it is. It's really interesting. But I think it's like all of the, I think that it opens up a wider discussion. On TikTok, there's a lot of creators who not glamorize being rich, but like exemplify or perform wealth like in a super attractive way. And it makes people want to be rich in a way that is, you know, maybe more specific in particular than we had considered. I do think that a lot of the people who and I'm, of course, know that like I did the Rich Mom series when I in the beginning of when I started on TikTok as well.
18:27So I'm sure I played some part in this. But I think one thing I do notice is that a lot of the. The wealth tick tocks that people love. It reflect gender norms in a very traditional way, in some way or another, whether it's a super wealthy, you know, girl influencer who is super feminine and performing wealth and femininity in a very specific way or whatever. I do think it's an interesting conversation.
18:59The Gstaad Guy:Absolutely. The part Sabina was challenging most was not the luxury and wealth umbrella, but actually within that umbrella of earning nice things versus gifting nice things. And gifting implies accepting the gifts, right? Totally. And me not talking about a woman earning these nice things and just the man gifting it to them is part of those possibly negative gender norms I think you're talking about. That's incredibly interesting because I sometimes think about influencers or creators who are women who, you know, gain popularity, and they'll like buy themselves a gift. And I see that it's quite split but like my perception is that it's the comments are mainly negative so like let's say a girl you know she comes up and she's like I'm gonna buy myself my first Chanel bag oh my god I'm gonna go like unbox it like maybe they're happy for her for the first one and then after that it's like you you know you shouldn't buy that or like this is it's somehow spun negatively because that's just like not a glorified trope on TikTok of people being like oh my god this girl is doing it for her for herself i think that people would much rather see a girl gifted a bag because it's like yeah because it's like the dream like oh my god someone giving you a bag and yeah it is a dream to get a nice bag or a gift from you know someone you're dating or whatever but the glamorization of it is is definitely interesting because again then it's it's uh kind of reinstating this this notion in people's heads like oh the best thing that i can do is to be like a girl who gets gifted things.
20:45The Gstaad Guy:So good, so good, so good. New spring arrivals are at Nordstrom Rack stores now. Get ready to save big with up to 60 % off Rag & Bone, Marc Jacobs, Free People, and more. How did I not know Rack has Adidas? Because there's always something new. Join the Nordic Club to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first, and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite Rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. that's why you rack I mean I'd love to actually backtrack to the gender norms which I know is a very complex thing because gender norms as a definition and as a category are bad because they imply lots of assumptions but some gender norms in practice actually just feel good an example of that is opening the door for a lady helping a lady with a suitcase that she has trouble putting in the stowage on a plane, right?
21:46How do you feel about the balance between say no to all gender norms
21:52The Gstaad Guy:versus actually getting a gift from my boyfriend? Maybe more often than I give him gifts. It's actually a nice and normal thing. Yeah, it's really complex. And my first thought off the bat would be like, I don't say no to all gender norms. You know, I think that, for example, when I'm giving advice, I always say to girls, the guy should make the date like the guy should pick the spot. He should text you the morning of and, you know, say, hey, confirming for tonight at seven. Can't wait to see you. He should pay on the first date. I'm adamant about that. So I don't say no to all gender norms. I think that we're just in a very complex time.
22:33so you know navigating these times when you're dating when you're a straight guy dating when you're a straight girl dating straight guys it's complicated but what i hear from my community is they wish that there was a little bit more gentlemanly manners in today's time so i think it makes sense that then when they go on tiktok and they hear you make a joke about like oh if he doesn't buy you this then he's a la pubel they're like yeah that completely checks for me i wish that a guy would do something like that for me because it's gone so far the other way where now you hear like oh the guy is too shy to ask her out like he can't be bothered to text her back so he goes to her it's like okay well yeah i mean i don't know what that leaves us i guess in that
23:16The Gstaad Guy:case the satire works in our favor because like adding the joke and the humor to the extreme scenario of that yeah what can i say i've had a video once that was like the more you give the more you love and you should just keep giving gifts every time you see the person it's like so extreme and over the top but with the character and with the humor i think it implies i mean at least hopefully it implies a more moderate reality yes my dream is that all of the girls who follow me date do it for themselves and have incredible wild fun amazing full lives with lots of friends and a career if they want one but they also date guys who adore them and buy them lots of gifts but also if the guy went away they'd be okay exactly that's my dream i agree with that icing on the cake versus yes exactly not your whole because when you when your whole life's work is to try and just marry a rich guy that's never going to end up well so that would be my dream for all the girls who follow me that's actually my dream in a girl who's a partner yeah like i i would not want to be with someone who relies on me to survive no and relies on our relationship for her fulfillment and happiness.
24:25The Gstaad Guy:I also want to be the icing on her cake. For sure. Yeah, I think that there's a common misconception that guys want a girl who just sits at home and waits for them and like dotes on them 24-7. And I think that that can be fun for a while, but eventually it turns sour. And I think girls should have their own friends and their own interests. And the guy should always be like, when can I see you? Like, even if you're in a relationship, the guy should be like, let me make a date night. Like, let me come over. Like, let me do this. Like, I think that's hot and attractive. Absolutely. Being busy and trying to squeeze each other in is cool.
24:58It's cool. Yeah, I think that's, I do think that that's how it works best.
25:03The Gstaad Guy:I agree. Have you seen that change since you started the conversations that you have on your shows and on social media? I've seen dating get progressively more difficult for people. I think dating apps have really done a number on our psyche. I think there's an incredible amount of decision fatigue. I think that. What does that mean? Meaning you can always, in your brain, because of the apps, you can always find someone better. You know, you go on a dating app like Hinge, you have infinity. You could swipe forever and then it makes your brain think, well, this person looks cool, but I might keep swiping or I'm not going to write them back because there might be someone hotter out there for me.
25:50and I deserve someone super, super hot versus viewing them as a person. Whereas if you go to a restaurant, say, and you're looking around and you see someone attractive, you catch their eye, you smile, you go over and you say, hey, like, I think you're cute. You know, can we go for a drink? You're invested then. You're like, I saw that person. We had a moment. I liked the way that they laughed. I saw that they were smiling with their friends. It was cute to me. I'm going to follow up. On an app, you're like, oh yeah, that one picture, they look okay. I'll swipe yes on them. Might as well keep them in my matches forever.
26:23So you have decision fatigue. You have a confidence crisis because people feel terribly about themselves. I think the stat is it takes the average American man 200 swipes to get a match. Wow. And then out of every, I believe, five matches, you're going to have to fact check me. I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but I think out of every five matches, four will ghost him. won't write back or whatever so then the average person is feeling terribly about themselves because it's not real like it's that different for women yeah it's it is different but like it and i don't know it so i'm sorry but it the point is people feel horribly about themselves and it's also made us forget how to interact in real life it's such a passive activity like you sit in the waiting room you know before you get your nails done and you're like oh okay like let me just go on here like mindlessly swiping again if you're in person if you're in a coffee shop you see a cute guy he comes up to you he asks for your number you are on your alert you're looking at him you're thinking would i go out with this guy am i gonna give him his his my number it's real so i think that the dating apps have really set us back um people have forgotten how to hit on people.
27:41And also, conversely, you know, you don't die if someone rejects you, like in real life. Like if you go up to someone and you say, hey, can I take you out? And they say, oh, no, I'm good. I have a boyfriend or whatever. Nothing bad happens. Right now, people believe that it's the end of the world if they get rejected. And that's also very bad for us as a society. We need to get back to a time where people go up to each other. They talk. They say, hey, how are you? You You know, maybe you're at a dinner party, you sit with someone, you ask for their number after. We're acting like we don't have real life anymore.
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28:13We do. The world exists. There's bars, there's restaurants, there's dinner parties, there's clubs. You just have to go outside.
28:21The Gstaad Guy:For the men listening, what does your ideal approach sound and look like? Polite. Polite. Just, it's not, I really don't take this, you know, this idea of guys being like, well, I don't even know what to do anymore. Like, what do you mean? go up to someone if you're at a bar or restaurant say hi like you know introduce yourself can I buy you a drink are you here alone you know are you with your friends like what are they up what are you up to tonight well listen like you seem really cool I'm can I take your number and could I take you out sometime it's not fucking rocket science any no goes um I mean anything that's impolite but again like manners are on the decline I don't think it's that complicated but apparently it is like you just I think also girls appreciate confidence It takes I understand.
29:08I completely understand, guys, that it takes confidence to go up to a girl. If she's standing in a gaggle of girls, they're all looking amazing. You know, it's intimidating. But I cannot tell you how much girls appreciate confidence, directness and politeness. And I really think that you can win very easily right now because not a lot of guys are doing that.
29:30The Gstaad Guy:Absolutely. And I think the only way to play the confidence game is just to actually put yourself out there and fail 100 times. Totally. And that's my point is like nothing happens. Like you can hit on people and if they're like, no, I'm good. Nothing happens. You'll be fine. The sun will rise tomorrow. Okay. So let's assume that question goes right. Yeah. Hey, can I get your number? Get the number. What does stage two look like? I like a text the next day. Everybody's on their phone all the time. You know, why play it cool? Hey, it was great to meet you last night. Would love to take you out on Thursday.
30:08Are you free at 7-ish? Whatever, you know. And then the girl will say, oh, yeah, perfect. I'm free 7-ish. Okay, cool. Would love to meet you at this bar. I'll see you then. Looking forward to it. The morning of the date, like before 11 a.m., you need to text and you need to confirm. I don't care what you say about this. this is such a rule for me. It shows respect of the other person's time. Hey, looking forward to tonight. See you at 7 p.m. X, whatever.
30:38The Gstaad Guy:I love these specifics. So I want to get even more specific. Day of the week, ideal day of the week for a first date is what day to you? It doesn't really matter to me. I don't think it's... The only thing is like, don't accept like a same day date. If a guy is like, you know, say the situation is different, you match on an app and the guy is like, oh, like, you know it's friday and the guy's like oh should we go out tonight like are you free like it's no effort it's like he's not thinking about you it's a last minute thing i i think that some effort should be shown in planning because not because like i'm a princess and i need everybody to be treated like princesses but it shows respect at the other person's time you know and again that's why i like a confirmation text the morning of because it shows hey i respect your time we have plans and i'm confirming so that we both feel good about showing up at this place there's just It's just a respect thing.
31:28It's just a respect thing.
31:30The Gstaad Guy:We're the Hartford with decades of experience insuring millions of unique small businesses. When it comes to your small business insurance. Thank you. One size absolutely does not fit all. Get a quote or find an agent today at the Hartford dot com slash small business. Time of day and location. OK, like my ideal for me personally, I'm not saying this for everybody. I love like I love like a Wednesday date. OK. You know, I also, and this is not going to be popular, I love a Saturday date. Daytime? No, like, yeah, if it's like a dinner date, we're going to dinner, why not? It's fun. I like it. I'm down.
32:07I like to party with my friends in the week and go to dinner with my friends in the week. And then on the weekends, I'm like actually take it more chill, which I know is not the norm. That's just a me thing.
32:15The Gstaad Guy:Okay. I know you go on walk dates first. You've seen the video. Yeah. Not for me and not for my girls. Sorry. It's okay. It's not for everyone. Yeah, I think it's more of a Euro thing. I think it is more of a Euro thing. Maybe because walking is more pleasant in Europe. It's more pleasant. I mean, in New York, it would be like an extreme sport. Smoke on the sidewalk. I'd be like, you better put me over your shoulder and carry me if we're going on a walk day. Yelling the whole time. Yeah. Someone pukes on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like... It's a lot. Yeah. But if you're in London, you go to get a coffee.
32:47Go to Hyde Park. You go to Hyde Park. You stop. You get a little sweet, a treat. Yeah, it's nice. It's different.
32:54The Gstaad Guy:What about location? because you also don't inconvenience the date you're with and make them schlep it across town ideally it's in the girl's neighborhood yeah but also not right under her house which is yeah creepy yeah exactly but ideally you know let's say these people are in new york i love it if the guy's like what neighborhood will you be in and she's like oh you know i'll be in the west village she's like okay cool i love this spot here does that work around there i think that's super polite and shows like a lot of effort. That's great. So where do men fail? And at what stage do you find men fail the most in your experience?
33:28I think a lot of men fail with ghosting. I think that they think it's easier or that they don't owe the other person anything. And I think that's wrong. I think it stems from a lack of confidence. And I think it stems from low self-esteem and it might feel awkward for a second to send a girl that you've taken on two three dates a text to say hey you know I thought about it and I'm not feeling the romantic vibe that you're really cool wanted to be honest with you um you know see you around or whatever like I understand that feels uncomfortable in the moment I think it's so impolite to take someone on multiple dates and then just ghost them.
34:10And a lot of men fail. And it's my belief that if you put out what you get in, like karma wise, dating wise, if you're a person of integrity, it takes two seconds to send that message. I get so many upset calls and emails and DMs from a girl. I don't get what I did wrong. We were chilling. We went on three dates. We've been chilling for four weeks never hear from him again that's not only mean it's just very impolite
34:39The Gstaad Guy:i'm trying to learn from you hence my i like the very specific questions yeah at what point is letting it fizzle out naturally rude after how many days or how much time spent together i think there's no hard and fast rule there is definitely like a fizzle out situation i'm talking about with ghosting like you're literally seeing someone and then the girl's like okay yeah cool and then what and then just don't even answer yeah yeah i think like use use your head like if there's definitely a fizzle out where it's like mutual maybe you both went on you know a date and it was no sparks yeah if he doesn't text you i don't consider that ghosting i don't like it's just you guys didn't vibe it's not a big deal but the full-on cold ghost is insane like it's insane but it does happen i think the full-on cold is i agree is insane i think the in-between that you just described is very natural to me and i actually want to walk you through it you tell me how you feel about yeah i think for me
35:43The Gstaad Guy:everyone has a lot going on sure right so if i meet someone that i'm very excited about early on they quickly become a top priority right and if it doesn't go as well as i would have hoped after the second or third date, as it usually does naturally, otherwise I'd be married with kids, then they become less of a priority. Right. So I won't disappear, like in terms of being reachable, but I will be less available because naturally I'm putting less value in working for that. You're putting them on the back burner. Back burner or just actually I've, I know this is going nowhere, but I don't want to say, hey, I know.
36:21Why don't you just want to say just out of interest? I think it comes from the fear of making them think they did something wrong.
36:31The Gstaad Guy:And I think that letting them feel in my eyes like, oh, maybe he got too busy with work or maybe he got too busy with something else or maybe there's not a priority for him. would make them feel better than, oh my God, the first two dates went so well. The third date must have gone horribly if he's texting me saying, I don't feel romantic chemistry now. I feel like it's such a harsh action that could lead to a harsh moment of self-reflection for a person that maybe I do care for. I just don't want to be with them romantically. Yeah. I think, again, you have to use your best judgment. There's no hard and fast rule.
37:09Some girls go mad when they're being deprioritized. They can feel it. They're super intuitive. And I think sometimes it can drive a girl crazy to be like, oh, my God, he was texting me every day for two weeks. And then all of a sudden, every three days, and then all of a sudden, once a week, and then, oh, just liking my Instagrams. And to them, they feel, oh, wow, I was fizzled, I was breadcrumbed, I was slow burned, whatever you want to call it. I think it really depends on the girl's personality. I think anyone who dates me knows that I value directness, and I would prefer a guy to just be like, hey, I'm not feeling it.
37:45It would sting in the moment for me, but it would at least feel better than like if I was madly into a guy, which as you get older, it's less and less frequent that you have a mismatch. That's the good part about dating when you're older is you're normally on the same page. You're like, either this is a vibe or it's not. You would have walked away. When you're in your 20s, especially when you're like 24, you can be madly in love with a guy and he's like not into it at all. And you don't see that. And that's like that's why it's so traumatizing. It's true. So, yeah, I think I think you have to think about like the girl, this this situation and use your best judgment.
38:20Like people don't have that much common sense is not that common. But, you know, I think it's good to be thoughtful about who the person is and what you think would work best for the situation.
38:32The Gstaad Guy:I mean, this is why I find these conversations to actually be useful for people listening today. I agree. Because best judgment is subjective by design. Exactly. Why do you think I have a career? Because people call my show to ask me. Exactly. You know, like I, my best judgment is actually if I'm like borderline, someone's nearly about to be my girlfriend, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course you have to make that, have a serious conversation. By the way, I thought about this. I'm not looking out. but day 234 I've always been the exact that the whole thing you described I've done many times and has a girl ever reached out to you and said hey like is something wrong like did I do something or like is something up with you no okay maybe they're also like good riddance yeah maybe maybe because if if a girl called my show and was like hey like I went on three amazing dates with this guy then like communication slowed um i would be like well how does that make you feel like is that enough for you do you want to continue to think about him and hold space in your life for him or does he make does that make you feel good and usually she's like no like i'm anxious i'm looking at my phone constantly checking if he texted i'm like okay then you have your answer because that's how he makes you feel that's what matters is how this situation is making you feel so then i would say you know leave it like put it out of your mind how do you think social media helps with all of this mix i mean it's a disaster because there's so many more touch points for people to worry about i mean a common question what if he watches my story what if he doesn't watch my story it's like watching a story is not really a decision it's not an action i don't think it's passive i think if a guy doesn't watch your story if he has been watching them then if he's muted you for example that means something um but it's just like it's another thing to stress about or oh if he's just responding you know a lot of guys will swipe up flames emoji wow you look good how have you been and then the girl be like i'm great how are you and then nothing and then nothing and it's just like a little drop of attention yeah to just make the girl think maybe maybe and it's like okay but i always say like if a guy genuinely likes you and wants to spend time with you you'll know.
40:50There's no, the guy's like, okay, when are we going out? When's the date? Even if you get rejected, the guy's like, oh no, no, no, come on, let me take you out one more time, one more time, one more time.
40:58The Gstaad Guy:I mean, you've heard a lot of stories and met lots of people thanks to your career and your 10 lives you've lived. Are there any commonalities between men that you see is like, okay, these are patterns that of course there's always surprises, but patterns that often lead to good? You mean like when they're dating or just that they're good guys? I think good guys that are good candidates, ways they act, ways they maybe are on socials, ways they behave. What does their profile look like? Maybe how do they speak to you? I think men, a huge thing that we talk about on my show is like if a guy asks you questions, this is a good sign.
41:43Now that might sound crazy to you because you're a fully formed human adult who knows how to have a conversation but you would be shocked at how many guys just will not ask girls questions whether it's on a date or otherwise they just don't ask them questions they don't listen and i've been on they do they just talk about themselves or the like you know bat the ball back so to speak but not like they don't ask questions and it's a huge huge issue like i've been on so many dates where I can get through the whole date with just asking him questions. He'll never stop and go. So what do you do? Or what about that?
42:17Or whatever. And it's so disrespectful. And I think that's like so to answer your question, a guy who asks women questions can look a woman in the eye, can remember things and carry a conversation. Big thumbs up. Big thumbs up if you can do that. To me, I also look for guys who are interested. You know, I think not interesting, like that's obviously a matter of opinion, but guys who are interested. I like when a guy sits down and he's like, he has something to say other than, oh, where did you grow up? You know, maybe he's got a story from an article that he was reading or he has an opinion on a TV show or something.
42:55Like it shows you that you're a well-rounded person. I think guys who are interested are great and a green flag.
43:03The Gstaad Guy:I like that. How do you feel about how about you as a... Bad. It puts the onus on the other person. It's like very, very bad conversation skills. Like it really is. You should ask another question back to the person, but not how about you. I mean, that is to me like the equivalent of like a flat line in a date. If I'm like, oh, you know, what are you doing? Or tell me about that. And then the guy goes, how about you? I'm just like, oh, I mean, what am I in a job interview? Like, this is so boring. I can't stand small talk. I can't stand people who are bad at conversation. Like, I can't stand it.
43:39Fine.
43:39The Gstaad Guy:So before you get to the date where you are looking for someone to be inquisitive and naturally be a curious person, let's assume you're in a bar. Yeah. And you're watching from a distance. You're intrigued. You haven't reached interest yet. You're just intrigued. I'm trying to understand the path from intrigued to interested. Is there anything in the man's body language, the way he acts with his friends, the way his friends act? What do you look for there? I mean, I think a guy who has warmth is always a plus. It's always an attractive quality for a man or a woman is to have an openness. And I do also always try to remind the girls that I'm like, guys, if you want to speak to boys when you go out, Don't sit in a huddle with your back turned to everybody like, ooh, whatever with your friends.
44:28If you want to speak to people, have open energy, smile, put your shoulders back, stand up straight. It sounds so silly. I feel like a Victorian school teacher, but standing up straight, it just shows that you kind of respect yourself and you have good confidence. And I think it's always nice to see someone make other people laugh, obviously. That's wit is such a quick way to illustrate that you're intelligent. Right. It's a very, very fast way to show I'm smart because to be funny, you have to be smart. So if I look over and one guy is making all the rest of the guys laugh, I'm like, I want to go talk to him.
45:04Like, that's so hot to me. It's not the tallest guy. It's not the most handsome guy. It's the guy who looks like he knows who he is. Like, that's very sexy and cool.
45:14The Gstaad Guy:and what about mannerisms and is there anything that you see that's like okay this is a no-no i mean there's the classic of like everybody says like if the guy is rude to white stuff yeah obviously i'm like that's such a moot point can we stop saying that because obviously that's like a complete no-go if anyone is rude to anybody like obviously you wouldn't go out with them again everybody wants to virtue signal with that can i say that that's my hot take yeah like everybody goes on podcasts and they're like well if they were rude to a waitress i would never go out with them again i'm like your virtue signaling that's common sense obviously you would get up and leave if you saw someone be rude to a waiter or whatever like duh self-virtue signaling also if everyone's saying that who's doing that exactly someone's doing it exactly like seriously i don't know it just that drives me nuts it's true um i was at a summit recently and the uh the guy on stage said who here has ever been cheated on and nearly everyone put their hands up yeah and he was like okay fine who here has ever cheated and no one put their hand up yeah it's like okay so how does this work yeah is this just a random selection of cheating victims like it's just everyone's projecting that exactly you know yeah i think a guy i like hand mannerisms because i speak with my hands i think it's just like a quiet confidence is really sexy fine it's really cool how does that what does that look like um just like a person who isn't afraid to be seen especially if you're just saying like in a bar or restaurant like they're they're not like searching for anything they're locked into the people that they're with they're you know enjoying the conversation but they're like they're not afraid to be seen because i think that illustrates confidence and i love a strong handshake like i love that oh limp handshake what about skipping the handshake and leaning in for a for a sweaty cheek kiss it depends on the guy it depends if you like if you have an amazing smell and like if you're if the guy's leading it then i'm like that's hot but if he's like you know then i'm like oh no it's all about owning it yeah it's about owning it and confident whatever you do like you could go for a fist bump for me but if you're confident like i'm i'm like that's cool like whatever you want to do just own it i like that are you dating anyone i'm not how do you manage traveling so much with dating i guess i don't because i'm just traveling a lot so are you on dating apps i'm not no i have not been on a dating app in five years maybe more six years how would you how do you say that you meet people like because i think that that's something that people when they're transitioning off apps which i encourage people to do they they say how do you meet someone like how do you meet have you met the past couple girls that you've taken out i can't say i've been on a date with anyone i haven't had at least a couple of mutual friends with okay okay yeah i think it's also like because i'm now like somewhat public the vibe check and being able to text someone hey by the way this thing's cool yeah it's like a it's huge it's a huge thing for sure and getting getting Getting that thumbs up from someone means a lot to me.
48:28The Gstaad Guy:Yeah. So probably like 90 % in real life. And how do you go up to girls if you see someone cute and you want to ask them out? Or even if they're like a friend of a friend, what would be your approach? I wouldn't want to make a... Like I wouldn't say immediately, hey, can I have your phone number so I can see you again? Because they're right in front of me. So actually, I want to do the vetting process as fast as I can. because I don't want to commit to another occasion. Right. But there's no need to, right? So I'll try to actually get to know the person immediately. Just be like, hey, what's up?
49:02What are some green flags that you look for in girls? What would be like a ding, ding, ding? Like, yeah, I want to go on a date with you.
49:09The Gstaad Guy:Oh, I mean, the basics is like, first and foremost, attractive for me to approach. For sure. I'll be honest. Second, conversationally pleasant. Having a nice, smooth conversation. not like i'm feeling like i'm being pitched something or yeah not someone too intense having a chill talk um and i could see like some level of friendship existing that's a red flag i i get quite turned off for people who don't really have much going on in terms of career or interests at least passions like someone who's just like waiting to be cared for which maybe is more of a London thing but there's a lot of this
49:57The Gstaad Guy:like aloe pilates matcha just waiting for someone to be busy they're like I want my man too we just need this whole list of I want my man, a man who can do this, a man who can do that and a man who's ambitious and all these things I think leading by example is one of these cliches that Is really such a strong truth. Like I was somewhere bougie over the summer. I'll leave the location out because it might be a harsh giveaway. Okay. I met someone recently who kept saying that all she wanted was an ambitious man. I need an ambitious guy. A guy's ambitious. That's just code for Reg. I mean, in her defense, she's fine.
50:45The Gstaad Guy:She's taken care of. So she actually needs nothing from him. Okay. Her family comes from a lot of wealth, but she's not ambitious. Right. Right. So I just can't imagine an ambitious man wanting to be around someone, a friend, let alone a partner who doesn't share that ambition. Because ultimately it is contagious. If you're working hard all day and your partner is sitting on the couch, it doesn't make you feel good. so even though she wasn't necessarily like a needy type just the fact that she had nothing going on i just found to just be tired it's not going anywhere yeah yeah if you want to make the wrong decision ask everyone it's true taking in too many opinions agree information overload they call it an ask hole an ask hole an ask hole meaning you ask everyone and you sink into this hole no like you're an ass it's like asshole like ask hole oh fine yeah it's it's yeah you've got to pick people who you like their life you think that they're living a good life like that's my role because if you ask someone and you think their life is a mess why are you asking them then it doesn't mean you would want their life but you have to think that they're happy because it shows that they've made good decision making i also like to ask people who are quite opinionated and decisive.
52:07Like I don't ask. I have like three friends that I ask advice for. I like that. And they're completely different but they're very happy. They're very settled in themselves and they make the most out of their life. That's how I decide if I'm going to ask someone for advice or not. I like that.
52:23The Gstaad Guy:Don't ask someone who's three times divorced. Totally. Well, unless they're super happy. Unless they're super happy. I mean, I think the trend that's insane now is the asking the AI. Like, I think that's insane because AI has never lived. Like, yeah, if you're asking AI, how do I cook chicken? Fine, go ahead. But everybody's using AI as therapists now. They put their texts into the chat and they say, what do you think? Oh, my God, it's a huge trend. One in five teenagers has had a romantic. One in five teenagers has had or knows someone who has had a romantic relationship with AI. Because they're talking too much.
53:00to, you know, they're saying, oh, I had a problem with this boy. And then they just get into it. And it's like crazy. I don't deny that AI can be helpful. But I think when it comes to matters of love and life, the truth is the robot hasn't lived. The robot has never had a heartbreak and has never done this and that. You need to ask someone because it helps you get through it.
53:19The Gstaad Guy:If ChatGPT can reference all your books and I ask it for dating advice and I say, what would tanks think of this? Wouldn't that be a pretty good bet? I don't know. No, I think that we need to be really careful about what we're using it for. I think it has some great uses. But for me, when it comes to matters of humanity, like being an emotion, the best thing you can do is ask someone you trust and someone who you think is sensible. Yeah. I think you're sensible. Thank you. I think I am too. I think you are. I think it's actually really cool that your career now is, well, at least sounds like it's what you would have wanted to do in your free time while you were a student.
54:01The Gstaad Guy:Yes. And while you were working in fashion retail. Yeah. No, it all makes sense now. I mean, I don't mean to sound trite, but I see now that it was all leading to this and all the different eras came together. even like going to an all-girls school you know being president of my sorority all those things were little building blocks to my job today so it you know I'm grateful for every chapter and I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity I have now to speak to so many women and connect with them in this way and there's so many spokes on in your engine what would you say drives everything what's the biggest wheel?
54:42I mean, just in terms of like what content I produce or what was my driving force?
54:50The Gstaad Guy:Actually, it was more a question about the business mechanics. I think the driving force is probably more in line with the audience's interests. I think my driving force is that I want women to know their self-worth. I didn't for a long time. And I think there's a lot of wasted potential because women, based on the messaging that we receive from when we're little girls, Like we often doubt ourselves. We have we can have issues with body image. We can have issues with, you know, doubting ourselves, needing validation. And I think that I really want girls to learn from my mistakes and I want them to have good self-worth so that they don't settle, so that they can grow and become amazing, self-fulfilled women who can fall in love and have careers and be moms if they want to and and do it all in the best way that they can.
55:35The Gstaad Guy:We spoke a lot about what men can do better. What do you think women can do more of? I honestly think that they could be kinder to each other. I think that's a big issue that holds us back. I think women can have scarcity mindset. They can think there's only one hot guy in this club. Like, you know, screw all these other girls. I think they can think, oh, well, you know, I'm not going to be nice to the new girl at work because she's younger than me and she's coming for my job. and there's only room for one girl at this team or whatever and i think we could be better or even like another example is like say a girl has an ex-boyfriend and he moves on with another girl like to speak really badly about her simply because your ex is dating her is really bad vibes in my opinion she's not the devil just because she's dating your ex like as long as obviously there's no foul play or anything but like you know i always i think that we could be better about that.
56:33I think it would help us all as a collective if we were kinder and looking out for each other more and didn't have so much fear that other women were going to like so much competition between us.
56:46The Gstaad Guy:In what categories do you think that competition is healthy? The world is a competitive place. Sometimes there is only one job opening. You know, I understand that. But I think it's like the mindset with which you look at it through. Like, I love the mantra her success is not my failure you know you you have to think that your journey is unrelated to other women's journeys and what is yours will come to you and you should focus on that versus thinking like oh my god I'm against every other girl in here yeah competition is a part of life but again it's like the mindset with which you approach it what do you think of environments and cities people are in I hear a lot of people in their early 20s and mid-20s especially every few months they come up with this new city that's going to solve everything i know once i move to xyz it all gets good yeah i think that i just read this uh article i believe it was in the times it was it said the worst city for dating is the city you live in and it was kind of just about this how everybody's always like you know thinking oh it's a better over here it's better over there i mean you can look at it glass half full or glass half empty you can think oh it's bad everywhere or you can think look there's challenges to every city you should live which whatever whatever suits you best whatever environment suits you best if you like hiking and nature and skiing go move to denver if you love the hustle in Basel go move to New York.
58:22But I do think people need to like experience for at least a year before they quit because a lot of girls will write to me and be like, I just moved to Austin. It's been five days. I hate it. What should I do? And I'm like, it takes a year to settle anywhere you go. You need to give things a real shot. But yeah, I mean, a lot of cities are challenging right now. It's tough living in a lot of cities. And, you know, I think especially on TikTok, we see these idealized versions of different places and we think, oh my God, that looks so much better. I should move there and all my problems will be solved.
58:56The Gstaad Guy:What's New York like? I love New York. This is my second time living here. My first time living here, I didn't know who I was. I was extremely not confident. I didn't have a dream or a passion. And I think it's a city that you can feel very overwhelmed by if you don't have kind of like a guiding light to be here. Like nobody lives in New York passively. Nobody's like, oh, I guess I'll live in New York. It's a choice. It's a very intense city. I find it to be vibrant and beautiful. I love waking up every morning, walking to get my coffee, seeing a million things before 9 a.m. I've lived a million lives before then.
59:33I love it. I love everything. I love the people. I love the noise and the smells and the fact that it's on 24-7. It makes me feel so inspired, so much less alone. I love the pace. I love the nightlife. I love the art, the culture. It's for me.
59:51The Gstaad Guy:Are you looking for someone to match your pace? Because I know you're very busy. You do a lot of things. I mean, to your point, I want someone who has their own life, who has things going on. It's important to me to date a guy who really has built a life that's cool and interesting. but um i'm also kind of looking for someone to slow down with a little bit eventually i think i like that part of the reason i go so hard so much so fast like maybe it's because i'm alone and i'm looking forward to a chapter where i can chill with someone a little bit but also still go on adventures and go out once in a while a lot of cool stuff would you do long distance with someone um yeah i mean i think like people always like have these crazy lists they're like i wouldn't do this i wouldn't date this like people ask me all the time would i date a divorce guy yeah of course like if you meet the right person it like if you fall in love with someone you fall in love with someone these people who say oh i would never do this i would never do that that i'm like have you ever fallen in love because when you fall for someone they could live on the moon and you would find a made way to make it work now love isn't always enough sometimes but i think when you're initially falling for someone could be anyone this is an interesting conversation yeah because I don't really believe in falling in love.
1:01:10The Gstaad Guy:I'm being very literal with the word twice. How many times have you been in love? Twice. Okay. But the falling is the key word that I don't really believe in. That's why I'm saying that. Of course, I believe in love. Yeah. But I do believe that love is a decision that you have to make over and over again to get to that state. Like you want to grow love for someone. And I have had to decide a few times that this is someone I actually want to grow this feeling for and work my way towards that point. I think falling implies this accident where like, oh my God, this feeling's hit me now, which I think is more like infatuation to me.
1:01:45Yeah. I think that people use the word falling in love as the way you are using growing. It's a transition state to caring deeply about someone. And I mean, you said that it's a choice. I don't know. I guess I understand what you're saying and that you're choosing to continue to take the steps to go towards that person. But for me, every time I've fallen in love, I felt like I didn't even have a choice. Like even if it was an inconvenient person or whatever, like in some way, I felt like even if I wanted to, I couldn't back out of this because it's just intoxicating and I feel like I'm Alice in Wonderland falling down the rabbit hole.
1:02:31I think I've never felt that. I'm a very emotional person now. It's nice. Yeah, I love it. I love being in love. I love falling in love or growing to love someone.
1:02:41The Gstaad Guy:Yeah. Is it usually a fast process for you? Yeah. Yeah, I usually know pretty quickly that I'm going to fall. Like, I can kind of tell pretty quickly, like, do we have the capacity to be in love? And then it's kind of fun from there. can I ask you when the last time you felt that was yeah probably like two years ago yeah what happened to him we just weren't we weren't aligned on I think to see when I was saying love isn't enough I think we weren't aligned on life like in many ways but I loved him very much he's a great person and And we spent a lot of beautiful time together. And I care about him.
1:03:29And I always care about him. And yeah, he was great.
1:03:32The Gstaad Guy:Did you speak about the misalignment throughout the relationship? Or was it only towards the end? I felt kind of like a dark cloud from quite early on. Because I just knew that it wasn't going to work. There was just a misalignment in a lot of key categories that I think you need to be aligned on in life. Again, I think love is amazing. but to have a long-term relationship if you want to get married and especially if you want to have kids you need to be aligned on ambition work ethic where you want to live the kind of life you want to lead like if you have a vision for what you want you need to kind of share that with that person otherwise you know those conversations aren't always sexy but I think that they're so crucial otherwise you're two years in going what do you mean you don't want to do this or you want to have kids or you want to stop working or this or that like you have to be aligned on those things And if you're not, it's kind of not going to work.
1:04:27The Gstaad Guy:I think those things should be discussed quite early on. Yeah, I agree with you. But I think a lot of people end up actually just saying what they assume the other person wants. I completely agree with you. And I think it's so dangerous. And I always encourage my listeners, speak up. If you want to have kids and the guy is like, nah, kids aren't for me, that's not going to change. You need to be aware of it. Or if he just says kids are for him because you want me. Yeah, exactly. You know, or like recently a girl wrote to me and she said, I feel really stressed. I've moved in with my boyfriend and he hasn't gotten a job and we just the money is completely misaligned.
1:05:07And like people feel very uncomfortable talking about money. I think it is the number one thing that couples disagree on and fight on and messes up marriages and long term relationships. I don't think you have to make the same amount of money. but for me I think you have to value a dollar the same way you have to view the value of a dollar the same way another good little test is like if you as a couple found a hundred dollars on the street would you agree on what to do without a hundred dollars I think that kind of stuff is very very important because otherwise down the line one person's going to be like well what do you mean you spent thirty thousand dollars on gambling this year another caller who called my show.
1:05:47A woman called, she said, I'm in bits. My husband took out a loan of our mortgage, blah, blah, blah. It's blue 30K. I'm gambling and I didn't know that he did it and all this stuff. You've got to be aligned about money. Not sexy, very important.
1:06:02The Gstaad Guy:And you were saying earlier about the importance of that individual power for the woman. Yeah. What does that look like and how does someone go about acquiring that power? I mean, I think the dream is to have women be financially independent and to be able to stand on their own two feet. And if they need to walk away to be able to say, I'm leaving, no problem. I think that's amazing. And then everything else is like, is just dessert. That's perfect. It's amazing. But, you know, I think I think another second step or second best step is like for women to be aware of like the finances. I think a lot of women go into a marriage.
1:06:42They hand over the all the finances, everything to the guy. And then down the line, when something happens, you know, they don't know where the money is. They don't know what's going on. They don't have any any independence, so to speak. Like the guy has all the control over everything and they don't have any options. So I think what I always encourage women to do is like if you can be financially independent, that's incredible, amazing. Like keep some money for yourself. And secondly, know where your money is. Have your ducks in a row. Be aware of the situation. Again, I hope that all my followers are financially independent and then marry billionaires on top of that.
1:07:19But, you know, can't always be the case. So know what's going on.
1:07:23The Gstaad Guy:I like you talk about the awareness. It's another cheesy line, but I think it's so meaningful. It's the knowledge really is power. It is the first step. Yeah. And it's even down to small things like diet. People eat things every single day that they know are unhealthy and they don't even want to Google it because they don't want to qualify. Right. That thought. They just kind of put it under the rug. Right. I think the same applies for behavior you question or dynamics people question with their partner. Yeah. Like, oh, you know, I'm sure all husbands do this. Yes. So it's, ah, that's fine. Or like, oh, he'll grow out of it.
1:07:59Yeah. There's one saying that I really like. It's men or women marry men hoping that they'll change. Men marry women hoping that they won't. And I love that. And I find it to be obviously a generalization, but very true. You know? It's good. I find it very true. Women change. Women have eras. Women have different versions of themselves. It's just the way we are. We're like cosmic. We're connected to the moon. We're like always evolving. We want new things. We change whatever. Like if you if you date a guy, he has a habit that you hate or a thing that he does really bothers you. He will not change.
1:08:39He's not going to suddenly when he's 40 say, oh, you know what? I'm done with that. I'm not going to do that anymore. So you have to know, you have to go into it with eyes wide open, that that's what you're getting. Like you can't date on potential. You can't say like, oh, if he would just change this and that, if he just grew out of that, if he just, you know, didn't get too drunk at parties, like we'd be fine or whatever. And it's like...
1:09:01The Gstaad Guy:Yeah, I completely agree with that. I think this also comes from this fairytale hope that people try to fill in the gaps just to get as close as possible to what the future could be. And I think some of it is... trust and belief that their partner can be someone the partner wants to become. Yeah. Which is a beautiful thing. Right. But I think being somewhat realistic about it is also healthy. And I think in this scenario, being realistic is not being pessimistic. It's actually being okay with what things are today. And everything else is just upside. Yeah. And it's beautiful. And I think true love is when you look at someone flaws and all and you say, no, like that right there is I'm good with that.
1:09:45Yeah. And that's really special. And to be seen is to be loved. And I think, you know, that's always something you can flip it. Like you can't, you don't have to, I explained it in a negative way, but I think you can think about it like you have to be good with the person as they are.
1:09:59The Gstaad Guy:Well, thanks. On Stag Guy podcast, every single episode, we play this game of à la poubelle. Okay. Versus fantastique. Great. I think you know what both mean. I do. We've already done a few. on the show, but I'd love to do a quick rapid fire among this helicopter noise of what you believe to be à la poubelle in your world and maybe some that you believe to be fantastique that you celebrate. Oh, I think reading articles and reading in general, fantastique. Okay. Being able to form an opinion and stay calm while you deliver it and discuss it, fantastique. I agree. Defensive anger is à la poubelle.
1:10:36I think hobbies, fantastique. I think Wholesome hobbies Wholesome hobbies Yeah of course What kind of hobbies Were you thinking about?
1:10:46The Gstaad Guy:Maybe someone Poker is their hobby So true Wholesome hobbies The more niche The better Like I love when I meet Someone and they're like Oh my god I'm obsessed with like This random Like type of painting And you can only get it here And like we gotta Yeah like I love To hear people Get carried away With the things That interest them I think Having spots fantastique like if you're you're like oh my god i know this great spot like oh i love to go here come on let's go i think that's very cool and when you get to a certain age like over 30 you live in a city you should have spots like you should it's it's cool it's good to know um shows that you have it's a demonstrator of taste and opinion and and just that you care about how you spend your time I think exercising, healthy, all that good stuff, fantastique.
1:11:41The Gstaad Guy:Fantastique. Would you like to do that with your partner? I don't need to. I kind of like to go to the gym to unwind and have a minute. Okay, so let me put it this way. Healthy, cares about health, you know, in the gym, fantastique. Gym selfies, your whole identity, like I'm a gym bro a la Bubba. Oh, for bad. Yeah. What about diet? If he's... I think the most fantastique thing is moderation. Generally a balanced view. Enjoy it. Yeah, have fun, but don't go too crazy. But like, have fun. Like, you've got to enjoy life and eat good food. I think traveling, fantastique. What is the reason for travel that you like the most?
1:12:27To expand your worldview. To experience different things, different cultures.
1:12:31The Gstaad Guy:Vegas with the boys? once in a while. Okay. Yeah, why not? It's part of it. It's fun. I'm not too judgy about stuff like that. But I think that, you know, if you care about like being a person in this world, if you can get yourself to travel and go out there and form your own opinions and don't just go to the places that you see on TikTok, that's fantastic. Well, thanks. I really appreciate you taking the time to be here today. Thank you for having me. Congrats on all your continued success. Thank you. I'm sure it's just day one for you and you have a million things cooking. You're so sweet. And I urge the audience today who likely really enjoyed this to listen to your own podcast posting three times a week.
1:13:13I appreciate that. It's me, Tanks, wherever you get your podcasts.
1:13:17The Gstaad Guy:It's me, Tanks. Thank you so much, Tanks. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Stad Guy podcast. If you're keen to learn more, please follow along by engaging with our social channels on Instagram, TikTok, Spotify, YouTube and Apple Podcasts. And we look forward to seeing you next week. Merci beaucoup. A la prochaine and a big hug from the Start Guy.
From the publisher
The Gstaad Guy sits down with Tinx, cultural commentator, host of “It’s Me, Tinx”, and one of the most influential voices shaping modern conversations around dating, relationships, and self-worth, to explore how humour, honesty, and intuition intersect in a digital-first world. Known for creating the satirical “Rich Mom Starter Pack” series and coining the “Rich Mom Energy” (RME) concept, Tinx reflects on how using wit and self-awareness became a way to challenge stereotypes, spark cultural dialogue, and empower women to define success on their own terms.
The conversation dives into modern relationship dynamics, the glamorisation of wealth and traditional gender roles, and why dating has become increasingly complicated. Tinx shares her perspective on what men should be, how judgement is inherently subjective by design, and the importance of alignment in love, ambition, and values. From social media’s influence on expectations to navigating fulfilment, confidence, and identity, this episode offers an unfiltered look at modern love and the art of creating a life that actually feels good to live.
Filmed at Casa Cipriani New York’s Premier River View Suite.
Chapters:
(00:00) Intro ✨
(05:29) Personal Branding 👤✨
(06:38) Tinx World 🌍💖
(08:12) Advice-based Content 💬📘
(09:32) Living A Fulfilled Life 🌱😊
(10:32) Creating A Beautiful Life For Yourself 🌸✨
(11:32) “What Men Should Be” 👨🏻🎯
(13:57) Glamourisation Of The Trophy Wife 💎👩🏻
(15:31) Inspiration Behind “À La Poubelle” 🗑️✨
(17:03) Glamourising the Wealthy 💰✨
(19:57) Gender Norms ⚖️🚻
(22:53) Relationship Dynamics 🔄❤️
(23:50) “Dating Has Gotten Difficult” 😮💨💔
(27:02) The Right Approach 🧭💬
(31:46) Where Men Fail ⚠️👨🏻
(33:07) “Letting Things Fizzle Out” 🔥⬇️
(36:58) “Best judgement is subjective by design” 🎭🧠
(38:38) How Does Social Media Help? 📱🤔
(39:43) What Makes A Man A Good Candidate ✅👨🏻
(42:26) From Intrigued To Interested 👀➡️❤️
(46:12) Gstaad Guy’s Dating Life 💬🍸
(47:19) How The Gstaad Guy Approaches Dating 🧭💘
(50:09) “If You Want To Make The Wrong Decision Ask Everyone” 🗣️❌
(52:00) ChatGPT 🤖💬
(53:22) The Driving Force Behind Tinx ⚡💖
(54:21) What Can Women Do More Of? 👩🏻💡
(56:07) The Environment of Where You Live 🏙️🌿
(57:42) New York 🗽✨
(59:51) Falling In Love 💘🌸
(1:02:42) Aligning With Your Partner 🎯🤝🏻
(1:03:45) The Topic Of Money In Relationships 💰❤️
(1:06:12) Knowledge Is Power 🧠⚡
(1:08:44) À La Poubelle vs. Fantastique 🗑️✨
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