To The Point: Money & Finances

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1:48Hello and welcome to Life at the Midpoint with me, Gabby Logan. Now today is one of our bonus episodes, To The Point, and today's episode is going to be all about money and finance, but not the advice that you'd get from somebody like Martin Lewis, who's been on the podcast, and we've had lots of other really great guests who've talked about the benefits of getting into your pension as early as you can, or maybe having an ISA, all those things. You can find all that information on those episodes and I'll make sure that they're in the show notes. But actually, these are your individual kind of issues and problems that have sparked this episode.

2:20And our first one comes from Maya. Hello, Gabby. My husband and I have completely different attitudes to money. Interesting. I'm a saver. He's a spender. I'm sure a lot of people are nodding in agreement right now. And after 20 years together, we still have the same arguments about it. At what point do you have to accept you have different relationships with money and how do you make that work? Well, I think you probably need to start accepting you have a different relationship it with money right now, Maya, if you're going to make it work, because I don't think either of you are changing from the sounds of this.

2:49Fundamentally, one of you likes to splash the cash, the other one wants to squirrel it away. And that's probably not a bad thing, actually, isn't it? It's good to have balance in a relationship. I'm sure it would be much more challenging if both of you were spending all the cash and that would make life a lot more difficult. And maybe you balance each other off. I do think it is important to have those conversations as early as you can in a relationship and be as honest with each other as possible. But obviously, if you both work really, really hard and you're enjoying a little bit of what you're earning, then that seems like a nice way to live your life because life's not all about money, is it?

3:22It's about experiences, it's about memories, it's about creating moments because what is life if not for living? So obviously, maybe that's his approach to life and you may be thinking a little bit more risk averse about the future, securing yourself for the future. And I don't think that's a bad thing either. So I think you can obviously make it work, the pair of you, by having that honest conversation that, look, we need to have a little bit aside for the future. We need to have our pension. We need to make sure we look after each other, but equally we need to have fun. I think personally, my husband and I have got quite different ideas as well.

3:57I had this discussion with him yesterday with your email in mind. And I said, do you think we've got the same attitude to money? He said, no, you're much riskier than I am, which was the first time we're 53 and 54 years old. We've been married 25 years. That's the first time I'd actually asked him that question. So it's not ridiculous to only be having these conversations at this point. I think when we were in our 20s and 30s, like a lot of people, you're spending your money, first of all, on yourself. You can't believe you've actually got a job. So you're going out and spending it on nice things.

4:25And then maybe when you get married, you're building a house together, you're building your life and your lifestyle. And then if you have children, they are a huge cost center. So suddenly in your 30s and maybe your 40s, a lot of your money is going on the family. I think when you start looking towards the end of your 40s, that's when we started to get really serious about thinking we needed to have a look at a pension properly and really plan for how we were going to live in the future, because the future felt so far away in our 30s. And then in our 40s, the future definitely started to come into our rear view mirror a little bit more.

4:58So I think if you are somebody that likes to do nice things and have nice experiences, then it will be quite frustrating if the other person is always putting the handbrake on that. So having those conversations and allowing each other to have a bit of space, I think is really important. Lucy says, I'm in my forties and I feel like I should have my finances sorted by now, which kind of goes back to the point I was just saying, Lucy, doesn't it? She says, I've got a mortgage, children and a decent salary, but I still feel like I'm constantly worrying about money. Everyone seems to be doing better than me.

5:28Ah, comparison is a thief of joy. They've got bigger houses, nicer holidays and more savings. It's just Instagram. Don't look at it. How do you stop comparing yourself financially to everybody else around you? I know what you mean, Lucy, because it depends on what your social circle is, doesn't it? And at various points, some people seem to be doing better and having more holidays or having the moving house or they be moving into bigger houses or they always seem to have new clothes, new cars and things like that. And you know what? Great for them. That's great. That's their life. But you're leading your life, Lucy.

6:01And it sounds to me like you're doing really well and you're absolutely smashing it. And you've got lovely children and you've got a good job and you have to work within the confines and the boundaries that are your life. And I think if you can just avoid comparison in any area of life, but particularly finance, because so often, as my mum used to say to me, smoke and mirrors, isn't it? With a lot of people, you don't know how they're paying for those things. You don't know if they've inherited some money or if they're buying everything on credit. You've got no idea really what's going on with people's financial kind of story behind those images that they're projecting to the world.

6:35So I think look after yourself and put your head on the pillow at night and know that you're secure and you're happy with how you're living your life, Lucy. And I think we can all take actually a kind of a moment to think about that in loads of other areas as well, because it's not helpful, is it really, to be constantly comparing ourselves. Amelia says, having spoken to so many people on the podcast about success, careers, family and lifestyle, has anyone changed the way you think about money or what it means to live a successful life? I think lots of people's stories have cemented in me that success is not ever going to be financial.

7:11When we finish our life at whatever stage that we leave this mortal coil, we are not going to be measured by the amount of money we have in the bank and the amount of things we have in our life. And I've been to a few funerals in the last year and it always reminds me when people are spoken about, it is the qualities that they had as people and the life they led with their family or how they left people feeling that is what people remember them by. They don't remember the last car they drove or the last holiday they went on or the last picture they put up on Instagram. And so those relationships are the most valuable thing you can have.

7:49And the most successful lives are the ones who've really invested in their relationships. Thank you so much, Amelia, though, for that question. It's a really good one. And I think well worth kind of remembering that because it's easy to forget, isn't it? As we go back to the question about comparison that came from Lucy, you know, we all worry that we're not doing as well as the next person. We should be getting a promotion so we can have more of something. And actually, really it's those relationships that we should be investing in. Thank you. I've loved your questions on money because sometimes it can seem a bit dry and we have got great episodes.

8:22I'll put them in the show notes that are to do with money and investments. But actually it's important to remember the values that we have in life aren't always things that we measure our bank account by. And if you've got any other topics you'd like to discuss, remember the email address is hello at midpointlife.com or you can find us on social media at Midpoint Life because I love hearing from you. I love these conversations and ideas being sparked by things that you want to talk about. But that's it for today from a life at the midpoint and to the point. We're all done. We'll see you next time.

8:53Bye bye.

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