Build Financial Fitness & Transform Your Relationship With Money

25:12So we can actually compete with the big guys. And I believe that to be true. And if we can compete with the big guys, that means we get to keep the profits. They don't. You spend a dollar at a local store. We have 60 cents of those dollars stay in your local community. You spend a dollar with Amazon, only 10 % of that stays with your local community. So we are having all of this consolidation of money. It's not because Bezos is a bad guy. He's a brilliant f***ing businessman. I'd never want to compete with him. But the problem is incentives are misaligned when there's no skin in the game. And the last thing I'll say is what I'm really concerned about is if we don't take this opportunity to go and buy our businesses back, we are going to have a massive tragedy of the commons.

25:54And the tragedy of the commons is an economic phenomenon where when nobody owns anything or when everybody owns a little bit of something, then everything falls apart. And let me explain what I mean by this. If you go to Section 8 housing, if you build Section 8 housing, which is owned by the federal government, subsidized, and you allow people to live there, but they don't own anything in the Section 8 housing. There's no home ownership versus the same exact building right next door to it. Same construction, same purpose, but you allow these people to have ownership in the non-Section 8 housing.

26:31Which one do you think depreciates faster? section eight rapidly why because you don't burn down the house that you own but you don't really give a shit about the bird scooter that you ride down the street that you throw over on the side of the road and you beat the hell out of because it's not yours it's human nature and so i'm very concerned that if we don't start owning these small businesses then nobody cares about our local community because we have no skin in the game and we become an entire nation that quietly quits?

27:00Shawn Stevenson:For me, I'm all about getting to the root cause. All right. And obviously we're, as we talked a little bit about being programmed to be poor. And because I grew up living in section eight housing. All right. So when you asked, do I have an experience being poor? Yeah. We had, we got Christmas gifts from a charity, you know, and, you know, having that experience, there are certain things that change the course of my life and to look back and to know, and these are some of the things you point out. Cause right now you're like, what is he about to say? These are things you specifically point out that can change the trajectory of somebody's life.

27:40Shawn Stevenson:And it was exposure. Right. And you talk about this economic interconnectedness and how that can literally change your financial outcomes? Because our environment has a huge impact on our outcomes, especially financially. But what if someone comes from lesser means? What if somebody comes from a very poor environment? They're growing up in a glorified food desert. They're living on section eight. What makes the difference? Because there is a difference to be made, even if you're coming from the worst of circumstances. Yeah. It's so fascinating studies on this. Basically, one of the studies that I dug into was about the fact that if you have a group of young people, and they're all in, let's say, St.

28:26Louis, it might have even been St. Louis where the study was. But let's say this group of, there's two groups of people, they're both in St. Louis. And both segments have the same economic background. So by and large, you know, family A makes$50 ,000 a year, family B makes$50 ,000 a year. Two parents, you know, the kids are the same age, almost all things being equal, but they live in slightly different sections of St. Louis. Now, the average of both of the communities that they live in is about the same income wise, like about the same, maybe the average income is$50 ,000. But in community A versus community B, there are some outliers.

29:04There's a lot more outliers. There are some people that make 150. There are a few people that make a million in that neighborhood. And so the people who don't make a ton of money engage more with people who do make a ton of money. And so we have rich and poor just swapping stories, maybe hanging out, maybe going to school together. What's fascinating, a long-term study over many, many years shows that all things else being equal, the group that had more interactions with rich people than the other group over time made 30 % more money, material degree of wealth over their lifetime. And what I thought was fascinating about that is it goes to show the importance of exposure to your point, to how can you get around a few rich people that get you to just see the world a little bit differently.

29:48You know, I was living in Washington, DC, and I lived in Columbia Heights. And the area that I lived in was not very nice. Some of it was gentrifying, you know, some of the houses were whatever. But one of my neighbors who lived right next door, Terrence, he had never been on a train, never been on a plane and never left DC. And Terrence was really, really cool and would kind of look out for the rest of the people in the neighborhood. And so he brought over a young woman who would come and study at his house often. Her house was more tumultuous, so she couldn't study very well there. And Terrence was old.

30:22I mean, he must've been, he looked great. He was always gardening, but he must've been in his eighties. And this young woman, I won't say her name, but she, I remember when I first met her, she was like, what do you guys do? Cause you look rich. And I remember kind of laughing because, you know, as you're older, you forget that you think things like that when you're a little bit younger, but maybe don't say them. And I was like, well, you know, I kind of explained what we did. And she goes, so you like went to college? And I was like, yeah, I did. And so I started talking to her about how do you get in college and what happened?

30:51And she told me that nobody in her family had ever been to college. And she actually didn't know really anybody that went to college. And this is Washington, DC, the capital of our country, like one of the power centers of the world. And yet in this little neighborhood, there was this bubble where people really didn't escape it or get out of it, or they got pushed out of Columbia Heights into another neighborhood as it started to gentrify. And I remember talking to this young woman and, you know, explaining that there are all these things called grant and you go to the library and we could show her how to do that.

31:24And anyway, my husband actually helped her more than I did. I don't want to sound like I was like a, you know, it was all her decision to make changes in her life. But I remember in that moment thinking, man, one meeting, one question could actually change your trajectory of your life. And I got lucky that my parents had a few friends that were well off that I could kind of see. And I got lucky that my parents worked really hard to be like the non-nicest house on the best block that we could be in. And because of that, probably it changed the trajectory of my life forever. Yeah. And I always liked that saying too, that you can't be what you can't see.

32:01And so, you know, if, if you don't see other people that look like you have a background, like you, um, achieving the things you want, you kind of think that maybe it's not for you. Maybe that's for people that are something special, not like you. So I think that's, it's really important. And, you know, I think also your generation, our generation as dads is really, really cool because, um, you know, like my dad, for instance, he, he was probably, he was like you in some ways. So when he grew up, His parents worked super, super hard. But, you know, he would tell me that his grand, my grandfather, his father could never come to any of his sporting events.

32:35He was always working. Like, I don't think he'd ever probably seen my dad do that. And they didn't have like the type of relationship that I have with my father or my brother does with my parents. You know, it was, it was dictatorial. It was, it was not a democracy in that family. And, and, you know, it wasn't participating either. It was like, you do this, you're the kid, you go. I try to do the best I can as a dad. And so my father broke that cycle with me. Like, it sounds like you're doing with your kids. You know, he, he was at every single one of my sporting events. Um, he coached a, you know, a girl's softball team, which is like a second level of hell in general, you know, and then in Phoenix, Arizona, where it's 120 degrees awful.

33:17And, uh, and he was at everything. And I think a lot of times people ask me, you know, like, what, what, what was your family like? Like you turned out okay. Uh, So how do you think that happened? And I give a lot of the credit to my dad and my mom because he just showed up for everything, coached everything. And then my mom made sure that education was a top priority. Like it was not an option to not be educated. And for first generation, I think that makes a huge difference, you know?

33:47Shawn Stevenson:Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So with that being said, I want to talk about how people can get started. All right. If people are wanting to create real financial freedom for themselves, if they're wanting to help to surpass or move past the number one stressor in our culture today. Again, the Journal of the American Medical Association, JAMA, has affirmed upwards of 80 % of all physician visits are for stress-related conditions. And the number one stressor in our world today is money. And yet we're not taught about money. So with that being said, let's talk about the RICH acronym. Oh, of course.

34:32Yeah. So in the book, here's my idea. There's many ways to get rich. I think we have this generational wealth creation event happening. So if you buy into what I'm saying, which is that there's about, let's call it somewhere around 10 to 11 million small businesses for sale in the US right now. Most of these businesses will not be bought or sold. they will close. That means we have a massive supply of businesses available for purchase that are profitable businesses that people can take over and run. So if that is true, then the question is, well, how do I learn how to do that? Because we're not taught that.

35:09And so I started obsessing on this book about three years ago. And the idea was I take everything I've learned in private equity and investing over the past long time, 15 plus years. And can I consolidate how to buy a business into a book that's as short as humanly possible and as long as it needs to be. And so we had this idea that there are really four steps to buying a business. And it starts with R. So that's research. First and foremost, if you have$10 ,000 to spend, if you have$1 ,000 to spend, if you have$100 to spend, I believe you should spend it on yourself first, which means I want you to invest in your education before almost anything else.

35:49I want you to spend this time learning what businesses are appropriate for buying. How do people buy them? What is due diligence? How does it look like to finance these businesses? What does it look like to structure the deals and close them? I want you to do your research. That is research is the foundation for riches. Then after we have learned the core tenets of how to buy a business, then we start moving towards investment. So now how do we take either our dollars or other people's third party dollars and invest in these businesses in order to get a return for us, them, and help the owner of the small business.

36:23Then we get into command. So now, how do we become not owned by our business, but the owner of our business? How do we take over a small business, have it run profitably, but not have it be miserable? Let's get in command of what it means to be an owner. And then finally, we have harness. And harness is where we start thinking generational wealth. So how do we learn how to do multiple deals? How do we grow said business from zero to seven, eight, nine figures? How do we build a holding company if we want to? Or how do we continue to do acquisitions just like we would real estate transactions from our first studio that we might own to our next apartment to our first house to a multifamily unit?

37:08And I want people to think about buying businesses kind of like we think about buying real estate, except these things actually cashflow as opposed to most real estate is just for taxation. So that's what rich is. It's research, invest, command, and then harness.

37:24Shawn Stevenson:Awesome. Awesome. I love that you mentioned how important it is for the research part. And I think that that can be overlooked, especially if somebody's motivated, they're excited. They can just go like, well, I can invest in this laundromat that's down the street right here or go and talk to them. But finding out how to go about it is super important, obviously. So can we talk about, so you did mention already a few of the businesses that rarely ever fail for us to be mindful of and investing in. Can we cover some of those? Yeah. So when it comes to small businesses, here's what I want you guys to think about.

38:00If you want a business that is less likely to fail than anything else, it really needs to have four components. One, you want the business to be around more than five years. The longer a business has been around, the likelihood it's going to continue to be around. Two, you want a profitable business. You need a business that is not losing money. You need a business that is not a turnaround, at least not for your first deal. Three, you want a business that is simple to understand. You're already learning how to do acquisitions for the first time. Get rid of intellectual property ideas, proprietary.

38:32We don't want anything that we can't explain to grandma pretty easily. And then number four is ideally for this small business, we want this business to be something that is in a recession resistant asset class. So that might mean things like a plumbing company, even if the economy goes down and your toilet breaks, you're calling a plumber. It might be a laundromat. People need clean clothes consistently. It might be a road sweeping business. We need clean roads, even in a recessionary period. So we're thinking about the businesses that get done every single day and week, no matter what's happening in the world, as opposed to like a custom framing business or a podcast production build out business, right?

39:11Those would be more luxury businesses. And so if you have those four things, you have a pretty good foundation. The second thing that's really important, like if you're going to buy a business right now and you're figuring out how do I determine if it will make enough money for me if I buy this business. I define income streams a very particular way. When you buy a business, an income stream means that the business you buy has to cover its debt service, which is like, let's say you're buying a house, you need to be able to afford the payment of the interest on the mortgage. So same thing for a business.

39:45You need to be able to afford an operator. You don't want to be the only person working in the business. Otherwise it's a job, not a business. You need to have some operating capital. So you need to have some money for the business to continue to grow because sometimes businesses go up and down. You want to manage the downside. And then lastly, you have to have enough money to pay for yourself. So when it comes to buying a business, I'm buying income streams. I am buying businesses that have these four things that allow me to make enough money off of them for me to feel like an owner and not owned by my business.

40:16That's the idea.

40:17Shawn Stevenson:Got it. Got it. Now, let's just use the laundromat example. Why would somebody want to sell you their business in the first place or give you a part of their business? Yeah. Well, a fun thing to think about is for anybody that's ever owned a business, actually, let's do this. If you're listening and you don't think somebody would sell a profitable business, go talk to five owners of businesses, small businesses that you know, and say, hey, I'm just curious. I've never owned a business, but would you ever sell your business at like the right price and the right terms to somebody and just see what the answers are?

40:51And the answers you're going to get are like, yeah, yes, I would. Right now you asking? Most of us that have been a business owner know that if you catch us on the right day that ends in Y, we'd probably sell this thing because it's hard. And if you have owned a business for a long time, you also have fatigue. So a lot of times in your business, you've been running this thing for 10 or 20 years, you might be ready for a new challenge. If you're going through a divorce, you might have to separate from your business. If you're getting older and you've got disease, which is happening chronically all over this country, you might need to exit your business.

41:24If you want to move, you just need some different demographics around you, you might need to sell your business. And so there are all these reasons why business owners want to sell. The real thing is catching them before they even realize it, because most times they will do what's called a slowdown and a close down, which is they don't think about their business like an asset. They don't think about it like a house. They think about it like, I'm just tired of this. I'm going to like close it down onto the next thing. Closing down costs them time and money. And most small business owners have 90 % of their net worth tied up in their business.

41:58So if they have to close down their business, they got to go get a job because they don't have enough capital. So you are doing a huge service to a business owner when you creatively structure a deal so that you can profit off the business and they can continue to get an income too. The next question would be, where would we get the money? It's a great question. You're like, I would love to buy a business. I just don't have hundreds of thousands of dollars or millions, which I felt the same way. There's three ways to buy a business in general, and I call it the get rich tripod. And so one leg of the stool is cash.

42:33Now there's lots of ways to get cash. You You can do creative financing, which is like seller financing methods. You can do other people's money. You can do SBA loans and debt. We teach 21 different ways to get cash. So that's one leg of the stool. Another way is expertise. So let's say that you know how to grow sales. You're a great salesperson. Most small businesses need more clients. You help a small business grow their sales, grow their top line and their bottom line. you could get a percentage of the business for your efforts, your expertise. And the third way is sweat equity. Maybe you don't have a ton of expertise, but you're just going to remove some pain points from the owner of the business.

43:15You might find the deal in general. So for either time, aka sweat equity, expertise, or cash, you can buy a business. And one thing that I'd like to plant in people's heads, which is really hard to get people to breakthrough on is that you are never suffering from a lack of money. Just like, if you would have told me that a while ago, I'd be like this bitch on the internet doesn't know. But you're never suffering from a lack of money, you are suffering from a lack of knowledge on how to get money. And I don't mean just your earned skills. I mean, if people taught us all the different ways, we can get loans, we can get debt, we can get grants, we can get seller financing, We can get creative financing methods.

43:58We can get third party capital. There are all these ways to get money, but we aren't taught it. And so you don't actually suffer from not having enough money. You suffer from not having enough knowledge. And fixing knowledge will then fix money, which is a crazy thing to ponder.

44:14Shawn Stevenson:Yeah. Yeah. And the only thing stopping us is fear. Right. And once we start learning, the fear is going to be resolved. And you shared that this is so important. this fear part of the equation because risk. And you also, there's a lot of little food, you know, connections in this risk appetite. You talk about risk appetite and how much of appetite you have. And for many of us, and actually, how about if you could share a time when you were risk averse and you had fear and maybe it was stopping you from investing in a business or doing something that was really important in your growth. Do you have any examples like that?

44:57Yeah. I mean, I remember the first time I bought a business, like this type of business, a boring business, it was a laundromat. But I talk about it in the book because I had an irrational fear. I mean, I remember buying that laundromat and the first time I stepped inside of it because I wasn't living in the same city where I bought it. And so the first time I stepped inside of it, I owned that thing. And I remember it was beat up. It smelled like mold and like bleach and it was kind of dirty. And I didn't know how to use any of the machines. And I kind of barely knew the guy I was operating the thing with.

45:30And it wasn't in the best part of town. And I remember looking around and going, oh my God, this is a terrible idea. Who does this? Like most people have a midlife crisis and they buy a Porsche. You know, I bought a liability. I bought, you know, a problem. And, um, and I remember like thinking that was a really bad idea. And then we rolled up our sleeves and figured it out, but that I was even scared when I had money and it wasn't going to bankrupt me and I did it. And so, you know, Bill Perkins, who's a dear friend of mine that I quote a lot, said something the other day at one of our events for our community that stuck with me.

46:08He was like, he looked me in the face and he basically said, you have zero risk. And I was like, excuse me, I have so much risk. Like I have this happening, this happened. And I was like, what are you talking about? And he's like, you have zero risk. He's like, most of us have zero risk. He goes, listen, Cody, right now today, and almost for anybody listening, if I lost everything, could I go and be a bartender and probably make like 50, 60, 70 K somewhere? Yeah. Could I probably leave what I'm doing now and go be a salesperson for somebody else? Even if I had no connections, is it reasonable to think that I would be homeless, that I would be starving, and that I would have no opportunity?

46:47It's not reasonable. It's actually not reasonable at all. So that means that we basically have zero survival risk. All we have is ego risk, which means that we don't want to lose the relative game of, well, I'm here right now. And if I take this risk, I'm a fall. I make this much of my job right now. If I take this risk, I'm going to be less than my peers. I'm going to go backwards. I'm not going to be able to keep my standing. And so because of that, we don't ever progress. And so fear holds us back really just based on our egos. And I know plenty of people through my life, which is interesting, that have gone through bankruptcy proceedings.

47:25And I remember the first time I understood what bankruptcy was, which was like the defined is like you basically announced to the government that I don't have anything else. Like you can't take anything else from me. I failed here's all the stuff that I have and you get to take everything I have and I have to go start over again and I remember the first time I heard that I was like that's the scariest thing out there for me like oh my god what if I mess up so bad that I lose everything and people realize what a failure I am like I still have that fear inside I still have an irrational fear of having no money even with as many businesses as we own now I mean my husband joke jokingly will often say like yeah I think we've got like two companies I'm like there's like 50 in there like have you checked lately.

48:05And he still in his head thinks that we don't have what we have because of where we started. And so I think risk is never going to leave you. And it's just that in the developed world like we're in, in the US right now, you have a lot less of it than you think. And your biggest risk is probably not taking any, especially when you're young. The younger you are, the more monetary risk you should take. In my opinion, you should go and work for the hardest company that you can get into that teaches you more than anywhere else that teaches you the skills at a level that you can't imagine with other people who are better than you and better than you at different things.

48:47And you should try to never be the smartest person in the room as often as possible. And you should get over yourself if you think that you are, because that's actually your big risk. It's like playing too small, too young.

48:59Shawn Stevenson:Or you can just get on the phone and scroll. Yeah. And that's hard to not do, man. I mean, the world is designed right now to steal our attention and our attention is our earning potential. All right. I hope that you enjoyed that first segment. We've got another powerhouse in store for you. And speaking of powerhouses, It is well known that the powerhouse of the human cell is the mitochondria. And in this money conversation, it's often said that money is a form of energy and the energy power plants of our cells are the mitochondria. The energy currency that the mitochondria are disseminating or distributing is in the form of ATP.

49:42Shawn Stevenson:But the question is, what's enabling our mitochondria to make this energy to run all the processes to get all the stuff done that we want to do in our lives what provides those riches for ourselves well we know that we need a variety of vast array of essential nutrients but there's a key category of nutrients that seems to operate above most of the others and they're ridiculously simple a peer-reviewed study published in the european heart journal titled sodium intake life expectancy, and all-cause mortality revealed, quote, observation of sodium intake correlating positively with life expectancy and inversely with all-cause mortality, unquote.

50:32Shawn Stevenson:Shocking to the researchers and the scientific community at large, higher sodium intake than conventional beliefs about sodium is associated with a longer average lifespan and reduced all-cause mortality. Now this is a massive, I'm talking swole body of evidence from 181 countries. But the question is why? Well, sodium is required to help conduct the impulses of our nervous system. It's required for muscle contractions. It helps our cells, tissues, and even our brain to maintain proper fluid balance. Key electrolytes are like riches for our cells. This is the medium in which our mitochondria are operating.

51:14Shawn Stevenson:The most important is the right ratio of these key electrolytes, sodium, potassium, and magnesium. And that's what you get in the number one clean electrolyte supplement in the world. Not only can you try their popular drink mix that's now being utilized by dozens of professional sports teams, they now have an amazing new electrolyte sparkling water. And I always keep my fridge stocked up if I'm wanting something bubbly. I go for these incredible electrolyte sparkling performance beverages. And right now with every purchase of their sparkling water or their classic drink mix, you're going to get a free sample pack to try out their most popular flavors.

51:55Shawn Stevenson:The amazing team at Element is here to deliver on your electrolyte needs. As always, they have a no questions asked money back guarantee. So you have nothing to lose and only better hydration and performance to gain. Go to drink element.com forward slash model right now to take advantage of this. That's drink L M N T.com forward slash model to get hooked up with the very best electrolytes and this free bonus gift as well. And now let's get to our final segment with our next expert. And this is somebody that is truly, I could say might be the most impactful person when it comes to transforming my own personal money mindset.

52:35Shawn Stevenson:and he knows where I come from and coming from these circumstances of poverty and really kind of struggling to figure things out and having to overcome so many different things psychologically because as you're going to discover, the most important thing in building your financial fitness, just like your physical fitness, isn't the practical steps you take, right? We know what to do to be pretty fit, right? Eat good, move your body, get in some strength training, get some good sleep. The practical steps are not that complicated, but it's the mindset that drives it all and the identity that we have when it comes to accomplishing our goals.

53:17Shawn Stevenson:The same thing holds true with our financial fitness. In this segment, you're going to discover why shifting your money identity starts with changing your relationship with money. You're also going to learn about the triggers and trauma around money that can hold you back. Plus, you're going to learn some simple steps to up-level your relationship with money, starting now. This segment is from my really good friend, New York Times bestselling author, world-renowned keynote speaker and industry-leading show host, Lewis Howes. Lewis' show, The School of Greatness, is one of the top podcasts in the world.

53:54Shawn Stevenson:He has well over 500 million downloads, and he was also recognized by the White House as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs in the country, and he was also recognized when starting this incredible show over 10 years ago when he was under 30. He's over 40 now. He just turned into 40. He was recognized by the White House as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs in the country under 30. So in this next segment, we're going to be addressing your relationship with money with the one and only Lewis Howes. The whole goal of this book and this conversation for your audience would be to show people how to create peace, harmony, and abundance around money in their life, how to define what a rich life looks like for them, and how to understand and reflect on if money was a person, if it was a relationship in your life, how is that relationship for you?

54:56So I'll give you an example, and I'm going to ask you to share this in a second. I asked a family member of mine, a relative of mine, if money walked into a restaurant and you were in the restaurant and money walked in through the door, what would you do? If it was a person, if money was represented into a person, and this person was in their late 20s, in their late 20s, and they said, I would run to the bar and avoid this person if it was money. I would talk bad about it behind its back. I would, but then I would fake and act like I liked it when it came up to me. Then I would use and abuse it when I needed it.

55:39And I would ghost it if it ever reached out to me. And I go, man, that seems like a really unhealthy relationship with money. And they were like, yeah, I know. And their environment, their experience around money has also replicated that, that connection, that feeling, that relationship. And it doesn't mean something's good or bad, right, wrong, but it's asking ourselves, do we have a healthy relationship with money? Is it causing more pain in our relationships, intimately, in our environment? And if it is causing pain, how do we create a different relationship? So Sean, if money walked in the door as a person, how would you respond?

56:18Shawn Stevenson:The first thing that I would feel when you just pitched that and I could see it, I would feel grateful to see money. and I would speak to money and I would make sure that money wasn't there to like somebody else needed them more. Right. I didn't want to be greedy with their time and attention, but also I'm open and welcome. And I know that money knows me well. And so, you know, it would just be a vibe. It'd be a good vibe. Yeah, exactly. And that's good. So you probably have a good relationship with money because that's how the experience is. So it probably means like when, when someone gives you a check or you receive money, you have a good feeling.

56:53It probably also means when you're spending money to invest in something or you're going on a trip, you're not stressed and anxious about it. Like, oh, I'm spending this money. I have to really penny pinch everything. You know, maybe you're not extravagant spending everywhere constantly, but you have a good relationship and a good balance with it, which is healthy and a secure relationship. And most people don't have a secure relationship with it. And I think that's, that's really what I'm trying to do is give people the tools and the knowledge to understand their money story, to see how their personality style matches with their wounds or their traumas around money, and just see, is that serving you in your life?

57:29Do you have a rich life because of the story and the style that you've developed over time? If not, how do we start rewiring you emotionally in your nervous system to feel safe with money when it comes to you, when it leaves you? You know, there's a mantra I have that it's the more I relax, the more I can receive. When I'm tight, when I'm clenched, when I'm anxious, when I'm stressed out, it's hard to receive love, affection, money, opportunities. It's hard to see the opportunities. We're in that fight and flight mode, right? But the more I relax, the more I can see and I can receive and I can be generous and I can, and all these things can happen.

58:08And, um, I just see so many people struggling with money and I'm, I'm in no way some money guru. I don't know the best place to invest your money. I don't know where you should be doing these things. I have my strategies that make me feel good. This is more about understanding your story and your belief system around it and how to heal that. So you have a beautiful relationship and a rich and abundant life.

58:30Shawn Stevenson:Yeah. You mentioned that money is a magnifier of who you are. So many of us, we think that money is going to change us and our circumstances. And, you know, and so what you really pointed out is that with building wealth and making money easy, we want to not just you're giving people those insights on how do we get to that place financially, but also to have the fulfillment and a rich life as well. Yes. And so a big part of this, and you've already mentioned this several times, you said the key word is a relationship. And we're in relationship with everything. Everything is a relationship. We're in a relationship with our food.

59:04Shawn Stevenson:We're in a relationship. Obviously, we tend to think about it just in terms of people with our spiritual connection. If we're reading a book, we're in a relationship with that thing. And so starting to personalize it, I love that example of if money walked into the room and you hear the different spectrum of answers that I gave versus someone else. You'd be grateful. You'd be generous. Hey, how are you? What do you need today? Yeah. There's a, you know, I interviewed a guy who wrote a book called Happy Money, which is, his name's Ken Honda out of Japan. and um i met him at a copy you did yeah he's such a sweet guy yeah and he does all these kind of social experience with himself or he has over the years and one of them was you know he didn't have a good relationship with money at one point he said you know every time i i see money i'm gonna thank money i'm just gonna do this little simple practice inside that like if i find a penny on the street i'm gonna say thank you if someone gives me a million dollars i'm gonna say thank you i'm just gonna say thank you whenever i get any type of payment that comes into my bank account Thank you.

1:00:03Thank you. Gratitude. Gratitude. And then he follows it up with saying, thank you, money. Where do you want to go? Do you want to go in my bank account? Do you want to go to an investment? Do you want to buy you a home with you? Do you want to give you away? Do you want to pay for someone's coffee? Where do you want to go? And he has this direct relationship. And he's very intentional every time money comes, where it's going to go. He gives it a direction. He has this relationship with it. And he's taught, it's almost like he's talking to money as if it was a person, as if it was like a living being.

1:00:35It was like this energetic being. And it doesn't mean he's like worshiping money. He just has a relationship with it that makes him feel emotionally safe and abundant. And, you know, food is energy. And so is money. Money is energy. Food is energy. And when you eat things with a lower frequency within the food, it's going to affect your energy physically. And you're going to have a relationship with that constant eating. You're probably going to gain weight. You might have inflammation. You're going to get sick maybe at times. Your immune system is going to be suppressed. And on the opposite side, when you start eating healthier foods, you have a different relationship with that energy.

1:01:16And you're nourishing yourself with that energy. And I think we need to be thinking about money in that same nourishment attitude, that same reflection, that same relationship. And you talk about the food side of things so much. It's like having a relationship with your food. I love the cookbook that you have, where it's like sitting down with your family, talking, thanking food. You know, people pray over their food and there is this intention setting, thank you food for being here. Thank you for people that made this food. Thank you to whoever made it here, preparing this food. It's creating a ritual.

1:01:50It's not worshiping food, but it's creating a beautiful relationship with it. And I think, again, our beliefs around food impact and influence our behaviors on what we're going to eat. And that impacts everything. The same thing with our beliefs and behaviors around money.

1:02:06Shawn Stevenson:You could have just changed everybody's life just now, getting that part. You know, the same thing with our food and having gratitude and thanksgiving and blessing the food, blessing the people involved in it and having that relationship with money as well and not making it, it's not that you're worshiping money. Because of course, that's that tenet that can make people repel money is the root of all evil. It's the love of it, right? Making that your God. And we know some people make that mistake as well, but we're not talking about that. we're talking about having a healthy relationship because here's a concept to eat that food, probably going to need some money.

1:02:41Shawn Stevenson:So it's all in relationship. And so a big part of this relationship that we have in my perspective, when money walked in the room, it's different from what it was 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 15, you know, 25 years ago. What was it like when you were broke, you know, in Ferguson, Missouri, struggling and you were, your back was broken and you couldn't walk and you're not making money. What was your relationship like with money then? Whew, man. If I could tune into that. And you're eating fast food all day and you're sick and you're, you know, victim mindset. To be honest, I probably wouldn't even recognize money.

1:03:14Shawn Stevenson:Money would came in on like with a trench coat and you know what I mean? Like it would be like money would be like a Superman type, you know, like look like, is that kind of Clark, you know, Clark King's got glasses on, kind of look like. I wouldn't have even been able to recognize. Really? You know, for sure. For sure. So what if you would have known, okay, money, someone announces, money is walking in the door right now. And it says, here it is. What would you have done in that moment? What would your immediate relationship have been like? I would have just stayed in my lane. I would have just stayed in my lane.

1:03:47Shawn Stevenson:If money, I mean, this is the thing. And now that I'm talking about this, and this is why I love talking with you too, I would feel that money would notice me. I would feel that money would notice me. It would see you. Yeah, would notice me. and not necessarily, again, come and talk and all this stuff, but I would see, and maybe this is like a prediction of my future, right? But I wouldn't have been feeling like I deserved per se to be noticed, but I just would have felt like I had, there's something about me that money would notice, right? So that would be the extent of it. It would have noticed you, maybe it would have spoken to you or not, but it would just said, oh, I see this person over there struggling or...

1:04:28not necessarily struggling, but just like there's, I see you, you know, like that. And how would you have responded if money came up to you and said, Hey, I see you, I see your potential.

1:04:41Whoa. I would probably, I'm conflicted right now. Probably be like, part of it is like,

1:04:49Shawn Stevenson:it's about time. The other part would be like, are you sure? Like, I don't think I'm ready for this. I don't think that I'm worthy of this. So this leads me to my point, which is our relationship with money is dependent upon our story and our story about ourselves, about our relationship with life, who we see ourselves as. And so let's talk a little bit more about our story in regards to like our money blueprint. Yeah. I mean, I'll show you a couple of moments of my story when I was a, when I was younger and I think people could relate to some of this. And I would love for you to leave a comment.

1:05:29If you're watching on YouTube, leave a comment of some of your money story memories below or somewhere on social media. So Sean can see this, but I have my money story was tied to stress and chaos because my parents, I like to, I don't like to use the word always, but frequently they were stressed out, screaming at each other, slamming doors. And that just seemed to tie into a sense of lack. I remember playing kind of roller hockey in the, in the neighborhood parking lot. And I was the only one who had sneakers, not rollerblades because we couldn't afford it. So it's like, okay, like I was playing with them, but I couldn't afford it.

1:06:12You know, Nintendo was big. I couldn't afford the Nintendo. So it's like, I wasn't able to get those things. So we had a home, we had food, all these things, but there was always stress around it, which has caused part of my story. There was a time where my brother went to prison and there was a lot of money stress around that, paying for lawyers and just kind of going in debt, my parents, right? So it was like this trauma tied to, we didn't have the money to pay for things, plus my brother's in prison for selling drugs to an undercover cop. And there was just kind of like trauma tied to money and pain.

1:06:44During that time, I wasn't really allowed to have friends in the neighborhood growing up in a small town in Ohio because everyone knew that my older brother was in jail. So they didn't want to hang out their kids with me. And I remember there was a moment where these two kids started a club. I don't know if you're ever in a club as a kid. These two kids started the club, like an after class club or whatever, in the basement of their house. And I was like, I really want to be in this club because I didn't have friends. They said, well, you either need to answer a list of questions to get in to see if you're smart enough, or if not, you have to pay to be in the club.

1:07:19And I was like, I don't have any money. So what are the questions? They asked me the questions. I didn't know the answers. They're like, you can't be in the club unless you pay us. It's a$5 entry fee. So I went home and I asked my mom, I said, mom, I really want to get in this club and be friends with these kids. Can I have$5? And I could see the disappointment in her mind, not because she didn't want me to be friends with them or be a part of this club, but she didn't have the money. She goes, let me see what I can find. She's literally asking me to flip over the cushions and the couches and just, you know, they'd spent all their money on like legal fees and it wasn't like they had a lot.

1:07:55Somehow she finds in an hour's time change and puts in a shoe box for me,$5 and change. So I go to this house where these kids are. I give them the shoebox and they let me in their club. But for the next hour, they're just hanging out with themselves. And I'm kind of alone in the corner in the basement. Like, what am I doing? It was the most like depressing, like even just thinking about it. It's like a wound. It's a story. It's a memory that shaped my personality style. It shaped me in a certain way. And there's other stories like that. I remember I'd never, I went home afterwards after that night and I never went back to that club because I didn't feel good.

1:08:31I didn't feel worthy still, even though I paid. Right. And, um, there's certain stories like that. I had money stolen from me. I used to steal money a lot, um, from people. And it's like, it shaped me these wounds that I had to learn how to break. And I had to learn how to heal. And it just took time. And I think whoever's watching or listening, like write in a story that you have that shaped your, your history and type in a money wound or two. Like, can you remember something? You don't have to share all the details, but something that happened that you still think about today that might have shaped part of your personality style with money.

1:09:10And you said this, you weren't ready for money. One of my money mentors, early on, when I was broke on my sister's couch, I was working for free for someone as an intern. And my payment was I could ask him questions at any moment. So every day we'd go for lunch and I'd just ask him questions and he would teach me. And one day I was like, man, I'm broke. I could really use some money. And he said, money comes to you when you're ready for it. And I was just like, I feel pretty ready for money right now. Like I can use it. I'm on my sister's couch. I don't have any money. I feel helpless. You know, I was 23, 24 at the time.

1:09:45And I was just like, I don't feel like I'm living up to my potential. I don't, I can't do anything with my life. I don't have a car. I just felt like a bum. It was like, money will come to you when you're ready for it. And as painful as it was to hear at that time, about a year and a half, two years later, I started to make some money. And I remember reflecting back to that moment. And I was like, if someone had handed me$5 ,000, I would have blown it because I wasn't ready for it. I needed to learn certain skills on how to navigate money better. And that's why you see a lot of people that the statistics with people that win a lot of money in the lottery, they go broke within a couple of years, they commit suicide, they go through depression, all these different things, because they weren't ready for it.

1:10:28Some people maybe were and they got lucky. You see this with elite athletes who go bankrupt within a couple of years after retiring from sports. Maybe they're ready for the spotlight, but they're not ready to manage the money, the wealth that comes to them at 19 years old. They don't have the energy, the emotion connected to it and how to really navigate it. And all the different relationships that people want from you now. Now that you have success, you have money and everyone's asking for something from you. It doesn't feel good. Doesn't feel good if money walked in and you just said, give me money.

1:11:00It doesn't like that relationship. What are you going to provide for the money? How are you going to serve money as well? Where's the common thread in the relationship? And so I really had to learn that like money comes to you more when you're ready for it. And even when you're ready to make it, it doesn't mean you're going to have a healthy relationship with it. I still was hoarding my money for the first eight years because I was afraid to go back to my sister's couch. I was afraid to go broke again. So I wasn't really able to enjoy it. Sure, I felt like I had safety and like a safety net. If something happened and I couldn't make money, I had it saved.

1:11:34But I wasn't living a rich life internally because I was still living in fear around it. And I think, again, one of the biggest problems people have is when you make money and you start to make it and you start to use your talents, your skills and add value to something and you start earning money and you can't appreciate it. you can't appreciate it. You can't be in peace still. For me, that's a big problem.

1:11:58Shawn Stevenson:What you're doing with this, with this relationship with money is you're bringing it right into our face, right? Because this is happening, whether we like it or not, understand it or not, we're having a relationship with money. But so often, and you know, there's like our culture, we are programmed in a way that, you know, we pick up these stories, right? Your story is similar. The majority of us have dysfunctional stories around money. And we believe subconsciously, it's like, if we check all the boxes, then we can make money. Like I go to school, go to college, get a good job, and then I'm going to be financially successful.

1:12:42Shawn Stevenson:And most people that follow that track are not just not successful monetarily. They're in debt. They're in debt. Our society is set up in a way that is encouraging people being in debt and creating all this anxiety, creating dysfunctional relationships, furthering them. And so one of the cool things about the book is that, and my favorite section is taking you to money therapy. Yes. All right. So I thought we would go through some of those steps of going to money therapy. Okay. All right. So step number one in taking yourself to money therapy is identifying your money triggers. Yeah. One for me, and again, it may not ever leave you, right?

1:13:24It's like healing is a journey. And so your triggers might be a journey as well. And the goal is to just notice them and ask yourself, okay, do I feel safe? If not, let me create safety within my nervous system. When I feel safe within my nervous system, then I can respond differently to these triggers. So for me, when I felt like someone was taking advantage of me, it felt like abuse because I was sexually abused as well as a kid. Talked about that on the show. And so that could show up in any little thing. If someone's cutting me off in a car, it's like, I could feel like I'm being abused. So there's little triggers where if I feel like someone's trying to overcharge for something, I'm like, huh, they're trying to take advantage of me.

1:14:05It's like unfair. Yeah. And I could feel like this trigger. Connected to that wound. Exactly. And so, you know, I'm not really as reactive now as I used to be, but those could still be triggers that could show up if I'm not doing the practices, if I'm not continuing to be on the healing journey with money therapy. And so that's just something for me.

1:14:24Shawn Stevenson:Yeah. Yeah. So that's something, again, as we're going through, and by the way, of course, get the book like yesterday, but being able to identify what your triggers are, your money triggers. When something, some big announcement comes out about me and people see it. and then I see people reach out to me and I know they haven't reached out to me for years and they reach out to me and it's almost like there's this feeling that they're about to ask for something. And then within like a few weeks, they say, Hey, can you help me with this? Or can you help me with this? It may be innocent, but I also feel like, huh, they haven't been investing in the relationship for years.

1:15:04And all of a sudden they want something from me because they see me doing something well. That can be a trigger where I feel taken advantage of. And I'm like, oh, they want me for my success or my money, or they're going to ask for money. So it's just learning to like be okay and feel safe within myself around these things. And also I don't have to give everything to everyone. I can create boundaries, healthy boundaries, but just not feel as triggered about it.

1:15:27Shawn Stevenson:Yeah. Let's move to number two here. So number one, identify your money triggers. Number two is to write it down. Yeah. I just think it's powerful to like identify within your mind and think about these stories, but then write down a kind of a list of these triggers, these wounds, these things. So you can have them in the forefront and start to address them one by one, start to process them, start to see what acts can I take that will support me in overcoming these things that cause me anxiety and my nervous system when I think about or cause me these triggers. Just having the awareness, writing it down is a powerful act.

1:16:00Shawn Stevenson:Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I love that. It's bringing, it's just, again, getting it out of your head. Getting it out, man. And speaking it, whether it's speaking it out, which goes to this next one, talk to a safe person. Yeah. Don't talk to someone who's caused the trigger or the trauma necessarily right away. Talk to someone that you trust, a mentor, a friend, a therapist, a coach, a priest, whatever it might be that you feel safe with to address these things. It's going to give you so much more peace just speaking about it with someone that's trustworthy who can listen. Not someone who caused the trauma that you want to like scold them.

1:16:32You know, maybe there's another time for that where you can come to peace with them if that's possible. But getting it out, thinking about it, writing it down, speaking it out. Yeah.

1:16:42Shawn Stevenson:And again, this is a process. This is taking yourself to money therapy. Identify your money triggers. Write it down. Talk to a safe person. The next one, number four, is to forgive yourself and others. man i don't know about you but i held on to so much resentment towards myself about stealing as a kid for about a year and a half i stole every time i went into a store from like 10 and a half to like 11 and a half 12 it's like every time it was like a game and it was trying to get attention because i didn't feel like i was i had no friends i had no validation i had wounds and it was trying to be seen you know i didn't think anyone was seeing me and it gave me a sense of power by being able to steal.

1:17:25And it was like candy bars or like, it wasn't like a ton, but it was still, I was living out of integrity every single day I went to a store to try to feel powerful because I felt powerless. And in return, I hurt a lot of people. I hurt these store owners. I might've hurt an employees who were counting inventory and they had missing inventory, whatever it might've been, I caused pain on other people. And for years I would beat myself up and I was like, God, I was such an idiot. How could I do this? I was so stupid. What was I thinking? And sure, I should have a consequence to that, but holding onto that pain and resentment of myself for decades did not serve me.

1:18:08And again, there's a, there's a, there's a, it's a good part of the consequence of like knowing this part of me when I had money, I just wanted to pay for everyone all the time. I was like, I just want to pay it forward. I'm going to pay everyone's meal. I'm going to pay for everything, whatever it might be. Cause I felt guilty. Right. So there was maybe some good side to it also, but then I just felt shameful as well. And that shame doesn't create anything abundant. That energy of shame is very low frequency energy. It doesn't create abundance. And so that I've lived in scarcity and it wasn't until I started to forgive myself for all the things I did when I was 10, 11, 12, whatever, stealing and hurting people in that way.

1:18:52Then I was able to be more at peace. And again, my intention is to give people the tools to feel financially free. It doesn't mean you're going to have millions of dollars in the bank, but you'll hopefully be peaceful and harmonious around the money you have or don't have, because you've cultivated that within you. And that takes healing, forgiveness, letting go of self-criticism of what you used to do. Now that we have awareness, we can make different decisions. And when we feel abundant versus scarce, we can live the most powerful habit within the seven habits in the book, which is the mindset habit, which is to be generous and grateful and continue, you know, all the time.

1:19:37Like you said, if money walked in the door, you'd be grateful. You'd say, thank you for being here. And most people say, I'll give when I have money, but we need to flip that on its head and say, this is the first habit that I need to have to create a rich and abundant life is to be grateful and give generously. Even if you don't have money, you can think about ways you can give of your time, of your energy, of your love, of your curiosity, of your presence, of your connection, of your connecting people together for them to flourish. You can think in other ways on how can I serve and give generously.

1:20:14And when I was 23, 24, 25, living on my sister's couch, broke as a joke what your mom would say, you know, had no money living in college debt, you know, living off my sister's food and feeling worthless, feeling undeserving and unworthy. I had to shift out of that by saying, what can I give? I didn't know because I didn't have a college degree yet. And I didn't think I had skills to contribute to anyone. What I did have was passion. I had like hunger. I had a curiosity. I was able to be consistent with my goals and follow up and do whatever it took. And little did I know, Sean, that I would make a, you know, a multimillion dollar business off of asking questions and being curious.

1:21:03Like one of my skills was asking dumb questions to people and just being like, how do you do this? And well, how'd you do this? And what about this moment? I never thought that was an asset, but we all have these invisible assets within us that when we can cultivate and give them generously, we can live a rich and abundant life. Yeah.

1:21:22Shawn Stevenson:That's so powerful. I love the framing on that. What people would think, why are you asking dumb questions? No, you literally built, not only that, did you build this success for yourself, but you've impacted the lives of so many millions of people, so many. And it's just like, you've paid it forward immensely in ways you don't even realize because of that audacity. And it was kind of, this is the cool thing. It was built into you already. And that's where you're directing people to with make money easy, which is directing them inward because we all have a personal relationship and to be more aware of it.

1:21:55Shawn Stevenson:And so I want to take you to number five here on this list. After forgive yourself and others, again, we're taking ourselves to money therapy. Number five is to practice overcoming your triggers. So this is practice. That's it, man. When someone cuts you off - You're talking about practice? It was a practice. We're talking about playoffs. When, you know, I used to get triggered a lot in LA when I first came out here because of being stuck in traffic. I just didn't like it. And I literally felt like people were trying to hurt me and abuse me when they would cut me off. And I realized, oh, something is wrong.

1:22:29This was all before my healing journey. And I realized, oh, something is off. And so now if that happens again, you know, it wouldn't be that extreme. But if someone cuts me off and I don't like it, now I act differently. I take a deep breath. We are going to be given our triggers on a daily basis. And we get to prepare for them in the beginning of the day and then reflect on how we showed up at the end of the day. I love meditating first thing in the morning and saying, how do I want to show up today? What is my intention for today? When something goes wrong, how can I respond? And rehearsing and practicing it.

1:23:06And just noticing, I'm going to take a deep breath in my nervous system. I'm going to try to do my best to manage it, not be perfect. And at the end of the day, I like to reflect, did I show up with the intention I had today? And I think that is a key in practicing overcoming yourself. When you write all these things down, when you think about it, when you write down your money triggers and your stories, you start speaking about them, you can start to process them. When you process, you can start to practice it better when it comes up again, because these triggers and things will show up for you constantly in your life until you overcome them.

1:23:38And so it is a goal and a vision and intention every morning to say, how do I want to show up today? When something happens, when my mom calls me and asks for money, how do I want to respond? Let me practice this. I'm not going to be perfect, but let me do better than last time. When someone cuts me off, when someone asks me for help, when some, whatever it is, based on these triggers, how can I respond? And I think it's just a constant practice in the healing journey.

1:24:04Shawn Stevenson:Yeah. So the last one here ties perfectly in taking yourself to money therapy is to motivate yourself to grow. That's number seven. I just think, you know, learners are earners. And when we continue to learn and develop skill sets, we have the ability to earn more, again, financially, but earn more spiritually, emotionally, physically, and relationally in life. And so continue to invest in learning and receiving feedback. And unfortunately, for many years, I would make the same mistakes over and over again and just be in pain as opposed to saying, OK, this doesn't work anymore. Let me take the feedback and start learning new information and acting in a different way.

1:24:44And it's secular. It's like you've got to heal the money story to create a new belief system for yourself that something is possible. And maybe you've never seen it possible for you yet. Like for years, I didn't know it was possible for me to make money. Once my dad got into his accident, all his money was gone. He was my backup plan to go work for him. I didn't have a college degree living on my sister's couch. I didn't know, like it just didn't resonate with me. Why would anyone give me money? Why would anyone hire me, give me money? For what skill? I didn't have any skills. So I had to shift, start shifting that belief that no one's going to give me any money because I'm not valuable enough to earn money in this business world.

1:25:30And that was a hard thing to shift because I just didn't understand money. I started researching, reading books, learning about it, and just getting knowledgeable about it. Okay, I'm learning more. It's not as scary. Once I learned more, I found money mentors. I talk about that in the book as well. And I found money mentors and I started asking them questions about how did they overcome it? And I could see before and after for them. Okay, I see models, mentors with models that I can mimic. Great. Now I just need a money map. I need a money game plan. And it doesn't need to be, what's my 10-year financial plan?

1:26:04Like, what's the next three months? How do I get enough money to get off my sister's couch? Not become a millionaire. Screw all this Instagram life stuff. How do I make$1 ,000 a month? Let me just figure this one thing out. And from there, I learn, I act, and I get feedback. And I laugh my way to the bank. I learn, I act, and I get feedback. And that's the key.

1:26:26Shawn Stevenson:Thank you so much for tuning into this episode today. I hope that you got a lot of value out of this. If you did, please share it with somebody that you care about. If you feel like you've got a friend or a family member that can use some support with transforming their money mindset and some practical action steps as well, please forward this episode. You can send this directly from the podcast app that you're listening on. Of course, you could share this out on social media. you can take a screenshot of the episode, share it out, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, wherever you like to hang out and share the love that way as well.

1:26:59Shawn Stevenson:We've got some amazing, amazing masterclasses and mind blowing guests coming your way very, very soon. So make sure to stay tuned. Take care. Have an amazing day and I'll talk with you soon. And for more after the show, make sure to head over to themodelhealthshow.com. That's where you can find all of the show notes. You can find transcriptions, videos for each episode. And if you got a comment, you can leave me a comment there as well. And please make sure to head over to iTunes and leave us a rating to let everybody know that the show is awesome. And I appreciate that so much. And take care.

1:27:31Shawn Stevenson:I promise to keep giving you more powerful, empowering, great content to help you transform your life. Thanks for tuning in.