My Fiancé Won't Give Me Access To Any Of Our Money

28:07It's a horrible product. And almost everyone in the financial space knows that except for people that sell it. So they go by sketchy names like I'm a wealth strategist and they're secretly just whole life insurance salespeople. So just I know it sounded good. And they mix up the names. It'll be universal. They have all these. Index universal life. And then they have like whiteboards where they'll draw. Yep. And you're going to basically become your own bank and you can take your own money out tax-free by taking out a loan against your policy and paying yourself the interest. That's what the wealthy do.

28:36Don't listen to any of this crap. No. So I'm sorry you fell for it, my man. Brody is in Lexington, Kentucky up next. What's going on, Brody? Hey, George, Rachel. Thank you guys so much for taking my call. Sure. What's your question? So my question is me and my wife have had our – we've got a car that's overheating at this point. It looks like it's going to cost more to fix it than the car is actually worth. And we're wondering if you guys would recommend what's the wisest financial decision, whether it's to just sell it or whether it's to try and trade it into your dealership or what the best option would be in this case.

29:12So what's the car worth and what's the repair going to cost? I think it's worth, according to the private sale in Kelly Blue Book, it's somewhere in the realm of$4 ,000 is the value. but the way it's overheating right now, it's barely drivable. So I don't know if we'd be able to sell it for hardly even that. So$4 ,000 if it's in good shape. It's still running properly. Yes. Okay. Have you got quotes from multiple mechanics? We have not. We actually tried reaching out to a couple of other mechanics other than the one that we had it at for like a few months. And most of the other mechanics said they don't work on Volvos.

29:53they recommended the mechanic we already had it at. Okay, what did they say the repair costs will be? $6 ,900, roughly. Goodness gracious. Oh, man. Do you guys have any money saved that you could use to buy something else? We do. We have over$40 ,000 in all of our accounts together, so we could buy another vehicle. We're just trying to figure out how to minimize our losses on this one. I mean, I think it's going to be one of those, the dealership buys it for scraps and they give you a thousand bucks. Okay. That's the truth. If it really is a$7 ,000 repair. I know. That's why I'd love a second opinion.

30:33If you can find one, I know that you may, I know you guys have tried, but. Yeah. There's, there's probably other mechanics that specialize in Volvos and European vehicles. And so you might need to find, I would at least get one more before you give up on it. But at that point, buy a reasonable car, make sure that all the vehicles in your life are less than half of your annual income, pay cash, don't get hosed, don't buy brand new. So what are you thinking of buying? So we haven't really thought much about what we're buying next. I mean, we like old Toyotas just because they've had a better track record for our family.

31:08That's a good choice. And check out, yeah, Christian Automotive Brothers, Christian Brothers, because they do. They're a great resource for it. Oh, yes. If you go in your area, I'd reach out to them for sure. But good luck with this, man. Cars are just one of those things. And they depreciate. Things go wrong. So I would just do the best with what you got. And you got plenty of money. So this is a solvable problem. And grieve the car. Say goodbye.

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32:47One of the best things you can do for your finances is to have a really good tax pro in your corner that you can trust. They'll help advise you on the best moves to make for your situation or for your small business, especially if you've had some big life changes in the past year. So go to RamseySolutions.com slash tax pro to find CPAs and enrolled agents that have been vetted by the Ramsey team. Pam is in Columbia, South Carolina up next. Pam, welcome to the show. Hello. Hey, how can we help? Well, I currently work 70 hours a week making$83 ,000 total with$61 ,000 of that being my full-time job.

33:30And I have been offered a position for$108 ,000 as a full-time position. My dilemma is my full-time job did pay for my student loans. And I would owe my full-time employer$5 ,250 at departure. All right. And I don't have$5 ,250. How much do you have? So I'm just kind of wondering a way to navigate that. Well, they would keep my last paycheck, which would be around$2 ,000. And then other than that, I have$1 ,000 for the emergency fund and I have$1 ,600 set aside because I'm speaking at a conference in May. So that's your travel, lodging, all of that? Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm wondering, would your new employer be willing to cover the gap, almost like a sign-on bonus, if you explain this to them?

34:39Yeah, that I don't know. I don't consider that option. I would reach out and do it very kindly and just say, hey, I'm really excited about this position. There's one snafu. When I leave this employer, I owe them this much money because of the student loan payoff. Is this something that you guys would be willing to cover as part of this new job? Okay. And just see what they say. Because it'll be what,$3 ,000? Is that what you said? That you'll be left after your paycheck? Yeah, a little over$3 ,000. Yeah. Are you relocating for this position? No. Okay. Well, and the$1 ,600 is not till May, and you could, if you, you know, yeah, and if the, yep, and if the employer, the new employer, if you ask them, and they're like not comfortable with$3 ,000, you could say, you know, even$2 ,000.

35:29I mean, I would throw any cash I had to get out, because you can build that back up pretty quick with this new salary. Okay. Yeah, within your first paycheck. Yeah, the only thing I thought about with the$1 ,600 is like, how am I going to cover my bills with them keeping my last paycheck? I was thinking that too. How are you going to float that? Because it'll be about three weeks between paychecks because they're on a different pay week than what I'm currently on. Okay, yeah. Yeah, well, you'll need that buffer too, for sure. I would hang on to it because I don't want you going into debt over this.

36:01Yeah. The goal is to just try to cash flow it. Can you talk to your current employer about basically paying it back by a certain date, even after you're gone? I'm given 30 days after departure is what the contract says. Okay, great. And is your new employer okay with a later start date? Because that's the other option, is you go, hey, I can't start until this. I'm probably pushing it with that. Okay. I mean, I would explain to them, say, hey, either I have to start at this later date so I can pay this off, or if you guys could cover the difference, I can start earlier. Yeah, I would definitely be willing to open that conversation because I don't want to go into debt.

36:40I've been working really hard to get out of debt. But the idea of making that much more money to be able to out of debt. It's stressful and it's part of these employer benefits. Sometimes there are strings attached where they go, well, I don't want to cover your student loans and you just leave us immediately, which is kind of what's happening here. So that's why they have these rules in place. But you get this new great income. I think you're going to pay your debt off in no time. And remember, do not allow lifestyle creep to happen with your new salary. You're going, wow, I can afford more now.

37:10No, we're going to use all of this to attack our debt and actually build some wealth for our life. Thanks for the call. Sam is in Los Angeles up next. Sam, what's going on? Hi. I'm calling because I'm trying to see if I should move to another city that has a cheaper cost of living. in order to afford my own place? Is it smart for me to get my own place? I'm single, and so I'm just trying to figure out what the smartest thing for me to do. Yeah, I would say it's less about your marital status and more about financially where you are when it comes to buying a home. Do you have consumer debt? I have no debt, thanks to you guys.

37:52Good for you. That's great. And I recently paid off my mom's Parent Plus loan that she took out for me. Oh my gosh, Sam, well done. That's amazing. Thanks to you guys. Yeah, well, that's amazing. Do you have money saved up for a down payment? Yes, I have money saved up for a down payment as well as a five-month emergency fund because I do work in TV and film. So as we know, it's like an unpredictable industry. How much do you have saved for the down payment? um i have 65 000 and then another 10 000 for a closing cost saved awesome okay and you're in the la area currently yes yeah so you're looking at housing prices and you're just thinking oh my gosh this is it's a million dollars for a starter home that i need to do a renovation on yeah and a lot of my friends who did buy are like kind of giving me the real deal about it about like being house poor and then the industry slowing down here as well so it's just catching up to everything that is a real fear well could you even move to another state and still do your job i can um i was looking at vegas because i do have some family there and then the commute since i do go there often to visit it's not as bad but i also like for the past five years have for the like four or five months i've worked out of the country on other projects Oh, nice.

39:21And I've paid rent. So that's why I'm really looking to buy because I've literally paid rent while I wasn't even there because I couldn't rent it out. Yeah. Well, I mean, even doing a short-term rental while you're in and out, that's still going to be a different headache. And so it's going to be difficult either way, but I understand wanting to have your own place. What are you paying for rent right now? I'd pay$22.50, not including utilities. Okay. And what do you make in general? on an average year? For the past five years, I made about like$150 to last year I made$230, but I am self-employed.

40:01So that is no taxes taken out yet. Oh, so you got to pay the quarterly taxes out of that. Correct. Okay. So that's your gross income. Well, you have a great income. And truthfully, I think you're not going to be able to get a mortgage for$22.50 right now, based on the numbers that you've given us, you know, putting 65 grand down on a million dollar home is going to be a massive mortgage. And so I would just wait and keep saving, keep renting. And down the road, if you're still like, hey, I really want my own place, you might need to go further out. But again, that's going to be a longer commute if you're way out of LA area that you're going to have to deal with.

40:38So just you're trading one problem for another and you just have to make peace with that. Yeah. Or you said, Sam, option three is just moving to a completely different area and seeing, you know, you own your own business, seeing how you can keep it afloat, because it sounds like you're, you're great at it, right? So if there's ways to still do that and live somewhere cheaper, that's the best of both worlds, in my opinion. Because yeah, we, I mean, we've seen, we talked to a lot of people that end up leaving, whether it's, you know, the New York area, California, just because of cost of living.

41:09Like, I would rather live somewhere and have margin financially to be able to do things and have fun than, yep, be house poor just to live in this one specific area. You know, and I understand people have family and friends and a life that they've built in an area. But at the end of the day, it is kind of like, hey, what is going to create a level of peace for me? And I think a lot of people have made the decision to leave to a more affordable cost of living area. I mean, even the taxes alone, you're probably taking home half of that, right? Yeah, it's super. It's been really, really expensive being here.

41:43And it's not even the cost of living, too. It's just like I've been here for 10 years, and every time I come back after a job, it doesn't feel like home. So that's another reason why I looked at other places. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, even if you take a pay cut and your quality of life is higher and you can afford a house, that might be a better life. Even if it means switching your job or career field, I think your skills will transfer, especially as a small business owner. So it's a big decision. We can't tell you exactly what to do, but I hope we gave you some questions to be asking and some insights.

42:14Thanks for the call.

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44:01welcome back to the ramsey show and the fairwinds credit union studio i'm george camel joined by my co-host rachel cruz also my co-host on smart money happy hour you can catch all that on the ramsey network we've got sarah up next in orlando florida what's going on sarah hi i am struggling with my husband lying to me financially um i've been struggling with this for about two years and i'm just wanting some advice on how to fix this oh gosh sarah what's he uh you said he's lying about your money what's what's um an example of that what does that mean so i first found out about that he'd been lying our whole marriage a couple years ago He had a large chunk of money from the sale of a house that he had put into, or he told me he put into a high-yield savings account.

44:54And when we got to the point of talking about buying a house, it came out that he had been completely lying about it. That there, that he'd spent all the money, and I still don't know where he spent all that money. There are other times where we'll put money in the safe as like a savings account, just, you know, in case of emergencies. And I went in there one day last March to get some money out to pay a bill and the money was gone. And it's kind of things like this that are consistently happening. And what does he say when you confront him? Where does he say the money went? the$70 ,000 I'm not sure where it went even to this day but for the other stuff he says that it goes to you know if I'm out of town for work he says that he went and spent it eating out or he went and just bought some random stuff that we don't really need um that he's not really going to use.

46:00Have you seen said stuff? Is there actual proof of the things he's saying he's purchasing? Yes. Like I see the receipts from where he's gone out to eat and, you know, he brought home a guitar and tried to play it for two weeks and then stopped playing it. And now it's just sitting in the closet. Okay. Well, there's a few layers to this and I don't know if there's something more nefarious happening behind the scenes. You know, there's financial infidelity. Is there actual infidelity? Is there an addiction? Is there gambling? There's so much we don't know because he's not being fully transparent.

46:34And that is the only solution. There's the only hope for this marriage is him coming totally clean. Because right now you can't trust him. Because usually, Sarah, if there is a level of deceit financially, not always, but more than half the time, there's something else happening on the other side of that door. And I don't just blow 70 grand on some toys. Yeah. And I don't know what that is, what that looks like. But my fear is his character is proving out to be that he lies. He's a liar. He doesn't keep his word. And if he's lying about one area of life, again, I pray it's not the case, but there's a good chance there's other things going on.

47:17And so I would, for your sake of the marriage, to keep the marriage at all intact, you guys need to sit down with a really, really good marriage therapist or counselor and start hashing out. Again, it's not just that it's not just the money piece. This always goes deeper. This is always it's usually never a money issue. It usually starts to show itself as a marriage issue. And that's what this is. This is a man who has to make a decision on whether he's going to choose to rebuild trust with his wife, Sarah, and you guys will create a roadmap over a long process of that healing journey for you to be able to trust him again, or if the patterns continue.

48:01I don't know how you stay married to someone that continues to lie to you. That's the hard thing because in a lot of ways, he's great. He helps out around the home. He is very encouraging and spiritually, you know, I don't really believe in divorce. And so it's hard because our whole lives are intertwined. You know, we go to church together. Like I want to be led by a godly man. You're not, Sarah. Sarah, you're not. You're not, though. You're not. He took$70 ,000, Sarah, and lied about it. you guys have a have a agreement that you're going to put money over here and he chooses to be a selfish a selfish child and go buy a freaking guitar do you know what i'm saying like it is it's pretty glaring and and i don't i don't i don't trust him and so no that's not a man who leads you spiritually sarah no you can't put a spiritual umbrella over this this is wrong this is wrong okay and i'm sorry i don't mean to be harsh about it but no that's only something that i need to hear yeah i mean it's just and and we're a third party that doesn't know you from adam so when you give us information that you've been used to holding it's become normalized to you but you say it to us and we're like no and again i don't not think he's a bad guy i'm not saying he like has a double life or something and he can be a good guy in a lot of other ways but it It doesn't matter if you can't trust him.

49:38You understand? That's the root of this whole thing. And I'm sure he's a hard worker and he goes to church. He can check all the boxes. But if you can't trust him and he constantly lies to you, there is no relationship here. And so starting today, I'd say, hey, I'm a joint owner on every single bank account, every account in our life. And if you say no to that, we can't move forward. Yeah. And it's a spectrum here, Sarah. Again, we jump probably to the dramatics because we do this show for a living. So I feel like we hear some of the craziest stories. So yes, it could be that he's just sloppy with money.

50:15He's irresponsible. He's immature about it and needs to grow up. That's a best case scenario. That's the best case scenario. You know what I mean? But he needs to understand the seriousness of this. Because if you want to talk scripture, I can throw a lot of money scriptures at you that actually depict what your heart and character are. It's a reflection of money and how you handle money. and so it's um yeah he needs he needs to step up and be a man and if he can't own this or understand the seriousness of what he has eroded in your marriage trust wise um he brushes it off and goes well you know i just i bought some toys while you were out of town my bad that's not enough yeah and and you too sarah you know on your end you got to decide what if it's that serious to you.

50:58And it may not be, you may get off this call and be like, I can function in this for the rest of my life. And you may choose to, I don't know. Cause it's the harder work to not sweep things under the rug and actually to pull the rug out and deal with the crap that's sitting right there. That's the, that's marriage work. Like that's the hard work in marriage. It's so much easier to be like, it's not a big deal. I'm going to just justify it over here. Cause he is a good guy and we're going to, and then that's the level of marriage you're going to have. But if you guys want to do the work to dig deeper.

51:27Not only financially can you be healed, but I think you'll have a much healthier, real, honest, authentic relationship in your marriage as well, which is probably the ultimate goal, you know? Absolutely. Yeah. We're hoping for healing for you, but you've got some hard work ahead of you. And it's red flags. So hear us say that. And how he reacts is going to be very telling. Yes. I love the quote, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. And so the more he shows you that he can't be trusted, the more you have to realize he's just not a trustworthy person and I can't change him. And therefore I am not safe in this relationship.

52:02That's it. That's the hard truth. And I hope you guys have some good counseling and church family that can help support you through this. I hope there's healing and redemption on the other side. Get some healthy, spiritual Christian people around you. Healthy. Healthy. Bring it all into the light. That's the path forward. Thank you.

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54:12Hope is on the line in Albuquerque. What's going on, Hope? Hi, you guys. Thank you so much for taking my call. I'm excited to have you guys because my question is regarding the Tesla. Yes. You called the right people today because if Dave was on air, he would have hung up on you. That's exactly right. Call me back when you want to buy a real car. Two Tesla drivers. Okay. What's the question? Because we're probably going to say yes. I hope we can. So, my husband and I, we're debt free. We both work in the trades, and we make about$7 ,500 a month. So, I don't know what that is yearly. I'm not that great with that.

54:52Is that your take-home pay? Yes. Okay, great. So, that's coming out to about$90 ,000. Okay, perfect. So, but we're 21, and we're newly married, and we don't need the car necessarily. Both of our cars are paid off. I tried to do the calculations of what our cars are worth. Mine is about five, but my husband's is different. And I can explain that. He drives a 1996 Range Rover. So real old, but... Hope he knows how to fix cars. Oh my gosh, it's a nightmare. Oh no. But it's a sentimental thing for him. He bought it from his parents for$4 ,000. But similar models have sold for much higher at auction, so I don't know how to calculate that one.

55:48So therefore, I'm not sure if it's wise for us to buy a Tesla because we're not getting rid of either of our cars. Well, let's say you kept them, and let's say his cars are—I mean, it's a 1996. Can we call it, you know, on the low side of the auction? Yeah, we could. I think the last two that I saw were about$25 ,000. Okay. So we'll say you got$30 ,000 worth of vehicles right now, and we base it off of your gross household income, which is going to be more than that$90 ,000. So it's probably more like$120 ,000 is what you guys are, you know, your taxable income. Mm-hmm. So how much is this Tesla going to cost?

56:30so we were thinking maybe 15 to 20 and we don't have the money right now that i want to spend on it um so we're gonna wait until maybe december okay till y 'all save up for it do you guys have any do you guys have any consumer debt no no consumer debt um we just have our mortgage we bought our house in august so we have about 217 000 on that okay um what kind of tesla are you thinking you know that's up to him i have no idea i don't understand the difference is he going to be driving it mostly yes his car is the older one mine's 2012 so this would be his daily driver and he'll keep the 1996 range rover is kind of just sentimental value weekend driving okay well this is all reasonable so far you're paying cash it's not more than half of your annual household income.

57:27You're doing it all the right way. You guys have an emergency fund, right? We have six months. Yeah, I mean, I would be okay with it. I mean, yeah. I think that's part of this baby steps four, five, and six, but make sure you're investing in retirement. You know, you're doing all the baseline stuff. You're being generous. You're giving. You guys have your consistent investments going for retirement. But yeah, if you guys want to save up and spend on this. So that's the goal. Buy used, pay cash, not more than half your annual income. Hope, I love when we get to say yes to a purchase. This felt really good.

58:02I know, I love it so much. Usually it's some dude going, I want to save on gas, so can I spend$50 ,000 and take out a loan to get a Tesla? The answer is no, Brad. So thank you for giving us hope in America. I know, that's great. That's a fun one. Okay, Courtney's in D.C. up next. Courtney, welcome to the show. Hi, I'm really excited to be here. Thanks, guys. Yeah, good to have you. How can we help? So my question is, I recently just came into making both 1099 income and W-2 income. And I am just having a little bit of trouble figuring out if I should be doing like being in an LLC to help myself save money.

58:42And if I should be doing this self-employment retirement plan to also reduce my taxes. My goal is just to save as much money as possible. So I'm just kind of at a beginner. How much are you making at both your full-time job and then your 1099? So the total household income, my wife and I make between$164 ,000 and$197 ,000. Okay. The 1099 specifically is just me. That's between$25 ,000 and$37 ,000. Okay. So you make 37. Plus my W-2 money, but yeah. Which was what? How much do you make in your W-2? um between my two jobs i make about 75 000 okay okay what what kind of work is the 1099 it is social media management oh okay so you don't need an llc that's more of a liability protection category versus i need this because i run a business you can just do a schedule c and be a sole proprietor and do that for the foreseeable the future.

59:49And just make sure you pay your quarterly estimated payments to the IRS. Right. Okay. Yeah. I would say if it becomes your main source of income, like if you end up tripling it or something, then I feel like you could probably... This is a long-term business that you're going to have. Look into more commitments, meaning even the retirement account. Yep. And if you're going to be hiring someone under you, like all of that, if it starts to expand into something bigger, because you're making so much more, then you can kind of consider that next step in the small business world. But for now, you're kind of just, you know, you freelance, which is great that you're making an extra$37 ,000 doing this.

1:00:26If you start making$50K,$100K, I would contact a CPA and figure out what the best status would be for you because it might be like an S-corp versus an LLC and they can walk you through all the differences and which one would be more beneficial for you. Okay. And then the part about the retirement plans, we usually have about$2 ,000 left over every month. And I just don't know if I should be putting it there or if I should be putting it just like in our mutual fund. What options do you currently have through your employer for retirement? So my W-2 income doesn't have any retirement attached to it.

1:01:02My wife does. She has 6 % that she's putting in and it gets a 6 % match. Or a match? We both, yeah, 6 % for both. And then we both do max out our Roth IRAs. Great, great. Yeah, I would focus on maxing out all the tax-advantaged retirement accounts first. So for her, that might mean we're going to max out her retirement. And if there's money beyond that, we've done the IRAs. We've maxed two of those out. We've maxed out the 401k. If you have an HSA, a health savings account, through your high-deductible health plan, you can max that out as well. And so those would be all the options I'd go to first before just going outside of retirement into like a brokerage account and investing in some mutual funds.

1:01:40Yeah, because once you max that out at 15%, the retirement side of life, I feel like you can kind of check off because you can't touch that money until you're 59 and a half. So if you have more to invest, that's when it would be like, okay, yeah, why don't you just get a brokerage account index fund or something? Because it could be money that you guys may want to use in the next five years. You know what I mean? Where retirement, it's really locked up. But for tax purposes, it's wonderful. especially the Roth IRA. So those are always the first buckets to fill to make sure retirement's good. And then any investing beyond that definitely is an option down the road.

1:02:13Yeah. And there's some nerdier options. I won't get deep in the weeds, but there's something called a mega backdoor Roth 401k, where you can actually contribute after-tax dollars into the 401k and then convert it. And so that might be an option through your employer. You have to have an employer that allows both the in-plan conversions and the after-tax contributions. But again, that extra, extra, you can't touch until you're 59 and a half, too. So you may want to say. I prefer to put it in kind of the bridge account like Rachel's talking about. Yeah. In case you need that money down the line.

1:02:40Let's say in your 40s or 50s. Yep. Okay. But you're crushing it. Way to go. Well done. Quite the work ethic. Yes. That's amazing. Look at you, that mega backdoor Roth. George, that's why we love hosting with George. I just love, it sounds like a seven-year-old came up with it. He loves our, he loves our. Mega backdoor Roth. That's all right, bud. Settle down. and go play with your toys. It's a giant. Like, why mega? It sounds like something Trump named, but it's existed long before Trump. One big, beautiful mega backdoor. Just a mega, just a mega backdoor. It's a good. And the backdoor. We're sneaking in the backdoor.

1:03:14Not enough people talking about it. I know, George. That's why we love you. I'm the only one in America meeting some financial advisors. We love that. We love that, George. Because you got the backdoor off IRA. Yeah. The mega backdoor 401k. If your brain hurts, you're not alone in America. Rachel is done with this conversation so am I Thank you.

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1:05:40We wish that we could get to every call and question here on the show. The inbox is completely full of your wonderful questions. The calls have been lined up and we can't get to them all. So if you have a money question, you want an answer for your situation, we've got you covered. Head over to our website and use our new Ask Ramsey AI tool. It's completely free. It's built and trained on proven Ramsey principles. I've been stress testing this, Rachel, and I've been so impressed with the level of knowledge it has. It sounds like us on the show because it's trained by all of our articles and all the things you say on the show.

1:06:14Yes. I was going to say that's what – when I say feed, I don't even know really what that means, right? But you feed the AI of all of our advice. And it's hungry. From the show, articles, our team. So it really is buttoned up. It's amazing. Yeah. You're not going to get this from Google because it's taking in way too many sources. It's going to cloud the judgment. And so if you want your question answered Ramsey style, go do it for free today. Ramseysolutions.com is the place to go and you'll see a big like search bar in there. That's the Ask Ramsey AI tool. So just put your question in there.

1:06:45It will launch you into the tool and it's really neat. And if you log in, you can actually save your chat history. Yes. You can go back and reference it. I threw it up on Instagram stories because I did a Q &A yesterday. Yes. And some people were DMing me. one girl goes oh my gosh I just got my she literally said I just got my 401k question answered and a relational issue I've been having with my brother-in-law about money she's like it gave me great advice I was like oh I'm so glad that's amazing we might be out of a job George I know and it's free I don't know that's incredible so go check it out it's going to be a great starting point at least to get your question answered if not completely solve it so ramseysolutions.com enter the question in the ask ramsey search bar there on the home page or click the link in the description if you're listening on podcast or YouTube.

1:07:29Mary is in New York City up next. Mary, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for taking my call. Sure. How can Rachel and I help? Awesome. So first, I'm so grateful for finding you all. Seven months ago, I decided I'm making too much money to be stressed about money. Got the EveryDollar app, and it's completely changed our spending habits, and we actually budget now. Oh, I love it. Well done. What a great testimonial. Been awesome. So we are on baby step two. And the next couple months, I expect to have about a$20 ,000 inheritance coming to me. We have$43 ,000 left on a HELOC. That's our remaining debt.

1:08:10But in order to solidify this behavioral change, I'd rather put the$20 ,000 in our emergency fund and continue to work and pay off the debt ourselves. I consider it like a$1 ,200 interest stupid tax if we're able to pay it off. We should be able to pay it off by October 1st this year. Is it sensible to take that interest loss as a stupid tax in order to kind of maintain our discipline and earn being debt free? I would say, Mary, your behavior has already been changed. I mean, you guys are paying off debt. You're budgeting. You're in it. You're doing it. You're angry at your past decisions. Yeah.

1:08:48And you're never going to do it again. I don't think that this is going to be a windfall that you guys pay off half the HELOC when you receive this 20 grand and then suddenly go back in your old ways. If anything, I think it's exciting. It's a little bit of that like, oh, my gosh, we just were given a gift to fast forward this process so quickly. And then once it's all paid off, then you can have all of your income to build the emergency fund back. So I would keep the baby steps in order. I hear what you're saying, and I so appreciate that because sometimes that is our caution. If we have people that are just starting this process and they do get a big loss, you know, they had a lawsuit.

1:09:21So they get a check from that, a settlement. Or they go, I'm going to just sell the house and use that to pay off the debt but never change my spending behavior. Yes. But you guys have changed your behavior is what it sounds like to me. I'd give yourself probably more credit. Okay. And it's going to light a fire under you to not have an emergency fund, have that$1 ,000 only while you attack the HELOC. Yes. And guess what? You get the discipline and behavior change of having to build up an emergency fund from scratch. So you will get to eat your vegetables soon enough. Sounds good. Yeah, the emergency fund being at$1 ,000 and not contributing to retirement has been a lot of fire.

1:09:57That's more behavior change right there if you're willing to stick that out through the debt payoff versus getting a little too comfortable having$20 ,000 sitting in savings. You're like, well, I mean, we're going to be okay if something happened. Mary, how much do you guys make a year? we uh just hit about uh 300 before amazing yeah so this debt's gone within a few months anyways yeah yeah that's the plan okay so either way in six to nine months you're going to end up in the same place but yeah regardless if you keep this in an emergency fund or whatnot but i would just throw it at the debt and just keep that keep that process and the money you save in interest you can give to a wonderful cause once you guys are debt-free with an emergency fund.

1:10:40So don't punish yourself just for fun. Okay, that sounds good. Thank you so much. Well done, Mary. Excited for y 'all. Fantastic. All right, Anna is in Columbia, South Carolina up next. What's going on, Anna? Hey, how are you? Great. What's your question? Yeah, so we're kind of in a difficult situation. My husband and I were pretty much forced back in November to pretty much restructure our entire financial dilemma. Because they made a mistake with his company. He got a promotion, and he was making really good money. So we were basing a lot of our financial decisions off of this income that he was getting.

1:11:23But then they come back nine months later and tell us that this income that he was making was actually a mistake. They made a mistake on his commission. What? So they overpaid him, and now they're saying, hey, we need that money back. Well, no, they're not making him pay it back, but he did have his suspicions. You're not really supposed to discuss pay with other employees, but he had other people in his position that he had spoke to and were talking about some hard things going on with their paychecks because it's all commission-driven, and he wasn't really feeling that because his was a lot higher than theirs.

1:11:55So he brought it to the attention of the higher-ups, and they looked at it, and they said, yeah, actually, it's wrong on here. Oh, no. We didn't have to pay it back, but it is affecting our taxes this year big time because of the withholding. Yeah, he wasn't withholding enough, so you'll have a big tax bill. Yes, so we're going to owe about$4 ,000 in taxes this year. What was he making, and now what's the corrected pay? So he was making about$2 ,500 a week, and now it's more like anywhere between like$1 ,200 and$1 ,500 a week. Oh, gosh. So it like cut in half. Yeah. So we made some financial decisions along the way based on that income.

1:12:35Shoot. What kind of decisions? Yeah. Debt. How much? Our payments. Oh, no. Yeah. Let's not blame the company for that, by the way. We made some decisions to go into debt. So there's both and here. So what is the car loan or loans? Well, I will say this. We have, since this happened, we have gotten on the best track that we possibly could. We did have three vehicles. Now we have two. We got rid of one of them that we didn't necessarily need. And I actually got rid of the more expensive one that I was paying way too much money on and paid the negative equity with the proceeds from the previous vehicle.

1:13:17Okay. So now we're down to about$30 ,000 with two cars. Two cars,$30 ,000 total in car loans. What about credit cards? Credit cards, we have about$10 ,000 credit card debt. Okay. Any other consumer debt? Other than that, I mean, it totals to be about$50 ,000 with the cars and the credit cards. Oh, so y 'all got this new, you got this new money and you said, we can live it up. Yeah. And what about the house? Yeah, the payments started racking up. So that's my question. We're willing to do anything we can to just get us back, get our heads above water and actually live and not be house poor. So our house is what's costing us a lot of money.

1:14:01What's your payment every month? $2 ,400. Oof. And yeah, all of our total expenses for housing is around$3 ,000 a month whenever you add utilities and things like that. So now it's over half your tank home pay. Yeah, so we're thinking, should we sell the house and downsize? Since the market's kind of trending that way. Are you working outside the home? Yes, I have a full-time job. Okay. How much are you bringing in a month? $52 ,000 a year. Great. So this is not as on fire as we thought, because I thought it was basing just on his income. I wouldn't sell the house. I think you guys will get your income back up to where this will be a reasonable payment as far as your take-home pay.

1:14:42I would look at selling one or both of the cars if you want to get out of this faster. but otherwise you got a great income. Let's focus on knocking out this 50K of debt and never going back in. And watching lifestyle creep, Anna. You know, like that range when you get a raise, everyone's like, oh, I can spend this much more and you just keep your lifestyle consistent with that versus living below your means. So remember that. But yeah, you guys can definitely get this worked out.

1:15:15Thank you.

1:15:45fixed rate payments built around what you can afford so you can take control and get back on the baby steps. Go to yrefy.com slash Ramsey. That's the letter Y, R-E-F-Y.com slash Ramsey. May not be available in all states. Today's question comes from Rebecca in California. Oh, I just saw. I just saw this. Thank you, Rebecca. Should Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey get a prenup considering they both have their own income and careers? Wow, this is a Rachel question. Yes, Rebecca. Taylor Swift should get the prenup because I think she's a billionaire. Yeah, she's got a higher net worth than him. Yeah, less about the she has her own income and their own careers.

1:16:27She's a working woman. Yes, she's a working woman. She's a billionaire. But also when you have a major discrepancy in net worth, that's one of the only times that we talk about a prenup is probably wise. Wise to do. So don't go, well, Rachel told Taylor she can get a prenup why not me yes because you don't have a massive business empire and intellectual property and catalog rights and touring companies and everything that taylor's got going on taylor's prenup compared to travis it's gonna be like this thick we shared the meme on social which was like the lawyers counting money they're like the lawyers working on the prenup for taylor and travis i know i know so yes i would um very much say as she should Taylor Swift, I would get a prenup.

1:17:09And Travis, very successful NFL player. Yes. He's got a lot of assets too. And so I think it is wise for those two people to have just some clarity about here's what we're bringing into the marriage. Here's how we're going to handle it. Here's what happens if the unthinkable happens. That's right. That's okay to do when you have that level of wealth. For sure. For sure. Oh, Rebecca, thanks for the question. Did you get an invite to their wedding? No, not yet. Okay. I'm still waiting. I love the yet. I love the optimism you have that you will get invited somehow. Somehow. You'll be lucky to get a ticket to the live stream.

1:17:42Sure. But you'll make that happen. I hope they live stream it. They won't. I hope for their sake they keep it private. You know? I would charge tickets and then give the money to charity. That would be the ultimate power move. Oh, like a pay-per-view situation. A hundred bucks to watch. All proceeds go to her favorite charity. Why nobody has done that is beyond me, guys. Do I have to come up with all the ideas here? Yeah, that's actually a great idea. I would have done it if I thought anybody would buy tickets to see my wedding. Oh, my gosh. You're such a generous guy, George. Thank you. Zach is in Nashville up next.

1:18:18What's going on, Zach? Hey, guys. How you doing? My question is how do I determine my salary value as a project manager in my field if I don't have too much to go off of? I put$2.8 million in the ground in eight months starting out with this company. Brought it from a 600-year yearly revenue to$2.8 million. My salary is$50 ,000 right now. I got a bonus of$2 ,000 an extra paycheck for Christmas. But I work 80 to 100 hours, seven days a week, on call all the time. Got a wife and an eight-month-old baby. Oh, my gosh, Zach. What do you do? I'm a fencing project manager. Fencing, you said? Yes, sir.

1:19:02Okay. Why are you still with this company? Because it feels like you've been mistreated, or at least you feel that way. Well, the owners let me know that there's some big salary things ahead, and I'm coming up on my one-year negotiation. So I've reached out to other franchise owners, PMs, and stuff like that, and they're making about$70 ,000,$80 ,000, running a$5 to$7 million,$3 to$7 million operation. I'm running this one alone since one of the proposals accepted. I handle everything, materials, client relations, installation, quality walks, everything. Do you have any commission? Billings. No.

1:19:43And that's kind of another thing I'd need advice on. Why don't you just move into sales? It sounds like you've got some sales skills. Yeah. I got a bigger picture with my brother to be in the GC, get back into the GC field. and this is kind of a step along the way. Okay. Well, I mean, you lay out, here's my role. Here's how I've been going above and beyond. Here's what I'm bringing to the table. Here's how I increase revenue. And if they go, well, yeah, yeah, one day, but here's a little two grand raise for all your hard work. Thanks, bud. I think that's clear that they're not going to value you as much as you feel like you're valued and it's time to look for a different employer.

1:20:20And you've been there for a year. You've obviously made some major moves to help them grow the business. So I would ask them, hey, what is a what is a path look like for me to grow my income and have them answered, too, because, you know, I mean, it's their response. They're the ones that are gonna make the call. So I would be curious if you just have an open ended question to them of, hey, what's a what's a not only a career path within this company, but for us for salary growth. What does that look like? And if they don't really have a plan or they're not looking for a plan, then you then I guess that's a call you're gonna have to make.

1:20:55Yeah, he's mentioned something about matching for contributions for kids college and stuff. I'm still waiting to. Nothing's really been happened. You know what I mean? A lot of talk. Yeah, but your one year is when? Two, three months. Okay. How old are you? 25. Okay. If I'm in your shoes, the best ammo you might have is looking at another employer who sees what you've been doing. and you go, hey, this is how I helped the revenue. Here's what I've been doing. Is there a position here where I can add some value? And just see, you might double your pay without having to sit here and negotiate for another two grand raise.

1:21:36But if the writing's on the wall and they're just kind of empty promises, then I wouldn't be there much longer. Yes, sir. But I mean, it's a simple conversation. Hey, I think I'm adding value to the organization. And if I am, I'd love to talk about how that can show up in my paycheck in a reasonable way. How big is the team, Zach? I run three crews myself. One is an eight-man crew, one is a four-man crew, and one is a two - to three-man crew. But we keep two of them fed six days a week, and they're happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, just the fact that you're working 80 hours a week making$52 ,000, that doesn't— Essentially, you're making$25 ,000, which is like$12 an hour.

1:22:20Yeah. So that's where I go, clearly, if this is what's expected and required of you for this$50 ,000, I would not do it anymore. Yes, sir. So if you're as sharp as you say you are, I think you can get hired elsewhere and make more. Have some humility, too, in the conversation. You know, you haven't been there a year. No guns a blazing here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would make it a conversation. And again, the way they run the business, it's a small business. They may not have the structure in place cash flow-wise. I mean, who knows how healthy the company is. He's saying, well, I brought it from this much to this much in revenue, and I've been doing all this.

1:22:52Yeah, but I don't know what they're doing with the revenue either. You know what I mean? They're maybe buying a building. I mean, I don't know. So you've got to get a big picture, too, of what's going on. Let's get to Jeff in Phoenix. Jeff, how can we help? Get right to the question. Hey, how are you doing? Great. Good. Hey, so my wife and I, we make between$6 ,000 to$7 ,000 a month given overtime or commissions. We were kind of stressed about money, weren't really sure what was going on with all of it. We downloaded every dollar. I've been listening for about a month and threw everything in there and kind of came up with nothing.

1:23:26We are out of debt, and kind of the zero dollars at the end of that budget comes after investing 15%. But we're looking at – we'd like to be able to pay off our mortgage early, but we just don't see where we can find any extra money. So you have expenses that rack up to$7 ,000 a month, and that's what you're bringing home. Right. That's where I would dig in. I was saying that's the spot to dig in. If you're saying, hey, we have a great income, we don't have any debt, we're investing 15 % before this hits our bank account, that tells me there are some high expenses inside of your budget. How much is your mortgage, Jeff?

1:24:02$2 ,000. Okay, yeah. That's reasonable. So we've got another$4 ,000 to$5 ,000 left. Where are the majority of that going? Do you have kids, daycare? No kids. It's just the two of us. I feel like we live pretty comfortably, but not too comfortably. Let's see. Every dollar here, I have it open in another tab. We tithe 10%, so around 600. Utilities and HOA, that's probably an additional 400 there. We both travel over 30 minutes to work, so about 400 on gas. spend 400 on groceries 200 on eating out and then this is probably where you're going to tell me to cut back a little bit but probably 500 on just us probably extra things yeah that hasn't added up to five grand no i'm still at 4 500 there's still another two thousand dollars here that's unaccounted for so what i would do is not just look at what you plan in every dollar but what your actual bank statement said and you'll go oh we got to tighten up in a bunch of these areas And every dollar will help you find that margin with recommendations.

1:25:34Welcome back to The Ramsey Show in the Fairwinds Credit Union studio. I'm George Camel, joined by Rachel Cruz. The number to call is 888-825-5225 if you want to join the conversation as we help you take the right next step for your life and your money. Kevin is in Atlanta. What's going on, Kevin? Hey, how's it going? So my mortgage is about four months behind after my wife just stopped contributing to the household. And we are currently in loss mitigation until May. They're giving us a chance to try to catch the mortgage back up. However, I'm still kind of dealing with some financial infidelity from her as far as, you know, neither of us could afford the house without each other.

1:26:26Our mortgage is about$1 ,700 a month, and my income is$700 to$800 a week, and hers is about$1 ,400 every two weeks, and that's after taxes. So I was just trying to see if you could give me an idea of what I should do as far as the house goes We do have three kids, so I'll put that in perspective for you Did she stop working, Kevin? Is that why? No, so she's working Actually, at the beginning of all this, I went through a hiccup with my job So she works during the day, and I was working overnight and my mother went into the ICU. So I had to take about a week off because I thought she was on life support.

1:27:15So I had to go be with her and I ended up losing my job. So it took me about three weeks to find another job. And then when I did, it was during the day. So then childcare, I was having to pay for that as well. Why do you keep saying you were having to pay for it? How about we had to pay for it as a household, right? There is no. And honestly, that's where I've kind of made a mistake from the very beginning. Everything has been separate from the very beginning, you know. And I believe, I do believe all of her money is going towards the kids, but I think it's a little ridiculous. Like she uses the Affirm website.

1:27:59Buy now, pay later. Yes. Yeah, I found out that later. Right. So Christmas, any holidays, birthdays. It's all on payments. Anything you can think of, it's all she orders this stuff off Amazon, and they just pop it right out of her check. Are you guys living together still? We do. We do live together. So what's the dynamic like right now? Because you've been throwing out a lot of words like infidelity, and she stopped contributing. Have you guys had a conversation about what's going on? The best that we could. And, yeah, I mean, I mean, she doesn't understand she's going to get foreclosed on if she doesn't choose to contribute.

1:28:40You know what I mean? Like, yeah, as a household, we have to pay our mortgage. However, that gets paid out of any. It doesn't matter whose check. We got to pay the mortgage. So I don't understand what she's expecting is going to happen. You know, I really don't either. And then I've kind of – I've always been the bill payer and, like, the take care of everything, you know. So, like, I'm the one who kind of worked out the financial plan with the mortgage company. I've explained it to her the best that I could of how the loss mitigation works. Basically, I think we're on, like, a forbearance plan to where it just gives us enough time to get caught up to keep us out of foreclosure.

1:29:26I think you need a sense of urgency here, Kevin. And I'd talk with her tonight and say, this is on fire. We are about to lose the house. Our kids need a roof over their heads. What are we doing here? And the way we've been doing this sucks. This is horrible. Like you've been mowing me for the mortgage and then it doesn't come through and now I can't pay the mortgage payment. This is not working. So even if it's just for the kids right now to have some safety and security, she needs to pitch in. Right. And if she's out of control spending, then you need to reroute the money into a bank account that you at least can see.

1:29:56yeah that's the that's the thing that has to happen in the next week or two because you guys have to start you know paying back on this but then overall kevin you can't we can't function like this you know what i mean i mean long term in the marriage and so for did does she have any urgency to work on money with you and for you guys to be a team because always couples that have this this split of a mindset and such a big topic like money i just assume you don't have a great marriage. We definitely do not right now. And I tried to sit down and budget with her. And in fact, I downloaded an app besides every dollar because our lives are hectic because we have been working opposite shifts.

1:30:39So I'm like a great way to effectively communicate financially. There's an app called Honeydew, and it just allows you to view each other's bank accounts. So I know how much she has she knows how much i have and it kind of becomes more of a really getting to the root of the problem yeah i hear you it's less about visibility and it's more about unity yeah oh right and she just like that she's like we can budget without knowing where every dollar is going and i'm like that's literally the name of of dave's every dollar so yeah it sounds like you guys have a bunch of consumer debt too oh yeah absolutely i mean i um it's i don't know to be honest i don't even know what all debts she has yeah you probably don't um well fun homework assignment you guys both pull your credit reports tonight you can do it for free annualcreditreport.com and you're gonna find out and we're gonna say hey all cards on the table what are all the debts we have we got to clean this mess up and again i don't care if you hate each other but you need to do this for the security of your own family and children.

1:31:44To keep the house, yeah. And then you guys need to have kind of a reset, Kevin, of where you guys want to be, you know, as a couple in the next two, three, four years. You guys need to, I mean, truly have this picture of, this is what I want. This is what John Delaney says. This is what I want our home to feel like. What do we want our home to feel like? We're raising our children in this home. We are in this marriage together, you know, you can make choices to change habits, to change the way you've been doing marriage and, and completely turn on its head and do the complete opposite, right? Because right now it's just chaos and division versus peace and unity.

1:32:27And if that's what you both want working together, yeah, I would, I would lay out a roadmap for you, you know, and just say, where do we want to be in 24 months? Like in two years, what would the ideal life look like, feel like and how do we reverse engineer that to decisions that we have to make today some of the stuff's on fire like what george is saying we got to get the mortgage paid i mean there's some of that that's like but overall what does it look like to truly have a healthy marriage where we are a team in this and together you know we're making decisions together we both have input regardless of who brings in the income this is a household that we have chosen to be a part of and so when the money hits the account for the household how are we going to budget it together And out of that creates the unity.

1:33:11But sometimes you have to do those rigorous steps first, you know, to get to where you want to go. But that's part of figuring out where you even want to be as a couple. Yeah, has she opted out of this marriage? I mean, you mentioned the word infidelity. I don't know if that was just regarding finance. He said financial, I think. Okay. Is that true? As far as I know, it's just financially. Okay. Well, you guys make$6 ,000 take home from what I gathered, right? Yes. Okay, that is above the average take-home pay for a household in America, and you guys are living well below average lives right now.

1:33:45And so that's the reset we need. It's not an attack on her, an attack on you, and who's right and who's wrong. It's we need unity. We make too much to feel this broke, and these kids deserve some shelter over their heads. This is stupid to lose the house over being ununified. I wish you the best.

1:34:22All right, let's cut to the chase. It's easy to get discouraged about crazy house prices and interest rates. But when you have the right real estate agent to help you buy and sell the right way, you'll have confidence to make smart decisions. Ramsey trusted agents aren't just experts who guide you through buying or selling. They're people you can trust to have your back from the first call to closing day. Find a Ramsey trusted agent near you at RamseySolutions.com slash agent. That's RamseySolutions.com slash agent.

1:35:07Anne is in Chicago up next. Anne, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hi, thank you for taking my call. Absolutely. What's your question today? So we have three young adult children. Two of them are very responsible and respectful. The third is terrible with money, spends money as fast as he can get it. And he also has a major lying problem. So currently our relationship is very strange. He's not living with us, and he's not living a life that we can support right now. In the meantime, we are looking to rewrite our wills or set up a revocable living trust. So how can we set this up so if we were to die before he matures or changes direction here, that he would have to demonstrate necessary qualities before receiving his inheritance?

1:35:55And at what point does he simply forfeit his share? And what do we do with that share then? and also, of course, we do not want to be the cause that our adult children do not get along after we're gone, but we also don't want this gift that we've worked so hard for to be wasted. You're asking the right questions, Anne, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It's not how you picture it when you imagine being able to bless your family and leave a legacy, and now you can't even trust the child to handle it. Correct. But you're doing the right steps. I mean, a revocable living trust is the move, and you can customize the provisions and you'll need a strong trustee to actually carry this out.

1:36:35But you can time it all. You can have conditions and say, hey, if he doesn't do X, Y, Z, he doesn't get anything. And at that point, it gets split evenly between the two other siblings. Okay. Yeah, and if that's it, Ann, I would communicate it. It's going to be really hard. But I would rather him hear that from you all at some level than the reading of the will, you know, if you guys pass away. Okay. That, and then I would... So have a conversation with all three of them? I would, yeah. Okay. Let them get mad at you while you're alive instead of getting mad at the siblings when they had nothing to do with this.

1:37:11Yeah, and I would have the conditions, have someone, yeah, whether it's the trustee, whoever it is, that it's not one of your children that has to monitor his behavior. Because that could make the relationship really odd, right? So if there's a good family friend that you trust, but I would not put one of the siblings in that position because I think that could definitely cause tension. And be very clear on those conditions too, not subjective. As clear as you can be is going to be the best. And it is. I'm with George. It is so heartbreaking because money is such a magnifying glass. It makes us more of what we already are.

1:37:54and if there's really, you know, horrible habits, things that he's, you know, doing that's damaging himself and then you put money on that, it's that, yeah, it's gonna, it's gonna make his life even worse, right? Where money is supposed to be a blessing in that. So I think there's definitely some wisdom and it is very, it's very sad. It's very, very heartbreaking, but I do think there's wisdom in that. And my prayer is that, yeah, he, he wakes up. How old is he? 90. 19? Okay. All Right. You know, we're all a little... There's still time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. I'm glad he's not like 40.

1:38:29That makes me feel better. He's not too set in his ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah. But you can always change it later. Can you give me an example of being specific? Like what could... Here's an example. You could say, hey, there's going to be a sobriety requirement and a debt-free requirement. And every month we're going to check your credit score and do a drug test. and if it's clear, you will get$5 ,000 every month. So you can set it up to be as specific and nuanced as you want and a good estate attorney can help you set all that up because they've seen it all. They've seen it go wrong.

1:39:03They've seen it go right. And so I'm just giving you an example of how nuanced and specific you can get because it's your money and you can have as much oversight as you want and as much strings attached as you want, especially if you're worried about them. What I wouldn't do is make one of the siblings, the trustee, because now he becomes the bad guy. And so you want a strong third party, a professional trustee through a company that specializes in this. That way he doesn't get to fight the siblings. They go, hey, we got nothing to do with it and we can't do anything about it. Yeah. Right. Right.

1:39:32I understand that. All right. But good luck in the meantime. I know it's hard because he's an adult now and he can make adult decisions and you wish you could just be like, I want the best for you. Change, please. but it might take a little bit more rock bottom to get him to have his prodigal son, you know, returning home moment. Right. I understand. Thank you. Absolutely. Man, that's a tough one. All right. Kristen is in Illinois up next. Kristen, welcome to the show. Uh-oh. Can I hear you, Kristen? Loud and clear. Can you hear me? Yes, that's better. Hey. Hi. Thanks for taking my call. So my question is about affording a larger house for my growing family.

1:40:13We live in a pretty small house right now, and financially we're doing well, but I feel like I'm really asking my kids to sacrifice too much instead of providing for them. What kind of sacrifices are they making? Are they working the fields all day? No, kind of. We have chickens. Oh, good. They should be working out there. Yeah. No, they, I mean, like any kids, they have hobbies. Like my 13-year-old really likes to do Legos. Our house is so small, and now we have a baby. that he really can't enjoy. He can't have most of any of his things inside the house. A lot of their toys that they've had over the years are in the garage, and there's not enough room for them really to be normal kids.

1:40:57How many kids do you have? We have three now, so three boys. And how many bedrooms? There is three bedrooms, but we use one as an office. Okay. One of you works from home? We both work from home, yeah. Okay, and what's the square footage? We need to have 1 ,050 square feet. Okay, so it is tight. I mean, that's less legit. You're not making this up. What would a bigger house cost you guys, and could you afford it? In our area, a bigger house would go easily for$365 ,000. And I'm honestly not sure if we could afford it, but I feel like everyone is telling me, hey, you guys just have to pull the trigger and do it, because if you don't take any risks, you'll never get anywhere.

1:41:42Everybody doesn't pay your bills. You pay them. Yeah, and everybody is broke, Kristen. So I wouldn't be asking for their opinion, truthfully. What I would do is just look at the facts and go, okay, our income is$10 ,000 a month. Yeah, how much is it? So therefore we can afford$2 ,500 on a mortgage. Yeah, what's your income a month? My husband makes$80 ,000 a year. I used to make$80 ,000 a year too, but since the baby's been born, I really haven't been able to do much. Yeah. um so it's gonna be that way until he's in kindergarten at least sure like two three more years what hits your account every month with just your husband's income is it around 7 000 um yeah probably around that okay um so yeah i mean i would be yeah looking for a home and you'll have to do the math on a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage where the payment is no more than 25 % of your take-home pay.

1:42:35What could you sell your house for today? How much would your house go for? It would go for$165 to$180. Okay. And how much do you guys owe on it? We only owe about$60 ,000. We've run a 15-year fixed mortgage at 2 % flat. Okay. So you could walk away with over$100 ,000 to put down on the next house? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And if you guys had any, yeah, we're on a$2 ,000 mortgage. you'll have to see yeah what that all you know you can do the Ramsey mortgage calculator at RamseySolutions.com and put in with the down payment and everything and yeah there's a chance you guys definitely could but I went on just a whim like oh yeah just you don't you got to take risks no you don't no we have facts that you get to make really wise mature decisions off of because you have numbers you know and so let's be wise with that and make sure that again that payments no more than 25 % of your take-home pay.

1:43:26But I think, yeah, if it all works, I would definitely upgrade, get some more room. Yeah. And he works from home? Most of the time. He works in the office at his business like one week out of the month. Okay. But the other thing to consider is we send our kids to private school, and that's$15 ,000 a year. Okay. So that's eating up a good chunk of your budget as well. Yeah, so you got to figure out, okay, let's do a budget. And yeah, we got about, you know,$1 ,100 going out to private school. We have this new mortgage, right, theoretically. Here's what we need to spend on food. I mean, yeah, you got to map it out because sometimes you can't have it all, right?

1:44:09I mean, you might. I'm not sure. Depending on how the numbers work, you might be able to pull off both. We can't have all three. We can't have a big house on a single income and send the kids to private school. We get to choose two. And so then you get resourceful and go, all right, we're going to work this out. He gets a corner of the house or he goes to the office more and we free up a bedroom, which gives us more room for now. Then we're going to save up an upgrade when the time is right. So I wish you the best. There's hard decisions here, but I think you guys can make it.

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1:46:04Hey, if you're debt-free, the Live Like No One Else cruise is your chance to celebrate. You can hang out with all of us Ramsey personalities, Dave Ramsey, for new sessions on building wealth, live episodes of our shows, and the world's largest debt-free scream. That one's burned in my memory, Rachel. So fun. Just being on a cruise ship with like thousands of people surrounding on the deck. And the amount of people, even though we say you don't have to be on Baby Step 7 necessarily, but the amount of people that have paid off their homes that were on the boat. That's right. I want to say it was over half.

1:46:32Yes. It was shocking. It was awesome. It was so fun. If you are baby step four and above, this is the cruise for you to mark the moment, the journey, the progress. You can secure your cabin with a$600 deposit and join us in the Western Caribbean March of 2027. So you've got a lot of time to plan, to book. So get that cabin secured. They're going fast. Click the link in the show notes or go to ramsysolutions.com slash events to book your cabin today. Emma is in Wilmington, North Carolina up next. Emma, welcome to the show. Hi, guys. Thank you so much for taking my call today. Absolutely. What's going on?

1:47:10So I'm a little bit of a situation. So me and my husband, we both own businesses, and we're both pretty, I guess, entrepreneurial, I guess you can say. And we keep on having disagreements about how we choose to, particularly how I choose to invest in my business and how I choose to spend my money, how do I choose to do, like, particularly invest into my business. And I just feel like he's always micromanaging me about every single thing that I do for my business. While, like, for me, while he's running his business, I'm just kind of, honey, I trust you. But when it comes to, like, sort of my turn, he's always kind of in there.

1:47:54and it's making hard for me to make all these decisions that I feel like I should be making for my business. Because he doesn't think, because there's, I mean, is it like it's a conversation and he gets excited because he loves small business and he's like, ooh, I want to look at the numbers and talk to you about it? Where you feel like he's being controlling or that he doesn't trust you or what's the feeling? It's like he says that, like, I trust you in it, But I just feel like I should be there because I guess he says he does trust me, but I feel like he doesn't. I guess he's always doubling down on my decisions.

1:48:32He's like, are you sure that this is what you need to do? Are you asking him for advice? Into advice and particularly how I choose to invest into my business. What do you mean by invest in the business? You keep mentioning that. By getting ads or advertisements. Like, I need that to grow my business, and he just sees it as a waste of money. Okay. And so you're not going into debt for this. It's not a values issue. It's just I have one way of doing it. He has another way of doing it. Yeah, yeah. Are your businesses connected or related in any way? No. So we just recently split all of my income and all my expenses for my business completely out of our separate, like we made a separate account for all of my stuff.

1:49:25But he's still running his business from our personal. Okay, y 'all need two separate business accounts. You don't need to co-mingle running a business in your personal checking. Out of the business. Yeah, so like the fact that I am like, I guess you could say like more legit, like I have all my papered files, like everything filed and everything in order. Well, he's like also kind of starting out. Oh, okay. So it's not like official, official. Yeah, but he's still doing it, you know. Yeah, I would go get another checking account, right, to be running the business out of just so that it doesn't all get tangled up.

1:50:00Mm-hmm. Yeah, that and then as far as him giving you his opinion, I think that's just a that's a communication, you know, issue in my opinion of, hey, I don't like the way that you're stepping in. I would I would love to know your thoughts because I think you're smart. And you know, I mean, if you think that, well, you do, you know, I would love to hear what you have to say. But I'm but at the end of the day, I'm probably going to make these different decisions because I'm going to choose to do it this way or that. way and it's not an immoral thing like what George was saying. It's just this is what I'm going to choose to do.

1:50:37And he, yeah, should be supportive of that unless it's like a horrible decision. But so far, unless it's hurting the household and damaging the income severely. But I think it's fair to say, hey, I'm open to advice. I'm just not looking for oversight. I need space to lead this business. And if I make a couple mistakes here or there that are nonfatal, I'm OK with that. And we just have different ways of approaching this. So unless I specifically ask for strategy, I'm not looking for that unsolicited advice, but I would love your support. And I offer the same to you. How would he respond to that?

1:51:11We kind of just have this same conversation like every like few weeks out. Like we had this conversation where like, okay, like I'll kind of like back off. And then we like to be really transparent about how we choose to like decisions and what kind of big like money decisions we make and then it just kind of comes back up where he says, well, like, what is like your return on that? And I'm like, well, the returns I guarantee because it's like, it's like advertisement, you know? What's the nature of his business? What's the nature of the business he's running? So he's in like selling cars and like parts and all that stuff.

1:51:50Okay. And he's just getting started. What is your household income? That's the thing we don't have. It's different every single week. it mostly like depends on what he sells what i can sell and uh what are you selling i do like uh weddings i do like floral and decor so i'm not guaranteed to book out until like certain amount it's a long-term play for you because you're talking about weddings that are booked a year or two from now that you're trying to get on the books yes okay well um do you guys have consistent income outside of that? Are you both working other jobs or is this it? No, I just quit my job a few weeks ago probably because I wasn't getting enough hours and they were not willing to give me more hours and he quit his job to pursue this.

1:52:40So what are you guys making in a given week or month? In a given month, we could be lucky. It would be anywhere from two to seven grand. That's quite the range. I'm just wondering what's at the root of this. Is there fear in his mind of, hey, are we going to be okay? And is this business going to succeed? Are we going to be able to hit our financial goals this month? If you don't run this business, how I think you should run it. So I would get to the root of what his true concern is. I don't think he's just like a marketing nerd who's like, well, I just think you should run ads this way. To Rachel's point, it wasn't out of excitement of him wanting to nerd out.

1:53:15It was, you're doing it wrong it's more of like he thinks i should not do any advertisement and no like marketing at all that i should just be like just do your like do what you do and like orders will come in you know yeah it's just different philosophy on how to run a business but what i would worry about him is that you guys may make two grand in a month and he quit his job for something that's not even official that he hasn't quote-unquote filed papers for yet yeah that makes me a little nervous does it you sounds like he should focus on his own business right now i understand where it's like when it comes to sales and cars where it's like kind of you're not really guaranteed to sell but the income is like decent we have a lot saved up we have the flexibility okay good good good as long as you guys are in a good spot yeah at this point that's just a different way to run a business and i would i would just tell him yeah I don't need the thought.

1:54:12It's just, it's creating too much conflict. So I'm going to go over here and run it this way. And if it's not, if it doesn't grow in five months, let's reevaluate together. Yeah. And just reset the conversation and say, hey, we need to reset on the values that we both have for this household, for our money and for our business. As long as we are aligned on the values and the principles, the process in which way we run the business, it doesn't matter. And if things go south, you're going to go, hey, listen, I need some help here. the ads aren't working. What do you think we should do? And that's wise to have that counsel.

1:54:45You know, you need to support each other and you can do the same for his business too, but it's not out of a lack of trust and micromanaging. It is a truly, I want to see you win. And when you win, we all win. And right now it almost feels competitive. I don't know if he's jealous of your business because it's more successful than his right now or what's going on, but I think you need to get to the root of it. I don't think we've cracked it yet.

1:55:09I wish you the best Emma these are not fun conversations to have but they're worth having and maybe this isn't a season where he needs to be running this business maybe you guys do need some more consistent income and he goes and gets a job selling cars and you run this for now and maybe another season he gets to run a business and you go do something else I don't know what that looks like for you guys but being on the same page is a great first step

1:55:35Thank you.

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1:56:41our scripture of the day second chronicles 15 7 but as for you be strong and do not give up for your work shall be rewarded dwayne johnson said be humble hungry and always be the hardest worker in the room i love wise words in the rock i love the rock he's one of my favorites he's likable. He is. I know. Well done. Good quote. Dee is in Wilmington, Delaware. Up next. Dee, welcome to the show. Thank you for taking my call. Sure. I just got a life insurance inheritance because my husband passed away in November. So sorry. I'm sorry. How old was he? Thank you. 44. Oh my gosh. Do you guys have kids?

1:57:31we do a 17 year old and a 14 year old wow d i'm so sorry oh my gosh um he had life insurance though um through his work he didn't have it privately but you know there's um 150 000 that was in his life insurance that i could get to collect um he had some 401k that went into my 401k and that left me with a pretty good amount. So I have like 900 ,000 overall. Oh, good. Okay. How old are you? Uh, 54. Okay. And, um, so anyway, I can't afford the mortgage by itself, but because I have kids, I have survivor's benefit that's going to come to me until my son turns 18 and graduates. So for like the next year and a half, I should be okay with making payments on the house.

1:58:27Okay. But then I lose that, and then it's just my daughter. Yeah. And so I think I would have to pull from something. So I don't know if I should use$150 ,000 and put some of it into the mortgage, like to help pay off the house, or should I invest it? I don't know what to do with it. Yeah. How much is left on the house? $237 ,000. $237 ,000. Okay. Okay. And financially, do you guys, do you have consumer debt? No. No debt. I don't have anything but a house. Okay. And what kind of savings do you have that's not investments or retirement? I have about$30 ,000 just in savings. Okay, perfect. Just like an emergency fund.

1:59:13Yeah. I mean, most of our money went to his medical stuff, so I could put more away. Okay. And in your income, what are you making a year? A hundred. Okay. Yeah, I'm just thinking I probably would write out, I think I would just keep that 150 in probably a high yield savings account right now. and with the survivor's benefit, ride that out for a year, and then I would probably plan on pulling some of that$150 until you're able to pay off the house because you'll have probably, after, if you applied the whole$150, you'd have$80 ,000 left on the house, and that feels doable to me. Yeah. What's your margin like right now with just your income and the survivor's benefit?

2:00:06With my what? How much margin do you have at the end of each month? How much money left over after paying all your bills? I don't really know because it just started. I should be getting, and I took a leave of absence for two months, so I don't really know, but I think I will have at least$1 ,000. Okay, and how much is the mortgage a month? $22. Okay, but you'll probably have$1 ,000 after mortgage and everything is paid off, But when that survivor benefit is over, you'll have$2 ,200 that you've got to pay per month, correct? Correct. Okay. And when my daughter leaves, for sure. Yeah. Okay. I will not have enough.

2:00:49Yeah. Okay. The other thing you can look into with a financial advisor is the Rule of 55, which would allow you to access the retirement account, which could help you to knock out the house. Oh. That's one other option to look into. And you can reach out to a SmartVestor Pro at RamseySolutions.com and just kind of walk through all the variables here to be strategic because you have to be. It wasn't a$1.5 million life insurance policy. And so if you're trying to make this money last for a long time or at least put it to good use, the truth is you're going to have to work for the foreseeable future.

2:01:22I mean, you have that$900 ,000. If you work for another seven years and just let that money sit, it could double. So that's the good news. Yeah. So you will be out of the woods soon enough, but just the next few years, it might feel a little bit tight. But I'm not concerned about you losing the house or not being able to make the mortgage payment, as long as you can keep up that six-figure income. Is that pretty stable? Yes. Okay, great. Then I would – I like Rachel's plan of just letting it sit in a high-yield savings for now until you know that you know the next step. Because once you put it in the house, it's kind of locked up in there.

2:01:56and I love the idea of you getting rid of that mortgage because that makes retirement and covering your bills a whole lot easier so that is still the goal it's just what's the best way to get there and when okay okay that's good I have also he had a Roth IRA that's about$20 ,000 and I haven't done anything with it because I didn't know if I could I have some like we haven't done anything in the house because he was sick for so long so there's like trees that need to be taken down. There's, you know, masonry that needs to be, I need to do dishwasher. Like, I didn't know if I could use that$20 ,000.

2:02:33I don't know if I should, I don't know what to do with that Roth IRA. Yeah. Cause it now is an inherited IRA. I've done nothing with it, but it's an option to be an inherited IRA. Yeah. And you, do you have savings outside of that, that you could use to cashflow some of these things around the house? I have$30 ,000 in savings. That's your emergency fund? That's my emergency fund, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I wouldn't touch the emergency fund for these, but I would try to cash flow it, even if it's out of your future income. I love the idea of that money continuing to grow tax-free if you don't absolutely need it.

2:03:07Okay, so then should I just make it into my—do I make it inherited, or do I put it in my own—because I have a Roth IRA myself, and I believe I could roll that into there. Yeah, again, that's a great question for the SmartVestor Pro because there are going to be differences with the required drawdowns from an inherited IRA versus rolling it over. So if you are able to roll it over, there might be some upside to that of you not needing to draw it down immediately. But again, it's$20 ,000. It's not the bulk of your net worth. But I would just be more hesitant because that's all tax-free money. And so we want to just protect that as long as we can to let it grow tax-free.

2:03:42Okay, well, they said, okay, so that's my goal is to keep it growing tax-free. Okay, because they did say if I took it out, I wouldn't have the penalty, but that I would still have to use it as income. Yeah, exactly. So I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're asking the right questions, Dee. It's not something anyone ever pictures themselves having to go through. Yeah, and usually we say, too, with any bulk of money after a tragedy, just pause for a year. Don't make any big moves. So even that life insurance policy, not making a big move of putting it right into the house, just wait a year.

2:04:14And I think a lot of more clarity will come because you're still right in the middle of new grief. I mean, it's been just a few months for you, so I'm so sorry. With teenagers at home. Well, if you need a good high-yield savings account, Dee, you can jump on to fairwinds.org slash Ramsey. They've been great partners with us, and they have an awesome smart bundle just for our fans. and that's a great place to park that 150 until you know what to do next. Good reminder for life insurance. That's what I was going to say, George. You know, you guys, I mean, he thankfully had something through his work, but we really do recommend people get 10 to 12 times your annual income and a term policy.

2:04:51Don't do whole life, do a term policy. If you're a stay-at-home parent, half a million dollars or even 700 ,000 on you because people depend upon the work that you're doing or the income that you're bringing in. And, you know, in this case, again, I don't want to fault them by any means. But, you know, that'd be a million dollar term policy. You know, if there were, I guess, depending on what he was making, but if he was making a hundred grand too, you know, so it just, it changes the dynamic so much of a grieving situation when you don't have to worry about money on top of it. And if you're healthy, you guys, and if you're, I mean, any age, but especially if you're younger, it is so inexpensive, so inexpensive.

2:05:35And so Xander's great because they shop so many different companies to get you the best rate. And a lot of them, you don't even need a medical exam. You can do it all online, which is awesome. And as your family grows, you guys, and your income grows. Winston, I just had to do this probably about two years ago. We looked up and we're like, oh my gosh, it's been a few years, you know, and our income has grown over time. So we got to make sure that we're matching, you know, that too. So you might get an extra policy for 10 years, There's a shorter time span. That's right. So y 'all look at, I mean, yeah, life insurance is one of the best ways to say I love you to your family.

2:06:04A lot of times because you have it through your employer, you go, well, I'm good. I have it through my employer. But that might be one to two times your income. You need 10 to 12 if you want to actually be able to live off of this and invest it and live off the growth. So get it done today. Let this be a sober reminder. Xander.com or you can call 800-356-4282. That puts this hour of The Ramsey Show in the books.

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