319: LIVE from Big Feastival with Zoe de Pass, aka Dress Like a Mum

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1:19Hello, scumbags. This is the Scummy Mummy's podcast. with your hosts Ellie Gibson and Helen Thorne.

1:32Hello, it's Ellie here. This is a very special episode of the Scummy Mummies podcast. We don't normally do live podcasts because we're lazy and I like being in my house. But we did go to Feastival this summer, which is the big food festival, music festival on Alex James's farm in the Cotswolds. And we had a brilliant time. We did our show. we did a podcast we saw Daniel Beddingfield who was amazing uh he really did get us through that we saw the Cuban brothers they were brilliant oh it was it was top we met Alex James who heard our show and said we were really funny and I had to apologize for taking the piss out of his cheese and it was just it was just a really good time uh strongly recommend uh for next summer but anyway we also as I say did this live podcast with our lovely friend Zoe De Pass who you might know off of the instagrams as dressed like a mum so we talk a little bit about fashion and mum clothes we talk about uh the amazing women's ski trips that she runs uh obviously there's some filth there's a lot of wee jokes there's some confessions you know it's it's it's the podcast isn't it but live so here you go hope you enjoy it cheers come on the scummy mommy's podcast Oh, my God.

2:42Oh, hi. Oh, hi. Thanks so much. Oh, it's just like TV. It is, isn't it? It's so slick. It's like Ant and Dec if they were old slags, isn't it? Exactly right. Welcome. But we're so thrilled to be back here. Who was at the show yesterday? Ooh. Welcome back. Welcome back. Has anyone had a shower in between these times? Yeah. Oh, well done you. So fresh. I can smell you from here. It's a lovely, it's a lovely aroma day three of a festival, isn't it, Ellie? Who's still wearing the same pants from yesterday? Yes. Good for you, brave lady. She thought more people were going to raise their hand, but she's in it now.

3:19There she is. She's just being eco. Oh, very good. That's right. That's right. Well, we're thrilled to be doing a live podcast today. Now, we've been doing the Scummy Mummies podcast for 12 years, Ellie. 12 years. We practically invented podcasting, people. So, yes, back in black and white days. But we're thrilled, actually, because we've got a special guest, haven't we, Ellie? Yes, we do. should we invite her to the stage now yes otherwise it'll be a very short podcast okay all right okay put your hands together everyone and welcome to the stage zoe depass

3:53well here she is here's your microphone thank you zoe depass aka dress like a mom should we sit down now that's that's fine i was doing a regal bow to zoe there because just before we came on stage seriously she looked me up and down and went are you gonna get changed and i said no is that what you're wearing on stage and i said yes and i said is that what you're wearing on stage like if kate middleton got married in a jd sport so there we go so we're very old friends it's fine it's okay that's how we're going now we're gonna we're gonna oh yes we're sort of doing sit down stand up anyway now look just to start things off i should actually introduce myself just in case people don't know i am helen thorne and this is ellie gibson hello hello and we're welcoming the lovely Zoe De Pass, who is also known on the internet.

4:41Internet? Internet. Instagram. All right, grandma. Information super high. On the web, Dress Like a Mum. Welcome, Zoe. Can you introduce yourself? What do you do? Hello, everybody. I'm Zoe. I have an Instagram account called Dress Like a Mum. I also do lots of events, and I also have a sunglasses company. Unbelievable. and you have some on you now lovely just there you go they're lovely sunglasses very useful for a sunny day like today oh that's what they're designed yes exactly great she's paying us to promote the sunglasses no let's not mention it again okay excellent excellent now i um we wanted to do a few different themes today because uh now zoe is dressed like a mum but we also want to do a bit of festival like a mum because there's a few mums in the festival arena today and then we thought we'd share some scummy mummy confessions so have a bit of a think in the audience we might come to you later but um I wanted to ask you and start uh Zoe about how Dress Like a Mum got started let's go back say 10 years ago now this was on when Instagram was having a moment wasn't it it was it was the beginning of Instagram about 10 years ago and I basically this really cool young woman spotted me and asked me if my baby was my baby and I said yes and she said you don't look like a mum and you don't even dress like a mum and then walked away and I was like excuse me and uh and so basically that was my thing like well I am a mum I do dress like a mum and so that's how I started to dress like a mum as a bit of a you know a bit of a thing now because I think um during that time it was still very much what was deemed the yummy mummies you know and that everyone had to be nice and there was a book called the the gina ford method and we're all losing out i know i know who remembers that oh we were all losing our minds right and i and this was before sort of you know reality parenting came and and there was a book called what to expect when you're expecting yeah and did anyone else read that going oh my baby's not crawling at five months and i'm a terrible person we had all these pressures and then there was this sort of explosion ellie and i were part of that with scummy mummies going it's really hard and sometimes really shit and um and and you were part of that sort of uh conversation that voice as well it was really fun And, yeah, it was about just reclaiming the reality of motherhood rather than, like you say, like the lies we were told of what we should wear, what we should be, what should we be doing.

7:29Like, we were like, hang on a minute, what? Yeah, we're still... Apparently mums are allowed to be mums and still have fun at the same time. And we can wear what we like. Yes, we can. That's it. Yeah, we can wear the same pants for 48 hours. Exactly, right. No one can stop us. even if we do have sick in our hair and we've got eye bags the size of bags for life but what was the sort of reaction from people because i think some some people are a bit scared about wearing something that they wouldn't normally do so what sort of what was the feedback overwhelmingly positive or judgy oh okay could we could you could you recount maybe a judgy well i just for fun you know people make assumption you know what she shouldn't be wearing a mini skirt now she's you know had a kid and then you know i think that was probably for more of an older generation and then you kind of chip away and then all the younger mums come up and suddenly they're like yeah well she's wearing a mini skirt why don't i wear a mini skirt and then it that was the positive side people were like seeing maybe my clothes and you you know are you guys having fun?

8:38And they were like, actually, I want to be in that mum gang. So it was positive. Yes, yes. And at the time, we started wearing gold catsuits on stage, didn't we, Ellie? Yes. So if you saw the show yesterday, you might have seen, we've got quite fancy sparkly suits now. But when we started out, we didn't have any money or taste. So we had these catsuits from Smithy's Joke Shop that were sort of baggy around the boobs, but then too tight. Don't nod. No, you gave me one. You gave me one. Oh, right. And it had a zip all the way from the neck, all the way down the back. Who knows what that is for? And I remember asking you where it was from.

9:15Do you remember what you said? What did I say? China. China, yes. That is where they come from. Yeah, they all take six weeks to arrive, but it's worth the wait. But I remember when we started wearing these gold catsuits 12 years ago, because we just thought it was funny. I was like, what should we wear on stage? Helen was like, gold catsuit? I was like, yeah, that's funny. and then we started in the show and people kept coming up just going you're so brave oh my god i could never wear that oh we we just thought it was funny we actually thought we looked quite good we did we we didn't but thank you thank you for saying so and we always used to say people say oh you know you've got so much courage to wear such tight clothes but we said we just don't lack any we lack shame yes that's that's that's what it was um but what would how would you describe the feeling i guess of wearing something you really love because it can be transformative like you can put on something go oh god i feel awful but just having one change can make you you know walk a bit taller yeah i think if you like your outfit you're gonna have a better day i mean that's why i feel i want what yeah you must be having a great day today zoe this day's got a lot of potential i tell you with this dress now for those of you who came to the show yesterday You may have seen we had a few props from mum past.

10:34And what we thought we would do today is get Zoe to give a bit of feedback on, I guess, the mum wear from our past as well. So I thought maybe we should go through that now. Like a little dress-up box going back in time. And give us a cheer if you've had one of these items. Now, I'm going to start with this because this is the classic. This is, everybody, a Breton Top. Yes. Yes, as we always say, you are not a real mum until you are dressed as a fisherman. Yes. That is the uniform, isn't it, of the new mum? Have we got any uniformed officers with us today? Yes, yes. Hello, our people. She's gone with a bold stripe.

11:14Yeah, that's very nice for the summer. Change it up. Yes, very good. Yes. We might have to have a group photo at the end with the Breton Brigade. Yes. I mean, it's not so much an outfit as a cry for help, Helen. It is, it is. I used to like going because who did anyone do NCT here is anyone still friends with their NCT are you just the two of you because that's what happens isn't it with the NCT you start off with about seven or eight and then you hive off the weaker ones yes the ones who can't come to the pub because Tobias has his nap at three that's right and it just ends up with two of you who actually do like each other well done Nance good bye that's it Sophie has left the WhatsApp group yes so the the breton top was really like the symbol of new mum wasn't it you it was almost you most it was almost part of the placenta that you gave birth um and helen and i wore them didn't we this is one of our actual top this is my judging it no absolutely not are you judging it zoe a little bit all right let's let's get dressed like our mum's thoughts on the breton top I mean it is a classic yeah and it do you know what it's you could probably do it now less people are wearing them but at one time it was rife like it was literally one big stripe across the coffee shop wasn't it yes you'd often see women clustered in Costa yeah with Brit on tops and just a lot of Muslim squares yes and muffins yes just crying and leaking yes yes I would actually argue that the same as recently happened to leopard print sadly oh yes look look we're basically looking at the serengeti it's like the lion king it's like the circle of wife it is can you hear the muff tonight yeah well i just can't wait to be thin i'm going on the injections yeah but this was definitely um i do think i had one i actually teamed it with dungarees which are also quite popular yes because we did we have had the lucy and yak phenomenon haven't we the the dungaree era as well yeah which are good actually because what were you saying we were talking about dungarees backstage they're very good for the what did you describe well i said they avoid mum bum because yeah which is kind of like builder's bum but it's what mums get when they bend down to help their child and you can see their bum yeah the old bike rack yes but not You're not allowed to wear dungarees anymore, Helen, are you?

13:45Why is that? I had a lot of toileting accidents. Give us a cheer if you've had a toileting accident in a dungaree. Oh, yeah. Or maybe a jumpsuit. Yes, yes. So years ago, we did a podcast with Tess Daly. Obviously not saying you're not an enormous deal, Zoe, but obviously Tess Daly. Things have changed since then, Ellie. She's actually on primetime television, isn't she? She's quite famous. And it was very exciting, wasn't it? We went to a posh restaurant to do it. Yes. And you wore? I wore a denim jumpsuit with a long sleeve. And it took me a little while to get out of it. And, you know, I was nervous.

14:21You know, it's, you know, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's what Chastely sings when she comes into every room. Yes, yes, it is. We were told by her management to do that. And anyway, I was a little flustered. I was a little flustered. I thought, no, pre-wee, pre-wee, you're in a jumpsuit, you idiot. Anyway, so I took it off and got on change, hurried. and I realised that one of the sleeves had entered the toilet bowl. The toilet, don't worry. The toilet bowl. The toilet. The toilet bowl. Everyone calm down. Not anywhere else. Yeah, no. Okay, sorry Ellie. Family friendly. Why am I like this? Why am I like this?

14:53Anyway, so I urinated all over my own sleeve before I met a celebrity. Yes. Anyone else? Anyone pooped themselves before they met Claudia Winkleman? No? No. Just me. I'll carry that flame for you all. anyway so i had to wash my sleeve and only partially dried it which was nice yes so when she came out i noticed that she had this big damp patch on her arm because i know her and i knew exactly what had happened but i chose not to share that information with tess daily but she's here tonight yes that would be good she'll never forget she'll never forget so this this is now can would you say it's still a thing the briton stripe let's claim it let's own it i think so why not it's a bit of a wardrobe staple isn't it and you can get really good good versions of it now i think it's less yeah i think they're all right all right let's bring us with leopard print i was wearing leopard print yes it's a neutral no i love leopard print leopard print is a neutral but i feel like now everyone likes leopard print you've got a danger of turning up and everyone's wearing leopard print well it's you know it's again it's nice it's like being in the jungle or something it's nice i'm gonna i'm gonna go with um uh another item that it's very popular right now and you'll see this i guess in in festivals uh cold water swimmers it's the dry road everyone now now this again this is a staple this is a staple of the the modern mom and it has to be that anyone else got this this yes yes again all down the front up the back hello our people Now, this is a podcast that's going to go out, so I'm going to describe it.

16:28It's like a camouflaged plastic bag with a hot pink in a fleece. And people wear it everywhere, don't they, Zoe? Zoe's from Brighton and it's absolutely... Rife. Yes, it's rife. I saw 18 the other day just walking down the boulevard. Yeah. I mean, they're not for me, I have to say, especially this colourway. Yes. I do have a dry robe from a different brand, and it's nicer and a bit less plasticky. Yes. And they do have a place. You know, you come out the sea, you've been surfing, great, keep you warm, whatever, but not on the school run. Have people not heard of towels? That's what I'm saying.

17:08What's wrong with a good old-fashioned towel? I know, I know. But, yeah, I know. With pyjamas. That's a lovely, lovely look, actually. Give us a cheer if you've done the school run in your pyjamas. Oh, come on. Come on. Come on. Of course you have. I know another one. Give us a cheer if you've done the school rung hungover. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there we are. That's a good read of the crowd, yes. Pyjamas, no. Smelling a Prosecco, yes. Okay. No, we love wearing the dry rub. We wear it in our show, and we like to say it's good for a variety of reasons, isn't it, Ellie? That's right. Yes, you can wear it to a wedding and double as a marquee.

17:52It's very good for shoplifting. Enormous pockets. So if you're into that. Yes, and you can wear it on a smear test, which is lovely. So that's great. Should we dip in a little further into the archives? Now, I wanted Zoe's thoughts on this. Now, this is a lovely flesh-coloured maternity bra. Now, this is a lovely item. It's so simple. You say flesh-coloured, but again, as we always say, flesh-coloured, I mean, there's lots of shades of flesh that are nothing like this colour, and no one's got flesh the colour of rancid hummus. So flesh coloured is a misnomer, isn't it? Yes, and often the bra, who wore their maternity bra way after they stopped breastfeeding or had a small baby?

18:33Yes. Yes, yeah, anyone wearing one now? They're marvellous, aren't they, Ellie? Yeah, especially if you just want to let one out to have a breathe, you know, if you get a bit hot in the summer months, very good for that. It's good for intimate times as well. Just get one out. Yeah, keep the other one nice and warm in the winter. It's very handy. Yeah. It's wonderful too. And very sexy. The next item, it's mum's little friend, is the chub rub short, everyone. Yes. Again, I can see a few from here. I can see right up your gusset. That's lovely. Sorry. Have you just taken these off? I've just taken these off.

19:11Yes, yes, yes. Sorry. They're a little damp. now you do it, you touch it yes, they're lovely now these have been a phenomenon because beforehand you couldn't wear if you had, has anyone got thighs that touch each other? Yes we all do, we're all women, we're all men and I used to say if I didn't wear a chub rub skirt it was like having a hoover in my minge, it was I would wear a skirt and it just gets sucked up there so it looked like Laura Ashley curtains it was terrible yes i know i i leave the house in culottes come home looking like i was wearing a fat nappy anyway lost a pair i lost a maxi dress one year still can't find it anyway back to you zoe is this the sort of underwear you're wearing today no no well you've got hot pants on what do you do you think is the underwear an important part of your sort of your outfit or do you like do you like a comfy pant like us real people i like a comfy pant of course yeah yeah but i also like a fun bra so my favorite bra i don't have it on today actually is bright pink and sequins oh very sometimes i wear it if i've got a really boring t-shirt i just wear it and know that it's there and other times um i wear it when you might see see you know if you've got like a vest top or something yeah you might get a flash of a bra little sparkly tits it's nice to have like a sparkly tit yeah yeah so rules for life listen up kids um yeah so we've got we've got those now as a contrast as a contrast i want to go back to pants of our past right now zoe wasn't at the show yesterday so i'm gonna blow her mind with this pair of knickers what about this kind of thing oh oh wow now for the listener at home this is a uh sort of red mesh thong with a diamante detail at the back a little diamante tea is anyone wearing one of these now yeah yes yes yes good on you good on you sir good for you sir it's a well done do you do what you like you do you yes do her later those are awful absolutely awful zoe says no that would be my worst nightmare Because it comes with risk, doesn't it, wearing a thong?

21:31Risk. It can cut you many ways. I don't know. Is this sexy? People who like women, is that sexy? Not in my world. Look, this one, diamonds even come off, which will leave a bit of spiky metal. Look, can you see that? Yes, it's a bit of a health hazard, isn't it? I wonder where that's gone. Yeah. Over wearing it. It's like a floss for your downstairs, isn't it? A little hammock. I've never got on with thongs. I can't be doing with it. No, no. I think when you become older, you need support. You need it all held in. Yeah. Or held in if you're speaking Queen's English. Yes. Now, this was very much pants of our past, right?

22:15And you would almost wear that so it would come off later, I think. It was meant to lure people in. Especially, again, as you said, like the mum bum. The mum bum, yeah. When you bent over, yes. Yeah, with those skinny jeans. skinny jeans and you bend over now speaking of skinny jeans i've got i've got some from my past now these these are a wonder now i don't know if they're big with the young the young kids now in back in our day in the 90s the low cut jean was a was a thing of beauty christina aguilera would have worn those do you remember you almost had to shave everything off just to put them on yes lie down on the floor lie down on the floor and like hook yourself in that's it now these these These were unflashy.

22:54And the boot cut. Does anyone remember the boot cut? Again, why would you want to emphasize the skinniest, you know, like make that wider when that's the skinniest bit of your leg? Everyone loves a fat ankle, Helen. That's what we want. That's right. Look like a dumbbell, as you say, Ellie. Yes. Now, finally, we've got one more item in the dress-up box. Now, we did an Instagram post about this a week ago. About six years ago, there was one Zara dress that took the women of England by storm. Now, I'm going to bring up... Ellie and I have got one each, actually. Who remembers this? Yeah. Would you model this for us, please?

23:33Go on, put it on, Zoe. Yes, dress like a mum from... Do you remember this dress? Who had one of these dresses? Anyone here? I'll hold your microphone. There you go. Pop that on, Zoe. Now, it's got a Velcro, so you can just slip it over the top. Yes. Now, they're a very flattering dress. I didn't understand why this took off. It flatters no one. No. It's like 101 Dalmatians maternity wear. I don't understand it at all. What do we think? No. No. No. Yeah, thumbs down. It's sort of like an enthusiastic art teacher, isn't it? No, I'd like you to wear it for the rest of the podcast, please, though.

24:11So people can take pictures. Yes, exactly right. Fashion icons very de passe. Yes, yes. Taking the mick out of my Royal Tenenbaums outfit. That's right. Okay. All right. So we've done fashion. Now, we wanted to move into festival and festival wear because Zoe's a high-call festival goer. She's done Glasserbury, all of the other ones. Yeah. And we wanted to get your top tips for enjoying festivals. Okay. So go. What would you say? Are we talking festival fashion? Festival fashion, exactly. I think the great thing about festival fashion is you can actually wear what the hell you like. So if you do want to dress up as a banana or the Royal Tenenbaums or Princess, what am I?

24:54Kate Middleton. After a few pills, yeah. Great. You can do that. So yeah, that's why I like it so much because there's no rules. Or you could just wear anything. Your tracksuit, your shorts, whatever you want to wear. No one's judging you. No, or you could wear dirty trainers and some uniclo jeans. Exactly. Just own it. Just own it. And only one person judges you for that. That would be you. That's exactly right. And in terms of festivals, have you got any top tips about what you should keep in your backpack? Because often we get into situations like, you know, it's mucky, it's dirty. Have you got some surefire things that you would take to a festival every time?

25:36So there's two things I would take to a festival, and that is a frozen box of rosé wine. Ooh. so the night before I go I freeze the rosé and I bring that to the festival with a reusable metal cup oh very good so that's like a non-negotiable that's what I always do yeah and what else do you want to know? any other any other like cleaning tips just rosé just rosé just drink through it that's all you need bring enough bags of those you don't need any you don't need a sleeping bag you don't need underwear you can inflate it at the end like a pillow exactly clean it's so useful a box of wine yeah box of wine now another thing that zoe is excellent at is um organizing events and uh she has been running for the last few years a thing called women who ski can you tell us about that has anyone in the crowd been to one of these these things so you tell us tell us about okay so um i set up women who ski because i really really really like snowboarding and i didn't have any friends that were as good as snowboarding or really up for it as as i was so i was like right i need and also you know i didn't even though my husband's over there i didn't always want to go with the family it's quite expensive it's just easier if i go alone yeah yeah yeah much easier for everyone don't worry i'll do it myself yeah i'll do it myself so i was like there must be other women out there who want to try skiing like skiing you know want to be you know on a kind of ski retreat but you know the boozy kind and uh so i thought oh well i'll see if anyone wants to come and now loads of people want to come and i do i do it with a friend who lives out or used to live out in austria and we do two trips a year like they usually sell out and they're like 34 women in january and like 24 in march and they are very very fun yes ellie and i went on one and and and the the the clues in the title isn't it it's women who ski and zoe said come come come come come and we said we don't like skiing because we don't want to break our knee yes and um skiing is very dangerous and expensive why would anyone do it that's what we said so ellie and i went and we didn't ski at all what we did do was apres ski the whole time.

27:53Yeah. Yes. Highly recommended. There wasn't any Prey, just that Prey. Just that Prey. So we really enjoyed the drinking element and also... We went on a hike. We did go on a hike. We did snow walking. Yes. And then we also did, we also went to a spa. Now, I didn't realise this, but in Austria and in other well-known European countries, when you go to a spa, you don't wear any swimmers, do you, Ellie? I don't wear anything at all. No, I don't wear any swimmers. Not even a fig leaf, nothing. No, no. And it's mixed. It's both genders, isn't it? Yes. So I was very excited. And I was like, brilliant.

28:31Let's go and look at all the willies. And you were like quite unwell. I was unwell. I'm not, you know, you do you. If you want to be naked, I'm fine. But I got a, I had to see a physio about my neck afterwards because I was looking at the ceiling the entire time. Even when it was just me and Helen in a sauna on our own and I'd be chatting to her and she'd be like, yeah, I think we should do that gig. But if they give us an 80-20 split and I'd be like, we've shared a dressing room for 10 years. You've seen these before. No, no, it's all wrong. It's all wrong. Anyway, but anyway, so we did it. We did naked sorter and that was all fine.

29:09It was fine. I was absolutely okay with it. It's very cultural. Anyway, and so the women would go off and do their skiing and probably break their knees and we'd go and meet them afterwards. Anyway, so one particular evening we met them at this, what was it called, the restaurant with the massive wine bottles. Oh, the hotest best. Yes, and it had a slide that went down to the loos. It was all hilarious. Anyway, we were about 18 drinks in and then one of the women in their group said, oh, I've got to do a calendar, like a calendar girl's calendar. I'm going to do a naked photo shoot out in the snow.

29:46And I was like, yes, more nudity. great so all these women went out and we all all were naked and for some reason people started coming out and taking photos of us yeah i mean you did do it in so it was it was a friend of mine and she was for charity and she was like january or something so she said i need to do this photo can i borrow your snowboard and so she kind of stood by my snowboard and like was naked behind the snowboard to get the photo for this calendar to raise money for charity then actually what happened is you two were like well let's should we do that as well like for no reason apart from the 18 drinks and it would be funny i was like oh god okay here we go and i distinctly remember you i had your pants because you couldn't stand on the show you were literally naked i was bent down on the floor holding the clothes holding the snowball taking the photos i was like how is this happening then these other girls were like well that looks fun let's get our tits out meanwhile these this was in front of these apartments these ski apartments full of guys and they were like what the actual is going on here i said all these balconies everyone started coming out i was holding all these clothes there's about five ten naked women in the snow i was like oh my god this is really escalated did we make and you think you thought when you came up with this idea i know i'll just get some mums together and empower them to do sport that's feminism it was i don't know and then what was happening is my phone at the time was connected to my daughter's ipad and she said mommy why is there all these naked photos with your friends i was like oh that wasn't my fault that was yeah that was well escalated quickly it was yes and And then later on that night we had an after party because we really hadn't had enough alcohol.

31:41And so part of the show, the Scummy Mummy show years ago, is that Ellie and I used to do the Dirty Dancing Lift. So we thought, that's a great idea to do at 1am. So we put the song, I've Had the Time of My Life, on. And I'm Patrick Swayze and Ellie's Jennifer Garner. What's her name? Jennifer Grey, thank you. Can I just, before this, because I was sharing a room with you, before this happened, I noticed this huge bin bag in the bottom of our wardrobe with like some white fluff poking out of it. And I was like, what's that? And you were like, oh, nothing, nothing. We'll tell you later. But to do this lift, you did get dressed.

32:24Yes, we did. And to get dressed, you bought, you know, on an aeroplane, a massive bag of costumes. We did. We had some, like, mesh with diamante and then some fluffy things. And we thought, oh, no, we'll just blend into the background. Just bring that on the ski trip in case. Yes. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we'd all been having a few beverages and then we decided to do the lift and the music came on and Ellie said, no, I need to go to the loo. I need to go to the loo. I said, no, you'll be fine. You'll be fine. See, it wasn't my fault. It was not my fault. Would you like to finish the story, Ellie?

33:02Well, yeah, as we've done hundreds of times, Helen lifted me onto her shoulder, and her shoulder blade was pressing directly onto my bladder. And what happened from your perspective? So I was spinning Ellie around in a circle of women, right, going, whee! And what happened was Ellie, I had managed, like popping a balloon, I had managed to burst Ellie's bladder and she urinated all over me in a Diamante cat suit. And she's like, I'm weird. It's not a woman like I did, it just sort of oozed out in me. Yes, it was like this warm, I was like, why is it suddenly warm on that left shoulder? And we spun around and it was almost like a sprinkler.

33:46No, it wasn't like a sprinkler system. It was a bit like a sprinkler. The other women were very, very, they were very entertained. And everyone knew, like there was no hiding it. the catsuits were c3 white netting not unlike this actually so there was no and i was like i don't know i've never been in this situation but how do i get out of this situation with dignity yeah so you put me down and i just went and then i just there was french doors and i just backed away out of the doors and then closed them uh and then came back in a different outfit so yes i thought that was the best way to handle it yes thank you it was so funny it was amazing and i I took the catsuits home in the bin bag and I did wash them in my bath so you didn't have to touch them again.

34:29True friends, true friends. But we were talking to Zoe before and we said, had there been any other fantastic incidences on Women Who Ski? And you said there was one or two fantastic incidences. Oh yeah, there's always. Because what happens on tour when mums get away together? Yeah, lots of funny things happen. And one time this girl met this guy in the afternoon at Brayski and then had arranged to meet him on a date. Anyway. Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden or maybe on the golf course can leave you more depleted than you realize.

35:12And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you. Here's a tip for you. There's a podcast out there with fans waiting to be your next customer. They tune in every week. They trust the host, and that host wants to talk about brands like yours in their own words to their audience.

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36:39Like, oh, my God. Anyway, then one of the chaperones started talking to this guy and it turned out this guy had a wife. I think he was Danish. Anyway, whatever. Yeah, he won't do that again because then he had the wrath of 30 chaperones going, you absolute dickhead. Yeah, it was awful. And when are your skiing holidays on next? Are they in next year? They're about to go on sale 11th of January. So it's a Sunday to a Thursday. So if you'd like to urinate on your friend or get off with a married man. So his husband's just sipping his water going, I didn't know any of these stories. This is news to me.

37:21Oh, wonderful. You have your fun with your work. Now, we've shared a few Scummy Mummy confessions. Now, yesterday we had a bumper crop of Scummy Mummy confessions from you guys. And we had brought along, we didn't have enough time to actually share some. So we thought we would share a couple of the ones from yesterday. Do you want to start, Ellie? You've got a couple, Zoe. Oh, that's good. My 10-year-old daughter took my neck massager on a play date with a single dad. Nice. Well, I get very sore, those necks, don't they, ladies? Yes. Work the kinks out sometimes. I have... Just a short one. A short one.

38:01And her toddler had my vape. Oh. There's a story there. Yes, exactly. i've got one saying using kids as mules to sneak alcohol into festival oh who's who would do such a thing who would do that i'm telling alex james he's gonna throw parmesan at you on the way out uh oh this one signed bad dad left to look after three-year-old and cousin my wife returned home to find peace and quiet i explained the children were upstairs playing quietly she went up to find them trying to light matches from the full box they had found that is quite a bad dad isn't it that is really awful parenting this one's a similar one um i let the sun take charge of lighting the gas barbecue but didn't realize the gas was on until i heard a big fireball which nearly took his face off luckily it only cinched his hair that's nice so lovely story with a happy ending nick the dad yes good oh this is a running one uh don't know if you know this of when Helen runs a lot of marathons.

39:07She doesn't like to talk about it. No. Nobody does if they're a marathon runner or a cold water swimmer, I found. Just do it for personal development. It's not about sharing. That's right. If you don't share it, it didn't happen, Ellie. That's right. My mum... Oh, it's from a child, this one. My mum ran the Cyprus Marathon, needed a poo at mile 18, realised there was no loo roll and had to use the inner of her sports bra to wipe her bottom. Oh, my mum, Kylie Walls. That is Kylie Walls. Please embarrass her. Oh, that happened to me, actually, Ellie. You wiped Kylie Walls' bottom with the inner lung of your bra?

39:51No, because often I've run a few marathons, ten. I'm actually running Sydney Marathon next Sunday. Shush, shush, shush. No, don't. Stop, no. It's my seventh world major. Don't worry. No, no, it's okay. Oh, yeah. You have to drag it out of her, don't you? She's just so humble. It's hard for me to talk about. Anyway, I was halfway through the London Marathon, and I went, oh, no. Oh, it's coming. It's coming. And I am not proud of this. What's that movement? I pushed people out of the way in the toilet queue because I was going to poo my pants. Anyway, and I got there, and there was no loo roll, but I did have my sweatband, and I used that, and I flushed it, which I know it's not, right but it's you know it's not okay it's not okay either it's not okay but sometimes you just got to improvise i mean there's probably people here who've used all sorts of things to wipe their bums but anyway i'll stop talking because i i feel like i'm it's all going wrong i can read this one yes naively allowed my 14 year old to go to a six farmers party oh a farmer's party oh we are on a farm aren't we yeah no one's saying their teenagers go to six farmers parties are they that's weird he got really drunk and had to spend a hungover sunday at school duke of edinburgh throwing up oh let that be a lesson to you that's not what prince philip wanted no he didn't set up that award for that sort of nonsense exactly right terrible man anyway yes anymore i i've oh i've got one more mine said my 14 year old brother drank a gold straight of gin whilst traveling to my fest to the festival because he thought it was water oh that exact thing happened to me did it yes yeah my ask yeah he basically we had a you know we decanted the gin into a water bottle yeah he took a swig of it and kind of spat it out and we were like oh that wasn't water and anyway he had a nap for about three hours and then literally still to this day this happened about five years ago, six years ago, still to this day, he goes, is this water?

42:02Before he drinks any bottle. Oh, marvellous. Poor kid. Oh, well, it's a hard lesson but a good lesson, Zoe. Well, yeah, yeah, can't trust water bottles. I once, when I was 14, this is a bit unsavoury, but I was at a party and they were passing around vodka and I thought, oh, I'll have some, and I was 16 and I didn't know what was in there and it was a hidden sort of bottle and I took a swig and the boy said, oh, no, that's not vodka, that's my piss. Oh, God, that's awful. I know, I know. Again, I learned a lesson that day as well. Yeah, it doesn't taste like vodka at all. No. Unpleasant. I wouldn't recommend again.

42:43No, no. Put some Malibu and some Coke in it. Yes, exactly right. I've got a confession. You've got a confession. All right. And I'm going to blame you for this because your show, so we were at um camp festival yeah and other festivals are available uh i and i'd seen your show that morning and someone confessed to peeing in their kids potty in their tent and i was like anyway i got back to the tent firstly in the middle of the night and i was like oh i need a wee and there's a potty i'll do what that woman did and just pee in the potty great do have to get out the tent anyway what i haven't accounted for was uh two-year-olds pee is different to a late 30 year old been drinking all day's pee in terms of volume in terms of volume yes and obviously we were camping on a hill and i started this pee and i was like this is this is this is not good so then i had to kind of get myself out of the tent and the potty on the tent and the pee was just pouring over it and i thought of that woman in your show and i was like that that was a bad, bad idea.

43:46No, that was it. That wasn't good. Because what should you do? If you need to pee in a tent, you pee in a nappy, don't you, people? I don't think that would work either. But now you know. Now I know. Do a pampers size 6? Holds a lot. It really does. You don't even have to get out of your sleeping bag. It's lovely. What? It's very practical. I mean, maybe. A lot of piss based material to me. Just realise. I feel quite Sorry, I'm well. Yeah, sorry. I've got a confession. Now, this is not so much parenting, but I don't know if I've ever mentioned this publicly, but I got divorced. And I know, I know, I don't like to mention that, but I found love again and with a very nice Spanish man.

44:32And I've been trying to learn how to speak Spanish. And I don't know if you know this about Australians. So we can only speak one language and we only have one accent. So I've been trying, I've been doing Duolingo and all that sort of stuff. So anyway, it was coming up to our one-year anniversary, and I thought I want to say something. I want to say something really special to him. So I thought, I know, I'll say in Spanish a year of love, which is un año de amor. But in Spanish, ano and año are two different words. so ano ano a year a year uh is uh with the end with a little wiggle so that's ano so year but ano is anus and um so instead of saying to my my beautiful spanish man i a year of love a year of love you know to celebrate i said for you an anus of love um in some cultures that's worth a lot more i think so and we're still together two years later so there you go there you go so that's my confession there an anus of love yes beautiful i had almost the same thing just the other week so i um learned italian in the lockdown because i'm one of those people uh again don't really like to talk about it very humble um but i learned italian and i became friends of my italian teacher because we did it over zoom and she lives in rome and i went to see her this summer and we it was i had a lovely time and her mom gave me a load of figs from the garden and then uh i took the figs back and i sent her a whatsapp saying thank you so much i really enjoyed eating your mother's figs and then she explained to me that the plural uh that i thought i was using means something quite different in italian um and i i mean it's a metaphor you can it's a family friendly show so let's just imagine what the metaphor is but i said i really enjoyed eating your mother's metaphor and so we've all we've all learned something about the latin languages this holiday yes we have very much so very much so well we have almost come to the end of the podcast actually um and um i would like to thank everyone for coming but also thank you thank you zoe to pass for being a wonderful guest today thank you for having me and um and thank you for coming to the show everybody yesterday and i just wanted to say a big um big thank you for people who've listened to the podcast for the last 12 years for the last we do it it comes out every fortnight doesn't it ellie yes it does yes it'll still keep going out until we get sick of each other well i've edited 312 episodes of it now so i might be close

47:12but yes it comes out and we're doing a talk we're coming if you're local we're coming to Chipping Norton in December? In December. We're doing our Scummy Mummy Christmas show. So we'll be having two nights at the lovely Chipping Norton Theatre. And we're going to Wimborne. Is that anywhere near here? No, it's in Dorset. No, good, good, good. I don't know much about geography. Aberdeen, is that? Belfast. We are going to Belfast. Yes. Yes. So we'll be on tour. But anyway, I think that's about it. But we want to say thank you for joining us here today. And have an amazing festival. Thank you. Thank you.

48:13Thank you follow me right everyone join in for the scummy mummies podcast

48:27yes no oh god oh that's lovely what a lovely professional start there we go should we should we come back on again let's do that again start clapping again start clapping come on come on the scummy mummies podcast oh my god

48:45Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden or maybe on the golf course can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

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