


24 Feb 2026 · 31m · 18 chapters

Scummy Mummies “Confessions special” with the hosts reading audience-submitted, often sexual, chaotic parenting and life stories; includes “knee news” update and tour/ticket plugs.
No named guests; only audience members’ anonymous confessions. Hosts Ellie Gibson and Helen Thorne.
a cleaner; a teacher mum; a sonographer; a dentist patient; a mum on a girls’ trip in Greece; a woman whose husband fixes Sky TV; a woman with a neurodivergent child; multiple parents at schools/sports/assemblies; a gynaecology patient.
confessions are the “best of the best” from recent shows; “knee news” says Ellie’s kneecap/tendon issues are mostly improving after a second operation; audience voting prizes drive participation.
blamed a patio incident on a cat; used a lint roller after epilating; vodka in water bottles for kids at Bear Grylls Fest; hid a condom in suit of armour; “fizzy knickers” after a gynae visit; peed myself walking home from a concert; ADHD pills to finish chores; hoover suctioned a testicle; shagged the Sky engineer for free broadband.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes.
Ellie and Helen discuss the importance of audience confessions in their shows.
“a while since we did a confessions special and in the last few months helen we have had some amazing confessions at our shows.”
The hosts read out a humorous confession about a mishap after a night out.
A confession about an innovative hair removal technique with a lint roller.
“You know, it's the zzzz and then just a gentle lint roll across the bedspread.”
The hosts share a funny confession from a cleaner about unexpected finds.
“Don't just epilate in the bathroom or something.”
A humorous confession about sneaking vodka into a family event.
“Yeah, no, I'm not looking at the thing that you left in the bath.”
The hosts read a cheeky confession involving a quickie and a suit of armor.
“Now, this one is saucy and a little bit weird, which is probably my favourite kind of confession, Helena, for my life.”
A confession about a romantic mishap during Valentine's Day celebrations.
An intricate confession about a shocking family memory involving a father-in-law.
“Teacher mums going on a bubbly brunch, drinking vinegar tasting white wine and eating chocolate cake.”
Ellie shares a personal update about her knee surgery experience.
“I don't know how to help you, but thank you for sharing.”
The hosts discuss hilarious confessions involving romantic liaisons with TV engineers.
“But there's been movement, mainly of my kneecap, but also in an upward trajectory in terms of healing.”
Explore humorous tales of unexpected romantic encounters with tradespeople.
“after I shagged the guy who came to install it.”
Hear funny confessions about holiday mishaps and awkward situations.
“Again, a lot of holiday-based ones we get.”
Delve into absurd scenarios involving grooming and medical appointments.
“So if shaving bum holes is part of your sex play, good for you.”
Laugh along with outrageous parenting stories and the chaos of everyday life.
“We used to have a thing called the duck chair because it had a picture of a duck on it.”
Listen to wild confessions showcasing unapologetic life choices and their consequences.
“One day I got back from the school run and I realised there was a bra and three pairs of knickers still hanging from the buggy.”
Reflect on the ongoing tour and the evolution of the podcast's themes.
“So these are all from our Hot Mess tour.”
Learn about unique confessions shared during a comedy tour focused on midlife and parenting.
“And I think, like you said, Ellie, this tour, because this show is more about kind of midlife, friendship, being a bit slaggy, you know, having teenagers.”
Join a discussion about the joy of sharing confessions and excitement for future shows.
“What a bumper crop of Scummy Mummy Confessions.”

Get the gist, explore an idea or ask about something said.
On The Scummy Mummies Podcast, what are the key points of this episode?
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.
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1:05Ellie Gibson: hello scumbags this is the scummy mummies podcast with your hosts ellie gibson and helen thorne
1:19Ellie Gibson: hello and welcome to the scummy mummies podcast it's not madge bishop from neighbours hello hello everybody it's it's me ellie gibson with a sore throat oh and it's me uh helen thorne without a sore throat but sitting very closely next to you in a delightful premier inn in northampton yes what i like is that you've got to record your audiobook next week yeah so we already have the pre-guilts about what if i give you this sore throat which i actually got off my son uh just in time so i'm sorry if that happens in advance i'm trying really hard not to breathe on you no no no i i think i'll be fine you know i'm fit as a malleable i'm i'm strong as an ox i think just do the whole book as mariella frost drop anyway yes yes also with technology these days they'll run it through a software that's it they'll put it in ai they will they will it'll come out sounding like jan leeming that's a lovely contemporary reference for the kids exactly now ai should be able to do it anyway but it won't be the same won't be the same won't give the same warmth yeah or as many mistakes anyway warmth and mistakes that's what we should call our next show the mistakes that's our alter egos yeah um yes welcome in listener thank you for joining us it's just the two of us today not no guest because we thought you know what it's been a while since we did a confessions special and in the last few months helen we have had some amazing confessions at our shows.
2:46Ellie Gibson: Unbelievably good. Like, you know, I can't even... Well, I'm so excited about reading them. We just did a pre-skim, didn't we? Yeah. Oh, we were falling off our chairs. For some reason, everyone's just upped their game in the audience. They are things we have never thought of or heard of before. If you haven't heard our confessions episode before, or if you haven't been to one of our shows, what happens is we give everybody at the shows a card and a pen, and we ask them to write down a Scummy Mummy confession, and then at the end of the show we read out like the five or six best ones and we give up we get the audience to vote on which is the best quite often the filthiest let's be honest yeah and then they win a prize so that could be you listener by the way obviously if you come to our show scummy mummies.com but should we just crack on oh my god i'm sort of almost well i'm over excited because it's sort of these are the best of the best yeah the best the best this is like the you know we choose the sort of five or six best on the night out of you know hundreds and then these are like the top top so yeah so we save the best ones in a big carrier bag which we're opening for you now so let's begin i'm sure look these are just randomly assigned i'll just give you a stack yeah there like we're cutting a pack of cards that's the cards that no one yes yeah i know yeah okay all right here we go okay this one i'm gonna start i'm gonna come in strong helen i'm going in your strong go this is from a couple of months ago um it's short and sweet it's one sentence but it tells such a story you ready yeah i shit myself following a mum's night out on my patio and blamed it on the cat so good succinct i love the ones that tell a long story over paragraphs i also love the ones that just a vignette yeah almost a haiku just paint a picture like there's questions there but there's something beautiful about the simplicity of that helen incredible and so close to home yes so just so close so near oh so near and i love that yeah she just did it and then i want to know who but i sort of don't i sort of like the mystery of who spotted it who did she tell it was a cat let's maybe let's let some things some questions are better left unanswered yeah yeah yeah but oh no no it's 10 out of 10 10 out of 10 10 now i'm going to start um in a different sort of genre this one is today i epilated my legs on my bed and I used a lint roller to collect the hair.
5:06Amazing. Amazing. Bit of a life hack as well.
5:09Ellie Gibson: Thank you, Stacey Solomon. I think she liked that. Yes, that's really good. And again, beautiful sort of imagery. Yeah. You know, it's the zzzz and then just a gentle lint roll across the bedspread. Yeah, keep it tidy, keep it nice. Yes, yes. Don't just epilate in the bathroom or something. No. Just do it. Yeah, no, it's fine. This one is from a cleaner. Now, we've had some amazing confessions from cleaners. they really they really have tales to tell one of my cleaning customers asked me to find her apple watch she had lost in her bedroom instead i found her dildo and vibrator collection and i was impressed do you think the dildos and vibrators sync up with her apple watch yeah do you think everything's just vibrating oh my god um i've got a dear friend we both have a dear friend called nicola who who worked as a cleaner and she said all the things i've seen oh yeah the things She's seen in your fucking house.
6:04Oh, that is true. The times I've kind of gone, oh, just don't look at the thing that I left with there. And she'd be like, of course. Yeah, no, I'm not looking at the thing that you left in the bath.
6:13Ellie Gibson: No. No, no. And then she'd come around to my house and tell me about it. It's a good time. It's a good time. Miss you, Nicola. We love you. We love you, Nicola. Oh, dear. Sorry, you'll go. Oh, yeah. Took my 10-year-old to Bear Grylls Fest. Kids were allowed bottled water to bring in, but parents had to buy drinks. So me and my friend filled up the water bottles with vodka and made the kids use the water fountains. That's just eco. That's eco. I would say survival skills. Again, another life hack. That's that's frugal. Martin Lewis would like that. Yeah, he did. For that. Yeah. OK. Now, this one is saucy and a little bit weird, which is probably my favourite kind of confession, Helena, for my life.
6:55Ellie Gibson: It's the sort of woman that comes to our show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. at a social event with a boyfriend found a quiet corridor for a quickie nowhere to put the condom put it inside a suit of armor on the landing it's probably still there what what is going on wow just i mean whoa again so make this shit up make this shit up man you can't make that up every time I walk past a suit of armour now I think of that story is there a Johnny in there could be could be more it'd be who knows um I conceived my second child while the eldest watched tv downstairs eating a bag of hula hoops I threw at her efficiency so romantic so it's Valentine's Day uh just gone isn't it so beautiful beautiful romantic story lovely okay yeah we do get quite a lot of confessions around holidays and stuff which are always fun this is a good one I pretended my daughter had broken her ankle to get a day off as an emergency rather than take holiday i fucking love that yeah absolutely yeah why not we don't get enough holiday in britain no don't get enough holiday days we should be on a four-day week there we go ellie gibson speaks out politics done yep next one this one i like sat strong not a mum underline my mum left me at five days old under a table at a wedding as she was so drunk she forgot she had me parents got a taxi before they remembered now we've had we've had quite a lot of babies um left outside shops yes um we've had uh like a baby left in a bouncer in a doorway while they went on holiday but they realized like within like five minutes but i don't think we've had a baby left under a table at a wedding like you've actually like you've had to go and get your coat you've had to like wait outside for the taxi you've got in the taxi and only then have you realized that thing's not right what have i forgotten where's is it my smints is it my house keys yeah no it's my fucking human child yeah that i've yeah i'm a table okay this one oh this is this is like a whole narrative i like this one She says she's a teacher and a mum.
9:14Ellie Gibson: Teacher mums going on a bubbly brunch, drinking vinegar tasting white wine and eating chocolate cake. We've all been there, haven't we? Yummy, yum. School minibus transport back to school. Assuming they weren't driving, I'm sure it's fine. Teacher mums stumbling out, puking in front of Saturday sports teams and parents. Teacher mums then dancing and bouncing on the early years trampoline and puking again. Do not underestimate the need for mums who are also teachers to release, especially as teacher mums' children are usually the worst behaved children in the school, which is so embarrassing. The little shits.
9:52Oh, a lot going on there. But yes, go and have a good time.
9:57Ellie Gibson: Yeah, we've got teachers. Oh, the work they do. Honestly, I know. I can't get one child to do homework. How they get 30 children to learn, I don't know. Magicians. um this one i like it's kind of cheeky i'm here with my school mum friend i'm only friends with her because her mum has a swimming pool in the garden nice no honest very authentic yes yes say it like it is yeah this one very short again single sentence um but just yeah it's quite simply i've no idea how many people i've slept with i i fucking love that let's just put a kiss yeah and an exclamation mark yeah i bloody love that this one i remember had quite an impact uh i can't remember where it was but it's it's quite a unique one 15 years ago i walked in on my father-in-law naked i never mentioned it to my husband 15 years on i've noticed that my husband looks like his dad when naked oh this means i get uncomfortable flashbacks when my husband takes off his clothes oh that is a lot to unpack there isn't it there's a real complexity to that one isn't there yeah oh and like because you must be thinking like oh my god i've got to live with this like the rest of my life or maybe the husband will age out maybe he'll get to an age beyond the age the dad was when she saw him naked and it will be okay i mean that's your i'm trying to find a silver lining my love to be honest yes but it is a permanent it's upsetting yes it is it is upsetting Yikes.
11:30Ellie Gibson: I don't know how to help you, but thank you for sharing. No, thank you. Yeah. Now, we interrupt this series of confessions with some knee news. Knee news. Oh! Because this one is knee related. So when did we do our show in Stanford? Oh, a good couple of months ago, wasn't it? A couple of months ago. Yeah. We had this written on a card. Yes, because it was pre your second op. Yes. This one says, from the Stanford nurses, we are worried that your, brackets, Ellie's brackets, newly operated knee is swollen. Or caps. Like this, she's like specified my knee. Yes. Even though you hadn't had. Yes. So what happened was it was not long after, I think, the first op.
12:08Yeah, I think it may have even been late September or October in Stanford.
12:12Ellie Gibson: Yeah, it was one of our first gigs back. It was one of the ones that we had to move or something. I can't remember. But yes, yes. And as you'll know, again, if you've been to one of our shows, catsuits hide nothing, Helen. No, they don't. There's absolutely no camouflage there. So my knee was a bit football-y, wasn't it? and these lovely nurses were kindly pointing that out. So anyway, I did end up having to have a second knee operation. And just to update you, that's mostly fixed the problem, which is that my kneecap keeps flipping about a bit. But yeah, I saw the surgeon yesterday and they might have to do another procedure to fix the tendons, but it's not going to be as big a deal.
12:49Ellie Gibson: It's not a big thing. So still not 100%, but we're getting there, Helen. God, you're amazing. You're amazing. and you've got a special brace now. That's pretty sexy. I love my brace. That's a very good one, isn't it? It's hot stuff. So the brace is really helping. And yeah, so knee news. Yes, that's my knee news. Thanks for asking. So if you're listening, Stanford nurses, be not afraid. Yes, it's problematic. You're quite right to point it out. Thank you for your concern. But there's been movement, mainly of my kneecap, but also in an upward trajectory in terms of healing. Thank you for your concern.
13:23Ellie Gibson: Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This got such a huge response. And the person who wrote this became the Queen of Scum. This, I can't remember where it was, but it was amazing. I have been sleeping with the man who fixes my Sky TV for the past 10 years. What a treat. Now, I'm not making this up. As you heard this, I just randomly split these cards in half. And we randomly, like, picked them out and shuffled them, whatever. This is literally the next card on my pile. I've not fixed this. No. This is the next card on my pile. I got two years free broadband from Virgin after I shagged the guy who came to install it.
14:04Ellie Gibson: What are the chances? What are the chances? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. With the shit. This is a window into modern Britain. It's just full of women shagging TV engineers. And I'm here for it, mate. Fucking yes, please. Go you. Bring back bartering. didn't both of these win yes i think they did yes and i remember saying i think did you get the movie channels and the sports channels as well and she said oh just the movies and then i think i said well you should have swallowed and then yeah and we told that to our close personal friend philipa perry the other day and she went you didn't ellie and i went yeah i did and she went oh that's disgusting you filthy girl okay there you are the moved the country's leading psychotherapist thinks I'm filthy.
14:52Ellie Gibson: Facts. Success. Yes. Okay, now we're going on holiday. Again, a lot of holiday-based ones we get. My next one is also a holiday one. How do we do this? It's weird. All right, you go. Okay, I was in Greece on a girl's trip and I was laughing, so I peed myself to disguise it. I walked quickly to where there was a spilled Coke can on the floor to cover it up. That is... Unbelievable. that's hilarious yes again a lovely it's sort of like a modern shirley valentine yes sort of yeah this is another away day special yeah um again that one that's just like a very short a little vignette and raises perhaps more questions than it answers got caught shaving my boyfriend bum hole in hotel by maid both naked and just to add to this listen you can't some of that is in all caps some of it is not it's not my boyfriend's it's my boyfriend bum hole and bum hole is in all caps in hotel in all caps by made both naked all caps i i don't know if the if the memory's so traumatic or i but like so like why why have you ever shaved your boyfriend's bum hole no i've shaved no people's bum holes even my own i've not even shaved my own bum hole no i've never it's never occurred to me to say to Pete hey um you know before we go and have breakfast and go to the museum like we planned should I just quickly shave your bum hole yes no it has not come up no even you know even between me and the Spaniard no not that we'd go to a museum on a holiday fuck that no no no no I I don't yeah I don't see the advantage and I worry about nicking you know you want nick a bit yes a little nick you don't want a little shaving cut down oh sometimes Pete makes me put the clippers on his neck.
16:43Ellie Gibson: I don't even like doing that. No, no. I'm worried I'm going to cut an artery open. No, thank you. No. No. But good for you. But yes. So also if you're going to shave a bum hole, do you need to be naked? Don't know. Is it a sex thing? Write in, listener. Yes. I don't want to yuck someone's yum. So if shaving bum holes is part of your sex play, good for you. Enlighten us. Let us know. We don't know enough. Yes, enlighten us. or perhaps just, you know, anal bleaching. That's also an option, isn't it? That's fun. So you look like Father Christmas down there. Oh, another shaggy one. Before I had kids, I shagged a guy whose partner is now a teacher at my child's school.
17:25I also shagged his brother. Wow.
17:28Ellie Gibson: Again, a lot of questions. Such a complicated web we weave, Helen. Indeed. That's like a fucking whole plot line of Hollyoaks. That's unbelievable. I think you should read that one because it made me laugh so hard. okay my job is a sonographer but my dentists they have my profession down as singer songwriter and i have not corrected them i fucking love that i love that yeah fuck it when i'm at the dentist i'm elton john yeah yeah that's right matthew why not why the fuck not oh i that's what i like when we uh booked into the premier inn sometimes I'm a professor yes a cardinal yes if you don't use premier inns regularly you might not know this but when you fill out the form when you fill out the form to book a premier in room of course you can pick Mr.
18:20Ellie Gibson: Ms. also master colonel doctor and it's one of my great joys to put you down as reverend you never know what you're going to get yeah and no one finds it funny apart from me the receptionist always has seen it all before no absolutely no time for my bullshit is not amused it's just like whatever and you and the radio like but inside I am smiling listener and that glimmers glimmers you've got to look yes green flags look for the glimmers makes me laugh oh good I was so drunk exclamation point I fell asleep with a vibrator inserted where it should be at least yeah and woke up in the morning with it still inserted but exclamation point capitals the battery had run out underline
19:16is she saying so that's fine or or she had fallen asleep while it was still vibrating for many minutes yeah oh no i think so yeah just gone which is uh well they're it's a very soothing harm i suppose yes like babies you know they get that that thing on the white noise yes but also You know, modern parents, you often see this vibrating egg on a buggy these days.
19:38Ellie Gibson: Oh. Have you seen those? We used to have a thing called the duck chair because it had a picture of a duck on it. And yeah, it had a little vibrating unit and you put it on the chair and it would go. And one of the kids loved it. I can't remember. The other one thought it was bullshit. But it would sometimes sit down to sleep. Maybe that's it. You rocked yourself. Maybe I need one of those. Maybe she's on to something. there she is okay screw your lavender oil yeah let's get your yeah that pop one in um go all right this is uh this is another one of my faves uh from last year my son won an award for attendance and i had to go to a special assembly to watch him get the award after i told him he could have sick days next year so i didn't have to sit through it again excellent i think we've all thought that I had children who played horn instruments and violins and certain things.
20:34And I was so proud. And I love watching my kids play music for a certain amount of time. But a whole concert of brass.
20:45Ellie Gibson: And other people's children. Oh, mama. I'm not here for your clarinet solo, Oscar. No, thank you. I went to my gynae today and I got fizzy knickers because he's such a ride. a non-exclamation point. That's embarrassing, isn't it? That could go wrong, getting fizzy knickers at the gynae. Surely they would know an engorged fanny too. I'm like, oh, I can see you're aroused. They would know if you're a bit, you know, loosey-goosey. I think if a gynaecologist, if I was horny and a gynaecologist said to me, I see your vagina is engorged, that would immediately get rid of any arousal that I had. The mollusk moment.
21:26Ellie Gibson: put the dampeners on it so top tip try it right on just yeah okay ah i left my daughter at a friend's house because i forgot i had a baby lovely so echoes of the wedding one there it's very very good yes it's hard when you have a baby you forget shit i i i feel you again this is this is mirroring in in terms of like forgetting things this one made us laugh very hard i left my bag in a leisure center car park in Tidworth. The area got cordoned off and the army bomb squad were called in to blow up my bag. Oh, blow up your bag in Tidworth. Oh, my God. Wow. Amazing. Again, we can't make this shit up.
22:10Ellie Gibson: Can't make it up, mate. Wow. This is very strong. Again, some of my favorite confessions are what I call fuck it confessions, where something happens and the person like and with no shame like no regret they're just like and then this is what i did or didn't do so here's one of those walking home from a rock bristol concert in ashton court bursting for a wee it was raining so i just wet myself all the way home i love that no regrets whatever that's what i fucking did what are you gonna do no one knows i said what i said no one cares what i did i just pissed myself can we talk about how you didn't you read somewhere that that's what the kenyan was this you was it someone else that the kenyan marathon runners yes yes they just wee they just wait to say so because they don't want to stop to piss yeah you try that one day yes and it's not great and and it's not i would not recommend no no i had a lot of wee even though i had like a absorbent uh like an underpant uh it was really unpleasant no don't do that do not uh yes that's right and again i think it was raining uh as well and i thought yes give that a go it's not no gets a bit chafey as well and it's hot and yeah anyway no yeah again who could have predicted that outcome literally no one yeah you learn you learn um i used to hang my washing on my son's buggy in front of the radiator to dry it.
23:43One day I got back from the school run and I realised there was a bra and three pairs of knickers still hanging from the buggy. Thanks for a great show, Carina.
23:54Ellie Gibson: Thank you, Carina. Thank you for sharing. We've just got a few more. My friend's, oh, this is a good one. My friend's husband came back from the pub. She was Scottish. Presumably she's still Scottish. I don't think it wears off. she was Scottish as he came through the door she lifted her skirt on the landing and shouted do you wanna can I look at my clacker and as she looked down over the landing he and four of his mates looked up and gave her a cheer I fucking love that so good I love that I think what a beautiful relationship where that's an invitation to sexy time. Not like, you know, pulling your bra strap out of your shirt sexually or just stroking the fry.
24:45Ellie Gibson: Just, do you want to kind of look at my clacker? Doink. Here it is. Come and have a look. What do you think? Do you want to go on it? Suit yourself. I want to meet that lady. She sounds fun. Yes. I quite like the mates as well. Yeah. I think they took that in good humour. Yes, exactly right. They weren't embarrassed. They were just like, hey. No, it was equally matched with fun and, you know, celebration. Yes. Well done. Good. Oh, I'm very excited to go to Scotland. Oh, yes. In the beginning of March. Now, excitedly, we have run out. What's run out? Sold out in Edinburgh. And Aberdeen's looking good.
25:20And there's some tickets in Glasgow. So come along. Yes. And show us your clacker. Yeah. Thank you. Next one. I've got, I encourage my husband to go fishing for days so I don't have to listen to him snoring. he thinks I'm lovely and supporting his hobby when I think it's an expensive waste of time. Yes. Good for you.
25:40Ellie Gibson: Good for you. Ah, here's another excellent one. I left my parents looking after the kids on moving house day, moving out after divorce, to shag the removal man at the old house during one of the many trips back and forth. Yes. She won, didn't she? She's on stage. Yes, I think that was Bath. Bath is always very strong for the confessions, I've remembered. They're very good. Now we have another one. This was the other night in Bath, actually. Oh, yes. Last one. This is one of my favourites of all time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. I have three boys. The middle one has all the neuro spices. Today, I had shitloads to do.
26:25Ellie Gibson: Cleaning, cooking, work, chasing up the EHCP, blah, blah, blah. I felt totally overwhelmed, yet unable to start a single one of my jobs. So I popped one of my kids' ADHD pills. Oh, my God. Off my tits. Absolutely amazing. Couldn't decide. Couldn't decide whether to paint the bathroom, make doughnuts or dance to drum and bass. So I did all three. Loads cheaper than class A's. Hooray! I fucking love that. Oh, it's so good. And listener, the cheer that she got from the audience as she ascended the staircase, it was magical. I was like, this is what it's all about. This is what it's about. Oh, my God.
27:12I'm still getting kind of goosebumps thinking about it. I just thought, fucking yes to this lady.
27:16Ellie Gibson: Yes. There's so much in that confession. It's like dealing with neurodiversity, which lots of us and lots of our audience have to do. There's like having too much. There's the overwhelm. and then there's just again doing a fucking making a fucking choice making a practical decision and having no fucking regrets no and she made fucking donuts and painted shit and had a good time and oh yeah because you interviewed her afterwards I can't remember what she said it was something really hilarious like how are you feeling now or something she said oh yeah I'm on a bit of a come down and shit amazing oh my god I love her I love actually I love absolutely all of these ones they are all brilliant fucking bangers And I'm so excited because we've got another.
27:57So these are all from our Hot Mess tour. So we're about, I think we're just over halfway through this tour, aren't we? Yeah. And we've got until November this year. But it's been fucking amazing. And I think, like you said, Ellie, this tour, because this show is more about kind of midlife, friendship, being a bit slaggy, you know, having teenagers. It's that next kind of step in parenthood and as women, ageing and stuff. and the confessions just get better and better. Just stellar.
28:27Ellie Gibson: A brilliant, brilliant part of the show and my favourite bit because it's always different. Yeah. And even like after 12, 13 years, whatever, we still get confessions we've never had before. Like last night we had here in... How are we? How are we? We're in Northampton. Northampton. Yeah. What did we have last night? Oh my God. So Susan. Susan was a bit miffed with her husband. Oh, this is unbelievable. Never had this before. Yeah, go on. So Susan, she was a bit miffed and she was hoovering in her bedroom and her husband came in. He was going out, right? And he got undressed. So he was nude. And then she just put, I was irritated.
29:08Ellie Gibson: She didn't like to say why. She doesn't have to. Just I was irritated. Yeah, I know that feeling. Yeah. And then can you recount the poetry in which she described the situation? It was beautifully written. She wrote it. She wrote it beautifully. So she's irritated. So he's naked. And she was like, I thought I would just, I would poke his testicle with the hoover. Just wave it. I thought it would just wave. But the suction was stronger than I thought. And his testicles were less firm than I expected, which meant that a testicle was sucked into the hoover. Just the one. Just the one. And then what I liked was then she stopped there.
29:47Ellie Gibson: Yeah. She didn't go and like, but it was okay. Yeah. I turned the Hoover off or, and now he's dead. It was just like, that was, that was the end of the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But of course it wasn't. So of course she won and we got her on stage and I asked her to carry on. And she was like, yeah, she, she turned off the Hoover. And I was like, right. And she's like, I was like, well, like immediately. She's like, well, I thought I better do it at the wall. I could have just turned it off on the machine, but I did. So good. And she did confirm, poor man, poor man, honestly. she did confirm he is fine so that's that's that's fine and i like that you looked at her hand said so you're still married yes against all expectations you're you know that's that's business is booming but you know what really helped zero the accounting platform for small businesses i used to think spreadsheets were just part of it but real-time cash flow wow Invoices that chase themselves?
30:46Even better. Books that automate? That's a big one. And I can keep track from my phone while I get the job done. No spreadsheet in sight. What a life. Do right by yourself and your business and search XERO for your free trial. Conditions apply. Save now at Whole Foods Market. It's the summer splash event. With great everyday prices on 365 brand ground beef for the grill and ice cream for dessert, They have yellow sales signs on ready-to-cook beef or chicken kebabs, too. Level up with savory marinades, spices, and rubs, and complete your cookout with a crowd-pleasing cherry pie and their balsamic chicken salad.
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32:15Ellie Gibson: Oh, God. Well, there we go. What a bumper crop of Scummy Mummy Confessions. Thank you to everyone who shared them. Oh, absolutely. I feel, oh, my heart's bursting. I just, it has just been a complete joy. And yeah, we're looking forward to hearing more. Who knows what stories we're going to uncover in the next three months or so. So thank you to everyone who's come to the show, everyone who's shared a confession. And again, if you want to come to the show and share a confession or just listen to other people's hilarious ones, then look at scummingmummys.com for dates and tickets. Yeah, fantastic.
32:51We can't wait to see you there. Yes. All right. I think that's it, isn't it?
32:55Ellie Gibson: I think we could share a confession. But look, I think we can't do better. Can't top that. No, can't top testicle in hoover or ADHD cleaning. Can't pill cleaning. Or getting free sky. Can't top that. Yeah, brilliant. All right. Thank you so much, listener. Take care. Until next time. Bye-bye.
33:25Ellie Gibson: And yes, we'll see. You've got your tea there. Yeah. Yeah, very nice. Is it milky enough? Yes, it is. What was that? What was the thing? Something and Milky? Milky Milky. Wasn't that a magazine? Something Milky? No, Big and Bouncy. Big and Bouncy. Yes. That was a prop once we had on the show. Big and Bouncy is the magazine, the tip magazine that Adrian Mole reads in Adrian Mole's stories. Right. Right. Milky Milky is a catchphrase from the Mary Whitehouse experience, a comedy sketch show from the 1990s. Great. Glad to have cleared that up for you. Yeah. Business is booming. But you know what really helped?
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It's just the two of us as we sit down with some of the funniest and filthiest audience confessions from our live show. This is the stuff you just couldn't make up... Tune in to hear all sorts of tales about badly behaved teachers, a wrongfully accused cat, a hoovering accident and more...
Huge thanks to everyone who has shared their hilarious stories with us, and to everyone who has been to our shows and heard them live. Our Hot Mess tour is running right up until Christmas - Hertford this week, Scotland next week, and then everywhere from Norwich to Northern Ireland! Go to scummymummies.com for dates and reasonably priced tickets.
Thank you for listening!
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