342: Dick and Dom - LIVE at Camp Bestival!

0:00Helen Thorn: Back Market is the best place to get the tech you need for back to school, for less. Like professionally refurbished smartphones to take those first day pics. Mom, your finger's blocking the camera. Or so they can ask you to buy a poster board for the science fair tomorrow. No matter what you need it for, the premium refurbished tech on Back Market is guaranteed by the Back Market Promise. Professionally refurbished with a one-year warranty and free 30-day returns. Save now at BackMarket.com. Summer is supposed to be the easy season. So why are so many people quietly Googling a therapist between summer Fridays?

0:37Helen Thorn: Because more daylight doesn't fix the hard stuff. Sometimes it just turns the volume up. Grow does therapy differently. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. The therapist you want takes your insurance on Grow. Grow accepts over 125 insurance plans. Sessions average$21 with insurance and some pay as little as$0 depending on their plan. Visit growtherapy.com slash ACAST today to get started.

1:18Helen Thorn: That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by estate and insurance plan.

1:34Ellie Gibson: Hello, scumbags. This is the Scummy Mummies podcast

1:39Helen Thorn: with your hosts, Ellie Gibson and Helen Thorne.

1:47Ellie Gibson: Hello, it's me, Ellie Gibson. And it's just me, Ellie Gibson, because that Helen Thorne has, she's up a Pyrenees somewhere she's gone on some sort of hiking swimming holiday um lucky her I have gone on holiday in my house in southeast London if you can call uh being asked uh what food there is every eight minutes a holiday I don't call that holiday really but that apparently is what my life is uh with an 11 year old and a 15 year old in the summer but anyway how's your summer going I hope you're having a good one and this is a very special episode we recorded it just a week or so ago with the amazing, the legendary, the brilliant Dick and Dom.

2:27Ellie Gibson: Now they've been a double act for 30 years. So I know, right, couple goals. And we did chat about that at the start of the podcast. We recorded it live at Camp Festival. And the first sort of 10 minutes or so was chatting about their amazing career. Now, sadly, there's been a technical glitch, which means we don't have the recording of that bit of the podcast but to be honest you can look it up on wikipedia it's fine and we did manage to get some really good chat about um neurodiversity and being in a double act and most importantly and we played our very silly game anything for money and it is the family friendly version because we recorded this as i say at camp festival in front of a load of kids so it's all it's all safe to listen to with your children this episode um so yeah and i think they might enjoy it my kids really enjoyed it anyway and we had an absolute blast dick and dom are so lovely and it was so great to meet them and they truly are an inspiration uh so thanks again to them for being such fantastic guests and i hope you enjoy this very silly summer episode here we go now i want to get to know dick and dom a bit better now someone once said to us that in every double act right there's one person who is really punctual and organized and good at sorting stuff out and then there is Helen yes and I wondered if you if that's true for you let's see if you can guess who do you think it's the punctual functional is it Dick or is it Dom one two three correct

4:03why do you think that I mean I'm gonna go and ask someone why they thought that You. Because he's what? Don't dodge it. What's your name? Helen. Helen, why, just by looking at us, do you think the dick looks like the organised one that's punched you and is in charge of the emails, etc.? I feel like you're almost the autistic one

4:28Ellie Gibson: and you're the ADHD one. Wow. I think that says it all, really. Yes. We've been diagnosed finally So you're ASD and I'm ADHD We've just been diagnosed by Helen Thank you doctor We over the years have just developed our skill set really So I'm very good, even though I'm disorganised I'm very good at navigation And so when we started off doing the Scummy Mummy's live show Ellie would drive us in a tiny little Honda and I would have a map children, an actual map, and I would be like, this is how we get to the gig in Manchester and whatever. And so those roles have stayed. So, yeah. Exactly the same for us.

5:13Even though we've got a shared diary and it has all the same information you need in there, he'll still WhatsApp me in the morning, probably 10 minutes before we're supposed to leave, going, right, where are we going? What are we doing? Who are we meeting? And that's fine. So, yeah, we definitely, Rich definitely is like the best example of this. So, basically, you are right. We made a joke about it, but I am totally diagnosed ADHD. I don't think it takes a genius to work this out. You two, I can tell. Game knows game. To be honest with you, the wait list for the NHS diagnosis was like four years, something like that, which is understandable because the wait list is backlogged.

5:49So I paid a few hundred quid to get my personal waste of money for me. Everyone's like, yeah, and? It's like, we all know this anyway. You could have just bought yourself some nice stuff.

6:04I'm still not going to turn up on time but it has been chaotic I've not really talked about it much openly to be totally honest with you how long is this going to go on for? it's fine but the great things about it is that Rich will definitely have the structure of what we do as a double out all sorted out and I'm definitely my mind comes up with all the creative stuff so I'm permanently firing loads of mad stuff at Rich on WhatsApp let's do this, let's do that, let's do this, let's do that and it just kind of balances out quite well. Yeah, I think so. So we like to have a separate WhatsApp group for different parts of our brains.

6:40So we've set up, so we've got like one for just like comedy ideas, which we call potentially award-winning comedy.

6:49Ellie Gibson: Because very early on when Helen and I first started writing together, we wrote like a little sketch or something. And as we often do, we laughed very, very hard at our own jokes for about 10 minutes. And then she looked at me and she said, Ellie, this is potentially award-winning comedy. And I said, Helen, all comedy is potentially award-winning. And we did not win an award for that sketch. No, we did not. But the potential is still there. It is. Hang on to that. But yeah, your WhatsApp idea, that's really good, actually. So it keeps everything separate. So it's nice and easy to follow. And also, because sometimes, you know, because I have seven different thoughts that I don't finish in one sort of moment.

7:27So having like going, oh, yeah, oh, great to see you the other day. How are the kids? Oh, plus we have to invoice for that thing. And then this and that. So just then it keeps the nice bits and the nice bits. And then things don't get lost. And like, oh, what was that idea we had for being a male double axe sketch? You know, that kind of thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was great. Tim and Doc. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Do you ever wish that you had a brain that worked a little bit like, you know, like Richard's done, like the executive functioning skills? You know, like someone with executive functioning skills goes, oh, I've got this to do.

8:01I'm going to do it. And then do it. And then it's done. Yeah. With ADHD, it's just another thing to do. You just add it to that. Sometimes I'll tell him like three different things and you can just see his eyes just vacant. And then you go, okay. And then you just walk off and start doing something else. And I'll go, did you remember to know it? Didn't even remember I've told him. Yeah. But what things like walking off when people are speaking to you and they're just talking to you, you have an amazing idea and you just walk off. What would be like just to sit and have a chat normally with someone?

8:34It's just lovely.

8:35Ellie Gibson: I feel like I send emails to someone else or to you going, I'm going to do this thing now. And you know, there's a 50-50 chance whether that thing will actually get done. It's so funny. Should we swap seats? Should we swap seats? No, because it would be a disaster. Because you and me sat here would be a nightmare. You wouldn't be sitting here. You'd still be in the wrong tent down there. Do you know what? It's really interesting. I watched an interview on YouTube with the Rizzle Kicks. And I forget, is it Jordan, I think, is the one who has got ADHD? And actually, they talk very openly. And the one who does, and I forget names, I'm terrible with names, who hasn't got ADHD.

9:20actually talks about how hard it is for him and how difficult it was.

9:25Ellie Gibson: We're the real victims, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, thank you. Look what you have to put up with. Yes! One time we had a voice, Dick. They'll be sending up a WhatsApp group, Dom. They'll be like, ugh. Yeah, you won't believe, it's just going to be called You Won't Believe What They've Done Now. That's usually what I say about him. You won't believe what he's done now. Usually it's something amazing, though, you know, We're suddenly doing a massive festival that I never thought we'd get on the lineup for. But he's pulled a few strings, contacted a few people in the middle of the night.

9:56Next minute, we're doing this massive... We did Download Festival the other week. Oh, wow. That was because of him going, let's do Download Festival. I went, eh? Yeah. And then three months later, we were headlining the nighttime set at Download. My favorite one was, Rich, we're going to be doing a DJ set. Oh, what have you been doing now? Where? Maldives. Oh, wow. I was like, what are you talking about? Right, what's happening tomorrow? Next minute, we're in the Maldives doing the DJs. Yeah, the other favourite thing is, when I'll send an email, I think I've had a great idea. I'm going to email someone really important with a great idea I've got.

10:30And I'll copy him in. And he'll just send a WhatsApp back, because I didn't discuss it with him. He'll just go, why the hell have you emailed the head of the BBC? That was a great idea. I don't see the problem in this.

10:43Ellie Gibson: But I like that. We have the similar, like, sort of, up in ambitions. So one year I said to Helen, why don't we walk to Mount Everest? Why don't we walk to Base Camp? Just because I've always wanted to see it. I just bought a new coat. I wanted to test how warm it was. I thought that would be nice. And what did you say? I said, why don't we break the world record for the world's highest stand-up comedy gig? Let's go even higher. Let's go higher. Love that. And we did. We did. So we trekked for 11 days and we took a gold boombox. because to get a world record is really actually quite hard. Yeah, we used to do them on the TV show.

11:21Oh, yes, you did. Did you do it? He's got one for headbutting the most watermelons in one minute. No. You have to headbutt them to make them split in half. That's incredible. It wasn't even on the TV show. He nearly passed out, hasn't he? Are we all world recorders? I've got one for eating the most baked beans in a minute with a cocktail stick. No. I only lost it two weeks ago to someone else.

11:42Ellie Gibson: I've got one for the longest time playing Power Wash Simulator, which I played for 24 hours. Straight. Video games. It's the most boring world record in the world, but I have got it. So there you go. Has it ever occurred to you that any of us should get a proper job? At any point? What's a proper job? Huh? I don't understand. What a laugh. Twatting about on stage with your best mate is the best job, kids. It really is. It really is. and it's joy because, wait, we make each other laugh and then going out to do things like this and festivals and seeing other, like, especially mums, because our audiences are 98 % mums, and mums work really, really, really hard and then to see them having a laugh and possibly wet their pants at the same time.

12:28Ellie Gibson: That's a dream. That is the dream. He's got a tan-alini right now. Yeah. Well, of course, there is no harder job in the world than being a mum, is there? Yeah, absolutely right. I mean, I'm a rubbish dad. I've got a five-year-old. Yeah, I'm really old to have a five-year-old, but that's another story. But I'm serious. When I've got her on my own, like mummy's out working or whatever, I would say hands down it is the hardest job in the world. Absolutely. You are correct, Rich. Absolutely. And I think because our comedy came when we met and our boys, who are now big, big, big 15-year-olds. Oh, look at them.

13:02Oh, I know.

13:03Ellie Gibson: All growing up and lovely. The one there, the one little one with the glasses, the one with the broccoli on his head. Are they really enjoyed being pointed at right now? Oh, thrilled. Absolutely thrilled. It's their favourite thing. Yes. It's their favourite thing. I love the way you go. Oh, yeah, that's him with the little one with the glasses. That's it. Give us a wave, Joey. Hello. Just not here for it. It's a family affair. But when we started out, the boys were really little. And so it was our chance. We used to go to the swings, didn't we? and we'd write our comedy, you know, in between nap times and that's when we'd write our stand-up and things like that.

13:41And no one works harder than a mum who's got like, right, the boys are down. Like we'd walk them around the block, get them down and then have to use that tiny bit of time. The golden hour. I don't know how you do it, mums. I really do not know how you do it. Sometimes I don't look at my missus, I'm like, well, how do you do all this? Maybe she's ADHD. We're very tired. We're tired all the time. One of the worst moments as a parent is where your child drops the afternoon nap.

14:10Ellie Gibson: Oh. That's a dark day. That is a dark day. Isn't that the worst moment of your life? There's that. And also when you have to take the sides off the bed. You know? Yes, yes. Well, before they were essentially in kid prison. Yes. And they couldn't get out. And then they get to the age where they go and you have a chat to your partner and you go, we need to take the sides off the bed. Why? Because they're 18. and then suddenly they're just running around your house you're like oh this is awful and then the other moment which you guys can relate to because of the age of your your your kids is uh you know you used to get like an hour uh to yourself once they've gone to bed yeah as an adult you get an hour before you go to bed it's the moment that that reverses yes and suddenly you're there dribbling on the sofa like that and your kids are going go to bed yeah just go to bed And then you go to bed and you can just hear this noise in the kitchen.

15:04Yes. Like doors being left open and dogs barking and all the lights are on. All the lights. All of them. In the morning.

15:12Ellie Gibson: It's like having giant rats. Yes. It is because then you come down in the morning as well and all the food in the house has gone. Like termites have been in. Yes. I bought an 18 pack of Monster Munch yesterday and there's just crumbs all over the wall. Exactly. Where does it go? Where does that food go? You can't fill them up. The children, they're endless, endless, endless, endless snacking and eating. Yeah, I have a cut-off time. 10 o 'clock is my time where I say, you can ask me anything before 10. You can do, like, anything. But after 10, shop is closed. I'm done. So you don't exist as far as they're concerned.

15:46At 10 o 'clock, you're over as a human. And also I say. So you should post them out of the house, like, yes. Also I say, I will stop being nice after 10. And then if you ask me anything, I'm like, ah, I'm tired. They're like, whoa. Yeah, so that's my method. So they just know, don't talk to mum. Don't, no. It's like gremlins, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. Don't talk to mum at midnight.

16:07Ellie Gibson: Have you got any parenting hacks or tips you'd like to share, lads? It's a long time ago for you, wasn't it? Well, yeah. I know you're still parenting. I'm a teenager. Technically still parenting, yes. So it's kind of nice when they're older, because when you come to a festival, you can just let them off the lead and they're gone. Yes, very old. It's lovely. But bring a trolley to a fest. Do you mean camping parenting? Anything you like. Any parenting. Yeah, yeah. Do you know anything about parenting at all? Yes. Because we are really struggling. We've been doing it 17 years. We haven't got a clue what we're doing.

16:43Ellie Gibson: No, no, help us. Help us, guys. Ask the moms. When you wake up in the morning, don't give them a scream. Okay. Play with them when they're little. When they're little. Play, play, play. Play hard. Buy toys. Buy toys. I mean, I just get in trouble going, you buy too many toys for the boys you don't always need a toy but I used to love it my daughter's favourite game at the moment is just finding a stick in the garden playing Tiki Tiki you just run after each other I used to buy my kids toys you get your kid a stick yeah you'll get paid more than me hey happy Christmas what is it dad stick yeah got some rocks over there as well excellent but yeah no no what Rich is saying he likes to play he's a very good dad he's very good and just play with them as long as you can delay them being on screens honestly the best because I think from our generation the screens weren't really a thing when they were born an iPad came out further down the line but essentially there was like DVDs to watch and there was toys to play with and that was it and it was really beneficial and also just try and not be on your phone in front of them as much it's a hard habit to make because we're all addicted literally whether you want to admit it or not we're all addicted to this gadget it's magical it's a magical thing in your hand and it's hard to put it down.

17:55You're like, but I've just had a thought and I need to research who Taylor Dane is, you know, something like that. She came into my head and I was like, I need to know about her instantly. We had to wait. We were of the generation where we had to like... Where did we find that information back then? Oh, we had excited. We just didn't know anything. Encyclopedias, Britannicus. Yeah, going to get a book from the library. Or you ask your mum and dad, what's this? And they go, who's Taylor Dane?

18:21Ellie Gibson: Yeah, who's Taylor Dane? Will mum lead me back to my heart? I don't know. I tell you what, look, we've got a bit serious with screen time chat. Oh, yes, we have. Should we get silly again? Shall we play a game? Oh, yeah. Okay, so we're going to play a game, if that's all right with you. And you did contractually agree to it, so let's hope. It's not called Make Dick Sick, is it? No. That's one of the only games off a children's television programme that was discussed in the House of Commons. Wow. An MP called Peter Love stood up back in the noughties and he said, I am disgraced by a television programme on the BBC television service called Dick and Omada Bungalow because they have a game called Make Dick Sick.

19:04He said, is this really the stuff of public service broadcasting? Yes, it is! At which point someone in the back shouted out,

19:13Ellie Gibson: Bogey! I thought he was like your MP and you'd written to him, say, please help me. And he's like, what are my constituents? once. But sadly, yeah, three weeks later, we had to get rid of that game, didn't we? Oh, what's the worst thing you ever had to eat? No, it was basically I'd fill my mouth with Heinz vegetable soup. Right. And then callers would ring in with their disgusting stories. Hello, I just smeared bogeys all over my brother's face. And if I thought it was bad enough, I'd vomit out the vegetable soup. One week, though, someone loaded the vegetable soup with chilies. I didn't realise it.

19:48I was live on telegram. Nearly exploding. And if he was sick, he would then hit the dirty button on his chair. And the dirty button would make a cleaner come out and clean up all the sick from around his mouth. This was on kids' tele.

20:01Ellie Gibson: Highbrow television, ladies and gentlemen. That's where your licence fee was going. Better times, Ellie. A better Britain. Yes. Well, I've actually got a can of soup. No, I haven't. Oh, God, no. So we're going to play this game that Helen and I invented. If you've listened to our podcast, you might have heard us play it on our podcast. It's called Anything for Money. Yes. And now on the podcast, we play an adult version. Yes. And we're going to do family friendly, Helen. Yes, we are. We have been contractually obliged to be PG. So the point of the game is we get to find out just how deep the rabbit hole goes, whether Dick and Dom would do anything for money, basically.

20:37Ellie Gibson: Yeah, right, right. So in these three bags here, we've got amounts of money, okay, which vary. We've got celebrities' names. And then we've got acts. Now, in this case, these are all family friendly acts, but they are acts whether you would do the act on the celebrity for the amount of money. Are you in? Oh, my God. Come on. Don't worry. This won't end your career. It's OK. You're asking us, are we in? Like you said, we're contractually obliged. Contractually obliged. What you mean is, you are in. So we're going to have a go each and then maybe we'll get some of the grown-ups. Whether my hangover can take this, I don't know.

21:12OK, it's funny. Let's find out together.

21:15Ellie Gibson: Who wants to go first? Dot. Okay, so anything for money. Okay, let's pick a celebrity first out of the bag. Here we go. All right. Hang on a minute. You can't look. You can't look. They are folded over. Oh, that's good. He's a magician. He is a magician. He is a magician. Who is it? Who is it? Erling Haaland. Oh. Erling Haaland. Did you not know who that was, Dom? Do you know who that is? No. Do you want to pass the pounds? Yes. What do you mean, no? Man City striker, you know, Norway scored the goals of the World Cup. The tall guy looked... Oh, he looks like Thor. Yes. Yes. All right, get him.

21:56Ellie Gibson: And here's the ad. Here's what is it? Sniff a fart of. Oh. But it's earning Harland. I thought you said this was going to be the family-friendly version. Hang on a minute. It is. Hang on a minute. See that, bye. How much money? There's no point in even giving me an amount of money. I'm not doing it. Oh, come on. Let's find out. How much? Four? 25 ,000. He's doing it now. 25 ,895 pounds. Now, that's a lot of money, isn't it? Is it life-changing money, would you say? Probably. Yeah. Now, that's a lot of money, Dom. Who here would sniff one of Erling Haaland's farts for 20... 5 ,895 pounds. Come on.

22:43Ellie Gibson: I can't tell if they're Erling Haaland fans or just really desperate for the money. Both. Both. There's a lot of people. What's the answer, Dom? No, I'm all right, thanks. No. He wouldn't do it for money. Boo. Boo. Come on, hold it. 25 ,000. No fart sniffer. Would you do it, Dick? £25 ,895. Would you do that, Dick? Of course I bloody would. Anything for money. Yes. Right. We've got the measure of you. I think how this is going to go but let's have the next one so if you want to pick a celebrity please I'll probably say yes to all of these you're understanding the dynamics of the act now Taylor Swift Taylor Swift how come you get Taylor Swift?

23:27Ellie Gibson: Thor I don't think I'd sniff her alright what's this one? Eat seven what's that say? Eat seven hairs Eat seven hairs from Taylor Swift She has got quite nice hair. She does look clean. It does look clean. Let's see how much you're offering. Four. One billion. Yes, I'll take it. I'll have all of it. All of it. I was going to say, to make it easy, you could mix them into like a curry or some angel delight, but you just raw dog. Just raw for a lot. Billion quid. Anything for money. Yay. Are you going to cut the hair up first or are you going to just spaghetti it? Yeah. Like, uh... Seven hairs, is that it?

24:12Seven hairs. Where are the hairs from?

24:17Helen Thorn: Backmarket is the best place to get the tech you need for back to school. For less. Like professionally refurbished smartphones to take those first day pics. Mom, your finger's blocking the camera. Or so they can ask you to buy a poster board for the science fair tomorrow. No matter what you need it for, the premium refurbished tech on Backmarket is guaranteed by the Backmarket Promise. Professionally refurbished with a one-year warranty and free 30-day returns. Save now at Backmarket.com. Summer's supposed to be the easy season. So why are so many people quietly Googling a therapist between summer Fridays?

24:54Helen Thorn: Because more daylight doesn't fix the hard stuff. Sometimes it just turns the volume up. Grow does therapy differently. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. The therapist you want takes your insurance on Grow. Grow accepts over 125 insurance plans. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0, depending on their plan. Visit growtherapy.com slash ACAST today to get started.

25:35Helen Thorn: That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. At Boar's Head, we've been going back to school for over 115 years. And this year, every school lunch is reason to celebrate. with the flavours your kids love and the exceptional quality you expect. Helping you make school lunch fresh, easy and delicious. Ring the bell. The deli is open. Boar's Head, committed to craft since 1905. Yeah. Do you want to do one, Helen? I'll do one. Can you pass the celebs? At least it didn't say you, Dom, because it only lasts about five seconds.

26:25Oh. Oh. Okay, I'm going in. I'm dipping in. I could have got a hair transplant for 25 grand. I got Count Binface. Topical. Count Binface.

26:38Ellie Gibson: Here comes the political satire. Yeah. Hello, Radio 4. Now, what am I doing to Count Binface? I am go on a two-week holiday to centre parks with. I mean, I would go on a two-week holiday to centre parks with anyone, Helen. Too right, Ellie, too right. So that's good. It usually costs about a billion pounds to go to. You have to pay for the holiday out of the money. Yeah, exactly. Let's see, let's see. It would be for£1 ,111. No, you're not going to send them on. That's not even going to cover the cost of the holiday. That's not even going to cover the Starbucks. What are we saying? I'm saying no bin face.

27:17No. Boo. Boo. Boo. No, I will not be fluming with bin face. No.

27:24Helen Thorn: All right, Ellie. Does anyone know who Bin Face is yet? Yes. The helmet has been removed. The bin has been removed. He's a comedian. Oh, is he right? South East London.

27:33Ellie Gibson: I wrote to him to ask him on the podcast and to say that he should have some policies for women like extending maternity leave to 18 years. And the other one was he should criminalise eating an apple or breathing too loudly around a perimenopausal woman. And he has not written back. That's my celebrity attitude. Exactly. Who have I got? Okay, here we go. Fatboy Slim. Ooh, again topical. He seems like a nice man. He seems alright. Let's have a look. What will you be doing to the Slim? Sorry. Oh, I snorted! Damn it. Ooh, tongue kiss for 45 seconds. Ooh! Is my husband looking at me askance? He's invested in this.

28:22Ellie Gibson: Well, let's see how much for he might change his vibe. Your husband actually looks like Fatboy Slim. There you go. He does a bit. Are you all right, Norman? Anyway,£69 ,000. Yay! What's your husband's name? Pete. Sorry, Pete. Yeah, yeah. It's over. What's that, darling? Take the money! My husband is going to let me tongue kiss Fatboy Slim, everyone! Anything for money! Oh, brilliant. Oh, done it for 69p. There we go. Excellent. Now, would someone in the audience like a go? Would anyone like a go? Maybe someone a bit older. Maybe someone who can consent. Maybe over 18 might be good. Yeah, what about this lady here?

29:06Oh, this is a hey. Okay.

29:08Ellie Gibson: Here we go. All right. What's your name, lovely lady? Oh, hello. Oh, like a one-woman disco. What's your name? Laura. Laura. Okay. And these are your kids here, Laura? Hello, what's Laura like? Is she a good mum? Yeah, he's had to say that. Oh, there goes the hand, there we go, just went like that, but she wasn't looking. Alright, would you think Laura would do anything for money? Yes, yes she would, okay. Alright, well let's see Laura, who have you got? Kemi Badenoch everyone! Now do you know who she is kids? No, she's a very naughty lady, let's say that. We like to be politically neutral on the Scammy Mommies podcast.

29:52Ellie Gibson: Are you a Kevin Badenock fan, Laura? No. No? Well, let's find out. That sounded a level of drama and tension, hasn't it? What have you got, Laura? Oh. Put a finger up the nose of. Oh. Oh, is there a wasp? Put a finger up the nose of. But for how much money, Laura? 599. Oh, 599. Now, that's a nice weekend away, isn't it? Yes. That's a PlayStation 5. That's not nothing, Laura. I'll give you a minute to think about that, Laura. While she's thinking, I'm going to turn this over to Dom and Dick. Would you put a finger up the nose of Kemi Badenoch for just under£600, Dom? What do you think I'm going to say to that?

30:34No, I'm all right. Like I said, I'll do everything, anything. Anything for money.

30:39Ellie Gibson: Excellent. So we've got one yay, one nay. Laura? I'm with Dick. I'm doing it. She's doing it! Anything for money! Excellent. Congratulations. We have a really cool prize for Laura. What is it, guys? Look at this. It's a doorstop. Yay. It's a charity shop 10-piece special. So let's explain what it is. We released this in what, 2012? Explain to the listeners because they can't see it. It's Dick and Dom's big, fat and very silly joke book. Did you actually? I actually found it in the loft the other day and I gave it to my daughter. Is it actually quite good? Yeah, there's some good jokes. I'd read it for years because we did it in about 2012.

31:16but this is actually one of the best selling joke books it did sell really well it was now it's 10p in Oxfam the illustrations in this book were done by our friend who is also a very successful puppeteer called Dave Chapman and he was the puppeteer he was Henson's train so he worked with Brian Henson and all that lot most of the movies that you've watched that have puppets in it he was one of the puppeteers but he was also the lead puppeteer for BB-8 in Star Wars. You know the droid, the ball that whizzes around? That was him. That was him. Now, speaking of bees, this is a very weird segue. Do you know that Dick and Don were bananas in pyjamas?

32:00The British version. Not the costumes one. Not the ones where they're running around in costumes. We weren't inside there. But the voices of the cartoon series. Yes, they were B-1 and B-2. Laura's standing here. I know, Laura's just standing here. All right. Should we give them the prize? Stop reading your own words. I'm sat there reading it.

32:18Ellie Gibson: Yay, make money! Enjoy. What a game. We've got just a couple of minutes left. Should we finish with one more go of anything for money? And this time I'm going to make you decide as a double act. So this is a test of your friendship, of who is the boss. Everyone knows what the answer's going to be. You've got to agree. Oh, okay. One more go. One more dip. Okay. Here we go. It is. Claudia Winkleman. Oh. And you'll be. That one's too nice. Put it right. Yeah. Hug for four minutes. Oh, that's too, this is too easy. It's too nice. I like a hug, so I'm all right with this. Okay. And the money is, oh, there's two.

33:01Oh, oh, oh. There's three. Can we add it all together? 222 pounds plus. Someone's gonna do the math here. One million pounds plus 44 ,000. How much would you do it for? Oh, what is it? Not the combined amount?

33:17Ellie Gibson: I haven't really thought this. Well, there's over a million. No one's ever just picked three numbers out of the bag before. Well, we know Claudia. We were with her before and we've hugged her when we met her. So if it means just being paid for hugging her, anyway, let's take the money. That's too easy. That's too easy. We're not going to end on a damn squib. Come on. One more. One more. Oh, okay. Okay. Why is that a damn squid? It's too nice. It's too easy. You're not going to get any dirt. You do know that. There's got to be one in here that you're waiting for, isn't there? Different one. Too political.

33:49What was it?

33:51Ellie Gibson: No, you can't do that. Who was it? Nigel Farage. Oh, come on. He's the baddie. I'm not getting involved in that. I've got Mr. Tumble instead. Mr. Tumble, yay! Let's do Mr. Tumble. Okay, all right. Everyone would be really annoyed if you had a go at Nigel Farage. Suck. Whoa. You sign. Wait, I'm going to have to stop a minute because I've already got the vision of him doing this. Suck the toes of Mr. Wow. What do you think I'm going to say? No. So stick your money away. Where's the money? Where's the money? Oh, there's two left there. There's two left. This one. Okay. Suck the toes of Mr. Tumble for£69.69.

34:44Yay! Would Rich do that? Come on. It's a pretty low blow. Come on, Don. Well, I don't know, but it's over to you, Rich. I think it'd be lovely. Anything for money!

35:02See, that's the firework we were hoping to end the settle. We're£69 and£69. Yes, family friendly

35:10Ellie Gibson: everybody. Well, thank you so much everybody for being such a lovely audience today. Yes, thank you for coming. We are so glad that it's finishing at this moment because our brains are imploding with hangovers. Yeah, okay. Well done. Well done. So yes, thank you. Congratulations again, Laura. And of course a huge big chair for Dick and Don. Yay! Thank you so much. Thanks everybody!

35:48The other question I get asked a lot is, why did you decide to call yourself Dick? Because obviously kids don't understand that it's a nickname of Richard, you know, like William, Bill, you know, Dick. Yeah, because surely that, you know, in the age of social media, some of your clips like on TikTok and things, surely that gets flagged up. Do you want to watch this, you know, content or whatever? So, you know, it worked very well on live TV. You could say dick as much as you like, but on social media, those things aren't as popular. Yeah, we found it hard actually to get a TikTok account. Yeah, we did.

36:21Yes. We had to go to like the head of TikTok to say, you realise this is just a name. We're not trying to be. Yes. It's tricky.

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