"You Look Like A Swinger!" Abbey Roasts Pete's New Tash & Garage Disasters | AMA

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1:09He looks like a swinger, doesn't he? I can't believe I'm getting that. Pete's got the mustache. You do look like a swinger with that. Do I? I was the shower shabra. I bent down to pick up the shampoo and he decided to shove me. What, in the shower together? So I gave it an extra bit of force. Oh my God. And he slipped and fell out the bath. I think it's different. It's health and safety, isn't it? I mean, it's just, that feels dangerous.

1:35Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. And me, Gaz. How are we, guys? And my friend here. Who is your friend, babe? It's a mosquito bite. It's my chin. Look. It's the most symmetrical mosquito bite I've ever seen. It's like directly on your chin. It's huge. It's itchy. Ouch. And I cannot cope with it. I've like cut myself like I've scratched it. Scratching it. Have you? Oh, bless you. I literally feel it. Kaz and I, Kaz came over to Portugal for a few days and we were just sitting outside having a glass of wine. You were in China. China. China. And I got bit on the chin and we just both looked.

2:15Kaz was just like, I've just seen that land on your chin, bite you and fly away. and my chin just went they're brutal in Portugal I swear I swear whenever I'm out with you guys they just I absolutely hate mosquitoes fucking pointless things aren't they they are pointless they're pointless they're horrid I'm sure there is a point to them you know I don't know in the animal kingdom there probably is a point to them while they're around but for humans they are very annoying the absolute worst yeah oh bless you well you look great you can't see it so you're all good just piggybacking on that though Pete, China.

2:49We didn't even talk about that. How was your trip? Yeah, it was great, mate. I was really, really interested in something different. I went with Cherry Cars. They're going to... Unbelievable. Unreal, some of these cars. Well, I've got one. It's unbelievable. It's like a spaceship. Yeah, they are incredible. It's just incredible what they're doing out there. I think they're going to take over the world. Some high-tech shit, isn't it? Yeah, proper cars. yeah and they're cheaper than what we've got so I just imagine that they're gonna they're gonna take over yeah haven't they done a collab with yeah it's like Freelander oh cool actually Range Rover so yeah but listen guys China was amazing that's the reason I was over there but China is is so different you know we went to Shanghai at a place called Woohoo which is like four hours away nice yeah yeah that was It was a really, really interesting trip.

3:47But it was in and out, really. Didn't see enough of it. We'd like to see more of Shanghai. It looked incredible. Is that where you flew in and from, Shanghai? Yeah, we just went from there. Did you get taken? Some flight. Did you get to see any of it? Did you get taken to a karaoke or anything like that? Really, no. We were kind of in and out. Like, didn't see enough of it. I'd like to go back. I'd like to go back with you to Shanghai. I couldn't go because, obviously, it's half term. And I had the kids. I don't like leaving them. Yeah. Because I'm a clingy mum. Yeah, you are. It's funny what Jack said today, our little boy.

4:23He was like, the girls are having a go at me. She's had various things, bits and pieces. And he just said to me, Dad, I'm never making that mistake. I said, what mistake's that? I said, I'm never getting that.

4:36He's seven. He knows his mind. He's his own man. But this is the boy. This is the boy who's been like, all he does is cuddle me, kiss me. wants to sleep in our bed every night like with me, glued to me. And he's saying that. I was like, listen to you, you little Judas. It's so funny. Yeah. No, I'm never doing that. I was like, what do you mean? And then he's like, I'm only messing with me. He just wanted to go to golf with me. It was his plan. We had a lad's day today. He's great company, Jack. Oh, he's just good company. He's great. What a gem. That's so funny. How was your holiday, Gaz? Oh, yeah.

5:13I went to San Sebastian. Have you guys ever done? Have you ever been? No, I'd love to go. Oh, did you go there? I'd love to go there. I was going to miss the show. I love this pod, but if there's one thing I love more than that, it's a glass of sangria. So I'm only human. I had to go. It was good. It's the food capital of Europe, I have to say. Yeah. Generally, they have this thing, this delicacy called a pincho. It's everything on bread. I don't know if you've had that in Portugal. They must have a similar kind of thing. Lots of little bread things with aubergine and stuff on top. And I wasn't mad on that.

5:41And I thought, oh, maybe this isn't for me. and then I went to a steak place and I thought it was renowned for the steak yeah I didn't realise well they've got loads of Michelin star restaurants haven't they it was I've never had anything like it this isn't just like hyperbole just because of the pod it came out and someone was like do you want some fat with that and I was like normally fat is like gristly you can't chew it it was like butter it was like garlicky oily butter just melts in your mouth the whole it was like 60 day age 90 day age steak it was the best thing I've ever had in my life so would recommend the best thing ever best steak I've ever had yeah yeah Would recommend.

6:13Was it expensive? We can't, yeah, I don't know. When you've had six bottles of red and you keep ordering more and more. I don't know. It was a big group of us. I think it was a couple of hundred quid each for a very lavish meal. Who'd you go with then, guys? If it was a big group? A load of couples and me. Yeah, it was my mate. Swingers retreat, was it? You know me, mate. He looks like a swinger, doesn't he? Am I giving swinger? You're giving swinger. I can't believe I'm getting that. Pete's got the moustache. Oh no You do look like a swinger with that Do I? Just more 18 Porn star A little grief for this Tash I like it I'm only kidding I do love it mate What do you like about it?

6:53A fucking porn star I definitely did not say You look like a porn star I said you look like a swinger A swinger A swinger You said that you have bacteria in it Don't you? Well it definitely does So what do you like about it then? You haven't paid me any confidence I think it suits you and it's Movember coming up no actually all jokes aside it really really does suit you and if you kept it going I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid do you know what I mean it's one of them it's just a confident choice isn't it of facial hair I think so it just screams like strong man what did you say to me the other week trisexual you've got to try anything once try this out give it a go who said that in a previous pod who said trisexual no you've got to try what I said is you've got to try not sexual Yeah, but you know, that as well.

7:40You've got to try things. Try things. You know, just try lots of things within reason. Once, you've got to try them out. You might like them. Tash is one of them. Baggy blue jeans. Tash, that lot. Yeah. You know, listen, some work, some don't. The jeans didn't work that time. You've had to Tash loads of times. I think you look smart. Yeah, I do. Yeah. I think if you've got a nice suit on. Well, I had my first live complaint about this podcast the other day. I was in the lounge on the way to Shanghai. Lovely couple who listened to this podcast. So shout out to them. I can't remember their name, so I'm not going to shout their name out.

8:19Do you remember that guy? They were so lovely. He got over to you the other day. Do you remember me? Yeah. What? The guy said, do you remember me? Yeah. Yeah, like just a random man. It was like, hey, Pete, I met you before. Do you remember? It was in the airport. A guy worked in the airport. He was like, no, mate, I don't. Yeah. I know this couple they were amazing and they were going on holiday I was in there for a long time because I was between Shanghai and I flew to London and then I was flying to Portugal and so I was kind of stopping over for a little bit so they were there for ages and they were so lovely huge fans of the podcast and she said obviously I've got a problem at the moment she said it just won't stop shabbering me like it's getting out of control and And she's like, I'm always clenched at all times.

9:11It's not a nice way to be. It's not a nice way to be. That's hilarious. But you know, they love the pod. And I enjoyed their company as well. I actually put you on FaceTime to her. Do you remember? Oh, yeah, I do. Oh, that's nice. She might have written in. Because the first one here is all about that. It was the shower shabra. My partner and I listen to the pod religiously every week. We aren't usually together when we do, but we always talk about it when we're home in an evening. Anyway, tonight, after a long day at football, we hopped into the shower. I bent down to pick up the shampoo and he decided to shower with me.

9:42What, in the shower together? In the shower together. So it was only fair I repaid the favour when he turned around to get out. Only he clenched his little bum cheeks. So I gave it an extra bit of force. Oh, my God. And he slipped and fell out the bath, hitting himself on the sink on the way down. Oh, my God. Alarming our daughter, who was hysterically laughing on the other side of the door. at me as I was absolutely howling. He thankfully didn't hurt himself too badly. Where do we stand on the shower shabba? Love the shower shabba. I think it's dangerous. It's health and safety, isn't it? I mean, it's just, that feels dangerous.

10:19Yeah, it does. In a slippery, wet environment. Yeah. You know, things could slip in, out, on the floor. Yeah. It's a dangerous place. stairs, kitchen is more like it I think only going up the stairs but you could well if you're going to be nitpicking you know you shouldn't play on the stairs no you shouldn't play on the stairs you shouldn't shabber on the stairs because you could go oh and fall down the stairs fall on top of the person who shabbered you nice disclaimer there babe don't try this at home I think the shower's too risky though I think it's risky to put your shower on you know the jolting because it's the jump isn't it it goes straight through the glass the jump and the slip yeah no even the soapy you know the soap on you it could go places things like that it's naked you know through trousers I don't think shabbering is a sexual thing no that's what I'm saying obviously not but it's dangerous it's dangerous don't do it guys there's your public service announcement there we go exactly just It could be dangerous.

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13:07Hi, guys. I'm a woman. As you can probably see from my name, Danielle. It could be Daniel. I love football, but my question is, why do former footballers always turn to golf? Football is amazing. Golf is shit. You go from fans screaming and singing your name to a bunch of lads standing around going, like, ooh, why? No, they actually don't, you're not allowed to talk. You don't talk. Do we get complete silence? When they've hit a good show. When I call you and go, you're like, babe, I can't talk. Neil's just taking his butt. I'm just like, oh, fuck off. Call me back. Neil's just taking his butt.

13:43Or whatever it's called. No, you're right. That's spot on. I do say that. Sorry, babe. Yeah. Neil's just patting. I'll give you a second. And then you, oh, I like it. great effort can't stand it why not no I think when you become a kind of more mature man I would say you know an older man I think football that is great but you get to the age I've played so much football that things hurt now and I think it's more relaxing playing a bit of golf well you're well lubricated what does that mean just saying you're normally drunk so you won't Well, you know, it's more of a casual sport, is what I'm saying.

14:27It's a more relaxing, I think, like... It's a walk in the park. Yeah, it's a nice walk with a bit of sport. And I think that's why football has been so kind of caught up in a really intense game that, you know, I want to do something a little bit less, not stressful, but a little less physical. You look, sometimes you look very stressed when you come home from golf. Yeah, it's a good point, actually. You've had a bad round and you've smashed your golf clubs in half and threw them away, threw them in the ponds and stuff like that. It's a really good point. Sometimes I do think, why am I doing this?

15:02It's stressful. Could the highest high of a goal, like a hole in one in front of your mates, is that as high as scoring a goal in the Premier League? I'm fucking choking. Is it? I think it would be on a par if not better. Have you not got one yet? No, because... Sid's has got one, I think. I've scored loads of Premier League goals. Oh, my God. He's such a knob, this guy. I've never had one hole in one. Listen, scoring a goal is the best thing you can ever do as a sportsman. I absolutely adored every single goal. I can remember them all. But I've never had a hole in one. And to do that in front of just three of my pals, it's all I want.

15:44It will just make my life. That's how important it is to me. How many of your friends own a hole in one? Loads of them. Do you own a hole in one? I've just got one. Loads. Most of them. At least one. At least one? At least one. Gosh, I think golf is like absolutely impossible, to be honest. You think about how hard that is. Yeah. Most of these shots are like 160, 150, 160 odd yard shots into a tiny little hole. It's ridiculous. That gives me a headache. That doesn't give me pleasure. that makes me think I just don't want I can't do that because I will never ever be able to do it in my entire life.

16:27Just imagine you did though. Yeah but it wouldn't give me any pleasure if it got in the hole. Would it not? No. Genuinely wouldn't. So if you've hit 160 yards I've got a strike at bowling before backwards through my legs that was pretty epic. You're joking. Yeah. No. Yeah I can vouch for that I've seen it. Backwards through your legs so you turned away from the runway or whatever it's called the aisle through it backwards. Yeah. Threw it backwards through my legs and got a full strike. Hit two bars on the way down.

16:58I did not have the bars off. Almost hit the third one. I didn't have the bars off, you little cow. Absolute cow. It was a straight on strike. Straight down the middle. Oh, I bet that felt good. I saw. It felt good, but not like life-changingly good. No, it was good. but I saw a hole in one right I've only ever seen one live been in the group and it was an American called Hunter Rankin legend of a fella we'd had a few drinks and he'd had more than me and he hit this shot and it went in that was up there with some of the greatest sporting achievements of my own career and I'd only just met him that's how excited Sid's got one hasn't he yeah that's how exciting they are though But I could get you a little bench with your name, wouldn't I?

17:49If that's what you want. It's not about just getting a bench and lying about it. It's not. It's about the action. Could you not go to, like, another golf club and pretend to people that you got one? Yeah, but I'd know, wouldn't I? I couldn't. I could not look at myself in the mirror and say that. If someone said to me, have you had a hole in one? And I went, yeah. And they go, where was it? And they go, yeah, I just didn't. it was Pebble Beach I could not you couldn't make it up I reckon people do definitely people do all these AI videos now as well I reckon there's people out there that say they've got only ones that haven't got them I reckon Abs what gives you the biggest endorphin release what's your big thing that you really love because I remember asking you about Strictly you said it made you nervous made you sick to your stomach and obviously getting a strike No, I absolutely loved it, but the stage fright was heavy.

18:49I was so nervous. I'm not like a performer. I'm quite shy. I know I'm comfortable with kind of my people and I'm the loudest person in the room, but, you know, I'm not like a, I don't know. I'm just so nervous, so weird. You didn't like that nervousness? Like going out, getting your name called and going out. I'd just be like, oh, my God. And, you know, as much as I loved it and it was incredible and the best experience, it was so scary for me. Yeah. What do I love? What do I love the most? What gets you out of your seat? Like, oh, my God, yes. Is it like a good show, like a concert or a... Yeah, music.

19:35I love music. I love going to see bands. I love riding my horse that would be it wouldn't it I reckon you should try show jumping I reckon the exhilaration of getting over riding pretty fast and jumping must be amazing I'm fucking scared of speed aren't I I know but I think it would be exhilarating I was training on a race horse I actually had to quit I couldn't do it You like, what's it called? It's so frustrating because ability-wise, I can do it. Ability, I can do it. Just my mind cannot do it. Like, the fear. Fear holds me back all the time. It's just so annoying. Frustrated, that. I know.

20:24It's so annoying. Like, heights and stuff. Like, it's so out of control, the fear. Yeah, but that's not your fault, is it? Yeah, but I'd like to not be like that. it's something that it's so sad but my what do I love the most? well I think horse riding you're passionate about aren't you? I mean you get you get excited about in series you do the thing that gives me the most pleasure is like a tidy airing cupboard or something like that like it's not even a joke you know like an organised airing cupboard organised drawer like it's literally like porn Is that a hole-in-one for you? You know if you walked in, right, and the last time you were ever in cupboard was a real mess, right?

21:13Well, it's never a mess, is it? Yeah, but say it was, and you came back and it had been organised within an inch of its life. Is that like a hole-in-one? Yeah, literally. Like organising things is my hole-in-one. I know it's so pathetic, but... Say, for instance, our garage was like full of shit, right? You came home and it was done. And it had all, like, everything was named. Yeah, have you seen on, like, Instagram where there's, like, all those organised boxes and all labelled and photos and all that? That's my holy one. So that's your holy one? Yeah, but I am a fun person. No, you are a fun person, yeah.

21:49It's just sport just doesn't give me that. Adrenaline rush. But, see, I think you're missing out. I think we need to find you a sport where you go, like, you have that. Yeah, well, I'd like to play paddle. Oh, yeah. I can facilitate now. We've had our court for about two years and you haven't taught me once. We can play again. You don't ever want to come out there. It's the last thing you want to do. No, it's hard. I do. I was like, babe, let's go to the panel. No, no, I'm just organising my wardrobe.

22:19Animals is my passion. Baby animals. Yeah. I just think that a lot of people miss out by not feeling live sport. or even watching it. When you watch Istanbul or a game like... I love the World Cup final. It's amazing. That's what I'm saying. I don't think you give sport a chance. I think... Babe, I love sport. I love sport. But I just don't like... What sport do you want me to do? I just think if you watched even more football, like if you just... just a Champions League final. There's a lot of girls who don't like football. I like the big games, but I'm not watching Leeds play fricking wolves.

23:09Just no. That'd be a good game. It's a decent game. In the pissing down rain. That'd be a decent game. No. No. I don't want to. What about the Masters? Something like that. I think that would bore you probably. No, I love watching the Open. What about the Super Bowl? I don't know. We're going to get you a sport, right? I've got a sport. Don't be making this narrative that I don't like sport. What is your sport? I go and watch, my daughter plays tennis every day. No, I'm talking about professional. My kids play football. A professional one to watch. I like tennis. Yeah, you do. And I like watching the Olympics.

23:43That's a good point. I like the Olympics. I love the gymnastics. What? We'll watch gymnastics. What the fuck are you laughing at? I was just really excited to watch a sport with you. And then you said, let's start gymnastics. I can't do that one, sorry. You always watch gymnastics where they jump on that bloody... Once every four years I watch gymnastics. I'm not watching that on a Saturday afternoon. Three o 'clock kick-off, gymnastics. It is phenomenal, though, at the Olympics, isn't it? When they spin around them bars. They are incredible. Jump on the horse. Aliens. I do like watching show jumping.

24:21You like tennis. I remember we watched the US Open final, that kind of thing. That was fun together. Wimbledon. We do together. I think tennis is our one together. Let's stay with that. Of course it is. Let's go with that. Beautiful. All right, babe. Well, you know, it's just, I like recording in different environments. I can't, I'm actually pissed off with you. Why, why? When you laughed about my passion. What did you say? Gymnastics. I didn't laugh about it. You didn't? No, I just said, it's funny equating a hole in one. To me, it's so strange comparing a hole in one and organising a garage.

24:56For me, it's chalk and cheese. You can organise the garage. I'm not doing that. No, no, no. I'm not saying you're doing it. I'm saying it being done is your equivalent of a hole in one. That's not normal. That's not normal. I'm sorry. I love you, but that's not normal. Well, you don't have to be, wouldn't you? I love you. I want to create a hole in one for you. I'm going to organise our garage tonight. Okay. Alright, we'll see you next time. See you next week, guys. Ask me anything. Shabba.