Live from the Push 4 Paternity Leave March!

31:02But what I realised I was doing was I was sharing in the joy and the wonder of parenthood as well. And that is something that I wish for all parents, for all fathers. And so this last column is an example of that. And then I will give over to Biddy with more knowledgeable knowledge and these statistics. But thank you so much for listening to me.

31:23Your eyes remain open for bigger stretches now. No longer any constant state that either sleeping or wishing that you were. You could spend hours on end just looking around, taking it all in. The book says you'll be awake for long enough that you might cry from boredom. It's if I wasn't self-conscious enough about my conversation as earth. And yet how can you be bored when you are seeing so much for the first time all of the time? When at any point your brain might switch from black and white to colour, I just wonder you haven't just stared, taken it all day. How can you be bored when the sky is so big, when the world is so interesting, when people are so interested?

32:01When I've placed a picture of a penguin so close to your face and myself sitting front row at the Iron Man. How can you be bored when the day is so gross, when the road is so bumpy, when you have an award-winning entertainer for a father? You've just gone through a tunnel for the first time, you know what a bird has been lying in your tummy, counts as exercise. How can you be bored when this existence is so utterly enthralling? When this world holds so much wonder? When it is enough to simply look around taking it all in? Or when your eyes finally closed and you were heavy on my chest? I want to take a photo but I am too afraid to wake you to decide that the rest of the world can wait.

32:40Because how can I be bored when you are here, when you are ever from? It is enough to simply sit and stare, taking its for.

32:55Harry had everybody laughing and crying at the same time. What a poet. And he speaks from the heart and has a son of his own. So yeah, that was a beautiful, beautiful speech from Harry. Next up, we have the MP Stella Creasy. Please don't worry, I'm not going attempt to sing it's absolutely fine what i am going to first and foremost do is say that we have got to give a massive massive thank you to jolie and elliott for being a continual they are

33:35and i like called it every time they are the jolly and kenny of paid parental leave The Mel and Sue, the Charles and Camilla, the Superman and Wonder Woman, who had literally kept this on the agenda in politics, rain or shine. And I am so, so grateful to be on this journey with them, because every single time we get a setback, I get a text from Joni, which is like, crap on. So can we just give them a massive round of applause, because without them, we wouldn't be able to do this.

34:17For all I know that that place right now doesn't look great, I am hopeful. Jesus Christ, I'm a parent of young kids and I'm wearing white trousers. Of course, of course I'm hopeful. But I'm also wearing pink because pink is my political act in this agenda because of flamingos. A flamingo goes white after it gives birth because of the biological exhaustion of looking after a baby. Every woman in this audience who's ever done that knows exactly why those flamingos have gone white. And that's the thing. We are missing the colour, the creativity, the productivity, the benefits of women being able to be who they are all the time whether they have kids or not in our society in our economy because of the way that we've set things up that is why the motherhood penalty exists so when i wear pink it is to remind my colleagues of everything that we are missing in this world right now because we haven't sorted this challenge every single woman who is being locked out of the workplace or feels that she can't be who she is because right now she is just exhausted.

35:37I just want to give a massive shout out to everybody who's here with a newborn baby. It is about half past one in the afternoon. You've had about three, four hours sleep in chunks and you've shown up and I am in awe of you because it is an extraordinary thing to be able to do.

35:58I'm also in awe of every dad and second parent who wants to be part of this because right now you're not part of our conversations in that place and you should be and so we are missing out for you too this isn't a competition is about the collaboration and what we're trying to do is the start not the end of changing things because there is so much we need to sort out i want to give a shout out to every single parent trying to raise children I want to give a shout out to everybody with multiple children. Jesus Christ, the Meconium from one child at a time was enough. I want to give a shout out to every parent of a child with special educational needs.

36:48Yes, this is a complicated subject, but right now we are letting perfect be the enemy of good. I tabled the amendments of the Employment Rights Act to get paid parental leave, not because I thought there was one single policy, but because I recognise that when we are so far behind our European counterparts, this isn't what's bad for the economy, this is good for the economy, this is good for society. We cannot let the review that we now have be the reason why we don't make progress now. I want to give a massive shout out to my partner in crime in Parliament on this, who's sitting over there. Now, I'm a Labour and Cooperative MP.

37:33Jojo is a Conservative peer. If that doesn't tell you that this debate is not business as usual in that place, Jojo and I have been trying to change the law. We lost the vote in Jojo's house by six votes. That is a margin that we can overturn, but only with you guys. When the new parliament returns, we're going to try again.

38:02And I want to thank every single campaign organisation who is helping to make that case and show that actually when the world is this uncertain, the thing that we do do are the things that are good for the economy and good for society. because I tell you this if we don't win the argument there is another argument out there that's come into that place too it's the argument that says the problem this country has is its fertility rate is women are asking too much women are not having enough babies as if you're all starfish and you reproduce asexually it's just about women don't be fooled that handmaid's tail agenda is now being actively debated in Parliament.

38:40So every single one of you faces a very clear choice. Never be on the back foot in fighting for the change that we know would make a difference to every family in every formulation, in every community, in every industry, in every economy. Because if you don't speak up, well those other people will. And you've heard that drumby. You've heard the people complaining that women aren't having enough babies You've heard the women saying, like Emma Greed That somehow women wanting to work flexibly are holding themselves back You've heard Piers Morgan make fun of men who look after their babies If you don't fill the space with your voices telling my colleagues That this time round we need to see this happen Six weeks and 90 % pay Well, that other debate is going to win This is a fight for the future we want to give every single kid here so that no more do people feel that the struggle and juggle is somehow normal.

39:39It's not normal. This shouldn't be that hard. We should all be able to be chilly and bandit.

39:50I am going to do my level best to make sure that Jolie doesn't have to keep texting any of us anymore. but you need to use your voice tell your mp that when those changes come back in the new parliament now is the time for change tell your mp that you will support them whenever anybody says this is somehow bad for business the opposite is true tell your mp we're not gonna wait anymore because we are too tired too frustrated and too busy washing all the yogurt off our trousers and our sofas and that weird stain that's on a jacket that just won't go away but you're pretty sure it's snot we haven't got time for this to be something that's always put on the back burner anymore 90 90 percent in six weeks is the start not the end let's get that and then we can get more and then every single one of these young people will never have to protest for this again wouldn't that be a brilliant thing

40:50thank you to stella who always does a cracking job at these events and i loved her analogy of the flamingo next up we have cbb's presenter and dadvenger nigel clark hello everyone hello hello thank you so much for coming out today thank you to parenting out loud for organizing it it's so lovely to see dads mums kids families all here together because before anyone has even said a word that speaks volumes to the people that work out here there don't you think? Okay so my name's Nigel and a lot of you know you from CBeebies from educating and entertaining your children I'm not gonna bust them to someone right now The baby face baby tub yet you know how much that show has supported you okay and how much it's supported people in this country.

41:46Imagine if that show wasn't there. Imagine if CBeebies wasn't there. It would be a different place. You'd feel less supported. Dads feel that way now, don't we? And we want things to change. Through my work at CBeebies, I had founded an organisation called Dadvengers. We support dads on their parenting journeys. That happened because I saw there was so little support out there for them. and I've done a lot of work with expectant fathers through our expectant fathers course and some of the things that I've heard that dad's saying and these are like direct quotes I felt like I couldn't even hold my baby before I went back to work I felt like a spare part in those early days and then I got dragged back to the day today these people have wanted to help they wanted to support they wanted to give their time but they hadn't been supported by their workplaces and that is not fair that impact runs deep because those early moments they aren't just small moments i think and i think you agree that they are everything those are the moments that we bond with our children i've had people already come up to me today and say thank you nigel you helped me so much when baby couples on you you helped me bond with my baby you helped us have some beautiful times if we supported our dads to have those beautiful times everything our economy our workplaces us our social spaces would change and that is what we're here for today.

43:35Now the thing is we already know better. The research has been done. We know that involved fathers improve outcomes for children. We know that it supports mental health. We know that it creates stronger, more resilient families. So the question is, isn't does it matter? The question is why aren't we doing more about it? Why is paternity still treated as a bonus instead of a basic? Why are so many dads forced to use unpaid leave, annual leave, or simply just to miss out altogether? Why does support depend on where you work? Right now, good support isn't the norm. It's the exception, and that is not good enough.

44:20Through Death Avengers we work with organisations to help them do better. To move beyond the policies that just tick the boxes to cultures that genuinely support fathers. And when these organisations get it right, the change that you see is immense. That's come back from paternity leave, more engaged, families feel supported, workplaces become stronger. This isn't just good for families, it's good for business and it's good for society.

44:52So what we're asking for isn't unrealistic or stupid, is it? Today isn't about confrontation, it's about visibility. What we're asking for is fair, it's necessary, and it's long overdue.

45:11It's about making sure this conversation isn't ignored. It's about the dads that are coming up. It's about the next generation of dads. We don't want those dads worrying about Spending time with their kids or going back to work. We want them to be able to step back After having paternity leave and feel supported not sidelined. So if you're here today, thank you If you brought your family along today, thank you. If you've talked about change like this if you've shared If you've just helped this happen, please give yourselves a massive, massive round of applause.

45:52Because change doesn't happen overnight. Change happens when people show up like you're showing up today. So I want to leave you with one thing before I go. Years from now, your children aren't going to remember the emails you sent, the meetings you were in or how busy work was they're going to remember who showed up who held them who supported their mums who was present when it mattered most that is what today is really about it's not policy for policy's sake it's not ticking boxes it's about giving vads the chance to be there for the moments that shape a lifetime So let's not let this be a one day conversation, folks.

46:41Let's keep pushing. Let's keep speaking up. Let's keep showing up because dads do matter. And when dads are supported, families are stronger. Thank you. so grateful to Nigel who's been such an avid supporter of increasing paternity leave for years next up we have be a happier parent on instagram whose real name is Alex Trippier I cannot believe they put me on after the CBeebies guy like literally all the kids are like Nigel's been on let's go right it's like going on after taylor swift can i just get a quick show of hands who has brought with them today a child between the ages of one and three whoa my warriors that's the one that is the age when you're trying to put them in the pram and they do the plank not a slide down the bucket room you can't put me in i don't miss that six weeks for dads It's not about dads.

47:49I'm going to talk to you about mums, I'm going to talk to you about kids and I'll leave a bit of time for dads at the end. My job is trying to understand why couples fall out so much when they have young kids, why we think we're going to have this blissful time that's going to bring us together but actually often it really pushes us apart and i get messages and emails every day from mums who are overwhelmed they're exhausted they're living on the edge of burnout and they ask me can you try and help me find the words to explain to my partner just how much i'm carrying those are the good emails those are the ones I could do something about and I get a lot of interactions from mums who've given up trying to have that conversation and they checked out and they are now just looking for a way to leave without hurting the children.

48:53In the last 30 years the expectations of parents has skyrocketed our understanding of what it takes to nourish young brains and bodies has got so much bigger now you might think some of those expectations were a nonsense it's irrelevant they exist and at the moment they fall squarely on the shoulder of mothers why because we tell them it's their job our parental leave system says that in black and white dad it's your job you go back to work as quick as you can that is how you're gonna look after your children you're gonna make money mum you're gonna do everything else and then you're gonna go back to work and make money because families can't exist on one income anymore and that sticks it sticks because men don't have the lived experience of carrying that full responsibility we just don't we don't understand what it's like in the same way mums you don't know what it's like to be given the message that actually once you have children you're going to crack on pretty much exactly as you were before but maybe work a bit harder six weeks at 90 pay will take some of that overwhelming burden off mothers and it will save relationships kids my kids are here my oldest is 17 my youngest is 13 no one knows how old the middle child is There's a middle child.

50:34I hear a lot that this generation have no confidence and no resilience. And I'm like, you need to come and meet my kids. They're like the best people I know. And one of the reasons they are so resilient, apart from if I ask them to pick stuff off the floor, in which case they need a mental health day. It's too much that. I can't do that. Is that they have two strong attachments. not just one i'm one of the lucky ones i've been able to mold my career around time with my children so many families can't afford that we know there is an indisputable link between fathers and resilience and fathers and mental health particularly in teenagers and that is a relationship that starts early you can't just walk in on the 13th birthday and be like i'm your dad let's talk like you've got you've got to be showing them that care from early it's about trust six weeks at 90 pay and we will have mentally stronger more resilient children all right

51:47I don't have to explain this to you do I like you get it and I'm gonna get a bit emotional because I spend a lot of my time fielding anger towards dads for not doing enough. And when I try to explain this to dads, I'm like, look, this isn't your fault. You didn't create this massive imbalance in expectation. But it is, however, your problem. It's your problem and it's your responsibility to fix it. And that is what I'm looking at here is a bunch of men who are fixing that massive imbalance.

52:28We know, we know that care changes men in the best possible way. It changes our brain shape. It changes our hormones. It makes us more empathetic. Six weeks paternity leave. 90 % pay. We will save overburdened mums. We will save relationships. We will have healthier kids. and we will build better men and we need better men. Thank you.

53:03Alex is so good at understanding the specific challenges that couples experience because of the system and articulating it in such a way that you really can't argue with it. So we're really grateful to Alex for making the time to come and speak. Next up, we have co-founder of Dadshift, Alex Lloyd-Hunter. Hi everyone, I'm Alex Lloyd-Hunter, I'm co-founder of Dadshift. We are a cross-route campaign to improve pretending to leave with tens of thousands of people across the country. We started the Dadshift because we love being dads. I think that fatherhood is the most incredible thing a man could do with his life and we exist to help men do more of it.

53:52and I suspected everyone would feel the same and the reality is we are not alone this generation of fathers is leading a revolution in how we see our role in the family we are rejecting the model of distant closed-off breadwinner that was handed down to us by our fathers and our grandfathers generations but that cultural shift is running into the reality of a society and a political system that still defines us through our jobs and defines our wives and our partners through their families and so we have a system where we want to do things equally but we have mums overwhelmed drowning with everything at home was locked out of opportunities at work and dad stuck behind a desk wishing they were at home with their kids and our public enemy number one the thing that is driving that from the first day our kids were born is our absolutely rubbish paternity leave how is it that we are see ourselves as this forward-looking enlightened country and yet we have the worst paternity leave in the whole of europe even the Vatican City a country where it has a lot of celibate priests and the Pope gets better paternity leave than we do it's wild so there's one message I wanted to give you all today it might not feel it when you're needy bit of blue closure but parenting is political and we all have power parents have power because this government was elected off the back of our votes millennials and parents were more likely to vote for labor in 2024 than any other demographic group and because they are there because of us that gives us power they need to start delivering for us because the reality is that in this country parents are too often hung out to dry opportunity leave it starts with opportunity the worst in europe we then have maternity leave paid at five quid an hour below the poverty poverty line and then when we're back to work we have to somehow work out how do we work until 5 30 and be at the school gates at 3 30 how do we fit 13 weeks of school holidays into five weeks of annual leave when we don't have the flexible working rights that will make that possible.

55:51And then our kids go up and they get phones and then we have to protect them from the social media that our government is so far failing to protect them from themselves. It doesn't have to be like this and my message is we are going to be the generation that fixes it. We are going to hand down something better to our kids and to the generations that come after them.

56:15Because parents are the sleeping giant in our politics and we are starting to realise that. We are starting to learn what our power is. So the more we do together, the more we come together, when we talk about this on social media, the more we nag our politicians, the more we do stunts and get ourselves in the news, the more our power grows. So let's do this, let's fix this, let's get some proper decent pertaining to leave that we deserve.

56:39I want to finish by thanking Jolie and Elliot, not just for organising this, but for being the OGs of parental leave campaigning. Doing this for years before DadShift even was a kernel in my eye, what the phrase is. Also, thank you to Stella who was just speaking. She has been pushing the boulder up the hill in Parliament for years where no one else was talking about this. Thank you, Stella. And thank you to everyone, like the Father Institute here as well. They've been fighting for dads for decades. All the stuff that DadShift is doing is building on the foundations that these organisations laid.

57:12and in particular, Jolie and Pregnant and Screwed. I really don't think without Pregnant and Screwed, the dad shift could exist because it was mums standing up and saying, we want our dads, we want our kids' dads to be at home and a bigger part of their kids' lives. It made it possible for men to say, actually, yeah, we want that too. That's okay for us to want too. So thank you, Jolie. Thank you, Elliot. Let's keep fighting. Thank you all for being here.

57:37Dad shift have really changed the game when it comes to paternity leave. many of us have been campaigning on paternity leave for years and years and years and we were really grateful to Dadshire for coming along and being men shouting for better paternity leave so thank you Alex for supporting the march and for coming to speak next up we have somebody that I know very very well Jolie Brearley oh wow what a new voice thanks guys um my watch has just told me I need to stretch so when I say what do we want and you say proper paternity leave and then I say when do we want it and you say now I want you to punch the air because we all need to move a bit okay you ready what do we want yeah it's amazing wow thank you all for mostly for getting here really safe because I was responsible for the risk assessment and honestly that thing is the bane of my life.

58:40I was imagining, I was waking up in cold sweats, imagining like a pile up of prams with some like squealing dads under it, saying, I thought this would be a nice day out, what have they done to me? The last time I was here, at a protest on Parliament Square, was on a big red bus over here from March of the Mummies, and I I looked out at a sea of hopeful but furious faces. And at the time I was furious. I was incandescent with rage. And I was cross because I'd been campaigning for eight years and in that time nothing had changed. In fact, things had got significantly worse. The number of women experiencing pregnancy and maternity discrimination had almost doubled.

59:29Women were having to leave their job because of childcare costs which were going through the roof. The number of women having abortions because of childcare costs had almost doubled. Flexible working requests were being pulled so people were being told they had to get back to the office and we just come out of a pandemic where women have been giving birth alone.

59:53But today in 2006, 2016, 2026 I'm feeling quite a lot more chill. So I'm going to talk to you about the motherhood penalty through interpretive dance.

1:00:11And I want you all to join in. Who here knows the running man dance move? Come out, where's Stella? Stella knows her. Where's Stella? She's gone. Agnes, come on. Yeah. Right, are we going to all learn it? Agnes, you can do the Burning Man, I know you can. What you've got to do, you pick your foot up, you put it down, you switch, okay? But you've got to move your hands at the same time. Come on, you ready? I need some action, energy. Let's go, you ready?

1:00:51Yeah! Nice effort, guys. And without music, we're going to rebrand that dance move to the running parents. Because whilst we continuously feel like we're running on the spot, and we're just not moving forward, we feel like we're not getting anywhere. But thankfully, things are changing. They are going to start getting better. We have an Employment Rights Act, thanks to charities and campaigners and unions, and that will give us rights to miscarriage leave. It will reduce the amount of NDAs that we see. It will give us better rights to flexible working. It will mean redundancy protections for those who are pregnant, those who are on maternity leave, and those who have recently returned to it.

1:01:44Because we stood out here in 2022 on that big red bus, 15 ,000 of you came out in March for more affordable childcare. We now do have more affordable childcare. We have the 30 funded hour scheme, which is reduced cost. I mean, it's neither free nor is it 30 hours, but still, you know, it's a step in the right direction. And today we are standing here to demand better parental leave rights for all parents. So we can do this. We can do this. We've seen it protesting words. You making the effort to come out today will make a huge difference. The economy runs on two things. All economies run on this.

1:02:32Paid work and unpaid care. For too long, we have treated one as valuable and the other as completely invisible. them. Mothers are expected to white knuckle it behind closed doors, to do all the often brutal caring work and never moan about it, just get on with it, whilst we are propping up the economy with our unpaid labour. We can change that. We will change that, together.

1:03:18Thank you so much. It was worth the wait. If any of you don't know The Running Man, then I hope you've been practicing it at home while listening to this. You know, I may be biased, but obviously that was the best speech of the lot. Next up, we have CEO of the Fatherhood Institute, Cathy Jones. Hello. Well done for hanging on in there. I think it's time to go home soon, isn't it? You've been amazing with all your babies. I'm Cathy Jones, I'm Chief Executive of the Fatherhood Institute and I think it's all been said and that's wonderful. So I'm going to keep this really, really short and just say we're so happy to be here to support this sort of burgeoning movement and this push for change in the world.

1:04:04But we've been telling the story of Involved Fatherhood for about 20 years now And I think it's really important to remember that the reason we do this is for our children. And all the research that we disseminate and publish tells incredible stories about men's fatherhood and tells us that men were built for fatherhood. That's what they're essentially here for. But they are sort of cruelly prevented from building those really early attachments in the first period of life, in that critical moment. So I think I want to say we're here to push but we're going to need to push push push to do so much more and the six weeks is just the start as far as we're concerned and I think there's something about how can we take this 1950s model of parenting which is so old fashioned and out of date it doesn't work for us.

1:04:59let's dismantle it and really think about how we can redistribute care between mothers fathers and others have a great day it is lovely to see you and say thanks again thank you to Kathy the Fatherhood Institute have been in this for the long haul they are the dons when it comes to campaigning for better paternity leave and finally you're going to hear from me again and my co-host Elliot Ray as we close out the event guys email your MP don't let it rest drive them insane go to the meeting things drive them mad we can't get this over the line I am really confident that by February next year we will have six weeks potentially with 90 % this Halloween is thanks to all of you for being here and for taking the time on a bank holiday weekend to join us thank you this has been absolutely incredible give us a round of applause please to all the mums all the dads all the beautiful children and babies we appreciate your time thank you so much the sun has come out for us we are so lucky and as jody says we're gonna do this right our children when they have kids the dads are gonna have six weeks at least pay for 10 sleep i go hell yeah we are changing what parenthood looks like we are changing what motherhood and fatherhood looks like and we are all involved every part everyone here has played a part in this movement i am so proud we are so proud it's been months in the making and it's been so so worth it i want to give any of a quick story there's a dad that i know he has two kids his first was born before covid and he had the two weeks of attorney's leave with his his first child he went back to work got on with it the second child was born a couple years later in covid actually and he was able to be there with his kid wandering with his kid doing bath times doing bedtimes and now years later his younger kid when his younger kid is upset he goes to his dad for comfort when his younger kid needs something for to help him when he's got a nightmare at night when he's not sure of himself his first call is to go to his dad this stuff is around how we increase bonds between dads and their children this is in future stuff this is important stuff we are here changing lives.

1:07:28Thank you so much, everyone. We love you all. Take care. I'll see you soon.

1:07:36So thank you for listening. Thank you to everybody that attended and supported. Thank you to everybody that volunteered and promoted the event. That was a real community effort, pulling that off. If you've listened to those speeches and thought, my God, we need paternity leave, then please write to your MP. That's something very proactive that you can do and do it now because the government are currently undertaking a parental leave review and we need to make as much noise as possible. Thank you, everyone. See you soon.