We should party more

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0:47Greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. See terms. I love to party. I have for a long time, although I've toned that down quite a bit. I don't mean to brag, but my wife and I throw the greatest parties. It's so hard to get people out of their houses these days.

1:03Jonquilyn Hill:So another rule I have is I just invite like literally everyone. You have been invited to a fabulous secret party. You arrive to the apartment. I buzz you up. A friend of mine that you don't know greets you at the door. and then they immediately put a blindfold on you. They take you by your hands and then they walk you through the apartment and they sit you down. They take your hand and they put it on someone's knee and they say, Hi, JQ. This is Brandon. Brandon, this is JQ. I'll leave you at it. If you need anything, just raise your hand. We're happy to bring you a drink. And then you start talking to a stranger.

1:49You have to be very thoughtful in the curation of the 25 people that I was doing this, you can't be people who know each other. And people start talking to each other. When you take a sense away like this, it markedly changes the way you engage with someone. You really kind of skip the basic questions, and you kind of start going into your feelings. We do about 10-minute cycles, and then a little bell rings. And then my friend who's helping me will help me rotate the pairs. So you're meeting a different person, and we go through this cycle maybe three times. And then finally, you can take your blindfold off.

2:29And you obviously can see the person that you've most recently had a conversation with. And then a lot of the evening, you kind of spend it trying to figure out who the first two people you were speaking with, you know, during the beginning of the party.

2:43Jonquilyn Hill:This is Victor Jeffries. He's based in New York. And as you can probably tell, he's very serious about creating an experience that is both magical and memorable. I love pushing up to the line to make people feel uncomfortable in the safest of ways, just to kind of switch it up a little bit. Many of us haven't switched it up in a while. We're in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. More than half of Americans say they feel isolated, and there are lots of reasons why. One is that the art of the social gathering is in serious decline. In 2023, only about 4 % of adults said they went to a party on a weekend or holiday.

3:31Jonquilyn Hill:It's like we forgot how to host a dinner party or a blindfolded meet a stranger soiree. I'm John Glenn Hill. This is Explain It to Me from Vox. And this week, we're going to teach you how to throw the perfect party.

3:49Jonquilyn Hill:Humans have been turning up for thousands of years. Imogen Willidge traces the evolution of the party in her book, Up All Night, A History of Going Out. And she says there was a time where the rowdiest parties were religious. So for most of human history, the experiences that we associate with nightlife, so drinking, dancing, music, you know, hedonism, For most of human history, those experiences were simply part of religion because religion was so all-encompassing. You know, it contained people's hedonistic instinct. There was nothing really outside of it. And so there's even evidence, which I love thinking about this, that the churchgoing experience in medieval England was actually quite rowdy and quite raucous.

4:34And there's one theory, like on feast days, there would be drinking, there would be dancing. And there's one theory that pews, like the wooden pews were introduced in Wells Cathedral here in England to subdue the dancing because it was so raucous.

4:49Jonquilyn Hill:You know, I can see that. I think of when I go to church on Sunday and hear the music, I do get the same feeling I get when I'm on the dance floor and I hear Kei Trinata. I can imagine how these religious experiences allowed people to kind of access that feeling of release through music and through dance. An expression that I came across when researching the book that I think really wonderfully kind of captures the essence of nightlife and partying is this term coined by the sociologist Emile Durkheim in 1912, which is collective effervescence. that's the feeling that we experience during peak communal uh experiences so um you know whether it's at a sports match or a you know concert stadium and even you know within religion you're talking about your your church going experience you know that is collective effervescence and that is the same sensation that surge of euphoria that people feel in dance floors and so and so i do think parties and nightlife are such an important way to access this very important human feeling, particularly in societies that are increasingly atheist or increasingly secular.

6:01You know, we need nightlife to have these communal, euphoric experiences and feel part of something bigger than ourselves.

6:11Jonquilyn Hill:You know, you've written about how, yes, parties are fun, but they're also at the epicenter of some pretty important cultural and societal shifts. Can you tell me about that a little bit? Well, I think nightlife is very uniquely poised to allow for experimentation and innovation and transgression. And also in a very practical way, if you're part of, you know, the abstract expressionist scene of mid-century New York or something, you need somewhere to to meet and talk to people and figure out how you're going to sell your crazy, you know, work that's like nothing people have ever seen before. So these social spaces, I think, play a really, really important role in culture.

6:56So yeah, the abstract expressionist artists were hanging out in the Cedar Tavern. And then you have things like the Viennese succession movement and Cabaret Fledermaus was part of that meeting space. But then similarly, you get things like dance and music that's very much created for dance floors, for clubbing, for nightlife. You know, the can-can.

7:23And then disco.

7:30And then techno. Nightlife has had this, you know, really, really crucial, propulsive, you know, it's been so crucial to the propulsion of culture.

7:47Jonquilyn Hill:A lot of this is happening in the club, but I also wonder, what about parties happening in private homes? One of the great examples of people opening up their homes and actually in a sense of turning the home into a club was turn of the century New Orleans. So this is like the advent of jazz, the beginning of this, you know, seismic shift within music. On Saturday nights, people would host fish fries, which is basically when you would open up your home to the public. You would charge entry on the door and once inside, people were treated to this amazing spread of food, drink, and there would be bands that would perform at them.

8:27And it was often a way for households who were struggling with rent payments to just earn some extra cash. Like, you know, great, great function. And it really, they had a huge impact in the development of jazz culture. meant that there was always work for musicians because these Saturday Night Fish Fries were such a big part of the social scene in New Orleans. And similarly, you know, it happens again in Harlem in the 1920s. You know, Langston Hughes writes about the Saturday Night Rent Parties where people's apartments would be opened up in the exact same way. The Saturday Night Rent Parties that I attended were often more amusing than any nightclub.

9:04In small apartments where God knows who lived, because the guests seldom did, but where the piano would often be augmented by a guitar or an odd cornet or somebody with a pair of drums walking in off the street. And the dancing and singing and impromptu entertaining went on until dawn came in at the windows. And he wrote about them and said they were more interesting than anything that was going on in the cabarets and the clubs. He was going to those as often as he could and collecting the invitations for them So people would write their address on business cards, like leave them in, you know, different shops and pubs and hairdressers or whatever.

9:44And then you would pick them up and then go to the party. And Langston Hughes held, you know, collected them. And they're now randomly in a Yale archive of all places.

9:57Jonquilyn Hill:It's just so funny to think of like the party being historical. It makes me think of my freshman year, the upperclassmen who were renting houses near campus. They would have these parties and they would be like, OK, we're going to have a party. It'll be for the freshmen. We'll charge them all like five dollars to get in. You come in, lights off, music is loud, sweat dripping down the walls. But they had their rent for the month. They made a pretty penny off of us and our five dollars. I had no idea that was part of like the American college experience. I'm glad that rent parties are still going.

10:31Jonquilyn Hill:As you think of parties over the centuries, are there elements that all the best parties have in common? Like, I don't know, what do all the best parties have? Yeah, I guess, you know, at their very, very kind of core essence, you know, you need like good music, you need good lighting, low lighting, crucially flattering lighting is very important. But I think also you need to create this atmosphere where the sense that sort of anything can happen and what you want is for the people that are at your party to feel like they can behave differently or do something a little bit wild. I think that there's something very satisfying in experiencing a kind of domestic world upturned a little bit.

11:20You know, I think, you know, seeing the kitchen become a gloomy cocktail bar, you know, the living room becomes a dance floor. I think there's something there's something very satisfying in experiencing that. And I think it goes back to what the heart of nightlife culture or party culture is all about. You know, we want to shed our daily lives. You know, you want that sense of slight disorder that makes people feel kind of alive.

11:55Jonquilyn Hill:Up next, how to transform your domestic world into a place where everyone can get a little bit wild.

12:17Do you hear that? That sound, right? That means that summer's officially here. It means that grown adults just sprint into the street for a frozen dessert shaped like a cartoon. But this summer, Mint Mobile has a better treat. Every plan, including unlimited, is$15 a month. And unlike ice cream, it won't drip down your wrist or look nothing like the picture. Does anyone have any cash? Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three months, $90 for six months or$180 for 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only.

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14:09This is Explain It To Me. I'm JQ. My name is Halston Bruce, and I have a bunch of titles, but basically I call myself a toast mistress. I'm a curator, I'm an event producer, cultural producer and consultants, and also an experimental olfactory artist. So I tinker with perfumes.

14:29Jonquilyn Hill:Halston hosts huge parties for corporate clients with celebrities and hundreds of guests. She's also hosted smaller parties for her friends at her L.A. loft. And she says no matter what the event is, the role of the host is always the same. I mean, to make people feel comfortable, it's a transmission of care, right? Like you're bringing somebody into your space and you want to disarm them. Like you want to make sure that they feel comfortable to go talk to somebody else. I mean, it's saying all this and like, oh, I'm a party host, host mistress. I'm deeply an introvert. So something where someone like me would feel comfortable, like, hey, this person also studies olfaction, you should talk to them.

15:10Or, you know, somebody making like a nice introduction or kind of giving you. That is one thing I love doing is introducing my friends that I've never met before or a new friend and bringing them in and making them feel very comfortable.

15:21Jonquilyn Hill:How do you create that comfortable space? How do you get your guests warmed up and sort of, I don't know, ready to settle in and have a good time? When somebody comes in, I give them every single ounce of my attention, my being. I focus it on them if I don't know them. I shake their hand or hug them and look them in the eyes, give them eye contact, and then show them where the beverages are. So usually my first thing is like, here's the beer, here's the wine. You don't drink, that's awesome. Here's like a decaffeinated tea I made, you know. Like making sure that they like can help themselves. Like you are in my house and you're welcome to be here.

15:59Jonquilyn Hill:walk me through some of the must-haves for a good party from a practical sense like what do i need to do food wise music wise light wise vibe wise say it's my first time hosting a party i want to do a really good job what are some things i should do well my like big trick that i learned in in doing this work is that you only get one shot at having people come into a space. You only get that opportunity once and you like cannot fuck it up. So when I'm hosting bigger events, it is that like first, I always make sure that that like first reveal is on point. Like I do not open the doors unless it is perfect.

16:40I'm into scent and fragrance. And so I always make sure that my fragrance is on point. So whether it's incense, lighting candles, and then music is also very important. I love music. I love deep cuts. So I always try to have something where someone's like, hey, what is this? Like if they if somebody notices the playlist and says like, I don't know what the hell are we listening to? Like, I like it. It's weird. Like that is such a compliment. Yeah. Would you see someone sneak out the Shazam and just very covertly? Yeah. Yeah. And then as I mentioned earlier, like non-alcoholic beverages. If you are cooking for people, making sure you know their dietary needs.

17:18And another thing that I really like doing in my own home, can't do this in bigger events, but I have a bunch of mismatched glasses that I've just collected, like hand-blown glasses and weird ceramic things, like just goofy stuff and just things. Every single glass is different. So when I direct people to the beverages, they get to pick out their glass. And so that's... Oh, that's cute. Yeah. And that's like theirs for the night. It's identifiable. So not everyone's drinking out of red Solo cups. Like you have to have proper glassware.

17:47Jonquilyn Hill:Say you're at like a dinner party and you want folks to connect with one another. I know that as a host, you're like, OK, I'm very present. How do you encourage that connection among your guests with one another? I actually quite like the Proust questionnaire. I think it's like 35 if I have questions or something. But I've taken it upon myself to rewrite the questionnaire and write some new questions of my own. What do you like most in a person? What do you like least in a person? Kind of like silly, simple things like that, that like, you know, you can answer anything and it could kind of just be a conversation starter to something else.

18:24When and where were you happiest? On what occasion do you lie? And everyone always enjoys it because you're basically interviewing them, right? And asking kind of their deeper, ingrained thoughts. Is life long or is it short? What's your favorite idea of happiness? What do you fear most in life?

18:42Jonquilyn Hill:How long did it take to perfect your party throwing? Like, you know, I imagine it's a lot of trial and error, a lot of, ooh, this worked, this didn't. I mean, that's a good question because I don't think it's ever going to be finished. And I think because each one is its own, like, element of chaos, bringing people together. Like there's so many things you can't control when that happens, you know, you do have to be confident to bring somebody into your space. Right. And I think to get over that, like the little little things like having a really sick playlist or like have your DJ friends send you something.

19:14Be like, this is the energy I want in the room. Like if you don't have those skills, like ask your friends, ask somebody to host with you. It's hard to get people's attention and to get people in a room together like you got to make it good. You have to give them an experience. And whether it's just really amazing company, like how many parties have I been to where it's like I could have given a shit what was going on. Like the people there were amazing. But it truly is magical to bring people in a space together and kind of see what happens.

19:47Jonquilyn Hill:Coming up, the other half of the equation. How to be a magical party guest.

20:24Jonquilyn Hill:Thank you. billed annually. Masterclass is made to fit any schedule. With audio mode, you can turn your commute or workout into a classroom. You can also download lessons for offline access and learn on your terms. Our colleague Claire White has used Masterclass. It's so great to learn from true visions in their fields. I've been watching Anna Wintour's personal style one, learning about that. How do I hone in my own personal style? I've been watching some of the cooking classes with Aaron Franklin of Franklin's Barbecue. There's just a wealth of knowledge. You can try Masterclass without risk since every new membership comes with a 30-day money-back guarantee.