#2884 Love Hotel S01E7 Part 1: Hurricane Storms

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1:54Ben Mandelker: Watch what crappens, watch what crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?

2:20Ben Mandelker: Ronnie. How's it going? Hi. Hi. What's going on? Where'd you been? Not much. Just enjoying a lovely Tuesday here in Los Angeles. We have a big show on Thursday in Seattle that we're really excited about. Going back to the Neptune. Please join us for the season premiere of Real Housewives of Miami, which we'll be recapping there in Seattle. And then one week later, we are bringing our show to the Fonda Theater in Hollywood. I have to say, Ronnie, I drove by the Fonda yesterday after my haircut, and they already had Watcher Crappens up on the marquee. And it was honestly very surreal to see our podcast right there on Hollywood Boulevard over those stars.

3:07Ben Mandelker: I mean, at that point— That's so cool. I'm going to go take pictures. It really is. Yeah, I would have taken a picture, but I had to go to the bathroom. So this is like my ongoing thing. It's like I saw Gertie, but I had to keep going. I'm like, really? Like, I have a lot of panic driving happening. Anyway, the point is come join us on Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles for a really special show. A really big, it's going to be a really big closeout to our Mounting Hysteria tour. That's going to be on June 19th. So just a little over a week away. We're going to recap the Valley because, of course, we'll recap an L.A.

3:41Ben Mandelker: show in L.A. So tickets, if you want to get tickets, the links to our tickets are at WatchWhatCrappens.com. Also, be sure to join us on Patreon, which of course is Patreon.com slash WatchWhatCrappens. We do Crappens On Demand where you can watch us. We're on it right now. So hi, everyone. And then those are exclusive on Patreon for a week. And then they are free on YouTube, the videos. Also, we are doing daily with an asterisk, daily Love Island recaps. daily as in anytime we sit down to record here our podcast we're going to do love island recap it's not seven days a week we're not waking up on saturday and doing it so it's usually going to be like monday through thursday um although this week we are traveling to seattle so it'll probably just be monday through wednesday but either way the point is love island recaps are happening they're fresh after the episode so go check those out on patreon that's all the exciting news and And today we are talking Love Hotel, which, wow, what a doozy of a show is so deranged.

4:45Ben Mandelker: It is such a hilarious show. It is. It's nuts. It's nuts. But I did have a moment where I was like, called it because I remember in the beginning of this, I said, Earl's too emotional for Shannon. You know, everybody's talking about how Shannon's too emotional for Earl. Earl's shown some emotional instability as well. And I'd like to say that poked its head through last night. Although, you know, maybe I'd want someone to call me if my house was in a hurricane or whatever. I'm not saying none of his points were right. But Earl's way too emotional of a guy to be with someone like Shannon. You can't have two hurricanes in the same spot, guys.

5:22Okay?

5:23Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Yeah, it was a big emotional hurricane. I think this is the first time we've seen a hurricane get in the way of a relationship on The Real Housewives. So I'm like really impressed. This show is really breaking new ground. Well, I like that a hurricane took down a relationship of a storms. I know. I know. You would think that she'd be equipped for it since her last name is storms. But no, no, no. So we start. They just get stormier. And seeing Shannon have a breakdown with those two gigantic curlers like Mickey Mouse ears in the middle of her head was amazing. Great work, guys. Great, great, great work.

5:59So are they ever going to do this show without Shannon? honestly shannon fannas kind of made this whole show if you think about it like every piece of

6:07Ben Mandelker: drama has come from shannon it's like the shannon and luann of it all like ashley is fine you know it's sort of like she's like fascinating to watch this like awful love triangle she's found herself in and giselle is just there for comic relief but the luann in her weird ass relationship in the corner like weird weird weird relationship super weird it's just weirder than you could imagine from SNL the old SNLs where they're like hello Rachel Dratch and Will Ferrell sitting in a hot tub like hello hitting on people in the hot tub they're just so strange and then you have Shannon just like spiraling with the guy named Earl the Pearl I mean it's it is going to be really hard to replicate this for sure alright so let's go from the beginning we start with Joel final decision right around the corner.

7:02And then we see a pause sign appear on the screen and rewind, rewind, 66 hours until checkout. Dun-dun-dun. Vizelle sits with Phil. And Phil's like, I mean, I'm 62 in Bel Air. You know what I mean? I don't have time to play games. I could see us being best friends, lovers, all of it. The king and queen of Bel Air is what I see. so it's away president's ballet you wish and then now 65 hours until checkout as she's sitting

7:36Ben Mandelker: with ralph and she's like yeah i've had a lady relationship in the past couple years so well that should be discussed i'm kind of over it it was a phase of that was that's another conversation it wasn't a phase come to daddy 48 hours until checkout uh so now everybody's in the main lounge and James is like, no one touch Leanne, cause she's my girl. You can't touch her. And Mitch is like, your handling of her is not the way I would handle a woman. My God, I would punch you. And Leanne's like, oh, wow. How rude. Violence. And yet it's over me. So kind of sexy. 25 hours until checkout. Shannon's in her room with the giant curlers in her hair.

8:25Shannon? Shannon, are you okay? Can we come in, Shannon? Shannon? What happened?

8:32Ben Mandelker: Last time I saw Shannon, she was dancing on tables. We were having a great time. And now here she is, crying with two curlers in her hair. I know. It's Earl-related. Or the remote control broke again. I'm not really sure. Last time, one of the AAAs was a little bit loose. She almost started the hotel on fire. Shannon, did you over-microwave your salmon with cream cheese again? It exploded, didn't it? It's my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. And now, 72 hours until the final checkout. Back to Joel. Hey, it's a very exciting day here at the Grand Velas Boutique Hotel. Ladies, your gays and your gals have left us.

9:18Ben Mandelker: Sadly, one gay was stuck behind and that one was me. So sad. Oh, well, it's nice to hear what the bellhop is going through, but I'm not sure why he's keeping me from spending time with Earl the Pearl. Can I stir a pot a little bit? Now, this is pre-tears, Shannon. As you can see, my hair is not curled yet. Can I just stir the pot? Someone was walking to get in the elevator. Hold on. Let me press my lips. Shirtless. With a very silly grim on his face. Pointing. Pointing. It was James. It was James. For a moment, I thought it might have been a risque waiter finally bringing me my spinach and artichoke tip, but no, it was not.

10:01Ben Mandelker: It was just James sneaking out of Luann's bedroom. Oh, sexy. Luann and James sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. And not taking the proper precautions you need to have if you're going to be in a tree, especially with all that pollen around. So really, I advise sitting on a bench next time and doing it indoors. Stop giving trees syphilis. That's what I say. So flashback to earlier this morning, we see James banging Luann. And so Joel's like, oh, Detective Shannon, do you know where he was coming from? She goes, well, I'm going to say that Countess's room. He smelled like Benson and Hedges and was singing something very off key in two chords.

10:41Ben Mandelker: I once fell on the hedges. Let's roll that clip for the 16th time, right? Such a hilarious clip. Iconic, if you will. Hey, here we go. That was a private thing. That was a private thing when you saw me in that room, everybody. I banged the wind. Don't tell anybody. All of you. It's my girlfriend right there. Babe, look around. Do you think anything is private around here? Come on. What? Is the bellhop insinuating that he's put up cameras to spy on us? Well, this is unacceptable at a resort. This is a luxury establishment, and you have a bellhop spying on us? That's just unacceptable. What is Shannon anyway?

11:16A peeping Tom? I don't need a peeping Tom. Oh, I'm saying Tom. I don't want to say Tom again. please don't roll the clip. It's all about Tom. Everybody together. All right. Thank you.

11:29Ben Mandelker: I didn't know this was a secret. I mean, even though I did say I was going to stir the pot, which inherently meant that I knew it was a secret, but I didn't know it was a secret because James has professed his love to Luanne. Did David ever profess his love to me? No. Did John Jansen? No. Did anyone ever profess their love for me? No. You're like Shannon Bedore, sent into an existential crisis by seeing James in a hallway. Well, Earl has left my room multiple times, and I guarantee you he has a big grin on his face. One thing he does not have on his face, the remnants of artichoke dip, sir. Yes, he has a big grin on his face because he emerged from my room without there being any vegetables in sight.

12:10Ben Mandelker: So can we get that artichoke dip, please? So Mark wants to say something. He's like, well, I find it personally difficult in this environment to show your emotions. There's a limit of protecting yourself and not being over the top. And I am the person dressed like a poo from Aladdin. I really can't stand those over the top people. I express my dissatisfaction. The more sleeveless I become, the more dissatisfied I am with someone else. That's my rule of thumb. So I think my fashion speaks for itself today. So then we see Mark two days ago talking to Luann, saying like, he claimed to. And James is like, hey, you're my girlfriend.

12:56And her saying, no, I'm not. Not yet. Well, I feel like you're my girlfriend. No, no. Stop it. Stop following me. Keep following me. Why'd you stop following me? Keep following me.

13:10Ben Mandelker: Well, everyone. Well, you know, gentlemen, this is your journey as well. Yes. basically he's saying James is acting that's what he's saying let me translate this to you in housewives speak which is you are fake acting and doing this for the cameras and Joel's like none of this is in the script and I'm not getting paid enough to care so let's just move on I have this with Bo and Yang in about 10 minutes so let me wrap this up so I can talk with actually funny people I have an extremely low energy zoom coming up i have just a very droll i have a very droll zoom coming up i really need to wrap this up because i'm trying to write fire island too and i'm sorry i've incorporated a character named shannon mador and i'm just not into this it's really ruining the script so james like well there's no more eliminations till your final date and that's gonna be lovely oh no joel says there's two no more eliminations there's a lovely overnight date with the guy that you choose before you make your final decision.

14:12It's going to be like rotisserie chickens fucking in the case. So, can't wait for that.

14:19Ben Mandelker: Giselle's like, overnight, dah! Oh, you're just going to throw someone in my bedroom? Don't you realize I have no interest in anyone here. I'm just here to make jokes and call out people for the bullshit. I'm not really intending to spend overnight with anyone. Yeah. So, of course, Ashley wants to spend time with Ralph and Wale, but there's only one of me. number stopped you before go for it Ashley you can do you can climb this hill Ashley I believe in you besides Ralph will be asleep in five minutes yeah true and you know he's a snorer so the producer is like while I will keep you up guilting you the rest of the night so you're gonna go to sleep before me like you think you can just go to sleep before me like what about me I'm still awake so you're just gonna like are you just saying that I'm like so boring that you're just gonna go to sleep and like I'm just gonna sit here awake and like that's what you're gonna do like you bring me all the way up here to like not even talk to me just gonna go to sleep have some couth so then producer asked Giselle who's a better cuddler, Phil or Theo in her mind and she's like I don't like to cuddle did your mouth just open?

15:20what'd I say?

15:22Ben Mandelker: you know you're on a dating show Giselle so then Joel's like okay well the journey does continue today I have another great group date for you so I'm actually too bored to even tell you what the group date is so you just have fun we haven't figured that out yet go to the parking lot we've got some dollar store decorations coming out you'll see there they're like okay yeah so this is a group date and um theo doesn't like group dates which one's theo he's like the he's the doctor with a surprisingly good body yeah he's like my wife's a bitch or whatever that guy so then um jazelle's like well he has stuck with ashley from day one i'm sure he's feeling like why isn't it just me yeah they're trying to make while they happen well it's not happening she doesn't like wally i feel like in the real world wally has a lot of like um i feel like a lot of uh strong claims of like i don't want to fight for you anymore like i've shown you that i'm interested i want to fight for you but you came onto a dating show where that this is the format So like you can't reinvent the wheel here when you're already in the wheel.

16:32Ben Mandelker: Okay. So you have to just like, just, you've got to do the things to do. I've seen it happen before where it actually works out because there was a girl on the bachelor. Okay. Peter, the pilot who was also on traders went on the bachelor and he was, there was kind of an awkward, weird girl who didn't really belong there and he kept picking her and nobody really understood why. And then he's like, okay, I want you to come to this overnight thing. She's like, no, this is like so weird. Like, I don't want to have to date you and all these other people. And he's like, okay. So he sent her home and people were like, whoa, that's cold.

17:05And then he ended up dating her after the bachelor. He dumped the one he picked and ended up dating her. It's happened a few times. I think with Ari's season, there was a girl who started crying and she was like, I don't want to do this. It hurts my feelings. And she left and then he ended up dating her. I mean, it happens. It happens.

17:21Ben Mandelker: I know. I understand that. I also do feel like this is one of those weird things where gender roles do play, um, play a role because like, there's this idea of like men are supposed to pursue regardless. And like men are like basically just like cavemen and are just going to like fight for dominance. And I'm not saying that that's any of that is good or right, but like, I kind of feel like that's why it feels weird to see the guy just being like, Oh, well, what about me? I mean, versus like, I feel like we're like, we've been trained or socialized to be okay with a woman doing that. But with a man, with a guy being like, well, I've already put myself out there and stuff like, he's totally right.

18:01But at the same time, I'm like, well, you're on a dating show. Yeah, you're right. You're on a dating show and you should, you should play the game.

18:09Ben Mandelker: You know, like if it's a lady, I'm like, good for you. No, you're worse. If it's guy, I'm like, come on, fuck up, fuck up and play the game. whether that's right or wrong is a whole other issue well and it's also not real too it's like you really think you have a shot with ashley you've you really did find people who don't watch his show you know what i mean like they really found people who don't watch housewives because ashley we all know ashley's type and it's not wally okay ralph ralph i believe it's not wally and it's not wall b it's definitely wall z yeah or wally you know if she's got to be alone she'll She'll choose a robot, but it's not going to be some guy giving her emotional shit like that the whole time.

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21:23Ben Mandelker: That's 50 % off your first year at Monarch.com with code CRAPPINS. So Ashley and Mark are talking and Mark is saying this over the top stuff is bullshit. I'm interested in switching courses. You know what? I decided I like Giselle all of a sudden. And she's like, whoa, whoa, wow. So you feel the vibes of Giselle? And he's like, yeah. And he's basically says, look, I let Luann and James do their thing for a long time. I'm out. It's too much. Giselle hasn't settled. Giselle doesn't have anyone and she's pretty. So whatever. I'll go after Giselle. Yeah. He's like, you only live once. There's no 20-year-olds to bang here, so I'll try Giselle next.

22:03And Ashley's like, yeah, he has zero chance. Zero chance. So now Giselle and Theo are still talking. And Theo's pissed off at James. But she's like, have you all duked it out? You and Phil? Oh, no, Phil. They're talking about Phil because Theo wants her to. And she's like, well, you know, why don't you have to fight? Like, get away from her. No, you get away from her. No, I live in Bel-Air. I don't care. Where is Bel-Air? Then we could have a Bel-Air fight.

22:32Ben Mandelker: He was like, nah, we don't have that sort of thing. I mean, I did ask him how things went last night. He said things went well, but yeah, we're not going to really fight over you. We're just going to be gentlemanly about it. She's like, damn, I was hoping you guys would fight over me. Okay, well, I do know that you're a dessert guy. Yeah, I am a sweet guy and I love sweets. It goes both ways. What?

22:56Ben Mandelker: What? What does that mean? It goes both ways. When you're a dessert guy and you love sweets, it goes both ways. Because when you're a sweets guy, you love desserts. You want the dessert to want you back? I don't know what he's talking about there. So Theo says Giselle's his type. And she's like, yeah, I don't know about him. He's a mystery. I'm not dating any of these people. You can move on to the next person. nah. So there's something flying around. And she's like, is that a fly? And he's like, it's something. She's like, that's a real man. Okay. So then Wally is sitting with Shannon and Shannon's like, oh, how are you doing?

23:31How do you feel about Ashley? Why aren't you married to Ashley? Are you going to ask Ashley to marry her? I can't wait. I got a t-shirt coming in that says, Ashley Wally. Don't wait.

23:41Ben Mandelker: He's like, well, I don't have an answer. You know, I stopped searching for the one. He says, you know, Ashley got the best election, to be honest, between Ralph and me. And that's some cool, calm, collected gentlemen so who does ashley want to be with i don't know i can't gauge it so um i by the way the idea of like wale confiding into shannon mador is like very funny to me fannon loves wale it's hilarious it's like i only care about wale where's wale sitting where is he sitting does wale have his own paintbrush for this paint and sip please respectfully what about Wale and Shannon Bedore. That would be kind of hot.

24:17That would be kind of hot. In a weird way.

24:20Ben Mandelker: I feel like he would be like her little boy, but like, he's like, he's like younger and like sexy, even though his personality could use some work. And like, I feel like she deserves like a young hot man. Like that would be kind of cool. I don't know. So Phil is, so they're having this paint and sip group date and it feels like I'm sitting next to Shannon. I already know that. And she's like, oh, Phil, sit next to me, Phil. Get over here, Phil. And Ralph was like, am I a man without a country?

24:55Ben Mandelker: Come to daddy country. So, I love paint and sips.

25:05Ben Mandelker: The only thing I like when I'm painting a sip is a paint and sniff.

25:15Love isn't all only about the heart. It's also about the soul. Please paint things. So uh, lo 'em's like, Ralph, get over here. You're always at the last in musical chairs. And he's like, I'm always the last one. So Ashley, she's actually mad about that.

25:30Ben Mandelker: By the way, did you notice there was like, there was an element of tone in her. Like Ralph, you need to pull up. If you're going to be playing musical chairs, I'm sick of you. What coming in last? Okay. It's called energy and dedication. How's it happen? who is the last one to sit down in musical chairs. It's called Listen to the Beat. When you're a real musician, you do that, okay? Okay, we're going to start you off with the Congos, and we're going to see if that works. I mean the Bongos. Bongos in the Congo. Okay, here we go, Ralph. She does that with all the men. It's really funny. She's like, stop it, James.

25:55Stop it right now. Respect my girlfriend. I'm mad. You know? Pull your pants up. You look ridiculous.

26:03Ben Mandelker: Ralph, this is the last time I want to see you come in last in musical chairs. Okay, I've trained you well. You should be at least mid-pack by now. All right, so they have this paint party and Isis is the paint lady. She's like, this is acrylic painting. The animal will be your guardian during your life. So choose an animal that speaks to your soul. Ralph, why is your animal asleep already? God, the first thing he painted was sleeping eyes. Okay, Ralph, repeat after me. Okay, I'm going to sing a song. And when I stop singing, sit down. Money can't buy you. Line. That was not a stop. That was me trying to figure out the rest of the line.

26:44Stand up. It's going to be hard to get up now. Straight onto the floor.

26:50Ben Mandelker: Ralph, when you sit down, you have to sit down in a chair. Come on. You can do this. Okay. So, they have to paint spirit animals. So, Ash is like, okay, who are all the other dragons? And Shannon's like, Luanne took the other dragon. I'm keeping the dragon. Dragon, sit down. All right, Ralph. Last time I checked, the dragon beat you in musical chairs. It's unacceptable. All right. From the top. So Ashley and Luann also picked dragon. So the producer's like, if you were to face off, whose dragon is winning? And Shannon's like, Giselle. Giselle's dragon's going to win. Let's be honest. My dragon really just wants a decent appetizer and some clean towels.

27:36Ben Mandelker: I was born in the year of the dragon, but it's a rare dragon. And it's a dragon that only eats quinoa. It's a very healthy and holistic dragon.

27:47Ralph's like, why am I so into this? So then Ashley's like, I just love Ralph. I mean, look how he lights up painting his little chameleon. I could just see him hanging out with my kids, then falling asleep. And one of my kids turning on a stove and possibly starting the house on fire. And I'd be like, oh, Ralph, did you fall asleep again? And then I'd shake him a little and say, Ralph, Ralph! Ralph! I throw water on him to come back. And I thought, Ralph! And he said, I was going towards the light. I said, Ralph, you're supposed to be babysitting. Where was I?

28:21Ben Mandelker: There was no indication that Ralph was lighting up any more than anyone else while he was painting his spirit animal. He's like, oh, yeah. Let's get that paint on the animal. I'm like, he's just painting. She's like, oh, look how he lights up. I'm like, that you're projecting, Ashley. He is dead in the eyes. So, of course, James is all over. Luann and is making Mark crazy and James is like, give me the paint, give me the paint, I want to paint Luann. She's like, you're making me nervous, James, and I like it. I know. He has like paint on his face, he's like painted Luann, and like, what was so weird was like, this was not like face paint, this was like ceramic paint and like Luann has like a little like avatar, like dots and lines and things, and I don't know why, they were the only two people that were doing this, because it's not face paint.

29:05Ben Mandelker: I feel like it's not healthy to put like ceramic paint on your face i feel like it's like a bad thing to do right so but they're just like doing their own you're talking ass i am i mean like they're acting like a couple you would see on hbo real sex where you're like oh yeah this will be sexy and it's just like oh it's creepy yeah they're painting themselves and each other and getting all sexy with it and just laughing and everyone's staring at him like what the hell so giselle's telling mark to get over and stop letting james bring her down then they talk about their kids and um she had to get one of the girls out of Florida because there was a hurricane coming.

29:39Dun, dun, dun. First we've heard of it this episode. And Mark is like, yeah, Earl of Pearl's nervous about that. He's got a house there. So she turns to Earl and she's like, are you nervous about the hurricane? This is the best thing that ever happened to me. I had to evacuate my daughter. Tell me about the hurricane. Are you going to cry?

29:56Ben Mandelker: And he's like, well, I've been thinking about it all day and I'm getting alerts for Pinellas County where my house is. And I'm just very scared that a hurricane could knock over some sort of farm stand and vegetables could get into the house. I just don't want that to happen. So, you know, I haven't taped up the windows. A carrot could come flying right through into the living room. It'd be terrible. A carrot. And Giselle tells Shannon, wow, Earl the Pearl has two homes. Two homes, Shannon. And she's like, well, yes, he has a second home in St. Petersburg. It's not on the water. This is their takeaway.

30:30Ben Mandelker: There's a hurricane aiming towards his house and their takeaway is, ooh, he has a second house. And she's like, yeah, shitty one, inland. No, not waterfront property. Well, that's great. I will look forward to seeing the views of more land. Why would we call you Earl and the Pearl? Those are sea creatures. Earl the Squirrel. That's what Earl should be. Earl the Squirrel, living in a tree. Do they have plenty of water towers where you live, since you are so far from the coasts, where you can get fresh water? I'll talk better. But you know what I'm saying. Laura, I want to bring everybody together for a brief moment to talk about something that fascinates me.

31:14Liza Minnelli in Flip Flops. I have never, I mean, have some self-respect. Your sister is Lorna Luft, a cabaret legend.

31:27Ben Mandelker: It's just terrible. And so they're all like laughing at her face makeup. and she goes well the story goes like this friends and i met in tulum mexico that is not tulum idaho and started the biggest fetish festival in the world or i should say i met friends who then started that i didn't meet them and then we started the point is there's a fetish festival so fetishes am i right and so jazelle goes oh well luena what's your fetish well my fetish much like Amy Grant hats and like and we see footage of her being here's this okay here's one fedora here's one that's a slightly smaller fedora this is called a French fedora are you watching James pay attention to the hats do you have sex with hats on I've never heard of a fetish of hats is that a thing my fetish is calories that really gets me going getting there towards the end zone and saying, how many calories are in a bagel?

32:27And if you can't answer, boom, dead. I'm cold inside.

32:31Ben Mandelker: I would say that my fetish are Quest Nutrition Bars. I just enjoy them so much. Oh, is it a sexual fetish? Well, in that case, I think my sexual fetish is just wrapping myself in a sheet and closing my eyes. Sexually, though. My fetish is dating a housewife. That's called a fame monger darling that's a fame monger darling yeah that's not a good answer so um while it's like yeah well james you kind of have to take them in dosages and ralph is like i mean it's like shut the fuck up already i'm over it so shannon asks what ralph's fetish is he goes silence

33:20silence oh that's sexy silent sex i love it so they all laugh and then um ashley's asking

33:27Ben Mandelker: mitch if he likes luann and he's like oh yeah um like she's unbelievable like she could do whatever the hell she wants so attractive and cool even with all that crazy face makeup but i've all i've only had all five minutes and she's like well you gotta go assert yourself okay assert yourself i can definitely do that in a very chill calm way for the rest of the episode this guy this guy came out of nowhere he's like literally the guy sitting in the back of the bowling alley with the cigarette he never bowls like what is that guy even doing here and then suddenly he gets up and starts yelling at somebody who are you so he's like yeah i'm a uh ashley says you don't get good vibes and he's like i'm a psychotherapist girl they're talking about james being crazy so ashley's like which might be onto something you know james is sweet and kind but um I mean, he's ready to pop the question right now.

34:14I mean, slow down, player. So Mark and Giselle are painting, and he asked her for a talk. Oh, my gosh. So he's like, so is it not true that you and I have only had one chance to talk? Now, I know that this might seem weird to you, but I found out you've got daughters in their 20s. Yeah. So I just want you to know, I saw that you are a lady and you exist in this villa.

34:43Ben Mandelker: So are you okay? What's happening over there? What are you seeing? Is it an animal? Ronnie is looking at his window. Something has caught Ronnie's attention. Two ladies talking in my driveway. And I was like, who is that? And I looked down there and they've both got caution, those yellow caution vests on. I don't know what they're doing. it's a sign it's a sign james is coming caution caution rake coming take this do something do something while you're talking in my driveway could use a rake here's a leaf blower so mark is basically trying to bark up giselle's tree even though a second ago he was getting mad at james it's like you listen you need to create some buffer space before you get jealous over luann suitor before you decide you're going to pivot to giselle and on top of that not only was getting jealous about James.

35:34Ben Mandelker: He was venting to Giselle about it. So now he's pivoting and saying, by the way, I'm interested in you. And she's like, no, you're focused on Luan. You got booted out and now you're back and then you're focused on back to Luan as it should. And then it's like week three and you're like, oh, Giselle, let's chat because I'm sick of playing Luan's game. He's like, come on. I beg to differ. Come on. The truth is I'm attracted to you. She's like, this doesn't make any sense, Mark. The end. The end. Period. He goes, the end? She's the end. I love that. She's like, no, no. Cause what he should have said was, you know, the truth was I came here, you know, I was into, into Luann, but I've, I've sort of realized Luann like is, is not my style.

36:14Ben Mandelker: And the more I've gotten to know you, I realized that actually I had, there's someone here that I've completely turned a blind eye towards. And that was a total mistake on my part because the more I've gotten to know you, the more I realized that you're actually the one he doesn't do any of that. He's just like, yeah, I like, you know, you gotta be a little smoother about it, Mark. Yeah, he was not good. So he knows he fucked that one up. So he goes to get a drink. So now Phil comes to talk to Giselle. And he's like, I don't want any guy to talk to you. But, you know, we are at the Love Hotel, aren't we?

36:50Things happen at the Love Hotel.

36:54Ben Mandelker: Yes, we are here. And Lord have mercy, we are here. I think I had a bad date last night with Cynthia. and I'm surprised you don't know Cynthia because she lives in Los Angeles. Oh, no, I do know her. Her and Mike have been to the house in Bel-Air. And she's like, um, did you tell her that? And it's like, no, no, I didn't tell her because she didn't recognize me and I've only met her one time, I think. I know Mike. Mike, very trustworthy man. I know Mike very well. Mike, barely. Giselle's like, Cynthia barely has been to your home and you didn't mention that. When you don't share information, it makes me feel like you're hiding something, which is lying.

37:33Ben Mandelker: I actually also think this is weird. I get it. It's like, oh, she didn't remember me. I'm not going to even bother doing the whole name game thing. But I feel like Mark really picks and chooses the information he gives. And I think it would just drive me absolutely nuts. Even Phil. I'm not even sure. I'm sorry. Yeah, Phil. I'm not even sure that it's like even malicious. I just would go nuts being like, wait, why didn't you tell me that? It'd be that constantly. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. if anything it makes him look kind of climberish because like you're a friend of bravo people now you ended up on a bravo show maybe that's why he didn't say it or maybe he's just like i'm just one with the world i know everybody and cynthia's been to my home i mean cynthia didn't even recognize him so it's not like he's got something going on with cynthia you know it also says a thing about cynthia that she went to someone's home and then like didn't even remember like well didn't even remember the guy who's home she went to that's me hi nice to meet you no memory long ago it's Smoked a lot of weed.

38:32Ben Mandelker: So, meanwhile, James and Luann are looking at a flower. Do you do something funny? Like you're being born from the flower, James. Yes. Yes. All right. We're going to take a photo of you, James. He's like, ah, say cheese. Yes, that's the photo, James. So now Earl and Shannon are talking about her feelings over her kids leaving. And she's like, oh, well, I'm good. I'm going to see him in two weeks. and don't find my friends every moment of the day. I click it. I make their watches beep. Just say, lost your phone. Lost your phone. Beep, beep, beep. Mom, why are you making my phone? Call me back. Lost my daughter.

39:13Thank you, Steve Jobs. How are you, Earl? And he's like, I'm a little down tonight, but I've been getting calls all day. Everyone's shitting bricks pretty much. Oh, well, I have actually a colonic you can use. It wasn't on the shelves for very long, but it should last. I mean, it's wet. It goes up your butt. Things come out. I have a question, Earl.

39:33Ben Mandelker: Why do you want to have a house there if there's so much possibility of damage? You know what? I take that back because people ask me that, the same question, except it was phrased as, why do you want to marry that man when there's such a possibility of damage? So I guess I understand. I was going to say, it's like anybody who dates you could be asked the same question. Like you're dating Shannon? You know you're going to be damaged by the end. Chad knows a thing or two about damage potential. So, headline, Helene rumbles into Georgia as dangerous category one hurricane after slamming Florida.

40:07Ben Mandelker: Earl, who is Helene? Why have you not been open to me, Helene?

40:13So he's like, well, you know, we never took a direct hit in Pinellas County, victim blamer. Jeez. She's like, oh, you haven't? Oh, I take it back. Pinellas County, never been hit. Why would you be worried? And he's like, well, you know.

40:27Ben Mandelker: And Pinellas County, which, as we all know, is in Texas, Georgia, Florida. Where is that again? Where in the lake is Pinellas County? It's Pinellas County. Yes, that's the, I wasn't sure if that was Lawrenceville County or is Tampa County, but it says Tampa County. Well, you know, the last two years it was coming for me and then it went right. Well, it might change. It might just go left to right, backwards, forwards. So many directions. Up, down. So many directions. Reverse circle. I'm sorry. I come from a land of earthquakes. I'm really not sure how to do hurricane toxic positivity. I'll just say, you're doing great.

41:07Ben Mandelker: And find a door frame. Does that work for hurricanes? No. But also, it kind of cracked me up when Shannon's like, wow, why would you live somewhere so dangerous, Earl? You moron. You live in California. I know. Who are you talking about? We literally are in fear of death every day here. And we just keep going on. Let's build another HomeGoods. She doesn't really know what to say. So she's like, well, I have a feeling you're going to be A-OK, Earl. They don't call you Earl the Pearl for nothing. Pearls go through a lot. They have to live inside an oyster shell for most of their lives before they get spat out and rejected.

41:40Ben Mandelker: Much like me and my relationships just thrown out, even though I myself am a precious little item. But that's fine. and just shoot me out while you go and walk on the beach with your slutty oyster friend. I'm sorry. What were you saying, Earl? Well, you know, you're right. It could go anyway. And that's one of the things I'm crazy about with you. The way you care. The way you care. Oh, I sure do. Forgot what we were talking about. But I'll be right back after I get a Diet Coke with tequila in it. Excuse me. Do you want something? You were saying something that you were concerned about hurricanes.

42:12Ben Mandelker: I can tell you that they go down very easily. and they really don't have as much alcohol content as you think. So don't be afraid of the hurricanes. They're so good, they even have a glass named after them.

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45:36Ben Mandelker: so uh phil how are you feeling ah and phil's like well i'm feeling good you know i've been hurt a few times like the one time a gps took me out of bel-air that hurt but i got home it was okay yes well we've all been hurt phil uh i know but for me i'm 63 so i don't have much time left to get hurt again ah look i'm speaking like you giselle i don't have time to play games and hide myself. I can see us being friends. I can see us being lovers. I can see us picking up trash in Bel Air and wondering who left this trash? Who would do it? Running DNA tests on the trash to see if anybody left skin cells so we could take it to the HOA and bring them down.

46:18How dare you mess with Bel Air?

46:22Ben Mandelker: Friends and lovers, ah, this is new. Phil doesn't talk like this. Where has this guy been? I'm happy that he's finally expressing himself, but is it because we are coming to the end of the love hotel or do you really love giselle's dirty drawers which one is it i think typical giselle fashion she speaks in third person she goes giselle has to make a decision nah he's like yes giselle does so wale and ashley are gonna have a conversation and he's like i grew up in a tough neighborhood and she's like you did in rhode island are there tough neighborhoods in rhode island yeah there are tough neighborhoods everywhere oh i didn't know i mean educate me i mean in my household it was super loving so there was always confidence in me from my mother because my mother is big big on words of affirmation like i never went a day without being told like i'm smarter handsome or i love you so you know if you hear that all the time like even if it's not true i'm gonna believe it you know big things do you know and that's what i always do with my niece too i'm always like trying to compliment her and make her feel good like i'm a real family man oh my god that is like so beautiful wale you know what like the situation with like my children, their father.

47:29Ben Mandelker: Like it didn't work out. Like while I was saying this, he just got like a thousand more points. Unfortunately, Ralph just got 10 ,000 more points because he snorted out of ceramics. He's like, I believe the words matter. She's like, they do. I got to poop. Be right back. And he's like, oh, wait a minute. I got to go. And he's like, well, but can I kiss you one more time in case you disappear? Because you know what happens when you go to the bathroom. That's all I'm saying. She's like, how dare you? How dare you? How dare? I just mean you'll never come back. Oh, that. Well, that's not true. He's like, it is true.

48:05Okay, well, touche, touche. But you know what? My poop's not staying in there, so.

48:13Ben Mandelker: So they do kiss. And now 65 hours until checkout, and Luann and James are laying on pool chairs, and they're all intertwined. Come here, James. You know, the great thing about us is that both of us sometimes get real busy in our worlds. Yeah, you're in Maui. I mean, how's that going to work out? Do they even have cabarets in Maui? I don't think so. Well, I'm busy, but it's going to work, Luann. Don't you worry. She says, you need a private plane. He goes, I got a pee-pee right here, honey. That was funny. I'm going to use that in my bed. Wow, I really like pee-pees. You know, I don't know what a long-distance relationship would look like with James, but we have incredible chemistry together.

48:56Ben Mandelker: He cares about me so much. Yeah, when we leave this hotel, our relationship is going to get even better. Yeah, it's not that I don't trust James. It's just how hard it is on a relationship because I've been through it all. I've been to prison. I've been traveling. I've been to Maui sometimes. I don't know if I can do it. We'll manifest all the dreams we ever had, me, you, my pee-pee, my face makeup. It's going to be great. She's like, all right, let's see number one. Right now, I want a manifest kiss. Give me a kiss, wife of mine. All right, that's crazy. I want to see inside your bedroom at all times.

49:34That's why I haven't installed cameras in there. That is disgusting and so attractive.

49:38Ben Mandelker: Make out with me, you bees. Please let me know what my angles are so I can adjust the lighting appropriately. So Theo and Giselle are talking, and Theo's like, so have you ever done modeling? I have modeled, but I'm actually too short to model. Oh, but what about print modeling or something sad and pathetic like that? Well, I suppose I could do print the way you say it. Well, I'm not a model, but I did do some runway years ago. So guess what? You just got Theo'd because me asking you about modeling, really, I didn't care. I just want to tell you that I once walked on a runway. So yeah, it was great.

50:12Ben Mandelker: I loved it. You know, you just walk down and then you walk back up again. It was a fine establishment called the Brownstone. Have you ever heard of it? The brand was called Posh. And Theo's like, yeah, I had the whole walk down and everything. And so he was an ex-Ford model. Wow. And then we see. No, he wasn't an ex-Ford model. Was this Theo or Phil? Theo just did like a show. But then Giselle was like, well, I could definitely see Theo on a runway. And the producer goes, well, you know that Phil is an ex-Ford model. And Giselle's like, what? And we see photos of Phil like modeling and like doing runway work.

50:49yeah like fairly recently and he's like oh yes i've worked at the ford modeling agency i've been with about with them for about 40 years it's very enjoyable what can i say i'm a man of many talents one of them is doing this just i was like why wait why do i why why am i just finding this

51:07Ben Mandelker: out now and not even from him just she's like you know you've made me feel like i don't know what it is there's something about dude i don't know what it is i don't know what it is theo and i was like Well, I've got no problem with self-confidence. I see that. Oh, Giselle just finding reasons to pull away. Yeah. I don't mind Giselle. To be honest, I really don't mind Theo. Theo hasn't done anything that's actually rubbed me the wrong way. I don't like Theo because of his very first. Oh, God. I'm trying to readjust my mic arm. Because of his. Am I turning it the wrong way? It's lefty Lucy, right?

51:38God damn it. I never know which. Oh, geez. Oh, no. The microphone. I lost it. I guess we could have seen that one coming I don't like him because in the very beginning he was like he said something like my ex-wife something like my ex-wife is a bitch and I'm like what is that kind of first impression he also he gave me the creeps he's also the one who's like yeah women just want me because I'm a doctor they want me for all my money I'm like oh please

52:10Ben Mandelker: yeah we probably should be wary of him having such a good body Like he should not have as good of a body as he does. And so that means he probably likes to go out and play the field. Let's be honest. So Ashley is now talking to Ralph. So were you uncomfortable? I mean, were you comfortable talking about your fetishes or was that like, it was just a setting. And he's like, Oh, not in that particular environment. No, I didn't really want to talk about it there. She's like, Oh, okay. Well, um, for my, for my, you know, for my few 30, 36 years, I lived quite a bit of a life and I had a lady relationship the last couple of years.

52:45Ben Mandelker: So what do you think about that? He's like, well, if it's something part of who you are, it should be discussed. And if it's just like, well, I'm just kind of over just like a phase. And that's a whole other conversation. It's like, it's not a phase, Ralph. I mean, this is supposed to be turning you on. Okay. He's like, no, gay people are terrifying. It's like, well, I'm just going to go where my feelings take me. And he's like, well, she goes, well, yeah, why don't I just, I mean, if you were a female and I was interested in Rachel versus Ralph. And he's like, I don't want a female name. Thank you.

53:18Okay. Extremely heteronormative. So anything we can do to stay on that path would be great.

53:26Ben Mandelker: Please don't damage my self-image. So then Ralph is like, my relationship. I see Ashley dating an older man, obviously, because we have seen it. She was married. She's dating Ralph now. But I don't see her dating an older woman. I see her as like a hot girl. Bye. Don't you? Mm hmm. Yeah. She's not. No, she's like, she's not going to go date Cherry Jones next. No, I mean, she's she's not going for Holland Taylor. OK. And I just yeah, I just point that out because she's like, well, if you were a female Ralph, you would not date female Ralph. Cut it out. Yeah. Nope. So she's just talking about how she really likes monogamy now.

54:04Ben Mandelker: And, you know, blah, blah, blah. And Ralph is like, I don't judge. And I appreciate that she's open like that and not scared whatsoever. Are you going to make me wear a dress? Please don't make me do this. I think you do judge because people who don't judge don't say I don't judge. Like the fact that you're even saying judge means that there's something there to judge. There's not really anything there to judge. She dates whoever she wants when she's not with you. It doesn't. You were a little bit too testy about don't give me a female name to make me feel like you don't judge. like that's why are you threatened by her saying if her name was Rachel?

54:40Usually I don't judge as followed by something like just keep it to yourself or like I don't judge but I don't need to hear about it you know it's giving me creepo vibes with that one

54:52Ben Mandelker: well I've been trying hard to not like fall for you completely and it scares the shit out of me I'm just so terrified yeah so Mitch is getting some one on one one time with Luann finally. So he's like, so what kind of man do you want to come home to? What do you need? What do I need? I mean, is it money, looks, power? That'll get most people into bad relationships. Well, well, what I look for, honestly, money looks and power. Wait a second. What are you trying to say, Mitch? Don't judge me. And he's like, well, I gotta tell you about James. That guy, he doesn't treat you with respect and I can't believe you take it.

55:33And she's like, well, it's obvious that James and I would get along. We like each other a lot. And how dare you? And guess what? He just got me a drink at the bar. Goodbye.

55:44Ben Mandelker: Yeah, because Luanne immediately was like, red flags. What? And she starts looking around nervously like, how the hell do I get out of this conversation with this strange man from Survivor? I don't like this anymore. So she basically escapes. Yeah, that was a wrong move on his part. I mean, if you're going to come on to Luanne, be like, listen, that guy's a weirdo. Come with me. Or not even say that, just be like, you know, I think you've been spending so much time with James, you haven't realized there's other options right in front of you or something. But to go just like, you know, tattletale on the guy or like try and get the guy in trouble is a wuss move.

56:18Ben Mandelker: He was too much in his psychotherapist role because him saying to her, oh, money, power and whatever will get a lot of people in trouble. It's almost like he's passing judgment on her choices and she's immediately turned off. He should have just been like, I know you and James have a connection, but, you know, I think, I don't know what he would have said, but pretty much anything other than what he said. It was really a big flop. It was really bad. And besides, you know what else? Money and power may get me into trouble, but guess what else it gets me into? Money and power. She's like, stop trying to rewrite my song.

56:51Ben Mandelker: I know all the lessons. It's called Money Can't Buy Your Class, okay? Learn my catalog before you sit down with me. Yeah. so now she goes to find James and she pretends that she's getting a drink but she's not she's just like get me out of here and so then James comes down and he's shirtless and she's like oh my god James why don't you have a shirt on go put a shirt on it's disgusting because they're all gathering for like another scene with Joel so they're all gathering around the sofas and he's like just shirtless for some reason he's like what I was too hot no you can't be in here without a shirt go back to your room and get a shirt No, they told me no shirt.

57:28Ben Mandelker: No, absolutely not. Not under my watch. Okay. No, but I want a buzzer. No, no, it does not. It doesn't look chic. Get out of here. Go get a shirt on. Am I in trouble? Yes. Get the hell out of here. I'm mad from the psychotherapist and now you. It's terrible. And Ashley goes, yeah, she's very much about decorum. Oh yeah. The Countess. Huge on decorum. She's like, really? She has sex with hats. So. Okay. Okay. and Giselle turns to Phil and goes well you were the fashionista you're supposed to tell James well I told him that we always wear shirts in Bel-Air but he doesn't listen so then Shannon's wearing this big striped hat and Joel loves it and he's like oh wow so who's this gorgeous woman behind the hat it's so titanic can't wait for it to sink okay everybody talk to Earl Listen, it's nice to know that the kitchen staff here has watched Titanic.

58:26Ben Mandelker: I thought that was only an American thing. That's so lovely. I love that the kitchen staff can watch films where the kitchen staff dies. That's very brave of you, person. Oh, and as long as you hear, sir, from the kitchen, I just want to say for the gentleman to my left, no vegetables, please. Thank you so much. Look at me being supportive. People on the Titanic learn, too. A little too late, but still. So Joel's like, any announcements to make? And Earl's like, I've got one. Shannon gave me her key and asked me to move in with her. Well, if Luanne can fuck a hat, I can try it with Earl. Well, when I learned that one of his two houses was landlocked, I thought, let me let him see what it's like to have a view of the ocean for once.

59:14Ben Mandelker: So I said, come on in, Earl. Move into my house, my hotel house. I'm sure nothing will go wrong. So everybody is like applauding them and stuff And Shannon's like Well it is very bold of me And I'm not in a rush to get there before anyone else But it's crunch time Not literally I don't do those But Earl can we make it beyond the Love Hotel You know living situation I know my daughters and I don't see Earl being compatible Because I said do you see me being compatible And they said ah And then they tried to run away And then I pressed to find my daughters And it started beeping and I said get out of the bathroom I'm going to answer my question.

59:53Ben Mandelker: And then they said, Mom, why do you have so much chocolate on your face? And I said, well, it's crunch time. And then they took away my Nestle's Crunch Bar, which was sad.

1:00:05So, well, maybe I want simple.

1:00:08Ben Mandelker: Maybe I want a man who has very simple, who cares about going to the Bass Pro Shop and Tommy Bahamas and seeing land and not sea. And I don't know. that could be a nice life for me. I could learn to like it, I think. In Alice County, wherever that is. So Ashley thinks it's a good idea. Luanne's like, terrible idea. Oh my God, I hope she doesn't have vegetables in a room. Let's put it that way.

1:00:34I know Ashley does. Ralph's over there all the time.

1:00:38Ben Mandelker: Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. She can run my country. It's Angie McGovern. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trick-a-less.

1:01:15Hava Nagila Weber.

1:01:17Ben Mandelker: You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less namey She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock She gets an A, it's Kelly B Kristen the Piston Anderson Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B K, sirrah, sirrah, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sillsby Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

1:01:59Ben Mandelker: This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love a y 'all, Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes we canna, it's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge The Bay Area Betches Betches And our super premium sponsors She's VVIP, it's Amanda V Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill Don't get salty with Christine Pepper Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland It's our queen, it's Queen Laifah Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master, the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran We got our wish, it's Jen Plish She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch She's a little bit loony Junie Knock knock knocking on Katie Manok's door My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Chadley In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy Always killing it, it's Lo Alkalani The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters She Eases Our Woes, it's Melissa St.

1:03:23Rose We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett There's a Chance of Meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud

1:03:28Ben Mandelker: She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke We Cannot Tell a Lie, it's Sarah Tell of Sun Shannon, out of a can, and Anthony Come on, shake your body, baby, do the Sidney Cogdon Let's take off with Tam La Plaine It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.