#2894 Love Hotel S01E8: Goodbye Hotel, Hello BEL AAAAAIIIIRRR

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2:12What happens when there's so much that crappens?

2:42Hysteria Tour this week in Los Angeles Thursday night. We'll be recapping The Val. The Valet, for those of you not in the know. And also we are on video every day. You want to watch these instead of listen? Go over to patreon.com slash watch what crappens. It's also where you will find our Love Island recaps. We do Love Island every day that we record, which is three or four days a week. So a lot of Love Island talk. A lot of bitching about children dating. So Today was a doozy. It was a doozy. So go over there. You know, those are supposed to be like little 15-minute check-ins, but they are full-on 45-minute shows that we're doing over there.

3:24So go check those out. Those are always fun. And that's all we have to announce today. Let's get into a little Love Hotel action, okay? I don't know why they wouldn't invite me. I'm single. I'm ready to mingle, okay? Maybe next season, Ramona Singer on the Love Hotel. I just want to meet a man who's going to treat me right, okay? I need a man to hold me. A man to love me at night. Love Hotel. You know, it's so funny because I think you have you've noted that the show doesn't really have like a structure. And that continues right to the end because the structure of today's episode was like, okay.

4:09They're all pretty much debating between like two people. Luann has like maybe three or two and a half really. And then it's like, okay, you all are going to choose someone to go on an overnight date. And then whoever you don't choose gets eliminated, which if they did that, then there's only like one person going into the finals. And then I guess it's, are they going to leave the hotel? But then you also don't have to, you can also split up the date. So you can choose if you want to eliminate someone or not eliminate someone. And then if you only have one person, you can decide whether or not you're going to actually they actually do win or they don't wait like it made no sense i was like whatever let's go whatever they want they're like okay well you have to eliminate somebody and bring someone to the room they're like but i don't want to it's like okay then don't let's just keep this is like wheel of fortune when you could just spell however you want to i will buy me i'm sorry there's no e's but i want any okay we will give you an e we'll spell um banana with an e now banana okay banana whatever you want damn right i'll do whatever i want i'll have my banana went the way i want my banana yeah it just made no sense but it was like fine it's like it's a weird charm of the show as it just sort of flows just flows by and you just enjoy the drama that comes out of it yeah in the end the important part is everybody loses everyone loses no one really wins in this one okay like what prizes are you going to leave with?

5:37Earl, congrats. Earl the Pearl. We left with a prize. I think Earl the Pearl is a prize for us. I will be saying Earl the Pearl for a very long time. I like walk around my house and I just go, Earl the Pearl. Earl the Pearl. I don't know how I feel about Earl the Pearl. Well, I just, I've gotten so close with Earl the Pearl. Makes me laugh every time. Alright, so we start where we left off. We're all in the main lounge and Shannon is losing it on the Pearl. How dare you insinuate that I didn't care about your home. And what was it? Was it a storm? Was it a car wash? I forgot. When you told me that your house was almost hit by a cart from the supermarket that rolled away violently towards it.

6:25It was a hurricane. Oh, well, I'm supposed to know it's a hurricane and not a supermarket cart. Well, I'm sorry. Hold on. How? One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Dare you! Earl, I asked you before dinner How's the hurricane? Your response? It's not hitting St. Petersburg It's going to Tallahassee So in my mind, we're good We're good So I danced on the table As I do And then you to make me feel like dancing on the table was doing something wrong How? Fly me to the moon Let me play among the stars Dare you! You know what? You absolutely could have said that. But sometimes you just don't have the ability to communicate and need that partner to see just the difference from you being happy to being a little off.

7:16And Giselle's like, so did you express to her that you wanted to hang out with her? Well, he texted the guys, but not me. I guess he's using the telephone carrier called Not Me Mobile, which is a rhyme with T-Mobile, where the T stands for. Tell everyone except Shannon. Well, I suppose that Earl's phone doesn't have an apple on the back. It has an eggplant because it will only text other penises. I don't like vegetables. I thought I told you that already. You should have known that about me, Shannon. You should have known. This is such Shannon's karma because this is totally how Shannon is. Well, of course, you should have known how I was feeling for you not to know that I would be feeling that way about my home.

7:58But it's turned on her. And it's like a weapon that she kind of loves. Because, you know, Shannon, listen, Shannon's never going to be in a relationship where she's not bitching at the person the other time and the other person isn't giving it right back to her the whole time. Shannon loves some messiness. She's dysfunctional. She's a dysfunctional person. And she needs some kind of dysfunction in her life. It's her love language. So, you know, I mean, Earl, I would say, is the right kind. But I think Earl's a little too crybaby for her. yeah he is because there's actually i think a part of shannon that enjoys being able to spend an entire day looking askew off to the side and saying well i mean yes that's that's very nice and doing a little fake smile like i am pained and torture on the inside but i'm gonna put up a brave face oh that's that's nice earl that's like it's pearl using the salad fork for his main course.

8:50Oh, I just, I, no, see, yeah. Earl, question, if it were my birthday, would you take me to a gastropub that serves steak with a sugary sauce? Just want to know. Only if you're a good little girl. Damn it, that was a wrong answer. Wait until we're married. He's really going to get it. So, just I was like, well, I understand, Earl, but you have to give her some grace, because she didn't know that's what you needed. You need to tell a woman exactly what you need, and she will do it. A woman should never have to look inside you, Earl, okay? And she's like, yeah, his emotions are all over the place, you know?

9:27She's like, I don't want your house to be destroyed, but you can't take it out on Little Miss Sunshine. Who exactly is Little Miss Sunshine? Because we've been watching Shadow of the Door for over 10 years, and that is a cloudy day. That is the cloud that comes in front of your cart on Mario Kart and makes you slide all over the place. Her name is Storms. It's in the name. it's in the name so joel is like shannon how did earl communicate his hurt well i don't normally communicate my emotional these sort of things with the bellhops but i suppose it's nice that someone is asking me about myself well earl's point is that i should have known that the hurricane was going down to georgia and i should have been checking every hour and i was just trying to communicate and understand it more and i i i i feel blindsided and i i i just do you know once hurricane leaves florida we all know like the hurricane dies that's what i thought it was gonna happen i don't know why i i'm suddenly the one who's in trouble here i was just dancing on a on a table do i know about hurricanes no am i from california yes should i now learn about other types of storms outside of earthquakes no i don't want that from a partner i've never heard of anything moving into florida and not dying i'm sorry i'm sorry it's the last stop I mean as far as I can tell Epcot Center is still standing so what's the big deal

10:51Alright well the big question Earl to you is why did you not communicate to Shannon that you were feeling in that moment well she was with her friends I didn't want to burden her on that one she was dancing she was having fun with her friends who appreciate ocean water earl that's like the passive aggressive i didn't want to burden her so you'll burden her for the rest of the next day with this right now earl okay joel's like um is this a communication issue that cannot be fixed or is this something that you can make changes to the way you communicate so you can make changes to the way you communicate and you can move forward um well honestly um Really, all I want is a martini, sir.

11:36I don't know what all these questions are about. I can't see anything. What? Where am I? Someone turn on the headlights. I'm in a fog. I'm in a fog. I can't see anything. Hysterical blindness. It's a bit too soon for that, Shannon. I mean, I'm talking about hurricanes. You're talking about fogs. It's a false equivalency, and I don't appreciate that. In my house, a tree fell on part of my mailbox, and it's just too soon. All right. Well, Shannon and Earl, let's take a beat. you guys are going to talk. Thank you. Thank you. Now, please go back to the kitchen and see if you could drum me up a little larger joke tip.

12:11God damn it. So Ashley's like, wow, matters of the heart are so complicated. Yes, Ashley. So, um, Shannon Earl take a seat on the sofa and Earl's like, I hated seeing you on the couch crying. Although that was my mission ultimately.

12:31And laugh, be so happy, happy, and then cry on the inside, of course. Now, tell me the truth, Earl. Do you believe that I did something wrong by not dropping everything, everything in my life? And I should have known. Do you still believe that I should have known about a storm moving to Georgia? Do you still believe it? And he's like, well, you know what? Maybe where I made a huge mistake, you know, I should have said something before you left that this was really bogging me down. Well, I had no idea. None. No idea. Zero idea. You had so much time to tell me about this. I ate three balance bars before I went downstairs, and you could have told me at any of those moments, and you did not, okay?

13:11Do you think we could have a relationship outside of here? The sad part is I still lost my balance. You didn't even ask me how I was doing after I fell off that table. It was on TikTok.

13:27The good news is that I knocked the plastic debris out of my anus. Well, you know, look, we've just had so many moments here that everyone wished they had. And then we see a clip of Shannon being like, I found your stepchild who tried to run away from you and change his name. You are now allowed to stalk him again. That was their big moment. You have very kind eyes, the eyes of a man who thinks his house is safe and there will be no hurricanes coming. Flashback, flashback, flashback. Well, you know, there's part of me that wants to make it work with Earl because I just spent so much time with him.

14:04I mean, oh, God. Well, I do still have a first lady dress to wear. All right, I forgive you, Earl. Listen, I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave here. I don't want to leave you. I don't want to leave our memories of the time that we kissed awkwardly in the hallway. Can we just table this whole crap and try to have some fun? Yes, let's try to have some fun. I have an idea. Let's go to the farmer's market and pick out some veggies. Oh, wait. I guess your fun is different than my fun. We'll just keep talking. But I'm warning you. If we cuddle, my Spanx may be showing. He's like, I left my man Spanx in the room.

14:41Oh, goddammit, Earl. I told you to bring those everywhere you go. So now it's a different room. And Joel's like, okay, time to cool down, ladies. his overnight date, so anyone that's not picked for an overnight date gets the old heave-ho, okay? And Giselle's like, wait, but then we'll never see the other one again? I'm not ready to say goodbye to Phil and Theo. I'm keeping them both. And he's like, okay, what the fuck do I care? Like, I don't even have cue cards at this point. I mean, they're asking me to memorize lines before I come out here. Do whatever the fuck you want, Giselle. What the fuck do I care?

15:18Giselle's like, here, let me help you out since I've actually been on reality TV longer than anyone here except for Luann. and Shen, well, whatever, all the young people here. So if you're doing a TV show, you want the climax to be a choice between two people, not a choice between one person. So I'm going to keep Theo and Phil for the sake of your television show. Thank you. Well, if she's doing it, then I'm doing it too. Well, if they're doing it, I just want to keep every penis here. All dicks on deck. Shrieks on the china, never mattered before. No one cared. Sorry, that song really turns me on So, James is like Before Luann answers that she only wants me I want to give her a little something Here you go It's a statement necklace Wow, James This is beautiful What is this?

16:12Well, I cut the tops off a bunch of spoons And strung them together on some chicken wire So here, enjoy them Oh, it's beautiful One of my finest pieces Love it He knows I love a good statement, necklace. Yeah, well, will you be spending your overnight? Oh, sorry. That was Joel's line. Joel, you say what I was going to say. Will you be spending your overnight with James? Yes, the one and only James. Wow. Shocker. All right, Shannon. What are you going to do about Earl of Pearl? There's so much craziness in this show. We haven't even talked about Luann's jewelry this whole time. She literally will just go to a farm and take picket fences and then put them on her ear.

16:53Like, she doesn't even care. I don't even, is it trash day? Why are you wearing a recycle bin on one ear and then like the foliage bin on the other? What are you wearing? I know. Luanne, there really is so much craziness. We really haven't been able to comment on half the things that need to be commented on. It's just wild. We do an hour and a half every week and we haven't talked about the time she wore wheelbarrows as her. It's like, what is going on? But so these are their overnight dates or whatever. So now they're talking to Shannon. They're like, Shannon, what are you going to do? And she's like, well, we talked about continuing our conversation and he's already taking up two drawers in my room.

17:32So unless you've got a U-Haul to come get all that crap out of there, I guess I'm going to stick with Earl. God, I love him again. Hold on. Let me call Earl. Earl. Earl, it's Shannon. Hi. Is there a storm moving towards your house? Not at the moment. Don't say I don't learn. Well, I guess there is a storm moving towards my house, and that storm would be you. That was pretty funny. That was pretty funny, Earl. Well, Shannon and Earl should not have this much conflict when they only have known each other a couple of weeks. Should they still be together? I don't know, but I don't think throwing in the towel right now is the right thing to do.

18:10All right. Well, everybody has chosen their partners, so Mitch and Mark, get the fuck out of here. No one ever liked you. Mitch is like, well, you know, there's only so much The Love Hotel to make that connection, and it just didn't happen with me. I can't believe after I called that woman a moron for picking someone that's not me, I didn't get picked, but whatever. Better luck next time, toots. Your loss. Mark is like, I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, Luanna, when did you last let your heart? hang out with a sexy man from Manhattan. All right, get out of here.

18:52I'd like to say one thing before I go. Lolli Baba had them 40 thieves. Amorati had a thousand tails. Well, Luan, you're in luck, because up my sleeve, a guy that Brandon Magic never fails. Get out, Mark. Make way for Countess Luan. Make word for Countess Luan. His name is Moby Dick. Moby Dick. All right, Aladdin, get the hell out of here. I got to spend time with my creepy boyfriend, James. All right, everyone get excited. These overnight dates, I encourage you to get to know each other on even deeper levels. Okay, it's 18 now. How deep? How deep and how cavernous, right? And everyone's like, James, gross.

19:46Oh, James. I thought you were Shannon at first. Sorry. No, Chad would say I don't go into deep places because it's dangerous and I've got bad knees. How deep you want me? I got a penis the size of a child's arm. So I go all the way in there. We're going spelunking. What base is this anyway? Putting like blue makeup on his face. I was about to say, James, do you have your avatar makeup on again? Damn right he does. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crapins commercial. You know those pieces in your closet, Ronnie, that you find yourself wearing on repeat? The sweater that goes with everything, the perfect pair of pants, or the tee, you somehow always reach for first.

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23:06All right, 18 hours until checkout. So now it's Ashley and Wale walking into the parking lot for their big date between the handicapped spaces. So Ashley's like, wow, you look so handsome. And he's like, wow, body glow. You got some body glow going on. This was shocking. This was shocking because I thought, well, when she said you look handsome, I thought while I would say, oh, I didn't think I'd ever get a compliment out of you. Well, it's the first time I think you've ever commented on the way I look. Wow. It's so nice. I didn't think you, I thought I was invisible. So it's nice to know that you can see what I look like.

23:41I was like shocked. He didn't take the chance to make it past aggressive swipe again. Oh, give him a minute. It really takes less than a minute. Yeah. So then we see the other couples going to their dates. Giselle and Phil have a spa day. She disrobes and he's like, oh, wow. And then we go to Luann and James going to the Chili's and she's wearing her necklace. And the waitress is like, ma 'am, I can't see you while you're wearing chafer dishes on your ears. considered competitive just like clank clank clank clank as she walks in so then Shannon and Earl arrive on a beach with horses and the horse wrangler's like when was the last time you've been on a horse and Earl's like well I did a little cattle drive about 10 years ago oh wow so you don't have a car you drive a cattle that's great to know okay well I did grow up with horses but unfortunately I can't be around them because of pollen and allergens And so thanks a lot, Earl, for trying to kill me with a horse.

24:42Earl did a cattle drive. Someone's been watching the McBee Dynasty. I don't know. Someone's been watching City Slickers. Okay. I don't. Is Earl a cowboy? Didn't we know this? He does have the boots. God, he does have those poor cows. He does have the alligator skin things, I guess. But I didn't know that about Earl, that he was a cowboy. Or did I know it? And I forgot. Oh, he probably, when he, he, he probably is so annoying about that cattle drive. He's like, you know what? I did a cattle drive once, and here's something you need to know. At around 3 p.m., those cows, they don't want to walk anymore.

25:15So what you got to do is you got to put carrots out there. Like, Earl, I don't care. I really don't care about your cattle drive. It was just so crazy because I just watched the cattle drive episode of McBee Dynasty. Oh, they do a cattle drive on that show? Yeah, the guys are like, we're doing a cattle drive. We're going to go do it with the natives. They're going to teach us the right way to do it. And then they get there and they're like, we just want you boys to know how much we appreciate native culture. Like, oh, uh-huh. Okay, McBee Dynasty. You have to watch McBee Dynasty. I'm only watching it because it's starting on Bravo soon, the second season.

25:47And I was like, what is this show? And so I started watching it while I was putting basically IKEA furniture together. I just put it on. That show is complete. Those guys are garbage. I mean, if you want to yell at some men while we're waiting for Summer House to come back, that's definitely the show. The dad's fucking like dating the lady who's starting their hedge fund, this Russian chick. And she's in charge of everything. And meanwhile, he's cheating on her with this other lady on camera and being like, well, I hope she doesn't find out. You're on camera, sir. And then the sons are always cheating.

26:20And one son's jealous. There's like one. All the sons are really hot except for one. And so that one's like super insecure. And it's like, I'm taking over the reins. I don't care what nobody says. And then he follows the hot ones around to get laid. I mean, it's actually good. And they went on a cattle run. You have to watch it. I will sample it ahead of the show. Season two. I'm just, I don't know. I'm skeptical. I'm very skeptical. But I will sample it. You should be. It's trash. It's amazing trash. You have to watch it. Listen, I was skeptical about Love Hotel. And now I love it. So it just goes to show.

26:57Yeah. So Shannon tells us, well, I did grow up with horses. So it'll be fun to get back in the saddle, but I don't know if that will be enough to get me back in the saddle with Earl See see what I did there. Okay. Hold on one second. Hold on. Hey Vicki. It's Shannon I made a really good joke about Earl And I was wondering if we could work it into our Vicki and Shannon go across America thing. No, okay By the way, what does it mean to get back in the saddle? Is that sexual? I will not be getting it back in the saddle with Earl. How dare you? How dare you even ask me to get in your saddle? You big I'm in.

27:31I'm in the saddle. Get me in there. Get me in there, cowboy. Cabal driver. Hey, cattle, can I ask you a question? How is your house in Florida? That's right. Phil, did any of the, I'm sorry, I mean, Earl, did any of the cattle ask you about your house and the hurricane? Oh, well, I guess there's a little bit of a double standard. Well, I did end up eating half of them, so. Okay, well, point taken. Okay, let's just drop this. So anyone who doesn't do what you want, you just eat them? I'm appalled. All right. Well, may I be the first to tell you that broccoli just called you stupid?

28:11So now back to the spa. Giselle is rubbing exfoliating muds on Phil's pecs. It's everything you've always dreamed of. All season long, waiting for this moment of a muddy rubdown of Phil, shirtless Phil in the spa. Oh, I feel the energy just flowing through my body. It feels so good. I don't want it to stop. But unfortunately, there's a stop sign. Hold on. It's a five way. Because you're in Bel Air. She's like, wow, look at your body, Phil. He's like, no implants going on here. Just pure Bel Air body. She's like, yeah, we didn't think there were implants. It's okay. I spend my morning lifting kombucha bottles.

28:59in ballet so back at the restaurant, back at the Chili's the waiter comes and it's like, Olsen Blossom she's like, oh my god, he's speaking in French Paulie Vu French Bonjour Monsieur Pico de Gaio I love French I'm French royalty basically I married a count, have you heard? Oui oui Mon garçon Bonjour or Panama Canal. And he's like, oh, well, I'm actually Swiss. Oh, Swiss. Like the cheese, I'm familiar. So how's your French? And James's like, not very good, except for the kissing type. Oh, yeah, James. You want to get in here, waiter? I know you're Swiss, but I'm a mess. Get in here. So we go to the beach with Earl and Shannon, and he's like, did you see the bridal couple down there?

29:52Wow. I sure did. I sure did. That was me. That was me, the lady. came and stole the flower basket from the little child and said, run, run as fast as you can. I have a certain amount of trauma that's surrounding young sluts at the beach. So unfortunately, I didn't look at the bridal couple too much because I knew that she was probably stealing a man from his family. Okay, well, you know, you kind of, don't you kind of wish you got in a little closer? Like, what kind of photo would that have been? You know, they're all going, ah, and then we're going, yeah, that would have been cool. And Channing is like, ah, death.

30:28Sorry, that's... I'm going to laugh slightly to show that I'm still pained from earlier. Earl is showing me that he's the type of man to show up to a wedding with his shirt unbettened, dancing the moany moany. I'm trying with Earl. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. So now back at the spot, just on Phil are now drinking champagne in the hot tub like they're in an old commercial for Mount Airy Lodge. And Phil is like, To us! The new journey! and limitless love as friends and hopefully, hopefully, a lot more. Hopefully someday in... Okay, Phil. I like that. That was amazing. I appreciate you being patient with me and allowing me to do the Love Hotel at my own pace.

31:11And to be honest, I'm torn. I don't know him as well as you, but you're rich. You're creepy, but you're rich. And I'm torn between those two concepts. I'm torn. Torn between two men that I don't really like. So which one will buy me dinner quickest? Probably not you. You only eat kombucha. I've been watching you at the buffet. I'm still out here in the streets. I'm still hustling. I'm still grinding. People in New York are hustling and bustling. And Theo's from New York, so he's got to grind. I love to grind and tussle and bustle. Just tell them to roll the credits on you. No one's believing any of this.

31:53also Giselle you're gonna need to you need to find someone to bankroll some of that debt that GNA is clearly going to be providing into your life so Giselle it's a charity now oh that's right good luck poor people Giselle's like Joel said we all trauma bonded and then he then sighed deeply and then said when how many more episodes am I obligated to before I can go back to movies I didn't understand that last part but anyway we trauma bonded i guess so now to an ashley and wale date she's like i'm so happy to be here with you he's like yeah you too i mean i'm surprised to be here i thought i wouldn't be here you know and here you are any minute gonna get up go to the bathroom never see you again is that how this is gonna end ashley just leave me now you know you want to go ahead wale why do you have to always go to this place everything's going well you're finally getting your moment you're all dressed up it's a dream date why do you take it back to the dark place and he and so she's like why do you think that it's like well because we've been having some problems well why are you bringing up the problems when you're in a nice place just like you know play house for a moment okay she's like well do you actually like me he's like i love you oh sorry that came out crazy i'm like oh that's the thing that came out crazy have you watched your entire season what i meant to say was I love you not singing.

33:15So. Well, can we just have a cheers to that, to the love we feel? And then I'm going to hit you with some Roberta Flack. I've been working on it. He's like, oh, God. So then oysters come and she's like, do you like oysters? He's like, I don't like slimy stuff. But do you eat, you know what? He's like, oh, yeah. I was like, yeah, no, I definitely do that. Just not, you know, oysters. but it's a similar texture he's like um not really have you ever had vagina and we get a maraca it's like she has had vagina and he's like oh okay i guess i should ask that first i was gonna say how do you know and she goes whoops i thought well he knew because i'm just so vocal about my sexuality you know but um i guess he didn't hear that part last time i used it was to try and give the other guy a boner but it didn't really work he did get half there then i helicoptered it for a while then he fell asleep then he started snoring and when he exhaled i got a little bit of chewed up goldfish cracker on my eye i forgot what we were talking about are you a lesbian oh yeah right right do you know that if you hold an oyster shell up to your ear you can hear the sound of ralph on the waves he's like well i'm on team ashley so you know whatever i'm just she's full of surprises what can i say so they slurped down some oysters and she's like he looks so pained he's like he has this look on his face like i hate this i hate this so much but i'm doing it to show that i'm gonna make an effort for her meanwhile luann and james are having dinner and And the man goes, well, listen to my voice.

35:00I can't sing anything right now. And I wanted to work on that song tonight. I'm like popping Pepsod AC every single moment just to get this singing voice. I mean, last night I sounded like an angel. I was a regular Barbra Streisand. Couldn't you hear me when I was singing? Oh, people, people who love people are the most luckiest line. People. All right. Well, here we are. Me with a voice that's trying to come back from the dead. And you, skinny little James with a giant honkered penis. All right. What do you want to talk about? How's this going to work? My life? Your life? What are we going to do from here?

35:39He's like, well, you've heard me say I'm in love with you before, you know. I've only fallen in love a few times today. So I want you to know that's very special. It's very special, Luann. Do you want to get married, ideally, in a two-week timeline? Well, I would like to get married again. That would be great. well it's important for me to have someone with the same lifestyle i need a man who can travel when i want to travel when i want i like to fly first class and i want a man who wears a statement necklace and doesn't even care about it well i'm not a controlling man and i can be in maui and that way you can do your thing and then we can meet up every six months and we can say we're in a relationship you know that would be awesome do you know how well trained i am by this show um yesterday i read a headline that there was a brush fire in maui and people are being evacuated due to this fire.

36:27And I was like, I wonder if James is okay. Like, I almost DMed James. I was like, is your house in Maui okay? Like, I've really learned from this show. I might be ready for a relationship. He probably was dry humping a tree and caused so much friction that some sparks happened. That came from me and Luann and our chemistry. Sorry, everyone. Well, I do want a family, but... I mean, you do travel to see family, that's true, but not to the East Coast. I mean, you never go to the East Coast. Well, it's a plane ride, Lou Ann. I could just tell the plane where it should go. Well, that's not a terrible point.

37:01All right, well. Well, when you've got something special going on, you know, something I could be part of and come to it. Like a cabaret show? Well, okay. I'll do it, you know. And if you want to get some time off, come to Maui, be around a tropical thing. We could do that. We don't have to smother each other. All right. Now I just need to make sure we're both in the same lifestyle. Give me a B. You first.

37:26perfect god i love you you know i've been in a long distance relationship before with the halex account and i learned the hard way it's not good to be in a long distance relationship which is why i've got to say to you james fuck yeah let's do this thing well my last two relationships were long distance were they royalty no well then they don't count don't bring them up in this discussion stop wasting my time unless your ex-wife's family built a canal somewhere in this world i don't want to hear about it you know when my husband was traveling i was really lonely i was alone with the kids a lot god those kids i can't stand them taking away my roundhouse but you know living the single life i was filming for the housewives and alex just wasn't there half the time and that was really the end of my marriage it was hilarious i need somebody in my life now though And so he's talking about his kids You know some of them are in LA Some of them are in Maui He's like well I do have an agent So Los Angeles works Tell the ones living in Maui to get a job Alright I'm sick of this I've already had it with your family James The question James Have your kids ever gotten drunk And passed out in a bush Like I have Or my daughter Now we go to the video and Giselle date Yes And she's like wow the breeze is blowing And he says, the breeze is blowing just for you because it wasn't blowing earlier.

38:51How do you know it wasn't for Luann? She's been blowing this entire episode. So, not for her. Hey, so do you like red wine? Nah, he's like, only on special occasions. Hey, that's a big wheel of cheese. These two have zero chemistry. I mean, look at what they've talked about. A breeze, cheese, and red wine.

39:16So Wale takes Wale is taken to Ashley's room To see her view And then Shannon and Earl are going to the Presidential suite La Presidente So she's like wow look it's the Presidential suite

39:34There's supposed to be 200 ,000 People here but there's really 50 Just kidding Yeah I'm waiting To see the tanks go by I'm hearing some squeaking. Oh, sorry. That's just my shoes. I think I stepped in something. So Earl's like, that's pretty cool, right? You know, we'll check this out. Look and look. Oh, yeah. And there's plenty of roses here, which will surely set up my allergies. So thanks a lot for that. I appreciate that. You may have noticed I've been avoiding roses this entire time, but that's okay. Oh, wow. He's like, well, oh, wait a second. Before we walk further into this room, we're going to have to do the Earl of Pearl dance oh so you branded your own your own stupid shuffle that was so embarrassing that I had to hide behind a vase while you entered the room well that's not how I do it I do the three Amigas dance which is

40:29so then we go back to Ashley and Wale on the balcony and he's like wow you see everything from up here god wow look at all those men you could be dating right now instead of me. Want to jump off the balcony and try and go catch him? You probably do. And she's like, yeah. And then they're watching Giselle and Theo eating their dinner from up there. And he's like, you know, he has a cool confidence about him that I think Giselle likes. It's like, cut back to Theo being like, wow. God, that breeze. Am I right? The breeze and the cheese. What a great night. Anyway, well, I got the night date. That's pretty cool.

41:06Yes, you did. this is a thrilling date. Let's say and Theo leave tomorrow. What do you foresee happening? And he's like, well, I guess we just, you know, see how things go. Wow, I like that. That's another level. Wow, I like it. Yeah, super deep, guys. So then Shannon and Earl, Shannon's like, well, I think Luanne is below us. Wow, look at that. I see an iguana and I think it's serious singing poker face off key. It's got to be her. Oh, is she? Okay. Hey, keep her down down there. Keep her down. Okay, right? Stop it. Stop it, Earl. We don't speak like that with ladies. Oh, my God, Earl. Jesus.

41:54Meanwhile, James is massaging Luanne's feet. Oh, James. Why do you have so many buttons? Okay. All right. We're going to relax. You're giving me a massage. Okay. Let's see what you got going on down there. What do you got going down? Oh, God. She starts unbutting his shirt. Oh, wow. That feels a lot better now. God, what is that incessant tapping coming from the ceiling up there? She's got to Earl doing his Jake Earl to Pearl dance. Let's do the Earl to Pearl dance. Money, money, money in Rome, you know. All right, let's sit down and have some dinner. You know, so she's hoping this dinner can bring back some of the fun.

42:33So he's like, can we do a cheers real quick in the presidential suite. I mean, this is pretty cool. This is pretty cool. I mean, we've only been here five minutes and Melania has already come in, painted everything white and taken out the Christmas trees. Oh, in that case, I will follow in her footsteps and go to a completely separate location and not spend any more time with you. Thank you very much, Earl. Well, I would love to have a conversation and see if Earl will open up to me more and communicate. But, oh, God, I just don't want to have serious communication all the time. I want to have fun, which is why I'm dressed like Betty Ford in an Easter egg hunt.

43:10It's my best Easter outfit. Okay, Earl. So, since I'm totally happy, I'm fun right now. Fun Shannon is here. So, let's talk about something fun. Tell me something fun, Earl. Well, my friends in St. Pete send pictures from down there. And there's going to be places that I've gone to for the last five years that I won't be able to go to again. for a long time. Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear about the Bennigans. It's very sad. There's so few left, so to lose any of them is always a tragedy. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too. Like, come on, Earl. Okay, we go from you lost your house, so you're not going to be able to go to, like, the local Chili's again.

43:48It's like, uh-oh, Joanne's fabric's not open. It closed, Earl.

43:55You know, honestly, when we saw the photos from his house, it was like a tree. It looked like there was some damage, but it was not like he did not lose his house. Okay. His house was by and large fine. I'm sorry. I'm just going to say it. I feel like we didn't say it last week, but I'm going to say it. I'm letting, I'm letting the truth come out now. I was, I was not, I was not impressed with the damage. You're like, I want more. You want my sympathy? I want complete destruction. Yeah. Some like, you know, like it sucks. Like, you know, there was definitely like some, there was definitely some scuffles, but it was just, he, his house was not leveled and people's houses were leveled.

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46:57So, she's like, wow, I just, you know, Earl, I'm so, so sorry about that. I just can't have days like that every day, you know, Earl. I just can't. And he's like, I understand, hon. You know, I was thinking about my life and my situation, expecting you to get what was going on with me. And all I had to do was share more with you. So I'd like to share some feelings right now. Oh, actually, dinner rolls just came. I love dinner rolls. What do you think of dinner rolls? I just. Well, I'm just very, I'm just sad because there was a beautiful auto zone down the street. And well, apparently the chain broke loose in the hurricane and all the tires rolled away.

47:38So no more tires at auto zone for at least three more, three more weeks. So I'm just really, it's going through a lot for me. I'm just sharing with you now. So now you know what's going on with me. Oh, okay. hey, well, I have a lot going on with my life right now, and I've been excited to have this diversion. And, you know, I've been in tears twice, and you keep talking about this hurricane. You know, it's just not what I wanted. So, you know, if my feelings are hurt, I need to express that, because I never express my feelings. I'm like, yes, Shannon Bedore. It's all bottled up, Shannon. You know me, I'm always smiling, never emotional.

48:12No one really knows my emotional state at any given time, ever. So the waiter comes and they're like, okay, we have a Parmesan cheesecake. And Earl goes, huh? What's a Parmesan cheesecake? What the hell is that? That's not a vegetable, is it? I'm not eating Parmesan. I don't care what nobody says. She goes, oh, my God, it's Parmesan, Earl. Oh, Parmesan. She looks to the side. It's like. I died. I died. I died. It's Parmesan. She cannot. That's, he is not sophisticated enough for her. He doesn't even know an alternate pronunciation for Parmesan? Has he never seen the bear for Contessa and seen Eidegarten herself call it Parmesan?

48:54Huh. The S can be said as a Z or a Sh. Jesus. Oh, Parmesan. Okay, look, I care about you a lot. I know you care for me. And as we go down this journey, I don't know what that means really, but just imagine the journey is a spiraling hole. So just imagine we're going down a journey. Okay. I need to say, I need you. It's so hard for me. I just said it, but it was hard. Probably not as hard as it is to figure out what Parmesan is supposed to be. A fucking cake, am I right? I mean, God. I mean, who's Parmy and who's her son? Am I right? That was a joke. Don't worry, Shannon. I understood some of it.

49:30Anyway, we're going on a journey. And by the way, I forgot to mention, we are listening to Journey on the Journey. So to that end, let me just say, don't stop believing in Earl the Pearl. Earl, okay, Earl, that's more of a poison fangirl. Okay, that's enough. So Earl's like, wow, I've just been through so much. You know, I mean, I've had a rough childhood. Okay, Earl, you're 60. Enough, enough of that. The other stuff I think is good, but you can't keep crying about your childhood. That's enough, Earl, okay? I'm just, you know, I know I've been through a lot, but probably more than most people, and that makes you vulnerable, you know, when you do those things.

50:08So I need someone that can understand that what you're going through and not judge you and still love you anyway. Oh, Earl, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm not able to stop judging you. That's just part of what I did. What was that cheese again that you saw? Parmesan. Yeah. And what's the alternate name? It doesn't have an alternate name. It's just Parmesan. It can't be pronounced any other way. That's what I'm talking about. Earl talking about having the most difficult life is a rough one. because it's like, well, I mean, what? Most people have a house to worry about. I've got two to worry about.

50:42Do you know how difficult that is? Okay, girl, the crap. So she's like, well, I'm sorry. And he goes, no, I'm sorry. I didn't take a chance on you. I didn't give you the opportunity to help me. Well, that's crazy because I would have loved to get down off that table, stop drinking and come watch you on the couch, stare at CNN for a while. That would have been real fun. sad I missed that one now please pass that parmesan cake I'm not sure I understand what the reference is parmesan parmesan so she has hope now so they're like nuzzling on the couch and then we see the moon and we hear Luann go oh oh

51:29and just James rubbing her feet again and she's like wow this is amazing You must be getting hot. Massaging is a lot of work. And he's like, I am hot. I need to start taking clothes off. It's a lot of exercise. How good does this oil feel? Feels delicious. Get over here, you avatar stud. And they bang. So now we go back to Giselle and Theo eating chocolate out of a bowl. And he's like, well, it's different. She's like, ha, ha, ha. Got a man who doesn't appreciate the local chocolate. I mean, nah. Well, they said it was some sort of Parmesan chocolate. I don't know. It's like, well, I'm looking forward to all of the dessert spots in New York that you're going to take me to.

52:12He's like, well, I know a few because I made my daughter's birthday cake this year. I thought it was pretty cool because she's into rubber ducks. So I diced up some rubber ducks and put them into a cake. And, well, there was a hospital trip afterwards. But luckily, she loves hospitals, too. She can't get her to stop watching The Pit. How old are his kids? Teens, right? It's like 17 and 17 years old. But that seems old for a rubber duck party, just saying. So he's like, well, my kids are older. So, you know, I want someone who wants to have a relationship with my kids. And he tells her like he, you know, he got a bathtub tin and then he layered the cake inside of the tin and then put blue frosting and made a rubber duck out of fondant.

52:57And she's like, wow, who is this guy? I thought Giselle was going to be like disgusting. a man who doesn't buy cakes from stores. I'm not into it. But instead, she's like, no, actually, I really like that he has kids. You know, Phil's kids are gone. My kids are gone. His kids are still there, fresh. And I still want to be able to feel utilized by a child. There, I said it. What an odd sentence. She's like, I just want to take care of something. And I was like, the sentence, I want to be utilized by a child. Okay. uh, that explains why Jason Cameron was in the picture. So I, um, I was, I could not get over the fact that this guy made this cake and he took like a, he just took like a, like a small little tub and then he put the cake in it.

53:47And I was like, did you bake the cake in that? Or did you just place the cake in that? Either way, I was like, I did not feel like it was safe. I think he bought a store-bought cake and broke it up and put it in the tub and then added some icing on the top that's what i was like is that tub safe to eat it like is the paint in that i don't know i was like you know like some things you can't really eat off of and i was like is this made to be eaten off of oh they're gonna probably i became shannon a parent you know what do you care here's what i've noticed about parents they're like oh my god you can't have gluten that is gonna kill you but then you like go to their kids birthday parties and they're eating i mean just like the cake and the cake paint and all the stuff that they put on everything now and their mylar balloons and all the shit that they have.

54:32I'm like, stop pretending you care about these kids. You all want these kids to choke. I mean, look what you've surrounded them with. Yeah. Yeah. So I had a really hard time with that cake. I just felt like there was, the tub really bothered me. So. It was a tin that was shaped like a tub. Right, but I'm saying like I felt, especially if he baked it in that, he definitely did not bake it in that. No, he didn't bake it. He's a dad. You know what dads do. They go to grocery stores. He found a cake. He broke the cake up, shoved it into a tin, shoved a rubber ducky on there, called it a date. Well, now we go back over to Ashton Wale.

55:09And Ashton's like, you know, it's so nice hearing the waves crash against the beach. He's like, yeah. And what is the status of you and your relationship of your ex-husband? Well, I've been waiting for you to ask me this, but from what I've heard on the streets and you have expressed some feelings about it to people here. He's like, yeah, well, when I came in here, I didn't know anything. but which is why i'm gonna like that's why i'm here like i didn't know shit but like and i didn't know that you're actually not divorced like you're going through a divorce like can you explain to me because i don't understand it i mean like i didn't really know that much about it but then i googled the guy and it looks like he's trying to steal a ring from a hobbit so i mean i'm obviously not your type and then i look at this other guy and uh that's not your type either she's like i don't really have a type you know it's just like really old white guys that's a type no it's not it's no i i i i'm strictly pc these days like the computer yeah no type not typewriter oh sorry yeah no the old man that's my type yeah so he's like yeah i'm not really sure about this i mean i don't look like him i'm not a similar age either she's like yeah i don't have a type you know that's hard for some people to understand And because, you know, handwriting's difficult.

56:26It's like, but you've got a pretty wide spectrum. And she's like, well, I just like smart people who take care of their bodies and have a lot of money and are close to death. And don't really have many people that they want to give that money to upon their death. You know. I like my men to be basically old white guys who look like they might be in movies like Gollum or Frozen. And that's really all I need. Or Frozen. Are you saying that Ralph looks like the snowman? No, he looks like the stone trolls.

57:03He does. Look up the stone trolls from Frozen. I don't think it really hit me. Look it up. Literally look up the stone trolls from Frozen. And they're all little Ralphs.

57:15Oh, my God. Hold on. I'm looking it up. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. I'll put it on the screen so people can see. His eyes are like, his eyes are close and they're sort of up like they are. Those are. I mean, it's.

57:32Bringing it up on. That makes me laugh so much. I don't know how that, like, isn't it weird? You see things and they just stay in the back of your mind. And then like 10 years later, you're like, yep, there he is. There's Ralph.

57:48That's him. That's so rude and amazing. Okay. She's like, Gollum or trolls? Gollum or trolls?

57:58Okay, so she's like, yeah, you know, whatever. I just want some passion. He's like, all right, come get your passion. So they make out. And now it's checkout day. But by the way, if you're on a date and you're trying to kind of seal the deal, why are you going out of your way to bring up reasons for her not to like you? Why are you reminding her of her type? Like he's always trying to challenge her. And it's just like, oh, Wale. His personality really stinks, doesn't it? Yeah, it's not great. You know, he's not great at this. So then we go to final checkout day. And James and Luann are on the balcony.

58:40And they find a floating breakfast in the hot tub. He's like, wow, look at that. It's a floating breakfast. Wow, they sure know how to take care of people, don't they? Food and water. Delicious. Yeah You see Earl above the balcony Hey sorry about that I kind of dropped Shannon's breakfast Over the side of the edge here Do you mind bringing that up to room 14B Wow look at the big boat out there We got the yacht girls We got the yacht He's like wow that's really a big pee pee She goes it's not a private plane James It's a private yacht I wasn't talking about the plane I'm talking about the pee pee Oh James And then we see Earl carrying a tray of juices over to Shannon, who's sitting at the view.

59:25He's like, he's like, good morning. She's like, oh, well, I forgot a brush. So I guess this is all ruined. This entire experience ruined because I can't find a brush. Has anyone seen my brush? I was like, aha. This is what caused the rip between her and Joel Kim Booster. She's like, did you take my brush, Bellhop? All this time you're trying to be my friend, but I let you into my room. And I was the only one whose room you came into. And guess what you did? You took my brush. Oh, well, I just want to say thank you, Earl, for this non-freshly squeezed juice. Packaged. Thank you. Then we go to Ashley and Ralph walking on the beach and having their talk.

1:00:03So he's like, so, my dear, how do we discuss this elephant in the room once again? You mean the day that I had with Wale? Well, you can spend the night, just so you know. yeah even though I have strong feelings for him after about 45 minutes of cuddling he left my room and we see that she basically just didn't want she says she doesn't feel like this is the time or place to get physical so she tells Ralph that they had a really fun date and she wants to know if he's in a place where he can be in a healthy relationship he's like well it's going to take a lot of work but my concern is would you be ready for daddy mmm you know you got married young you had your kids and uh you know now's your time to run free well you know there's been some talk from some people whose names rhyme with while a about me still being married does that bother you and he's like now everybody's got messy stuff wait till you hear about my fucking life you know you know ralph's got some mess by the way.

1:01:08Yeah, he was like a touring musician. We don't know much about Ralph yet, but Ralph does not have a clean life, I can guarantee. That man looks exhausted. That man screwed a lot of people over. Yeah. That's a man who has a lot of babies around the world. So she's like... Being with Ralph and talking about his life is just so easy because Ralph is married and divorced and is raising children and he just gets it. I don't feel like I have to explain or justify myself. Plus, the way he grunts is so sexy. Oh, yeah. I just figure if he gets mad about me, mad about something, or doesn't want me to go someplace, at least he'll fall asleep soon.

1:01:48I love him. So then we go to Joel. He's like, last day at the Gran Vela's Boutique Hotel, sponsored by Saratoga Springwater, the official water. Joel, wrong show. All right, everybody, go home. It's over. It's not over, Joel. Can I wear my Speedo? No, put on some clothes. How are the overnight dates? They were good. Well, I found out, Luann, you were directly four floors above me, and I would love to put the action to the sounds. Oh, well, that was Earl who was on the balcony. You might have heard the man saying, what about my home in Florida? Nonstop, kind of a buzzkill. Well judging by the way Shannon has a big ass smile And pepping her step I'm guessing she got Earl used his tongue to part the pink sea That's what I think happened What is a pink sea?

1:02:46Is that a horse? Is that another horse thing? I mean I did feed him some cotton candy last night Is that what she's talking about? So Giselle's like Oh we know why you're smiling Oh yeah we know do we? We know do we?

1:03:04Joel's like How was it Alright Shannon Okay Shannon I'm a gay man This is too graphic for me How was it with James Luan Well A lady doesn't kiss and tell So in the spirit of that He's got a big fucking dick everyone And I blew it But a girl does get dick and dictate That man's got a giant one Huge Now I know when I want to go to Maui, I'll just walk on his dick. I'll get on in California and I'll get off of Maui. It goes across the ocean. It's so big. Yeah. And you know, I'm torn because Ralph and I, I mean, it's just so passionate, you know? I mean, last night he got down on his knees and I said, oh my God, he's going to pop the question.

1:03:50And then he burped really loud and fell asleep. Said something about arthritis or something with his knees. I'm not sure. while he's still building his life and he's very successful doing whatever he does in Rhode Island. I think he's like the governor of Rhode Island. I don't actually know anything about him. Joel's like, I don't envy your position. You have a lot to think about. Sort of like how I can think about how Bowen gets to go out and do all the cool stuff and I'm stuck here hosting this dumb show. Anyway, Giselle, what are you going to do? Well, I did give Phil a kiss. And Ashley's like, oh my God, Stop the process.

1:04:28Giselle gave somebody a kiss. That's amazing. And she's like, well, a little peck never hurt nobody. No, it didn't. But a big pecker never hurt anybody either. Thank God James has got one. Please send my apologies to the Velas Boutique Hotel. My room is now an open concept on account of all the walls that James knocked over with his giant dick. So Giselle's like, well, I've had drama with men. But I think I might be addicted to it because it actually made me sad that neither of these men tried to do a collection in the middle of our date. Well, that's part of the problem, isn't it? He doesn't chase you.

1:05:09Phil doesn't chase you, that is. And he's 63. I normally date younger. I need a younger man to utilize me. Yeah, you know, it needs to be who I want to have sex with tonight. Tonight? No, not tonight. But you know what I mean. I really don't. Someday. When? I don't know, Ashley. Never? Probably. Oh, I thought you were changing. I will never change, Ashley. So, Shannon, how about your date? She's like, well, I'm glad I asked Earl to spend the time with me. I buttoned his shirt and did a funny dance and kept yelling, Persimmon! Over the balcony, over and over again. Then we drank a lot. Then he stuck his foot in my face in the middle of the night, and I said, oh, my God, that's your foot.

1:05:49He didn't hear me. He was asleep. It was funny. He turns all the way to the other side of the bed while he's sleeping. Yes, his feet smell like celery, which is odd, because he doesn't eat celery. He's a mystery. I'm in love. We're getting married. By the way, Bellhop, I can't help but notice that your hair seems to be brushed quite nicely today. I wonder if you had a new device that you used to make it look so high and perky? Just wondering. When you talk about Earl, your face lights up. And when you talk about y 'all's situation, you look sad. The good news is you like him. Oh, she said she loves him.

1:06:27Love, love for sale. Well, we'll see. I really have to think about it. There's a lot for me to think about, and it's going to be very difficult for some of those red flags for me to blash them aside. Joel, that was for you. We're going to be deciding on who we're taking home, but I would appreciate it if someone from production would go through this house cleaner's merce.

1:06:56I thought this was a quality establishment, but suddenly a brush goes missing. Last day. Convenient. So now they're trying to decide. Luanne doesn't know because it's long distance. So she comes up to him and, you know, it's like the end scene. So James and Joel are both there. Joel's like, James, Luanne, it's been so much fun watching you act like a couple from real sex on the old HBO show. So please keep your clothes on through this process. Well, it's been a wild ride, and I'm in a wild ride. Did you know James has two penises? Amazing. Well, we're grown up, so we'll make it work. If it's supposed to work, then we'll make it work.

1:07:37And I'm willing, and you're willing, and we got a decent shot, and we kind of written a hit song together. So why stop the momentum? So James, would you love to check out with me from the Love Hotel? Yeah I'd love to check out with you Yeah I'll bring that big dick over here And let's hug I love that she goes I thought so So they make out And they're pretty good And then we go to Giselle And Giselle's like I've given this decision A lot of thought Is there a polite way to say zero Wait we didn't mention the fact that when Luann And James were like hugging And James was like wow so cabaret hey, you're going to be doing cabaret?

1:08:20She's like, yes. Go to CountessLuanne.com.

1:08:26She wedged in her URL. Just want to make sure people know where to find me.

1:08:34So Giselle's like, I don't want anybody. How do I say this? Now, so Joel's like, well, you came in here dubious, and I'm leaving dubious. That's just how I rolled it in my sign, Joel. He's like, well, you've made a big impact, okay, Theo? So Giselle, you described Theo as a bit of a wild card. That excited you. Make your final choice, Giselle. So it's cross cuts between Giselle and Phil. And Giselle's like, well, this has been a journey. I've loved who you've been for me. I do feel like you and I were in different moments of our life. You're in your creepy rich phase. I'm in my hustling to earn some money phase.

1:09:11And, you know, I'm hustling and bustling and grinding and doing Giselle and starting a very sad charity. So she then is telling, she then tells Theo, your quirkiness and sparkiness has just made me feel like, wow. Like Theo, Theo's quirky and sparky. Or sparky. He's neither of those things. So she dumps Phil and takes this guy. And I thought Phil took it well. Phil was like, well, there's always going to be a queen. A queen who is always welcome to use my golf cart and bella. and then he just like disappeared in ether just poofs away there's like a pup and he like crossfades into nothing so then Giselle's like at this time I would like for us to check out the love hotel to get the raw and he's like wow that's awesome I mean that pain in my chest is going away now oh you had butterflies no I think it was that rubber ducky it was a little lodged in there still

1:10:17so um she's in a place where she's got time for a relationship so let's see how he'd like some arizona's iced tea yeah so then we go to shannon and shannon's like wow going into my night i'm just gonna trust my gut and i have an extremely untrustworthy gut i've been been working with probiotics and the fauna and the flora it's just so hard to balance you know I checked into the love hotel to try to find some love and I met my person and I don't think I would have dated outside the love hotel I I like that and I'm I'm clearly comfortable going home by myself and if if I don't see any hope for Earl and I but hopefully someday he will understand that parmesan and parmesan are the same thing and he will understand that I have no interest whatsoever living in a landlocked house so yeah um everything's gonna be great everything's gonna be great if i had my brush i would be brushing my hair nervously right now but i don't so i'll just stay here and unravel slowly on a on a bench and jules like guys jannon earl um nobody wants to die alone and i'm pretty sure you're gonna die together probably at the hands of each other so this was fun you fucking weirdos oh thank you yeah it's been a journey hadn't it shan you know i'm amazed at all the things we've got uh to overcome and it just feels like we found our landing spot even when it was tough you know just like that storm found its landing spot my house in georgia all right okay enough georgia hurricanes don't count they don't count there are no sports teams called the georgia hurricanes so it does not count safe word um by the way my safe word is safe word so safe word okay now you know the girls told me today that every time i talk to talk about you my eyes light up but then every time i'm actually be with you.

1:11:59I look like I want to jump off of the building and sounds like marriage. Let's do it. I told the girls, I said, what? I look sad when I talk about my, my times with Earl. Well, say no more. Earl, would you like to check out with me? Shannon, before you go, I do have a parting gift. Oh, it's the hotel person. Is it my brush? It's a plate of artichoke dip. Well, it's about goddamn time. Thank you so finally. Okay. Hey, everybody come to the Vespa Hotel, whatever the hell it's called. They do a great job here. Here's Earl, give him$5. And this is guacamole. Get out, bitch. Get out.

1:12:41So they walk off. And now it's time for Ashley to make her decision, which we all know what she's going to do. So she's like, oh, all these things that have transpired over the last couple of days have thrown me for a loop. And now I have to think about how I really feel. Am I going to go for it? I'm going to go for the daddy. I'm going for the daddy. so she sends wale home and wale has written her a note and she's like oh my god he wrote me a note a goodbye note and so she reads it and it's like ashley you never liked me anyway but at least they got some free food so thanks good luck with the old person and then he tells us he's like well guys she chose a european for me i'm out here trying you guys he's like european over nigerian doing my best sorry everyone so then she's like oh joel i hope i didn't make a mistake he's such a good guy joel's like look you have to follow your heart you know what you need and i want you to have this it's a brush oh this is so nice thank you

1:13:48so then we see their wrap up things giselle is uh she planned she made plans to meet uh theo in new york city for halloween but they never came together because leo lost his phone she does want to visit bel-air though and she's still considering um phil's rolls royce so then um shannon and pearl um are checking out together but uh shannon visited earl in georgia and earl spent some time in orange county uh but shannon realized earl was not the man for her so she remained single okay that's a whole other show can we get a spin off of that i would have loved that they were never that was not gonna work he's just not he's not worldly enough for her and then um ashley then to ashley's surprise Ralph wasn't the right daddy to fix her daddy issues.

1:14:40So basically they had sex and he was like, okay, taking care of that moving on. Their relationship is with Beavis or something. Yeah, she is. I think that he's in like, he's, Josh has been seen filming with them. Wale may have checked out of the Love Hotel, but he hasn't checked out of the Ashleyverse and we see a text exchange between them and he says, you cross my mind here and there. My regards to Demi and Diamond have root of me. oh they perked up with a little mention of them and then we end with Luann in really thick glasses trying to read the lyrics to Love Hotel Luann the lyrics are Love Hotel, Love Hotel, Love Hotel for fuck's sake man she's up there looking like the old navy lady like okay from the top Hotel of Love oh no sorry okay once more once more Love Motel no sorry I'll get it this time Well I came to a place And they called me kinda creepy But I found a chick who really Liked my peepee Love Hotel Love Hotel No no you finished it Love Hotel We gotta start this over Well well well Great show Great show good job Bravo Loved this show Bravo Good job Good job to everybody involved in Love Hotel.

1:16:01You guys changed so much. You changed my life. You guys did a great job. They did. And actually, the show was formless. It was like an amoeba. It was like a dating show amoeba. But I have to say, I actually love the way they, I said it before, I love the way they sort of like presented it. Things would just sort of crossfade from one conversation to the other. You just get snippets. Like the entire thing was like a weird dream. And it was great. Great casting. Do it again. Have Shannon on every season, please. it was it was a heart-filling beautiful beautiful show oscar love you real quickly real quickly i know you want to end it but i have to ask you two women you would like to see on the next season from the real housewives universe um

1:16:47let's see who we've got who we got that single here uh you know i don't want heather gay i think heather gay will be too much like wink wink nod nod although she could be the actually she could have the Giselle role, which is fine. The person who's not really there for anything just makes comments. Yeah. Yeah, Heather Gay is a good choice. I think that's a strong one. Alexia? Alexia is a great choice, except she's still with Ta-Duda. But she's still, she's a good choice. Lartha would be fun. Yeah, Lartha would be a fun one. The entire Real Housewives of Miami. Yeah. Lartha would be good. Let's see.

1:17:23Jersey. Who do we have from Jersey? I thought they were single. They're all coupled up, aren't they? They're all coupled up over there. Salt Lake City. I don't know about Sonia. Maybe one of the OGs from New York would be fine. One of those girls might be fine. Dorinda. Just kidding. Dorinda would be fine. Dorinda would be good. Is there anyone single? I mean, there are single people on Beverly. Sutton? Sutton. Sutton would be great. Sutton would fill the Shannon role. Like the neurotic crazy one. 100%. Yeah, I think we just came up with our perfect cast. It's a great cast. Heather, Sutton, Dorinda, and Larsa?

1:18:07Larsa. Or Adriana. I'm not Adriana, I'm Alexia. No, Larsa. Yeah, Alexia, I don't think, she's still dating Todd. But if she wasn't, Alexia would be great. But I think Larsa would be good. Larsa would be funny to watch on the show. Or you could even put Drew Sedora on there. She probably wouldn't be as good though. Oh, that's true. Drew would be a good one. Drew. Just to mix it up a little bit. Okay, well, that's fun to think about. Please listen to us, Bravo. Okay, now we can wrap it up. Karen. Maybe they could put Karen Huger after jail and she could just cheat on Ray. Because, you know, she cheats anyway.

1:18:41So they could just have Karen dating behind Ray's back. And then Ray could be upstairs like, did you have a nice day today, honey? She'd be like, yes, Ray, yes, everything's been fine. By the way, I'm going to go visit a belly. You know who actually would be a good one would be Caroline Brooks. Oh, well, she'd have to come a long way. She's fine. She'll do it. Yeah. I mean, Sam is going on traders. Yeah. Caroline Brooks would be really, really a good choice. All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being here with us this season. Nah, we will be seeing you guys in Los Angeles on Thursday night to recap the valley.

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