#2897 RHOM S7E2: Grist for the Milan

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1:24Watch what happens when there's so much that happens.

1:31Ben Mandelker: It's so funny. Watch what happens when there's so much that happens.

1:53Ben Mandelker: How are you? I'm so excited. If you're listening to this in time, hopefully you can come join us tonight at the Fonda Theater in the heart of Hollywood, California, on the Walk of Fame for our big final show of the Mountain Hysteria Tour. We are recapping the valley. If you're wondering where is our valley recap, it's because we're recording it tonight at the Fonda. So come join us. Tickets are at WatchWhatCrapHappens.com. The links are there. Come solo. Come with friends. and have a fun time. We're going to have a fun time. That's the plan. Anyway, on Patreon, we have recaps of Love Island because we're watching it and having so much fun with that.

2:34Ben Mandelker: Those are our bonus episodes. And we also do Crappins on Demand where you can watch us, not just listen to us. So that is all the exciting stuff. Patreon.com slash watchourcrappins. That's the news. And today we return with Miami. Miami goes to Milan. two m cities with i think the same number of letters so exciting times what did you think jami and milan so good the show's so good love it so it's shot so well so beautiful to look at my god it's also nice to go to like a real fashion event so many of these housewives shows are like we're putting on a fashion show at the footlocker in the salt lake city mall and it's like you know 30 people and here we're at like a real deal fashion show in milan with like hundreds of people clamoring to get in it's just nice nice to raise the stakes a little bit yeah i don't know anything about fashion so i don't know who this person is or if it's real or not but i liked it it was fun i'd heard of him before and i thought oh is this gonna be one of those fashion designers who's just like a fame whore who just always will bring on reality stars but then it seemed like there were a lot of people trying to get into the show so i was like it seems like a legit designer I don't remember where I've heard of this.

3:47It seems like his global ambassador is the one who got them in anyway, because the designer is like, who's your friend, the blondie? Who's the blondie?

3:55Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Who is this person? Yeah. I wish I knew more about fashion to know whether or not like this is a guy we should make fun of. Like, is he crap or is he good? I don't know. I mean, I don't know. He's got like jogging pants and man purses. I don't know. It looks the same to me as every other douchey thing I see. So I don't know. but let's see what happens miami takes milan and gertie lisa and adriana are talking and adriana is full on whatever happened to baby janine today not sure what she's thinking but she's in like a little girl dress and then bows in her hair and she's like oh look at me talk about my man he's inspiring me to look younger okay younger or like dance moms like what what are we doing here i know why are we trying to look like clueless in 1996 is your boyfriend on a list because you look like a 12 year old cheerleader like this is this is a bit too much if you need to do this for your man there are some kinks you need to question nah yeah and so we're like they're chatting but they're also getting flashbacks of what happened in the last episode which means we have alexia being like oh god todd moved out to my house with frankie there and well sometimes what's right for the hole isn't what's right for the soul tagline yeah well we were traveling and i was asked to walk in the milan fashion show bad news my dad had a heart attack and then so we see her telling jody yeah you know what my dad has a heart attack like he could die in a second but you know what i gotta live my life and they get that they get that so lisa this is so lisa you know he could die it's so difficult not knowing if he's going to die.

5:38Here I am going to Milan. Oh my God, is he dead or is he not? It's so hard to concentrate on putting on lipstick.

5:46Ben Mandelker: I got to live my life. But guess who I have to see in Milan? Larsa! I'm so mad. Adriana's like, yeah, I mean, you don't go into someone's house and that you tell you're a bitch and stupid. Just don't do that. I'm like, have you seen seasons one through until this moment? Adriana, that is your entire thing. That is your MO. I do that, but you don't do that. Okay. So Gertie's like, oh God, I don't want her to make it about her in Italy because that's probably what she's going to do. And Lisa goes, she wouldn't do that. Right. And Gertie goes, would she? Would she? This is what they're all concerned about because they all know they all will make everything about themselves given the chance.

6:27Ben Mandelker: So we'll get back to that. Put a pin in that. So then now we have Lars at home. Preston. Preston. Preston. XYZ. like xyz w abc hey preston where are you he's like oh my god mom i'm right here so she has to call him on the cell phone she's like bro like you don't like hear me like calling for your life like you're gonna miss like your fight like bro like come on like they don't have like multiple flights like to milan okay this is like the only flight come on god uh so she tells us that she's known philip klein for years and originally of course they like asked me to walk on the show But I was like nervous Because like What if I trip Like walking's hard Like So I suggested like Preston like Because like He's the creative one In my family And you know what Creative people can do Walk It's like so creative How he walks He's always walked Like when he first Took his first step I was like Oh my god You're like basically Michelangelo This is me You're like an artist He's a creative walker Preston You don't have your passport I mean come on I love when her like Non-affected accent Sneaks out and she starts talking like this.

7:33Ben Mandelker: Then she goes back to like this. Preston's in college. He's figuring out who he is. I mean, if he wants to model, I will make sure he models because he's a creative model, Walker Walker model. So I really want to support that. And they're like, do you know that Lisa is in the show? Yeah, that's fine. I'll be okay with that. But like, do you think Lisa's actually going to be on the flight? You guys wouldn't put Lisa on the flight, would you? You guys are just reality TV show producers. You would never do that to me, right? You just said there's only one flight that goes from Miami to Milan today.

8:06What do you think is going to happen, Larza? Put two and two together. Hey, so there. Stupid. What do you think I'm stupid? I'm like a creative son, stupid. You're stupid face. You're dumb. Everybody knows who you are, stupid recapers, stupid like face face. So Lisa is calling Jodi while she's getting ready. She's like, oh, my God, I can't believe it's happening. I'm walking in Milan fashion week. One of the biggest in the world. Oh, God. I've watched fashion shows in Canada. I've done tons of covers.

8:37Ben Mandelker: I've been Saskatchewan Vogue. I'm sorry. And I was also in Saskatoon Vogue. I've been in Alberta L. They just call that Alberta L. Quebec. I'm in. Our Kit Kats don't have corn syrup monthly. God, that's a great magazine. Canada really crags about that one. I'm in Newfoundland's edition of Women Wear Daily Which is just flannel every day But that's fine, I was in it I was on an electronic McDonald's menu once I'm huge, huge in Canada It's how I got my visa Okay

9:15Ben Mandelker: Oh yeah So I just can't believe this is happening This is huge, it's huge You know what, when I'm walking amongst 18 year olds I'll be like, looks like I still got it I'm like a fine wine I guess a fine wine that Lenny wants to fuck someday. I guess that's what an 18 year old is like. Am I getting my metaphors right? I feel like I'm losing the thread. Let's go to reforming Pilates where Lexi and Gertie are working out. And wait, what did I say that? Well, it's not Lexi and Gertie. It's Alexi and Julia. So they do their workout. And of course, Julia is doing this. Shannon Bedore. I'm so wacky. I don't know how to work out.

9:53Oh, I'm falling. Oh, this is. so difficult. I have to stand on things and move my hip. Oh my God, I fall. I'm not used to this. Wacky, Julia. Wacky.

10:06Ben Mandelker: And so Alexia is like, oh my God, for me, this is like, you know, like this is about like the mind, like especially, you know, after that party, like I need my mind to be fresh because I feel like the way they were all talking to each other was just like disgusting. Like you don't talk to your friends like that ever. Like again, let's rewind the tape. Yeah. Okay, Alexia. I'm glad we came here because I'm only good laddies this was much less stinky so Alexia's like well they need to have a conversation because I don't want this to turn into like Lars and Gertie last year you know what I mean? By the way how are you and Gertie?

10:35take five seconds because I'm going to talk about da da da and she's like I don't care to see Gertie because I had this cool message from her after she found out about the boys I was holding both boys in my hands and I was dictating message I said you miss news so you find out with everybody else that's it you know and she wrote congrats and that's all she wrote how dare you and then martina had the hell scare and i told gertie and so she volunteered to come to a date with me to a dinner in martina's place and then she made it all about herself and her pr and accused me of not looking after her properly for some dinner reservation um excuse you ma 'am julia you know i like julia in general but first the thing you did DeGertie was shitty.

11:19This lady couldn't make it to your Zoom call. She's tell her she has to find out with everybody else. That's a shitty friend. Sorry, that's dickish. And then you ask her to sub in for Marina and or Martina and you have her sat at a different table from you and then ignore her all night. She was there as a favor to you. You're on the wrong here. I don't know exactly what you're trying to prove with all these Instagram screenshots either, because it just makes you look more and more wrong.

11:43Ben Mandelker: Yeah, Julia's Julia made like a statement on her Instagram. about Gertie. She's like, first of all, I was in emotional time. I did not know if I had boys yet, if it would be boys or goats or neither, and it was a hard time for me. I was like, okay. It's already ridiculous that you're holding this Zoom moment against Gertie, but now that you're going to pull the, well, we didn't know. It was so emotional. Oh my goodness. If you didn't know, then how did you have a Zoom call announcing it? Yeah. Yeah. What else did it say? I was actually, I'm actually trying to flick it up. I was hoping I was like, keep talking, Ronnie, keep talking.

12:19Ben Mandelker: I'll find it. I can't find it anywhere. I saw a little bit about it on Reddit, but I was like, what? It was actually not interesting enough. So yeah, it wasn't interesting enough. And it was actually a really bad font. That was too long. It was two pages and it was in like a cursive font. And I was like, no, I'm not. I won't read those. That's why I never know what's going on with Bronwyn Newport, because I'm not reading that. I don't go to Instagram to read five pages of your bullshit. Okay. Brevity. Bullet points. um so alexia's like well guess what i wasn't listening to anything you're saying because i'm in emotional limbo oh yes okay well i guess we're done with my thing so tell me about your thing okay good so i hope you know i hope that this doesn't move forward because like five years ago i would be done the ball but the ball is in his court and i tried to save our marriage but i have to say god has a plan and i'm super anxious and that plan has to do with the ball and the ball is in the court and that's also part of god's plan god really wants to see a really good game today.

13:12Ben Mandelker: So he's like just waiting for it to start. Ball in court. There's a ball in a court. I don't know what to do with it. What are you supposed to do with the ball in the court? Do I throw it to the judge? What's going to happen to me? So she starts crying. Which she does in every fucking scene. So then we go to Milan. Lars and Preston arrive. And Lisa and Jody arrive. And Jody's like, if you're going to be a model, you learn how to learn how to handle the cold, honey. I'm international, honey. our model not allowed to buy coats jody i don't understand jody's logic so i saw larsa on the plane and i didn't say hi and she didn't say hi and it was awkward because this is my moment it's about me how do you say me in italian

13:59um so they have a van to pick up and the van van has uh the driver has a sign that says uh

14:09Ben Mandelker: Hoxstein and Pippin. And she's like, oh, God. Really? Oh, my God. Are you sure there's not another car, like? I mean, I was on the same flight, like, and now the same car, like? I would have, like, taken a camel, like, to get away from her, like. Where are all those famous Italian camels, like? And Preston hates this so much. He's like, oh, God, I'm taking the front. And she's like, wait a minute, but you're going to leave me back here with him? Oh, my God. Don't leave me back here with them, like. And so Lisa's like, oh, God. Hi, Larsa. I didn't know we were driving together. Preston, you got up there.

14:41Oh, God. You want Jody to sit there? Like, where's Jody going to sit? You want me to sit next to him? You want to sit next to him? Lars is like, no, I don't want to sit with him. No, like, no. No, like, no.

14:57Ben Mandelker: I like that, by the way, they're all too cheap to actually get their own separate Uber. Like, well, God forbid you just call an Uber. Have you done want to sit with Lisa? but I also don't want to turn down a free ride. Oh, well. I promised Preston I wasn't going to, you know, do all this because it's like his thing. I want him to enjoy his moment. So anyway, okay, Preston, did you have your moment? Great. Okay, we can do our thing now. Hey, Preston, I just like want you to remember like this is your moment like that you only like got because like I dropped out of my moment. So like enjoy your moment that was supposed to be my moment.

15:29Okay, Preston, that nobody really would have called had it not been for me first.

15:33Ben Mandelker: Preston, have you ever walked before? Do you ever do like, I don't know, Quebec City Fashion Week? No? Never did that? Oh, it's pretty cool. Northern Territories Fashion Week? No, that one? No? Oh, okay. Katie Lang Fashion Invitational? No? Okay. I guess you're more inexperienced than I thought. What do you mean? Like, I haven't even seen you practice, Preston. Like, what are you talking about? And Lisa's like, oh, what are you, a show mom? You're like a show mom. And Larissa goes, yeah, like, I know, like, when you said, like, everyone knows what you are, I was like, I know who I am, Lisa. Like, I have four superstar kids.

16:05It's like I'm an entrepreneur-like. No, I'm sorry. I'm an entrepreneur-like. Like that like really kind of like hurt like really bad. Both of them. Larissa will take anything just to make it into a fight. You were so, mom. Yeah. Because like you really hurt me that time when you said that thing.

16:21Ben Mandelker: Larissa is saying she doesn't want to fight in front of Preston and then launching right into it. Well, you know what was hurtful? Was when you came to my boyfriend's party slash my wedding to be and you said Jodi is cheap. Well, like. And Jodi's like, yeah. It was my birthday. I hugged you. I was nice to you. Oh, shit. Yeah, it was really bad. Quiet over there, Jody. Take your AC and be quiet. It's fine. Be friends with Marcus. You chose him. I would choose Lisa over everyone because, by the way, I always choose Lisa. Okay, then if my next boyfriend says don't be friends with Lisa, then fine.

16:55Ben Mandelker: But, like, for me, as, like, a woman-like, I could never, like, be friends with someone who's, like, bashing my friends-like. He's like, well, but I can't, like, not be his friend. Like, how am I supposed to, like, not be his friend? Oh, yeah? Then, like, move in with him then. Like, he's not even your friend. Like, he's getting back at me. Like, he doesn't even like you, Jody. Your mouth doesn't even move. Like, he does things to hurt my family. Like, look at Preston. He looks so sad. Preston, are you sad, like? No. See? He's, like, he's, like, just mondical. So, like, if you don't, like, understand that, then you're, like, a psycho.

17:25Like, you're so psycho. Like, you know what? You think he's your friend? Like, then fine, then. but like you want to choose to believe someone you've known for like five minutes and like whatever believe your stupid like friend like look at Preston he's crying Preston are you crying no he's sobbing up there you're mean you're a psycho mean person stupid I hate your stupid faces both of you ew you know every time the president says no that's a creative person's

17:47Ben Mandelker: way of saying yes so he's really agreeing with me Jody's like well if I shouldn't believe someone I've known for five minutes then why should I trust you oh okay oh yeah yeah yeah that was a one jody that's a good one yeah yeah yeah you know what she's fighting with me and her son is like right there okay like be a good example for your kid i would never ever ever do that please roll the flashbacks of me and lenny fighting in front of the children are you talking about lisa she's so fucking crazy so lisa tries to pull a car you're giving the kids pizza what do you want him to be fatty four eyes it's bad enough he's not a four eyes now like lisa we've seen the tape okay yeah and by the way my dad is sick and he's in the hospital and is he gonna die is he not gonna die like i'm on standby and she goes yeah then then go home you shouldn't be here like what yeah leave because like if your dad is like sick in a like hospital like dying like what are you like doing here like i mean larsa does not larsa does not fall for the tactic she's like you're not going to use that to manipulate the situation okay that's rude well i mean he has a week to live like jody said like you shouldn't be here like you shouldn't have come like like this is a place for creative people like my son.

18:51Ben Mandelker: Son, be creative. No. He was being creative saying yes. Okay, go home. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

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21:42Ben Mandelker: It's the best way to support the show. So now we go to Gertie and Russell, and she's in there for a checkup at the plastic surgeon. And she's still got, she had breast implant removal after having cancer. Like, she's had so much going on, you know. And so now her boobs are kind of messed up. And so she's trying to get them reconstructed properly. She's had, like, fat moved from parts of her body to her breasts. And it's going to take a while for her to get them done. And Russell's just like over the surgery. He doesn't want any more surgeries because he's watched her go through so much. But she's, you know, she wants to like feel confident and do it.

22:19And oh, my God, it's it's rough. I hate watching Gertie go through stuff. And so I can't believe she puts all of this on camera because she's it's hard for her. You know, it's like she just takes off all of her clothes and they don't even blur out anything like they put a blur on the side of her boob. I'm not really sure.

22:34Ben Mandelker: they really left little to the imagination but yeah she basically is like I just want one more surgery I'm so close to it looking good and I've went through a lot and I want this so he's like okay and I'll tell you who else is going through a lot Marisol who's a vegan and just was served sushi hey Steve did you forget that I'm vegan what's good for the stomach is good for the Steve you're going to have to help me out with this one water fish and it's bad for your bish, Steve. And he's like, well, I might have gotten a whole table full of sushi, but I also got you a little seaweed side salad. Why are we pretending you eat again?

23:16He's like, all right. Well, you got sake. We're eating them in these little boxes. A little lipstick come out of this one because it's all over it now. I'm a real lipstick lady. It's hilarious.

23:29Ben Mandelker: You know, I love to put some lips on the wood. what's what's good for the wood is good for the should right am i losing my touch steve what's good what is good in my hood am i right steve yeah there we go yeah that was good hey steve you got me some sake so you're gonna get some sake am i right steve got it nailed it i'm excited to be married uh you know i mean we are married and i get married every season on this show but that's okay i'm gonna be keep it simple okay i feel safer we're gonna make it we're gonna make illegal for reals. What's good for the laws is good for my paws all over Steve.

24:07What's good for Steve gets all over my sleeve. All right, I'm going a little far, probably. That was a handy joke, Steve. Did you get that? You're hearing aids in Steve. Meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow. I say meow, meow. Meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I say meow, meow to Steve. You know, I don't want to glow because to Alexia, you know, because the whole Todd thing. I mean, Alexia with Todd, it's not good for Alexia. She gets very defensive, angry. I mean, she's away from him. It's like a breath of fresh air. And you know I don't like fresh air, Steve. But in this case, I'll take it.

24:44He just brings out the worst in her, Steve. Are you still eating that dead thing? He's like, God, I love fish.

24:52Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I mean, I got to see another side of that edginess. It's just not fun. And so we see a clip from last season of Alexia being mad at Marisol. And she's like, I mean, it's her home life that's creating this angry person. I know that she's just not like that. I'm like, that seemed like the Alexia we've seen every single season. I don't know. It wasn't any different to me. Yeah. She's like, yeah, more than what I fear about the situation with Alexia, what I fear more than anything is for myself. Okay. I just like, it's hard. It's hard being friends with someone who's mean to you because of their boyfriend.

25:24Steve, are you still eating fish? Listen, you might like sushi, but you're not going to get into this tushy. You like that, Steve? Drop the fish already. It's disgusting.

25:34Ben Mandelker: So now we go back to Milan. And Larissa and Preston are getting ready. And Larissa's like, so Preston, what did you think of that conversation like as a creative person? Any notes? I'm just like trying to make her see my point of view like. And it's like, I'm going through a lot like. And like, I know like she has her whole dad situation. Like, God forbid your dad could pass away in a week. Like, but like, why are you in Milan? Your dad's sick. And he's like, that's their business. Like, don't be confrontational. I'm just like telling her how I feel about her sick dad. Like, what's the problem with that?

26:02Like, it's so weird seeing a carbon copy of Scottie Pippen with microbladed eyebrows. Can I just say it's weird? Is it weird to you? I don't even really know Scott. I don't even know sports that much. I've just seen him before. But I'm like, God, you look exactly like him. But with microbladed eyebrows, it's like a mind fuck. I don't know how people are dealing with this out there in the fandom. them, but it was rough for me.

26:25Ben Mandelker: Yeah. You went through a lot. So Jack, the global ambassador of Philippe Klein shows up and Hey, rockstar. Hey girl. So they're going to go to a fitting in about an hour. And then we cut over to Lisa's room and, um, she's getting her hair and makeup done and she's gonna, and so Jody comes in, he goes, well, time to get out. What? I said, how are you doing? I was like, what? You just, no, you didn't say that at all. Were you talking about your relationship he's like all right time to get out of this relationship i mean how are you doing today lisa she's like i thought you said you were gonna head out and uh so she's like oh my god you know i just recently connected to my dad he's dying i mean you need i just need to stay positive you know i mean i can't believe larsa said that thing about my dad and his health i mean she has no idea here i am trying to get into pantyhose knowing my dad is dying when i'm doing a fashion show and i could have been there with him i mean how dare she and you know what she's a terrible friend she's being why isn't she with my father has anybody asked that yeah she shouldn't be reacting to me that's something that was in the news about her like that i didn't need what how are you doing that's what i said so then we see the headline marcus jordan shades ex-larsa pippen on instagram after fans suggested he win her back see his fiery response which i think was literally just like a little emoji being like whatever she should be in the shitter or something like that so lisa's like this whole fight is stupid yeah that was like a bit there's like way bigger things to be worried about in life like will i ever be cured of this lock jaw that seems to plague me every single year yeah whatever that was yeah he's got locked so it's not even his jaw it's his entire face every time his eyes move i get freaked out because it's like watching it's like the haunted mansion when you're walking in the paintings the only thing that moves on the paintings are the eyes they like watch you as you go back and forth in the room it's like can't know so then um now it's time to go to the fitting and um jack is like oh my god practice your angry eyes i want to see some angry eyes and preston's like like this it's like completely dead eyed he's like yes just like that practice your angry eyes so we can see them when you put your giant sunglasses over your face during the show he's like a real palcock hello i am philip klein oh look at this she's sparkling she's shiny she's a little star in the sky and yeah that's right like i'm like a star in the sky like oh and this is my son preston oh you look good you look tall you look in shape eh did you did you show did you do some show before all your eye all eyes on you this is life this right here fashion show is life it means whatever happens here everyone can see but the good news is you don't have to wear heels haha stupid women wear heels because girls are wearing years but you're not a girl you're a boy okay that's a different ball game bro so she's like yeah like you know what like i would do like anything to make my kids happy like i remember like preston like forgot his spanish book at like school like and he was like my teacher like is gonna be like so upset like so like i got my ferrari yeah i had a ferrari like and i drove like a hundred like miles per hour like hour and like i literally had to pay the janitor to let in And like I got his book and then like I brought it to him so he could do Spanish homework.

29:38Like that's what kind of a good mother I was. And they're like, so how much did you give the janitor? She's like, well, like I just took off my shoe and put my foot up against the glass. And then he opened the door and started thanking me in Spanish and chasing me down the hallway with like a newspaper in his hand. He was like crazy like.

29:58Ben Mandelker: I don't believe any of this story. She did not go racing to school to fetch the book he left behind. I'm just going to say that right now. No, she didn't. And she never paid anybody$50 either. You know, you know, Larza doesn't tip. She would pay off the teacher to not give her son an F. Yeah. She just wanted to remind us she had a Ferrari. So she's like, yeah, like I'm like totally invested. Like in my kids, like, like the fruits of their labor needed to like come back and like take care of me someday. Like, and I believe that that's the most believable thing she said. Remember when I took you to Milan?

30:28That should have been my show. But like, I let you do it. Like, and you're not going to give me like half of your modeling money. like? Come on. You're a terrible son.

30:36Ben Mandelker: Yeah, like, how about your mom, like? Even though I look younger than you, like, sorry, like. So then Preston's, like, changing into the outfit and Phillip's like, no, no, no, no, no. We don't wear t-shirts under the church. This is not America. It is Milan. That is no girl. No t-shirt under the shirt. And your shoes. What happened? We cannot lace them up like this. It looks really weird. This looks like my little son who goes to kindergarten. Stupid American shoes. Why are you doing this? Why are you in my fashion show? I can't believe Bravo pay me money to put this idiot in my show. Oh, do you do this like in America like this?

31:05You lace them up like this? Because this looks weird. I don't like it. Change America. Change the whole thing. I want to re-vote. Change it. Whoever voted for this is bullshit. I don't want to see it anymore.

31:18Ben Mandelker: Yeah, well, he's never modeled before, but I don't want him to do too well because I want him to get an MBA in finance, like all creative people do. By the way, where's your friend, you know the blondie the blonde one the stupid one the falla where's she and she's like oh lisa we're like not even like friends anymore like so yeah we haven't like talked in like minutes we're like not friends anymore she's ridiculous can i push her down the stairs or something he's like yeah well maybe she will fall at the show maybe she's a father so um now we go back to miami and alexia's at a restaurant and marisol's there and kiki and julia and johnny shows up and Alexia hilariously is like, oh, well, Johnny is like one of my best friends.

32:02Ben Mandelker: He's like my son and he's actually like Peter Sage. Oh, well, you know, Peter, he's like a Johnny, but he's not a Johnny because Johnny is a Johnny. And like, he's like an incredible human being that I miss so much. And like, he moved to Madrid and like, I'm just kind of surprised with all his friends, you know? And like, unfortunately, Dirty and Adriana didn't make the cut because I want everyone to have fun and I don't want anyone to make it about them. I want to make sure in this scene, no one makes this scene for Johnny about them. So understand, it's a scene for Johnny and it will be only about Johnny and anyone who makes the scene about them are going to be removed from the restaurant okay oh my god johnny we're so happy to have you here you know johnny's been in madrid for a year everybody and unfortunately when todd moved out he didn't think about how johnny would feel about it when he was on his plane coming from madrid i can't believe that did this to me hold on hold on alexia we need to have some fun and games here so let's talk about circumcised uncircumcised man so many in Madrid, right?

32:54Ben Mandelker: Oh, but that is no, no, no, not yet. You'll get your moment. Okay. Uncircumcised man. What do you have to say about that? Alexia? Well, Spanish guys don't get circumcised. Are you circumcised? Are you, are you? If you got four skin, skin, raise your hand. Okay. No one. So they're, the guys aren't answering. They're like, whatever. And the guy goes, what about you? And she goes, what about me? I don't have a dick. Yeah.

33:22Ben Mandelker: I would like a penis. I would like a penis, you know, and by the way, extra meat is fun. You just pull it and snap it. And if we're handing out dicks, that's what I'm saying. Give me some foreskin and a dick and I'll put it right there. And that's what you call a good sushi. You got foreskin, this whore's in. Got it?

33:41Well, thanks to Johnny, when the news was terrible, Johnny was like, I'm booking a flight to Madrid because you need to get out because the news has been bad, right, Johnny? Right? Right. Because unfortunately, Todd filed five to six months ago and the courts have picked up that he's fired. And so now there's no action in the case. So they're forcing him to dismiss it and drop out or proceed. So the ball is on his court. You know, and I said, why are you thinking about the court? They don't like that in there. What are you going to get a basket in court? I can't play ball. Like, this is unfair.

34:07It's unfair. But I said, you know what? God wants me to play ball. So I'm going to go to the court. So I got a glove.

34:13Ben Mandelker: And then the guy at the table is like, you need to decide what you want to do. Um, excuse me? No, this is the ball is in his court. okay and kit uh kiki's like no alexia i know is very strong she's very stubborn she'll tell you how it is i've never seen this weak side of her and i know love makes you do things that are crazy but girl you got to get your power back oh i think he's playing with me without the ball because it's in his court and he left it behind and like basically the story was he didn't like the show life oh todd he liked the show in the beginning and then he didn't like the show because he didn't like the way he saw himself or how the public saw him they said uh he didn't like how the papers made him look so the show part of him and he like couldn't control it so that's what happened and i told him after we got back together in the therapy i told him i will leave the show i will leave the show dad if that's what you want i will turn all the cameras off you are more important to me than cameras i mean it was a lie you know because like i'm a giver so like i have to give the people what they want and the people want me you know what i mean like you can't tell the people to walk out and look up in the sky there's no stars there okay they need to see the star and that's me but i told him you know i was like i'll leave i'll leave that if you want me to and then he said oh no it's too late already so you might as well stay on the show with me and co-starring with you and marissa was like i knew it he's a show whore i knew it i hate men who are show whores steve come here sit on my lap say something fine okay go back to the car god he's just soothing her and calming her down because she's filming a show and wants her to saying nice things about him.

35:44Ben Mandelker: I don't like it. Yes, I'm realizing that it's not that he doesn't like the show. He doesn't like the power that the show gives me. And he doesn't like my friend group. And he doesn't like any of that. And he says Marisol is a slut and has a stupid face and has bad hair. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Too many details here, right? And he wants to control the narrative. And by the way, I don't want to bash him. This is not bashing. This is truth. The man does not own all the shit he's done. No accountability. He's stupid. He has an ugly nose, tiny dick, and he is dumb, but I'm not bashing. I'm just saying the truth.

36:13Ben Mandelker: That's it. And one of the guys is like, well, if it acts like a duck and quacks like a duck. Is someone going to finish this? Because I really don't. I've never learned how that ended. It's a goat. I put little duck pills on goats and make them quack. That's how it works. Well, one day it's hot and one day it's cold. And I don't even know him. He's like a total stranger. I'm like, who are you? My ring camera's like registering someone's at the door, but I'm like, what are you from Amazon? And he's like, no, it's Todd. I'm like, who? You know, because I live in your fake rented apartment okay it's not even a real apartment it's like a shoebox it's like a shoebox there's no ac and it's not even real i drive your fake rented car you know there's a little person under there with feet that makes the car move it's not even real so like there i said it i said it i do everything nothing is yours nothing is mine and that's the truth it's all true okay it's all true it's been a lie this whole thing has been a lie alexia you're one of the strongest persons i know but i'm but i'm weak when it comes to this man i I hate that I'm so mad at myself because I fucking love this man.

37:13Ben Mandelker: I fucking love this. I was like, all right, all right. Okay. Well, you got a narc, which is short for nurse, sis, but I guess, I guess I should be careful when I say narc around you, Alexia. Yeah. I already had that chapter in my life. Okay. Everyone gets an arc. Right. So Alexia is sobbing really making sure this night's about Johnny. Alexia is sobbing, which is why she invited him here in the first place. And I love that Marisol goes, you had a narc. I had a narc. Wait, And she says, Julia had a narc. She goes, wait, you had a narc, Julia? Oh, my God. I can't. How did you not know that Julia didn't have a narc?

37:48Ben Mandelker: That's like her entire storyline, the first few seasons. Yeah. Let's not even waste time explaining to Alexi because she ain't going to listen anyway. So she's like, oh, my God, I can't. They should all die. They should all die. We should kill all parks. No, it's a narc. No, I never liked parks anyway. What are you supposed to do? Go outside? Like, am I supposed to do that with this face? I put cream on. Come on. You know what? I don't want to see it. Kill them all. I just want straight lines. No, not arcs. Narcs. Oh, well, I don't like that shape either. Rainbows should be straight lines. Just a straight left to right.

38:23Well, listen. You know what? It's a personality disorder. It's horrible. It is so horrible. Marisol's like, it's a mental illness. Okay? It's a mental illness. What are you going to do? God, terrible. Let's get rid of all of them. You know what we should do? take mentally ill people put them in a swimming pool cover them in gasoline just light a match just kill all the mentally ill people i'm just over it i did think it was really hilarious when

38:50Ben Mandelker: when alexia was like oh narcissists they should all fucking die she's like they should all fucking die they're terrible they're monsters so then uh she's like you know i'm going to leave it on him because he wants to put it on me, but you're the one that wanted it. I tried. Okay, I made the effort, and you know what I'm not going to do? I'm not going to give him that. I'm going to say, you know what, motherfucker? You're the one. You did this. You've been playing me for five to six months, and now I've waited this long, and it's going to be on you, ball on court. Ball on court. And so one of the guys is like, oh, yeah, so you're supposed to be the bad guy, and file?

39:27And she's like, oh, yeah, exactly. Like, for eight years, I gave you my heart and soul? And the guy's like, yeah, is trying to get you to file for divorce so he could say, look what she did to me. She's like, well, I'm not going to give him the opportunity. You know why? Because he's a coward. And he's a coward. He's like a bark. Burn. That's what I want. I want dead barks. No slides for anybody. He's going to do it like a coward. You know?

39:50Ben Mandelker: And she's fully screaming in the restaurant. She's like, he's a coward. And how he loves a coward. And he's not going to do it like a coward. She's making, she's so riled up. And it's hilarious. And of course, Marisol loves this because she loves the piling on. And Julia's like, no, I keep on wanting to like Toad. You know, he's charming. And when I visualize what you said to all of us and his daughters were packing and Frankie was there and you came home and Frankie was sitting on couch and Frankie was saying, Toad is gone. Oh, if only I had got for Frankie in that moment. Every time you say you have dinner with him and I run into you in a restaurant or wherever we are and I think, oh, you're charming.

40:28You are, but you're the guy, you smile to me, but you are the guy who let Frankie see somebody move. How could you shake? Oh my God, he did this to Frankie. Frankie had to see him move. Frankie was on the couch. Frankie has never been the same. This morning, Frankie came to me and he said, Mom, can I have breakfast? Oh my God, he has ruined Frankie.

40:51Ben Mandelker: Oh, Frankie has ruined forever. My kids are everything to me. And it's just so fucking true. She just starts me. She's making these noises and the entire table gathers around her. I still love him. Please help me. Everybody, please. You have to help me. You have to help me. I got to go back to this guy. They're like, I love how this is playing out on the valley and Miami together. This one at least makes it fun. You know, commercials. Here comes one right now. He lurks in shadow. He slips into dreams. He casts no reflection. Audible presents Bram Stoker's Dracula, a full cast audio thriller starring Ella Pernell from Fallout as Mina Harker, Jonathan Bailey from Wicked as Dracula, and an A-list cast including...

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44:33So then Larza is walking with the global ambassador and she's like, oh my god the traffic is crazy. And so they're at the Phillip Line show and it's packed and makeup is being done and Lisa's like I want bigger hair I want these kids to know who's coming down my runway it's me stop calling me mom so I'm looking amazing my eyes looking fine I'm going to show these little 20 year olds what's up it's Lisa Lisa Hochstein the next big thing I think we need to work on that the newest big model Lisa Hochstein

45:12Ben Mandelker: yeah so then she checks in on Preston which is actually really nice she's like you need food? Okay, because I'm going to be Mama Bear because your mom's not back here. Okay, I guess she doesn't have the same sort of access that us famous models have. Oh, well, Larsa, too bad. Enjoy sitting with all the regular people. We're models. If your mom has really done what she said she was going to do and make the last fucking man whore of dad to you, he would have had some coke and he never would need food again. But he's not here. So, look, I got a Pop-Tart in my purse. So, then Jody shows up and he shows up in a little white blaze or whatever and the music's like, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun I'm like what is this like for 150 commercial music for him why are they stealing from McBee dynasty all over they're like if we have to air it we're gonna steal their music for incidentals so now they go um Jody is on one side of the gay and Lars is on the other side and Lars is like oh my god like jody who like like i'm like as far as like i'm concerned like he's just like another face in the crowd he's like a doorknob he's like a doorknob with teeth like i don't and eyes that move weirdly enough did you just talk what just talk i think something rock but i don't know it doesn't move jody is sitting there like the fao schwartz clock and he's just like and jody's like so lisa when she was doing her practices took a wrong turn choice larsa you don't have any marbles do you i actually do like but she's a father like she falls she doesn't even need my marbles like why doesn't she want my marbles like i try to have marbles to knock her over and she didn't even use them like that's not like a real friend i'm glad we're not friends anymore like so preston comes out number two and jack is like oh my god preston came out as number two he basically opened the show i mean basically i mean it was number one but it was number two I mean, that's like clothes, like basically the opener.

47:09She goes, yeah. And like Lisa's like number 50 or something. Ha ha, ha ha, boyfriend at number 50. Hello, Al.

47:17Ben Mandelker: I'm like, dad, like number 50. That's like so pathetic. So then Lisa comes walking. And so when Lisa comes out to do her walk, Larissa's like, wait, wait, wait, Jack, Jack, Jack. Let's do a selfie. Let's do a selfie. So they do a selfie. She pulls out a full selfie light. She's setting up like a full ring light in the front. She's like, can we get a wind machine over here? That would be great because we're going to do a selfie. Oh, look at that. Love you, Jack. Love you, Batch. And Lisa just blows them a kiss. And Jodi's like, well, she did great. Yeah, I don't know. Who did? Me? Yeah, I look so good in this one.

47:57Ben Mandelker: Lisa's like, even though the spotlight's on her with her little light, no one cares because everyone's looking at me. Cut to Italian fashion editors. who is the older person walking down the runway? Why do we have senior citizen on the runway right now? So, Jack, you know that they just got these people for stunt casting because Jack tells Larsa, she goes, oh, my God, the finale's the best because they all come out again. Yeah, we know, Jack. I love that Larsa needs to be told this. She's like, oh, my God, there's a mob on the runway. There's too many people. They're rushing. It's a riot. No, it's supposed to be all the models at once.

48:34Oh, thank God. But like I support my son so much, I'm going to do like another selfie like during his bow. So she does another selfie while they're doing their walk. And then backstage, Jodi comes back and he's like, wow, do you think Larsa was going for you with the kiss? She goes, yeah, yeah, honey. You're watching me over there and I'm over here. So I'm going to be a bitch and I'm going to be a bad one. What do you think about that, Jodi? He's like, you're so amazing. Your dad would be so proud. I called him. I have to be honest. it just there was a lot of beeps oh uh-oh that that means it's probably okay right really slow everything's fine yeah he's fine everything's fine i have to be honest like i wasn't sure

49:14Ben Mandelker: president was going to be doing do a good job like because he's creative like but he's also like i don't know he's not very good at things like but he killed it he did a great job like good for him so now we go to the after party and larsa and lisa are just totally ignoring each other and lisa's thanking philip for the opportunity and lisa larsa goes up to lisa's like i feel like we have to talk like when we get home like yeah we have to but like i don't want to do it here unless there's like a rapper who was big in the year 2004 to come to to to mediate between the two of us okay i just want to have fun tonight oh so we are besties again come on you guys you on me land with me we have to be best friends you and the blonde one come on stupid face hey how come you didn't fall do you want me to push you sometimes in the man you know if you want to fall you should tie your your shoes like this idiot over here you know what lars's tone is terrible.

50:02Ben Mandelker: She likes to talk down to people and this is all too familiar. And then we see flashbacks of Lenny. Equating Larsa to Lenny Hoxstein is hilarious and definitely, no, it's not the same. Larsa's terrible on her own grounds. That's the thing. You don't have to equate her to Lenny. Larsa is her own awful vertical. She doesn't need to be equated. So Lisa's like, I don't do that. I have boundaries. She's going to respect me or she's not going to have me around anymore. Oh my god, I hate this fucking woman i can't wait to hang out with her the rest of the night and ignore my boyfriend which she does so they decide to like put it aside and just hang out anyway so they're talking to fabulous and he's like oh i'm just trying to be messy and see what's going on with the housewives and lisa's like well if anyone can solve this it's gonna be detective fabulos i love your cleaning stuff stuff you're from new york right like i'm like so you understand loyalty like right huh He's like, so you aren't loyal?

51:00Ben Mandelker: She's like, well, if someone says, fuck you, you're a bitch. Your man's cheap. Would you kick her out of your house? Okay. But like, how are you going to hang out with my ex-boyfriend when he's talking shit about me publicly? How about that, Fabulous? Nah, he's lying. She's lying. She's lying. Never did that. And he's like, okay, well, but if the boyfriend was doing it, then it's not her, right? She's like, see, if Fabulous says so, that's what it is. Okay. Could he use a new one in his name? Sure. but whatever and he's like this is how we squash it you don't hang out with her ex and then she won't be disrespectful to you she goes if fabulous says that's what's up that's what's up yeah I love that fabulous came in here and randomly like took over and like solved it for them he's like I can't deny it I'm a fucking writer and you guys have too much of a beef okay and so she's like wow judge fabulous sided with me I won America and then Larsa's like I'd let it go, it's fine Fabulous definitely sided with me, it was very clear Judge Fabulous was on my side Loyalty is big in the rap game and as a rapper, I think he saw that in me Loyalty is big in the rap game is it?

52:09Am I reading different news feeds than you? Like, what are you talking about?

52:15Ben Mandelker: Lisa shouldn't be hanging out with my ex and of course I shouldn't be disrespectful in your home, but notice what needs to happen first for the second part not to happen like hmm clock that fabulous so now jody isn't found and lisa's like oh jody's gonna be mad because he feels alone and left out but you have to be social that's like our business like we just talked to fabulous so like it's like we're in the rap game now basically to tell jody to get over it he's gonna get a cap in his ass i learned that from fabulous um so then the cameras on screen the camera shut down for the night but the tension between lisa and larsa and continued and jody it also didn't shut down so one week later he's like oh i want to hear about milan because i've been hearing about alexia talking about todd for seven days straight please something new okay we're like lisa like and i like started like it along like and like we made progress like but then like the last night of milan like jody got so like crazy and he didn't want to talk to us anymore and he was like yelling at us but no one could see his mouth moving so i thought it was the lady behind me yelling and i like almost punched her in the face but it turned out it was like this piece of wood that was yelling at me and his name is jody so like i'm gonna show you a photo and someone goes oh my god what was his eyes like what was his eyes like it's like let me show you his eyes and they show the eyes and jody's like he's like broke out of his brain and they're like oh my god look at his eyes jody had a step and repeat in like some paisley jacket or something like that and he's like oh and they're like oh my god but watch it be that he like did a snap and repeat without lisa and they're like without lisa how could he do that well they said something about his eyes on the show that's eyes all cracked out so i'm guessing they're going to come for jody for his coke use because last week after the very obvious like oh let's go into my room and do some ac bro or whatever wow isn't this ac amazing yeah this ac is great.

54:11So he came out with an Instagram post. He's like, this is just editing. This is ridiculous. You know, my friends came to support me, but we don't like being on TV. So we were in my room. And what, so what if I was doing Coke anyway, it's Miami at half the people do Coke, but I wasn't doing Coke and how dare all of you. And that was another one that was too long to read the whole thing. I was like, girl, Tony, ain't nobody need five pages from you.

54:34Ben Mandelker: Yeah. It was all about his friends didn't want to be on TV, but they didn't want to be on TV though. Cause they don't want to be seen on tv doing coke so i guess that's probably the thing any who this was a hilarious episode honestly alexia's big monologue in the middle of it like while she's saying she doesn't she wants the night to be about johnny and she turns it not only in about all about her but she makes everyone's meals about her because she's like yelling like oh god kill all the nurses it was so camp like alexia is so camp that's why i love her so much yeah this shows this shows off to a great start and they're really smart in how they're editing it it's it's very quick moving and the the first scenes just having all the ladies getting together and explaining really quickly what's going on to those people who are just jumping on because miami's not one of the highest rated and you never know when people are just going to leave that tv on and keep watching and that's smart they're doing a good job this year i'm loving it yeah i everyone should be watching it i can't wait for the new new girl to join the cast too she looks like she'll be fun so We'll just have to wait on that and we will see what happens with this photo next week on The Real Housewives of Miami.

55:41Ben Mandelker: But until then hopefully we'll see a bunch of you tonight at the Fonda. Again, tickets are watchwhatcrappens.com and we will catch you on the next episode of Watch What Crappens. Bye everyone. Bye.

56:06Ben Mandelker: Sovereign. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trick-a-less. Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie. She has no less namey. She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sipped some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. She gets an A, it's Kelly B. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera, sera, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sills be.

56:46Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

57:02Ben Mandelker: This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flandersen, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes, we canna, it's Sadana. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill Don't get salty with Christine Pepper Can't have a meal without the Emily sides Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland It's our queen, it's Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran We got our wish, it's Jen Plish She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch She's a little bit loony, Junie Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manok's door.

58:05Ben Mandelker: My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Chadley. In the study, with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Low Alkalani. The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Talafsun Shannon, out of a can, and Anthony Come on, shake your body, baby, do the Sidney Cogdon Let's take off with Tam LaPlane It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar We love you guys