#2901 The Valley S2E11: Owie Maui

0:00Ronnie Karam: I got these bar stools from Article and they fit my mid-century modern space so well. There's nothing cheap about these. They are sturdy. They are heavy. They've got leather seats. And the best thing, I got to pick them out and they were brought into my home and put together by Article in the room that I wanted. Everything else was taken out of there. It looks so good. So thanks, Article.

0:23Ben Mandelker: I'm not surprised. You know why, Ronnie? Because Article makes it effortless to create a stylish, long-lasting home at an unbeatable price.

0:31Ronnie Karam: There's a curated collection for every style. They have a curated range of mid-century modern, coastal, scanty-inspired pieces that not only shine on their own, but also pair seamlessly with nearly any other Article product.

0:44Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I mean, they've got quality without compromise. They take great care in curating their collections. You know, they focus solely on high-quality, meaningful pieces that will stand the test of time. And with Article, there's no filter. Every item is chosen for its craftsmanship, design, and lasting value.

1:00Ronnie Karam: Article offers fast, affordable shipping across U.S. and Canada with options for professional assembly if you prefer a hands-off experience, which I do. I do.

1:10Ben Mandelker: Article is offering our listeners$50 off your first purchase of$100 or more.

1:15Ronnie Karam: To claim, visit article.com slash crappens and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout.

1:21Ben Mandelker: That's article.com slash crappens for$50 off your first purchase of$100 or more.

1:27Ronnie Karam: There is such a better way to spend your time than doom scrolling or watching terrible TV. Get some stories in your life, okay? Audible is perfect for that. I use it while I'm cleaning the house, while I'm running errands. I listen to books all day, every day with Audible.

1:45Ben Mandelker: Yeah, they have a massive library of audiobooks and ad-free podcasts. And it is really the perfect thing to turn on when you're taking a long drive, washing some dishes, like enrich yourself.

1:56Ronnie Karam: New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com slash WWC.

2:24Ronnie Karam: Oh, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. Welcome to Incel Day on the Valley. I'm so excited. God, I've really wanted an Incel meeting of man minds. and we finally fucking got it.

2:43Ben Mandelker: Man time. Weren't we just saying last week on our Valley episode that this guy Scott looks like the sort of person who would be working with Louie on New Jersey?

2:54Ronnie Karam: Yeah, we did a full Louie segment on last week's episode. And here we are. And here we are. They say God doesn't listen to watch what crap happens. What if God was one of us? God is one of us. They're a viewer and a listener. and they're leading this shit. So let's get going. First of all, we did a Love Island recap today and Monday through Wednesday, basically is how they've turned into over on our Patreon. Those are so much fun. Thank you to all the new people on Patreon. We're like totally closed off with you. So thanks for joining us for those. If you want video recaps instead of just plain old audio, guys, get them on our Patreon as well.

3:32Ronnie Karam: It's called Crappens On Demand. They're also released a week later for free over on the YouTube channel, which is, you know, watch what crappens on YouTube. And this is crazy doing the Valley, not with a live audience. Cause you know, we get spoiled last week was our final tour date. We did the Valley. Zach was there. Hannah Ferrier was there. We had so much fun. But here we are just with me and Ben, but you know what? It's our favorite audience, the people in our microphones, you right now talking into your ear.

4:01Ben Mandelker: Ronnie, can I just say something? The lighting on you is excellent. I'm just looking at you right now. I moved around my windows and you have the, you have both fill lighting and key lighting or actually those are the same things, but you know, no, key lighting and fill lighting. You have them, you have like, you just have like a, it looks like a cinematographer was in there right now. You have, you have the three lights, right? The main light, the fill light to take care of the shadows and then like the outline light. And you've got them all going on right now. It looks wonderful. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just looking at it.

4:35Ben Mandelker: I look like I'm in a cloud because I moved my video into the teleprompter, and then I can't turn the brightness down, so the teleprompter is actually reflecting onto the camera, yada, yada.

4:44Ronnie Karam: Oh, I thought you were moving over to a Barbra Streisand filter.

4:47Ben Mandelker: No, it looks like a Barbra Streisand filter, but it's just because for whatever reason I can't lower the brightness and it's reflecting onto the camera. So I'm like, hello. It looks nice. Thank you. It looks like a music video. Oh, well, that's exactly what I was going for.

5:03Ronnie Karam: How would I live without you?

5:11Ben Mandelker: I can take it off, but then I can't see you anymore. And I want to see you, especially since you have good lighting. So I'm making it. You look nice.

5:16Ronnie Karam: You look fine. You look amazing. You don't even need light. Oh, my God. You know what? You have good face. You have a face card. You don't even. Why?

5:28Ben Mandelker: My headphone just broke. People and everyone saw it happen on camera. You know what?

5:34Ronnie Karam: That has happened to me four times. I had to end up getting these ones that I'm wearing now. There's a different style because look, there's like a little rubber thing. I'll send you the link.

5:42Ben Mandelker: Oh my God.

5:43Ronnie Karam: Even though I sent you the link for those, you probably don't trust me anymore. But don't worry. It's fine with just one ear. That's how I do it. There's no fixing it. Don't even try it.

5:51Ben Mandelker: I mean, what a metaphor for the valley. What a metaphor. This is like, you know, broken headphone while you're trying to look glamorous in your Barbara Walters filter, but everything's falling apart. The truth is that you think that you're adulting, you think you're doing the right thing, you think you got your lighting and your teleprompter all set, but then your headphone breaks because the fundamentals aren't there. That is what the intro is all about.

6:11Ronnie Karam: Yeah, guys, be careful before you tie your hitch to one pair of headphones. Okay, so here we are, season two, episode 11, El Coyote Ugly. It's a very clever title because they go eat at El Coyote, which is a Vanderpump Rules staple. and if anybody doesn't remember this is where we got to watch kristen and tom's relationship go to you know i mean a lot's happened in this place so much so much so much history i mean these these really christian tom katie and tom why don't you correct me katie and tom no it was no

6:44Ben Mandelker: but didn't kristen and didn't kristen and tom sandoval oh no they were at korean barbecue when they had a big fight once yeah hard to say i mean just all we know is that like a lot of drama has happened at El Coyote, which is amazing for a place that has only okay food. But maybe that's why there's so much drama. People are so dissatisfied with the food that they get that they're like, they have to take out their anger on each other.

7:09Ronnie Karam: You're an El Coyote fan?

7:12Ben Mandelker: It's fine. I feel like you go there more for the ambiance. Like the margaritas are really good. I remember their salsa being really runny. And then there was that whole thing back, remember, in like the late aughts, because it came out that they supported Prop 8 or something like that. So everyone stopped going there. And at that point, I was like, I'm going to stop going there, mainly because I'd rather go to El Compadre, which they also went to on this show, or maybe Don Antonio's, which was made famous by Heidi and Spencer on the Hills. I just feel like there's other reality star Mexican restaurants in LA that I could patronize instead.

7:47Yeah.

7:48Ronnie Karam: Well, you can patronize all those restaurants, but don't patronize me. Caw-caw. Caw-caw. So let's start this. We go to Kristen and Luke's house. They're having a very fancy lunch, you know, sarcastically. But he's like, wow, babe, thanks for the fancy lunch. They're having like quesadillas or something. And Luke is like, wow, now that we have a house, like my perspective has totally changed on L.A. Maybe I could live here when we have kids instead of going back to my shack with no electricity, with cows living in the living room in Montana or whatever.

8:24Ben Mandelker: I never envisioned myself raising a family in LA, but LA has been my home for almost 20 years. So it's kind of almost kind of feel like home to me now. And Kristen's saying, I just hope that when we get pregnant again, and by we, I mean me, but like, but when we get pregnant again, I don't want cheesecake. And he's like, what, why do you not remember how much cheesecake I ate in a month? He's like, I don't remember that. I think I blocked it out from the time that I woke up one day and I couldn't get through our living room because it was just stacks of cheesecake boxes.

8:57Ronnie Karam: Yeah. You know, here's the thing. Everybody loves Luke. They're like, oh my God, Luke's like the man of the show. He's like the best man. I can't wait. He's going to last forever with Christian. If you don't know that I need cheesecake when I'm pregnant, you're not the man for me. You better, you better know how to make that shit by now. You know, if you're trying to get me pregnant and you know, I want cheesecake, you better have a recipe. You better have it frozen in the thing, in the fridge, something. I mean, for him to be like, you like cheesecake, don't have a baby with this man. How am I the only person raising a red flag?

9:26Ronnie Karam: For Christ's sake, the man doesn't have electricity and now he doesn't know you like cheesecake. Dump him.

9:33Ben Mandelker: I'm just, I've never in my life felt jealous of someone for being pregnant. Like I've never been like, oh my God, I want to be pregnant. I wish I could be pregnant. I wish as a man I could carry a baby. I've never felt that way. I think until this moment when I realized, wow, if you're pregnant, you have license to eat as much cheesecake as you want. And I was like, I would love it.

9:52Ronnie Karam: It's that superpower that you only have like in a video game where you get a superpower, like that last five minutes, because then the superpower is gone and then you still want the cheesecake and then you have to work the cheesecake off. You know, it's not, it's not as much of a win.

10:06Ben Mandelker: Well, the superpower works against you because it's like being like Superman. And it's like, guess what? Now you can fly. And you're like, oh my God, I can fly. This is amazing. And then it turns out like people who fly suck. And you're like, but I loved my power. It's like a thing that was so wonderful at one point and now is totally destroying you. What do you mean people who fly suck? No, I'm saying it's amazing because you get to have all this cheesecake. But yeah, once the pregnancy is over now, all of a sudden you can't have the cheesecake anymore. And you have then you're stuck with cheesecake body.

10:38Ben Mandelker: And like it's like saying it's like being excited about having a superpower. And then all of a sudden it's no longer cool to have that superpower. But you're stuck with it. so now so in my version of that because the best metaphor i could come up with on the fly pun intended is that you have the ability to fly but then it becomes socially unacceptable to fly and then now you are you're ashamed of your flying oh my god i don't know why you're not following i

11:02Ronnie Karam: would die because i but that would be like flying you're like i finally get to fly and people are like i'm excuse me do you have a license to be up here there are there are news helicopters sir You'd be getting tickets and shit left in the right. It's just a new way to get a damn ticket.

11:16Ben Mandelker: You're making the non-flyers feel bad. And so I think you just need to be more accepting of those people. So you're going to have to ground you.

11:24Ronnie Karam: Love Island told us to stop bullying. So let me tell you what's even worse, though. Having cheesecake body without even ever being pregnant. And that's what I've been dealing with my whole life. Why do I look like a cheesecake? why do I look like a cheesecake that hasn't been cooked enough

11:43Ben Mandelker: I need some cheesecake right now so badly I'm not I'm not even joking I literally want some cheesecake right now I'm going to text Dom and be like can you please bring me back a slice of cheesecake from somewhere

11:59Ronnie Karam: that is someone that you should have a baby with you see because he'll do it not Luke what's cheesecake

12:05Ben Mandelker: we don't have that in Colorado we have bison cake

12:10Ronnie Karam: he's talking about how much he loves Kristen their relationship's amazing and he's like not he's here for the long haul you guys he's here like forever okay and then it just cuts to Kristen's face like

12:23Ronnie Karam: and so now we they're going to keep trying to have a baby which means so now we go to Danny and Nia and she doesn't want to sit down because she has a fresh spray tan on but she's in good company because the ultimate it's spray tan walks in and it's zach zachary with benji um and we got a lot of her like she

12:47Ben Mandelker: literally advertises to everyone about the spray tan she's like sorry i can't hug you right now i just got a fresh spray tan ma 'am would you like something to drink um what can i drink that goes well with a fresh spray tan please i'll have that thank you you know what things with benji have

13:04Ronnie Karam: been really great because like before he even moved in i never used my kitchen but now he uses that he cooks for me because like i can't cook anything it's amazing having benji

13:15Ben Mandelker: wow you know what's amazing having a fresh spray tan also is everyone ready for hawaii and benji's like yeah although you wouldn't know it from zach because look at the way he's eating He's like, yeah, I decided next summer. So Nia's like, speaking of Luke and Kristen in fresh spray tans, well, we know you know. What? How to open Jesse's door? Yeah, I don't know why you guys can't figure it out. Bottom handle. No, about the engagement.

13:46Ronnie Karam: Yeah, because there's certain ways that Luke has been acting around her and he's just like even been more loving. Like he let her turn on the electricity the other day for like 12 full hours.

13:58Ben Mandelker: so i was like ding ding ding something's happening

14:03Ronnie Karam: um yeah you know what um what's his buns kyle chan actually paid for dinner the other day and said he has a sale coming in so i figured i figured something was going on for kyle chan the only way i ever makes money is if someone on this cast gets married

14:20Ben Mandelker: yeah i feel like something was going on because the other day i ran to luke and he had three cheesecakes in his hand and i was like why do you have those he's like bringing them to kristin i said oh he's doing nice for doing something nice for her so probably an engagement around the

14:31Ronnie Karam: corner soon right yeah so um he's like uh well you know kristin how's the nickname of detective dodie you know and that's rubbed off you know a good detective never reveals their sources kristin's never gonna find out on a roam because i'm gonna tell everybody first

14:49Ben Mandelker: yeah seriously well luke wants everyone to be invited but since this is our trip i feel like it wouldn't be very natural for us to invite janet and jason because i'm not sure they got fresh spray tans recently so maybe you can do that and could you extend that invitation yeah i absolutely will yeah i mean because i think it's pretty ironic that last year janet had a trip that kristen and i weren't invited to and now this year i'm inviting janet to a trip all about Kristen so um Alanis Morissette I think we got some new lyrics for you it goes like this it's like inviting Jonnet on a trip with Kristen after you didn't invite me and thought I was a

15:30Ronnie Karam: murderin you're welcome Alanis it's like Alanis Morissette's famous song Cheesecake I'm a bitch I'm a lover I'm a cheesecake who sings that song I'm a bitch I'm a lover it's It's not Alanis. Meredith Brooks?

15:45Ben Mandelker: That's ironic. It's Meredith Brooks. I believe Alanis' cheesecake song. I'm a mother.

15:50Ronnie Karam: I'm a jeweler. I'm a mother. I'm a toddler.

15:58Ben Mandelker: Because I've got one hand in my cheesecake, and the other one is feeding it to Kristen.

16:08You can't leave.

16:12Ronnie Karam: I don't know why I'm making boys don't cry. Meredith from Brooke song or an Atlanta song. This has gone off the rails and there's a trash, there's a trash can outside. There's a trash truck outside. I'm going to go jump inside it and take myself out.

16:25Ben Mandelker: I personally enjoy the idea of Zach and Meredith serenading each other with songs from the nineties. That's okay. Like Lilith Fair's greatest hits. You already won me over despite of Kristen. Well, let me tell you something.

16:42Ronnie Karam: I've met Lilith and Lilith is unfair. So what do you think about it?

16:47Ben Mandelker: I tried to bring my toddler to the Lilith Fair and they said, no one under 18 is allowed. And I said, well, why do you call it a fair? This is clearly for children. And I said, you can't leave. And they said, we can't leave our own fair. And I said, well, then I will leave and I will discuss all the rumors and then ask us about Sarah McLaughlin.

17:06Ronnie Karam: Just another manic Monday. So then we get to Nia. And by the way, back to the show, Nia's like, you know, it'd be unrealistic if we invited Janet. You know, it would be really realistic if Zach invited Janet to go to Maui. How's it realistic for Zach to invite Janet to Maui?

17:27Ben Mandelker: Yeah, seriously, that's a stretch. I mean, it would be more realistic if Nia was like, well, I know we're going through a tough time, but I still want to invite you because I don't want you to feel left out. So either way, Zach is going to do it. Danny's going to text the guys and Zach will take care of like Janet and Janet and Jason. And then for some reason, Danny just goes three under three, baby. This doesn't even have anything to do with the kids. Are you inviting the toddlers?

17:56Ronnie Karam: Three under three, baby. So he doesn't want to text Jason and Zach's like, no, you know, I guess I'll do it. Okay. Should we go ahead and invite Kristen? And yes, it's time to invite. So now he FaceTimes Kristen and he is like, oh, my God, Kristen, are you getting your Botox? Kristen's like, um, no, I'm at home. Eating not cheesecake. And then Kristen gives the least Botox face look ever. She's like, I'm at home. I know she really is. I'm going to shoot this from a low angle. She's like, Kristen, I meant that as kind of a hint. So, by the way, I need to, too. My face is moving so much. It's disgusting.

18:38Ronnie Karam: Someone actually said the other day, are you upset? And I was like, yes. How can you fucking tell? I guess your Botox is wearing off. Oh, we go back. Was it Kristen Doty herself?

18:50Ben Mandelker: Hey, are you upset? Your Botox isn't working. So anyway, they're all going to go to Hawaii. It's great. So now we go over to Jesse's house and he's taking laundry out because he's a responsible dad. And guess who shows up? It's Scott, the life coach. The life coach bro with the beard and the bald head. And he comes in looking cool. And then all of a sudden, Jax shows up. And everyone's coming in. All the bros are arriving for a Scott session. And Jesse says, before I went to see Jax and picked him up at rehab, Scott said to me, I'm part of a men's group. Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. This guy is like, if you ask Claude AI how to create a prototypical men's group founder, is scott scott is actually an ai like like manufactured presence yeah we knew scott was

19:39Ronnie Karam: a men's group type the second he was like oh yeah better for a better way for her to manipulate you right it's like oh okay okay so you're you're on the side of the douchebag uh narcissist emotional abuser jesse clearly nice therapy buddy um yeah so he's like yeah men men's men's group I can't wait till we get to the section. Why should I open a door for a woman? What woman has ever opened a door for me? Feminism. Am I right?

20:12Ben Mandelker: We've been beaten down into being just shells of what we formerly were. God, women, they're the worst. But only men can really understand what men are going through, which is why we need to have a dedicated men's group. That's different than men's chat, which is also a dedicated men's group. But that's the one where we get to be who we really are. and this is the one where we get to present who we want to be.

20:32Ronnie Karam: Yeah, men's group, we get to come together and call our wives whores in real life, not just on the internet.

20:39Ben Mandelker: We're all going through personal struggles with issues that we've created ourselves. So getting a bunch of guys together to kind of hash it out for their own mental health and be kind of homoerotic about it, I think that's important right now.

20:51Ronnie Karam: It's not gay if it happens in men's group. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. I got these bar stools from Article and they fit my mid-century modern space so well. There's nothing cheap about these. They are sturdy. They are heavy. They've got leather seats. And the best thing, I got to pick them out and they were brought into my home and put together by Article in the room that I wanted. Everything else was taken out of there. It looks so good. So thanks, Article.

21:24Ben Mandelker: I'm not surprised. You know why, Ronnie? because Article makes it effortless to create a stylish, long-lasting home at an unbeatable price.

21:32Ronnie Karam: There's a curated collection for every style. They have a curated range of mid-century modern, coastal, scanty-inspired pieces that not only shine on their own, but also pair seamlessly with nearly any other Article product.

21:45Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I mean, they've got quality without compromise. They take great care in curating their collections. You know, they focus solely on high-quality, meaningful pieces that will stand the test of time. And with Article, there's no filter. Every item is chosen for its craftsmanship, design, and lasting value.

22:01Ronnie Karam: Article offers fast, affordable shipping across U.S. and Canada with options for professional assembly if you prefer a hands-off experience, which I do. I do. Article is offering our listeners$50 off your first purchase of$100 or more. To claim, visit article.com slash crappens, and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout.

22:21Ben Mandelker: That's article.com slash crappens for$50 off your first purchase of$100 or more.

22:27Ronnie Karam: There is such a better way to spend your time than doom scrolling or watching terrible TV. Get some stories in your life, okay? Audible is perfect for that. I use it while I'm cleaning the house, while I'm running errands. I listen to books all day, every day with Audible.

22:46Ben Mandelker: Yeah, they have a massive library of audiobooks and ad-free podcasts. And it is really the perfect thing to turn on when you're taking a long drive, washing some dishes. Like, enrich yourself.

22:56Ronnie Karam: New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com slash WWC. Jax comes over and they're like, oh, Jax, how are you, Jax? You're doing okay? And he's like, guys, you know, I'm just like terrible, you guys. Like, it's so hard. You know, I've been going through like rehab, like separation, divorce, you know. Okay, so let's all feel back. This whole scene is so fucking misguided. They have the full violins for Jax. This holds on like we're all supposed to sit here and feel so sorry for Jax. All right, so circle up, guys. Guys, thank you for being here. Because, you know, it matters for us to get together.

23:38Ronnie Karam: You know, we're guys. Guys have scrotums, generally. So I just want to say, you know, like we have disagreements sometimes. But at the end of the day, we're still brothers. Okay? And let's remember, men fuck each other over too. From now on, we need to remember men only fuck over women. Am I agreed? Let's get in here. Let's pump scrotums. Scrotum pumps.

24:01Ben Mandelker: Now, since all of you guys are too cheap to go to real therapy, we're going to do my therapy instead. Okay? We have a lot of resentments. We're going to call that a list. Okay? A list of resentments. Does that mean it's a list of lists? Because a resentment is a list? Precisely. and the way a list is cleared up is you find the hunkiest guy in the room so jason would you stand up okay i'm gonna put my hand on your chest you've been working out bro this is nice nice round mound to my hand okay you put your hand on the man's down a little bit just move it down a

24:28Ronnie Karam: little bit and cough yes okay you're gonna feel my finger rubbing your tits a little bit okay how does that make you feel does that make you feel well i'm a little bit uncomfortable you don't say

24:41Ben Mandelker: anything right now. Okay. Okay.

24:43Ronnie Karam: So the stink really makes you think, am I right? Yeah. Okay.

24:48Ben Mandelker: Tell me how you're feeling. Now, if you guys want to do this shirtless, please be my guest. It's men's group. Anything goes in here. It's not gay. All right. So you put your hand on the perfectly shaped bosom and then you say, Hey, you did this and it made me feel this and we're doing it for this man and to be able to let it go okay so i know you're all confused but this man that's me that man is him this man touches the body part that man just has to be quiet about it and this man just airs all sorts of bullshit and that man just has to be quiet and then how do you afterwards does everyone follow how this goes okay who wants to start yeah so we're gonna i'm gonna invite a man up here to clear a list first thing on my list get me inside of you okay uh who wants to go first

25:34Ronnie Karam: and jack's like why is everybody looking at me i'm not even going on this stupid trip i just i just i just don't see myself being able to go on a trip right now guys okay violence please like poor jack's poor jack's about to get a finger up his ass so uh scott's like i'm not looking at you you're looking at me he's like uh-uh i'm just listening so i'm taking it in right now yeah you are just the tip just the tip all right who wants to start guys who wants to start so jesse starts

26:06Ben Mandelker: yeah you know what i invite you all here i've got the most prominent hair dent so i'll start okay i feel like i've been you know clearing some lists with everybody except for my fucking ex-wife god she's a fucking bitch so i'm gonna start with luke and by the way i just want to tell everyone that later on when i uh when i have this when i have to clear a list with aaron uh i will do exactly what we learn here to do, except I won't do any of it. I'll just yell at him. Okay, great. Luke, I'm going to put my hand on your chest. All right, just do it, right? And Luke's like, I'll give you permission.

26:39Ben Mandelker: Just kidding. So Jessica, okay. All right. All right, here we go. So with your blind loyalty to your girlfriend, because you're a pussy, I don't think we all acknowledge you're a pussy. With your blind loyalty to your lying, fucking annoying girlfriend, I was hurt by that I was hurt by your lack of balls and an ability to stand up to a woman for you letting a woman just tell you what to think and feel that made me feel hurt I was angry it made me feel aggressive but I'm willing to let go

27:10Ronnie Karam: the way that you stood up for your woman when I physically came for her at a party really hurt bro it's just fucking for real but I'm willing to let it go man but i let it go you're welcome you're welcome bro made me feel angry it made me feel want to be aggressive it made me feel like does this headband even work anymore but you know what i'm gonna let it go do i have to stick my finger up his butt he does not trim his taint hair okay we'll pass on that one we'll pass on that one and um uh this guy's like have you guys heard that they made like cake out of cheese? Is that a thing? Is that really a thing?

27:53Ronnie Karam: Kristen insists that that's a thing.

27:57Ben Mandelker: Your term will come up soon, Scott. Just hold on. I mean, Luke. So Scott's like, okay, who's next? Jax? Jax? You know, Scott the entire time is like, this is my white whale. Like, if I can fix Jax, I'll be legendary. So Jax is like, yeah. So basically, can I just like sit here and like clear my list with everybody? He's like, no, no. I'll hold the place. I'll do it. Okay. Put your paw on my chest. Okay. Jax is like, uh, could you just,

28:23Ronnie Karam: just rest your nutsack inside of my mouth and then that energy will go to all of the guys in the group. Jax is like, okay. My first time you're going to pay my mortgage, right? That's how it works in Miami. It's like, okay, just, just go to Jax. Go ahead now. I'm ready. Jax. I'm ready. Go ahead.

28:41Ben Mandelker: Go ahead. Guys. I, you know, I've been having a really, a really tough time with my life right now and it's just like i'm sorry i'm just like hold on hold on one second hold on let me apply some teardrops okay i just i'm i'm a i'm an angry human being i've been like that my whole life and i take it out and everybody you know everyone else my anger and like especially my wife i mean me i mean she's a bitch she's an idiot i can't stand her she's cheating on me and she just makes me so angry it's like i have to say it's not even my fault but i'm just so angry and like i thought i didn't have that anger but she makes me angry and she's like the person who's actually the one who's ruined me right now just a lot and i don't want to be like that anymore i don't want her to turn me into that person anymore yeah and then they all

29:22Ronnie Karam: hug and scott's like yeah but you know what jacks people watch you okay you're a television and a film star you're one of our most prized authors in this country and there's a little boy inside of you and he's screaming to come out and he's saying please stop getting facial surgery it hurts and be vulnerable and cry stop wearing so much so much uh uh not bleach blush thank you thank you i was i was having trouble with words with your nutsack in my mouth but uh listen you're a model and you're also a model for not only a model for underwear in the past the way past whoa those times have passed.

30:02Ronnie Karam: Hey, boat, come back to that. Model boat's gone. But you can still be a model for people. You know how you do that? You kill them, you take their skin, and then you wear that and model it for other people. But until then, people are going to be, people across the world are going to see you and they're going to want to be like you, Jax. Okay? I'm proud of you, dude. You're on TV. And now I'm on TV. I won. Did you come? I did. Okay? This was good, guys. I've been paid in sperm. It was my own. I will still eat it. Thanks for coming.

30:35Ben Mandelker: Jax, yeah. So that was Jax's therapy. So now, okay, who's next?

30:39Ronnie Karam: By the way, Jax admitted nothing. He just yelled at people that he was angry. Okay, way to take responsibility.

30:46Ben Mandelker: Yeah, he just used buzzwords. I'm angry. I've always been angry.

30:49Ronnie Karam: He made it all about himself instead of clearing any list with anybody else. Of course, Jax doesn't even know how to do the group therapy. And the fucking star fucker man, Tate, whatever his buns is, Can't even ask the question to make him do the therapy. What's that guy's name? Andrew Tate. Yeah, the Andrew Tate ball-swallowing motherfucker. Can't even keep the man on task. He's like, oh, it was great. Group therapy where Jack's just talked about himself, took no responsibility. Who's next? And let's get the little one. Come on, little guy.

31:21Ben Mandelker: All right, all right, all right, all right. Okay, three under three, Jason. I think we have a moment. Does anyone have a step stool? Okay. Okay. hand on your chest it is it it is an impressive chest now that i feel it listen listen i love you dude and uh i definitely didn't show that last week i shed things to your wife i shouldn't have shed and i feel really bad for shang those shings and i just you know just it's a lot and you know what's funny is that as my hand sits here on your on your pectoral it does sort of feel like jasmine's butt a little bit this is impressive a lot of round body parts this group huh feels weird touching you so intimately without having drinks first but you can't call me daddy if that makes you feel any better okay well i appreciate that a lot daddy yes you know daddy's a genuine guy and i thought 100 believe him but like somebody can apologize all day but unless they make actual changes you know what's the point like we're just wasting time so uh i don't know if i'm at a place i can fully let everything go daddy but to be honest i'm just gonna work on it the fact that He's like, you know, I'm sorry.

32:27Ronnie Karam: I would let this go, but Janet hasn't given me permission yet. So we're going to have to put a pin in that, Daddy. Okay.

32:34Ben Mandelker: This isn't exactly what I wanted to hear. I mean, but to be fair, what I really wanted to hear was, congratulations, Danny. You've been hired for three more seasons of The Walking Dead. He doesn't have that authority. I understand that. But it's going in the right direction. So I can only just change myself right now and build and grow.

32:52Ronnie Karam: so jason's like yeah for me my biggest thing and coming here was me and my wife's relationship with danny and nia and there's been like a black cloud and um you know i'm married to her um and the black cloud needs to be repaired okay because it's big it's big i need the black cloud to be contained please contain janet somebody please contain janet and jesse's like right right yeah because the conversation's been about drinking meanwhile we start this which is the part we forgot with jesse going all right guys we've got cybacillin drinks we've got weed we've got drinks if anybody needs that okay so that's just that's how jesse started this therapy session and now moving into yeah uh the drinking's a problem with danny it's a real problem and you know it's not even the sneezing danny's sneezing in the middle of sentences is a huge problem and And you know what?

33:44Ronnie Karam: It's not just that. It's the hiding it. It's the hiding the drinking. And Scott's like, whoa, you're hiding your drinking. So I'm assuming not that anybody's told me anything about you, except that you're a goddamn tiny person. Alcoholic is that you're going to the bar, getting a bunch of drinks and then leaving back with one and pretending like, whoa, I just had one drink. And Jackson's like, yeah, it's disgusting. He's a disgusting alcoholic. And Danny's like, well, that has happened, I guess.

34:13Ben Mandelker: yeah it's actually kind of hilarious because scott whether he was told ahead of time or not just does kind of nail danny's behavior which we could all tell is danny's what danny has been doing and danny's like ah yes i mean but when i do do it i do it quickly and i do do it under three minutes some would say i have three under three and then i go back to the table so it's

34:34Ronnie Karam: like i'm not hiding my drinking from my friends i'm hiding my drinking from my wife isn't that

34:40Ben Mandelker: allowed i do tell everyone about it in boys chat so then i did it right in front of janet i just didn't want nia to know so it's a scott's like yeah when you're drinking when you're hiding that's implied dishonesty and danny's like i know there are areas i need to work on or areas where i could work like burbank or even hollywood or east hollywood if they opened up a studio there but anytime people are coming after my character uh which did take me a long time to get into too, because I did take classes at Udo Hagen. It doesn't shit well with me.

35:14Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And Scott's like, but you know what? We're sneaky, right? We're squirrely. Am I right? Is there a man here that would not admit to being squirrely? Jax, you're tapping your leg and your shoulder and your knee and your elbow. Jax, are you here? What are you snorting? Jax? Jax, okay. Jax is hiding his head from us, which is okay right now. It's probably just a little cocaine, which is okay to hide because that's illegal. Am I right? God, I love Jax. I'm a great therapist. Okay, call me 1-800-MAN-MAN-MAN.

35:42Ben Mandelker: All right, guys. I know we're all a bit squirrely. So in the spirit of that, I've brought a little squirrel here. I want you all to put your hand on its chest and clear the list with a squirrel as you're taking its identity.

35:54Ronnie Karam: We're going to squeeze the chest and the squirrel is dead. We are men. We are squirrely men. Killed the squirrel. So he's like, guys, we're on a journey together. And while you might feel alone, you're in a partnership with each other. All right, everybody. I'm going to get on my knees. The rest of you are going to unzip and surround me and cover me in your seed. Okay, great. Thanks, guys.

36:17Ben Mandelker: I'm sensing there's a lot of tension in this room, and I think you all just need to be relieved. So let me be your vessel. Wow, great therapy work there. Best on my list, bucocci me. Okay. You're in a partnership with each other. Wow, this is great therapy. What a great conclusion to come to. I think the problem is because they're in a partnership with each other. I think that's where this all started.

36:40Ronnie Karam: So now we do. Great job, Scott. So you got a bunch of people together. Nobody admitted anything that they did wrong. And you've just told them they're all correct because they're men. You are really something. Great. Great work, Scott.

36:53Ben Mandelker: Well, don't worry, Ronnie. The women have a much better way of handling their issues. So we go over to El Coyote and the whole group is there. And Sheena's like, oh, my God, I haven't been to El Coyote in 45 years. This is crazy. I wonder if they have enchiladas and if they would care if I brought enchiladas back there because then we could have an enchilada off of El Coyote vs. Sheena's famous enchiladas. That would be hilarious.

37:16Ronnie Karam: I hope they play my favorite song. Aye, aye, aye. I like macaroni.

37:23Ben Mandelker: Aye, aye, aye.

37:25Ronnie Karam: Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. I like macaroni.

37:32Ben Mandelker: A-P-P-E-L-E-S. How you like them? A-P-P-E-L-E-S.

37:36Ronnie Karam: m-a-n-s-a-n-a-s how you like that

37:46Ben Mandelker: e-n-c-h-i-l-a-d-a-s how you like that how you like that

37:54Ronnie Karam: so so the girls come in they're all like hi hi hi then it's an awkward silence and janet's like um i'm a bit nervous to see mia things are not going great there but you know it's girls night what's the worst that could happen let me show you because i'm gonna do it i'm gonna i'm gonna

38:09Ben Mandelker: be the worst some janet this is a thought experiment so they're all in this because it's a reality show they all have to sit in this big long table but like in a u-shape they can't actually sit like normal and so as a result you have on one side you have kristen and nia and the other side you've got michelle and janice the feuding parties are all separated and in the middle you have like the neutral parties so um chris like nia is saying like it's very intense like i'm not gonna go out of my way to make conversation down there especially across the table and she's saying that she and jen are definitely not good and that jen always focuses on other people's relationships and marriages and yet never seems to share much from her end

38:51Ronnie Karam: yeah so nia announces that there's a maui trip coming and michelle announces that aaron's coming and everyone's like oh my god yay and she's like yes i'm excited because i feel like jesse is not going to be playing games if aaron is around he only misdreads women never man are you kidding

39:10Ben Mandelker: what do you think that's gonna stop him girl yeah that's i don't see how aaron being there is going to actually make jesse act more normal no by the way i have to say uh in the middle of this the waiter came by and you know normally we don't they take so many orders on bravo shows that We don't normally highlight them, but I rewound it and watched three times when Brittany was like, I'd like some cheese fajitas, please. Chicken fajitas. Can I have some chicken fajitas, boys? She ordered cheese fajitas? No, chicken fajitas. I want chicken fajitas. Her voice got so high and squeaky.

39:45Ronnie Karam: She's like, can I have some chicken fajitas, boys?

39:48Ben Mandelker: I should have recorded it because it was, I will record it because that was, it was just like this little bubble cartoon. Chicken fajitas, boys.

40:00Ronnie Karam: so jasmine's like well well you know that kept telling me like there's so much going on on this trip like there's something surprising so i'm like what's going to be a surprise like it's crazy like okay let's think of surprises like pregnancy marriage like what is it what's it going to be who's here who here's not married kristen's not married you could get married i mean michelle is somebody going to propose to me is somebody going to like who's it going to be kristen are you getting married are you going to propose to is he getting a ring oh my god kyle chan called me the other day he's telling a ring like that's crazy like he even offered to buy me a drink

40:24Ben Mandelker: it's nuts seriously quiet it's a secret dan and i are gonna plan a secret surprise um oh it's gonna be an engagement engagement ring no wait i literally said nothing about that why are you

40:37Ronnie Karam: saying that in front of kristen but of course zach goes and ruins it he's like i'm not gonna tell you what it is but it's a surprise and cheesecake is real yeah why is zach doing this and then of

40:50Ben Mandelker: course like jasmine is like anti-detective and can't even like to do what might be happening so she just like blurts it out so then michelle is like by the way before we move forward because i just want to move on with my life it's been brought to my attention that a lot of people keep talking about my boyfriend and people he has slept with in the past so christine obviously you and I have gone through a lot but he slept with Jenna back in 2020 they had COVID sex and Kristen's like what? Seriously? This has nothing to do with me. I don't even know what you're talking about. What does this have to do with me?

41:30Ben Mandelker: What's going on? So Michelle

41:32Ronnie Karam: is referencing the fact that Kristen and not Sheena is my question. Yeah. How is Sheena not? Like this is so she this is so Sheena and then Sheena runs around telling everybody about it you know. Sheena wants it.

41:45Ben Mandelker: Sheena wants to be blamed. She is literally sitting dead center amongst all the women. She's practically wearing a t-shirt. I'm surprised she's not wearing a t-shirt that just says Team Jenna on it for no good reason. She's like, would you like me to weigh in on this conversation? Because I can do that.

42:01Ronnie Karam: And Kristen's like, I didn't do that. And Michelle's like, how did Jesse know that once upon a time Jenna and Erin Oogba? Because Jenna showed up at a party and told him. How is that anybody's fault but Jenna's? And maybe you shouldn't be stealing other people's men anyway if that was the case because who wasn't it the rumor well the rumor online who knows what the truth is but was that Michelle was the one that didn't I don't know I don't remember it anymore who knows but this group is also incestuous they all fuck each other and Jenna's been trying to get on TV for damn near 10 years now and she keeps she keeps cheating with people and working her way onto this show blame Jenna stop blaming everybody else well it was funny because also So blame Aaron, Aaron banged Jenna.

42:48Ronnie Karam: So why is everyone else getting in trouble except a man again?

42:54Ben Mandelker: Also, just be more secure. Just be more secure in your relationship. Okay. If you know that the Aaron did not cheat on you, if you know that this happened in 2020 or whatever, then just be like, whatever. She's trying it. But like, I got my man and I'm happy with what we have. Like, don't be like, don't like, don't like lash out like this. yeah but it's none of his goddamn business yeah exactly and so what's funny is that um it's actually zach is the one who really who really pushed this together because kristen invited jenna to the party but she claims she just invited jenna she wasn't trying to stir any shit up but zach was like hey by the way jesse you have to talk to jenna jenna slept with slept with aaron yeah she loves honey yeah he cheated on michelle with with jenna but also jesse but also he cheated She cheated on you with Aaron.

43:44Ben Mandelker: They were all cheating behind your back. Go talk to her now do it

43:47Ronnie Karam: Yeah, he's like it was never Chris said it was that guitar all along So Chris is like no fans but like I don't give a fuck about anybody's relationships Okay, okay, okay, kakar dismissed kakar dismissed

44:07Ben Mandelker: Here comes one right now

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46:16Ben Mandelker: So, of course, Janet weighs in and she's like, um, you went behind Michelle's back and said that she was a cheater. And so we flashback to last year.

46:25Ronnie Karam: Two years ago. God, cry harder. Who cares?

46:29Ben Mandelker: Why are you getting involved also? Because she loves the drama. Yes, yes, agreed. Cheesecake, please. And Nia's like, yeah, she loves it. And Janet's like, uh, okay, whatever. But meanwhile, it's true. Janet loves the drama.

46:43Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And Michelle's like, well, my ex-husband aids me. He aids me. Kristen's like, no, Michelle, you know what? I understand that you're going through shit. Okay. Well, yeah, she just thinks that they're trying to ruin her relationship. You know what that means? What if somebody tried to come between me and chicken for anus?

47:04Ben Mandelker: I'm not therefore I will not enter intervene. She's like, but he is trying to ruin me I will not bring Jenna around somewhere that you and Aaron are going to be but you already did Kristen Which I didn't by the way didn't even cross my mind cuz you know what I was thinking about cheesecake even at my housewarming party I was like should I make this cheese cheesecake warming up party? I mean even though you guys could not come it did not even cross my mind

47:27Ronnie Karam: and so janet's like well i'm so frustrated that kristen's like what jenna who what who what shut the fuck up you know what you're doing kristen and she says yeah you're doing the dirty work kristen you're doing the dirty work and jessie's the toxic one here you know hello like why are we fighting like it's so annoying we're fighting with women again when you've got the man right there. And Jenna's like, well, I mean, if you don't see that Kristen's doing this, come on. Come on. I'm getting upset because I'm watching Kristen sniper from the side. That's right. I'm stealing an Erica Jane line now.

48:08Ronnie Karam: She's right or dying for Nia, and she'll do almost anything including taking down my marriage and taking down Michelle's relationship.

48:17Ben Mandelker: I think we can retire the concept of being a sniper from the side. I think that's just inherent in the word sniper like the point with a sniper is that they're far away and they shoot you it doesn't matter what direction it comes from that's such a good point snipers have like viewfinders for a reason okay they literally have telescopes snipers they're most likely gonna snipe you from the side that's usually the way it works if they snipe you from the front it's really the same effect

48:44Ronnie Karam: it's just a sniper but janet only knows how to speak in fan language so she says sniper from the side she doesn't even say she's like sniping from the side she because she doesn't know how to reform the old bravo the old bravo line so she's like i think what she's doing is sniper from the side okay so um kristen's like oh this is a conversation that michelle and i could have had without you being involved janet she goes um yeah because we we hold you accountable that's why

49:10Ben Mandelker: that's me janet miss accountability janet come on she's like well a word accountability a word you can't stand. And Jasmine's like, I just want the old Janet back, like the fun Janet, you know, the one you want to be around. Like this Janet, not so much. Don't want to be around her.

49:30Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and Kristen's like, I'm done being disrespected as fuck right now. I will take my cheesecake to go. Goodbye. Caw, caw. Kristen out. Goodbye. Mary Posa flying away. Bye. And so she leaves and he is like, oh, Mo, don't leave Kristen, but you don't have to leave. And she's like, I can't take it. And Janet's like, oh no, I'm fucking done. I'm done with this. Bye, Kristen. Bye. And Nia's like, well, I can't take it either. This is so hard. I'm crying now. She goes, oh my God, why are you crying, Nia? Jesus Christ. Because this is just too much. Is that even a real question? It's just intense.

50:06Ronnie Karam: And she goes, oh yeah, always the tears when it's too intense. Poor little Nia.

50:12Ben Mandelker: Nia, are you okay? Would you like to share with me? Should I say something right now? your husband has a drinking problem did that make you mad at me do you want to have a feud no this is just too intense for me so then um janet's like oh it's always tears always intense janet that is rude if you were angry at me for taking nia's side we can have a feud for the tv show if you want nia's like you i'm gonna leave with my fresh spray tan that almost melted off

50:42Ronnie Karam: off yeah so nia gets up and she's like bye loser bye and um just making an ass out of herself you know over really nothing it's not even a fight with her it's like it's supposed to be a fight with michelle and kristin but now it's just turned into janet yelling at everybody in a bad dress

51:03Ben Mandelker: yeah and janet's really going off she's like you're gonna you're gonna you're not gonna say my husband's taking his ring off while your husband's fucking ass grabbing and britney's like well he's not willing to shit and now i'm just terrified that this hawaii trip is gonna be a disaster can i get some more chicken volumes please thank you and she's like you know who

51:21Ronnie Karam: wants to fucking cry i want to fucking cry she slams her drink down janet you're trying too hard for you have nothing going on change your outfit get was this the part where she talked about magic What was the part where Janet talked about?

51:34Ben Mandelker: No, it's right here. So now the El Coyote scene is over, and they all go to a park. They go to the Pan Pacific Park to do a field day or whatever. And so they're all showing up, and Michelle is like, Jenna is there. Jenna is an ump for these games. And Michelle is like, I am literally annoyed because ever since Jenna found out that I'm with Aaron, she just wants to be around all my friends. and Jasmine's like, oh yeah, I definitely invited Jenna to be a ref before El Coyote and unfortunately one of the rules of field day is that when you hire someone to be a ref, you cannot fire them. It's a big legal process, so she's just stuck with us for today.

52:16Ronnie Karam: So Michelle's all pissed off. By the way, Michelle, Jenna has been thirsty long before you ever arrived on the scene. Okay? She cheated with James. She cheated on... I don't remember. So many people have cheated on each other on this show. I am forgetting, but she's been cheating with people a long time before you ever got here trying to get on this show. Okay. It's not just umpire day.

52:39Ben Mandelker: Listen, I'm telling you, I still have my empirical evidence of watching her flirt with Taye Diggs while he was still with Idina Menzel. How rude. How rude.

52:49Ronnie Karam: So Brock says hi to Michelle and he's like, what's that look for? And she's like, not you. You are standing in front of the reverie and it is the reverie I am coming for. I'm giving you honey eyes new version of honey eyes so Melissa blows the whistle it's time for field day Jax is there and he's miserable he's like here we are I've got to do this on my show why do we got to do this kind of thing on my show I don't like doing this shit on my show fuck these people Jax just got home why is Jax even here

53:21Ben Mandelker: yeah to get a paycheck he needs one so the producers are asking Zach who he thinks needs to get their aggression out the most and Zach's like um Jussie and before you like you don't even need to say it's like jesse but also jacks by the way because he looks like he's about to burst or maybe he's like just like super sweaty like you just got out of a tanning bed but like he looks really like an angry chicken right now alantis you can use those lyrics too if you want i don't know which song but you can use them so then everyone's doing

53:52Ben Mandelker: you live you become an angry chicken

53:59Ronnie Karam: so now they split into teams and they play this stupid game you know who cares so then uh janet's like um not only do i hate everything about this entire field day and physical exercise i just don't want to be on a team with kristen and luke this is literally my nightmare come true and this is

54:16Ben Mandelker: where she says i literally hate field day instead of playing sports growing up i did magic lessons

54:23Ronnie Karam: what could you do a presto change-o on that outfit because good lord she's wearing like a pink that pink satin thing with like two little baby bows on the shoulders that just that just change why

54:37Ben Mandelker: does janet have to be horrible in every way i know so this scene is also one of the first scenes that we're seeing of britney and jacks being together um since the divorce papers were served so the The producer asked Brittany if she heard from Jax at all since the paperwork. And she says, like, yeah, Jax texted me, but it was like, I didn't expect it, but I understand why you did it. And I think my plan is just to act like he doesn't exist. So then they do some racing. They do all the fun things, you know, relay races and eggs on a spoon. And it goes on for a little while. And Jesse, of course, goes out of his way to take off his shirt, which I think was more exciting for him than for us.

55:18Ben Mandelker: so then uh jess is like i used to think i think i used to be i used to be competitive now i'm just competing to get out of bed in the morning without having to crack something i'm just a fucking mess

55:30Ronnie Karam: uh so then janet and britney go talk and janet's like i'm just like so tired because like every time the group gets together it's like fireworks yeah because you start shit at literally every party stop acting exhausted by your own mess and britney's like well you know i'm just like so so my saturn and that i haven't seen jokes you know like it sucks and um so then we go to luke and kristin talking and kristin is like um i was like i'm angry at you chucks and he's like yeah you know like thanks for being so nice to me you know at the party like i just wasn't expecting it you know because like it's so hard you know i'm going through like marriage and rehab and divorce and like separation and like rehab like i'm angry you know how that is so like you know i'm going through a lot right now but like i appreciate it chris did yeah well just try to mind your p's and

56:20Ben Mandelker: q's until after hawaii and that's gonna speak volumes he's like oh uh yeah p's and q's i love taking those i really bring me up and then take me down it's just poppers and quailies baby is it

56:32Ronnie Karam: anal day is it anal day so then we hear nia and jesse talking um and um nia's like uh so how's going jesse and he's like oh i didn't even say hi to you and she and she goes yeah well i didn't say hi to anybody on the purple team okay because we came late so we're ready to rock and roll but she's really not speaking to janet she doesn't want to be anywhere near janet so britney asked

56:59Ben Mandelker: jan if she's spoken to nia and janet's like you know i was really fired up and i haven't been that mad like in so long and honestly it's just like built up because it's like kristin blurted out this rumor about jason because she was trying to defend dan and nia so i sort of blamed them almost for like all of them as a whole for like throwing out suspicions that my husband's cheating on me when i know he's not which is why i'm being so chill about this and i guess when i saw her start to cry i was like oh this is just bullshit like i'm the one who has a hood that bangs me in the forehead every single time i go near my oven okay and michelle's the one who's like actually going

57:28Ronnie Karam: through a divorce we're the real victims here yeah and so um janice just really pissed so then we get a scene of Luke going to Kyle Chan's place and his big, because you know, Kristen's following his ass. She's got the location on the phone. So he had to say he was going to Kyle Chan so that Kyle Chan could take care of their pet gecko while they are in Maui. And he's like, okay, we got to hurry this up because Kristen's following me and I can't be in here too long or she'll be suspicious.

57:57Ben Mandelker: I love that Kristen is timing the amount of time that the doc is at Kyle Chan's office.

58:02Ronnie Karam: all right so he also says to kyle's chan's office right now what would i be saying hey kyle this is the gecko he gets a couple of pellets today do you know what cheesecake is if you ever heard a cheesecake does christian really eat cheesecake and then kyle's gonna be like yeah duh you know he's gonna show him all the pictures we have of me eating cheesecake okay that's five minutes okay should be leaving now should be leaving why is he not heading to cheesecake factory why is he not heading he's cheating on me that's it he's cheating on me i have a radical idea so

58:30Ben Mandelker: That way you don't have to come up with like a whole, you know, elaborate gecko babysitting cover story, which is why don't you and Kyle Chan meet for coffee somewhere and he can bring the ring to you. I don't know. Just thinking outside the box, you know, you have to go to his office. Is that necessary?

58:46Ronnie Karam: Pick that shit on the Instagram.

58:48Ben Mandelker: You know, it's called a UPS store mailbox. Okay. So, but Luke is going through it because he's very, he's, he's nervous about the engagement, but his grandma also has cancer. And so he is really up and down and he's not sure how the emotions are going to affect him, which means that he is going to have a breakdown on this Hawaii trip very soon.

59:09Ronnie Karam: So then we go to Janet and Jason. Is Janet excited about the trip? And she's like, well, like, yes and no, because, like, I'm going on a trip with people that like half of them we're not even talking to, you know. And I know I owe Nia an apology because I really went crazy at El Coyote, which is an iconic place from Vanderpump Rules, which I mean, I wasn't really a fan of because I was a friend of the group. But anyway, love that place. I got all the way staff's signatures on an enchilada, which I'm putting in a class case. But anyway, point is Nia is a gaslighter. So I still kind of hate her.

59:42Ronnie Karam: What did Nia gaslight you? What are you talking about?

59:45Ben Mandelker: Nia is definitely not a gaslighter. yeah i think she's i think she's confusing gaslighting with um well she's assuming she thinks that nia covering for danny is gaslighting and that's that's just nia covering for danny that's just nia not wanting to air out the fact that she's concerned that her husband has a drinking problem so she's just saying yeah he's tired right now and taking a nap so then uh nia and danny are at a sun spa because i guess it's time to get yet a new fake tan and they're talking about like you know anxiety about going on this trip and then we see zach um and he's talking to benji and he's like i think that like kristen is like super not happy with janet and they're gonna wear shirts that we got like for luke and kristen's face saying just engage and she's gonna like wear it and out the engagement so they're all nervous but everyone's basically packing and getting ready

1:00:35Ronnie Karam: to go on this trip yeah so now luke and kristen are at home packing and uh kristen's like i mean what am I supposed to wear? Because like, you know, like, what are you guys going to do? What are we going to do? Are we going fishing? You guys are going fishing? Like, do I have to wear things to fish? I'd catch a fish in my mouth. He's like, I know, honey. You showed my whole family in Montana. That's why they want me to marry you. I mean.

1:01:00Ben Mandelker: Okay. So I was talking to Nia and she said that all the girls are just going to, while we're fishing, the girls are going to dress all cute as if they're about to get engaged. I mean, something like that.

1:01:15Ronnie Karam: Great. The girls just want to go have margaritas by the pool and wedding dresses.

1:01:21Ben Mandelker: So they say they're going to put on full glam as if someone's going to pop out from the side of the boat and take photos of them as if it was a very important day in their lives. I don't know. Something like that.

1:01:31Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And he's like, but, you know, I know that things went bad with you guys. You and Janet the other night. Oh, no. That bitch is done. done. The butcher's like so done. I'm done with her. So Kristen's done with her and she's not going to speak with her in Hawaii and she doesn't even know why she wants to come on the trip. So then we go to Jack sitting in a restaurant by himself. He's like, hi, I was just left by my wife. So do you have a table for me? That'd be great. So I'm alone.

1:02:00Ben Mandelker: Yeah, and the waitress is like, what would you like to order? I would like a, I've got a lot of anger issues, but I've been working on it and it's been really great. I, I've said some things in rehab that I thought I was going to take to the grave and it was really liberating. Um, I have to apologize to my wife. I treated her wrongly, but I'm a new guy now and I would love your number. If also, if you want to bang in the back, that'd be great too. You have one of those. So do you need something to drink?

1:02:25Ronnie Karam: And he's like, Oh, Oh, Oh yeah. Uh, coffee and Coke would be great. Pepsi. Okay. Can I start that? No, it's not fucking okay. coffee and coke thank you geez Alex Baskin comes in he's like here here you go just stay we support you we support you

1:02:49Ben Mandelker: so Jax is sitting there waiting he's alone in this restaurant and he's getting flummoxed and then Jax calls Brittany and she's like I'm not gonna come and he's like why not and she's like well I woke up to a flood of DMs and stuff talking about you last night and how drunk you were at the bar and how you were with these girls you're hiking out with the girls and sluts and he's like i wasn't drunk at all i was just coked up okay i went home early yeah all this stuff yes you were okay there's photos of you okay people sending me dms and everything i got dms i got dms and everything i'm mad at you and um she's like yeah i've been trying to keep my space from

1:03:25Ronnie Karam: jay since it's been out of the facility and the only reason i agreed to meet with him is because we do have child together we got a child together so we got meat but not today because i got dms and everything.

1:03:38Ben Mandelker: You know what? I went to CVS because I had a cough and I went to the Robitussins and guess what? I saw some Robitussin DM and I was like, look, even they got the DMs about JX.

1:03:48Ronnie Karam: So she's mad because he was supposed to work on himself and as soon as he gets out, he goes to the bar and she's not putting up with that crap. So she's like, and by the way, I think you are a vile, terrible, vile human being and you've really put me in a terrible situation, especially in DMs and everything. Okay?

1:04:07Ben Mandelker: He's like, but we're getting divorced. I mean, we're no longer together. So what I do on my own time is my own business. You should have remembered that before you installed cameras to spy on your wife, by the way. Yeah, exactly.

1:04:19Ronnie Karam: Logic is going both ways. You can put a ring cam in your house, but she's got the whole internet on her side, sir. So good luck. So she's like, well, have fun being drunk at your bar. 45 years old. still drunk, not even a chicken potato. And he just hangs up on her. He's like, well, that was that. So now he asked for his coffee to go, which is like the most depressing thing he's ever done, even though he doesn't walk back from an a.m. p.m. five times a day with coffee. And he's like, yeah, it was really hard. Like, it was so embarrassing. So embarrassed being left alone in a restaurant. How could she do this to me when I have been to rehab and And been separated.

1:05:03Ronnie Karam: And gone through divorce. I just had to throw someone's picture of them with their father away the other day. How could she do this to me?

1:05:12Ben Mandelker: Can I get a waitress here to stand in for Brittany? I'd like to clear a list. So I need to put my hand on a waitress's breast. Is there anyone who could do this for me? No. So then now it's time to go to Hawaii. Because Jax is not going to Hawaii, by the way. I don't know if we mentioned that, but he's not going to go. So we're heading to Hawaii. And they have arrived. They're arriving in Maui at the Hyatt there. And Aaron's asking about pineapple. He's like, pineapple's a safe word, right? And then Zach, you know what? If you put a pineapple on your door on a cruise or in a hotel, it lets people know that you're ready to swing.

1:05:47Ben Mandelker: And Janet's like, I mean, if I saw a pineapple just sitting on a door, I mean, I don't even know. Like, no, not an actual pineapple, Janet. I like Janet thinking you have to go get some fresh produce before you declare that you're a swinger. Yeah.

1:06:03Ronnie Karam: Like Janet doesn't know. Hello, wedding ring off. What's his buns? Just hears the word pineapple and hides his wedding ring in his fucking pants. So basically they go to get their rooms and Zach gets the presidential suite. And he's like, oh my God, Mr. Presidente, am I right? Heck yeah. Make America gay again, am I right? Party. you guys i got the presidential suite but it's like kristen's trip but like i don't want to give it to her now because then they'll be like oh my god why are you giving it to us am i getting engaged engaged engaged so maybe i'll do it later that's like so fun me and benji are gonna go play

1:06:42Ben Mandelker: in the shower bye kristen i'm so sorry that we're taking the presidential suite when you're about to get engaged oops did i say that part out loud seriously here's some cheesecake you heard nothing

1:06:55Ronnie Karam: yeah so um luke gets pissed he's like what is zach even doing why didn't he give me the presidential suite right away luke's such a fucking baby oh my god so um he's like sulking about that so everybody goes to their room but then we find out that the presidential suite is not just benji and zach's it's also jesse's so they have to share this two present two room presidential suite with only one bathroom

1:07:20Ben Mandelker: oh my god I know that was some good producer manipulation right there that is a strange choice by them but I love it so then Michelle is talking with Aaron they're in the room and she's like do you want some champagne my love Rob's favorite vintage over here Rob Reiner that is and Aaron's like yeah I feel like I can breathe now oh you can feel like you can relax He's like, yeah, after seeing Jesse just being in the same room. Whoa.

1:07:50Ronnie Karam: His eyes are just popping out. He's like, oh, my God. Like seeing Jesse there, he was in the same room. Phew. Thank God I can breathe now. Oh, my God. That was terrifying. And she's like, I think it is good, you know, that you didn't even talk to each other. And he goes, well, you know, he's going to be in our lives. So, like, I don't know, like maybe one day we could do like a family trip or something. She's like, no.

1:08:14Ben Mandelker: Oh, that's, I don't, I don't know about this. You could do a family trip if you just all want to have a terrible time and, you know, traumatize your daughter, but I don't recommend it. So then we go over to Jason and Janet and Jason is saying, you know, like, you know, me and Danny, like my only thing is that that's making me awkward. It's that sort of stuff relationship, but you know, after a squash, it'll be good. And you know, it's going to be up to the four of us. So if you want to make good with Nia, you should probably do that because this is really tense for me. so then they go to the pool and everyone's everyone's jumping in the pool and excited but he's like yeah party is here okay tequila one o 'clock two o 'clock three o 'clock tequila

1:08:52Ronnie Karam: floor did i do that one right i don't know so jason and danny are talking and jason uh they're they're like wow we're men so it's like crazy how like men can just get along right yeah bro but the chicks gotta get along too let's call them over here hey danny i mean hey nia hey janet come on over here let's have a talk chop it up as they say come on we can do it so they come over and now we have to have couple versus couple talk so Nia has shown up not giving a fuck today she is not going to let this girl get away with anything in Nia's way which I appreciated so Danny's like you know Jason and I we had lists we put our hands on each other's nuts and those lists are cleared so ladies So ladies, you guys should talk.

1:09:40Ronnie Karam: And Jenna's like, okay, well, I do want to apologize for getting so angry and coyote ugly. It's just like an icon of reality television being inside another icon of reality television. It was just like, it was combustible. I did it for the audience. So I'm really sorry, Nia. And Nia's like, oh, really?

1:09:59Ben Mandelker: You got drunk that early in the night?

1:10:01Ronnie Karam: And it's like, yeah, I just had too much to drink. I just had a lot to drink. She goes, that early in the night? Oh, it was a good it was a good one from Nia.

1:10:11Ben Mandelker: Nia's not known for like her zingers. And she got her. I mean, Janet, the whole the crux of all this where things really went sour between you guys was you accusing Danny of having a drinking problem. And so the way you started your big apology is saying you got drunk. You got it. You got to come up with a better excuse than that. So Janet's like, yeah, I literally those margaritas and shots. It just goes over Janet's head, by the way, what he is saying. She goes, yeah, literally those margaritas and shots. They were so strong. And I should have never yelled at you. Did I enjoy it? Yes. But I should never have done it.

1:10:42Ben Mandelker: And you know what? I deserve every bit of that. Fuck you. I'm sorry that I said it. It's okay. It was totally deserved. I made a great TV moment. It was deserved, she said.

1:10:53Ronnie Karam: So Danny is like, well, I want to apologize to you too. Because at Bridge Opening, you know, we had some cocktails. And I never should have brought up what I was trying to bring up in that environment. I just, I hate that that happened. and she's like well i can totally forgive you because like i'm human and i know what i did was not right so let's just all be forgiving i'm janet a good person now i'm a good person today

1:11:17Ben Mandelker: yeah so basically they have an uneasy truce like it's funny everyone's like smiling nia is still has a rageful look on her face but they're all just going to sort of like move forward slowly and nia's just going to be just very tentative and careful with janet so then the producers Janet only likes to fight when the whole cast is there.

1:11:37Ronnie Karam: She needs an audience to do it. So for now, when everybody's private, she's always very sorry. She's kind of la-la in that way. Like when you get la-la one-on-one on these shows, she's always like, oh my God, you're right. I'm so sorry. And then when it gets public, that's when it comes out, you know?

1:11:53Ben Mandelker: Yeah. So then meanwhile, the producer's asking Jesse how he feels about Aaron being on the trip. And he's like, you know, I've had some issues with Aaron. He starts dating my still wife with four year old daughter and I expect a man to call me up and say listen I'm spending a lot of time with your daughter. Do you have any boundaries? It would never happen I don't think that is a standard practice When people are separated that the new person calls up the ax and is like how do you what are the boundaries? I should have your daughter I don't think that's normal and I don't think anyone would want to call Jesse because he's a monster So no, that's not gonna work that way because by the way did Jesse put that obligation on the girl from Orange County to call it michelle because i don't think i don't think he did well she did call her and threaten her with

1:12:35Ronnie Karam: lawsuits i think oh so that was nice yeah yeah she's trying to communicate so then we go back to benji and zach floating in the pool and benji is eating a pineapple out of a pineapple and zach's like oh my god you're eating pineapple out of a pineapple that is like so incestuous

1:12:54Ben Mandelker: yeah and then luke and kristin luke is like he's nervous he's nervous because the engagements could be tomorrow and he's like he's looking for his wallet and he's like oh my god i can't i'm not in a good mood i'm not good same reason same reason about grandma and he's saying how his emotions are all over the place but he can't tell kristen why that he's really nervous so he just sort of like sort of goes off in a tizzy and she's kind of being a dick instead he's like i

1:13:18Ronnie Karam: can't talk about this to kristen stop talking to me kristen she's like but what's wrong don't you want to talk about it he's like no don't talk about it with me do you want to go on private And it's like, no, we'll talk about it. Let her do something. No, just leave me alone, Kristen. So now she's like, oh, my God, we're breaking up.

1:13:34Ben Mandelker: Yeah. So then now everyone is getting ready for dinner. They're going to have a big dinner. And leading up to this dinner, I'd like to add that the trailer from last week was like Jesse sitting down with Aaron and being like, were you having sex with my wife when we were still together? And then like 15 minutes into the show coming up, were you having sex with my wife while we were still together? And then like 10 minutes left in the show coming up, were you having sex with my wife while we were still together? So we're like, okay, here comes the big confrontations. They all get ready for dinner.

1:14:07Ben Mandelker: They're all getting ready. They show up and Jesse's sitting there and he's like looking at Aaron and he's fuming. And we see a montage of Aaron being around and like Aaron having comments about how Isabella should be raised and Aaron saying this and Aaron saying that. And Jesse's getting mad. And then it goes two hours later. Did you or did you not cross a line when I was married to Michelle? Emotional, physical. In any way, did you cross a line? And once again, we see Aaron's eyes bug out. And then it's to be continued. I'm like, you can't. You tease this moment like five different times. And then the moment actually arrives.

1:14:43Ben Mandelker: And it's just a teaser for next week. So you tease the teaser. I was so mad.

1:14:47Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Well, that's how it goes. They don't have much, you know. So they got to keep it. They got to keep it going. especially with Janet and Nia just deciding, okay, we're not going to fight anymore. It's like, okay. And Jax isn't here for everybody to accuse of stuff. So I guess they got to make it last. Is next week the finale? Did they say next week's the season finale?

1:15:06Ben Mandelker: No, they didn't. I think we're going to have a few episodes worth. I think, well, we didn't even get to see what next week is. I don't know if next week is the actual engagement or we still have to see the scene of Luke in the bed being like, what about me? that they've been showing on the trailers for the past like you know 10 months so we have to have luke having his breakdown we have to have the engagement we have to have britney having a fight on the boat when she has a sailor cap on there's like a lot of ground that we have to cover on

1:15:33Ronnie Karam: this trip if they even show it because you know bravo we'll put shit in a preview and then just pretend it never happened so yeah that's true too who knows well this was fun um uh we will be back tomorrow with some next gen nyc all right everybody go enjoy your life we'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you guys. Bye. Bye.

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