#2909 The Valley S2E12: Mari-proposal!

0:00Hey guys, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. Okay, can we all agree that hosting is so much fun? And I really do love it. Every weekend, it's come over for snacks, let's make dinner together, and somehow the second you put out a fruit platter, it seems that bugs show up before your friends do. This is why I have to have my Zivo flying insect trap. You plug it in and you let it do all the work. It's specially designed blue and UV light attracts the bugs you didn't know you had and wow did we have a lot like house flies fruit flies gnats and then with zivo bam next thing you know the pests are caught in the sticky cartridge and away from your yummy treats without any mess or strong odors the best part is the design is actually sleek and curved so it hides the bugs it catches keeping them out of sight and when the cartridge is full you just grab the no mess tab throw it in the trash pop in a new cartridge and then you're done no mess no stress So whether you're hosting a dinner party or spending an afternoon baking treats with all your friends, and you want to focus on hosting and not constantly swatting at bugs, Zivo has you covered with 24-7 bug protection.

1:07Plug in a Zivo flying insect trap so you can work smarter, not harder, and actually enjoy your time at home. Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. And one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. Because with every fix, update, and renovation, it becomes a little more your own. So you need all your jobs done well. For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter. From plumbing to electrical, roof repair to deck upgrades. So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust.

1:41Find a pro for your project at Angie.com.

1:54Ben Mandelker: Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?

2:24Ben Mandelker: Hello, how are you? I am great, thanks. We're here. We're here to see Mariposa get engaged on the valley. So excited for it. Now, before we dive into it, though, we, as you may know, have been recapping Love Island on Patreon. And today, we were so fired up that our 20-minute daily bonus episode spiraled into a 90-minute one. So if you have feelings about last night's explosive stand on business challenge that they did, well, come join us over there, patreon.com slash watch what crappens, because we get into it. And I don't know what world we live in where there's less romance on Love Island than there is on the Valley.

3:08Ben Mandelker: How was the Valley the romantic episode of the day and Love Island the venomous one? I don't know what happened in our world. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with the topsy-turvy moment. Yeah. Love Island was crazy. The Valley, less so. But, you know, I like more linear villains sometimes. It's just easier to come to this show and be like, fuck Jax, fuck Janet. Easy. Call it a day. We're done. My enjoyment is there. I know exactly who I don't like and how it's going to slot into my day. Yeah. Yeah. The reason why we had to talk so much on Love Island is because, like, people that you are, like, really angry against, like your one moment you're like fuck that person but also they have a point so i'm totally on their side but also they're totally wrong and so you wind up having to debate all these not really even debate we were just agreeing the entire time but you hash out all these different angles to all these people these idiots whereas the valley you're right it's just simple like here's your hero here's your villain yeah and you know have fun here's a dolphin so um uh also but i will you know what i am going to vent something which is that when the valley trailer dropped a big huge part of it was this whole scene where luke is in bed being like sometimes i just want to be loved or whatever it is he's yelling and then he goes storming off into the hallway in the hotel it was in the trailer it's been on every single promo that they've run every commercial that airs every single day it's this shot of luke losing his mind and we finally get the episode where he loses his mind and they just bury it in a flashback.

4:41Ben Mandelker: What the fuck is going on here? How does that... What is... That's so rude of Bravo to do that. You really built us up an entire season just to throw something into a tiny little like, oh yeah, this thing happened last night. I'm mad about that, personally. Well, at least they showed it. Sometimes they don't even show it and they just show you in the preview and then they're like, psych! But they also did it with the Jesse scene confronting Aaron where he's like, did you ever, ever before I was married, during my marriage, after my marriage, before we were ever born, spiritually, emotionally, physically, economically, have ties to Michelle.

5:19And then it cuts to Aaron being like, just wide-eyed, cross-eyed, like Pikachu. And they've given us that scene every week, like coming up, coming up, coming up next week, coming up next week, coming up next week, coming after commercial. Nope, coming up after commercial next week. And we finally get it. And Aaron's like, nope.

5:38Ben Mandelker: That's it. Nope. I suspect that this was re-edited. I have to imagine that Luke's moment was probably the cliffhanger for one episode leading into the next one. And for whatever reason, they decided they didn't want to make that the cliffhanger anymore. They decided to change it up. And they just buried it in a flashback. Like, that's the only way I can explain it. But I don't know why they would re-edit it that way. I don't know. I don't understand Bravo's reasoning, but I will happily accept a blind item from anyone on post-production. So that way we can say an old queen at the bar told us what really happened.

6:15Yeah, if there are any old queens in the bar listening to this show, please get in touch.

6:20Ben Mandelker: Tell us what the hell happened. All right. Well, here we are with The Valley Season 2, Episode 12. Will you Maui me? So two hours earlier, Jesse interrogating Aaron. Now everyone's arriving at dinner. And Nia's like, wow, this is a perfect spot to kind of kick off our trip. It's like Hawaii Island vibes with the location. It's just so perfect. So everyone's sitting down to a big dramatic dinner in Maui, which, spoiler alert, isn't dramatic at all. Nothing happens. Okay. It isn't dramatic at all. Yeah, it's not dramatic. They're just there having dinner. But, you know, hey, that's nice. so they all sit down and Nia's like yeah I was texting with Kristen and she was like stuff isn't good with Luke's grandma so it's just kind of like upsetting him and everything and then we see Luke is in the hotel room gonna take a shower and Kristen's like yeah and Kristen's like when Luke is like really frustrated he likes to take a walk and he likes to like take a drive and like deal with some of his emotions he'll like take a drive somewhere and then he'll walk the rest of the way and it's like kind of crazy.

7:29Ben Mandelker: Sometimes I'll bring Jill along and I'll be like, hey, how would you like to walk me? Rolls reverse, am I right? And then that de-stresses him. It's really cool. Then they'll like call me from like far away and be like, I can't find the car. Come get me. Then it turns out the car broke so I'll fix the car. It's really Bentley. So they order some dinner and Kristen and Luke are like, oh my God, we got to go. Everybody's waiting for us to dinner. So then Zach is talking to Brittany about leaving town. She's like, so what did you decide to do for Cruise? Like, you have Cruise now, but you're out of town.

8:03So what's going on with that?

8:06Ben Mandelker: She's like, well, so Zooli's staying at my house the entire time that we're gone, and then Jax is just going to come to the house and play with the Cruise for now. You know, it'll be real fun, things like that. You know, I hope Cruise has a fun time. Like, I don't know, hanging out and eating a lot of chicken fajitas. This is my real first vacation that Jax hadn't been on in like 10 years. Okay. And it feels strange, but I'm so glad he's not here. It's like having date night with my friends. It's like friend date night. It's like having date night and all you do is eat unlimited chicken meatas.

8:35Ben Mandelker: So then a giant sushi boat shows up and she's like, oh, look at that, it's like a little bridge. I was like, Brittany, there's something about Jax being out of rehab that's causing her to have all these funny exclamations when food arrives at the table. Chicken meatas, it's a little bridge. You're a cool guy. It's a little bridge, look at that. It's a little bridge. Look at that. It's like a little bridge. Oh my God, I always wanted to see a little bridge. I always imagined what sort of bridge with a little mouse to use and now I know. That's all I ever want in my marriage. Let's go on a little bridge on Dayton 08.

9:09You couldn't even do that, James.

9:12Ben Mandelker: Why can't you get me a little bridge once in a while? So Luke is still stressed out when he gets to dinner and Danny's like, hey, is there any way you're going to come out of this? I mean, where are we at right now, buddy? hey 10-4 buddy 3-under-3 where are we? and he's like I'll talk to you later I'll talk to you later what? I'll talk to you later daddy that's right

9:38Ben Mandelker: please never say 10-4 again it makes me worried that we're going to have 10-4 well we can if you let me get a place in Santa Clarita 10-4 let's go for it So then Danny's like I can tell that Luke's a little fragile I'm one of the few people that know he's proposing a Christian tomorrow So I'm hoping that Luke is gonna be able to keep it together and keep the train on track for tomorrow And he is like Daniel and I just shot with jazz Jason and Janet and Janet apologize And it was really awkward for me for a minute. Oh, yeah Well, she should feel awkward if I were her how it feel really fucking awkward for screaming.

10:18Ben Mandelker: Oh, oh, yeah accountability accountability and then being like oh wait was i wrong yeah you were wrong yeah she's like you know it'd be really nice like if once in a while janet would like acknowledge she's like kind of an asshole and uh like maybe apologize that would be great that would be great and so nia's like oh wait she hasn't apologized to you she's not gonna apologize to kristin of course no because kristin ruined her baby's life by suggesting that jason didn't wear a wedding ring. Now a baby's going to have to go to ball therapy. Ball pit therapy. Ball pit therapy.

10:59Ben Mandelker: So food is arriving. Nia makes a toast. A toast of friendship. And then Janet is just like, I'm not going to participate. I'm not going to participate in a cheers with someone who's an alcoholic and has to sneak drinks into a cabinet. And then, you know, then we go down over to Michelle's side of the table and Jason is like, What the fuck was that? Why won't you participate in the cheers? I don't know. Janet's really on one right now. She's like, just have fun. Just have fun. Just enjoy a cheers. It wasn't like cheers to Kristen, being pro-marriage. It was just like cheers to friendship. She's like, no thanks.

11:37Is this like a cheers to skee-ball? Because I'm really into Dave and Busters. It's me, cool Janet. It's me.

11:44Ben Mandelker: you also just made up with Nia so like at least pretend to support her toast so that we can patch up your friendship that you're trying to do so now over Michelle's side of the table Jason's like so Aaron does this feel awkward at all with Jesse here or stuff and has it been pretty chill so far and Aaron's like um yeah I think it's I think it's on him I think it's it's on him you know and then we cut over to Jesse and he's talking about how he lost his phone under Brittany's dress and Jesse's like drunk and being kind of like silly over there yeah jesse is being a little bit too much as usual and um aaron's like you don't even see the half of what goes on with jesse guys you don't see the half of it which will take uh jason about five minutes to run to aaron and tell him so then to be fair all of us don't see the half of what aaron sees because his eyes are open so big he literally sees 150 more than we do well when your dog is named kilo it just makes you wonder what's going on behind those crazy dog missing found it it was up my nose it was up my nose snorted my dog does anybody want to come see my presidential suite okay let's do it so britney's like well how can everyone can look at my booty as i walk up there you see my booty it's a bridge hi Zach do you have a little bridge in your presidential suite I don't love a little bridge and Jesse's like hey hey Aaron bro hold back for a moment I want to have a talk just the two of us you can just lean back that way and put your drape your arm around the side of your chair so you can look super chill even though I know you're super nervous right now coke eyes don't lie okay so let's talk about things and Michelle's like well I want to hang back and listen because I'm nervous I don't have a choice with Jesse he is going to be in my life forever even when Isabella gets married I'm like you don't know Isabella's gonna get married what if she chooses a single life mother yeah don't make Isabella's choices she's like I don't want Aaron to have to deal with his dog so I get scared you know one day Aaron is going to be like this is do much to deal with the crazy ex-husband well he's in it so far so yeah What are you going to do?

14:04So they have the talk and Jesse's like, so how are you doing out here? Like with this terrifying psycho eyes. He's like, yeah.

14:12Ben Mandelker: How's it going? Psycho versus coke eyes. And Aaron's like, very well. Very well. Love all the honey. It's great. Delicious. Going great. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I figured it's about time you and I had a little conversation. As a father of Isabella, what a weird thing to say. as a father of Isabella you know something really bothered me buddy and you wouldn't know this because you're not a father burn burn hey buddy I don't know if you've realized this you have not dropped a load inside a woman that will hate you for the rest of your life that's just me as far as I can tell I'm the daddy to a whole bunch of bees but go on coming back on coming back on father's day and having my mother and my friends send me screenshots of you with my daughter on father's day when i chose to spend it in orange county at a wedding with my girlfriend that is so disrespectful to post a picture of my daughter without even asking a father who's me if that's okay you could have even asked tom hanks because tom hanks is a father too but you are not a father how dare you that is pretty wild that aaron posted photos of not his daughter on father's day like it's all the while that was that jesse chose not to be with his daughter on father's day and went with his new girlfriend somewhere in orange county so is that the story i've sort of forgotten all the story i can't keep it was on the after show so much happens on the after show and let me tell you the same thing i tell after son on peacock i I do not have time for you.

15:51So thank you to Reddit for telling me what happened.

15:54Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Put it in the show. If it's so important, put it in the show next time, not the after show. But yeah, because at first I was like, that's crazy that he didn't have Isabella on Father's Day. But then if it turns out he went to a wedding down in Orange County. I mean, Jesse is so full of it. Anytime he says anything that gives me a shred of sympathy for him, I always know it's fake and that there's like a bigger story behind it. Yeah. Yeah, and that is kind of wild that someone would post your kid on Father's Day, like walking on the beach. And he goes, yeah, that was a big slap in the face from Michelle.

16:25And he goes, you know what? Completely slipped my mind. We were having such a good day. We were calling it snow day. It was fun. And, you know, it slipped my mind. But then I thought about it later. And I was like, that's not right. So I took it down. So he took it down. So you're trying to start a fight with him about something that he rectified. So point for Aaron on that one. And Aaron's, by the way, staying calm. His eyes aren't, but he is. His eyes are bouncing down the street at this point. They've rolled out of his face.

16:55Ben Mandelker: They're on a little journey. They're doing like Homeward Bound. They're like, we got separated from our skull. Oh, no, how do we get back to it? So Aaron is like, one eye as a dog, one eye as a cat. Oh, no, it's a co-op. I need somebody to play with me or I'm not getting my eyes back. Oh, my God. That's kind of a funny Homeward Bound where they like voluntarily leave where they're supposed to leave the home and then they're like, wait, how do we get back? It's like Luke taking his car walk. Well, let me ask you a question. How do you have your hair like that without getting a dent in it? In the bane of my life.

17:35Ben Mandelker: Anyway, another question. Why have I never seen you? As a father, I've never seen you wearing a headband. Explanation. how is it that you don't have a little pocket in your hair that you could balance an apple easily

17:50so um he's like yeah did you or did you not cross a line when i was married to about to be married to or married to michelle emotional physical um refrigeratical limbo gamey geographical yeah any kind of line

18:12Ben Mandelker: horoscopical pharmaceutical okay that was too close to home my bad not for the record I'd like to strike that did you did you Oscar campaignally cross a line Oscar campaignally did you claim that Bear was a comedy did you cross the line by putting the bear in the comedy category. Was that you? Were you the one who was in charge of that? He's like, that is the line. So this is what we've been seeing all year. And it's like, don't don't don't don't commercial. So then we come back and he does it again. And he's like, um, Nope, absolutely not. I mean, like, Nope. We texted here and there, you know, and then, um, you know, one time I was like, come to Runyon.

19:04I'm selling honey. Uh, Because you remember the honey storyline that she got honey in Runyon that you were accusing us of. So I texted her that time. I was like, I'm selling honey. But that's it. But then we would run into each other all the time. It was crazy. Like, I would be standing there just on the street and my dick would run into her vagina. It was nuts. It was nuts. This town.

19:26Ben Mandelker: Listen, listen. At this point, I want to like you because I know I can get some sweet coke off you and also some honey. but she triggers me and as we know i can't be accountable for my own actions it's her fault and she has a way to get under my skin and hold on wait wait hold on one second aaron let me put my hand on your shoulder and another one on your boob so let me let me clear this list with you right now okay i think it's time to let it all go and if we could just find a way to like work together i don't know maybe you could drown yourself in that ocean over there i think that would help i don't know maybe we could make it work yeah here we are on this trip to hawaii maybe now's the time where we become friends you know a father to a non-father fucking non-child having loser because i realized the way to get to michelle is not to antagonize her lover it's to befriend him and turn him against her yes so join me ding ding ding so he's like yeah we're done So he gets up and Aaron's just like, it's time for a commercial.

20:32It's time for a Crappens commercial.

20:38Ben Mandelker: FX's American Horror Story returns for an unrivaled 13th installment with the iconic horrors you love to fear and an all-star cast reprising fan favorite roles. Light your candles, draw your pentagrams and prepare for a supreme surprise. FX's American Horror Story 13, now streaming on Hulu.

21:22Exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0, depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average.

21:59See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

22:21so then um scenes from hawaii people are at the pool drinking cheersing and now let's go to danny and niah's room he's like babe there's spray tan in the bed it looks like walking dead season five in our bed jesus christ it's like yeah i guess i hope the maids clean it up you better i better i hope you're tipping those maids ma 'am you're leaving donald trump's you know like donald trump all over your bed.

22:46Ben Mandelker: It looked like she'd done pottery in those sheets. It was everything. There was so much like orange brown staining in there. I've never done the spray tan, but like what is the process of the spray tan? Like is that just unavoidable? You're just going to get spray tan on everything? Like it feels like that there had to be a way around that. Like how do you get that much? Like I would feel gross. It's really gross. And look, I'm a pasty person. I don't care how I look generally, except my eyes and my waddle. But like for the most part, I'm not like a spray tan kind of a person. And it makes me happy watching Next Gen NYC where you see people like with see-through skin.

23:25Like that girl, Georgia, looks like a ghost. She looks like she died in 1920 and she's kind of a ghost.

23:31Ben Mandelker: She has spray pale skin. She's like, hey, guys, sorry, I just got some pale sprayed on me. Yeah, I got spray paste. so she is literally she's like I aspire to look like a cast member in FAS out of the wig I want to look like I've never seen the sun so now it's going to be a great day because guys there's going to be people getting married yay and she's like we're going to be part of the proposal are we 100 % sure it's going to happen he's like well I told him listen guys i can make this happen for you if you move to sierra madre where's the santa clara how can i say sierra madre what the heck is wrong with me danny daddy daddy daddy come back to me daddy santa clara just so wasted i mean not wasted i mean i wasted an opportunity to say the right thing you know last night luke had a moment he went off the rails a little bit probably because he did some rails and then we see uh now we see the clips that we're talking about we see the clip of him doing like snoring the wasabi which was in the trailers we see um him in bed being like i'm going through i just want you to be there for me that's all i want kristen we see that we see him going down the hallway in the hyatt regency like why you don't even have your pants on

24:57Ben Mandelker: man those people who were at that hotel so when dom and i went to uh maui in 2019 we stayed at that hotel and but we were off in like the sad little section but we didn't get to be in the main towers where they were but like that's a big ass hotel like that's one of the big that's like one of the big ones in maui and like that's like a lot of people that are there and i was like all those lucky people got to be there while the valley was shooting all this shit i'm just like i'm just so lucky people who got to see ginger in his underwear running around crying i know because they were there because i'll tell you one thing the food in that that hotel was shit That was just garbage food.

25:33Ben Mandelker: I was like, these people are lucky because even though they got garbage food, at least they got to see the Valley people. So I'm going to say something a little controversial. I like, I'm glad that Kristen got married. I'm glad she found happiness. Super glad she had her baby. I was looking at her baby pictures. What a cute baby. I love that she's not coy with her baby either. She's like, kidnap it. Like she's just putting pictures of it everywhere, which I think is cute. But, you know, because celebrities are like, do not look at my baby. But she's not. She's like, that's my baby. I love this for her.

26:01Okay. But I'm worried because Luke, I don't care. Luke seems fine. He seems nice. He also seems mentally disturbed, but like immature, incompetent. You know what I mean? And I worry long-term for that relationship. Like he's crying, he's running around the halls in his underwear. That's not good guys. Like if that was my friend who was getting married, I'd be like, you need to like, maybe think about this i don't know if this guy's ready if a guy's freaking out to the point where he's having mental breakdowns just to ask you to marry him when he knows you're gonna say yes anyway it's not like there was a question there might be something wrong here in this relationship so i'm

26:40Ben Mandelker: just gonna put a pin in that and the challenges are gonna be so much harder now that they have a child there's they are gonna deal with real really really big challenges and if just this was enough to make him go flouncing around the hyatt regency in the middle of the night then it's scary it's like you know it looks like a van go and it acts like a van go don't go maybe you should van go maybe you should get in the van and go my anti-van is outside of your house it was it was one thing when he only looked like van go but now that he's starting to act like van go it's a problem it's a problem okay here's my impressionist feeling about it which is this starry night may be a starry cross tonight and let's get out of it let's go from the yellow house to the the get out of the house yeah my van gore references are now complete we fucked that up but you get it generally it's it's a little scary i mean the guy is just getting used to indoor plumbing you know he's like proud of himself for shitting inside i think listen i don't want to give christen an earful on this topic but i think the truth is it's time to cut it maybe you might have to cut something cut yourself off this relationship cut your ear off to spice spite your face like go into this with both ears is what i'm saying go into this relationship with both ears both ears open what what's the name of that famous painting with the flowers.

28:09Ben Mandelker: Come on, one last Van Gogh reference. You could do it, Ben. Oh, I failed. Okay, so he's freaking out. And he's like, I'm just going through some sense. So Danny's like, yeah, you know, it's a big moment in your life. You want to get it right. So I'm sympathetic. I'm sympathetic. I talked to him this morning. I said, come over here. Sit on my lap. Sit on my lap. I stuck my finger on his cornhole and I said, how you doing, brother? You know? I said, you want to go into the closet and do a little shot of something?

28:42Ben Mandelker: it's like this finger in his car hole

28:48seems like he's coming back

28:52Ben Mandelker: isn't that what you have to do for uh a pit bull if it's coming to hunt you the pit bull like as like molly you're supposed to stick your finger in its butt move promotions his emotions were a little bit all over the place but his prostate's fine so I think it's going to work out. He actually ejaculated all over me but hey. Ain't my first time. But it was in the shape of sunflowers and I thought that there is Van Gogh at work. Alright, so now we go back to the pool. Janet and Britt are talking with Melissa and Jasmine and Michelle and Aaron are there and Janet's just fanning herself. Have y 'all talked to Kristen at all?

29:31Where's Kristen? Where is she? Yo, little bridge.

29:41Ben Mandelker: hey hey hey wait before you're into that just remember it's a little bridge so janet's like janet's like i haven't talked to her at all jesus of course not and melissa and melissa goes oh yeah then jasmine goes yeah we talked to kristin i had breakfast with her jacos well i have not talked to her since el coyote little bridge yeah so michelle goes well you know she's mad because I was trying to talk to her and you were just like yelling at her. And Aaron's actually lying there, which we don't really even notice at first. Then he like pops his head up and he's like, hey, how did that night get so heated at El Coyote?

30:22Ben Mandelker: I understand the drinks were strong, but as far as I'm concerned, Michelle left her Coke back at the house. So how did it get so hot and everybody was yelling? Janice like, well, there's a group of people whose names I will not say unless I'm wearing rayon. but every time the heat is on them suddenly there are these made-up rumors that get thrown out and jason was a victim of it you guys michelle and aaron were a victim of it the pool boy over there was a victim of it i heard you were half bird yeah that's right it's a deflection it's a deflection and at el coyote kristen was not taking any accountability and was doing like i don't know why jenna's around why are you talking about just own it just own it jenna is around because she's fucked all of your boyfriends you understand janet of all of the thirsty people in this world you should understand why another thirst bomb is around and if anything you're to blame for jenna being around because you showed that if you are steadfast in your thirst you will eventually get on television and that's exactly what jenna's doing she's trying to be a boring person who made good like you.

31:29Okay, so stop being a hero to all the boring, thirsty people out there if you don't want to see them show up on your show.

31:36Ben Mandelker: I just want to be in the pool with my hot boyfriend and have fun, but my friends keep bringing up a girl he once hooked up with. So Aaron's like, you know what? On that note, I'm going to get a couple's massage. And by couple's massage, I mean I'm going to find a pile of white stuff and see if I can put it in my nose. It's cocaine, great, but if it's just a pile of napkins, I'm also down with that. oh my god you're getting cuff massages that is so sweet that is so sweet cuff massages they're gonna have to take the way they're gonna have to take the way cuff massages come on are they gonna let you out on a little bridge okay come on come on you're a cool guy you're a cool guy help you get some chicken potatoes afterwards so um yeah there's like small talk about like oh my god brent has a crush on michelle so then we go to zuck and benji in their room and Zach's wearing a shirt that says soccer mom hilarious it is hilarious and Benji has on like a cute little flowery robe and he's like oh my god are we giving this room to Kristen look what are we crazy oh my god have you seen these t-shirts these are like literally nuts Benji what do you think about these t-shirts please don't talk I'm talking right now could we fit them in the suitcase what are we gonna do oh my god there's a sliding glass door here that is adorable that is so cute it's stressing me out because Kristen's getting married later and there's like a sliding glass door like what are we gonna do with that is that carpet this should be hardwood shouldn't it benji it's like oh my god jesus is this what their home life is like benji says nothing by the way jasmine was like suspicious and was like something's amiss are they getting engaged or something so of course i had to tell her it was ridiculous right benji anyway don't answer that oh my god so then she's gonna come and by the way we have a suit we have all these t-shirts okay that we have to have everyone wear so we had to get janet and jason's size to make them seem like oh we're going to get a group photo on the shirt but like whatever i don't know how what we're even going to do with them tonight because can i i can tell you this if kristen gets proposed to and gets off the boat and janet is standing there with a shirt of her face on it it will be the biggest meltdown in the history of the world like chernobyl and got shit on what kristen will do okay but i feel like we should pack first okay our shit's everywhere i'm like It's just, it's the craziest monologue.

33:51And so now Kristen's there. She's like, knock, knock, Kristen. Don't come in. Don't come in. We're like naked. And she's like, yeah, we're naked right now. But she walks in anyway. She's like, oh, hey.

34:03Ben Mandelker: Caca. Well, it looks like you just hit something from me. That's cool. Anyway, what's going on? No. Well, last night, by the way, I feel like number one, Luke, I love that there's someone more dramatic than you sometimes. Like, you have found a dramatic Christina. it's like he wasn't dramatic you guys didn't say that about luke like he's having a rough time like his grandma you know like that like it's hard come on guys like you flew for 36 hours and he's like oh okay kristen okay well we need to start getting ready to be with your completely non-dramatic boyfriend before he proposed a solitenta to you what is that he's gonna propose he's gonna propose that we have happy hour that's what i meant should we have happy hour and you're gonna say i do think we should have happy hour okay i'm excited i can't wait until you guys marry ketchups you guys should marry ketchups it was like katie's best scene in vanderpump rules you guys should recreate it so why is my one out of everything that happened on vanderpump rules i mean out of 10 years scannaball which was like the most recent crazy thing there have been so many crazy things from vanderpump rules why is my best memory of vanderpump rules katie standing there holding a tray of ketchups that will never get old to me i i think about it when i sleep sometimes and it makes me smile yeah it's sometimes some images are just iconic they just are searing um so um so now kristen and luke so the whole thing is that they're gonna go on this uh supposed fishing trip and kristen does not want to take a shower she's like i'm just getting on a boat i'm gonna get nasty why should i take a shower he's like yeah you should take a shower but why because um we're gonna go to a luau right after so the fire will burn off my smell no it doesn't really work that way cover me in poi i don't care um you should take a shower no you don't have to take a shower when you're on the ocean.

36:03Like that's especially, I think when you're supposed to take a shower, you should look cute.

36:08Ben Mandelker: Why should I look cute? I want to wear a t-shirt that says one tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor. What's wrong with that? Um, maybe what about my Stevie Nicks t-shirt? I'll wear that. No, maybe something like nicer. Okay. I can either shower and wear my favorite t-shirt or not shower and wear something pretty. What do you want?

36:28okay so nia is really into this she's that friend like whoever gets married or has a baby she's like super into it so she's like um kristen you need to look really cute okay because we're gonna take pictures for instagram and you really need to look adorable and kristen's like oh my god like i love you with your inspo pics but like i can't why is why are all these inspo pics of people getting married oh wait she sent me and she spent me she sent me an inspo pic of a guy like running around with his underwear. Luke, it's you. Why are you sending me? Sorry, I meant to send that to Walgreens to have that printed canvas for your wedding day.

37:04I mean.

37:05Ben Mandelker: And I love that Nia is so the girl that sends inspo pics no matter what. So therefore it's like, she's like not surprised that Nia's sending pictures. Like, why don't you look like this or like this? I mean, Nia probably single-handedly keeps Pinterest alive. Okay, I just found some things from my favorite board. I'm just gonna send it to you. Okay, please don't wear the Fleetwood Mac shirt. I know Christine McPhee was your favorite, but let's honor her in a different way. Not tonight. Thank you. Today, we're just going to pretend crop tops aren't happening, okay? Come on, just today. Maybe not wear the Crocs on the boat.

37:42Ben Mandelker: I don't know. Let's pretend a scarf isn't a skirt today, okay? Just try it. No NASCAR shirts. Kristen's like, oh, why is she sending me inspo pics of people with combed hair? Disgusting. Okay, do you really need to wear a Tasmanian devil t-shirt? No, I don't think so. Matt, today's not the day to wear I'm with stupid. Oh,

38:10Ben Mandelker: you're just wearing a free t-shirt that says Ace Hardware on it. Okay, maybe not free t-shirts today. Send me a picture of what you're wearing. No, no, Kristen, you can't wear a shirt that says pull my finger, especially not today. OK, maybe not the one that says senior frogs and then has a picture of a frog passed out. You're so right, though. Kristen has all of these T-shirts that you just said. She literally owns all of those T-shirts. So then you guys, I don't know about you, but I have not felt pity for Jax literally ever. So hopefully they can get it today because it's time for some tinkly piano music and some really bad eyebrow penciling.

38:48Let's go see what Jax is doing.

38:52Ben Mandelker: So Jax is swimming with Cruz in the pool and he's like, I'm really, really happy that I get to see Cruz today. I don't know when that's going to happen. So I'm just going to swim with this child in the pool. That's Cruz. This is my son. Yeah. Oh, OK. Well, it's been seven days since I got out of the facility and I was really worried that I was gone for so long that he's going to forget about me. I mean, has my face changed about five times since he saw me last perhaps but like I just didn't want him to totally forget about me Yeah, um, and meanwhile he's like, okay go in the pool and he throws him in the pool And I can't believe he didn't just leave him in the pool I thought jacks was just gonna leave him in the pool open a beer and go inside and close the door So that was impressive.

39:31So I have to get some credit for that because I didn't see that happening

39:35Ben Mandelker: And he even like like this is the most affectionate we've seen jacks with his son ever and all this time yeah because you know he has to do it for five minutes i mean i'm sorry listen you're in the facility whatever kind of the car wash facility i don't know what we're calling it today but wherever you were you could come out and you had the time to come untaped cameras you never had time to come say hi to your son that's crazy okay so then for 30 so then for eight days even glenn close found time to hang out with a child and fatal attraction that wasn't even hers

40:10Ben Mandelker: she's a busy lady stalking people okay let me tell you who never forgot glenn close even the household pets okay because she was there time to make a meal for that family

40:26in other words jacks i do not feel sorry for you you son of a bitch get the fuck off my toxic piece of shit you abusive and stop kissing your son on the lips when we know you've at least got herpes. At least. Stop putting that kid through your same patterns this young. Stop it. Butt eater. Okay, so then Brittany's like, Hey guys, what'd my hula dance be? Because they all go take hula dancing. She's like, Oh, I think mom would be grabbing Jax's nuts and cutting them off and throwing them in the ocean. Or maybe I could be doing like this where I'm trying to grab my Jenny Craig bags back.

41:09Ben Mandelker: Yeah, because the guy's like, yeah, hula is really bad telling a story. I don't know if I want Brittany Hula dancing in that case. It's going to be like going to the 7-Eleven when she was in high school. That's her singing hula sounds. I'm trying to think of how to put gargling beer cheese into a dance. Her voice does sound kind of like a ukulele a little bit. Like, Little Braves.

42:02applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like, and that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0, depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability.

42:39And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. There's a lot people don't tell you about owning a home. And for most of us, the questions pile up a lot quicker than the answers. The costs you don't see coming, the decisions you don't feel ready to make. It all leaves you wondering, do you own your home or does it own you?

43:20I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. And in my new podcast, Own It, I'm talking to the experts for real talk and real tips to understand what homeownership really takes. Tune in wherever you get your podcasts.

43:37So now Jesse is hanging out with Aaron and Jason having shaved ice. So he's like, wow, it's amazing that this ice can do more for itself than Kristen can on her own engagement day.

43:52Ben Mandelker: I don't need to be buddy-buddy with Aaron. But I do need to be friends enough with him to make Michelle annoy it. So in the best interest of Isabella and being petty, if Isabella says she loves Aaron, then fuck that guy. I mean, I mean, then I will be nice to him, too. Yes. So Aaron's like, so speaking of shaved ice, when's the last time you played hockey? And he's like, oh, yeah, you want to go there? Do you really want to fucking go there? Piece of shit. You want a piece of me? And I'm like, geez, well, why are you so aggressive? of and he goes yeah because actually this story connects us it connects us even more than through our noses alright last time I played hockey go ahead me okay the last time I played hockey it was probably 2016 I got buried in the corner I had the worst concussion of my entire hockey career a puck hit my hair so hard it never recovered that's why the dent is there fine that's all out there now I checked myself into Cedars and Michelle and I hadn't been dating for a few weeks but I had the option of who to call to pick me up at the hospital.

44:55Ben Mandelker: And since I burned through all my other friends and no one liked me, I was like, I guess it's going to be Michelle Lally. So we started to fuck right there. The emergency room.

45:05And then we had a baby and that's why I'm a father and you're not. You hockey loser.

45:10Ben Mandelker: By the way, this guy's poor because in 2016, Uber existed. So you should have gotten Uber. Sorry. Yeah. This guy's poor.

45:22Ben Mandelker: i'm retroactively nine years ago shaming you should have gotten a favor from nine years ago uh so aaron's like uh so wait so if you didn't get concussed you wouldn't be with her and he's like probably not and the producer says wow so that's romantic so wow you wouldn't be with Michelle if you weren't concussed and he's like I've been concussed for 8 years yeah that's how I feel when I watch him talk so Aaron's like so was that the only time you guys broke up he's like yeah and Jason goes well there was one more time he's like yeah when you start dating her Aaron I mean technically Michelle and I are still together right lawyer Jason's like um I do labor law I don't understand so Aaron's like well that must feel really good law, I prefer sticking up for corporations who are being sued for workers comp.

46:17So I don't really know that this is my category.

46:20Ben Mandelker: That's why we have a low-hanging hood so I can understand what it's like to get hurt on the job. I actually, you know, Janet actually bruised her head on the hood and tried to sue and I represented the hood company against Janet. So I'm pretty dedicated. Janet versus KitchenAid. We won. We won, everyone. It was the only time I was like actually kind of morally correct in my job. So. So Jason is, he's like, by the way, you, you guys spoke for a while yesterday and I saw when you came back to the room, you guys did a little beer. So, so I assume everything's pretty good. Jesse's like, yeah, it was a good talk.

46:56Ben Mandelker: Yeah. And so Aaron's like, yeah, how did you feel about it? And he's like, well, I said, just, just be on my team. I will do a part. I will do my part as a promise to you by not calling her a lying, cheating whore because she doesn't deserve that. Even though she totally is that. This guy's such a fucking pig He's such a pig Oh my god Yeah, I won't call her a lying, cheating whore I'll just call her a whore mother of my child You know So I trust that you're a man who will respect my daughter And a man who will now respect me And if you have a question about my daughter You can reach out to me Those things we can build a foundation on Hopefully The foundation can be poured over your bones after I buried them in the ground.

47:41Ben Mandelker: And so now I have had my carefully orchestrated redemption scene to show that I'm a bigger person. So I think that wraps it up. And Aaron's like, yeah, and respect is a two-way street. He's like, oh. Unfortunately, we're downtown and there are no two-way streets here. So die young, stupid. It's one way, one way. You don't go two ways on a ramp onto the highway.

48:07So Jesse's like, well, I mean, even if he respects me, Michelle doesn't. So if he says to himself, I don't feel comfortable with this, I should call Jesse. Michelle says, fuck Jesse. Then what's he going to do? Be like, no, fuck you, Michelle. Me and Jesse are bros. It's not going to happen, but it will. We'll see. Okay, so now Jax calls on FaceTime and Jason. I really hate that Jax is on this show. Jason makes him put a snorkel on to answer the phone and Aaron I don't know they're FaceTiming with fucking Jax like oh my god we miss you so much buddy we miss you so much hey bro hey bro god this vamp here is like powder he's like come on guys that's not cool

48:49Ben Mandelker: too soon guys don't worry I've been spying on you the entire time turns out there's like a little drone over their table like oh that's why that thing's been hovering over us me and Cruz are having the best time hey aren't we Cruz wait wait what the fuck I just gave that kid a beer and already he's like oh my god hold on I think he took my car I think he took my car I gotta go

49:13Ben Mandelker: so now it's time for the big proposal on the boat so Kristen, Luke, Danny and Nia they go to the boat and they see lots of things like Stingrays having sex and Kristen's like I didn't even know that Stingrays did hump I'm like have you never seen Vanderpump Rules I mean you were on that show So I feel like we saw a lot of like really vicious animals humping on that show. So I'm not surprised here. Yeah, stingrays hump. Have you ever done that thing where you go on a boat? I mean, I only went on one cruise in my life. But when I went, we did the stingray thing. Have you ever done that? I have not.

49:42They bring up the stingray and the stingrays crawl all over you while they swim all over you. And they kind of feel like they're humping your back. It's like... Like on your back.

49:52Ben Mandelker: Why do you think those stingrays are always smiling? You know, every time they show a picture of a stingray from below, it's always like, it's because they just got like a handy from it from someone else someone else yeah they just got uh they got a wingy hump somebody's hairy back off a cruise ship like yeah yeah they got a stingy you know so uh yeah the they're humping and chris is like i love a mother nature so they go out to the ocean they're fishing and everything they're pulling up fish etc and the plan is that Luke is going to go fetch the ring from his bag and then they're going to pretend like they're going to take couples photos and stuff and then they're going to distract Kristen by saying like, hey look there's dolphins and they're like, because she'll totally turn around and be captivated by the dolphins looking for dolphins for a good 15 minutes and then he'll get down on the knee.

50:52Google. So they get on here and they're catching fish and, you know, whatever. They catch a little fish. And he is like, I think they just kept that fish to use to catch a bigger fish. How sad is that? Which it was kind of sad. They kept Nemo to like feed him to an eel or something. And so Luke is like so nervous. Oh, my God. Like, how can I even concentrate on this? My ring is in her bag. What are we going to do?

51:19Ben Mandelker: Because then Christy goes and sits on his bag with a ring in it. And of course she doesn't even feel that there's like a little box in there. And he's like, Oh my God, how do we get Kristen off the bag? Cause she's like, I don't want to stand up. Why would I stand up? First, you won't let me wear my Stevie Nicks shirt. Now I've got to stand up and I don't want to stand up. This is the worst. Disgusting. Can I just drink? Like, no, Kristen, don't drink. Why not? Go put on some cute clothes. I am in cute clothes. Go take the body odor off. That's disgusting. Why would I do that? God gave this to me.

51:44I love mother nature. Did you not hear it?

51:49Ben Mandelker: She's so annoyed. She's like, Why should I put makeup on? Just do it, please. Fine. Let me reach into this bag to get my makeup. Oh, wait, there's a little box. Well, I won't open that up. I'll just reach for something else instead. Go, go. Yeah, so finally they get her out there, and they have this thing where they're like, Kristen, look over there. She's like, where? Over there. Could you be more specific? It's an ocean. Okay, Kristen, look, there's dolphins. Where's the dolphins? Where's the dolphins? Where's the dolphins? Seriously? Have you ever been to a flat stingray? yes or no yes or no oh my god take me dolphins take me to your leader i want to join your society where are they i always need this do you work for the government do you work for luke i love you but this is a sign that it's time for me to cross over into their world goodbye no don't climb over the board don't climb overboard kristen i must join them it is my duty in life it is my mission where's daryl hannah as i sit here and see the dolphins i realize i want to marry a dolphin propose to me will you marry me dolphin and luke is now like down on one knee and he's like trying to propose he's like he's like well chris and we've had so many adventures i don't see any dolphins all right from the top we've had so many adventures seriously where are the dolphins you saw a dolphin either way i see one no it's a rock oh my god i'm really losing my mind are they leaving me no don't let this opportunity go away from me i really am disappointed in dolphins because you remember when jacks proposed to britney at the at the crab shack or whatever the hell he was at venus fly trap what was it called the place on um neptune's net neptune's net yeah so they were at neptune's net and you could see the freeway behind them and he's like will you marry me it's like oh it's a bridge and um then when he retold the story later he's like oh my god there was like dolphins jumping behind us and it was just so magical which is all a lie because it was like trucks behind you it was a parking lot and a freeway it's a little it's like It's like a Neptune's Nets where all the biker gangs go.

53:46It's like just motorcycles. It's VCH, so you see all the - Delicious food, though. Yeah, good fried food. So I wanted the dolphins to actually jump for Kristen's, because I thought that would be amazing if Kristen actually got Jax's lie as her real engagement. But you know what, dolphins? You've let me down again.

54:05Ben Mandelker: Way to go, dolphins. Don't you even realize the cameras are rolling? Seize the moment. Well, either way. So finally, she is like, will not turn around now. She's being the most uncooperative surprise engagement person of all time. And she doesn't even realize it. Like she's been such a nightmare for all of them. Just getting her in the place that she's supposed to go to. So now finally, he's down on the knee and he's like, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen. He's like pawing at her. Wait, no, the dolphins. I swear to God, I think I see one. Wait, what about seagull? You know, I'm okay. I'll do a seagull thing.

54:36Ben Mandelker: Like, yeah, sure. Dolphins, they may not want me, but I'll be a seagull. I'll join them. I'll fly with them. I'll fly with the gulls. So he kneels behind her and he's like, baby, will you be the catch of my lifetime today? And she's like, oh my God, oh, holy fuck, fucking A, holy shit, I just shit myself. Just shit myself. Are you fucking serious right now? I've got poop dribbling down my life. By the way, I've heard you say that before. Singing bass we bought at the Big Lots. I'm saying it again. Will you be the catch of my lifetime, baby? well even though our relationship was not built on fishing uh i will say absolutely yes thank you for proposing to me with some sort of strange um uh deep sea fishing reference here oh yes i will seriously yes he's like baby will you be my wicked tuna fuck you oh my god we were sustainably engaged yes just only found it off just pooped on it off so um it's cute and they kiss it is really sweet yeah it's really it's really lovely glad i talked her into that tasteful crop top no uh this is really beautiful but i do have a serious question for everyone um are there really dolphins because i don't want to miss any of them wait a minute you're putting the finger on the wrong hand okay now do it this finger pull this finger pull this finger

56:03Ben Mandelker: so she's crying it's so nice it is i loved it i actually think i think this was maybe my favorite engagement i've seen on bravo believe it or not i was thinking about i was so entertained by how she was so messing everything up and then i was also so delighted when it happened yeah yeah despite everything that we said about luke like there are some red flags i really enjoyed this engagement scene. I'm trying to think of the one that was better. Well, listen, divorce proceedings are much better when you have all the clips of the happy times to show. You know what I mean? I'm just kidding. Lindsay Delbert?

56:36Will you be my husband? It doesn't count if People Magazine's not hiding behind a bush, you know? I need Dave Quinn jumping up behind a sea tumbleweed. Fair. Fair. So, she's like, Luke is my rock. I mean, he really stands by me. He stands up for me. I mean, sure, He takes the car sometimes when he's sad and leaves it in parking lots. He doesn't remember going to, but you know, I love how funny he thinks he is, but he's not. That's my partner in crime. It's my ride or die. That's my fighter grilled. Wait, I'm just giving options. What am I even doing today?

57:10Ben Mandelker: That was the easiest yes I've ever said. Well, aside from would you like to see some dolphins? That's a hell yes. So then they cheer. It's nice. and they kiss and she holds up her ring and she's worried that she's going to drop the ring into the water, which is a fair concern because it's Chris and Jodi. Oh my god, I dropped the ring in the water. Kyle Chan will never forgive me. Yeah, and then Benji has packed for Zach. We go back to the hotel and Benji's wearing a watermelon shirt. So it's a big day. And now they're going to let Kristen and Luke move into the presidential suite. And so they're putting their shit in all the drawers and getting decorated and doing all of this stuff and um he's like but luke has put luke knew that they'd be switching suites but he um still has managed to he like put everything into all the drawers in the hotel because he's one of those people that when you get to a hotel you immediately take everything out of your bag and put the bin to the drawers and so zach was like oh my god like he knew that we'd be switching like everything is in every single fucking drawer i can't with straight men, seriously.

58:16Ben Mandelker: Are you someone who unpacks into a hotel? No. I live out of a suitcase and I take the little plastic bag that comes in the hotel room for laundry and I use that as my discard bag for all my undies. And then at the very end I throw the discard bag in the suitcase and I hit the road. Easy, easy, little peasy, people. I live that pack and cube lifestyle now. So like I basically have drawers in my bag as a result. They're just like in the shape of little baggies. Oh, nice. I don't, yeah, I don't need to. They're not, they don't look like drawers. Just so you know, packing cubes are not actually cubes, which is so annoying.

58:56Ben Mandelker: I actually hate that they're called packing cubes. They're literally just little bags. That's it. I mean, but you know, I barely organized those at all. To be honest, I walk around like a wrinkly old Navy mess and you know what? That's it. That's just how it is. I look like crap. So maybe that's fine. But anyway, so they're getting this room ready. And then Zach and Benji sit down with Jesse. And Zach's like, because we didn't realize you were going to be back in the room, I'm just going to have to tell you now, Luke is proposing to Kristen. Can you believe it? And he's like, well, I'm glad that my getting fucked over by a woman has really inspired someone else to make the same mistake I did.

59:36Great fucking news, guys. Thanks.

59:39Ben Mandelker: Okay, so he's like, yeah, that's why they went on the boat. He's like, yeah, because who the fuck wants to go fishing? He's like, yeah, I didn't even want to go either. Okay. So I, you know, I wouldn't have wanted to go, but okay. You're just going to have to put some earmuffs on tonight. So Jesse goes, okay, how about we call the hotel? And then at this point I'm like, oh, he's going to say, I'm going to call downstairs and I'm going to get a new room so they can have some privacy. He's like, we're going to get 500 white roses and 500 hibiscus petals, put them all over the place. I'm like, no, get yourself out of this suite, sir.

1:00:08Ben Mandelker: Or why are you staying in this suite with these two people who just got engaged? Like, get another room. Get yourself a space. Or crash with Jason and Janet. Like, what are you doing staying in this place? And I like that he's also just coming up with something that's so outlandish that they're not going to be able to do it so he can look like a good guy. He's like, I'm going to call the front desk. All right, can we have 19 ,000 hibiscus flowers delivered to the room? They just hang up on him. He's like, what the fuck? What the fuck? It was so ridiculous. I mean, I mean, this guy, we talk a lot about love bombing on Love Island these days.

1:00:46But this is this is what that's what Jesse is right here.

1:00:49Ben Mandelker: I mean, like he does this because he knows that that's how he would operate in a situation like that. Performatives. And Zach's like, oh, 19 ,000 hibiscus flowers. Michelle says he's broke. So I don't know if he's putting it on a credit card or what. no we never see the flowers so yeah i guess he asked for something they can't get you know that's just that's how he does it so then britney is in the room with janet she's like can we do some room service shows can we do it come on so then we go to melissa and jasmine they're getting cute and ready and they're like oh my god what if we got engaged today yeah you're gonna get your you're gonna propose too oh my god that's wacky michelle's just like yeah i mean melissa melissa's like yeah yeah so zach i mean zach is so funny this episode because he's trying to like organize this whole party and you know we really see like assistant zach coming out like that the zach who worked for nicole scherzinger and like and kelly catrone although i don't think he was an assistant to kelly catrone but you see him like okay we're gonna do this party oh my god it is like so windy out here okay do we want the table go up there i don't think i like there's a lot going on here okay the proposal is supposed to happen at sunset so now the sun's going down and i can finally call everybody and let them know there's an actual engagement happening and she better have said yes because i put way too much work into this bitch for this not to work out okay okay say happy wedding i want them to be silver make it happen i don't care how you do it okay there's so much sand on this beach we need to sweep it sweep the sand this is too much for my friend okay hey britney you're gonna be mad at me is jack's there is there a little bridge no no no Well, actually, there might be a little bridge somewhere around here, but I would never surprise you with that.

1:02:36Ben Mandelker: Okay, this, that's not the surprise. Okay, are there gonna be chicken haters? No, that's not either. Um, Meemaw, is Meemaw there? Hey, wait, you got me some white lipstick like my mom's. No, like, literally none of those. Luke just proposed to Kristen. She's like, what? He did? Yeah, are you shocked? Um, yeah. So wait, wait a minute. so Danny and Nia got to be there but we didn't come on what the hell y 'all know what I'm going through come on I can do this I can do this well Luke wanted it to be like such a surprise and you know like Danny and Nia being there like yes she loves them but like if you and I were on a fishing boat do you think that even makes sense she's like yeah cause I want to go fishing the whole time what if the boat goes under a little bridge cause of course Brittany is the only one who's like yeah I want to go fishing that was my whole point he's like okay well maybe you but like i'm not a fisher she's like well i can't help but feel a little bit left out i mean i've got left out of engagement night you know i just want someone to show me a little love on engagement night my bad can you do that to me i mean chrissy is one of my very best friends which i completely fuck over all the time and let other people trash talk her and start fights with her and i never stand up for her you know you know how it goes with best friends she's like a literally a sister to me okay and i would have loved to have been in that moment and i feel like all these other people knew but me okay it just doesn't really make sense to me yeah i mean i guess i'm being selfish yeah and you're also a twit who's gonna go tell everybody the second you hear it okay they can't trust you i can't even believe they trusted zach and he barely made it here let's be honest and i think she knew because she shockingly did not make this into a big like storyline she wasn't like angry she didn't make it all about herself I mean, we've seen this happen so many times on all the other shows.

1:04:26Ben Mandelker: Like, I just feel like I should have been part of that. And the fact that I wasn't, it's like, where do I even stand with this person anymore? Like, what's going on? But she's like, oh, well, I guess it wasn't for me. Yeah, well, she apparently was talking about it on the after show. It's another clip I saw today. And she's like, well, I can't believe Luke said that he wouldn't tell me because of Jax. I mean, I divorced him. I divorced him. And Luke's like, yeah, but Jax can get any information from Brittany. and then he would have gotten it out of her and he would have told everybody. Because Brittany would have been walking around the house being like, well, I can't believe that Kristen's going to get engaged.

1:05:01Ben Mandelker: She doesn't even know. Oh, isn't that so funny, Mr. Coffee Machine? And then Jack's like, what was that? Who's getting married and why are you wearing two different flip-flops? Yeah. So we go back to Zach and he's doing the event coordination thing. So then Zach's phone starts ringing because, of course, Janet finds out because she rooms with Britney. So Janet's like, I heard you told Britney the news. Like, congratulations. I'm so happy for them. I just feel like Jason and I shouldn't come to dinner because it's been kind of weird. And you know what? My child has heard enough by all of this. And for my child to know that I was tricked on coming to a trip that's not about me is going to really hurt their chances to get into a good preschool.

1:05:47So I just wanted to say thank you for ruining my child's life. Thank you. You son of a bitch. My favorite thing is when someone does something like this under the pretense that they don't want to make it about Chris.

1:06:03Ben Mandelker: And they don't want to make it about themselves. But of course, by not participating, they actually make the night about themselves. So that's 100 % what she's doing here. And Zach's like, well, okay. Well, I just don't want you to think that I'm discluding you. You know, it's like, well, I wouldn't think that you're discluding me because that's not something that's not a real thing. It's not a word. That's not a word. Just no, no, no, it's fine. I think it's best if we just don't come. He's like, oh, OK, but I got T-shirts made and I think it would like be aggressive if you had a shirt with her face on it.

1:06:33You know, like you guys don't talk, you know, she goes, yeah, I said I'm not coming. Yeah. OK, but I just want to make sure, you know, you're not coming, but you're also not wearing a T-shirt. OK, because I'm going to give that to a waiter. But, you know, like the dinner aspect, it's a stand up dinner. You know, so if you want to just come stand up, that would be fun. Because, you know, maybe we could like put a string on top of your head and pretend you're a piñata or something. Like, you're welcome to come for that. She's like, no.

1:06:57Ben Mandelker: It's actually like a real stand-up dinner. Like all of Kristen's friends she made when she did stand-up comedy on Vanderpump Rules. They're all coming and they're going to make terrible jokes. We're bringing in a brick wall. It's going to be great. The first guy coming up is going to say how men are different from women. It's going to be wild. It's going to be wild. Oh, wait. I just learned. Reza Farahan is gonna be joining and uh, we have a sneak preview of his material which goes something like this Old old people would be like driving so slow like I'd be driving fast And then like old person be like driving in front of me and be like driving slow bitch Persian people doing crosswalks am I right?

1:07:35Damn bitch

1:07:38Ben Mandelker: The valley Persian style coming soon bitch so she's like no no seriously they can celebrate you know um sure there'll probably be some bobbing for coars lights or something like that or maybe like a little nascar celebration not into it zach but thank you because okay thank you for that thank you so much for that because i was trying to figure out how we were going to get a house to land on you tonight but since we're not going to have to do that you've just saved me some time she's like okay totally fine on you you know someone some some someone should have just said you know what you guys are in a fight now but you know you're gonna be friends in like six months so don't you want to be there for her engagement even if you don't like her now it's that way down the line when you guys are friends again you can be so happy that you were there this year this moment like why doesn't anyone ever say that because we all know they'll be they'll patch up next season they'll be friends again like this is the way it goes with reality stars but oh well i don't know at least show up and just be like oh my god you know congratulations kristin that's it that's all you have to do why not that you know it's not being fake to wish somebody well you know it really isn't it really really isn't i mean it would be in this case but it doesn't have to be you can actually be a decent person sometimes and just you can just say i know we have our issues but that does not And the way of the fact that I think this is really awesome.

1:09:07And I'm still fucking happy for you, you know? So then she's like, okay, well, I guess we're going to dinner. Okay. And you know what? I don't even want to go. I want to go back to LA because like, this is crazy. Like, I mean, I'm going to have to hang out with him tomorrow. I mean, wow. I'm already excluded. I'm already excluded from one thing. So I'm not going to jump into anything else. And no one excluded. So even Jason, who's like the biggest simpy, you know, ass kisser on television is like babe like if if we're gonna she he's like we weren't excluded from dinner she's oh really and he goes yeah and it's a good thing they got engaged but does it make sense if there's weird tension she goes yeah and the trips for them yeah so we got talked into coming on this trip and it's her engagement trip wow wow he's like no it's for us he's like i didn't

1:09:56Ben Mandelker: take off work to leave hawaii early because she's like we're gonna go home early we're not gonna to stay at the hotel he's like uh no no we're staying here okay we have a free hotel room in a hotel with bad food so be it but we're staying here yeah and she goes okay unless you are in stuff tomorrow and she's like okay well you know what i want food because i'm hungry okay and i thought i'd be eating by now and he's like she goes well i'm not gonna you know what i'm not going to anything tomorrow but tbd tomorrow tbd and he goes okay but i don't know about this tomorrow, like, stop saying that.

1:10:29And she goes, okay, you know what? We'll figure out tomorrow when it comes. And he goes, what does it matter if they're engaged? And she goes, we'll figure it out. I'm just ready. I've been starving. Okay, you know what? Do you want to go to her thing? Do you want to go to her thing and get food? I guess that's what you want to do. Great. My husband has left me to go support Kristen to something I've been excluded from. That's great. Our child is traumatized. Thank you for basically murdering our child, Jason. I hope you have... God, Janet, you are... Just stop. You can't go two seconds without being a total asshole just stop oh my god here's here's here's why janet is

1:11:01Ben Mandelker: so mad is because she was probably rearing up to have some confrontation with kristin some big moment she had all her she had all her ducks in a robe how she wanted to do it and all her points and now it's kristin's engagement weekend which means that kristin is kind of untouchable you can't be mean to kristin why would you say this to her on her engagement weekend it's such a special time. So basically Janet is like fighting an uphill position now when before there were equals in their stupid spat and she's like fuck now I can't do the thing that I wanted to do and now I'm going to be. So that's why she's spiraling I think.

1:11:37Well welcome to being on last season with you Prego when nobody could say anything to you or you'd be like you tried to murder my baby. So and that's I think another problem with the valley. Someone's always going to be pregnant and or getting married and or getting divorced so someone's always going to have like a block a stop block card you know that they pull it's like okay we've got to be nice to this girl again

1:12:00Ben Mandelker: for the season yeah so they're setting up the the um the room to be to be nice maybe we do see the flowers here i don't remember but they're setting up the presidential suite and britney is like well i would have helped you know if i'd known but you know i just don't know why they didn't include me Why do they discreet me from this so much if everybody in the crew knew? I just want to be able to help in the situation, make something better for Kristen, but whatever. I'm just being selfish.

1:12:28She's annoying. So, you know, everybody parties and they get their T-shirts and all that good stuff. And Kristen's like, oh, my God, like to go above and beyond like this, like all these decorations and all these shirts printed and to keep it a surprise. It's like, oh, it is so sweet. You guys invited the dolphin, right? Somebody has to invite the dolphin.

1:12:52Ben Mandelker: This is nice, but like as fun as this party is, we really should get back on that boat because there are dolphins out there. Chris and Aaron, it was a lie. No, no, I'm pretty sure I saw one. We should go. Guys, quick. So everybody cheers them on. They're all happy for them. They all party. And Luke's like, guys, please don't share with Instagram because we haven't even told our family yet, you know, and we don't want them to find out this way. And Jussie's like, no, it's your moment. Listen, from a father to a non-father, let me just say you define your moment. Just don't let fucking Aaron define it for you.

1:13:28Okay.

1:13:29Ben Mandelker: So they do it. Luke does a toast and Brittany's like, as someone who's been engaged and married before, listen to your gut always. And my gut said, want some chicken fajitas right now. Come on, let's see where those fajitas at. Yeah, that's Britney listening to her gut. Weren't you begging for a new baby six months ago? Please don't listen to Britney's gut, okay? Yeah, Britney's gut's not so good. Listen to your own. She literally has gut issues. That was like a whole storyline last season. I got gut issues. Jesse's like, you have a new family, guys, and I love you. Cheers to you guys, family.

1:14:03And he's like, you know, I love love. Yeah, when you find your best friend, that's great. You also find a cheating whore that can be fun too, but you know Every season in this time

1:14:18Ben Mandelker: Hey guys, sorry if anybody wants to go fishing that didn't get to go we didn't catch anything So don't worry about I wanted to go fishing Why can't I go fishing for one? And Kristen's like I've never been so happy. I took a shower my entire life And that's the end so Kristen and Luke are doing it everybody. They're getting scared. They're getting married. Looking forward to that next season on the Valley. The Kristen and Luke wedding special. Kristen as a bride. Bridezilla will be fabulous. It's going to be, well, actually, next season is going to be the pregnancy. It's going to be the wedding.

1:14:56Ben Mandelker: It's going to be a big Kristen moment next year. No, because she already had her baby. But I'm sure they've documented some of it. Oh, do you think they're shooting already? Well, maybe. Maybe not, but then it'll be like, well, I just had a baby. Fresh baby content. you know be all that stuff it'll be something baby it's already learned to roll a joint alright everybody thanks so much for being here we will talk to you tomorrow with some next gen NYC bye watch what crappens would like to thank it's premium sponsors ain't no thing like Alison King our way is the amber way it's the foster and the furious it's Amanda Foster she can run my country it's Angie McGovern It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

1:15:39Ben Mandelker: Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trick-a-less. Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie. She has no less namey. She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sipped some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. She gets an A, it's Kelly B. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera, sera, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sillsby. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett.

1:16:18She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

1:16:32Ben Mandelker: This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flandersen, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes, we canna, it's Sadana. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill Don't get salty with Christine Pepper Can't have a meal without the Emily sides Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland It's our queen, it's Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran We got our wish, it's Jen Plish She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch She's a little bit loony, Junie Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manok's door My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Chadley In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy Always killing it, it's Low Alkalani The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.

1:17:56Rose We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud

1:18:01Ben Mandelker: She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Tell of Son Shannon, out of a can, and Anthony Come on, check your body, baby, do the Sidney Congdon Let's take off with Tam LaPlane It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar We love you guys This episode is sponsored by Nature Raised Farms There are so many complicated things on Bravo Like opening the front door on Summer House. Or figuring out how to wear a Linfinity dress. Or understanding Tom Schwartz's purpose on the valley. In a world full of confusing choices, thank goodness for nature-raised farms.

1:18:40Ben Mandelker: They believe that food shouldn't be complicated. Especially chicken. But the freezer aisle often makes it that way. Too many options, too many additives, too many compromises. Do I like complicated chicken? No. No. Chicken should be fun. Complicated chicken, not fun. Chicken should meet a higher standard, and Nature Raised Farms is free from gluten, dairy, and soy. There are no seed oils and no artificial ingredients. Also, Nature Raised Farms chicken is a good source of fiber and only between 8 to 12 grams of fat per serving dependent on the product. Chicken, that's just chicken. When food is that simple, there's a quiet joy in it.

1:19:18Ben Mandelker: And we love quiet joy, like the moment Erika Jayne puts down her microphone. Keep your life simple with your new favorite chicken. Nicher raised farms chicken because chicken shouldn't be complicated.

1:19:55designed blue and uv light attracts the bugs you didn't know you had and wow did we have a lot like house flies fruit flies gnats and then with zivo bam next thing you know the pests are caught in the sticky cartridge and away from your yummy treats without any mess or strong odors the best part is the design is actually sleek and curved so it hides the bugs it catches keeping them out of sight and when the cartridge is full you just grab the no mess tab throw it in the trash pop in a new cartridge and then you're done. No mess, no stress. So whether you're hosting a dinner party or spending an afternoon baking treats with all your friends and you want to focus on hosting and not constantly swatting at bugs, Zivo has you covered with 24-7 bug protection.

1:20:39Plug in a Zivo flying insect trap so you can work smarter, not harder, and actually enjoy your time at home. Thumbtack presents Uncertainty Strikes. I was surrounded. The aisle and the options were closing in.

1:20:53Ben Mandelker: There were paint rollers, satin and matte finish, angle brushes, and natural bristles. There were too many choices. What if I never got my living room painted? What if I couldn't figure out what type of paint to use? What if I just used Thumbtack? I can hire a top-rated pro that knows everything about interior paint, easily compare prices, and read reviews. Thumbtack knows homes. Download the app today.