#2941 The Valley S2E15 Part Two: Mad Jax Fury Toad

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0:32Ronnie Karam: This episode is sponsored by Butterball Turkey. Butterball. Care hard. Cook easy. I was watching The Real Housewives of Orange County the other night, and I was thinking so much of this drama could have been solved with turkey. I think that about so many things. Exactly. Just get everyone around the table with a delicious meal. A turkey meal. That's how you bring people back together. What if it wasn't Thanksgiving? Being the Grand Dame isn't a one-day-a-year affair. Every day is a chance to get down with turkey burgers, ground turkey, and more. Eating turkey is like watching Bravo. You can do it anytime, and the more you do it, the happier you are.

1:07Ronnie Karam: Yeah, Butterball Turkey is made for everyday moments that bring people together with ease, and it tastes great while doing it. Do you think if a Butterball Turkey showed up at the Real Housewives of Rhode Island reunion, it could bring everyone back together? Maybe it would, girly. Maybe it would. I love a turkey. Butterball simplifies cooking so you can focus on who you're cooking for. Butterball has turkey made for the way you care, whether you're cooking for your best friend or mending bridges with your frenemy. Butterball. Care hard, cook easy.

1:54Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

2:24Ronnie Karam: your strength and courage are truly inspiring nobody who's ever even been in a room with jacks would say that literally like he has no strength he has no courage he's not inspiring he just has sweat he has fluids dear jacks you have fluids yeah jasmine's is uh i hope you find deep peace enjoy britney's is i hope you start your new beginning and find a true new love one day i did with a new doormat

2:59jason's is may these crystals inspire confidence and attract success in every step you take bring janet's is bring may they bring you love calm and a touch of magic as you embrace this

3:09Ronnie Karam: beautiful new chapter with your baby it was just called a whore and um threatened to be murdered so i'd just like to add that in there it's not part of this but it should have been part of this card okay it would have it would have been nice if you had um wished me better aim on skeeball david muster it's kind of my thing kind of my thing guys skeeball mia's is take a moment to recharge you deserve it thank you and i would like to say protect your peace everybody protect your peace man says i hope these crystals empower and remind you of your incredible inner strength Danny are you groping my crystal?

3:47Hey

3:49Ronnie Karam: This is missing a comma daddy

3:55Hey I just got kicked out of my crystal party Kristen is just like Send your strength and all up on your fertility journal Seriously? Seriously? Oh my god I just said that the word fertility

4:04Ronnie Karam: Made me triggered Why would you write this on my crystal? And Zach's like Oh my god the answers I seek are within me And all around me love your new balls Thank you, Crystal. Thank you, Crystal. Benji could learn something from this crystal. Thank you for giving me this extra smooth crystal. Jesse's is... Did this crystal get Christox? It got Christox. Oh my god, Benji, look! He's not impressed with that either. Wow. I miss my ex-boyfriend's crystal. Jesse's is... May these crystals bring you serenity and ease your worries. Affirmation. With every breath, I release the anxiety within and become more and more calm about his Adela.

4:48Ronnie Karam: She wrote him a really long run. And Brock is like, oh, thanks, hon. That's the shit. That's it. That's it. Mine says, sorry about your Rubik's Cube. There you go. What a giver. A giver. I was just about to discover it. I had one more corner to turn corner. So now it's the party. Fun times party. um luke asks if jackson do a shot because uh you know because jack's doing shots and whatever and then jen jen hasn't done a shot for an hour guys so jackson's really meeting it out really metering those drinks out the restraint he shows he is an american hero i'll just say you're literally timing your drinks you're in trouble and also i don't so jacks pulls uh britney for a chat he's like it's not about it's not about drama it's not gonna be drama don't worry it's a bad job.

5:42I'm like, yeah, it will be, but sure. So he's like, so I had the guys over at the house and I wanted Luke and Jason to see the place and just see all the outlets I had that, you know, Cruz could stick his finger into. I think that's fun for a kid, right? Or stairs to fall down, sharp edges, knives. I leave a whole bunch of knives on the floor. I thought it'd be a fun place for him, you know? And they said, yeah, this would be great. And they said, why don't we get a universal camera so you can see Cruz, you know, a little bit. She's like, well, well, when we get to that point, that's a great idea, but we're not there yet.

6:11I just, I don't want, like, the other cameras down, like, the other things. You know what I'm talking about?

6:16Ronnie Karam: And he's like, um, because she's saying, like, I don't want you breaking into my cameras again. And he's like, no, no, I don't care what you do. I don't care what you do. And she goes, oh, really? You don't care what I do? Really? Um, and then we see a scene of her, like, hey, I'm covering these cameras up, because I'm standing up to tracks. He got Brittany. I got blocked. He got blocked by Brittany. All right, all right, all right. And so he's like, yeah, you know, like it just hurt. It hurt because like, you know, you did this divorcing while I was in rehab. You know, like you never even gave me a shot.

6:44Ronnie Karam: Your shot was done. Your shot was so done that you threw a table and bruised her and punched holes on the wall with your child there to the point where you were about to lose your job unless you went to fucking rehab. Allegedly. So it was already done, sir. You know, it's worse than doing the divorce thing while you're in rehab is you doing the cheating thing while you're in a marriage. How about that? but the domestic piece of course is worse Brittany is like well I went in to interview with a divorce lawyer and think about my options and she basically is like I was looking at it and she's like I have to do it now because if I don't do it now I'm not going to be able to do it and he doesn't deserve to have a second chance the rehab is for him it doesn't mean that he it's not like some tool to be like and now you get me back she said go to rehab and work on yourself and you re-age texted the entire time which meant that you were not working on yourself you broke the deal she would have waited for you she would if you had shown genuine improvement she probably would have she probably would have stuck it out and taken you back but you didn't and you messed it up and then he tries to be like no i only raged text he's like i only texted i only did it for like two weeks she's like because i blocked you for the third week yeah this guy god he's crazy crazy he's so hard to watch and he's just teetering on the edge he's just sitting there clearly fucked up sweating you know drinking he's got like a full drink after he just took a shot after calling you know spending the rest of the episode attacking someone for being a drug addict or whatever he's gonna do it's just yeah he's the worst and so she's like well and he's like well then like if you want to divorce me then why are you sending me like pictures of the flowers and what you're doing in the backyard i'm doing that because you said i couldn't take care of the house and i'm showing you that i can okay stop just stop don't do that you don't have to prove it stop looking for for validation from I'm some fucking loser man, Brittany.

8:31Ronnie Karam: My God. You don't have to prove anything to him. He's like, well, it's not about the house. And by the way, the finances. So now Real Jax comes out. He tried to do like the, like, I'm wounded. I tried to make myself better. Why don't you take me back? And now Real Jax comes out where he's like, and the finances, which by the way, you're going to see over time, it's going to be real heavy. And you're a woman. You didn't pay your taxes for years. You didn't pay your mortgage. Who are you lecturing about fucking finances? And she's like, yeah, but guess what? You are the reason why it became so expansive.

8:58And then she reminds us that he didn't pay for the mortgage. They incurred all these penalties. And then on top of that, there was his tax debt for everything. And he's like, you need to realize what I've done, you know? And he's like, you know what? Everyone makes mistakes, which if you're going to do the everyone makes mistakes thing, then why are you being so harsh on Danny? Right. It's like, honestly, I thought I was literally doing the right thing by going into therapy and like by getting my own place and giving you guys a house. She's like, no, that was the dumbest thing you could have done.

9:27See, that's the other thing. He's like, why didn't you wait till after I was out of rehab to divorce me? But meanwhile, he was in rehab and he arranged a whole new house and did all this other stuff. So he's fine with doing things while he's in rehab. She's just the only one who's not allowed to.

9:40Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And he's saying, oh, I got my own place. I gave you guys the house. You saddled her with your debt, you piece of shit. And so she's like, no, that was the dumbest thing you ever did. So they fight about that. And she's like, you put us you put me and your son in a really bad position. He's like, oh, you live in mansions. You live in mansions. what are you talking about and she's like well you know i had to pay for all that stuff like we're already in debt and i had to pay for all that stuff and you could have waited until i was ready you know because basically if i remember correctly she got the airbnb right because jackson didn't come back into the house jacks wanted but then he chose not to he picked his son and his wife out of the house so and then he chose not even to go back and then he stayed there and didn't pay the mortgage so she's been paying the mortgage on that place and this other place Well, I guess he ended up paying the mortgage, but, uh, well, no, cause she said that she saddled with all that debt too.

10:29Ronnie Karam: So I'm not really sure what he's paid cause he's claiming that he he's caught up and he paid everything, but it doesn't sound like it. So he's tried to pull this card again. He's like, he's like, I mean, I'm not fully over all this. Like this is a decade in my life. I thought you were the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with, you know, it's like, well, and whose fault that is it that I didn't work out? Okay. Don't, don't make it seem like it was her fault for pulling the, well, like for doing something to protect yourself. Yeah. I went to the facility and I thought, like, maybe she wants to see, you know, like where I'm at when I get out.

10:58Ronnie Karam: She goes, yeah, but the entire time you were in rehab. And this is when there's the two weeks. It's like you were rage texting me. And he's like, that was just for two weeks. She goes, yeah, because I blocked you on the third, you idiot. I didn't see my son. I didn't see my son. You kept my son from me. Why is why does he think saying, but I only rage texted you for two weeks. Why is that like somehow a OK thing? like it was only two weeks that i raised like what one rage text is bad enough especially when you're rehab it was like constant for two weeks it's like hey it was only i only only for half the time that i harass you and belittle you yeah i just i'm so fucking sick of this it's just like watching a psychotic abuser over and over again and it's just too much i can't take it so basically the gist of the conversation is she sticks up for herself he keeps trying to change move the goal post and change everything to blame her and she's not having it and so finally he's like fine do what you get then we're divorced and fine do what you gotta do yeah go go i don't even care and she's like so are you gonna sign the papers and he's like uh i'm gonna have a lawyer look at it she goes you still haven't had a lawyer and he goes no and she goes why are you gonna he says no i'm gonna wait up till the last day she goes why and he's like because i can't why not why not what a dick so that's but i know that's who you're dealing with there exactly he really shows himself and and i love britney's takeaway i like i like her epiphany that she had she goes you know jacks went from being my very best friend to this person that i loathe i mean like he makes me so angry i mean his pores are greasy his cheeks are greasy his forehead's greasy his veins popping out of his head and i just knows everything he's just greasy it just whenever i was i was madly in love with this man i have my blinders on now i just see him like a greasy man child i love she just sees him as greasy because that's what we all see we just see this shiny person and i just love that now she just she sees the grease and like that's just such a poetic wonderful epiphany to have it's the first greasy thing i don't like

13:02i was like for a while i was seeing chick fajita now i just see calories no i mean i used to be

13:08Ronnie Karam: madly in love with him i had my blinders on they were my blinders but now it's just a greasy man child okay so now um zach's like oh my god you guys i just peed next to erin and i think we're brothers so janet nia's at the bar and she's ordering urgent moscow mule and janet is like how are you she's like good you look beautiful thanks so do you which is of course girl code for i fucking hate your guts you too bitch get out of my fucking face you cut fitness but um it's said in their language which is like you look like princess jasmine today you're really pretty that's such a mom who hasn't left the house in a long time the first thing i thought was that you look like princess jasmine you're talking to the whitest person on the planet what the fuck are you talking about why are you bringing up the princess from aladdin you're talking to the whitest lady on earth wearing like a marshall's you know rayon flower dress what are you talking about you need to get some more references she literally janet is like a labubu out of costume janet looks like a slice of monster cheese does not look like princess jasmine like literally all that janet has like a ponytail i was like you look like princess jasmine so janet's like i want to be zen at this party and i feel like i owe nia some sort of conversation or apology because i know it caused her some real pain and like she doesn't deserve the pain that has come with this whole situation of you know daniel causing sexual assaults so then uh nia's like well there's been a lot of her and i'm still hurting and i do think it's like more of a space and kind of a breather kind of thing you know and he was like yeah i just it's not i don't need space i just don't want to talk to her i'm over it i'm done and jama's like well i'm sorry you're hurting and again i just want to apologize that the words i used on the boat were true and harsh.

15:06Ronnie Karam: Okay? Really sorry about that. I'm sorry that my words were harsh, just like Daniel's sexual assault. Okay. Next time I'll go with serial rape, and hopefully that's a little bit better for you. She's like, it's just a tentacle term. Just a tentacle term. Sorry. I'm technical. I saw Judge Judy recently, so I now have a lawyer. I truly feel like her actions are unforgivable. But you know what? Time heals all. So if space is what you think we need, just know that there's always a bowl full of mediocre casserole for you. Somewhere in a tiny place with a low hood. Can't say I didn't try, America. Can't say I didn't try.

15:56I did my best. So the party continues. Jesse asks Kristen to sage the demons out of him. um and it's all fun and my favorite thing was zach be like everyone i just want to say watch out i've already put my my suit into like two tunas and we see we see a flashback from like five minutes earlier where he's gesticulating so while he like brings his hand down and he literally puts his arm across two separate tuna tartar canapes he's like oh my god i have been assaulted by canapes i'm furious right in front of benji benji's like wow what a shock you're dirty

16:38Ronnie Karam: so then luke checks in with jesse and jesse's still doing his yeah you know man i have my moments i'm just so triggered i'm triggered guys like i've had i'm trying to have growth and i'm trying to be growth not show growth you know what i mean yeah rogan fan 92 taught me that And, you know, it's going to Hawaii with my wife, her boyfriend, the financial shit I'm going through. Like, what am I supposed to do now? I'm single. What am I losing all? What am I losing all? What if I lose Lali Estates dot com? I mean, that would just be terrible for all of the people in the Los Angeles area not to have a certified and reliable realtor to help them with all their housing needs.

17:20Ronnie Karam: So Jesse, just just for people who are really falling for this bullshit, Jesse decided just not to work for a year. So he went through like a million and a half of their dollars, according to Michelle on the after show million over a million dollars. Just spent it shopping, going on trips and shit like that just because he didn't want to work. And then Michelle left. And so now he's left with no money because he's not doing anything. Then he tried to take out a loan that she would be of like three hundred thousand dollars that she would be liable for. and she put a stop to that and now he's crying like he can't understand where his life went wrong.

17:54Ronnie Karam: It went wrong when you stopped fucking working and spent over a million dollars you dumbass. What do you go to work. Get a job. Vicki Gumbelson is here with some advice for you. Get a job. Sell a house. Okay. He's like I mean I'm just like so tired and the last thing I want to do is come here and like go to a zen party. Like I'm not zen. Look at me. I am not fucking zen. and it's like okay he's like what if i lose the house what if i lose custody i lose my friends and i'm isolated that's a shitty okay enough sir just you know relax we all know this is fake bravo for your for your beautiful performance of a man who has a heart but we all know you're a psychopath we're very familiar with the season finale uh gloss over by now all of you this whole past actually especially the men because it's well the men and janet are really really laying it on hard this episode uh so luke is like okay well uh bring malibu and isabella over to our house you know that's what everybody who's downing out really needs come to a a little house smells like dog uh it's covered in with two begging dogs so you know that house has like taco bell wrappers all over the floor at all times so yeah come on over uh you know we got jill who's learned how to beg thanks to kristen's dog thanks a lot honey i mean you know whatever and jesse's like i appreciate that but like i don't usually drive to the valley so for all of jesse's tears whatever like what about isabella and someone's like oh come on over well let me help us we'll help you out we'll like we'll do something that might make isabella happier he's like no i'm not gonna do that because i don't want to drive the valley just as a show i mean i joke about that like oh my god going to the valley but i think for your kid you would do that right but i I know he's being tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time, he's also being real.

19:42Ronnie Karam: Not really. He's just being like, oh, my God, guys, what if I'm poor? Like, come to the Valley. Not that poor. Not that poor. He's like, no. He's like, I already finished my Woe Is Me monologue. I don't actually have to act on it. Thank you very much. Yeah. So he's like, you guys can come to my house. Okay? You know? Because I'm like, of all the people I think who I want to watch Isabella for an hour, it's you guys. Right? Wow. What a difference a year makes. Huh? Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

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21:43Ronnie Karam: I was watching The Real Housewives of Orange County the other night And I was thinking so much of this drama could have been solved with turkey. I think that about so many things. Exactly. Just get everyone around the table with a delicious meal, a turkey meal. That's how you bring people back together. What if it wasn't Thanksgiving? Being the Grand Dame isn't a one-day-a-year affair. Every day is a chance to get down with turkey burgers, ground turkey, and more. Eating turkey is like watching Bravo. You can do it anytime. And the more you do it, the happier you are. Yeah, Butterball Turkey is made for everyday moments that bring people together with ease, and it tastes great while doing it.

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23:10Ronnie Karam: Danny is at least like trying to make the effort to look like he's not drinking. What are you doing? You can't even show up after rehab and not have a drink. I mean, for Christ's sake, you had one Coke zero this whole season. You've got a full drink in your hand right now, you fucking Coke head. What are you talking about? And also, like, after you've just come out of rehab, don't you have any sort of like perspective? Like if you truly believe that Danny has a problem and his sneaking drinks in tonight, don't you feel like after being in rehab, you would approach it with more grace and sympathy and empathy?

23:43Like, hey, you know, if something's going on, you can always you can always talk to me about it. Not like you're fucking drunk. This is someone who took zero net, not only zero lessons, negative 50 lessons from whatever rehab he was in, which was a fake one.

23:59Ronnie Karam: yeah so he's spinning out and he's like that's this fucking guy this fucking guy i mean look at look at that look at that guy fucking probably drunk over there and aaron's like uh i mean he's the sweetest guy in the world when he's sober and he's like yeah yeah well guess what so was jeffrey dommer okay and they're like no no no he's like okay okay who's the other one who's the other one who's the other guy who's the other guy uh jeffrey dommer ted bundy ted buddy it was it it was Ted Buddy. And they're like, no, no. Brittany's like, oh my God, is he comparing himself to Jeffrey Dahmer? Yeah, I don't, this is just classic Jacks that whenever he loses something, in this case, an argument against Brittany and he's angry, he has to destroy someone else.

24:45And which is like, it's so, it's so bad. It's like, it's so, it's just shows what a shitty person he is, that he's got to ruin someone else. so he's just worked himself up into a tizzy and so uh then we go over to jesse talking it also

24:58Ronnie Karam: shows how much of the other how much that the other cast was carrying his storyline the whole season if you think about it because he's been absent this whole season so he hasn't been there to like say my bar danny was kicked out of my bar which he's wanted to do all season and he had uh janet and jason there to hold his water the entire time yeah so now he's talking to jesse and he's like yeah you know what i should probably go over and talk to danny i don't see a drink in his hand guys playing it real cool with no drinks in his hand trying to pretend like he's not drinking by not holding drinks and not drinking all night oh so just because you're drinking water not drinking alcohol we're supposed to believe you're not you're only drinking water and no alcohol tonight real smooth i'm like he's literally not drinking tonight what are you what are you trying to like concoct here and he's allowed to drink because he's not an alcoholic even if he is an alcoholic He hasn't gotten to that point where he's been like, I'm an alcoholic.

25:52Ronnie Karam: I have trouble. It's not like he's fallen off some wagon. He's not drinking because he can't have a fucking drink around you people without you going crazy every single episode. Yeah. And Jax, I mean, this is so it's also it's such sad deflection. Like, it's so sad because it's so obvious. Like, be more artful in your deflection. be more artful and like your very basic psych psychological motives to be like oh i see in danny what i see in myself and i'm angry at myself so i'm gonna take it out on danny right so he's like oh man he's so worried about his look next week guaranteed he'll be fucked up again so he's like this is all a game for him it's all a show i mean since when is jack's high and mighty about how anyone else drinks in this group yeah so jesse is like yeah i don't know if jacks is really concerned with danny's drinking or he wants himself to look better basically he's like he has a chip on his shoulder and uh nobody knows about dark side danny uh but i don't get it you know he's a crab in a bucket he's a crab with crabs he's a he's a crabby crab so uh jacks goes up to danny and he's like hey what's up fellas what's going on because brock is there and brock's like I'm just chatting, but I'm sensing that I'm not going to rub his keys thrown at me right now.

27:09So I'm just going to excuse myself real quickly.

27:11Ronnie Karam: Brock knows exactly what's coming. He skedaddles right away. So Jax is like, oh, whoa, whoa. Hey, Danny, Danny. Hey. So look at you, Danny, Danny. What's going on, Danny? He's like, doing all right, brother? Been a crazy summer. Shipping off some water over here. Yeah. Now you got a couple of get togethers without me. That's okay because I've got three under three at home. I can spend some time with. I'd love to see old dad over there. That's fun, but I guess you did it, obviously, to get at me, so what's that about? Why'd you do that? He's like, listen, I'm not saying that you're not a good father.

27:48I'm like, that wasn't even on the table. Jack just starts off with that. It wasn't even discussed. His parenting skills were not even in conversation here. He's like, you're a great father, but you are a terrible drunk and danny's like what here you don't even have a leg to stand on he's like what do you mean i don't have legs i've got two legs right here now you're gonna say i don't have i don't have two legs wow you must really be wasted he literally doesn't know what he means he's like

28:15Ronnie Karam: what do you what's that what's that two legs what he's like yeah you don't have a leg to stand on i've never i've done well whatever that means i'm not a terrible drunk okay like because i i have an anger issue which leads me to drinking so that's different so okay well then you're you're imbibing your anger right now sir like your anger is on you're attacking somebody in public angrily so i'm not a terrible drunk i just get very drunk because i'm angry all the time and therefore i'm an angry drunk like that's a terrible drunk i'm gonna tell you that right now yeah and he's like you're a terrible drunk what are you talking about because you've been kicked out and he's like well you go on rages because yeah well you've been kicked out of my bar for touching girls inappropriately twice twice twice twice and he starts doing this like repeating twice for some reason which isn't true it was once and so now he's gonna say twice because he thinks he's bringing something new to the table by saying twice and danny's like no that was once and i dealt with that and i dealt with it immediately and that was a year ago uh and he's like can i talk because jacks he's going twice twice twice i was like okay so i can't talk now and he goes you can talk but i'm still talking so i'm glad i have my opinion glad i'm opinion meanwhile jacks who's been drinking tonight is danny who is sober and jacks who is drinking and being a terrible drunk is now accusing danny literally swinging a drink around in his hand at the moment like we see his whole vodka soda in his hand at the moment he's like you walk around you live in this fairy tale world where you think oh I got to make sure everybody thinks that we're perfect.

29:51We're protected. We somehow have two legs while everyone else has one leg. Well, we walk around. Oh, I'm not drunk. Oh, wow. You're protected. And Danny's like, we're protected. He's like, yeah, we have to make sure we look perfect in front of everybody because we're so scared that what people are going to find. It's okay. Hey, Danny, it's okay to not be okay. And Danny's like, bro, I say that all the time. It's

30:18Ronnie Karam: think i don't know that i've got it on my fridge so nia's now standing at a table right by there listening to this whole thing and so he starts aiming at nia because he's not getting the reaction from danny that he wants he wanted a big fight for danny to make an idiot out of himself and danny's just staying calm like you're the fucking idiot here so jack's like oh nia nia so first of all i mean i've called you multiple times to come pick him up at a bar multiple times multiple times multiple times did you hear me multiple times consider multiple a leg and times is two multiple times i've got two legs i'm standing you got two legs i will not stand for this gaslighting and he's like um but i i almost hit you with a car when you were stumbling in the middle of the street no i wasn't stumbling i was angry and the anger caused me to stumble because because you have one leg what no i was stumbling because i've got two legs why don't people understand And he's like, why are you making stuff up?

31:12Ronnie Karam: Like, wait, you just think you're living in some fairy tale world where you're like, well, Princess Jasmine's over there. But, you know, otherwise, to be fair, yes, I do kind of think that. But that's OK. And he's like, what is this? What is this? Miss fucking America. What are you going to do? Throw a table at her, Jax? Are you going to really start a fucking public fight with a woman now? He's like coming at her like he's going to go at her physically. So Kristen comes over and gets in between them. And she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm going to jump in now. And he's like, yeah, yeah.

31:36Ronnie Karam: What are you in a perfect world, Miss Miss Ten Langs? How's it feel? How's it feel? How's it feel, 10-led lady? Are you a caterpillar? Jax is like, oh, Miss America. And she goes, wrong pageant. Okay, all right, all right, Jax. All right, all right. Break it up, break it up, break it up, break it up. Okay, okay. And Jax is like, oh, well, let's make that up. We never said that. Let's make this very clear. You're not fucking protected by anybody. Oh, they know. We never show your protection. they know um he's walking away from the season as a sexual assaulter alcoholic i mean i think he knows at this point nobody on this cast is about to protect them so danny's like we never should we were protected and chris is like look at me jacks look at me look at me and he's like you're like guess what yeah we're perfect and guess what everybody we're gonna try and be perfect because we're you know we're not better than anybody else like i literally called you to pick up your husband multiple times multiple times all right you know what he has a marron in front of his face.

32:40He's talking about himself. Mirror, mirror on the wall. What is this? Another fairy tale? I can't deal with this. I've got two legs and we're not in a fairy tale. What don't people understand? And Danny's like, dude, you're a psychotic man. You're a very psychotic man. He's like, psychotic? Oh yeah? Would a psychotic man have two legs and have anger issues that turn into drinking issues? I don't think so.

32:59Ronnie Karam: That's so gross. So they walk him out. He's disgusting. And I love that this was Jax's last scene on the Valley. Bye, you fuck. Goodbye. I love that your last scene on the Valley, you were greasy, drunk, disgusting, holding a drink in your hand and being a psychopath. Right? Like three episodes after you claimed it was your show. Just like the last time you got fired. Bye, loser. Have fun in obscurity. Have fun in whatever bowling alley you end up fucking working at. Okay? And I say that as a fan of bowling alleys. Goodbye. Club club. He's going to work at club club. So Danny, Danny's like, well, I guess now it's time for me to get a little messy because guess what?

33:33Everyone, he sleeps with his staff and he's like, I've heard from numerous sources that jackson slept with some of his staff allegedly and britney even knows about it i love

33:42Ronnie Karam: wow i will put the i love this because you know that this is fucking true so good for him and we're good for him but also like about yeah but also like is anyone surprised let's be honest so um they uh so brock is uh brock's talking to britney he's like well how long did it go on for how did you do it for so long, Brittany? And she's like, I don't know. It's just who he is. So Danny says that, like, I don't think anybody that owns your vision should be sleeping. My problem with Brittany is Brittany was always fine with this behavior with Jax when it was aimed at everybody else. And that's kind of my issue with Brittany long-term.

34:20Ronnie Karam: This was always fine by Brittany. She was always making excuses for fucking Jax. And it's my same problem with Janet and Jason. You know, it's like, I'm never going to take anybody, but I'm never going to truly take anybody serious that has supported this in any way. Yeah. So, uh, Nia, Nia and Danny are talking and he was like, Daniel, that was on camera. He's like, what? It's right behind you. There's a camera. He's like, yeah, I'm over on camera right now. There's one there. There's one there. There's one there. It's just like, no, it's like, there's a camera everywhere. What are you trying to say?

34:53What are you talking about? She's like, nevermind.

34:56Ronnie Karam: Yeah. You know, like what they say about her, like always trying to protect them and not look like idiots on camera is true you know but at some point it's like i'm gonna stand up for myself like sorry like how long do i have to sit here and just get kicked sorry but at some point someone's gonna have to say something you know so kristen goes to jack's and um basically gets him out of here gets him out of there and then uh jasmine just keeps having little lines because she's like jasmine let's face it does nothing she does nothing on this show it's probably time for her to go and jasmine just they keep cutting to jasmine during this episode and she just says things It's like, wow, there's just not enough crystals in the world to get this group through stuff.

35:36Ronnie Karam: Glad Jasmine's here. Glad Jasmine made a check for this one. So they start showing split screens of the Zen flowing out of this part, like flowing out, meaning like disappearing at this party. So when she's like, there's not enough crystals to help this group right now. So we see Danny and Nia bickering because he's like, I had to I had to babysit those kids for half an hour to the street kids out to pay attention to. That was hard. And then we see Michelle and Jesse. Now they're fighting out of nowhere. I would have liked it if we had some context for this. She's like, to this day, you've never asked me about my mother.

36:10It's like, because it's not my place to ask. It is your place because you have a daughter and her grandmother is dying. And then we see Sheena being like, I'm just like confused because like now I'm hearing that like you and Kristen are like saying that I brought Jenna around to hurt Michelle's act. Like, why would you say that about me?

36:25Ronnie Karam: and then we go now everybody's talking and all the split screens at one time fighting with each other and um then we go to sheena and zach again and sheena's like i'm not here to defend myself and now you're throwing my name in the mud and i don't really appreciate throwing my name in the mud eddie sabrion heard of him have you ever heard of a guy from desperate housewives i totally dated him read my book is that now brox cheated on me spoiler alert can we just clear up one thing my book is now available for download anywhere anywhere you get books or um nerves candy uh so kristen's like yes what do you want to say she not do you think that are you saying that i brought jenna around to hurt michelle no okay well you were supposed to say yes and i was gonna respond to that but you said no so i don't really know where to go from here no you and janice said at el coyote that i was the one doing that and that's a problem and zach's like um jenna is not the problem here okay not at all not at all michelle do you want to get in here who do you think is the problem it's it's jonah jonah is the problem it's janet all along just like okay whatever i'm gonna grab my glass and i'm gonna drink out of it to show that i'm not the problem so then kristen's like okay he just took her wine janet just walks away so i think janet i think janet's saying okay and zach is like oh yeah i'm really mad and he picks up a glass of wine and starts chugging and they're like that was the wrong one whoops yeah janet didn't drink it was zach yeah my mind just took it to a janet place janet's trying to leave but zach has got he's done that thing where he's got himself so worked up to fight that he's ready to scream and yell but now there's no one to scream and yell at so he just keeps doing it anyway and he's like janet one second janet and they're trying to get her back over but he won't so he's just losing his fucking mind yeah so he's like kristen is not bringing jenna around to do anything it is janet trying to actually propel this narrative and she's destroying people's lives she tried to destroy me and my reputation and then um we see a flashback to her to janet saying that zach had demonic behavior at the beginning of the season and she's trying to destroy dunny and his reputation and we see the sexual assault thing and he's trying she's trying to destroy rubik's cubes and their reputation you see like a flashback an animation of sheena throwing a rubik's cube at brock somehow she was involved with that i don't know how but i just know she was the point is jana is evils yeah so janet's telling jason like i'm not doing this like everybody's coming for me and i'm not doing it so then kristen kicks zach out because he's having a meltdown and she's like this isn't even your fight this is a jenna fight so go away so um Jenna's like, oh my God, how is everybody blaming me?

39:03Ronnie Karam: I'm like the coolest person here. Casseroles. Okay. Kristen invited Jenna to her housewarming party. Zach invited Jenna to Benji's party. Okay, well then maybe let's not fuck people that Jenna has fucked on TV. Like maybe you all need to start dating outside of this thirsty group where every time you go somewhere, there's someone else you fucked. Okay. You guys can't get mad when you're dating somebody that already fucked somebody when you weren't involved. It's not like you cheated. Jenna's allowed to fuck people. Yeah. So Zach is like, Brittany, like, what the fuck? If you literally ever have Janet's back again, I am literally over this.

39:36Who? Janet. What? Janet. Why? Janet. When? Janet. I'm literally over here trying to have a serious conversation with her and she fucking runs away. Okay? Like, she doesn't want to actually hear what she's actually doing. She doesn't even want to hear about my scrotox. Okay? She's so like jocks. It's crazy. Are you under the same spell that you were under with jocks? Because they're the same person, Brittany.

39:59Ronnie Karam: Zach is just misfiring all over the place and it's hilarious. He's just floundering because he has no one to fight with. So he's just going to fight anyway. Because Brittany didn't even stick up for Janet. So he's just yelling at Brittany for no reason. She's like, what? Chicken wing sushi bridge. Chicken fajitas. And he's like, no, she's going to rip off your skin and wear it. She's like, come on. Well, that would be actually kind of flattering. Do you know? Do you know? She literally put two canapes of tuna tartare under my arms. I would stick them in it. That was her Janet to dance. She's like, um, Jack, you stop, Zach.

40:33You really got to calm down.

40:35Ronnie Karam: So meanwhile, Michelle is saying, why don't you just start apologizing Grisden to Janet for calling her a whore and that you wanted to beat her up? And then you can dog, because that is not nice. And she's, oh, is that all I said? Well, I could have said a lot more than that. That was pretty nice. She goes, okay, then we are not going forward then. And so Janet is now like, oh, really? And she said, if threatening to beat me up and calling me a whore, is all she said that was that was really nice of her really really why don't you just pull my child up by the head right now slit his throat you just murdered my baby and she's like janet janet calm down you know what sheena i've had enough oh by the way could i can i just get like one more autograph i just really trying to complete my wall it's like okay sure because kristen's like okay okay listen i'm sorry we used to be literal best friends and i say things okay because you know me I say colorful, shitty fucking things when I'm mad I mean she's like, not an excuse I mean, if you took that seriously by any means, you know it's not true you're obviously not a whore, you're just a slut and so Kristen's like and Jenna goes, oh, well Jax goes and she goes, don't compare me to Jax don't compare me to Jax I mean, well just say sorry if you're actually she goes, okay, you're not a whore she goes, okay, so do you feel bad for calling me a whore or saying you're gonna beat my ass and calling me a fam And then she goes, if it upset you, yes.

42:00Ronnie Karam: And Michelle's like, no, if it upset her, yes, it upset her. And Jan's like, of course it upset me. Do you want to be called a whore and say that someone's going to beat your ass? Do you want that? Oh, for God's sake. Do you want to be told that you said that Danny is sexually assaulted? I mean, whatever. So Kristen's like, but we're different. It doesn't bother me. I don't mind being called a whore and saying that someone wants to beat my ass. I think it's kind of funny. Jason's like, well, Kristen, it would bother you. Don't even say it would bother you. He's like, no, I've been, we forget I was made up on rules.

42:32I've dealt with a lot worse than this.

42:34Ronnie Karam: So we all know that if there's someone on this cast that Jason will stick up to, it's a woman or a gay man. So Jason steps up with his chest out and he's like, oh yeah, well, if I called you a whore and said I was going to beat your ass, that would be a whole thing. That's insane. And Kristen's like, okay, well, what you did last summer fucked me, Janet. And that's why I told you. And Janet's like, you took my words and you twisted them, which is hilarious because that's all Janet does on this show. And so we see the whole flashback of how this all started, which was Janet at that table saying, oh, Kristen told Michelle that I said Michelle was racist.

43:08Ronnie Karam: Well, you did tell everybody that Michelle was a Republican, so they should be wary of her, Janet. That's how this all fucking started. And then you started twisting words around to make everybody else look bad so you would not fight with Michelle. I'm so glad they showed that. And it was really Brittany who really started it because Brittany is the one who gossiped about it that got this whole ball rolling in the first place. Yeah. And we still haven't confronted Michelle about any of that original stuff that was said. She's never had to answer for any of that stuff. So then Kristen's like, well, then why are we licking my ass all summer trying to be my friend?

43:40Ronnie Karam: She goes, licking your ass? And now she says I'm a whore who licks ass. She just murdered my baby with a licked ass. You asked me all summer. You said I want to make up. I want to be friends. This is how you feel, though? Seriously? seriously she's like because i wanted peace with you you know i thought kristen and i were friends and i thought she cared about my well-being my low-hanging hood my ball pit that i always have in the living room and i learned very quickly two summers ago she absolutely does not so then uh jason's like well you can't weaponize her trying to make things good with you kristen and kristen just smiles and jasmine has decided to try and jump in at the last minute so she's like uh uh Jason, Jason, come over here, Jason.

44:18Ronnie Karam: And he's like, you just relax, Jasmine. And she's, Jason's like, don't weaponize stuff, Kristen. And Jasmine's like, Jason, let the girls talk. Just let the girls talk, Jason. Like, come on, come on. And because Jason's like all puffed up, like coming after Kristen, which I find amusing because he's probably going to go call Jax right away and make sure that he's okay. Right, 100 % he will. So Janet's like, part of me wants to say I really regret giving her any effort. And then the other half of me is like, really happy I did because now I can walk away. and i feel like i gave it my all so jason's like all right all right let's go okay whatever it's let's just stop just stop janet and jen's like stop it stop it and because jason's now saying well i guess guys can have have common sense whatever this is ridiculous and jen's like it's not worth it jason let's go let's go so she was over there still trying to have a conversation she's trying to make a storyline for herself she's like but i just want to clear up hawaii so then uh now we're over to zach and now he's crying still trying to make this fight with britney happened he's like stop letting her win she's like i don't even know what happened haven't told you about my new doormat it's like bye bye janet you're leaving bye bye you know you know i still fuck like i'm still like fuck you like fuck you whore fuck you i'm so fucking done with him i'm done okay so janet's like oh oh bye did you say bye i missed it did you say bye he's like um yeah well i didn't i didn't say hi actually actually i'm sorry jason's like oh oh by the way zach i didn't say hi actually so here comes jason now this is when he's really puffed up because now he's like oh it's my annual uh like didn't didn't uh my annual puff my chest up against the gay so he well zach did just call his wife a whore too i mean that's the thing with zach it's like zach we're rooting for you over here could you not call the women a whore like what the fuck calm down koki yeah but i still think that yes zach did do that but jason really does the only one he truly truly goes after on the show where he gets like that evil smile that evil look on his face is zach he really does this this is the second year in a row he did it yeah but don't call my wife over too like what the fuck stupid zach zach don't do that so jason comes over puffed up and he's like oh really oh really you know uh your eyes are going this way and that way zach they're going this way and they're going that way Like, drunky, drunky.

46:43Ronnie Karam: And Benji, you're a nice guy. But your boyfriend's eyes are going this way and that way. Good one, Jason. This is why he needs to puff up his chest on more people. Because he really needs to work on his disses. It's so bad. He's just so dockers. Like, he's so dockers even down to the – he's a dockers disser. Like, it's so embarrassing. And I just love that Janet and Jason come on this show. And all they do is walk around judging people for how much they're drinking. You're on a Vanderpump Rules spinoff. And by the way, your wife just got into a fight two weeks ago at a fucking Mexican restaurant in early evening because she was too fucking wasted.

47:16Ronnie Karam: So, back it up, Dockers. So, they leave and Zach is like crying. And Brittany's like, what is like that? Why are you doing that? Just chill. He's like, sometimes I need support too. She's like, of course. Like, no, you don't understand. Like, sometimes, Brittany, I need your help. I got my sleeve in tuna tartare. You don't understand. I spent my two months rent on this suit just to ruin it right away. She's like, well, I understand. We can take it to dry cleaning. He's like, that's all I want. All I want is support. So then they're like, calm down, Zach. He's like, bitch, I will hit you. Zach.

47:53Ronnie Karam: Not helping Zach. So then Jasmine's like, yeah, I mean, okay, Brittany. Well, here's the thing. He just wants to support that you think that Janet, like you support him and not him. Like you support her and you don't support him. And that's what he's saying. I support all of you. I support all of y 'all. I support everybody. i support everybody i support everybody but he's upset he's upset that's what it is and zach's like you don't care you don't care what that bitch is done you don't care yeah so they zach is just like i mean he's wasted too he's just like sobbing and britney's like this summer has been hard because i constantly feel like i'm in the middle of whatever i don't need to be i mean i've said this a million times jenna has been a good friend to me until she's not a good friend to me i'm not gonna act like she's a bad friend to me so zach is like nobody understands my feelings like i'm not even but like not even my best friends like i literally have nobody who cares i got scrotox and benji's like zach i'm here and they hug that's really sweet he gives good advice call him right now let's call him he has a wrinkly ball sack which i really like you'll survive that's just the way i'm surviving her unnaturally smooth balls so now people are still fighting but then fireworks start and aaron's like it's all about the journey cool so then um they're also acting like the fireworks are for them and the fireworks are just from the hollywood bowl over this over the hill they're like oh my god what a special night they set up the fireworks for us it's like no those aren't for you but it's so this show to be like that is one good thing about living in the valley you can always walk out in the evening and just pretend that there's fireworks for you because they're every fucking night you know it's like wow this is for me yeah so i think we get the universal ones does universal have them i hear them every They do a show.

49:37They do like a few like, yeah, they do something like that.

49:40Ronnie Karam: Yeah. It's kind of winding down now. And we find out that Jasmine is planning a trip to propose to her girlfriend. And Jax is telling Jesse that he just wants Brittany to grow and be happy. But he's just not there. Just take Jax off my TV. I'm not going to. I don't want to watch him. He's like, I don't see myself falling in love ever again. Yeah. Were you ever in love? There are some truths. So Kristen is talking to Luke, and she's like, karma's on my side. Like, my karma this summer was this. And she holds up her ring. She's like, my karma, chef's kiss. I love my karma. And then finally, we see Zach, drunk.

50:26And he's like, where's the napkin? And she says, Jasmine, go in here. Just use my shirt. And that's like the end of the episode. My God. which is basically that is that is the metaphor of this show which is it's messy and they're just going to use whatever they can to kind of clean it up the best they can but it'll never be truly clean yeah well ain't that humanity all right well we have the next three weeks of reunion festivals on the vow yeah thanks for being here everyone and we'll catch you on the next episode Bye. Bye. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.

51:08It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster.

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52:01Ronnie Karam: She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love a y 'all, Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes we canna, it's Sadana. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman Let's share with Sharon Eldridge Darn Skippy, it's Tippi The Bay Area Betches, Betches And our super premium sponsors She's VVIP, it's Amanda V Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill Don't get salty with Christine Pepper Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs It's our queen, it's Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran We got our wish, it's Jen Plish She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manok's door My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo We love him madly, it's Kyle Podshadley In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy Always killing it, it's Lo Alkalani The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.

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55:00Ronnie Karam: Keep your life simple with your new favorite chicken. Nature raised farms chicken, because chicken shouldn't be complicated. Hey guys, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. Okay, can we all agree that hosting is so much fun? And I really do love it. Every weekend, it's come over for snacks, let's make dinner together, and somehow the second you put out a fruit platter, it seems that bugs show up before your friends do. This is why I have to have my Zeevo flying insect trap. You plug it in and you let it do all the work. It's specially designed blue and UV light attracts the bugs you didn't know you had.

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56:41You guys know I'm a Delta girly. Every time I go, I get my Delta headphones. and when I fly to Europe, Delta treats me like a queen and they'll treat you too. I was always a little nervous about navigating a foreign country, but then I realized it's so important to grow and see different cultures and to put yourself in different situations and Delta held my hand the whole time. Being away just helps you put life into perspective and your little worries are not so bad. travel really is the best way to discover something new about yourself and grow from the experience step outside your comfort zone this summer get some delta headphones and fly with delta airlines they truly are the best way to get to europe and they just make the whole journey feel so comfortable and seamless go book your next chapter right now at delta.com