#2949 Below Deck S12E09: Kell On Earth

0:00Hey guys, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. Okay, can we all agree that hosting is so much fun? And I really do love it. Every weekend, it's come over for snacks, let's make dinner together, and somehow the second you put out a fruit platter, it seems that bugs show up before your friends do. This is why I have to have my Zivo flying insect trap. You plug it in and you let it do all the work. It's specially designed blue and UV light attracts the bugs you didn't know you had and wow did we have a lot like house flies fruit flies gnats and then with zivo bam next thing you know the pests are caught in the sticky cartridge and away from your yummy treats without any mess or strong odors the best part is the design is actually sleek and curved so it hides the bugs it catches keeping them out of sight and when the cartridge is full you just grab the no mess tab throw it in the trash pop in a new cartridge and then you're done no mess no stress So whether you're hosting a dinner party or spending an afternoon baking treats with all your friends, and you want to focus on hosting and not constantly swatting at bugs, Zivo has you covered with 24-7 bug protection.

1:07Plug in a Zivo flying insect trap so you can work smarter, not harder, and actually enjoy your time at home. There's never been a better time to get outside and experience the benefits of nature. Discover nearby trails and explore the outdoors with AllTrails. Download the free app today and find your outside.

1:56Ben Mandelker: Watch What Crappens I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today without his sunglasses. Wow. Ronnie, welcome those beautiful new eyes here to Watch Your Crap. It's Hi, Ronnie Karam. What's going on? I'm still a little bruised and swollen, but I don't feel like wearing glasses today. So deal with it. I'm the least bruised and swollen I've been. So you know what? It's going to be a gradual process. Okay. It's like healing. It's very nice and very lovely. And your eyes look beautiful. So everyone, welcome to Below Deck Day. Just when I was going to start complaining that Below Deck was kind of boring me this season, in comes this episode to give me the sort of belly laughs I really needed on a Monday.

2:42Ben Mandelker: I mean really just just A plus work by wretched drunken guests I was just so happy I it was it was just it's what I needed to start the week it made me so thrilled I was like because for a while there I was like am I gonna have to sit through the love rhombus again is it's just it's like endless with these people making out that I don't care about but thankfully it looked promising at the start did it it wasn't but then Kelly came along and And she was like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to be every single Ronnie Karam character you've ever seen rolled up into one person. Democrats!

3:21Democrats! Democrats!

3:24Ben Mandelker: Democrats! Democrats! She was hilarious. So awful, she became legendary. I don't know if we have anything to announce except to say thank you for everyone who came both to our Amazon Live last night. That's still up. You can still check it out. and we recommended lots of fun stuff. Ronnie gave us an insight into some of his iconic and famous face care routine. So he has recommendations for that. And I recommended three cookbooks that all feature some nice, fresh, healthy recipes. So that's on Amazon Live. And then we also did Crappy Hour. Thanks to Misha for joining us from the big flop. We had a really great time.

4:07Ben Mandelker: And then of course, thanks to all the listeners who showed up and commented and engaged. We always appreciate that. And of course, on Patreon.com slash Watch for Crappens, you can watch, not just listen with Crappens on demand. So hi, everyone there. We did a really fun bonus episode this week where we talked about our entire experience in Las Vegas, the highs of the highs, going to the Backstreet Boys concerts, the lows of the lows, having my flight just up and canceled by Delta and me having to suddenly drive out through the desert at the last minute to Vegas. So it was a really fun time. So go check that out.

4:40Ben Mandelker: And that's all that there is about that. Let's get into some below deck, shall we? Yacht Club Isle de Soul, St. Martin. So everybody's fucking, basically, making out, doing their thing. Bunch of mids boning, basically. You know who's really hot, Jess? My God, she was on Watch What Happens, which I didn't watch. Well, I watched a little clip that was on Instagram, kind of, but, you know, it's boring because it was below deck people. No offense, Below Deck people, but I don't know. Don't talk on shows. Just talk on your own show. Don't do interview shows because they're like, oh, because no one's ever spicy on those shows.

5:18You know, everyone's in service. So by the time they get to the show, they're just like, I'm so sorry. He was like, well, we bet you kissing her and then kissing her and then kissing her. But then going back and kissing her, but then kissing her. And she's like, well, I take full responsibility for it because it wasn't cool. but you know thinking back on it I take full responsibility so below deck people on watch what happens live are always like I'm sorry but god she's gorgeous damn

5:48Ben Mandelker: I didn't watch she is a hottie but she's also a fuck girl I guess is that the equivalent is that the analog of a fuck boy I think just a fuck boy is fine fuck girl sounds weird right we'll just say her she's still a fuck boy she's got fuck boy behavior um also she um it's hot no just kidding um well though they always were also what i was gonna say is you were completely right last week because i call i was like you know i think no i think you know maybe she has like some playboy you know attitudes or whatever but i think she really means it with barbara and then immediately like and you were like no that's a fuck boy and then five minutes later i mean literally yeah you're like yeah well it's great this she's she's actually one of the fastest moving fuckboys we've seen on Bravo.

6:37Ben Mandelker: I mean, she was kind of like she trumped Carl in his heyday. Jesse, what's Solomon? Many Vanderpump Rules people. She really, she moved with a speed that was alarming. And I thought shitty too, I would also like to add. Yeah, it was shitty. And you know, not to excuse her, okay, but just to make excuses for her because that's totally different. I think maybe it's probably different when you're like used to being the only gay person because, you know, once you're presented with multiple opportunities, gay people on below deck aren't used to that, you know? It's like there's usually you're the only one, if there is any.

7:14And if there are more than that, I think, and they're both into you, it's like, whoa, not, you know, Selene's not gay, but she's under the umbrella. So I think she's just like, whoa, what do I do? There's so many opportunities.

7:27Ben Mandelker: Yeah, yeah. I think she was definitely a kid in a candy shop. But guess what? you work on a yacht, not a candy shop. So stop doing that. I thought it was, I think especially I was angry because we love Barbara so much. And I was like, don't you do that to Barbara? Barbara is the hero of the season for us. Don't play with her heart like that. Okay. Don't play with her bangs, her beautiful curly bangs. Don't do that. Barbara's not one of those girlfriends who's just, you know, just like some frilly like play thing. I think Barbara would like have a farm, you know, she'd like have a farm. She'd like have planted a fall crop for you and your children you know she's a true like have shown all your clothes or something like she's like a true real deal lesbian like you make out with her you're signing a contract for nine years you know and she's like what you already reneged that quickly like you know she's like uh-uh not gonna happen yeah so fraser is um talking to jess and she's like oh yes i did kiss barbara like you told me and barbara's like you know i haven't been with gay girl for so long but you know she's a good girl i like her and i'm having a good time but it just changed so quickly i'm like it's crazy i'm so happy like what's you know here we are so in love and then immediately um it's over yeah and and then they're like you know sitting with each other and being cute and jess is like don't be awkward now she's like i'm not awkward she's like you're so awkward it's like flirty post kiss banter you know and you know barbara's like she is being a little awkward but because i think barbara has finally maybe opened herself up to the possibility of maybe something with jess because jess begged her incessantly last episode it was like non-stop like don't you feel like there's something with you and me because i feel like there's something with you and me let's kiss i feel like we have something i think we should get married and barbara's like fine fine fine so begging and begging and begging now that it's happened then we go over to kyle literally said i don't want to kiss anybody else but you Yeah.

9:27Ben Mandelker: Literally sold a blatant lie. So then we go over to Kyle, who like goes over to Solaine, and he's like, well, I've got something to say to you. She's like, I'm listening to you. She's like, well, you know, I thought we were going good, but I felt horrible. But you and Jess went and did your thing. So I'm taking my name out of the race. Like, I'm going to stop trying to kiss you. I'm going to stop trying to cuddle. But I will keep reminding Jess that we did kiss in the closet this morning. and he tells us yes I'm definitely mama's boy you know whenever I'm sad she just tells me get the fuck over it your wuss slaps me on the back of the head enough of your shit get on with it like really because you need her I think you need her here to slap you on the head and tell you that so he's like I'm so glad the show stopped everything to be like okay stop Kyle is sad right now let's see how this relates to his mother okay now the show is back up again but I don't think we got an Instagram wall.

10:21So that was good. No, we did get one. Yeah. What's even on his Instagram wall. I think I just ignore those. That's why they don't bother me. I think they just, I think I just filtered them out or something, but like, what's even on there? Is it him like drinking a pint? I would just imagine him drinking pints in different, you know, fashions of kilts or something. I think so.

10:40Ben Mandelker: I think it's just, I try not to actually look at the pictures anymore. Cause they make me so mad. The Instagram walls, because now that I've like declare that they make me mad they actually make me angrier and angrier with each subsequent episode so i have now so much rage against them because i've now gone down a path i imagine his is lucky you know like the the uh a pint he's drinking or a peaky blinders meme you know maybe like the goat he took to prom or some shit like standing on top of like a small mountaintop with his like shirtless with his hands out you know that's a classic thing that yacht like deckhands do.

11:16Ben Mandelker: Yeah. And their photos. Yeah. A lot of things covered in mud, you know, where you're like, why is he muddy? You know, stuff like that. So then he breaks up with her, basically, even though they're not dating. He's one of those guys who got dumped like weeks ago, and then he's like, you're ugly anyway, because she dumped you already. So he's like, oh, so good, you know, good. Let's shake hands. Good game. Good game. So they shake and shake. Uh-oh, I've been now scorned by two people in row. This will not happen. I'm not children. So she goes right into gear to get somebody else on the hook because this girl is not going to take.

11:56When one person breaks up with you, you know, if you get broken up with too many times, you're out of there. So she gets to work.

12:04Ben Mandelker: Yeah, exactly. She really does. Meanwhile, Anthony is making, he's eating ribs and Rainbow's eating a salad. and then uh which i don't know it's actually funny because i did like sort of pause and like think about i like had like a moment where i thought about their process of why they decided on those things it's not really relevant for the podcast so anthony's like fisa and i sometimes we need to put everything on the table and i think the best way to keep a relationship is like a friendship like this you know and you know i feel good you know like i feel like me and fraser like we broke the tension i was like you you smash your hand into a switch on the wall and then fraser came in and said enough with this already what is the problem and then you simpered for a moment and then it was done and he's acting like they had they're on top of they went to some like like miraval or something and like did a sound bath and had this giant therapeutic cleansing it's like you guys you clay fraser said just get over it and you said okay i'll get over it and it was done meanwhile he's sitting here talking about how while he's gotten over somebody betraying him because he got it out on the table while he's sitting there eating with somebody who just betrayed him rainbow also i wish rainbow had heard kyle's uh confessional about his mom smacking him on the back of the head and telling him to get the fuck over it she would have got she would have been so triggered i know what that's like it's so hard so then we go to oh he's just oh now he's talking to Fraser and he's like oh no we just see the flashback to yesterday I'm sorry so then we go to Selene and Damo because she's got to get somebody back you know she's the bombshell so she's like with no sunshine there's no rainbows which isn't I mean I guess that's true but that's not the saying right like it's gotta rain I don't actually know the saying actually there can't be rainbows without rain meaning like you know once it's when the things are bad then you know that's when the rain there might be a rainbow yeah that's a stupid saying because it's kind of like the saying should really be like when it rains sometimes once in a while rare enough that people stop and look at it there's a rainbow but usually there's not one when shitty things happen sometimes it's just a shitty thing and you have to deal with it I just like to say you know sunshine is great and all but it also causes cancer that's my saying so when someone is giving me toxic positivity yeah thunder always happens when it rains you know is that the lyric?

14:43Ben Mandelker: yeah thunder always happens when it rains yeah it's just I needed a moment for the Fleetwood Mac sounds to kick into my head and it was like it's like coming to life like like crawling up a hill like I'm coming I'm coming to you

15:08Ben Mandelker: by the way that's a lie I don't know where Fleetwood Mac have been living but I'm just gonna say that right now sometimes when it rains there's no thunder I feel like there's just so many fallacies about all these all these cute sayings about rain I think it's just rain songs lie yeah songs are fucking liars You know the biggest lying song that's ever been written? What?

15:35The big lie. Hanson fucking liars. So she's like, what's not such a rainbow? And he's like, tell me what happened with you and the girls today. And so they gossip about the girls kissing. And he's like, you don't like that? No, me completely. I'm completely okay with everything. I just shortened the eyebrow. I just shortened the eyebrow. a little bit. I'm fine with it. I don't care. I'm not bothered at all, which is why I'm flirting with my 90th person on the boat. Attention. Please give me attention.

16:03Ben Mandelker: I really like Jess. And I just really want people happy. But if she feels bad when she saw me kissing you, sounds bad. Like, you know, like she likes me, but she's scared to like me more. And Damo's like, so what does it happen to you lot? People being scared to like you? She's like, no, because I'm hot. He's like, really? Because you don't think the same thing happened with Stilly? She's like, oh, Stilly. Oh, shit, another person who broke up with me today. Okay, we really need to make up now. Make out. Yeah, but still he wasn't scared to like her. Stima's so full of shit. So she's like, I don't like it.

16:35I feel like baby shit in the street. Like, people don't want to look at this. I'm not like, yeah, I don't like feeling. But, of course, I'm human. I have art. Big art. Big art. But most of the time, I try to hide. Because if I look like I don't have heart, I'm rock. And stuff like that. people don't care she's like explaining gray rocking i like that she watched the season finale of vanderpump rules before she got on the boat she's like i'm like rock gray a lot gray baby poop in the street she's like baby poop it's like if a baby ate a rock and pooped out the rock that's what she would be what's going on in france that you all are just

17:12Ben Mandelker: letting your baby shit all over the street i mean come on now i just like your children like she's like i just feel like baby poop in the street people just want to avoid me she's like I would like someone to step in me. I want someone to put their foot in the baby boot.

17:29So then Damo is, what are you going to do? She's like, I'm doing Guadal. So basically meaning I'm ignoring it. I'm just going to continue being hot and wait to trap somebody else. So now Fraser announces that it's time to get out in 30 minutes. so Damo tells Solaine that he's in love with her and he doesn't want her kissing Jess or Stilly anymore and she's like I don't trust you it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial

18:06so now it's time Fraser reminds everybody to tip the gorgeous waitress which I thought it was going to be a

18:14Ben Mandelker: they were setting up some drama like they were all pulling together the tips and someone's not going to tip. And who's the one who's not going to tip. And I can't believe this person didn't tip. And no, no, we don't. They just, they just tipped the waitress. That's it. Yeah. So then, um, Selena still talking to Damon and she's like, no, normally I don't think. Yeah. Well, but now I start to think that I want to be in trouble always. I don't know. I'm going to be in trouble. And so they kiss and Anthony sees it. and Jess sees it and Jess doesn't love it. And then Kyle's like, well, it sucks to be on the other end of this shit.

18:53Like, what the fuck? But more than anyone was quite aware that I was a bit ticked off about the situation. These people are fucked. These people are fucked.

19:01Ben Mandelker: And they're like making out in this pool. And then the camera widens up and we see that there's just a guy in like a t-shirt in the pool just chilling next to them. And Fraser's like, these poor other tours beside them are trying to have a good day. And meanwhile, they've got a pawn shoot. And the guy's just hanging out while they're just like going to town right next to him. It's a pretty brilliant shot. So then Demo is saying, now they're doing this thing where he's like, am I going to be in trouble? You know. But with Scottish, no, Scottish, I don't think he cares. This is what they do. This is like a repeat thing that Bravo Lebrides especially.

19:37Ben Mandelker: But like fuckboys, just like slutty people in general do, is that they do something shitty. and then they come slinking back to the person that they messed up with and are like, am I in trouble? Like, yes, you are. And don't think that you can come slinking in all cute and you're off the hook. Yeah, but none of them are because I don't know, this is like a just big everybody makes out with everybody kind of a thing. And then the people who with hurt feelings, those are like the people with like normal human feelings. And I think the rest of us are like, well, okay, that person has hurt feelings which means they are not completely traumatized too traumatized to have a relationship so perfect i'll go for one of them um so hugo is just like wow it must be great to be by you can just have your cake and eat it too mate yeah and um so they finally settle up with the bill and they get into the cars they're going to go back to their villa because they actually weren't at their villa they were somewhere else they were at a day club and um then they're in the vans and Barbara's like guys did you enjoy your day what was your best part and Jess is like when I got to kiss you so you know and then they start to make out in the backseat and they're just really going at it and you're like oh okay maybe this Jess and Barbara thing has legs maybe it's gonna happen so he goes giving Selene shit he's like so now you have three boyfriends girl he's like you have three boyfriends now she's like no no zero baby poop street and uh Rainbow's loving it.

21:06She's like, what a beautifully ancestral crew. I'm so friends with everybody now.

21:11Ben Mandelker: It's going to go great. Yes, you guys like me, right? Look, I'm doing the things that people do to have friends, right? So I guess it's not a triangle, it's a square. It's like, make it optical. So they go to the villa and Damo comes to try to talk to Kyle, but Kyle doesn't really like him now because he's a shitty friend. So Damo's like, why are you running away from me, mate. He's like, I'm not running from you. I'm running to get a drink, which is away from you. Thank God, you stinky piece of crap. So then, Instagram wall demo. Am I a bad friend? Probably. I kissed Elaine. I don't regret it, though, but I don't know that I shouldn't have done it, but that being said, would Carl in this situation do anything different for me?

21:55Ben Mandelker: I don't think so, because right now, I'm in a selfish period of my life, so I do shitty things, like patch my mate's ex-missus, even though I know it's going to upset him. I don't care that you're in a selfish period of your selfish period of your life means that you're going to, I don't know, not go out with your friends because you're going to focus on like staying late at the job so that we can get ahead in your career. Selfish does not mean being shit to people. It's a big difference. Well, it can mean it. But, you know, he's like one of those people who's very self-aware. So that makes it OK in his mind.

22:31Like, well, OK, I'm being selfish, but I'm deciding to be selfish. So at least I'm, but that makes it worse. Cause like you're willingly being a bad friend to somebody, you know? Yeah.

22:40Ben Mandelker: And you're going to actually like wrap it up under the guise of some sort of weird self-help thing, like, like empowerment. Like I'm being selfish with myself right now. So if it means that like, I'm going to shit on my friend who like I've built some sort of connection with and we live in the same room with, so be it because it's for my own self-improvement. Like go fuck yourself. Yeah. Wow. So then Selene jumps into the pool and starts saying, look at me. I'm wet. I'm marmalade. I'm marmalade.

23:15Ben Mandelker: Lady marmalade. Should be, you know, hilarious to me, but I'm like, you kind of are marmalade because it's like really pretty and you're supposed to want it, but I just never do. it's like gross it's like gross just give me some grape jelly you know yeah how do you rate between jam jelly marmalade marmalade and and preserves how do you rank them fuck marry kill and kill again um i would put it in the order you just gave except put preserves third and marmalade last marmalade is the one that gets really killed yeah i just preserves is accidental kill marmalade is like yeah that was first degree homicide marmalade is a little try hard yeah um yeah i agree although i guess i don't know i do like orange marmalade also it's funny because i say marmalade and you say marmalade just because the lane just said it like that so you know i'm sounding classy because i just heard it on tv it's classy it's a day for classiness you know bravo was nothing but classy last night so yeah so she's like she's in this white dress which is of course now completely see-through because it's wet and she's you know hot super hot and she's like look at me I'm mom a lot I'm mom a lot and Jess has now got a lady boner and like literally just foaming at the mouth I'm surprised there's like I'm shocked there was not like a line of drool going from her lips down to like the the floor she couldn't even hide the fact that she was in some sort of game that she was using Barbara's upon and she just was looking at Solaine yeah and Solaine knows what she's doing you know she gets back in her white dress jumps in the pool so now she's all boobalicious and you know of course calling attention like look at me I'm mama lad and so just falls right for it you know like goes towards the siren and crashes right into the rocks.

25:13And she goes up to her and she's like, are you wearing anything beneath this? And she's like, no, you smell really good. Not even your perfume. You, you smell good. So now they make out and Barbara's just watching this like, yeah, I'm done. I'm done. I was just thinking of all of the vegetables that I could plant by fall and pickle by spring for this woman. And already she's with Marmalade.

25:37Ben Mandelker: Yeah, that was a quick turnaround. round. By the way, credit to Selene for some beautiful swimming moves. She had to have been on a swim team at some point. I mean, she was doing the butterfly. She was doing a beautiful backstroke, her dive into the pool. She was really showing off a lot of talent there. Well, she'll need him because eventually her ass is going to get thrown overboard. Yeah, it will. Yeah. So, Barbara is not happy about this whatsoever. And she's telling Fraser, she's like, I'm done with Jess. Of course, Fraser was an accomplice to this because he was the one who was like, Barbara, I really think that you should be open to making out with Jess.

26:11Ben Mandelker: She's into you. You should try it out. I mean, Fraser had to know that Jess was playing a game too. Fraser was smart. He just wanted to create some mess on the boat. As usual. I think he just wanted the girl to get some, you know, which is good because Fraser's got a hardened little heart, you know, he's not going to be sitting around moping over Damo, but he's used to it. But Barbara's a sweet soul. She's not used to it, guys. She can't do this. So now it's 17 years until charter. 17 years later. 17 hours until charter, 7.02 p.m. Selene and Jess are still making out. Barbara's over it. And she's like, oh, if I'm into someone, I would never change my mind in less than one hour.

26:53At this point in my life, I don't have time. Like, I do not have time for this. Like, I have 17 hours until charter, still not time. I don't have time. So Barbara's like, yeah, I'm going to go change. So now it's raining. and now someone is just full on topless.

27:08Ben Mandelker: Yeah, just topless. And then Jess is like, well, me telling Barbara that I just want to kiss her, it was in that moment, which is, I mean, talk about a bullshit line right there. It was just in that moment. That was my truth. I was being honest for that moment. That is what I wanted right then. I've been in three serious relationships since the age of 17, since I came out. And this is kind of my first time exploring. And I want to grow. I want to experiment and I want to feel these things. I mean, I look a little bit of a tosser right now, but I'm okay with that Okay, you can explore and you can grow and experiment.

27:42Ben Mandelker: Just don't do it like all at the same time Okay, like you're not in a multiverse pace it out. Don't do it in front of other people. Just find a way to do it respectfully Yeah, you can do it But don't just tell somebody you're the only person here. I want to kiss like I've made up my mind. It's you You yeah, you're the one I've been looking for this old time I've tried every sample in the Costco and it's you chicken salad you that I'm purchasing and then go off and buy the tuna salad the fuck it's rude yeah 100 % it's like don't do the hard pitch like that and then switch it up think about the sample person you just heard that was someone's papa it was and think about the person you just was waiting in line that was someone else's papa yeah so Damo is still trying with Kyle he's like are you sure we're good and carl's like he's just looking at him like and he says all is fair all is fair and which basically means all is fair and love and war and damo says well this ain't marriage love and this ain't marriage love and war this is just fucking about and he's like yeah but that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying it is yeah it's all good yeah if you just hurt your friend's feelings then no it's not just fucking about and you knew that these people are terrible they really are there's garbage i was like jess is garbage i was like i liked jess but i'm like oh she's garbage.

29:01Ben Mandelker: Man, another person entered the garbage pile of the season. So then Damo's garbage too. I was sort of liking Damo but now I'm like, he's garbage. They're all really garbage. I'm not going to like Damo because of his highlights. So then Jess and Solane's room they take a shower tonight and bone basically, right? Oh, is this where they bone? Maybe it's later. Yeah, I think it is. Now they're talking about watches. Like, can I wear your watch? And Solane's like, absolutely not. She was like, too late because I feel like that's another step in our relationship. So then they're like making dinner and everything and they're cooking because they know that they don't cook with Anthony.

29:43Ben Mandelker: He's going to lose his mind again. Like, why does no one want to cook hot dog with me? I am once again alone cooking hot dog. So Jess and Barbara are like setting the table and it's like very awkward. Barbara's like not talking and she's like, I'm avoiding Jess, because I don't even really want to be her friend now. Like, what do I have to say? I'm just so done with all this fucking drama. I don't need this. I don't need this. And it's like, I get that. Why am I even going to talk to you? Like you've shown your true colors. Like you're just a garbage person whose word I can't take and you're manipulative and you use me in a pawn for your own gratification.

30:16Ben Mandelker: Get out of my life. And you can tell Barbara is really pissed because she's putting down plates in the most passive aggressive way ever. She's like holding a stack of plates and then she's like lifting them and dropping them on the place and then dropping the bottom one and then lifting them again and moving to the next place and dropping. It's like very slow. It's like a very passive aggressive construction arm that's just like... You really feel the negative space in the air. No words being spoken. Drop. Right. Watch, we won't listen to you. Just a mechanical cold. plates going down with no love or affection just in their most robotic seats.

31:00You're gonna bow your head and listen to my conveyor belt drop these plates for one hour and a half. It's gonna take me to drop these plates. And you can just stew in it. Think about the garden you were about to have. Yeah. So Fraser is like, ladies and gentlemen, dinner is ready. Okay, this is something that's just like a little thing. But Fraser at the at the Isle of Pusese, or wherever they just were at the club, was announcing to everybody, like, we're leaving a tip for the gorgeous waiter. It's like he's one of those people who announces so he can take credit for the tip, even though he's not going to leave the tip.

31:39And now he's doing that thing where he's doing the announcement for the dinner, which he didn't make. He's a credit stealer there, I'm saying.

31:48Ben Mandelker: Yes. Wow, I never thought of that before with Fraser, but that's definitely something to flag and keep an eye on. He's like a manners clout stealer. Wow. Everyone's worst side is coming out today. Yeah. So they're talking about how Celine is kissing Jess at the table and how they already banged in the shower today. And Fraser's like, they were both in the shower. And Jess is like, we were just chatting like nothing was happening, which we know is a lie because we have sound effects. yeah we heard the sounds we heard the mama lad so Jess is like I mean Soso is my kryptonite I'm attracted to her I know we have feelings for each other and I love the excitement that I have with her you're so addicted to the good parts keeps you hooked yeah well enjoy it now because my prediction is that Stilly gets fired for sleeping with a guest and they bring in Dylan Soso's ex to take a spot and then Soso goes back with him and Jess you're left in the dust and all you have there is the shadow of Barbara that you can make out with.

32:51You think that's going to happen?

32:53Ben Mandelker: I've decided. That's my theory. I was like, they've shown Dylan way too many times in the flashbacks that it just has to be a setup for him coming onto the show. Ew, gross. Yeah, I'm sorry. So, um, now it's, they finish dinner and they go back to their rooms and Barbara is, um, Solane goes out into the beach chair and Jess joins her and Barbara's just sitting there like, awesome. So So Jess is like, so how was your day? And Celine says, I kiss Barbara. No, I don't kiss Barbara. But night is not finished. Night is not finished. I am a lot. So Kyle is sleeping naked on the bed. And Damo's like, yeah, people can't do this long drinking.

33:35And Hugo's like, oh, I know he actually wasn't as wild as I thought he was going to be. Look at him sleeping. That's crazy. I'm glad Hugo got to say something today. Poor guy.

33:45Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Yeah. Also, Hugo maybe hasn't seen last season because Kyle will definitely get wasted. But the thing is, he's like sad Kyle right now. So sad Kyle just wants to drink and go to sleep as opposed to happy Kyle who wants to drink and then go running around the entire resort. So that's all that was. But I love that this entire scene happened with like Damo and Hugo having an entire conversation. And Kyle is like full on just naked on that bed. And they put like a little like they put some drawers on like over his dick to hide it. But Kyle's flopping over and whatever, but in the background, Kyle just passed out in the buff while they're just having a conversation.

34:23Yeah. So Damo says, well, he was loyal to Stilly, but he's not a good friend. And he was in deep at the start. And then Jess has come all along, and that's not so bad. And Hugo's like, wow, they have a great boyfriend, like a great bromance. I hate to see it end like this. I mean, it's messing up bro code. so he's like yeah if everything is whatever I fucking want it's going to end up fucking fucking in a lot of fucking tears fuck I couldn't say that when I was younger so I'm going to say it a lot right now

34:56Ben Mandelker: so then Jess and Selene decide to take yet another shower so maybe that's why there was confusion because they took a shower before and they take another shower right now yeah and Barbara while they're doing that Barbara is like you know to be honest I don't know what's going on just because I think that everything she said to me nothing was true her behavior was completely different than what what she said and i would never invite someone in my mess i feel sad because i don't really even want to speak with jess anymore like i can't even be friends with someone that fucked with other people like you know i would like that's the problem that's the problem i just don't like the feeling i just don't like how i'm feeling right now and then she starts to cry and i'm so mad at jess for making her sweet barber cry yeah and so then uh it's a mess everything's a mess it's usual the kitchen's a mess.

35:40There's alcohol bottles everywhere. And now it's time to go back. And Fraser's like, I didn't wear any underwear this weekend, everybody.

35:51Ben Mandelker: So then Demo, they're all excited to get back to work. They're driving back to work and they're all like hung over and they're just like tired and yawning. And Captain Care's like, good day, mate. What was the place? You guys have a fun time. You guys all bang each other. And they're like, Fraser's like, stunning. We got to the point yesterday where people just naturally stopped drinking and in some cases started whining like a little baby and accusing me of causing them their job i don't know who that was but it happened with some people a lot of talk about how parents have ruined adult lives well all right well guests are arriving at noon we're leaving here one or two o 'clock depending on the bridge all right interior let's meet in the primary to discuss the next charter deck team we're doing it in the other place because this below deck is different all right let's have two separate meetings talking about the same thing.

36:40Do it. Instagram rules.

36:42Ben Mandelker: So we meet this group. Our co-primary is Helen owns a lingerie company and Richard is a semi-retired real estate investor. So we see the... We've had these people on before. I don't remember them at all, to be honest. They just were strange people in big black wigs. Yeah, I didn't really remember them either. But I knew when we heard the description it was going to be an extremely old person with someone that you don't ever want to see in lingerie yeah yep that's um so he's like they're coming and they used to being on yachts which also means they're probably terrible so yes um we see flashbacks of them and even the flashbacks i didn't really remember anything so uh fraser keeps reading that the additional guest Michelle, a podcast red carpet host.

37:33And Kelly, Michelle, a podcast red carpet host. Is that a thing? What does that mean? Like she hosts, she goes to red carpet for podcasts or she works podcast red carpet events.

37:48Ben Mandelker: Do other podcasts have a red carpet before they start recording? She's like, welcome. Oh my God, Ben and Ronnie, you're about to do your 10 ,000th and 15th show. And you're talking about Below Deck for the 6 ,700th time. What are you feeling today before you sit down? Here comes Bueller, ready to sit at his father's feet until he hears the magic words, we'll see you next time, everybody, and starts begging for food. Bueller, what are you wearing and how do you shed so much? That's it. It's just like some people just have a step and repeat, just ready to go. Bueller, Bueller, before you go in, what does your poop smell like?

38:29You seem to want to smell it every single time you're outside. What is it like? Can I ask you, why do you pretend to bury your poop, but it's all an act? You don't actually kick up any sand or make a hole. You just kind of kick the air and then snort like you did something positive for the country. Why do you do that?

39:02Ben Mandelker: then we also know that there's someone named kelly a corporate flight attendant uh i didn't i did not remember this detail about kelly so she works in hospitality basically and she acts a fool this entire episode which is kind of a flight attendant it kind of explains what's going on with the airlines lately did you read that you were just talking about delta fucking you over on the bonus episode. Did you read that the Delta pilot was arrested the next day? They came onto a flight and arrested him off of the flight and took him off. So there was another concert missed. Well, my Delta flight was abruptly cancelled because there was no pilot.

39:45Ben Mandelker: Was my pilot arrested? What sort of criminals does Delta have flying their planes? This did happen on Saturday. This did happen on Saturday, so I was wondering if that was the same flight. yeah i was wondering if it was the same thing it was in san francisco but i'm wondering if that was a flight that could have been coming to la that could have 100 that 100 could have been a thing yeah because at first i thought it couldn't be ben because that would have been friday but i was in vegas on friday to see beyonce you were not there so that was that would have been saturday to you but beyonce is like oh he approved of that i'm so mad he was arrested just after 9 30 p.m you know that's unfortunate that would have been really cool if i could have attached myself to a national story you know it's my favorite thing in the world to do my craven craven self-involved soul always needs that and i alas although maybe looking at the details of this case maybe not such a bad thing to not be attached to this because this guy was arrested for some really heinous things it turns out so i didn't even read they didn't even say what he was arrested for in the article i read like child sex abuse.

40:51Ben Mandelker: Oh, geez. Oh, my God. You know what? Never mind. I will stay away from that one. Jeez. And they just fired so many people from the airline industry, didn't they? I mean, like, can we filter? I mean, what the hell? It seems like it. Based on the fact that there were no pilots to take me to Vegas. And I had to. Jeez. God, I wish they'd put you on a plane with Kelly, the corporate flight attendant. Democrats. Democrats. So Captain Kerry You don't get to tell me who gets to have tomato juice first Okay, so I decide You guys are no fun You all are no fun in this plane So Captain Kerry tells Everybody they're going to have a beach picnic And then they're going to go to the Dutch side, the French side, the Orient Bay The Grand The Grand Case All these places And they're bringing all the toys Then there's a beach picnic beautiful beaches.

41:49The French side has nude beaches, which nobody needs to see any of these people nude. None of them. Okay. Keep them on the boat for chief, for Christ's sake, the nude beaches need to start getting a scanner or something and scan the yachts before they let them land.

42:03Ben Mandelker: Yeah. For dinner, the primary wants a cowboy theme because I mean, what else would you get when you go down to the Caribbean? And then a captain carry. Yeah. They're just, he's like, they're going to have a lingerie dinner too. So that's something to look forward to a true adventure. And so then they're looking at all the pictures and Captain Carrie's like, oh, he's going to be the problem child of this trip. And Barbara's like, Kelly. She's like, who is that? Because she wears pink lipstick. It's not good. Barbara is my spirit animal. I love that she can do that. That's a talent. Or you can just look at someone and know they're awful because of their terrible lipstick.

42:40Ben Mandelker: I mean, that's my girl right there. It was very impressive that she picked that out. And then they showed up Barbara's, I'm sorry, Kelly's preference sheet. And it was just funny because everything she wanted was pasta. It was like, what do you want for breakfast? Pasta. Lunch? Pasta. What are your preferences? Pasta. Snacks? Pasta. You're allergic to anything? I'm allergic to everything but pasta. If she made it to the cowboy dinner, I guarantee she would have complained that there was no pasta at it. Whatever happened to the days of a spaghetti western, am I right? That's the sort of cowboy I want.

43:12Oh, wait, I found something different. At least one thing different. They said, what do you like for dessert? And she says, gaze out of the military. So that was nice. Change it up a little bit. Yeah, that'd be the cherry on top of the sundae, really. So Barbara and Fraser are making a bed, and Fraser's like, so I've got a question genuinely. Did anyone hear when I said I didn't have underwear on? Because that should have been a more titillating moment than it was.

43:41Ben Mandelker: but Barbara I just want to make sure you're okay and I want to remind you that Jess treated you like a discarded piece of baloney that someone left on the floor of the supermarket a poor person indeed do you feel okay? she says she's just depressed because she has to work it has nothing to do with the girl and he's like well but then what did you chat about in the pool then what was that about? wouldn't that make you cry? are you sure you don't want to cry? hold on let me get out my phone And let videos rolling, videos rolling, portrait mode, focused on you, focused on you. She said that she thought there was something between us, but then she went and did whatever she wants to do, whatever she wants to do.

44:19Ben Mandelker: Okay. Do you want to say that again with a bit more, I don't know, tears in your eyes? Okay. Just think about how excited you were and then how disappointed you were. Say it again now. Are you sure there's nothing more you can express that I can put into this little vial? I'm collecting misery from anyone around me to drink when I'm feeling down. Please, please, think about how you almost had it all. Couldn't I almost had it all? Blah, blah, blah, blah, life worth living. Oh, God. All right, I'll just keep the vial over here. I'll just call, I'll suggest Anthony's gained some weight or something.

44:59Ben Mandelker: He has so much misery to give. So Fraser's like, I just feel shitty for Barbara. And by shitty, I mean I'm sort of laughing. It's kind of funny if you think about it. I just don't know what Jess's game plan here is. Why would she go and tell Barbara? She's into her if she clearly isn't. I don't want to get involved, but I don't think it's from Jess or so. Not one bit. So you know what I'm going to do? Get involved. I just don't want anyone to get hurt without me there to watch. Do you understand? And she's like, well, exactly. I'll speak with Jess. And he goes, protect yourself. Protect yourself, honey.

45:34So now everyone's tired, but still getting their work done. And Fraser next hits up Solaine. And, you know, she's like, oh, the time that I have to, I don't know. Maybe it will take me this time. Maybe it will take me that time. I don't know. Well, how should I know how long it will take? I don't know. And he's like, 15 minutes, yeah, to finish all of this. And then you go down. And she's like, oh, your French accent is very bad, no?

46:02Ben Mandelker: he's like well so your English accent is incredible by the way see tit for tat bitch so then Barbara goes pulls Jess to have a conversation and Anthony's telling Carrie he's like let's smash the Ishar Tom and go home will you stay and cook hot dogs with me in the galley he's like no man I don't have to drive the boat you can make the hot dogs on your own but hey just as a reminder this time last year you're fired ha ha ha ha ha ha Fraser get in here with your voil of tears he's shedding some right now oh I was just thinking that but thank god this time everything is going good huh I'm doing so good it's about to go to shit sir let's hope because that's always when it goes to shit it's when someone's like finally I have everything figured out so now Barbara goes to talk to Jess she pulls Jess aside and Jess is like am I in trouble and she says you know like i'm not the kind of person who wants to hurt people i am friends with people because i want to take care of them and be nice to them and you came up to me and said you wanted to be with me and then you made out with someone else which was super fucked up and just is like uh well yeah and she's like yeah so i'm upset so i'm talking to you and she's like uh uh, well, uh, I don't know because I did feel something, but maybe I should have, shouldn't have acted on it because I was with so-so.

47:36No, you acted on it because so-so flirted with somebody else. And you also wanted to have somebody to flirt against her with, which Barbara called you out for in the first place, which you denied. So this makes it like double as bad that you're pulling this shit.

47:49Ben Mandelker: Yeah. And Barbara's like, well, you know, feel free to kiss anyone. one. Just, I don't want to be the one. Like it's just, it's fun, but like, it's not my vibe, what you're doing. And Jess is like, I respect that. And I'm sorry I put you in that position and not just you, but both of you guys. And then she tells us, I've definitely gone in a bit over my head because I want the best of both worlds, but you can't really do that. So I realized now I've actually hurt this person. Like you don't want the best of both worlds. You want one world and you can use the other world to make the other world jealous.

48:19Ben Mandelker: That's it. so then um jess apologizes and barbara's like okay i mean whatever it is what it is i'm going back to laundry fucking this fucking job so um rainbow is trying to help solene she's like do you need pineapple juice behind the bar she goes sorry pineapple juice behind the bar i still have three but if you don't want do whatever you want i don't care you want me to clean bathroom right oh no i'm sorry it's not one in the morning i'm not going to sleep so Rainbow's like okay it's fine as long as you're stocked Everything's fine everything's fine And she like walks out the room and Fraser's like You're doing good Rainbow You're doing good feel the rage feel the anger Now I'm just going to put this Vial right up to your eyeball don't you worry One bit But then Rainbow tells us she's like oh yeah Well you tell me you don't give a fuck about me Well guess what now I don't give a fuck About you you want to fuck with me You're about to see what you're gonna get And I was like wow you really showed her by offering to get her pineapple juice and then walking away cheerfully.

49:20So the rainbow revenge. Are you sure you don't want any pineapple juice? Okay, just call me if you need me. Okay, you've got my number, right?

49:28Ben Mandelker: She really put her in her place. She really showed her who's the boss. She was the queen of that island in Holland.

49:39Ben Mandelker: So then Fraser and Carrie do like a walkthrough to make sure everything is clean and they're doting on things or whatever. Gary's like, give us your rinse, do that for that. Make a nice, wipe that one down. Alright, have an adventure over there. Great. And now it's 10 minutes until the guests arrival, changing into their uniforms. And Fraser's hoping that everyone's going to be fun. But we all know. They line up. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Call the entire staff down here. Get the French police. There's a handprint on this glass. He's like, alright. Done. Adventure! Adventure! So the guests walk up in their Kardashian wigs.

50:18Ben Mandelker: It feels like they were like, oh, Kardashians are a thing. They sort of leaned into it in 2017 and just stayed there. So they're walking up like, wow, what a beautiful day in the neighborhood, right? Oh my god. And Kelly, the star of the show, is like, I need some champagne. Okay, can these Democrats fill up my glass already? What the fuck is going on around here? And Helen, who's not... Helen, I guess, is the lingerie lady right? Which one is the podcast red carpet host? She's the one I really need to know who she is. I don't know. But London, she's like in London, they call it go-go juice. And one of the guys is like, oh God, I hope they got ibuprofen because you're going to need it.

51:00Jesus Christ. There's one who's just in such a bad mood the whole time. I'm guessing the old semi-retired guy and he's hilarious.

51:07Ben Mandelker: Well, it's funny because they're all like New York, New Jersey. They have the thickest accents, but there's like one guy, it seems like there's like a gay guy from like the South who is just not nude. And he just berates Kelly the entire time, which is hilarious. He's sort of like low-key, also the star of the show, and I feel like he doesn't get enough credit. Yeah. So they come up, and Helen's like, these are my dear friends, we're on vacation, but we two all work together in retail lingerie. What a gorgeous crew! Oh yeah, aren't they gorgeous? Well, thank you very much for that. Welcome to Sonny St.

51:44Martin. Here's your chief stew. Stick up the ass himself. He's such a stick up the ass. He is the stick that goes up the ass. It's Fraser. All right, he'll show you around.

51:55Ben Mandelker: So he gives the tour and everything. He takes them all around. He takes them to the bar. And he's like, this is Barbara. She just got dumped by a slutty lady downstairs. And she will be serving you drinks. And Helen's like, well, Barbara's going to be my new friend. Okay, this is our main saloon. This is where I think Kelly will probably pass out multiple times on the charter here. And it does get very hot, so don't worry about that. Oh, look, everybody, I got go-go juice. I got go-go juice. That's what they call it in London. It's actually not a thing. But as the British person here, I'll say that's not a thing.

52:32Ben Mandelker: But I'm contractually obligated to agree with everything you say. So enjoy your go-go juice. All right, so this is the Sad Lesbian Salon. If you ever want to come up here and have some go-go juice while you watch a sad lesbian do sad lesbian things, planning gardens that will never grow, this is where you go. Everybody understand. Barbara, do not move. Do not move. And Barbara's like, I have not a good feeling. I don't know. I hate judged people by their look, but they look like Adam family. There's something dark. There's something not nice. The Adam family people are very nice. So Helen is like, you know, you're going to have a problem with us because we're all from New York and we talk so much.

53:12Ben Mandelker: It's terrible. So Chris is like, yes, I agree, but I didn't have to articulate that. So here's your cabins, life vests. And Kelly's like, well, we don't need life vests. We don't need those. We're just going to throw each other overboard. That's Kelly, fucking monster Kelly. Say, we all need those. I don't care about no life vests. He's like, okay, well, here's your hot tub, otherwise known as 13 stews loads, which have been blown over the past three days at each other. So it's of prime importance when we're moving that we are not out on our decks, all right? It's dangerous for you guys. It's dangerous for us.

53:49The space you're allowed, sad lesbian salon. Do you understand?

53:54Ben Mandelker: So just to repeat If we are leaving the dock These decks you're not allowed to walk on You can't go by the hot tub You stand in that space there Got it So when we're leaving the deck We're going to go everywhere We walk anywhere we want That's actually the time they say Go hide in some place And talk to anyone you see on a deck Got it, got it So now the anchor is being lifted And Helen's regaling her friends With her fabulous tales Of what it's like to be Helen She's like, we had a day from hell yesterday. Every time I go through TSA, I get pulled off the line. They must think I look like a drug mule or something because every time I'm here, they pull me off the line.

54:33You look like you've got like eight kilos in your lips alone. Yes, you look like a mule. You look like the guy from Mask trying to bring over like an entire country's worth of drugs. What is wrong? What happened to you? What happened to you? I want this lady's story.

54:49Ben Mandelker: she's like why do they why do they make me look like i'm a mob wife i'm like because you look like big angie literally no not big angie what's the other one well yeah i guess she is she is kind of a cross between big ang and what's the other one's name the main mid-size ang

55:09compact ang but i just love big ang so it's it's hard for me but yeah they're similar they are similar looks. So now one of the guys is trying to go upstairs and he goes like, just check what deck that guy's trying to sit on, please. And Carrie's like, what's going on, Fraser? We've got guests on deck here. And he's like, oh, stand by, coming up. I was making more sad lesbian signage. So Richard comes up and he just goes right up to Captain Carrie. He's like, yeah, what's going on? You got a steering wheel? It's like a fucking car. It's like a car. Can I play with it? Yeah, it's good. Is this thing a stick shift?

55:49Well, I can't really talk about it, mate. So am I.

55:52Ben Mandelker: Mate, I can't really talk right now. I have to put this focus on this. Don't want to crash this boat. Don't want a captain to line it up. So, yeah, you don't have to. Oh, that's nice. It's showing me pictures of your trials. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look at this. This is my dick. You got any dick pics? This is mine. Very nice. Don't focus on the boat. Look big. Don't mind. Yeah. Yeah, we're just going to just focus on driving. All right. What card am I holding in my hand? Okay, I can guess the card you picked. Seven of Diamonds. I just don't want to crush the boat here. You guessed a king. You guessed my dick.

56:23It's my dick. It's my dick on a card.

56:27Ben Mandelker: I'm going to have a little adventure here. You can just go downstairs if you want, if you don't mind, mate. I'm going to go downstairs. Jesus, try to be nice to someone. God. So Hugo is like, yeah, yeah, guys, when we're moving the boat, you can't be on the decks, okay? go up there so they're already a shit show so then Captain people are awful and now these people are terrible they were just told a second ago don't be on the deck when the boat is leaving you have to stand here and they just go wandering around with no no regard for what the instructions were And this is just people are terrible.

57:16Ben Mandelker: They do this all the time. It's not just these people. It's everyone. Everyone does this all the time in all places. So now you've got crew trying to get them off the deck, but it's also time to go through that terrifying bridge. And so the captain's waiting for things to call, but Hugo's trying to keep the people in line. And so it's like, I need communication on deck. I need communication. I need correct calls. if they're focusing on the deck the crew instead of the deck oh the vessel's affected I'm getting frustrated I thought this really is I thought this really is a Fraser fail because I feel like this is like the moment when the deck crew has to really be focused and it should be like Interior who should be wrangling all the guests together yeah well someone geez someone needs to apparently so Captain Kerry's like oh come on focus we're a bee's dick away from that breed The bee is like, excuse you I am very well endowed The bee is like, you got plenty of room Kids, plenty of room Alright

58:23Ben Mandelker: They don't call me Donk bee for nothing, huh? You see all these bees around you Those are my kids Don't come from a small dick I'm kind of a one bee kind of man though i'm not gonna lie so they but guess what after all this drama they make it through the they make it through the bridge i mean we all knew it'd be fine but i was still a stress doing because don't we see the boat crashing into the bridge in the preview didn't we see a crash this season or was that in my mind i don't know maybe i just think that um i was still stressed because on principle i just was so angry at these people for just wandering around like a bunch of jellyfish on a boat.

59:05Ben Mandelker: Just stupid. So they make it through and Kerry is really mad. He's really, really mad. So he calls up, he calls up, he calls a meeting with Fraser and Hugo. He's like, I can't get on the deck when I'm going to the bridge. I'm fucking livid. All right. I need every answer. Focus. You see them on the dock, then the deck, get him off. Not like that though. Okay. Fraser stopped looking so excited. I'll keep asking for distance to clear. Okay. So So I don't know what's going on back there. All right. Don't do it again. I like when Fraser gets into a meeting and told off because he just goes, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

59:41Yes. Mm-hmm. Okay. It's like, I'll let you get over whatever this is that you're doing right now. Just go ahead. Get it out of your system. Inside my head, I have the girl from Ipanema playing. All right. So just do whatever you need to do. Right.

59:55Ben Mandelker: The only one who truly terrified him was Captain Sandy because she really got to him. She's like, you know what? evil the snake rots from the head and right now you're the head of the snake you did not like that at all you didn't i was one of sandy's greatest moments though because she called it right away uh so she really did she called that one right away and the rest of blow deck production was like yeah we don't produce your blow deck you're not in charge here So we're going to make Fraser our star for the next 10 years. Okay. Thanks for your advice though, Sandy. Um, Fraser at some point, could you please create the sad lesbian salon?

1:00:37Great.

1:00:42Ben Mandelker: So yeah. Uh, Captain Kerry is saying that when it comes to safety, there's no nice score. Okay. I need my crew to pay attention. He's doing this whole thing. So then, um, he's, he's really going on. He's really, he's really, he's, he's really steaming mad. He's like, I'm freaking moment of losing concentration. I'm hitting that bridge. So that's why I need everyone to be in line. Okay. All right. Fraser, are you listening? Why are you doing a little somber dance? I don't understand what's happening with you over there. Well, I'm just doing that because you said one of the crew members could get hurt or mimed.

1:01:15So, mimed. Mimed, Fraser. Mimed. Not mimed. You can stop miming now. Same thing. You're just saying the same thing over and over. So then we go down to the guests and they're hanging out at the bar. And one of them's like, Domingo is single, just so everyone knows. He's Italian. He's hardworking. He's handsome. He's my brother-in-law. We're sleeping in the same bed.

1:01:38Ben Mandelker: What an arc.

1:01:43Ben Mandelker: So then Hugo is telling everyone that Captain's pissed off about all the guests wandering around. And then one of the guests is saying how he needs a back massage. And Kelly's like, oh, cool. Oh, my God. Let me cry in a pillow Pour me another drink Pour me another drink This guy's working so hard Am I right? Pour me a drink Well, sorry, Kelly I don't drive around and drink everywhere I actually work Oh, yeah Pour me another drink My favorite drink is the next drink Whatever it is Anything with alcohol Anything with alcohol Your favorite drink Yeah So, Helen is like She's single, by the way Shocker what a shocker and Damien was like fantastic so am I oh yeah how old are you he's like 32 she goes my daughter's 32 I can't I can't come on come on so they drop anchor and everything and Anthony tells us that he's going to be making something with Mediterranean influence because Instagram wall he grew up in France but his I'm sorry to interrupt this Instagram wall but can I have some champagne

1:02:57Ben Mandelker: I am talking about how my grandmother was Italian. Okay. She's Italian. Italian. Okay.

1:03:09Ben Mandelker: Can we do the banana bowl? I want to do the banana bowl. Yeah, I want to do some banana bowl. So Jess is going to put it out for her. And then one of the guests is like, because they're trying to eat now. and kelly's just shit-faced and she's like i don't want to eat nothing i want a champagne i don't want anything all i want to eat is liquor that's all you should give me because i don't want nothing else so don't even try to give me this crap what is this a bunch of crap what is it what are you trying to poison me with crap i want food i want liquor in me not food her hair is like all messed up she's one of those drunk people that the moment they start to get drunk their hair just gets crazy and I don't even know how that happens how does that happen with certain people like they can have like perfectly nice hair and then they have one drink and it's like it's all off she has stuff in it there's something shiny I don't know if that was like a tassel or if it was food or if it was both but she's already just like physically a disaster when did they serve spaghetti man I don't like other regular drinks this is stupid eating is stupid and I'm not gonna do it I don't care he talks about it and then she starts fiddling with the centerpiece it's like why do drunk people like to fiddle with things also they love that she starts fighting with the guys because one of the guys is like Kelly if you drink less we can enjoy everything hey I talk about whatever I want whatever I want with no explanations buddy alright do whatever the fuck I want do you want to talk about drinking yeah i don't have a banana boat i like the banana ball and the banana that's what i'm gonna talk about he's like shut up kelly you're embarrassing so she starts picking up the centerfeats and trying to throw it but she can't figure out how to pick it up because it's like it's like got pearl strings or something honestly hey i already picked this stupid thing up you don't even make things i can pick up a straw on this, bro.

1:05:16When are we supposed to eat this, too? Bring me some alcohol.

1:05:19Ben Mandelker: I hate these people. I want to Jack Daniels. I hate these people. It's a sad piece. You can't even eat a banana bowl. You can't even get it. What's even the point of coming out of your eye? So Rainbow's like, she is so wasted, like shit face. Like, she had to be chugging bottles of champagne in the taxi. Like, she's on the spaceship to the moon. Banana bowl, banana bowl. Blah, blah, blah.

1:05:53Ben Mandelker: Rambo's like, I am going to tell her. No, ma 'am. No more. Would you like another drink? Okay. I'm going to speak to Captain. So Fraser goes up and he's like, Captain, Kelly's asking for more champagne, but she can barely hold her glass. And he's like, all right, well, keep an eye on her. Maybe say, hey, would you like some sparkling water for the next glass? I think you'll appreciate it tomorrow if we do. Copy that. Copy that. That's going to totally work. Meanwhile, Kelly's saying, I hate this place. Can I get some champagne? What a horrible place. What am I, an Alibaba's? What am I, an Alibaba where they put the terrorism people?

1:06:31This is ridiculous. I'm on champagne. I could drink my fist right now. In fact, watch me. Ow, my fist. You made me have my salad. You better give me some champagne. I hate you.

1:06:42Ben Mandelker: you people are wasting my time so she leaves the table and she starts stumbling over to the to go do water toys because also drunk people they just can't sit still I don't know why I feel like when I get drunk I love sitting still at least I think I do I guess I shouldn't really talk about that because I only have my perspective from being the drunk person not the other people who are watching me being drunk who are like Ben you get up and you move all over the place so Kelly I'm going on a banana boat baby Yeah, baby, banana bowl. So Fraser tells everyone, all right, everyone, I'm going to have to cut off Kelly.

1:07:17Ben Mandelker: She's had too much to drink, and she's not funny enough to carry on like this. Like, yeah, well, we're 100 % okay with that. Do whatever you have to do, Fraser. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, here comes Kelly getting all the banana bowl. Don't try and mess with me. I'm getting all the banana bowl. So she's going to go in there. Do you want to put on a scuba vest? No, I don't want no vest. I don't need no vest. I lived in Hawaii, okay? So I've already done all this shit before. All this shit you got out here. Ocean, banana boat. I already did it because I lived in Hawaii, motherfuckers.

1:07:52Ben Mandelker: Isn't that the same thing that Delora said on Below Deck a few seasons ago when Captain Lee kicked that woman off the boat? Yeah. And she was like, I live in Hawaii. I know how to swim. No, she was like, I'm a boat person. Because wasn't she the lady who lived on a boat? She's like, I'm a boat person, and I can swim all I want. I live on the water, so you can't get rid of me. So now Kelly's like, I live in Hawaii, and I've done this shit before. I don't need no fucking safety. I don't need it. You know, you're no safety. And my safety is the name of a Jack Daniels drink, and you better keep me the fuck away from me.

1:08:33I hate you.

1:08:35Ben Mandelker: so then carrie's like all right well you've had a lot to drink you've got two options put the jacket on or the other option is oh well she just jumped in the water so here we go so she gets on the water and so they jump in to try some like i guess hugo gets in and follows they say you can't catch me because i lived in the way before so you think you can jump in here and catch me you got another thing coming stupid i can swim faster she's like she's like she's swimming away from him and they're trying to catch her you're too slow stupid may she have something to drink dummy I love when she goes I've been swimming since I was five okay Michelle Phelps she's like I could care less about your stupid yacht I'm like well you should care a little bit more about it because otherwise you're not getting home I did love when she was like catch me if you can I was like what is wrong with this lady where are you going so they finally get her and they bring her back on the deck and she just falls into Fraser and they have to like drag her like it takes three people to drag her inside and he's like alright well you're off the boat and she's like oh yeah you're torturing me you can't touch me this is torture I mean torture

1:09:55Ben Mandelker: so it's like so Kara's like I'm going to call the authorities right now have you taken off the vessel if you don't listen to me right now go back inside go inside you are disgusting and she starts throwing a pillow at him so you're disgusting man you torturer what are you saddam ha-sims you better get off of me torturer and it cuts up like the people upstairs like you know what the pineapple sorbet is a wonderful palate cleanser So she's like, I can do whatever I want You can't do nothing to me And she's like, come on a yacht Come on a yacht, they say You'll have fun, they say Look at that, it's turned into The prison, it's torture place And now I'm being tortured So Captain Gary's like Alright, hey Helen, your friend's in here She's getting very aggressive and she's not listening So Helen's like, Kelly, stop it, babe Stop it you i hate you i fucking hate everybody because they're assholes they're fucking assholes especially the thumb over there fucking democrats democrats democrats and what people if you didn't see this episode what you really are not getting is at this point she is staring right into the camera and her eyes are bulging and her hair is like in this crazy half wet half stringy thing and she she looks like she is like she's in the middle of the zombie apocalypse.

1:11:21Ben Mandelker: She's like this is the Democrats. Close the doors. Like you'd think that like she was like this is the last gasp of life before civilization goes down. I was dying. This is so funny. And he's like oh god just make a wall and crowd her in. Try not to touch her the best we can but if it's safety related we're allowed. And Helen's like I'm just gonna relax. I'm just gonna relax. The party of free speech. Just let her relax on my sofa. Okay, could you bring her some tea? Tea will help. I need a tree. What am I going to drink? I can't drink trees. What stupid thing is that? Fucking try and make me drink a tree.

1:11:59I ain't going to do it, torturers.

1:12:03Ben Mandelker: So then Captain Carrey's silent. He's like, all right, we got to close off all the exits. I mean, they're really acting like it is Jurassic Park, and they're like cornering a velociraptor. Like only one exit point. All right, we got it cornered. I fucking hate everybody All of you I hate you Kamala And Helen's like You can't threaten the captain What are you doing? He's like yeah I can't I'll kill you What about that? I'll kill you dead And the captain's like listen You go to your cabin I'm not going to take threats There's only one authority on this boat And it's me Back to the cabin And Helen's like yeah you can't threaten him she's like I got connections okay don't worry about it I've always been I have FBI in the family I got FBI in the family I'm gonna call the FBI right now what do you think of that what do you think of that I'm gonna use my one phone call to call the FBI somebody give me their number I've tried everything every avenue to calm her down her friends aren't talking her down she's tried to attack me she's threatened me she threw a pillow at me which was the last straw she also threw a straw at me too which was the second to last straw So he's like, I want you to enjoy yourself, but you're doing it in here.

1:13:15Ben Mandelker: She's like, it's never here. So he's like, oh, my God, she could fall herself and hurt. She could drown. And I've got to do what it takes to keep her safe. She goes, oh, yeah, come get me, Authority. Come at me. What are you going to do, Call Authority? Bring him. Call him. Call him. Call him. So he calls. He has this conversation with the Doc Authority, which is clearly overdubbed by like a product, like a PA on the, on the crew. Who's like, she's like, we got someone who's, we need to get her off the boat. She's too drunk. That bad, huh? I'm like, no one who works on the doc answers like that.

1:13:50That bad, huh? That bad, huh? We're really in the middle of a Mahjong tutorial over here. Can it wait?

1:13:58Ben Mandelker: Blow deck. Can you please get better voiceovers for your fake calls? So, um, that too, that bad, huh? Wow. I guess we'll just have to uproot our entire lunch. God. So then, you know, Jennifer, there's a, there's a guest who's like, I'm so sorry. You know, I'm sure what happened. I'm sure you see this a lot. He's like, we do. You know, it happens with people, but people need to chill out. Right phrase, right? We're buddies, buddies now. Right. It's like, yes, yes. Now you can get out of my face now. Yeah. You see it all the time. Right. He's like, not that much. Nope. So now the police are waiting a sore for her.

1:14:35so he makes Hugo go get them to bring them on the boat. So Helen's like, listen, we've all gotten like that. And Frank's like, I never get like that. Never in my life have I one time ever gotten like that. She's like, shut up, Frank. I'm not talking to you. It's bad enough, all right, Frank?

1:14:51Ben Mandelker: So Carrie sends Fraser to the boat because they want to have someone who's French who can at least speak with the police officers in case they can't speak English. So Kelly comes upstairs again. She goes, so what? I jumped in the water. so what I had a couple of drinks not so bad and Carrie's like well I asked you to stay in there for half an hour can I please talk she's like trying to do that thing where she's like I'm composed and I'm a lady she's like can I please talk to you can you talk to me in private please absolutely he's like after you he opens the door and she walks in and he just closes it and traps her in there and he's like I'll be back in 20 so then he's holding the door closed and saying 20 minutes wait a minute and I have to talk to you right now.

1:15:33He locked me in here. Hey, what's the lock me in here? Is I supposed to lock me in here? Let me out of here. I'm going to tell you Milano,

1:15:44Ben Mandelker: biggles. So then he makes, he makes Damo come in and hold the door. I mean, what the hell? And Frank goes, I didn't want that brought on here in the first place. Yeah. And Kelly is just screaming, holy hell. in that room. He fucking disgraced and treated me like, don't want me out of here. I want there. And Damo is like holding on to that handle for dear life. Like he is grabbing onto it because enough that like when he eventually is able to like release himself from the door, you see him taking his hand and he's like, he's like flexing it because it's so cramped up.

1:16:28Oh God. So she's screaming and yelling and he's like, The water police are arriving. Let's go talk. So Kelly's like, you know, I'm really disrespecting you. I'm a happy person. I dare you. I'm a good person. Helen's like, I know you're happy, honey. And Brian's like, Kelly, stop talking and listen. Who's on the phone? The FBI. The FBI's on it.

1:16:48Ben Mandelker: Listen, Kelly, if you don't stop being so loud, they're canceling the charter. Get off the boat. Sleep it off, fucking Kelly. Brian's leaving his mind. Why don't you tell Herbert Hoover? Why don't you tell Herbert Hoover yourself to sleep it off? Because let me tell you what Herbert Hoover likes. Banana boats. He likes banana boats. That's what he just told me. Hey, Herbie, what do you want to go on a banana boat? I'm going on a banana boat with the FBI. Kelly, you're getting off the boat. Okay, whether it's right or wrong, that's what's going to happen. But if you resist, the French police will arrest you and detain you.

1:17:18Oh, yeah. I mean, French police. I ain't scared of French police. What are they going to arrest me with? Cheese cuffs? I'm scared of that.

1:17:27Ben Mandelker: I'll eat them. To be continued. To be continued. Oh my God, this woman. Well, we've seen a lot of people get really wasted and be terrible, but she really was probably the worst that we've ever seen. This was amazing. Yeah, it was great. She had all the stereotypical notes of being a drunk. I mean, like the whole, go on a yacht, they said, have fun, they said. It was just like an AI rendering of like, what a drunk person is. It's like, we've looked at all the drunk people and this is what they all say. Yeah. So, so funny. Go, Kelly. You go, girl. So, yeah, Kelly's gonna rot in French prison. Yeah.

1:18:09Ben Mandelker: Sounds like it. We'll see what happens next week. Thanks, everyone, for being here and we will catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Bye. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. She can run my country. It's Angie McGovern. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela. Itchles. We never miss her call.

1:18:45Ben Mandelker: It's Diane Call. Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no trick-a-less. Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less namey She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock Kristen the Piston Anderson Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B K, sirrah, sirrah, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sills be Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino Fresh as a daisy It's Maisie McHenry We love her on the rocks It's Melissa Cox Megan Berg You can't have a burger without the Berg This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian I love a ya Olivia Williamson Tastier than Flanderson It's Rachel Manderson She sure is swell It's Raquel Yes we canna It's Sadana Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman Let's share with Sharon Eldridge Darn Skippy, it's Tippi.

1:19:49Ben Mandelker: The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. It's our queen, it's Queen Laifa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manok's door.

1:20:30Ben Mandelker: My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly, it's Kyle Podshadley. In the study, with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani. The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters. She Eases Our Woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. There's a Chance of Meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke. We Cannot Tell a Lie, it's Sarah Talafson. Shannon, out of a can, and Anthony. Please don't stop, it's Soli and Pop. Let's take off with Tam La Plaine. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo.

1:21:10She Ain't No Shrinkin' Violet Kuchar. We love you guys. This episode is sponsored by Nature Raised Farms. There are so many complicated things on Bravo. Like opening the front door on Summer House. Or figuring out how to wear a Linfinity dress. Or understanding Tom Schwartz's purpose on the Valley.

1:21:29Ben Mandelker: In a world full of confusing choices, thank goodness for Nature Raised Farms. They believe that food shouldn't be complicated. Especially chicken. But the freezer aisle often makes it that way. Too many options, too many additives, too many compromises. Do I like complicated chicken? No. No. Chicken should be fun. Complicated chicken, not fun. Chicken should meet a higher standard. And Nature Raised Farms is free from gluten, dairy, and soy. There are no seed oils and no artificial ingredients. Also, Nature Raised Farms chicken is a good source of fiber and only between 8 to 12 grams of fat per serving dependent on the product.

1:22:06Ben Mandelker: Chicken, that's just chicken. When food is that simple, there's a quiet joy in it. And we love quiet joy. Like the moment Erika Jayne puts down her microphone. Keep your life simple with your new favorite chicken. Nature Raised Farms Chicken. Because chicken shouldn't be complicated. Hey guys, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. Okay, can we all agree that hosting is so much fun? And I really do love it. Every weekend, it's come over for snacks, let's make dinner together, and somehow the second you put out a fruit platter, it seems that bugs show up before your friends do. This is why I have to have my Zeevo flying insect trap.

1:22:44You plug it in and you let it do all the work. It's specially designed blue and UV light attracts the bugs you didn't know you had. And wow, did we have a lot. Like houseflies, fruit flies, gnats. And then with Zivo, bam. Next thing you know, the pests are caught in the sticky cartridge and away from your yummy treats. Without any mess or strong odors. The best part is the design is actually sleek and curved. So it hides the bugs it catches, keeping them out of sight. and when the cartridge is full, you just grab the no mess tab, throw it in the trash, pop in a new cartridge, and then you're done.

1:23:18No mess, no stress. So whether you're hosting a dinner party or spending an afternoon baking treats with all your friends and you want to focus on hosting and not constantly swatting at bugs, Zivo has you covered with 24-7 bug protection. Plug in a Zivo flying insect trap so you can work smarter, not harder, and actually enjoy your time at home. If your fashion wish list lives rent-free in your brain, you need to be on Poshmark. With Poshmark, you're shopping millions of listings from thousands of closets, each curated by someone with their own style.

1:23:49Ben Mandelker: Vintage finds, designer pieces, and everyday staples, all in one place. Search for your favorites or let the discovery come to you. Poshmark makes it easy to find what you actually want to wear at prices that feel like a quiet win. Download the Poshmark app today and use code AUDIO10 when you sign up to get$10 off your first purchase.