#2974 Below Deck S12E12 Part 1: Docked Over

0:00Ben Mandelker: Hi, this is Paige from Giggly Squad, and today's episode is brought to you by McDonald's. Honestly, Caesar sauce and a Diet Coke at McDonald's might be the perfect girl dinner. And Mc Crispy strips dipped in Caesar sauce? No notes. Right now, at participating McDonald's, the$2.99 Caesar snack wrap is making me rethink my entire go-to order.

0:20Ronnie Karam: Caesar sauce is at participating McDonald's for a limited time, so go try it before it's gone.

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1:21Ronnie Karam: What What Crappens

1:30Ronnie Karam: I am just fantastic, Ronnie. How are you? Good. I'm just enjoying this lovely Tuesday here to recap below deck. It's a lovely day to talk deck. Let's talk about deck. Let's talk about deck, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about deck and me.

1:50Ben Mandelker: All the good things that... All the good things that... And the bad things.

1:56Ronnie Karam: Things that could be... Let's talk about deck. Welcome to the show, everybody. Thanks for everybody who joined us at Amazon Live yesterday. It's every other Monday at 4 p.m. on Amazon. That's where it's at. And the Mondays we're not doing that, like this coming Monday, next Monday, we'll be doing Crappy Hour at 5.30 p.m. Pacific time over on YouTube. You can also usually catch that on Instagram or Patreon. It's a free Patreon post if you just want to look there. Also, we have videos every day on Patreon of these recaps. So if you'd rather watch these, Crappin's On Demand on Patreon. That's also where you get our bonus episodes.

2:39Ronnie Karam: So thanks for everybody who supports us over there. If you don't want to do Patreon or it's not in your budge, we get it. You can get videos a week later over at our YouTube channel. Okay? So go do that. Watch them over there. We don't care. We're not tracking you. Okay? We're just appreciative that you're here, part of this beautiful family. Okay? That's so eloquent. So, guys, guess what? Today, we're stuck on dock. Stuck on dock for misadventure. All I want is to give people adventure.

3:13Ben Mandelker: Today, I can't. Honestly, I was happy that they were stuck on the dock to have an episode where we didn't have to watch them go through that fucking bridge on St. Martin. that they need to demolish and rebuild. That way it's easier for cruise ships to go through. I mean, why do we have to be subjected to that misery every single week on this show, watching these boats nearly scrape themselves up, going through a tiny, tiny bridge that never even seems to be meant for yachts. It was like meant for canoes. Why do they do that? I can't stand it. So for the fact that they were stuck in where they were and didn't have to do any of these bridge shenanigans, except that one moment go under the bridge, which I supported, I was very happy about that.

3:53Ben Mandelker: Also, I'm not going to lie. If I were on a yacht and we couldn't go out to sea, I think I would still be really okay with it because you're on a yacht. I mean, it's still awesome. You're being waited on hand in tow. Is there any difference between being on a yacht and being able to see, I don't know, a beautiful Caribbean country outside your window versus seeing ocean? I don't think so. You're still in the same space. You're still in the same physical thing that you would have been in the middle of the ocean, except you just happen to be On land, by land.

4:24Ronnie Karam: Oh, no, I'd be pissed. Because you're not just, it's not like you're out in the middle of the ocean. Like, they don't go that far out. They go from little island to, you know, they go from fun place to fun place. So they were also robbed of all the different fun places that they dock and, you know, all the, I don't know, fun. I wouldn't be pissed. And frankly, I wouldn't do what they did where it's like, take money from the servers. The crew didn't do anything. Why are you taking money out of the tip? You should refuse to pay for the charter. if the boats if you have a charter and the boat's broken then the boat doesn't get paid that's what i say i would have said i'm not paying for this fucking boat i'm gonna give the money to the the people who actually gave me a decent vacation you know yeah because the service was still doing

5:04Ben Mandelker: the service like you were still receiving the service i mean although that being said it seemed like they were also a little inept i mean they they took forever to get like they never even got those jet skis out and everything and i don't know why they didn't offer them like get like a van and like drive them to like the Dutch side of the island or the French side, whichever side that they weren't on. Why not do that? I don't understand that. But I also just think that like, I don't know, I think I'd be happy just being on a yacht that didn't really go anywhere. You know, obviously I wanted to go someplace, but I think I would also be like, this is pretty cool.

5:37Ben Mandelker: I'm in like in a luxury environment. So I want like, I'm just mad at that guy with his like Susan Sontag's splash of white hair in his bangs, you know, for being such a dick to this crew.

5:48Ronnie Karam: Well, I just watched that movie The Humdingers? No, The Wildcats. The Marvel, The New Avengers. Stupid movie. The Wildcats? Wait, The Wildcats?

6:02Ben Mandelker: What's it called? No, is it called like The Essentials? Not The Essentials. The Thundercat. No, The Thunder. The Thunderbolts.

6:09Ronnie Karam: Thunderbolts, yeah, The Thunderbolts. The Thunderbolts. Yeah. The new Avengers. Yeah, it was kind of dumb.

6:16Ben Mandelker: I don't know where I came up with the essentials. Oh, I think I was thinking of the Eternals. And then I thought of the essentials.

6:22Ronnie Karam: The Eternals needed some more essential oils. I'll tell you that movie needed because they were that was the old ones. They needed they were all crinkly. They needed some essential oils. That one was stupid, too. But no, the Thunderbolts. Anyway, the villain was stupid.

6:36Ben Mandelker: I can't believe it.

6:37Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I know. I was so shocked. Julia Louis-Dreyfus was the villain and she has like that shock of white hair so I kept thinking of her with this character. I was like, you're a real Julia Louis-Dreyfus in that TV show she was in like the Vice or whatever. But Veep. God, how old am I that I'm like this now? I'm like, that movie Thundercats and then, you know, that girl Julie Andrews from the TV show about being a mayor called Vice? Like Jesus Christ, old lady. but also he was kind of like Kyle Mocklehan from Twin Peaks right he gave me that live and he was very like we really appreciate the cruise but we really think that if there is a discrepancy then we shouldn't be able to tip spit it out facelift

7:35Ben Mandelker: I'm sure a lot of people would have the same thing to say about whatever restaurants you own, sir. So I guess we should get into this. So previously, Barbara and Jess went on a date and continued a love triangle that is really one of the dullest things we've seen in quite some time. This trio of pussy that's happening here. So then three hours into Chelsea.

8:00Ronnie Karam: Lesbianism just goes so quick, you know? I mean, we were robbed of like a whole two years of fun in straight relationships because I feel like when we see straight relationships on Bravo, they're very like catch me if you can and then it's like you're together but are we together and do I still like it? There's a lot more of that whereas I feel like the lesbian version is like okay, I'll cheat on you with a million people and not really be sure but then once I am sure, it's like boom, we're married, we're there we're cuddling, we have children together they're just already very boring. It's like they're both like they're like, can I get in your bed and we'll read to each other?

8:40Ronnie Karam: We'll read each other's Kindle. Oh my god. They're like act one and act three but they don't have an act two. They're already like making jam on a farm. You know?

8:51Ben Mandelker: That sounds great. So it's three hours before Hugo. You're basically a lesbian. I know. I know. And Selene walks by Hugo and Jess on the deck and Hugo is asking Selene how she's doing and Selene's like good and then Hugo's like good and then Selene just keeps on walking by so they're like oh god she's being really cold this morning and they're like yeah she's being really cold I'm making me wonder I wonder if the consequences of my actions is that I made her cold

9:26Ronnie Karam: I did this to myself with my actions of how I treated her and I need to learn to accept that

9:33Ben Mandelker: i need to learn that if i want to like someone that i can't do these things because they will be called to me in the morning and i'm learning that now hugo is a pretty boring person and he's

9:45Ronnie Karam: new so he's i think escaping a wrath so far but i'm not liking hugo this episode like hugo is giving a lot of like hey honey you should smile more energy like what the fuck what what was she supposed to do give you a fucking parade you said hi as she passed by she said hi back what do you need hugo what do you need and i don't need you coming after the chef you're not in the position yet while you're sitting there eating your combos whatever the fuck you're eating down in the mess hall and not taking out the trash to be giving attitude to anybody sir yeah i did not like hugo

10:18Ben Mandelker: this episode i feel like we saw more of his true colors i think he has been um obscured by the stupid love love triangle and with all of kyle's nonsense but now he's now we're seeing him and we see who he really is and i don't like it so then speaking of not liking then we have demo who also is not great and kyle who's also they all these people suck so demo is talking to kyle they really do yeah um he's talking to kyle in the lazarette which what i don't even remember what the lazarette is but that sounds lazarette sounds like someone who might be like on the new Real Housewives of London. Because everyone's talking about the Real Housewives of London.

10:59Ben Mandelker: Because there's someone named Panthea on there. So I feel like there should be someone. Like, I don't...

11:09Ben Mandelker: I adore the Queen Mum, but that doesn't mean I'm keeping Mum about anything. Lazaret.

11:15Ronnie Karam: Or it could be like Lazarus, but a woman, you know? Like, I'm the only person here who's 170 years old has been brought back from the dead and I'm not scared of anybody. Bitch! Lazarette.

11:32Ben Mandelker: They say all save the queen, but guess what? The queen is me. The queen is me.

11:39Ronnie Karam: I knew Jesus. That's just her tagline. She's like, I knew Jesus. Lazarette. They're like, Lazarette, could you give us something, Whittier? What more wit do you need? I knew Jesus. Like we know. Lazarette. Okay.

11:57Ben Mandelker: I love that. Lazarette is like the toe debt version of the Bible. Like, well, we have Lazarus. Why don't we make a lazarette? Come on.

12:05Ronnie Karam: Let's make the Bible fair.

12:09Ronnie Karam: It's like a major overhaul of the Bible. Giving everyone an at Abraham at.

12:18Ben Mandelker: Those at least the least creative. of redo names. Ramset. Farrah Ramset. Gizet. Gizet. Gizet. Mariette. Mariette. Mariette. Mariette Bonvoy. She's already a lady.

12:38Ronnie Karam: Let's make Mary a double lady. Let's give Mary double vaginas. We'll just call her Mariette.

12:44Ben Mandelker: Let's have her lean into her femininity for this all-female version of the Bible.

12:51Ronnie Karam: okay so damo and kyle are talking and kyle's like oh i'm good you know i'm just trying to keep my head down you know i'm not saying anything stupid you know because i'm not supposed to talk to anybody or do anything what am i supposed to do here and just stand here i can't even talk to the guests yeah kyle i don't think it's not you're not allowed to talk to the guests you're not allowed to stick your penis inside of them you understand why are you making it sound why are you making it sound like someone said you can't speak to the guests

13:21Ben Mandelker: it's like he's doing that thing where he's like complaining but then pretending like he's taking responsibility he'd be like oh well now i can't even can't even hang out with the guests i just have to stand here by the side even though i'm so good with the guests i'll just stand here by the side but these are the consequences to my actions so that's what it is i'm like don't you can't just add that asterisk on we know you don't believe it sincerely and like why are you surprised because you either fucked a guest or you lied about a guest on tv and either way like you should be

13:51Ronnie Karam: reprimanded and really fired to be honest wait a minute are we discussing the consequences of our actions because i've brought some snacks i would love to have this conversation as well so damo speaking of taking false responsibility for things or falsely taking falsely acting like you're taking a response. You know what I'm trying to say. Demo is there like, oh, just wanted to say, mate, I feel so guilty for talking to Fraser. And to prove how guilty I feel, I'm going to put my arm up here and give you my armpit here. Talk to my armpit here. I feel real guilty for talking to Fraser, mate. And he's like, I get hit, mate.

14:26Ronnie Karam: You know, it's just one of those ones where I knew you weren't doing it mal... mal... mal... you know the word. You know the word.

14:37Ben Mandelker: I knew you weren't doing it maleficently. and so he's like yeah no i don't it's just i just want to make sure that you know i'm all sweet and he's like yeah no stress mate it is what it is so then kyle tells us well you know with his arms like he's got his arms crossed and he's shaking his chair and the confessional with that like that still on undisclosed um black eye that he has like he's had a scar around his eye all season like it was like bruised up in the early in the season in the interviews he clearly got into a fight and he's like well it's a wake-up call in a professional sense and also in like i trust all the people you know he could have just kept his mouth shut he's not he's not got a good track record anyway i mean it just proves that i've got to watch where i keep my alliances or you don't fuck up in the first place i mean yeah like demo for sure was being ratty when he told fraser he knew he was escalating it and he was being gossipy but kyle also told like he mouthed off about this to like half of the boat this was not something told in confidence like he said it to enough people that it was going to get around anyway and so i just think it was but you know

15:42Ronnie Karam: damo was supposed to be his like little bestie on the boat and damo damo did be damo straight up did betray him i think but it's hard to stick up because kyle was so in the wrong it's like yeah i just wish it had been someone else who betrayed him but i don't like damo like running to fraser and doing it like that you know i thought that was a little weak but at the same time he doesn't

16:03Ben Mandelker: stand in it he doesn't stand in it he's not like well i honestly i went to fraser because i thought it was i thought it was messed up and i felt like i had to do it and as much as i love you i have to like i take this job seriously instead he's like oh fraser guess what i heard oh kyle sorry i didn't

16:18Ronnie Karam: i shouldn't have done that you know yeah um so now fraser's in the galley with chef and he's like chef the lunch do we have lunch coming he's like oh the food for the menu i'm doing like a summer salad. For them, it'll be octopus. If the octopus gives me one piece of attitude, I will slam it to face because I demand respect. I'm badass chef now. Maybe I was beat up selling octopus. Maybe I was beat up as a child, but now I killed you. I killed you, octopus. You want a piece of me? No, I'm going to have a piece of you. You want it? He's like throwing rags against the wall.

16:50Ben Mandelker: Yeah, that's his whole thing. I am badass chef now. I can punch switches on walls and also throw tea towels at stoves because I am badass. And this trip is going to be very challenging for me because we have a lot of restrictions. And I had a flashback here. I have a flashback to remember last year when there were a lot of restrictions and it like really messed me up. And oh my God, there's so many choices. And I'm a little nervous because last season, all the food restrictions, like they fucked me over. But now this year, when I see a food restriction, I throw a little rag at it and it is solved.

17:25Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and we see a piece of last year where he's staring at the board because that was his big dyslexia reveal when he's like, oh, mushroom risotto? I have dyslexia. And we watch and the words are flying around in his head. And then he comes to it. He's like, mushroom risotto! So that was fun to see again. And Fraser is like, all right, what are we doing for charcuterie? Two plates because one is going to be vegan, one is going to be normal. And if the vegan one gives the normal one any attitude, charcuteries are going to fight. That's what's going to happen.

17:56Ben Mandelker: so jess is with selene she's like selene are you okay yeah i'm okay thank you you sure yes and then hugo walks up and he's like hey jesse boo and she's selene he basically like pulls jess out of there and she's like thank you you saved me from our conversation a conversation that was the consequence of my actions and i'm realizing now that if there's someone i like i have to just like them he's like okay that's fine like help me with the anchor yeah and she goes but i slept in

18:30Ronnie Karam: barbara's bed he goes oh come on like you're in a leadership position you can't do that you can't do that unless you're the bosun okay she's like oh good point there he says you can't just sleep in the same cabin with someone you just broke up with and the new person i think she can because And Solane's made out with everybody on this boat. And Solane running around here crying. And Solane admits it too. She's like, I don't know why I'm the one crying because I was making out with other people too. But that's kind of how I feel. You can't play with everybody's emotions and then pretend it's no big deal.

19:00Ronnie Karam: And then now it's suddenly a big deal when it happens to you. I don't feel for you. But I like you.

19:06Ben Mandelker: I don't think that she should have done it. I don't think she should have done it because it's just messy. Like, yeah, Solane may have gone and made out with a bunch of people, but it's just messy. and it also is like it also does not it's sort of it doesn't clarify things like are you like are you still trying to like make solane feel a certain sort of way by sleeping under her i don't know i just think she should have had barbara come to her room i don't know why they don't why that's not even a consideration yeah i can see that so because i just feel like she went back

19:38Ronnie Karam: you know she did it to barbara and she did it to solane and they have no problem i don't know i I think she set the tone for it. A Celine. She set the tone for being messy and not caring about anybody's feelings. So enjoy your karma is what I say. Yeah. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. There's only so many tiny beds to share. And how about the other cabin? I don't want you guys cuddling and doing whatever you're doing in the cabin. Anyway, can I try to sleep people who need to fuck on the boat? Do like everybody else does and go fuck on the cat cradle or whatever that thing is or the yeah the guest cabin or whatever my my feeling is really just that like i don't

20:18Ben Mandelker: really care so much about selene's feelings in this i just i'm like i don't want to hear you talk about how you've learned about like the consequences your actions and how you've got grown or whatever and you're still doing something that's messy it's like it's still messy so like just like just don't do it anymore like i like i just don't want to i don't want to it's more like i don't want to see you put yourself in a situation where there there could be ramifications and then you say, oh God, in retrospect, I really shouldn't have done that. If I have to sit through another one of those scenes, I'm going to be mad.

20:47Ben Mandelker: So just don't do it in the first place. I'm really angry today. I'm really sassed off. I think that guy, Susan Sontag guy, really put me in a state of the end here. I'm not happy about any of this.

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23:14Ronnie Karam: FX's The Shards, now streaming on Hulu. uh so then we go to rainbow and demo and um they're talking about how's the next charter and he's kind of flirting he's like oh i don't know if i'm ready for the next charter oh my god i think your bicep is ready look at that wow what guns really love those don't we have a sexy thing going on do you think they're like kind of together it seems like they are getting a very

23:44Ben Mandelker: slow burn, but it may be so slow that it may never actually burn.

23:48Ronnie Karam: We'll get with Jamo. That burn's going to be much quicker. It's going to come on much quicker. It's going to be a lot of burn. Probably monthly.

23:55Ben Mandelker: Monthly and for the rest of your life. So now Kyle pulls Selene because he wants to apologize to her and everything. And then of course, while they're going off to talk, then Jess and Barbara are talking and Jess is like, let's see this is why i don't want this is why i do not approve of her sleeping in the same room because now we have to sit through this i feel really bad that i slept in your bed last night and when i first tried to speak to her at the bar she wasn't even looking at me i'm like jess honestly at this point just throw yourself off the boat i'm just i can't i like you you just keep on making these very simple mistakes and then you're like but now she is mad at me it's like girl yeah

24:39Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Use some common sense. Barbara's not bothered at all. She's like, well, the raspberries we were growing for the jam are ready for harvesting. So it's time to get to stomping.

24:50Ben Mandelker: It's like, okay, yeah. You don't want to make the jam? That is not nice. That's not nice. She said it today. Did you notice? At one point she goes, that's not nice. That's not nice.

25:01Ronnie Karam: That's not nice. I don't like that. Then we go to Kyle and Selene having their talk on the deck. And Kyle's like, oh, I'm genuinely sorry. sorry for coming at you like I did it was very rude you didn't deserve that I was very very arrogant you know still kind of shaking and like doing that like little he rolls like really little cigarettes and he just looks like a shaky guy asking for a dollar he really does and his nose is still all red and she's like oh it wasn't the first time someone speaking to me like that it wasn't the first time I'm sure you piss off a lot of people so yeah it's like i i'm spoken to i speak to like that in traffic

25:44Ben Mandelker: i don't whatever well i apologize for being such an arrogant prick and she's like it's okay she's like put it to bed you go that way i go this way oh but we're on the same boat there's only the one way so we go both that way but then we maybe i walk backwards you walk forward Why would you walk that way? Why walk forward same way and same boat, same direction?

26:08Ronnie Karam: I meant it figuratively. Oh, now you're talking about my figure? No, we're not in this place. No more. No more. I decided to accept and apologize from Scottish because he's, you know, he's Scottish. He's stupid. But I like him. He's stupid, but not stupid. You know, when people hurt, they can be crazy. We're human. We're not perfect. Scottish is very far to be perfect. Scottish is not children.

26:34Ben Mandelker: All right. All right. Here you go. Here you go. I'm heading to the fly bridge, which, as we know, is the tiny bridge that flies use to cross from one side of St. Martin to another.

26:43Ronnie Karam: I'm going to the fly bridge, otherwise known as the Jeff Goldblum Bridge. I thought he would like to meet me there. I'll be pooping on my food to help me digest it.

26:54Ben Mandelker: You might be wondering why the flies don't use their wings. Well, guess what? It's called sometimes they like to have arrests. All right. I'll meet you over there.

27:03Ronnie Karam: I'll be up there spitting vomit on an apple, all right? If anybody's up there to join me.

27:11Ben Mandelker: The Flybridge, which, as we all know, is where the people of St Martin transport their zippers from one end of the island to another. The Flybridge.

27:19Ronnie Karam: It's also where I go up there and pop my collar a little bit. Where acid jeans. And do the Roger Rabbit, right? Is that still considered fly these days? pretty fly for a white guy

27:38Ronnie Karam: so yeah he goes up there and they are having engine trouble he goes like yeah obviously all the outboard stuff sweat he's like yeah for the sake of it looking pretty I'd rather oh no he's checking over the boat so this is where Carrie is getting all anal over the boat and he's like alright for the sake of things looking good I'd like the dick to be dry. Do you understand? Dry decks look better than wet dicks. Right? Why are we talking about wet dicks? I feel like that's really inappropriate. Alright. Alright. Listen here. I don't want to get this dick wet is what I'm trying to say before the guests go.

28:15Ronnie Karam: Last time the guests were here, the problem was wet dick. Alright? So, let's fix that.

28:22Ben Mandelker: Alright. Alright. Okay. Alright, Fraser, let's look at this bathroom here. Now, okay. Now, the countertop looks nice. The pink is looking wonderful. Okay, the towels. We should have two towels on the countertop and one by the toilet. So, two in the pink, one by the stink. All right. And then, why are you looking at me that way, Fraser?

28:40Ronnie Karam: It's the pink, sir. It's the pink. All right. Well, carry on. I'm going to start pooping down here. This is a lovely bathroom. This is the loveliest bathroom we've ever had. Pooping in this bathroom would be an adventure. Yeah.

28:55Ben Mandelker: All right, Anthony, let's look at your galley. This looks clean. Let me look at the refrigerator. Okay, let's see what we've got here. We've got milk, milk, lemonade. Okay, around the corner. Oh, that's what the chocolate's made. Stick your finger. Now, Anthony, if you stick your finger in this thing, oops, it's a Tootsie Roll. I am not following.

29:19Ronnie Karam: Why can't I think of any of those? I feel extremely mature for not having those in my lexicon. I don't know if there's many more after that.

29:28Ben Mandelker: You know, it's like I always say, you wake up in the morning, put your feet on the floor, it's a 50-yard dash to the bathroom door, diarrhea. Am I right, everyone?

29:37Ronnie Karam: Now you're just talking about pooping.

29:44Ben Mandelker: Well, now I have a question. Do we have any air freshener? It smells nice in here. Although, to be fair, whoever smelt it, dealt it.

29:52Ronnie Karam: All right. We're past sexual innuendo now and just straight on to bodily fluids.

30:00Ben Mandelker: Whoever did the rhyme did the crime, am I right?

30:03Ronnie Karam: I will not take the blame for another season. I will not be villainized.

30:08Ben Mandelker: Oh, really? Because whoever denied it supplied it.

30:13Ronnie Karam: I think that's it. That's all I have. So, Rainbow and Barbara do some laundry. And Barbara's like, oh, how is so-and-so doing? She's like, I don't know, nor do I care. That's what you got for messing with Rainbow. Rainbow has turned into Rain-Bno. Okay? Rain-Bno. I don't care. I don't care if she's even living right now. I don't care if she's breathing. And that's what happens when you fuck with the bow.

30:41Ben Mandelker: You fuck with the bow, you're going to get the horns of the rainbow. Which, I know rainbows don't have horns. but if they had horns, you would be getting them. Rainbows have horns.

30:52Ronnie Karam: They have horns, but they're spelled H-E-A-U-R-N-S.

30:59Ben Mandelker: I'm a little happy that Jess is with Barbz and not with Selene. This is Karma coming to bite her in the ass. Ha! So now guests are coming soon. By the way, we

31:12Ronnie Karam: see Selene falling down the stairs again.

31:15Ben Mandelker: Oh yeah, sorry.

31:17Ronnie Karam: How many times does she have to fall down those doors? It's like the power of rainbow. So I go, yeah, you want to mess with me, my good friend, Barbz? You know we're good friends because I call her Barbz now.

31:27Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Barbz. So guests are arriving, guests are arriving. And Kyle, he's like, well, I hope these guests are actually fun. But I'm not allowed to speak to them. So I've got to stay away from the guests. Poor Kyle. Poor Kyle is stuck in the corner. Not able to talk to any of the guests. Don't you all feel sad for me?

31:46Ronnie Karam: so uh then a good illustration this episode of what happens when someone is self-sabotage self-sabotaging which is basically what he was doing right he's like i'm just gonna get shit faced i'm gonna do what i know i shouldn't do get so drunk that i'm evil fuck a guest brag about fucking the guest i'm gonna get fired i'm gonna i'm gonna throw all of this good that i've built up out the window but then people don't let you because he's like what am i still doing here you were supposed to fire me and now we're seeing him spin out like he's trapped because he didn't

32:18Ben Mandelker: get to get fired yeah he he didn't sabotage well enough yeah it's too bad too bad you're

32:26Ronnie Karam: so himself sabotage and that was a disservice to you he sabotages sabotage um so the guests arrive

32:35Ben Mandelker: and now they get the tour and it's 12.37 p.m. Now, this is important because everything that happens right now does not even happen at 12.30 nor at 12.35. It's at 12.37 and it's time to depart and Kara's like, alright, I'm going to thrust the starboard with a port wash. Like, well, you're going to pour some after dinner wine off the side of the boat? No, it means something else entirely. Alright, let's look. Any wash? any wash hugo do you see any wash um i don't still no wash there's no wash there's still no

33:11Ronnie Karam: wash no wash nope wash hold on hold on i see no there's no watch that wasn't washed all right

33:18Ben Mandelker: okay how about this look to the lift now look back to the right real quickly wash

33:22Ronnie Karam: i i can't see right now all right i'm sorry i'm a little dizzy eyes

33:32Ronnie Karam: I'm in the water. I'm in the water. Man overboard. Somebody.

33:36Ben Mandelker: All right. No, if you're in the water, that does not count as wash, even though you are well washed. I've been washed. I smell like fish.

33:43Ronnie Karam: I smell like fish, but I'm here. I'm back. I'm back.

33:46Ben Mandelker: All right. All right. All right. All right. I'm going to radio. I'm going to radio Andrew. Andrew, Andrew. It's Carrie. Andrew, it's your big moment. It's the time when you get to come on camera. And so now we have a couple of people.

33:57Ronnie Karam: I'd like to call all of the people who actually run this boat to the deck, please. To the bridge. Let's just have a little BTS here, all right, of people who actually do work on this boat. So we get all the slubby people who actually work on the boat. They're like, eh, Captain. It's all the Monty moles. They all arrive. They're like bowling shirts. Their butt cracks are hanging out. Yeah. All right, what do you mean here, huh? What can I do for you, Cap?

34:24Ben Mandelker: You know on Super Mario Brothers, Monty Mole, who pokes his head up from the ground with the manhole cover on his head and throws a wrench? I hate him. That's who these guys are. Yeah. I hate that. They pop up, and they're like, we're ready for you, boss.

34:38Ronnie Karam: They're like the non-TV ready people. Yeah. Hold on. Production's insisting I wear man spanks, so hold on. Oh, God. That's too tight.

34:47Ben Mandelker: The producer's like, okay, could someone tell the PA who's guarding the ugly person door to unlock it and let them out? Thank you. Over and out.

34:55Ronnie Karam: Please be ready with paper bags to put over these guys' head. They're going to have to go on camera. All right.

35:01Ben Mandelker: Please make sure all microphones are far away. We do not want to get their disgusting, phlegmy voices on camera.

35:09Ronnie Karam: Can we get the extras who actually have jobs from Fred Flintstone's bowling alley up here in the bridge?

35:16Ben Mandelker: Can we ask the attracted people to line up a series of hoses so that way, by the time they get out of their ugly room and get to the captain's quarters, they can be washed off.

35:27Ronnie Karam: I'm sorry, they're only allowed out of their cages with the code UGLY. You ain't got no alibi, you ugly. Yeah, yeah, you ugly. Okay, they're out. I like that one. I like that one.

35:41Ben Mandelker: Hold on, guests, excuse me. I'm just going to encourage you to look at the island of St. Monde while we, the members of the interior, are going to hold up some bedsheets so you don't have to see the atrocities that are emerging on the other side of this boat. All right. Human tunnel has been created.

35:56Ronnie Karam: In case anybody has to let one go, this is the lazarette. It's the bathroom of the new Jesus on the Real Housewives of London. Please enjoy yourselves.

36:06Ben Mandelker: All right, America. This is what you need to know. Before you leave, you always test the steering on each station, on each engine, and on the bow thruster. And if they don't see a wash, it's not working. And losing a wing station is a massive problem because then if you don't have a wing station, I mean, why'd you order all that ranch? Am I right? So I can't leave.

36:29Ronnie Karam: No one wants a dry wing. And that's just the godforsaken truth. Raw there for you on your plate.

36:37Ben Mandelker: I mean, is there anything more awkward than having a bag full of celery sticks and a jug full of ranch and no wing station?

36:43Ronnie Karam: It's like having a chocolate fountain with no cookies to dip it into. What's the point? What is the point? Will this marriage last? No one will know. Until next week on Below Deck Adventure.

36:57Ben Mandelker: So the problem is that basically he says, like, okay, here we go. Each of the stations go to a central brain. And unfortunately, as you may have seen, there's not a single brain on this entire season.

37:13Ronnie Karam: It's kind of the theme of the season. There is no central brain. All right? Like, we've got a problem with one of the controllers on the boat. I'm not leaving with anything not at 100%. Hold on, hold on. I've got a call. Mickey? Yeah? You still trying to drive there? All right, just back it in. I don't care. There will be lights that warn the lady to get out. You just hit the lady, did you? All right, have your mother deal with it. God, it's hard being away from my son. All right, fix the boat. All right, get out of here, ugly people. We're sick of looking at you.

37:45Ben Mandelker: like i was saying i'm not leaving this doc with anything not at 100 except for the capabilities of my crew so basically um these the ugly people are there and they're trying to fix it and they're like this thing's flashing but that thing's not flashing on the stat we'll check this ass on that

38:03Ronnie Karam: poor guys are like literally not ugly we're so terrible they're so cute actually often they're

38:09Ben Mandelker: really hot. Remember actually Malia started dating one because he was so hot? Yeah. They just had standards.

38:15Ronnie Karam: Oh, Malia. Remember? Well, Malia also talked to them because they were the only people not exposed to her wretchedness. The original demo. Yeah.

38:24Ben Mandelker: The original demo. So now Selene and Barbara are in the middle.

38:30Ronnie Karam: The original tattletale, you mean? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. The original rant? The original.

38:36Ben Mandelker: The original rant. Selena and Barbara are in the main salon bar and Barbara's like, we need to talk. I really want to speak to you about yesterday and first I'm going to apologize because you're my friend and I don't think it was nice what happened. It wasn't nice.

38:51Ronnie Karam: And you know what happened that wasn't nice? It was me this time. It was me. It wasn't nice. I wasn't nice. Bad me. I like good me. I like nice me, not nice. Not nice me. That was a lot of nuts. But I'm sorry. Okay, Barbara?

39:06Ben Mandelker: He's just sleeping there. You know, but like whatever's going to happen between you and me is okay. No worries. I'm just processing. Barbara. Barbara.

39:15Ronnie Karam: Oh, you know how she moved on like for Barbara without explaining to me? I don't know. It's not good. But I kissed the other person also. So I realized the consequences. Are we having a conversation about consequences? I'm in my own confessional. Get out of here. Get out of here.

39:32Ben Mandelker: These are the consequences of interrupting someone else's confession, and I have to accept that.

39:38Ronnie Karam: I deserved that. I deserved it. So the first bowling alley guy is like, well, something's going on in the air, that's for sure. I'm going to get on a starboard engine somewhere. We're going to see if we can take control. Oh, we're going to take control. Well, can't take control, I guess. Shut the engines down. That's what you do on a boat. Okay, get that thing. It's called the wheel, Captain. Okay, it's the wheel. And by the way, I say captain in quotes. Okay, I don't even know how to drive this stupid boat.

40:07Ben Mandelker: Hey, Fred, I'm just going to start checking the fuses, okay? And Terry's like, radio. All right, sounds good. He's like, all right, we're going to try to turn it on, Fred. Oh, it's not working, Fred. Hey, Fred, I got two fingers in a hole and another thumb in the other hole.

40:21Ronnie Karam: It's like the mouth hole. It's not working, Fred.

40:26Ben Mandelker: Well, I got to say, Bernie, hold on. Let me just see what's happening on the outside of this boat. and now let me just walk right back on the pass. God damn it. Dino locked me out of the yacht again.

40:43Ben Mandelker: Carrie!

40:47Ronnie Karam: All right. You know, listen. The yacht, let me tell you something. All right? I'm going to need to talk to Hugo and Fraser. Have them both come up here. All right. Both of you. I wanted to say this to both of you so I don't have to tell you each individually. The lazarette is the place to poop. Second, the boat's broken. All right, it's just broken. Yacht's stuck. I don't know when we can leave, but I know it's not today. This could kill our season. The season could be dead.

41:15Ben Mandelker: Dun, dun, dun. Oh, wow. Okay, so that's scary. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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42:27Ben Mandelker: Results based on a January 2026 analysis of 14 ,203 NoomGLP1Rx program members who logged weight over a 40-week period. Higher app engagement was associated with greater weight loss at 16 weeks. Hi, this is Paige from Giggly Squad, and today's episode is brought to you by McDonald's. Honestly, Caesar sauce and a Diet Coke at McDonald's might be the perfect girl dinner. and McCrispy strips dipped in Caesar sauce. No notes. Right now at participating McDonald's, the$2.99 Caesar snack wrap is making me rethink my entire go-to order.

43:03Ronnie Karam: Caesar sauce is at participating McDonald's for a limited time, so go try it before it's gone.

43:08Ben Mandelker: Prices and participation may vary. So now we go to it's 1.15 p.m. So Fraser is like, okay, ladies and gentlemen of the guest quarters, I have an announcement to make. First of all, I am hideous. We can just address that right now. Second of all, please welcome to the stage the one and only Captain... da-da-da-da-da-da-da... Carrie! Captain Carrie, you have the floor.

43:39Ronnie Karam: Captain Carrie. Does he even come up there? Oh, yeah. I do come here. I do come here. Everybody, can we just give a round of applause to Fraser for that lovely intro? Also, Fraser, you're not as fat as you think. All right, can we just tell Fraser he's not as fat as he thinks everybody wants all right we'll find a shorter way to say that get

43:56Ben Mandelker: out of here get out of here thank you but just i want to say that it doesn't really mean much coming from all you fat people okay i need to be judged by skinny people thank you so much

44:04Ronnie Karam: i will only be judged by a jury of my peers unfortunately so all right how we all doing great good to be here good to see you all right so we're having some mechanical issues with the boat i cannot take control of the boat from the stations even and all the rubbles downstairs are confused. So we're going to be stuck here tonight. And what I can offer you, let me tell you, this is going to be exciting. Nothing. All right? Absolutely nothing. You want to take out a couple of bikes? That's great. There's no land. You want to take out a couple of jet skis? Don't have anyone capable of getting them out.

44:38Ronnie Karam: All right? Do we have Boggle on board? We do not. Can't even shake up a bunch of little letters in a plastic box and turn them into words. You're all fucked. All right? Hope you got good high school stories to share. All right? Even you, Carl McLaughlin. What the hell? Is that a real haircut? Who lifted your face? Have it put back. It's too tight, brother. All right. I'll be watching Netflix.

45:02Ben Mandelker: I am obsessed with the way you say McLaughlin, I have to say. I've never heard it mispronounced that way. McLaughlin. I thought it was Carl McLaughlin. McLaughlin? Wait. How do you say it? Yeah, Carl McLaughlin. Yeah. Carl McLaughlin. McLaughlin. McLaughlin is kind of amazing. I mean, well, now I'm now I'm paranoid. Maybe it is Maclehan, but I'm pretty sure it's Kyle MacLachlan.

45:25Ronnie Karam: OK, can we just go over all the times you've been right and I've been wrong on this show? You're right. I'm pretty sure just like let's just go by the numbers. I'm pretty sure you're right on this one.

45:37Ben Mandelker: But I do love that Kyle Maclehan.

45:42Ben Mandelker: So then Shannon Bedore possesses a guest named David, who goes, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

45:51Ronnie Karam: And Ron, Ron's like, I know we've got to be moving, David. We've got to be moving. And David's like, we got screwed. So now Fraser is like, Anthony, I don't think we're moving today. So what do you mean we're not moving? I have octopus leg. By the way, can I not be served an entire octopus arm? Like, what the fuck, bro? Did you see the octopus he served? It's like this thick. It's thick as a human arm. I need like thins. No, it's too much when it's like a gigantic thing like that. And you have to cut through the rubberiness and like.

46:26Ben Mandelker: Well, if it's cooked properly, it's beautiful. But I know what you're saying. You want it to be a little bit more manageable. Dainty.

46:34Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I don't want a monster from the fucking 20 ,000 leagues under the sea. You know what I mean? I want like a little dainty child that was killed. Not Methuselah.

46:43Ben Mandelker: Not like the lazarette of octopuses.

46:45Ronnie Karam: Wait, is Methuselah the one that came back to life in the Bible? Or Lazarus was the really old one. Methuselah was the one that came back to life, right? No, Methuselah is the old one.

46:54Ben Mandelker: I don't know who Lazarus is, to be honest. I'm Jewish, and I don't know this part of the Bible.

46:58Ronnie Karam: I think Lazarus is old testy.

47:00Ben Mandelker: I just, oh, well, in that case, I'm just uninformed Jewish.

47:08Ronnie Karam: Lazarus can refer to several things, notably a figure from the Bible, a software, or a TV series. In the Bible, Lazarus of Bethany. Oh, my God. Hi, I'm Lazarus. Hey, it's me, Lazarus. You know what I love? Manna. Manna. This manna is delicious. I got this manna from the manna store down the street. It's the best one in the Hamptons. It's the best manna street in the Hamptons.

47:29Ben Mandelker: Okay, I'm trying this manna. You know what? It's good. I don't know if I would spend 40 days and 40 nights eating it, but, you know, it's all right. It's all right. It needs salt.

47:38Ronnie Karam: 40 days and 40 nights is how long he fasted, not how long he ate. That's how I do a fast. I do the opposite of the Jesus diet. I just eat manna. Okay. Lazarus of Bethany is a man whom Jesus raised from the dead. There where you go. There you go.

47:55Ben Mandelker: Oh, so this is like a small, this is like, Lazarus is like a lady that Jesus resurrected, or maybe just like a small version of the man. It's a Lazarus. Yeah. Yeah.

48:08Ronnie Karam: He was resurrected after being dead for four days, which honestly I would have told Jesus if I was there back then in the new testy, I would have been like, Jesus, it's been too long. Like you can bring Lazarus back to life, but is Lazarus ever going to smell the same? No. The decomposition has already started. He's going to have a new life where people are always going, does something smell in here? I think it's Lazarus.

48:29Ben Mandelker: Are we also sure that Lazarus was really dead in the first place? Because this was Lazarus of Bethany, which means that Lazarus was going around and being like, oh my God, literally I'm dead. I'm dead. I can't. I don't want it. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. Like my walls are up. I'm dead. I'm dead. So Jesus is like, okay, I'll resurrect you. It's like, well, Lazarus was just saying that. Yeah.

48:50Ronnie Karam: Am I getting it?

48:50Ben Mandelker: It was that sacrilegious. I apologize to the Christians for making too much of a joke out of, out of the story. Out of the Bible.

48:57Ronnie Karam: Oh, come on. I mean, listen, we're promoting in a way, you know, ain't no press. It's like, ain't no bad press. All right. So Anthony is like, we're not on both anymore. We are like response hotel. That is going to work harder because now they're going to eat all day. I fucked up. The tip is going really, really, really down. So let us make the magic happen with French finger. French finger magic. So we know this is going to be an Anthony breakdown episode. You can already see it coming because he's manic about proving himself worthy.

49:29Ben Mandelker: So the big plan for these guests is that they're going to essentially move the boat forward a little bit. so they can kind of create like a little pool so everyone can have their dream can come true which is swimming in the gasoline and muck of a yacht harbor like have you ever dreamed of swimming right where all the exhaust of the yacht comes out that's what we can

49:54Ronnie Karam: do for you where all the otters lay on a rock and poop like you know in the Santa Monica Harbor that's how it is they all all the seals or whatever gather on the rocks they just lay there and they're and they're so cute to look at, but all you smell is their poop. They make mountains of poop and then just lie around on their poop all day and take maps. It's disgusting. Yeah.

50:16Ben Mandelker: Well, it's not unlike some guests on below deck. So Kerry is like, oh, hi, everyone. We're going to use the winches. When Seal is like,

50:23Ronnie Karam: why is there lipstick on the toilet?

50:29Ben Mandelker: We're going to use the winches to move the boat forward, but the winches can't sustain that load for a long period of time. So you snap a line, You could take someone's leg or arm off. You pull a bollard, you could kill someone. So watch out for the bollards and winches, everyone. Bollards and winches.

50:44Ronnie Karam: I love how on the show, every time they do something on the deck, they're like, all right, we're going to do this, but it could result in everybody here dying. All right. Let's watch this. Pull the winch. Pull the winch. Just pull. Oh, God, you're pulling it too tight. We're almost dead. That would be the consequences of my action. I deserve everything.

51:07Ben Mandelker: take me take me so Kerry goes up to the guests and they're like have we got any good news well there is good news we found out what the problem is this boat's sinking we have 36 hours to live alright but right now

51:25Ronnie Karam: yeah we found the problem alright we're sourcing the part now here's that's the good news we're sourcing it now here's the bad news we're sourcing it from Temu. All right. Now, here's some more good news. Went on Temu to find the part. Got to spin a wheel. I'm getting$100 off orders of$19 million or more. All right. And I have another chance to spin. Hold on. I got it again. All right. It's all good news. We're on the dock, but I'm getting a lot of polyester pants. Possibly a boat part, if they have it.

51:59Ben Mandelker: And here's some more good news. We found some Sudoco puzzles for you, so we'll just distribute those and hope you have a great time for the next three days solving those. All right.

52:10Ronnie Karam: I'm sorry, more of a wordle person, Captain? There's no internet on this boat. The internet has broken. All right? We're trying to source internet right now. It's very, very difficult.

52:22Ben Mandelker: All right, wait, what's this? Oh, I just heard our Temu arrival has come ahead of schedule. So guess what? The pot has arrived and they're opening up the box right now. and, oh, unfortunately, they just sent a pair of Capri pants by accident. So it's like we'll have to wait another day for the engine part. We'll order it.

52:40Ronnie Karam: These actually were the pants that Captain Sandy had ordered during her season. They just got here because they were ordered through Temu. It's taken a long time and sent to the wrong address. But I do have some nice black polyester Capris, all right?

52:56Ben Mandelker: We are going to be holding a raffle for the Capri pants. It's whoever can finish their Sudoku puzzle fastest wins some Capri pants.

53:04Ronnie Karam: This is so, so unfair. And they're only here for three days. These guys are not getting the experience they paid for. And now, as Stu's, we have to be really entertaining. Me, Fraser, the most entertaining person on the planet, is about to really show them what I can do. By running around with the tray, wobbling, and saying, I can't stand this shit. I want to die

53:32Ben Mandelker: so the deck team is like Hugo is like on the back of the boat being like hmm what to do and he's just standing there he's just like figuring out where to put out the swim platforms and the guests are drinking espresso martinis and Kyle is like what I feel like I'm very much under the microscope don't be around guests don't say certain things don't fuck all the women who are on board things like that you know

53:54Ronnie Karam: I'm just trying to do the best I can to stay away from them without looking like I'm being rude. They don't care. No one is sitting around being like, hey, that guy with the mop sure is being distant. No one's saying that guy who looks like

54:10Ben Mandelker: he should be in a Harmony Corrine movie certainly isn't talking to me today.

54:15Ronnie Karam: Harmony Corrine movie? Wow. You just went for the jugular with that one.

54:26Ben Mandelker: by the way that's the name of two future um below tech students i'm sure harmony and

54:32Ronnie Karam: harmony and corinne except it'll be spelled like h-a-r-m-h-o-m-o-n-k-n-e-e-y-e-e remember brittini lol i can't oh my god it's pronounced brittini it's like no i refuse I'm never going to call you that's the dumbest one I've ever heard

54:54Ben Mandelker: no

54:58Ben Mandelker: so anyway so then the guest is like hey Fraser do you think those jet skis are ready? he's like I'll have a check for you the answer will be no but what I'll do is I'll walk away and then I'll be gone for 45 minutes and come back and you can ask again

55:15Ronnie Karam: but the way Fraser does it you know the term like never let him see you sweat You're just supposed to be like, sure, let me check on that. I'll be right back. But Fraser's like, let me check for you. I'll be right back. Oh, my God, what are we going to do? Is it working yet? Is it working yet? I've got people starving to death up here for entertainment. Look at Kyle Mocklehan. He looks pathetic enough already. Can we please do something? The poor man. He hasn't been able to move his face since he's been here. Do something. It's all under control, everybody. It's all under control.

55:49Ben Mandelker: I'm running this chart on my own It feels like And I have to give the guests something So fellatio it is So then

55:58Ronnie Karam: Kyle really chose the wrong week To fuck a guest I could have used his superpower today

56:04Ben Mandelker: I know So Hugo and Fraser are on the swim platform And Fraser's like So Hugo, they're saying Please let's do something And they've been asking me for three hours and they really just want to get on a jet ski, but you've taken so long that now I have to propose a sunset cruise. Do you realize I'm proposing an evening activity before they even get to their afternoon activity? Do you understand this right now?

56:29Ronnie Karam: He goes like, I will take as long to do this as I take taking out the trash. Okay? I can guarantee you that. It's like, good. Thank you so much. Thank you so, so much.

56:41Ben Mandelker: So Fraser goes up. He's like, so I know you all asked for jet ski, but how would you like to do a sunset cruise in our tender instead he proposes it like oh isn't this great i'm like that's 100 different than going on jet skis i mean it sounds fun but like i would be like wait we just asked you for three hours what about the jet skis and you've been saying they're on their way and now suddenly you're saying we're going on the sunset cruise

57:05Ronnie Karam: i would not be yeah i didn't really understood understand this because we see them getting what was their plan with they were like okay we're gonna move the boat out into the middle of the water with ropes and then that just didn't work and so now the deck team is trying to come up with a way to move the boat further out like how does this make any sense this was bizarre i didn't

57:27Ben Mandelker: understand this i didn't understand it why did they not take them on an excursion throughout across the island somewhere like they've done this stuff before i don't understand why they they just seemed like they were they had no idea what to do in this sort of situation yeah they

57:41Ronnie Karam: should have taken them around to the end of the island or something on the charter and like giving them snacks and drinks and then like taking them out and then taking them on a tour of the town and ended up back at the other side or something i don't know yeah i got snorkeling on the other

57:55Ben Mandelker: end of the island or driven up one of the mountains or things like that i don't know i just feel like there's a real lack of creativity going on here. So, um, uh, Fraser says, all right, tech crew aren't fucking providing anything for us. So I'm going to do something. We're going on a sunset cruise together. So then she's like, what is cruise? I mean, I know Tom cruise, but I really don't know cruise like, what? Huh?

58:20Ronnie Karam: Huh? Okay. You work on a boat and you don't know what a cruise is. I mean, come on. This is not an, like an ESL issue. This is you just fucking around. Yeah. and he's like well you can have a break here and she goes no I want to come I want to see what is cruise what is what is cruise so yeah she's like I'm thinking about this I can't help it but the more important for me is to be good at my job and be known for also Lynn she's so good at her job well that ship has sailed okay that ship has cruised

58:50Ben Mandelker: that cruise has sunken yeah that cruise has carnivaled okay it's over so um they all get on the tender to go on their cruise then anthony is reviewing the preference sheets and he's having this like reverse beautiful mind moment what's what's the opposite of beautiful mind ugly the numbers are like just going back into your head he's like oh so many so many things to look at so then um the guests are having a great time and then kyle decides to call his Grandma Joyce and she's like okay did you have a nice birthday and she's like no I had a horrible birthday I nearly got fired granny just all be here yourself

59:34Ronnie Karam: did you stick it in somebody Kyle just go ahead and tell me what you did we know you stuck it in somebody it's

59:40Ben Mandelker: closer about that time isn't it Kyle keep it quick I'm having Fergus McGillicuddy eating me out at the moment

59:47Ronnie Karam: okay granny this whole family she's like drinking straight out of a whiskey bottle she's like get to it granny's gonna get some over here he's like no i'm not behaving myself what that's what the

1:00:05Ben Mandelker: problem is so then we get kyle one of first of his two instagram walls he got this episode so Instagram walls and Kyle saying growing up me mom was a single parent on her own so I kind of always finish school and I'd either be on my own at the house I'd be at the farm to go work and I definitely was allowed to live free as a youngster and I think that maybe being an only child and not having anybody to kind of check in on me and life probably didn't make some of the best decisions and I'd never ask for help I don't think I ever asked for help maybe I should and we just see photos upon photos of him just looking like a pure disaster like this guy i'm sorry he needs first of all to be showered a shower would be a good place to start and like i don't know i'm i'm actually quite concerned about kyle i i worry about his trajectory in life it does not seem very good yeah it doesn't seem like the strongest trajectory

1:01:02Ronnie Karam: And he's been doing so well, I think, for the most part this season. You know, I mean, he's been kind of crashing and burning over a chick, but he hasn't been as crazy fall down drunk and as messy as he's gotten on the past season where that was worrying. And this time he is, you know, he is he is doing bad. But he's doing that thing that makes me crazy where he's like, maybe it is time I should ask for help. But first of all, you're only doing that after you got caught and got in trouble. So it doesn't really count. And then you just do it again in two seconds. so I don't know but I do think it needs help and you know you gotta root for Kyle he seems like a nice guy it's just a disaster yeah he seems nice

1:01:42Ben Mandelker: so Carrie gets a text guess what the part it's not gonna ship until tomorrow pun intended you know what I didn't appreciate that pun right now it's a serious situation okay although now that I think about it it's a pretty good pun shipping tomorrow

1:01:59Ronnie Karam: so Fraser is like interior interior interior please this is very important we need welcome drinks and towels the guests get nothing do you understand what i'm saying nothing so now everyone's getting ready and then ron and denise

1:02:13Ben Mandelker: are chatting denise is the one who wants to jump off the front of the yacht in her wedding dress which by the way like you deserve to have a broken boat because of this so ron is like 10 years ago i mean this is a stupid request no i feel like this is the world being like you're dumb i feel

1:02:29Ronnie Karam: like the world was like you know what we're sick of your stupid fucking wedding post because this girl denise has been posting about her wedding for 10 fucking years okay we all know it yeah

1:02:38Ben Mandelker: we all know it we all know that if denise if her if like if instagram were around when her kids when she had her kids you know she would be up there make putting her kid on a beach with some seashells next to us being like one week two weeks two weeks one day two weeks two days like we all need a fucking countdown yeah that's denise so ron's like 10 years by the way ronnie by the way ronnie get excited because as far as i can tell it's august it's august 19th today which means we are about to enter prime my kid is going back to school so here he is holding a chalkboard to say what grade he's going into just get ready get ready yeah it's that time huh it's kitty time oh my god ronnie you're like i love it i'm like get ready i know i do i love it because i'm the

1:03:26Ronnie Karam: went on all of those posts being like oh my god you've grown so much i just love you so much it's from your uncle your real name is rondle that's what they wanted to name you love you call me you can come play playstation later can't wait sack boys are waiting i'm like please post more content about character actresses thank you so ron's like 10 years ago today we got married and you look as beautiful today as you did 10 years ago. She's, Oh really? Well, you look more handsome today than you did 10 years ago. Really upped your Annie. Now what are you going to say back to me? He's like, uh,

1:04:04Ben Mandelker: that's all I got. He's like, actually, mine wasn't really a compliment. I was just trying to say, I always thought you were going to kind of like raise your game once you were married to me, but you really haven't.

1:04:17Ronnie Karam: 10 years ago, I married a mid woman and here I am. 10 years later celebrating a midwoman wow god things really don't change much do they

1:04:28Ben Mandelker: they said that once once you marry a rich guy like me she'll want to have plastic surgery but

1:04:32Ronnie Karam: she never put in that requests so i just i have enough for the both of us i guess

1:04:41Ben Mandelker: denise catching stories denise is lovely by the way denise is actually like so actually honestly This is so pretty. We're just ragging on Denise. What did you say? I think actually everyone's pretty nice on this charter. I think they're understandably miffed. I think that the tipping thing was wrong, but they're generally pretty nice people. Well, they're fake nice, I guess, because they don't tip. So Kerry joins for a drink, and he's in his civilian clothes, and Denise is like, so do we have a status on the ship? and Ron is like, do we have a status on the plastic surgeon? Am I right, Kerry? Am I right?

1:05:24Ben Mandelker: Okay.

1:05:28Ronnie Karam: Kerry's like, all right, I've got good news. All right. I did get a package today. Bad news. It was not the boat part. All right. Good news. It was a pair of Capris that fit me. All right. I ordered from Amazon, got them here in a day. Captain Sandy really needs to learn not to use Temu. Am I right? That was hilarious. So are we going to leave on the boat today? No. You are going nowhere. All right. But I did have the boys put some letters in a bowl. You can pick them out and try to make words out of them. All right. That's the good news. All right.

1:06:02Ben Mandelker: We did find an old copy of Taboo. The buzzer doesn't quite work. It sort of sounds like a dying fly from the fly bridge. But it's fun. So if you want to say disappointment, you have to say it without using these five synonyms. Give it a try.

1:06:20Ben Mandelker: furious, upset I called you a really good at that alright I'm going to pack up the taboo

1:06:26Ronnie Karam: alright good news I just got some good news we've got a pot in Miami bad news this is not Miami alright so I'm going to go ahead and have the boys get out a globe and show you just how fucking far you are from the pot alright

1:06:43Ben Mandelker: actually I did just get an email that apparently I did get a part. The bad news is it was a part in the local Fort Lauderdale production of Miss Saigon. So it was not quite the part that I think you were looking for, but that being said, why don't you all sit down and let me regale you with my role. What?

1:07:09Ronnie Karam: It's a ginger neutral. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Everybody sit down. Let me try that again. They're called T-Moon the dust of life conceived in hell and born in strife alright you got it

1:07:22Ben Mandelker: alright all together now the heat is on in Saigon the heat is on in Saigon

1:07:29Ronnie Karam: the cheeks are hotter in hell the heat is on in Saigon like my favorite cheesy Broadway moment the heat is on in Saigon the chicks are hotter in hell that's always made me laugh every time i hear it i crack up the chicks are hotter in hell

1:07:52Ronnie Karam: no not inhale like hell but the way they had to pronounce it because they're like you're just you're just uh army guys we don't want you to say and you know then we want you to say you know so like the chicks are hotter in hell

1:08:09Ben Mandelker: oh i thought you were saying the chicks are hotter in hell like the heat is almost like But man, the chicks are ugly here. That's kind of why it's funny.

1:08:16Ronnie Karam: They're saying the chicks are hotter than hell, but they're like, the chicks are hotter than hell.

1:08:22Ben Mandelker: The heat is on Saigon. The adventure's on in Saigon.

1:08:28Ronnie Karam: It's just a one-man production. Listen, with everything that's been going on and as busy as I've been, coming out of my room from watching Netflix to telling the guests they're not getting shit, I mean, it's a bit exhausting. Mentally, I'm exhausted. but the least I could do is have dinner with them. I mean, that's what everybody wants, right? So I'm going to do it. I'm going to try and take away attention from the problem like I'm a bullfighter. It's hilarious, right? Not the spear one, just this one, the one with the flag.

1:09:00Ben Mandelker: Rainbow's like, mess with the rainbow, you get the horns. Am I right, Captain? Bulls, you know, right?

1:09:06Ronnie Karam: Alright, it is time for dinner. Black truffle, carbonara pasta, best chef in the world.

1:09:13Ben Mandelker: um and then meanwhile jess is like guys have trash upstairs but we actually have a really stupidly large bin of trash i'll come in two seconds because taking trash out is the consequence of my action of deciding to be a duck and oh next time i will not be a duck and deal with trash

1:09:33Ronnie Karam: so i guess we're seeing that one person at least takes out trash they're putting that in this

1:09:38Ben Mandelker: episode so we know uh so it's not the deck hands yeah oh no one of the guests yeah she's deckhand

1:09:44Ronnie Karam: yeah one of the guests is like uh so is this one of your favorite boats does she take it out because

1:09:49Ben Mandelker: she says i'll come in two seconds but she doesn't actually take it out i think she does right because

1:09:54Ronnie Karam: isn't it the isn't it the chef's trash it's not getting taken out or is it all the same trash

1:09:59Ben Mandelker: but it's the chef's trash but the only person we ever see taking it out is solane actually

1:10:05Ronnie Karam: Oh, okay. I didn't know this was the same trash. Okay, so this was to illustrate that she said she's going to come, but she never comes. I see. Never mind, Jess. Never mind. I tried to give you a point there, but point rescinded. So one of the guests asks the captain if this is his favorite boat, because he works on a lot of boats. And he's like, not today. It's not. It's my most unfavorite boat. That's what it is today. All right. Wow. All right. Bad news. All right. Good news. I'm having been with you. Bad news. Wednesday has just come back on Netflix and I love that pigtailed little negative girl so I only have half an hour to spend with you

1:10:43Ben Mandelker: so then time for dessert and Fraser says we want to congratulate you on your 10th wedding anniversary to the stupid man so this is called the Stoked for the Stokes because you are the Stokes that's your last name do I have to spell every single stupid joke on this boat for you people

1:11:02Ronnie Karam: We had it called Throat for the Stokes, but it sounded perverted, so we've changed it to Stoked, the Stokes.

1:11:10Ben Mandelker: I was going to call it Different Stokes Make the World Go Round, but then I was worried that no one would actually get that. Did anyone get that?

1:11:18Ronnie Karam: No? If anyone needs Poked for the Stokes, we do have Kyle on standby. He's hiding in the water toy bin. Anybody needs him. Oh, this is made with gold, love, and chocolate. So they have gold-wrapped things that they eat. And they're like, oh my god, it's gold. Wow.

1:11:38Ben Mandelker: Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.

1:12:10Ronnie Karam: She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles.

1:12:14Ben Mandelker: We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less.

1:12:19Ronnie Karam: Hava Nagila Weber.

1:12:21Ben Mandelker: You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey.

1:12:28Ronnie Karam: She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotz.

1:12:33Ben Mandelker: She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

1:12:36Ronnie Karam: Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera, sera, whatever we'll be with Lauren Sillsby. Brigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

1:13:00Ben Mandelker: This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

1:13:03Ronnie Karam: I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson.

1:13:08Ben Mandelker: She sure is swell, it's Raquel.

1:13:11Ronnie Karam: Yes, we canna, it's Savannah.

1:13:13Ben Mandelker: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippi.

1:13:19Ronnie Karam: And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

1:13:26Ben Mandelker: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

1:13:29Ronnie Karam: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

1:13:39Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland.

1:13:43Ronnie Karam: Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. It's our queen, it's Queen Laifa.

1:13:48Ben Mandelker: Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Chadley In the study, with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock G, it's Lisa H We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani

1:14:15Ronnie Karam: The incredible edible Matthews sisters She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud

1:14:23Ben Mandelker: neat it's ronit feldman she's the queen bee it's sarah lemke we cannot tell a lie it's sarah tell of son shannon out of a cannon anthony please don't stop it's solely and pop let's

1:14:36Ronnie Karam: take off with tamla plane it's always a good time when you're wasting time with bravo she ain't no shrinking violet kuchar we love you guys this episode is sponsored by mcdonald's

1:14:50Ben Mandelker: I'm having my hot Caesar summer, Ronnie. Yes. Caesar sauce? I feel like we don't talk about Caesar sauce enough because it's so, so good. I love to dip everything into it. Have you ever dipped fries in Caesar sauce before?

1:15:01Ronnie Karam: I mean, I just have. It is delicious. Caesar sauce is like a Parmesan, garlicky blend with some lemon in it. And you can dip anything in there.

1:15:10Ben Mandelker: One thing I have been known to do is to stop over at McDonald's and go to the drive-thru and get myself a Caesar snack wrap and just dip some fries in the Caesar sauce. Also, the crispy strips in the Caesar sauce. Honestly, try it. It's really good.

1:15:24Ronnie Karam: Listen, I say if you put Caesar sauce on something, that automatically makes it better. Yes, that's really all you need is the Caesar sauce.

1:15:32Ben Mandelker: I think I just want to have just a constant supply of Caesar sauce and put it on things at all times.

1:15:38Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I'm a straight up French fry and Caesar sauce kind of a boy. That's what I love. And that's how I'm going to go down.

1:15:44Ben Mandelker: Right now at participating McD's, the$2.99 Caesar snack wrap is making me rethink my go-to order.

1:15:53Ronnie Karam: Caesar sauce at participating McDonald's for a limited time. Prices and participation may vary.

1:16:00Ben Mandelker: This is Hannah Burner, the co-host of Giggly Squad. We could all just stay in bed scrolling through other people's vacations forever, but where is the fun in that? The best memories come from stepping outside of your little bubble and being open to the unexpected. And what better way to be open to the unexpected than finally booking that trip to Europe? You guys know I'm a Delta girly. Every time I go, I get my Delta headphones. And when I fly to Europe, Delta treats me like a queen and they'll treat you too. I was always a little nervous about navigating a foreign country. But then I realized it's so important to grow and see different cultures and to put yourself in different situations.

1:16:40Ben Mandelker: And Delta held my hand the whole time. Being away just helps you put life into perspective, and your little worries are not so bad. Travel really is the best way to discover something new about yourself and grow from the experience. Step outside your comfort zone this summer, get some Delta headphones, and fly with Delta Airlines. They truly are the best way to get to Europe, and they just make the whole journey feel so comfortable and seamless. Go book your next chapter right now at Delta.com. This message is brought to you by Kologuard. If you recorded songs off the radio for a mixtape, it might be time to screen for colon cancer.

1:17:16Ben Mandelker: The Cologuard test is non-invasive, requires no special prep or time off, and you start screening right from your home. It's just three simple steps. Set up, sample, and ship. If you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your doctor about the Cologuard test. Available by prescription only. Learn more or request a prescription at Cologuard.com slash podcast.