#3021 RHOC S19E13 Part 1: Seriously Funny

0:21Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we'd love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and here with me today as always is someone who's not just a co-host, someone who's not just a wonderful man, but someone who is a comedic actor. Ronnie Karam, how are you? You actually are a comedic actor. Hello, I've actually gone through the groundlings i had to audition for it

0:53you actually are you are a groundlings alum and you are a comedic actor but um well i don't think i'm a groundlings alum because i think you have to be in the groundlings to be i just went through i didn't get accepted oh that just counts as being in it no i went through all the classes i went through all the levels and um you know at the end you do a show and then they i'll judge you they're like you're too fat for this and then i'm like okay bye but no they didn't say i was too fat for it obviously but i didn't make it so not better at all every time i pass there i spit on them i spit on them and all their children no just i want to go take classes at the groundlings i think i said this before when heather heather said she was taking classes at the groundlings it's like it's sort of has like awoken a thing of like maybe i should take classes at the groundlings I mean, if Heather Dubrow could do it, I've always wanted to take improv classes.

1:43I haven't. I worry that my time has passed. But then again, Heather Dubrow, she's throwing herself right in the ring. So maybe I could be. This is what I tell myself every day, Ben. You're never going to be this young again. This is the youngest you're ever going to be. Okay. So do whatever the fuck you want to. That's what I say. I could be. It's fun. I could be at a musical at the Groundlings. Couldn't I? I could be funny. You are funny. You don't need some grambling to tell you you're funny, but they are good classes. They're really fun classes. So I would do it. And listen, you know, I love anything that encourages wig use.

2:20So I'm a big hand. And it's literally so close to me. So anything that's like, have a wacky voice and here's a wig, I'm in. I might go do it again. I'll go through the whole thing again. I'll just keep doing it until I'm 100 years old. I had a great time. But anyway, we're not here to talk about our dead dreams, okay? We're here to talk about the dying dreams of real housewives. that's right on Monday everyone do not forget that we have wait is this Monday it's crappy hour yes we have crappy hour so get yourself excited about that and on Patreon you can join us patreon.com slash watch for crap ends weekly bonus episodes this week on our bonus episode we did something very fun very very very fun which is that we watched with love Megan and we tore it apart.

3:11That was a delight. So go join us for that. And then we also have our video component, which you can get on Patreon at patreon.com slash watch what crap happens. And then after a week, those videos go onto YouTube and you should follow us on YouTube by the way, because YouTube is fun. So also that is the Potomac is returning this week. So don't forget to watch it because that will be back on Monday rotation here. Watch what crap happens, which means Miami is moving up. So you should be getting a Miami recap even earlier this week. So check that out. And thanks for being here. Thanks for being here, everyone.

3:44Okay. So now let's get into this Orange County episode. Not so fun, Fetty. I was actually cracking up this episode. I was cracking up. They were so ridiculous. Also, I mean, Tamara was doing the pure Tamara victim thing. Emily and Gina were actually being like entertaining to me for the most part, as much as they can be. and what I loved, you know, I've really grown to love Miss Dubrow. You know, there was a time when I really hated Heather Dubrow and I really - When? When was that? You've always loved Heather Dubrow. No, there were times, like, you know, many seasons ago, I didn't, there were times I'd be like, ugh, she's the worst.

4:21But it's more like I've gone from like amused to like I'm starting to teeter into love and I just love when she gets mad at someone because really, like really no one tears into someone the way Heather Dubrow does. I'm not saying she tears into someone better or worse. I'm just saying her style of it is so Heather Dubrow. Because when she tears into you, it is terrifying. There's no one who I actually consider as terrifying. There are people I'm like, oh, don't mess with them. Like, don't mess with Kenya. Don't mess with Portia. Don't mess with Dorinda. But there's something about the way Heather does it, the way she curls her lips inwards, and she gets her claw hands out, and she starts poking them.

5:01She pushes her chin out. Like, she gives herself severe underbind. You were mean to me. Her eyes get really dark. You start seeing the smoke in her eyes as they just darken up like Coraline's mother. I mean, it is terrifying and so fucking funny. And they've all had it with Tamara's bullshit. And Tamara's trying her old tricks over and over. And they're just not working anymore. And it's so fucking funny. I mean, how many times this season has she been like, I quit. I'm not doing this anymore. It's the last time ever filming anything every year. But this time she does it in a floral dress, so it's new.

5:39And I just love that. I love that everyone was like, oh, shut up. They didn't even take the cakes, man. They didn't even take the cakes. Well, maybe I should name this episode, That Takes the Cake. I think you should name it. Some bitch left my cake out in the rain. I was going to call it seriously funny. um so we start off we orange county is doing this new thing well not new thing but they just do this every once in a while but they've been doing a lot this season where instead of seeing a previously on it has to be like narrated to us through some sort of like kiki moment um although on this show you there is literally a kiki moment with um but we still it's gretchen gretchen just came from the Megyn Kelly salon and she's sitting down for some, for some lunch with, uh, with Jen.

6:30And, uh, they are, they're going to, they have some small talk about putting a purse on the floor. Jen was like, I was going to put my purse on the floor, but Heather told me that's why I'm broke. Um, so Jen is asking Gretchen how she feels and we sort of get like interspersed with somebody. I mean, can we just pause on that for a moment? Jen is going to put her purse on the floor and heather says that's why you're broke i mean what a monster

6:59that's why you're broke because your purse keeps getting stolen that's why you're broke you don't appreciate what you have you leave it on the floor god senses it and he refuses to send you more purses that's why the only thing god sends you is a man in bad spray hair with you know clothes that he spray paints

7:23yeah pretty much so um now that we we see like flashbacks to that to that fight and jen's like well i'm so bummed that you're not going to tamara's party does it bother you she's like what no i'm bothered by how she tries to come in and be an asshole about it so we see more flashbacks and uh we one thing that we did not see last week which i thought was so funny this cracked me up the Tamara stormed out of that out of the self-defense part like luncheon last week she's like I can't see this anymore but what we find out is that she came and goes oh by the way I forgot to tell you guys I'm having a little party and you're not invited and then she storms out again and goes where are florals where are you florals bitches

8:07that was so funny that's where it's baby hi I'm calm now I'm having a spring fling party you're not about to You stupid bitch. Okay, everybody. See everybody else there. Wear your florals. I'm still behind again. Don't forget to wear your florals, bitch. Well, we're not going to change her. I think it's time to just be mindful of where we want to give our energy. Okay? We're just going to be mindful. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Where's my purse? Where's my purse? Okay. Let's round up all the Alfredos. Let's ask who took it. so now uh tamra's setting up i promised myself for 2025 i would not be blaming alfredo for stealing anything else so now uh tamra's setting up her spring fling party um and she's like hanging wisteria from like power lines or something like that in her backyard and then eddie shows up with like all the charisma of a wilted wisteria like i mean actually he is a wisteria.

9:11He's just a thing that dangles from a line that sort of gets in your hair. Like, oh, okay. Thanks. The useless wisteria. I thought it was cute, though, because this show was based on Desperate Housewives. And so I like that all these years later, they're doing the wisteria lane, you know, wink and a nod. I think it's nice. Whoever knew that real housewives would outlast Desperate Housewives? Yeah. Eddie, in case you didn't know he was from Orange County, He comes in with his full-on motorcycle getup. He's got like American flags all over him. He's like, hey, honey. So she's saying how she needs his help getting ready for the party.

9:49And he's going to wash down some tables and stuff. And he's asking who's coming. And she says, you know, who's coming? And he asks if Shannon's coming. And she's like, you know, I'm fine with Shannon. I wouldn't say great. And then Tamara tells us that Shannon had texted her about Teddy and offered a treatment program for cancer, which I think this is Shannon's love language. She loves giving cancer recommendations. Yeah, Shannon should write a line of birthday cards that just say, happy birthday. I can help you with your cancer. I know the best people.

10:27I had coffee in my mouth. She really does. She's really good at that. Remember, that was her thing with Brooks. I helped you with your cancer. You didn't even have it. You didn't even have it. I introduced you to people at Memorial Sloan Kettering or whatever it is. I know people at Cedars-Sinai. I started Cedars-Sinai, Megan. I know people at the Mayo Clinic. Oh, you know what? Actually, I'll amend that. I just know people who have Mayo. Apologies. A small distinction there. I wish there was a Mayo Clinic.

11:08After everything I've been prescribed over the years, I have to tell you, Mayo has been the most effective. Hold on one second. I'm getting a phone call. Oh, it looks like they've got a slot for me at the Mayo Clinic. Yes, hello, this is Shannon Madore. Yes, I'm calling about, so my Mayo, I'm not sure if it's still good anymore. Can I bring it into the clinic? Okay, great. I can do it tomorrow morning. Hello, Mayo Clinic. I'm having a problem with my dried tuna. I was hoping that you could see us sometime today. Oh, you're prescribing mayo. Okay. Well, I would still like it to see a doctor. Thank you.

11:40I am having some trouble with your online portal. And I was wondering if I could just bring my mayo in. I'm concerned because I'm wondering if, is there a way to make chicken salad with an alternate like yogurt? No, you recommend mayo? Okay. All right. No, that's exactly what I was hoping for. Is there a specialist I could speak to about that? Hello, Mayo Clinic. It is the end of April, and I'm not really sure what the date is. Is it Mayo? No? Okay. Wrong number. I'm so sorry. Oh, God, I just broke my tooth on a piece of dried peanut. Do you know who I should call? Hi, this is Shannon Bedore again.

12:17I'm just calling to see if Dr. Wasabi is in. I have a question. So I've been trying to find Hellman's on the West Coast, but all I can find is best foods. should i be concerned is hellman's have they been taken off the market they have poisoning oh they're the same oh well thank god there's a clinic for this thank you so much um hello um mayo clinic i am at a sushi restaurant and um everything here is overdosing in mayo it is overdosing why do we need this in the california roll why why

12:51seriously though why does california have to put mayo in the california roll i hate that I think that's one thing that Texas does better is not putting mayo in the California world. They just put a chunk of crab. That's how it should be. I don't. Come on, man. I don't mind the mayo in it. I really don't. In fact, I think I like it. I was never a mayo person. And somewhere along the line over the past 20 years, I became a mayo person. And I'm okay with it. I just, I mean, my sushi. I just don't want it in my sushi. You know, I just don't want it there. I think it's all about having the proper proportion.

13:25You don't want it to be like overly mayo, but I like a little bit of lubricant in there, you know? A little mayo. Mom, you have been prescribed and it has been delivered. So Tamara's like, yeah, she's trying to help me with some cancer stuff for Teddy. So, you know, she forwarded over some treatment programs. And I thought, well, maybe that's her other branch. So I thanked her. And so, look, I'm still trying. I'm still trying so hard. Remember last week when I suggested that she's probably an alcoholic because Dad's an alcoholic? That was good. That was a good one. This is classic Tamara framing herself as the victim to someone who's totally unreasonable and not willing to listen to her, try to be like a kind, good person.

14:09I'm like you, you, you terrorized Shannon at her lowest moment of her life. You ridiculed her. You screamed at her. you accused her of being an alcoholic and while those things may be true you still did it at the worst time when you're supposed to be her friend and then she's like well I'm trying it's just like huh I guess I'll try and try again I'm hard being a good person it's so hard but speaking of Tamara reframing things this is so good she goes oh my god Eddie my back hurts and he asks her why and she goes yeah cause I jumped off with Gina it was just a prank No, you thought you were going to get attacked, so you literally jumped behind Gina and pushed her in front of you.

14:55It's not a prank. No, she's saying that the carjacking was a human shield. She's saying the carjacking was a prank. Not that she jumped behind you. She said, I jumped over Gina. It was a prank. Oh. Well, now they're like mad. So I took it as like, that's not a prank. You were using that woman as a human shield. Now, do I blame you? No. I feel like genos were put on this earth to use as a human shield. We all need a purpose. Excuse me, this is Shannon Bedore calling. Just wondering, does the Mayo Clinic, can it litigate any conflicts about pranks? No? Okay, what was that? I'm abusing the line? Oh, well, I started this line.

15:36Goodbye. I start lines, Megan. So Eddie's like, that's fucking stupid. She's like, yeah, it wasn't cool. I'm gonna soak them on coffee But did I suspect anything else Anything last from this bitch Oh please it was fine It was a little prank So Tamara's like I mean this girl cannot stop So Gretchen's not allowed in my house Cause what if she carjacks my house She can fuck a duck But I don't even think a duck would fuck her I mean that prank wasn't cool But still So Tamara's like She's saying she hadn't heard about the sleepover But Emily was like that Grepton got drunk and proceeded to tell a story about me.

16:16That this pop singer, me and Jeff were fucking. So we screamed and we yelled. And 12 years later, that's what we're still fighting about? Me fucking Hanson? By the way, I just want to point out in terms of not cool pranks, getting someone drunk and seeing what they're going to do, that's not a great prank either. Just want to, as long as we're talking about pranks. Too many years of pranks to relitigate, honestly, on this show. It's just too much. so she's like fuck you she came out at one time and they show fuck you coming out like when she's screaming Gretchen they show like 29 2009, 2010, 2011 it was so fun someone in the post production department had a nice nice bit of fun with Apple Motion on that one that was really good fuck you heck yeah I left out the best part yeah It was like one of those late night albums back in the day that they would sell and they would just like scroll all the names of the songs that were on there.

17:18That was like 500 songs. Fuck yeah.

17:24Well, guess what? His wife, the pop singer, Nelson, Nelson's wife said Jennifer followed him today. And then he's like, why would she follow him? I don't know. But I'm going to ask her when she comes to the party tomorrow. Because you know what I hate? people who dig up shit like me digging up shit about someone who digs up shit on me. I mean, what's the purpose of following him? Yeah, Ron dresses like 90s boy band. And Jensen Cheetah. So maybe she thinks, man, maybe if I follow him, he'll fuck me. To be fair, have you seen Eddie? You all are dressed like you're following a 90s boy band. Maybe like a 1991 boy band.

18:08It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. So Tamara's saying, and by the way, I don't understand what's going on with Heather. I'm not very happy with her. She was into this, you know, the calling me, listening to the calls, all that stuff. So Tamara's been trying to brew, everyone's been trying to brew some sort of conflict between Tamara and Heather. So they're at it again now. and now we see you know footage of emily and and heather telling you know gretchen like oh let's we want to hear them we want to hear the song we want to hear the song which by the way i don't think is a terribly offensive thing if someone says tamra sang a song i'd be like i need to hear it let's hear what tamra says so we can if someone came to me and said i have a song of ben singing and fucking you know hansen i'd be like i want to hear it listen i would be upset if you didn't listen Yeah, I'd be like, I want to hear it right now.

19:05Okay, I'll pay you. Yeah, please. Of course, that's what friends do. It's called support. Tamara's now just trying to act like, oh my God, this was such a flagrant example of disloyalty, whatever. It's like, no. Yeah, she's trying it. She wanted to hear it. She's trying it. So she goes, she storms out, but of course is just like hanging out in the parking lot waiting for people to come kiss her ass. And so Heather comes out. And Tamara's like, did you stick out for me, Heather? Did you stick out for me? She goes, listen to me. I said this is gross. I don't want to hear about this. I mean, I just said it blanket all night long because I was talking to Gretchen and Emily.

19:47Which we could have been talking about anything and my reaction would have been the same. But still, I stood up for you. Well, I don't like what happened afterwards because Heather didn't even call me. and I'm sorry, are you okay? Are you okay that you stormed out of the event because you heard that there was a rumor about me sleeping with a boy bander? She didn't even call me about that. How many times did Tamara call Heather? There was a whole season. There was that season where, remember the stupid thing where Heather was actually the brunt of everything where Tamara said that Heather said something at BravoCon so that everyone was dumb or something like that And then you're just like, I can't believe you would say that.

20:31And Heather had to like, Heather was like crying in Mexico and like was basically on the verge of like leaving. Did Tamara call Heather after that? I'd like to know. Oh my gosh. You're really digging back today. Remember that? Yeah, I do. I do. But you know, it's just like another brick in the Tamara's a hypocrite castle. Whoa. She's like, yeah. I don't know what happened after because she didn't call me. Nobody called me. Nobody liked me. So why is it hurtful, Tamara? because Heather just, she doesn't take sides and I get it. Like she doesn't want to argue but I've been in France for 15 years.

21:04You were in my wedding. Just stick after me just one time. Please just stick after me just one time. Literally you have this entire cast saying Heather you are like why do you keep defending Tamara? Are you scared of her? Like that's the storyline for Heather this season. She's like why won't you stand up for me? Everybody else is like stoning Heather because I was standing and go, she's just standing for Tamra all the time. Oh, so now... Oh, sorry. You know what I've learned? A friend to everybody is a friend to nobody. Well, you are mistaken because I was never a friend to anybody on this cast.

21:41Okay, I'm just paying my dues before that Beverly Hills check comes on through. Come on, Bravo. How long does a bitch have to live in a high-rise in Century City before they graduate to another franchise? So now we go to a place called Artemis Barrow. And Heather comes up and she's like, I am wearing jeans. Hello, table two for relatability. Thank you. You can't say relatable without table inside of it, right? I think you think about it. Relatable. Yes, it works. Actually, my genes say Miss Dior Never mind You can send us to the best table, thank you My genes say Miss Dior Because I'm about to meet Miss B-door Who had a Miss Demi-nor Oh my god, I'm freestyling All the Drake proximity is rubbing off It's like an improv game, if you will Yes, and Yes, and you can walk away from me now Thank you yes and please leave so Shannon comes and she's like oh I just I was looking for my glasses but they're broken look half my glasses are hanging off my face

23:05she might as well just walk in with a slide whistle look at me I'm wacky I'm some of the whatever America she's missing a full on arm on her glasses and still wearing them and Heather's like, oh, poor Shannon, literally. She can just never show up somewhere looking ready. I mean, where's her butler? I mean, come on now. So they are going to be doing - She should have an Alfredo in front of her just describing what he sees. We know that if you're truly wealthy, you never have to read anything. You just get an Alfredo reader. So Shannon, they're there to do a Japanese art form where they are going to be breaking pottery and sort of epoxying it back together.

23:52And so what they're supposed to do is they're given like mugs, I think, and they have a mallet. Don't they usually do this during their off season?

24:01Isn't this called going to the plastic surgeon? So... Isn't this called the Terry Dubrow special? You're going to look crazy. this is like vicki gunnelson season 12 or whatever yeah um these people going going to break break things and put them back together and not seeing the humpty dumpty irony is so they have to um also the irony is heather dubrow who as they showed again this episode literally has had her one of her somehow iconic moments is her complaining about a lady breaking a bow off of her cake and now she's breaking a mug. But what's funny is they're just supposed to do one thwack just to break something off the mug and then you're going to glue it back.

24:49Heather's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's like, oh, I thought this is our... I thought you said treat the mug like Alfredo. Speaking of... He just runs in and starts sweeping up. Mom, no, ma 'am. You're supposed to put that cup back together. Give me another one. Give me another one. I've got it this time i've got it let's go from the top swipe the scene swipe the scene okay yes i have a mug i am supposed to he comes in the suite so that ma 'am wait ma 'am question question before we break this mug we need to set the scene where are we i'm taking suggestions now anyone anyone where are we birthday party thank you birthday party thank you it has been a bad news day the bad news was um your your employee just swept up another mug my employee just swept up another mug thank you thank you mug

25:51yes and okay and freeze is this another improv game no i'm just sometimes i say that to my my face okay i really like the symbolism of repairing something that's broken sort of like repairing relationships with friends okay i have a friend in town this friend is from oh thank you Alaska. Thank you.

26:23So now Gina goes to a store and she's returning something, which I think could be the opening of every Gina scene ever, because you know this is like an everyday occurrence. I already wore this. I'm sorry. It doesn't fit right. Yeah. You know what? I thought this was pretty, but I put it on and I felt bad. I feel bad. I feel bad because I want to support your stool But it turns out I can't afford this So I'm just going to say It's broken It's like a shirt is broken Yeah it doesn't work So Emily is there I still haven't recovered from Heather's sleepover God so much wackiness Wait wait Can I tell you something You know how Gretchen and Tamara Were like ripping each other's faces off But like I was so excited That this was about like Hanson or what's the name?

27:16Nelson. Because this is your Millennial Girls moment. Look, look. I got me at the Nelson concert in 2021. Look, it's me. Would you miss Luke? The dream is trying to return today. Yeah.

27:35Quiet, Emily. Chush. Did you record a song with Gunner Nelson? So then it goes back to the pottery and she's like, oh, by the way, did you happen to hear the song? Was it as good as anything that Brett Michaels ever sang with Poison? Heather's like, I did not hear it. Mainly because I was tuning out everything those two idiots were saying because I was doing a contractually obligated scene with them. Oh, that's too bad. But mainly no one played the song. That's it. Well, you were saying yesterday you could hear moaning in the background. Is that what you were saying? Well, they said that they were recording the song, and then it turned into sex, which I totally understand.

28:18Because the other day, I was in my kitchen, and Drake started singing a song, and it turned into sexy time with me and Terry in our very special penthouse where we do sexy times like normal human beings. Yes, we had sexual times to a song called Hotline Blung. So then, I don't understand that. so then she says apparently they were recording a song and it turned into sex how can you be singing and moaning at the same time well I don't know maybe it would just be like

28:57sorry I'm a comedian you're too generous everybody sit down sit down

29:10Maybe I'll just add singing and moaning to my IMDB Thank you Well, I have to say I'm grateful that I wasn't involved in any altercation That is just insane to me Insane that people would fight Fight women, fighting women It's just Well, you know when I went outside with Tamara, I was like, when you behave that way, when you talk that way, when you're grabbing her wrists, you lose when you do that. Not now. Jeez. Sorry, I meant to sweep up that mug. Okay, okay. It's okay, Alfredo. He's got a lot of props today. By the way, I want to invite everyone. If you are trying to break your mug, feel free to shatter it on Alfredo's head.

30:03I'll go first. Okay, that was good. Ma 'am, another one of your employees came in and is now sweeping up the other employee. Good, good, good. You've got to have some Alfredos on reserve.

30:21Make sure they're bold. You wouldn't want to have a chicken Alfredo. Thank you. Okay, that one was good. Maybe she is funny.

30:33i have to admit i i thought hold on let me um this is a good that's a good reminder hello this is shannon bedore calling again for the mayo clinic now is there mayo in alfredo sauce no oh that's a that's a relief that's a relief although i so what should i do with the mayo i bought for the alfredo sauce okay the internet you say okay i'll look thank you So back to Gina and Emily The problem I had is how aggressive Tamra is That's what Skid had Like she doesn't like when people get aggressive Yeah she doesn't like conflict Cause at the slumber party in LA We did a conflict game And there were shady questions And one of them was like Doodly doodly doodly doodly doodly doodly Why are you doing that?

31:17Heather who do you trust the least? That's the question Heather Dubrow I mean Tamra I mean, would you give Tamara sensitive information? No. No. I'd give her aggressive information. No, that's not what that means, you idiot. Too bad, Arthur. I'm going back to the future.

31:38So, I said, do I trust her with sensitive information? I said, fuck no, because I'm smart. I would never trust her with sensitive information. I will only back her up with everything she does and says and be her puppet. That's it. So then back to Shannon. She's like, well, Tamara told me in Temecula that I'm a grudge holder and she's not a grudge holder. Can you believe she said that? I've thought about it every moment since.

32:07Well, I think we all are to a certain extent. Wealthy, that is. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I was talking to my real group of friends. Oh, yes. Grudge holders. Probably not. Well, traumatic things happen to you. You don't forget them. Do you? Is it normal to just forget that? Why is this cup moving back and forth? I can't. I can't. It's your glasses. Straighten your glasses, Shannon. Oh, my God. Hey, I did have a trauma earlier today when I was reaching for my orange juice from a high shelf and the mayo fell on my glasses and broke them. So it all ties together. Looks like I'm the one who needs to go to a clinic.

32:43Anyway, Heather, I was just saying that, you know, when there is trauma, you know, you don't forget it. It's like, yes, I know. It's funny because when I was younger, my dad used to get mad in restaurants and that was my trip. Okay. Well, anyway, I just felt like there was a lot of nitpicking on the trip and your name did come up. But I was trying to advance my drama storyline. I'm sorry. I can't see you, so I can't really hear you right now. I'm sorry, Heather. so um then we see the flashback to shannon telling the girl so uh heather is taking um comedy classes oh and gina's like oh my i don't see as a comedian yeah i don't see her doing improv oh yeah i can see her doing it though that's a funny guy that's a funny guy The best thing coming on TV is botched.

33:36I love that show. You guys ever seen that lady with the bread scene playing coming out of her forehead? So good. So good. So I said, Heather, that you were doing groundlings. No, that's just what I call the gardeners. I'm doing UCB. Totally different. So you're doing groundlings, and they said, why is Heather doing comedy? She's not a comedian. and only comedians can do comedy. And I said, well, she was just invited to Saudi Arabia. So.

34:11Heather, as most comedians do, gives Shannon the angriest, most evil look. I love every time someone challenges Heather about being funny, she returns with like the Coraline mom's face. Yes, there's comedies. She's out, eyes dark, brows up. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. I am a comedic actress. That was not a joke. And Alfredo, don't you dare do that again. I am a comedian. Stop that. And I've done stand-up. Stop it. I will tell you when to do that. I've also done stand-up. You know, it is extremely disappointing to me that I constantly have to defend anything I've done in my life or my career.

35:00And then we flashback to Alexis Bellino in 2013 saying, yeah, I've never seen one movie on Heather's that Heather's been in. Like, I mean, like, Young and Hungry. What is that? A porno?

35:16Do I have to read my IMDb all over again? Well, you were just saying you're not really. That was a joke. That was a joke. Alfredo. Alfredo. Alfredo. Thank you. Thank you.

35:34Well, you know, they were just saying, you're not really a comedian. And I said, if I look at Heather, I think of more like a serious actress, you know, like Meryl Streep. Well, like that lady who, you know, follows behind Meryl Streep and makes sure that her dress is steamed. Oh, a dresser? Yes. Like a dresser, I suppose. How dare you? Well, you know, I'm just saying, very, very big sets. You would be on very big sets, huge sets. Just not being funny. I don't know. Am I offending you, Heather? There's smoke coming out of your ears. Yes, you are. Let me tell you something, America. I could be the most humorless person in the world, which sometimes it's hard to imagine theoreticals.

36:21But if I want to take - I mean, I consider this a growth, honestly. I could be the most humorless person in the world. And if I want to take stand-up comedy classes, then I will buy each and every audience member and make them laugh, okay? You should be like, that's a great idea. Support me. That's what friends do. And it's really hurtful if you're not supporting me.

36:48Not everybody thinks the same things are funny. For example, I hit Alfredo's retainer and then offered him popcorn. Terry and I got a good laugh of that. Alfredo didn't. He never found the retainer.

37:09Have you ever noticed the differences between men Alfredos and women Alfredos? Men Alfredos are all like, hey, how do I enter the servant's entrance? And the women Alfredos are like, I want to just go shopping. but I can't because I have to do the dishes right now. Am I right, everyone? Oh, God.

37:29So they're still trying to put these cups together, and it's hilarious. And Heather's is just covered in glue. And so Shannon's asking her, what are all the holes for in the cup? I don't really understand this. And she's like, this is so that you let the people that aren't right in your life leave. Alfredo, put this around your neck.

37:52We make sure that all of our workers have many holes in their cups because it teaches them to do things fast. If you want to drink your water, drink it before it leaks out of your cup. That's how you do it. Now we are going to show you what people who keep using the ta-ta-ta at the wrong times get. Hand me one of those cups. Okay, hand me some glue. Alfredo, why are you sweeping that up? Get back over here. So now we go over to a gen scene and we're a gold rush tattoo. Cause Dawson is going to get a tattoo. Yeah. I don't know why it's good. I'm getting a tattoo. It's what we do. So you should get your tattoo in the military, but that's okay.

38:40So, um, he's going to, I would just like get teardrops all over my face so that when I showed up, everybody's scared of me. I would just tattoo a big rainbow flag on my chest and be like, guess he's here army so uh see how they deal commercials here comes one right now

39:05so he is going to get four sevens across his chest which i don't i don't think anyone understands why he's doing that including him but he's decided he's going to do it and uh he's been wanting to do this since forever we even see like a video at one point of him like as a little kid saying he wants to get sleeves. So Jen's saying, Dawson's going to get his tattoo regardless of how I feel about it. And I'm like, everyone's going to do anything they want regardless of how you feel about it, Jen. Unfortunately, that's just sort of your lot in life, by the way. Yeah. She's like, but I'm here. I'm here to watch him.

39:34And I'm just so thankful he's letting me be here. So why are you getting that, Dawson? Seven, seven, seven, seven. He's like, I don't know. Is it because it's my birthday? Okay. Because that's my birthday. Okay. That's so sweet, Dawson. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for honoring my birthday. So wonderful. I'm just so proud to be Dawson's mom, but everyone says, you know, your son's going to come back different. And she tells, this is actually really sad because she talks about how like, it's really scary and her son wants to go into recon. And she's like, I don't want him to come back different because he's perfect the way he is.

40:03And, you know, my heart kind of broke for her with this because it must be absolutely nerve wracking to send your child off to the military, you know? So then this is making him nervous though because he's really nervous about getting his tattoo. and so they decide to distract him with something that won't give him anxiety at all. His mother marrying a guy who's probably going to con her and leave her and cause more trauma for their family. So Ryan feels like a wedding ceremony is good for the kids and I do too, but how do you feel, Dawson? How do you feel about, or Harrison, you're here too. How do you feel about a beach wedding with your mom in a bikini?

40:39They're like, he's great. We love him. Are you sure? You really like him? Yeah, we thought we'd hate him because dad told us to hate him. but you know like you know i like him i like him i mean i love acid wash jeans mom she's like oh my god you guys we are so bonded right now we are so bonded like he treats you so well right he treats us so well mom oh my god we love him so now he's gonna get his tattoo and we see like a flashback of him being a little kid and he's sitting on a couch he's like i'm gonna get a tattoo one day of my mama and a bus i can't wait to get a tattoo like he's been really fixating on getting tattoos like his whole life.

41:17So, you know, I mean, it's not a huge dream. That's kind of a sad dream. Okay, it's a bowling alley dream, but it's nice to see somebody achieving it. Yeah. So unfortunately for him, he hates needles. So he's super nervy and he's sweating and like they're calming him and everything and they're doing the sevens and everything's going well. Just like, look at this, you're almost done. You only have three more sevens and all the shading to do and then another tattoo after that and you're almost done. Don't you worry. And he starts to feel a little not well and then all of a sudden his legs start to shake and then he starts to pass out and they show him and it's terrifying.

41:58His face is like fully knocked out and pale. He's like green. But the people at the tattoo place are like, oh yeah, this happens all the time. Oh yeah, no big deal. What is it, a little sepsis today, Deborah? What do we got? What do we got? I was like, was this me watching New Roni? Wow. So they put some stuff under here. That happens all the time. Don't worry about it. Hey, hand me the shocker. What do you mean the shocker? Just unplug the iron. Let's plug his finger into the socket. Just get it. Wait a minute. What are you doing? Oh, he's back. He's back. He's fine. I told you he was fine. It's a very utilitarian tattoo.

42:35There's no font. You know, there's no like seven, flaming seven. or like the lucky sevens in the jackpot. Right. It wasn't that. It was just like very, it was like Helvetica sevens. Bold. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was, it was a choice. And when he finally decides what the meaning is, I'm sure it will be very meaningful for him someday. So he, he survives. And as Jen says, good luck. So then now we go to Emily. she's sweeping her floor which is a very emily thing she's like oh my god i swear to god that all the dog heroes are clean it's right here well i'm gonna get you one of those little robot vacuum things shane okay you can get me a room bob it can't be for my birthday or christmas okay it can't be a gift can i put a turkey sandwich on the room but bring it to me from the kitchen don't forget when you proposed to me you tried to put a dyson on my finger i won't forget so they get pizza and there's no there's no plain pizza for luke because i guess they're going to try to like encourage him to eat with that like the pepperoni and stuff but he just has rice and um emily is saying basically he's he's on the up and up uh the boys are seeing therapists and essentially Luke is diagnosed with a learning disability as well as other things.

44:09And so, um, and Shane has been diagnosed with being an asshole. So he has, so they're basically like, Shane, be nicer to your child. Uh, cause Shane, I think was trying to do like a sink or swim sort of thing. He'd like, I think it was, he was trying to not coddle, but he overcompensated. So now he's being more supportive and I guess they're seeing some improvement from Luke. Yeah, so he had a learning disability and stuff and she's saying, you know, she's questioning her own parenting because aren't these things she should have noticed? Like, where were the red flags? Did I bring him too late?

44:45He's highly intelligent in certain areas but he's in the fourth grade and I didn't know he could read. That's crazy. But she's very up on the podcasters that Katie's been talking to. So, you know, We just put our focus on different things. It's not even mom shaming. I'm just like, wow. You know what? I think I'm read shaming in general. I don't know. I used to be forced to read. I would hate it. And I wasn't even forced to read the best things in the world because my mom liked reading like Danielle Steele or Mary Higgins Clark, either kind of romance thrillers or just thriller thrillers, murder thrillers.

45:19So I've read like so many murder things. I read a lot of Dean Kuntz. I was like in the third grade. I was like wow Carrie Carrie's amazing I think my first gay icon was Carrie because I was forced to read so young so I guess that's where my shock comes in I'm like get your kids off the roadblocks and onto some book blocks how about that obviously my old cooter kind of would be like yeah that but I'm like honestly I don't know I don't know what it's like to be a mom When it comes to the parenting stuff, it's like, what the fuck do we know? I don't know. I don't know. I think it's probably. It doesn't mean.

45:59Well, I wonder if she's overstating it or whatever. I think, I think it's like, I think weird things like that can happen. I mean, Gina was just saying, I mean, I never get to go to Gina, but like she was saying she wasn't aware that one of her kids was having an issue. Like, I think it's, I think it's hard. I think it's hard. And, you know, I don't know. I could only. But doesn't anyone in the school say - My tank for weighing in on Emily's parenting is like running dry at this point. Well, it's not even, it's not even, I'm really not even criticizing her parenting. I'm just, I guess I'm questioning how you could get to the point where you don't know your kid doesn't, like, doesn't the school tell you?

46:36Like, isn't there someone who's like, the kid doesn't know how to read, you know? I'm actually more, I'm not, I'm actually not, I don't, I'm not surprised with Emily. I'm more surprised that the school did not flag it personally. The school did not flag that there was a - Yeah, I guess I'm just saying like, how does that happen? It takes a village to teach a child not to read. That's what I'm saying. Kids fall through the cracks all the time. It's really scary. It's really, really scary. Kids fall through the cracks. I mean, you know, that's how we wound up with Ryan. Ryan fell into the crack.

47:17But he found out boy that. He dove into the crack. Uh, so, um, they're talking about, you know, dealing with the kid and stuff. And, um, he said that he said that the kid told him a couple of weeks ago, Hey daddy, do you know what ADHD stands for? Attention deficit. Hey, a dog. That gets a bigger laugh than anything I do. Come on. Now that's a comedian. Heather's just out there in the bushes, like crushing cups, crushing cups. She's taking notes. Okay. Wait, let me look at the structure of that. ADHD, attention deficits, hey, there's a dog. Here's the thing, though. There's no T in the ADHD, so this joke shouldn't even work.

48:02So now Tamara's setting up for a party, bitches. She's wearing a flowery dress, and she looks kind of crazy dressed like that because it's Tamara. I feel like Tamara should always be dressed in a skin-tight, red leather thing with devil horns. Yeah, I just feel like florals, this is just not the cast for florals. This is the cast for like cutouts and leopard print, you know, but not florals. So there's big plastic rings holding the fabric together around the breastplate. You know what? In the spirit of spring, let your spring forward in a new beginning. A new beginning for everyone except for Gretchen and Katie.

48:42So I thought it'd be fun to have a spring fling. And then fling some mud at each other. So we see Lisa, the gluten-free cake artist, show up at the door. Oh, hey, maybe you sit there being me, but I'm getting so soft. Look at me, just making cakes. Don't worry, I'm not going to be both this time. And then we see a flashback of Heather being like, that woman came into my home, took the bow off of my cake, and ate it. you have defiled my cake remember that girl I ain't do nothing with the cakes I ate some of them what did I do they built like a whole season off of that that was one of the funniest seasons of all time that was a classic yeah so then there's there is a cake for Gretchen but Gretchen will not be attending instead Gretchen is doing some crazy photo shoot in like a park somewhere with Slade and her daughter and they're all dressed up it's like an Easter photo shoot but what I kind of get the feeling with Gretchen Slade is that they do Easter photo shoots every month of the year it's like well it's August 13th time for our Easter photo shoot

50:10so this one she's even holding a bunny you know this poor bunny is just looking like God, just fucking kill me already. Like, Jesus, turn me into mittens already. Get me out of here. So Shannon calls and checks. Well, I just wanted to check and see if you're okay, because what happened was just, is this another Easter shoot? I can't. Is it even Easter? Do you remember when you did an Easter shoot for Christmas? You made that Santa Claus cry. Remember when you told Santa Claus he would never replace Jesus? What so? Wow. So I just want you to know Gretchen That if you're wondering What I recently did find out Is that Mayo is shelf stable But once you open it You really should refrigerate it Let it get the hard way But thank god There's a hotline for that So just calling to pass on the news Pay it forward You know what I'm saying That's so sweet of you to call me Thank you for that What are you doing?

51:06Oh you're on your way to Tamra's Aren't you? Let's be honest I'd rather poke my eyes out with forks Than go to Tamra's Spring fling party I mean, there's so many things I'd rather be doing, like, like washing my feet. I don't know. Oh, well, Gretchen, Gretchen Rossi, who I have no relationship with, but I'm calling because you hate Tamara. You know, she and I are good now, but, you know, if I were you, I would have a conversation with her about that because it's, it's, it's, it's not okay what she did. It is, it is, it is, it is not okay. Okay. Are you mad yet? Do you want to get mad at Tamara again?

51:47I heard Gretchen apologize. I heard it. But that's the difference. Because Tamara gets any little bit of information. And she just runs off and tries to hurt someone. Oh, she can't take it. She can't take it. I love that Shanna's even getting herself so worked up in her diary room. She's like, Tamara. Well, let me tell you. I'm enjoying this much, much more than where you're headed. Sorry. Slade just told the money rabbit that he invented real housewives.

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