#3027 Below Deck Med S10E02 Part 1: I Don’t Think You’re Ready For This Jellyfish

0:21Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me this morning is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Well, hello. How are you, Benoons? I'm just great. It's Below Deck Med Day. Thanks to everyone who joined us on Crappy Hour last night. We had a real fun time talking about headlines, et cetera. I'm still having visions of pizza dough flying in my eyes because after we end the audio portion, we bring some of you guys up and one person was making fresh pizza dough. Well, actually store-bought, but they were making it on the screen and I have been tantalized ever since.

1:03So thank you everyone for coming. I really have been. I was like telling people last night when I was having, I met up with some friends last night. I was like, someone was making pizza dough and it's all I can think about. We had too much fun though. And be sure to join us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash watch what crappens where we have a weekly bonus episode. We have Crappens on Demand where you can watch all of our podcast episodes. You can watch it, not just listen. And those are available for a week on there before they go to YouTube. And it's just like a fun thing. We have quips now and we're making little quips and there's a good community on there.

1:39So to get the full Crappens experience, go check that out. But today we're going to get the full yacht experience because we're going to the med with Captain Sandy and a group of green, green deckhands trying to figure things out. Ronnie, what did you think about the episode? You know, the show gets dangerous. I mean, I get hiring nincompoops incompetence for entertainment value, but I mean, this shit has to run, right? I get worried. I know. Like none of them. I mean, at least someone on the deck needs to know what's going on. Like, yikes. For real. For real. But I like it because we'll get a lot more of the homely, normal people.

2:16You know? I shouldn't say homely. It's not like they're ugly, but like homey, you know, homey, homey, just kind of normal people like bowling alley people. You know, we maybe we'll see them come out a little bit more. Like, I want to know who the homely people are fucking. That's what I want to know. There's a show. There's a show. Homely, homely maids fucking. I just, I just loved that. like the bulk of the episode really focused on people being bad at their jobs, not doing their jobs, being even worse at their jobs. Like that's really all I want. That's all I want. And it was just such, yeah, it's just a nice refreshing return.

2:55I said it last week. I'm just going to reemphasize this week after below deck, the last season for me was so rough with like really attempting to be like the real world. I'm just happy that like, we just had an aptitude, just professional ineptitude, which is really, that's what I'm looking for. People sucking at jobs. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. That's the American dream amongst many non-Americans on a boat. So where we left off was a tremendous bit of slapstick, which is Captain Sandy and Nathan trying to lower a jet ski or maybe a whip. Or is the whip the tender? Whatever it is, a jet ski, they're trying to lower the jet ski onto the boat and they can't.

3:41And they knock over this one lamp, not once, but twice. And like we said last week, it was so gratifying and I loved seeing it happening all over again at the top of this episode. Someone brought up on Crappy Hour last night how inept Captain Sandy was trying to help them with this wave runner. And it really is true. I mean, she's just standing there holding a string like, all right, you know what? Go ahead and bring it back. Bring it back. Okay. You know what? She wasn't doing anything. It's like a kid just standing there holding a balloon while all mayhem is going off around her. She's like, all right.

4:13You know what, Nathan? You're not doing it right. Just kind of bring it back a little bit. Have we talked about how Captain Sandy is kind of doing, what do you call it when you stick your hand up the doll and then you speak for the doll? What do you call that? Ventriloquism. Have we ever talked about how she's kind of doing ventriloquism when she talks? it's kind of a little jody coated huh she's kind of jaw wired shut i don't really know what it is she's always been like that um i've always noticed it but this one this episode i was really noticing it and i don't know if it's more because she's gritting her teeth and trying to be positive at the start of the season you know because i think by the end of the season especially watching a season for these uh these cast members they're so tormented by people online like you are incompetent how dare you it's like years later and people are still like you've screwed over hannah you bitch you know and so i think they come on to the new seasons and they really that's us yeah who would say those things who would still hold the grudge against i don't know malia yes you know people are you know people on the internet are those people crazy people that can't control their emotions you know how they are uh parasocial relationships etc wouldn't know anything about it but yeah like 10 000 of us screaming at them and so they come on to these seasons and they try and start positive and you can see that captain sandy is really really just doing her best to be positive and she's just starting to grit her teeth And I think more of her lines are just coming out like this now.

5:51She's just ready to throw people overboard, but she doesn't want to be called a bitch online. So good luck. That's probably true. That's probably true. Anyway, the wave runner, they break the light and everyone's watching, by the way, I thought that was like editing that they did last episode where like, it's just like, Oh, but it turns out they all were watching and she's like, well, that's your evening's entertainment. They get it down. It's just literally just standing on the side like, look at them go. I mean, isn't this hilarious? Watch that. You should watch them try to get the ropes to the deck.

6:32That's coming up next. Bunch of morons. It's so fun. Just sitting there cracking up. So Nathan's like, oh, first day. First time on the crane. I'm up here smashing nav lights. Soon as we drop Anchorman, everything's gone tits up. Fuck me and fuck those tits too. I certainly will try to later this season. Well, I hope you don't mind. I'm just going to stand here and hold this string lightly and watch you fail miserably. So goodbye, light. Goodbye, light. So now it's time for the first course. And, you know, we see a piece of paper that Josh, the chef, has pasted up or taped up in the kitchen. and he, listen, people who write themselves crazy little notes on Post-its are insane.

7:22Every insane person in their house has these little notes. You know, people who are like, and I've done it before and I am insane. People who have those little Post-its and then they're like, you're good enough. Or like, you don't need to eat, you need to move. You know, like little positive things you put around your house. Or I used to have one on the fridge that said, don't. That's all it said. and then i don't was that like your refrigerator was like having like was like a was like crying crying and like you were coming in for a hug and i was like don't don't because you know we have these different parts of our brains and so when i'm hungry i wanted the like rational part of my brain to tell the irrational part of my brain later on in the day don't you know so i would come to the refrigerator and i'd see this postage note and posted note and would say don't and i just say fuck off one time i actually wrote a post-it note ronnie did you think that you your note would actually tell your yourself like you would actually listen to your note as before you even got that part i'm like i bet you walked up to that to that note and said oh fuck you you don't get to tell me what to do i did i wrote a dick i drew a dick on it eventually i just drew a big dick on it you know but then i looked at it again and it was like don't dick And I was like, well, I don't know that I really need to be giving myself that.

8:43I don't know that I'm getting enough of that as it is, you know. But yeah, crazy people write themselves notes and put them around. And Josh does it. And his say, breathe. And then he has two that say the same thing. Non-attachment. Non-attachment. Exclamation point. Nothing really like complements the directive to just breathe than like literally yelling at yourself through a note by yelling, non-attachment, exclamation point. Non-attachment. Non-attachment. breathe detach yourself from this experience that's how traumatic it is being a chef you're just like just disassociate disassociate put yourself in a box you're just in a box nothing is happening you know it's like abuse language you have to use with yourself because you know that is what it is you're putting yourself into an abusive situation non-attachment it's not happening i'm just a little boy i'm just a little boy i'm just a little boy poor guy well he also has another note that says you are just cooking so just cook um which is uh you know hopefully that that helps yeah i feel like yeah you're just cooking so just so just cook um yeah but like i would like to say you're just cooking so just cook well and on time because i feel like you can't it's not just about cooking it's about like making something that's edible and you know because we've seen a bunch of people just cook and it hasn't always worked out well and also i just like the positive messages i don't think help i mean maybe different people people work differently you know but i think messages need to be like you're a fuck up and nobody likes you don't fuck this up you know something like that or like don't suck as much as you did yesterday loser yeah i feel like mm-hmm or i just feel like i'd leave we know my note would be remember three teaspoons in a tablespoon.

10:37Is that true? Three teaspoons in a tablespoon? Yeah. I thought it was two. God, I just learned something. No, you've been selling yourself short. Three teaspoons in a tablespoon, Ben. And then I'd have the next one say four tablespoons in a quarter cup, Ben. And then actually, those are things I remember. But what I always forget is it's like, and I hate this, by the way. I hate this. Okay. two cups in a pint, two pints in a quart, four quarts in a gallon. Wait, what? Four quarts. Yeah, four quarts in a gallon, right? Or two quarts in a half gallon. I don't know. But here's what I don't like. We're going up by twos.

11:16Why are we all of a sudden going to four? I know it says quart, so it's like a clue, but don't do that to me. Why are we starting at three and then going to two and then two again and then to four. This is totally unhelpful. You're right. It is unhelpful. You know what else is unhelpful? That America decided that we needed to change the metric system for everything because trying to read recipes and then it's like, okay, 32 grams. I'm like, what the fuck, man? I don't even know how many teaspoons are in a tablespoon. Now you're going to throw grams at me? Come on. Do you have a scale? Do you have a kitchen scale?

11:55No, I hate scales of all kinds. You should get a kitchen scale. It's actually a game changer. I only had one when I used to do coke Then I got rid of it No the reason why it's a game changer It felt like an attachment to my addiction I had to write little post-its like Non-attachment, non-attachment Get rid of your coke scale

12:16Breathe through your mouth Not your nose You know a food scale is a game changer And the reason why is because all those recipes that call for grams It's like no longer an issue and the best thing is you don't need to have measuring spoons or whatever you just put your thing on it and then you just take a regular spoon and you like measure stuff out you like add stuff until it reaches the number it's like so you actually wind up doing fewer dishes with a kitchen scale fun fact but don't like you don't have to scale off with the with all no you don't that you're putting on it you don't have to wash it between things that you're putting on there you're not putting it directly on the scale in my case i usually put like a bowl or like whatever you're using.

12:55Like actually a cool technique, a cool technique to do is if you're like, if you're, if you're making something and everything has to go into bowl, you put your bowl next to the scale and you take the thing that you're adding and you put that on the scale and you tear it like T-A-R-E. So it goes to zero. And then you remove stuff from the container, from the container, Alfredo, and you add it to your bowl. And as you add to the bowl, the value on the scale goes negative. So if you need to add like 32 grams into your bowl, you wait till it hits negative 32, because that means you've taken 32 grams out of your supply, put it in the bowl.

13:32And this way you don't have to worry about making your scale dirty. And also if you like have taken out too much, you can like, before you put it in the bowl, you can like put it back into the supply. And by doing this, you don't need tablespoons. You don't need teaspoons. You don't need measuring cups. Don't need money. Don't need fame. Don't need no credit card to play this game. It's called a kitchen scale. And we're going to the future with it. Well, that's a game. You know what? Well, I think we all know what my next note is. Ben, ride this train, not play this game. Ben, Huey Lewis in the news.

14:12Compassion. Compassion. This is the news. You know, we always wondered what Huey Lewis's news is. The news is a kitchen scale. He's like, hey, everyone, I've got the news for you. It's use the kitchen scale. This is the second time Huey Lewis has come into our recaps, by the way, this week. Huey Lewis is really living on. We have to work him in every single day. Please. He's really getting the park overall treatment today. So these other notes say compassion. And then the final note says push yourself. Push yourself. Push yourself. Do you think he's saying? S E L F push yourself. Is this, is he, if you think he's saying push, yes, he's saying push yourself.

14:59Is he doing it in the style of, um, what's that one song that's like in like every car commercial is like sort of Motowny. It's like, I'll go back to Huey Lewis in the news. I'm sorry. Push yourself. I think. Or do you think he's, or is he doing, is he doing it like in a Motown sound or is he doing it in the style of like, oh go ahead and push yourself i think i'm taking it as like treat yourself you know people like you need to treat yourself um but i don't know he's he's pushing himself um here's what i think you should write down stop putting on clown clothes and thinking it's cute please stop it it's crazy so hard and they keep showing it and it's not it just i feel like my wiener is going so far in my body that it's like just a tube.

15:50It's like an inner, it's like an any belly button is what my penis feels like every time he comes out as a client. It's awful. It's so awful, but I'm not going to lie. I laughed out loud because the thing is they, they spring it on us when we're, when we at least expect it, like something is happening, like he's making avocado toast. And then all of a sudden he just is in it and he goes magic or whatever. And I was like, what i can't take it i can't like and he has flat ironed hair it's like a flat ironed haired clown it doesn't work for me it's like watching johnny resnick in clown costume yeah so da vinci who's the main bitcoin guy i mean he wears bitcoin socks he's got a bitcoin fanny pack probably he's got a bitcoin purse at the table and so they want to see what's in his purse and he has like normal stuff, I guess, like Bitcoin slogans and stuff.

16:42And he has a tampon and he also has gold. So - Yeah. Well, the girl who's, they're like, they're looking through his little purse and then the guy's like, oh, there's something in here. There's something in here. And then this girl next to him goes, is it a tampon? It's like a joke. And then it's like a tampon. And then she's so proud of herself. She's like, I literally can't even believe how raw I was. It was a tampon. Oh my God. I actually got it right. It's like, quiet, Jessica. You could see in it. We know you cheated.

17:15So now it's time to run the plates. But are they too cold? He doesn't know, Josh. He feels so much pressure. Every element has to be perfect. Non-attentment. Non-attentment.

17:30And he's trying to tell everyone to hurry up because the plates are getting cold. And he's like, I'm sorry. He's like, I'm starting to feel like Black Sabbath. And it's like, I'm getting paranoid. Like, this is a Bravo audience suite. I don't know if like all of us get the reference. Is that the song by Ozzy Osbourne? It goes,

17:54Okay. I really, again, I don't know Ozzy Osbourne songs. I'm trying to think of my brain. My brain just did this. I don't know any Ozzy Osbourne songs. He has like...

18:15Crazy Train. That one? You know that one? No. Well, I can't help you any further. I'm sorry. I'm not very helpful. I'm not yes-anding you because I literally can't. I don't know anything. This is the only lyric I know. Damn it. that's the song I don't know if that's actually paranoid so okay so that would have been a better reference that would have been a better reference if he said I'm feeling paranoid like Shirley Manson I would have been like thank you that one I can give you I think I'm paranoid yeah I no I'm sorry listeners my funny valentine okay just a refresher cleanser for everybody palate cleanser.

19:03Yeah, palate cleanser. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

19:12So, um, V did not hold her plate properly, and it got messed up. So... Terrible. So then we go to the first course. They get Spanish prawns, which thankfully, Spanish prawns. Any other kind. Passion fruit, caviar, and orange vinaigrette. I mean, how embarrassing if they got non-Spanish prawns while they're docked in Spain. I mean, hello. Peruvian prawns? Get the hell out of here. Of course they can prawns. Christian and Max are talking about how shitty their day was. And they're talking about the C-BOBS. Are they inside? And Christian's like, well, when you put them in, you need to charge them.

19:57You know, he's like, I charge him. I charge him already. He's like, okay, well, how many do we have? Two? Yeah, bullshit. How the fuck don't you know that, bro? How you don't know we have two? How you don't know we have two? Max is on such a power trip. He's acting like he is the best deckhand. And he's definitely improved, but he's acting like he was not a total waste of space and a disaster two seasons ago. I mean, like, he was awful. And he was so terrible. And now he has, like, no patience for this guy, who admittedly is terrible as well. But, like, he has no patience for this guy when he in fact was the bane of the entire ship's existence two years ago let alone the entire audiences yeah i don't even know that there's proof that he's improved he's just acting i'm not even sure he's just leading with you know like i'm great and so it's like the people buy that sometimes you know like the loudest person always wins kind of thing it's like you know like if you're like a shitty second grader you're still gonna be shitty but now you're in third grade but he's acting now that he's made it to third grade that he's like, he's like on a power trip to the second grader.

21:04And it's like, you may be on a, you may be on a power trip because like technically your rank in grades is slightly higher, but you're still shitty. And also it's not bad as the second grader. It's not so regular that people get a second season, right? Like you have to be kind of special to get a second season. So I think maybe he thinks he's special. Yeah, maybe. So he's, so everyone, He's like power tripping to a first year. So Aisha is observing the guests as they sit around at this dinner with like weird like purple mylar on the walls and stuff. And she's like, it's such an odd combination of people.

21:41Like Carl's just chiller. Da Vinci's like super eccentric. It's pretty quirky. And then there's this hot couple. Where do they come from? Maybe that's the message of Bitcoin. Bitcoin brings people to gamble. I mean, I guess. It does. Bitcoin people love Bitcoin people. They love each other. They're really into each other. Bitcoin people are like, yeah, it's the future. The banks will never get me. So then Aisha is asking about food. They all love the food. Okay, let's go to the bridge with Nathan And Sandy, she's like, yeah, you know, I just wanted to say that, you know, you got to get it down quicker, you know, because it was just it was just really going slow, you know.

22:33And when it's swinging, that's when you go fast. Get it. Get it low. Get it low. If it's swinging, just crash it down into the deck. OK, I just basically want you after I want you to be I want that that ski vibe, that wave runner. I want it to look like Hannah after one of her special cigarettes, just face down immediately. You know, a wise man once said that when the wind is swinging, the ropes, you got to get low. From the windows to the wall to the sweat runs down your jet ski. Get low, get low, get low, get low, get low. Okay? Good job. Let's have a hug. When the going gets tough, the tough get going and going and going.

23:16Yeah. Yeah.

23:20Listen, I, as a fan of Christina Milian, I have to say, dip it low, Nathan. Next time, dip it low. So, she's like, you know, you've only been on the boat 12 hours. So, I'm not going to worry about it because I'm nice. I'm a nice captain. The internet loves me. So, let's just keep that going, okay? Nathan, I task forwarded two hours before the charter began. And as a new boatswain, he doesn't know the boat. He doesn't know the crew. And that's a setback. but I'm going to support Nathan. And he'll become excellent at his craft. His craft of deck leading. His craft at lowering a jet ski a little too slowly when it's windy.

23:58His jet ski lowering craft. Tessa will excel at her craft of being sort of nowhere. You know what? Have I actually met Tessa yet? I have. Oh, okay. Tessa is my favorite character so far. Same. I think this one, she really blossomed. I love her. And I love that she's always, she looks like a character in like a Hans Christian Andersen novel. I feel like she's, she should be in like an old timey dress with a rolling pin in her hand, just telling the kids to slow down because she's basting a turkey, you know, as the kids run through the house. I feel like she should be the, like the lady who presses the buttons to make it's a small world go and then waves at people when they come back at the end of the ride.

24:42yeah i could see that like when they described her later in the episode as like she does nothing but it's just judgy she just stands around as judgy i was like perfect love her me too because she's not she's not silent in her uh confessional she's like they're all idiots so um she assures nathan that they're gonna figure this out together and so he's like oh right right so he leaves he He looks terrified, as he should be. So then we, let's see. Kizzy is telling V that the rooms are messy. So like she can't just leave caddies in the hallway. So let's get it together, okay? Let's keep them organized.

25:22Let's keep organized. And V's like, yeah, I haven't had a lot of high-end service experience, but my work ethic speaks volumes. Pick the Windex up off the floor. That is your work ethic. You're leaving shit on the ground. Go get it. yeah and as she's talking about her work ethic we see that she somehow broke uh the bed there's like a panel uh like a wainscotted panel that she broke and now she's trying to reassemble it we never really see how they do this and like do they have to call one of the like off-camera engineers but i was actually i was kind of invested in this i was like you broke a panel on the bed like it's clearly not going back in easily you only have so much time before the guests are done dinner and want to come downstairs what do you do how much time do you have like how does this get fixed i i was like i was kind of i was into it you were stressing i was like they just moved away from she's they're showing like incompetent they're like cutting together incompetence it's one of those things where like oh she left her caddy on the ground oh she broke a bed or whatever they're they're putting this all together but the voiceover is like yeah my work ethic definitely comes from my parents being models, you know, because they're from Cuba and we grew up really, they weren't really models.

26:38They were just model work ethic people, by the way. So they were really attractive though. Yeah, they were attractive. Like their work ethic was always in bikinis. I'll tell you that. Like they had hot work ethic. They have like model quality work ethic, but they both grew up really poor. And my dad, when he grew up, like when I was growing up, he couldn't pay the electricity bill sometimes and they couldn't pay the water bill, but he worked his ass off. And now he's the CEO of his own engineering firm. Unfortunately, he doesn't pay the electricity there either. So they do a lot of engineering in the dark, which has led to buildings falling.

27:15But you know what? They try. They have really good work ethics. I love the irony of her dad owning an engineering firm and yet she can't figure out how to put the panel back on a bed. If only we had an engineer. That's why I love the editing It's so funny She's like giving this full on monologue While she's like Leading hell breaking loose Down there So the guests are still receiving food And all they want to do is jet ski And one guy Carl says jet skis make me feel alive Jet skis make me feel alive Oh I feel alive with jet skis Almost as alive as I feel with Bitcoin I don't even need to drink anymore.

28:00I've got jet skis. I've just drank a jet ski. And then, yeah, he talks about how like being on a jet ski makes him feel alive, especially when he pushes it so hard. He feels like if he falls off, he's going to die in the water. And then Josh is like, and now here's your course of fresh frigo, frigo and tomatoes and oregano cooked down. So it becomes almost like a risotto with chicken and pine nuts. It's like, yeah, perfect for someone who loves jet skiing so hard, he's going to die.

28:32What was that fresh tomatoes and oregano cook down so it becomes almost like a risotto fuck yeah risotto to the extreme

28:44So asia is playing v that she has to do laundry in the morning don't forget And then we cut to nathan and he's just sitting at the back of the boat staring into the water you know, memories of jet skis crashing into lights, et cetera. Doesn't he fart? Or is that just what I projected onto him? I thought I heard him go. I thought there was a fart, but I never know on this show. You know, I feel like they're like fart lighting me. I think if you have that haircut, you're going to, you're also the kind that like sits by the edge of the boat and farts. You're an edge of the boat farter with monkey.

29:23So Captain Sandy is very impressed with Josh. She goes to tell him. He juggles an orange right into her face. And Aisha is back up. They love the main chorus, blah, blah, blah. It's Jeremy Sue, guys. It's Jeremy Sue. Who's going to be difficult about it? I'm going to guess it's the guy with the purse. Okay. And it is. It's Da Vinci. He's like, I can't stand Jeremy Sue. So figure something out. You literally, your name is Da Vinci. You should love all the Italian desserts. No kidding. What the hell? Although I'm kind of with him on this. He doesn't like tiramisu. What a monster. Get the fuck out of my boat.

29:59I'm a bit like indifferent to tiramisu. I just feel like I can eat it and it's fine if it were served to me. I wouldn't be like send it back. But I almost always think that there are better desserts than tiramisu. Well, I'm not going to disagree. But, you know, if you feel that way, you need to put it on your preference sheet. because there's one man cooking and he's got compassion and he is disassociating from this shit. Okay? So you can't just be like, I don't like tiramisu at the very last second. I mean, what the hell? I need some warning. You got to put tiramisu on your preference sheet. Although I think it's such an edge case.

30:38I myself, if I didn't like tiramisu, probably would forget to mention it. But I do think that like, I think it's inoffensive. I don't want gluten or tiramisu. do. I don't think it's in it. It's not, it's an inoffensive dessert. I just don't think it's like anything that ever makes me feel like, Ooh, luxury or Ooh, this is heavenly. It's just like a soft, it's just like a soft on soft dessert. It's just there. So, um, it's actually not mean about it. He's like, just give me ice cream. I don't care whatever you've got. So, um, Josh, you know, writing himself little post-its down there. And he gets a raspberry mousse instead.

31:17And that's what you get. Now you get raspberry mousse. So guess what? You're still going to get something fucking soft. And now you're going to get seeds in your teeth. Fuck! I was impressed. Josh just had contingency desserts ready to go. And that's pretty baller, I would say. It looks like he really did detach. So he says, he's like, this is why I never get comfortable to see because the guests, they want to do their own thing. And then all of a sudden the shoes dropped and now we don't like tiramisu. So I'm like, okay. So Josh has, he's organized. He's very proud of himself. Very organized.

31:56And that's what allowed him to have the flexibility to not only make tiramisu, but to also make some moose. Now I've never made tiramisu, but isn't it just like lady fingers dipped in like espresso, something like amaretto espresso. Okay. And then like, what is sort of, what does it sit in? Like, what is it? It's not buttercream, right? Is it? It's like, yeah, it's like a moose. Is it a moose? A moose? I don't know. It's dipped in coffee layered with a whipped mixture of egg, yolk, sugar, and mascarpone. So it's like, it's, it's close to a moose, but it's not. So I don't think it's like a, I don't get the sense.

32:35And I could be wrong unless he made the lady fingers himself. I don't think a tiramisu is like a heavy lift dessert so he's like wow I made a tiramisu and then I had enough time to make a mousse both things are pretty easy to make he's always prepared for people with like bad teeth you know he's just like going to make some mushy shit he's just always going to be prepared for something mushy so now Kizzy and Josh are talking and she's like you alright babe and he's like yeah I'm good babe and she's like good babe and he's like do you mind do you mind me calling you babe it's like no i love it i love a pet name babe i'm a massive flirt i love the person that i'm seeing to be like obsessed with me but like in an unhealthy manner but also like i don't want you like knocking on my door with a knife and being like i want you i want to wear your skin you know what i mean like not like that kind of obsession i just like i have a big fear like being murdered i always have what's wrong with this person everyone has a fear of being murdered you fucking weirdo there's no one on earth who doesn't have a fear of being murdered it's like a totally normal fear she's like i just want the princess treatment like i love the pivot from i'm really scared listen i don't want a guy who's gonna murder me i just want to be treated like a princess i was like well that's a pretty big extremes you got going on there i know i really can't tell after this monologue if she has really high standards or really low standards yeah i can't go from i don't want to be murdered i want to be treated like a princess.

34:08So now everyone goes to bed and everyone's just like, oh God, that food was so good. And Kizzy is cleaning stuff and everyone is like turning in. Everyone's doing their nighttime stuff. And then Captain Sandy is like showing Tessa like controls. Okay, hey, hey, over there, you with the judgy face. Okay, this is a radar. Okay, just like the time, the latitude, the longitude, and just leave a note if there's going to be a new episode of Wind coming up because my DVR has been acting up. I just want to make sure I don't miss anything. Okay, you got that? Okay, so I guess I'm stuck up here from 12 to 3.

34:45I mean, I'm happy to do some odd jobs. Unless you just like people wasting time on your ship, which I'm happy to do. So let me just write that okay. Captain Sandy is okay with people completely wasting their time on her ship. Do you want to sign off on that? Okay. and um so nathan writes like an uh a list of overnight jobs and everything and uh then uh basically max goes to sleep at um and and this christian is up he takes over at 3 a.m to do the jobs list and so then christian instead of doing any of the overnight jobs just sits on his phone and is just sitting there looking bored for hours and hours and hours on end doing nothing Yeah.

35:31And then now it's the morning and V is at the laundry machine. Aisha just told her she's going to have to do laundry in the morning. So here she is standing in front of the washing machine and doesn't know why it's not working. She doesn't know how to work it. This seems to be a common problem. I feel like there needs to just be washing machine training. Like this is how you use the washing machine, you know? I mean, I know it seems like they should know how, but this is below deck. They don't, you can't assume that they know how. No, it's hard. Pushing a button is really hard. So then Max is walking around.

36:02He's woken up and he's looking at things and he's seeing that Christian has not done any of the stuff that he was supposed to do, like windows or teak or, you know, the usual junk. So he's getting really, really pissed about all this. And Asha's helping V with the laundry and everything. And she's like, you know, my first season in yachting, I was on a boat with a really misogynistic prick of a captain. And like, no matter what I did, I couldn't do it right. And that came to a head when I just said, oh, I'm fucking quitting. And I said, you must have a tiny cock to treat women the way you treat them.

36:38Fuck you. And I ran out of there and I never came back, you know. And so I really try to be more of a gentle leader because I don't want to get to the point where V tells me, oh, I've got a tiny cock. and then storms off the bed. And then for the next two minutes, we just look at Asha while her mouth just hangs open. During her silent laugh.

37:07We had dinner with Asha a few months ago and she really does that and she does it all the time. And it's like really a pleasure to behold. Like she literally like, she will bend over and just the mouth is open And she stares at you like, do you want to do it too?

37:27So we go back to Max and he's very disappointed in the list, you guys. Max is a big list person and the list isn't done. So he's like, I don't know the laughing question, okay? But I'm trying to hypnotize him to put fire in his ass. I put fire into his ass, right? They're like, oh, it's under his ass. Oh, under his ass. Dildo. Walking dildo. a beautiful walking tail dog. Is that what his hypnotherapy taught him, that you can use hypnosis to motivate other people? I thought it's that you use hypnosis, like you receive the hypnosis, not that you use hypnosis to motivate people. I don't know. So they're cleaning and he's like, Max is really trying to show, He's being a very, what's the right word, presentational.

38:24He's really going overboard showing. He's like, I'm a cleaner. I'm cleaning. I'm doing the right thing. He's maybe trying to lead by example, but also prove that he's the cleaner. And he's complaining the entire time. Yeah. So he's just bitching at himself. He's the only one who knows what he's doing. And then we go to Asia talking to Nathan and how yesterday was so fucked. And he's like, it was upside down. I'm like, I don't know where to look. She's like, here we go. Here we go. So then Nathan says, hey. He's like, hey, what's cracking, Frenchman? And he's like, come, come. We need to talk. What did you say to Christian to organize in the morning?

39:02He did nothing. Windows? Rinsing teak? Nothing was done. Nothing was done. So Nathan's like, oh, Jesus Christ. I got up and none of this was done. He's like, no. Well, I do want to give Tessa and Christian a chance to prove that they're capable of adjusting and learning and getting on with the job as fast as possible. But I'm not even fucking around anymore. This is actually terrible. This is beyond a joke. But enough about my haircut. Am I right? Yeah. So he's like, okay, well, Chris hasn't ticked any of this stuff off. And he's like, yes, I told you something was wrong. Did you listen to me?

39:38I told you something was wrong. Fine. Fine. Fine. commercials. Here comes one right now.

39:49So then we see Nathan and Max cleaning stuff that Christian didn't do. And then Aisha passes Sandy and gives her a high five. She's like, try better. I mean, you're a lesbian. High fives should be in your blood. That was a very weak high five. You're right. I like my fives the way I like my the hem on my pants. Hi. Okay. This is a Capri high five. Okay. There you go. This, this five is going to be so high. You're going to see my ankles. Okay. Got it. So, uh, so now Christian and V and Kizzy, they're all in the crew mess and, um, they tell, they, they tell the Christian he smells really nice and everything.

40:34It's V's being flirty because that's what she likes to do. She loves a flirt. She likes to be a flirt. And, um, he's wearing Jimmy He's wearing Jimmy Choo to work. That seems weird, right? Is that weird? I don't know. I feel like it's too fancy of a smell to be working a non-fancy job. Yeah, but it is a mega yacht. It's a mega yacht. It's a mega yacht, Sandy. It's a mega yacht. It's a mega yacht. God, I missed that guest. Now could you, Sandy? I mean, it's a mega yacht. It's a mega yacht. So that was the best. So Aisha says that the guests want to go into town. And he's like, oh, it's a beautiful town.

41:17Have you been? Stitches? Oh my God. It's wonderful. They call it the anti-norma of towns in Spain. It's just that pretty. Wow. People actually want to go in it.

41:32So now Max sees a bee and he's terrified of the bee. He's like, work better bee. Work better. You are bad worker. I better be than you. Yeah, he literally loses his mind. And then Josh is making some fruit. He's doing some cooking just in general. And Nathan is telling the deckhands to do some inflatable stuff. And Christian's like, but there isn't enough space for it all. And he's like, but we got the whole fucking sea. He's like, oh. But then. And now this Josh is doing something that I always think they should be doing on Below Deck, which is making a dish for breakfast and saying, here's what's for breakfast.

42:15Then you serve it. And then if somebody wants something else or something different, then they can tell you. Because breakfast is one of the biggest clusterfucks on this show when people start ordering a million different things. And I've always felt like if you just tell them, OK, here's what's for breakfast. It's a in this case, it's a poached egg avocado. and then you just say this is what you're getting for breakfast and if they want something different then they're allowed to well he does that and it blows up in his face so well but the thing is they should have just served it not they should have served it and then said does anyone want anything else anything different not so instead asia wound up saying like oh we're gonna have we're gonna be serving this and then they're like actually can i have this so like like really eliminate all the options as possible.

43:03Just get it straight ahead right in front of them. Here's your fucking breakfast. You want to change it? They should have just served everybody tiramisu with an egg on top. So Kizzy is cleaning. She has too many rags in her caddy, which feels like that's British slang for something. Oh, darling, you've got too many rags in your caddy. How dare you? You ding dong. You really need to focus on your career too many rags in your caddy at the moment she's like i'm not sure if he has like a passion for detail is she english what is she she's english yeah she is no so but at the same time it's great for me because now i look like a rock star like the best ever and it's great because i can be like oh v did that wrong you know that sounds horrible doesn't it i was just flirting with you i love to flirt and i think she like knocks over like a little jar when she says that okay so toxic toxic lady incoming um so nathan is uh trying to get the tender ready for this excursion and everything and and people are just being slow it's like christian tassa did you copy my last my last thing christian tassa hello oh jesus jesus so he goes over to them and he's like tass christian you need to be on your radios and christian's like bro where's my radio it's like It's right here.

44:21He's like, sorry, bro. I need more urgency. So then we see Josh talking about the avocado poached eggs. He's like, okay, guys, I've got avocado poached eggs and bacon. And Da Vinci's like, yeah, I'm going to need a ham and cheese omelet. And then his fiance is like, yeah, I just want avocado with no egg on it. And Da Vinci's like, yeah, also I want a sunny side egg. And she's like, yeah, can I have nuts on my avocado? Thanks. Can I have an egg with nuts also, please? Can I have an egg with nuts, please, also? Thank you. Can I have an egg with the sunny side runny, but well done, up, but also down to the side with some walnuts?

45:02That would be really great. Can I get a Japanese rolled egg, please? And can you put a little top hat on it so it looks fancy? Thank you. Can I get a Spanish egg? I only want Spanish eggs. Do not try to start being a Peruvian egg. can you just serve me here's what I want I want a sous vide parsnip but then when it's ready cut it out and carve it to make it look like an egg but we all know it's actually a parsnip thank you so much I want a bitcoin egg bitcoin sup wild bitcoin please so Josh how many confirmations did this egg have before it was served to my table so this sets up a wonderful moment.

45:46So Josh is like, oh God, eggs with nuts and hard boiled eggs and caviar. It's not hard to make, but it's like I've set myself up. I've organized myself and now it's kind of gone to shit. Oh dear. You know, it's essential for me to have my galley in order because, well, get ready everyone. I used to be a little bit out of control in my personal life. Oh, you don't say. I took drugs for many years. Cooking saved me! You don't say. A chef and a clown used to be a heroin addict? I don't believe it. I do not believe it. Cooking saved me from drugs. Growing up, the people around me in town, the town I grew up in, everyone was just kind of doing it.

46:27Everyone was doing drugs. My grandmother, my mom, my gran, my dog, the postman. The person with the drugs, well, obviously was doing it. Everyone was doing drugs. So at 14, it would be pills on the weekend, cocaine you know during the weekdays with softer stuff like black tar heroin and lsd maybe we just choose some children's adverts i don't know really anything we get our hands on but the weekends is when we went real crazy oh my gosh it is crazy there are so many sober people in the kitchen and i've worked in kitchens my whole life and there really are just that theory is true i I mean, there are a lot of like ex-addicts working in kitchens, yet there's always coke in kitchens as well.

47:14Like it's always the best place to find coke. So I don't really know. I don't really. It's a conundrum. It's a conundrum, I'll tell you. But they show pictures of him to prove that he was a drug addict, I guess. So he's telling a story like, yeah, you know, I was really young. I was on drugs. And they kept showing him. He never looked the same in one picture. It was one of those things. I couldn't even tell who he was. I was like, who are these? These are a lot of really odd looking white people with bruised under eyes. Like, I don't even know who any of these people are. Which is him? It was like, they kept on showing pictures of like three pasty Corey Feldman-esque British boys.

47:49And I was like, which one? I think that one's him, but it could be that one. And they kept on showing them through the years growing up. And I was like, who are these other two boys? And is this like a tricky thing? It's like Highlights Magazine or something. Like, which one is different in which picture? But yeah, it was the age old. I was on drugs. Cooking saved me. And now I'm a clown, you know, as cliche as it comes. Yeah. And now I'm a clown. Yeah. So he got sober in 2019. And, you know, is it better to burn out or is it better to fade away? I don't know. I'll tell you what. Both of those things are better without clown makeup.

48:27Now he's making breakfast and Da Vinci's fiance is writing something. I'm sure something really romantic. and Carl's like, oh, you should say, he's like, you know what, like sitting here, like being with you guys and having nothing to say to each other, like it's really nice, right? Because it's like quiet, like listen to it. Isn't that comfortable? Isn't it? Isn't it? Why is nobody talking? Is it me? Am I ugly? Am I too skinny? Is everybody sick of my white jeans? What is happening?

49:00Sandy and Nathan are hanging around and Sandy, Nathan looks at the water, he points at the water and he's like, oh, there's loads of jellyfish in the water. And Sandy's like, oh yeah, you'll just make the guests really aware and we'll scare the jellyfish off. By the way, do jellyfish get scared off? I feel like jellyfish don't even have brains. They just float to things. Jellyfish ain't scared as shit. They can sting you with their minds. They do not give a crap, okay? And also, I've never seen jellyfish like this where they're just, first of all, They're the kind that's, I don't know, we talked about this in the preview when we saw some jellyfish, but they're kind of like chunky jellyfish.

49:38I don't know. They're not like as, you know, some jellyfish are. These are like solid mushroom looking fish. They're big. And they're like kind of at the top of the water, like it's feeding time. And they're waiting for worms to be dropped into the water. It's really weird. They're like koi. They're like koi jellyfish. They were beautiful. They were beautiful. And they were like very like visible too. Like some jellyfish you can't really see very well, but these were very obvious. But what's so funny is I just, I did a Google search. I said, can you scare a jellyfish? And you know, Google always offers an AI answer.

50:09And it got a little sassy with me. It says, no, you cannot quote unquote scare a jellyfish. I was like, okay, no need for the, no need for the quotes, no need for the derision. It says, no, you cannot scare a jellyfish because they lack a brain and cognitive abilities to feel fear or other emotions. Dummy. Idiot. Thank you, Google, for shaming me. Moron. So the answer is you can't scare them, okay? They just have a nerve net that allows them to sense and react to environmental changes. Well, I'll give them an environmental change. It's called put on some capri pants, you jellyfish, and get out of here.

50:48Scram. I prefer a flowier jellyfish. I don't like these, like, thick, staunch jellyfish. I don't like them. I liked these ones. You like the ones that have the big sort of like, almost like the stuff that's on a pipe. Yeah. You know, where it's like flowing, like a caftan in the wind, where they're like, oh, jeez, jeez, jeez, jeez, jeez, jeez, jeez, jeez, jeez. I'm a jellyfish. How are you doing? What are you doing today? I'm doing nothing. I'm smoking cigarettes on my deck and listening to classical music. What are you doing? You're like, oh my God, has that person ever worked? Has that jellyfish ever had a job?

51:24Their caftan's just blowing. These are like little staunch, like the mushrooms from Mario Brothers. I like them. They're like little button mushrooms. I like them. They have that nice sort of like blue tint. And like sometimes I don't like the jellyfish that have all those like ruffles. You know, like they're sort of like tentacles have like lots of business, almost like the front of a pirate shirt or something. I don't like jellyfish like that very much. These I like. They were very classic. But I kind of, I really hate that jellyfish sting so much. because it's like, if you don't have a brain, it's like not fair that you can hurt people, but you don't have a brain.

51:58Like it's not, if you hurt me because like - Have you not been paying attention to politics?

52:06Well, my point remains, I don't like mindless hurting of people. And that goes for you, jellyfish. Now I get it. It's like, no, it's because they don't have a brain. They need to have some sort of defense. Otherwise they'll just get eaten up. I'm like, fine. but like I just don't think it's fair that they're the ones who are just being thoughtless literally thoughtless they can't have thoughts and yet they can get away with like terrifying an entire boat we don't know what they can think and what they can't think I don't believe that jellyfish don't have thoughts they do I believe they do not have thoughts we think we know everything what the fuck do we know we're not inside a jellyfish I won't erase the jellyfish Jellyfish is like, Yeah, jellyfish are people too.

52:54Jellyfish are people too, everyone. There it is. So these jellyfish are floating around and Max is like, Oh, I love these beautiful blue pepper, chandelier jellyfish. They are fucking gorgeous. They look like, you know, Majusuki. It's like, Oh, I love it. I just want to touch it. I want to touch it on top. And they're like, well, don't touch it. It's going to stick to me. It's like, no, you can touch on top. It's only the tentacles that will hurt you. It's okay. Don't worry about the tenties. Ah, yes. I'm going to pet the jellyfish on top. So it's like trying to grab the jellyfish from the top, which this is why I'm glad that they can sting because stupid fucking people like Max.

53:32Yeah. I take it all back actually. Actually, what are they doing? The jellyfish aside with this. They're doing nothing. They're just trying to like relax by a boat, you know? And he's like, I'm going to grab it by the head. And so he grabs it and then he can't get ahold of it, but he does touch it and then he starts uh rubbing his eyes and he had jellyfish splooge on his hands and he touched his eye and now he's gonna go blind now he's burning god i can't believe you had such a negative reaction to touching a jellyfish voluntarily this was remind me of on below deck adventure there was this awful uh deck hand who like scooped up a like grabbed a fish and he like ate it and i was like what are you doing and it's like this, like, why are you touching the fish?

54:19Like, do your job, do your food and don't touch the jellyfish. And now look what you've done. Now you got jellyfish splooge in your eye and you're like, you can't see. Like, I would have been afraid I would have lost my eye because it's like, the jellyfish thing is not nothing. Like, this guy's an idiot. Yeah, and that's one of the things you go to the hospital for and you're like bleeding out of your eyes and they're just like, you're so stupid. It's like people who go in there with like a Coke bottle up their butt. They're like, like reconsidering their lives. Like, what am I doing here? What am I doing here?

54:54So Aisha is like, Nathan, could you see Max? He touched a jellyfish and touched his eyes. His eyes are on fire and I would help him, but I can't see through my tears of laughter. So if you could help him. So they're trying to help him. Nathan's like, what an idiot. so now uh josh is complaining because these people are crazy and then uh sandy goes down to check on max and he's like it is like tomasco tomasco in the eye she's like oh god why'd you touch the fish why it's just she really is looking at him like why'd you do that it's like it's like every time i see a guy you know emerging from a date with norma i'm like why'd you why'd you do it why would you do that she's just kind of laughing at him she said go put fresh water on it in the crew mess hey we've got some nespresso pots try those so um does anyone want to pee on max's eye anyone no okay i guess i just have to use the use the water congratulations you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap for part two go look for the recap that says part two see you over there suckers.

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