#3036 Below Deck Med S10E03 Part One: Run, Wave Runner! Run!

0:20Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crabbens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. How you doing today in this gloomy, rainy Los Angeles day? Oh, I'm so cozy. I've got my sweatshirt on, as you can see, with Crappens on Demand. And I've also got my sweatpants on. And I'm just like, I'm just like ready to crawl under a blanket and do something even cozy. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll play like Spelling Bee on my New York Times app. I don't know, but I'm just cozy. What about you? Yeah, I'm cozying it up. I'm wearing my Beyonce hoodie, my cowboy Carter hoodie.

1:02I feel very Beyonce'd up. I love wearing a hoodie to work. And it's a very exciting day because, oh, this is a very rough hoodie. It's like a very stiff material. So I'm echoing actually my own ears. I'll take that off. Welcome. I've never echoed in a hoodie before. That's so weird. I didn't. I could hear that was possible. I didn't either. Well, everybody, welcome to the show. It's Below Deck Mediterranean Day. Gather in for some hugs and some naps, okay, on this cozy day. You can find this video on Crappens On Demand, which is on Patreon. That's also where you get bonus episodes. This week, we are doing a preview of the Southern Charm trailer, a trailer trash, as we call them.

1:40So join us over there for that. Thanks for everybody who came to Amazon Live last night. That was super fun shopping with you guys. We do that Mondays at 4 p.m., every other Monday. And when we're not doing that, we are doing Crappy Hour Live, which is a Bravo news thingy that we do every other Monday at 5.30 p.m. on YouTube and Patreon for free. So join us for that. You can find links to everything on our social link in bio at Instagram. Okay. Or on Instagram, I guess I should say. And that's it for that. Let's get to the recap. Well, you know, before we do the recap, I just want to give a shout out to one of our great friends here in our Bravo world.

2:23Also, we just love her in general, Amy Phillips. Amy Phillips. Excuse me, I'm getting choked up. Oh my God, Amy Phillips. Oh my God. I owe everything to Amy Phillips. Amy Phillips. Amy Phillips of Drama Darlings podcast. We love Amy. She subbed in for both of us over the summer at various times and she's wonderful. And if you're going to Bravo con, we just want to flag this for you that at nighttime, like, you know, I don't know what the schedule is, but I don't think there's things scheduled at night. So if you're looking for something cool to do, uh, Amy Phillips is doing this thing called, uh, cabaremi and it's going to be at the hard rack cafe.

3:06She does her comedy cabaret and you're like, you know, she does like a million impersonations. So she's going to be doing it. So if you ever wanted to see Tamara and Gretchen singing Wicked, which I think we all want to see, it's Tamara and Gretchen. You know, Amy is going to knock it out of the park. So definitely go check out Amy's cabareni. That's going to be happening during BravoCon weekend. And she's also let us know that it's going to be at the Hard Rock on the Strip. And your ticket, if you get it. Yeah, isn't that a minute? Like Hard Rock. and your ticket gets you 20 % off of food for the day of the show.

3:46And if you want to get tickets, go to TicketWeb and search Cabaramy. That's C-A-B-A-R-A-M-Y. Or you can just check out Amy's Instagram at meetamyphillips and her link will be in the bio. So go support our girl, Amy. Yeah, she's great. I saw it last time I was at Bravo. It was great. Yeah, she does a great show and she's a great person. She's a great - She really is. she's like legitimately a great person she's not a ventriloquist but she is a great magician it's a great magic show she does and she strips she takes off all her clothes what she can do with a tassel you don't even realize she can make her tassel sound like Rachel Zoe wait until the ping pong section ping pong ball section it is absolutely incredibly me okay okay we'll be there love you Amy okay everybody let's check out below deck Mediterranean season 10 episode three excess baggage we have been in a fight with christian who's a dummy who tries to make us think that he's getting phone numbers wherever he goes and max who's also a dummy he's a french dummy and which really makes no difference except his voice is super fun when he yells at people and christian's mad that he's getting bossed around all the time and max is mad because he's trying to be i don't know who did he say he was what dictator was he trying to be with the guillotine.

5:12Oh, he's trying to be Robespierre. He's trying to live up to the legacy of Robespierre. Yeah, Mussolini. I don't know where that came from. But he is, I don't know history very well. Can you tell? I'm a reality person. And so they're yelling at each other. And Christian is like, don't do that. You don't fucking know me, okay? So don't push my buttons. And Max is like, push the button then. Push the button. Push the button. Okay, Fantasia. So Max is like, yeah, he's like, you don't know. He's like, this guy, you know, I asked him to just put this in. I see him the other way doing like the chamois.

5:47Oh my God. And Tessa's just sitting there watching, quietly judging, putting everything in her, like in her vault to complain about later. Not actually doing any cleaning, of course, because it's Tessa, but she's just watching. Yeah. I like that Tessa's so judgmental, but also it doesn't work at all. Yeah. That's my favorite kind of judgmental. I love a judgmental that comes from a place of not having any leg to stand on, you know, in the argument. And so that's what she does. And it's really fun to watch. And so I don't even know what they're really fighting about. Like Max wants him to dry certain things.

6:21And he's like, but I did dry that. And he's like, no, you didn't dry it. And it's just a stupid fight. Max wants to be in charge. Christian doesn't want to be bossed around. But they're both dumb. So Max is like, oh, since two days, every time we ask you something, there's a reason you don't do this thing. And he's like, but literally I did the whole thing, bro. Okay. The shammy gave me his phone number. Max is like, oh, you, you, I asked you to put on cover. There's no cover. So Nathan's like, okay, stop, lad. Stop. Jesus fucking Christ. Let's keep it professional. Finish the job. When you're off the boat, you have a conversation.

6:53But for now, you know, get changed. We'll get ready to go out. Let's concentrate on not fixing my hair. Peace. It's definitely a clash of egos, but they're not actually alpha males. They aren't lions. They're behaving like fucking cats. Like, oh, yes. I like cats. Stop that. Don't don't sully cats with these two idiots. They're acting like two stupid platypuses biting over a piece of grass. Yeah. They're acting like boys. So Nathan's like, what was that test? And she's like, honestly, I don't need no. Just can't. Could you pick up a chamois? No, still no. so everyone is cleaning because it's the, you know, the, they're, they're fixing up the boat, you know, because tonight they're going to go out.

7:44So now they're, they're getting excited. And Kizzy says, she's going to get so drunk tonight. Like she really can't wait. And then Sandy is in the bridge and she's listening to a voicemail from Leah. That's like, hi, baby. I'm on my way to work. I miss you. You're like, so cute. Like in like a sexy wife, like I'm so in love. What kind of way? And like, I don't know, Like, call me when you can. I love you, me. Yeah, you're, like, really sexy. But, like, you're cute. But I don't mean it, like, in a bad way, baby. I mean, like, you're, like, cute in a really sexy way, baby. Come on, baby. Oh, my God.

8:22How new are you two? Do you talk like that all the time? And Captain Sandy's just sitting there with a huge grin on her face. Like, wow. The luckiest girl alive. I asked Norma if she ever gets voicemails like that. And she says sometimes she gets something left by the representative from sadness.com. So I don't know. People just get different kind of messages, I guess. Sadness.com or Norma.

8:52My head's exploding over here. So V is asking Asha for feedback on her cabins. Asha's like, whoa, you did it. and then Kizzy is hanging with Josh. I don't know. People are doing things. You know, taking a nap before tonight. What are we going to do? So V still doesn't really seem to know what she's doing. You know, she has to learn about things like hand towels, you know, and Alicia has to, like, explain what hand towels are and why they're important because sometimes your hands get wet and you need a hand towel. I feel so determined to get V up to speed Because a stronger team it's more cold hard cash and right now scored no I we've got a wedding coming up, but we're doing repairs on the house And I've got a mortgage and I need to paint the house Paints expensive

9:50Like this because there's so like a three months

9:56So sorry So Sandy is walking through the boat like, wow, good, great. Looks like a hug. This is like the clean version of a hug. Great. Everybody did great. So we're about to go out. Max is going to go for Kizzy tonight. Everyone's all for Kizzy because she's like, oh, I'm so horny. I just love love. Kizzy, is it me? Does Kizzy look different in every single shot that they show of her? I cannot get a grasp on what her face actually looks like. Like one moment, she sort of looks like kind of a British, like what was the name of the woman, Jerry Hall from Star Trek or whatever. Like sometimes she looks like that.

10:37Sometimes she's like a little kind of like, kind of like a mom version of like Charlize Theron. And then sometimes she's like this. She just had different looks. I think she looks like Rose McGowan sometimes from Charmed, went back in the Charmed days. And I think sometimes she looks like Christina Ricci. Back in the back of the Adams family days. But I don't know. I can't really figure it out. Yeah. She's probably a sociopath, which I like. She's like a sociopath with an extreme need for attention, which I think works really well on the show in general. Yeah, it's good casting. Yeah, it's usually it usually winds up like that.

11:16Yeah. And so she's texting Tommy, who I guess is her boyfriend. And it's really super romantic. She texts him. I can't poop. And he says, sorry, I'm driving. I don't know what that means. Like, would he normally be able to help you if he wasn't driving? Would he be able to talk you through it? Like squeeze, but not so hard that, you know, you get a little bump. Yeah. What would you do? Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Think of coffee coursing through your system. Yeah. Think of all the good things. Think of the fiber. so Aisha is she's somehow found some like fake balls and she's like dipping them into Kizzy's mouth so that's fun they're like teabagging and now they're all getting ready to go out to have their first night out as a team so they're getting into their vans and they're excited and V spills a beer on herself and they're laughing and the guys are horny up Nathan's ass and he was like, well, that's the first time I've ever had a finger up my ass.

12:23I do not believe you. I don't believe you. So then Nathan is saying to Max, first charter and I think you and Christian are going to rip each other's throats at a brah. And Max is like, yeah, yeah. Every time we ask him something, he always finds something to say, you know, you know. And then in the other van, V is with Christian and Josh. and they're, you know, having more fun while Max is just making everything about gossiping. Yeah, exactly. And Aisha and Nathan are like, sort of like, they're talking because basically, you know, his team is totally inept and he's, you know, like, they're just trying to figure out what to do with everything, with his deck team and everything.

13:10And Aisha's saying, there's just like, there's no time to train anyone. You just have to like dive in and go. And, uh, you know, cause basically it's because it's blow deck. So they are thrown into the fire as soon as possible. They get like no lead time to get ready for guests, et cetera. Yeah. So they arrived now. They're purposely given people who don't know what they're doing to make a good show. But I worry for the boat. Like they're getting out of hand at this point. I like when they had one or two people who don't know what they're doing and then everybody can bully that person. But having this many people not know what they're doing is a little scary.

13:42um so tessa meanwhile is like it's real hard though like i don't think i've ever worked this hard in my life since the boys were born and now everybody's in downtown barcelona party it's our first party night with this crew right it's the first night we see them doing their thing and nathan is um he's like talking about how like the women are good looking He's like the good looking crew. And he's like, oh, because of what I went through with Gail last season, you know. And then we see flashbacks of them being annoying. He's like, I just want something casual. Casual is exactly what I like. Something deeply, deeply casual where you wouldn't have to say something like, nine months later, there's a baby.

14:25You know, something easy. Nothing that will be like a lifetime commitment. Don't I'm saying. Yeah. He's like, on the boat, I'm a boss. But when I'm in the club, I'm a playboy. so they get to the restaurant and everyone's really liking Kizzy and Asa is I don't know it's one of those it's super awkward nothing's really going on yet they're kind of trying to pretend that they're all in below deck mode where they're just walking around going woo woo but nothing's really happening and no one has a relationship yet Max is still talking about hypnosis max is definitely like the kid that went to sleepaway camp and learned a lot of like cool things at sleepaway camp from his friends and then has like come back to his regular friends and is trying to be like oh and here's something really cool that we did i'm gonna teach you how we did it and like no one cares it's like leave the hypnosis for hypnosis camp because no one cares about your hypnosis here in below deck world he's like i want to i want to all do a hypnosis clinic yeah he's like i did learn for five months a therapy hypnosis you know and one moment i swear fucking came to me now.

15:35You will do hypnosis now. I'm like, well, I have bad news for you. I know that you said that you had this epiphany that you're suddenly going to become like a hypnotherapist, but you unfortunately may have been hypnotized because you're currently a deckhand on a boat. So I think you're a little bit farther field from your therapy practice. Yeah, get hypnotized harder, bro. Yeah. So Kizzy is asking Nathan about his exes and he's like, well, the most recent was last season. We're like best friends, you know, just kind of, I kind of fucked it up. And she's like, RIP. I haven't pooped today. And, um, Josh is asking where Max is going next.

16:15He's talking about the hypnosis. And then, um, everyone just wants him to shut up. Christian's just looking at him like, you fucking kidding me with your fucking hypnosis. Shut up. Who wants to calm themselves and close their eyes around Max? Literally nobody. Okay. So now Kizzy's doing that thing. This is something we see on Below Deck a lot, which is like Thirsty's 2, who wants to get with all the guys, which by the way, I support it. Go sled it up. Those guys are good looking. Go get your fun, et cetera. But she does it and like her flirting is just so clunky and so obvious. It's like, so she's like, she turns to Tessa and is like, do you want to do a vajazzle with me?

16:56Of course the guys can hear it. And she's like, oh my God, she's gonna talk about like jewels on her vagina and everything. Like, you know, oh, what? Oh, you were listening in on that. It's like, okay, clunky flirt incoming. Yeah, she's kind of doing the flirting thing that people who are kind of not hot commodities do. You know, like we see it a lot with people who can't get dates. We're like, hey, everybody feeling horny all the time. It's mean. You're like, oh, God, it's like always awkward. But it's an actual hot person acting like that. It's like you don't have to put yourself out there that hard.

17:31You're already hot. Like, what more do you need? You don't like, you don't need the vajazzling prop. You know what I mean? You're gifted. You're facially gifted. You're gorgeously gifted. So like, you don't need to rely this hard on props. That's what I say. Yeah. And I feel like we've seen, we've seen some of these people on like below deck sailing. Like there was, remember that one crazy girl, that Ashley was her name, Ashley. I don't remember, but she was the one who like binged on spaghetti when she couldn't get with Gary. she was at this mold. And then the last season of below deck sailing, there was a girl, Diana.

18:09I was a Diana. I think it was Diana. Or maybe, you know, I don't remember below deck people. I don't have, I don't have the space in my mental DVR to remember below. I don't know. I didn't even remember Max and he did a full season. I still don't really remember Max and he's on the show right now. Yeah. It was Danny. But like these, these girls who are like, you know, they walk up to a guy and be like, I'm going to get a vajazz in my vagina. And of course you're allowed to say that. Of course you're allowed to be proud of that. There's nothing wrong with it. There's no slut shaming coming here.

18:37It's more like clunky flirt shaming. I just feel like, just don't be so transparent. Put some art into it, you know? Yeah, artful flirting. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

18:57So she's like, yeah, you know, that's where you put, Diamonds on your vagina. I just have a little love heart of gems. But then later she tells us that the last boat she was on, she had three. She left with three STDs. And I'm wondering how that works with all the vajazzling, you know? I mean, doesn't that make it like crustier? Or are you trying to like hide stuff with the vajazzle? Like it's not an STD. It's a vajazzle, you know? Yeah, I am very curious about that. It's an interesting detail. And then she giggled it off. but like it's I think again it's just to be like look at me well then she's like act like she's embarrassed she's like oh my god I'm like you're the one who introduced it to the table like it's fine I mean obviously like if it's fine I'm sure you got it all cleared up right but like I don't know like I can't stand a clunky flirt that's just what it comes down to yeah but they're all falling for it you know because he's like it's just muffed diamonds and so the girls are laughing and Nathan's like, wow, she's definitely trouble.

19:57She's definitely trouble. You know what I like when I have sex with somebody? I like to feel my penis being slowly chipped away like a pencil in a pencil sharpener. That's what I imagine that her bejazzles like. Her bejazzle, it's like textured. It's like when you're feeling the radio button on your steering wheel. um yeah that's a really specific comparison uh i also like one of those finger torture games you know where it's like a basket weaving thing that you put your finger into i mean i know that you don't you don't vajazzle the interiors or whatever but you see that's what you get for talking about vajazzling and trying to make it this big deal because you're making everybody wonder like well what is that like you know especially with the std talk in the same conversation it's just too much and so I also by the way you know what I hate is when guys say things like kizzy's definitely trouble no you're trouble you don't put it on her she's a clunky flirt you're the guy who has no self-control although it doesn't seem like you need to have self-control because it doesn't seem like you're in a relationship but I hate when they do that they just put it all on the girl I mean it's like that drives me nuts yes she's annoying and yes she's basically like like you know trying to be like look at me boys but at the same time like bro like she's not trouble i mean girls say that about guys too like oh here comes trouble i think it just i know but what happens sexy well what always happens is it's always guys like nathan or gary or whoever who like the the big flirt is on board and then they get their rocks off they have sex they have a good time and then they want to keep the option for more good times.

21:50So they say sweet nothings. And then the girls wind up getting attached. And then all of a sudden they're like, whoa, this is too much. And suddenly this idea of like their trouble has now come to fruition, but it's largely because the guys have been fucked with them in the first place. You know, like it's usually on the guys. I just, I guess I'm just on one this morning. Well, I'll just wait for the, I'll just wait for that to actually happen because you know that's gonna something like that always happens on below deck anyway so i'm just enjoying the calm before the this the storm yeah the calm before the the man trouble storm so um because he's like i'm not getting the jazz with it says bravado that's a gigantic a private part you have there jesus that's a big the jazzle it's also a bold statement to put on your on your hoo I feel like bravado.

22:44Bravado. Coming soon to a wiener near you. This vagina has been places you've never seen before. Bravado. And Nathan's like, I would do a sparkly cobra. That would be my pizzazzle. That would look like a mealworm. What are you talking about? A sparkly cobra on your wiener? No. and also also penises change sizes too much to be vajazzled that's why you can't have a one minute it would be like oh you know like it's crumpling all up together and it would cut you it wouldn't feel good you need to have it on something i guess more solid you couldn't put it on your nuts either those things are always up and down up and down big small big small here there what are you gonna do guys just don't vajazzle yourself don't pizzazzle yourself just We should do it on like the back of our elbows.

23:39Something. I think you should pizazzle an image that looks like the back of a yacht. And so that way, every time you get a boner, it looks like the passerelle coming up and reaching for the dock. That's funny. And I can bring like luggage across it. Or maybe you could sew one part of your nutsack to like closer up towards the head of the penis so that whenever it gets erect, it can look like the sail's going up on sailing yacht. How about a ballerina who is in the process of doing an arabesque? It's like, oh, my. Oh, my God. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that ballerina's wonderful form. It's like, no, I just have a boner.

24:23or you could just sew like little arms on the side and so when it starts to get bigger it looks like one of those car wash things that's like flinging its arms around yeah but you have to do a little bit of work you have to do some flopping on your end as well that's true hey sorry guys i'm doing just what we're accusing kizzy of and i'm doing really sexy flirting right now I'm doing artless flirting right now. I know how many people have pulled over their cars right now just to turn on to even drive. Sorry, guys. Sorry. You know, I think the thing I'm trying to like articulate what it is about Kizzy, like this style of flirting that drives me nuts, because I feel like you have to be really careful when you when you when you try to describe what's irritating about it.

25:11You open up the door for people saying like, you're slut shaming. A girl's allowed to flirt. And it's like, absolutely. a girl is not only allowed to, a girl should and enjoy it, yada, yada, yada. But there's something about like the, this kind of flirt where she'll like make a passing comment as if she, as if she, it tumbled out of her mouth as if she didn't mean to say it. And then it brings the entire conversation at the table over to her. And then she has to like laugh like, oh, this is so embarrassing. I can't believe I accidentally said that. And then everyone's asking her questions about herself.

25:46And then it's of course, but it's also like usually about her sex life. So in a way, like she's trying to kind of like, it's her way of, I think, trying to present herself as like, you should like, like, hey, hey, check, check me out, which that part's fine, but it's more the way that she like commandeers all the attention of the table. And I don't like anyone who does this. I don't like anyone who is just like, does some social manipulation where whatever conversations were happening, I'll come to a halt because this girl needs like attention at this moment or this boy, it can happen with the boy too.

26:19I want to add. So I'm trying to like work through this. You're really getting yourself tied up over there. Well, I like, you know what I mean? I like that when I start a theory, I like my theory to, to make sense. And I like it also to like, I don't want to have to, once the theory is locked in, I don't want to have to explain it again. I don't want to have to come on next week because, because people are like, What Ben was saying on the show was so inappropriate and so backwards. And I have to be like, this is what I really meant. Because now I've thought about it for a week. This is what I really meant.

26:48I kind of like lock it in. And I think that what I'm locking in here is that Kizzy wants, is just like obnoxious. And she just wants a lot of attention. And she wraps it up with her flirting. And she makes her flirting annoying as a result. Yeah. And I don't like it. Yeah. Okay. Well, fair. I mean, yeah. In my eyes, she's just an annoying attention hog. Like she's just, she's just like desperate for attention and it's, um, it's awkward. Um, so she's just using the avenue of her vajazzle to get there. But you know, we all do it in different, we all have our different ways of doing it. Uh, so we hear a phone dinging and, uh, guess who it is?

27:28It's Tommy guys. Is Tommy still driving? I'm dying to know. So Tommy's like, are you good? And she's like, yeah. And, um, she's like, oh my God, you guys, he's so in love. He just asked me if I'm good. He just asked me if I'm good. That's Tommy. He's my gentleman at home. And the guys are like, what? She has a gentleman at home. And Tessa wants to know if they've said the L word. And she's like, yeah, we have. And then Josh looks very confused, even for a clown. Yeah, he's very confused. And Nathan is like, holy shit, she has a boyfriend. That's fucking bizarre. And then Christian's like, oh, fuck, that sucks.

28:06And Max is like, oh, she went too far away. flirting with everyone to announce that she has a boyfriend now. And then Josh, we just see him in clown makeup going

28:19Please tell me that guy never gets laid because it just wouldn't be fair to see that guy, that clown getting laid. Please. Oh, he definitely gets laid. It's so annoying. He's getting a positive feedback loop on that clown makeup. That's very unfortunate. So So everyone, you know, the guys are confused, but they're like, okay, I guess cheers to that. So now it's 14.5 hours before the next charter. Max and Nathan go out for a cig. And Max is like, so see if you have a boyfriend? And Nathan's like, lad, I don't know there. I don't even know. I still don't even understand the vachassal. They are acting like the star running back on their fantasy football roster just went on injured reserve.

29:03They're like, oh, wow. Wow. We really thought like I built my whole season around Kizzy, but now she's like not going to be playing football for the next several months. So I got to go find someone to replace us. Like, what do we do? Like, what's going to happen? I got to recruit. Do I go to the waiver wire? Like, is there anyone even available? Everyone is like a third RB3 at best. Like, what do we do, guys? Like, they're in panic because Kizzy is off the market. So they're sitting, they're standing out there smoking. And then inside Tessa and Aisha are talking. There are people standing at the Golden Corral, and there's one roll left on the buffet, and they see someone take it, and they're all upset.

29:42The rolls were there for everybody. It didn't make you special. You know what I mean? If you all thought you had a chance, I mean, I don't know. Just keep looking. You're fighting over the cottage cheese. So, Tessa, inside, the girls and Josh are still there, and Tessa's like, Well, it's a deck meeting, and I'm not part of it, which is okay, because those boys, I've watched them, and they grew up with their little children. Look how far they've come now. I mean, it's concerning that they're cracking so early. You know what I mean? I mean, that whole team, I don't know if I can trust this team.

30:15I don't know if I can even trust this team. It's stressing me out, boss. It's stressing me out. Do you reckon it's rectifiable? I'm just happy it's not me. I'm just happy it's not me. This is what's going on. so max uh tell outside tells christian he's like bro can you punch me in the shoulder please because i really want like that we succeed into males that can communicate each other and he's like okay well how about your hug instead like no punching hug it out like we don't need to do any punching a good hug so they hug christian hates max i actually i have to say i liked christian more this episode because his hatred for max is so enjoyable for me like the way he just cannot hide how much he can can't stand this guy like his even though christian is a totally inept deckhand and probably should be fired and like his tales of aggression are not charming at all and they're the exact opposite i do just really enjoy how like every time max says something christian's just like shaking his head like why did i leave my anything i was doing in my life to come here to deal with this jackass yes we get christian backstory and he's like growing up and also called the crazy eyes in the first five minutes.

31:27And here they are. Here they are. Here's the backstory. So it's like, growing up, I used to solve my problems with being physical. Last time I got in a fight was two years ago. I was in Sydney and there were some drunk guys, you know, being stupid and having fun. And one guy came up towards me and he grabbed my nose and he said, got your nose. He did that to me so i punched him in the face and i said no i got your nose so first of all i knocked him out he said what the hell you can't knock somebody out for doing the i got your nose trick do you know how many times i would have been knocked out jesus christ i love no you can't do that and you shouldn't do that but if you do the but if you're drunk and you do the i got your nose trick to a random stranger just know you might get your face knocked in like that's i'm not saying you had it coming but just know it is on like the the short list of things that may consequences that may happen they are the consequences of my actions i mean no i'm not advocating for it that's an international sign of like hi i'm just trying to be nice to you got your nose that's like a nice you know my nieces i agree i don't know my nieces i live in you know texas is a concealed carry state or whatever my nieces could have shot me back then if that was acceptable to be hatred towards that i was always catching their nose i love catching noses i am definitely not catching anyone's nose in texas i i will have a bullet in my head in three seconds okay like no i'm not doing it there's just certain things you don't do and i'm not saying like i I don't like the mentality.

33:14I'm a nose bandit. I'm going to steal your nose. I don't like the idea that like we have to like, like violent men, we have to like cater our actions to, to suit their needs and their impulses. Like they're the ones that should be working on themselves when we do things, things stupid. But that being said, we do live in a real world and I am not grabbing the nose of any stranger anytime soon. I think. At least what I'm saying. Well, you reserve the right to not grab a nose. I'm just saying, you know, if someone does grab your nose, you shouldn't punch him in the face. I mean, that's a very nice thing.

33:51It's like, I don't know. It's like someone being like, I don't think it's a nice thing. Hi, I see you in the world. Got your nose. You literally are stealing my body part. That's not nice at all. That's terrible. Don't steal my nose. Don't put your fingers on my nose. Don't steal it. Don't hold it for ransom. Don't pretend to steal it. Don't even do a hoax robbery. Don't do a hoax kidnapping for publicity. Get away from my nose. Stay away from my baby. Yeah. So it was a big deal. So he got violent and he knocked this guy out. And also, I feel like in Sydney, I feel like that's like a drunk culture, right?

34:26Australia, I feel like, is where guys get really drunk and start patting each other on the butt. I don't know, and kissing each other on the neck and stealing each other's nose. I mean, it sounds like a perfectly charming place. it does austral my impression of australia is that um there's a lot of like charming laughter and so i think probably if a drunk australian grabbed my nose in australia i'd be like all right mate it's funny um but uh i don't know if i would uh otherwise i think i might give it a pass in australia so he's decided since he's already you know beaten a lot of nose robbers that he is going to accept max's apology um because he doesn't want to put his job in jeopardy by punching Max in the nose as well.

35:09He's like, yeah, I'm just trying to keep myself calm so I don't do something stupid. Like, okay, crazy eyes. Get rid of him. Get rid of him. Yeah. They seem to be setting up that he's going to do something stupid, which he does by the end of the episode, which is, yeah, he strains it on a jet ski. Because Kizzy is kind of a jazzle thing, like her trying to look cool. This is his trying to look cool. It's like, yeah, I beat a guy. I beat a guy for stealing my nose. Get out of here, sir. so josh is asking kizzy where her guy is and she's like oh back in england it's new you know i came off my last bet with three stds which has nothing to do with her guy by the way she's just like the question was where's your guy back in england and then i came off the last boat with three stds that has nothing to do with anything but yeah she's like so now of course like what so it's a great deflections that way they're not talking about the guy anymore and they're centering the fact that she like loves to have sex so she's like really like she's like you know like and then she's like oh my god did i say that and then like what she's like no it wasn't at the same time yeah it was at the same time i had three at the same time isn't that hilarious josh is like so would you say you're juggling stds i'm a clown oh i'm a clown speaking of grabbing your nose oh geez well i guess that's like no masturbation if you're if you're honking your own nose so then um so uh tess is like is this one of them and she claps and kizzy's like no i didn't have the clap and asha's like is this one of them so she like pantomimes the crab you see there's one clown on board and now everybody's like pantomiming and well actually the the irony is the clown is the only one not miming right now.

36:58Everyone's trying to mime differently. So I'm surprised someone didn't try to be like, all right, okay, okay. Sounds like, pawn, pawn, pawn, gone, gone. Come on, keep going. Sounds like, gone, gonorrhea. There we go. Little STD charades.

37:21Commercials. Here comes one right now.

37:27so she's like well i don't have anything anymore so well those were three lucky stds if you've had three stds and they're all the ones that you don't have anymore those are very lucky ones because i think the normal you know the most common ones you have like forever right so that's like i don't know i don't i don't i don't feel like she'd be bragging about stds at dinner but you know yes it's like a weird thing like i'm not gonna shame someone because they got like Like, they got an SCD. Like, you know, shit happens, right? But, like, it's just. But can I eat my calamari? You know what I mean?

38:05Without thinking of your private park crust. Can I just enjoy my calamari? So, she's ready to party. And they're like, yeah. Max is like, life is good. So, now they head to the club, you guys. Max still wants to dance with Kizzy. He's, like, still into it. There's no keeping the men away from Kiz. so um you know they just party and woo a lot and then max and christian are dancing and christian showing maxim salsa moves and everybody's like what's with the bromance with these guys and then uh josh is josh tries with kizzy again he's like is your boyfriend worried i'm worried clown back away yeah you don't need to be following me around the club all night asking me questions about tommy sir okay go go in a corner and pinch your and pinch your nose for squeeze your own nose squeeze it off so gizzy is talking to tessa and she's like i'm like naturally a very flirty person but i also love connection like i just really i love love just so much but while she's telling this she's telling this to tessa who seems bored out of her mind and meanwhile because gizzy's basically off the market the guys are now circling around v truly like sharks and they're all they're all being flirty and max is saying uh like they're saying some sort of stuff about how he's ready to bite anything.

39:22And she's like, oh my God. And Kizzy's still just going on about like, you know, I just want to like embrace people and I want to hug people. And I want to like have conversations and feelings for people. And I love that. It just makes me feel so nice. I love connection. Now, hold on one second. Let me go twerk upside down on Aisha. Excuse me. Yeah. And Tessa's just looking at her like gross. She's like, you're gross. Because basically she does it because V is getting all this attention from the guys and Kizzy is watching and she's like getting jealous and she's like, wait a second. So she barges in and does like an upside down twerk lap dance thing.

39:59Yeah, well, V is giving Aisha a lap dance. And then now V gets up. So Kizzy is going to like upstage her lap dance. So she like does the upside down handstand lap dance thing. And so like, whoa, yeah. And of course Aisha immediately acts like she's eating her butt. And Starboard is like, yeah, it's going to be a good season. And Josh is like, oh, yeah, encourage that twerk. And Max is like, oh, she already put fire on the powder. The mail are about to explode. More purring, more lap dance and everything. And Kizzy's like, I've been told I've been a naughty girl. We all knew this, aren't I? Outrageous.

40:44So now they're all heading back to the boat and everything. And he's, Christian's showing everyone a tattoo on his butt of his ex-girlfriend's Instagram handle, which I love the branding. Literal branding.

41:04That's funny. And Aisha is finally, like, grossed out, you know. And so Christian's like, yeah, she's hot. You guys can follow her. You guys can follow her. They're like, okay, you're gross. so uh hs and scott i miss you text emoji and he doesn't even text back you know like hope you're pooping well which i don't know i don't know if this relationship's a solid one i'll tell you that so they go back to the boat everyone's just jacuzzi time and kizzy's like let's face on my mans let's face on my mans um and christian sees her facetiming so he gets on the phone and he's Like, oh, she's a keeper.

41:41Yeah, she's a real keeper. The jazzle, bro. Yeah. So meanwhile, Max is like very disgusted by this because he's saying that she's like really thirsty and like she's in love with a guy, but like she also wants to be single and it's like really fucked up, et cetera. So then the way he deals with it is he decides to hypnotize Christian. So they're like drunk and Max is doing some sort of hypnosis. He's like, okay, this we're going to settle into a trance. Okay, you're breathing in. I'm breathing out. okay you're going to fall asleep you're getting very sleepy are you okay oh good night and then he basically is like when you wake up you will be good at lines and christian sort of like wakes up and he's like i don't think i went to sleep in the first place he just looking at him with this face like what are you trying to do right now so nathan calls gail and um it's 7 a.m where she is and he's really tired she's like you need to get some rest and he's like yeah but i can't and she's like but you need to and then we're supposed to be like wow these two belong together uh so then max and christian um yeah max's uh max's hypnosis is is really bad we're still doing that so then we go uh to asia holding noodles up above her face and lowering them into her mouth very slowly and then we go back to nathan and gail's notebook conversation he's like i have to be up in eight hours and she's like i'll let you sleep then i can see the wrinkles under your eyes and he's like fuck off those crow's feet, you cheeky bastard.

43:09I like that he's like, no, I don't have wrinkles from fatigue. I have wrinkles from age and weather. So Nathan's like, last season I had an amazing girl I cared about. We had an amazing deck team and a great bond within the team. And I don't have that this year. And I think a major part of that is not having Gale around. There's like a slight hole in my heart, but I'm not trying to show that because I fucked things up. And it's just time to move on. This is so disappointing. I mean, like Gail is like, you know, she's this like very lovely, drop dead gorgeous girl. And even even with that, a guy is still going to be like, I want something better.

43:47I'm going to fuck it up. It's just like, what hope does anyone have? Yeah. So Nathan is giving a speech to the team. Guys, we need to have more urgency. OK, there's like drool coming down Tessa's face. She's like, OK. All right. I want people in the las, organizing inflatables, getting everything out, and obviously time management. What time is it? Okay, well, we'll start with that one at lunch. Everybody get a watch. All right, job lists need to be done. We've seen job lists. Christian, you ever seen a job list? Christian, do not make me steal your nose, Christian. He's like, I fucking dare you.

44:24Fucking dare you. First charter test, I came in late and she was sick. I came on late. I was sick, blowing chunks everywhere, diarrhea all over the teak. But going to the second charter, we all know the boat. We're all healthy. And now it's time that we actually do our job well. No more excuses. Yeah. Hey, Nathan, sorry. Someone took my nose. Oh, geez. How are we going to do that? How are we going to clean the decks without a nose? So good news. We see V making a bed. So she can do that now. And then Tessa is talking to Christian. And she says that she's getting pissed off because there's like smudging or something.

45:02I don't know. Tessa's always like walking around griping about stuff under her breath. And I don't really ever know what she's talking about, but I always am friends with that person at work who's griping a lot. I find them entertaining. Yeah. Now it's time for the preference sheet. And wait, is that person me? No, you're a very positive person. And I gripe. I would actually be honored. I am the griper. So Aisha, we now have our preference sheet meeting. So there's this guy, Jack, who was on, I guess, Below Deck Down Under. I just don't remember him very well. And so Josh asks how this guy is.

45:40And she's like, well, he's a little bit specific. And we see, like, when he was last on the show, he's like, I want a piñata made out of chocolate. And also, can I have a deckhand come and breathe into my ear? So she's saying that Jack and his friends Katarina, Eleanor and her fiancé Sam, Taylor, Simon and his girlfriend Edina and Mickey with 2Ks have been traveling through Europe ruining all of the continent. And upon arrival, Jack would like the stage to unpack for him and Katarina. Okay, so day one's water toys, wave runners, you know, everybody remember I said wave runners, alright, because that's going to become a big plot point, okay?

46:22You're gonna get your jam down, right? We're gonna get our jam down with the wave runners. Okay, listen, I know I may seem like I'm in a really good mood today, but it's because I got a little message this morning. They called me BB a few times. That's really enough to get me going. So they want a truffle focused menu. And Josh explains that with truffles, you have to put them with stuff that really works with them or they can taste kind of flat. so that's something that we should know in general i guess because it has no bearing on anything else do not add truffles to things they don't go in okay general chef rule wait a second wait a second are you saying i shouldn't put truffles on my reese's pieces peanut butter cup i don't know i actually don't know what truffles go with i thought truffles were over but i think it's truffle oil that's kind of oil is over because on the food network those chefs are always like truffle oil basic you're out yeah did you really just give me truffle oil on my fries you are out this is the guy fieti network and we have class so yeah they really hate it i seem to remember there were some top chef where gail simmons was like it's like truffle oil it just tastes like truffle oil it's like too much like quiet gail i actually still like truffle oil you know whose favorite i hate truffle oil face is alex gorduchelli she has she has the best i hate you in your truffle oil face.

47:48You know when Alex Cornichelli gets upset with someone? Well, she's always kind of upset. She's always like giving this look to people. But man, when she hates your truffle oil, you're in trouble mister. You are in trouble. You know what's so funny? I'm such a follower because I actually really enjoy like a truffle french fry or a truffle. Like I don't have any problem with truffle oil whatsoever. I enjoy it. It's fun. It's tasty. But someone recently came over and was like, wait, you guys don't have truffle oil? Okay, you guys have to get truffle oil. And I was like, peasant. But I actually really like it.

48:23I'm such a food trend follower. It's like, oh, really? Truffle oil? What are we, farmers? Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.

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