#3041 RHOC S19E18 Part 1: Canal Retentive

0:21Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today in a dress full of all sorts of crazy cutouts as he walks along the sidewalks of Amsterdam is Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Well, hello, Ben. What's going on with you? Not much. We are here today to talk Orange County. Their cash trip, their big cash trip is underway. We're going to get into all that, But before we do, just a reminder, of course, that we have a beautiful and vibrant Patreon community that we'd love for you to join. It's patreon.com slash watch what happens.

1:00We have a weekly bonus episode. This week, we did a trailer trash of the Southern Charm season 11 trailer, which was a lot of fun. So if you want to listen to that, you can check out the bonus episode there on Patreon. Now, you can also watch along with that, which is really fun where you can actually see the trailer that we are making fun of. and you can watch it by, uh, by supporting on the crap that's on demand level, where you not only can see things like the trailer trash, but you can also see the video version of podcasts like the one you're listening to right now. Either way, whatever you want to do, that's up to you.

1:33And we support it no matter what. But if you are interested in any of that stuff, go to patreon.com slash watch our crap ins. And then on Mondays, Mondays, we do some sort of live thing every Monday. Uh, every other Monday we do crappy hour and, uh, we alternate that with, with Amazon lives. And I believe that this week coming up is a crappy hour week. So join us for that. That's going to be a five 30 on the West coast and eight 30 on the East coast. So that is the full, the full thing. And I also am just going to blatantly shill my sub stack, uh, because there was sort of a fun, like a kind of a fun one this week in the sense that I, you know, I write about food and I wrote about tinned fish.

2:12So if you don't like tinned fish, you're not going to want, you're not going to like this. But if you're someone who likes tinned fish, I had a little tin fish party and another then celebrated drag artist Kim Chi joined as well as my friends Chris and Lindsay and we had a really fun time so if you want to read about the cool little tin fish party that we had go check that out it's called NBD Fancy it's on sub stack NBD Fancy that's my blatant chill it was great sardines smoked trout anchovies yeah that's a great sub stack check it out lots of good food in there to check out my aunties love it it's their favorite thing yeah they talk about it every time i talk to you they're like oh my god wait how's ben his sub stack so good i love your thanks i love your aunts like regardless of sub stack response but i do love that every time i see your aunts they're like oh your sub stack i'm like oh my god they love it okay here we are with real housewives of orange county season 19 episode 15 going Dutch.

3:14We're going to Amsterdam, people. We're going to Amsterdam. So we open at the Sherman Library and Gardens, which is a hilarious place to invite Real Housewives to because Jen ain't reading. You know what I mean? Especially the Real Housewives of Orange County. What are they going to do? So Shannon is on the phone. She's walking around setting up a party, and she's there with her assistant Claire and Shannon's like, this is Shannon Bedore calling. Okay, you have made a delivery for this luncheon and nothing that I ordered is here and I'm really upset about it. The police have been called. The police have been called.

3:57The lady's like, hold on. What are you talking about? I ordered blush-colored wine glasses and all I got was clear. How am I supposed to drink out of a clear glass? Oh, well, unfortunately, all of our blush glasses have been reserved for a wedding the jansen wedding uh so i'm like oh well that's supposed to make it any better i believe i put in that request for blush glasses and the fact that you can't even save them for me i mean who who who's using those blush glasses right now some slap down by the beach i'm sorry uh we accidentally reversed your order with the jansen wedding so you're going to be getting everything they got.

4:36Oh, is that why all the plates are horseshoes? How am I supposed to have my guests eat off a horseshoe? Well, it is a cowboy wedding, ma 'am. Sorry, this is not a cowboy wedding. This is a bridal shower. It's a blushing bride bridal shower. Look at these plates. They're square, but pointy on one end. I did not ask for square, but pointy plates. This is, as I'm known to say, this isn't my fucking plate, bitch. I'm supposed to have flowers here. There are just bills of hay in the middle of the table. Bill's of hay. And look, I looked at the back. I did some Googling and I cross-checked with Dr. Moon.

5:12And these plates have 30 % levels of toxins in them. And you just want me to die? You just want me and my guest to die? Is that what you want? Oh, well, at least you sent me the cake. Hold on. Let me just make sure the cake is okay. Okay. The cake says, this may not work out, but at least I'm not that whore, Shannon. What kind of cake is this? I'm sorry, ma 'am. You got everything for the Jansen wedding. Sorry. so she's furious and then we go to tamra getting glam and she's like i'm so confused what we're doing today shannon texas last night and the text from shannon said hi there everyone uh tomorrow is a lunch in the garden celebrating that jen is getting married um she hasn't registered or anything um so it isn't an official bridal show or if she has maybe she hasn't told me about it because i did think that we were close but maybe we're not as close as i as i thought that we were but you know, that does happen from time to time.

6:03I mean, maybe I'm not even invited to the wedding for all. I know she's already gotten married. I mean, it's sort of my lot in life to be forgotten about and cast aside, but that's okay. Anyway, I'm going to throw a not shower for a wedding that may have already happened that I've been disinvited from. Thank you, everyone. I just wanted you all to know that I've changed. This is Shannon Bedore here. Please meet me to celebrate the wedding of a blonde slut from a beach. So I'm a good person now. Well, this information would have been better a week ago, bitch. So, you know, really, you would have prepared some really sweet bridal thing for Jen if you had some advance.

6:38Tamara, please. What does Tamara need any of this? What does she need this information a week ago? Was her busy schedule of, you know, like, picking out leopard skin, you know, bangles interrupted? So we go to Gretchen's house and she's like, oh, yeah, when I was in church, I was praying for Tamara and I. So he's like, Did you? Shut up, Gretchen. You were praying for Tamara and you in church. Just be quiet. Do you think Jesus sits up there and just laughs at her ass? I think so. And by the way, you know, Slade with his like just for men orange hair now. I'm like, okay. Can we? Listen, I can't stand Slade, but if he's going to be on our TV, can we at least fix that hair color?

7:22Because this is something that's gone very awry over there. Yeah, Slade's not ending well for Slade. I mean, I was in church praying for Tamara and I was just asking Jesus, like, why couldn't Tamara try and be friends when I was, you know, running through a charity for people who had been wrongfully imprisoned screaming, run for your life, bitch. So then we go back to Shannon and she's still fighting. Lady is like, I'm sorry. Was it just a glass? Oh, well, on my quote, I specifically wrote what I needed. I needed a steak knife. I needed a normal knife. I needed a knife that had my blood on it because I pulled it from my back.

8:03Thank you very much, John Jansen and Alexis Bellino. But now I've been served forks that are stuck into a doll with my face saying, thank God it's not Shannon. Oh, sorry, ma 'am. Like I said, we got all of the things for the Jansen wedding. God damn it! And the lady just keeps putting her on hold. She's like, okay, hold on one second, please. I'll check on that. And Shannon's just getting more and more worked up. So then we go to Jen. She's getting ready. I don't want to do white. I'm not going to do traditional wedding stuff, so I'm going to wear pink. I'm going to wear pink to my bridal shower.

8:35Do you think that's okay? It's okay? Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Climb Girl. Thank you. Emily kept on joking, just wear black. And I was like, that is so funny. I don't know why you are not more popular with the audience, Emily, with jokes like that. Just wear black. I mean, that's hilarious, right? Everyone's laughing, right? She's so funny, that Emily. So Emily comes to the gardens, and Shanna's like, wow, Well, I didn't really talk to you after that Western party. Thankfully, we're redoing it here today. Would you like an hors d 'oeuvres? They're called, I hope Shannon dies this year, tartare.

9:06I don't know where they came from. By the way, this is a safe place today. No one can say anything embarrassing because, as far as I can tell, there's no blushing around the table. Thanks a lot, Gator. But I do have bandanas for you to wear if you'd like. Um, okay. Well, I haven't seen you since the other party. It's like, yeah, there were words being exchanged. Most of them were not polite. They were not polite words. And she goes, well, who do you mean with? And she goes, well, you and Emily, right? And so we see a flashback to Emily saying that Slade going up to fight was aggressive. And she's like, but he was fighting because it was about Slade.

9:42And he has the right to stand up for himself. Yeah, from the thing that he started, as you mentioned last week. So Gretchen's like, no, like coming up and saying hi is not aggressive. Like, okay, but look, I'm never going to be close friends with Tamara again, especially because I know that she's the one that's behind this entire mix up. Like, where are my blush glasses? But I'm not going after her. And I just wish that you could get to that point, too, because some of the girls are saying Gretchen is acting just like Tamara. Sort of the way Alexis Bellino is acting just like me by getting married to all my exes.

10:17Oh, hilarious. I hope she's enjoying her blush glassware at her wedding. That's bullshit. I learned that word in church. I'm nothing like her. So she's like, well, you know, don't be Tamron. So the producer is saying, what's the difference between you and Tamron? She's like, can I go back and look at my list to remind me? Because I made a list. Points and how I'm not like Tamron. So she reads from the notes on her phone. Yeah, I just want to point out that this list that she's made on her notes app is actually a checklist. It has the little circles that you can check off. So I like the idea that she has this list.

10:55But at a certain point, she might actually be like, check, check. I do do that. I like that. So she doesn't have a child calling her a manipulator and a liar. Yet. Which will give it time. Yeah, exactly. Your child hasn't hit the age where she's about to start calling you a manipulator and a liar yet. Give her the language and she'll use it. That's what I say. Yeah, exactly. I haven't been sued and lost because of my lies. And then I'm going to sue it again for another lie. Parentheses, Gimbalino and Ryan. I like that she has to add a parenthetical to remind herself of what her bullet point is.

11:30I didn't reach out to Tamara's ex and try and get dirt on her. Michelle Slade's ex. I'm not profiting from people's pain. A.K.A. her podcast. You are profiting from people's pain. You're on a real housewife show. Yeah. She's not harming or constantly hurting her friends. Debatable. I'm not disclosing. Yeah, exactly. Where's Katie's paycheck these days? I'm not disclosing personal information my friends asked me to not talk about like she did to Shannon about her dad. What was that thing about Tamara having sex with a boy bander? Oh, wait. I forget. It's something that Gretchen said, I believe.

12:11Anyway, going on. Moving on. I don't have several exes coming forward publicly to say I'm a liar and a cheater. They're dead.

12:21That's not fair. You weren't you like literally sued about this? Yeah, that's true. Actually, you are being sued, but you were sued by somebody who called you a fucking liar and a cheater. And the guy that you were lying and cheating on before that passed away. So she doesn't call or DM bloggers and try to get them to post horrible things about my castmates. you have Slade and Slade does. Yeah. Are you fucking crazy, Gretchen? What is wrong with you? I actually feel bad when I mess up. She doesn't. She has zero remorse and repeats her patterns. And this is the short list. By the way, you having a list at all means that you are exactly like Tamara, by the way.

13:03I hate to break it to you. The list itself, the list is the verification. So Shannon just hopes they can keep it light today, okay? because today's about Jen and there's nothing lighter than Jen. Okay? Can we just keep it light? As light as the light coming through these clear glasses? By the way, would you like a sugar cube for your champagne? They've been laid out on the table. What the hell is going on at that wedding?

13:33So Heather shows up and she's like, oh, hi, I apologize for, we're in the grass here. I guess they saw all this horse-like decor and put us out in the pasture. Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. Hold on. I'm just aerating the grass with my heels. Lerios. I'm almost about to stress, but I better see short. Yeah, yeah. And Heather's like, you can borrow my dress if you want to. It's so nice to say that to somebody that's not Gina.

14:08hey did you hey tamara did you say hi to gretchen or as i like to call her gretchers she's like nah the dress clothes i'm saying hi to people so she walks by gretchen and hugs shannon instead and it's like oh i guess she's not saying hi that's so funny gretchen's like well i'm not surprised at all i don't expect her to oh yeah well have fun this is really pretty this is a pretty little picnic that you set up, Shadow. The clear glasses are a little tacky. I think, well, it wasn't my intention to have clear glasses. I wanted to have blush glasses here, Tamara. Thanks a lot for bringing that up. Wait a minute.

14:43Why is all the food in 10 cups? Damn it, Tamara. Wait a minute. Are we eating chili con carne out of cups? Wait a second. Why is there a hexagonal thing in the middle of this table? Well, they sent over the McBee Dynasty wedding arch, and I don't even know what I'm saying. I can't remember how they did that, but it's a real mix up here. Oh my God. Look, my name is on the card on the table. Did I get a card? That's where you have to sit, Gina. It's a name card. It's a place setting. For fuck's sake, Gina, just sit down. Gina's so impressed with like the slightest hint of luxury. Like a spoke name tag.

15:24My name's here. Oh my God. By the way, I want to say since I did invoke it and I'm embarrassed that I invoked it. thank you to all the, truly the messages of sympathy that are out there to me because it's been announced that McBee Dynasty is filming for its third season. And so, yes, I have seen it and I'm already mentally preparing. I'm not even gonna try to have a good attitude about it. Normally this is when I say, you know what? I'm gonna try to be into it. No, I'm not. I am deeply frustrated and annoyed by it. Can't wait. See you soon, Jesse McBee, you handsome little devil. Can't wait for you.

16:00your little butt to reappear on my screen. Just give me Tessa. Just give me Tessa and I'll be okay. Oh my God. Give me Galena. Give me Jesse. Give me the messy brother Cole, tiny mouth Cole. Give me all of them. The hot one. He's so stressed out all the time. I'm into it. Just, just improve your, you know what? Fine. Give us the show. Just fire everyone on production and put like a proper Bravo production team behind it and make it a Bravo show, please. And then I'll be okay. But like, as it is now, like we, I don't need to see this like fake Andy bullshit. Sorry. You know, McBee catching strays.

16:33Jeez, just leave McBee alone. I caught full-on non-strays. I caught full-on aimed at me and my brain bullets from McBee Dynasty. So they're going to catch some strays and it'll be okay. I hope we meet them and Jesse can just give me the kiss he's always wanted to give me. And I'll be like, oh my God, Jesse McBee was like so nice. And oh my God, Stephen McBee Jr. Like actually he was like so cool and he's like really friendly. It's actually a lot smarter than I ever thought. Like I actually really like these guys. Guys, let's like watch season three. Let's have a watch part of season one. you know that's because that's how i operate unfortunately so i'm a pushover go on so jen is uh thanking them for the bridal party or whatever she's like this is the nicest thing i'm gonna do i mean i'm not gonna do anything nice for my wedding this is like the nicest thing i'm gonna have because as a divorced person i just feel like you know like i have a scarlet letter feeling because i'm divorced and the way i was raised is you get married one time and that's the rest of your life and my parents so proudly put so much effort in my wedding and i don't know that fell apart.

17:28So with Ryan, I don't want to do anything like that, which is why I'm wearing a non-traditional person, a person who spray paints things on his shorts. Oh, well, this isn't a bridal shower because we're celebrating the fact that a year later, you're still engaged and it's coming up. I mean, this is a bridal shower for me to prove that I've been a good friend to you for when you inevitably backstab me just the way that Alexis Bellino did. Why is there a tiny little Trampoline in the middle of our table I did not order that Except in the wedding Damn it that's what she's supposed to be giving her vows on God someone get this over In the Bolino wedding Immediately Well Jen's getting married someday And who knows who's going to throw the luncheon next year If Jen's still getting married I don't know which one of you You vindictive bitches would ever do anything as kind As what I'm doing Shannon Bedore, everybody's friend.

18:27So I thought I would do it. And Heather Dubrow's not going to, she doesn't throw parties for the help. So I don't see her throwing any sort of luncheon for Jen. I don't think she even knows who Jen is. Who is Jen? Why do we keep mentioning this Jen person? Is she a guest member? See, exactly. I definitely think that Jen and Ryan are going to get married because like he compliments her a lot. Who doesn't like that? You know, I mean, he does over-sexualize her a lot and I really wish he would stop doing that. By the way, if we talked about Travis's balls lately, we should talk about Travis's balls.

19:00Yeah, seriously. Clink, clink, clink. Wait, Shannon, wait, sorry, that was me doing an impersonation of Shannon's toast. Thank you very much for over-clinking my clink. My clink goes like this. Clink, clink, clink. Very demure. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

19:24All right, Shadow wants to say something. Okay, well, yes. I thought everyone could go around the table and give Jen their most sound wedding advice. And as we all know, we are a table of women who have had very stable and positive relationships that have not ended in disaster or tabloid headlines. So let's go around the horn and tell everyone about successes they've had. Just feel free to raise your non-blush glass and share. Gina's like but we're all divorced Except for Heather She goes well maybe we'll finish with Heather's advice Okay you did good Your second try So Tamara's like well Your second wedding like your marriage You already know what not to do you know Cause Simon and I each fight like crazy And say mean things to each other And you know Eddie we don't get mad We don't go to bed angry Eddie goes to bed in Big Bear Yeah cause Eddie We won't get mad We don't say mean things to each other.

20:23So the way we don't say mean things to each other is we just sort of don't talk. He doesn't talk really. So it's kind of, what's that great? Yeah, bitch. John's like, oh, well, I will say as someone who has a very successful track record in relationships, I will say communication is the key to success. For instance, if there is a hurricane barreling down on your house that is very far inland and one might not expect there to be a hurricane heading that way, you should communicate. There's a hurricane coming. and then your very caring partner who may want you to eat better in life with vegetables can say, oh, I didn't realize that.

20:57But if you don't communicate, then that won't be understood and then you'll wind up fighting. So what I'm trying to say is check the national weather forecast. Thank you. Okay, well, Emily, I don't know what your first husband was like. So what was that like? Oh, he was a good guy, but like Shane is my person. You know, Shane, I could put in my purse with my turkey sandwiches. And I think that's really important. So, you know, everybody has a person. So if you haven't found yours, maybe sit on G chat for a while and wait for some dude who's bored at work to just say, I'm bored. Want to get married to it?

21:32Yeah. I mean, until you've understood what it's like to have the joy of trying to solve a troll's riddle to pass a bridge, then you'll understand what it's like to be with, with Shane. He's just my person. That's great advice. What about you, Gretcher? What's your, what's your advice? I would definitely say that like when everybody's saying best friends, like that's important. And faith is a really big, important part of our relationship. So it's really important to be really Christian at certain points of your life when it works for you. Yeah, basically, I would suggest that, you know, multiple marriage is really not good, but it is kind of okay.

22:14I believe in polygamy. Three people should be in the marriage. You, your husband, and Jesus. Tamara's like, oh, for fuck's sake. Just rolling your eyes. Heather's like, okay, well, here's what I say. People are going to judge your relationship. They're going to judge it. They're going to say mean things about you. He's cheating. He never loved her. He's off sleeping with the people that work in his office on botched. Fuck them. You're richer than them. Thank you. Thank you. That was Groundlings quality. Groundlings quality.

22:52Listen, here's how to make a marriage work. First, marry someone incredibly wealthy. Second, be very scary and make them feel like if they ever leave, you're going to text them things about adjudication for the rest of their life. Third, make sure you invite poor people over to their home and then invite your other rich friends over and you can laugh at the poor people. Flashback to Dr. Jen. Anyone? No? Okay, that's fine. Most importantly, he's gonna want onion rings at a very nice party one day. Tell him no. Keep him in his place. Am I right, ladies? Hey, do you fart in front of Terry? I don't fart.

23:35Instead, what I do is I hold up a picture of Wendy Malick, and then I let one loose, and I say, She did it! Did you fart in front of John Jansen, Shannon? She's like, no, but he wouldn't have sleep all the time. It would wake me up.

23:51Oh, my God. The thunder from down under. Let's not compare John Jansen to anyone who is on the thunder from down under. I know what you're trying to say there, Gina, but let's just not even go there. It's so nice that we can all sit together and have a good time, right? Just us and this taco from my purse. Girls, we should go on a vacation together, okay? that's what girls do it's like wow smooth smooth transition to your fake vacation planning and jen's like we should go somewhere warm like bora bora yeah like the maldives or bora bora and everyone's like oh yeah that's like too sleepy bash and shannon's like well i would love to go somewhere potentially in europe so i can go see stella afterwards like shannon you used that card last year you can't do the i you can't like use the show to subsidize your your travel to see Stella for two years in a row.

24:46I mean, you can, that's probably a smart thing to do, but like, you can't do that. But there, cause you know, they're all like, well, we wanted to go somewhere tropical this year. We went to Europe last year. Like, no, we're going to go to Europe again. So they're going to go to Amsterdam. Yeah. They choose Amsterdam. And Heather's like, you know, my parents lived there for 15 years. And they're like, Oh really? Been there a million times. It's a beautiful city. They have all the gorgeous canals and pots legal. And you know, I'm a real hip lady who's into pot now. I do the pot. Did you know that when you're wealthy in Amsterdam and you fire a servant, you just push them in the canal?

25:29It's great. Everyone watches and everyone knows to act better in the household. So now we go over to Heather's penthouse with Terry and she's offering him a Diet Coke. and he's like, yeah, Nikki says I drink too much soda. I shouldn't have that. You want water? That's boring. Was that for me or you? Because I am the funny one in this. That was my joke because I offered you a soda and I said, well, do you want water instead? Because it was obviously boring and it was a very funny joke, was it not? Thank you, Alfredo. Thank you. What's the sparkling thing called? I love the sparkling thing. That's called La Croix.

26:10La Croix. No, it's not. It's called LaCroix. LaCroix came out with a very specific announcement that it's prepared. It's called LaCroix. I don't know why, because it should be called LaCroix. Yeah. It's not to be confused with Madison from Southern Charm, just so you know. Anyway. Who is LaCroix? Madison LaCroix. She's LaCroix, and the drink is LaCroix. I spoke to Josh Flagg, television's Josh Flagg. Oh, you did? Yes. So we had a great conversation. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's flashback music. Okay. Hey, Josh. God, that sparkling scene of Josh. Doesn't it make you want to cancel that show all over again?

26:52Am I right, ladies? Hey, America, does everyone want to see me talking with Josh Flagg? Here we go. Hey, Josh, Joshua, just wanted an update on the house. What are you thinking? He's like, well, it's just going to take one person, and it's what it is. It's not overpriced. So you think a few months it'll take to sell? Do you think Drake might sell it? Drake is always looking over at it, sort of pining, but maybe that's just me he's staring at. I don't know. I have this kind of appeal. Yeah, so they decide that they'd rather be going to Paris on private jets and spending money on another money pit.

27:29So now they're talking about Amsterdam, and she talks about her dad. Her dad worked for an international company, and they were based in Amsterdam. so her parents moved there in college and so she visited all the time. It's fascinating. She goes, you know what's funny? So my mom called me the other day. Alfredo! God damn it! That was the punchline. That's all I had to say. Thank you, Alfredo. It was a little late, but it was still work. You're lucky we're not in Amsterdam because you would be in that water right now.

28:09So she's talking to her mom and she's like, oh, thanks, mom. I got this. And she holds up a white gift bag. It's like a crinkly bag. And she goes, this is dad. Could you find something even less bougie to put him in? My God. My mom is so controlling. God forbid I talk about him in a way that she doesn't deem appropriate. But that's just the way it is. And we see a flashback to years ago when both her parents were like 2013. They came on the show. So in all these years, she's never dumped his ashes anywhere. Alfredo, no, wrong time, wrong timing. I figured his happy places were New York, Puerto Vallarta, and Amsterdam.

28:50Okay, well, why don't you dump him in the Herengroch, right in front of his house? That's what I thought I would do. Did you listen to me, Terry? You'd see I was getting there. You know, Dad always said his happy place was wherever his kids weren't. So I don't know if it's going to ruin it if I'm actually there in Amsterdam dumping them. Doesn't that kind of destroy the point? You know, my joke about my dad is that our relationship now is exactly the same. I said my joke about my dad is that our relationship is not now exactly. Alfredo. Thank you. Alfredo's over there crying in the corner. He's like, please stop crying.

29:32You're on duty.

29:37He was a very typical corporate dad gone before we got home after we, you know, home after we had dinner and there wasn't really a lot of real communication. I think that's hard for me. I remember the first play I ever did. My dad, I waited for his review. He came in late to the show, left before intermission. And when I got home, he said, Heather, please don't ever do that again. I remember when I was in the 1993 Horace Greeley production of Into the Woods, and my dad said, that's exactly where I'm heading after this show, because that was so awful. Said he went to Amsterdam.

30:20I think that's what's hard for me. That's why I'm such a sensitive, emotional person. You might see right now the sensitivity and emotions just coming off of me in waves. Alfredo, come over here and wave some emotion off of me. Come on. Thank you. No, wrong emotion. You're supposed to cry. Okay, Alfredo, could you please bring those bowls that are headed for Nobu? Just put them under my face and capture the tears. The emotions falling all over the place. Well, you know, they say sometimes you marry your father. Am I unemotional? She's like, well, you've seen me cry a few times at the American Express, Bill.

31:02put him damn it Alfredo he doesn't do it for you Terry he doesn't do it for you Terry you need to be you need to have groundlings experience before Alfredo plays the drum for you I'm sorry Terry so we go to a wine bar with Gina and Trinidad I like that some of these scenes when they go to the restaurants they're just faked they're obviously a couple people from production sitting at a table so they can get a quiet atmosphere but it's Gina so they're like no just put her in the middle of a loud bar. It's just fucking Gina. We're probably not going to use this footage anyway. Yeah, so it's a really stimulating scene because they're going to talk about their families.

31:42Well, I have to keep up with you because you're like a very handsome cowboy babe. Like everybody was like talking about it actually. He's like Oh boy. Yeah. You know like what everyone said though? They thought it was so cool to see you have like so much fun for the first time in like six years on this TV show. He's like I did have fun Yeah like that right there People now finally get to see what a big personality you have Cause like you really need a night out It's been like a lot We've been under a lot of stress this year And I'm like really thankful and happy And everything seems to be working out Everyone's back home and everything's like good again Like I feel opposite of bad Yeah like All the ladies at that party were so into you They found you so sexy Do you remember that lady came up to you What was she saying to you She asked me if I wanted a weenie oh you see they like love you yeah so like it's so good we have our kids back we're like so happy now you're such a good father oh my god are you crying i'm crying i'm not crying you're crying you're crying i'm crying hey do you think if i send this back even though i've eaten most of it they'll give it to us for free that's basically the whole scene right there you cry davis cry He's like, can you talk about my balls?

32:56All right. So now it is packing scenes. Everybody's packing to go to Amsterdam. Jen's going to take sexy stuff because they might go to a live sex show, guys. Crazy. And are the ladies going to get along? She's like, I don't know. Let's talk about the wedding stuff. You know, I mean, we don't have a date yet, but I wasn't pushing for a bridal shower, but it was so nice. And he's like, yeah, well, we had a date. And then Dawson decided to join the military. So we had to push it back two months so we can get his break during basic training, which is totally a normal thing to happen during basic training.

33:25They love giving vacation days in the army. Right. So, um, then Jen's just saying like, I don't know, like how Shannon threw this, like I wasn't pushing for a bridal shower. I was like, well, you know, like really the, he's like, the thing is that like probably Shannon did it for bonus points. And Jen is saying like, you know, Ryan and I, we communicate through everything and he knows my reservations about being married again, you know, and how I'm really not comfortable with having paint splattered on a wedding dress just isn't really a look that I'm going for. And like, I don't know. I just kind of feel like if we get married, does it, does it all go to hell because we're like, we're so good.

34:01And if I do that, like, is that going to be the thing that breaks us? It's just like a weird thing that I, that I have. It's almost like the sneaking suspicion that he's just being performatively good until we get a Bravo wedding. And then after that, he's just back to cheating. I don't know why I think that. So they say that things have been good with the ex lately because she's been stroking his ego. So that's been a lot easier. And she's worried that the stress from the ex is going to break them up. And, you know, stuff we've already heard a million times. So who cares? So then he's like, everything's going to be great.

34:33So, but take some sex pictures for me, honey. Maybe you could wear a big coat you could open up and then you'll be naked underneath. Oh, Ryan. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

34:53So now we go to the Rancho Capistrano winery and Tamara and Eddie sit down. This is like a back-to-back-to-back sequence of uncharismatic husbands. Although actually, Ryan has some charisma, but oh my goodness. After we got through Travis, now we're here with Eddie. I mean, at least we didn't get a Shane scene. So they're sitting down. the trifecta. Yeah, that's the true trifecta. Guess what? I met with Gina the other day. Like the sentence that no one wants to ever hear at the start of a conversation. It's like, oh God. Yeah. It's starting to look like a Jack Nicholson impression, isn't he? He's like, yeah.

35:29Yeah. I'm here. Here we are. About to order some food and lunch. So she's like, yeah. Basically, yeah. She's saying she met with Gina and they were talking about Gretchen. and Eddie's like, I don't think you need to have that woman in your life, babe. I just don't think you need her. She's like, yeah, I don't want her in my life. I think she's toxic. I think she needs help, and I just really don't want her in there. I hate that lady. That fucking stupid toxic bitch. No, I was talking about the waitress. I don't really like her service. Yeah, her too, bitch. This is, by the way, Eddie's role every season is to sit down with Tamara and say, yeah, that lady sucks.

36:09You don't have her in her life, man. So Tamara is like So by the way, Batch, I had a talk with Sophia And I let her know that we are fully aware Her new boyfriend spent the night, Batch And we have a flashback to Tamara being like Are you having sex with your boyfriend? Finger in the hole, finger in the hole She's like, you're a freak, mom So then Tamara's like Yeah, well, I'm concerned that she's got a boyfriend Going to LA, it's going to be a big fat now Because she doesn't want to go away to college She can have a boyfriend in Orange County and still go to college in LA. It's not like she's, you know, moving to...

36:45She's not doing a study abroad in Johannesburg, okay? She's not going to Juilliard, for Christ's sake. Definitely not. So, Tamara is like, yeah, you never know at 19 if a relationship's gonna last. You can't take this pivotal moment of your life where you're gonna go into college and go, I can't go because I'm a boyfriend now. No, that's not gonna work in this household. That's not gonna work in this household. So if she goes, wait, what does that mean for us in 80? And he's like, well, I know we talked about moving out of state, but I don't know how you feel about that. Yeah, but sometimes I feel like we make plans.

37:17Like, it's our plans for death. Like we're going to go somewhere and just shrivel up and die. That's what we're making plans for. Why do we got a plan to shrivel up and die, Eddie? Come on. Where does Eddie want to move to? He wants to move out of state. Like, where do you think that he is thinking? He's one of those people who wants to be like a Yellowstone person. You know, we can get a ranch and pretend we're cowboys and buy a big gigantic truck that makes no sense and live somewhere like, you know, like an Idaho ranch. Yeah. Or maybe he's going to like try to join the McBee dynasty. He's sort of been sort of been dressing like that.

37:50A lot of like American flags and motorcycle things and whatnot. So, yeah, he's really into that, like the black American flag or whatever. What does that mean anyway? The black American flag? I think it's, you know what? I will look it up. I have an idea of what it means, but I'll look it up. It is. But yeah, he's got the imagery for sure. So she's like, yeah, I don't want you to plan to die. And he goes, well, God knows how long we're going to live. My grandma's 99 years old, so I might live a long time. Unless I get hit by a bus. Don't think I won't throw you under one day. I have kids because you annoy me when you eat.

38:30stop chewing and stop listening around me stop listening while you chew if Eddie thinks he's gonna drag Tamara away from her TV show by making them relocate to Wyoming or like Idaho or Montana he's got another thing coming that bus is gonna come real quickly Eddie well they already got the Big Bear thing when she was fired the first time they moved over to Big Bear or whatever or did she do that after she was they did that during the time that she was fired right went to Big Bear Yeah, during the time she was, yeah, exactly. Maybe he thinks that Big Bear is out of state. That'd be kind of funny.

39:06Yeah, let's go to Big Bear. Big Bear country. People are still packing, by the way. Emily's now packing, and she's talking to Shane. You've been to Amsterdam, haven't you? A long time ago. Did you go to the red light district? I think you would know the answer to that. I actually really don't. I can't really get a gauge on this one. I did go there and I took Bibles and I tried to turn people over, but it didn't really work out so well. You're crazy, Shane. But there was some more stuff in here in this Tamra thing I wanted to talk about. So he's like, hey, you don't like my eating noises? Put some earplugs in.

39:47You know, it's not a good way to react. And she goes, I'm not an asshole. You're an asshole. And he's like, do you think we have a problem? She goes, I think our problem is we don't communicate and then it explodes. And I always say we've got one good fight every six months. that's what I say. He goes, yeah, but it's how you talk to me, you know, and usually it's when you're drunk and that's what makes you come at me. She goes, oh really? Do you think I have a drinking problem then? And he's like, yeah, for our relationship, you should never drink. You should be able to come to me and talk about what's hurting you.

40:15And she goes, yeah, that's never going to happen. Yeah. Like glass of therapy is really helping, huh? I know Tamara, who has just like been like sort of championing the values of open communication and like talking. And she literally just telling him right now, like we don't talk, that's the problem. And he's like, well, you should talk to me about some of these things. I'm not going to talk to you. No, absolutely not. And also Tamara, who's been projecting alcoholism on somebody for two years, even though the production doesn't need much help. It's kind of true, but she's been projecting that anger on somebody else.

40:50and he's like, you have a fucking problem with alcohol and our marriage is going down the tubes because you get drunk and abuse me emotionally. Yeah. But in the spirit of open communication, that's not something I want to talk to you about. So then she says something. She's like, you live your life as an only child. And he goes, oh, there it is. That evil witch laugh. You married it, sir. who knew that this would be the most entertaining marriage on this show i know it's like once a season and there's like a moment where we see like the the crazy cracks in it um so then we go uh after the emily scene we go to shannon and she um she's leaving a voicemail for stella um hello stella it's your mother you may remember me i'm the woman who gave birth to you who i think you may have lost my phone number anyway first of all have you ever seen such a terrible thing as non-blush glasses at a luncheon at a garden library.

41:50Me neither, but that's what I had to endure. So anyway, we're going to go to Amsterdam so that way I can go visit you afterwards, which is another great testament to my mothering is that I come and I visit you. I don't know if it seems to go the other way around. I don't know if I get a visit either through the phone or just in person, but that's okay. I will visit you. I will spend thousands of dollars. I will uproot an entire cast trip to go visit you. That's just the sacrifices I make. Anyway, so I wanted to know some of your favorite places to go in Amsterdam. If you don't mind, could we not include all of the drug addict places that you seem to enjoy going to these days late at night?

42:29I don't have any interest in that, and you shouldn't either, but that's okay. I will let you make your own choices. You are an adult. So any insight you have would be wonderful. Call me back. So Gina's like, oh, my God, look how cute this blazer is. Doesn't it say, like, I'm in Amsterdam? And he's like, oh, what are you guys going to do in Amsterdam? I don't know. We're going to get stoned to shut probably. So then the ladies arrive at the airport and Shannon has hurt her toe and needs a bandaid. She's bleeding. Heather's like, oh, my God. Let me see if I have a blister blocker. Come here. What a mess.

43:03She is a mess. The good news is we're going to get through TSA so much faster because Shannon already has one shoe off. because Shannon already has one shoe off. Hold on. Let me unzip my suitcase. Because Shannon already has one shoe off. Thank you. All right. Zip it back up. I forgot he was in the checked luggage there. Sorry about that. So they get on the plane and it's a JetBlue ad. It's like, oh my God, look, everyone has their own pods. If everyone has a pod, is it even special? Can I get a special pod? I ordered a better pod. Wow, look how cool this is. You can put your phone down and it charges.

43:52I've never seen this on an airplane. Okay, that's a wrap. Now, can I go on to my own private plane, please? Thank you so much. She just puts her hand on the charger. Just waits. It's invigorating. She puts her phone down on Shannon's head. Is this the charger? That is my head. Oh, I wasn't sure how it works on a commercial plane. So the flight attendant comes up. She's like, welcome, ladies. Need anything? And Emily's like, do you have a Valium? By the way, I was just like, shut up, Emily. But also Gretchen, who may have never even flown, let alone business class, just ever. Oh, my God. They have earphones.

44:36Wait a second. There's a little tray that you could put your belongings on. Oh my gosh, Shannon. I'm so sorry. They don't have Love Hotel on the TV. She goes, oh yes, yes, they do. You have to log in. It's here. I love that Shannon's going to watch Love Hotel all the way to Amsterdam. She's going to watch herself unraveling. Shannon, that's not the Love Hotel. That's the weather channel. Well, that was kind of my Love Hotel experience. So if you want to join my journey, come watch a hurricane with me. Um, so boom, they landed 13 hours later, they're home. I mean, they're home in Amsterdam. So she's like, oh my God, like this is like nothing compared to like the words.

45:18Like my last name, it's like my last name. Oh my God, this is crazy. I can't even say these words. I don't know how to do it. Oh, this is the shopping street. This is the place where you shop. This is Pea Street, Hoofstraat. This is a great street. I know where I am in retail. Always, always. Oh my gosh, this is so fun. Of course we're going to shop. Of course there'll be some champagne and caviar for me. I'm so relatable to this season. Oh, you guys. So we are in the city of Canals. Root Canals specifically. So I was wondering if we could find a dentist because my toe injury went up to my tooth.

45:57So I'm in pain. I don't know if any of you remember, but I grew up on boats. I started boats. and I have a range for us to tour some Amsterdam canals. Oh,

46:13Hey everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles. We never miss her call, it's Diane Call.

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49:28Thank you.