#3046 Below Deck Med S10E04: Just the Dip

0:26Ben Mandelker: Ben Mandelker is someone who is not only lovely and handsome, but he will never make demands for Szechuan chicken after 11 p.m. It's Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

0:40Ronnie Karam: I just want Szechuan chicken. I just want Szechuan chicken.

0:45Ben Mandelker: Well, I just would really love some Szechuan chicken. I can really see myself being hungry for what it is. I am. Boys. Hi, Ronnie. Hi. How are you? We are talking Below Deck Med today. Very fun episode. In case you missed it, last night we had a super fun crappy hour. None other than Leah Black, formerly of The Real Housewives of Miami, came and joined us. And she spoke very bluntly and plainly about her opinions on the current ladies. She definitely said some things where I was like, wow, you just said that. So if you want to hear some hot takes from someone who is in the mix and knows these women, definitely go listen to that episode because wow she was leo went there i was like oh i felt like i was in trouble and i was like i didn't even do anything i was just listening i felt like i was getting in trouble by someone i was like oh my god this is crazy but it was a great time thanks everyone who who joined us for that we do crappy hour every other week mondays 5 30 on the west coast 8 30 on the east coast um and we usually alternate that with an amazon live so anyway we will always keep you updated on what we're doing on our Mondays.

1:59Ben Mandelker: We will always, you know, stay here to hear all the updates on what our schedule is on all that front. Um, and of course there's Patreon. That's where people can watch things like crappy hour. They can also watch our beautiful faces right now, uh, with crappens on demand. We do a weekly bonus episode. Uh, last week we did a trailer trash on Southern charm. That was really fun. And this week, who knows? So that's really all the fun stuff. Patreon.com slash watch for crappens today. It's time to get back to below I have to say, I'm feeling so refreshed because, I mean, you know me, not only do I like to beat a dead horse, I will do beating practice on it.

2:37Ben Mandelker: Because I will go to this well over and over again. I really hated last season of regular blow deck. But I have to say, this season of blow deck met, I'm really enjoying. And I feel like it's giving us the things that we really want, which is obnoxious guess, it's incompetence, it's undermining. um i'm i'm feeling good about it and i felt like this episode last night was like a really solid episode of below deck where you're really stressed out and angry all at once you know

3:06Ronnie Karam: what did you think well that's good um i uh that's how nice for you bless your heart um i don't know i'm kind of bored so far i think below deck just needs a few episodes to get warmed up but the guy you know the fop with this seswan chicken like shut up i just wanted to kill him and then i think all the stews are kind of too similar they're kind of i don't know they're both too similar and then the deck i don't know maybe it's i don't know i'm tired i i'm tired but i think that this happens to me every every few months with below deck because it's just always on you know yeah so i think it just needs a little more time to get firing but marinated Right now these people are just too stupid They're all just too stupid for me I know that Kizzy thinks she's really hot And that's great for her I don't care who she ends up fucking I don't care about Tommy That girl who keeps talking about her dead boyfriend And the diver and so she's so traumatized by the sea Girl you're on the sea You're on the sea right now You're on the sea I like V I don't hate them I'm just kind of at this point Why did I hire these people?

4:19Ronnie Karam: I feel like a manager sitting in a restaurant looking at everybody missing orders and just running behind with bread. I'm like, you can't even fill up waters. Why did I hire any of you? Is this all my fault? Well, I like that.

4:32Ben Mandelker: I like that V is in the like her act one of a horror movie, which is that she's like she's traumatized by this horrific accident. She's mourning and she's going on a boat to deal with her trauma. and like probably midway through the season she'll start to see ghosts terrible things will happen there'll be blood coming out of the the bunk bed or something like that like isn't this a standard setup isn't this a standard setup for horror movies is that there's always a woman who's grieving the death of a lover and she goes off to somewhere to mourn and then it turns out that it manifests as a ghost it's very tried and like how about we have a ghost manifest out of happiness how about a happy ghost why are ghosts so angry why do ghosts always want to do this to us like Like literally if I were a ghost, I would be like, hey, bitch, guess what I can do?

5:18Ben Mandelker: Walk through a wall. Oh, my God. Wasn't that amazing? Oh, you can't do it? Sorry. Like how about like a gay, annoying ghost? I think that would be a much better version. Like I think I'd be a great ghost. I would be the best ghost. If I haunted you, I would want to play games with you. I'd want to cook for you. Like why are all these ghosts so angry?

5:37Ronnie Karam: They're going to go to hell. They're going to go to hell. If I was a ghost, I'd just walk up to you and say, why the fuck are you in my chair? Get out of my chair. That's my chair. that's all i would care about just like an ornery ghost but like why are these ghosts

5:48Ben Mandelker: always want to kill like what's wrong with them and take over the daughter and kill the mom

5:52Ronnie Karam: and they're so dramatic that's always like no one's like soul oh the soul is trapped it needs

5:57Ben Mandelker: to be released to go back to go to the afterlife well you know what ghost if you acted better like the way you're acting right now you want to go the afterlife you're gonna go to hell you're gonna be banished to hell why don't you act better as a ghost and you go to heaven right

6:09Ronnie Karam: what's wrong with them yeah ghosts don't really think it through i think it's so mad i generally

6:16Ben Mandelker: worked myself into a tizzy like that wasn't even me doing a bit like i was generally like thinking

6:20Ronnie Karam: about ghosts and got myself mad um ghosts are also just drama queens you know it's like people who didn't get enough attention in life and now they're trying to get all this attention in death like we can't even see you you know what i mean get a hobby go take a class like when you go to halloween and you see all the you know all the ghosts that are bleeding and you're like you didn't even have a job in real life you know what i mean like those people that come up to you at not scary farm those aren't even people who made an effort in real life and now i have to deal with you when you're dead like i didn't i wouldn't even give you a second glance at a mall like why do i have to have you running up to me with noisy shoes at not scary farm yeah and could you talk normally

6:55Ben Mandelker: like when you possess people why do you have to possess them in such a strange way if i were to possess someone i would like you know what i would do if i were a ghost i would possess a boring person and then give them personality instead of taking over someone with personality and then making them speak things like do you want to play like what are you doing like why why are you talking like that talk like a real person ghosts yeah i agree i would i'd like the makeover ghost

7:22Ronnie Karam: idea where you're just a ghost and you go help people who just don't don't understand like how to comb their bangs you know or you know you're like oh guess what we're gonna do today brush our

7:32Ben Mandelker: teeth it'd be like do you want to play do you want to play oh good girl i want to play too okay let's do something about those bangs yeah um but anyway i i want to say getting back to blow deck med because that is what we're here to do talk about this obviously this primary is major douche bag just the worst spoiled brat etc i'm gonna give him one one thing which is that last episode at two in the morning, he wants a Sichuan chicken and they give him chili con carne because it was a crazy request. There is a part of me that felt like, given his request last night, could they have prepped some Sichuan chicken earlier in the day for late that night?

8:14Ben Mandelker: Why did they not think, oh, we didn't have the Sichuan chicken last night, but let's have it for tonight. That's a little... I think that he was entitled to get it the second night, but they should have prepared for it. You know what I'm saying?

8:27Ronnie Karam: Yeah, but he gave them, wasn't this their eight-course meal? And then, by the way, this eight-course meal, which we'll talk about when we get to, it was so much food. It wasn't normal. It was a weird, it was a weird. So he just slammed them with so much food that I don't think he thought that this person could even eat it because he didn't even make it through his dessert. I think this is just one of those people who just wants to be like, I'm rich. Look what I can do. A hundred percent. I can say Szechuan chicken and they'll make it. and so i liked that asia was like no you're an asshole we're not doing that i think that's the first time we've ever seen that where someone's just like no hey do you want a chef you don't either yeah we're not doing that okay go to bed you know i was surprised honestly i was surprised

9:12Ben Mandelker: that they basically rejected him and it was good that they did i'm just saying that like probably earlier in the day while the chef was doing something he probably could have like stir fried some szechuan chicken real quickly put it in some tupperware and then the crew could have like they could have just had it on hand but then this guy would have been like no you know i don't want

9:29Ronnie Karam: szechuan chicken now now i want you know fried calamari fresh from the sea you know it's just he just wants to prove his his worth to his poorer guests his poorer you know companions on the boat so i don't think there's any making that kind of a person happy you know they just want to look probably die young you know you can't beat a maid that's probably what he really wanted to do was just beat up a maid in front of his friends to show his power that's what would have happened in like a king show you know or that he would have just like decapitated a jester or something but he can't do that anymore so now he has to ask for sheshwan chicken yeah god could you imagine that guy being a ghost in your house oh god my mommy my mommy's gonna get you

10:12Ben Mandelker: Could you imagine having a ghost that all it's doing every day is requesting you to make it Szechuan chicken? Like, you have no, you don't have a body. You can't eat the Szechuan chicken. But I just like the smell of it. It's like, no, I'm not making Szechuan chicken for you, ghost.

10:26Ronnie Karam: Okay, so Christian is floating away on the jet ski as he was last week. Now, there was a lot of controversy online. Like, oh, my God. But maybe he's really, you know, comatose or whatever because he got hit in the head with that whatever, that hook. The hook. anchor hook thing and so maybe he's like really just out there dazed and confused no he's just an idiot okay he's an idiot which we learned which we learned in this episode there's no medical reason for it he's just stupid god bless his wide-eyed heart he's got the wide eyes of a stupid person you know and they make their eyes really wide to look like look i'm thinking it's like no you're not you know it's just definitely a link a comic a comic like he should be in like

11:03Ben Mandelker: the the sunday funnies or something like that like he sort of has that look of like a character that sort of strolls in um as as stupid people do you know how stupid people are always strolling in uh but he what's funny is that he is stupid but he's also failing on the shoulders of tessa stupidity because she didn't we find out soon that she didn't fuel the jet ski so the jet ski died and he's stuck on it and he doesn't radio for help he's just floating on it being like huh what happened here so these are just two stupid people doing stupid things yeah so once he's

11:34Ronnie Karam: really far away he finally radios them and he's like uh guys uh come and get me i'm drifting really far from the boat i mean on on the good hand i did get a phone number from a dolphin but you know i'm i am considered not this far away from the boat so that's a good thing but i need some help so nathan's like a jesus and captain uh captain are you are you fucking

11:56Ben Mandelker: kidding me are you fucking kidding me and the guests are like the guests are just lying around they want to go jet skiing and stuff and then now we see like tessa's just folding a towel just folding a towel you know making herself busy max is probably yelling at the lines somewhere and christian's just still floating away so nathan's like tessa tessa tessa hello tessa earth to tessa hello tessa okay towel on tessa's hand maybe you can help maybe you can be more effective than Tessa herself. Okay, we're going to have to stay on top of the fueling of the jet skis going forward, alright?

12:31Ronnie Karam: Yeah, copy. Sorry about that. I just got so much going on here with one of the boys getting married. Another one having a baby.

12:40Ben Mandelker: Sorry I didn't refuel the jet skis. I was just thinking about how I raised those boys since they were boys. Well.

12:48Ronnie Karam: This is terrible. This is terrible. And then we see a flashback to Nathan telling Tessa the night before about how she has to do the job list and how the biggest part of this is refueling jet skis and then tessa's just on the radio she's like i totally i totally forgot about that sorry

13:07Ben Mandelker: stupid tessa sora i was so busy folding this towel that i forgot about jet ski fuel sorry so then nathan goes up to sandy and sandy's like wow you know you really need to organize this and you know, they have to take care of their duties. Okay. Cause you know, I can't be sitting here watching them. I got to catch up on like two episodes of wind. I'm behind. Yeah. Well, I've said that to them twice now. Okay. Well, I'm sorry. You have to do all that explaining, you know, and that should be common sense. But yet, you know, you have some people who don't get it. Have you tried hugging them? They probably need a hug, maybe a nap.

13:43Ronnie Karam: Yeah. You know, people are like pants. Sometimes you have to just sit, sit a pair down and say, stop going below the ankles until they learn until they learn so max is like oh the dynamic of the deck team is like taking christian on the shoulder taking tests on the shoulder just getting heavier so heavy on my shoulder so useless don't just don't wait fucking 100 meters to say oh you know you

14:08Ben Mandelker: know i'm lost you know i why is max for some reason the one that annoys me the most he is the most competent of these deckhands, which is not saying much because he's, I don't think he's like that great. But like the fact that he thinks he's such a good deckhand when he's, he reminds me of like a 14-year-old. Like when he first came on the show, he was like a nine-year-old. He was very, he really truly acted like a child. Now he's like a teenager who thinks that like, not even like barely a teenager, who thinks that they know everything. And like, no, you're still just 14. You can't even drive yet, sir.

14:44Ronnie Karam: like he drives me absolutely nuts to me what makes him crazy is he's not a terribly competent person but he looks so competent compared to where he's at and it reminds me of kind of like modern politics where you're like how did these fucking morons get in charge and then you look at everybody surrounding them and you're like oh because those people are even dumber you know yeah and it's sad and it leads to just stupidity all over the place and that's that's kind of what's annoying me with the whole season like they're all so bad like if everybody sucks you know there's no one to really root for i mean when they get me to the point where i would actually vote for max politically this country is doomed that's all i'm saying yeah you know i know i'm

15:24Ben Mandelker: projecting too much but still like that's that's what scares me about max um the because then we see him get onto a jet ski to go save christian so he goes and then he like does like circles around Christian, almost like he's in some teen movie or like some 1950s motorcycle movie. He's like just circling menacingly. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Stop that. This is why I can't get on Max's side. Like, why are you making me take Christian? Like Christian's sitting there looking at Max like, you fucking idiot. I'm like, why are you making me take the incompetent dude's side here? But that's what Max does every episode so far.

16:01Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So he takes him back to the boat. And meanwhile, everyone else is working. and Nathan is telling Tessa to pass him along a line for the jet ski. And she's just like, la, la, la. She's just like ignoring him, doing whatever. And he's like, Tessa, Tessa, Tessa. She's like, la, la, la. And he's like, we need to be quicker. And she's like, I just wish that we had more leadership. It's like, oh, God, for Christ's sake, Tessa. Tessa's not only terrible at her job, she's also toxic. Yeah. Which means, A, I kind of don't like her. but also B, I would totally be smoking cigarettes for her outside and talking shit about everybody.

16:39Ben Mandelker: Yeah. I think what's funny about Tessa is that in her confessionals, she does her hair. So it looks like a thatch roof in medieval times. You know, it's like this blonde kind of like, like angled A-frame that's on her head that I'm like not even sure if it's like even fitting right or whatever. So I do appreciate that.

16:59Ronnie Karam: Yeah, it's kind of like that old 60s, evening gown, just teased up hair and brought all the way out.

17:07Ben Mandelker: It's like a split down the middle and it sort of looks like it's just replaced on her like Fisher Price hair or Lego hair. Yeah, I can see that. So I do enjoy that but she seems to be more or less a waste of space. So Nathan's saying, the first charter, I was giving my team the benefit of the doubt. I was also going to the toilet every five seconds on account of food poisoning. I tried teaching them and we see him teaching them, quote unquote teaching them being which is like oh be sure to hold the rope up here okay but now second charter this has gone beyond a joke because it was a joke before keep an eye on and we see him like now bossing people around like do this do that fuel this or whatever and basically he's like yeah they uh they they don't know what they're doing yeah but he's like fueling the fueling the jet skis

17:51Ronnie Karam: is a pretty basic thing like come on and so tessa apologizes and he's like you know uh just take initiative and think 10 steps ahead and she's like yeah i don't know i mean you know what i mean this team just feels kind of weak it's like you are the team tessa you're off you are you're

18:08Ben Mandelker: the one who didn't refuel i don't think you need leadership to tell you to refuel the machines that guests will be using that's that's like i just was waiting for someone to tell me what to do with all this gasoline and what to do with this jet ski i just don't know i wish i had good

18:22Ronnie Karam: leadership around here um okay so then um jack uh szechuan chicken jack is annoyed because his mom's calling him which of course she is you know yeah you're doing okay over there jack you're not bothering anyone for szechuan chicken are you this is a lot of money for me and the dad

18:43Ben Mandelker: and jack has a bratty friend named katarina who she's just like a she's just like awful but i I think because she's a girl, I'm like amused by her. Because she's like, she's almost like a caricature. She's like a character in one of those like wacky Australian movies. Like Muriel's Wedding. Like the bratty like sister or friend who says things that you're like, people don't say this in real life. And she's like, oh my God, right? Like P.O. P.O. Mom. I mean, you're just funding this. Like Avery. I think I'll have a margarita.

19:13Ronnie Karam: Why not? Let's margarita sometime. Because why not?

19:18Ben Mandelker: Why not?

19:22Ronnie Karam: So now it's water time, and the team still can't get organized. And Christian just keeps apologizing, and Sandy offers Nathan help, and he denies it. And she's like, oh, God, it's Charter 2, and I'm paying attention. And I can see Nathan doing everything possible to lead his team, but, man, Tess and Christian are the same as Charter 1. I'm not sure where their minds are, but it is complete chaos. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

19:57Ronnie Karam: So then we see Sandy on the bridge reviewing CVs for the crew. Why isn't she calling Norma? That's another problem I have with this season. Are we replacing Norma with your wife? Where's Norma? Because I'm glad that you found happiness in everything. I'm not finding happiness. Get your wife off of here and get Norma back on here. Okay? We dump Norma for your wife. I would rather switch the baby. Hey, Mimi. You're looking so sweet. Mimi. For, wow, Sandy, I found someone as talented as your hips. That is to say, completely non. There's something. Give me some Norma. You see, I don't even have any Norma in me because there's no Norma here.

20:40Ronnie Karam: There's no Norma spirit here.

20:42Ben Mandelker: Norma, are you okay? That borderline didn't make sense. Are you thinking straight? Well, your hair hasn't made sense for years and you keep that on your shoulders. Bloop. Bloop. I don't know if I have to hear this guff from someone who wears pants that reach all the way down to her ankles. Bloop.

21:01Ronnie Karam: At least mine are still called ankles and not cankles, you kinkle slut.

21:05Ben Mandelker: Bloop. Bloop. Cankles. Isn't that the name of the website you go on internet dating with? Bloop. Bloop.

21:14Ronnie Karam: Please don't make fun of my masturbation material. You've got a little too fired now. Bloop. Bloop.

21:19Ben Mandelker: Your emancipation material, what is that? Like a head of broccoli or some sort of like can of tuna? Like what turns you on these days? Bloop. Also another bloop. Ha ha ha. Bloop.

21:30Ronnie Karam: Not answering. I'm very offended. Just dot, dot, dot. Moving dot, dot, dot. Moving dot, dot, dot.

21:35Ben Mandelker: She left me on red. She left me on red.

21:40Ronnie Karam: So Captain Sandy's worried. And then Aisha's like, I have to admit my team is handling this second charter very well. I mean, everyone can keep up, you know, it's like the juxtaposition between the interior and the deck is like birds chirping, songs singing on the inside. And then it's like Apocalypse Knob on the outside. Selena versus Taylor. Taylor versus Charlie XCX. Ah!

22:14Hey, is that cookie monster outside talking about pop culture?

22:24Ben Mandelker: Yeah, as soon as Aisha said this, it's like, okay, well, producers are not going to like that. They're going to try to destroy this.

22:30Ronnie Karam: So then Tessa has asked. Exactly, the producers are like, nah. Both people on the interior are working well. Let's move one to the outside and hire an idiot for Aisha.

22:40Ben Mandelker: That's right. And sure enough, we then see Sandy still looking at the CV and saying, oh, hey, whoa, looks like V has a lot of experience on the deck. You know what I just realized? When I'm looking at V's CV, I am seeing V. CV. See what I'm saying? I got to call Leah about this one. Well, hold on.

23:01Ronnie Karam: Bloop. Hey there, Norma. I just wanted to say, hey, we have a V that's actually working up here. No offense. Sorry, yours hasn't worked for a long time. But hey, you know, I just want you to know that we're putting our V to a lot more use than yours ever has been put to. Okay. Bloop. Bloop.

23:18Ben Mandelker: Hey, bitch, I thought you were going to call and give me some good wordplay about the fact that I sent you a V to work on the C by sending you a CV about her. But instead, you decided to shame me. So thanks a lot, bitch.

23:30Ronnie Karam: I sent a V to the C. So how do you like that? So now Sandy sees that V has deck experience. And so then V and Josh are in the kitchen and V's asking Asia how everything's going outside. And she's like, oh, God, every time I see them, they're like, oh, my God, have you had a day like that when you were on deck, V? She's like, yeah, but like I had to rely on myself because like I was the only one doing lines, you know. Yeah, I'm just like really good at lines because I'd have to like time up alone. So, yeah, I've learned a lot about lines. I can really tie lines like I'm super, super good at lines.

24:07Ben Mandelker: Yeah, I have like a little bit of experience on deck. I mean, I did win the award from 2020 to 2024 best deckhand in all of the world. It was crazy, that award. But anyway, they surely won't put me out of the deck because I love it here on the interior. But ever since my boyfriend passed away, I've had a bad relationship with the ocean because he died underwater. So it's just like I needed some time to recover from that. So I put myself on more of an interior path and working on the deck would bring me back to where it all started with Bond. So she talks about Bond. This whole backstory is so tragic.

24:35Ben Mandelker: It's like very, very sad to me. And it actually is fascinating. And not only is it sad, dare I say, it's fascinating to me. So V is basically like reticent to go out on the deck because it's cutting too close. She's not ready to face that trauma. But guess what? You're in Bravo, and they're going to make you do it, and they're going to make you cry. So get ready, V. It's happening.

24:56Ronnie Karam: Yeah, they'll ask you to like instruct a dive soon because this is Bravo.

24:59Ben Mandelker: They really will.

25:01Ronnie Karam: That's how they roll. They're like, you know what? We're going to do underwater aerobics with V as a teacher. Okay, go. Go, V.

25:07Ben Mandelker: They'll definitely schedule, um, they'll schedule, like, a guest, and that guest will be someone who lost, like, someone special in their lives, and then V is gonna bond with that person. They're gonna do the whole thing. They're gonna really, like, force it out of her, for sure.

25:22Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So, V is still going on. She's like, yeah, I mean, I do lines. I can teach you how to do a bowline. Do you wanna know how to do a bowline? Do you wanna know how to do a dragon line? I know how to do a dragon line. Do you know how to do that? You wanna see it? I can do it right now. You want me to do it? Hey, give me a piece of spaghetti. Give me a piece of spaghetti.

25:35Ben Mandelker: You need to make on the dick tea. They need you out there, but don't go too soon. I first have to shame Kizzy for not being as good as you, okay?

25:48Ronnie Karam: So now Nathan and Sandy are standing together, and she's checking on him. And she's like, well, you know, you do a good job of explaining. I see explaining a lot. That's real good. That's real good. And he's like, I'm just not doing nothing. She's like, well, it's frustrating. Trust me, okay? I'm a person who worked with a lady whose name rhymed with banana and couldn't even get along with her. Okay? And you know what? Normally, I love that banana.

26:12Ben Mandelker: Listen, I know you feel like you're not doing anything that only applies to your hairstyle. But everything else, you're really killing it. You're really making a lot of good moves.

26:22Ronnie Karam: So Christian and Tessa are on the back of the boat. And Christian's like, these snorkels are clean, yeah? And she's like, I don't know. I mean, was this hard to put out? this ladder looks hard i mean who even came up with the idea ladders stairs are bad or ladders

26:37Ben Mandelker: are hard and he's like i didn't do it really it's like it's like they they do everything without us and then when they tell us to do it we have no fucking idea how to do it and you know what's even worse is when they act wait a second he said when they tell us to do it we have no fucking idea how to do it oh sorry i misread that i was thinking in my mind he was saying when they tell us how to do it he was like complaining that oh we're they tell us how to do it no they do

27:05Ronnie Karam: everything and then so we don't know how to do anything because they're not teaching us because they just keep doing it no they're teaching you you guys are just dummies and you're not paying attention and instead of doing your job you're sitting around complaining and trying to make everybody else the villain here when you're both the idiots you literally just went on a fucking jet ski and i don't even care if she didn't fill it up with gas didn't you look down and see that it wasn't full don't they have like a little empty i know they do because i've been on those things They have a little, just like anything else, they have a little ticker that goes all the way to E.

27:34Ronnie Karam: The gauge.

27:35Ben Mandelker: The gauge, if you will. So Tessa tells us, well, I know I can do a good job. Just ask the McB boys. I raise them, and guess what? I can also do a pretty mean print shop and flyer to invite you to a baby shower. So I just don't understand his leadership style. Like, we can't even read your mind, Nathan, and we can't understand that strange air section either.

27:57Ronnie Karam: We can't read your mind and most pamphlets. sir what do you think about that so captain's like well we can't control everything that goes on on the on the boat you know look at nathan and max they just need to calm down uh oh no this is

28:11Ben Mandelker: christian sorry he's like yeah christian doing his captain's handy impersonation yeah he's like i can't

28:15Ronnie Karam: do everything i'm hot you know those guys are so mad but they need to calm down like shit happens you know and just what you want to hear from a pilot by the way yeah i should happen but i believe I need to know why he was fired from being a pilot and didn't go back. Because I'm starting to feel, I mean, we said it right at the beginning. Like, there's something fishy there with his whole, I was a pilot and then COVID happened. And now I'm not a pilot anymore. Like, yeah, it's been a few years. Planes still fly. Yeah, planes are still in the air, sir. So what happened on the plane? What happened?

28:49Ronnie Karam: I want to know.

28:52Ben Mandelker: So Jack is looking around for Asia because he wants a milkshake. and he's like, I'll have a milkshake, but only vanilla plus a little salt and you know, some bread, of course. Can you make that too? Because Katarina wants to have one, that bitch. Oh my gosh, she's such a slut. You want to talk about Katarina? God, did you hear? She wants another margarita. Of course she does. She's a bit of an alcoholic. All right, I'll see you up there with the milkshakes.

29:15Ronnie Karam: Why not?

29:19Ronnie Karam: Why not? Why not? I'll have a margarita. Why not?

29:25Ben Mandelker: so i love when she said that what i loved is that she put her hands in the air and she pointed her fingers at asia like i'm gonna have the margarita because water

29:37Ronnie Karam: even has to be difficult with this fucking milkshake oh have a milkshake but only vanilla no chocolate like okay that's pretty standard just say a vanilla milkshake

29:48Ben Mandelker: if you order by the way i just want to put this out there ronnie sorry to interrupt if you order a vanilla milkshake, I do not think that chocolate is expected in that milkshake. That would not be a vanilla milkshake. That would be a chocolate milkshake or a whatever you call it, a swirl or a black eye or whatever. But if you order a vanilla milkshake, I'm going to say there's probably a 100 % chance it's going to be a vanilla milkshake. It will not be a chocolate milkshake.

30:13Ronnie Karam: So now Aisha Radio is for Kizzy to show Aisha what cookies Jax likes because, you know, and she's like, oh, is he on his little milk and cookie time? Yes, it is. So now Nathan is trying to instruct Christian and Tessa to bring in jet skis and stuff. And, you know, Max is sighing because he doesn't want to help them. He's just about them, you guys. And then we cut to Tessa and she's like, what am I even supposed to be doing? Why ain't anybody telling me what I'm supposed to be doing? We just saw him telling you what to do. Why aren't you doing it?

30:47Ben Mandelker: I know. always she just wanders around like an npc and like a like a villager in zelda or something like that so now kizzy is um asking josh about what's for dinner and he's making his he's getting doing his eight courses you know so he does this he's saying how like playing an eight course tasting menu is a crazy amount of work for one chef which is true and he went to sleep really late and he woke up early and everything and he's like he's like i'll just have to you know i just have to time the preparation just rots so everything doesn't get code make sure everything element is perfectly prepped and then I've got to do that seven more times and it's just exhausting for one chef so um yeah he's basically got work to do for him yeah he's got a lot to do so then we go to

31:28Ronnie Karam: Tessa and Max and Tessa's like oh my god we are the shittiest deck team at the moment we are just not making the dribbledore proud and Max is like did you say we are the shittiest deck crew and she's like well we are shit aren't we I mean god and he's like what is your solution what is his suggestion so i don't know and uh max is like uh yeah she's the problem like what the fuck is wrong with this girl she goes i think we're fucked and goes well thank you for making us realize it

32:00he really needs to work on his hypnosis powers to help these people um so now uh v is she's done

32:07Ben Mandelker: in the laundry and now she's gonna help kizzy decorate the table and asia is so proud so she tells she's just talking with kizzy and she's like v she's been doing she's been going so much quicker and kissy's like oh cool i mean she's just coming along leaps and bounds and kissy's like i just

32:24Ronnie Karam: wish we had an award to give up we could all wear dresses and stand in a line and handle award and say you are the best yes you could be the person that presents the award and since the first award we'd say sorry that no one else is good enough to ever have won this award before so we're just gonna give it to kizzy to give to her hand it over kizzy you can't be in the picture you didn't win the award i'm sorry go over there any time tonight doesn't want to talk to you oh i just heard that

32:56Ben Mandelker: they also won best personality in the interior department that's so lovely so kizzy is annoyed because Kizzy is of the... She is... She's damaged. Let's just put it out that way. I'm just going to say it. She's damaged. She is of the mold. I think we talked about this earlier. She's of the mold of Ashley from Below Deck Sailing who is like desperate for male attention and is also going to be cutthroat to the other woman. And so Kizzy is sitting here. She's seeing the praise that V is getting, which has no bearing on Kizzy. It doesn't mean that it's not a zero-sum game, but she treats it that way, that if he is getting praise, that means because he is doing badly.

33:38Ben Mandelker: And that's not how it is. But she says, she tells us, it's annoying because I'm definitely doing a lot more work. And I like to be recognized for like how much I do. Look, I put a tablecloth on this table. Isn't that amazing? Because I need to be the best, okay? I was always raised that way. I'm a very competitive person, like Michael Jordan competitive. I'm the Michael Jordan of putting tablecloths on tables. And I'd like to thank my mom for that. She was always like, win, win, win, win, win, win. And when you're seven years old, you go to a dance performance and she's like, oh, God, stop being so slow.

34:08Ben Mandelker: Lift that leg up higher. Jete, father. She wasn't wrong. Second place is the first place in a long line of losers. It's like, okay, you need to go therapy. And congratulations.

34:19Ronnie Karam: I just said I am just so competitive, like Michael Jordan level competitive. I mean, not for the first time. I said out loud, you're claiming toilets. Stop with this. Just stop with it. And she's always talking herself up like, it's me always waking up. And it's the best. Hand me that toilet brush. I think, I mean, I can see why she's getting annoyed because she's got some newbie, doesn't really know what she's doing. She's having to train her. And then she's like, oh, my God. But it's like a little baby being upset that their baby sister is being praised for walking when they already know how to walk.

34:57Ronnie Karam: You know, it's like, well, I'm walking. No one's praising me. But they can't remember when they were already praised for walking. You know, so then they go into the living room while their little sister is being breastfed and they stand right in front of their mom and they piss all over the carpet because they're sick of this treatment. And then when their little sister goes to bed, he starts ripping out little eyelashes one at a time until he gets caught and almost sent away to army camp at five years old.

35:20Ben Mandelker: I love that specific example that's not based in any sort of life experience.

35:24Ronnie Karam: I have no idea who that would be. So then Nathan is on the radio. He's going to have a meeting on the sun deck. OK. so asia's like why isn't your hat fitting your head because he's kind of wearing it above his uh head and he's like i'm just like wearing it like this she's like interesting

35:48Ben Mandelker: so people are doing stuff and getting ready for dinner and kizzy and nathan um you know kizzy is has got a fan in her face and she asks if there's a whole language with the fans and she makes a joke that holding the fan in front of your bejurber bejurber I was like what is bejurber means come to my bedroom and he's like but don't you have a boyfriend and she goes like hey I'm going to punch you in the face so there are flirtations So Aisha loves the table.

36:24Ronnie Karam: She's like, oh, I love this table. They must have done it. Where's they? She's getting an award. So now it's time for Sandy. Sandy's on FaceTime with Bebe. Hey there, Little Bear. Oh, look at you, Bebe. Look at you. Look at Little Bear, Bebe. That's her dog, Little Bear. And Captain Sandy's like, I miss him. And so we see Little Bear. And she's like, today was crazy. And he's like, oh, well, you look beautiful, baby. I'm sorry. I was talking to Little Bear. Could you put Little Bear back on the phone? Okay. Hey, Little Bear, this day was crazy. Gosh, I wish I was there to watch you lick your nuts and get over it.

37:06Ben Mandelker: I was really calm. Little Bear's like, so, hey, Mama Bear. So I have a little bit of an issue because here I thought I was a little bear and I finally saw myself in the mirror. I'm actually a dog. So how do you reconcile the fact that you name me a bear when I'm really a dog? Do you know what that does to a little dog's mind? Do you know what sort of warped sense of self I have? Woof, woof. I'm really not happy about this. Put your mother back on the phone.

37:33Ronnie Karam: I don't know how to deal with this. Okay. Hi, baby.

37:37Ben Mandelker: Hey, baby. Little bear's been acting up. Having some sort of identity issues.

37:43Ronnie Karam: Just tell little bear he's a little fish. Just start calling him little fish. Surely that'll fix everything.

37:48Ben Mandelker: Okay. Little fish, you want dinner? Seems okay with it. I think we fooled him again.

37:54Ronnie Karam: Love you, baby. Love you, baby. Have a good night, gorgeous baby.

38:03Ben Mandelker: So now it's time for the deck team to lift the tender out of the water. So this is a process where Max is on it, and there's a hook going down, and Nathan's got that, like, cigarette tray, but that's actually, like, a remote control thing. and um everyone's confused because they're all idiots and nathan's like tessa pass the painter tab as fast as you gotta get it over there what max what you doing what you doing i'm like and max is getting like all mad so they have to he has to basically say like all right max let's start over all right take five because max gets angry and he like speeds the the tender away from the

38:34Ronnie Karam: boat to be like huh i'm mad i'm mad max beyond thunderdome he's like no christian you need to Keep the boat even at all times there. You're swinging the boat. You're swinging the boat. Oh, God, we're going to go back down again. Max, unhook yourself. Max, oh, my God. We're all going to die. We're all going to die. Then he speeds off and gets all pissed off. And he's like, Max, I can't have you getting emotional when we're doing crane. Crane needs some very calm hands. Crane hands, we call them. We need to have crane hands, little bear. He's like, I'm not a bear. Okay, well, it worked for Captain Sandy's dog.

39:06Ronnie Karam: All right. You can't be emotional. He's like, hey, this is not emotion, mate. It's like, but you can't throw your hands up. Listen to me now. I just need to get a really terrible haircut. Just deal with what comes to you one day at a time. Sometimes if you get mad, just take it out on your hair.

39:22Ben Mandelker: All right. The crane. The crane is the most dangerous thing. You need to be calm around the crane. I can't help it. I have a thing for Daphne. No, not the Fraser crane. The boat crane. You need to be calm as much as possible. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

39:42Ben Mandelker: I commend Nathan because he actually is, as his team, like, especially as Max is, like, losing his mind and everyone's incompetent. Like, Nathan is very, like, he keeps his cool and he keeps, like, calm. And I have to say, that's, like, very impressive because I would be saying so many passive aggressive things and rolling my eyes would be so pissy at that point.

40:02Ronnie Karam: I mean, I don't know that it's really working, I have to say. I don't know that that approach is really working, but it is nice to see someone able to stay calm. But your team still doesn't know what they're doing. Whatever you're doing now doesn't seem to be scaring them. I can see why guys in military training are like, get down on your, get down, give me 20, fatty. You're ugly. Your mama never liked you. That's why you're going to do what I say. You want to be the fattest kid in class. You know, I can see why they're like that because you do it. You know, when someone's just standing there like, you know, I just need less anger from you.

40:34Ben Mandelker: I don't think it works well I do think he needs to give them a stern talking to but I do think that like in a moment of where everyone's like losing their minds and being chaotic I thought it was like really cool that he was like just like centered but that being said it's time for him to start scolding yeah now once everyone like gathers around goddamn fingers out of your goddamn

40:53Ronnie Karam: ears I've known peanut butter sandwiches smarter than you you twit now get down and give me 20

40:59Ben Mandelker: yeah but I think if he does that in that moment then Tessa just goes into the I'm just not being led what am I even supposed to do but I think for a deck team meeting he's got to be like now listen up everyone it's like that movie that book with the substitute the teacher can't control her class so she like she has a quote unquote sick day and then she comes in in drag she's like an old bitch and she yells at her students and gets them in line they don't realize it's the same teacher all along what movie is that that sounds great no it's actually just they're turning into a movie it's a it's a famous children's book it's like mrs mrs wembley's day off or something but it's classic yeah yeah it's great to me

41:42Ronnie Karam: um so nathan knows it's not fair to put all this work on max and when the others are incompetent but if max can't handle it he's really fucked because max is the only one who kind of knows what he's doing. So Max is like, okay, can we speak? Can you speak? And Nathan's like, okay, we'll have an argument. Yeah, if that's what you want. Because Max is getting all upset because he's gotten a talking to. So now Jack, not Jack's, Jack is watching all of this, you know, eating his ice cream with only vanilla and no chocolate. And he's loving it. And he's got his big fan and hiding his face. He's like, oh my God, do you see this?

42:20Ronnie Karam: The boys are in trouble.

42:22Ben Mandelker: the boys are in trouble yeah he's definitely enjoying all of this so now uh you know nathan nathan's gonna pull um max for a talk on the bow later so now um the girls uh this girl katarina this is one of my favorite moments of dialogue i'll try to i'll try to recapture it so she basically is like oh my god i think that my my mother should be happy because the worst thing i ever did was fraud like fraud fraud what sort of fraud did you do oh i said it was her her why did you do that because i was trying to steal her money i was just trying to steal money from her well i was trying to pretend to be my mom to take money out the bank it's no big deal it's only for all yeah she defrauded her own mom by stealing her identity

43:14Ronnie Karam: so asia comes out and jack's like where's big dog sandy asia do you ever call her sandals i'm just like literally not once in my life have i said that sandals that was funny to me sandals do you ever call captain sandy sandals well it is one of my favorite pieces of footwear

43:35Ben Mandelker: goes particularly well with my capri pants but no one's actually ever called that unfortunately

43:40Ronnie Karam: You know, if someone were ever going to call me out on my favorite shoe, I would hope they'd just call me, you know, Nurse Blacks. Scott, I love those. The little rubbery sound they make as you walk across the floor. No one messes with you. And I'll tell you, you can stand on your feet for hours with those things.

43:56Ben Mandelker: Well, you know, I do, you know, from like 2013 to 2017, I would have really liked being called Espadrill. But, you know, that time in my life is over.

44:07Ronnie Karam: I'd like to think if I ever went to school, I'd be a Dr. Scholz.

44:14Ben Mandelker: um so so then uh nathan's telling max you basically just stay calm like the crane is really dangerous stay calm he's like i know but they are pissing me off he's like i know but stay calm look you and i are doing 50 50 you're doing 50 and i'm doing 50 okay it'll get sorted

44:29Ronnie Karam: but stay calm i am calm yeah that's calm i am calm so now josh is getting ready to serve dinner so we get a clown monologue. He's like, there's so many similarities between music and cooking. It's insane. Like a good song has really memorable stuff and a great memorable riff and a great dish has a memorable flavor combination and a great song gives you feelings of nostalgia and a great dish will take you back home. If a dish is like a song then it ain't close to me. It's like a concert. Oh please, you're like the pentatonics with 90 fucking things playing at once after this meal. I can't believe anybody could even eat this was too much this was like serving a main core he was this is like serving eight main courses to people this isn't what it's supposed to be doing it's a tasting menu

45:16Ben Mandelker: sir yeah i agree first of all also his metaphor was really it was it was a real stretch saying like food is like music that's a fine premise but then he's like a good song like a really good song is really good and really good food is really good. It's like, okay, that's not, you know, that doesn't make sense. However, you know, like the concert. Okay, fine. If, if dishes like a song, of course meals like a concert, fine. And I realize I've gotten way too invested in his metaphor here, but I agree getting back to what you were saying. So it starts with the white gazpacho fine. That's a nice opener.

45:54Ben Mandelker: Okay. So it's the gazpacho. And then, um, I don't remember what's, oh, the next thing he goes right into is like, is that like lobster or like langoustines? It's like, that's a big second course. Like, shouldn't it be the progression be like a soup, like a small, something leafy or green or light. And you sort of get bigger and bigger and bigger. He starts off second course with lobster. At one point he does those wagyu tacos, which really upset me because first of all, you're kind of like taking away the entire point of having wagyu in the first place. If you're sort of grinding it up and putting it into a taco, Like the point of a Wagyu is that you have a piece of it and you cut into it.

46:32Ben Mandelker: It's like butter. So having it just all ground up does, does nothing. But it was also a big indelicate taco. And then he followed that up with like sea bass. I'm like, wait a second. So you went from the meat and he went back to the fish. I didn't understand what was going on here.

46:45Ronnie Karam: Yeah. It was like fish, fish, big and big portions, like huge dinner sized portions of everything. And then a huge soft shell crab. And then, you know, it's just too much. It was too much. I don't know how they ate all that stuff. And Jack, meanwhile, his conversation, he's like, once we went to Paris and we spent 10 ,000 euros on lunch for three people, mom is still calling me about it. Don't answer her, slug.

47:10Ben Mandelker: God, Katerina, damn. He said, not only did he say that they spent 10 ,000 on three people, he goes, which is a lot for three people. I'm like, it's a lot for 10 people. Like, that's a lot for lunch.

47:23Ronnie Karam: Congratulations, you have a rich daddy, Jack. We're extremely impressed. So now we go to the cabins where V is knocking off and she's talking to Tessa. And Tessa's like, dude, it is so stupid on deck. No one knows what they're doing. It's just shit. I mean, fingers crossed this shit changes because it is just terrible. And V is, you know, pretty positive. So she's like, oh, okay. Well, I'm not going to say anything about that because I believe in positivity. Okay. And so Tessa's like, Nathan's not delegating. It's not just us. We, you know, we're not just a problem, but it's like something's bullshit.

47:57Ronnie Karam: and I'm not the type of person to keep my mouth shut or gas filled in tanks. Because growing up, when I was five years old, I told my classmates there was no Santa and they're like, you're lying, you're lying. But obviously I have to say if it's bullshit, it's bullshit, those little fuckers.

48:14Ben Mandelker: You are not ruining everyone's lives. You're not taking away everyone's innocence because you're calling out bullshit. You're doing it because you're a little turd. You're addicted to toxic little... You were the obnoxious bratty girl. We all know you kicked adults' shins. You had meltdowns in the Starbucks when you didn't get a cake pop. You were a terror. That's what you were. You were not like on some crusade to call out bullshit. You weren't like, you know what? I'm sick and tired of this bullshit. Because by the way, no one thinks that Santa, no one thinks that telling Santa kids that Santa is real is bullshit.

48:53Ben Mandelker: No one's like, look at this bullshit con. They're spreading to the youth of the world. No, we're going to fight. We're going to get rid of this disinformation. You're just a snot.

49:04Ronnie Karam: Yeah, you're just a little asshole. So now Max is doing a handstand. Okay, and dinner's still going. Now there's a roast chicken, which is fucking crazy. Then are the beef tacos that look like chili, like you mentioned it. And now Kizzy's doing dishes and talking to Max and Christian. and Max is like, I'm so in love. Since the beginning, I saw your eyes cross mine and I was like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, la, la. And Kizzy's like, oh, Tom's going to punch you in the face. Oh, no problem. I love sparring. I love sparring.

49:40Ben Mandelker: So Christian's asking how long they've been together and she says, like, two months, and she tells us, love is 100 % my drug of choice. I've been in a relationship for pretty much like my entire life. When I was 18 to 21, I was in a relationship and I broke up with one boyfriend and I had maybe four days when I was single. And I'm in another relationship for another two years. And I probably have a deep rooted fear of being by myself. Like that does not mean that you are addicted to love. That means you are have probably deep psychological issues where you are afraid that you can't exist without the attention of a male.

50:13Ben Mandelker: So, yeah, I think you should maybe get that sorted out a little bit.

50:17Ronnie Karam: But also two months, that's not your boyfriend. Like, can we stop? It's two months. And Christian's like, wow, imagine you pregnant. And Max is like, is that true? She's like, I bet you stop chit-chatting and get washing, boys. So then now they're at the end of this huge dinner. We've just seen all this food go out. It was way too much food. It was a crazy amount of food. And Jack can't finish his creme brulee, which is also a pretty basic end to the meal I have.

50:46Ben Mandelker: It was also just a basic creme brulee, like nothing funky or special looking about it.

50:53Ronnie Karam: Yeah, so Jack's like, but I'm going to be hungry. Can you make me a Sichuan chicken? And everyone's staring at him. They're like, come on, Jack. You don't need to make him do that. And the chef is just looking at him like, are you kidding me? And he's like, no. No, I really want a Sichuan chicken. Yeah, so he's like. Oh, wow. No, there's still more. There's black cod coming out. I thought they were at the end. Wow, Jesus.

51:20Ben Mandelker: No, no. No, the meal continues on.

51:22Ronnie Karam: black cod is coming out he's already on about his szechuan chicken szechuan chicken so yeah

51:26Ben Mandelker: now i'm just already talking about it yeah yeah we're only at we're only in we're only in the black cod course and by the way max is eating stuff out of the kitchen again infuriating me and uh we have black miso cod which some for some reason comes after the chicken and the and the tacos and everything and then they have like a pistachio with a caviar bump which that's fine that's like what these these guests would want etc but then it's weird that he doesn't have that as the grand finale he has a grand finale of creme brulee like that doesn't i

51:56Ronnie Karam: don't i don't get it at all yeah so he gets applause they all loved it and so this is where jack's like i want chicken and josh is shocked and they're like come on you don't need that jack but i do i need chicken all right and josh is like i'm sorry what the concert's over everybody's walk into their cars. I'm not playing you another fucking song.

52:19Ben Mandelker: Yeah, and then he says, and he's like, he's like, Jack, you realize that was eight courses, and it's actually 1 a.m. I didn't even realize it was 1 a.m. at this point. Until right now, at this moment, I thought it was like 10.30. So it's 1 a.m., the guy's exhausted, and so the fact that Jack is saying that he wants Szechuan Chicken at 2 a.m. when it's 1 a.m. right now, I didn't realize it was that close. I thought this was like 10 before hours whatever so um basically josh looks at asia goes i don't know what to do here which i kind of felt like you just say let me go look into it and just go downstairs and then go to sleep and let me cover for you i don't think like you should be saying that in front of the

52:59Ronnie Karam: guests it's like well he does need to sleep so if you could just think of something that will only take 10 minutes and goes okay what's real quick she's like well no she tells us we always say never say no that we're seven star service and we'll do anything but if you look at the teeny tiny teeny tiny print at the bottom it says within reason you stupid motherfucker so the answer is no mommy's boy you don't get a motherfucking sichuan chicken they're like well what about

53:34Ben Mandelker: some chips french fries and they're like uh okay so then jack i mean josh has to go downstairs and make french fries and um then uh nathan is down there talking to kizzy and he's like how are you getting on because he's like having a good time we've got a good team better than you think you know better than better than you i think and um and basically she just casually mentions by the way you know that V has quite a lot of experience on deck? I was like, oh, little underminer. Yeah.

54:08Ronnie Karam: Little, little underminer. It's like, you might want to take V so one of us can win some awards. That would be nice. So then we cut to Jack being a drunk moron and getting his fries. And so then... He's not even that hungry anymore. No, of course not. Because it's all about the power. And I'm surprised he didn't have a little fit that he just got smacked down in front of his friends and didn't get what he asked for. So now Nathan's going to bed and he's like, Christian, whatever you do, do not let the guests swim. And he's like, oh, because they're drinking? And he's like, but also because of the condition of the water.

54:42Ronnie Karam: And also it's below deck and you can't let people go swim at night without supervision, you fucking moron.

54:47Ben Mandelker: Yeah. So Kizzy and Josh are talking and Josh is like, you know what my problem is? Once I've set like a bar, I find it's really hard to get any lower. Last time we checked, you were in clown makeup. So I think there's a lot of room to go higher, though. Yeah.

55:04Ronnie Karam: So then Kizzy brings... Fucking Kizzy. She's just trying so hard. And she really doesn't have that many biters. And I think it's because this show, they're just so tired. So they're like, whatever. Whatever, Kizzy. You know?

55:17Ben Mandelker: Yeah, she has no biters. And the thing is that she's trying so hard to get a bite. Solely that way, she can say, I'm taken. Sorry. so that the guests are in the jacuzzi

55:27Ronnie Karam: they're just not going to put that much effort I think she wants to start a little drama between the guys and they're like we're not fighting over something that's free you know like you're not fighting over the last free sample is what I'm saying

55:39Ben Mandelker: we're not fighting over second place in the interior wars Kizzy you're no V so Kizzy brings the guests are in the jacuzzi they're drunk they're being silly they're whatever flopping around and Jack's like, can we go in the ocean? And he's like, no, I'm afraid not because there's not enough deck team down there. And they're like, can you wake them up then? And so she's like, okay. So she radios Nathan and Nathan's like, no, no, under no condition. Like they cannot go out there. They cannot under any condition go out to the ocean.

56:16Ronnie Karam: So she tells them, she goes, you can't go out there. You're going to be dragged away by the condition. And Jack's just rolling his eyes. like I'm calling mommy so then um everybody goes to bed but Kizzy and Christian and so Christian goes pardon me to check on them and Jack's about to fall over and his friends look really worried but they're not going to say anything because he's probably paying for this whole thing and so Christian comes over and he's like listen I don't want to have to jump in and save you you saw how I am on wave runners okay buddy so he's like please can I go in please I just want to feel it.

56:47Ronnie Karam: So Christian's like, put your toes in. You can just put your feet in. And he's like, but I want to feel Nemo. I want to feel the fish and Nemo under me.

56:58Ben Mandelker: He's like, well, okay. Why don't you come on down? You can put your feet in. He's like, I promise I'll only put my feet in. He's like, okay. He's like, this guy has been so annoying and the only way to shut him up is to give him whatever the fuck he wants. No, if you were flying your plane and a passenger was like, I want to sit in the captain's chair, you wouldn't be like, well, he's persistent i guess i'll let him sit in the captain's chair you just say no yeah just say like call captain lee he'll do it yeah you want to get in the goddamn water you can

57:26Ronnie Karam: swim back to peru motherfucker all right or or call captain carrie captain carrie like all right

57:32Ben Mandelker: well before you go down to the dock let me just show you something in this room it's something really exquisite and close the door on you you're trapped in a room yeah

57:41Ronnie Karam: Democrats! Democrats! Let me out of this room! Democrats have trapped me in the room!

57:51Ronnie Karam: So, there's a monitor, okay? And Nathan, luckily, doesn't have water. So he goes up to get some water, and he sees Jack on the, well, we see Jack on the platform, and he's not wearing a life vest, and he just jumps in, basically. He's like, look, I'm just going to put my feet in, but then he falls into the water on the platform.

58:09Ben Mandelker: He's like a weird, yeah, it's like a weird, like, is it a jump in or not? He sort of like plops down on his butt and then he goes into the water. It's like, I don't know if he fell. I don't know what happened, but he basically winds up in the water. And it's like, oh, and for some reason, Christian is like pouring a hose in the water. Was he trying to like? I don't know. I don't know what he's doing. I don't know what that was about. I don't know why you water the water, but he was doing it.

58:33Ronnie Karam: So Jack is like, oh, it's so relaxing. And Christian's just watching him. not telling him to get out. So Nathan comes and sees this. And so Jack finally gets out onto the swim platform and Christian's just squirting him with the hose, still saying nothing. So Nathan tells him, yeah, don't let him go to the swim platform when they've been drinking. He's like, no. And Christian's like, no, no, just the feet, just the feet. He's like, no. And Nathan's like, all right, look, we have to go. I can't have you down here. You know, helps him up and gets him inside. That's how you do it. You just fucking say no.

59:09Ronnie Karam: just say no just say no that's the end and if they insist and you can't come off

59:15Ben Mandelker: and then the first thing that happened he they gets back up to the hot tub it's like where's a szechuan chicken that's what i actually generally would feel like right now like this frost would get it but they just weren't quite enough like i want szechuan chicken god he's so

59:27Ronnie Karam: insufferable god it's the worst just let him drown throw him back in there and just keep the boat

59:34Ben Mandelker: yeah honestly sometimes you just gotta let nature play out okay just like whoops i'm not saying

59:39Ronnie Karam: murder the guy, but don't let him murder

59:41Ben Mandelker: himself. Just go. But don't encourage him on a path where life will be a higher percentage, you know?

59:49Ronnie Karam: Yeah.

59:49Ben Mandelker: Stop saving the stupid people. So Christian's like, bro, I've told him many times. I said he can't. It's dangerous. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Nathan's like, but under no circumstances. Like, whatever. Whatever. So Christian's telling us, look, he's the primary. He wants to put his feet in the water. Then do it. This guy just has such low low standards for anything nothing happened nathan's like this has gone from

1:00:15Ronnie Karam: being incompetent to being dangerous and he's like well nothing happened so it's fine right and uh yeah that's not that's not the case he's gonna go to captain sandy buddy so then 6 a.m the next morning um everybody's doing their work work work and uh nathan is telling max he's like yeah so i told christian under no circumstances let the guests go in the water and drunk as fuck the guests are in the water so yeah i had to go out there he's like no way man god damn it he's like smashing a wave runner again so i was like no no calm bro calm

1:00:48Ben Mandelker: calm i would yeah so captain sandy's checking on everything and uh v is telling her that things were good and everyone's eating breakfast and h is like so captain sandy what are you getting are you getting a boat she's like oh yeah i want to get a i want to get a 50 footer boat i'm gonna to call it large size bear i can't wait ss large size bear oh and b is saying how uh they're just talking about like boats and everything and and talking about like how b is talking about how her experience working on day charters and they're kind of bonding on that and b's talking about all the lines that she's done all the lines so many lines she's like yeah it's so hard to find docking

1:01:27Ronnie Karam: space in fort lauderdale oh my god crazy right so hard to do lines there and i'm great at lines

1:01:34Ben Mandelker: to so many lines captain sanders like wait a second i think i have an idea that's not fully formed yet i'll have to wait another episode yeah well you know that is busy and when you do day

1:01:46Ronnie Karam: charters you're like on and off the docks you got to be good with lines i'm so good with lines yes i'm gonna marry a line i'm marrying a line it's like oh my god i don't know what i'm thinking yeah but sure god i would love to just be taken off this job and put on the deck so i can deal with lines i love lines i'm a line addict starting to get an idea here trying to get an idea you can't

1:02:07Ben Mandelker: quite put my finger on it you know who else likes lines i'm sure those guests um so asia it's time for everyone i'm not it's time for breakfast and or whatever and asia's saying hi to everyone and um basically christian is talking with v and they're flirting and talking about how like you know tanning and being latinos yeah and how christian's saying oh god would you feel proud of our head like let's talk about like how she says her mom would be or her dad would be so happy if

1:02:42Ronnie Karam: she went up with like a latino guy etc yeah so she's like yeah christian has one of the best smiles i've ever seen it's like a line that's in the shape of a smile and like i i've gone on a few date since bond passed but i don't think there's ever a time when you're ready and that's when i prefer to just throw myself into lines so christian's like yeah we also have latino asses

1:03:05Ben Mandelker: huh right and she's like okay sure just my parents would be so happy if i brought home a hispanic guy it's like well we don't need to spray tan we don't need anything you just need to have two latino parents she's like okay i'm all right yes we are latino thank you for pointing that out like okay Thank you. So Jack asked Asha for some help to pack up his luggage. And in case you didn't remember from last episode, he brought on seven giant pieces of luggage for two days. And of course, he spread everything everywhere. So V is going to be put on that task.

1:03:39Ronnie Karam: Yeah. So it's a big clusterfuck in there. Tessa's snoring in her cabin while everybody's looking for her. So Nathan goes to talk to the cabin and Asha is talking to V about packing up for Jack. So meanwhile, let's see, V goes into the, so this is just a packing nightmare. Okay, so Nathan and Sandy, let's go to that. So he's like, long night, Cap, long night. One of the guests was drunk. I told Christian. No circumstances go into the water. They go into the water. She's like, right, right. You know what? An idea is forming here. I'm just not sure what it is. And I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if we had V down there?

1:04:15Ronnie Karam: She knows a lot about lines. You know, I just don't say that because there's an idea coming to me. I just can't be sure what it is. Something to do. Valentine's? Is it Valentine's? No. Victory. Victory. Valhalla. Valhalla. I can't think of it.

1:04:31Ben Mandelker: Yeah. I wish there was someone on this boat that we could just plug in right at the last second to take over, but can't quite connect those dots just yet. Let's just think about this for a little bit. Okay. You know what? Let's dock the boat and then we'll figure it out because nothing will go wrong with the docking. Okay.

1:04:46Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Surely. Surely with a crew that doesn't know what they're doing, the docking is going to go great. You know, I mean, look, on one hand, the guest went into the water when he wasn't supposed to. That's bad. That's dangerous. On the other hand, we could have rid the world of Jack. So I don't know where I stand on that, really. We could have done a good thing there. We just didn't follow through. You know what we need to work on? Follow through. Follow through.

1:05:11Ben Mandelker: Let me get back to you. This is a, I'm close to something here. Let's just like, let's just work on it let's let it like let's let marinate a little bit so the guests are having breakfast and they receive eggs and someone's like these eggs are really yellow which i don't think anyone's ever complained about before usually people like that and so someone's like oh that probably won't even free range i'm like you need to be free range i don't know i'm like i had a disc coming up but it wasn't there but like i put you need to be put in the cage because you guys are too free range There we go. Moving on.

1:05:48Ronnie Karam: So V is like, yeah, Katerina came to pack her stuff, but I'd already done it. I got it, girl. And then she's like, oh, my God. It's like a backhand compliment, but I'm just surprised how quickly V's been learning. It's amazing, V. Let's have a whole montage of how amazing she is. I would like to present a Lifetime Achievement Award for V. I've never seen anybody as good as V. because it's a good gym.

1:06:18Ben Mandelker: Is it chat GPT or chat GPV?

1:06:31Ronnie Karam: So Nathan and Max, Nathan's going to get a coffee, but he's like, get the lines ready for docking. So Max is like, so how was the midnight gets swim with the guests, you stupid? He's like, oh my God, this guy, man. Wow. Wow. So breakfast, everybody has their breakfast. Nathan wakes Tessa up to get on deck. And like, she's not late. She's totally late, by the way. And she's just muttering to herself. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here.

1:07:01Ben Mandelker: I want to be with the boys back at the firm. I want to be riding a combine with gold. So Max is talking about, he's making comments about going to the gym and whatever. and Christian just can't stand Christian cannot stand Max in anything that he says so Kizzy is FaceTiming Tommy which is about as interesting as that sounds and she's like you know I really like Tom but being on this boat has made me confused about being in a relationship I'm sort of trying to unpack myself and my needs oh good because V can pack you back up she's doing such a good

1:07:37Ronnie Karam: job with the packing V's actually already packed up your needs. You don't even have to worry about it anymore. Damn it. So now lines are coming in and Max is like, bro, uncoil this, uncoil and recoil. And Christian's like, why? And he goes, because there's the problem. And Christian's like, but we're going to uncoil it anyway. He's like, just do it. Just do it. And yeah, Christian's, that's just the worst. Why do you only have to pick one to fire? Just fire them both.

1:08:09Ben Mandelker: I think by every single person Christian's like oh man shut the fuck up every day is the same thing telling me what to do nonstop it's just Max I got a present for you and he gives him like a middle finger in the confessional and because I can't tell if Max is on a power trip right now or if something genuinely needs to be done it's hard to say because he is someone who loves the power trip so they're being dysfunctional and then then Aisha asks Kizzy to do the laundry and Kizzy's like but where's V this is her third stew kind of thing to do and he's just like oh v's been packing for the last two hours because she's so good she did it so quickly she's really one of the best dudes i've ever encountered

1:08:50Ronnie Karam: so then max and nathan are on the deck with tess and christian and uh nathan asked tessa how she is and he's like you know um okay well you two on the stern with me the two crossover lines we're going to put heaving lines on them and so they're easier to throw so he's like oh jesus the first talking she said she couldn't do lines and you know it's not like you're throwing to pluto but

1:09:13Ben Mandelker: you know jesus but basically he like gives her the achieving lines to cross over lines in the

1:09:19Ronnie Karam: swim platform he's trying to make it easier for her and she's still like i'm worried this is hard

1:09:26Ben Mandelker: yeah he basically has put i guess it's like a light line that's easier to throw but there's like a little weight at the end of it i don't know and i guess there's some sort of knot i I don't know if the knot is the weight or whatever it is, but there's a knot that's important. And now when they are coming in, they have to throw their lines across each other. And she basically can't throw it all the way across and her knot comes undone. And I don't really truly understand what's going on, but I just know enough to know that she failed.

1:09:53Ronnie Karam: Yeah, she sucks.

1:09:54Ben Mandelker: Um, so let's see. She's slow. She's like, he's like faster, Tessa, faster, Tessa. I need to be a little faster, faster, Tessa, faster, faster, faster, for Tessa. Come on, Tessa.

1:10:06Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and meanwhile, no one is communicating with Sandy, and she's like, I need to know what's going on back there. What is going on back there? What is going on back there? And then the rope wasn't even tied tight, so it comes undone. And Tessa's like, sorry! Well, I just wish I was taught right. He's like, are you fucking serious? What's going on back there? What is going on back there? I get more communication from Little Bear, and he's a fish. So...

1:10:33Ben Mandelker: So Max is Max, Christian has done his heaving line duty, so he goes up to help Max, and then they start fighting about who knows what, like, you got to pull more, pull more, pull more, pull more, why is this going slow? I'm pulling more, you want to say that to my face? Oh, fuck you. They're fighting, Captain Sandy's like, oh my God, hey Nathan, you might want to go check on the bow. Bow. Sort of like the way I checked on my bow wow, little bear that is, now known as little fish.

1:10:58Ronnie Karam: Little bow wow, our bear that we have in our backyard, he's pretty cute. little dog. That's what we call our bear. Little Bow Wow for short. So Max and Christian are fuck-u-ing each other. And Nathan goes to check on them. He's like, no arguments! Let's be professional! So now he's trying to coach these guys about how to tie ropes and stuff. And meanwhile, Kizzy goes to check on V, and V is like sitting there and just like still covered in the confetti that Aisha threw all over her for getting the packing done. and now it's time for guest departure so everybody hugs by and jack's like hello love you guys the only thing i love more than you search one chicken am i right yes i'm the

1:11:41Ben Mandelker: chicken guy everybody so yeah they uh they give a tip it's like an 18th well actually we don't find out just yet but they give the tip they leave everyone's happy and then everyone's changing and nathan asks if kizzy has a bbl i didn't personally notice kizzy having a noteworthy hindquarters.

1:12:01Ronnie Karam: I'm looking at her butt. What is this, the 80s?

1:12:05Ben Mandelker: Nathan's like, oh, do you have a BBL? What's that mean? Baby bum lift or something? She's like, Brazilian. Brazilian butt lift. Brazilian butt lift. Bloody bamboo bitch. He's like, oh, wow. Baby bum lift. Wow.

1:12:19Ronnie Karam: Wild. So, okay. Charter number two, everybody. The good news is interior, you killed it. Especially you, V. Hey, V. Give me my favorite line. line exactly god i love when you say line says it a lot it's good it's her it's her catchphrase guys okay so it should give me a five a high five okay yeah deck god you guys are fucking terrible you suck jeez you suck and you have stupid hair too sorry sorry there girl one i don't know your name yet but uh the rest of you okay uh you know we got 18 000 euros that's 20 000 so that's pretty good. You know, that's about, um, 10 ,000 pairs of capris. Okay. So everybody per person that's something or other, I don't know.

1:13:03Ronnie Karam: I'm not here for my math. I'm here for my hairstyle. Okay. So everybody let's turn it around. Okay. Turn that beat around. Okay. People love that one. All right. Go do it.

1:13:13Ben Mandelker: Uh, isn't that tip about 10 ,000 euros less than the Bitcoin bros? Yeah. Bitcoin bros gave 30 ,000. So it's a shame. People are cheap. These people are cheap. I think 25 ,000 is what you are looking for for like a nice or standard tip. I think 20 ,000 is on the low end.

1:13:30Ronnie Karam: So they're not doing that Sichuan chicken.

1:13:33Ben Mandelker: So, sorry. So, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and everyone is cleaning and Tessa is mad about something. She's like, this is fucked. She's always mad about something. So, Asha's telling her team that she's just so proud of them and wants them to keep going up and up and up. and Josh is going to go to sleep. But now finally, Captain Sandy and Nathan time to have another powwow. So Sandy's like, so how are you feeling about your deck crew? Has anyone earned a capri pant? You know, were they still at ankle length? How far have they grown?

1:14:09Ronnie Karam: And Nathan's like, well, it's a clown show. Josh comes in juggling fucking steaks. Not you. Get out of here.

1:14:18Ben Mandelker: Circus on steroids on a multimillion dollar yacht. and Captain Sandy goes, that's totally chaos. I don't really want to say that, but it is totally chaos. Kind of like Norma's hair when she goes out on a date. Am I right?

1:14:31Ronnie Karam: I don't want to crush someone's spirit, except Norma's. Okay, you want to talk about how bad Norma looks like in a bathing suit? Go ahead. Give me your opinion. He's like, Noah, that's pretty unprofessional. Yeah, well, okay. Well, the point is, you know, tell me your side of the story. He's like, my side of the story is you hired a bunch of fucking idiots. Did you even read the resume? It's probably on his inside dots, but his side is they suck. Like, what the fuck do you want from me? You know? He's like, this one's crazy. Max is crazy. And then the other two are just terrible. You know? She's like, okay, well, here's what you're going to do because you're a leader now.

1:15:03Ronnie Karam: Fire one person. You only get to keep one. It's like Sophie's choice. No, Sophie didn't want to kill both of her children.

1:15:11Ben Mandelker: No, they, I fire them both. You know what my favorite reality trope is? Is when there's like a competition. and people do really badly like on project runway they'll do this once in a while they'll be like i'm sorry peter i'm sorry you're out and then the other person gasps like oh phew and also johan yeah you're out too and you're like yeah oh that's what you meant when they were when

1:15:36Ronnie Karam: they're like you're not safe either you have to sew it out now we are giving you garbage bags tape and so-so's and a squirrel make it ball gown in five minutes i think captain jason did this to

1:15:48Ben Mandelker: on last season on down under right because he had to he fired johnny and then i don't remember who was in the same session but it was definitely the same episode but i love it when it's like and you're out too oh i love that yeah that's what they need to do here they need a good double firing just start over you know get noobs get noobs let's do that well they have to because well we know we know someone's getting fired because obviously because they said it and also So Gail's going to clearly come back. But Gail's not going to come back before Nathan and Kizzy make out, I feel like. So we'll see how that goes.

1:16:27Ronnie Karam: All right, everybody. Thanks so much for being with us on Below Deck Med Day. We will be back tomorrow with Salt Lake City and also Bravo Wiveswap, which is a new one for Yield Braves. So we'll be checking that out. So join us for that. If you want to join us on Patreon, you'll get all of our video recaps and our bonuses to do that. And we will see you Monday for Amazon Live at 4 p.m. Pacific time. You can find the link for that at our link in bio over on Instagram at Watch What Crappens. Thanks, everybody. We'll talk to you next time. Bye.

1:16:59Ben Mandelker: Bye. Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto Put your hands together for Carly Clapp Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt

1:17:20Ronnie Karam: She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela Itchles

1:17:23Ben Mandelker: We never miss her call, it's Diane Call Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trickless Hava Nagila Weber You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less namey

1:17:38Ronnie Karam: She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch

1:17:43Ben Mandelker: She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

1:17:46Ronnie Karam: Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. K-sara-sara, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sills be. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

1:18:08Ben Mandelker: This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

1:18:10Ronnie Karam: I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson.

1:18:13Ben Mandelker: She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

1:18:16Ronnie Karam: Yes, we canna. It's Sadana.

1:18:18Ben Mandelker: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn skippy. It's tippy.

1:18:24Ronnie Karam: And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

1:18:31Ben Mandelker: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

1:18:34Ronnie Karam: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

1:18:47Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland.

1:18:50Ronnie Karam: Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa.

1:18:55Ben Mandelker: Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. She's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. She's a total knockout. It's Katie Manon. We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Chadley. In the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock. Gee, it's Lisa H. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it. It's Lola Alkalani.

1:19:25Ronnie Karam: The incredible edible Matthew sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud.

1:19:34Ben Mandelker: Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Tellefson. Shannon out of a can in Anthony. Please don't stop. It's Soli and Pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plain.

1:19:48Ronnie Karam: We're obsessed all with Tessa V. She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.