#3071 Below Deck Med S10E07 Part One: The Blah-chelor

0:20Well, hello and welcome to What What Crapens. I'm Ronnie, and that's Benjamino over there. Hello, Ben. How you doing? I'm doing great. Thank you, Ronnie. How are you doing? And hello. You look very handsome. I enjoy your preppy shirt. Thank you. It's my little Uniqlo shirt. Oh, it looks very handsome. Well, welcome to the show, everybody. Today is Below Deck Day. Very exciting times here in the Crappens universe. It's also BravoCon week, so we're going to go. That should be fun, getting our fits together. And we are having a meetup in Las Vegas for Crappens listeners. It is free. So come to it.

1:02If you're going to be in Vegas, we'd love to meet you. Okay? Because that's what a meetup is. We all meet. We hug. Talk about our dreams and ambitions. Can I say something? I think we can officially upgrade it to party. It's not a meetup anymore. It's now a party. Oh, it's a party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a Crappens party. Jenny's. Did I say Amy's? I'm so sorry. It's because I'm from Austin and that's not always Jenny and Amy. I feel like our two just, you know, girls fighting on the, on the playground. Like he's going to eat my ice cream. He's going to eat mine. Love you both. And so excited to be because, you know, that's Ben's dream.

1:36And it's become my dream as time has gone on because Ben introduced me to Jenny's and then Jenny's introduced me to Jenny's. And now I love Jenny's Jenny's. Jenny's the only relationship where I'll swallow. Love, love their ice cream. And messaging. You will be getting free ice cream over there. So come. There will also be booths. That's not free. You have to pay for that. But it's free to come. So come. It's going to be at a place called Beer Park. It's in the Paris Hotel and Casino. So it's right there on the strip by BravoCon and the hotels and all that good stuff. So we hope you come. It's at 10 p.m.

2:10on Saturday night. We're going to be partying. So bring your party shoes. Also, Amazon Live was a disaster yesterday because the app broke. So we didn't ditch you on purpose. We will be finding a way to make up for that soon. We don't know when, but very soon we'll be doing that. And what else do we have to say? If you want videos of these recaps, they're all on video now. Go over to Crappens on Demand on Patreon. And that's also where you get bonus episodes this week. We are doing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills trailer. And that's it for the announcements. Do you have anything to add, my little sugar plum?

2:46I just want to say I'm really excited for Jenny's. I just want, there's, you know, there's not a single Jenny's ice cream shop in all of Las Vegas. So if you want Jenny's ice cream on Saturday night. We're going to be the first Jenny's shop. We are introducing Jenny's to Las Vegas, baby. That's kind of weird. It's like a 10 o 'clock party where we're going to be like, yeah, let's make some, let's make custom drinks and get ice cream. Cause that's how we, you know, that's exactly how I roll. That's what I'm doing at any 10 o 'clock. I'm like, I want one of those two things. if not both together.

3:20But no, just to clarify, Jenny's is providing some ice cream for everyone, and it's going to be a super fun time. But yeah, I'm going to be getting lit. So anywho. Lit and titty. Let's get to it. We are here with Below Dick Mediterranean, which is fun. You know, what a fun show. What a great show, guys. This one is season 10, episode 7. It's called Le Vie en Brosse. Le Vie en Brosse. which I think means Max is jealous because his parents got divorced. I don't know. I don't really understand his thing. Or his parents didn't like him, so he's sad because bros are bro-ing without him. Yeah. I didn't really understand, but it was fun to watch Max cry.

4:02It makes more sense when you realize that Nathan is his dad. And you're like, oh, that's why it hurts so much. He's going to reject it all over again. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. A lot of French men with daddy issues on Below Deck these days. this is like the second season in a row. It's like we had Anthony last season being like, oh, my daddy, this is for your daddy. And now we have Max being like, oh, I do not speak to my daddy, so I was hoping to get daddy love from Nathan. So - Well, yeah, but Max, the other dad was passed away, right? So he, that was - True. That was - It's still an issue.

4:37It's still a dad. His daddy issues. His dad died. A lot of discussion about poppers. Now, let's not bury the lead though. This episode, yes, Max was, you know, feeling like, you know, he's, it's an A and B conversation. So he needs to see his way out of it. But the real story with this episode is that Bravo decided to experiment with blending a dating show with below deck by having this guy on there and bring on like six or seven ladies to see who would be his, his forever love. And by forever, I mean for the next like weekend or something like that so it's like it became like a dating show and i have to say they promoted this it was in the trailer they you know they really pushed this and i was like oh my god this is ridiculous i actually loved it you loved it you know what because it was like very small it was like on the side and like so much of it was about the crew making comments about what they were seeing and i just i kind of loved like having a focus on an audience reacting to a dating show essentially Yeah.

5:44Is it human trafficking? I mean, what would you call this? This was straight up human trafficking, right? I mean, I'm not really sure, but when she said the ladies are all from her service, I was like, oh, that's fishy. That's not a great way to put it. She should say they're all clients of mine looking for love, but not be like they're from my service. Yeah. And then the guy, the bachelor, I mean, look, I'm used to the bachelor. I used to recap the bachelor. but you know that guy is generally hot and has something going for him like he's either an ex football player or an oil magnate or i don't know they've been getting worse because then there was like peter the pilot and i was like i think you're maybe a spirit airlines pilot part-time like i didn't really believe it you know they get lower they're like oh it's an accountant who's this guy what's he do he's got a baseball glove for a face the man is severely sun damaged and bald and not very nice so i'm not really sure why anybody would be fighting for him i'm saying hose i'm saying this was a boat of hose that's that's the only way i can i can uh get it right in my head because no normal person is going to do this um i aren't normal i just mean no no person who's not getting paid is going to be trying to date that baseball glove on purpose i know he was kind of like a low rent Temu version of Chip from Chip and Joanna.

7:09And Chip is already kind of a Temu version of himself. He does have Chip vibes. Yeah. He just... There's no high-end version of Chip. Chip is already entering the comparison at the Temu level. So then when you add this Temu version of a Temu thing... I don't understand why people are clamoring for this guy. I mean, in some ways that awful girl you know i i kind of i kind of bonded with her in a sense when she was like i'm just in it for the yacht but then she was actually so terrible that i couldn't i had to she's vile i was like make her the new stew make her the new stew why isn't anna the new stew that's who we need she's also a pathological liar right like you definitely got the sense that she was high on something and she just lies all day long because every every story was like well forgive me for living she she's like a not like you know when you ask like a nine-year-old to like oh how was your day today it was good um like um i saw um a really famous person and they asked me to come like hang out with him but i didn't go because mom said i had to be home like okay that's fine like all her stories have had that kind of arc to it like yeah one time i like flew to can for like one day and took a picture and then i left yeah it was so fun i was like you are a liar you got let out of your crate that they have you in on the human trafficking boat for some air in con and then you were put back in to be delivered to whatever baseball glove you had to date next do not tell me that woman is not a traveling saleswoman that's that's um by the way i can't stop thinking about chip from chip and joanna i'm still convinced that that guy is emotionally abusive i think he has anger issues and i think he probably like squeezes joanna's arm too hard and confessional like there's something creepy about that guy i don't trust to anybody who smiles like that constantly and is like constantly like, like making the husband jokes.

9:03Something's wrong with Chip. Mark my words. Something's going to come out about that guy at some point that he was just awful this whole time. Oh, he's terrible. He's just the worst. Yeah. That's why Joanna always looks so miserable, you know? Always, always, yeah. But fuck Chip. Okay, so anyway, yeah, Anna too. She's a liar, but I liked her, you know? But of course, you know, I like all the terrible people in this show. They make it more interesting for me. so let's start at 7 30 a.m everybody's getting up josh is mixing something in a kitchen aid and explodes all over the place so he grabs it by the head and shoves it down into the hot plate tells it to get the fuck over get with it he gets in ship attitude yeah and um kizzy her big thing is that she just broke up with tommy on the phone so now she is you know what hold on hold on everyone Let's also talk about Kizzy.

9:56I feel like Kizzy is just a, you know, she is a toxic. I'm not going to say she's a toxic person, a toxic girl, a toxic coworker. I'm just calling her a toxic because she's just a toxic. And we saw it from the beginning when she was planting seeds to get like V sent out to the deck crew. We saw shadows of that one girl that was on below deck sailing. I always forget her name, but she stuffed her face full of pasta. But Kizzy, she's not as like outwardly nasty as Ashley. That was her name. But I thought that like this week when she, that girl had like a full on tear in her skirt and she just let it go.

10:43So that way the girl could be humiliated or would somehow like it would cause her demise. I was like, oh, you're a vile person inside and out. Like, you are terrible. I'm like, I can't, like, I was like, I clocked her. Did she let her do it? I mean, did she see it? Did we see her see it? Yeah. And she was like, I'm just going to ignore it. Yeah. She said, I probably should say something. And then she, like, laughs. I'm like, you are so nasty. And you're trying to be, like, cutesy. But you are nasty. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, she keeps talking like she's so evil, like she's here to be the villain.

11:22She's like, I'm going to go on this TV show and I'm going to be the villain. It's going to be wonderful. But she's not really doing anything. I mean, she says in her confessionals that she's a villain. It's like, yeah, I'm going to steal that guy. I'm going to steal that guy. I'm fucking everybody on this boat and I don't care. I'm going to be number one no matter what. But then she's very nice to everybody. So I'm so confused. Like her villainy is confusing and is actually pissing me off because I feel like she's catfishing me in the villainy department. you know well that's why something is she's not giving it to me yeah well that's why i say she's like nicer she presents she's not as bad as ashley because she does she doesn't seem as bad as ashley was that one season but i just feel like i've got my eye on you because i like i see how you're undermining people in this episode at one point she tells the new girl like oh you know v she really likes joe she's very much like he's mine and like v never did that but she's painting a picture of V as being this possessive person that you have to be careful of.

12:19Like she pits people against each other in subtle ways. And I don't approve. And the producers are including all those little tidbits because they want us to see it. I mean, or they want to make a narrative, but they want us to see it primarily. I'm just saying she's on my radar and I don't appreciate it. I don't appreciate her the way she's moving. Yeah. Okay. Well, I just don't appreciate that. She's not evil enough. I need more. Okay. But we both have problems. You're not getting a good Yelp review from either one of us, Kiz. So get with it. So Kizzie is like, oh, God, I did call Tom last night.

12:54What did he say? I was like, how do you feel about me kissing other people? And, you know, she's like, yeah, I feel guilty. Because he was like, what the fuck? But Aisha doesn't care. I mean, this is about, we're dating for a month. Stop it. Aisha literally doesn't care. So Kizzy tells us, I can write people off quite easily. Like I can break up with people I've been in a two-year relationship with and be like, oh, okay, who's next? I'm like, are you still the same person who says, my greatest hobby in the world is love. I love love. If I couldn't have love, I would want to replace it with, I don't know, more love.

13:31I just can't live without it. And then you're like, oh God, yeah, I just like kick people to the curb and onto the next one. Like, which one is it? Like, you have to like, like at one point you have to like settle in on a character. yeah i don't think she's decided who she is yet you know she's just young i think she thinks it's fun to be like look at me i'm sex and loving and i have so many partners but ultimately i don't think she lives like that probably because she seems confused by it you know she can yeah she seems confused by the lifestyle and now she's like oh tell me what am i gonna do yeah i get over people in two seconds whatever i don't know i'm just not really buying it i think she probably A lot.

14:09Yeah. Yeah. So we get snips of everybody getting ready for the charter. Josh is cooking. People are mopping. Kizzy's doing laundry. Aisha, Josh, and V are in the kitchen together. And V comes to visit. And they're talking about Joe. Did you make your mind up about Joe? Joe and V sitting in a tree. V, F-U-C-K, finger in the bottle, that's where pink comes out. Why does V have to make a remind up about Joe, by the way? It's like, what is the deadline? It must be just like a production thing. Like, okay, by the end of this episode, we need to know where you're standing with him because we need to build the rest of the season.

14:53So she's like, yeah, I dig him. And that was like the last thing V says all episode because she was just like relegated to the sidelines. Like, okay, well, your storyline's kind of wrapped up. You made it to the outside. And now we just want to focus on Kizzy. so he's like I mean I'm not trying to do anything serious but like his attention seemed more like just like a regular boat fling yeah so I'm sure I won't get hurt or anything by you know opening my heart to this guy and I'm just gonna trust that when he says things that I have a beautiful soul and that he sees me as different from the other girls that he actually really means it and we can build something real on that it should probably work out okay for us so now Kizzy is planting some little jealousy seeds with Joe and he's saying last night was so fun and she's like, what was?

15:34Are you necking, V? He's like, necking? Me? Necking? She's like, well, I don't know. You were doing little kissing noises. What was that? Because you're whispering. You're whispering. Oh, yeah. And the nose got in the way because of me big nose. That's what happened. So then back in the galley, V is just saying that, like, oh, yeah, Joe, he said that. He said, I'm really scared of you. Like, I'm like, why are you scared of me? He's like, so mysterious. I think I really like him. this could be real this could be real between me and you i'm so scared i'm so scared of how you make me feel shut up joe that's why that's why he was saying he's scared um so asia's like well i just don't want you to get hurt she's like yeah i'm not gonna get hurt i'm not going to you are gonna get hurt joe he's a fuck boy but he's a fuck boy with a receding hairline he's in a rush to get as much as he can before it starts to fall off.

16:32So H is like, it looks like V and Kizzy are both interested in Joe and I'm worried that last season could play out all over again. And then we see Ellie and Bree with Ellie being like, you have violated girl coat. And Bree being like, but I don't know about girl coat because I lost it in the laundry room. I had girl coat here, but then I lost it because I tried to iron it with a curling iron and it got so curly I couldn't recognize it anymore. Indubitably! What was the word that she would always say? I was going to ask you. It wasn't indubitably. Is she doing what she is supposed to be doing? That for?

17:10It was something like that, but I don't remember the word.

17:16Once the season is done, it's like all the jokes get locked away and sent off to Luxembourg or something. The DVR has been erased to make space for a million more below decks. So Asha's like, yeah, Joe's a sweet guy, but he's usually just faking the shit. None of this is real. You know, she knows his game. So then we go to Joe with Kizzy, and he's like, oh, I feel cheeky. I feel cheeky now. She's like, hee, hee, hee, hee. So now we see more cleaning and stuff like that, and the deck team are talking about doing the flats and the stainless, you know. And V's psyched to be out there not doing any more laundry.

17:56She's like, yeah, I just want to kill it and prove that I'm an asset to the deck team. Hell yeah, look at my muscles. Yeah, man. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

18:15Guess what? There's a text. Bloop. Oh, God, it's Norma. Wait a second. This isn't Norma. This is someone named Kathy. Oh, my God. my dream came true. Kathy came alive. Oh God, someone get the chocolate. She's going to want it. Oh gosh. All right. Norma, bloop. Norma, could you get us a water cooler? Because Kathy's coming on board. She loves a good water cooler. Bloop. Bloop. Aisha. Okay. Question. Do we have any business suits? Because there might be a meeting. Kathy's not going to be comfortable unless she's in a business suit. Get that chocolate ready for her. Bloop. Hey, Norma, me, Sandy again.

18:49Hey, speaking of water coolers, could we get a Norma cooler? Because you need to be cooler. Hey, Hey, Captain Sandy, it's Norma here. I am not going to get a water cooler, but what I can get you is, uh, um, uh, a glass of water to throw in your face. Cause you're being such a bitch today. I'm not in the mood. Bloop. Bloop. Yeah. You know what? Um, I'm having trouble on the boat here. I might need some new staffing because I think someone's on here because her name sounds like koozie. So, bloop. Bloop. You know, for a moment, I thought you already had a staph. I've seen a staph infection. That's what your face looks like.

19:29Bloop. Bloop. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, please take up your nose hair. Okay? You're black in the hallway. Bloop. Well, let me tell you something. If I ever drop my Rapunzel hair down the tower, please don't climb it because I want to keep my head attached to my neck. What I'm saying is you're overweight. Bloop. Okay, you know what? You're coming for the kinkles now. I'm done with you. Bloop. My bitch. Bloop. Love you, bitch. Love you. Okay, so now we see Nathan and what's his buns, Joe, and they're just being wacky. They're doing jigs and dancing around and doing the river dance thing, and then they're sliding belly first across the wooden bar thing.

20:15It's a wooden belly. I wish. my dream it's very like slip and slide except it's not a slip and slide it's like a bar top or something and so they're having fun and Max is just watching and he's like oh no that was my Nathan he was my brother of arms now I'm forever alone so poor Max yeah Max is starting to feel very very lonely and you see don't you miss having someone to yell at and feel better than you should have kept that other guy around Max this is what you get yep see now you're just like the leftover but um he's thinking okay he's just like well daddy's life okay um so he's he's yeah he's the third wheel um that's needs to be shammied so meanwhile uh the kathy is coming kathy the new stew is coming and everyone's getting excited and kizzy's talking to josh and she's like are you excited for the new stew josh he's like oh i forgot about that to be honest cause you're my favorite I just want to put a bunch of face paint on you and cram you into a car.

21:19I hope she's a lesbian. She's a Kathy. Okay, that's what she is. She's neither lesbian nor straight lady. She's a Kathy. She's a lady who's going to be by the water cooler complaining about stuff. She's going to have stringy hair and crazy kind of squinty eyes. She's Kathy. That's all she needs to be. Do you know the young people named Kathy, by the way? That's like an old name, right? I mean, I have a friend named Kathy. well this is by the way kathy with a c which is important because that really speaks to like the comic but i do have a friend who's kathy with a c um and she's wonderful um but i agree we don't really see too many kathys anymore we see kate's get a lot of kate we don't get kathy which actually made me really excited when they said her name was kathy i was like oh god i love her i was like yes i got kathy and she's pretty and she's like and she's like really on top of details i'm like yes yeah so she arrives and we just see her from behind it's like this looks very sexy she's wearing a tennis skirt a little blazer and her hair is all done she's wearing a hat and she looks very pretty and we don't know yet but she looks very dressed to be cleaning a boat like very well dressed she is she has really the little hat was what was really doing it.

22:35It was kind of like had an, it wasn't a beret, but it sort of reminded me of like Emily in Paris. The way like Emily in Paris shows up. Like, I'm here to take over this city. And she sort of has that vibe coming out the boat, but like British sounding. Or is it Australian? Is she British or Australian? I think British, right? I think so. So Kathy comes and the boys just start falling out of the boat. They're like, oh, Kathy, hello, hello, hello. Hello. Kathy, Kathy, Kathy. She's like, I'm a hugger, so give me a hug. So they all hug her. And just like, she reminds me of a young Mary Poppins. She's a spoonful of sugar.

23:18Yeah, he is like, he's very excited to see Kathy. They're all like, you know. A lot of people want to fuck Mary Poppins. I don't remember. I was very young when that came out. I mean, I've seen it older. I don't know. She didn't give me like big, like let's fuck vibes. Mary Poppins, right? You know, I've never seen Mary Poppins. You've never seen Mary Poppins? What kind of homosexual are you? I just, I don't know. I just haven't even seen it. How do you even know anything about the suffrage movement? I just know that there's umbrellas and I know there's that crazy song. Well, I know the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

24:00Chimney sweeping? chimney sweep. There's that chimney sweep song, right? Mm-hmm. It's like, how's it go? It's like, oh no, that's go fly a kite. Go, go fly a kite. Something over the something flight. Beauty, duty. It's kind of boring, honestly. Mary Poppins. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. Maybe it wasn't really for gay people. I don't think that's like a huge gay college movie, Mary Poppins. It's like a bunch of kids getting taken care of. I'm sad. My dad doesn't love me. And she's like, well, I don't either, but I'll teach you how to clean things. And I go, oh my God, I love her. And then penguins dance around on a Ferris wheel or some shit.

24:36I don't know. Dick Van Dyke's very dirty in it. Oh yeah. Cause he's a chimney sweeper. Right. So I didn't like it. I was like, that dirty guy's gross. We're really talking to him. Honestly, it should never have been made in the first place. It's witchcraft. Like, I don't know why we're teaching our children that you can fly with an umbrella. Like that's like unrealistic expectation. This is why children, this is why people don't know how to work anymore. This is why they don't have any work ethic, because they just expect they can open up an umbrella and just fly off to Madagascar. Well, you can't.

25:06Okay? Get to work. And it also really hurt the maid industry, like the maid slash nanny industry, because I feel like every time there's someone working at your house, every kid's like, can you do any tricks? Like, no. Like, you fucking lame maid. How many nanny are you? Can't fly. Can't make things fly through the air. You suck. If you got time to lean on your umbrella, you got time to clean. Am I right? So, yeah, she's a hugger. So she comes in and hugs people. And then she is like, oh, I'm a princess. You know that, right? And Aisha and Kizzy are just watching her. And Kizzy's like, oh, my God, she's gorgeous.

25:47Fuck. I'm panning. I was going to be the hottest girl on the interior. well and see just like max you got to be careful what you wish for because if you think that the producers aren't gonna fuck with you you're absolutely wrong so now she's kizzy was so ready to be like the raining hot girl now that she's she's like i'm finally single i'm ready to be the number one i will be the supreme and then they bring in kathy so um max like oh hello i'm sorry i was watching your ads what is your name again she's like kathy oh kathy max like i'm glad because I didn't remember your name either. Oh, no. Oh, mother's love deprived from Kathy.

26:29She's like, oh, this is because you were looking at my eyes too? She's like, no. Oh, hello. And so they meet. And then Max is in the galley with Kizzy and Josh. And Max is like, oh, I'm sorry, Kizzy. I'm sorry, baby. I don't cheat on you, okay? She's like, you better not cheat on me because I just hit my finger really hard. He's like, all right, give me off your finger, Kizzy, Kizzy.

26:57So Kizzy now meets her competition, Kathy. Kizzy and Kathy, she's like, how are you doing? She's like, I'm really well. I've been over in America for this season. Disgusting, I know, awful. Do I look tackier now? It's my biggest concern. Well, I'm a chief stew on another yacht. And what about you? Are you the 16th stew? Looks like, by the way, you're washing that surface there. and she's like oh my god so is this on your rotation she's like oh well i'm off i'm off time now i just get bored i just have to work you know some days i wake up and i think i could sleep late and then i think no i could take another step towards perfection and that's always what i choose welcome i'm kathy i'm here to ruin your goddamn life everything i passed sparkles i like that every time she passed a room she would like reorganize thing and then they would like have the cartoon sparkle over it.

27:47I love that. Kathy's like, well, normally I'm a chief stew, but I'm going to slum it here. Sort of like, you know when Charlize Theron put on that ugly face and didn't put makeup on and won an Oscar? That's kind of what I'm doing here, but stew version, you know? What I'm trying to say is, you're part of my slumming it experience. Okay, toodles. I'm going for the golden chamois. Or will it win ya? Well, I thought I could do the Nicole Kidman version, put on a fake nose, or I could do the Charlize Theron version and put on fake teeth. I said, you know what? I'll just be beautiful, but I'll do it in the laundry room instead.

28:25And I think that should work out. I will limp, though, while I do laundry. Get a little Daniel Day in there, just in case. Just in case. Ow, my right foot. Ow. Oh, my right foot. It's the wrong foot. Sorry. Should I learn how to twerk? that might work well based on how a nora did upsetting demi so i'm not sure nora oh it's funny that you say that because i was thinking as they make her pass everything and it starts sparkling they should have cassie or kizzy passing everything and just watch it kind of wither away you know she's like demi in the um in that movie that she lost the substance was it the substance yeah she's like here i go it's finally my chance i've finally got the substance and then Kathy comes in and she's like oh god why can't I walk straight why is my skin falling just lost your finger let's be honest Kathy was birthed out of Kizzy's back now we all know what happened they're like aren't you too young to have the substance they've given Kizzy some kind of a pill that she actually has to stay awake and watch what the other one's doing yeah it's like a faulty substance.

29:35It's like a cruel substance. I definitely could see Kizzy doing that scene in the middle of the substance where Demi Moore tries to put makeup on before a date and then she keeps redoing it over and over and over again until she looks like demented. That is definitely in Kizzy's future. I'll give it like 30 years. Yeah. Okay, so we see Nathan showing V stuff and then we go to Kathy and the camera's focused on her butt because it's below deck. They're perfs. and so Aisha is called to the bridge, and she brings Kathy, okay? Meanwhile, Max is like, which one is your favorite, Jill? And he's like, Victoria, but she wouldn't want a man like me anyway because I'm not after a relationship.

30:18I'm like, wow, here you go, already dumping V the second. Yes. You have a chance to jump to something else. God. And also laying the groundwork to say, this is going too fast. It's too fast. And like, oh, she's so committed. She's so into me, and I just don't want anything that serious. I'm going to have to dump her. I'm going to have to dump her. She's cray cray. Oh my God. Look at these crazy women. Can't control their emotions. Yeah. Also, can they not act like they're picking out a Toyota Camry? Like, so which one's your favorite? I like the one with the anti-lock brakes. Oh, but I like the one with the sunroof.

30:52The glove compartment's a bit rattly on that one, bro. I'm not sure about it. But I forgot what I was going to say. But yeah, these guys are gross. Oh, I think he's already working up to use the defense of like, well, I'm sorry your boyfriend's dead, but it's not my fault and you can't treat me like him. I'm not him. Get off of me. You know, like trying to make her, he's going to try and make her look crazy. Like she's trying to transfer the dead boyfriend onto him, you know? And he's also like a little bit doing the Madonna and the whore thing. You know, that concept where someone is like, so is it Madonna and the whore?

31:27Is it like the virgin Madonna? I don't know what it is. but like one person is like actually too special. So you actually don't do anything with them. But then like you go to like the whore and the whore is the one that you'll actually like get all sexual with because they're the whore. You know what I'm saying? So he's, I feel like the more he talks, says like, oh V, you know, she's deep. She has a soul. She's been through things. The more he's actually sort of putting her in a box of like, well, I can't touch her. So he's going to lead her on, but he's not going to do anything with her because she's actually too sacred.

32:01But then he'll like slum it up with Kizzy or whoever. I'm just going to ask. He would have done something with her. It's just something new came in and he knows all the guys want her. So he wants to win. That's what I think. It's called the Madonna horror complex. I just want to say the Madonna horror complex. Of course, my mother would call it the Madonna, Madonna complex.

32:25I remember one time we were in a department store or something when I was a little kid and like a virgin came on and my mom was like covering my ears through the store. She's like, do not listen to it. Do not listen to it. That is just sin. She's like, why are you playing sin in the stores? Is this a family friendly store? Because you are playing a prostitute's music right now. My dad has been dealing with 40 years of an eternal question saying, she doesn't even have a voice. Why is she on the radio? She doesn't even have a voice. She's not hitting the notes. That's my dad. Every time a Madonna song comes on.

32:59Well, it's before auto-tune. Give her a break. I mean, he didn't have a terrible point, honestly. Yeah. Okay. So Captain Sandy's like, okay, well, you know, look, hey, Kathy, got a water cooler for you. Can't wait to hear what you think about 9 to 5 life. Am I right? Anybody inviting Kathy to their birthday party? Didn't think so. Kathy, this is going to be fun. It's going to be like having Norma here on the boat. Okay. So excited for you. So anyway, Aisha's a great leader, okay? And I've been looking at your CV. You are a Chief Stoo. What do you think about that, Aisha? Little competition there.

33:38Oh, I'm just so happy. Chief Stoo, have you been one? and she's like oh my god fuck yeah yes and then her mouth just hangs open for like 10 minutes so captain tinder goes well okay so kathy we'll begin charter today do you have anything to say but i can't believe this can't any man in your age bracket fix anything is your generation letting the fine art of fixing things just die god i love i love when you just speak the truth kathy it's just so fun like you really just nail it um so meanwhile we go back to the other people josh and kizzy and kizzy's like i mean she's a fucking chief steward i feel like my life's about to turn into a living hell i mean she won't want to be in laundry and he's like well at the end of the day she signed up for this and if she doesn't want to do it and there's the door right

34:34we'll remember that josh next time you complain about some about cooking something for some one. Next time you complain about cooking up some Szechuan chicken at 2 a.m. I don't know why I'm coming for Josh. He's right. So then, now it's time for a preference sheet meeting. Okay, okay. Preference sheet. Okay. God, I really want to be on the Kathy side of this, but I gotta stick with the deck crew because it's closer to wind. Okay. So, this is a cool charter, everyone. We've never done anyone like this. It's our first time we're doing a charter with a lady who works a 95 job. Okay, Kathy, come on, pick it up.

35:09Tell us what's going on in your workplace. Kathy, tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, you know, as I always say, three bagels, two bowls of fudge ripple ice cream, 17 Oreos, and a Twinkie. So what? It's not like he'll ever call me again anyway. Harumph. All right. So true. So true. Kathy. Yeah, well, she's really teaching me. She's really teaching. She knows things. She's been out in the world, you know. Okay, well this primary he's enlisted as Joe. He's the CEO and founder of a wealth management company and he's enlisted as personal matchmaker Amy. Amy is well in her field and she really doesn't like other people but she tries real hard for the cameras to put on a smile every now and then so please enjoy that when she does that.

35:57But this is the first time she has ever hosted a single event for a client while they're chartering a yacht. There were six eligible women to join him on this trip with the hopes of finding love. Oh!

36:15Oh, Cathy, do you have something to add to that? It looks like you're raising your hand. Yes, I'd like to say something. My friends all hurry home from work to be with their husbands and they plan every day around spending time with their children. and it just makes me feel like it's time to make some big changes on my own, Mom. And I think I'm finally ready to make a real commitment. And I remember my mom said, oh, sweetie, does that mean you're... And I said, I'm going to get a dog, Mom.

36:45Okay. All right. So now the question is, who's he going to choose out of all these beautiful women? Well, the primary single Joe is coming on with six birds, but I'm the bad guy for only wanting to, you know? Damn. And then we see a split screen of Kizzy and V. They didn't add Kathy yet, which is interesting. Not Kathy. Why would they? They never had me, do they? So back to interior. Kizzy is reading hers. Night two, all the women that are still on the yacht will have dinner together with Joe. And then after the final breakfast, if Joe's made a lasting connection, then he may leave the yacht with his new bought and paid for girlfriend.

37:32Who's he gonna pick? So that's gonna be the whole thing. It's basically just like a mini bachelor happening on this boat and there's with eliminations and all. So basically first they're going to pick up Joe and Amy and then they're gonna go bring in the girls a little bit later. So now it's time to get clean and Kathy's walking around like the crew mess. She's like, hmm, I don't know. this is really driving me crazy. And she goes, just, she just starts cleaning everything like crazy. Yeah. It's just messy. Like in her eyes, she's a perfectionist. And so she is even organizing the pillow at the crew table, which is, is something.

38:08It's like, this is too much for me. I just can't do it. You know? Oh God. Can I just say, I think about how much I love my own time. I love getting to do what I, whatever I want. Me, Kathy. Thank you. That was one of my greatest quotes.

38:30So now everybody's working. Kathy's removing provisions from bins with rubber gloves on. Okay, so she's very careful. And this might also mean that she's committed crimes before. And then the guests arrive and Aisha loves what Kathy is doing. She's like, oh my God, the crew mess looks amazing, Kathy. And Kathy's like, oh, by the way, Kizzy, the roles you did for the towels are wonderful. Just wonderful. I'm so excited to know I'm working with such a knowledgeable human being. She's like, Aisha did it. She goes, oh, of course. Okay. I'll find you something to compliment you about soon. Look at you.

39:10Look at you getting Joe's attention. What a handsome man. Congratulations. You're gorgeous and you deserve it. That's actually V. Oh, all right. Well, I'll keep trying. I'll find something soon. The way that you piled all those rags on the floor in the shape of an amoeba instead of putting them in their own separate bin. Not my choice of how it operates, but I love your artistry. I respect your voice. That one. Yeah, that was me. I know. I know, dear, dear, dear Kizzy. I know. So now we see a Wicked-themed commercial with Ariana Beerman and Meredith and Sutton and Giselle. Well, it's a lot of people on a wicked commercial.

39:53It was a good commercial. It was, I feel like, Bravo's best commercial since the heydays of Summers by Bravo or whatever it was. I mean, I don't know. I miss those Summer by Bravo things. They really need to bring those back. That was great brand building. Why would they stop? That was like the best. That was when they would finally emerge. It was the best. But maybe we can relaunch that. Maybe we can get it to some people's ears at BravoCon this weekend and be like, you know what we really want to bring back? princess long island no summer by bravo that's what we want so amy is telling bachelor joe amy's like the assistant or the no not the assistant the love the love the brothel owner she's the brothel owner and um she's telling bachelor joe that she feels good and she's she's purchased a lot of amazing people to come on this boat and he's just like he has that like old confused look in his face, you know, just like, uh-huh, yeah, I can't wait to meet women.

40:51I hope to find someone worthy of me on this boat. Get out of here with your knockoff Tommy Bahama clothes and your nasty, your greasy nastiness. Your chipped face. And he says at one point that he's 47. He is not 47. I'm turning 47 in three weeks. You are not 47. Your bald spot is 47. Inches. Oh. chocolate chocolate chocolate that man is 60 if he's a day yeah commercials here comes one right now

41:29he's definitely in his 50s which is fine but you know don't lie about it and then also getting everybody in their like early 30s to date it's just guys are just so fucking a 23 year old yeah well to quote fergie to quote to quote the great poet of our time fergie no no no no no no don't lie and then i did a cartwheel everyone people who are not watching i just did a cartwheel um so uh kathy is cleaning and kathy's like i have a question kizzy don't captain sandy so she has she gave me a bath mat so what kind of what kind of towels does she have and kizzy's like um one of the gray ones okay is it a huge gray one or is it a normal size gray one because obviously you've been working on this boat for i guess six episodes of this season and you should know which size towel the captain of the boat has right so which one is it can you tell me because he's like i think the normal size one okay your lack of confidence shows me that you're as inept as I initially thought.

42:34Thank you. Carry on. Well, you're certainly not an abacus, are you? I'm definitely not going to be counting on you. All right. Thank you. Thank you for your time. I don't know what an abacus is. I know, dear. I know. Does that mean I get to kiss Abba? Yeah. So now V and Joe are talking about soccer. And he's like, oh, I played soccer. And she's like, what position? He's like, oh, the forward ass face position. She's like, oh my God, I paid forward ass face too. Isn't that great? Like feeling like you're just so in charge of everything. Like I'm totally on equal footing as you as soccer. And he's like, I can't wait to dump this lady.

43:16I'm dumping out. Look at her hanging all over me with a soccer bragging. God, she's so clingy. She wants to know everything about my childhood with soccer. And then we see like rival goofy photos of them in soccer. It's like, here's Joe looking awkward as a 12-year-old. And here's V looking awkward as a 12-year-old. Who looks more awkward? And then it cuts to Sandy, who's very serious all of a sudden. And she goes, finally, Nathan has an experienced deck team. So he can do his job properly. His test as a bosun starts now. Okay, relax. Okay, Sandy. And now it begins. the great test so then we go to ish on the deck talking to joe and uh she's like have you had a terrible relationship in the past bachelor joe he's like oh yeah you know several of them many of most of them god shit ladies am i right can't live with them can't live without them

44:19so uh then asia is telling us about her worst date she goes the worst date i ever had was this guy that I was sleeping with, he ran me a bath and used dishwashing liquid instead of bubble baths, so I had to wake up the next morning and I'm covered head to toe in a giant rash. So I hope Bachelor Joe has a much better time on a first date on a super yacht in Spain. Poor sweet Alicia, I mean Aisha, that that's her worst date. That's your worst date story? Someone put dishwashing soap in your bath? I mean, seriously, you're too innocent for this world. Kathy just walks by and says, I know too much about life to have any optimism.

45:01Exclamation point.

45:05I'll tell you who my best date is. Myself. Shall I tell you about the guilt-o-meter? So, for instance,

45:17imagine my mom is saying, Yoo-hoo and she has cake And I just say You're welcome The guilty meter

45:30Okay so Bachelor Joe's like Yeah you know you get more particular As you get older About age especially You wanted to be younger I don't really have any kids of mine I mean I do have some kids But it would be nice to go to a high school play And be like that's my girlfriend that right there that's my girlfriend she's like well i guess you get stuck in your ways do you she's like yeah yeah well don't worry you're not the only one with the comb over nathan's right over there if you haven't hit the pond with somebody this is like a christmas carol for nathan it's the ghost of christmas futures joe except Nathan has a much better personality.

46:14So now we go back to laundry and Kizzy tells Kathy that she's like in the laundry doing stuff. And Kathy's like, oh, question. Okay. Do you have the separate bag for the rags? You know, the dirty rags, you know, those disgusting rags you use to clean up things. You don't just throw them on the floor, do you? That's like, I mean, I was just in America and that's something that Americans would do, but you're not from America. So you wouldn't do that, right? She's like, I actually do just throw them on the floor. Oh, oh, you do. Oh, that's so adorable for you. Let's use bags. We'll use bags. And also, do they just wash the rags with the regular clothes?

46:52Is that what she's saying? Because she's saying, do you have separate bags for rags and stuff? I thought she meant like, are you just throwing them in with the regular uniforms and stuff like that? Because that's nasty. I thought she meant like, are you just throwing them on the floor? like when you're done you throw them on the floor and you gather them up and you throw them in the i wasn't totally sure all i did know was that it was her subtle boss bitch british way of saying you're doing it wrong and i loved it so now we go to amy and she's like when the women get here joe i can go talk to them as a group and kind of let them know what to expect you know i'm going to show them a little golden pond i'm going to show them a paul newman salad dressing cover and just say he's not really this hot, but he is this old.

47:35Okay, Thousand Island for the win. And then I'm going to say, okay, girls, come on up. Let's go meet Joe. And then one by one, he has a quick chat. Okay, he's going to have a quick chat with each of them. Okay. It's going to be checking IDs just to make sure they're not over 32. We all, we screened all the women and we asked if he were still alive, would you fuck Richard Mulligan? And they all said yes. So they're approved. They're on the yacht. We said, okay, Richard Mulligan versus Dreyfuss. And they all chose Dreyfuss. They're going to love you. They are absolutely going to love you, Joe. There was one person who said David Leisure.

48:14And we accepted that. We said that was fine. We said, you know, Joe Isuzu is okay. You're extremely popular. There's a woman named Park Overall threatening to blow up the boat if I don't let her on. But I'm going to call her a bluff. I'm not letting her on. I told her she can come on, but she can't actually wear overalls. And she said, that's just my name. And I said, okay, I wasn't sure. You don't have to get hostile. And she said, you don't tell me who's to get hostile with who. So I said, okay, just come on the boat. And you just get rid of her first. Okay, just do me a favor. So now, Decan Joe takes some of V's water.

48:47And he's like, we can share it. Because we're sharing spit anyways. And then Sandy calls people to the bow for the anchor. And now it's bow time. But everybody's kind of running into each other and stuff. and it's looking a little messy. And Max is like, well, I don't know about this V and Joe's flirting. It might be hurting us. So now we go back to The Bachelor. Bachelor Joe, and he's talking to Amy on the deck. And he's like, you know, I come from a long history of not very successful relationships, so I have commitment issues. Oh, really? You wouldn't say. I mean, what part of courting seven people at once says you have commitment issues?

49:26I never would have thought. And Amy's like, well you did put here that you like confidence what do you mean by that um i mean i think it's a pretty straightforward sentence confidence what does confidence mean so he says yeah well i've dated some folks that had some insecurities about themselves you know somehow i get involved with people that need things so in order to weed out the people that need things i decided let me bring them all onto a yacht because they probably want to come onto a yacht because they they need this experience in their life. Well, that's the thing. He's basically saying, you know, I'm rich.

50:03So people are using me for my money. And so I need more confident people. I basically, maybe I need people with money. So I'm going to rent a yacht and get a bunch of desperate people from some dating service slash brothel who won't be using me for my money at all. Okay. Okay, Joe, you're setting yourself up. And I love that he's blaming all the women for just being so insecure around him, Joe. I don't think they're the ones that are insecure. They're not having to pay somebody to bring them people that can't escape him. You know what I mean? Because this is a situation where they can't just leave the first date when they think he's fuggo or gross or smells weird.

50:39They have to stay. So, he's just a gross guy. So, she's like, oh, yeah, Joe, you just taken the stray cats. Well, I've been a stray cat before. Now I'm mama cat and I run all the stray cats. don't damage the cats joe don't damage the cats and then she gets onto a tire and ascends up to the sky so then so then uh joe and max are off to go pick up the guests at the tender and and um uh everyone's talking about the girls are all on the dock talking about oh my god they're gonna be partying sunset buns out or whatever and uh bachelor joe is like do you want to do you want to put a bet on who I'm going to end up with.

51:25And Amy's like, no, I don't. Because I want it to be me. So now the girls, the women get into the tender. And of course, Joe goes, I just have to say something. Y 'all look fantastic, by the way. Y 'all look fantastic. Okay. Can you just like, you were there to pick them up. Could you like not be this cheesy with the guests? It's like borderline offensive. Okay. I mean, it's nice to get a compliment, but like also considering that he then turns and says the same thing to Kizzy in the kitchen. He's like, I just wanted to see. You look fantastic. It's really the Carl Radke. You look great, by the way.

52:00Yeah, you look great. You look great, by the way. So Kizzy is talking to Aisha and she's saying it's the perfect charter for her because I just love love, but now I'm getting on it, you know, and I'm getting on. And so Aisha asks who's in her sights and she's like, all of them. I think V will be upset with me if I get with Joe, so probably Joe. why can't we just share? Why can't we just share? So the women arrive and Amy's like, everyone, these women are part of my service. You can find them at 1-900-AMY girls. And then Aisha's like, oh, this matchmaker's a bit weird, but I'm so excited for the charter.

52:42Who's gonna choose? Who'll it be? Let's fucking do this. I love that she just starts off saying, the matchmaker's weird. Anyway, these girls seem great. the matchmaker is weird there's something fishy about this lady um she seems so miserable she's she seems miserable she is like she every time she has to smile she seems so pained like she hates joe she hates the women and she just you can tell she wants to let out her inner bitch but she doesn't want to be a bitch on tv so she's just like really keeping it all in she's holding it together. She's brass knuckling it. Well, just the whole, how the whole thing works like, okay, Joe, here's, here's a bunch of girls lined up.

53:23Which do you like? Which don't you? All right, let's just get rid of those. You know, it's just so, um, businesslike and weird. It's like a job interview and it's just, it's creepy. I wouldn't like my life either. If, if it was, if it was like this, you know, it was probably a sizzle reel. Yeah. It was, well, it was probably a sizzle reel. She probably had a sizzle reel going with a production company and Bravo was like, we're gonna pass so they said how about we just like put her on the yacht instead so she's probably so upset because she was supposed to have her own tv show instead she's getting like shoehorned into a below deck season yeah so deckhand joe gives them all the all their shoes and he's like oh i've smelled all of them ladies gross and then um amy greets all the ladies and she's like ladies i cannot believe you are all here stretch your backs i know it was rough in those crates now Now, listen, there's a lovely bachelor by lovely.

54:15I mean, yeah, he kind of looks like old yeller in a bad way. If old yeller had lived a little bit longer and not fallen down that well, trying to save Timmy. God, I'm depressing myself, aren't I? Well, he's really old. He farts on accident a lot. Just pretend you don't smell those. He's looking off into the distance. Just tell him, don't go towards the light, Joe. Come back. Come back, Joe, because otherwise we're not going to get his money. OK, now I'd love to introduce you. Here he is shuffling, looking for the bathroom like it's three in the morning. Joe, it's still the daytime. Joe, okay. It's Joseph, everybody.

54:51Now, if he starts talking to you about some little kind of like robot aliens that like are sitting in his tenement, just humor him. Okay. He's really obsessed with batteries not included. So just let him just have that moment. If he looks bored, just ask him if he thinks Steve Guttenberg is gay and or talented. He will not stop talking for at least 15 minutes. He will offer to dive into the community swimming pool and just don't let him do it. Let him know that the aliens never came for him. It's dangerous for him to do it. So one of the girls was like, I'm ready, honey. and Amy says there's love in the air that was chickpea farts I shouldn't have let had I shouldn't have let Joe have chickpeas it's Joseph so they all come up to meet Joe and um they were supposed to go one by one but they tackled Joe and we see their photos and descriptions so we see Anna first she was 2023 Ms.

55:56World which is very important if you're looking for a good relationship okay beauty queens only that's all she needs on her resume is she so anna alimont so how she really was miss world that's shocking i was like because she acts so crazy there's nothing about her that seems like a pageant person in in this episode but i guess but i guess miss world is different than miss universe right i wonder if miss world is a different okay you know what i'm just not gonna go down this path i i'm just gonna stop myself right now yeah it's different there's like Miss County and then Miss City and then Miss State and then Miss, you know, country and then Miss Universe and then Miss Worlds and then Miss Planet and then Miss Interplanetary, Miss Saturn.

56:41Miss World focuses on beauty with a purpose by emphasizing humanitarian work and social impact while Miss Universe celebrates confidently beautiful by highlighting confidence, glamour and global ambassadorship. So, I mean, I should have been able by, By watching the way Anna talked and behaved on this episode, I should have clearly understood that Miss World was about emphasizing humanitarian work and social impact. So that was my bad, everyone. Well, I think, you know, another difference is like Miss World is generally the most fucked because it's the whole world and the whole world is fucked.

57:12So let's just face it. So Anna, yeah, and I'm surprised she was 2023 Miss World too, because she seems vile like as a person. So then we go to Leah. She's a soprano opera singer, which is something I wasn't expecting that, except I was because I saw the previews. And then Alicia is a former champion bodybuilder. And Brooke has a master's degree from Harvard. We don't know what in, but really, she's going up against an opera singer, Ms. World, and a bodybuilder. So at this point, she's just, she's too good to be here. Wait, is Brooke the blonde girl who's like, oh, my God, poodles talk? Is she the one who, I don't remember which one was Brooke.

57:50but um and then there was also mary lee who specializes in red carpet makeup and her face is like her she's like it's like extreme close-up on her face and i was like whoa be careful of this one but actually she wound up being one of the more normal ones turns out yeah i was like red specializes in red carpet makeup and that close-up face i was like red flags all around do the carpet i take it back show up like beige okay so she has the makeup she has the makeup for the actual carpet yeah like hold on everyone don't walk on the carpet yet so now they're going to do their one-on-ones and anna is taking pictures of the caviar and um so basic i mean not like and i say that as someone who takes pictures of caviar anytime i see it i'm like i'm like i'm just saying i'm basic and she's basic we're basic together yeah and well it's just one of those things like look i'm around caviar oh i'm rich that's the thing it's like i take pictures of things that like arrive in front of me that look beautiful but i would never go to a to a like a buffet and if there's a caviar they're like oh i gotta take a picture of the caviar so people know i'm around caviar yeah yeah but that's what they're doing so that's what that's anna's vibes so no i'm with you i'm following you i'm just reading the notes at the same time so josh is kind of looking at kizzy in the kitchen she's like what are you looking at he's like nothing nothing i was just wondering where my fucking tongs were oh smooth smooth buddy all right so now he's getting one-on-one time with ashley and he's like you look amazing and she's like oh my god listen this was a pretty hard first date to top i mean it was crazy i was brought over here with my wrists tied with a bunch of girls I really didn't know.

59:38And then I was brought on a little dinghy over to this big boat with an elderly person and a lady taking pictures of eggs. This is terrifying. Would you let me off this boat? And then we see Amy talking to the other women and she goes, guys, let me tell you about Joe. He is a great guy. Okay. He's a finance guy. He's 47 and he's definitely 47. Don't even need to fact check it. So don't do it. And he already has two kids. Um, he would love to have more kids. He just wants to have, he just wants to have a lot of babies. So that way he's not the only bald one in the household. Okay. And Anna goes, ew.

1:00:17He's like, listen, it's not only about being bald. He also doesn't want to be the only infirm one in the, in the household. Anna she's like, Oh, gross. And he goes, but he's all about chemistry. So things are negotiable. Like, thank you for highlighting that. Cause imagine if he was like, you know what? I don't care about chemistry. I don't care if there's chemistry. Just find me a lady. So now Kathy's downstairs mumbling about herself and she's like, oh, I suppose some things don't need to be washed then because things here just are not washed. And then she's vacuuming the washers and the dryers.

1:00:53There's too much dust on these. Vacuum the washers. Vacuum the dryers. Vacuum, vacuum, vacuum, vacuum. Vacuum, vacuum vacuum when life gives you lemons squirt someone in the eye eh so now she's moving stuff on the counters and everything's gleaming and cartoon gleams you know and she's wearing her little rubber gloves and it's like snow white has just passed all the everything's gleaming and gorgeous so then isha runs into sammy sandy sammy hey sammy he's like i can't stop making out with the women guys um so captain sandy's like what's it like up there it's good we've got them hanging out there i'm taking them one by one and they keep going up to him and saying santa claus when did you lose so much weight oh god and then we see nathan and uh joe they're talking about it and nathan's like how do you reckon the dating's going he's like oh well when you have money you can do anything yeah that's the way i probably would do it too would you he's like yeah oh like them light them up, fly them in Nathan, you realize you had a supermodel hanging off of your arm for the past year and you're still fantasizing on ways that you could pick out the creme de la creme of the dating pool you realize you had something and you probably messed it up I don't know if this is the creme de la creme I don't think the creme de la creme but he's fantasizing if only he had money he could just fly in the women and make his choices It's like you already had someone really hot and nice.

1:02:27Yeah. Send me a plumber any day. You know what I mean? She needs all this. Just send me a man, man who knows how to do something. Yeah. Ladies are mingling. Uh, Anna is like, Oh my God, I want to take a photo. And so she like, she keeps doing this pose on the boat where she like leans back and puts her like hand on her forehead and then closes her eyes. And she's like, Oh, girls love having a pose that they do all the time i mean my niece does it she does this thing she does a cup she has like three that she goes through one is this where she puts her hand under her chin like this and smiles like really big she does it she's got like hundreds of pictures like that and then my favorite one that she does is where she stands straight with her hands on her hips and then she looks behind her she's like oh yeah that's the picture why are you taking the picture.

1:03:16I don't want to see the back of your head. What are you doing that for? She's not... I think that's like a Gen Z thing. A Gen Z thing, I think, gets to kind of obscure your face a little bit. There's also a thing that I see Gen Zers do where they'll take a picture, but they'll have their hand in front of their face a little bit. You can't see it all. It's a mystery. You want to see more. Blocking or going like this or a hand or a cup or something. There's also the Gen Z selfie. you know about the gen z selfie no what's the gen z selfie let me look the gen z self i'll describe it what you do is you take your phone and you if it's an iphone you put it on the 0.5 lens so it's the wide angle you know but you don't do it you don't do it like you don't you're not aiming it towards yourself like you're not you don't have the face forward camera you do like the normal cameras if you were taking a picture of like food or a landscape and then you turn the phone around and you hold it out in front of you and you aim the lens at your face and you just have to become really good at knowing which way it's looking.

1:04:24It's kind of like how we had to do selfies back before we had front facing cameras. And so you do this wide angle, phone flipped around picture of yourself. And I've tried it a few times and I look crazy when I do it, but that's the way the kids are doing it. That's what they're doing. I'll try to do one right now. See if I can do it. Okay. I want to see you do it. Okay. Let me try. My, my office is messy right now. Everyone, you're gonna see a messy background. I apologize ahead of time. Okay. So I have it. It's, it's on the 0.5. Okay. So I'm going to try to take it. Okay. Okay. It's on point.

1:05:01Oh no, it's not on point five. Now it's on 0.5. I'm going to turn it around and then use the side buttons.

1:05:09okay what did it so this is how this is how it turned out but what happens is do you see yeah sorry people who are listening this is not compelling let me show it let me show it to bueller and see what he says okay but what it does is it makes my head look tiny and my torso look enormous yeah that's a weird yeah that's a weird one yeah i see what you're saying they also like doing it really close to the face, but from above. So it looks like your head is giant and then the rest of your face is tiny. It's really weird, the things that they do. It actually completely distorts your body. And it actually looks crazier than you can imagine.

1:05:48Okay, I'm going to ask Bueller what he thinks. That's what Bueller thinks of yourself. It's the Bueller cam. Okay, so let's get back to it. So now Bachelor Joe is talking to Leah and she's like, I'm an opera singer. I just sang for President Trump and he's like badass I know I love him so for anyone who is wondering who is performing at the Kennedy Center these days keep an eye out for Leah the one and only performer and now the one lady production of Les Mis starring Leah as all the roles she's like running around the stage

1:06:30there in the darkness

1:06:35is because they can't sell any tickets this is hey leah are you comfortable doing little shop because that will require you to climb in and out of that plant i'll do anything

1:06:52get back in the plant leah i'm getting there i'm getting there oh so now um let's see sandy's just loving this speed dating and then we go to bachelor joe talking to alicia and he's like you know my phone knows i go to sleep so it tells me it's time to go to bed and she's like oh my god you are speaking my language why are we awake right now

1:07:20um i love when i love that he acts like the phone divined that it's like you enter it in your settings when you like to go to sleep and then the phone gives you like you say like the health setting right you say how many hours you want to get per night and then like it calculates when your alarm is and then it says it's time for bedtime he's like wow it just like knows me I turn that shit off immediately I turn all those things off the phone it's like time to stand up and breathe how about it's time to fucking sit down and die stupid fucking phone tell me what to do yeah until you can start dollars for you for you to tell me to breathe the fuck out of here was that stupid yeah stupid mother fucking phone.

1:07:59So yeah, he goes to sleep at 930. He's like, yeah, my phone knows I like mushed up food. Will you mush up this food for me? It's caviar. Mush it up. Hold on. Can I take a picture of it before you mush it up? So then Joe's talking to Marilee and he's like, I'd like to go to Brazil. Oh, I have to invite you to go to Brazil. Brazil would have everything. Like if you want to go to the beach, we have the beach. If you want the mountains, you have the mountains. Really? You don't say Marilee. You mean this giant fucking country of Brazil has a beach and a mountain? Oh, we have everything. You want to see a tree?

1:08:32We got trees in Brazil. Have you ever heard of sand? We have sand. It's like the country has everything. So now Josh and the boys are talking in the galley, and they're talking to Kizzy. And he's like, so, Kizzy, when are you up? And it's your turn to go talk to old man Joe. And she's like, I'm up next. They're like, don't be a tramp, Kizzy. And she goes, oh, you're going to get fucking smacked, mate. So now we go back to him with Anna and she's like, oh, this is my first time in Barcelona, unfortunately. And she looks really uncomfortable and he goes, isn't it amazing here in Barcelona? And she goes, um, yes, but it unfortunately can't compare to Saint-Tropez.

1:09:13She thinks she's doing some sort of flex and he's like, you know, I'm the one who chartered this yacht. Like it's impressed me that you mentioned Saint-Tropez. He's like, I am paying for your trip. and now you're saying it's not good enough so enjoy your old people in Central Bay because that's who you're going to be stuck with okay because this senior is not putting up with you after 9.29pm ma 'am I know my phone is telling me it's time to go to sleep so he's not into her so now Kizzy and Kathy are separating laundry and Kathy's like so this laundry this is Joe's laundry and Kizzy's like yeah he's so beautiful to me.

1:09:53He's mine. He's mine. Kathy's like, beautiful, isn't he? Has anyone else hooked up yet? And Kizzy's like, well, V and Joe did and they're getting quite close. I think she's kind of like, he's mine. Like, jealous bitch, be careful. Get too close. He'll get a stiletto in the eye if you know what I'm talking about. Watch out. Meanwhile, V and Joe were outside flirting. She's like, oh my God, this is wet. And he's like, oh, really? who isn't and she's like that's hilarious joe so then asia is asking one of the ladies how it went and she liked him fine and everyone's like well yeah i guess he seems nice right and then anna's over there like making gross faces yeah um deck team's getting the toys out and the um is like yeah they're not even using anything and then um they're just doing some like some administrative of stuff and max uh max has to go down like nathan sends matt downs and then which leaves nathan and joe to hang out on deck and just have more fun so this is where nathan nathan i'm sorry this is where max tells us his tragic backstory he's like nathan like me on day shifts in the beginning and then like his best friend come and they changed everything like i'm feeling bad and i understand that it's because i don't speak with my parents anymore and like we have real bad relationship and all this love that I lost, I was like finding in friendship because I was like having connection with people and what I couldn't find with people I found with jellyfish.

1:11:23But I don't know, I just, I get emotional. I am so emotional every time you walk in the room. Oh no, but it's good. It's okay. I'll be good. I'll be strong. Yeah, he really stretched that out into something. I mean, he's like, I hurt. My feelings are hurt because my parents. Wow. We really blame them for everything, don't we? I blame my parents for everything. So generally, I'm in that. I like that. But this is a little bit of a stretch. You also could just be hurt by being demoted on the friendship ladder. I think just the simple act of it is enough. You don't even have to bring the parents into it.

1:12:02If you say, oh, the two of us, we're like the buddies and we're running things. and now his friend came in and now I'm just kind of like the run to the litter and I'm sent to do overnights while they get to play and have fun and I'm left out. Like that's enough to make me feel bad for you. You don't even have to bring in the parents. Yeah, you don't need it. And I feel like that's kind of a modern thing, right? It's like, if you don't like something, you can't just have an opinion anymore. It's like, well, my opinion matters because this is how I'm a victim, you know? No, your opinion matters even if you're not a victim.

1:12:29Like you still have the right to have your feelings hurt. I agree. You don't have to be like, I have parental trauma. Who cares? Get over it. You're old. like just just say you're pissed well you know what uh at this point then kathy comes upstairs and goes the story of a mother's life trapped between a scream and a hug i don't understand you'll see it someday in the paper oh so now um joe is going down to the mess and complimenting victoria and flirting with victoria and it's annoying watching him because we've already heard him say things like well she won't be in a relationship with me anyway so we know that he's getting ready to lily pad away from her and um he's still flirting with her really hard to make the fall harder for her which is really annoying and he's like v you're really an asset to the team and it's just like oh jesus because she hears it and she knows exactly what he's doing right hello there this is a two-part recap Okay, this is the end of part one.

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