#3076 RHOC S19E19 Part One: Golf Clapback

0:20Hello and welcome to Watch Watch Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hey, Ronnie, how's it going? Hello there. How are we? We are doing just great and BravoCon is in full, full swing right now. Anyone who's watching us, the crap is on demand. I'm like, wow, you really, your hotel rooms look just like your homes. That's because we're recording this ahead of time. But I'm sure we're having a great time, a great Friday morning here in Vegas. just a reminder if you are at BravoCon be sure to come by on Saturday because we are having a party we're having a party at Beer Park and it's in the Paris Casino it's at 10pm so once all the scheduling is done for the day all the official scheduling of the weekend of Saturday is done you got nothing to do come on over and hang out with us we're going to have a really fun time so join us for that and And on Sunday, we are moderating the Next Gen New York City panel.

1:29So come join us and just say hi. We love meeting everyone. So really excited for that. And aside from that, I mean, it's another week of Bravo comes to a conclusion with a pretty intense Orange County reunion. Ronnie, what say you? Hi. Hi. Oh, what do I say to you about the reunion? um lots of did i not say hi to you at the top of the episode you did i'm not being sarcastic i just had that moment of like uh-oh i have to talk now you know whenever you did the intro i get to zone out and check emails and you know see what see what i'm doing over here so then when you're like ronnie talk now i'm like uh i was like did i just county orange county did i just like launch into the spiel without saying hi to you i was like of course you said hi come on that i called me handsome all that good stuff yeah i just you know i'll check some emails okay um orange county well let's see emily's hair is still big and emily still made me more for you how can you have a show with tamra gina gretchen and i'm still the most annoyed with emily how is that i was like shut up no one's talking to you no one's talking to you you're a dork that's just kelly dodd from the grave.

2:51Well, yeah. I mean, that's basically Emily, right? It's just a lower Kelly Dodd. Uh, I don't know why. I don't know why you'd be, um, annoyed with Emily. Is it because she was bragging about how, uh, she's doing reverse cowgirl on Shane Simpson? Oh my God. Just giddy out of here. Giddy out. new police

3:17new hip so let's get into it reunion part two everyone is still as orange as ever girl I mean these people look crazy I just felt sorry for them all over again you know maybe they're doing that because by now the audience is kind of frustrated with the ladies especially with that finale where it's like all this transphobia and homophobia and we've got all this going on and getting rid of Katie and the audience is, you know, rightfully a little bit fed up. And maybe they're just like, let's just make them look as terrible as possible. And maybe look, make them all look like they have a fever. Just make a red set, make them all look red or orange, and maybe they'll get some pity.

3:56It is not working. No, it's really not. I, everyone looks crazy. This is one of the most aesthetically discordant reunions they've ever had. just like the color palette, the lighting. We said it last week, but it really needs to be emphasized yet again this week. It just looks crazy. But we start off with Andy, who's in the middle of Tamara and Gretchen are fighting still. And Andy's like, hey, but you know, Tamara, don't you also bring dirt up on people? Well, what have I brought up recently? Aside from the fact that Gretchen's been a bitch ever since she's been two years old. Yeah, but 15 years ago, Tamara, you brought up lies about me then.

4:36So there. And she's like, me and Vicka, we both walked in, and Gina Keogh saw you too, and you were on Blank's lap, and we saw you make that with him. You're such a fucking liar. You're a liar. You're a liar. You're a liar. You're a liar. You're such a liar. You're a liar. You're a liar. For so long. You've been coming after me for so long. You've been going after my husband. You've been going after me. You've been going after my kids. Even the V invincible one. I don't talk about you. I don't do nothing to you. Oh, you don't talk about me. He's saying you don't talk about her. You liar. And he's like, and then Tamara just like, she has this like, tear on her cheek.

5:23She's like, I'm gonna wipe this away dramatically because I've been victimized by Gretchen Rossi from four different presidential administrations on my history book at this point. It is so bad. And Andy's like, well, we have more to get into with Sam and Gretchen later on. I want to move on. Okay, you know, I still do a wonky eye to Andy. Did you notice Andy's wonky eye is gone? What happened? Where'd it go? How'd you do that? I have a wonky eye. How do I get rid of mine? Actually, maybe mine is gone, too. Let me look at mine. Do I still have a wonky eye? Maybe mine is gone, too. Well, you had that star.

6:02and maybe like getting rid of the star got rid of the wonk i have a little i got one that's like a little hangs a little lower you know really a little wonk yeah just a little bit lower it's got like i'm trying to you know the tissue is a little bit bigger there oh well his is gone and i think it's because he finally started getting botox and i recently got some boats although you wouldn't know look how much my face moves look how it moves i've never done it well you don't have to I just do it to make an effort. Well, I got it that way. I can join in on the incessant conversations that happen all the time about Botox.

6:34Everyone talks about Botox. And I'm like, I just sit there. Oh yeah, all you Botox people talk about it all the time. Well, it's like you and the fucking no carb people. It's like, I haven't eaten carbs. Oh my God, I haven't eaten carbs. Oh my God, I miss carbs. I miss carbs too. I've had carbs since before presidential administration. See, it's good news. Carbs been told nothing to do. Well, I'm back on my carbs. I had a bagel today. So the carbs are back. They're back, baby. Just like Reggie Rossi. You can't even say carbs to a no-carb person. Because look how you, like I say carbs. Yes, I had carbs.

7:08I had bagels today. Here's what I had yesterday. Here's my food list. I haven't had some. I'm sorry that I spent. I had some straight up sugar on carbs. I'm sorry I spent a month of our podcasting tenure talking about carbs. One month of our, listen, no, we're both guilty of it. It's just at different times, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And I, I had my keto era to remember my keto era that went from October. That was actually several months. And that was, I was a monster during then. I hated keto. Keto was the worst thing of all time. Do you remember that time we were doing a live, we were doing a tour, we were on tour and you were like so upset because you were doing keto.

7:46It was ruining your life. I felt bad. It was like a ghost. It was like one of those guys. It was like insidious, but the thing that was insidious wasn't even like a little scary doll. It was the keto diet. And it was really tormenting you. You were having nightmares. And then you showed up to one of our shows wearing a little suit that was ice cream, ice cream cones. And I was like, how can you do that when you're on keto? I would eat the suit. I would eat the suit. It was a shirt with ice cream cones. Didn't it have matching pants? In my mind, you had shirts. No. It feels like it would have a matching pant.

8:16I think I just wore white pants. I remember that I loved that shirt. And I instantly outgrew it once I finished keto. keto was great until i got my first cholesterol uh test afterwards and it like you know i don't even know how my arteries are alive after that i just remember i saw that shirt and it was like my favorite thing and i was like ben i love your shirt i was like damn keto

8:49Anyway, the point is, it's time for one of the most exciting segments of the episode. Jen being a ding dong and wanting to get married in a white bikini, everybody. Let's welcome the Jen segment. I thought, you know, I like Jen okay, even though she's extremely problematic. I guess like all of them. But I mean, I still have hope in my heart that Jen's a nice person. even though I don't believe one thing she says in this reunion. But I don't need a Jen segment. Some housewives, it's okay to be like, you know what, Jen, you're great. You're fine. You're not as problematic as everybody else, but you don't get your own segment.

9:25Nobody cares. Yeah, there's a lot of Jen this episode. So rumors that she clipped in Tamra's old hair extensions combined with the circulation of a so-called fatty photo left their friendship on ice. But could these single white frenemies take solid steps towards rebuilding their friendship. I'm surprised they didn't get mad that they were, they're actually, neither of them are single. But yeah, Jen's segment, here it is. I can't be the only one when he said fatty photo who went, fatty photo, fatty photo. Fatty photo. For my fatty, fatty. For my fatty, fatty. But I too, sorry. My bad. I just get so mad sometimes.

10:11So, by the way, I want to clarify also, when I said the thing about Botox, I have no problem with Botox. I'm just saying I feel left out because I don't get to talk about Botox. Are you offended that frozen-faced people are going to come for you? Well, I feel like I started talking about Botox, and then the conversation became about carbs. And I wanted to just put a bow on that because I felt like I came in hot on Botox. and I was being facetious, but I just am left out. So I'm just saying, I stand there. I turned it on you because we're watching OC and I've learned. But while everyone's talking about Botox all over the place, I stand there and then I have to wait for my opening to be like, guys, who likes board games?

10:54Am I right? And no one cares. Hey, guys, you know what's worse than Botox? Not having any carbs. Should I bring a board game to Vegas? Do you think it's not being a fucking board? Well, we're not sharing a room. You can do whatever you want. I mean, I'll come play. You know, my dream has always been to play Catan with Real Housewives. Like that's. I dare you. Who do you think? Do it. I'll come to your room. I would do Angie. Angie would just collect sheep. This is like old Greece. I will trade you for your sheep. I'm going to make feta cheese. Like Angie. I bought Greece. It's like, that's not for sale.

11:28And Angie, you cannot trade. You just can't keep hoarding all those sheep. I'm making feta though isn't that the point of Catan? Okay, so well it seems like you and Tamra got along in Amsterdam, Jen. Where do you stand now? They're like, hate the bitch. Yeah, I don't like her. I still don't like her, Andy. Yeah, she's stupid. Yeah, I don't know Andy. I'm right here by the way. What do you mean? Oh, you said where do I stand? I'm standing right here, and I'm actually sitting. Okay, very literal, but so you don't talk. You don't talk to her. No, we don't talk. It's hard for me to navigate you, Tamara, and I don't know what version I'm gonna get of you I actually feel like you don't like me and that's okay.

12:07No, that's not you. I actually really like you a lot I'm actually really like you too much, which is why I make my your life hell And I'm a people pleaser, Andy. Yeah, so I just think that fighting for this friendship, you know I'm fighting and this friendship that never was, you know what I mean? And I'd just like to say thank you, Tamara. Thank you so much for that friendship that never was. Thank you. Thank you so much You were fine for friendship. You were fine for friendship. You were fine for friendship. No, no, well, I was, and I guess I wasn't. And at this point, I was just over it, you know.

12:37There are things I just don't understand, like how anyone would take a photo in their fatty state and then keep it around. I mean, why would you keep a photo like that around? You're just really hell-bent on making sure I'm, you know, people know I'm not who I portray myself to be. And you say, oh, you'll find out. She lies. She's not kind. And that's so mean of you. But also, I appreciate that you communicate with people. So thank you so much for letting people know. Thank you. You know what? It's because everything, everything that we feel, y 'all was poking at me. Poke, poke, poke. And when Heather was over and we were talking about you and I said I felt like you singled me up because you wanted to get on the show.

13:14You started it. Jen never did anything to you. What are you talking about? The only thing Jen ever did to you was stand up to you when you were fucking with her all last season and you still can't get over it, Tamara. Stop acting like Jen has been doing anything to you. Every time Jen shows up, she's like, hello, Tamara. Hi, are we friends now? Tamara, I just want to trust you. I want to trust this, Tamara. She's like, yeah, we're friends. And she's like, okay, thanks, Tamara. She's like, hand me a finger. Hand me a finger. Look at this little. She's like, oh, Tamara, I'm electrocuted. She's like, just stupid.

13:45Yeah, Tamara brought Jen onto the show. And then Jen's freshman season, Tamara made her life hell and tried to keep get everyone talking about Ryan cheating and a dick pic and Heather Amin and all this bullshit and now she's like well what's the crime with wanting to be on the show I mean come on you know when she was coming on the show I remember asking you about her and you said she's great Well we weren't on bad terms And Andy That's back when I really liked single white females Okay I used to lock the hands Andy Until I learned Until I learned how they can stalk you And Gina's like Yeah well she never struck me as someone Who was like thirsty for the show

14:36Okay Someone stop her Come on finish the show You're taking too long Okay I got anxious It was just a chain of events that happened. This is what I heard. You bought the house a couple of dollars down from me. Who else? No, no, no. No, we never lived on the same street. I never bought a house near you. No, I didn't. That's not true. Oh, really? Yeah, your house? Well, okay. Well, it's the last time I checked. Your house was in America, was it not? Guess where I live. America. Stucker. Also in North America, too. You're in America and also in North America and California, too. How many places are you going to follow me to?

15:16Oh, really? So you're just going to live on the West Coast knowing that I live on the West Coast? Wow, thanks a lot. I guess I should be flattered. And I like that they're doxing each other because Tamara's like, well, you live by me in Simon's house. And Jen's like, well, where did you live? Point Circle. I never lived on Point Circle. You were a Becker. You were 2223 to Dancing Avenue. Well, just because I love the show doesn't mean I actually live on the show. That's so wrong. I moved to Sam Malone Street right after. Get off my ass I had a condo on the Naked Truth That's a cul-de-sac She's like, fork you Fork you, Tamara Okay Hey So Tamara's like, well, all of a sudden You were going to my doctor You were going to the same hair salon You were going to my local bar And everyone was going, Norm And I was like, she's not even Norm, what's wrong with you?

16:13Then I went to your house one time and you gave everybody a lemon in their drink. When did you get that lemon? The grocery store? Exactly. Point proven. Point proven. Consider Michelle Long here to follow your shit. Okay, bitch? Did you know that one time she found a baby and she took care of the baby with Tom's hair like a Steve Goodenberg? How disgusting is she? Kittenberg. Kittenberg out of all people. I can't see. So Tamara is, first Tamara tries, is you tried to buy a house right by me and Simon. You haven't been married to Simon in quite a long time, ma 'am. She was like, what are you talking about?

16:50You weren't even with Simon. You didn't even live there. She was, yeah, but still, I used to live there. Okay, so you think she's trying to buy a... She lived close to where you once lived, so that's a stalker thing. And then she says, you were going to my doctor. Who's your doctor? I don't know. Whoever they are, I won't call them a miracle worker. I'll tell you that. And then you were at the same hair salon, which is terrifying. Who would go to Tamara's hair salon on purpose? She looks like she's there to scare crows away from corn. And then she's, oh, sorry. The number of hair people that circulate throughout these Real Housewives is like innumerable.

17:28So it's like not crazy to have overlap with your hair people. Yes. So then her final thing is like, oh, yeah. Well, then you came to my gym and you wanted to do a fitness competition just like I did. And she goes, you invited me to do the fitness competition. What are you talking about? You were a normal girl who had a gym a mile away from my yoga studio, and I was looking to train, and I loved your husband. That's it. She's like, oh, okay. Sometimes I have to do a gym. Then you come to a gym, and that's not stalking me. Okay. Why don't you boil the bunny clean clothes? Just boil the bunny. Guess what, Andy?

18:03She goes to the same Starbucks. I got you. Crazy. It's time for a commercial It's time for a Crappens commercial

18:17Well, um, Francis from McDormand wants to know Do you want to put your partner in a wood chipper? Gretchen, do you find a parallel in how Tamra is jealous of Jen's looks Compared to how she was jealous of you when you first came on the show? And Tamra's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, I've never been jealous of you either one who wants to look like john benet mamsey who gretchen's like um it's not just me it's me it's jen it's lizzie pause to so so we can put lizzie up on the screen no okay and i've heard her say a lot of times in the press she just wants my life she wants my life that's all she says well why are you talking like me you have the same voice as me today that can't help it i'm around you too much i can't modulate between my voice and your voice right now

19:02I have to point out this Lizzie thing. So Lizzie is like Gretchen. Lizzie's one of those. I mean, Gretchen was on longer. But Lizzie's one of those who's always hanging around the sides. You'll always see Lizzie at the housewives parties. Like she always finds a way to be friends with whoever is on Housewives. She's like Gretchen that way. So Gretchen and Lizzie hang out. And I know all of this just from seeing Instagram posts. So they've been hanging out for years. They're old buddies. They've been trying to get back on this show for years. Now, the reason I bring this up is because recently Tamara had some posts and Lizzie was on there and she was like, love you, Tamara.

19:36You look so beautiful. You look great. I can't. So I think Tamara has gone so far even to take Lizzie from Gretchen to like team up with her. Against Gretchen on the next. They're all trying so hard to get back on this show. It's really funny. So good luck, Lizzie. I wouldn't mind another season of Lizzie, actually. Would you? Yeah, I thought Lizzie was okay. I think she just sort of had a boring final season. But she wasn't the worst. She wasn't the worst. She stood up to the camera, remember? Yeah, I think there have been some pretty good mid-pack Orange County people who have come through. Well, thanks for mentioning me, man.

20:17It's me, Elizabeth Vargas, back for tour. Unbelievable. Undeniable. Unbelievable.

20:27It's Bravo called and I'm here to say you can list my house any day. That's me, Elizabeth Vargas. Just here to give a little truth. I was in a cult. A cult, I tell ya. Look for me doing my one-woman show on the rollercoaster atop Circo Circus. Or I guess the Stratosphere. Whatever, I'll be there. Sally Kirkland died. Did you know that? I had to say. No. I love her brand of things at Costco. I used to see her all the time at the diner. At the diner I used to go to and Sally Kirkland. Sally Kirkland and Robert Forster were always there at the same diner. And Robert Forster would always sit in the corner and Sally Kirkland would come in.

21:11R.I.P. I was like, I just haven't announced a celebrity death in so long. And they keep on dying during her show. And I said, you know what? That's it. Sally Kirkland, she's getting on to the show. So you say this one. You're like, you know what? Ronnie B. Damned. I will bring up a death in the middle of a fun hour. We didn't do Sally Kellerman, but we sure as hell are going to do Sally Kirkland. Yeah, and I actually know Sally Kellerman personally, and that was very upsetting to me, that the one celebrity that you don't admit that dies during our podcast is one of my dear, dear friends. We were in Maine together at the Jupiter Theater in Florida.

21:45It's where she introduced me to her friend, John Travolta, who took a private plane to see us. That's right. John Travolta right there in the front seat. Oh, Johnny, how far we've fallen, eh? Wow. I'm sure Gresham's friends in Orange County have a lot to say about that guy, huh?

22:06I remember back then, 18 years old. I remember going to John Travolta. I said, nice to meet you, Johnny. Have you ever heard of Eddie, Eddie Judge? You know each other? You know what I'm saying? We had any sword fights, Johnny? John Travolta? You really met John Travolta back then? Yeah, he was her friend. So he came to see her in Maine. And everybody was all freaking out that John Travolta was coming to the Jupiter Theater. And they had asked him what he wanted to eat because it's a dinner theater. And, you know, he would have had the salmon like everybody else. But unfortunately, they gave him the offer.

22:39And he chose a hamburger, which they didn't serve. And the whole place freaked out trying to get this man a hamburger. I've never seen so many service workers go crazy. They were like, a hamburger? How are we going to get him a hamburger? What are we going to do? The whole theater went nuts and he got his hamburger and never knew. I always thought, you know, this guy's probably just picking the easiest thing because he doesn't want to seem too fancy. So he's just like, just give me a burger. Like, I don't care. Like, a burger? We're only two blocks from a Publix. Whatever will we do? Oh, God. There must be someone in this burger who can make a burger.

23:12Hey, that was wordplay. Well, that's, I never knew that. That's amazing. Or maybe you said, I don't know. I'm sure someone's listening to the podcast. I was like, Ronnie mentioned that on April 13th of 2012, but I had forgotten. So that's cool. Well, anyway. Very handsome man back in the day. Good Lord. Those eyes. Was that before Pulp Fiction? I'm smiling. Yeah, it was right after that. Pulp Fiction. We had all gone to see Pulp Fiction together. So that was out that year. And that's also when Pret-a-Porter was on. That had just come out too, which was Sally Kellerman's kind of big return. So it was a big time for them.

23:49It was a huge year for them. It was a good year for those two. Okay, Ben, take it away. I won't tell any more Sally Kellerman story. I could have fallen in love with Johnny, though, although that went downhill quickly. Let's just pretend it's the John's Revolt of the past. Excuse me, this is a Sally Kirkland moment, and we're still just getting over the Diane Ladd moment that we just had. Yeah, well, Sally Kirkland and Diane Ladd didn't know you. Okay, do more dinner theater if you want any attention on this podcast. The Sally Kirkland, Diane Ladd, Diane Keaton, Sally Kellerman, thing is a real it's a real doozy two two dianes two sallies don't like it um but we you know what i do like orange county so uh gretchen is saying sorry gretchen's accusing tamra of being jealous of all the pretty girls and she destroys everyone's life who is pretty and tamas like i don't do that i don't talk about you and she's like well you go on you go on your podcast and you have things to And she's like, but I don't talk about you, Gretchen.

24:51What part of my episode dedicated to you and Slade said I was actually talking about you? I wasn't talking about you. I was just talking about how Slade doesn't like to pay child support for his cancer child. And Addie's like, well, by the way, I would also argue with the two of you. I feel like you're both asked about the other person in interviews and stuff. I mean, come on. That's what we do. And Tamara's like, I do not get asked about Gretchen. Yes, you do. Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom soon So is this going to be wrapping up anytime soon? No? Okay, that's fine Well, over from the Oh, sorry, I wasn't finished Please say that again, I'd like to hear it I said I was doing something wacky on the sofa Woohoo, holding in the pee Well, little orphan Shani We think you're going to like it here, okay Now, over from the boulder holder says, Heather, how did you think Tamara had no ill intent in showing off Jen's photo?

25:50It seems obvious it was a fatty photo. Come on. Oh, Andy, if you had been there, it was a long evening where many things were talked about, including Teddy and what was going on with her and Wendy Malick being a forever bitch, things like that. There were traumatic conversations that were had and in the middle of it, she just was like oh jen wants to be me and oh god there was a litany andy just a litany and then just like cuts to like the gretchen couch and you just see jen emily and gretchen just staring like what the fuck is that is that a new cast member litany litany heather's like i didn't mean anything by it you had to be there look i saw that photo of jen and i thought now there's a woman who will wear emily's jeans

26:49she could win an oscar with how big she got for that photo so jen is like jim's like well you used my hair extensions and jen's like i didn't use your hair extensions and he goes i think it was established that's lawyer speak that it was a joke and she put them in there temporarily case dismissed now who wants to do reverse cowgirl shane and his camera so full of it she knew that they already they already did this and she's still like you stole my hair you stole my hair oh my god tamra you move your hair too much cornstops starts popping out of it no one wants her hair tamra she was like the velociraptors you know how like they had to keep like the the uh the the cage electrified at all moments because the velociraptors are always testing it to see if there's like a weakness and then um because you know it was based on real science gets and uh that's what tamra's doing she's just gonna always like test that electric fence to see is today the day the power went out can i escape today so she's gonna be like you take my you put my hair in your head she's like for the 10th time i did not she's like damn didn't work today try again tomorrow oh yeah you won't lie to me hey stealer everybody wants my hair andy you're like no one stole your hair tamra calm down okay well in the realm of this conversation.

28:04I wasn't going to say Tamra. That's not okay. Because that, that conversation was not germane to what the bigger conversation was. And you cut to the other couch. It's like, who's germane? Is germane Jackson on the show? Can I meet him? Uh, and was like, is germane Jackson on the show? And, um, I'm sorry. Um, what was, uh, Oh, sorry. I thought there was another big word in there. What'd you say? Germane. I think the other big word was conversation um so emily is like okay lawyer speaking what your honor what was your real intent with the photo just that jen had changed i mean we have all changed for crying out loud yeah you have all changed i love seeing what bravo does to people look at you guys i could bounce you off a garage door and have a great after school game i'll tell you what bravo doesn't do for people is provide a toilet because I have to pee very badly.

29:06And I just want to say before I just make an accident in front of everyone that, uh, Tamara, when you, when we were in Temecula, you said it was shady to bring up the photo. You did say that. Yeah, well, it was. It was shady. Hey, look, I, look, I didn't even look great in that picture. I was being shady to myself, but I was mainly being shady. But when I said I was being shady to myself, I'm also saying I'm being shady to Jen because she basically is me. Copycat. Yeah, basically, I didn't look good in that photo either, but it was mostly because I was standing in front of the shadow that big fatty Jen was casting all over me.

29:36That was the point. She was showing me the photo in that context, Andy. There, I knew I could get to it. So the point was, overall, Tamara was babbling so much, I zoned out and she mentioned it at that point, and I just wasn't listening or paying attention because I was trying to get ready for my cap rate with Richard Marks. Did you all watch? did you see me singing with Richard Marks? Anyone? Did you? You watched that, of course. Of course I did. She sounded great, actually. For a real housewife? For a real housewife, yeah. What was it? Like, I've got money. No, what'd she say? I ain't got no money.

30:17She's like, that's a joke. What song was she singing? I don't know. In my mind, it was Lady and the Tramp. Yeah, no, it was Lady and the Tramp. Da-da-da-da-da. I think when it comes to Bravo Cabaret, you know, we started Countess Luann and then from there we go to Ashley, Ashley Darby. So like when Heather comes around and she hits 75 % of her notes, I'm like, wow, let me hand her the Grammy now. Yeah, that's true. And I even sing a song like that with like musicality, you know, from a time where that mattered. but um yeah back in the day when i was in the rat pack oh johnny johnny travolta get over here on my lap let's tell some rat pack stories i'm just a gigolo and everywhere i go people have something to say about me thank you that's why the lady is germane

31:26Thank you Alfredo, welcome back Been waiting all day

31:34Savannah from NeverSmiles says Why do you think Tambra can't stop talking shit about you Even after Ryan cease and desist Oh yeah, she talks about me more than I talked about him That's for sure. That's for sure. Well, outside of the photo, was there more issues between the two of you? Well, I mean, Tamara said that she had an affair. It was horrifying. It was terrible. I need the toilet. And Tamara's like, what? It happened in your old yoga studio with an instructor. With an instructor. No, Tamara, that's not true. That's why I can't do this with you. Just be honest. Be honest, Tamara. It was the rumor I heard about it.

32:17I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of it. I had an affair on Will with Ryan, but I didn't have an affair with any man at my yoga studio. It was just Ryan. And, I mean, well, I mean, to be fair, we had sex in the parking lot, and I guess technically that was my yoga studio, but, like, really, at that point, it's a little bit of a gray area. Well, okay, I got no proof that you had an affair with somebody on Ryan outside the yoga studio, whatever, so I shouldn't have said that. I regret saying that Jen is the biggest love face who has affairs all the time. Tamara, Tamara, I think your go-to is if you're gonna say something like, I'm gonna throw something and see if it sticks.

32:52And it just gets scary when you do that because then we don't delve into deep things with you because, like, what if you get mad and take some bullshit and throw it at us? Like, what if you're, like, you know, truth's about us. Oh, come on. You're just saying that because you once robbed a bank when you're 18 and you had the record sealed. See, that's exactly what I'm telling you about talking about. Okay, you're right. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said the chance to bank rob. It's time. That reminds me. I need to have you have a meal with Wendy Malick. So that way you out her secrets.

33:26See what I'm doing. See, everyone, that was a callback. It was a callback, but it was a reference to, it was, I'm really dying out here, Alfredo. I'm going to need you to pay attention. He's unfortunately in the bathroom, and it's exactly the worst timing that I could ever imagine for myself. I actually said I have to go to the bathroom, so Alfredo offered to go for me. He should be back any moment. Hopefully he's wiping. Oh, he just flushed. He just flushed.

33:55Oh, yeah, well, you're okay with Gretchen. How come you're okay with Gretchen, but you're not with me? But Gretchen's never done anything like that to me. Yet. Yet. Okay, Tamara. So are you admitting that if Gretchen did that, it would also be terrible? You're terrible. Why don't you just admit it? Tamara's so ridiculous. Just stop with the tears, my God. So does Jen have a wedding date yet? And no, she doesn't. What's the rush? She doesn't really care. She's just doing this for the cameras. Y 'all ain't going to pay for it. And so then Gretchen's like, yeah, I mean, there's no rush to get married.

34:26I've been engaged 16 years. You've been avoiding paying child support for a cancer victim for 16 years is what your lame ass has been doing, Gretchen. Stop acting like you're living some love story. I think Jen is being really smart. I'm proud of it. They have a great relationship. And the fact that she's taking it slow and thinking about things, about wanting her children to be there and not rushing it is really smart. Which is Emily's way of saying this is really good because the longer she waits, the sooner Ryan's true colors will come out and she'll realize she never should have gotten married to this guy in the first place.

34:57And just hearing it from Emily, like Emily's so kind, I was so happy that they showed the clips because it was so good. Because Andy's like, well, that's a big deal because you were so hard on her and the way she was handling her finances. And then we cut to the clip of Emily being like, you are so dumb you don't even know how to walk around without carrying diamonds everywhere when you owe people money pay money back dumb bitch like emily was rotten to the core to this woman just fucking terrible and it just reminded me you know every season i'm like when are they going to get rid of emily she is so rotten to whoever she's being rotten to she's been rotten to everybody she's just a nasty nasty person but you know unlike tamra emily knows how to rein it in when it's important so she can try and get on back on people's good sides again yeah i think emily has some upside but um yeah i've this was that she sucks emily sucks there is no i agree she sucks no i'm saying that like there's moments when when like you said she can reign it in for like a second and like they're there's always these flashes where i'm like i could see a world someday where i could like emily but it's tough it's real tough so she's like yeah i just i'm like so proud of her and he's like well you were pretty tough on her last year yeah and thank you so much for calling me very stupid and shaming me when i was at my lowest point when i had no money that i really thought that meant like a lot to me yeah i think she's taking some of that to heart and i think that she just thinks more about things now i'm just so proud of her that she does push-ups on her Instagram and it's just her doing push-ups.

36:34Gosh, they could have me just fix everyone's social media at this point. Mommy, make them. You're welcome, grasshopper. I really liked how they showed this clip of Emily being absolutely fucking vile. She's like, yeah, I think she learned from that. So I really just helped her. You know, that's me. Good old helpful Emily calling you a dumb bitch until you get it in order. Jen then goes, And guys, I just want to announce that if something happens to me, me and my kids are going to be just fine. and they all clap. They're like, yay, Jen. I've saved$35 in my account. They're already used to sleeping in parking lots.

37:09How worse can it be? They're going to be, she's like, we'll be fine. You know, we will be fine. We have learned to take, we've learned how to take salt out of ocean water. The kids are going to be fine. Don't worry, everybody. Don't worry. I figured out cold fusion, so we're going to be okay. All right, Jen in Amsterdam. You're worried if you, would be enough for Ryan. As you get older, did you really say ColdFusion? You really should publicize that more. Yeah, I did. I figured it out. Have you told... Have you told the government? No, I don't trust them. Okay. Well, Gina, you mentioned that Ryan over-sexualizes Jen.

37:48Do you feel like the way Ryan sexy talks about Jen is the reason Jen may feel like she's not enough? Oh, yeah. I just think that, like, Jen was, like, in her marriage, and, like, Jen spent like a lot of time serving others and like jen is like having a moment where she's like truly trying to figure out who she is and i think that like jen when it comes down to a lot of insecurities i do think that like ryan is like going to do i think that he's gonna like leave you like when you don't look that way no i don't think so he'll leave you before then so i think it's like has nothing to do with that yeah well i'll tell you this i've never had a best friend as a partner i mean this is just so great you know i've never had someone spend so much time with me and touch me and love me and I think wow does this end are we gonna be able to do this forever will we will he always be able to touch me and love me oh yeah I've been with Shane for 17 years and his hands are all over me all the time me too 29 years which I guess is significantly longer than you so I guess if you're gonna one-up Jen I'll just one-up you I'll pretend I'm in the penthouse and I'm saying one floor up from Emily Simpson which is a joke because it'd be probably about 34 floors up.

38:58Anyway, Reverse Cowgirl with Terry Dubrow. Talk about a hot time, right, America? Oh, thanks a lot, because now Shane asks for that all the time. Sorry, but you know what? You do at least get to turn around and face the television.

39:15Well, glad to see you made it back from the bathroom, Alfredo. Keep your finger on the button.

39:23You guys don't understand what the joy is to do reverse cowgirl on Terry Dubrow while watching old episodes of Suits. Talk about a hot time, right? That wasn't a joke. I was sharing. I was sharing my experience. This is important to me. This is important. Suits is important. I need to see the television show that I was not cast in. No, I'm trying to do comedy now. Fine. I'll just go back to missionary. Back to missionary with Terry Dubrow. Oh, now I say something funny and you stop laughing. Great. Great. That was really salient, you guys. That was really salient.

40:20right now.

40:25So while everyone purges the vision of Heather Dubrow doing reverse cowgirl on Terry Dubrow, while she also watches TV, and he's like, before Christmas porn. I know she's like watching, you know, my lottery dream home. Do me. Do me. I was watching House Hunters the other day for Dwell Hello. and on the bottom of the screen, because it was on YouTube TV, my lottery dream home guy came on. And he was just like the pop-up on the screen, you know, that comes up. And he's wearing like a bright pink fluffy thing with pink sunglasses being pulled down. And he's going like, I was like, please, why do I need this?

41:02I'm like, fucking dwell hello. Leave me alone. He is really turning into like the flash version of the Abyss Monster. So Jen is like, Jen is like the T1, T2000 or whatever it is. Jen is like you know Ryan and I met with Will and it was weird just in case anyone wants to know how things are going with Will it was weird but Will sat there and he owned everything which is funny because he owns nothing but can you imagine doing that in front of Ryan having to say apologies to a guy who has paint on his denim it's humbling well does he appreciate the role that Ryan's taken and she's like yeah he thanked him for taking care of the kids he really did he thanked him oh wow So Gina, why did you express in Amsterdam that you felt that Jen and Shannon have a fake friendship?

41:51She's like, okay, maybe that was a little harsh, but I was getting mixed messaging. Like when I was with John, you'd say like, I don't want that. But then you'd tiptoe around Shannon and I didn't get that. Gina, I wish she knew, Gina, Gina, Gina, Gina. I wish Gina would just show up with the backbone instead of showing up and pretending everything she said was nothing and she never meant anything and she's just so sorry it's like a show up with a pair you know grow some heels everything everything she's in trouble for this season instead of standing behind it and just having an argument she's like yeah that was harsh i shouldn't have done that because like i support all women and that's what this is about well i said i don't want any traditional bridal stuff and just it just makes me nervous so but when i learned that it was already planned there's no way i'm gonna go to my friend and say like undo everything you did and then when i watched it back and shannon what you did and what you said oh what me who what me i barely it was it was nothing it was just you know five thousand dollars but like you know when you're unlimited um it was nothing i you listen i mean i mean would it have hurt maybe a little bit less if i hadn't paid 75 000 to john jansen yes but let's not talk about the five thousand dollars that i spent on my friendship i was just so so embarrassed that they even included me talking about money i mean that was disgusting that's five thousand dollars i spent 20 times that is a hundred thousand dollars i spent it was so embarrassing i wish i hadn't mentioned that oh and and and to think that they got the wrong flowers and the wrong the wrong the wrong type of glassware it's just it's just mortifying when you spent five thousand dollars on a friend like that oh no you don't don't look at me i didn't you're You're not supposed to know how much I spent at the$5 ,000 that I spent.

43:43But I don't deserve that, Shannon. I don't. Of course you do. Of course you deserve someone who's single and on their own and has no children anymore to spend all of their life savings on your party. Of course you do. Let's not talk about the price. It was expensive. I'm just a friend who does things out of the kindness of my own heart. Does anyone need Sloan Kettering? Anyone? That's like my card I really love to play. Sloan Kettering, everyone. Sloan Kettering. And do you feel like your friendship with Shannon is one-sided? And Gina's like, no, no, I really do Like, even though I got so old, like, I feel like I can say things to Shannon And then, like, I do say things to Shannon Yeah, we know you can, because you're fucking rude to her every time And she's like, well, when you said, I worry about you, that really hurt my feelings You know, if you're so worried, you would call me or check in I mean, who knows someone who's an alcoholic and just leaves them there to rot No offense, Dad, did I say that?

44:37Well, anyway. Tamara, you just cannot stop, but bring him up. You said that, bitch, because she's drunk again. She's drunk. Drunky, say what? What? What? Drunky now. Drunky now. Look around the room alarmed. What? What? What? Yeah, Drunky. Well, I will tell you who I'm accountable for. Myself. And that's what's important. And I'm continuing to improve my martini, said myself. That's all that matters. Yeah, that's a, that's a fan. I apologize for that. No, it's not good, Gina. Oh, oh, Gina. Oh, do I hold any grudges? No. Heather, in regards to your friendship with Gina, do you think Gina has a double standard by accusing you of not always supporting her and then making light of your work to get back into Comdeck and answer that for you?

45:29Yes, hell yes, it's a big double standard, but feel free to answer in your own words. Well, what bothered me was we're both putting ourselves back in the world in some capacity in our careers. She's selling one bedrooms to seniors. I'm, I don't know, taking over television, beaming myself into living rooms far and wide, reminding people that there are better options than just Wendy Malick. But, you know, Gina, thank you. I was telling Nancy Travis the other day. I was saying, it's so great to work in comedy again. What are you working on, Nancy? And then I let the silence linger for a while while she tried to remember what it was like to work.

46:12I have a lot of Travis heads here today. Well, you know what? I have to speak my truth. The truth is she's no Andy McDowell. That's for sure. No Andy McDowell. Okay. Why did the Nancy Travis cross the road? to get to the curly hair that Andy McDowell has. That's the real stalker, Tamara. That's the real stalker.

46:37Alfredo, get in here right now. Alfredo. Thank you. Okay, well, Heather. By the way, Heather, I just wanted to say, it's not like everybody criticized you. I didn't say, ooh, Heather, they're criticizing your career. I just said they were surprised you were doing comedy. Shannon, that is not true, ma 'am. You sat down and you're like, well, so all the other girls are saying that you're doing comedy and they seem very, oh, they said it like this.

47:07What? Excuse me. My turn. Still me. I'm discussing why this is very important to me. What about me getting very angry in this moment says that I am not a comic actress? Please tell me. Okay. This was my era. because like I was short-sighted like I did not make the connection between what we were having a light-hearted laugh about you with your career and I'm sorry about that and I feel I appreciate that but doubling down in your interview excuse me excuse me do not draw out your bed while I am talking it's my turn still me my turn comic actress turn comic actress time the sign says on the air and that is for the comedians.

47:57I am just telling you that every time I talk about my career, specifically the comedy career over the years on the show, someone says something and makes me not want to open up about it. Emily, can you ask Andy if we can go to the bathroom? He apparently doesn't listen to me. And you told me you wanted to be a comedy writer, Gina. How about that? And my knee-jerk reaction to that was that's so cool. I love your choosing a profession in a dying industry. I have to go to the bathroom. The comedy writers are not getting paid anything. They're so poor they have to go on strike. Great choice for you.

48:34You could write a skit about the old people writing in on their rascals to look at the studio apartments you're selling them. I love that for you. Can't breathe. Can't breathe. Choking on my own pee. Can I go pee? Please. Excuse me. This is very important to me. Andy, why are you not paying attention to what I'm talking about? Well, I'm just trying to say, I mean, listen, she's already peeing on one couch. We don't need another couch peeing on. That was me, Andy. Okay, sorry. It's a lot of this cast has peed on couches before. Okay, we care, Heather. She's like, it is important. This is important to me.

49:11Okay, this is extremely, extremely. Okay, okay. You know what? I've had it with you people. Can we just stop for a second and say Gina wants to be a comedy writer Did I hear that wrong? She said that right? Oh my god But And then all the stuff That they kept interjecting here When she's like oh my god I think it's like Jermaine to say That like I never meant stuff like that About you and like maybe that wasn't nice But like I know you're a really good actor And then it keeps cutting to Gina What she was really saying She's like, oh, my God, who told her she was funny? Like the salespeople at the Bergdorf's, am I right?

49:53And then it cuts back to Gina being like, no, Heather, I got nothing for respect for you and your career. Then it cuts to her like, yeah, she was in sitcoms like 20 years ago, like I was too. Like what's the deal with muffin tops? Am I right? They're the best part of the muffin while we have the bottom part. Okay, now you're doing Seinfeld. Okay, well, sorry, I've got to do my audition. Okay, well, you know, you doubled down And it hurt me So, Andy's like Well, I would like to say that she is the only person in this group Has been on many, many, many sitcoms Okay, Malibu country aside, Gretchen You know Heather's like Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha That's funny, Andy That's funny Which reminds me, it's time for my annual call where I leave a vicious voicemail for that casting director.

50:45If you ever considered Gretchen Rossi over me, television's Heather Dubrow again, it will cost you a lot. Well, I just want to say, I've got to go to the bathroom right now. Thank you. Thank you, audience. Thank you very much for your warmth. I wasn't even expecting. Thank you. Oh, those flowers. Thank you. This is what you're talking about. Thank you. Yes, I'll be back. I'll be back. We're just taking a... Now I know. Look, I'm falling. I'm falling. I'll be back. I'll be back. Wait, Andy, I just have a question. I received a text message from someone named Drake who said that he loved my bit.

51:30Oh, now you're really doing it, Shannon. So we come back from commercial, and Shannon's like, wow, I wish they could have fixed my hair. Well, you're lucky that Jen didn't steal it. And we're back. When it came to extracurricular activities, the OC proved to be as well-rounded as the oranges they hold. Now let's watch a segment of fun and games. So it's basically, I'm going to fall over. Well, I'm going to get onto a horse. Bicycling. Wow. Wacky, wacky, wacky. Here I am. I'm America's sweetheart. I just got off of Love Hotel and now I'm following all over the place. There's that slut on the beach.

52:11Woo, I'm fun. Fun, Shannon. Happy. I just, I just came from a lymphatic drainage machine. All right. Well, this quote unquote fun and games segment. Can you tell me what's the purpose of a lymphatic drainage massage? It just sounds like an excuse for an orgasm. Did you have one, Emily? No, but I would have if I'd stayed longer. later on though I pulled the turkey sandwich out of my bag and I rolled that around on myself and I came like a rocket ship Andy thank you thank you everybody thank you unacceptable I'll be here all week a new low so Andy is like well three billboards in Missouri wants to know what was with Gretchen's Tomb Raider outfit fit and fake bridge.

53:06Oh, I love a theme. I just think it makes it fun and campy, which is exactly what you're going for in a self-defense class. Yeah. So they talk about her one telling everybody they had to show up serious because it was a very serious scene. And then she showed up like Laura Croft and then like did carjacking jokes on people. Fucking weirdo. Emily's trying to explain why this is so funny. And she's cracking up and I'm like, I wasn't offended or anything. I just was like, I, it was a, you had to be there moment. She's like, Oh, well, it was so silly. You guys, you guys, you guys. Well, it was so silly.

53:41Is that like, she kept on being like, this is serious. And like, you gotta take this serious. It was like a really important thing. But then we got there and she's dressed like Lara Croft. Like, huh, huh, huh. It was hilarious. And Gretchen's like, ha, ha, ha. I'm like, you guys are really entertained by yourselves. Anyway, let's joke about our inside jokes again. Yeah. So they talk about how strong Jen is. And they all learned that she's very dense and nobody makes a joke. And then, let's see. Olive from Kitteridge wants to know what Shane thought when he saw you at the Abbey having the ride of your life.

54:16And she's like, I was a victim of triump, okay? And then they show multiple clips of Emily riding every stripper that comes into town, which is kind of funny. So we talk about strippers and cock rings. And Heather's like, I have never seen a cock ring before. Wow. Wow. So they ask Andy what a cock ring is for. I actually don't know either. Do you? I thought it was to keep guys hard. But Andy said it's to make your wiener look bigger. I always assumed it was to make people cringe during gay porn and turn it off. Because that's usually my reaction. I think it's like a telltale of age. You know, it's like an age signifier.

54:57I always thought it was to keep boners. Oh, cock ring. I was thinking, you know what, the entire time I was thinking a prince, what do you call it? You know, I was thinking the piercing. I wasn't thinking cock ring. Oh, well, okay. I'm going to leave you with your boner. Could you imagine? I saw a cock ring and I'm going to cringe and turn off the gay porn. No, it's the piercing at the tip. Prince Albert or something. Oh, no, like a cock ring, like ding dong. You know, the rocks come to your door and they're like, ding dong, we're selling cookies. that changes this this uh changes everything because really in my mind those strippers pulled out their dicks and there was a piercing and heather de bros saw it up close in person was like if you ever show me that but cock ring is my oh yeah yeah yeah i thought cock ring is i think to keep the blood in the dick so that way you stay hard right isn't it like strippers use strippers need to use it because they're up there dancing for hours i don't know i mean if i want make my dick look bigger i just carry around like a really tiny um representation of a dick you know just like a cornichon or something and i just when someone looks down there i just hold it next to it i'm like look at look at the giant next to that that's like a little car like a little car and like a little diner like whoa hello there this is a two-part recap okay this is the end of part one so thank you so much for listening to this uh just come back a little later for part two Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors.

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