#30780 Below Deck Med S10E07: The Moldin’ Bachelor

0:21Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is the hilarious and lovely and beautiful Ronnie Karim. Hi, Ronnie. Well, hello. How are you, honey pie? Doing just great. Just great. Today, we are here to talk about Below Deck Med. Don't forget, we have a wonderful and beautiful Patreon community that you should certainly be part of to get the full Crabbins experience. Go to patreon.com slash watch what crapens and we do a weekly bonus episode we do crapens on demand where you can actually watch us not just listen it's a whole thing it's great there's a discord community get involved be part of it be active do all those things or don't it's your choice we won't get mad at you either way thanks everyone who came to crappy hour earlier this week we had a great time talking breaking it all down with the two judgy girls talking about BravoCon.

1:25That episode is up. So if you want to hear everything that happened at BravoCon over the weekend, well, or everything that we could cram into an hour at least, go check that out. We had so much fun with that. Also, we did an Amazon Live. So you can check those out and we'll do another one. We normally do them every other week, but we are doing two back-to-back weeks this time. So the next Amazon Live will be this coming Monday. So that's all that. That's all that. Let's get into some below deck Mediterranean. What say you, Rondal Karam? What say you? Let's do it. This is season 10, episode eight.

1:58It's called French Kiss. Dun, dun, dun. There's a new girl in town and she's feeling good. And her name is Kathy. And she's not going to let anybody wreck her good time. Not even a lady named Kizzy. Poor Kizzy broke up with her boyfriend because she thought she'd get all the men on the boat. And now Kathy has come in to possibly wreck her dreams. So what will Kizzy do? She'll go straight for a man she didn't have any interest in in the first place just to get one over on Kathy. Ain't them the brakes, kids. That is correct. Well, we're also in the middle of this funky charter that's basically The Bachelor, except it's happening on a boat.

2:40and um he we have bachelor joe who is kind of like a like funhouse mirror version of chip from chip and joanna and he's talking to this girl anna who is a monster and totally vapid and a pathological liar i've decided and he's like hey having fun so far she's like yeah it's been a blast i took some good photos i got some great content yeah for the next time i go to san tropez on a helicopter, take the helicopter from Dallas to San Tropez the whole way. Yeah, it totally happened. Yeah. Now we go to the galley where Kizzy and Josh are. And Kizzy's like, oh, only six now. Josh's like, yeah, it would be amazing if we could do this every time and just get rid of guests as the charter goes on.

3:25Just get rid of gluten-free every time. It would be a lovely, lovely turn of events. So then we see people cleaning and cooking and doing all that stuff. And Kathy is asking if there are coasters. and Kizzy's like, no. And Kathy's horrified because Kathy is like a chief stew. And how have these people never heard of coasters? Well, my favorite part was then we cut to Kathy and she goes, coasters, coasters, coasters, acc. I love that. So now Asha is talking about The View and Joe comes up and she's like, this charter, we've got a bachelor, a matchmaker, a handful of bitchlorettes. I just love romance.

4:08I love watching romance. I've got me popcorn. It's like her huge popcorn. She's watching it. And then Joe, deckhand Joe, we have to make a, we have to make a, a, a differentiation between bachelor Joe and deckhand Joe, because we have two fuck boys named Joe, but they have different stations on this boat. One is wealthy and in control. and one is a poor and just has to sweep. So Dykan Joe is hanging out with Nathan. He's like, oh, this time it's affected me, you know? It's affected me. And Nathan's like, what has affected you? Well, it's impossible for someone like me, you know, to like someone that much after four days.

4:52It's impossible. I didn't even give it massive gain. It's like, I haven't even kissed her. Is he saying that he likes, is he saying that he likes V after four days, he likes her so much and that's impossible to like someone that much for four days or is he saying wow she likes me so much yeah he's saying she likes him too much yeah he's like oh this girl's so into me he's like oh god i just can't help it it's just me it's just natural i'm not even trying and i've already got this girl in love with me and what am i gonna do with this girl because you know she's hurt she's a hurt girl like he sees the new girl come on he's like i'm gonna go for that now how do i dump this other loser so he's like well i can't be with her because her boyfriend died and And so she's going to need too much from me.

5:33And I just can't do it. I can't do it. He's doing this whole thing of like, well, she's so into me. And after just four days, that's like too much. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Am I right? Women, aren't they always like this? It's like, oh God, it's just amazing how they do this time and time again on all these shows. It's so predictable. You know, the moment that they, well, he's afraid that he's also going to look like a dick. Because he knows he's, when he says I'm going to hurt her, that's an admission that he has no interest in doing anything serious. Uh, not that she wants to do anything serious, but he knows he's going to like ultimately just have sex with her and move on to the next one.

6:07And he doesn't want to get shit for it again, especially since she has trauma in her, in her, in her history. And so he's trying to make her seem like she's the crazy one for falling for him. When he was the one who came on this boat and started flirting with her endlessly, endlessly, and then he's going to act like she went crazy. No, sir. We've gotten your, our, our eyes on you. Yeah. He says, I'm not here for hurting anyone. And I think she'll get hurt cause she's got a situation. him a boyfriend dying isn't a situation for crying like for crying out loud the way you don't hurt someone is by not hurting them he's like he's like i'm not here to hurt someone but i think she'll get hurt no how about we rephrase it into what you really mean to say is i'm not here to hurt someone but i think i will hurt her not she'll get hurt she is not the one who's i'm like really on one all of a sudden we're only 30 seconds into this recap and i'm already pissed off Yeah, so he's like, well, you know, she's just something I'm used to that's playful and all for doing anything.

7:03And then there's Victoria. Well, that's Kizzy I was talking about. And then there's Victoria, dead boyfriend, dead boyfriend Victoria. You know, I love that about her. But I just don't want to hurt this girl, especially after what she's went through with that boyfriend. So I'm just in my head. I'm just in my head about anything, everything. Hold on, let me put my teeth together and smile. I know. he's pretending like he's actually thinking this through a lot and that he's like he's he's caught and he's trying to do the good thing he's trying to cast himself in this light of being this good guy who's in over his head it's like no you just want to stick your your dinkle into someone's i think it's i think that's why these mediocre men are always on below deck because i think mid men put themselves in situations where they're your only choice on purpose so they can feel like this because let's face it in a normal world no one cares what this loser's doing like no one's going to be fighting over this guy you know it's the last ice cream in the freezer you know we're all going to fight over it and that's all it is so he's going to work on boats as long as he fucking can below deck mid that's him right there so nathan basically well then then he says i just need to communicate more and stop being a wee bitch and nathan's like i've never seen you do this before, you know, I've never seen that.

8:21So Sandy's like, okay, everyone, it's time to leave the dock. Okay, okay, so we're going to leave the dock. It's going to be exciting, and maybe some people could talk about how the table looks good for dinner. Oh, good, Aisha, you're already doing that. Aisha loves the way the table looks, and now we're undocking, and guess what? We undocked without any issues. God, what a great charter. Where's Captain Kerry when you need him? All right, we're coming out of docking. Everybody could die if we don't pass that without had an inch of its loss. It could go down. We could all lose a limb. Mothers, children, no one's getting off this boat.

8:56All right, we did it. We did it. Everyone calm down now. Calm down. But Sandy's like, yep, hey, guess what? Guys, we're going to undock. Okay, we undocked. I'm going back to watch wind. Okay? So Nathan says, at the beginning of the season, I felt like I couldn't even be a bosun because I was working as a deckhand, picking up all the slack from the crew. Let's show some greatest hits from those two dum-dums who left. We see Christian and Tessa. And Tessa's like, how do you use a bow? What's this for? And then he's like, but now I trust my team. And I can relax a bit in my mind a little bit. And I'll enjoy this as long as it lasts.

9:31So then Joe, right after his, I don't want to hurt her. We see Joe going up to V and he's like, oh, you're just doing so fast. Fantastic on the deck. We all love you there. You're doing such a good job. What a woman. I've always wanted my wife to do good on the deck and you're doing it. God, I can't wait to impregnate you. Impregnate you with that little baby Sammy. It'll come out, take care of all the railings every day. God, I hope she doesn't love me. I don't know why she's falling for me so much. She's acting like we have a whole future together. Where did she get that idea from? Yeah, so we go to Amy the Madam talking to Bachelor Joe.

10:07And she's like, are you having so much fun? Your eyes don't seem to be focusing and they're slightly watery. And he's like, oh, I'm doing great. He's having fun. So she's like, yeah, well, thank God we're getting a different view. I was really getting sick of that view on the doc. Yeah. And then Alicia's, this girl Alicia really likes him. She's like, I have a really good vibe with him. I think I really like him a lot. I love the way that he kind of looks like the head chicken in Chicken Run. Like, I feel like that's great. It means that he has initiative. He's going to like get us somewhere. So then Bachelor Joe is saying, you know, they all have great, they all have different personalities and they're all great.

10:42You know, I love them. They're all so interesting. And then we cut to Anna saying, what do I think of when I see him? It's just like low net worth alert. Am I right, guys? I'm just here for content.

10:57So then we go to Josh, who's getting ready for dinner. And he's like, I want my food to be the star of the show, but I'm happy for this charter. You know, I'm happy for it to take a back seat because what's more delicious than taking a bite out of love? Wow Yeah And he says As a hopeless romantic myself I'm going to aid in creating A romantic atmosphere With the menu I've got to brush up On my aphrodisiacs I'm like please don't I don't want to see Bachelor Joe With a boner Walking around this deck Okay Just serve some potatoes And steak And we'll be fine So they start taking Platinum's on They keep showing him In that clown makeup And think it's hilarious It's just so cringe Please stop Just leave me alone With this Leave me alone With the chef No don't leave me alone With that I mean, just leave me alone.

11:45I know. X him out of my life is what I'm asking. Cut the chef, please. So now Joe is sitting with the ladies, and they're at this, like, red table. Everything looks very Valentine's-y. And Ashley is doing, like, one of them asks, like, if any of them have done 23andMe. And Ashley's like, oh, my God, that's like a never have I ever questioned. That's hilarious. this. So Amy says, okay, well, now that you brought it up, I do kind of have some pre-written questions, everyone. We're going to play a little bit of a game. Lisa Rinna style. Okay, I'm sure America's going to love this. Okay, everyone's got a question.

12:22Read a question, guys. Okay, never have I ever gotten a lap dance. Oh my God, somebody's drinking. Never have I ever been kidnapped from a mall in a small town. Today some old person on a boat. Oh my God, we're all drinking. Oh my God. never ever ever had my mother kidnapped and um then been blackmailed that i'll only get her head back in a box if i date some old man on a boat never have i ever never have i ever auditioned to be on the new vanderpump rules but then somehow wound up on this strange dating sub show on below deck oh my god that's just me drinking okay never have i ever thought i was going to be the new vanna white except the vanna white refuses to retire which leaves me as a whore on a boat

13:09so they're all doing this it's funny they're joking and again um anna is a compulsive liar because there's they're like everything they do she drinks too it's like never have i ever been part of a donkey show in tijuana and she's like i'll drink to that i'm like anna you have not done that i'm telling you this right now you have not done that yeah and they have like the mile high club questions and then someone's like what's the mile high club and joe says yeah it's where you have some crazy sex on an airplane at 35 000 feet and merrily is like that's disgusting that's hot gross yeah she's like that's nasty and i was like yeah it's hot i've done it yeah back when peanut allergies were still a thing even yeah i'm a rebel i'm anna yeah fuck yeah I did it on the Concord last year.

14:02And so he's like, I guess it depends on what you're playing, right? So then they serve more food. And now Kizzy and Kathy are folding towels. But can I ask you a question? Have you ever heard gazpacho presented this way? Okay, so for a starter, we've got gazpacho with pesto, flour, basil, and some marinated heirloom tomatoes. Flour? Did he mean flour like? Maybe an edible flour. I don't think that you're going to have flour, like F-L-O-U-R and a gazpacho, right? I don't think so That's a weird seasoning unless it's like his way of talking about bread so what we have here is we've got aged and cooked flour we like to call that bread and some basil, because there is bread in a lot of gazpacho but I agree flour, it's a strange choice So Kizzy and Kathy are folding towels And Kizzy's like Oh I wonder if it's going to be like the bachelor And the last night he'll say Would you like to come to my bed And Kathy's like stop it We'll have to you know what just in case Kizzy goes lay out some condoms She goes no I was going to say Lay out various petals But that's okay You slut And Kizzy's like I'm condoms So they're still playing games And talking drinking uh up at the dinner table and ashley this woman ashley's saying oh never have i ever stood a date up and they all are like drinking and stuff and and then josh brings some more food as lobster and chicken and then uh never have i ever turned my underwear inside out so i don't have to wash it what sort of questions are these amy are you really how are you how is this going to be productive to finding someone their girlfriend these are not helpful questions and how does that work anyway you turn your underwear inside out how does that help because isn't that just going to make both sides of your underwear smell like ass i don't get it yeah it's like i think that people do but i don't think it's helpful yeah i don't think that's helpful double ass in it so then uh who's i've never ever i ever kissed a friend's ex and anna's like donkey show Mexico.

16:15I was like, damn. I know. And then she goes, and then she's like, donkey show Mexico, gone to jail. It's like, hey, don't hate the player. Hate the game. What are you even talking about? That doesn't even apply to the situation. So Amy goes, wow, you are just so fascinating. Yogurt parfait with white chocolate, basil, ganache. I want everything to have basil in it. Tonight, everyone. on Beza for the fascinating moment with Joe. Here it is. I'm telling you right now, if you ever serve me a yogurt parfait on a fucking super yacht, you're going overboard. That is a lot of nerve to serve a fucking yogurt parfait on a super yacht.

16:57What are you talking about? Well, it's like there was an episode of Barefoot Contessa once where someone won some sort of like auction or silent auction to have lunch with Ina Garten, Alec Baldwin, and Mariska Hargitay. And they made that an episode. And so she's like, here's what I'm going to make for our, for our auction winner. And she made them a trifle. And it was, I'm like, it was, she made lobster mac and cheese and a trifle. It's like someone probably paid thousands of dollars for this opportunity. And you're making them a parfait. Essentially. You're putting whipped cream and raspberries in a glass for thousands of dollars.

17:32Come on, Ina Garten. I love you, but you got to step it up. You got to make Betty's chocolate cake or something. Yeah. Don't parfait me. so then we go over to Kathy it's bedtime so Kathy wants a hug from Asha before bed and Kizzy sees and she's like um she's the golden girl right now and that's fine she can have that I mean I don't know why am I crying right now why am I crying right now I just want to be the best so then Max and uh he's he's Max is out on like the bow or somewhere he's at some part of the boat outside and he's He's getting, I think, Joe. He's trying to hypnotize Joe. He's like, okay.

18:12So what you need to do is breathe in. And then, okay, breathe out. You go to a deeper state of relaxation. Okay. How's it feel? You feel good, Joe? Does it feel good? Sandy's watching this from her area of the bridge. And she's like, what the hell's going on down there? What is going on? It's like, oh, it's a ball of energy. Okay. Okay, now. Oh, gosh. He wants to watch wind now. I can see it in his eyes. I can see it in his eyes. Lock the bridge. Lock the bridge. Okay. Now, anytime you hear the word chamois, you will do a small dance. You've been hypnotized. So, Joe's like, that felt really good.

18:53Oh, God. You know, things are getting a little sloppy right now. Ever since Joe got on board, I feel like they're more interested in having fun than doing the job. Okay? And now is where I really want to see Nathan elevating as a leader, not just going back. Okay? So with that being said, I'm going in my cabin. I got to watch the season finale of Wind. It's supposed to be a good one. Oh, my God. So Amy takes Bachelor Joe outside to talk. And she's like, okay, well, we have the opportunity for two special dates tomorrow. So let's focus on the two you are the most interested in. And he's like, fair, fair.

19:27Yeah, that's fair. Fair. Okay, well, let's take Alicia. And he goes, well, we seem to have a lot of interests and traits. Okay. Marilee, Marielle. And he's like, well, I mean, she's funny and genuinely nice, but Ashley was lovely. And I had a genuine, she had a genuine interest in getting to know me. You know, she asked me where I bought my hair. That was really sweet. She asked me what I was looking at, why my eyes wouldn't focus. I thought that was kind. You know, she handed me a tissue to wipe the tears out of my eyes. I didn't even know I was crying. Where are we? What's my name? okay and tell me about anna anna what about anna and he says uh like oh yeah she's just been you know she's been her own unique and independent self and that's great um there are definitely three people i'd like to get to know more okay yeah but it has to be two you can only cut down to two he's like okay well since i've said very specific things about each one of them this is gonna be a very hard choice to make i mean there's the one who i genuinely liked and the one who i I liked genuinely.

20:28And I don't know, it's going to be hard to choose between the two of them genuinely. Yeah, so now we're not going to see his decision because it's TV. So she's like, well, they're both amazing women. And he goes, yeah, fair, fair, fair, fair enough. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

20:54So everyone's going to bed. and Alicia is with the other girls. Alicia's one of the bachelorettes and says, you know, she's going to go to the bathroom. And then Alicia goes up to Kizzy and it's like, hey, can you grab Joe for two seconds? Because she wants to have some one-on-one time with Bachelor Joe. Yeah, so then Anna's getting more pictures taken. She's like, oh my God, I've got so much content. If I get kicked off this boat, I mean, I'm still going to have so much. I mean, nothing's going to bring me down. Oh my God, donkey show. on land coming up. So then Kizzy goes to get Bachelor Joe and brings him up.

21:33And he is, we see Anna talking to Ashley. So Anna's like, well, I'm like down for the yacht, but like, I'm not down for him. I have no interest in that poor person. Where did they get this confused elderly person? I've seen people wandering around on the freeway pushing shopping carts that look like they have more, you know, self-confidence than this guy. Where did they find this man, this disgusting man? So then we go, and Ashley goes, he's sweet. So then we go to Joe and Alicia. They're kind of having their moment. And apparently he only is interested in women whose names start with the letter A.

22:10Got Anna, Alicia, and Ashley. And then poor Marielle with that M. She's never going to last. So bachelor Joe's like, hey. He's just a very typical guy. It's like, hey, give me all of the thin blonde ladies who have the same face. and hair thanks so he got basically like a binder he got a binder of women of what's the space style he got a binder of women and he's like i can't get through the a's just let's just choose from this chapter i don't want to redo the whole binder just choose from here and put them on the yacht yeah but the important thing is that you know beyond looks that you have something in common that you can have a really good conversation with because looks don't last forever and conversation does so i think he really might have found the right one so here's the conversation hey there how are you good how are you nice to see you so what's happening just chilling yeah you okay yeah i mean no get them married get them married immediately fucking amazing who's afraid of virginia wolf that's my question i mean to be able to witness the beginning of just such a torrid love affair.

23:18It's just, I feel honored. The rep part, hey, telling you. So Ashley and Nana can hear them. So they're talking in a different section and they're eavesdropping on them. And so now we're back to Alicia and she's like, yeah, like, I don't want a picture with Barcelona. I want to get to know you. Cause some of the girls just like, you know, want pictures of Barcelona, but like, you're the real ticket. And he goes, wow, thank you. This is Tommy Bahama I'm wearing. But you know what I like about you is that you have genuine questions and interests. And I appreciate authenticity. For example, how you told me I'm better than Barcelona.

24:02That's important. You have a great vibe and like kindness doesn't come around often. I like you. Yeah. I agree. Yeah, fair. I feel the same. Yeah. Yeah, so that's all I really had to say. Do you have something you want to say? Because I'm just going to say yes, so and then - I'm really glad you came and found me. Okay, I'm really glad. Yeah, this is like so weird, huh? Oh, come here. Come here. You're going to get a kiss on the cheek. Let me give you a kiss. So then they kiss. How do we do it? Can you show me where I should put my head? can you put your hand on my cheek so I know where I should aim my head for the kiss?

24:41He's like, why are you kissing that piece of cobblestone you found on the street? Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I would rather kiss him than you, Barcelona. She throws it over the neck. He's like, there, yeah. It's so awkward. He pulls her in. He puts his hand on her cheek and she wasn't expecting it. She's like, oh, oh, oh, I wasn't finished with my comparison of you and Barcelona content, but that's okay. And so she sort of gives him, he like kisses her on the cheek. And then you can see, she's like, Oh, I guess I should do this. So then they have like a little peck, but then they actually start to kiss, like kiss, kiss.

25:15And it was cringy. All three versions were cringy. Yeah. And then he's like, okay, I've got a heart on now. I need to go call my daughter. What a weird, little weird exit. So they part ways and then the other girls are still listening. So Ashley's like, Oh yeah, that girl kissed him. Well, I'm stealing, I'm stealing him from her. why are you this guy's a loser what are you guys doing have some self-respect i'm embarrassed for all of you yeah so people are waking up it's the it's the next morning people are waking up um stuff's going in the water and sandy's like hey nathan are they gonna use the toys at all he's like i don't know he's like you know what it's been it's i've been on this show for nine years but i'm gonna say something crazy all right just get ready don't worry about the slide

26:07so isha joins kissy and kathy in the mess and kissy's like oh this is the gossip from last night primary went to bed and then like two minutes later alicia's like can you go wake up joe for me oh true's trying to get him i really don't know who's in the lead i've got no clue kissy's like honestly neither do i kathy's a bitch by the way okay what do you want me to do next so then we see nathan um nathan goes and relieves joe from toy duty like putting out the toys and stuff he's like go downstairs and eat so uh then joe now goes to the galley and he's like he's looking at the food and he's he's getting food from the chef and now he's hanging around here there it's 20 minutes then 30 minutes then it's 40 he takes an hour to eat a sandwich basically yeah and so he never goes back to the deck and then uh we see him brushing his teeth and putting around taking his time and now it's 40 minutes on break and then 45 and nathan's like okay well will you stay on the swim platform for 15 minutes while he eats breakfast and he's like sure so um uh then we go to alicia and the bachelor joe eating breakfast and he's like okay wait you You ready for some convo?

27:21Yeah. What do you normally eat for breakfast? She's like, eggs. It's like, oh my God, this decision is so hard. I love all her genuine interests. So now the swim deck is empty because the swim deck is empty. So Joe decides because it's empty, he's going to do a deck check. So he leaves the swim deck, even though Nathan told him to stay at the swim deck for 15 minutes while he has his breakfast And note that it takes Nathan 15 minutes to eat his breakfast, not a full hour. So Nathan is eating his breakfast and Joe is just wandering around doing who knows what, just wandering. And so Captain Sandy comes up to see the guests and she sees that no one's on the swim deck.

28:03And she gets really upset. So she's like, hey, Nathan, Nathan, can you come to the F deck? Nathan, Nathan, Nathan. Hey, can you be like, can you do that thing that all the men don't do for Norma, which is show up? Can you meet me here? Okay, come on. Someone show up. Okay, Nathan, maybe that was the wrong analogy to use because you're doing what all of the guys do with Norma and you're just ignoring. Okay, can I please get an answer? Okay, I need an answer on the radio. Okay, to quote Norma's dating profile, are there any men out there? Any? Anyone?

28:44aftec aftec so instead of captain instead of deckhand joe going to sandy to fix fix the problem he goes down to the mess to get nathan to tell him he's like nathan sandy wants you so then nathan's like what's wrong so then he has to run up to find sandy so he's like i'm just finishing up eating i'll be there in two seconds so she comes to the crew max the crew max the crew mess to see Max, Nathan, and Deckhands Joe. And so Kathy is down there basically sitting in Max's lap. So everyone looks like they're having fun, and Captain Sandy does not like this. She's like, we need Deck Crew on deck, okay?

29:21Don't make me plant heroin in all your fanny packs. You want to know what that's like? Ask a girl whose name rhymes with banana. Okay. I don't want to see all three of you in the crew mess on a charter day together ever again. And it's like, but I just came down for, not on a charter. No, someone needs to be on the swim platform. That upsets me. That upsets me. When you're on Charter, stay alert. Don't relax. Make sure the guests are safe. Nathan knows better. You keep your eye on the press. Oh, wait, hold on one second. Hi, baby. Hey, baby. What you doing? I'm just going to say hi, Sandy. Oh, yeah, I'm just yelling at everyone for not paying attention.

30:01What do you have to do? Is little bear there? Put a little bear on real quick. Hold on one second. You guys get back up on the deck. I don't want to see people slacking off. So Nathan's like, oh, God. And she goes, it's not okay. And he goes, I know it's not. I know it's not. You're a leader. You should be setting an example. So she's pissed off. So now Amy has now arrived at the breakfast. So she's asking if she can borrow Bachelor Joe. So she takes him. And meanwhile, Nathan is pissed off. So he's like, we need people on the platform at all times, Joe. And he's like, no, mate. No, but I'm fucking fuming now.

30:38Look at me. I'm fuming. I'm fuming about it. He's like, but I don't understand why. He goes, oh, but you know, you need to stay on the swim platform. Oh, Nathan, when he gets angry, he gets angry like my grandfather. But I know it's not personal. And he just wants the job done correctly. You know, I'm slacking a little bit because obviously he's me best mate a little bit as well. But, you know, we've got this under control. We're just ironing out the creases. So then we go to Amy and Bachelor Joe And she's like, Joseph, the two people Who are not going to continue on I think that should come from you Because I've had to break up with a lot of women so far And it's awkward, okay He's like, you know Do you know how many times I've had to say, listen From one A-named girl to another A-named girl I feel a sisterhood with you But unfortunately we can't keep you here It's hard every single time I have to send someone With the letter A in their name Alright, fair, fair So then we cut to Max talking to V.

31:33And he's like, just to let you know, we have been told off by Captain Sandy this morning, so we don't want to be too much in the room. And she's like, oh, my God, I love how he talks to me. Just such a sweet man. The way he looks into my eyes when he tells me not to waste time in the room. So hot. So Amy's like, Joe, I'm going to let you speak for yourself. So Joe, ladies, Anna and I. Marielle. Say your name again. She doesn't say. Would you like to like name yourself Amarielli? I think that you, that would work well for you with this charter. Amarielli? No. Okay. Well, anyway, Joseph has something to say.

32:13Okay, guys. So I just wanted to let you know, then be upfront that I selected to have two dates with other ladies on the boat. Alicia and Ashley, they both start with an A1. One talked to me about eggs. and one of them said I look like Barcelona and they wanted to wrap their vaginas around me. So I've enjoyed time together, but I'm not going to pursue anything with you. I can't see a damn thing in here. Does anybody have a Josh Groban CD we could put on as these ladies walk down the top? Joe, this is a serious experience. Women's hearts are on the line. I'm going to need you to stop doing your Katherine Hepburn impersonation.

32:48That's just how it is. It's just how I talk, ladies.

32:54i just this is just so old white man of joe i know you know i'm a rich guy i can't get a date in a normal place so i guess i'll get a bunch of prostitutes on a boat but to escort out about and see if it works escort olympics so uh they're like oh yeah marielli is like oh god thank god get me off this boat i can't i don't want to do this anymore uh like no hard feelings uh can we get to land now please please please so um then we see kathy kathy is in the cabin and she's like somebody's been naughty because look at look at the pillowcase in joe's cabin captain i mean bachelor joe's cabin there's foundation and with this foundation there's a slut so good job slut who got in here last night i say lift that pillowcase to the side of kizzy's face and see if it matches.

33:48Yeah, actually, honestly. You never know. Kizzy could be trying to get an exit strategy going. That'd be good. So, Captain Sandy goes, okay, so, Nathan, let's do a recap, okay? I'm a little amped because I thought it was the season finale of Wind. It was just Sweeps Week. Oh, God, it was such a big episode. I thought, surely, season finale. We still got eight more episodes left. So, I'm just like, my heart's racing, and so I'm a little bit on fire today and I just want to say I walk right into the crew mess and you're sitting there while we have guests on board and then Joe you know since Joe's been on board it's become more of a brotherly love fest and I love that I love love but you know what you can't do this anymore okay I love your friendship but this is a fine line it's charter four rally them stay focused let them let them see your professionalism okay give them hugs give them branzino set up a banana not do whatever you need to do, but show that you're in charge and motivate.

34:43He's like, yeah, 100%. Captain's right. I'm in the leadership role. I can't really be as friendly as I would like to be with the deck scene. So by 1130, we're going to head back to the dock to the weather. Okay. So guess what? I want to beat the wind. Okay. I'm going to beat the wind. Someone give me a foam finger or something. I don't want to break the TV screen. Defense, defense. So he doesn't want to let down Captain Sandy. So Amy, too late. Amy tells Aisha that Anna's gonna be leaving and Mary Ellie and Aisha's like, what? So those girls leave, we're down to two. And Max is like, oh, Anna, you have to leave.

35:31You have to go. She's like, yeah, I think I was too much for that guy anyway.

35:38Go to San Tropez now So then Aisha's telling Josh the update Two girls have been asked to leave on the spot He's like did they like gluten Or did they hate gluten Which ones were they Well honored Marielle And I'm very shocked that he sent an A home We're literally down to full guest tonight Yes Starts like fucking the air He's like yeah he's like unfortunately they've all developed seafood and gluten allergies and also peanut allergies it all happened last night i hope you're okay with it josh she's like oh no so um bachelor joe's with alicia and talking with him just more like flirting and stuff and now we have nathan kizzy and kathy sitting around and kathy's like nathan can i tell you something there was foundation on his pillowcase.

36:30And Kizzy's like, naughty! She's like, yeah, I bet my whole salary that he's going to pick her. That's the one to go for. Yeah, she's seen her prey and she's going for it. She's asserted her dominance. And Kizzy's like, she's pissed on him. And Kathy says, well, I was going to say sprayed by a skunk, but sorry, I need to learn more loose girl terms. What I'm trying to say is both women left are total sluts and skanks. But meanwhile, Ashley walks by right behind Kathy's back and she doesn't see her.

37:05So now Alicia is talking to Bachelor Joe and we see why she stays because she saves like the good, the good like gossip, the good information for later in the game. And so she goes, guess what? I have a wild middle name. You're never going to guess it. Smokeler. Because that's badass. Fair enough. Fair enough. no i guess why i'd never guess it smokeler so now nathan is trying to be really like in charge so it's like all right listen i need you to do the railings and i need you to do the floor don't question me just do the floors why are you questioning me yeah and he's just uh he's he's bossing people around but actually i felt like this was like good you know there have been times in the past where a bosun gets yelled at bosun's being irresponsible they get yelled at And then they go on a power trip and you can see like they were being a bad bosun and now they're going to like take it out on their team.

38:04But I actually felt like in this situation, I felt like he's like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not going to be, I'm not going to be friends anymore. I'm going to be, I'm going to be an authority figure. And I thought he took charge. Well, I thought he pivoted well. And I was like, I feel like Joe is the fucker in this situation. And he got Nathan in so much trouble. And like, he's barely even acknowledged like that. It was his fault. And that he's being a lazy, lazy asshole. So I was like proud of Nathan for stepping up into his leadership space here. Yeah, except that he was also one of the ones fucking around constantly.

38:36So, but yeah. Yeah, but ultimately he was like, he did tell Joe, you have to stay on the swim platform. And if Joe had just done that one thing, no one would have gotten in trouble. Yeah. So then work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work. Kathy goes to laundry and Aisha's talking to Kizzy. so it's just like oh my god she's just so experienced i'm real into her i just love kithy i mean i could wake up every sunday morning and read about her adventures that's how much i love her kizzy i hope you don't mind i printed out this mask of kathy so you could wear her that way there's two kathys because it's just so sad when i come around a corner i'm like kathy but it's just kidsies and now it's always Kathy.

39:22You don't mind wearing it, do you? I've just started to feel that she's so talented that it's horrible to just give her one stripe. I'm going to give her five kithies. I'm just going to have little kithies printed out and put them all up and down all of our sleeves. So Nathan's asking Max to stay on the swim platform and Nathan goes to Aisha to bitch about the situation and he's like, I need to ask you something. Joe took way too long to get a quick bite to eat this morning, right? And she's like, yes. And he's like, because Captain came down and there was no one on the swim platform. And so I get bought and how am I going to handle that situation?

40:00And she's like, no, you got to be more strict. You got to be on top of them. And he's like, I don't want to be a dick. But she's like, you're not being a dick. You're their boss. And it's okay. But they make mistakes. But they become our mistakes. And then all of a sudden, Max comes wandering up from the swim platform up to where they are. And Nathan's like, what the fuck are you doing? I just told you to stay at the swim platform. Like, what is wrong with, like, I feel like it's, like, the simplest thing is just to stand in this one space, and these guys cannot stay put. He's like, but I want to go to the toilet.

40:29He's like, just stay there, and I'll swap out with you, because we need one person on the swim platform at all times. He's like, what I know about boo-boo, boo-boo in my body. No, come on, please, help me out here. Well, if he knows there has to be one person on the swim platform, Why would he leave? Because they've been going toilet. Maybe that's why. Ah, this is the thing that fucking winds me up. It's common sense. I'm going to have to get to that stage now where I'm just going to fucking be a dick. I'm just fucking pissed off. And then Max is on the swim platform like, I guess I'll just have to squeeze it in.

41:07Yeah, unless you want to shit on the swim platform. You will do that thing that we all do for all of our lives. You hold it in. Yeah, you hold it, buddy.

41:24So then we go down to the galley and Aisha and Kizzy are fanning their skirts. And Aisha's like, oh, can you smell my vag? It's really wafting. Josh is like, did you say, can you smell my vag? It's really wafting. You know I'm trying to cook over here, right? Oh, I definitely don't have a smelly vag. I just don't want people to think that. So now we go to the swim platform and Nathan asks Max if he wants to go to the toilet now. And he's like, oh, I forgot. I will squeeze. So now Aisha is punching her vag. And she's like, oh, she's ironclad, this vag. She's been through walls, this one, eh? By the way, I've got something to add to this.

42:10So, you know, it's interesting. Guys, it's time to bring the toys in. Toys that have not been used at all this charter. because, you know, it's so interesting because the clients, they look out and they say, but the weather looks fine, but it's coming. It's coming. It's like they say in Wind of Thrones, weather is coming, okay? The problem is getting stuck out there and it just starts rocking and rolling. We lose our stabilizer, we lose an engine. We all sink, okay? And then maybe, you know, 80 years later, they make an amazing movie about us, but by then we're gone. So, I mean, I'm sorry, but we can't do this, even if there is going to be a good movie.

42:41So we got to go back to Doc. Yeah, listen, let me tell you what no one wants. Captain Bran. Okay. So we go to the swim platform. It's clear. And now what? No one wants that. Just reiterating. It's a very important point. No one wants that. So the swim platform's clear. They haul the anchor. And now it's time for lunch. So Ace shows up with the guests. And she's like, I love when the boat's moving and we're cruising. Do you smell my vag? That's all I want to know. And Amy's like, God, I wish we could have gone swimming. Amy, what have you been doing? all day long. You guys have been plopped there in the middle of the water for hours.

43:20Why did you not take a dip? So now we go to the crew mass and Max is like, oh, Kathy, you are cute without makeup. And it's like, did you not think I was cute before? And he's like, oh, but I'm being honest with you. It's so honest, your face with no makeup. Oh. She goes, okay, well, apart from my fake nose, my fake boobs and my fake hair, you mean. He goes, ah, you were made in China So everyone laughs And He apologizes afterwards He's like, I'm so sorry I'm sorry for saying that you were made in China She's like, no, it was funny You know, I'm a relationship girl I don't think I've ever been single for more than three months I can't help it, they just fall in love with me And I can't say no What's that song, I'm just a stew who can't say no And does things really, really well Better than the other stews I love that song And she's like You know what I'm just It's just I'm obviously just so great Hopefully as a person And it's not just in bed You know But I just love Having someone To talk to And share things with And travel with But I'm just trying To learn to say no To people that I don't See a future with So For now We're just about fun So They dock Tonight's theme Is romance And Joe is Like We see We see V and Joe flirting on the deck.

44:42I just don't know why she's into me. And now they're docking. No chatter. No chatter on the radios. We're going to dock. We're going to dock. Are we going to do it? And they dock. Everything's fine. Yeah. So then Bachelor Joe's like, one time I did those boat clubs and they gave me my boat and I had a big current and I was like, whoa, let me just gun it. And I just kind of swung in the end and everyone was watching. I'm having a drink like, who's this idiot? Oh, God, that was good times, guys. And all the ladies are like, why are we with this loser? Yeah, now that they are docked and they can see land, it's like the haze is lifted.

45:22And you can already see them being like, wait a second. Why are we talking to this guy when there's an entire country of like super hot Spaniards on the other end of that passerelle? Yeah. Let's just bide our time until we can get off this boat. Truly. well there's two girls left not sure who the bachelor's gonna pick but dinner's gonna be ox and i'm gonna be fetting my vagina right into the middle of that conversation the entire time the chance of endurance it's like the crucible and the marines so um nathan and and uh joe are in their cabin changing and nathan's like oh it was quite an interesting day bro we can do better bro.

46:04He's like, yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, we're good. So people are going up to dinner and everything. And Josh, this is, he's in his clown makeup and he, he's reading off his phone. He says, now that Kizia is single, I'll indulge in this current tide, fully alive, eyes dilated, do no fault of mine, high off sexy fumes of lavas scented pheromones. If love was that, this goes on for a while. This is a whole paragraph. I'm not going to go through all of it. He has a poem that he's reading in Clown, and you just get it. He's so gross. More entertaining for him than it is for us. Lavender-scented phaemones.

46:41If love was the drug, wait until you taste me. Wait until you taste me. Now we just need five more minutes of soothing, blissful fucking minutes before the alarm smashes down the stifles of silence. I'm waiting for that alarm to stifle down the stifles of silence. Shut the fuck up. Kick him off this boat. This man's a creep and he's going to hurt somebody. Yeah, seriously. So Ashley and Alicia are getting ready for dinner and they're trading notes. And Ashley's like, so you've kissed him already, right? She's like, mm-hmm. I haven't kissed him. I'm going to get competitive. Okay, girl. Well, try to compete with having a middle name.

47:23That's Smokeler. Wait, was that me who has Smokeler as the middle name? I don't know. I don't even know which one of us is us anymore. Kind of just the name. So down in the mess, Joe notices they're all there. And he's like, wait a minute. We shouldn't be in the crew mess together, should we? And Max is like, oh, we should be on swim platform. And so they go to the swim platform. So now it's cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. And now Deck and Joe and Nathan. So Nathan's like, where are you? Where are you? And he's like, I'm on standby in the crew mess. And he's like, oh, Joe, if you can keep doing the port side main deck, please.

47:57And Max, go on the starboard side on the main half. and we can't be sitting around lads. And Captain Sandy's like, this is ridiculous. And Joe's like, okay. So somewhere around here, Joe is getting very salty. He's like, it's like a different person. It's like, no, because you fucked up. You fucked up, Joe. You fucked up, Joe. So there's more cleaning and stuff. And now they're having this dinner, which I guess this is more of the Valentine's-y looking dinner. This is all red and flowers everywhere. where so Ashley's like, are you looking to have more kids? He's like, yeah. I'm thinking like 10, maybe 12.

48:34I don't know. What are you thinking? They're like, wow, that means we have to have sex with you at least 10 times. And yeah, she's like, yeah, I'll see myself out now. Yeah, bye. So then Nathan in deckhand Joe, he's like, so what were you actually doing when we were on the sun deck doing the carpet? And he's like, I've done bridge deck. And then I just went to crack on. he's like bro you can't just decide what you're gonna do you have to ask me i'm the boss all right it's like okay no problem and so nathan just kind of reads him for filth and he just keeps saying no problem no problem he's like okay okay and this is when joe's like oh my who even is this person this isn't me best mate who is it yeah it's like well you fucked it up like if you were if you just like you did you took advantage and now you can't complain about it because he took advantage so And Nathan's like, I'm honestly gonna start getting fucking cranky.

49:25I mean, there's fingerprints. Look, fingerprints here, fingerprints there. I know we're on the charter, but don't do that. And Max is like, oh, but ladies, they can not stay here, so I stay here, do I do these, do these? He's like, Max, don't fucking speak back. Just do what I say, okay? We're on charter, do your job. Deck hands, deck hands, deck hands, stainless paint. That's it, deck hands, deck hands. And Max says, I feel a lack of respect, huh? Emotionally, I'm about to be a storm.

49:49He's your boss. He's your boss. Just do what he tells you to do. Do your job. Do your job. Do your job. Vicky. Vicky coming back to OC. Do your job. Now that you got a job, do your job. Now he sends Max down for two hours, and Max is all mad. Okay, final dinner time. It's final dinner. We're down to two girls, one old man, all for the marbles. Bachelor Joe's marbles, specifically. I'm still eating popcorn and Amy has to have Amy has like her own private dinner which is funny she's going to have an old fashioned burger which is what I like to call a burger it's a hamburger I'll have one of those old fashioned old fashioned old timey burgers I was like is that like a burger on a penny farthing what are you talking about it's just a burger so they come and Ashley's like hey bachelor Joe oh, you want to be my Valentine?

50:48And he's like, whoa, the food's here. Thank goodness. Wow, good timing with that one. Speaking of which, what do you guys think about Valentine's Day? Do I have to actually do anything special when that happens? She's like, absolutely. Like, well, at least give me some flowers. Okay, so what I'm hearing is nothing and nothing. Got it, won't do anything for Valentine's Day. We didn't see that. No, as far as I can hear, I am only hearing do another Valentine's Day. Okay, your words, not mine. Okay, great. And while we see this Valentine's Day start to unravel, we see another V-Day start to unravel.

51:20When Decant Joe's like, last season we had a laugh, we had a joke, we were dancing together. It was a happy vibe. Let's roll the clips of us trying too hard to prove to you that we're bros. But now he's the bosun and I have to respect his position on board. I just hope it doesn't cause a rip in our friendship. I hope it doesn't get to that level. yeah, they probably will. So they think it's, yeah. Okay. So this is a standard. This is what I prefer for you, bro. Okay. That's it. Okay. I'm sorry again. I'm so sorry. Um, so captain, uh, Sandy, the chef makes captain Sandy play to dinner. And then, uh, I guess they have to show this because, um, there's not really much in terms of dinner on this episode.

52:05Actually, if anything, the chef has a pretty easy charter because no one's eating in the first place. Cause everyone's on like one long extended date and you know people don't like to eat on dates you know and then there's fewer and fewer people so he's just basically by the end of it he's like whatever i'm just putting out coleslaw and french fries yeah i know i love it there's like zero effort so then kathy and kizzy are talking and kathy's like max notices everything about me i mean he went to he went you've got no makeup on like two seconds he looked at me i might kiss max just for the drama.

52:36And Kizzy's like, oh, cheeky, cheeky, let's have a three-way kiss. Can't we just get drunk and share? Like, no, I haven't got enough tongue for everyone. That's my way of saying, stay out of it, bitch. And Kizzy's like, that's true. Well, you're going to be on the sidelines being like, let me in, let me in. She's like, oh, you're terrible. Note that I said I want to kiss him first, so don't see what you're trying to do here, Kizzy. And Kizzy's not even into Max, right? Like, when did Kizzy get into Max? well she's sort of like generally been like testing out everything i think she was into joe but then like joe seemed to be interested in v so now she started her thing of like oh v is a crazy person v by the way they've just totally edited out of the show the past two episodes she's just sort of a spectral presence floating in and out of the background of scenes well this show is like a man isn't it the show's like yeah the second you show interest they're like they cut you off yeah exactly like okay never mind let's focus on kizzy yeah so then we go back to the romantic dinner and uh joe's like well i mean i would want i would you want a guy that's six inches shorter to roll around with and they're both like now and ashley says well i mean you're all the same height when you're laying down right no that doesn't make sense to answer your question no i know what you're saying but no um so they all um they finished dinner with their creme brulee's and they're toasting seven years of bad sex gotta look in each other's eyes and uh asia's like wow they're having like really deep conversations captain sandy i brought these couples questions cards and once a week i want to do that on like a date with scott because now that we've been together for so long i get really lazy asking for stuff uh me too you know i'm just the same i'll just be like can we text it to each other so um i like that i just love this whole like captain sandy and love season it's so funny they're like wow look captain sandy smiled three times she must being loved.

54:46So, there are people in cabins. So, Nathan is FaceTiming with Gail. And she's like, what's been happening? And he's like, oh, it's just fucking hectic, man. So, honestly, cup's been on my ass. Is that why you're not sleeping? Sorry. You'll figure something out. He's like, yeah, I want to go to bed. Don't we have great chemistry? Yeah, get some rest. Yeah, good night. The repartee. Okay. So, now we go to Bachelor Joe with Alicia and Ashley and now they're on the sun deck on the big couch. So Bachelor Joe's like, well, I appreciate you guys being good sports. And post-yacht, here's what I want to do.

55:20I want to hang out with both of you, honestly. Can we just do that? And then she's like, I'm hanging out with both of us. I don't like that. Like, you want to just date both of us and then figure it out? He's like, I'm not asking to date both of you guys. It's not like Polly. I just like to get to know you a little bit better before. I just look, look, I just want to, I want, when you go to the buffet, you got to try some things before you know what you're going to settle on for round two. It's like, well, it's not like a buffet. Well, I'm not saying it's like a buffet, but like, what I'm trying to say is you both kind of remind me of food that's in a dish over a low flame.

55:56Know what I'm saying? That's literally like a buffet. Okay. Well, let me, let me see if I can put this in better. I just want to keep you both warm with cans of some lighter fluid that you like, and it keeps things food warm. It's a buffet. All right. Well, what if it's something like you just pay for like, hey, let's go on a date. We pay for it up front. And then afterwards, we can have as much dating as we want afterwards. And also, you guys can both hold spoons and like in the shape of a ladle. I think weirdly, that's a buffet. It's still a buffet. Yeah. So Everyone's pissed at him Like they don't like him They don't like this at all And so he leaves and Ashley's like That was weird that was actually like pussy energy That's right girls I've been a wafting Oh god I smell that too Yeah I smell that too Yeah they both are not into him And I thought they were both like Saying they're not into him but then one of them was going to be like Aha Got her off the scent yeah that's right but then uh the other one was gonna be like yeah i'm gonna go back to joe but he actually pretty hold a pretty good united front on this one yeah so doesn't one of them say oh she goes one of them goes i mean come on you're not a pricer you're balding i missed that even as a bald person i was like that was so rude but also very funny so they go to bed and then ashley's like yeah he probably has a small dick anyway loser.

57:28They just keep talking shit about him. I don't even think he realizes what he does. What a loser. They text Amy also and says we both just dumped Joe. So they're over it. They're over it. It's the next morning and Kizzy leaves a note with all the gossip for everyone. Next morning Max comes out of his cabin and Kizzy runs up and jumps into his arms. Like all of a sudden Kizzy is all about Max. She's had all this time to be about Max. She's never been about Max. Even when she was with Tommy, she never showed that much interest. He always seemed like he was like option number three for her. And now suddenly she's jumping into his arms very conveniently and Kathy's watching like, hmm, that's strange, but okay, I see you.

58:14I see what you're up to. Yeah, interesting. So then Bachelor Joe is trying it again in the morning. So he comes up to Alicia who's pissed and he's like, so I'm sorry last night was so challenging. She goes, yeah, me too. Like, that was weird. I mean, I just, I liked you, and we had a genuine connection, and that's it. And he goes, fair, fair, fair. Oh, he's so annoying. Stop trying to talk like you're a fucking millennial, sir. Just stop. And she's like, you get it? And he goes, well, I appreciate you trying to understand. I just want to spend more time getting to know you. Yeah, this man is in a life where he can't get attention from a woman because he's a fucking loser.

58:53So he paid for this experience and he wants it to last longer than his time. You know, we've seen this man kicked out of strip clubs for, you know, wanting to continue his lap dance past$100 multiple times. No, you're not going to get it. Okay. No free trip, sir. Backing up just a little bit, two important things happen, which is that Ashley wakes up first and she just leaves the boat. So she's already gone. She goes and she gets her luggage and she leaves the boat. She's like, bye. She doesn't say bye to Amy. She doesn't say bye to Joe. She's just gone. The other, actually, I would argue to say even more important thing that happened is that Kathy brought some rags into the galley and was like, guys, I've tried a new fold.

59:34This way these rags will fit in the cabinet better. And they do, everyone. They do. I was like, I love that Kathy is like experimenting with folds to have more efficient rag storage. Especially because I guess it was last episode where she was like, you just leave the rags on the floor. And now she's actually found a special bespoke fold for the rags to fit on the shelf. So between the rag developments and Alicia leaving the boat, or Ashley leaving the boat, it's been a pretty eventful morning. Yeah, a lot's happened. So then we go to Deckhand Joe and Nathan working. And Joe's like, did you hear my YouTube last night?

1:00:13I was watching Do Aliens Exist? He's like, wow, I love a good documentary. like is it a documentary or is it just someone on youtube just yammering wouldn't know has nothing i've ever done so um alicia is gonna pack um and then her and bachelor joe can hang out afterwards and uh v is uh we go to the deck where v is flirting with joe saying that his singing voice makes babies giggle uh she's so into me god she's so crazy look at the way she's into me got choking about my my singing voice it's too much she's crazy so amy comes down and she's like joe what's going on i got a text from ashley saying alicia and i both broke up with joe and he goes oh okay uh well i said that i'd like to get to know them more after this adventure ended and they were very unsatisfied with that response and she's like oh god you fucked this up jeez i thought you were gonna pick alicia he's like well we spoke more this morning and we agreed that you We would connect.

1:01:17So I appreciate your input. She's like, you're welcome, Joe. I'm surprised. I thought she was going to be like, you can't say that to two women. What do you think you're doing? I wanted her to smack him on the forehead. But she just was like, okay, well, he's paying me money, so I'm not going to do that. But this guy's a real idiot. Yeah. So then it's time for guest departure. And Max is talking to Kizzy. And he's like, oh, you know the way you jump on me this morning? Oh, it's coming now. It is coming now. and he's talking about his boner and he's like oh yeah and she goes oh Max that's huge oh love that thank you what is happening here this is like wild I think in any other industry this is called sexual harassment but you guys have your fun you know look at my boner as it rises through my shorts are they even I don't know whatever so Max is like it's embarrassing I'm just going to hide it with a huge suitcase.

1:02:15She's like, I'm blushing. So then, of course, she runs in and tells the other girls, girls, I gave Max a boner. And Bea's like, oh, nice. And she's like, I literally didn't do anything. I just looked at him and he went, oh, no. Isn't that so funny? I'm like, oh, my God, you're awful. Kathy just rolls her eyes and she's like, it's fucking humongous, girls. I was like, vive la France. Kathy's just like, what is happening? What is happening? It's a bitch move. I'm going to say that right now. Maybe that's the wrong word. That sounds mean. That's not a women supporting women move. She was basically like, guess what, Kathy?

1:03:01I got him to get a boner. You're out of the running. I was like, you're so mean. yeah but if she's if someone told me oh this guy just told me i gave him a boner and showed me his boner i wouldn't be like you know what i can't wait to pursue that man later so kathy you know i know there's come on so that's true but this was this was like this was a mean girl move for sure so she runs around telling everyone she gave him a boner and they're like wow congrats She's like, yeah, I did. So now it's time for crew departure. And Max runs out last. His shirt is still unbuttoned. God knows why. Probably trying to cover his bone bone.

1:03:40And Bachelor Joe tells Amy that Ashley left. And Amy's really offended that she didn't even get a goodbye. Dun, dun, dun. So they walk off together. They're pretty boring. And he's just like, is that it? I just wanted this to have this big grand moment. You know, Joe picks his girl. They kiss. they run off the boat together it's just deflated and weird like my penis looking at nobody now it is like a weird walk off cause like Alicia just sort of has her hand in like his arm like he's kind of escorting her a little bit it's just strange is that love? is that what it's supposed to look like? this awkward hobble down the marina

1:04:28Okay, so now things happen as people start working and all that good stuff. It's the tip meeting. Deckhand Joe thinks his legs look like tampon strings. And Kizzy's sniffing her own foot. And so now we go into the main salon and Captain Sandy comes in. She's like, wow, Charter 4, unlike any other charter we've ever done. So the first thing I want to do, I want to welcome Kathy. Kathy, I love your comic. Say it for me. Say what? You know what to say. I don't. Do it. No. Heck. Damn it. God, that's going to follow me around for the rest of my life. I have felt so welcomed by everyone here. And you're just the most incredible addition.

1:05:14You're so experienced. You really know what you're doing. And you're pretty cool to top it off. and I bet for as many bonus that Kizzy gets from Max, you probably get 10 more bonus from actual interesting and handsome people. Thank you for being amazing. Yeah, you're so good. All right, Dak. Well, you know, it's all coming. I'm very disappointed. Now, V, I'm going to leave you out of this situation because you're one of my favorite shows, okay? I was kind of rooting for the aliens. I'm not going to lie. Okay, now the rest of you, I love bromance, okay? But I don't want to be a joy kill. Okay. You know, was that backwards?

1:05:54Maybe, but this is a job and I've put the pressure on Nathan and you're going to feel it because he's feeling it for me. Now, having said that, I'm giving you the day off tomorrow. Okay. Did you earn it? No, but you know what? I have to compliment you. Not a one of you is Hannah. So you win. Okay. Good job. Uh, so, um, then it's time to turn the boats over and everything. And people, So the tip is$25 ,000, which is decent. Decent. Yeah. Decent. I think that's all right. That's fine. You had dwindling numbers. That's good. So everyone's working hard. And so Aisha, Kizzy, and Kathy meet on the bow.

1:06:31Aisha's like, I just want to say thank you so much for making me proud every single day. You're so experienced. And Kathy, you've been a chief stew. Now I'm wondering, would you care to air out your vagina also? We could do it in tandem. Then I'll know you're really my sister. She's like, um, cool. Because he's like, yeah, you're a lot more experienced than I am. And I actually feel just ridiculous that you having one stripe on your shoulder. So I was thinking of giving you two stripes and making you both seconds too. How do you feel about that? And Kizzy fakes it. She's just, she's like, I'll just fake it.

1:07:09She's like, oh my God, I'm so excited for you, girl. She gives her a big hug. And Aisha's like, thank God she took it so well. I mean, that has been the biggest blessing for me. Yeah, and Kizzy's like, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her. So now everyone is hanging out and people are doing face masks and everything. And Kizzy's putting a face mask on Kathy. And Kathy's like, you know, I get a little bit of a vibe from Kizzy. She's threatened by me, you know. two boats ago my rotational chief two partner, she had been there a lot longer than me and I came on guns blazing, coming up with new folds for rags, changing everything and we just butted heads but looking back I was wrong in that situation and now I know to be a little bit more understanding and I want to do things in a nice way while I'm showing her the time I'm a team player so if she wants we can throw all the rags on the floor and make this place look like a style just the way she's been doing it all along So now everybody gets ready for the night out and kissy's like well i'm single now and i've got beat three very sexy deck boards i'm just ready to have some fun by the way did you hear that she's marrying tommy i heard that she's engaged is it tommy wow that's yeah she's engaged to tommy so i'm looking forward to the divorce max sees her and he's like oh let the dog out okay and josh is purring like a cat And so then we go to Nathan and Joe's cabin And Joe's wondering what V is wearing And Nathan's like She's quiet into ya bro She's quiet into ya So now we got one van with screaming wild people And the other van is Josh, Kathy, Kizzy Just calmly doing content Or whatever And Aisha tells Max Kizzy told me that she was quite impressed By your very large cock this morning He goes oh yeah yeah yeah Big cock and Joe's like, oh, Kizzy, Kizzy's all over your brother.

1:09:10And Aisha's like, Kathy thinks you're pretty cute. You've got some room to play tonight. Yeah. So they're like, oh, it's just six weeks. Let's just have some fun. So then Max is like, oh, you just need clear communication. It is only sex. So then in the other van, Kizzy's like, oh, I think the drama's about to start now. Wow. Yeah, the drama. Drama is going to hit him right now. So now everyone gets down to dinner. And V is telling the table, everyone looks hot tonight. And they order espresso martinis. And it's like a typical below deck dinner. Lots of banter back and forth. And Joe wants to talk to V.

1:09:53So he's like, I want to tell you this before I go any further. What I'm after is just like a little bit of fun and stuff like that. You know what I mean? Yeah. No strings attached. Yeah, that's good to know. Like, I can't afford to hurt anyone. Yeah. So stop falling in love with me. Oh, my God. Why are you so into me? She's like, I've been so heartbroken that nothing can come close. And you're an adult and I'm an adult. And I'm going to be fine. I won't marry you. I won't marry you. I'm telling you now. Jesus Christ. So then, let's see. So then Aisha is talking to Kathy. And she's, what are they talking about?

1:10:31Oil and bread? because Max shows them some garlic bread he's putting butter on. And Aisha's like, do you think you've felt lucky if deepened your relationship? Look how he's buttering the oiled bread. I do. I feel like it could be deeper, though. So now it's time for the guys to go on a smokey bokey. And Kathy's like making sure her hair is good, you know, because she's going to be making a move on Max later. to Max is like, he puts his hands around her shoulders as he walks by and he's like, I love that. This is the best part of you because you are like a bit sassy, but at the same time you're classy.

1:11:10That is what I love. You're sassy and classy like olive oil and butter and garlic bread. And she's like, we're just gravitating towards each other and I feel like we're at our own separate table. I mean, I feel a connection with him and I can just see the night is going to unravel. Oh God, maybe my clothes will. Mm-hmm. Ooh, cheeky. So everyone's taking photos and Joe's like, I'm in a fucking pickle. Nathan's like, you're always in a pickle. So he says, listen, I haven't got an objective. I've got no objective. I'm just a very open man. But when I speak to Victoria, it fucking kind of changes because I do really feel like she's into me or whatever.

1:11:48She wants to have me baby. And I said, I'm not ready. I'm still pretty much a baby myself, talking about my grandfather. How do I even have a baby in this world? I don't know. I'm just speechless. And things like that never happens to you, bro. He's like, I know. I know. Why does she want to have me, baby? So he's like, I don't want to hurt the woman. So he says that he's not ready for a relationship, but this girl's such a sweetheart, and he can see her meeting me mom and stuff like that. But I don't want to feel that way. That's the battle. Fuck, what am I going to do? Fuck someone else. What else?

1:12:23What else would you do? She's just like, yeah, I'm not into anything too deep either. Oh, my God. She's obsessed.

1:12:32So then they're taking photos. They're having fun, espresso martinis, all that fun stuff. Nathan starts talking to Josh. And he's like, I had a rough charter. He's like, yeah, you had a rough time. He's like, yeah, Captain just came down on me big time, bro. But like the team as well. And they were complaining about a cleaning every 20 minutes. We're getting fucking too grand, bro, every two or three nights, you know? So Nathan's just saying that the stress is just so much. and he needs to focus on trying to get back that drive of determination because he's never been faced with this kind of situation before.

1:13:02And then we go to Kathy and Kizzy, and Kathy's like, I want to kiss Max. I'm going to go kiss him tonight. Who are you going to kiss, Kizzy? And she just shrugs. And we see Joe and V flirting, and Kathy's like, I'm going for the kill tonight. And Kizzy says, yeah, but she's... And she's making it look like she wants to go for Joe, but V is on Joe. So Kathy's like, well, I mean, just maybe you could flirt with him. So she backs off a little bit. And I was like, uh-oh, Kathy, you just gave her an excuse to do whatever she wants because you just said that to her. So now she can just say, well, you were the one who told me I could just go flirt with Joe when you knew that he was with V.

1:13:44Dun, dun, dun. So Kathy is like, his eyes are not fixed yet. What do you think about us? but they're just talking about the boys so now joe pays for dinner they go out they go back to the boat they go to the jacuzzi they're gonna go to the jacuzzi and everyone's talking and uh like there's more talk about like you like him like him so now we're so we're we're we're approaching this jacuzzi everyone gets in and they're having fun times fun drunk times in the jacuzzi um max has a watermelon that he drops everywhere it's like fun times everyone's drunk this chaos happening Josh gets in the jacuzzi, and then he actually just gets naked in the hot tub.

1:14:24He's just full-on naked. So I don't know if that's going to put him into the race with Kizzy. Actually, no, I do know. It's not going to help at all. So V is kind of flirting with Joe. She's all over him, and she goes to kiss him, but he doesn't kiss her. And he's like, I'm utterly petrified, if I'm honest. And V's like, you scare me so much. And he says, why? And she's like, oh, my God, you scare me so bad. I want to fight you. And then Max keeps taking shots. And basically they're like, can you believe we're on a super yacht? And then Kizzy is now hanging out of the hot tub and Max is grabbing her butt and stuff.

1:15:03And Kathy is just kind of looking like, what the hell is going on? And then, boom, they start making out. And Kathy is like, what the fuck? Yeah. And she's like, I'm out. And she's like, I checked out. As much as I joked about it, I'm going to bid. And Max goes, ciao, Kathy. So now they're going to have a day off. They can go to the day club or whatever. And there'll be tension in the air. What will happen? Don't find out. Don't. All right, everybody. Thanks so much for joining us for Below Dick Mead. Below Dick Mead. What a fun time. Yes, we will be back with more stuff all this week. Thanks for being here.

1:15:45We'll talk to you next time. Bye everyone Bye

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