#3095 Below Deck Med S10E10 Part 1: Who’s The Boss?

0:20Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, this morning, aujourd 'hui, it's Mr. Ronny Karam. Hi, Ronny. How are you? Well, hello, Ben. How are you, hon? I am just great because it's Below Deck Med Day. Yeah, he is. Yes. First of all, thanks to Jeff Lewis and company for having me on their show today with the wonderful Julia Cunningham. Unfortunately, Ronny could not be there because he's in Texas, but his spirit was felt and coincidentally we decided to match each other on Crappens On Demand today.

1:01We're both wearing shades of orange and brown for the fall. Yes, and sort of like stripy too. So speaking of Crappens On Demand, come watch us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash watch for Crappens and you can access their Crappens On Demand where you can watch us. But the videos do actually wind up eventually on YouTube, so go subscribe to our YouTube channel as well. We have bonus episodes on Patreon. I don't know what this week's is going to be. Maybe a chatty one. Who knows? I don't think there's any trailers coming out anytime soon. Probably just some good old-fashioned life updates. Yeah, we could talk about Thanksgiving.

1:35What we made, what we cooked, what we did, what we shopped for, etc. All my Cyber Monday stuff has all arrived right before this. It's like still all wrapped up and I just want to tear into it. I think that's all the stuff that's like worth mentioning. It's all the news that's fit to print. All the news that's fit to print. By the way, thank you to everyone who came to crappy hour last night. We had a really fun one. We were really gapping away. So much so that we almost went over. That was super fun. And of course, every Monday we do. It's now every Monday. It's not every other. It's every single Monday we're now doing our little Amazon live show.

2:12Where we give our recommendations on things that you might want to get.

2:17So that's that. That's that for that. I feel like there was something else I wanted to say. I wanted to express. I want happy birthday to my dad. Happy birthday to my dad. It's his birthday today. So happy birthday. Wow. And happy almost birthday to you. There's two days left until the birthday of Benjamin Mandelker. Everybody days left. Very, very exciting. Yeah. I'm spending my birthday by going to see Alison Roman at the Wiltern theater in Los Angeles. So that's amazing. That's like the hero. I know my hero, my personal hero. Yeah. Um, that's basically it. Yeah. Well, today is Below Deck Med Season 10, Episode 10, Bowing Out.

2:56Dun, dun, dun. Yon, yon, yon, yon, yon. Who bows out? Bows out? Nobody bowed out. But it's because the bow thruster went out. Girl, you can't call it an episode bowing out and not fire somebody. That's a firing term. It could also be bowing out, okay? Because someone's like, don't bow at me, okay? Like Leanne Locken said one time. Don't bow with me. don't bore with me but that's none of those things happen okay well we start where we left off it is mayhem on the yacht because max has gotten in the tender with that fucking horrible human being imran and uh let imran drive the tender and then captain sandy saw it and she's like wait a minute what the heck's going on in that tender you get back on this boat hey monk hair get down there and tell that guy to get back here oh by the way uh someone tweeted at us that monk hair where's his name nathan nathan cut his hair you guys it's so cute you did that is the biggest news i have to report from this week he shaved his head and you know sometimes that is the best thing a man can do the man looks fine he looks hot go ahead argue argue with that yeah i'm going to i'm going to i like that he changed his haircut i just i i don't love the one that he landed on if anything I feel like it makes him look a little bit like that guy, Luke, who was on below deck down under who got drunk and tried to make a move on Margo.

4:23And so that makes me uncomfortable. Try to rate, but I just also, you mean, yeah, I just feel like, you know, like that guy, maybe he could bring it a little tighter on the sides. I don't, I think Nathan is so cute. I was actually like reflecting. I was like, he is so cute. And I just like, I just feel like he's so close to having the right hair, even with the new revision, but it's still not quite there for me. Well, I loved it. So good for you, Nathan. Thanks for all your hard work on your follicles. It really worked for me. So Captain Sandy's like, hey, listen, Nathan, you guess you can't drive the tender, okay?

4:57And she's like, this isn't a free-for-all. Get your fucking shit together on this deck. You understand? Okay. And he's just staring at her like, but I work so hard. And she's like, get Max back with the board. So he calls Max back. This isn't like Norma at Burlington Coat Factory. It's not a free-for-all, okay? Get back to the boat. This isn't like Norma at a county fair. Not everyone gets a free ride, all right? Get that boat back in the slot. What's the opposite of a blue ribbon?

5:32Who wins the ribbon anyway, the cow or the owner? Not to take away any enormous joy. but oh i'll tell you who's gonna get a blue ribbon me after i rib normal a little bit more am i right okay yeah that's what you call a blue ribbon hey nathan you know what you need to be a boss okay that can never happen again you gotta ask okay and he goes well he took initiation to get him onto the tender though she's like well that's when you pause him because you're in charge all right you need to dorinda his ass and after this he can bring the slider and i'm pointing at you You like that? I'm going to point at you and I'm going to emphatically point multiple times in this sentence and I'm not going to really move my mouth a lot when I talk.

6:13I'm just going to show you my teeth. You got it? Yeah, be a boss. Okay, I'm going to tell you this about 25 more times over the course of the next hour. Be a boss. Okay, pretend your first name's Hugo. Be a boss. Get to it. Fuck's sake. I'm sick of this fucking shit, bro. I'm getting sick from doing that. It's bullshit. And Joe's like, you're doing fantastic, bro. And he's like, it's bullshit. It's bullshit. He's like, Max, get to the fucking boat. So Nathan's like, yeah, the captain's coming down on me so hard. You know, you're that stupid to let the guests drive the tender. I feel you. You're fucking wanting me fired at this stage.

6:49So he's like, Max, the guests can't drive the tender ever. He's like, okay. He's like, no, you can't leave the boat without telling the captain either. Okay, but Captain Sandy was mad. He's like, yeah, she came at me like this. She stopped pointing her finger and said, be a boss a lot. A lot of being the boss. She even said, who are you? Tony Danza? Who's the boss? I don't even know what that means. Something about a cow not deserving blue ribbons? I'm not really sure, but don't take the tender. Something about, hey Angela, and I didn't know what that meant, but whatever, it's something to do with the boss.

7:18I don't know, get back here. Well, I understand what you're saying, but you know I don't know what I'm doing. It's far from the wheel, eh? Oh, just breathe, just breathe. You're barely touching the wheel, eh? Hmm. so Asha is telling the girls that the cabins are ready to be clean and Kathy's like pleasure treasure instead of copy which you know that's so Kathy pleasure treasure that is so Kathy to rewrite the rules and have it work out in her favor nobody said anything you know why because Kathy is a boss bitch okay that's who Captain Sandy wants you to be would Kathy be out there letting somebody else drive the tender No.

8:00She would be renaming that fucking Tinder to Pleasure Treasure. Be a cat. Be. So now Captain Sandy walks up to Nathan and guess what she says. Be a boss. Be a boss. Be a boss. Be a boss. Whoosh. My favorite show in your ear is The Wind. The Wind is whispering to you. Be a boss. Do your food. Be a boss. Do your food. You know, there's even babies out there that are bosses. Boss babies. Okay. Be like them. Brought in a lot at the box office. Okay. Guess what box baby wouldn't do? Be not a boss. Also, guess what he wouldn't do? Wouldn't let somebody drive it tender. It's not supposed to. Because he's a boss.

8:43Okay. Be a boss. Hey, you know who I root for in Super Mario Brothers? Bowser. Because he's a boss. Bowser's a boss. Have you seen the new preview for the Super Mario Brothers sequel? Yes, because it was attached to Wicked. I assume it was attached to Wicked. I did definitely see that. Yes. It was attached to Wicked. Yeah. They made Bowser a tiny little version of Bowser. I guess they turned him into a toy. No, I don't want them emasculating Bowser. How's Bowser? Just because you're small doesn't mean you're less of a man. Oh, really? Then why was he walking backwards and going, just sorry, guys.

9:16Sorry, guys. Didn't mean it. Well, that's his own issues. That has to do with his trauma. That has nothing to do with him being a man. If you're small, you can still be a full man. He's a short king now. Okay. and now I never saw the first Super Mario Brothers movie which I actually do want to see but I am curious how Bowser got to be like that by the way did your Wicked also have the message from Cynthia and Ariana before? yeah I didn't like it that was the worst part of the movie what the fuck was that? what was that? we just want you to know that we are friends too and after this movie we hope you can be friends with someone yeah I hope everybody's friends here we just want to thank you so much for coming on our journey with us.

9:56This has been so wicked, bro. I was like, get the fuck out of here. You're taking me out of this. It has been the journey of a lifetime to have to go through so many press tours with this little twit by my side. And I can't wait until I can finally go back to Lena and never talk to Ariana again. I have a nail as large as this idiot. Please end this press tour.

10:19She does have long nails. Great movie, though. Great film. I cry. You know why? because you know what that wicked witch is the boss he's a boss you know what he's a boss he's a boss be a boss um be a boss he's like i can't i just can't see that far you know how am i supposed to tell him not to do it if i can't even see him out there well you should know where he is and not be a horse playing and sticking pinkies up your your best friend's bum over there joe exactly because remember he was inside when this happened yeah captain sandy was like Hey Nathan, can you come outside and do your job? And if you're going to do the job, you know what position you should be as someone at the job?

10:56I'm going to tell you right now, it's not entry level. It's the boss. Be a boss. Be a boss. Don't be a Hugo. Be a boss. Okay? Pressure makes us better. Because when you apply that pressure and you have that expectation from a crew member, they step into it. Or they get a heroin addiction like Hannah. But you know what? It's a challenge for them. And they see your belief in them. And when you have that belief in someone, they don't want to disappoint you or themselves. There's no love for the wicked.

11:34There's no love for the non-bosses. I love when Captain Sandy gets on her like, women empowerment. This is a moment for my women empowerment speech that I last gave at a Marriott Marquis somewhere in Oklahoma. Be a boss. Be a boss fest. Hey boss, coming soon to your Amazon Kindle. Color soft only. Color soft only. Captain Sandy looks at the toys that she always demands. She's like, this is what Captain Sandy does. She's always like, okay, the moment this boat stops moving, you put out every single toy that's on this boat. It doesn't matter what size or shape, it's always in the water. And now she looks out and she goes, looks at it.

12:15She looks at some sad toy. She goes, that's pathetic, isn't it? What a pathetic toy. God, I didn't even want to put it out. It's that pathetic. She goes, yeah, it's embarrassing. You know what? It's not ever going out again. Not ever. Like Max on the tender. Hey, toy, be a boss. Be a boss. I'm a collector, make a neck, make a neck, be a boss. I'm a collector, make a neck, make a neck, be a boss. All right. So now we're getting ready for dinner. It's going to be family style. And included in this family style is someone who was robbed of their family. A daddy pig who has been slaughtered and splayed out in all of his whole pig glory.

12:56That was disgusting. That was a baby pig. It was a piglet. To be fair. Babies can be fathers. Babies having babies. Ever heard of it? Ever had sex ed class? God, teenage pig pregnancy is really, it's an issue. I'll tell you. Pigs, protect yourselves. Guess what? That pig was not a boss. Definitely not a boss. Well, I didn't like this. It was disgusting. And so he's got foil on his ears and tail. It was just very disgusting. And gross. And so and he's not only doing that. He's also doing octopus and ham. More ham, more pig. Just kill the whole fucking family. Why don't you? It was like grandma down there to kill grandma.

13:39I mean, who's who's the alphabet now? Right. Well, I listen to the stupid New York Times podcast. The Daily, because it was about wicked. And I was like in the mood, OK, because I just seen Wicked. So I was like, oh, I wonder what they're saying about Wicked. And it was these three people basically bitching about Wicked, which how dare you? OK. And one of them was like, what's the Elphaba thing anyway? I mean, she's her whole storyline is like rooting for animals. I don't get it. I don't get like the whole animal activism story. Sir, they were animals that talked and had rights like humans. And then they were taken away.

14:13What are you confused about? How is the New York Times confused about the plot of Wicked? It's a pretty simple plot. And he's like, and guess what? I don't understand the political structure of Oz. Sir, you don't even understand that animals can speak. That's fair. I do think it's kind of crazy to question why she's into the animals. Like the animals were like intelligent creatures who were autonomous. And then they were robbed of like their rights and their voice. Like it's a pretty obvious. Pretty on the nose, sir. Pretty on the nose. Pretty on the whiskered nose. but I do agree that the like how Oz functions as a city is a little strange like because it existed before Jeff Goldblum got there right well he wasn't a leader he was just like a you know I know but like who was a celebrity with with a voice also I feel like Miss Marble should have like put up a stronger fight like I feel like she should have been like this is mine now yeah Mrs.

15:08Marble was just like foiled oh well guess I'm gonna jail guess like what the hell you got nothing up your sleeves yeah You're literally a witch. You could make a tornado, but when the Wizard of Oz leaves in his balloon, you're just going to stand there and be like, oh, well, that was fun while it lasted. I guess I'll have to watch Family Feud. Why did we just spoil the end of Wicked? We're going to get in trouble for that. All I said... Well, I mean, everyone knows Ms. Marvel's going to get what's coming to her, right? I'm just saying... I believe in her. She's won an Oscar. Listen, if she conjured up tornadoes like that all the time.

15:43She was so beautiful and graceful. I don't know why we're rooting against her. Just keep spoiling away. Just keep on. You just keep throwing more logs on the spoil fire. There's nothing spoiler that she makes the tornado. I didn't know she did it. If I saw that movie, I'd have been like, when's she going to make the tornado? This movie is ruined for me. Something to look forward to. Something to look forward to now. Also, Dorothy's a skank. Okay, so Asha goes to talk to Josh about dinner. Okay, so we see this dead pig. I'm still not happy. And Josh, the murderer, is like, well, the guests want this really authentic Spanish experience.

16:19And, you know, he goes on his whole food thing, explaining food and blah, blah, blah. And he doesn't want to kill the pig, but he's trained himself to not look at the pig emotionally. And so he does it anyway. Well, you know what? You're just following orders, I suppose. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

16:43so now we go back to nathan talking to max and joe and uh nathan is like i was told to be a boss am i not being a boss yes you are very much a boss yes yes you're a boss you're the boss yeah the most boss thing you can do is be like guys am i a boss guys am i bossy enough like i'm like i'm like i'm like boss enough for you hey hey v get over here okay i i want to show you Do these jeans make my butt look boss?

17:14Guys, if I listen to Fergie sing bossy, does that make me a boss? So Captain Sandy's like... That makes you an old queen, mate. That old queen. Bossy, bossy. So Sandy is like, hey, V, look at that pathetic float. Look at that. Look how stupid that float is. It's like not even a boss. All these floats are bosses, but not that float. I mean, we're never going to put that float out again. Ever, ever again. Look at it. The worst float of all time. Why is it even here? Get it out. Was wind pulled off the air? What are you doing on the deck this much in one episode? Go back to your room. How don't you also never notice that toy before?

17:51It's like, it's your toy. Yeah. So Nathan's like, well, I just want to know that my team is on the same wavelength. The people that I work with, you know, they're like, oh, you look like a boss, sir. Just such a boss, such a big boss. And now Kizzy is talking to Josh in the galley for her daily dose of attention. and she's like, Kathy's on morning. She still spends a lot more time outside than I do, but maybe that's a me thing. I don't know. Kizzy, like you literally have had like the entire season to like talk and schmooze with stupid people, stupid guests. And now you have like one, like a day and a half of being downstairs and you're having a mental breakdown.

18:30Like I've had enough of you. I like Josh's answer. He goes, I don't know. I don't see. I'm always down here. it's like someone complaining it's like someone in prison who only gets an hour in the yard complaining to somebody in solitary confinement i know this really sucks i only got an hour to do aerobics today in the yard and like taking the sun like look i have like i have like a farmer's stand on my eyes i've been in solitary confinement what are you even doing down here but asia's thing is to make it fair and you take turns and i haven't spent any time with the guests because I've been in the cabins all this time he's like well next charter's Kizzy's turn here she is boys here she is world okay let's settle down go do the laundry so V and Joe have their little flirting scene because that's why people watch Below Deck guys it's to watch people like flirt and convince each other that they're in love when they never fucking are and so then we go back to the crew mess where Kizzy's folding towels and Asia comes down and she's like, Kizzy Tronix, you seem off again today.

19:38What is it? Your teeth are frowning. I was used to being a right hand man and now I feel like I'm useless because all I'm doing is laundry and crying down here. I mean, Kathy, she's a better stew than I am. Am I fishing for compliments? No, of course not. She's just so good and I'm just so bad. I don't think you should say she's a better stew than you are. The rest of us say it enough, darling. You don't have to go so hard on yourself. Well, she just has more experience than I do. Oh, I'm sad. Not sexually. There, there. There, there. You know, this is literally... Go ahead, me. Oh, thank you.

20:26You're so kind of me. this is literally what i was trying to avoid by making kathy's second stew and i wanted to create one big interior happy family that's all falling apart thanks to me i have to say asia's style is very very good as a leader her leadership style is so good she never backs down and she never really kisses their ass like she wants like she didn't say no she's not a better stew than you are you kidding you're fucking amazing girl you're so good she just said yeah you shouldn't say that about yourself you know she never took it back or when she said last week like yeah last week you know she did that whole thing i heard you talking about me and she's like well i would say it to your face but you're also very pretty and i like the bows that you put in your hair occasionally in addition to being an awful slut horrible person who screws over other women in favor of me all right this is a good joke i believe her cold her cold read was like i i absolutely love you and i'm so happy you've come into my life and you're absolutely wonderful stew and all those other things are true as well

21:49it's so slick i love it and um so kizzy she's like i'm gonna give kizzy some love and concentrated attention and she's pretend she's cradling a little baby she's like i kind of worry for the baby to be honest i i know asia's really good you know have you heard of the compliment sandwich asia does the open face compliment sandwich so a compliment sandwich is you say something nice to someone and then you give a critique and then you have say another compliments that way like the the critique is palatable be like i you know you are so wonderful everything you do is great you know you could be faster in laundry but i think that you know you have such a great spirit and like it's like a little more palatable but i like that asia does the open face where she gives a compliment and then she's like yeah but you're you're terrible yeah i see the carb free i do the carb free compliment sandwich where it's just criticism and then I charge your ass gratuity at the end.

22:53Maybe you add like a, no, you'll add like a compliment condiment. I think I'll just be like, get a mint on your way out. They're by the hostess stand. I just give, I just give like a compliment dinner roll. And then afterwards people discover that the roll was made of meat all along because they realized you put something they were allergic into the roll. They're like, wait a minute. He was like, oh, was that peanut roll? He insulted me behind my back. He wasn't even here. He insulted me. I was like, well, I said the nice thing to your face, though.

23:28All right, guys. Captain's on my ass. I'm bringing the professionalism. And the guest shouldn't drive tenders. It's unacceptable. OK, I think they got that part, Nathan. I think the part that Nathan's not getting is the reason he was on the tender without you seeing is that you were fucking around in the mess. that's what you're not seeing it wasn't the actual thing the thing happened because of the thing that you were doing so they already know that they shouldn't be taking the guests on tenders so he also would benefit i think from having like a little bit of a stern conversation with this crew be like guys i love you all you're all my mates but you're all messing up and i'm catching the heat for it and i'm the one who looks bad you guys have to get it together okay i don't want to see this i don't want to see that i don't want to see this or that you all look great by the way compliment sandwich but no you're shitting you're shitting the bed like i kind of think he needs to give some tough love now it's the time has come yeah so now everybody's getting ready for dinner we see imran the asshole in the mirror going damn i'm good looking which listen if you be your be your own hero you know what i mean your own boss yeah own boss so they go to dinner and and um imran's talking to kathy and he's like you know we give kudos for men and women in their 20s for being so positive and energetic and it's hard to find that within the 20-year-olds, you know?

24:49But I know this because I did all of them. She's like, these go away. Yeah, he's so gross. So Patricia, the co-primary, comes and Asia's like, oh my god, babealicious, amazing, love your rack.

25:12and um and then kathy max is flirting with um kathy you know as usual and she's like i enjoyed i enjoyed the flirt i enjoyed the attention it's not that deep really but to me that's normal and uh we are gonna have some very strange context backstory below deck backstory now don't you wish they had the instagram walls now so you could see kathy's instagram wall because i'll bet i don't I'm in a bikini in a taxi cab. No, I don't want to see an Instagram wall. What I want to see is whoever is typing Kathy's backstory into chat GPT. Because I'm telling you, all these backstories make no sense. So here she is explaining why she enjoys flirting and why it's not that deep.

25:59She literally goes from, to me, that's normal. Like flirting, that's normal. My mom owned a taxi company when I was growing up. She was so busy. I was left alone quite a lot. We've never eaten dinner at a table as a family But I don't think of it as sad That's just really what made me quite an independent person Sweet What does that have to do with you being a flirt? Me mom had a taxi company So they're from quite the flirt now So weird I guess you're used to picking people up I mean, I don't know What does that mean? I'm always fair You know, I concentrate on fair I'm always fair Can't kick me to the curb But get it.

26:42They show a picture of her and she's a teenager, I guess. And she's in these huge braces. Like, I didn't know they made braces this big. I have to say, I've never seen someone look exactly the same when they're a teenager. Usually people look a little different. It's exactly her, but with braces. It's crazy. What a cute little face. My mom owned a taxi cab company when I was young. Teeth. It's like braces. I mean, the backstories on Below Deck are getting crazier and crazier. I mean, we were just barely getting over last week's confession from Joe that he was in real estate 10 years ago and got defrauded and then lived in his car and was so ashamed of it that he broke up with his girlfriend and hasn't been able to open his heart ever since he got defrauded because someone stole the furniture in the place he.

27:30While eating entire loaves of bread while he's taking selfies. so um she kisses max goodnight and then asia asked captain sandy to help her run plates i'll do it because i'm a team member you know what that's what bosses do and then uh kizzy sent back down to cabins and she's wearing a different outfit because she wanted to be included in dinner but sorry you're back in cabins cinderella so then the suckling pig comes to the table so everyone's excited and josh introduces what what meal is he's carving up the meat and i did think of you ronnie i was like god this is probably not ronnie probably hates this right now yeah you know i can't be too i'm just kidding when i'm like murderer because i can't be too judgmental because i still eat fish and there are people too but um yeah i don't know it's just gross when it's like the whole animal i actually started reading this book that a vegan suggested to me and it is called Tender is the Flesh.

28:26And it's about a world in which all the animals get diseases. And so people start dying because they're eating animals. So they have to kill all the animals. So they kill all the animals and then people start, it becomes legal to eat people. So they start breeding human beings just to eat. So there's like a class of humans that's just for food and then a class of humans that is breeding these animals. Okay. So, you know, you can see the heavy handed lessons there, I'm sure, without me going into it. I had to stop this book. Can I tell you this is the most disgusting thing I ever read? The whole thing is just descriptions of people being chopped up and how they make the meat.

29:04It is too fucking much. So I came out of there like, you know what? I'm going to be less judgmental because it leads to books like this. And then the full pig came on the screen and I was like, I'm going to finish that book. I actually deleted it off my Kindle. I was like, I'm going to read it again. I'm going to see if any clowns get made into hamburgers. Why don't you just watch Sweetie Todd and be done with it? You know, it's a much more palatable version to get to the same end point. Yeah. Maybe I will. That sounds disgusting, but that's provocative. It's disturbing as fuck. It's one of the most disturbing things.

29:37I mean, I've never deleted a book off my Kindle. I still have the Bible on there. Okay. And you know how infuriating that thing is to me. But yeah, I had to take that off. I mean, that was too much. But now I think I'm going to get it after seeing this full pig. Okay, so Kizzy's cleaning. And I don't know why I told you all that. Sorry. It's disturbing. And Josh carves up the pig. Disturbing. And Kathy gets sent down to help with cabins, et cetera. And Kizzy's just mad. She's down there going, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off. I'm wasting a dress. She really needs to settle down. I've had enough out of her.

30:13And also, like, the sheets are disgusting. They're, like, moist and wet. and Kizzy's like and stained with what is it tanner like what do you think is on there or sweat or tanner I don't know what it is but like and Kizzy like touches it she's like it's too wet I can feel it I was like why are you touching it like that I guess she has to pull it off and so the other guests are like they're just having a great time and everyone is everyone's just having they're just having a great dinner they're just drunk they're being loud and rowdy and just typically annoying and now they're going to get in their bathing suits and they're going to get in the hot tub.

30:47And everyone's cleaning, but Kizzy's in her bunk and she's checking her phone. No text messages for Kizzy. Poor thing. What does she do? What does she do when she's not the star? She just has to sit there. Yeah. So then we're in the hot tub. Okay, so we've got a gross couple in there and Imran comes up to them and he's like, whoa, I'm going to have a threesome with you guys. And the guy's like, Jesus Christ. yeah I was gonna go in there but never mind so everyone else goes to bed and now Imran is still with the couple who probably they probably do all day I feel like that bald guy is a swinger for sure don't you?

31:24he's like yeah my wife doesn't take her top off for much but for this you might take her top off for real hell yeah Kathy get in here let's fuck Kathy Kathy's like no no thank you I'm off duty if you know what I'm in taxi reference I guess you guys don't know i'm used to this my mother owned a taxi company we're like we know okay we know i know she just relates everything to that so uh there yeah he's trying to like imran's like kathy kathy come on she's like no thank you please she's just so over this they're all like let's get naked together kathy and the guy's like we'll take off our trunks and we see imran's little butt and she's like Kathy just has the most disgusted look on her face.

32:11Like Kathy does not have service face where everything's with a smile, you know, like, oh, isn't that nice for you? And then you turn around and you're like disgusting pigs. Kathy just looks at you straight to your face like you're a disgusting pig, which I respect. Yes, because guess what? They are disgusting pigs. Yeah. So then service you fake it usually, but she doesn't. She's like, you're disgusting. She's like, she's got she comes from the Hannah Farrier tradition of I will glare at you and I'm not going to hide my disgust. Yeah. So V meanwhile is FaceTiming her friend Christy and V is like bitch I am literally so happy to hear from you.

32:48I mean everyone on this crew is just like such a wonderful person. I hope it's not a trick. So Christy is like shit you crushing? She's like a little bit. I'm afraid to let myself feel feelings. But it actually it's nine days away from the one year anniversary of her boyfriend's passing. So So she's getting apprehensive about that. His name was Bon. Isn't that weird? Doesn't that mean goodbye? Or does it mean good? No. It means good voyage. Oh, I was thinking because Bon Voyage means like bye, have a good voyage. But I guess it means good. I was going to say, God, who names her child bye? You know?

33:27Prophetic. But it wasn't. It was bye. I mean, it was good. Listen to what her friend says. So V is saying like, yeah, I think like I'm going to feel guilty. It's like one year and like, I'm going to feel guilty about that. And Christy goes, hey, he's the one who ruined your birthday. Whoa. That's me. I'm your friend, Christy. And she's like, yeah, fuck that guy. And they laugh. She goes, yeah, fuck that guy. So she's like, yeah, it's nine days until the one year anniversary of Bond's passing, which was on my birthday. And I just I don't know. My feelings are so all over the place because Bond would want me to move on.

34:02but how can I when Kathy's mom was a taxi driver when she was young that's why I can't move on it's like wait a minute you're just reusing these now guys yeah the only way I can move on is if I can finally find a taxi it's just hard these days she's like I didn't expect to open up to Joe and like let him in this quickly but now that we're getting more intimate I feel for my heart that I need to talk to Joe about this they're trying to make this this fling seem like it's a Jane Austen novel and it's not It's just two horny people on a boat together. And, like, I swear to God, if I have to hear Joe say one more time, like, I've never felt something like this before.

34:39This is new for me. I'm like, I don't know. Do you want an award? Do you get an award for liking someone you don't? Yeah, and get the gold medal. Just enjoy it. Yeah, and get the gold medal for not cheating on somebody that he's been dating for two days. Yeah. It's like, yes. I've never done this before. I've never done this. I've never been like this before. Oh, grandpappy. so now we go back up to the deck and Kathy is still supervising these idiots in the hot tub and Imran's like hey Kathy can I pee off the boat I do it on my own yeah yeah she's like you have an absolutely gorgeous bathroom in your cabin to use he's like no it's three floors down I'll take a thing on my wiener for you Kathy yeah you can see a rich person's wiener yeah see I don't want to see your penis because, you know, my mother did have a taxi company growing up.

35:32So, you know, you understand. She's like, actually, I don't know what you're getting at. Well, you wouldn't understand if you don't have taxi in your blood. She's like, I'll just stand here. My penis will go. I won't drip, Kathy. Come on, let me piss off the thing. And she's like, listen, I have a very checkered past, all right? My friends and family are always super jealous that I get to travel the world on these luxury yachts and look what I deal with. wrinkly penis Imran dangling its ding ding off the side of a boat to make a little pee pee do you know how difficult it is for me my friends are so jealous they say oh you get to travel the world but you can't just travel when in your mind you're just thinking about how big the fare's gonna be all day long I just think five dollars, six dollars seven dollars, eight dollars it's torture I tell you, torture he's like well can't it's the captain's going to kick me off She's like, well, I don't think she would appreciate it.

36:28So she's like, this is what you call Instagram versus reality. We see reality, Imran, and then we see the Instagram. And it's that lady from Real Housewives of Potomac, Angel. It's looking 20. So Kathy's like, all right. Instagram was the name of my mother's taxi company. You say, do you need grandma in an instant? And then she'd show up in a yellow cab. so he's like yeah there's too many rules i'm gonna pee downstairs because that would make me so happy thank you so much

37:05so by the way if you pee off the side of your own yacht then why aren't you on your own yacht that's what i've got exactly that's the thing then why are you why are you on some discount tv yacht yeah this is a tv yacht we all know this is like not true five-star yachting right you know it's gonna be shitty remember when there was that horrible lady who got kicked off the boat that time and she was like yeah i got a yacht i got my own yacht that's right i'm a boat person motherfuckers and then we found out she was just one of those people who lived on like a little tugboat or something so was that dolores that was dolores dolores yeah not she was not that Democrats lady so Imran and Michael are wandering around the boat and they're in their robes they're drunk they're like knocking on their friend's door and everything and Kathy's sort of like monitoring and now they're in their hallway the guest hallway and then Michael just drops his glass because he's drunk and it shatters on the floor and they're all barefoot and Kathy is like you've got to be fucking kidding me so she kind of just tells them both like okay time for you to go into your rooms and Joe Joe starts to clean up and I like when Kathy looks at Joe and she goes I'm a raccoon.

38:15I look cute but if it comes out again I do bite.

38:21And I like how she talked to them because she was like alright alright both of you go to your rooms. You go to that room. You go to that room. Have a nice sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. It's like yes Kathy. Yeah I love that. Kathy's great. I think I feel like Kathy will could be on the track to be a below deck franchise for Stu. Like I think that she could be, she could kind of graduate to that level because she seems like she's really good at her job. A Chiefs team? Like a Chiefs team, sorry. Yeah, Chiefs team. And like she's good at her job. She has just enough like sort of judginess in her eyes to sort of like really do the role.

39:02And that's it. There's no third thing. She's just, she's good. I'm going to need some more one-liners. Yeah, but I thought the Raccoon thing was sort of I enjoyed the, yeah. I get it, but I think she's on the track. She's on the track. I need more scathing one-liners in the diary room, I think. But, you know, she's just starting. You know what? Give her a chance. Give her a chance, I say. So it's the next morning at 6.30 a.m. My lisp is getting worse lately. What do you think that is? Is my tongue getting bigger? Am I getting bigger? Is that a thing that happens? You might need an Invisalign. Maybe your teeth should be moving.

39:40your teeth may may be moving slightly out of position and you may need invisalign to sort of get them is that what it is my teeth are moving so my lisp is worse yeah because your teeth are in a different position your god your tongue is not hitting where it needs to be your i thought i was as gay as they come not coming out as well as they should like if i was in heaven and i was putting together a menu of who i wanted to be and i was like i want to be the gayest i can possibly be i would be i'm that gay like how can i be any gayer and then i get more of a lisp and now i have a whistle lisp where i like some of the words i whistle with my tongue i go i can't even do it now but you'll hear it i mean what the hell man leave me alone tops that would be very gay that's true well maybe i could be gare thanks ben here comes one right now

40:37okay so now it's the morning and um kizzy is talking to josh and telling him she hears voices i hear voices too they're yours and they're fucking annoying yeah and she's setting the table and everything and nathan is like oh that's a good sight you're bent over at the table she's like hey shut up nathan no and uh now um v is getting the jet ski on the hook and everything. Everyone's getting ready. And Captain Sandy is like, oh my God, I love Sweep Sweep. Wind is out of control. God, there's so much wind this week. Ugh, guest star. Wind with guest star of gusts. Oh, I love a crossover. 22 knots landing.

41:22God, I love this show. Good crossover. Ever since Taylor Sheridan took over, wind has been so good. Wind now has giant trucks in it. Everybody, every piece of wind trucks in it. Gigantic Once they got Billy Bob Thorne in wind, it's really been very compelling.

41:42So now Nathan is telling Max, no fucking around today. Just do your job, all right. And he's like, okay. So then Captain Sandy calls Nathan to the bow. We're going to start hauling the anchor. So Aisha is reading Kathy's notes from the night before. She's got like 10 sticky notes out. And one of hers is like, went to bed at 3 a.m. after chasing Mike and Imran around the boat, cleaning shattered glass. Might sleep an extra hour, feeling rough. Don't question me, Kathy. Now, wait a second. There's three more notes here. The first note says chocolate. The second one says chocolate. And the third one says chocolate.

42:24What does that mean? Ah.

42:34I'm leaving these on sticky notes. Unfortunately, I can't find a sticky man. Am I right? Hack.

42:44So everyone's cleaning and everything. And Aisha tells Kizzy to set the table. And she's like, by the way, Kizzy, you look absolutely wonderful for Trollope. Look, look, I love you so much. You're doing such a great job. You're the star of the inside. area where no one can see you she starts like humping her she's like yeah you're doing so good oh yeah oh yeah and then nathan goes to see captain sandy and she's like hey when we dock we're gonna have wind ding ding ding so it's important that you're precise okay because yesterday was a tough day for you guys all right i need you to be more of a boss be a boss bring that professionalism for me here's my finger in your face you see it i see it right up my nose All right, be a boss Be a boss Listen, listen If they're going to cast Joan Allen on wind Then you have to be a boss Because everyone's upping their game around here, okay?

43:42So now, uh, Joe and V, more flirting They're like, oh my god I've never met anybody like you I've never met anybody like you Yeah, I'm like so crazy Like my boyfriend died Yeah, well, how do you feel about it? I hope that you're fine with me sticking my wiener in your feelings Oh yeah, I'm ready for it Yeah, don't be afraid of my feelings. I'm totally ready for it. I've never felt like this ever before. So Aisha is now talking to Mike and she's like, I heard you at night last night. And then the lady is like, yeah, his nickname is Crazy Mike for a reason. He has mental illness, unfortunately. So we're just trying to make him comfortable.

44:25His nickname was Crazy Mike. Wow, what a fascinating person. You know, if your nickname is something that basic, you are just a boring-ass human being. Crazy Mike Electronics. Yeah. Like, he sells stereos down in, like, 8th Avenue. Crazy Mike. Crazy Mike. We do your oil changes for$5 off every Wednesday. We are crazy. Max brings some stuff to Kathy's cabin, and he's like, And she's like, no, thank you. when I'm serious with a girl they become family to me because when I was younger my mother cheated on my father and after my father cheated on my mother and then they divorced and my mother left and then my father kicked me out of my house and so I did feel like a little bit of a madame and like all the love I don't have parents and I put them in a relationship and like did not my subconscious like I just want a great new family because I have all this love and I never had a love before that's very nice Max but did either of your cheating parents own a taxi company don't think so So, sorry, not as compelling as me.

45:32Yeah, his whole thing is sad. You know, like his parents cheated on each other. They hated each other. So they divorced. And I guess he got dumped by both of them. Like, it's one of those things where the parents don't really fight for the kid. They're just like, you take him. No, you take him. No, you take him. And then nobody took him, I guess, is what happened, which is sad. You know, and that's what's good. But he's like, you know, since I don't have love for my parents, I take it all out in my relationship. So deep down on my subconscious, I like to create a family. It's not your subconscious.

46:02Like you're doing it. You know you're doing it. Yeah. You know? Sounds healthy. What could go wrong? I'm just mad as parents are like, do you want idiot son? He just put a touch. He just tried to pet a jellyfish again. Like, no. Why would I want a jellyfish petting son? You take him. No, but you're the one who taught him about jellyfish. Yeah, but you're the one who told him to pet things. No, I did not. Okay. Neither of us take him. Leave him in the park. It's France. It'll be whimsical. Truly. I mean, because you watch this show and, you know, you hear a story like this and it's really heartbreaking because he seems like a sweet guy.

46:37But then you're like, well, I've watched Max on two seasons now. What are you leaving out of this story? Because part of me is one. Did you set the house on fire because you left the stove on? Did you let, you know, some stranger borrow your mom's car and just drive it out into the middle of nowhere? What did you do? he was probably bouncing off those walls nonstop he was probably a very very active child i mean it also like his behavior kind of makes sense when he tells that story because he does sort of seem like he's kind of paused in like a 14 year old adolescence you know 13 or 14 year old sort of state of mind and he's like he does like require a lot of attention you want so much and he it probably does come from the fact that his parents have basically scuttled him to the side which is sad but also yeah he's a lot oh my god I'm team parent we're like this is so sad but also I get it okay so Max brings up kissing her and he's like sandwich you know he's so nice I totally get why his parents abandoned him but you know what look at his work ethic yeah exactly that's a backhanded sandwich it was a croissant sandwich no No, it is actually truly sad.

47:53But I get it. But not compare, unless you have a taxi involved, I'm sorry. Seriously, I know. If you want me to feel for things, get a taxi cab in your family. Like, I'm sorry, we have a defrauded realtor pass, we have clown commune pass, and we have taxi cab confessions pass. So, like, parental trauma, that's just, like, so run-of-the-mill. That's like the crazy Mike of backstories. Sorry. I don't know. I just feel like if you have somebody that knows their parents don't like them, then you have somebody that's actually been paying attention. Because I think a lot of us just don't really pay attention to what our parents are really thinking.

48:29Thankfully, my mom will just say it out loud. There's no wondering on my end. She likes me some of the time, and some of the time she's like, no. So there's no wondering, you know. Well, anyway, point is not about me. Max is trying to kiss this girl again. He's all over. He's way too much. He is way too much. And the thing I think that's bothering me is that he's way too much and he knows he's too much. But then he excuses being too much by being too much and being like, oh, my God, am I too much? I'm too much. I know I'm too much. Come here. Give me kiss. You take off your clothes. I take off my clothes.

49:00I love you so much. Would you like to get married? You want to get married? Oh, I'm too much. I'm too much. It's because of my mommy. Get your hands off me, sir. I'm trying to get ready for work. yeah i think like putting all this energy onto a british stew who likes to scowl it's just it may not work out it may not work out i don't think it's like a fly trying today to fly swatter you know it's just not gonna work out you just know what's coming and i'm rooting for this water

49:33i'm always rooting for this water who doesn't root for this water let's be honest so now it's time for breakfast uh the deck team is getting ready for talking nathan's putting on fenders captain sandy comes up behind him and she's like nathan hi it's me your boss yet okay still not a boss all right put him low because if i'm next to that sail well crunch crunchy crunchy all right yeah okay because remember last time how when you asked me to put out the fenders i said what are we a walking garbage barge and by walking i mean sailing oh god i always be walking on water a little bit. It's a religious experience.

50:08And then this time I'm like, no, get him out. Get him out right now. He's like, okay, that's what I'll do. So then we're in the galley and Isha's talking to Kathy and Josh is there and Isha's like, how bad were they last night? She's like, they were bad, almost as bad as Max, but somehow more charming. I don't know. I'm tired. One of the guests asked Mike, so you guys were really in the hot tub naked? He's like, yeah, we both were. Crazy Mike.

50:37So now Kizzy is pulling off a sheet that's covered with the tanner or the brown stuff, whatever. And Kathy's just kind of watching her. Kizzy's about to barf and Kathy's just like, you can do it. I believe in you. I won't help you, but I'm sure you can do this. All right, lads. We're going to be docking. It's going to be a challenge. A boss challenge. That's what I've been told. It's extremely windy. Oh, my God. It's on TV again. I thought it wasn't until tomorrow night. Oh, geez. I'm running back to the TV. I'll be right there. Oh, my God. Is that David Strathairn? Wow. All star casting for Sweeps Week.

51:13Wow. Wow. We're going to have the same setup in the stern. Me and Joe and V. And once he's done, he'll come up and let's fucking bring it back. Get the focus in. Get the game faces on. We have. Forget. Boss. Be a boss. But not them. Can't have multiple bosses. What are you trying to give your jab away? All right, be an employee. Oh, that wasn't very inspiring, Nathan. All right, God, I can't do anything right on this. Be a consultant. Be a, be a, be a, be someone, be someone who's on a, on a, on a, a brief, a brief contract. Good enough. So, uh, back at breakfast, Imran's like, oh, Kathy's going to be a great mother, Aisha.

51:55The way she yelled at us last night, yes. God, I'll just whip my dick out right there and start a pin. She's like, I'm so pleased. And then Kizzy is cleaning or whatever, and Kathy's like, So are you in a good mood? Do we have to pander to your little tantrum for being indoors while I'm up there getting a penis whipped out of my face? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Oh, I'm sad. Kathy's like, so over this. There's like this fucking twit down here. And now it's time for the talking. The wind meter is showing on screen, and it's 12 knots, guys. 12 knots. Uh-oh, it's 17 knots. It is 17. Well, according to Sandy, the screen says 12 knots.

52:37And Sandy's like, it's 17 knots. 17 knots, guys. 27 knots. Oh, my God. And they just cast Maria Bello, too. Wow, it's just an all-star cast. Wind is out of control this week. And everyone outside is like, oh, my God, it's so windy. It's so windy. God, the wind is blowing, isn't it? It's 22 knots. It's 22 knots. The knots are nothing. The knots are nothing. Oh, no. Oh, the bow thruster went out. I got no bow thrusters. Oh, my God. If I take a bow, more like, where's the bow? I can't do it. What's happening? We're going to crash. We're going to crash into the sailboat. Are the fenders out? God, I don't care if we look like a garbage vessel.

53:15Just get the fenders out and save the sailboat. Oh, geez, it's not working. This darn boat's not working. And I like that Captain Sandy fixes things the way I do. She's like, oh, my God, the button's not working. Press it. The button's not working. Press it. the button's not working press it the button's not working that's exactly how i fix things and you know shockingly it somehow works sometimes sometimes well like my parking i'm playing chicken with my garage door opener at the moment because it needs a new battery and it's at that point we have to hit it like 10 times before it finally like connects okay i will send a signal but i'm like i refuse to bring it into inside to replace the battery even though i have the battery, a little circle battery that goes in it.

54:01And I'm like, no, no, I'm not bringing it inside. I'm getting every last ounce of juice in this garage door. But you know, the moment that I lose that game of chicken, I'm going to be like, the garage door is not opening. This is so annoying. I'm going to have to park the car on the street, and I have to come inside and come back out. It'll be actually 10 times worse, but I refuse to do it. But that's kind of the same thing, just pressing the button. It would have been nice to get some warning.

54:23And then she's like, Ben, Ben, get over here, because I guess the first mate's name is Ben. I was like, okay, I'll be right there. I'm so obedient. I'm like walking through the TV. I'm like, I will help you, Captain Sandy. Yeah. And so the real cast comes in to help, which I like. I like when the real, the real cast has had to come out a few times recently. We've seen them and we know, cause they don't work out. Like, you know, like a real boat worker. Cause they don't have any muscle tone. They're just like, wow. They've always got a sandwich in one hand. Like what's not working. It's the button.

54:55They always look like they should be like, you know, talking shit outside of a deli somewhere. So she's like, the bed, it's not working. The bow. They're like playing dice outside of a deli. I gotta go have that Sandy again. It's like the Sopranos. It's like when they hang out outside that meat shop. You know, like, okay, guess we gotta go fix the bow thruster, huh? You know. So we come back, still no thruster. And so someone comes to help her. And then the phone, the guests don't know. They're on their phones. They're like, whatever. It's amazing. Like, I can't even park into like a regular parking space.

55:27and she's perking into this. And meanwhile, Captain Sandy's like, where can he hit that sailboat? Oh, God. So ultimately, I think what happens is that they have to throw the ropes to the dock, to the workers on the dock in a specific way. And basically, they just get pulled in. They just get towed into the spot. They get towed in. They have to do it at kind of an angle. Like they throw the, instead of the center pole, they have to do it to one over the left or whatever. So it pulls them a little bit differently. My captain's like, wow, the deck needs to pull those lines in a certain place. And we, we need to use the windlass is to pull the boat over.

56:02Okay. Wow. One little wrong move could end our charter season. Milliseconds matter. So hold on. I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do. The button's broken. The button's broken. The button's broken. Hold on one second. It looks like we're about to crash in that sailboat and our season's about to be, it's about to end. So near, far, wherever you are. I'm sorry. I always sing that right before we sing. Oh, we docked? Oh, great. Great. That's wonderful. Okay. So everything's okay. All right. Take a rest, Celine Dion. Okay. You live another day. Congratulations. You've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap.

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