#3100 Vanderpump Rules S12E1 Part 2: A Whole New SUR-ld

0:21Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about this is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

0:37So Kim is like, oh, my God, we're like literally sharing$500 with eight servers. Like, so we're going to make like$50. I love that for us. Oh, my God. I can't believe I'm basically living in destitution just to be on a TV show. Yeah. So now they're going to get ready. And Demi's like, oh, my God, someone's in my favorite bathroom. Who's in there? Kimberly. God damn it, Kimberly.

1:00Kimberly it's my favorite bathroom It's the only bathroom Exactly So we go to the Belmont And outside Kimberly's walking with her boyfriend Marcus And she's like hey Marcus do I look chunk or do I look fine Babe He's like who cares babe you look great Um you forgot Kimberly's important backstory Sorry Oh I thought you just did it Sorry go ahead No this is it I moved to LA from New York about two years ago But I'm not a stereotypical New Yorker I'm too zen Just kidding. I'm as type A as they come. The girls at SUR have become like my sisters here in LA. We love like sisters. And we also fight like sisters.

1:38But to be clear, it's never my fault. Yeah, she really, really bit off a lot. She really reads those lines. Yeah. She really reads the lines. So they order stuff. Natalie gets a double Tito's with a splash of lemon. And Marcus does an 805. important stuff to know Audrey's like can I just do a tequila and ginger with a lime things Audrey's our scream queen right yeah just want to double check still just learning those names so Marcus is like Demi I'm not coming to work for the next three days from that bullshit shift I just worked you know what they had me do I had to actually walk up to strangers who were sitting at a table ask them what they want to eat like who does that that's crazy so they're all like no my shift was the worst no my shift was the worst and And Ellie's like, nah, mine was because Lisa was angry with me, you guys.

2:29What? But like, no one did what you did. She's like, guys, my ex is driving me crazy right now. Yeah, I love how she says her ex. That's just like so funny. Just to be clear, I had Paolo first. We're like, oh, you stole from Demi? You stole from like the assistant manager of Sir? Damn. And also, Paolo's really pulling some young ladies. My goodness. He really is. Yeah. That's how they do it at 54. Good God. That's how you do it. Yeah. I'm like, am I still too young for double A-R-P? Double A-R-P. I want a discount for a movie or something. Kim says, Demi was dating Paolo literally up until the day that Natalie started dating Paolo.

3:13So, you know what that means. And Natalie says, Demi and I weren't even friends yet. Like, I didn't even know what their relationship was. and I can't help that he started making out with me in the middle of the Abbey. Why do all these straight people keep going to the Abbey and making out? Get out of our bar. That's not the place to do it. Get out of our bar. Stop it. Enough. Stop having storylines there. God. Just because What's Her Bones made a song about it. What's her face? The Pink Pony Club girl. Yeah. Now you all think it's just your makeout place. Get out of here. Look, this was a Sandoval and Raquel makeout session.

3:47Yeah. It's been going on long before. Not fair. Rome. Miss Chapel Rome. Take it to the Belmont. We have our own district for a reason. Demony's like, that's bullshit. Everyone knew that Paolo and I were a thing. And back at the Belmont, Shane's like, okay, but is he older than your dad or younger than your dad? He's younger than my dad. He's like younger than my dad and my stepdad. Are you happy? He's like, okay, that's a brag. And she's like, well, talk about the girl that you brought tonight. Call time, my ass. You told me you would never bring a girl into my workplace. And you're so interested in me.

4:27And then you did it anyway, Shane Davis. He's like, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. You know what? You're right. So I apologize about it. Here's the thing, okay? Give me attention and I'll give it back to you. I mean, I feel like my celebrity crush is Ryan Gosling in the notebook. And it kind of looks like Shane because they both have eyes and a nose. I'm not mad at you I'm just saying He's like yeah Well I'm not gonna lie to you though Cause I was like Crashing the fuck out What? Yeah Why? Cause I was like I'm kind of feeling this girl I don't think she's feeling me So like I fucked up I'm sorry But I'll make it up to you alright We'll see You like Jeeps?

5:08You like Jeeps? I got one Yeah I love a Jeep Top down Make it up to you Yeah Can we go to the beach After school in your Jeep? Yo, do I get a hug or no? Do I get a hug or no? Okay, I guess I'll just slide into your arms a little bit. I'm still a little bit. Yeah, yeah, I got a hug. Yeah. Yeah. So then Venus comes in to add his storyline. He's like, I'm a whore for cargo pants. And Audrey comes in with her storyline. I'm a whore for cargo pants. Well, just for any pants. Yeah, she's like, I'm a whore for pants. he's like no like i'm more of a whore for coats she goes oh my god faux fur coat leather coat faux leather coat parka rain jacket windbreaker anorak any sort of coat snow i'll even coat a snow that works for me anything with a coat denim venus goes yeah you're reading my mind denim on denim yeah denim on denim on denim on Dana Beyonce, motherfucker.

6:13Trump that gay. So back to Marcus and he's talking to Chris and he's like, hey, cheers for riding the fucking wave together, bro. Man, did they make you actually walk up to tables and have to take orders? Crazy, am I right? I'm going to hit you up, man. Cheers to friendship. I think it's a good time. So then Chris leans over the table to grab Natalie's drink and Natalie hugs Marcus and now Kim's mad. And Demi's like, why are you looking upset right now because like i see it in your face you look like really mad she's like oh my god look at natalie natalie's one of my closest friends here in la i just said we were like sisters but ever since her breakup she's been looking for attention in all the wrong places including my boyfriend flashback to 12 hours earlier mark is saying to to natalie how do you feel we've been really in a good i'm sorry saying this to kim whoa freudian slip we've been really in a good place these last few days.

7:11Ha ha. And Kim's like, yeah, I haven't felt this good about our relationship since we started dating. And he's like, you're not mad at me at all? She's like, no, I'm not mad at you. I will be mad at you if you keep hugging Natalie and texting her though. Back to the present after he just hugged Natalie against explicitly against Kim's rules. Kim's telling us Natalie was like sending Marcus a good morning text, which is like not appropriate to send anyone you're not dating. Okay. at first I'm like this that's stupid but I wouldn't like that if some girl was sending my boyfriend good morning like who does that I agree I think good morning text is a little bit that's weird a little flirty yeah that is weird so Marcus Marcus is like okay well um hey Natalie we have some things that me and you will only understand like that time I put my penis in your vagina last night remember that we only understand it our secret yeah um go ahead though.

8:07We have our banter. We have our banter though. And we have our friendship. And it's like not romantic. It's like so not romantic. Yeah. Like we are like crash out queens. We're just two queens that crash out and then have sex afterwards. That's not romantic. Yeah. Like I love you but like I'm not interested in you. Like look at you. Gross. I've got Shane Davis after me after all. He's like oh my god Shane Davis. Fuck yeah. That guy fuck. Yeah. She don't came for that guy. But like I'm not into you either. And that's why it's cool. We're just friends. Right? oh my god then she's sending him pictures of heels like that's a guy's fantasy to see heels they're called fuck me in heels for a reason i mean like really yeah well i told shane um she's a crash out queen i love her to death but demi's like you do not love her to death you guys really aren't even friends kim's like thank y 'all thank y 'all you know it's like oh my god like what's happening guys are we talking about denim on denim on denim they're telling me that like natalie that me and Natalie aren't even friends.

9:07Like, what the hell? And Kim's like, you're not friends. Natalie's like, I'm sorry. We're not friends. That's like saying that me and Shane Davis aren't an item. She's like, you're not. You're not friends. And Demi's like, yeah, you guys are friendly, but you're not friends for sure. And so they're all fighting. Like, are Natalie and Mark his friends or not? And Natalie's like, he literally called me his sister. And Kim's like, you guys don't even know anything about each other aside from what's going on, sir. Okay? so like okay that's not true Kimberly that's not fucking true at all I'm mad I use your full name oh my god don't you dare triple syllable me bitch and then we just cut to this guy this older guy with a mustache just staring at everyone like what happened I used to come here and do shots with my bros and now I'm the old man on the street looking at the youngsters fighting at the Belmont and Kim's like I will literally fuck up everyone here And Audrey's like, Kim being upset with Natalie, wanting to be friends with Marcus, what are we in the 1900s?

10:14They should have just cut back to that guy with the mustache and the fucking weird Newsies hat. I know. So Kim is like, I mean, so, okay, if you have friends with him, what are his sister's names? You don't even know them. Uh-uh. You don't know. And Venus is like, well, I don't know. And Marcus is like see And Audrey says yeah but Just because they have like a wiener and she Had not had a wiener like does that mean That one can't be friends with the other this is Just psychotic This is like some 1900 Psychotic bullshit am I right So 1997 This is like Jane Boston

10:54So Marcus is like this is a dumb conversation I'm not gonna do it I'm not gonna Do it anymore and why can't we be fucking friends nobody said that both of you were saying it natalie's like i have actual photographic evidence that marcus and i've been friends since before any of us ever even knew kimberly okay here it is i was at marcus's birthday in 2023 and they've been dating for how long not even a year so he also likes to say i'm a little sister to him and last i checked Incest is not okay. Yeah, our friendship goes back so long, like at least 18 months. So like we are very well established from 2023, which we know is basically the beginning of time.

11:37There was like a different president then. Yeah, in 2023, it was crazy. There hadn't even been an Olympics in Paris yet. It was that long ago. So then outside, Kim is crying inside and Venus is lecturing Marcus. He's like, you need to stand up for Natalie. He's like, Venus, you want me to take Natalie's side over my girlfriend? OK, listen, you know what I have to go home to? She's going to be crazy. And I've already defended Natalie. And now I'm going to get in trouble for defending Natalie. And already my girlfriend's like, do not fucking touch me because you defended Natalie. OK, yeah. But so basically what you're saying is like you're going to let Natalie look like a dumbass bitch.

12:17all night rather than stand up for her. You're not even letting her have a denim jacket to put on something else. That's denim. Not even any denim on denim for your own girlfriend. I don't know about that. Like, I'm already in trouble, Venus, okay? He's like, yeah, okay, I know, I get it. So then we, in that scene, we know it's not gonna end well with those two because this girl's a crazy drama queen and she's dating someone who's gonna bring her nothing but drama. So this is one of those couples, like as someone in the restaurant, I would steer clear. this couple because it's that couple in high school that's just like oh my god we have so much drama that's why we're popular and they're always like every day is their new drama i'm busy and you're not have time for your shit okay it's badly scripted yeah it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial so now we go to audrey rollerblading by the beach we're getting a lot of beach scenes which is shocking because this is like a West Hollywood show and in the original show they would definitely go to the beach but not as often as this in one episode because it's like a schlep.

13:23And they were also honest. Like they would go to the beach but they'd be like, oh my God, I drove two hours for this. So why do I have to fight with him today? I haven't been to the beach, like the LA beach in, well actually I went in August. It was like my first time and before August it had been pre-pandemic since I went to the beach. it's like it's it's work to get out there when you're when you're on the side of the 405 yeah so um audrey's rollerblading and then she kind of like falls over and then venus is like basically painting like a jacked torso and he's like oh my god this is like my dream man a man with no head i should have painted him with a dick wow he's missing both of his heads so then uh chris and jason get together and um they're practicing a script because uh jason's in acting class.

14:11He's like, yeah, I got class every Thursday, bro. He's like, what script is this? It's The Graduate. You want to be Mrs. Robinson? You're basically trying to fuck me. You know, he's like, who's Mrs. Robinson?

14:25He doesn't get it. But now we have Marcus and Shane are going to bro out at the gym. So Marcus is like, hey man, looking swole already. I'm going to be a 2 out of 10 today on effort. He's like, oh really? two out of ten let's make it a three out of ten buddy yeah Shane's probably like my longest friend in LA because I've known him for 11 years now we're old it's like a rat race out here and it's so helpful like someone's doing the same thing as you namely coke even though he doesn't do that anymore yeah we're signed to the same modeling agency so we'd go to the same casting but you know like I'd lose if he'd win but still Shane's like yeah it's very hard to compare with the Shane Meister I was flown to In My City by Calvin Klein.

15:09I got to walk for Balmain. I got to walk for Lacoste, Izod, Penguin, you name it. And Marcus is like, yeah, I'm the budget model. I'm some random person who, when some random person needs to hire a model and pay$500 to you, I'm your boy. Like, you know, this is the guy who's like on the cover of like the random Halloween costume you got from Spirit Halloween store. Like, this is the guy in like the policeman outfit, right? or like in the toga yeah the front of the print model yeah he's got the they're trying to give him the jack storyline but with the schwartz resume basically that's correct but but actually like shane like i mean those are like legitimate credits that he has and they show some of his like modeling day stuff and they're they're much more legit than than jack i mean jacks was like a model and we always talk about how we remember jack's pre-vanderpump rules around la he went to my gym.

16:03You just would see him around. You went to castings with him. Jax was hot, hot, hot, but he wasn't doing this kind of modeling. And he was doing, I think, like, he was modeling, but not like this. But Shane Davis, I don't know why I'm like... Shane Davis! I don't know why I'm making some case for Shane Davis being a better model. He's also a fuckboy idiot as well. I like that you have such energy for, like, washed-up male models. You're like, well... Guys, we have to make a difference. We have to understand who's in what tier. So Marcus is like, Like, whoa, how did they go with what's-her-face call time?

16:34And he was like, Nika, I was nervous. But then later, bro, when Nat called me, she was like, she was calling me up. But she was, like, smiling at me. And I was like, whoa, shit turned her on, bro. So I don't know, man. What are we like? Why are we like crazy-ass women, bro? Man, bro, dude. I don't fucking know, dude. I don't know. Speaking of crazy women, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da. so now we go over to Kim's apartment where Venus is there and Venus is like how are you and of course Kim is the person that goes I've had better days so they sit and talk about what else her boyfriend she's like oh my god I'm losing my mind tell me from your perspective what you saw with Natalie and I what did you see you were saying that Marcus and Natalie aren't close but Natalie's being told that they're like sisters I don't know I've heard him tell her that So she is kind of right.

17:32Which I hate. Yeah. And at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And that's all you can say for the life of the... The life of the us, you mean? I feel like the common denominator is Marcus. So now we go back to the gym and Marcus is like, yeah, you don't even know the rest of the fucking story, man. The Belmont was just like the tip of the iceberg. Like as soon as we leave, dude, it all turned on me, bro. I get back to her place and she's like, oh, you're such a joke. Still with such a shitty boyfriend How are you going to let someone yell at me I would never do that So what the hell do you want me to do I'm like what do you want me to do You know That's what I was saying It was crazy Yeah so then we come back to Kim She's like yeah So we come back here And he does this typical Marcus thing Where he's like a wuss And he doesn't want to deal with it So he just goes out to smoke a cigarette I'm like you want to smoke a fucking cigarette And we start the couch on fire So I started the couch on fire And he was like oh my god The couch is on fire I was like why don't you cry More you fucking pussy Yeah I'm like you're just a joke of a boyfriend fucking joke I love that her so basically and her story is like I was yelling at him he went outside to get away from me so then I started crying inside and then he wouldn't even come in and console me for crying like I love when people do that like I can't believe I can't believe you didn't even console me when I was crying you for me yelling at you so he basically told her that like you know what shut up you're drunk and he left so now he goes back we go back to Marcus he's like yeah she kept on calling me a joke of a boyfriend friend saying you're a fucking joke.

18:58Mind you, I knew I had to come to work out with your ass today, Shane Davis. Yeah, that's right. And I'm trying to sleep and I don't give a shit. She's like, I don't give a shit you're trying to sleep. Is your workout with Shane more important to you? And I'm like, kind of, yeah, man. He's like a pretty big model. And she's like, I don't care about a big model. Well, you should because we're in Los Angeles. It's a privilege to work out with Shane Davis. That's right, you tell her. And she still wouldn't believe me. It was five in the morning and I finally just had to leave. Five in the morning, bro.

19:25Five in the morning. Bro, you should have just told her About me

19:32Wow, good thing you didn't have a call time Like Deacon, am I right? So Kim's like, and then he leaves Typical Marcus So I'm calling him a hundred times Because I just started having a panic attack Which is like a serious thing, right? And so I'm freaking out, texting him and calling him Like answer the phone Yeah, and then on the way home I just hear my phone vibration, dog Non-stop, bro, vibrating, non-stop And I'm just not looking at it Kim's like yeah All you have to do is pick up the phone Pick up the 100 phone calls from me And it's gonna be fine Man that's so dangerous I'm glad you didn't drive your jeep off the road You do have a jeep right You do have a jeep right And Venus is like As the only gay person here Let me tell you Marcus and Kim are constantly Circling the three F's Flirting fighting and fucking Yeah If someone called me a hundred times I would call the fucking police I'd be like help Help Put that in the trailer Marcus is like okay so then I check her location And who do I see coming up the canyon And Shane's like her little dog was coming Right up the canyon bro He's like yeah bro her dog was coming So I go outside I open the door And I walk to my bed and she's like She didn't say one word but then she woke up She's like we're gonna talk about this And I'm like fuck no we're not going to talk about this I got a workout with Shane motherfucking Davis Bro Bro you're totally ruining My workout with Shane fucking Davis I'm only going to be able to put in an effort Of two because of you man So Kim is like yeah I didn't really think Like it's like you know I think the reality is My comfortability with your friends Him and Demi have been friends for years And years before me and nothing's ever happened And they're friends fine Now, on the other hand, this is a new friendship, okay?

21:23This is a brand new—it doesn't go as far back as 2023, which, as we all know, is like—I don't know. Is that like a decade from today? I don't know. They do not have the same history. And Marcus is like, yeah, like, what the hell, bro? And Shane goes, yeah, bro, maybe we should just be single. He's like, yeah, maybe that's what they're trying to say to us, bro. So Venus is like, you know what, though? All this behavior is going to aid you, Kim. Like, it's a tell, you know? Like, you gotta tell the man. Oh, it's a tell the man to shut the fuck up 2025 that we're gonna have. Yeah, girl.

21:59So then, now we're back at Sir. And Lisa arrives. And there is Nathalie. Not to be confused with Nathalie. This is Nathalie, who, you know, has been with us for years and years. And Lisa's like, oh, bonjour. Comment ça va? And Nathalie's like, ça va. Ça va. Merde. Merde. Today, I was watching the camera. because I was looking for something that I lost. And Marcus was swinking in the little bar kitchen, telling Jason how to do it, how to sneak it in. And then he comes over here chatting with Venus at the bar. They are casually asking about it, and they give us two shots. And then they look at shot, and then they sneak to drink some more.

22:37Lisa, Lisa. What did Natalie lose? She's like, I lost a cup's worth of sangria. Where could it be? Must look at the tips. So Lisa's like, listen. This isn't the first time we've heard this bullshit. There's a new sheriff in town and her name is Miss Magic. Okay, and I mean, do we suspend all four of them? How's that going to hurt the business? Okay, America, time to hear some hard truths. I know that people will sneak a drink here and there. I mean, this isn't my first rodeo, that's for sure. But this is 2025. It's not 2013. So has HR now, which stands for Handsome Raconteur. We have to crack down Hustlers and Roto-rooters HR Sir has HR, we've got to crack down Sir Natalie's like, I'm going to cry I'm for real, it's not respect Well, we've been struggling At least you're not to have the support of your staff No, no, no Broken bird I looked so hard for broken birds In this new generation, not realizing There was one under me this whole time.

23:50Oh, America. But we ourselves are in our own broken bird. West Hollywood, the brokenest bird of all, was the center of nightlife in Los Angeles. But since COVID, it never seemed to recover. Please show some footage of a black plastic bag blowing across Robertson Avenue. Tso-so. Oh, sir has survived, but it has not been thriving. I'm going to have a staff meeting. And if that's not good enough, then whoosh. Do you understand smoke bomb? Where's the smoke bomb? Somebody, please. All right, hand me Jiggy. Hand me the Jiggy. I already made the decision to say goodbye to one baby. And they show footage of Pump.

24:30No, Max, show the footage of Max. Okay.

24:36I'm not going to do it again. So now we go to Lisa. She's like, all right, shit like this goes on. We're going to catch it, Diana. I mean, whatever your name is, we're going to deal with it. And I know it's been a really hard few months for you, hard few months, but we've survived over the years. And we're going to survive now. Okay, Natalie, now get it together and remember that this segment was decorated. This segment was directed by Ken Burns. We'll get through it. We will bring West Hollywood back to life. so meanwhile young Natalie arrives at a recording studio and meets her producers Daniel and Dave and she's like I always knew I was going to be a singer actor Ariana Grande grew up in the neighborhood next to me and she made it really big really young so like why not me I mean we grew up in the same mall we grew up eating the same Italian food Trattoria Romana hello like we are literally putting the same stuff in our bodies to the same sound should be coming out of our bodies too great logic She likes tacos I like tacos Superstar So Daniel's like Alright take it from the top Alright just do whatever feels good And she's At first she sounds really good Because she has some riffs and stuff But most of her singing really is just like But it sounds on key mostly She's like okay Should we do a little bit more of like a Or do we want a little more riff Yeah, well, I'm writing this song called Passenger, which I like because that's a callback to Stassi's Dark Passenger from Dexter, which he always had.

26:16And I wrote it after I went on a date with someone for the first time after my breakup because I met this guy on Hinge and then I had sex for the first time in six months and it was amazing. So I wrote a song about it. Yeah. He was like a passenger. It's like, pull up, get in, then I drive, then I stop, because there's a stoplight. Stoplight, and then you say, what's going on with you? And then I'm like, not much with you, because he's a passenger. Okay, Dave, Dave and Dan, okay, let's do a straight double of the pre, and then, like, we'll do, like, a, see, I know every part of me. And then we'll do, like, we'll go back to the chorus, and I'll do, like, thinking that I know every part of me.

26:52It's like, yeah, that's great, man. So Demi comes. She's like, hi, I happen to be in the neighborhood. Like, totally normal place for a talk, music studio. and she's like you sound great babe great why don't you hear me sing some more no no that's okay okay

27:13fire babe as in I want to set fire to myself after listening to that babe thank you I bet you feel something so trash babe it means the opposite of what it sounds like okay so yeah let's hang out okay let's hang out get out of here and Dave's like yeah we got to get into some production stuff anyway which is why we'll leave you in the production studio and we'll just go to the break room okay you know I'm trying the fact that these producers are named Dan and Dave I'm like semi traumatized because my brother's name is Dan and back in 1992 speaking of the Olympics back in 1992 there was this enormous ad campaign because of these two track and field stars one was named Dan one was named Dave and every commercial was like, Dan or Dave, who's going to win?

27:58Dan or Dave, Dan or Dave, Dan or Dave. And I remember when my brother was going on college tours at the time. So we went to Wheaton College and we're walking around and we have a tour guide. And my dad is like, the guy asked my brother's name and my dad goes, well, you know, those commercials of Dan and Dave? Well, this one's Dan. And the tour guide looked at that. He was confused. He goes like, wait, you're Dan. And then the guy thought he was Dan from the commercials, even though this was a 17 year old kid and that guy was like an Olympian. And then it was so, I was so embarrassed. I was like, dad, stop it.

28:32And my dad was like, Dan and Dave, you know, like Dan and Dave. And I was like, stop it. Every time I hear Dan and Dave, I'm like taken back to being like so mortified by my dad. He's like stealing the valor. I love that.

28:48I liked it. The guy was like, wow, that's an Olympian. Wow. Like takes no fact check. Not even with his eyes. Not even with his eyes. But I was like, of course, I was in 8th grade. I was 7th or 8th grade. I was like, this is so embarrassing. So anyway, so they're two ding-dongs, sit down and talk. So they're talking about Natalie's breakdown at the restaurant. And she actually yelled at Demi, too. And Demi did not like that. She's like, I'm so sorry, Demi. But what set me off was when he was like, if you have anything to say, you can communicate with me through Demi. I mean, after a year and a half of him not wanting to speak to you at all, and this is what I'm saying, it always feels like we're in a love triangle.

29:30Is it really a love triangle of two points of the triangle are triangulating behind the other points back? Actually, it's like a kite. That's like a kite. It's a kite angle. But in the past, I pretty much, I'm over it at this point. Because normally when two girls share an axe, it causes problems. But it just brought us closer together. because like we've both dated a senior citizen. Yeah. So Natalie's like, I value our friendship more than anything. Remind me your name again. Okay. I'm going to cry because like for us to start out the way we did with how complicated it was and for us to get here two years later with you sitting here listening to the smells of Ariana Grande's favorite restaurant coming up through my music.

30:11It just means so much for me. So then we go to Chris and Jason's apartment man. And Chris is like, all right, bro, what are we working with? Yeah, we waxed already. What the fuck? What is this one? Oh, so this is where the boys are hanging out. Like they're going to go surfing. Yeah. They're talking about, is your butthole waxed already? I was like, what, what is this scene? Okay. Surfboards. So we find out that they're half cousins because their moms were half sisters. But yeah, I think if Jason is more of a fucking brother. Yeah, man. And Jason's like, yeah, we look like twins. I actually have an identical twin.

30:48People freak out when they see all three of us together. It's just like too much fucking eyebrows for them. Am I right? Because Jason's eyebrows really, they just, they are tall, wide, and they really have a, they go far. They're big boys, you know? So then Jason's like, hey, let's go to the beach, man. So they go to the beach with their surfboards, and they're like, hey, you need to catch a tan on that white ass. And Chris is like, yeah, if I actually tan my ass it would be burnt as fuck man whoa so they talk about how they weren't close until they both wrestled in high school rawr i mean these two just fuck already and please do it on camera and they're like yeah i'd whip his ass now but like up and down fucking sir instead of the mat we'd write scripts together we travel the world together we got a lot of trouble together that dude's my rock out there ride or die yeah fuck yeah i'll never forget the day he told me it doesn't hurt if you just hold on and think of something else for about five minutes the biggest thing that I'm scared of in life is regret I never want to be on my deathbed and think oh I should have done this I should have done that well that sometimes regret works in a way of like oh I shouldn't have done this and I shouldn't have done that like I shouldn't have gone on Vanderpump Rules but yeah that's fine it's your journey shouldn't have fucked my cousin you know so then Jason's like god I gotta sand in my ass.

32:12Hey, bro, what's better waves, Jersey or Cali? He's like, yeah, I think the waves are better in Jersey to TBH, but like, when I go home, I'm just reminded of why we left. It's a dead end, bro. It's a dead end. It's a meatball and Ikea cul-de-sac. The overall goal of being in LA, I just really want to create as many opportunities as I can. You know, I do modeling, acting. I did two reality dating shows. I also do OnlyFans. It's a good gig, man. Even if you're shirtless in a shower with a little bit of oil on you know it's a good way to connect with people bro so my dream is to do a live action tangled and i'll be the flynn rider i mean i would kill it come on guys look i'm flynn rider guys look at me imagine that's your dream live action tangled bro i'm there i guess he does sort of look like flynn rider now that i'm looking at pictures of it but yeah i love that that's what his gimmick is he's like come on disney cat cast me he's just waiting for I'm sure Disney can't wait to cast the guy from Vanderpump Rule to be the center of one of their multi-million dollar films.

33:17They can't wait to cast an OnlyFans guy in a Disney movie. He's like, yeah, well, Jason says, acting class, it's all picking up, you know? Like, I got asked to do another dancing thing, bro. Remember the thing I was talking about? Yeah, don't say what it was, though, because it was, like, mostly with my cornhole. But, like, I don't know, it could be fun, like my dancing days. Remember Exotic Nights, bro? That was a show. Yeah, man. You know, back then, you know, like, you know, I was always like a really good boy, to be honest. Like, you know, I was kind of like a sexual intellectual. I was like, oh, fuck boy alert.

33:48I was like, I like this guy. Fuck boy alert. The sexual intellectual. And he's like, by the time I got to college, though, I needed to pay rent. And I didn't want to be a bartender. And I was studying medicine. And I was in a fraternity. And I was wrestling. And I was sort of having late night encounters that we're not supposed to talk about. So I'm like, what's the fastest way to make money? So I started dialing up some strip clubs. hell yes god i love a dumb hoe who thinks he's smart that's like my favorite yeah sexual intellectual yeah so chris is like yeah you know you just i'm gonna show you guys how to strip and so he's like doing some stripping moves he's like don't push too hard man you don't want to look desperate just just have fun with it you don't want to be corny like really the guy whose dream is to be a live action Tangled.

34:37He's afraid of being corny. Just a tangled character. Take off your shirt and shut up. Hey, you know what? That was the kind of start of that thing about TV and modeling back then. And it was kind of cool that we got to model in Athens. Wasn't that cool? I want to travel again. We got to go to Europe. Imagine if they were sent to Athens, Georgia, and all this time they thought they went to Athens, Greece. Like, wow. So amazing how many people spoke English there. What a welcoming country. we got to go to like Europe and he goes yeah but I want to go to Thailand yeah after watching White Lotus I gotta go to Thailand yeah man nothing was an advertisement for Thailand like the White Lotus was god everybody's like that even on the dwell hellos are doing that now it's like yeah Thailand oof I mean we make a great freaking team I'll tell you that I mean before you know it we'll be like the next Matt Damon and Ben Affleck He's like, yeah.

35:34Hey, wait, wait, wait. Do you like apples? No. Oh, yeah, because I got a number. How about them apples? Oh, so good. Okay, so now we get a staff meeting. Dun, dun, dun. And everyone's kind of wandering in. And so here we go. All right. So as you know, sir is my baby. No, Max is just some convict I adopted for a while. Stop asking about Max. All right. Natalie works her ass off here, and this is her livelihood. Look at her. This woman has been wearing the same TJ Maxx blazer for 17 years. Poor Natalie. French tears, French tears, French tears. Her tears even come out as clotted cream. Right. As dedicated she is.

36:22British. Now I'm pissed off. British is more British than French, but that's okay. I have watched what has transpired on videos. By the way, Natalie, did you find what you were looking for? No, I did not find it. I could not find my Edith Piaf CT set. Oh, that is too bad. Well, this is what I saw on the video. Marcus was standing in the back of the house swooping cups of sangria and Venus standing there with Jason and Marcus taking shots. Before you even start working, what kind of service are you going to give? I'm not happy with you all. Not at all. And you know the worst thing about it is that Natalie had to see this while she was looking for her missing item that we don't know it is.

37:05Natalie, are you quite okay?

37:09Look at her in her sad, sad, tearful rayon. Think about what you're doing to Natalie. West Hollywood used to be vibrant and the pandemic has brought us to our knees. Restaurant costs are up. Many restaurants closed down. Do you want to be Hamburger Haven? Do you want to be Hamburger Haven or Hamburger Haddon't? Okay, so let me tell you. The one I'm angriest at of all, the one who I'm so mad about, is Marcus. Marcus, Marcus, Marcus. You're training him and getting shit-faced. Restaurant costs, like I said, restaurant costs are up. Restaurants are closed down. Things are up, things are down. Pimps up, hoes down.

37:49I've had enough of this. This is survival of the fittest, so right now, I want you to get your shit. Go home and have a really good think about it, because let me tell you, I don't want to speak to you anymore, Marcus, until you report right back here this evening for your shift. He's like, but I am fair. No, you aren't. I heard that you only gave a two out of ten in your workout with Shane Davis. What a handsome man. Get out! Did somebody say something about a jeep in there? Get out, employees only, Shane Davis. Sometimes people get a little too comfortable and they make ridiculous decisions.

38:28and this was one of them and Marcus will pay for it. I haven't decided how yet, but I have decided this. Boys will be boys. What did I say? Until this happened, he was going to continue doing what he's doing. But also, is he dumb? Is he so dumb? Be so for real right now. I like that Kim gets mad at her boyfriend and immediately she just has his back not at all. She's like, yeah, dumbass drunk. They should fire him. They should get rid of him. so venus is like i don't even drink at work but the one time i fucking drink at work i got caught like so they have this producer outside on the sidewalk this is like at the end of like judge judy when they lost the case yeah it's like dud luellen out there he's like how do you feel he's like well i didn't expect it but it's not my day you know i did do the crime so i guess i got to do the time on my couch.

39:24Yeah, it's gonna suck. Yeah. And so, all right, everyone. Now, if we're going to continue to survive, this is a business. And you know that because I'm wearing a tie and a vest. But also magic! Okay, sorry about the smoke bomb. Not appropriate. I understand. You're all confused. It's all about being your best and your brightest. And making sure that nobody's waiting longer than three minutes for a drink. Not kind of walking up and being like, oh, I had a shot. Do we understand each other? Now, this is the longest monologue I've ever given. Now leave. Please leave. Hand me the old jiggy. Hand me the old jiggy.

40:01Ah, this is what is going to happen to your jobs. If you ever drink again at work. Smoke bomb, please. One smoke bomb. So then they are actually so shook that they not only go to the back alley, they seem to go to like a back alley of the back alley. They find some bench off like around the corner and Venus is like, I thought I was going to shit my pants on that. That was like the scariest meeting that we've ever had here at SIR. Yeah. They're like, that was terrifying. So Audrey's like, I didn't even know they did that. They just seemed so normal. I can't believe they were drinking. I told him no so many times.

40:42Thank God. Thank God. So they're all like, yeah, they need to stop drinking at work. And Venus is like, I doubt he does it again. And Kim says, yeah, I definitely disagree. Honestly, I'm not going to sit here and be his support system about what just happened. Like, go be on your own and realize what it's like for me not to be around. I mean, where's he when I need him? I'm so fucking tired of it. It's like, oh, God, Kim, Jesus. Still, we're not dating you. Do we have to listen to your bullshit, too? Be quiet. I love she makes this about her. Yeah. I mean, he can come to me and apologize and be remorseful and sit at my feet if he wants me to speak to him.

41:15I'm like, I don't think he's looking for support from you right now. so i'll just like yeah go tell him to get down on all fours and beg yeah high five high five high five girl power we did it yeah so i don't know that was the end of it i enjoyed it i mean it was nothing you know pulitzer winning but i don't think it's supposed to be i think it's i think it's perfectly fun perfectly fun entertainment that's what we want from these shows we want them to be petty we want them to be squabbling and i like that they've been working here for like literal decades i think that's important like when you have a cast that knows each other and I mean most of them have known each other since 2023 so that's a long time I mean guys that's a very long time alright everybody thanks for being here we'll be back tomorrow with Southern Charm and then is the season premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we'll talk to you next time bye watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like Alison King it's always a party on Alison Block our way is the amber way It's the Foster and the Furious.

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