#3120 Below Deck Med S10E12: Kizz and Tell

0:21Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the hilarious and glorious and just beautifully stubbly Ronnie Karam. How are you? Well, hello. How are you doing, Ben? Look at that sexy afternoon shade. What's it called? Five o 'clock shadow. Five o 'clock shadow. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to your podcast, Ronnie. We are here today to talk about Below Deck Med. What an episode. Before we dive into that, thanks to everyone who showed up to our various live things yesterday, including the inimitable Alison Roman.

1:03That was so cool that Alison Roman came and dropped by Crappy Hour, our last one of the year. If you missed it, don't worry. It's here. It's going to be on our feed if it's not already, and it's on YouTube. So go check it out. And in the new year, join us for future crappy hours. And then also join us on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch what crappens. Weekly bonus episodes, video, discord community, all that great stuff. So thanks to everyone who supports us over there. Thanks to everyone who comes to watch to the crappy hour. Thanks to anyone who just listens to the show, to anyone who subscribes.

1:36What a great year we've had. And we're winding down. But that is basically that for that. What is going on with you, Ronnie? How are you feeling? What's new? Good, good. Everything is good over here. Just getting ready for Christmas, doing a little shopping, et cetera. I'm in Texas. It's cold. It's wintry over here. It's like 45 degrees. It was 45 degrees today, so it was nice and chilly. Let's go to wear a jacket. Well, I missed you because this morning I also went on to Jeff Lewis's show on SiriusXM. So go listen to that if you missed that one. in your place was actress Elizabeth Rome. So, you know, she held down the fort even without my beautiful rondella there.

2:23Well, that's fun. How's she? She's awesome. She's so cool. She's beautiful also. I was like, I was sitting next to her trying to be cool. I was like, but internally I was like, you're so pretty. But I tend to do that a lot with women. Gorgeous ladies. Just like, wow. Yeah. Yeah, she is very beautiful. My gosh. Yeah, she is. But anyway, thanks to Jeff and Shane and that whole crew over there for having me back on. So that's, I think, all the time. You're drunk. Because she's in law and order. I should have. I'm drunk.

3:02Okay. I don't think there's anyone else I have to thank. I'm giving, like, an Oscar speech this morning. I want to thank Below Deck Man. That was a good morning. Yeah. It's a good morning when you show up and you're like, I'd like to thank you all. Thank you all just for being a part of my story. All right. Thank you. You've all been a part of my journey. Yeah. Thanks. I had a croissant afterwards. You know, the Sirius XM is right next to Tartine. So I was like, I always act like I just came out of the dentist's office. I'm like, well, I deserve a croissant after being on the radio. So I went and had a croissant.

3:31There is no croissant that leaves more evidence all over your body than a Tartine croissant. I know. Those are the crumbliest croissants. I always get them all over myself. So, yeah, that's good. you did it after because you can't walk into Jeff Lewis covered in carbs. He'll be like, ew, we're eating carbs. We eat carbs. I hate carbs. We hate carbs here. Don't we, Shane? Shane would be like, yeah, we hate carbs. Well, they're always so nice over there. They, they offered to get me breakfast. So this time I said, no, I'll take an avocado toast and got this delicious avocado toast, but it was like covered in, in like chili crisp and it was like oil and all this stuff.

4:05I was so messy. And like, and then like, if people come in, I'm like, I can't, I'm especially, I'm not going to touch elizabeth rome with my chili oil fingers but i was a mess before the show started and i was so embarrassed that's funny well you had quite a morning avocado toast to croissant wow it's like an orgy over there it's just like i can't believe i've already gained back half the weight i lost with my no carb october how did that happen no wonder you showed up like i think it might be time for a no carb january or whatever yeah i need to i mean it's been it's been it's been pretty intense it's been pretty carby well that's good but um well today uh is our carbs below deck med season 10 episode 12 the forbidden kiss wow what an episode what an episode uh this is nice to see that joe comes from a from a hashtag boy mom because he 100 does we got to meet joe's mom today he's like oh darling whatever you want to do it's the woman's fault just do whatever you want did she trick you into it darling did she did she trick you i know it's like you just see how it happens so you have this all this this is how people like joe were made what a piece of trash he is what garbage but we're not surprised we knew this would happen but when you actually see it happen and then you see him crying over what he's done and you but you also see how and also kizzy i mean these are just two obnoxious people this is as close to below deck ever we'll get to a scandoval moment so you know we got to enjoy it but but like i don't know that i'd say that i mean that was well i mean that was such a big deal because those two people were so together forever and everybody believed it you know i mean tom sandoval was shocking because he was such a dope on the show but i don't know he was always kind of you were always kind of rooting for him because he was always against jacks and all you know i mean it's not like he didn't have any faults but it was a shock that he did that but uh this was not a shock no this was not a shock i'll tell you who's going to be shocked that girl's sinuses v she's going to be do you think you're sad now your grief is going to be tripled after this her sinuses are going to fall out of her nose we're going to need to go put straws in there for her because this guy's a total asshole and yeah fuck kizzy too i mean kizzy like we both knew we knew that both of these people that they're just trash and they're going to bring nothing but trash to whoever they're involved with and kizzy got engaged to that dude that she's tommy or whatever whoever she's been calling all season and have fun tommy because your life will be filled with trash now you know trash garbage person garbage yeah uh talk about a future divorce what she's like 23 i don't know how old tommy is but you guys will be divorced soon so congrats on your future divorce it's not even a wedding it's a pre-divorce party that you'll be having yeah and um you know good luck to both of you all um you're you're interesting.

6:58I, the reason why I said it was like as close to a blood I could ever get to Scandaval is that you have one girl who is like going through shit and her best, her quote, no, well not, maybe not best friend, but her friend sort of quote unquote cheating with her stand of all type. It's just as close to the show can really get to that kind of shit. Yeah. But I was so happy. Honestly, I was, I really enjoyed the episode because I was very invested in this stupid situation and coming off of last season where I just did not, give a shit about any of the romantic hijinks it felt good to be annoyed you know and it's also nice like you know for a super judgmental person like me when things come true you know like when you're you know that someone's a piece of shit and they're pretending they're not a piece of shit and then they turn out to be a piece of shit and it's just it's comforting to know like it's comforting to know like there are pieces of shit that's not comforting but you know the fact that you still got it you know it's like still got it not that this was a difficult case or anything but you know joe people like joe can fool people even like asia who's like well i don't know i mean it is joe but he does seem to have changed no we did not fucking change and we even get the glorious tears of them how could i i didn't i've made a mistake oh now i'm the victim because i made out with somebody oh it's just glorious yeah i feel like you know i feel like we are like I feel like we are a gay couple who have trained a seeing eye dog like we we're the one who took in the dog for three years trained the seeing eye dog and then you send the seeing eye dog out in the wild and you say oh I hope all our training worked and the dog does the right thing and then the dog crosses the street at the right time and you're like yes our training worked it's like we put in the time we put in the time to study these people on bravo and then we're like okay let's see if all of our hard work has paid off and it does it paid off we totally see or maybe this is the way an fbi profiler feels like after they spent all that time profiling and then they have like a a case and they're like oh well if my experience profiling all these criminals is correct then this person buffalo bill has jody foster in a well and then it turns out jody foster's in a well i'm like did it yeah i knew it and it's not like being a fan of buffalo low bill or anything we're not cheering for that like yes you put somebody in a well yes give them the lotion bitch it's not that it's just like called it you know so yeah it feels good put in the work we put in the work to be able to to recognize these things and it's like nice when like to know that that work was not all in vain yeah so we open with kizzy on the deck with um with david oh god the the charter guest the david that she's gonna fuck and you called this too because I really thought she was going to go through with it and bang him.

9:48But she didn't. You were right. Last week you said she's just going to chicken out and be like, no, no, no, no, no. And you were right. So that's what she's doing. He's like, are you afraid? You afraid of getting in trouble right now? Oh, for following your passions. Oh, on the deck of this boat. And she's like, yeah. He's like, well, I don't want to get you in trouble. Bad girl. Well, the reason why I knew nothing was going to happen was because if they did kiss, they would have shown us that and then made that the cliffhanger. But if they don't kiss, then that means nothing happens. They're going to do a cliffhanger trying to get you to think they might kiss.

10:22But if they've got nothing to show, they're, yeah. If they've got something to show, they'll show it and then make that the cliffhanger. So that was what I was going off of. Well, you did it. Whatever you did, you did it right. So she's like, I feel like I would get fired. Please, please don't get me in trouble. And he's like, oh, I would never get you in trouble. and she's like oh my god you know it's taken me close to i i had to get this close to kiss a charter guest to realize that maybe i've taken it a bit too far asia would flip his shit if i started snogging david on the deck i can't do it i can't yeah i'm sorry do you have a girlfriend or a relationship that i can ruin then i'm i'm sorry i'm not in competition with anybody so this is a total turnoff to me which i think is probably what she really meant because you know with her it's like the conquest the competition and the winning yeah exactly he actually made himself a little bit too available too so she's like don't worry i don't see myself being with someone from america he's like oh are you breaking up with me she's like i'm really so sorry to do this he's like it's like romeo juliet i was like and she she's like but they both ended up dead so it's probably for the best right i fucked my life where julia just couldn't be with romeo because he was american she's like gross okay get your country in order and julia also can't wind up with romeo because julia it's part of the service that the wait staff at the castle yeah i love some good american shaming on below deck she's like i will sleep with literally anybody but an american sorry get it gear over there guys learn to drive on the correct side of the road and give me a call okay i do i do love that even like the worst of what britain has to offer they can still be like yeah but at least an american well we're being looked down on by the kizzies of the world we're we're really sunk over here but you know what though like you know we did it to ourselves um yeah no kidding i mean i could see your point and i think he has a perfect attitude he's like yeah sure am i see the news too i mean i get it so now um god i left my phone downstairs like who walks around without his phone now how am i gonna check texts just kidding yeah go ahead it's just weird joe goes into the galley i'm well because he goes in the galley that's where joe is and he's like hold good morning she's like good morning because it's late at night it's a joke get it because it's like lately so here's the way a comedy works you say something that's unexpected.

12:59Like, if it's nighttime, you say good morning. You just had to be there. So Joe's like, I can't wait for this talk, honestly. And Kizzy's like, well, he hates me now because I broke up with him. And I attract, like, a needy, emotional man. That's what I do, Joe. And he's like, that's me. She goes, oh, you got fucking wiped up, so now it won't work out for us, Joe. And he's like, yeah, but. And she goes, you fucking idiot. So now it's time for bedtime. It's 4.28 when they go to bed. And now the next morning, Captain Sandy's out there filming. She's like, wow, so peaceful out here. God, it's great.

13:34It's like Norma's phone waiting for a man to call. It's so peaceful. It's like Norma's phone. It's on do not disturb. Except that naturally, she doesn't have to turn the setting on. It's just quiet. No interruptions. What I'm trying to say is no one calls her. So now everybody gets up and starts working in the morning and Nathan and joe are talking and joe's like oh kissy smells good bro and he's like she smells good don't be stupid don't be stupid bro and he's like what have i done because everybody knows what you're gonna do so later when you're crying and saying oh i just got so drunk no you've been planning this this was premeditated um by the way now is a great time i know we talked about this on um crappy hour but as long as nathan's showing up here in case you missed it now's a good time to So tell the audience that Nathan's actually complete garbage and racist.

14:30And if you don't know what that's about, go listen to crappy hour because it's really unsettling. And it's really disappointing. Yeah, Nathan, fuck that guy. So in the galley, Max is attacking Kathy with a hug. He's like, oh, kissing her cheek. And this week she's kind of softened to Max, which I was surprised by. I thought she was kind of grossed out by him. I thought she got the ick and she was just going to be done with him. but I guess she's giving it another go. Yeah. She finally got her chocolate. So it really softened up. Yeah, she got the act. She turned the page and it's a new kitty on a new month.

15:08And you know what? She found the strength to keep going. Yeah, yeah. So he's like, you know, bouncing all over her. And she's like, it's too much energy. So then Sandy is like, okay, well, okay, Nathan, just so you know, it's really tight in here. So, okay, Max, we're going to park in a different parking spot. So Max is going to do something else. Okay, we need him to do puppetry. So I need him to do some shadow puppets. Okay, and he's going to take his, he's got to pretend. He's got to show me how big he says his penis is. And then he's got to demonstrate how big it really is. So go wide and then go small with his palms.

15:43That's what I need to do, big and then small. And they cut to Max on the swim platform. And he's just throwing towels up in the air like, oh, la, la. And she's like, okay, well, listen, this is America's Cup. And our original marina is full for the rest of the season. So we've got to go to the new one. But it's more challenging because it's real thin, right? You've got to try and get in there. So we're going to try it, you know. And we've got to swing. We've got to have ground lines. We've got to know what we're going to do here. I need everyone on board that I can trust. I need to trust people.

16:13I need to know that the bow thruster gave way to the last stop. I mean, bow thruster, bow thruster, parking, parking. It's very difficult. It's a parking monologue. Just get comfortable. It's going to go for a while. So now new Marina back in my mind, I need the crew to be focused and Colin distances perfectly. All right. Now, why am I trusting a man on below deck to be honest about inches? I don't know, but let's see, let's see how it works out. This much room matters. This much room matters. So the guests are waking up and go to breakfast. And then we see the, um, who has her quote of the quote of the episode, which is, aka her blowing her nose so she says i know my body well and right now whatever i'm experiencing is like so in the thick of grief just it's a lot going on i hate being sad so she's blowing her nose still she's still sick uh yeah she goes on and then now it's anchor hauling time so max is asking nathan he's like oh what am i supposed to be doing as the boss of the bullet and he's like okay you know here's what you do and max is like oh it's my chance my chance to become the lead deckhand you know zoom zoom oh just like fucking crash down huh why does he think he's getting a chance to be lead deckhand wasn't it already assigned i don't know did they just like pull this interview from a different part of the season so um so max is like he's like okay i'm on position and i'm at 2 a.m and nathan's like oh my he's like oh this guy 2 a.m so max is like this is not about Joe.

17:48It's about Nathan not being fair because you work hard and you're the best one and then his best friend show up and just fuck me over. It's like corruption, okay? In politics, this is corruption. I'm like, it's not that deep, bro. It's just a fake position on a show. Big dickheads. If it's truly like politics, there's enough room for every idiot. So just keep playing. You'll eventually get something. So Nathan is showing Max, you know, they're like one meter one meter and she's like i need to see your hands max he's like what i don't have anything in the hand she's like no i'm not accusing you of stealing anything you need to tell me how many meters there are before we go into the thing okay i need to show just show me your hands and he just gives her the flash like for 20 yeah yeah because the whole thing is that like he has to be like because of whatever he just has to do some sort of like hand thing and that's all he has to do so V is still she still has a stuffy nose so Nathan's going to talk to Captain Sandy about that and then the guests are talking about being up late and David's like yeah I got broken up with guys have to recollect myself it's so tragic couldn't land it couldn't land it and then meanwhile back with V she is still sick so a lot of cutting to V being sick so then a lot of stuff falls out of a cabinet and breaks and Below Deck Sailing was like, okay, we may be canceled, but we are not forgotten.

19:12Thank you. Thank you for stealing our best moment, Below Deck Med. Isn't it bad enough you guys canceled us without taking our action scenes? Yeah, seriously. So meanwhile, the docking is still happening and it's a lot of Max. Here's what I understand. Literally, Captain Sandia's show me your hands and then Max puts his hands in his pockets. That's literally the opposite thing that you're supposed to be doing. Yeah. And Max is like doing pushups and sitting down. And she's like, Max, I'm going to need you on your feet. All right. I need you alert. And he's like, oh, yes, yes, yes. So he gets up.

19:48And then Kathy is so glad they only have three charters left. And Josh is like, oh, so bittersweet. And then, you know, it's just docking. Measurements, hands, et cetera. And Nathan's asking for distances. and Max is like, oh, she's with me on the boat, Nathan. Relax. And he's like, don't tell me to relax, bro. So like some fighting on the radio in addition to the mayhem, which I'm sure she loves. Yeah, it's a lot of back and forth because, you know, as we know, the bow thrusters went out last time and there were lines in the water and there's America's Cup and like there's a Red Bull sponsorship happening.

20:24It's just a lot of scary things happening. And I think if we don't get this, I need to see some hands. If we don't see some hands, we're going to crash. We're all sink. We're all going to die. Oh, we docked. We docked. We're fine. Everything's great. We're fine. Okay, good job, everyone. Good job. Meanwhile, Max has just been acting like an idiot. He hasn't been doing anything right. And he's like, fuck, what do they want from me? And Nathan says, what the fuck are you doing, Max? Just because you're at Lee Deccan doesn't mean you get to throw your fucking hands in the air and say, I'm not going to do my job.

20:50Go back to your own country. You probably did say that, to be honest. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

21:05okay all right well we made it we we docked so we're all safe okay so let's get back to you guys being stupid so now it's uh kizzy kizzy's walking by joe and sticks something in his butt cheeks and he's like clenches it in his butt and she's like so uh you know the sexual chemistry is off the charts this finger the butt accent yeah um so uh she's like well that was a little harder than it needed to be and yes i am talking to you joe okay i can see you in the cameras uh but good job everybody so uh then kathy asked kizzy how the night was and she's like oh my god he was like wait are you breaking up with me can you believe it an american wanted to marry me now it's time for the guest to depart and david just shakes kizzy's hand very professionally and um Kathy's like I knew it was just gonna be a handshake I knew it and so they're they're really sweet they're like oh we appreciate everything you guys did thank you so much uh I'm gonna go get arrested now for fraud was it Cameron who got arrested for fraud it was Cameron who's having fraud issues at the moment you're lucky you got me for tip before I got arrested for fraud because I borrowed this from 20 different family members and I'm never gonna to pay them back okay thanks shot squad for life so um time to turn the boat around okay and so they're getting they're cleaning everything v is coughing so nathan's like hi captain how you doing nathan what's going on have any progressive views on people from different backgrounds view no i don't but with v she doesn't feel so well so i just wanted to let you know you know v has been through a lot this season already and i feel like it's a combination of being fatigued and sick and just also having sex with Joe, that can really do a number on your body.

22:53So also the anniversary of her boyfriend, so if he just was in a good place physically or mentally right now. Well, you need to have your team. You know, I get it. I get it. So don't worry. I got you. I got you. I'm going to find something great. And I'm only going to bring professional vibes to the boat because I'm very about professionalism. Oh, gosh. How can I do this in the least dramatic way possible? do you have anybody you absolutely hate in your life okay maybe someone that hates you okay an ex-girlfriend that you've recently fucked over on camera I'll get right on it okay go back to work well I just want to know what PA on the production staff went and coughed and blew their nose all over V's pillow to make her sick so that way she'd be removed from this boat so that way all these plot complications would happen because this is just so convenient this is so perfect they're like oh let's take her off the boat what could possibly go wrong I mean it's Yeah, it's like, it's kind of amazing.

23:48Yeah, so she's texting deckhand number one. And she's like, hey, I might be in need of a temp deckhand. God damn it. For one charter. Okay, he wanted to see if he could fill in for a few days in Barcelona. And then we see, oh, I might be in need of a temp deckhand. Oh, then we see someone being like, maybe, I don't know. So now we go back to Max and Nathan. And Max is like, can I show you something just so we are clear on the boat? You tell me to speak with Captain Sandy. So I'm on bow. She is there. I'm single. Like we see it, you know, like really? Come on, Nathan. And he's like, so you tell her anyway.

24:24She told you to stop sitting down and to pay attention. If I can hear Captain Sandy over that radio, I know you aren't paying attention. So you need to pay attention and do what she says. Simple as that. You'll be on the stern from now on. You've been grounded from the bow. and what we call that as a stern talking to Gattat so then Max is very he's pouting of course and he's like he's like oh sure yes sir and he does like a to us he does like a middle finger salute he's like first bye bye to the lead deckhand position now we can take the bow fuck dude ciao Max you are the fuck up here okay stop acting like the system is working against you you literally all you had to do is show your hands to Captain Sandy and you couldn't even do that I'm sick of it.

25:08Yeah. And Nathan's like, I'm sick of him. He's lying through his teeth, and now he's getting argumentative. I'm not having it. I'm not having it. And for revenge, I'm going to walk around with a monk haircut. There you go. I'm going to get him with this one. Tip meeting. Tip meeting. I wonder how V's doing.

25:33So how do you think the charting went, Aisha? She's like, oh my girl, smashed it once again. Wonderful job, girl. In fact, one of them actually almost smashed it too literally. But thankfully, she has her own psychological issues, which causes her to sabotage her own work sabotage. Very convenient. So V can barely speak. She's like, I'm sick. And Captain Sandy's like, well, we're going to attack on the bridge after this, okay? All right, everybody. It's a great tip. 20 grand. so you know i'm mediocre i guess great i don't know we can be mid 40 one time remember that that was fun it's over now but you know still not so bad and uh something else i want to say tomorrow guess what i'm gonna say my favorite word of the week alingi okay we're going to the alingi red bull racing team headquarters isn't that exciting i don't know if i'm more exciting to meet the alingis the reds or the bulls love them all god communist bulls really into it you to bull racing in the water.

26:31So thrilling, especially the red ones. Wow. So I know everyone's really excited. Um, so get ready cause it's going to happen tomorrow. And then we see that we're seeing like a lot of stock footage of this America's cup and this team. I'm sure it's like a very big deal, but to me, I'm like, okay, like it's fine. I don't need to see all the stock footage. I get it. So, um, it's just like, Oh, Scott would kill to see this oh my god we're so lucky alright what I want you to do is work real hard and turn the boat around this is full of passion okay I'm gonna call everybody's significant others and try and get a lot of fingers in the hole okay fingers through the hole going on on my boat okay yeah yeah so now Kathy starts getting drunk which is fun and then Joe is like hey Kizzy, are you going to get drunk tonight?

27:29Can we shake on it? Let's get drunk. So then V is like blowing her nose. So then Aisha's texting Scott. They're just all doing their like, you know, afternoon stuff after they're done with the charter. And Nathan is telling Max to use a scupper for something on the deck or the scrupper, the scrupper or the scupper, whatever it is. And Max is like, oh, but the scrupper is the better way to do it when they are dry. And he's like, yeah, but we need to flush the scruppers to get the shutout of it. He's like, yeah, dude. I just want to be rebellious. Like I don't care. Just eat it out of him because my grandfather would be so proud of me to be rebellion.

28:02My grandfather was a war hero, one of the resistance of World War II, who lead a lot of people to take a cocktail Molotov and throw it from the window as a fucking Nazi. You know, in Paris, and his blood is in my veins. That's why I have a bit of a problem with authority. No boss on the planet is going to give me that. Uh, you, like, wiping down a window is just really not the same level as throwing a Molotov cocktail the Nazis. I'm just going to say that right now. Although it is an interesting for him to talk about bombing the racists. I know. I appreciate the legacy. But like maybe aspire for something greater than.

28:39Like, ah, this build of rebellion is within me. That is why I should be in service for wealthy people. Yeah, I know. It's like, wow, my grandfather is such a rebel in the world. He's inspired me to clean deck. I know. I will not flush the scopers just because I'm rebel like grandfather. So Aisha is texting Scott and she's like, you'll never believe it. We're going to the Alingi Red Bull something or other. You can't believe how many times Captain Sandy said Alingi. I mean, it's just hilarious. And he's like, oh, I'm so jealous. I wish I could be there. So now we see V and Sandy in the bridge and she's like, okay, listen here.

29:21I see your eyes I see your sad eyes Don't be discouraged Because I realize This song's really long But you've got bad sinuses I want you off my boat Because I'm going to get Some people here To give some deep throats Now get out Go Go Go be sick somewhere else Okay Why are you lifting That boom box over your head In your eyes I see you're tired In your eyes You've got a sinus infection it's not say anything V it's from a different generation your elders would appreciate it alright well you're sick so you know what we do on Charter when people are sick we give them lethal injections watch them squirm for a bit and throw them overboard but since we're on camera we're just going to replace you for a while so you know what get out of here kid go I'm sure there's a continental breakfast get everyone at a hotel sick bye get out sending her off to the hotel now normally when people get sick on the show they just are in their bed and then they just sit there for three days.

30:21Let's never forget when Kyle had like a toothache. He's a Captain Sandy. I don't think I, I unfortunately cannot work at all. Captain Sandy. So I'm going to lay in bed for three days with my toothache. It was everything with that guy. I remember it was a toothache and an ankle and like, he always had something going on that one. It's trauma. So he was out. Frank. So she's out. And Captain Sandy still loves her. She's like, Ivy has such a good work ethic, you know? You know, the way she's just so willing to take a nap when I tell her to. That's really what I'm looking for in somebody. You know, I can't believe I'm kicking someone off the boat who's taking this many naps, but here we are.

31:02So I'm the one who has to say, go, take a break. You know, you never have to say that around Norma because we're always around Kit Kat bars and she's always taking one, okay? Otherwise, she wouldn't do it, okay? So she's like, yeah, when you come back, the job is yours it's a hundred percent yours nothing could ever change that okay she goes well i'll come back with an iron fist thanks captain iron fist i don't think this has anything to do with iron fist but whatever so v is like telling everyone i'm going to the hotel and joe's like oh i'm so sad to see you leave and then he's like like he can barely contain the smile on his face um which does a lot because it's a big smile so he's like yeah it's like such an emotional day approaching, you know, it's great to know that Joe's going to be so supportive in there for me.

31:51And he's like, I'm sad that you're gone, but what's going on right now? It feels so serious. I'm just in this weird headspace. It's crazy how much her illness is really affecting me. What do I do? What? Why's he in a weird headspace? He's like, it'll be good for her to get off the boat and recover. And then when she comes back, we can go back now, 100%. Like, mm-hmm. So Kizzy then goes to Kathy and she's like, I have to tell you something. Like last night, Joe and I were really flirtatious and I don't want to do anything because I know she really likes him. I'm like, okay, just because you're laying the groundwork now does not let you off the hook later.

32:29She's trying to lay it on thick so that no one would ever accuse her of being a shitty friend, but you're going to be a shitty friend. Yeah, that's not going to happen. So V walks in right at that time, but doesn't hear them talking And she's like, okay, I'm going to be sure to take care of my boy. He's my Jomance, okay? Take care of him. And Kizzy's just rolling her eyes. Like, oh, God. God, now I'm going to fuck him in every hole. You know? Yep. So Kizzy's like, Kathy, are you going to shag Max? She's like, no, disgusting. I hate that man. She's like, do you think he likes you more than him?

33:05She's like, well, let me answer that with an eye roll, a scowl, and like a little vomit in my mouth. And she's like, well, I'm not even thinking about whether I like him or not. I just, you know, I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you. If I don't, I don't. It's not that big of a deal. And it's because backstory, backstory, backstory, backstory. My parents broke up when I was four years old. Here's a picture of me at four years old looking exactly like I do now with less mascara. How does every picture of her look exactly like her? It's weird. I know. She says that she had three parents growing up because she had her mom, her stepdad, and her biological dad.

33:40And because of my split family, I'm very much a realist. When it comes to dating, it's been holding me back with my relationship with Max. No, what's holding me back is that Max is annoying as fuck, okay? And you're trying to tell yourself it's not Max, it's you, because you're broken somehow inside. No, Max is annoying. You're not broken, okay? You're paying attention. Also, like, I'm booing this. Boo. Boo to Kathy. What, you're going to give us some backstory? And your backstory is that your parents got divorced and, like, one of your parents remarried. hello, this is Below Deck. Okay, you started off on a good note last week when you told us that you were raised in a taxi company.

34:17I'm like, can we get Danny DeVito into this story? What about Mary Lou Henner or Tony Danza? It's not like, you can't just come on this show and be like, my parents got divorced, okay? There needs to be a commune. There needs to be clown school. There needs to be fraud. There needs to be a baguette. There needs to be so much more. There needs to be a grandfather throwing Molotov cocktails at the Nazis. but you're like oh wow my parents got divorced excuse me ma 'am this is a yacht this is not a starbucks okay have a better backstory yeah give us more i mean make something up about your stepdad i don't care i have a stepdad and he was a clown revolutionary he threw bombs at nazis i don't know okay that works that's fine it's not the most original but that's fine just take everyone else's backstory my grandfather my stepfather was a clown a nazi and um drove a taxi that talked like herbie okay yes yes yes that's what we're talking about but like oh i have commitment issues because my parents got divorced i mean what are we in like normal life no i don't think so this is this is below deck you need to step it up so nathan uh goes to talk to v and uh she says she's going to the hotel and he says to get better.

35:31Now they have to turn over the boat. V goes to the hotel and she get the van stops for her and she gets in the van and goes, as that driver, you know that that driver was like, really, you've even got the door open. Could you stick your head out the door? I know you're sick. Okay. I don't need to have it all over my face, all over the back of my neck. It's just shocking how much people are disgusting. you know they just will like we are raised i think but globally people are raised cover your mouth when you cough okay now i know that masks have gotten politicized and now if you have a chance on a mask it's a whole it's a lightning rod issue which is literally the stupidest thing in the world but like it's just an extension of that like cover your fucking mouth like don't cough in my face okay if you've got a cough keep it buried like even cough into your shirt do something, but don't just step into a car and just cough onto someone's ear.

36:31V. Yeah, V. So Nathan comes, oh, no, I've already done that. So now Joe is cozying up to Kizzy already. I mean, this woman has just walked off the boat. He's immediately like, oh, you look lovely, don't you? Oh, you just look so lovely. Oh, God, I can't remember the last time I said that. Oh, about five minutes to go with V. Yeah. Max, meanwhile, tells Kathy, oh, you look like Marie Antoinette. Oh, yes. That's a big compliment for me because I'm a rebellion. You know what I hate? I hate, I hate people in power, which is why you are the beautiful Marie Antoinette. I'm like, you know the story of Marie Antoinette, right?

37:10I know. Is this your subtle way of asking for head? Get out of here. And of course she doesn't know. She doesn't know who that is. She's like, I don't know who that is. So now it's a boys fan and a girls fan. And the boys, Max is like, bro, did you see the boobies? She got boobies on her. And Nathan's like, well, if you want me to look, I'll look. And then we go to the girls' van, and Kizzy and Aisha are just texting. And Kizzy's like, oh, there's something going on between Joe and I. Genuinely, I don't think I've ever got on with someone as well. I get on with Joe. I think, so here's what's obnoxious about this.

37:46Aside from the base level obnoxiousness of anything that comes out of Kizzy's mouth, is if this guy is, like, with your friend, and you know they are together and you've said enough, like, I would never do anything because she really likes him. And you know also that she's in a fragile place or whatever. The fact that she keeps on like going on about this to people like, wow, there's just something between us is so shitty, I think. Because she's obviously trying to advance the narrative and like shift things or whatever. And like, I don't know. I kind of just feel like even if you felt that way, I would just sort of like keep it to myself or maybe I would like treat it with like a little bit more gravity because someone could get hurt in that situation.

38:25Like maybe pull Asia to the side and be like, I have a weird situation because I feel like there's something going on between us. But like my friend, but the fact that she just sort of like announced in the van, like, oh my God, isn't that hilarious guys? Knowing full well that something like that could just get back to V and be hurtful. Like, I just think it's just shitty. I just think the way she moves is shitty. No, that's why she's doing it. She's dedicated to her game. You know, she's like, even if I don't end up hooking up with this guy, I'm going to make everybody think I'm going to and I'm going to make it get back to V.

38:53I'm going to talk to literally every person on this boat just so I can hurt V. Yeah, just to like hurt that. So Kathy's like, oh, he's such a nice guy, hey? No. What gave you that idea? And Asha's like, I mean, I love Joe, but you know, I really do hate any guy that just always does this. It's like doing his duck lips. Yes. Try his like faux model thing. And Kathy's like, yeah, he does do that, doesn't he? Smolders, doesn't he? Yeah, he really does. Kizzy tells us, the Kizzy puzzle is a very complex one. I'm like, no, you didn't get attention from men in your life. And now you crave male attention and the puzzle has been solved.

39:34It's a one-piece puzzle. Yeah, you're a male-centered person who always loses the male. And it's going to happen again. You're going to center around the male to get what you want to hurt someone else's feelings. And he's still going to cry and dump you later and then make you feel guilty about it. have fun nothing it's not even a puzzle it's just a square it's like you opened up a jigsaw puzzle and there's just a giant square in there and it's done commercials here comes one right now

40:07so she's like but it's still it's one that I'm still struggling kind of struggling to put together myself maybe I need to do some self therapy and so now it's like going back and forth between her like as a therapist and then her as a patient she's like welcome to therapy kizzy kitchener i'm your therapist kizzy kitchener by the way i didn't realize her last name was kitchener and really makes sense what her profession is she literally works in the kitchen i love that she's but i love that her name is kitchener and she still won't fuck the chef and he's like please she's like oh i just think i wish there was one man i was compatible with just one person with a penis who god would fit with kitchener it's like we're literally in a kitchen right now nope can't think of one all right her her last name isn't even kitchen it's like kizzy kitchener the implications kitchener is like she's someone who does kitchens she's a kitchener she still won't do the guy in the kitchen um so she has this fake therapy thing and it's stupid and uh nothing is solved i think it's amusing how uh amusing she thinks she is and this audience probably just hates her i mean i don't read a lot of like below deck reddits or anything i'm assuming everyone hates her but wow i think so uh so um she's like well i'm not gonna do anything and jackie kathy's like okay listen a cheeky little flirt whatever just stay toxic queen stay toxic and kizzy laughs stay toxic i'm I'm like, no, she was making fun of you right now, Kizzy.

41:34That was sarcasm. So they go to dinner, and Kathy's in a much better mood today. She says she needs a drink because she's feeling frisky. And then Joe pulls out the chair for Kizzy, and the boys go smoke. And Josh is asking Kizzy and Aisha if either of them snore. You know, we're seeing Josh's game, basically. He's like, so does anyone here snore? Anyone? Anyone here have a Deathly fear of clowns Anyone Anyone ever tried growing broccoli in human shit Anyone Anyone want to see the picture of me naked With just a butternut squash Covering my privates Because I was on a commune No Kizzy hates snores And Asha's like Scores snores and I love it It's just so loud and comforting I miss Scott well she really does love him I mean the talk of how much she misses his snoring she loves and she starts to cry at the table so everyone's like oh Aisha what I love about mine and Scott's relationship is we let each other go off and chase our dreams but I do find that the older I get I'm thinking about the future and maybe it's not on a boat because guess what it's more fun to stick your finger up someone's bum when it's on land.

42:59Yeah, so she's crying and she's leaving. She's going to be out of here soon is basically what she's telling us. So now food, drink, shots, shots, shots, shots. And Kathy's like, and a huck, huck, huck to a jolly good fuck. Max is like, oh, she's so romantic. And then Joe and Kizzy go to the bathroom together. Super subtle, these two. So they go downstairs into kind of like the bathroom foyer. What would you call that? Like a little waiting room for the bathroom. And then she sits down and he's like massaging her and they're getting all sexy. Yeah. Acting in a way that you wouldn't act if you've basically been talking to someone and saying that you want to, you know.

43:44I'm thinking of nobody else. Nobody else but you. It's only you. Only. Yeah. And you don't want to hurt someone and you're talking about how you don't want to hurt someone and then after the season's done, and you want to go off and do other things with him. Just acting in a way that you wouldn't act when you say those things. But of course, he's doing it. But acting the way you do act when you are just a paint-by-the-numbers fuckboy. Yeah, so back at the table, Nathan is talking to Aisha and Josh, and he's like, they want to fuck so bad right now from day one. And Josh is like, yeah, well, she still wants him.

44:15I know that. And he's like, 100? And listen, I don't want them to. I don't want them to. I don't want them to either. and the way he's behaving is making V think that they're only with each other. And so if he did something with Kizzy tonight, it would be shit. It would be shit. So Nathan's like, watching this flirtatious behavior between Kizzy and Joe, I'm just thinking about V, man. V has just got off the boat, you know? Yeah, it just makes it even more complicated knowing that V experienced losing the love of her life. This is probably the first time she's feeling any sort of romantic excitement since then.

44:51so Nathan's like oh if they do that it's going to create tension because I don't stand for that he better not fuck this up and he tells them he's like a dog with two dicks I think it's just like a dog with one dick honestly I think dogs are not known for being like terribly monogamous I think a dog with one dick can really get around yeah so now they go back in the vans and Joe's like what am I supposed to do man and Nathan's like you can't do it you can't do it please don't do it and then the other man Max and Kathy she has her legs in his lap and he's like oh and she invites him to sleep in her cabin and she's like let's go to the hot tub first and he's like oh I love your air like this and she goes do you prefer it when it's wavy like this and he's like blah blah blah blah blah blah that's a rebel so um then Aisha starts telling everyone in the van that she told Scott that she's so happy she gets to spend the rest of her life with him which is very nice and then they're just go now they get back to the boat they get in the hot tub they're drunk they're making out Nathan's foot winds up in Kathy's vagina you know these things happen and Joe and Kizzy are being really close and really flirty and they're also very very drunk and Joe's like I'm not very good am I?

46:13She goes no it appears It's not. She's like, well, maybe I'm going to be. She's like, I don't know what you're saying, but you're hot. So I'll just pretend like I do. Yeah. So they're wasted. And Nathan and Nathan are side-eyeing them. And he's like, this is fucked up. I'm going to bed. And she's like, same. Could anybody stand outside my room and just sound like Darth Vader for a bit so I can go to sleep? And by the way, I noticed that Nathan totally removes himself from that situation. Admittedly, Joe and Kizzy are adults and they do not need tending after. But if Nathan was really concerned about what Joe would be doing, and also even if Asher were, but I feel like it's a little bit more on Nathan, he would be like, hey, Joe, you should come to bed also.

46:56But he's just like, I'm out of your piece. Nah, he already knows what Joe's going to do. He's known a million Joes. He's been yachting for a long time. He knows what's, I'm sure he's been a Joe many times. He knows what Joe's doing and he's just like, I'm out of here. See ya. No point in trying to help him out. It's too late. Yeah. And it's not his responsibility. I mean, that's the thing. Like, your best friend's with a douchebag. What are you going to do? Might get mad when they're a douchebag? He's a douchebag. He knows he's a douchebag. That's his friend. The biggest shock is that he's acting shocked.

47:28Actually, I'm pushing back slightly. Normally, I would actually 100 % agree with you. And I'm only going to be 99%. Because I agree. At a certain point, you're adults. You just make your choices. And when you're 23, you feel like, oh my god i have to protect i have to step in but like so normally i'd be like you know what you make your own choices but in this case nathan is the bosun and he knows that this will cause an issue on deck it'll be it will he already says he already said at some point in the episode like the last thing i want is for this to happen because you know they're both like v and joe both on my team so i think actually for the smoothness not smoothness but for the tranquility of your team, you would be like, hey, I'm pulling you back to bed because I don't need drama on deck.

48:12So I think there's 1 % I disagree with you where I think that just in terms of as a boss, he could have stepped in. Yeah. So now everybody goes... What's that? I don't really care as much as I sound like I do. Yeah, I mean, honestly, my whole thing is like, I don't care. It's like arguing about what should be on top in a trash compactor. They're trash. And I think that it's probably better for V to realize that she's with trash because the whole thing, the whole danger with someone like V, it's like if everybody protects her from this asshole, she's gonna go around like, oh my god, he's such a good guy, and I've finally broken a man, you know, how she's been doing, and I think it's better that she just separates from her.

48:53She learns the hard way. Yeah. He's a good faker, so it's like they're putting him in a situation where he's not gonna be able to fake his way out of this one, which he'll still try to do by crying and being like, it was just drunkenness instead of premeditation, which I talked to this girl about fucking her for two days. So then Joe and Kizzy, of course, stay up. Everyone else is drunk eating downstairs. Nathan's going to bed with Lucky Charms, which is just, I think if we wrote that, it would be so racist. Of course he is. And then we go back to the hot tub, and Kizzy's like, oh, I think we should probably go before we fall in love, eh?

49:30And he's like, yes, before this turns into a problem, because we're having too much of a laugh. Am I right? Did I rub your neck? So they all go, they're all getting out of bed and out of the hot tub, et cetera. And then Kizzy and Joe are at a table and his legs are on her chair and he's like, I'm going to bed after this. I can't deal with you. And she's like, it's your choice, not mine, but it's nice that we can be so stupid, but I still find you sexy. Which is like, mm-hmm. So then Joe is like, oh, that's the fucking thing. oh, I can't get with you. Because of Victoria. And she's like, no, no, no, of course not.

50:08And I was like, because we've got V. No, no, no, of course not, of course not. And it's not even on the table, babes. No, we're not. Where's the camera? Can we make sure the camera gets us saying it's absolutely not on the table, babes, that we're going to get together? Yeah, Victoria, she doesn't deserve like disrespect from me. Yeah, let's go to bed. Because you're trouble. And you're wearing me jumper. And so they get up and he's like, oh, it's just such a massive battle. Between what I want and what I don't want. And what I know is wrong and what I know is right. So Kizzy goes around the corner.

50:40They see the camera, where the camera is. And they go and they hide behind the camera. So the camera can't get them. And then they start making out. And then they show a close-up of water dripping into a bucket. Which I didn't get. Did you see that? I was so confused. I was trying to discern what they were trying to show us. I was like, what? Yeah, I was like, is there a reflection of something? Is this supposed to be like a leaky wiener? Like, I don't know what it was supposed to be, but it was funny. And so then she purposely like kind of like, oh, whoops, I'm making out too far. Now the camera's catching us.

51:16Whoops. And then she looks up in the camera and is like, whoops, you got caught. So you see, it's not just me. No one can trust her. Like, I'm telling you, this girl is just making trouble just to make trouble. Like, why do you think she's going to like she's not even a good cheating partner? You know what I mean? Yeah. And not that I'm saying, oh, that would be better, but at least have some skill in what you're trying to do. You can't even be a good villain. You're just like you're so bad at it. Yep. Yeah. No, she's trash. So then they're like, oh, no, what are we going to do? So then, of course, my favorite is the cameraman who comes bolting down because, you know, they told the cameraman, OK, stay back.

51:58That way they think that they're alone. And I'm like, OK, they're caught. They know they're not alone. go go swarm swarm swarm this cameraman goes running down there and they're like oh because he didn't cover the camera or something they did something to the camera they tried joe tried to move the camera out of the way but at this point the cameraman was already there and then uh joe's like oh kizzy just fell she just fell down here i came to save her she just fell you didn't see anything like okay yeah so and now they they have to go to the galley and she's like oh god just don't talk about this ever.

52:30Don't talk about it ever. And he's like, okay. So, um, then, let's see, Max and Kathy go to bed together, and he's like, ooh, ooh la la. And they start doing the deed. And then Nathan sees Joe and he's like, what the fuck happened tonight? And he's like, I can't remember, but it might cost me her. So now it's the next morning. And, um, Joe wakes up and he's very depressed looking, which shows that he does remember. He's very, very depressed. And Kathy and Max are still in bed and she's like, what if every single person knows that we've just fucked? How embarrassing. He's like, oh, I will not say anything for a few hours.

53:08Yeah, right. He's going to come out of there high-fiving everybody. Like, yes. Punch in the air like he's rocky. We were at revolution.

53:18So Josh sees Kizzy in the kitchen. He's like, okay, give me the gossip. She's like, literally no gossip. He's like, no way no seriously there's no gossip so then we go to max and joe and max is like oh do you remember how we come back and he's like i do actually no no i don't and so they're saying joe do you remember about last night he's like absolutely nothing i'm claiming the old blackout defense bits and pieces what i remember is a blur so uh he's he just says that he remembers having fun so sure what's so what i like about this is that they are both really shitty both as a partner and as a friend and then they both are very comfortable lying so great great episode for both of you yeah so um kiz josh is still giving kizzy a look and she's like stop giving me that look okay just deny deny deny deny deny deny don't tell me deny deny so now captain sandy comes to get them because guys, it's time to go see the Alingi Red Bull race.

54:24Okay. Alingi, Alingi, Alingi, Alingi, Alingi, Alingi. I'm going to say Alingi as many times as I can. Okay, let's go. So they go into some Red Bull branded boats and they go to the Alingi, the Alingi Little Tiny Boat Race Festival. Alingi Tiny Little Boat Race Festival. So guess what? Everyone, we're here. So the Alingi Red bull racing team headquarters it's very exclusive um you know norma can't even get within like a 10 mile radius of this place it's so exclusive but that has to do with just the fact that she stalked the owner of it for many years in a row and they became very alarmed with their presence so anyway to be able to be part of this is super cool i mean it's just one of the perks of of yachting is getting to go check out a lingi it's the roger federer of boats basically yeah so they get like a little tour of this place they're like oh my god it's so amazing and they see it in there and then guess what matchmaker matchmaker make you a match find you a fine catch you a cash it's me matchmaker turn some butter okay because i've done it uh alicia i mean aisha i have a very special present for you outside uh something norman's never had a date show up okay go out there and check it out and it's scott like Scott!

55:41The Alinghi headquarters starts like crumpling.

55:47It's Brickadoon. It just disappears for 12 years. Scott is dressed like he is someone who works at Alinghi. And so when he turns around, she's like. And so she cries and it's lovely. And Max is like, who is that? This is crazy that she falls in love so quickly with some of them Alinghi. I was like, no, that's Scott. He's like, no, me. So everyone's like, oh, this is so sweet. I'm surprised because he wasn't like, hey, Scott. I like the way he looks. I kind of feel like we have a vibe together. Guys, Scott won't stop flirting with me. So he found out when her date off was and called Sandy, and they hooked it up.

56:23And so it's like really romantic. And Sandy's like, Captain Sandy, more like Cupid Sandy. Lingy. so Scott's gonna join them tonight on the boat and they finish their tour and Aisha's just like so excited she's so happy and Joe is now talking to Kizzy being like I genuinely don't remember what happened last night I think we played Scrabble and she's like well we were like you should probably go to bed because this is going a way that it shouldn't go and I went oh don't kiss me don't kiss me and it was like a little teehee because I think you kissed me do you remember so I think it's so funny that the way she's like jogging his memory to this thing that they're like, we won't say a thing.

57:10We won't say a thing. But she's like, remember, though, that we did this, though, right? Like, I want to make sure this is long in your brain, because if you happen to gossip about it and then it comes out and then your relationship goes down the goes down the tube and then we could be together, that would be pretty fun. But don't say anything. Don't say anything. Well, yeah, I mean, she has to get it on record that he knows what they did. so she doesn't look like a liar later when she reveals what they did. So he's like, I can't afford to hurt Victoria. And she's like, that's why we don't say anything.

57:40So she's like, well, here's the thing. I don't regret having a kiss with Joe. You know, we've had great vibes from literally the day he walked on. But because, you know, her boyfriend died and everything, I shouldn't add more fuel to the fire. Because, you know, that would be shitty. That would be a shitty thing to do. No, it's shitty what you did. Adding fuel to the fire by telling her doesn't make it less shitty. Not telling her doesn't make it less shitty. Whatever. So he's doing the whole, what the fuck have I done, bro? Just what you've been planning to do for two days. I will not accept the I am blacked out and it's all alcohol's fault.

58:15I'm sick of it. Why doesn't Tito sue these people? You know, they've got to be so sick of being blamed for everything. They're like, we're just a refreshing beverage. And you people use us for every excuse in the book. Like, are you ever like, do people like this ever get embarrassed? I mean, do you ever think like, isn't it so embarrassing that people see me and they know exactly what I'm going to do? And it doesn't matter what I say because I know I'm going to do it. And then I do do it like that. I'm so predictable like that. Like, aren't you embarrassed that we see you come on to the show and we see we say exactly what your story beats are going to be?

58:47Like, aren't you mortified that that's how you operate in life? I know the answer. The answer is no, they're not embarrassed. But like, I would be mortified. So, of course, now, first rule of fuckboyism, which is that you've got to align your image with your mother. So he calls his mom, and she's like, hello, Joe. And he's like, mom, I made a mistake. Remember, Victoria, that I was telling you about? She means a great deal for me, which is why I call her Victoria. She's like, yeah, do, Joe. He's like, well, last night I got drunk, and there's another girl named Kizzy. Ah, Joe, you gotta do something about it, yeah.

59:20Joe, Joe, why are you crying, Joe? No, Joe, you're gonna make me crazy, Joe. But here's the thing. V's off the boat because she's not well, and V's got a situation that I can't even wish upon me worst enemy. And the first night she's not here, I go and do this shit, ma. I go. It's like, oh, just be honest. Just be truthful. Because you know she's not your girlfriend anyway, is she? What are you gonna do? It's her own fault. It's her own fault for not locking you down, son. Boys will be boys. And he's like, I just don't want to hurt her today, Jesus Christ. Joe, are you so upset, Joe? I've raised such a good boy to get me so upset like this, Joe.

1:00:04And he's like, I can't imagine the pain that she's going through, Mom. She's like, oh, you've got me crying now, Joe. I'm the one going through the pain. No, my boy is such a good boy with feelings for somebody. That's about the fact that you would feel like this for somebody else's feelings, Joe. You raised a fucking asshole, okay? Get stronger on the phone. And you owe V an apology for raising that piece of shit. How about like, Joe, get your shit together and maybe treat women a little bit better. And treating someone like this and then waking up and crying to your mother to get some audience sympathy is not really a good look.

1:00:35So get your shit together and grow the fuck up. You've barely got a hairline left. Okay. He's like, I genuinely like Victoria. The number one thing is that I don't want to hurt her. It doesn't matter how many times you call V Victoria does not mean you respect her. okay just because you use the full name does not mean that you have afforded any sort of thoughtfulness to this this this girl but now he's like oh i just don't want to hurt her like i don't care how many times you say i don't want her you already have done the thing that's too late it's you've done it you've been a piece of shit you lived up to everyone's expectations in the worst way yeah so now it's like a relaxing day asia's you know using scissors to cut a pizza, as you do.

1:01:15And Max is talking to Scott and being like, oh, she loves you so much. Love. I love love. I'm French. The way she is speaking about you, I'm like, wow. You know? Oh, it is like how my grandfather spoke of bombs that he was about to throw Nazis. I love love, but I also love rebellion. I also love waving a big flag, and I love stealing bread for my family. It's like, Max, you're just doing Les Miserables. Sorry.

1:01:50I need to make a poo and Scott's like oh god she's always talking about poo

1:01:59so then in their room Joe and Nathan are talking and Joe's like and Joe's like oh fuck he's like furious he's giving him this look I was like, it wasn't a, I just was like, it was just like a quick peck. I'm like, you claim you don't remember. So how are you going to explain what sort of kiss it was? So Nathan is mad. Yeah. It's like, I'm disappointed. It's clear the man doesn't learn from his mistakes. And now, I mean, didn't you just make out with Kissy two nights ago? What the hell are you talking? I mean, I know he's not technically with Gail or whatever, but you're still calling Gail and being like, I miss you.

1:02:35I wish I could see you. he's like so now to see him playing with v it just doesn't float my boat i don't think it's cool so now they go out and um uh sandy's getting while they're going into their van sandy gets a response from a deckhand that says hello captain sandy yes i am available to come on board oh no i dropped an anchor on my foot again that's a gail it's gonna be a surprise so um now everybody wants to be as in love as Scott and Aisha. And Max is like, well, Kathy is good, but she teaches me how to don't care, you know, just to fuck and don't care, which is good. It's good. So Nathan's like, so you fucked her?

1:03:20Oh, no. Oh, no. So now they go to this place that they're going to, and Kathy and Max are kissing, and they are at the Tablao de Carmen, where they're going to see flamenco dancing. and nathan uh nathan's like i remember this place i came here with gail let's show a clip oh gosh i can't i can't believe what a time it was now here i am alone having this memory without gail gail gail gail gail gail do you think he knows gail's coming back i mean he's he's gotta know and i suspect he knows because the whole thing like oh i can't believe a boy is making out with a girl when he when she's you know when he's committed to some other girl i think he's he's trying to get on Gail's good side, I think already.

1:04:08Yeah. And, um, I also firmly believe that the producers scanned his social media and saw that he went there and was like, we gotta put, we gotta do this here. We gotta go to the Flamenco place. Also an unsolicited review from our note taker, Shelby, who says, uh, that tableau de Carmen is really cool. I went there on a trip in high school in 2010. So wonder if Nathan was like, I remember when I was here in high school. Oh my God. I jumped into someone else's body. Oh my God. So huge endorsement. Orcements or Tableau de Carmen. So he's now having, he's spiraling because he's remembering what it was like to be there with Gail.

1:04:43You know, just that supermodel he pushed out of his life. And so - Yeah, so Max wants to kiss Kathy and she's like, you make me feel like I'm the only person in the room and that there's only very little oxygen left which you are currently taking up. And it just makes me feel like a million dollars. So that's romantic. I still can't believe she's into Max. It's weirding me out. at this point. It is weird. Because he's very, he's just so Pepe Le Pew, like just all over. He's like a, like a, a squirrel just like going around a tree over and over again, you know, climbing a tree. It's just, he just reminds me of like a 14 year old.

1:05:18He actually reminds me of like a 13 year old. It reminds me of like when I went to my cousin's son's bar mitzvah and like all the little boys, all like the 13, the man I should say, 13 years old, uh, we're like, you know, playing football on the dance floor and then they all like pile onto each other. They all like work themselves into a tizzy. I'm like, that's what Max is. Max is just like, he's just a hyperactive kid on a dance floor at a bar mitzvah. And I'm like, how does Kathy like that? But then we see this amazing flamenco. I love this flamenco. This lady was in it. She was dancing up a storm.

1:05:51I'm like, ah! I just love the drama. It's like that. Stamping, stamping, stamping. And it's like.

1:06:04Oh, yes. It was great. And Josh starts to cry because he loves the artistry of it. And he's like, I'm going to put this into my food. So next time you see an omelette, just know. I swirled a few times and incanted from my gut. Like, why do we have still in our eggs? Why? He's like, I stomped it. I stomped it. That's why. He's like, I would like you to enjoy your lobster Benedict.

1:06:34so joe kissy's like i don't know what the fuck they were saying but i sobbed at that trio and joe's like he was going to the love of my life and i've done you wrong and then she got like upset and she's like that's hilarious what a funny show so um girls we're just trying to think of where scott and i are gonna sleep and they're like oh just take the queen and she's like well i'm sorry because i know you guys made the bid in the first place i'm so sorry so they get the they get the main room and everybody's fucking on the boat so they do have to actually discuss it you know because it's not like most seasons where there's one couple who automatically is going to take it and now v is texting joe in the van and she's like i miss you um nose blowing emoji and then Nathan afterwards is like I'm gonna go see fucking Gail after this boy and Josh is like well why the fuck do you say that he's like well you know because Joe is upset because Joe doesn't like Gail because again another beautiful facet of Joe is that he was a dick to Gail for really no reason just because he's like insecure guy and Nathan's saying saying Scott and Asha and like how they were so happy seeing each other and it's kind of just like sparked something in me.

1:07:51You know how it makes you three think of what's important in life. And then obviously going to the flamenco thing. Oh, the memory just came flooding back to me. Flamenco, et cetera. So he's getting nostalgic. Also, it's that he's just not attracted to any of the girls on board. So he's like, oh yeah, there was that super hot girl that I was actually in love with. So maybe I should go back to that. So now they go back to the boat and Aisha and Scott go get dirty. and Nathan, after just being so romantic, is like, smells like salami. And then Max goes with Kathy and she's got a face mask on. And he's like, what is this?

1:08:28Are you robbing a bank?

1:08:33And actually, I think he said, it was very funny. He said, are you robbing to land the bank? So then V texts Kizzy and she's like, hey, thinking about you on the boat, how's it going? Because you know, there was a producer that was like, hey V, why don't you text your friends? See how they're doing. Kizzy, what an asshole. yeah and she's like yeah thinking about you on the boat barf emoji how's it going blow nose emoji and then uh she's like i feel bad she's texting me yeah because you texted her weren't you acting like she's just such a troublemaker this one and she was like oh fuck fuck fuck fuck and he closes the door and she's like i do feel like a really bad person well that's good um because you are and joe's like yeah same i'm gonna tell her and she goes oh for fuck's sake.

1:09:18And he's like, no. And then he just leaves. He's like, goodnight. Yeah. And then Scott has to leave for the airport, so Scott and Aisha say goodbye, and Aisha's like, there have just been so many moments this season where I've just been like, gosh, I really wish that Scott was here, and so to actually spend time with him, like, as a moment they will cherish and remember forever. Remember the time you put on someone else's uniform and surprise him at the Air Lingy headquarters. Alright, alright. Stupid Sandy. Yeah, worked it. You just got stuck by the bow of Sandy. So she's like, Nathan, Nathan, bridge, bridge.

1:09:58Okay, Nathan, I don't want you to go into this charter without another deckhand. Okay, so I'm bringing in someone that you know. She's really gorgeous. She's a model. You fucked it up the first time. Okay, let's see if this time you can park the boat. It's Gail. He's like, oh, Jesus, I'm so nervous. I just burped up salami. No. You know, for a short-filling position like this, Gail's a perfect fit. She's familiar with how the boat runs, familiar with the team, and we can break her heart when we tell her that Nathan made out with Kizzy and then we can just send her on our way. So it's sort of a perfect match for us.

1:10:32And she says that Gail's perfect for this because she already knows the boat, she already knows the team, and, you know, she's been working on vessels ever since, so she's gained even more experience. Wow, it's meant to be. Wow, I just cupidated myself. Cupid gets stunk by his own arrow. Jeez. Yeah. So Nathan's like, goes up to Joe and he's like, bro, so V's not joining us this charter, but we have a replacement. Do we? Who is it? Who can I fuck? He's like, no, it's Gale. He's like, oh, you're taking the piss, aren't you? You're taking the piss. What the fuck? For the most part of last season, me and Gale, we had a good team until we started butting heads.

1:11:09No, you started butting heads with her because you were condescending and obnoxious to her. She's not only butting. Yeah, because he always thought she was getting like an easy, the easier job because she's a girl. And he was like, yeah. We see the flashback to her being like, you're a princess. And she's like, and you're a dick. And so then Nathan is telling Max and Aisha. And Aisha's like, oh, my God, gay.

1:11:36So Kathy is asking Kizzy if she's going to get a cabin mate or if she's going to be alone. And I don't know. Who is it? It's Gail. We already know. So it's raining and everybody's watching Nathan who's freaking out because he hasn't seen her in 10 months. And he doesn't know if he's going to get a kick in the nuts or not. So let's see. But I love that Kizzy has set herself up now to be on this boat with both Gail and V. And I hope she gets her comeuppance. I know. And next week it looks like Nathan is going to profess his love to Gail, which would be sort of sweet and lovely if he didn't make me hate him over the weekend.

1:12:13And oh well, that's life. So we do have that to look forward to next week. And thanks everyone for being here. Be sure to follow us on Patreon and on Instagram and wherever else you may want to follow us. Or don't. You can live your life without following us. It's fine. It's fine. Who are we? Thanks for being here and we'll catch you on the next episode. Bye everyone. Bye. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto.

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