#3125 Southern Charm S11E05 Part Two: Pool Intentions

0:21Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part 2 of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part 1 was, well go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. so that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that, let's get right back into the episode. So then we go to Craig's house. I mean, but I don't think that that works really because on Bravo, no one expects you to eat. I just feel like there was so much buildup about that cake. Like we got a whole story about that the cake was from grandma and grandma used to make it and she would serve it every Christmas Eve. And so she's making it now, even though it's summer, but it's like their Christmas Eve coffee cake and they all put it together and they quiz like, how many ounces in a cup?

0:57Oh, and it's all coming together. Now we're watching it. They both put it in the oven, and then we just never see how it turns out. I think the cake sucks, and that's why. And they didn't want to hurt the feelings of the grandma. Because, look, let me tell you one thing. I don't trust a southern grandmother who's not named Meemaw, Meemer, Mimi, Mama, Gigi, Gammy, Grang, Grang, Goom, Goom, Plink, Plonk, Plonk, Plonk, or Pong Pong. I'm just not going to trust it. No, there's no just grandma. It's my grandma's. No, it's your meemaws, your mamas, your memers, your memes, or your GGs. Come on. It was clearly a shitty cake that was dry and stuck to the pan.

1:38Yeah. So then we go to Craig's house. Your grandma would have been a better baker had she had a cuter grandma nickname. There. I said it. It's kind of your fault that the cake sucked. Okay. That's why no one ever typed it. That's why no one ever typed it out. So now we're at Craig's house and it's two hours. I turned into Bronwyn. Yep. One thing that we have to admit is that it's just not a good cake. That's it. Two hours before Craig's Memorial Day pool party from when we were little. And people are setting up and Craig is like, Jack, we don't have a lot of shade, Jack. And so he sets up like an umbrella, which becomes a point of contention later on for Madison.

2:16But there are not enough umbrellas. Well, it's a good point. I mean, you have a big backyard party and there's no umbrellas. Hello. What are they going to hide under your Slurpee machine? Come on now. And Jack's not very helpful either. Craig's like, why don't we have any shade? And Jack just goes, well, I mean, people will be in the pool. Okay, Jack, you're not helping. Okay, the pool was already here, assistant. Think ahead, Jack. Jack, are you getting in the pool? No, you're not? Well, then, now you've shown. Not everyone's getting in the pool. Get some shade, Jack. Got loser. So Craig is going to make some pina coladas.

2:54He's like, what are the chances this works? Zero. You will not make a pina colada, and I will bet my life on it. Yeah, because he's not going to follow the instructions. It's going to have a machine like that. I'm sure the mix has a specific instruction. You need a certain proportion of alcohol to ice in order for it to get the right consistency, and Craig is just going to eyeball it and just pour it in there. We all know it. We all know. And we actually got an email this week from somebody asking us very nicely. It was a very sweet email. But someone saying, you guys, you know, you're so mean to Craig.

3:25Could you be a little nicer to Craig? I thought about it long and hard. And by that, I mean five seconds. No, no. And this is why. Look at this scene. Look at this man ruin the art of the pina colada and then tell me to be nicer. Yes. No. Yes. I feel like I am nice to Craig because I wear my Sewing Down South sweatpants all over the place because they are incredibly comfortable and so in that way I advertise his product and I think that's very nice of me but I cannot endorse this sort of party throwing okay we will give Craig his due for the things he's due for his arms look better than ever he looks great but he's failing on the party throwing front I'm sorry without Paige This is not a good party.

4:11He's not good at making slushies. Oh, I have a question to the world.

4:19Someone sent me a pizzelle maker, and I don't know where it came from or who sent it. Does anyone know? I love that you get mystery stroopwafel for years. I'm asking this because we're talking about the slushy machine. It made me think of, like, kitchen things. Pazelle maker just arrived and no card, no email from anyone. It just says here. And I just want to say whoever sent it, thank you. Because I'm going to make stroopwafels in it. Yeah, that's a really sweet gift. So then we go to the party set. He did rivalry was boring and stupid. Free Pazelle maker? Now that's hot. He's like, now that got me to jack off.

5:03I was jacking up all over that thing. That's Ben's heated rivalry. It's like the buildup of waiting for a mystery gift that you just... Zip is L maker. Yeah. Zip is L or Pizel. Whatever, it doesn't matter. So the party is set up now. People start arriving. Shep is first. And he's like a dad. He sees a package on the stoop and he picks it up and looks it over. Kind of shakes it. Looks it up in light. Makes sure the address is right. He's like, hmm, guess this is for Craig. I guess I'll take that in. Yes, dad, bring it in. It's on my stoop. So I think someone got you a pizzal maker. So Craig is like, well, that's actually a bathing suit.

5:44Like, oh, wow. Well, mine didn't come. Mine comes tomorrow. Oh, gosh. So I don't think Shep has enough things covered in the American flag. I'm really worried that Shep's not going to be prepared for that. He sells flags. He sells flag hats. He'll be fine. He will be fine. So they're putting on bathing suits and stuff and Shep and Craig puts on his and Shep is like hey there he is He looks good. Hey, so I spoke to Austin on the phone yesterday Oh, you did was it good or bad rated on one to ten and how cool he thinks he is right now And then we go back to Shep sitting on the stairs and he's and Austin's like I mean Greg is the guy that keeps things in his back pocket and we feed it piss him off And then he's like, oh, yeah, well, I know this and this and this about you and then it's like whoa, man that's like not a friend.

6:32That's like not a friend at all. I wish I was an editor so I could insert the clip of Austin and Craig both ragging on Shep when they were out of town and they were at that bowling alley and they were talking about how Shep was cheating on his girlfriend the whole time. Yep. Yep. Because Austin's victimhood is making me crazy. I mean, it's not really making me crazy. It's actually kind of funny that they're always like this. They just take turns. It's like they're a three-person Housewives cast. Every season. All right. who are we gonna get this year let's just rag on them the whole year until we break them down they are kind of like a really compelling trio i mean they are so toxic to each other but they're all there they always come back to each other but they all take like every season each one of them takes on a different role it's always the same three roles but they like shuffle the deck and hand out the new roles again every season it's always fun to see how it plays out yeah so um Craig's like, look, I wish I didn't freak out, but like, okay, fine.

7:27I'll say sorry again. Cheese. But like, in my opinion, he's jealous. He can't come get in the hot tub and party with the girls. And I'm like, dude, you're dating a girl that you don't even see yourself getting married to. So I'm like, not going to be very patient with that. I don't think that Craig is totally wrong. I think that Austin probably, he wants to have Audrey. He likes Audrey. I think he likes Audrey enough. and I think that he likes how Audrey makes him feel like he's growing up and maturing as a person. But I think Austin definitely wants to hang out with girls in a hot tub and be flirtatious and kind of ride that line.

8:02And the problem is you have someone like Craig who keeps calling him out. You're just hanging out. You're not supposed to be doing that in the hot tub. So now he can't do it. Because before it was sort of like everyone would just look the other way and Austin would just sort of be flirtatious, but he could get away with it. But then now Craig is calling him out for it. Now we can't even do that. So he's like, yeah, he's mad. He's mad. You're blowing up his jollies. I agree. He's not mad that he has a girlfriend. He's mad that you're calling him out for like wanting to cheat on his girlfriend. And that's not what friends are supposed to do.

8:33You're supposed to invite him over to hot tubs to cheat and then not tell anybody about it. But that's not the kind of friend group we're in. And at least a frustration. Yeah. And even if he doesn't even plan to cheat, I think he still just enjoys the flirtation. And Craig is like making that not fun because Craig is like being righteous about it. Yeah. So Shep is like, here's what I think. Honestly, Austin wants a big apology from Craig for the past year and a half and the abandonment of their relationship. And, you know, now that Craig's having fun again, he wants Craig to come up and be like, I was wrong.

9:07I see the errors of my ways. Well, good luck with that, buddy. It's not going to happen. I think that's right, too. I think that's actually 100 % right. I have no faults with that. I think Austin totally wants to be like, I told you so. I want you to say I told you so. I want you to acknowledge that I told you so. And Craig is not going to do that either. That's what they do. I mean, now Austin has apparently broken up with Audrey in real life. Spoiler alert. And Craig was on Watch What Happens Live. And they're asking him, like, do you think Austin's happy? He was like, yeah, because Austin, like, didn't even want a girlfriend in the first places, which was what I said all along.

9:43so let's see they're just the same they're so funny so shep goes i think there's a pathway for us to be friends again because he goes how do you think i got this wait a second this was friendship ending no i don't want it to be of course i mean i love the guy i know you love him god i wish he had a pretty little freaking lip that'd just be the best but he doesn't but i still love him yeah but it's his fucking coddling okay like it happens so what what's he gonna do didn't even say he's coming and he's like no he's not coming he's like he's not coming to the pool party he starts like a little temper tantrum Craig who needs the most coddling on this cast is now complaining that Austin needs coddling I mean that's why he's so angry at Austin too because he's projecting you know he sees himself in Austin right now and he doesn't like it because Craig needs more coddling than anyone on this cast so yeah this is It's just a classic rejection.

10:43Well, he doesn't even go to, he doesn't even travel in the middle of the week. And he never even goes to Charlotte anymore. But now that we're having a middle of the week party, he's not going to come to our big summer pool party. I put noodles in the hot tub holes. This is, this, this is a, this is not a strong argument. Like he never travels on the week. So now he's traveling on the week. It's because he actually wants to be back here in Charleston for Memorial Day weekend. He doesn't want to be with his girlfriend on the long weekend. So he's burning up the daytime trip. It's actually quite damning.

11:20It's quite damning that he's seeing Audrey on like non prime days of Memorial Day weekend week. Yeah. So he can get back for Friday and Saturday. But it said Craig sees it as like some grand elusive scheme to avoid coming to the pool party. which is too i mean it is he doesn't he's punishing craig but um yeah so he's like oh god so now now he started our fight and i just hit him back with all this shit that he's been telling me for months don't get mad craig don't get mad because it's stupid that's why that's why i just want you to repair whatever's damaged craig craig it's just so much fucking energy dude like we can't change the fucking past like so what do we do well we go hat in hand and we say how can we be how can we get to a good place i'm fival from an american tale with my hat in my hand i don't get it but that's not gonna happen because he's a grown-ass fucking adult unlike me who's throwing a party from when we were little so they agree they're gonna just try to have fun for the rest of the day so now other people come molly comes and he's like well the pina coladas aren't frozen yet this is me sitting on the couch the whole time oh really they're not frozen yet oh i'm sure they will be soon craig talk about a truly heated rivalry what about a frozen rivalry that's what you need so um he's like but we got a full bar made with the bees honey over there see them they're bearding by the way what are the odds Jack is like what Jack's poking his head up like what who's bearding Jack

13:04they're working that's how hard they're working by the way I'll take you to the bar Molly and so it's good to see that someone's working on this show it's Wittner and the bees so Cory shows up and they're all like hey Cory everyone and then Vanita shows up and she brought towels that was her gift she brought towels for everyone but she actually brought like a functional gift which was very nice and then um I think I'll should follow Corey wherever he goes there should always be someone with towels yeah I think so maybe also a representative from Fantastic Sam's or Supercuts because that haircut we need to revise it okay you're not Benson Boone you're not Benson Boone you're more like Benson Boo get out of here.

13:49So Craig is like, Benita is clearly not my friend, but I'm always going to include everyone. Cause I mean, like, what is it to me? I mean, hopefully she comes and has a good time. I'm just big, inclusive, Craig. That's me. Except for all the other whole parties where I specifically don't invite one person. Every season he has a party where he's like, I'm not inviting Austin. Right? Like, and I was going to act like he's the bigger person. And what he did invite Austin though. Austin just didn't. This time. Yeah. But last season he had a whole party at a whole day where he didn't invite Austin.

14:17That was a whole big plot point for last season. It was like, you didn't invite me to your pool party, Craig.

14:24And Craig, Vanita's like, yeah, you know, I don't like Craig, but he invited me and if I say, hey, I'm not showing up, then everyone's going to be like, you suck. But now, what is he going to talk about all night? Me sucking? No, I'm going to show up and I'm going to bring him a gift. So I win. Like, you just lost 10 towels. I don't know what you're doing, but you just spent like all but it also just goes how it shows how charitable she is because she knows that craig would never have thought to have a get towels for his pool party she's like let me just do this pages page isn't on this show anymore i'll be the one to bring the towels he's not gonna have towels for the guests it's either this or that's funny uh so whitner is there but he has to take a call because it's a work day and he works.

15:12It's a Wednesday. It's a Wednesday party. We don't realize until this moment. When is Memorial Day? On Monday. Always, right? Yeah. I get it. I feel like Memorial Day weekend, people start to check out on a Thursday, but Wednesday is pretty early for your pool party. Or late. Whatever it is, it's not timely. Yeah, it's not a timely. Did you forget on Memorial Day what the day was? The Memorial Day is. So Charlie and Sally come and, you know, they're talking about each other's shows, clothes. Craig's like, wow, Charlie's got the plaid on. Yeah, it's like red, white and blue. Wow. Summer backyard parties when we were growing up.

15:59That's just how it was. Red, white and blue. Craig, they're also like that everywhere on Memorial Day, Craig. stop trying to make a nostalgia play for everything because that's like he's trying to seem cute he's like remember when we were kids and we have like juice boxes like wasn't that cute aren't that cute it's like yes this is not adult memorial day parties look exactly the same as when we were kids especially exactly the same so charlie's like yeah well you know america so he's like i love america well do you like oysters too and so i was like well what kind to oysters he's like um they're from nova scotia oh can i tell you you know what i love on a hot steamy day is an oyster when it's out of season in the backyard of craig's house oh give me give me six of them and then just take me to the hepatitis clinic okay everyone knows may may the month of oysters you would get hepatitis from a from an oyster at a craig party for sure but is that like an oyster thing hepatitis uh that's one thing you can get um but they i think it's mainly just like uh the old adage is that you should only get oysters in months with r's in them at least that's what it used to be but now there's a theory of like it's not really the same anymore because oysters are farmed you can kind of get them year round but they're biggest and plumpest in the year months uh blah blah blah but i think one adage that will always be good is don't have raw seafood at craig's house in blazing hot heat don't do it yeah it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial

17:49so um hey guys i know everybody's curious let's check them check in on the pina colada machine he's like uh the pina coladas aren't frozen yet and charlie's kind of the best runner i mean especially for a judgmental person on the couch who's just looking at that machine i'm just looking at it i'm like this is never gonna work so he's like oh yeah i got them for you charlie and they taste really good. And Sally's like, wait, I'm coming to the bar. I like pina coladas.

18:20If I do like pina coladas so much, please bring them to me. So now Rodrigo and Tyler show up with Madison and Madison's like, it's hot. And Tyler's like, I'll get you a mocktail. I'll bring it to you, girl. Yeah, and I can tell Paige hasn't been here. Look at this shithole. Disgusting. I cracked up with that. I mean, it just looks like a guy's running the place. I mean, where's the umbrellas? What? No dig to Craig slash Martha, whoever he wants to be today. But the woman's touch kind of left the building. I mean, look at that hot tub. And we just got to the hot tub and the noodles are sticking out of the place.

18:56But back to a frat party. Yeah. So Sally says hi to her and everything. And Madison walks over and like, oh, you look cute. You look cute. Like, how's daddy doing? She's good. You know, so they're making small talk. and then madison is like so hey craig did you just look at my boobs he's like probably because they're like shiny and like glittery like when we were kids so now molly and vanita are talking uh with rodrigo and molly's like oh my god my spray tan is like sweating on my tits and and they're telling her oh my god don't rub it so she's like so how do you feel about this selling craig thing like i mean they seem to be besties like i don't know what the fuck the deal is i I mean, I heard she's like talking shit about my vagina, though.

19:39I don't like that. Out of nowhere. And Vanita's like, wait, who did she say that to? And Rodrigo's like, to me. Hello, I'm on this cast, everyone. So we see flashback to Wittner's birthday party. And Sally whispers to Rodrigo like, hey, Molly got a new vagina. She got all the stuff. And she's like, who do you think is paying for it? Huh? Who do you think? So then Vanita's like, well, I did mention the fact that you had a little nip tuck. Molly's like well so that's how she knows you're acting like how did you know you were the one who said it and then we see a flashback to two weeks ago Vanita being like she got her vagina redone who's funding that I mean who's funding it so Vanita is totally caught here so Molly says well yeah but like she's claiming like I have a boyfriend and that he bought it for me yeah that also came from Vanita sorry to break it to you that's not gonna come out today but yeah Vanita also did that and Rodrigo's like um did you tell her that Did you tell her that?

20:38No. I said that someone paid for it, but I didn't say her boyfriend. So Rodrigo's like, yep, she did that one too. And Molly's like, I paid for it out of my account in 2019. Actually, thank you very much. So Rodrigo's like, so you're the one who's spreading all the falsets. She goes, well, but I don't have a problem with saying, yes, I did do that. It was me. Vanita is, it's so fun watching Vanita really try to do the reality star thing this season you know leaving parties early spreading gossip doing the fake accountability thing it's like fun to see our little our little baby trying to spread her wings so rodrigo's like um i mean when i hear gossip about some girl's vagina um i don't like consider that delicious i mean i think vanita's just being a shady bitch because honestly she brought it to sally knowing that sally has a big mouth so what do you think is gonna happen well information that i got from a source i that i trust was that molly received a rejuvenation surgery that was paid for by a man you're exploited my vagina and molly's like well i'm very open about things i get done but like i just don't want to like tell the entire world that i got my labia cut off okay geez so she's like i mean that's kind of fucked up like why are you bringing it up she's like yeah well talk to me about it talk to me this is good this is really good she goes well when you know like she's gonna bring that shit up because well i didn't think that she was gonna bring it up but she's like you know your friend though well i didn't think she was gonna bring it up that in that setting and i should have not upset it so i'm gonna apologize to you and if i had an additional towel i would have given it to you but i give them all to craig so just very gently i'm just a pinky promise that this is i won't do this again so molly lets it slide because she still likes her and she still needs people to go against sally with her so she's like well i mean it's obvious what she's doing and she's gonna do it to y 'all too one day i mean no one's labia is safe in this group yeah watch out everyone um so rodrigo's like whatever so we see people chucking oysters and stuff and whitner takes a call and he's like um yeah hello business business business let's pencil the first week of june in and we'll get back to you guys okay bye yeah work you know you know how it goes work yep haven't received any discovery nope not at all Okay, see you later.

22:55So Shep gets an oyster, and the waitress is like, that's a lemon sauce. That's going to be cocktail sauce. This is hot sauce. Okay. I get it. Great. Move along now. So Corey's like, wow, now we're talking. Corey's so gross. Why is he here? I like that Corey said something. What did he say to someone? Like, wow, I got your American flag. I'm like, yeah, what little girl dressed you today? because he's wearing like a doily yeah or he said that to like chap or something like i got from your mom said to whitner something like that i know um so um so is uh molly madison or rodrigo go inside and he's like wow look at all these memories of page and molly says oh my god did she do everything and he's like those pink chairs those pink chairs are her wow embarrassing I don't know if I see I trust Rodrigo on this but I just don't see Paige getting pink chairs for Craig I think she's like okay everything in here should be black I hate it, too many colors and flowers so they are eating some more ceviche and Sally's like I feel like I need to find Vanita because she's outside so she leaves Charlie to go find Vanita inside and then Wittner's talking to Craig and Wittner's like hey where's Austin he's like he didn't come I mean, it's stupid.

24:14It shouldn't have happened, but it happened. Like, you know, our beef, it just happened. He's like, well, Craig is posing it like he was defending Sally's honor. Oh, sorry. Charlie's saying that. She's saying she's. My brain is rotting. As I say all these words, I apologize, Ronnie. Literally nothing. Charlie's sitting on this show. It's like nothing is happening. And then we talk about beef. So now Vanita, Sally goes inside to check on Vanita and she's like, okay, well, thank you for checking on me. But when you go back out there, be nice. And she's like to you, I'm nice to everyone. She was just continue to be nice.

24:47Why is she saying that to Sally? That's so weird. Yeah, I thought you just got called out for spreading stuff. Why is Sally getting in trouble? She didn't say anything. You're the one. Yeah, I think this was like I didn't love this moment for Vanita because this is like just say what's on your mind, Vanita, because you're not saying it, but you're being like elliptical about it. And you're you're alluding to things. it's like passive aggressive and sounds like well what did i do and she's like just be nice it's like venina just just spit it out and say it you just say when i told you about molly's vagina that was for the two of us so stop gossiping and making me look bad yeah and so she's like well i'm just saying keep it up if you're not being bad then don't then just keep it up and she's like i'm just like literally standing there eating and i looked around and said where's venina i would never be mean to you i just looked for you and she's like well okay then just don't give me any reason to think you're a fraud okay that's all and sally's like what a fraud to you and she's be nice to molly because i like molly too and she's like i am nice to molly she's no you don't know how to keep your your mouth shut that's the problem and she's like but me and molly we're both bitches to each other at that part like molly's sally's not bright enough you have to just spell out whatever you're saying the hints are not going to work with sally you know no no and so molly is like yeah but you kept talking shit about me and she's like but when she's like well after the party that's why I said you kept talking shit about me after the party because it happened after the party but like what did I say you were talking about my vagina she's like well who said I talked shit about her vagina Enrico's like me hello I'm on this show you came to me and told me that and I'm not mad at you I'm just telling you what you said Molly's like yeah you're being shitty about my vagina she goes but you're being shitty but you are shitty you're always shitty you fucking asshole and everyone's like oh I was like, what?

26:37Whoa. These are making me stink, everybody. The newbies are coming out. And Molly's like, you're malicious. And she goes, well, that was fucked up. She's like, you need therapy. She goes, but I'm in therapy. Yeah, because you fucking suck. So Sally tells us, what the fuck? Vanita's the one who told me about the sugar daddy in the vagina, and now I'm the one getting trouble, taking shit for it. I never talked to you about her vagina. I'm sure she has a lovely nude vagina. sorry I have a beautiful vagina okay just leave me alone are you jealous just go get your vagina done she's like I did not talk shit about your vagina I'm sure your vagina is great honestly though like vagina surgery I never even thought about it I'm sure I'll need it after all this pregnancy so now Shep comes and he's like all right everybody that's enough it's my time to shine now I'm gonna go change into my annual speedo where my pubic hair which I've never trimmed to my life will fall over the edges and my hairy thighs will be sticking out.

27:35Is everybody ready to get turned on? I'm like, oh, no. So, Matt, oh, he goes to do his, oh, sorry, go ahead. No, no, I was just gonna say they go outside. Yeah, so he goes to do that. It's really wacky. Sally apologizes to Molly, and she's like, Molly's like, yeah, but I thought we made up, and I, like, felt good about stuff, but, you know, like, even Vanita's more wary of you now. She's like, well, that sucks because we've been friends long enough that we shouldn't say the words, I'm wary of her. I mean, I don't even know what that means. Who says I'm wary about her to their friend? Wary. That's like a curse word.

28:10That's a four-letter word, you know. So Sally now goes, finds Vanita, and she's like, Vanita, Molly told me that you were wary of me. What the fuck is up with that? Like, I feel like I've been a damn good friend to you. She goes, well, you make it very hard being on your side when you're on the side of someone I don't like. She's like, Craig? Yeah. So now she's making it about Craig. So now she's like, okay, you want me to be on your side? Then don't date Craig. Well, I hear you and I love you, but I don't want to stop hanging out with Craig. Okay. Cause he's a bigger star on the show. She's like, well, I want you to hear me and you're not going to.

28:45So now Sally's like, well, Vanita's argument is she's friends with Craig. So she feels like it's her right to stand up for Craig. But then she, uh, Sally is friends with Craig. so Vanita's not going to be friends with her because she's going to stand up for Craig. It just doesn't make any sense. It's kind of hypocritical, this whole thing. It's hard to be on her side with this whole thing. I don't like it. I don't know, but I just feel like, I do feel like Sally is being kind of a shitty friend to Vanita about the Craig thing because Craig was mean to Vanita but Sally's like, whatever. So I'm going to go after this guy and I'm also going to make sure my other friend can't go after him either and I don't know.

29:22I think Sally's rubbing me the wrong way this season. Yeah, me too, but I think that Sally was just a good friend to Vanita because I think anybody else would have said, what are you talking about? I heard that from Vanita in the first place. Vanita was the one who said all that stuff about your vagina and she said you had a sugar daddy paying for her. She insinuated that you had a sugar, but she didn't. She never says, well, I heard it from Vanita. She just keeps it quiet and then goes and talks to Vanita. So at least she was a good friend in that way. Yeah, she didn't throw Vanita under the bus, but I don't know.

29:51I still like, for me, I still think Sally is not massively, just a little bit more on the side of wrong than she is right so vanita is like now they're mad at each other so shep comes out in his speedo with a he's wearing a george washington wig but he still has the netting on it so he's like a cafeteria george washington but then he has the speedo it's not it's not amazing i need lisa could throw to come in dressed like a cupcake and just go i didn't need to see that no one needs it keep it off my tv sir i get that it's tradition but you So is grandma's coffee cake, and we all know how that turned out.

30:28So Shep jumps in the water. It's funny. The wig gets wet. It becomes just like a sad mound of hair. And now everyone's just dismayed. Summer 2025, me and Shep are single. So now Madison has a moment with Craig, and she goes up to him, And he's like, well, I was worried that you weren't mad. You were mad at me because you didn't answer yesterday. And she's like, no, I'm not mad at you. I love you like a brother. It's just one of those things. Just talk. Be vulnerable, Craig. You know, I saw you the other night drinking tequila, being crazy and mad. And he's like, I know you don't like it when I get like that.

31:09I don't either. She's like, I don't. And I want to be like, are you OK? Because it's not if you're OK. It's OK to not be OK. OK. Look, I like slipped up. I hadn't felt that instant regret in so long. and I knew instantly I wish I didn't do that. And then I fucking snapped and I hate that shit. Craig is just basically telling Madison what she needs to hear because that's what he does. Yeah, pretty much. None of this is Caesar. And he's like, yeah, I know I'm struggling and I don't know how to not be the fun guy at the bar. Like, that's just how I met everyone. That's how I met Paige and Naomi. So to me, I shouldn't equate not drinking with not being fun because I know that's not the truth.

31:47But in my head, I don't know if I believe that. yeah but the problem no one complained about you not being fun last year i mean they complained about you not going out a lot but i don't think anyone was like wow he's turned into a boring person just that you went out less you know they're complaining yeah i mean he's inherently fun he's a storyteller so craig says i don't lawyer and a lawyer and a storyteller i don't like i'm i'm like i texted my therapist who i haven't talked to him in like two years and i I was like, do you have any slots? Oh, that's perfect. And he didn't have any slot machines.

32:22I was really upset. But I'm not fucking better. I fixed a lot of triggers, but this isn't cool. I'm getting worked up. It's not the best version of me. It's the worst version of me. He really is just regurgitating all sorts of things just to make himself seem self-aware and evolved. And Madison's falling for it because this is just what he does. people like Craig are so are so savvy about saying the right kind of stuff that they've sort of picked up from pop culture and all around like what you're supposed to say in that moment and he's just giving it to her on a silver plate and she's like well he's going the right direction yeah so they hug and then Whitner says he's saved to be so Whitner's done something today and now Craig and Charlie have a super romantic scene at the slushy or snow cone machine or whatever the hell that is choosing flavors.

33:19And he was like, have you ever had egg custard? She's like, hate it. And he's like, blue raspberry though. She goes, is that your favorite dum-dum? The sucker? I love, I love blue raspberry dum-dums. Wow. Wow. Babies incoming. I really like Craig, but I feel like I might have my guard up a little because I have the tendency to put the needs and feelings of my friends above mine. I'm a hero. And Craig is like, what's a dum-dum? Oh, is that like a sucker? Like a lollipop? Is that what it is? Yeah, it is. Yeah, those are my favorite. So she says that as she gets older, she's worried that she's not thinking about herself enough.

33:58But she's learning. She's learning to put herself first. Oh, gosh. So then we go to, let's see. Everyone's just part of the need to decides to go home early She's like I'm out of here And um Rodrigo's out of there too He's like Tyler hit his expiration date So we're out of here too And so it's like kind of like a Sad boring ending to kind of a sad boring party And so everybody's leaving And um As she leaves she says bye to Sally And she also kisses Craig Bye And Sally's like oh my god you can kiss him on the cheek But can't let me hang out with him yeah it's called like being nice to the host that's that's kind of yes yes sally you that's so no no vanita you're the one she's actually making it easier for you now vanita's being a good friend for you because she's not she's trying to like like um reduce the tension in the room essentially so like in some ways well one could argue she's being a good friend too i don't know if she was actually was thinking about sally in that moment but like wouldn't you have preferred Vanita actually to have like a friendly moment with Craig, the guy that you're trying to fuck versus like a tense moment, which puts you in a weird situation.

35:08But Sally trying to make it into her thing. It's like, it's too much. It's too much, Sally. And she says, yeah, it's fucking weird that she kissed him goodbye and then she has a problem with me being friends with him. I mean, talk about two-faced. It's fake. I'm sorry. It's manners. Okay. Manners are often manners. That's why we do them. So Shep even leaves. He's like, I gotta feed little Craig. And Molly's like, yeah, I got to feed Zoe. Everyone's just using their pets as an excuse and getting there, which basically leaves us with Sally, Charlie, Corey and Craig. So we've got the dream team. Yeah, we've got the main characters, Craig and Sally, and then the people there to just sweep up the leftovers.

35:53Sally and Corey. so they basically ask uh trolley to like get she's out of the hot tub and they're like craig wants a pina colada he's like craig goes craig says that he wants a pina colada or cory wants one even though people are bitching about it i mean i made good drinks they just didn't freeze so the pina coladas after all these hours never froze in the machine you didn't follow the instructions craig that's what that means it's a delicate ratio of ingredients so they keep telling Charlie to get them more and more stuff and Sally goes why are we ordering Charlie around and Craig goes because she does whatever we tell her to and she's like god you guys were supposed to be my friends he's like we're just it's positive you're just very submissive I just pretend Cory's not here can you tell I just skip over every Cory line so Craig's like alright well we had so many good rainstorms nights out here like the rainstorm And that night was my favorite member.

36:55And so I was like, mine too. And then the next day, we've golf carted to brunch and then golf carted to the country club. Like, we did the best loop. And Corey's like, oh, so y 'all stayed here? And she just looks at him like, mm-hmm. What happens in the hot tub stays in the hot tub. Yeah. So there you go. That was Southern Charm, everybody.

37:24so maybe craig and sally had sex after all oh everyone's dying to know i'm sure all right everybody thank you so much for being here we'll be back tomorrow with some real housewives of boovily hooves talk to you next time bye watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call.

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