#3140 Crappens Rewind: RHONY: Escape from Lu-catraz

0:20Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on ye olde bravs. I'm Ronnie Karam. And here I am with the gorgeous Ben Mandelker, my co-host, my internet life partner, my BFF. Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm great, thanks. How are you? I'm doing good. It's Real Housewives of New York Day, so that's always a good time for me, Ben. Oh, such a good time for all of us. Now, it's time for Real Housewives of New York. I know this is going to be a good episode because the previously is narrated by, not narrated, but introed by Dorinda and she's trying to sound like Carol, which is really weird.

1:04She's like, I'm the real ass, like your kitty. I was like, did you ask Dorinda to do this after 20 packs of cigarettes? It's like they just woke Dorinda up off the ground somewhere and were like, will you record this? Yeah, she is like hungover she got wasted last night in boutique and she is not ready to do her voiceover work and there's a producer sitting in her bedroom holding up her yellow plate it's being like it's sunshine it's sunshine wake up i fell for it again and sunshine plate um i was cracking up even before basically the show started for sort of the same reason because they're showing previously on real houses in new york and they're showing all this stuff and they they show luann And the police footage of her being arrested, you know, when she's like, why?

1:58Why? Why? Why? You know, it's like, you know, she's in the police cruiser right now. And the cop literally like has his arm up on her chest and is like, listen, listen, lady, I'm going to hogtie you if you don't stop. And then it cuts directly to like the opening credits, like this like casual lounge music. Like literally from I'm going to hogtie you if you don't stop to success in New York is only a matter of your high heels or whatever they say. I love how they cut from Luann to Luann because they have Luann going, what is this Nutcracker situation? Like right into her being in a cop car. I was like, whoa, what did happen with that Nutcracker?

2:45What happened between Nutcracker and jail? Did she steal it? from El Chapo, or is she, like, transporting something for him in there? El Chapo's a nutcracker. Let me tell you, that guy is a nutcracker. That's no joke. I'll tell you, Countess and Friends includes so many different people. We have Cheyenne Jackson, we have Bernadette Peters, El Chapo. Amy Phillips, El Chapo. You're to sing a wonderful Ranchero song. It's El Chapo. What do they call those songs that are about those like ranchero songs that are about drug dealers there's a specific genre that is you know i'm talking about they're called the nutcrackerays nutcrackeros el nutcracker i'm learning spanish on duolingo it's called el el nutcrackeros los nocrackerosimos am i saying it right?

3:42Three, two, one.

3:50El Nutcracker-o. Give me a nut. Give me a cracker, but never give me a nutcracker. One, two, three, hit it, boys.

4:05Why? Hey, officer. Don't hog to me. hogtie me because I'm gonna crack your nuts hashtag el nutcracker oh three two one I'm gonna hogtie your nuts with my nutcracker well it makes me laugh every time okay so we open her totally indelicate lyrics that don't even rhyme they just are like love consciousness we read my big trapper keeper covered in Jules diary Anyway, I'd like to call El Chapo on stage. We're going to sing a song. We like to sing on those hot Mexican nights called El Nutcrackero. Always seems a little angry. Don't lose your head, Chapo. Get it, boys. Now, where is that guy? You know, he is always sneaking away.

4:55And now, from some wonderful underground music with El Chapo. Okay. El Nutcrackero by Luanne and El Chapo. Okay, so we open with Bethany and her family in a car. And by her family, I mean Kevin. Kevin, her driver. She's like, Kevin, Kevin, yeah, yeah, Kevin, Kevin, I'm going to Chicago today. I swear I'm going to Chicago. I'm going to do a business conference. I'm going to get home. Brent's never going to be the wiser. Like, you know what the weather's like in Chicago? It's either cold or cold or just fuck. Okay, okay, Kevin, okay. Hey, Kevin. Hey, I saw you at the Jewelers. I saw you at the Kevin Jewelers, huh?

5:33Is that what you do on the side, huh? Kevin Jewelers, huh? Kevin is so checked out. He's like a library book, basically. He's just completely checked out. He's just staring at his phone like, I do not get paid enough for this, you know? Yeah, exactly. It's like, if I have to hear Bethany make another joke about Chicago weather, I'm just going to just drive off this bridge right now. Thankfully, it's followed by Dorinda limping out to meet Ramona in a car, and she's got a cane. And Ramona's like, hi, I'm here to pick you up. Do you need me to help you? Or can the doorman help you to the car? I was like, what happened?

6:07What is going on? Dorinda has a cane. Ramona is offering to help her into the car. What happened? I stabbed myself in the foot. I didn't even know it. Yeah, this is the most real housewives of New York injury of all time. Dorinda, she's like, well, I have a Cristofal salt shaker. It fell on my foot. I was like, I haven't used a salt shaker since before when she died. And I thought, hey, I want to use it. I'm going to use that salt shaker from now on. It's important to have salt shakers, you know? so i decided to use it and found my foot my foot's in black i said i deserve it i love it dorinda just even before her foot's black like she just wakes up one morning like you know the christophel soul shaker i deserve that i deserve it i'm just like imagining her on one of those like librarian ladders you know reaching up to like the find like the christophel shaker hidden behind a box of Special K or something and it just comes tumbling down.

7:05I'll tell you what happened to my foot. It was Christoffel with a salt shaker in the kitchen. Unfortunately, it's even more bloated now because I insult. So then Tinsley's on the phone with her mom and I wrote Tinsley's on the phone with her mom, no Carol because it's like, Carol is like,

7:39that's how she talks when she's in california she's so relaxed everything takes longer including her syllables that's carol getting a massage

7:53so tinsley is talking to dale on the phone you know dale's probably sitting there down in florida eating russell stover chocolates while her daughter's yammering away you know she is she's like oh oh this one has nougat go on tinsley what are you talking about she's like oh my god mom scott and i had such a good time in palm spring in palm beach oh my god Mom, it was great. It's like literally the smallest city in all the world and it was so much fun. How could a city so small be? Have such big fun! And Carol's having way too much fun with this Luen went to jail thing, you know? And she's like, well, a friend called me and I thought, oh no, she got a D.

8:32Why? But then I googled it and I was scared for her. That's not a good place to be. I was like, yeah, you seem terrified, Carol. You know, it's like that moment of Botox where you're just always smiling but also carol you just can't help smiling your face may not be able to tell me whether or not you're smiling but that glimmer in your eyes tells me bitch is smiling well guess what everyone was smiling including production because i mean carol says when i heard about luann getting arrested and you know i thought that she might have had a duy but it turns out it was so much more serious if it were beverly hills it would be like dun dun dun dun dun but on this one's like Like, oh, I thought she had a DUI.

9:16Turns out she just has four felonies and she assaulted a police officer and she might be going away to jail. And the music's like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Like, it's just carefree and light. Like, it's just another day in New York. Let's get a croissant. And Carol's like, I emailed her and I said, whoops, that's not good. And Tinsley's like, I was just a few blocks from where I went down. I was just right there, and I felt badly for her because, you know, I know how it'll be taken in the press. I reached out and I said, babe, I'm in town, and I shouldn't have said this, but come over to my mom's.

9:50We'll have a cocktail. Good one, Tinsley. I actually really respect that instinct. Well, yeah, of course. Yeah. What else are you going to do before you're stuck in rehab? Tinsley was so mad that she wasn't there. She's like, it's literally the smallest place on earth, and I miss the coolest thing happening. You know, that's what she was thinking. So then meanwhile, Ramona and Dorinda are talking about it. And Ramona, of course, has taken this chance to be demure. She's like, oh, the wind's taking – well, she's away right now. She's on vacation. She's at summer camp. Get it, Dorinda? Get it? I love that she's whispering like somebody died.

10:32She's like, the wind's away, okay? I haven't spoken to her. How's her spirits? No pun intended, Ramona. Yeah.

10:45And Dorinda's like, I haven't talked to her either, you know. She's trying to check out and just ignore the noise. By the way, your call on Dorinda's new hair being Bea Arthur's hair from the Golden Girls is fucking perfect. Yeah, like Luke gave her Golden Girls hair. Like, I don't know what he's thinking. I don't know how he can stay employed after giving her that hair, but he did. And so Dorinda's like, yeah, I don't think Duane's ready to go back and get into a polite society. I'm like, none of you guys are ready to go into polite society. Nothing about you guys ever even screams polite. Or society, really.

11:22I mean, you just dropped a salt shaker on your foot. Yeah, you have a salt shaker injury. You broke your foot with a salt shaker. She wasn't in a good place. She wasn't in a good place. And she goes, yes, well, she said she was self-medicating. And I did that. I was getting divorced. I mean, which on an RPM. I mean, I didn't hit anybody. But still, this is bad. Bad. It's a bad thing. The police were there. And that's bad. Okay? This was an out-of-control situation that became public. And worse than that, the police were involved. That's bad. That's like so bad. It's like the worst kind of bad.

12:02It's like Michael Jackson. I'm bad. I'm bad. You know it. I'm bad. Except it's about Luann. It's like Michael Jackson was like, Luann's bad. Luann's bad. And she knows it. She's bad. Okay? It's like the divorce. Okay? It doesn't matter who won the divorce, who lost the divorce, who came in and attained the divorce, what the goalie was wearing at the divorce. Like, it's not about your divorce, Ramona. Okay? I was self-medicating. medicating after that divorce i was addicted to using anti-aging cream just couldn't stop using it on myself it's self-medicating if it weren't for that divorce i wouldn't look 20 years old and you're just like you know what sometimes god stops what you when stops what you're not recognizing you need to stop i'm like yeah sort of like a salt shaker falling from on high onto your foot and breaking it with supernatural powers i think that's telling you to lower your salt intake yeah i think if ever there was a sign from god it was your christopher la ball with a salt shaker plummeting from the heavens and splitting your foot in half so dorina's like uh he had a party in the same place they had their catch me party did you go and ramona's like no uh no no music's like you fucking liar the music's like lie she's doing felix the cat eyes like a Like, left, right, left, right.

13:27No, no. I wasn't there. I spent my New Year's Eve. I'm doing like Duranda and Ramon. Whoa, this is crazy. I spent my New Year's Eve at my friend, Com, Com, Com, Com-Pagostino, okay? He had a great party. I mean, I saw him. I ran into him a lot. Well, not him, but his penis, possibly. I don't know. Something happened. And Duranda's like, Who would go to that party where you know you're going to see him? Only a lowlife would go there. And the music's like, Ramona went there. Ramona went there. Ramona just sitting there like. Ramona just like has like a Christoffel salt shaker in her hand. She's like, do I do it now?

14:11Do I do it now? She's just going to bash. She won't ever think, okay? You know Ramona is just a full. You know Ramona is just full of lies when Ramona's quiet. because Ramona is never quiet. Ramona talks through church. Like, she is never quiet. Well, everyone's eating crackers. Why aren't they eating so many crackers? Don't they realize that Cobb's a bad view? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I can't have this communion wine. Is it Pinot Grigio? I don't think so. Speaking of crackers. It's like, oh, jeez. Okay, so Beth and Bethany and Carol. Wait, Bethany and Carol. Bethany. Oh, no, Bethany's in the car.

14:50I just wrote Beth Carr, and that's what I write for Carol, too. No, Bethany was just talking. Now she's talking about Luann being right. She's like, well, hey, you know what? Like, I'm proud. I had one of Luann's last big nights. Like, we went out on Halloween. Like, basically, I'll take credit for it. Like, I had one of her last nights. That was me. And then they cut to her, you know, being drunk Diana in a car. That's like, congratulations. We had a blackface night. Yeah, let's pile on the abuse for Luann in this episode. They're like, don't forget she was in blackface. yeah let's bring that up let's bring that up with kevin right now he's like yeah this is great she's like i want to kill this lady in my backseat so she's like you know there's so many ways that luang can handle it like seriously like literally she could cry she could not cry she could sob she could not sob she could smile she could not smile i mean who knows run around the block not run around the block you know go to a buffet not go to a buffet i mean i don't know yeah she could sing she could not sing she could sit she could stand she could walk she could run mm-hmm sick i mean like she's going to rehab for 28 days like what what is that 28 days like a sandra volok movie like is that enough what's that what's that she could go like hang out with some zombies now huh she's gonna go like take over london right now be like i want to eat your brains like literally like she's not gonna eat brains lillian yeah she could eat brains she's gonna go seriously she goes well it'll be interesting to see her fresh and like never drink again and she starts like cracking up in the back seat with herself yeah

16:17and then um so now i wrote that carol and tinsley were talking but was it just did i get that wrong was tinsley talking to dale still uh i wrote tinsley and carol oh so they must be yeah no she was never talking to dale i just wrote oh i wrote tinsley and her mom but it was carol it's just because i heard like an old voice on the other end in my mind oh in my mind i thought that she was also talking to dale i was fully like when i said Talk to her later. I mean, I still stand by the fact that Dale was sitting there eating Russell Stover chocolates. I mean, Dale was on that call, too. I know. That's why I didn't kick Dale out of that scene.

16:48I was like, I'm here for Dale. They're in a three-way. Dale was like, go on, Carol. Talk. I'm just going to sit here in my Russell Stover's. I could see her fully dressed in, like, a pantsuit, like, sitting outside on a pool chair eating Russell Stover's chocolates. Russell Stover's chocolates was listening in to Carol intensely. That was a good one, Carol. That was a good joke. so yeah so carol and tinsley are talking about how luann is here from the from the police and i love they're just like cracking up about the fact that luann slipped out of her handcuffs because that's what we're all thinking like how awesome and hilarious is it that luann got out of her handcuffs and they show it again her just like being like ah i'm free i learned that one from el japo my good friend now get over here so i can bite off your head now excuse me i believe there's a tunnel somewhere near here i have to climb into i'm going to cuba it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial

17:53so carol's like whoa i was like no way and then i saw the video of the arraignment And they show the video and the judge is like, listen, OK, I don't know if you're an alcoholic, but stop drinking. And she's like, well, you know, I and he goes, look, everything you can say can be used against you. So just don't talk. And she goes, oh, OK. OK, thank you. Thanks for that. I know I'm not supposed to talk, but what if I sing three, two, one? I'm in court. I'm in court. I'm going to jail because I failed at my breathalyzer. I have a question. Why do birds suddenly appear every time I am near? Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

18:41That's Night Court. Night Court, everyone. I had it coming. I had it coming. There, I admit it. I only have my stuff and Tom to blame. D 'Agostino, singer, Frankel, madly. Salt shaker, deadly.

19:02me one o 'clock two o 'clock three o 'clock rock four o 'clock five o 'clock six o 'clock rock seven o 'clock oh let's just get to it jailhouse rock i hate counting how many counts do i have i am the countess

19:19it comes back to carol and she's like so tinsley were you at the same jail as luann and she's like, yes, Gun Club Road girl, yes, it was the same but it wasn't the same because I had a misdemeanor and she has four felonies hey, by the way, are you going to that skinny jeans party? I was like

19:39those fucking people so then, yeah, Carol's not going because her plane lands from LA like an hour before the party or whatever so, and then we see Ramona Ramona and Dorinda and Dorinda's like, so you're going to go to that skinny girl jeans party? I hope there's no I'll take his day. I'll be actually careful. And Ramona's like, no, wasn't invited. And honestly, I don't think I would go anyway because I don't know. Bethany was mean to me. And I didn't like it. And they would do a flashback of her being, you don't support other women, which is like really one of my favorite scenes of all time now.

20:12I've been saying that all week long. I'll be like at Sprouts and I'll just be like walking by bananas like you don't support other women. Like when something's not on sale that you want. I know. Don't support other women. Okay, bananas. Okay. Okay. So we get to see a clip of that again, and it's hilarious. And then Dorinda's like, well, you know, we were in a good place until the Nutcracker.

20:40Yeah. And now Dorinda has been riled up about this Nutcracker thing where now she's, like, upset about it but trying to act like she's not upset. But she's really upset. She's like, I mean, she can't just say thank you. She can't just say thank you. You know. but what was funny is oh I guess it was later never mind I'll get to it later I don't need this kind of negativity in my life I don't need that I could be alone I was like you hurt yourself with a salt shaker you cannot be alone we know what happens to you when you're alone you're stabbing yourself in the hands you're dropping like heavy salt shakers on yourself the last person that ever needs to be alone is you okay yeah exactly what a bunch we are

21:24what a bunch okay so then speaking of what a bunch they are we then go to sonia she is in basically a hazmat quarantine of like plastic drapes on her bed because her apartment's going through renovations but it looks like someone came in and it's like okay you have ebola so you just stay on your bed until we get this all sorted out yes it's like the poisonwood bible or whatever yeah she's in bed it's like et yeah it is um so she's like my god i'm so allergic to all this dust oh i'm gonna be staying with tinsley because i'm allergic to dust and might oh i can't find my underwear but that's okay oh three bucks i've got three bucks and then she's smelling her underwear and piling them up and just going to her bills and i just love that Sonia is like having a one woman show in every scene that's her I know she doesn't even need her facialist to come in anymore she's just on that bed with a variety of like random items that she's either sniffing or touching I was like this is literally a view of Sonia as a homeless lady like I am seeing her right now like with these plastic things up she looks like she's in her like her own little tarp tent you know I'm not trying to be like insensitive to the situation but like what I'm seeing right now is I feel like I'm looking at a woman on the street just like rambling and going through random like pieces of like trash not trash but that's like you're getting a look on the inside of a tent city you know because she's literally in a like a plastic tent in her bed she's in a plastic tent like picking up random things sniffing them like inhaling like giving herself tinctures which i don't think that's necessarily like a common homeless thing to do but like you know like she's like spraying stuff in her mouth and like it was just it was so good it's like a one-woman show the sunjana monologues yeah and so she's she's talking about um how she reached out to luann and everything and she's like you know i know that luann is a strong is a strong and she's a proud woman i'm like just like me lu i got a little staircase to get up on the bed i don't want her to think i'm sticking my nose in but when she passes, I'm totally going to blow her ashes in someone's face.

23:35I'll tell you that right now. That's how she sends everybody out. And she has jury duties call. What is it called? Summons or whatever. And she's like, you're all guilty. You're all guilty. Which is so how I am. That was actually such a funny moment. I just love that. Like, Sonya Justice, you know what? You're all guilty. guilty of love in the first degree is that so wrong Tawny it's like Tawny never comes so Bethany and Kara Bethany's in the car with Kevin I wrote Kara again damn it so she's still in the car with Kevin this is Bethany's whole life basically Bethany in the car with Kevin she's like I got a weird feeling about tonight like it's weird and he goes weird good she's like no no like unsettled like seriously like literally seriously Carol Seriously, rough patch, like blah, blah, blah, blah.

24:32My girl's not even coming. Calm down. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So now, well, before that, though, we go to Ramona at the doctor's office. Oh, how did I skip Ramona at the doctor's? Oh, my God. What a sin. I don't know. I don't know. You're a man of mystery. I don't know. Don't try and figure it out then, okay? I don't understand. I'm like Twin Peaks. You just wait until it's over and you say, that was good. and move on with your day. So Ramona, who was furious at Bethany last week for implying, for saying like, oh, you have to have a whole infomercial. Okay, you have to have a whole infomercial. Now she actually literally has an infomercial.

25:13This entire scene was a hilarious, hilarious infomercial. So Ramona shows up at this doctor's office and she's like, now that my divorce is final, I don't have to work, but let's face it. I enjoy working and I've always been entrepreneurial And I'm really excited to do my anti-aging skincare, Ageless by Ramona, okay? People always say to me, you're reverse aging, like Benjamin Button. You can facelift, Botox, do this, fillers, that, but it's about what you put on your face. I'm like, Ramona, you have like 10 facelifts, and you have Botox and fillers. I mean, I'm glad that you're keeping it lewd up, but come on.

25:54Soon I'm going to be working on a tugboat Just like Benjamin Button And I'll be like toot toot Because everyone's got to get away from my boat And I'm going to be tugging along My old face Because I've anti-aged and become younger And soon Kate Blanchett Will be cradling me like a little baby And she'll be like whoa you look great for your age Are you one years old? And I'll be like no I'm 63 okay People are always saying If you take another dress from the dressing group not ever coming back on my talk show again okay guess what you can say that all you want but it's not going to change the suppleness the quality of your skin okay i've always been entrepreneurial one time when i was a little girl i was like whoa i want to have a lemonade stand and i set up a little lemonade stand geraldine parr smith she came up to me and she was like whoa you don't know what lemonade even is that's just water that you put yellow in and i was like no it's not she She said, yes, it is.

26:48And she knocked over all my lemonade. And to this day, I still can't listen to Beyonce's album. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Geraldine took a lemon off a tree and threw it at my head. And it hurt. But that's when I realized, oh, my God. I don't look 10 years old. I look 9 years old now. I realized citrus. That's what I need. Citrus. To this day, ever since Geraldine Parsons Smith threw a lemon at my head, I have trouble drinking Sprite. You can only drink half a bottle of Sprite because it's the lime half. I can't drink the lemon half. So the doctor, she's like, I want to start with the serum that's hydrating.

27:27Okay. When I was working with the doctors, I said, I want a serum. It absorbs into your skin. Look, it just melts right into your skin. I'm like, like lotion, like lotion, Ramona. Yeah. And the doctor was like, it's so light and so citrusy. She's like, that's my scent. That's my scent. Smell me. She goes, yeah, you smell like this. They have a flashback. Yeah. And there's a flashback of Tom saying, you smell like grapefruit, which is also like, who says that to someone? You smell like a Weight Watchers breakfast. I want to give props to Dr. Amy Lewis for rocking a really impressive Deborah Messingwig.

28:10Like, you really killed it. Like, you basically are Grace Hadler. Well done. And then Ramona, of course, now is giving herself props. She goes, just so you know, I become a maven at whatever I'm interested in. So, for instance, last night I was like, I want to have a slice of cheesecake. I'm a cheesecake maven now. Wow. I become passionate about it. Not just passionate, but I become, like, intelligent about it. Okay? I'm a maven of intelligence. Okay? I'm a maven. Cheesecake. Citrus cheesecake. Okay? Whoa. Lemon ricotta cheesecake. I'm a maven. Hashtag maven. Bethany was mean about my skincare, but to be successful in life, you can't look behind you or to your left or to your right or upstairs or downstairs in a car outside of a car.

29:01You just say, you know what, Bethany? You don't support other women. Okay. You just follow the beeps and the beeps get louder and louder. You stop and you start digging in the sand until you find the trinket. That's how you're successful. That's the direction you go in, okay? Trust me, I'm a maven. In the car with Bethany and Kevin. So yeah, this is where she's like, I got a weird feeling. I got a weird feeling. I'm just unsettled. Like, I'm going to see Carol. Like, we had a rough patch. Like, I thought it was over. I texted her. I was like, oh my God, look, it's the holidays, you know, because I was sad and depressed.

29:33And so I texted her a picture and I said, I miss you. And then she said, that's a lot. And like, I mean, well, that's a little. Bethany goes, I texted. I said, I miss you. You seem cold. like um how are you expecting a a warm response when you accuse someone like i miss you you're cold like you can't insult someone and then be like let's be friends again bethany you gotta work on that doesn't work that way okay that's not a lot it's a little okay and i said we got issues and she said i don't want to deal with that we'll talk about we'll talk about it next year okay well it's next year kevin's like oh jesus christ is it another fucking year in the front seat of this car yeah exactly and then she's like and i got this knockback situation dorinda's i guess mad at me about that i mean like what i i didn't say thank you enough and then actually they show they show um a flashback of bethany being like thank you so much oh my god oh my god thank you so much you saved like she was actually being super grateful yeah just not during the party yeah just not during the party it was when dorinda said that she could find it for her yeah so anyway so bethany arrives because she's she's showing up at her uh skinny girl jean's event so she gets out of the car and then she's like trying to walk through pedestrians i just love how she just doesn't know how to deal with people she's like right left right huh wait which way do i go i wish i had one of those like uh beeper things that ramona has wait left right huh no no just side side shuffle backwards square dance and then one of her what's the matter what's going on, what's happening, ladies?

31:02It's like, Bethany, you look marvelous! Now look here, people can walk down Skinny Girl Alley, Beth! Skinny Girl Alley! It's an alley made of mirrors, where people can see how good they look on their Skinny Girl chains, Bethany! Yeah. And if you're too big, then you don't deserve to be in this party anyway, because you can't fit down Skinny Girl Alley! It's a way to weed them out. Well, she got in a little trouble. Well, not trouble, but like, social media of trouble, which I guess she's used to. But when she said she was coming out with skinny girl jeans, everyone was like, oh my god, how dare you, fat shamer?

31:38You know, it's like the most inappropriate label to put on jeans. And so she's very careful in this episode of being like, oh my god, we got size zeros, we got size three thousands. Like, seriously, no one is too fat for my jeans, okay? Alright, let's try it. Bring the fattest person you know here and we'll put them in checkings, okay? Yeah.

31:58So, Tinsley shows up and she's like trying to order a drink from the bartender and she was like uh do you have any like um like red wine no he's like well we have a lychee martini she's like perfect i don't know why she's just like very excited about that lychee martini she was like oh my god dale's just dale's just sitting there on the phone like what'd he say she could put it on speaker i want to hear what'd he say i'll tell you what tinsley that forrest gump was right you never know what you're gonna get. Was that a hazelnut? Was that a hazelnut in that chocolate? Mom, I broke up with Tito, but they don't have wine, so now I can have Tito.

32:40Well, Dusty, don't get obsessed when he says he needs more time to himself, Tinsley. Okay? I am so disappointed. Why? What did I do? Not in you. I just have one of those chocolates that was just chocolate. who puts cherries inside of chocolates these days turns late what is mr stovar gonna realize that we need a guide on these chocolate boxes i don't want to have a surprise every time so then we get uh and then bethany comes after her she's like oh my god it's you tinsley oh my god so you were out of town with your boyfriend ah that's great did you get a ring yet and she's like no just another diamond bracelet so then sonia arrives she looks fully like the like a white version of the lady in the beginning of little shop of horrors who's like the sun comes up at seven you know everyone's singing skid row like you know that lady and it's time to go she's that lady walking with the bags down the street in that scene.

33:50Sonia's like, well, the alarm goes off at 7, it's time to rise. She's like, sing it, child. Because it's 5 a.m. I don't know the lyrics. I'm just like, I'm doing the total Luan. The guy who's working the buffet is like, and then you go downtown. Skinny girl, where the jeans are tight. Skinny girl where the drinks are light. Skinny girl where you're just helping Bethany grow. Down on Skinny Girl Alley. That's down on Skid Row, okay? I'll tell you, that's where the Skinny Girl party is. Skid Row. Who goes there, okay? They're like, if I saw that woman homeless singing in front of a building, I'd say, you know what?

34:35You need citrus, okay? On your face. It's right. You'll still be homeless, but at least you'll be young and homeless. Okay? Have you noticed that that homeless lady looks younger and younger and younger? Anti-aging homeless lady. So Zonya comes in in like a fur Paddington bear hat. She really, she just looks crazy. And she's like, oh, Jeff and Olive, I'm not eating meat, only vegetables. Like, you're wearing a fur hat. Yeah. She just goes, I'm vegan now. like like it was just decided literally 30 seconds before it was like an improv exercise where someone like tapped her and she's like okay i'm vegan now great veggie man are those vegetables i'm vegan now oh is that a falafels i love falafels that's chickpea right and the guy goes garbanzo beans which by the way is a chickpea it's the same thing and she goes oh garbanzos i eat those and he's like okay and then she's like although she's like they make me gassy though so then uh sonia she like she sees like a raw bar a bunch of like oysters she's like oh perfect and she just starts eating them she goes i mean i'm vegan but i allow myself seafood because it's raw it's like uh the shrimp are cooked yeah like you're making porsche williams look good okay like how are you making portia williams like the authority here so then she starts taking the seaweed off the display she goes oh that's the display well i had to eat the garnish it's a delicacy and then she just starts dancing while she's eating and the buffet guy starts dancing with her i'm like oh my god that's me at every wedding i ever go to alone so um bethine starts making a speech about who knows what like oh my god jeans you know you know what i like about jeans they can wear them they fit all all people and like jeans also like dna that's pretty cool you know there's like dna dna is in us and those jeans jeans jeans like okay fat girls skinny girls you know any kind of girls like not really in between but mostly like really fat and really skinny like look it feels very inclusive to me that's what i love about it we got like a guy up here but like it's all about women like we have one guy all women like this for women it's a woman thing it's like okay so then uh dorinda like hobbles in she's now wearing a boot skinny girl boot and from her salt shaker injury.

36:54She's like, I have my feet in black. Yay.

36:59So they're all just – now they're all just like talking and gabbing. They're kind of all talking over each other. And Sonia is talking to Tinsley and Dorinda. And she's talking to Tinsley about moving in because she's going to be moving in because her house is under construction. And she's like, yeah, I got all my life. My whole world is just on that four-post bed. And I don't know if you caught this, but Dorinda goes, I can imagine what that consists of.

37:25And I bet I got his soul shaky. So Bethany's like, all right, Dermondat, like, are you mad at me? Like, what's going on? And she's like, yeah, Bethany, we're done with that. Let's have this conversation once and move through it, okay? Because I've been licking about it a lot. Like, why'd you say thank you in front of everyone? You should have said thank you. No, I'm sensitive about it. But now I didn't even want to see a nutcracker again because it's been making me slip crazy. And now I've been seeing nutcrackers everywhere. Yeah, it's Christmas. So I bet his response is pretty much like, yeah, well, remember the night before Puerto Rico?

37:55Remember how you acted? You act like a crazy person. I slept by you in Puerto Rico. Huh? How about that? She's like, we're not even talking about that. Yeah, no. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's what friends do. I'm a good friend. I'm a good friend. I'm a good friend. OK, just remember that. I took on a private plane. She not only uses your bad minutes against you, she's like holds on to it. She's like the movie Jaws. Is it safe to go to the water again? Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. Dorinda. Yeah, Bethany is that Jaws movie. Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water. Sound shaker, you lost a leg.

38:27A shot comes off and takes off your sound shaker. I like how she calls it that Jaws movie. Like, you know, I forgot. It's that movie about the Jaws. Whatever it's called. Jaws. Bethany's like, yeah, but why'd you talk behind my back, okay? Like, if Bethany, she's coming ready to apologize. but then once somebody is nice about it she's like okay i'll yell at you then like if you're not gonna if you're not gonna turn it on me then i'll turn it on you so now she's like well why'd you talk about behind my back like why can't you just say it to my face like seriously and she goes well you know it's just because like i thought it was okay but then carol came up and said i can't believe she didn't thank you and the music goes and bethany does like that thing where if you like spritz a cat with water the cat's like she does that she drops a ball of yarn and runs under a out.

39:15Right. By the way, I can't stand the why. Why did you talk about behind my back? Like you guys all talk about everything behind each other's back. You know, sometimes you just can't talk about everything to someone's face right at that moment. Okay. Someone says something, it bothers you. And then you think, Hmm, I feel like I should talk to Bethany about this, but like, maybe I'll talk, let me check in with someone. So I think that maybe I'm overreacting. Like sometimes in life, you just wind up talking behind someone's back and it's not a thing. It just happens. So like, don't try to like derail it this way.

39:42So anyway, That's her argument too later in the episode with Carol. She's like, what? I have to say everything to your face? Like seriously? Exactly. Exactly. So yeah, but Dorinda basically is – she kind of throws Carol under the bus. She's like, well, Carol is the one who said, well, what the hell? She didn't even thank you. So Bethany is like, well, that's classic Dorinda. OK? If she can throw someone under the bus, she will. OK? She will. And then two seconds later, Bethany is like, well, I heard it. you were super mad because Ramona said that you were, like, inconsolable about it. I'm like, you just threw Ramona onto the bus the way they threw Carol onto the bus.

40:17What are you talking about, Bethany? Well, Ramona has no right to use my voice to say how I feel. And Ramona's very upset with you, okay? And so she's using it to pile on. You see what she's doing? You see what she's doing? And Bethany's like, all right, look, you saved Christmas, and that's the truth, okay? Can we just hug now? Can we just hug? Yay, Christmas, Sabre. Woo-hoo, Christmas. Yeah, you saved Christmas. Yay. kids are getting presents now okay drinda can we hug can you get me a light make salt shaker please commercials here comes one right now

40:54so uh then this uh hot bartender start but he's like hot but skeevy he uh starts hitting on sonia and he's like bringing he's bringing drink to sonia and tinsley and you know it's like it's single right now i'm single let me flick my hair i'm single i'm like oh you're young you're young yeah you know and he's like too lazy to even make a man bun he's got like a uh man like spaghetti pile yeah yeah like a ribbon it's tied like one of those ribbons that you wear for like breast cancer or aids or whatever like that little ribbon shape i'm like lazy so dorinda and tinsley you're talking about Luann and Durinda saying I'm not going to say it's all coming but you know you open the cabinet and boom it's on your foot what are we talking about Lu you know what Lu does she goes back to the crime scene she's a crime scene goer I'm like is that a thing a crime scene goer she's a crime scene goer yeah she goes she's a return to the crime scene goer you know those people who are arsenics I was like what I think you mean arsonists I don't know what she's talking I was trying to figure out what she's talking about.

42:03You know the old lace? You know people who wear old lace? You know, arsenic's in old lace. There's a good crime scene. They're like a return to the crime scene goer. I like how she just like, I like how she creates a new category of person, like in a very indelicate way. It's like, you know those people who love making left turns? Yeah, left turn people makers. Yeah. That's what they're called. Why don't you return to your left turn? Go to the breakers. and Tinsley's like well I think she might not look like she was okay but then she got so drunk and she wasn't okay and Palm Beach is the smallest place on earth and she's coming in a time as possible but when Tinsley said Palm Beach is one of the smallest places on this earth I was like okay Tinsley just relax okay it has an airport alright so like and I guess now would be a really good time to mention that we're bringing Watcher Crappens to Palm Beach so yes i guess you could say that we're crime scene goers too west palm beach and there is a difference i think we are actually i think we are in west sir i think the comedy club is in palm beach it's in west palm beach improv and you know how i'm gonna find out i'm gonna go right now to watch what crappens i'm looking right now palm beach improv let's see what it says i thought it said west you're right it's west palm that's right i wouldn't be going to palm beach what am i a monster how how could i be so silly to think that we'd be in palm beach but well you know we are going to go to palm beach we are going to take a we're going to take the luann tinsley tour of palm beach we're going to cross that bridge and go over tinsley water yeah we're going to be there in august everyone so if you want to come relive recreate be a crime scene re-goer recapture with us go to watch workhouse.com again tickets so bethany comes over and dwindle's like look how many of us have had it that night when we wake up like what did I do?

44:01and Bethany goes yeah you did it Tinsley like you did it and Tinsley's like there is a difference she hit a cop and she slipped out of handcuffs and Beth's like oh my god I love that that's amazing

44:15yeah everyone's just like obsessed with the fact that Luann got out of her handcuffs I love that like the listeners are obsessed and her cast members are obsessed with it that is hilarious That is the funniest shit I've ever heard. Yeah, she's magical. Probably the only one who wasn't. Well, no, I was going to say she already laughed about it. Never mind. I was going to say Carol probably wasn't. Carol was probably like, that's not nice for handcuffs. But Carol laughed about it anyway. So I take it back. My musings from inside my head. This is what goes on inside my head right here. This is what you're all seeing.

44:43You're crime scene goers in my own brain. Your brain scene goers. You're turning into the scene of the arsenics. Yeah. So Sonya's flirting with the young guy again. And just, you know, embarrassing herself, vegans, I don't know, animals, fur. She's like, do you even have a driver's license? Are you 26? Have you ever slept in a bed with plastic around it? Do you know what it's like to be under quarantine? I can't get to pay. So then she's talking to Bethany and she's basically, oh my God, you are my inspiration. he inspires so many women to you know just lose weight or whatever i'm gonna fuck that guy and bethany's like i think he's my life partner which you know means best when he's drunk because she's like having fun and being yeah because bethany's like seriously thank you all for coming like seriously seriously thank you for coming thank you for coming seriously thank you for coming i was like okay she's wasted she's being nice to them i like i like i like sonia being like you are such an inspiration to me now i know exactly what to do to never have you yell at me on a couch again in my life i've learned i'm inspired by that um by the way i my browser is still on watch what crappens.com and it the first picture is me looking like a sea otter catching a fish in the air so closing that now okay so caroline and caroline carol and beth are having bethany are having lunch together and carol's that's when he shows up and carol shows up with her beats around her neck she's like yeah i'm young 99 percenters and then bethany shows up like a yeti detective okay she has like a little like was she wearing sunglasses i think a little hat like a little detective hat and then this big old like yeti jacket like monsters that like a white version the Monsters, Inc.

46:43monster. And Carol is like, you're like the abominable snowman. And she's like, what, huh? Yeah, it's more like Monsters, Inc. Like, if I'm going to be a monster, it's going to be somebody with an ink. Okay? Yeah. Senior Monster, Inc. Senior VP of Monster, Inc. Okay? Like, literally, I was so drunk last night, I woke up, my hair pieces were in a bag of potato chips, which is hilarious. I mean, like, that's how I know I was drunk. It was the last time I had a potato chip, huh? She needs a Bloody Mary, please. she's still hung over from last night. I was like, okay, Judgey. Charge your Beats. So that seems like, oh my god.

47:21The leaking was odd, okay? You don't support Bose headphones, okay? You don't support good audio. I told Luanne, all she should have done was had some citrus on her face. So Carol's like, oh my god, the story sounds amazing. My favorite part was the handcuffs. In my mind, she escaped and she's running across the lawn screaming, I'm gonna kill you all. I mean, we're laughing but, I mean, it's hilarious. Let's keep laughing. So you're upset with me? Like, what's going on? I love how Carol orders too. She goes, um, bread and the cucumber. I miss that. Bread and a cucumber. Sounds delicious, Carol.

48:08Yeah. So, yeah, Bethany's like, yeah, all right. Well, that was time. What's going on? Huh? You upset with me? What's happening? What's the matter? Carol says she's basically like, well, you know, with our friendship, like this summer, there was like a new aggressive, dismissive vibe. I'm like, Carol, are you just becoming friends with Bethany? Like, how have you only now found that vibe with Bethany? That's how she like that's her love language to be dismissive and aggressive. Yeah, well, it's like you turn on the sprinklers every night, but then you stand in front of one and you get mad at the sprinkler.

48:40Like, bitch, you're the one who's turned the sprinklers on. You've been turning those sprinklers on for years now, and you've been fine with them. Really a perfect analogy.

48:54It's a seal. That's Carol's voice broken up in a sprinkler. Or if it's the hose, if you just turn on the Carol hose, it just goes.

49:07all the plants get scared um they turn into like those like souls that never got their voices back on little mermaid so um so um so carol basically is like well i i heard that you were like annoyed with adam and i wanted to talk to you about in the berkshires but then all you wanted to talk about was how our friendship shifted the friendship shifted I didn't get to talk about Adam and they're like going back and forth about this Adam stuff and my favorite part about this was then on the bottom of the screen a Jurassic World promo popped up did you see this? like a Tyrannosaurus Rex and a Velociraptor I was like that is so perfect for right now Carol and Bethany and then these two dinosaurs are coming at us like what is the scariest part what is the scariest thing on this screen right now i'll tell you one thing it's not the t-rex the other one has a cucumber and some toast

50:15so bethany's apologizing because she did call carol and really shit talk adam but she did that because she thought they were broken up so it's kind of her way of helping being like yeah he's He's an asshole. Yeah, and by the way, she said she's not upset at all about Carol's contributions to her. She's like, I don't care about that. I don't care about that. But like you said, she basically was like – I actually like Adam, but you know what? I was like – what he said, it rubbed me the wrong way, and I called you up, and I talked a lot of shit because I thought you guys were totally broken up. So I thought I was able to do that and be OK.

50:48And then Carol was like, but it wouldn't have been OK anyway. And she's like, no, I know. And she goes, listen, I question his motive sometimes, and that's my prerogative. It was my bad. And she actually was fully like, no, I should not have – I talk too much. I misjudged the situation is basically what she's saying. But she keeps saying, I'm allowed. I'm allowed. OK? Like I'm allowed to say that. And so Carol – she goes, but look, Carol, I love you. Like seriously. Like it's Christmas, and I texted you, and I sent a picture of us. And I said, you know, like I miss you. And then you said, it's a lot.

51:16And she goes, you said that's what happened. That's not what actually happened. and she goes so what happened and then carol just kind of rolls her eyes because bethany's like uh uh-huh yeah yeah yeah and it's like commercial so we come back she's and also i just want to say before going down this path a little bit that that carol says that she doesn't like that bethany saw adam's actions in a negative light what what she doesn't because bethany says that the way adam acted that it rubbed her the wrong way and carol says that she doesn't like that bethany thought that Adam's actions, saw Adam's actions in a negative light, and then talked to everyone else about it.

51:51So she hasn't, she feels like Bethany Wayne just like yammered and talked shit about Adam to everyone. And she's like, well, I got to LA, and I opened my phone, and you've got all these texts, and you're like, why are you mad? And Ramona's a terrible person, and all this. And I said, this is not a conversation for texts. And then you just kept texting and texting and texting. Which is so Bethany. She's like, what? I just said, I love you. And it's like, of course she didn't. She called. It's like 10 pages of text just ranting like a crazy person. I love that she just, like, annoyed the fuck out of Carol.

52:27Carol's like, she's like, what's going on? I miss you. And then she's just, like, ranting about Ramona. Carol's like, can we just, like, talk about this when we get back to you? I can't right now. And Bethy just kept on texting her. And then, like, Carol goes, she had no respect for what I just said. I'm like, okay, well, yeah, I guess she didn't because you said, can we talk about this later but like you know if someone keeps texting you after you say i can't talk right now you just be like they're being annoying don't be like they have no respect for me and for my boundaries like okay carol yeah calm down over there she's like i'm gonna write an article about this in vogue or whatever so now carol's now carol starts saying that she's mad that bethany said that she looked sad when when carol left bethany's uh christmas party when And Bethany was like, she looks sad.

53:14So Carol's like, I didn't like that. And Carol's like, I would never tell Ramona that you look sad about your breakup with Dennis. I'm like, even though you – but you did – sorry, I'm getting twisted in my own logic. She's saying if it were me, I would never be like, oh, you look sad. You look sad. I'm like, but when you walked out of the party with Dorinda, you were like, wow, she didn't thank you. I'm like, so you would do something like that. Yeah, they're all hypocrites and I love it. And Bethany's like, I'm not allowed to say that. What, do I have a gag order? Like, seriously? Like, I can't talk about you?

53:45Like, seriously? I just said, look sad. I said, look sad. Look sad. I would love to see Beth with a gag order. Yeah, good luck. She'd still be like...

53:56The gag would give up. The gag would be like, I can't. Like, you guys can't hear it because I'm covering it, but, like, my ear that's in her mouth is like, I can't hear any more of this shit. Breaking news, New York City. A gag has killed itself. A gag jumped out of someone's mouth and into traffic. New York. And it was run over by Kelly Benson.

54:19Who is friends with Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah. So Carol, basically Carol doesn't like that Bethany has been gossipy. That's what it really boils down to. She feels like Bethany has been talking behind her back about Adam, and now she's talking about Ramona, and she just feels like Bethany is super gossipy, and that's the issue. Yeah, she didn't even know they had a problem until she heard about it from everybody else, which is true. But here is also where I switch sides. It's like it happens every week. It's not really sides because I think they're both assholes. But now I'm like, okay, Carol, enough.

54:54Like, shut up. Like, her blog the week that this came out came out the day, either the day before the show aired or the day of the show. And it's just another, like, rant against Bethany. And it's like, okay, you're overplaying your hand, ma 'am. Nothing that's happened is this bad. Yeah, it's weird because I feel like Bethany actually stated her case really well. And I'm like, you know, what Bethany is saying is like she did say, you know, she seems sad. And she also was she was like very upfront about that whole conversation she had about Adam and everything. But then where Bethany lost me is that like she made it sound like she sent three lines of text.

55:28And then Carol's like, no, she was texting this, this and this and this. And I was just like, this is too big of a conversation. We'll talk when we get back in New York. So it's like Bethany is leaving out information, which is not – that's not cool. But then again, Carol is like, why don't you just call her? Like why did you – and I think that's like part of the issue is that there probably was a time where Carol would have called and they would have talked. And then Carol doesn't call her now. So that's why Bethany is acting crazy. And Carol is like, oh, should we hug it out? I'm not really a hugger.

56:00Well, Bethany goes, what about debating? Bethany is like, Carol, everything you do is the debate. you're always debating me it's like you're checking boxes like you win carol yeah you win you win okay you just you win yeah you got it she's like no that's what you're doing bethany which is funny because that's like a debate but and then he's like i don't know i'm sorry i'm sorry literally i can't i can't and carol like i don't want an apology it's like oh my god and then bethany goes it's like it's like you're just being so critical you're so critical you're so critical i'm like do you remember that you reamed out ramona last episode do you remember miss like Like, Bethany is not critical.

56:36Yeah. Do you remember every talking head you've done? Like, even in this episode? Yeah. So she pulls out a lozenge. That's how you can tell that Bethany is, like, now, like, rendered powerless. She has to pull out a lozenge. Yeah. My throat. Yeah. My throat. Sorry. It was the wrong lozenge voice. No, that was Bethany's voice when she used a lozenge. Okay. That's much better. Listen, I'm sorry. I'll apologize to you. I'll apologize to Adam. I'll apologize to everyone. I'll apologize to Suede. I'll apologize to the lozenge. I'll apologize to Yeti who I killed to get this jacket. All right, I'll just sit here peacefully, suck this lozenge, and watch you eat bread and a cucumber, okay?

57:10Yeah. And so they talk about hugging, and she's like, I'm not really a hugger. She goes, you've hugged me before. I was like, okay, let's hug. You win again, Bethany. Yeah, so they have like a fake hugging resolution moment. So now we go to Sonia moving into Tinsley's hotel apartment. So good. So Sonia is thrilled because this is like the lap of modern luxury. It's not like the old broke down leftover luxury from days of yore. It's like this new luxury thing. And she's like, Tim's like, no one is going to call me a bad friend again. So she's like, welcome. Look, I got you a Louis Vuitton. Look, there's a Louis Vuitton.

57:56And Sonia's like, oh, my God, a Louis Vuitton? Yeah. Yeah. She goes, listen, somebody stayed on my yacht once, and they gave me a Louis Vuitton, and it has hand-painted. It was a fake, and I tried to return it. I was like, I'd like to return this Louis Vuitton to the Louis Vuitton store, and they wouldn't take my Louis Vuitton. And that's when I got my first headshot. Not headshot. What am I talking about? Mugshot. Yeah. So Tinsley was like – she's like, okay, here are the rules when you stay with Tinsley. There are no rules. Actually, there's one rule. You can't actually stay with me. You're going in a different room.

58:34You got the penthouse. This was so good that she rented a whole penthouse to not have Sonia in her house. I mean, that is priceless. Sonia's like, who can say no to a penthouse? It's not plastic forever the bed, just in case there's mites. Yeah. Actually, she still managed to complain a little bit. She's like, well, it's bittersweet because I was really looking forward to having a slumber party. I was like, you have a penthouse in Tinsley's hotel apartment, okay? Like, just take it. And you got a Louis Vuitton bag for free. Well, she's happy. Tinsley made up for it. Tinsley finally made up for it.

59:11Sonya was happy as a clam at a raw bar being eaten by a vegan. Yeah, she really was. So Dorinda goes to the park, and she's, like, getting her phone up to her face, and it looks like it's going to be for FaceTime. But then Luanne calls and she's like, you caught me doing an Insta. That's what I like to call drinta on the bench. This is more shocking. Hearing from you is more shocking than a giant salt shaker falling and breaking my other foot. That's a sequel to misery called Salty. Well, I can hardly believe it, first of all. Here was the plan. I was invited to a wedding in Chile. and I figured I would fly into Palm Beach and just stay with a friend and then go see my family in Jupiter.

59:57And then, well, it didn't happen like that. Turns out El Chapo already flew down to Chile, took my spot, and I was like, well, what am I going to do? Am I just going to sit around here in Palm Beach and drink? Guess what? Option B. Oh, and then I go to lunch and I sit in the same seats where I had lunch with Tom. And then I went and had cocktails with the place we loved having vodka martinis, and I had vodka martinis. And then I ended up in the hotel. We had our wedding luncheon. Why did I do that? Then I went to a shoe store where I sat down and I was like, Hey, I remember sitting in this exact space to try on some crocs with Tom.

1:00:32There was a crosswalk. We wouldn't wait for the light to blink. And I walked across the crosswalk without waiting for the light to blink. Why? I went into a yogurt land. It was the same yogurt land that Tom and I used to go into. And I used the exact same nozzle to pull the exact same flavor that I always get at yogurt land. The same ones with Tom. Why? why i watched friends on the plane that's what i did with tom why would i do that i sat on the aisle i always sit on the aisle why last time i sat on the aisles with tom why why not to mention the aisle oh we went today i went to dave and busters by myself i did skeeball i always did skeeball with tom why would i do that what a mistake oh so she goes so durinda's like well because Luanne's like all these emotions they just came flooding back too much for me to handle and Dorinda's like don't ever go back to Palm Beach that is not a vacation destination for you anymore no more Palm Beach what about West Palm no well I was trying to drink out of drink out the emotions you know I knew I needed help and I hit a wall I wish it hadn't been a brick wall what am I the Kool-Aid man three two one is a brick wall i hit my head hard on the brick wall kool-aid brick wall and then before you knew it the piano man switched into a montage we hadn't even practiced bad boys bad boys what you gonna do when they come for you hey i'll tell you what i'm gonna do i'm gonna slip out of my handcuffs and sing three two one el nutcracko nutcracko no nutcracko go um did you notice dorinda's iphone she had so she you know she's talking to luann so it has her contact you know like when you call someone on an iphone at the top it'll say like it'll say like ronnie carom but if i have like two um entries contact entries for you let's say i have one that says like ronnie carom and one that says like um flip it you know from tvgasm if you call me it would say ronnie carrom or flip it so on hers it said louis and i like couldn't even fit on the screen it said l u a n n n a d e s s as like one word like clearly the first time that dorinda ever met the WAN.

1:03:05She just mashed in these letters like Yeah, that fun girl. I made her part of the Countess.

1:03:23Well, I hope that's not her eyes contact. They'd be like, what the fuck is this?

1:03:32hey my foot's turning black

1:03:38like what let me tell you something now that i'm a trail bird who's flown the coop i'm now in rehab and trying to avoid all these zombies in these 28 days while i'm here i i have to say it was hard The hard thing was calling my children and being like, no taco Tuesday this week. I'm in jail. And then I had to call my mom. My mom hasn't been this disappointed since I did a news story in a Big Lots parking lot. I'll tell you, this is rock bottom. You can't get worse than being arrested. This is rock bottom. I'm like, it can get a lot worse than being arrested probably. Yeah, give it time, honey.

1:04:19Give it time. So she's like, well, I'm reconnecting. I'm reconnecting with my soul and Doreen is like that sounds good I want to come it's like you'll get your chance oh you certainly will you certainly will she's like well you do have to get arrested first I think three monk shots is enough of this group who's the third monk shot Sonya oh I forgot Sonya got arrested I thought you just mentioned it I actually had forgotten too I thought you had mentioned it just before yeah Sonya has a monk shot oh I forgot I forgot and I just mentioned it. I mean, that's pretty sad. Well, you know, it happened.

1:05:00It was a Louis Vuitton incident. I got leprosy from a fake Louis Vuitton vendor. I had to be in quarantine on my bed. Oh, yeah. That was a just kidding mention. I didn't know Sonia had a mic shot. I love it. I think it's from the DUI, I think. I don't know. You can look it up. It's a very pretty mugshot. This show. Okay, everybody. We are done with this episode. And now we're done. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

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