#3159 Below Deck Med S10E16 Part 1: Ba Da Ba Ba Ba - Not Luvin’ It

0:20Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the glorious, hilarious, lovable and what else? What other adjectives do you want, Ronnie? Really should stop at three. Comedies and threes and fives, as you always say. I like to go to four. I like to go to four. How are you? Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? How are you? Good. We look like a stage manager's convention today. We're both in our blacks, dark grays. We came out from the curtains. We are about to strike a set. But before we do that, it's exciting times around here.

1:02So the Golden Crappies, we've mentioned, they're going to be February 27th in Los Angeles at the Fonda Theater. It's a tremendous night for us. It's always exciting because everyone – bring the whole Bravo fan community together. We root on our favorites. We boo the ones we hate, et cetera. It's such a fun night. We always have special guests. We always have podcasters. We always have various Bravo celebrities, things like that. So it's a great time. We hope you join us. The tickets have been on sale for about three days. The theater's already halfway sold out. So I'm just going to say if you want to go, definitely get your tickets because I think this one may sell out.

1:40I don't want to be presumptuous, but I don't want anyone to be left out in the cold on this one. But the good news is there will also be live streaming, but that is not up and ready yet. So go to watchworkrappens.com. The ticket link is there. It's also on our socials, at Watchworkrappens. on Instagram and other places. And we really hope you can join us. We also are crafting the ballot. So we're going to be putting out, we've already put one out, put out some feelers out on Reddit. We'll be some on social media. So help us make this ballot. We're going to have a fun time. So there's that. Also on Patreon, we do our bonus episodes every week and we're talking traders.

2:18So if you are a trader's head like we are, come join us for that. Patreon.com slash Watcher Crappens. And here's an extra perk. our ad free is now available on patreon too it's all in one place at long last so if you want ad free go to patreon that's all the really big news that i think that i have is there any more big news is there possibly any other news in the world right now ronnie beyond what no nothing's going on in the world which is crazy pretty chill time here especially in america pretty chill over here i love a slow news cycle pretty peaceful and chill over here in america guys we're doing great everybody's doing great everyone's happy everyone's uh so let's get to some below deck we're really what do we have to worry about kizzy making out with somebody joe making out with somebody max it's a wave runner problem guys it's it's an easy world let's jump into that the real world for a Wow.

3:14This episode really got me mad. Really got me angry. Mainly because of Joe. Like, Joe, it's like I've had enough. I've really had enough of this guy now. It's time for him to leave. He is, he's just, he's such a piece of shit. He's just like a garbage piece of shit. Is he not? He is. I mean, look, here's the most annoying thing about this show to me. That it's still going. This is episode 16. End. This, end it. End it. Cut the cord. Okay, that's it. End it. I don't need 18 episodes of Below Deck. What is this going to be, a 37-episode season? I don't need it. I don't need it. There's a reason that Wind is only on Netflix 10 episodes a season.

3:53That's all we need of Wind. Okay? Captain Sandy doesn't get more, and I don't need more of Captain Sandy. Okay? This is enough. I'm okay with it. I'm invested. 12 episodes. This is Below Deck. Give him 12 episodes. That's it. I'm honestly invested. I feel like with Below Deck, I don't know. This one, I'm feeling it. I really am. And God, I love a show that can give us a McNugget cliffhanger. Like what's going to happen with McNuggets? And by the way, the reason why I'm so angry, I really don't like the way Joe treats V and the way he's trying to cast her as some crazy person. But even more so, I'm furious that he and Nathan ate Kathy's McNuggets because she deserves her McNuggets.

4:39And if I'm drunk at the end of the night and someone eats my McNuggets, I am like, you don't even know. You don't even know, bro. Like, you're not going to see a side of me you don't want to see. And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you two eating someone else's McNuggets and then throwing your half-eaten pieces of their food at them while they're potentially kissing someone? gelatinous chicken died for those nuggets. And you guys are just throwing them like they're nothing. I mean, it just goes to prove. You've got Joe, who's an asshole because of reasons we're going to say a million more times today.

5:13Nathan's an asshole for reasons I'm sure we'll say a million more times today. But Max, I think, is getting off easy because he's the only one kind of being nice to a woman at the moment. And so everybody's like, oh, my God, he must be the sweet one. No, he's not. He's a waster of gelatinous chicken. And that's not to be. And then look what he does the second he throws someone else's chicken nuggets. He's the victim. He's the victim. He's the one that's been hurting this whole thing because he's not getting enough attention. You just threw chicken nuggets. You should be put to death. You should be hung over the side of that boat.

5:43I'm not going to cry for you. I'm not crying for you. I'm not crying for Mac. Mac drives me nuts. Behead him. Behead him. Enough. All of them. Have a women-only boat. How about that? So, will you start off? No, because this is Bravo. So, one of them is going to be Malia. Okay, Bravo is not just going to. And listen, I love that Bravo inflames me. And I love it. And I say, and the show, because I do believe that they need shorter seasons on this. But I still enjoy it. I mean, it's still below deck. I'm not going to cry. I'm still going to eat my dessert. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, yeah, I'm at that point in the season where I'm invested over stupid shit like McNuggets.

6:21And let's just get into it. So where we last left, Max was struggling with hooking a jet ski to a hook because he kept on standing on the back of the jet ski. And now we learn with greater detail that the issue is that he kept on jumping off the jet ski, causing the jet ski to sort of flip upwards and not connect with the hook the way it's supposed to. And he's supposed to be jumping off gently like everyone knows. Hello. As Dr. Heavenly would say, no doy, no doy. No doy by Dr. Heavenly Kimes. No doy, daddy. No doy. So Nathan's just doing what Nathan does, which is screaming at him with monk hair from above when the guy can't.

7:01A monk hair scream is bad because, you know, like those monks think about silence. So if it's a scream, it's the worst kind. I know. Stick with your haircut and just vow to be silent. It's like, you know, when a rabbit gets, you know, when the rabbit's like getting attacked. Have you ever heard the sound of a rabbit being attacked? It's like it's a terrifying, blood curdling scream. It sounds like a child has been stabbed. It's like, you know, bunnies don't like make noise. They're just like hopping around and they're quiet. But then when they are cornered, the noise that they do make is petrifying.

7:31And I feel like that's what happens with monk hair is that like if monk hair, you're supposed to have a vow of silence. So if they do scream, it's going to be like something that's soul shattering. yeah they're not they're not really like into being silent they're just silent because they have really annoying voices so they're like i guess i'm gonna be a monk they learn when they go on their first roller coaster they're like hey i'm finally tall enough to ride this ride yes like everyone hates them like i guess i'm gonna become a monk get me a bowl cut my hair i'm going into the monctom all those silent film stars you know they all lost their jobs because when they started to have to talk everyone realized they hated their voices well yeah that was singing in the rain remember the beautiful actress they went to talkies and she was like hey what am I dumb or something

8:20they all sound like Ramona laughing

8:25okay so Nathan is screaming from above you got to fix it in the water you fix it in the water Max is like oh I'm in the air I'm not touching water. I'm in the air. Max screams out something. He sounds so French. He sounds like a French cartoon. He goes, I don't do it. His voice is like all gravelly when he screams. I don't do it. He's like, Max, you got to be quiet. You got to be calm. Hook it, Max. You got to hook it, Max. Fix it in the water. Fix it in the water. So they're arguing. And Captain Sandy's like, guys, I am trying to watch wind. Felicia Rashad is in a raft. and she's about to go under because the big villain just came.

9:04The villain's name is Wind. I can't hear anything over you two screaming and yelling. You can't do that in front of Felicia Rashad. She's having a very serious, award-worthy monologue. Be quiet, guys. So they're just arguing, and Mac's like, they are two meters away. They go up and they're all but down. And just, he's like, oh, it's like a strap. Like, I'm trying to get this strap. And like, what are you smoking at? This is someone. It's a smoking. You're just yelling at someone. It's like a bonjour, au revoir, au revoir, like caviar. and I was like, what are you talking about? He's not listening.

9:33Well, say it again. I didn't hear what you said. Are we saying what are you talking about? Well, he's not listening to his boss. Get off the fucking jet ski, Max. He's really boiling me. He's really boiling me up. I'm going to prove it by all the nothing that I do in this episode, even though there's totally a deckhand sitting in a hotel that I'm in love with, that I would love to have more time with, but I can't think to fire Max and hire her back for the final two episodes because I'm a dingus. I'm a dingus. What are you doing? Get rid of Max. You have the perfect example. You have the perfect reason right now to get rid of Max.

10:06Do it. I thought it was going to happen because later on, as we'll see, he calls up Galen and is like, there's something I've been mulling over. I want to propose to you. So I was like, aha, it's going to happen. But it didn't happen. So Sandy comes down. She's like, okay, well, you know what? I had to press pause right in the middle of Felicia's monologue. So what's going on down here? Oh, well, it's too rough. Max is too rough getting off the jet ski. When you jump off the stem, you're sinking the bottom of the jet ski and the strap should go forward. And that's exactly what keeps on happening.

10:32Okay. Well, you know what you got to do next time? Okay. I'm just going to put this out there. Put the qualified person on the hard thing. Right? So put Joe on there and put Max on lollipop duty. Okay. Just a little hint from your captain who got our favorite show interrupted. Thanks so much. You just got to figure out where to put your people. Who is this? Who is this Captain Sandy? What happened to everybody should be competent? You know, I feel like Captain Sandy, like, changes depending on who it is. You know, which I guess we all do. You know, we base our judgments on who's in front of us.

11:06But it's a little annoying because I feel like she's amused by Max. Because you see her smiling. Like, half the shit that Max does, she sees him through her little window. And she's like, hold on, Felicia. Okay, hold that monologue. God, that guy's funny. God, I love that Max banana. I love that Max nana. Love him. She's, like, amused, so she just lets it go. She's like, yeah, Max is an idiot. Yeah, put them on balloon duty. Don't we have some balloons to blow up? That would be fun. Hey, have you ever asked Max to tie a balloon into a giraffe? That would be funny. I'll bet he makes a French giraffe.

11:36What am I, psychic? Ask him to do it. Sandy is definitely giving 80s sitcom mom energy this season, where she opens a closet and five things fall on her head, and then she looks at the camera and just smiles like, those wacky kids, like in the opening credits. it's like Nell Carter pulling the pulling the dust buster out of the fish tank you know like those kids Sandra Yawn wink and introducing Captain Sandra Yawn hey and her wife just answering the phone hi baby special guest star little bear who's actually a dog I was trying to eat little bear. No, well, it's not a cat. You know, no matter how Max is acting, you know, listen, is Mac is Max acting like the little rat from Ratatouille.

12:32Sure. But you know, you, you can't scream at him. He's not going to be able to make a soup. Okay. And what's Ratatouille without a good soup? Nobody. He's Mousatouille. No one's going to buy tickets to that movie. Title doesn't even make sense, but you know what? You got to do it away from the boat. If you're going to yell at somebody, because everyone can hear you. He's got to learn to pause. And when something's not working, he's got to change it. Speaking of pausing, look at Felicia Rashad pausing in the middle of that monologue. It's a good one. She's about to talk about tornadoes. Funny story, I once wrote a letter to Disney Pixar and said, why wasn't Felicia Rashad in Ratatouille?

13:05And furthermore, I thought Ratatouille was about a rat version of R2-D2. But I guess that didn't work out. Oh, well. Signed, Captain Sandy Hobbs. Guess I'll just die holding my breath waiting for Rat CPO. I guess we won't have Rat Star Wars at the time soon, but maybe you should think about it. As long as you're turning rats into food critics, why don't you turn them into something more important, like little robots that can save the universe?

13:32Just switch them up. That's all you gotta do. That's all you gotta do. Oh, okay. You put a little mask on them. You don't even see the stormtroopers faces anyway, but you tell people they're rats. It's so much more entertaining. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. So she leaves like, okay, I just solved the problem. We have an incompetent person who's putting the guests at risk again and again over and over and not listening to anything. You know what? Just give him a raise. That's what I say. Yeah. Give him a raise. So over in the kitchen, Josh is flummoxed because he's trying to plate a dinner and he has he's going through his own existential crisis which I think is relatable to every American dare I say every human on the planet captain sandy wants plated Asia wants synchronized service the guests want tapas and I'm trying to take what everybody is saying to me on board but the imposter syndrome is really starting to show up I'm like put food on a plate I think that's that's like the you guess what tapas is small plates plated food small plates synchronized service small plates put food on a small plate it's simple yeah I don't really I don't I'm sorry I don't really understand what's so difficult about putting shit on a plate and i think josh is a good chef i think josh has really shown himself to be very very good i don't think there's been any complaints except for that vegan idiot but um i think that he's been pretty good now i will say his hair is stupid and he was on watch what happens live and i his hair was even stupider so i have to hand it to him that he's willing to go that far in being stupid looking with his hair but he's a good chef and just put things on a plate.

15:13You know, I agree with you. Also, just a side note. He said, they said out of all the girls, who is the worst worker or something? That wasn't the exact question. It was like, who's not the best worker? I don't know. It was something. And he answered Kizzy, which I thought was pretty bizarre. So it kind of goes to show you that this guy is kind of like other guys. Petty. Even though he's acting nice. It's like, oh, he didn't get the girl he wants. So now all of a sudden it's like, well, I didn't want you anyway, bitch. You're fat. Was he – I wonder if he was asked about everyone on the boat or just in the interior because if he chose – On the interior.

15:52Oh, okay. Well, you know, who's he got to choose from? It's like Kathy. It's not going to be Kathy. It's not going to be Asha. Is there someone left? Was there – No, but how would it be any of them really? Why would you say – I mean I don't know. I know that those questions are designed to cause fights and stuff. I think those are bad questions anyway. You're having people on Watch What Happens. Why are you making them diss each other? I get that Andy does it because then at reunions, he started a fight, and then the whole reunion becomes about his show. But I get why they do it, but I don't think it's cool to do that.

16:29And why can't you just say they're all great? I'm not going to pick somebody for your stupid entertainment. Sorry, I already came here with a stupid haircut for you. I'm not going to go down to that level. But also, why do we have Josh on last night's Watch What Happens Live after this episode? This is an episode where we needed Joe Bradley on there and we needed Andy to grill him. Although I don't know if Andy has a crush on him or not, because if Andy has a crush on him, then it would be a useless endeavor. But they're really trying to do something with Josh here. Josh, like you said, he seems like a good chef, but he's been a little bit of a dud on the personal storyline.

17:01So they're trying so hard. They've had him get into his clown makeup umpteen times. They've put him with his guitar. And now they've gone to a new – like they've broken into a new frontier with Josh this episode where he talks about how he has an imposter syndrome. And they said, what does your – does the voice in your head have a name? And he says, Dominic. He's got black hair for some reason. And he's almost like a little bit goth. And they put like this cartoon avatar on screen. And then the cartoon avatar talks to us and says, you ain't going to amount to anything, mate. I'm like, no, this bit isn't going to amount to anything.

17:36I'm sorry. I love that little cartoon. I thought he was great. I did it. I was like, this is serious. I was jealous that his inner voice was so thin and had hair. Cause mine isn't mine is like Java the hut. And it's like fucking loser. Fucking loser. Call dominoes. That's all you can do right now with your life. Call dominoes. That's mine. Mine's horrible. His is like hot. I think his is like hot. I will say his, his inner voice did seem like it had better posture than me. So maybe I was just jealous. It had good posture, had good fashion sense. It had cute hair. It had a nice little earring. I mean, I was like, you can't talk about your low self-confidence when your imposter is even like castable.

18:12You know what I mean? Like I'd cast him. I didn't like the imposter's hair though, to be fair. It was like giving me a little bit like Adam Lambert 2005, you know. It was just such an improvement over Josh's hair, you know, like who's imposter? who has imposter syndrome but their character in their head is way hotter than them. It just doesn't make sense. I just never really thought of the voice inside my head as actually having a corporal presence. I just thought it was just a voice in my head but now that I know that it could actually be something from the Nintendo Wii, I'm like, oh okay, well maybe I should think about that.

18:49The voice in my head is like Bette Midler, Time Daily, Jabba the Hutt and Columbo all rolled into one horrible, horrible person. Just berating me all day and chain smoking, you know? Mine's Francis McDormand. Just Francis McDormand being like, oh, yeah, all right, well, you did that. Well, are you proud of yourself? Proud of yourself that you did that? You tried to make a joke. You interrupted Ronnie to tell a bad joke. Proud of what you did? I didn't finish my Peloton today. I just, God, I'm such a fucking loser. It's like, guess what? Just won another Oscar.

19:23Hi, Fran. Hi, Fran. She always says hi to strangers to be friendly. That's what she did in Nomadland. She just walked around saying hi to strangers. Hi, you're looking good. You did your dishes today? You look good. But then she's salty to everyone she knows. So we see Dominic and we've got mixed reviews on Dominic. I loved him, Ben not so much. Joe asks if Max is okay and Max is clearly pissed. And Joe is like, we'll deal with it later. Sure, we'll deal with it later, mate. And, you know, he's like, oh, Nathan really doesn't know how to deal with Max. The way to deal with Max is to just pat him on the shoulder and tell him he's right about everything.

20:06I'm doing a great job as lead deckhand, eh? Yeah, really killing it. The guests are talking about tomatoes. And one guy, he likes to eat them like an apple. And specifically when he drives. Because someone's like, imagine going and picking up a tomato and biting into it. And this guy's like, I do that. I do that when I drive. So this guy takes tomatoes into his car and he bites into them like an apple, which I think is wild. But I have heard of people doing that. But it also seems so messy. Like he must be just eating like unripe tomatoes. Because if you're in your car, I am not biting into a juicy ripe tomato because that's going everywhere.

20:41I think of the shit people eat in their cars. My God, I've eaten such nasty stuff in my car. Like a Burger King burger, you know, like now I'll eat the miracle meat or whatever the fuck that's called. But like you eat that, it just slops all over you. I mean, cars are disgusting places. We shouldn't be eating in there. But I think tomatoes especially, like you even get like a little tomato juice squirt on something, which you will if you eat a tomato raw, you're going to get some squirts. And that's going to smell like a dumpster. Even one little squirt of it will smell like a dumpster after a day.

21:13But also like you're going to show up at work every day with some tomato schmutz. I kind of feel like if you're going to eat tomatoes in the car, just get a carton of like cherry tomatoes because you can just pop them in. And they actually generally taste better than most off-season tomatoes. So this guy is not only committed to messy, but he's committed to shitty tomatoes. Yeah. I mean, at least get cherry tomatoes, the peanut M &Ms of tomatoes. Get a cherry or a grape. Something one bite. One simple bite. Come on, let's get together. Be respectful of our driving spaces. So yeah, the guests are talking about tomatoes.

21:50They're great. They're great casting. So Nathan's like, you know, this is how you get off a jet ski without moving, lifting the straps. I don't jump off the jet ski like Max. I let myself off it nice and easy. And I want to, that's how you do it in your relationships too. I want Joe and V to watch how it's done because this is the way it's going to be done for the rest of the season. Okay, so he shows them and they're like, okay, cool. And then Jomie was like, I need to go to a horse with Kizzy because we have to do a dance. So no one wants to see you fucking dancing during their day. below deck needs to stop this let's let the crew entertain the people i do it's like watching people's kids you go to their house like my kid's gonna put on a play you have to watch her play was i the kid who put on the play i was that kid i did great plays so i'm taking myself out of this example because i was a good playwright as a child my sister got murdered in every play as sisters should but no one else wants to watch your kids do plays and that's what this is like look our kids are going to dance in dirty socks like i don't want to see kizzy do her her fucking made up thing she learned in fifth grade ballroom dancing you're not going to be on dancing with the stars okay it's over pack up your stuff and go yeah and they're just they're dance they're practicing and they're flirting and they're giggling and they're laughing and the v is right there and this also just goes to show how full of it joe is i mean we don't i don't need to underline this we all know but it's just another piece of evidence because here he goes spending weeks on end talking about what i have with victoria special it's so special oh don't whatever lose i've not had something like this before i'm special i don't know if i can do this special special the moment that she dumps him which was last episode on this charter it's like there's not like a moment of like moping around or like please i really think that like i would love it if you take me back that was a huge mistake I've been beating myself up.

23:45Like, not like a shred of regret. It's like right away, boom, let's be touchy-feely with Kizzy. And it just goes to show all that crying that he did. It's just such bullshit. Like, so obviously bullshit. It's just aggravating. Well, what happens when you let a fish off a hook? It goes back to swimming in the water. That's all he's doing, you know? He got let off the hook, and he's like back in business, you know? And part of it's probably like, oh, she dumped me? Well, she'll have to watch me do ballroom dancing now. And, you know, Kizzy just gets to be Kizzy, which I think is a reward unto itself.

24:23Isn't it always? So Nathan is upset by this. He's like, there's Thurton and there's Giggling over there in front of me. That's so selfish. He needs to reel it in big time. Nice callback. Unintentional. Tarani's fish off a hook metaphor he just did. but he needs to reel it in big time because what's happening between them two, it's not good. I'd just like to remind Nathan that he tried to have sex with Kizzy two days before Gail came back. Okay, moving on. I love that Nathan's now like the moral center of the show. He's like, that's just not right. That's not right what he's doing. Like, hello, have you watched this season?

25:00Now, yes, you technically weren't with Gail, but you were still calling her every night. Like, I miss you. All I want is you. All I need is you. You're all I need in my life while you're still trying to get in Kizzy's pants. and then you couldn't and two days later suddenly you're in love with gail and you can't you can't live without her i can't with this guy but go ahead kizzy is like that roy rogers on the jersey turnpike you know you stop over there for a little bit you have a nice meal it's sort of fun guilty pleasure and then keep on going to where you have to go and whether that happens before you get to your destination or on your way back from the destination that's just what kizzy is at this point because he's a rest stop burger she's just a place to eat while mom pees so nathan went to the rest stop before he got to gail and joe's going to the rest stop after he went to be and that's just that's just the way it is this is why gays used to hang out at rest stops so there's more food more food is being served uh there's a a squid ink paella which to me just sounds like poop rice i don't that's just too i don't want that i don't want it and there's a meat pie too and everybody loved it and now it's time for the kids to come out and do a dance for the parents friends and so they come out and it's an awkward it's an awkward dance it's not great because he has very dirty socks and i can't get over it it's bugging me did it bug you there's They're squid ink socks, sir.

26:24Like, you put so much work into this. Put on some socks. It's gross. I know. And, you know, her dancing really is a great springboard into explaining so much of her backstory. So she tells us, my parents got divorced when I was maybe four. And so me and my sister growing up saw a lot of different men come into our lives because mom wanted that relationship, that person. And she was like me. Like I'm actually such a hopeless romantic Like it's funny Poor thing I know I mean when she said that When she was like you know my mom wanted that relationship That person She was like me No Kizzy you're like her And it's sad And you need to recognize I just got a Roy Rogers rest stop Roy Rogers is just like I just want to be a proper restaurant I just want to be an A &W you but she's wait staff yeah um i just thought this was really sad that she's like romanticizing her mom prioritizing men over her kids like yikes i hope she's watching this season of salt lake city and really you know learning something because this was sad to watch but it i thought she was gonna be like you know my mom would prioritize men and that's why i don't take men seriously because i know they're all pieces of shit but she's like no my mom prioritized men which is right and that's why i do it too i just want that and i was just so sad it's like look at the patterns you know and then erase them i feel like on paper it's sad but i wasn't moved to sadness i was like oh this is just another below deck thing you know and she's like it's so funny it's just the way i behave like i generally do want to really like soppy stuff well she says that like she's like i'm actually a hopeless romantic but it's funny because it's so polar opposite just the way that i behave because like i generally do really want like soppy stuff and I don't know.

28:14I think with Joe, there's some kind of spark or maybe just the grease in his hair, but maybe this could be something more. Maybe he's the love of my life. We'll see. I'm going to tell you right now, he is not. And I'm not saying that just because the fact that you were already engaged to the guy you dumped. That way you could screw around on this show. Well, it seems like what she's saying when she's saying like, I'm a romantic like my mom. First of all, that's it because it doesn't sound like your mom was really your romantic. I think it sounds like she was desperate for like male, not attention, but like, what do you call it?

28:45Like, you're doing great. Assurance, reassurance. Like, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. But it sounds like approval. Approval is what I'm trying to say. And it sounds like she really wants romance, but doesn't believe in it. So instead, she's going to like reel men in with this like, oh, look at me, just having fun. but she's hoping that ultimately it's something more than that. And it's, I don't know. It's like, that's not how to get it, you know? And I understand being younger and thinking that way. I mean, there were, you know, I've thought I'm not above thinking like that, especially in my younger years, but it's sad to see it, you know?

29:22Because you just get men like Joe fuel. What do you think is more evidence of being a hopeless romantic? Meeting a guy, falling in love, and just like going headfirst into a relationship or meeting several men and sampling the goods, hoping that you'll find the one. Because I feel like everyone thinks the hopeless romantic is the one who just commits to one person and is like, I'm in love, this is it. But I almost wonder if Kizzy sampling lots of goods is actually more of a hopeless romantic thing because you're like, one of these guys has to be the one, right? I'm just keep on looking under stones until I find something.

30:00Well, I think, yeah, and I think even further, it's like one of these will fight for me you know like one of these is going to be like no you don't like everyone else you really want me i'm the one you know and like kind of talk you into it but you don't make yourself a prize i guess when you're with i mean i don't know i don't know what it is because i think you do have to sample the goods i mean costco's successful for a reason they have samples you go to costco you eat all the shit and you maybe buy one of the things you You know, one of those things wins. I think that if you meet a guy and he tells you whatever he tells you and you're like, this is the one and you just put on blinders.

30:38I think that makes you a hopeless romantic. But I think if you're if you're just you're kissing a whole bunch of guys hoping that one of them will be the one where this will be the one. I think that makes you a hopeful romantic because you're hopeful that one of these things will work out. But the other person is really like, I'm just going to build a narrative around this person to fit my narrative. And you're sort of like, oh, they're in a hopeless situation because they're not going to listen to reason. Yeah, I see that. That's my off the top of my head kind of like quick assessment about something I really don't care about.

31:11But you know what? I have to say because I talked about Costco. Now I've got Costco in my head because like who doesn't love Costco? I do. I love it. I could use a better picture for my Costco card. Oh, my God. I could use a retake. But I will say I do love it. But what I was saying earlier is, like, there's a lot of samples in Costco, right? So you go try all the samples, and maybe you'll buy one and take one home. But guess what? You don't buy the person giving out the samples. No one buys that person. At the end of the day, my papa would just come home at the end of the day tired. You know?

31:42He's like, I gave so much to so many people, and nobody bought me. Like, nobody wanted me. And I feel like that's gizzy. So she is both the one giving out the samples, but also doing the sample. Like she's basically, she has a tray of samples, but she's walking around Costco with her tray of samples, trying other people's samples. Right. No, no. She is the person giving away the samples, but nobody ultimately picks her. They pick what she's giving. You know what I mean? So they'll take what you're offering, but they're not taking you because you're not offering the right things. Or, you know, my papa was never offering himself.

32:15He was never like, ha, my name is Rondell Tiff as Mullins. And, you know, this is, these are my dreams and aspirations. He was just like, would you like a little piece of gelatin chicken, you know, flavored with barbecue sauce? And so at the end of the day, people would appreciate the free things they got from him. But he still felt empty when he went home. Right. Because he gave out so many samples. Yeah. He did love that job, though. It's a fun job, I have to admit. Well, I think we figured out Kizzy, which is she still sucks. Anyway. She's a rest stop. She's a rest stop burger giving out samples and going home alone.

32:52She's like a rest stop Costco. Rest stop. She's like the$1.50 hot dog at Costco without the Costco attached. Yeah, I think it's just she's just misaiming. You know, I think she just doesn't know what to do. I believe that this person wants love. She just doesn't know how to go about getting it. And it's going to be really rough for her disregarding everyone around her's feelings. Because people are going to disregard her feelings. as we see because do you think joe's gonna do anything for her no joe's gonna dump her the second the cameras turn off she's just on the wrong tv show she needs to be on love island she's bringing love island energy to blow deck and this is just she'd be a hero on that show she'd be a hero she would actually kill it on love island everyone's like oh we love kizzy because she knows what she wants she's not afraid and she's also i hate her but she also stirs up a lot of drama but on blow deck you're just like fuck you get out of here yeah because it's not the dating around.

33:44I mean, you're young. You should be dating around. You should be trying all the goods. It's the disregard for everybody else around her that's making her gross. Anyway, that's enough about Kizzy. Jeez. Well, Nathan is in his cab. Venezuela, am I right? So, Nathan is Nathan's in his cab and he texts Gail and he's like, you would be so annoyed. Jaws back to his old tricks, flirting with Kizzy in front of V. And she's like, poor V. He's like, ah. And then we see Max and Kathy, and they're relaxing, and Max is saying, oh, I nearly fight Nathan. And she's like, all right, well, I'm bored. Don't tell me any more about it.

34:24I'm going to sleep. Goodbye. And then we go back to Nathan, and he's basically saying to Gail what we talked about before, which is he's like, hey, can we talk tomorrow? Because I've been mulling over something I want to ask you. And I, since you put the theory in my head, was excited that it was coming true, that Max would be fired. Even for one charter to not have Max on would be such a relief for me as an audience member. And Gail, I had hope for Gail because she just gave a thumbs up to the message. And that is universal Bravo code for your bitch, as we all learned in season one of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

34:58So I was like, oh, God, maybe she's finally going to stand up for herself with this guy. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

35:08And then we go to Kathy and Max And she's like, alright You're gonna be a good boy tomorrow, aren't you? No pissing anyone off And he's like, I can do it, I was only hitting the L So she says that since her stepdad died Max has been there for her in the hardest of times And he deserves someone to be there for him I'm like, that happened three days ago You're still in your mourning period And it's like, you don't have to pivot out of your thing To go tend to him like you still deserve to have him tending to you so don't feel like this whole thing where max max was bad with his job and his boss yelled at him is deserving of you having to shut off what your shit what shit you're going through to have to like tend to his bruised ego i say there's someone to be there too but you you had a parental figure that passed away max is like fighting with a wave hunter yeah don't throw out your don't throw out your grief card just yet okay you got a lot more miles off that one that you can use.

36:04So everyone goes to bed and now it's the next morning and Josh is making breakfast and people are setting things up. He almost gets bunked with a naughty boy. No pun intended. Wow. That was very funny. And then Shannon Bedore at home watching. That was a very funny joke. A naughty boy. Okay. Wow. well, I'm going to go back to watching this television show on my own because I'm alone. So Sandy is going to move the boat closer to the castle because that's where they're going today. And she goes, well, we're headed to Tassa de Mar where there's a medieval town and the guests will go ashore and they're going to see a castle and tour the town.

36:47And it's going to be really stunning and beautiful. And with any luck, they'll have good receptions. They can watch wind on some antenna TV up there, okay? They don't have cable up in the old castle, But season finale is coming up. I don't want them to miss a beat. So Nathan is showing V how to haul the anchor. And she's like, yeah, with everything going on with Joe, I'm just going to double down on my work. Because I have an opportunity to establish a career on deck. And right now, that's all that matters. So people are waking up while V is very determined to establish her career. Do it. And Kizzy's going to be going on the excursion because she hasn't really gone on an excursion this season.

37:30And then we cut back to Captain Sandy, who's really happy. And she says, you know, at the end of this, they're going to be saying, give me Tassa Del Mar instead of Tassa Del Mar. See, you may have forgotten that we're going to Tassa Del Mar. So if you change out Mar, it becomes more because they want to do more of it because it's a good excursion. You know, I think that maybe you should watch some more sitcoms, come back to me, and then you'll get my joke. Oh, wait, wait, hold on. A word from my imposter syndrome. Hey, can we get the little cartoon? Oh, there she is. There she is. It's me. It's me.

38:07She looks just like me. She's gorgeous, isn't she? You're hilarious. No, you're hilarious. You are so funny. Do that Casa Del Morse thing again. No, you do it again. That's your joke. I'm not going to steal that. You do it. You do it. You do it. You do it. You know what's funny? Most imposter syndromes are internal, but I have the privilege of actually just being Norma's imposter syndrome. Hold on one second. Hey, Norma. Hey, just want to let you know you're doing a terrible, terrible job at your job. Okay, great. Hi. Okay, wow. Great joke, Bill Fradsby. Okay. Loser. Martina Navratilova called.

38:47She wants her haircut back. Gigi Fernandez called and says You still aren't an Olympian Norma So quit dreaming Hey everyone else called and said Who the fuck is Gigi Fernandez anyway Okay Get more famous friends loser Everyone knows her more than Norma Whoever she is that's for sure Oh really Oh go ahead Wait Sorry I had a moment of doubt which is crazy Since I'm the imposter syndrome for Norma and I'm not supposed to have the doubt. It's against my brand. Sorry. You go. You go. You can't even doubt right. God, loser. Fucking loser. So now breakfast is being served, and the guests are talking about how Dr.

39:34Kelly is sleeping because it's the first time she's away from her kids. She doesn't ever get any sleep. And then it just cuts to her door when we hear snoring, and it's like, exhausted mom sleeping. And you know, every time someone snores on the show, it's the post-production layering and the sound effect from like the envato suite of like cinema tools i mean it's just they and they do it to everyone they're like oh dr kelly finally gets to sleep it's like it's like a slide whistle and like audience applause

40:10So Nathan is telling Max, we go to the swim deck and Max scares him. And he's like, oh, look at this. And Nathan is telling him to deflate the naughty boys. And he ignores Max's attempt at lightheartedness because Max is like, oh, we have fun together. Oh, you are boss. I am boss too. We are like two balls to get out. Look at these. He's like trying to start on a good foot. But Nathan's like, I hate you now. Yeah, Nathan's not having it at all. And then V goes into the galley. And she goes right by Aisha and Kizzy. And she doesn't say anything. So then Kizzy turns to Aisha and goes, is she okay?

40:51And then Aisha's like, oh, yeah, she's really angry. Which I think is fair. Because you both said you don't regret what you did. which is really shit. She's like, oh, God, it's going to be awkward. It's just going to be awkward all day on this fucking thing. And she's like, just be nice. And so she rolls her eyes. She's like, oh, my God, again. Oh, my God, again. Fuck this. Because Kizzy is fishing for Aisha to say, oh, she's having a tough time. But look, you guys are adults. It's no big deal. Everything's okay, Kizzy. And Aisha's like, yeah, well, you guys, what you did was shit. so anyway you can live with that now goodbye was it later do they bring this up again later because doesn't she say something like well what like i've already like i can't do anything else yeah but you were a dumb bitch so yeah she just keeps that love that she just reiterates it to her she's like no you're a dumb bitch so just just say sorry and try and move on i love asia's smiling read season that's all she does it's so funny so then asia just looks at her and she goes good stuff and walks off and kiss is like oh it's a shock asia has no respect for kizzy and i love it like remember when she was just talking about kizzy right in front of her in the hot tub she's like this is what she does she just steals other men because she's very insecure.

42:20It's like, I heard that. She's like, oh, I meant it. Yeah. I say it to your face if that helps. I thought it would be more comfortable while you had a jet up your butt crack to hear something like that. But if you'd like to hear it now, I can do it on the radio if you'd like. I think you're absolutely wonderful and absolutely lovely girl. And all those other things are true too. my favorite line so now asha's talking oh no first captain sandy's talking to kathy because kathy goes to clean the clean her room or whatever and she's like hey listen you good she's like i'm good because it's okay if you're not good no i'm good look at norma she's never been good at anything really god you ever tried playing scrabble with her one time she tried to make a word and it was that's not a word I looked it up it's not a word it's not good at anything I'm like what sort of imposter syndrome do you have that's not checking you on why would you even write that down where is your imposter syndrome well I thought that you said you were imposter syndrome oh I guess I was I guess I kind of failed at my job but I'm the imposter syndrome and I'm failing at my job as an imposter what does that mean Do I have a way?

43:38Hold on. My imposter has something to say. What is it? You're so great. You don't know anybody, nothing. Norma's bad at everything. Thank you. You're so good. Okay, I'm back. Now the Casa de More joke again. You do it. You do it. Hey, Kathy, one more thing. Yes? I hate chocolate. There you go. Extra imposter syndrome for you, too. So now Aisha's talking to Max, and she's asking what him and Kathy are going to do. He's like, Oh, bro, we need to, like, talk about this because I like her. I see. I see. I like how she acts with me. I'm seeing a new reason of love. Like, I can't believe it. You know what I mean?

44:18And this, like, worm inside me. I really like her. I cannot wait to introduce her to the mother who hates me. We'll probably hang up for her and not come to dinner. But who needs mother? I have girlfriend now. Oh, we are going to get married. We are going to have baby, baby, bonaparte. Oh, I cannot wait. he is like it's too much it's just too much i mean he really is like a stunted 15 year old not even 15 i'm gonna i'm gonna take him down to 13. like the way he the way he behaves the way he like listens to direction the way he's like all in with with kathy it's like like somewhere along the line someone hit pause on max and forgot to take their fit go go back and press play again because he is he is a stunted man okay so it's just like now with scott and i ever since we got together like i was with him for like two weeks and then i was with him for seven weeks and then for like a month and then away for a month and then three days and then six days and there was one weekend and then eight weeks after that then 17 weeks and then there was one month and then six six half days like okay asia we get it you guys are honestly guys had time away from each other.

45:23Yeah, but we made it work. Oh, yeah, you made your still together. If it's the right person, you make it work. But I know, I know she's the one. We need to talk about this. You know, the moment that I knew that Scott would be for me was that one time when he was professing his love to me, I just couldn't look away from him and some stranger started throwing chicken nuggets at our faces and I couldn't even let that distract me, which just goes to show that i loved him in that moment because if i didn't love him i would walk away and go after those chicken nuggets anyway that's something for you to think about for some unforeseeable future event hold on my imposter syndrome is talking to me did i accuse max in the beginning of this episode at throwing chicken nuggets you did and why didn't you correct me what is wrong with me and why was i so into that and why did i just realize what i did that's so stupid I don't know why I got so infuriated with Max.

46:22Max didn't even do that. I'm losing my fucking mind. And I figured, you know what, when we come back to that scene... It was a long flow. Don't let me do that. I figured you would just have your own moment where you would say, oh, you know what, I was saying Max, but I meant so-and-so. And I just was like, I was just going to let it slide. I was like, I didn't want to... No, we can't even release this episode. Like, that was huge. No, you have to tell me. I mean, what the hell? You're just letting me walk into the middle of the street and get hit by all the traffic. Because you were being, like, entertaining, and I didn't want to stop it.

46:57Well, starting whoever quit this podcast, if you have a friend who quit this podcast because Ronnie's such a fucking moron, tell him at least he realized he's a fucking moron halfway through. Or a third of the way through. I don't know. We're an hour in. Now look who has the imposter syndrome. Like, did that happen? Did that really happen? I'm Daily, Bette Midler, Jabba the Hutt, and Columbo just all told me what a piece of shit I am. You know, it would have been good. I need them to have an imposter syndrome to tell them what pieces of shit they are for not criticizing me earlier when I was doing it.

47:25But anyway, sorry, everybody. But I really believed in my head for that moment. Max was down on the dock throwing up chicken nuggets at himself, I guess. Yeah. No, that didn't happen. And now I feel bad as a podcast co-host because I have my imposter syndrome telling me that I'm not good at this. And then my imposter syndrome just went off to work at Badlands National Park. I'm like, could you just get into a house and just criticize me from one location, please, Francis? Why is she always in her hands? So now Joe goes to the crew to talk to V or whatever. And she's just like looking at papers.

48:03And he's like, oh, are you doing, are you studying? She's like, yeah. He's like, where are you going, the castle? She's like, ah. So he walks away because she won't give him any energy. Good for her. So now he's like, I'm noticing that Victoria has given me the cold shoulder. Oh, wow. Master of observation. We're going to have to start calling Sherlock Holmes over there. That's huge. So Joe now goes up to the galley with Kathy and Josh. And Kizzy is whispering to Joe. She's like, we're in trouble again because of all our flirting and all our dancing. Is it crazy? My God, the romance that no one thought would happen.

48:41Here it is, about to happen. It was so bad, which is so bad, aren't we? So then he's like, well, I mean, she's the one who said that we shouldn't carry on. And I still want to have fun for the rest of the season. And there's nothing wrong with me wanting to have a bit of fun. It's just laugh and banter. Sir, she doesn't care if you want to have laugh or fun. It's that you did something wrong here. You make it seem like she out of the blue just decided to halt the entire relationship because she's just a crazy woman with mercurial mood swings. It's like, no, you fucked up. And now she doesn't. She lost respect for you.

49:17And now you're like mad at her for it. Like, bro, be consistent. Yeah, well, he is consistent. Yeah, he is. I will say Joe is consistent. So it's a lot about Joe, but can't call him consistent. He's pretty consistent. So now they're like, this is so awkward, you know, because now V is stuck. V comes outside to get some fresh air and they're just standing there. And so they have to kind of stand there together. And then she goes inside and they're like, oh, awkward. So now V and Kizzy are with the guests. And Kizzy's like, would you like me to lie about the facts about the area? And so V laughs and she just starts making up shit.

50:00you know it's like king arthur laid down this road tried to date me couldn't get me that was something i missed her saying that she was gonna make up the facts i think i must have like got distracted in that one moment so when she was saying these facts i was like wow that's so interesting that wow kizzy did her research so for this is her first excursion so she took the time to like understand where she was going of course she wouldn't do that of course she would just blatantly lie and mislead people because that's who kizzy is and that's my issue with kizzy is that like for all of her upfront moments there's also a lot of like shifty untruths and if she could get away with lying she would like if she could have gotten away with never telling v that she kissed joe she would have but then joe felt guilty and so it had to come out but like that's the thing that's the thing that you know like we can talk about like oh god feel bad for kizzy because she you know her mom like she grew up with like wanting like to have a male figure and love blah blah blah but she's still a fucking liar okay and she's duplicitous i'm sorry and so Well, yeah, feeling bad in that moment doesn't mean I think she's good.

51:02I mean, she's gross. But we forget that there's a lying component here as well. There are certain moments where she's very blunt, and it gives the veneer of her being a truth teller, but she's not a truth teller. And I think it's kind of shitty that people who pay money to come onto a yacht, you just make up facts as they go on their excursion. That's bad, I think. That's really bad. I'm like more angry that she told them that King Arthur made a road in medieval Spain than about anything else in this season. I was like, well, the cheating is one thing. But the King Arthur lies. I will not stand by that.

51:38The two are guiding her straight to hell. Straight to hell. Because those people will go off to a cocktail party and they will say something like, well, we went to this great castle where the road was built by King Arthur himself. Well, no, she told them she was lying, right? She did? Yeah, she was like, do you want me to make up facts? So it was like a joke that she's like walking around making up the facts. Oh, I thought she was telling V. Okay, well, you know what? I can't deal with it anymore. I'm revved up and I want to rant. And then max three chicken nuggets in everybody's head. Hold on, let me check in with my imposter syndrome.

52:17What do you think you're doing? Going on rants about some poor girl because she's to mention King Arthur's name? what's wrong with you now excuse me i gotta wrap some presents for amazon because it's christmas time and it's that time of year for me but they um yeah she's just fucking around but v actually did study which we saw her doing earlier in the galley presumably so she's giving them real facts and uh so at least there's someone there who's making an effort so then we go back to the boat where max nathan and joe are on the swim platform and joe's like i'm a bit sorry i mean she's upset And Nathan says, bro, stop flirting with Kizzy.

52:55It's causing too much trauma in our department. Now, of course, it was fine when two days before I wanted to bang her. Well, you did. That was totally fine. But, you know. It was fine, actually, because there was no drama that came out of it that affected the department. But this time it is. And Joe goes, I'm just being myself. Oh, okay. Never mind then. you're just being you and god forbid anyone impinges on this the sacrosanct quality of your personality in favor of getting the job done we'll just stop everything let's just crash this boat because you're being you and god forbid anyone challenges that like i don't care if you're being you you're in a job right now be the best employee you can be and shut your personality down for a second because this isn't a talent show this is you bringing in lines and this is If you're going to inflate a slide, you being you doesn't matter.

53:48Inflate. Put your lips on that nozzle and blow. Yeah. So he's like, but I'm just being myself. It's just playful banter. Look, let me put my teeth together to show you I'm just a kid, showing you the deep-rusted teeth. And then Mac's like, no, it's one and a half. He's like, yeah, it's just one and a half. I got to be me, okay? I just can't help but be me on these one and a half charters. he really has reverse imposter syndrome and that's a real problem. We need to get Francis McDormand and Sandy into his head because he's got too much confidence about everything that he does. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay?

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