#3167 RHOBH S15E05 Part Two: Vapid Vortex

0:21Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part 2 of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part 1 was, well go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. so that way you always get your episodes but enough of that let's get right back into the episode uh so then in a confessional uh kyle says that sudden has been acting super mysterious about ending things with avi and now kyle's even more curious wow kyle i wonder why people ask about your sexuality all the time i wish they'd stop oh yeah kyle very happy to pry into other people's lives. So Amanda's like, do I say something? And Kyle's like, well, if he's just, if he's saying that, who knows what he's saying to other people, right?

1:03Amanda's like, yeah. Then she should probably know. I should probably like tell her about this in front of the entire cast and make her as uncomfortable as possible. Sounds good. Primavera. Primavera coming up. That sounds fun. So in the kitchen, people are filtering in and Rachel is like, should we be concerned? That's late and no one's here and we're all cooking. This is crazy. I've actually never seen a stovetop being used before. I didn't even know there was fire in them. This is crazy. I thought the stove was just more surface, just in a different shape. Wow. Wow. Well, you know, we got back from the hike late.

1:43We went to this really cool grocery store called Clark's. It's an amazing trip. So far, I've been taken outside into a grocery store. So, something's really killing it with this one. And then the hallowed tradition on Beverly Hills is making these women go into a grocery store, which is basically like an amusement park. They've basically gone to like Great Adventure, Six Flags, Knott's Berry Farm. They don't go to grocery stores. They're always so fascinated. And here we have like Erica in the basket and Jennifer being like, ah! And she pushes her along as if like the novelty of a shopping basket and all the food on shelves.

2:19Whoa, it's a wonderland. She almost runs into a lady in the store. She goes, oh, a local person. Sorry, local person. They're used to these kind of high-intensity adrenaline thrills, but for us it's new. Sorry, local person. We are celebrities. They're like they can't believe there's some sort of thing called a, quote-unquote, cart that's so big enough that a human can be put inside and be pushed around. It's like a roller coaster, but you do it yourself. So now it's 10 p.m. And Rachel and Kathy are still cooking. How long does it take to make pasta primavera? So it's like, sorry, it was late.

3:07I was on my veranda. And they're like, oh, wow. Rachel goes, I would have done that if I had a veranda. I don't have one. So I've been pounding chicken instead. I might as well be pounding my soul. I'm dead. Literally. Does anyone know if this chicken moisturized before we cooked it? I just really want to know. It's really important to me. Now it's 1049. Oh, my God. So Kyle comes and says, guys, it's almost 11 o 'clock. It smells so good. We need a cheese plate to save off some of the hunger. I'm having some monster cheese on a chocolate donut right now. Anybody? Anybody? No? Okay. Suit yourselves.

3:44Sounds fucking delicious to me, honestly. So Erica's like, wait. I don't know why we're all watching our calories. There's no swimming pools in Sedona, so. Erica's like, where's the houses of this fucking place? Amanda goes, well, I'm just like, I'm like so confused by the timing of this group. And I say this as someone who has a Chanel watch. Because like, when am I supposed to actually be somewhere? Like, where is Sutton? She said she's going to be cooking the chicken. Like, if there was an option not to come, I would have liked to have known. I could have gone to bed early. So the issue here really is that they are all cooking very slowly.

4:19And pasta primavera, I've actually never made pasta primavera. But from what I know about it, it's like one of the easier pastas to make. It's just like vegetables tossed with pasta. And Sudden, though, is making the main course. She's making the chicken. And they all – Sudden's nowhere to be found. And chicken doesn't just get made in three seconds. So they're all waiting around because none of them actually know how to cook chicken, I think. I think we see Rachel pounding the chicken. Yeah, I think Rachel took over the chicken a long time ago. She's like, I'll just make the chicken. I'm going to do it how Kai Kai likes it.

4:51Yeah, moisturized and flat. Yeah. Kai Kai, look at me. I'm making a chicken. I'm pounding it. Is this how your dad does it? God, your dad hates you. What's your dad trying to give you? Salmonella? I'm doing it better. Tell your dad. Tell your dad's girlfriend I make the best chicken. I'm like so sad that I mentally somehow did not see Rachel pounding the chicken because that's a visual that I think is very special. I cannot imagine Rachel ever picking up anything like a mallet and using it. Yeah, she was pounding the chicken, and her hair was like hanging all down over the chicken. She's like, guys, I'm pounding chicken.

5:23I just kept thinking, God, there's so much. There's going to be like so much hair in that chicken. Hairy chicken. 1105, Sutton arrives. Amanda's not wrong, totally, and it's not out of the ordinary to get annoyed that people are late to things on trips, But this is a house thing, and it's not that – and no one eats. And also, Amanda, you're so new. Like, just be quiet. Just be grateful to be here. You know what I mean? Why don't you cook some chicken? How about you manifest Sutton, okay? Yeah, you can manifest millions of dollars, but you can't call DoorDash. Is there also a way to manifest you going up to Sutton's door and knocking on it and saying, hey, when are you going to come down to cook the chicken?

6:01Or should we take that over because we're all starting to cook right now? Like, there's ways to handle this. That's true, but none of them do. They're all afraid of Sutton right now because everyone knows they're slowly poking at Sutton and they're going to make her explode. And Sutton's obviously going through something crazy. And so they're just like the rest of the like Kyle's timing it. You know, she's like, oh, here we go. Can't wait. But Amanda is just like, I'm supposed to have a scene with Sutton and now I have to sit here and wait for her. Now I'm adding chicken to my list of grievances with Sutton.

6:34So now it's 1105. Sutton finally comes down and they're like, where have you been? And she's like, I'm just slow, guys. It's me. Easy breezy, Seddon Brown. Okay? We all know that Seddon has been up on her phone and her computer calling every lawyer that she knows to go after Avi. Like, get that NDA. Can we get a post-birth NDA? Get it now. Get it now. I feel like she's been sitting up in a room looking herself in the mirror with curlers in her hair and like a glass of Tito's just staring at herself and drinking it. or handshaking. Like, they're not going to get you tonight, son. Come on, you can do this, son.

7:12You can do this. Come on. He's putting lipstick on shakily. Yeah. Gonna hit you, Sutton Brown. Wiping it off. Sutton Brown does not get bothered. I will be ready tonight. The power of the vortex is with me. Where have you been, and why is that lipstick all over your face? This is Sutton Brown. Sutton Brown is calm. She is fine. Okay. then three cup chicken three cup chicken that's one cup one cup flour three cup chicken like Sutton are you okay yes after the hike I just needed a little time to myself so I could re-center and enjoy the evening and frankly who cares if I'm late we're on some sort of a time clock here it's vacation it's just me Sutton Sutton Brown loves lateness now loves ma 'am you better reach into that vortex and pull out a rotisserie chicken very quickly because everyone is hungry and you're on chicken duty this is this is not right if you were on chicken duty you should be one of the first people in that kitchen and you should be doing all the things and I'm actually mad at Sutton about this okay I'm a Sutton fan but I am not a fan of being the last one there to do the chicken work.

8:28But here's the thing. Now Sutton goes and pounds the chicken. So that was the pounding of the chicken. So was it in my head that I saw Rachel? This is the thing that makes me crazy about myself and why I think I need help. Literally, I see the visual in my head of Rachel pounding a chicken with her hair hanging down over it. So where did that come from? Am I just like, have these shows turned me into a delusional, crazy person? Because I really believe that. Well, all of us are delusional and crazy, but I think that what it is is that on the other side of the vortex in the parallel universe. Rachel is pounding the chicken.

9:02But in this universe, Sutton's pounding the chicken. And at this point, the vortices have combined and we can't tell. Things are coming out of the matrix. We're seeing everything. But in both sides, Jennifer's like, well, I did take the lid off of the guacamole, so my work here is done. There is always someone who does that during a cooking party. Someone always makes that joke. like they took the lid off of something my work here is done that can't says cooking does it not i saw a giant bubbly today yeah that goes that goes up there in the halls of great ones like when someone comes to clear your plate and it's empty and you go whoa really like that one really hated it practically with the plate huh i'd like to complain to the chef really hated this meal it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial anyway pizza boxes dorito's pizza boxes just say the word i'll use them i'll use them for dinner no it's evidence against pk he's stacked so many things in the refrigerator none of us can have any other helpful snacks so kyle's trying to figure out how propane grills work and um that's fine Kyle can't even open up her French door.

10:26Who put her in charge of the kerosene? Not the kerosene, the propane. That's ridiculous. So she's doing that. And then meanwhile, Kathy's walking around the kitchen with the dishrag stuck to the bottom of her shoe. She's like, I'm just looking for utensils. And they're looking at each other like, why are we trusting other housewives to feed us? We're all going to die here. So back on the patio, it's time to get back down to the more important business, which is giving an arena for Amanda to brag about something. So Jennifer is looking at Kyle's shoes and she's like, I'm obsessed with the Chanel Birkenstocks.

11:02They would get so good with that Chanel purse that you have. And Amanda's like, oh yeah, oh yeah, iconic. Like anything Python with snakeskin. Yeah, I have a lot of those, a lot of Chanel Birkenstocks. Like so many, like sometimes Birkenstock is like, we should just call you the stock because you have our stockpile of Birkenstocks. I just have so many. Oh, you have both. You have so many things. Okay. Okay. Yeah, Sutton. So anyway, Sutton, now that everyone's gathered around, you know, something odd did happen, and I didn't know if I should tell you, but, like, I talked to Kyle about it. Oh, you talked to Kyle about it.

11:36Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, what is it? It's just me, Sutton Brown. Calm, Sutton Brown. What is it? Go ahead. You can say anything to me, sister. Well, she encouraged me to tell you. So you had an assistant named Avi Ari something. Avi? Avi. It's the exact same thing. Fucking Amanda. Yeah, the exact same line. Wait, was your assistant's name, was it Chanel Backpack? No, I'm sorry. That's just what I was wearing earlier today. Okay, anyway. So a good friend of mine was out. And he says, didn't she say that her friend who was out before was some girl named Alana? But now it's some guy. No, that he is Avi.

12:15Avi says tell Amanda to call me oh god well I failed this is why I never solve mysteries god I'm the worst oh no you're not it's a confusing show with a lot of really exciting things happening all at once so your brain gets overwhelmed there's just so much going on they're pounding a chicken so she's like so I obviously did not call him and get the dirt on you and then apparently he said tell Amanda to hire me as her assistant and that will really piss Sutton off. So, and she's like, well, you should hire him. That wouldn't piss me off at all. I'd be totally fine with it. I am totally fine. I am just cool as a cucumber, which I will not slash because I'm on chicken duty.

12:59Okay. Just go ahead and hire him. I mean, at the very least that would get me off of unemployment duty. So go for it. Amanda's like, well, I mean, like I have a full team I'm very happy with, but so I don't want to hire him. Like, but it seemed like he was trying to like start something by talking about you like stir something up about you are you mad now i was like yeah i mean like it's weird that we didn't even say that right sudden right are you are you mad sudden are you mad sudden you want to talk about it sudden you want to share about it sudden okay like like uh let's let's ask more questions about avi okay everyone so then uh jennifer is uh saying well when i heard that satin and avi had parted ways i thought it was temporary and i thought a few weeks later i'd come by and there would be obvious saying, oh, Jennifer, can I make you a drink?

13:43And I actually talked to Avi, and he sort of thought that would be the sun temporary thing, too. And he wasn't quite sure what happened. So, if he wasn't quite sure what happened, maybe it is what Sutton said, that she just didn't need an assistant anymore. You know, I wonder if it was like this knock-down, drag-out thing, or if she was just like, listen, my kids are all gone, and I'm not going to be getting$300 ,000 a month anymore. So, you know, or will she still? You know what? Someone, forget all the questions about obvi like at the end of the day it's like obvi was nice and everything but he's the help like who cares like ask setting like why she got rid of obvi did is she gonna like get less than 300 grand a month because i'll feel so bad for her it's like really hard to live on 300 grand a month as it is but is that alimony or is that alimony plus child support like what's happening what's happening can i still borrow a hundred dollars this will be the next step will be kyle was saying like well maybe she's like not getting a lot of money maybe she's like running out of money.

14:41Maybe she can't even afford to live on the main street anymore. Maybe we should get her a box so she can move into it. I don't know, guys. I'm just thinking about it. Yeah. Erica, is the cannibal's place open down the street from Erica? Kyle, who won't even, last season, wouldn't let people even mention the name Morgan Wade, told them all off camera, you're not allowed to mention her name. And here she is, happy to instigate prying into the situation with Avi, which Sutton is clearly uncomfortable comfortable about and also um trying to uh dig into what pk is saying it's just it's so kyle richards yeah so um amanda's like yeah i mean like you think i shouldn't have told you because like if somebody worked for me was saying that about me i'd want to know okay well i'm glad you told me so thank you but if you didn't tell me or you did tell me i wouldn't really care so oh so the bridge has been burned yeah bridge has been burned okay well you know what it just doesn't really affect me.

15:38I don't care about bridges. If the bridge is burned, I fly over it in a helicopter. Okay, I don't care. I do not care. Avi who? What? Ari? Avi? Audie? I don't know. Aldi? I don't know. It's a good line. She did a good job with that. So Amanda's like, it's just an uncomfortable thing to bring up, but like a necessary thing to bring up. It was the right thing to do. And all I can do is what I think is right. Like if it was the right thing to do, you would have said, just so you know, your old assistant's talking shit about you because you talked to my friend but instead you're like hey this is kind of uncomfortable but your assistant said this about you do you want to get mad right now like she didn't say it like a girl like i think like a girlfriend or just a friend in general would be like just so you know this person was talking to you to my friend like that yeah a friend a friend would take you pull you aside first of all and be like um listen this is what i heard you should probably know not wait not go to kyle first and then go to everybody else and then keep going and going and going and going.

16:41It's like, she said she doesn't care. And you're like, you don't care? Seriously? Like, because maybe he was trying to hurt your feelings. I don't know. I mean, I don't know him, but it seemed like he was trying to hurt your feelings. I don't care. Really? Because God, he sure hates you. He has a bumper sticker on his car that said, fuck Suddenstruck. Well, that's not even my name anymore. Yeah, well, he hates your guts. when he was ordering a drink he said I'll have a Tito's martini up if I was like my old boss I'd have it in a bathtub and drink it all in one go he said that about you I do not care I don't care don't care I don't care are you sure because he really hates you I don't care like hates hates so much have you ever tried to get a kid to eat Brussels sprouts that's what his face looked like when he was talking about hate yeah want you dead want you dead have you ever tricked a kid by putting brussels sprouts in their chanel backpack and then they get to school and they're like oh my god there's brussels sprouts in my chanel backpack that's how you but then they poop out double c's and you're like was it worth it now yeah anyway that was the story about my kids but avi really hates you so then uh everyone the other people join the whole group everyone else joins and he's like so what are we doing?

17:58And Jennifer, I just made her sound like Tia, but then Jennifer's like saying that they're talking about Avi and stuff, and Amanda tells the whole situation again, and Boza's like, well, why would Avi want to say that? I don't think that he would. Oh, like, so you don't believe that he said that? So I goes, okay, I gotta tell y 'all, I don't like talking about this. I'm uncomfortable talking about all this. Avi and I, we had a friendship, but at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing, which is how I describe his professional attitude. Nothing for nothing. It was a professional relationship and that is it.

18:34Well, the dynamic between Sutton and Avi was very funny. They were like the odds couple. They had a very good relationship until they didn't. Who knows what happens? I don't know. Nothing good, that's for sure. And Sutton's like, well, I think we should talk about sitting at the dinner table. Why don't we talk about that instead of talking about Avi, who I don't care about because he was an employee. So why don't we do that? Okay. Do you just see Sutton like, I'm not going to yell at these bitches today. They will not get me today, Reba. They will not get me today. So now it's like after midnight and Dorit and Sutton are, they're in the kitchen.

19:17I don't know if they've even eaten dinner yet. I don't think they have, but they're in the kitchen. and Dorit is like, well, I think what's important to me in life is it's important to grow, which is something that PK has done quite a bit over the course of our marriage, unfortunately. It's like, yeah, I had to shift because I was going in a direction I didn't like. So I talked to my mom and the moment that I reached out to my mother, I said, this is a terrible direction for me to be going in my life. Why am I even speaking to my mother anymore? So I made a shift. Talk to my mom and I said, can I talk to you?

19:50It's a patient and three goes, ooh, ooh, good for you. Like, it's like you talk to your mother, you talk to Reba for help, like you're helpless, you know. And so Sutton tells us, yeah, you know, I was talking to my mom about my anger. And she thinks that I'm taking my anger about my divorce out on other people. And so, you know, she said what might help her is to get her a bigger guest house. So I just let her move into the main house. She's a good therapist, very good therapist. Wow, Reba really probably had to do some deep digging to come up with that prognosis, right? I feel like Sutton goes to Starbucks and is like, I'd like to order a cold brew, please.

20:30They're like, okay. And then when they serve it up, they're like, okay, this is for the woman who's angry about her divorce and projecting onto her friends very obviously. Thank you. My mom gave me a very good piece of advice. She said, you bring fruitcake home, you leave it open on the table, and then you wonder why there are flies. And that really hit home. That really hit home. Well, look. That's not been our experience in our household, unfortunately, while Piquet was living there. If there were flies, they were in Piquet's stomach. No one caught flies better than Piquet. You catch more flies with honey?

21:07No, you catch more flies with Piquet with a fruitcake in his stomach. That's where you catch them. One thing I'll say about Piquet, we never had a cleaner kitchen. Those counters were spotless. Before we even had a dog, we never had a crumb on the floor. 409's got nothing on PK saliva. Just licked it up. So she goes, well, Sutton, room was not built in a day, but it was burnt down to the ground in a week. It's always my answer to that. Room wasn't built in a day. Didn't take long to burn it, though, did it?

21:46It's okay. You know what? I did it to myself and that's okay. I am stronger and better for it's all my fault. Well, maybe 5 % Avi's fault, but it's all my fault. Okay. 5 % Avi, 5 % my ex. Okay. Oh, well, you know, maybe 25 % Avi, 25 % my ex. You know what? Let's just say 50 % Avi, 50 % my ex. Okay. Anyway, this is a great meal, huh? Here's what I learned. You can't trust the gay ones either. So I learned things. I learned things. You know, in the past, I was really worried about what people thought of me and what they were saying about me and it really it just it encompassed my brain and i would think oh gosh you know am i pretty enough am i smart enough but now i've just put those thoughts aside and um i focus on what i need to focus on which is being a good friend and a good person to myself ugly old me ugly old me who no one wants to sit with at lunch did i just say that out loud i did not say that i'm calling my mother i'm calling my mother right now you know it is such a blessing because I spent so much time in the past being worried what other people thought of me.

22:48But now I've been accepted into this group, so I don't have to worry what other people think about me, even though by me being happy that I'm in this group, it implicitly says I'm worried about what people think about me. Anyway, let's go back to the table. Well, I think that there's a wall starting to come down between me and Satan. And for the first time, it feels genuine, real, deep. Mr. Gorbachev Please take down this wall Between me and Sutton And if that involves PK crashing through it Like the Kool-Aid man So be it Wouldn't be the first time Mr. Gorbachev You turn like a wrecking ball Guys it is now You turn like a wrecking ball It is 12.48am by the time they get their dinner 12 48 a.m for pasta and chicken anyone who's anyone who has come over to my place while i cook dinner knows that i sometimes have an issue with time management that you know that is something i work on and i struggle with but this is late even for me like i've definitely had dinners where i'm like okay this will be on the on the on the table at like 9 30 and it's literally like 10 45 or 11 yeah but you serve 10 courses you're like okay and then here's the appetizers and here's the chicken here's the pasta and here's the dessert and here's the thing you know it's like a whole circus of food so if i have to wait an extra half an hour it's worth it it's made up in the caloric you know wind that i get and i play good music i play good music while people wait but the problem is that in this case they're waiting until 1 a.m to have Pasa Primavera and probably some unseasoned chicken breasts, let's be honest.

24:34They didn't even get to listen to Lilith Fair while they did it. The best soundtrack to any cooking experience.

24:45Hey there. Didn't know me. Oh, me, Lee, Lee. Is that the Lilith version of Carly Rae Jepsen? No, I just know that Carly Rae is also playing during dinner. I'm doing your dinner playlist. My dinner playlist is actually quite amazing, but I don't put on a lot of Carly Rae Jepsen because, you know, not Dom's favorite singer. And if I'm playing music in the public spaces, I'm trying to make music that everyone's going to enjoy. That's usually when I'm cooking dinner for myself, I put on a Carly Rae Jepsen playlist. But there'll be some Tina Turner, there'll be some Sade, there'll be some Janet, there'll be some Mariah.

25:21There'll be the greatest hits of the 80s, 90s, and today. Yeah. commercials here comes one right now

25:33so kathy's like okay everybody this is what you call potluck and boz goes that took 17 hours to make i don't know about the luck part of it but i can use some pot so now it's the next day nothing happens at dinner like they couldn't even have a dinner fight because it it was so late they were like fuck it we tried with amanda didn't work sentence still hasn't had a breakdown we'll try tomorrow and brighter lighting yeah seriously so the next day and amanda meets erica in the kitchen amanda's like you look cute for someone who's not wearing a chanel backpack i mean i love your space buns are they still called that because i always call them the chanel space buns you just don't have that brand on you okay that's fine yeah so amanda's like oh my god my team just told me our new website is up so that's kind of exciting for me wow yeah and she goes yeah by the way i think sutton's mad at me you guys of course she is but she came up to me this morning and she was like hey missy i heard you were talking about me being late last night and so we see sutton confronting amanda being like so missy i heard you were complaining last night about me being late jennifer heard it kyle heard it everyone heard it you mad i'm sorry i'm still laughing that amanda decided to announce that her webs through new website is up like she's so guys great news uh our payment to wix went through the site's up that's right sign up bitch.com just got privacy on its domain for another year can you believe it guys celebrating my wins celebrate my wins we're using this very exclusive platform called wordpress and we've just been told our contract's been renewed um so we see a flashback ipsum am i right guys now what the hell is wrong with these producers we have this amazing scene of sutton pulling out missy which you know if you're saying missy you're not a happy person and son's like so missy i heard you were complaining you said the line already and like why is this being relegated into a flashback when nothing else is happening why can't we let why can't we like enjoy the like let the scene breathe of Amanda walk, puttering around getting breakfast.

27:46And Sutton going, by the way, Missy, I heard you were complaining last night about me being late. Jennifer heard it. Kyle heard it. The cactus heard it. Everyone heard it. Everyone on the other side of the vortex heard it. And you think you're getting one over me? Well, let me tell you something, Missy. You don't know Sutton Brown. You may think you know Sutton Strack, but you do not know Sutton Brown. Like, I want one of those moments. And they just put it in a flashback. That's not right. Yeah, and Sutton says, excuse me. I don't care. I don't need excuses. We're here in the vortex. so what do you say it's a moment okay it's a moment and so amanda's like yeah and then she was like taking it out on me that i brought up the assistant thing probably and that like hurt my soul a little bit you know like because she's like totally taking it out on me like well you knew what you were doing and she's not trust me this is nothing for son and i like when sentence later she says later yeah trust me you'd know when i'm mad you'd know that was nothing you got a missy that was called charity okay yeah you got a missy erica's like well it'll hurt less and less as the days go by you'll just sort of see her as a nattering old woman and you'll have fun with it enjoy so then uh man was like hey rachel how'd you sleep terrible i got like three hours of sleep kathy was like walking around upstairs the entire time i was like i die i die every time i heard a footstep i was like i die i die i die i die i die i die you guys like you know what my ideal my ideal vacation is like sitting by a pool dressed like a queen bed a queen size bed.

29:10That's what I want to do. Just like cover me in a sheet and throw me under the sun in an umbrella. That's like literally all I want to do. Kaftan all day. Every day. In fact, I almost, if Kai S was a girl, I was going to name her Kaftan. But Kaftan's a boy. So Kai S is Kaftan. Kai Kai and Kaf Kaf. That was my dream. Kai Kai and Kaf Kaf. But unfortunately, we got a little little fucking easy bike rider. What do you call it? E-bike rider. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. When I saw that, when I saw that my other son, when I saw that Sky had joined a biker gang, I was horrified. There was like eight of those, him, those bikes coming down the road.

29:48And then I was like, yeah, through the kaleidoscope. That made me so much happier. Just one of them. Just one of them. I was like, how is he biking on the road upside down? And I saw he wasn't. It's like, that's so dangerous. Sky, Sky. Oh my God. I take it back. I love that Rachel's on this cast because I love making fun of her.

30:07So back in the kitchen, Amanda's like, oh, my God, you guys, my sleep score today is worse than yesterday. I got a 61. Yesterday, I had a 69. Shut the fuck up. Why are this person on this cast? No one should be allowed on a cast of Housewives that talks about sleep scores. I don't want to hear about it. I don't even know what it is. I assume I connected the dots. It's something with your app. You put your phone on the mattress or something and it's like, how well did you sleep? Or your ring. You know, maybe she has one of those tracking rings or whatever. Yeah, but like, yeah, no one in this group is going to care about the sleep score at all.

30:41And it's just not going to come up on your Nuvo ring or whatever that Bueller got up at three in the morning, walked straight up to my head and stared at me until I woke up right in my eyes. You know, it's like it looks like it's my fault for waking up all the time. Not because my dog needs to shift position every two hours. and who does that and how do i even wake up like he gets up and he like i feel him walk right up to me and then he walks right up to my face and he's just like oh are you gonna lift the blanket or am i just supposed to find my own comfort it's three in the morning bro you can figure this out by now you're 14 what are you a matchbox 20 song it's 3 a.m come on so so rachel is like she's like yeah, I never like track sleep or my mood.

31:27I never do that. And then Erica comes in with a sitcom line. She goes, I know somebody who did it and had to quit doing it because it was so depressing. I was like, I kind of liked that. I felt like there should have been like a little bit of a laugh track there on that. That was like a full on 1988 sitcom line. I felt like that's the sort of thing where Dorothy's Born Act would give like a slow burn look. Like Erica, be quiet. Yeah, I'm manifesting, right? My really good friend is a life coach And she said, you know, like she's had me write down, like if I could manifest the next man in my life, like what would it be?

32:02And I was like, anyone who can give me a caff-caff. White wine, caftan, by the pool all day, every day with Kaya's moisturizer. Amanda's like, oh my God, I made a list for my future ideal husband when I was 13 and I wrote Abercrombie model. And then years later on a date, Eddie was like, did I ever tell you I was the guy who stood outside Abercrombie with my shirt off? I guess what I'm trying to say is I kind of have a hot husband. Do you guys have hot husbands? No. Oh, that's funny. Shut up. Yeah. Like he's every single thing besides one. I make him. I mean, I make in a month what he makes in a year.

32:35So like I'm the breadwinner. And so he's like poor, but he's hot and he's like a toy. You know, they're all like, why would anyone want to win bread? That's carbs. She's so gross. Like who's like that about says that. Who says that? It's like, Oh, Is she trying to build her brand? Is she going to say this is her way of she wants to lead with her wealth so that way more people do her seminars? I don't know. This is actually just obnoxious. It's not just annoying the other women, but it is really just probably annoying the rest of the audience too at this point. Yeah. So Erica is like, well, I wish I was a fucking breadwinner.

33:15Maybe my marriage wouldn't have ended up differently. Oh, okay. Okay, Erica. Yeah. Erica still would have married Tom if she was the breadwinner If Erica was really rich She would have been like you know what I really need in my life An 80 year old man with his balls dragging on the ground Who yells at me to be quiet During dinners Fun story Tom once took off his shirt outside of Abercrombie But uh Didn't end so well for him He was put in the mall jail You know that's a thing So now they all Back in the kitchen Rachel FaceTimes with Caius Hey guys, it's Kias Kias is on the phone He's just moisturized Say hi to Kias

33:56Kias just got his first Botox We're so proud So back in the kitchen Now we go to the lobby And everyone's getting the cars They're talking about how they want to go shopping And Erica and Rachel And Amanda ride together And Amanda's pretending to take business calls The whole time She's like, hi I just wanted to make sure that emails were sent because that's super important by the way plan a huge party I want the whole block out we got a domain name privacy put on our website that would be great guys did you know that G and H are close together on the keyboard let's have a meeting about it pie chart pie chart yeah when I looked at my message previews I thought I saw something about a website so I was telling my friend Erica and I was like oh I think my website is done But as it turns out, it's not done.

34:46Is the security certificate up there? Okay, because I couldn't find anything. So I think I dreamed the whole thing. Maybe my website isn't done. Isn't that crazy? But if it is done, I guess the dream then counts as a manifestation. Isn't that crazy, guys? Wow. This is when we need the Real Housewives of New York. Because when they did Ultimate Girls Trip with the New York ladies and Kelly Ben Simone did the same thing, taking business calls in their proximity, they all jumped down our throat. Like, what, you think you're the only one who has business to take care of? I work in Cabaret. Take the calls inside.

35:19Girls, don't stand in front of us. We've all got business calls. I don't want to hear your shit, quite honestly. I'm not on a business trip. Save it for your room. We're trying to relax out here. I don't care. I don't care. She is really hateable, this Amanda girl. Like, everybody hates her. And I think that they're trying to like her, but she's just so gross. So now they go shopping in this little shopping village. And Jennifer's like, well, when you're shopping in Sedona, there's a very specific thing that you want to buy, and that's usually turquoise and cowboy hats. And there she is. Kyle comes out, like, just draped in everything turquoise.

35:56I know. And guess what, everyone? In case you missed the past seven years of this show, Kyle wants to tell you about her very tremendous and compelling backstory. Since I was a little girl, I've always loved cowboy hats and Native American jewelry and cowboy boots and belts and silver and turquoise. And my mom loved that, too. And, like, I'm obsessed with that stuff. So, like, who could say they bought a beautiful brown suede cowboy hat at a gas station? I can. I love to shop and I love hats. Okay? All right. Someone play the Amy Grant song. Hats. What do I got to do for all these hats on my head?

36:26Hats. Am I right, guys? Hats. They're so good. Hats. Now and forever. Yeah. So they just basically go shopping and spend a shit ton of money on things that are crazy. Like Kyle pays like a few thousand dollars for turquoise earrings, which is nuts. I'm sorry. As someone from the Southwest, you're overpaying. Okay. And Rachel buys a knit cardigan for$2 ,100. Just crazy. So it's a lot. It's a rip off town. I'm telling you. They wind up at a coffee shop. Oh, sorry. Yeah, they go to a coffee. Yeah, let's just get. It's like we're going on two hours again for this show. Why? Why is this needed? Why do we do this to ourselves?

37:02It's like waiting for Godot. When is it going to happen? The entertainment. So then we're in a coffee shop and Rachel and Amanda are at the counter. And Amanda's like, so question about your matcha. Is your matcha good? Is it ceremonial grade? Can I have an iced matcha latte? And can you do like half almond and half oat milk? And the lady's like, so I have almond and I have whole milk, but like no oat milk. And Amanda's like, oh, okay. Rachel's like she goes we're starting over she goes we have to start over now Rachel's like live on the edge do almond which is that's that's like that's like a diss from in rituals like that's like that's Rachel being like stopping such a fucking cut fitness about this and do all almond that doesn't make a difference live on the edge she's like ceremonial matcha what does that mean like it's blessed like I can't okay like I can't I I officially can't.

37:59This is what pushes Rachel over the edge with this girl. She's like, I'm officially done with this idiot. By the way, Ceremonial Matcha is a high-quality, finely ground green tea powder from Japan made from the youngest, most tender tea leaves, stone ground for a smooth texture, vibrant color, and complex, sweet umami flavor traditionally used for Japanese tea ceremonies for pure, whisked-with-water consumption, though some brands market it for lattes, while others note the term lack strict definition, but generally implies premium first harvest quality for delicate sipping over mixing and is rarely found in Sedona, Arizona.

38:38I love the demand. It's like, I can't just have matcha. I want baby matcha. Okay. It's like the veal of matcha. Give me that. Ceremonial matcha. I can not. And you, and she will not do the other half. She won't do all almond milk. It has to be almond and oat. And if there's no oat, then we're just not even bothering. Can we just settle for any kind of C-word matcha? Okay, coming right up. So now inside the van, Bose, Amanda, and Dorit are together. And Bose is taking pictures. And Amanda's like, oh, my God. If you clean your screen and you go cinematic, you might get more detail. I'm just saying.

39:15That's why I make the big bucks. I own businesses. I can manifest more detail. Bose is like, no, I like the haze. And you know, secretly, Bose is like, damn it. damn it i want to do this but i'm not gonna let this lady tell me what to do with my pictures finger grease it is so they show up uh at this place called the mesa grill and it's at the airport but it's not one of those like it doesn't appear to be one of those like really chic restaurants that has like like by an airport like that's like ironic like the twa hotel that's at jfk it's like oh it's at the airport but it's actually very trendy because it's like twa and throwback problem it's just an it's just it's just a restaurant at the airport yeah and they get there and they're looking around because it's really bright overhead lighting and just kind of like you know normal people in like you know guy fieri sunglasses eating with their mouths open and they're looking around like what the hell like wow overhead lighting what the fuck is that if sudden is trying to introduce us to set and brown i mean it's hot we had to cook we're eating at the airport let's go back to sudden strike that was much more glamorous she was a bitch but she was a glamorous bitch yeah seriously so sun's like well the reason we are eating here is because the airport has the most beautiful views and a lot of people like restaurants at airports and the producer's like no they don't who yeah flat attendance look i figure if we're close to the airport we can just sort of fantasize about getting on a plane and leaving this wretched place and we see the view it's the same view that's everywhere in Sedona but now this one has jet fuel coming into your face like this is the worst trip this is the worst this is one of the worst trips Beverly Hills has ever taken it's sad so um Amanda's being quiet and pouty so Kyle asked her what's wrong and um then the ladies do a cheers and Amanda's like oh by the way hey Sutton I feel like you were mad at me this morning like with the whole hey missy thing and she goes oh now you look you'll know when i'm mad at you you'll know okay you'll know yeah hey missy is not it that's just kind of like a little amuse-bouche that's saying i could be mad at you and i'm i'm not just there yet that's kind of like putting the key in the ignition but you haven't pressed the gas just yet yeah but like hey missy i heard you were talking about me is a bit of a strong statement um you were talking about her so what's your problem and she goes yeah but that's not mad that is um agitated that's just agitated so kathy's like what happened so well i guess that last night i was late to cook the chicken and amanda's like well and a lot of people were late but it was just like what time is it who's cooking what just like but was specific to me she's well i mean it's the main dish but it wasn't just you but it was the main dish yeah it wasn't the main dish how dare you it was pasta primavera night kathy are you gonna take this are Are you going to take this?

42:11Yeah, but it's the protein. Oh, okay. Well, this seems rather trite and juvenile to me that we're talking about me being on time. I don't know. That's just me. So you weren't agitated about the thing with your assistant who hates you? Who told my friend he hates you? Like, he hates you. Hates you. Hates you. Like, seriously hates you. She goes, no, I'm not mad about it. And Erica's like, I don't want to hear about Avi. We're already at the airport. How much worse can it get? Jeez. You want to talk about my cleaning lady? she didn't take out the lint well to me it just felt like we were good and everyone was happy and we were dealing with the chicken and the grill and everything but i felt like when you when i brought up your assistant it just felt like a different energy when i brought up someone from your past that you may have had issues with it's just weird how you weren't happy when i did that i don't know to hear that it was sort of jarring was it jarring um well um was it terrible because he hates you.

43:07Did it rip your soul apart? That guy really, really hates you. Oh, he hates. Sutton tells us, I don't think Amanda is stupid. She knows exactly what she is doing and don't use me to get attention, miss her. Now, look, I don't know the facts and I'm not really interested in learning the facts. Well, yeah, he shouldn't have done that. Okay, first of all, because to me, if he's doing that to you, he's going to do it to the next person. And she goes, y 'all, I'm not talking about it, Rachel. Rachel's like, okay, okay, noted. Jeez, noted. That's it. And I am not talking about it again. You may talk amongst yourselves, although I will get mad about you if I find out you're talking about me.

43:48But I'm telling you, talk about it amongst yourselves, but don't let me find out. And do not include me in conversations about him. Is that clear? So they all look back, whoa, crazy. And then Kyle, of all people, Kyle goes, okay. She tells us, we heard you loud and clear. Sutton Strack as if Kyle did not have the same monologue to all the women about Morgan Wade before last season. Yeah, but Sutton really is something else, man. They get under Sutton's skin and she just can't keep it in. It's so funny. She's trying so hard to be like, look at me. I'm a new person. I don't drink vodka until past 11 a.m.

44:23I mean, I'm just basically clean. I don't have any problems with anybody. I'm changing my last name. Everybody likes me now. I'm not insecure. And it's like two seconds later, don't question me again. okay sudden so it's like he's just one of the many people that i've lost and i need to focus on the future sudden look all right look everybody here's in a better place with you than we've ever been don't let this drag you into a bad place you know what i mean because the intention was like it wasn't bad and just comes across as gossipy that's all who cares no one gives a fuck all right sudden no one cares and erica says rightly so that amanda was not bringing up this information to be like, hey, heads up.

45:05She was bringing it up to be like, I know something about you, just so you know. I know things. So then Kyle goes up to Sutton to pretend to console her. She goes, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? And she's like, do I look okay? No, it's kind of funny, actually. Do you mind if I laugh? Please don't laugh in my face, okay? Just don't do it. And then Jennifer says three words. She's like, hey, it just looks so... Please stop, Jennifer. Please stop. Whatever you're going to say, just stop it. Well I was actually not going to talk about that I was going to talk about how no one had Sweating pools in Sedona But it seems like there's nothing correct That I can say right now So I will not say anything Then good So she gets up to go to the bathroom And of course Kyle smells blood in the water I was about to say Kyle's antennas go up I think it was Kyle who says Um I'm going to go to the bathroom And if anyone who's like really pissed off at Sudden wants to come with me You can come with me And I definitely won't like use your vulnerable state to get information that I'll use against you to widen the rift that you might be having with your friend.

46:04Okay, I'll be by the bathroom. So it's awkward. And then Amanda goes, so Sutton, do you cry often? It's like, Amanda. Well, when people snap at you, eventually it affects you. You know, it's like water dripping on a stone. You go, hmm, it's just water, but then it continues to run down the stone. But after some time, the water bores a little hole in the stone. And it's a stone with a hole in it, a hole created by water. So Jennifer is like talking with Kyle outside the bathroom. She's like, I couldn't even get one syllable out. So I'm just going to be quiet. I was trying to go, boo, and she wouldn't even let me get that far.

46:50All I could get was, boo. And it was just so disappointing. I think, well, I can be like that sometimes, but I'm more like the type to be like, I love you and this is wrong. You know what I'm saying? That's just what I'm known for is being just totally even-headed and level-headed and pretty fair and honest to people. Well, I don't like to be snapped at for no reason. Literally, I was just going to say I love you, but then she snapped at me. Well, we're old friends, so I give her a pass because everybody knows that she's fragile. Kyle, but I do believe that that's one of the reasons Garcelle left, because it's always about Sutton and not about anybody else ever.

47:28But, you know, it's not all about you, Sutton. And Kyle's like, oh, I'm shocked how Jennifer is talking about Sutton. I thought this was like one of her best friends. This is the best night. Oh, God. I wonder if somehow the teeny tiny crack I'm seeing now can be exposed into a giant rift by me going and talking to everybody about how I think that Jennifer is actually really mad and sudden and that their friendship is not as tight as we all assumed it was. And maybe there are some issues and maybe they are harboring secret resentments that if we're brought to each other's faces would only just grow and grow and grow and grow.

48:03Sutton, you know what, honey? No one expects you to be perfect. I know you're working on yourself Because we spoke last night And I've failed for you And I've got your pick Like truly, truly Sutton And Erica's like Well don't turn that down Sutton Just thank you and Ron Thank you and Ron She goes thank you Missy, Missy She's like secretly being like Missy, you don't tell me about me So Rachel's like Thank you for this trip It was like so fun Except for the part where we had no fun whatsoever So good I loved getting my clothes for half a day before I had to FedEx them back to LA. Such a great experience.

48:42So it's this terrible trip that ends in Sutton like having a mini freak out. And she goes, you know, I'm just surprised how I've connected with all these women. I mean, finally, I'm part of the group. I just don't know if I've ever felt part of the group. I'm just so happy. And everyone's going home like, Jesus Christ, Sutton, God. Fuck was that? God damn it. I mean, this show is dreadfully boring, but it does. It's so fun. It's our longest recap of the week, so there's something to be said. There is something to be said. Okay, well, it's fun. We talk through it. I still like it. It's not the most exciting season, but they don't all have to be, I guess.

49:21Yeah, I guess not. I guess not. Well, thanks, everyone, for being here. I think at the time that we started this recap, we could have flown to Sedona and back. but not if Dorit was on the flight alright everybody thanks for being here we will talk to you next time don't forget to go get tickets for the golden crappies coming up February 27th and come on to Patreon for some ad free bonus episodes and videos we will talk to you next time bye

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